#freaks herself out at the mere thought of a future where Garlemald rises again (The...Empire Strikes Back? /cough)

[miqojak]

Us/Them

(( Hey, this is about Jak and - you guessed it - Ketsuchi of @throneoflevin ! I've had one hell of a month, and was VERY ill for most of the last week, and then some, so what's a better way to dive back into RP, than with my favorite person to write with?! ))

The sun slowly slips beneath the horizon to the oddly comforting song of cicadas and crickets - the fountain below her a melodic accompaniment... and the little woman on the bridge can't help but to wish she had her sketchbook on her. The scenery, and the comings and goings of the city beneath her tug at something she needs to put on paper - and so Jak commits it all to memory; this place, this moment in time - that person's shape, who tosses a coin into the fountain. The children who splash in it, before catching up with their family.

The hate gnaws at her beneath it all, however - searing, like a splash of stomach acid in your throat - the real reason she's here. The information she's had from Garlemald. The goods that this place will be sending to those hateful creatures who took everything from her.

And then he appears - her Wolf. Her burgeoning bile at the thought of Garlemald dissipates, if only for a moment - when had he become such a break in the clouds? She couldn't... put her finger on it. Maybe, in his way, he always had been. Even at their worst, they'd always come back together to hash it out - too furiously stubborn to give it up; too spitefully determined to see where their paths led, when they let them cross.

And she...needed him right now. He had insight on these things, and... if she committed to poisoning the supplies meant for Garlean refugees, it would be a big step in... a direction, certainly; and a dangerous one, at that - she'd been worried about the potentials of being caught by the local government, but he'd... humanized the enemy. He'd appealed to a morality that had long since stopped applying to Garlemald, and all those who hailed from its' icy depths, for her - he spoke to the thoughts she'd weighed, herself... if only deep down, where she didn't have to analyze them too closely.

And her Beast, that ever-burning fire in her breast, that thing that her soul crystal had peeled away from her, to look in the 'face'? Well... it was her, too. Why wouldn't it give weight to Ketsuchi's words? The gnawing hunger for vengeance - or was it justice? What difference was there, in the end? - answered to her, ultimately - and hadn't the little woman worried that she was becoming just like the people she hated, and now hunted?

'Innocent.'

What a word. What a thought to think - to give genuine consideration, when she'd spent years determined not to believe in the very concept of things like 'innocence,' 'love', or 'altruism.' The world had chewed her up, spit her out... and then stomped on her over and over again; the young woman been preyed on, still, at her lowest - only to then be abandoned by the only family she had left.

...So was now the time to have things like 'hope' again? What did that even taste like? To... even venture to believe that a person could be 'innocent?' He challenged her, still - even now, even after all the other ways he'd set challenges for her... there was always something new, and Jak thrived on it - so how could she allow herself to be frustrated at his words? At his defense of those, who to her, were guilty of the slaughter of her family?

But they weren't, these refugees. No matter how racist, or vile Jak might find them - they had not slain her family. They had not, in all likelihood, known anything about what was done to prisoners of war. You don't tell the general public about war crimes, after all - even if you've stripped the humanity of the prisoners in the eyes of the public, there is only so much people will swallow before they begin to wonder if they're next. And were they not as brainwashed as anyone else? Much like she'd asked herself about the 'sheep' she was surrounded by - was it their fault they were how they were? She'd had very little choice about who she'd had to become, under the heel of Garlemald's boot... what choice did they have, under the watchful eye of the Emperor?

It made her feel no less vitriolic towards them - but she understood. He was...right. It was misplaced time, and energy. The wrong target. Logic and feelings, however, make for an ill stew - but what choice was there, really? Become exactly what they had hoped for her to be? The Bloodthirsty Beast, stalking the wastelands, ever hungry for more of that which will never sate?

Was she not worth more?

He was.

It was a difficult choice to have to make, to set that ever-burning fury down... for a little while, at least. To decide where best to direct it; to figure out who truly deserved it... and Ul'dah was looking more and more like a better prospect.

And... Ketsuchi would be there to help her discern "the lambs from the rams", so to speak, when the time came.

When had it become so... almost easy to be vulnerable? To just... say things to him? Why did he still fluster her so much, and how was he still so frustratingly good at it? When had their roles reversed? Once upon a time she'd despaired of ever getting him out from under-water, feared that he'd never truly allow himself to be happy again, and all because he was punishing himself... for the same kinds of things she'd hated herself for, as well. There was a certain sort of irony to it all that made her feel... well, was it the irony that made her feel this way? Jak couldn't help but appreciate that he was capable of talking about something better - her own head has slipped under water at the mere thought that Garlemald could rise again, that they could hurt yet more people with their vile rhetoric about 'beastmen'... but she'd never been able to think about Garlemald in a way that was reasonable, and he'd gotten her back above water with cold, clear logic... and a lot of patience.

It would still be a challenge to internalize that logic - and it would take time to adjust her own 'morals' to allow for these new... moral stances concerning the 'innocence' of the average person - to include the vile Garleans - but she would try. When you've spent so many years in survival mode... everyone looks like a predator, and no one is 'innocent'. But she was past that now, wasn't she? Did she want to stay the frightened, fury-motivated beast Garlemald had left her, with somnus, guilt, and paranoia as her only friends... or did she want to grow, and evolve? Self-betterment was rarely easy, and Jak knew that.

J'kesri could salt the earth, or pull the weeds - and maybe the latter finally seemed like it wasn't just viable, but... worthwhile, even?