#freak behavior. what's new amirite

[marc--chilton]

(mgv) if wilson's being too gentle during sex, house will goad and torment him by bringing up the ex-mrs wilsons. most effective during wilson's rut but house can confidently say it works pretty well outside of it, too.

he arches his back to feel the weight of wilson on him, purring low, "if this is what was sold to me as fantastic sex from a generous lover, i deserve compensation."

wilson's finger's twitched, digging harshly into house's hips. he hopes it bruises. wilson rumbles out, indignant and annoyed and unsurprised. their hips snap together harder.

"can you believe betty lied to my face like that? some nerve, right?"

"house..." it trails off in a growl. dangerous. the thrill overshadows the growing ache in his leg. an arm curls tight around his middle with an experimental squirm proving it'll only get tighter if he struggles. the breath in his ears is coming out harsher while wilson struggles to keep to the plan.

house just sinks them further into the mattress and reaches back to put his hand on the back of wilson's neck, a nail teasing the sensitive skin of his gland. he doesn't know where one begins and the other ends. time for the final blow. he turns to whisper in his ear, "you could break me, you know. i know you know how to put me back together again.

in a second he's shoved into the comforter and there's nothing for him to process anymore that he's getting railed like he should have been from the beginning. "never fucking shut up," wilson snarls, holding house by the ear with his teeth to keep him still. house hopes those teeth are staining red.

later, knotted together with sex-scent clogging up the bedroom, house takes advantage of the fact he can't be forced to look wilson in the eye when he preens again, his gland on full display and ripe for the taking. "any good stud should get a reward... go on, jimmy. you earned it."

he tasted just as good as he did the first time

[because-i-am-barely-even-human]

5 times someone roasted Eddie about his strange behavior + 1 time Christopher finally did something about it.

So, since Eddie started dating Ana his behavior changed. While before he was sarcastic and joking with everyone, now he's stiff and laughs weirdly. The team is immediately on it. Like what is t h i s? They even go as far as to make a board with a timeline, evidence and all that, to figure out what's going on.

Chimney is the one who came up with the idea.

Hen as his best friend is on board 100% because she thinks it's hilarious and they share one brain cell.

Bobby is a little sceptic at first but then joins them after he remembered that Eddie in fact were acting a little weird since jinxed shift. They even roped Probie into this (young, impressionable mind). They leave Buck out of this because he's Eddie’s better half and probably wouldn't be able to keep it from him. All this is in secret from Eddie, of course. Not that he noticed since his mind is elsewhere.

Buck though puts two and two together and figures it out pretty fast (like my bestie acts weird, maybe he's nervous about new relationship? sad but not really my place to judge, amirite?). Like a good friend that he is, he keeps it from the team. If Eddie wants to talk about it then he would when he's ready.

It all ends like this: One day at the station, team's on a shift sans Eddie (it's his day off), Christopher comes up, looking frantic, asking for Buck. Turns out, he, like a feral child that he is, ordered a whole ass uber, a g a i n. Buck freaks out. He shoots Eddie a message that OUR KID IS HERE, ALONE AND WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? Buck and Chris settle down on a couch. Chris is clearly distressed and starts talking about... pod person? And Ana being an alien?

Buck blue screens, completely confused. The team, on the other hand, understands what he means and show Buck and Chris ✨the Eddie mystery board™✨

Chris and the team start to compare their evidence. They didn't realize that Eddie and Ana have been standing there all this time. Buck loses it and starts laughing.

Bonus:

Turns out, Eddie was acting strange™ because he was in love with Buck, but got a girlfriend and didn't know how to get out of this mess.

Bonus (2):

Eddie: Christopher, where have you even got this idea?

Chris: Oh, Bucky and I watched The Invasion on a movie night.

Eddie: ...

Buck: Look, you were on a date-

Eddie: Buck...😐

Buck: 😥

And yeah, Buck wasn't laughing anymore.

If someone interested in writing this, please tag me when you're done.

[folieacutie]

Permission (Percabeth fic)

A/N: It’s the year 2020 and I wrote a percabeth fic?? Look at us, who would have thought. Not me!

A03 

For Percy Jackson, asking Frederick Chase for his daughter’s hand in marriage was nothing compared to the complicated mess that was trying to contact a Goddess. A Goddess who was very vocal about her disapproval of him. Did he mention she could incinerate him on the spot? You can see why he wasn’t exactly in a rush to have the conversation.

When he asked Annabeth’s dad it went well. Frederick was awkward but sincere in his permission, and they both joked about how Annabeth didn’t need anyone’s permission anyway. It’s not as if she went, hey dad, can I run away from home for a few years? Thanks! when she was seven years old. She definitely didn’t need any allowance in this decision. Yet, it still felt necessary for Percy in a way, or at least rude to go on without it. And, if Frederick’s misty expression was anything to go by, Percy thought he felt pretty honored to be included.

Once he and Annabeth got back to New York, Percy was itching to buy the freaking ring already.

The longer he waited (at 26 he had been waiting a long time), the longer he feared Annabeth would know. Well, know the specifics, anyway. They had discussed marriage before, obviously. It’s not like he could hide his thoughts about it for too long; he was imagining their kids since they were sixteen. A part of him still worried what if what if what if, but that was mostly his self-loathing talking. Deep down he knew they were permanent. They still felt comforted by each other, and could make each other laugh, which was no easy feat after surviving the things they had and the people they had lost. There was no one else he would rather argue with about what color to paint the living room, or hold him after a nightmare.

So, in the week following his talk with Annabeth’s dad, Percy headed into a jewelry store. Athena refused to acknowledge his dinner-time offerings, and Percy was annoyed. There’s only so many times he could quietly give up his food to Athena without Annabeth noticing. Also, he hated wasting food he paid for. Especially those s’mores from the other night, Gods damn it.

Plus, he didn’t really feel like he needed Athena’s permission. Since when did he ask permission from the Gods for anything? He would still marry Annabeth if her mother denied him. Unless she, you know, killed him. Then things might get a little harder.

He drummed his fingers on the glass display and grimaced. The image of Athena turning into an owl and eating him alive flashed in his mind. He shook the thought from his head and scanned the sparkly rings.

“Do you need help with anything, sir?” An older man approached him from behind the counter. The little hair he did have was white, and the rest of his head shone just like the diamonds behind the glass. Percy opened his mouth to respond when a terse voice answered for him.

“We’re good, thank you.”

Percy tensed and turned. Not good, thank you. The woman next to him was in a simple crème colored blouse and jeans but had blazing grey eyes that he would know anywhere. Athena radiated power and, annoyingly, was an inch or two taller than him even in mortal form.

“Shopping for rings without a mother’s approval, I see?”

Percy gripped the edge of the display case, “Well, ma’am, I don’t exactly have your phone number.”

She leveled him with a look that said If I could turn you into ashes right here and get away with it, I would.

Percy fidgeted, his finger pressing on the glass. “I did offer dinner the past few nights.”

“I noticed.”

When she didn’t continue, he powered on. “Though, ma’am, If I may…” He took a deep breath, “I’ll still marry Annabeth without your approval if you don’t grant it.”

Athena arched a brow. This was it, the moment he would die. He survived two wars and Tartarus, yet he was about to be taken out by his girlfriend’s mother. Great. His funeral would be the best family reunion ever. “Is that supposed to make me say yes? You are not making a good impression, son of Poseidon.”

“I never had the chance to make a good impression.” Percy’s hands clenched at his sides. “I get that you and my father have had a rivalry for a billion years or whatever, but that shouldn’t matter here.”

“And, what exactly do you think should matter?” Her tone implied whatever he had to say would be stupid.

Percy’s voice cracked on his delivery: “How much I love her.”

For a second he thought the Goddess would actually laugh in his face.

Instead, her eyes flashed in warning, which was worse. “Have you mistaken me for the foolish Aphrodite?”

“Listen,” Percy choked out, he felt his entire body heat up in anger and embarrassment. “After the first war ended you said you were giving me the benefit of the doubt, and for me to not mess it up. I know I haven’t done everything right-”

For once they agreed upon something, her glare seemed to say.

“But I don’t think I’ve messed up. Not with her. I know love means nothing to you, but she means everything to me. Even logically, look, look at my actions. Your daughter is my mortal tether to this world, that’s how much she means to me. It killed me to let her go on her quest alone, but I knew it had to happen, and that she could do it. We dropped into Tartarus together because I couldn’t let her go through the pain by herself, especially not after all the time we were separated. Annabeth deserves to know that people will not desert her. I haven’t. And I never will.” He met her stare with his own. Somehow, he sensed they were both remembering her shit behavior towards Annabeth during the second war. Percy didn’t break eye contact. “I’m not immortal. I only have one shot at a happy life, and excuse me O’ Goddess Athena, but I’m sick of the God’s constant disruption of it. I want to marry your daughter and she wants to marry me, and while I might be a stupid son of the Sea God, we can both agree that Annabeth doesn’t usually make foolish decisions. Trust her on this one, because we made up our minds a long time ago.”

Percy could feel himself shaking.

Athena leaned back, her look piercing. She stared at him for what felt like an hour. Percy braced himself. “Let’s hope your passion does not cause my daughter’s downfall, Percy Jackson.”

He blinked. Did that mean…

“I grant my permission, Percy. I do not do so lightly, even if you do not care for it.”

Percy shook his head, “No, I do care for it, a lot.” He left out ‘but, honestly, I care about your daughter’s happiness more, and so I would have married her anyways’. He took in how much she looked like Annabeth. “It will mean a lot to her, to us.”

She nodded, her gaze still appraising. Then she glanced at the rings and pointed, "That one is a wise choice." And with a flash of light she was gone.

Percy looked back at the display case, shoulders finally dropping. His eyes panned over to the man who was behind the counter. He was staring, wide-eyed, slack-jawed.

Percy gave him a tired grin and a roll of his eyes, “Mothers-in-law, amirite?”

[toalltheguysivefuckedbefore-blog]

The “nice guy fuckboi”

So I met this guy on Bumble three weeks ago who seemed promising, but would actually fall into the category of “nice guy fuckboi”. This is a subtype in the fuckboi sapiens family who won’t overtly be an asshole, but who is covertly a gutless master manipulator. He will try to gaslight situations, because in his mind he is a “really good guy” so any sort of logic that you throw at him which contradicts that will make his dick explode with gaslighting juice all over your pretty little girl brain. His main priority is coming out of situations smelling like roses, so his apologies aren’t really because he’s sorry for hurting your feelings, they’re more about re-asserting his self-view as a nice guy™. What follows is my letter to Mr. Fuckboi pants that I wrote last night at 2:00 a.m. 

I’ve been ignoring all these red flags that I’m basically a Basque bullfighter at this point. I can lay them all out for you, because I’m pretty sure you’re a low-key sociopath who thinks opening car doors is all it takes to be a nice guy (You probably saw that in a movie, amirite?).

1. Comin’ in too hot. Excessive texting. Usually these types of people are the same ones that will ghost you in a hot second because their infatuation with you isn’t real and it’s more about their own need for attention. I went along with it because, hey maybe I’m being a jaded bitch, right?

2. Disclosing extremely personal information on the 1st date in order to garner sympathy. “Latchkey kid”, “My mom didn’t love me”, “I’m in therapy” blah, blah, blah”. This overture is a classic manipulation tactic.

3. Talking about plans way out in the future in order to to create a false sense of security in the other person in order to get what they want from you. Read: pussy. You just met me dude. You don’t know me, these plans will never materialize and you know it because you skip from girl to girl like a frog in a Lilly pond. I went along with it again, because hey, maybe I’m just being a jaded bitch.

4. Being 40 mins late to the 1st date and not letting you know until I tell you I'm almost there because they “didn’t think to check traffic”. Um, is this your first time driving? You’re 27 years old. How can you even hold a job?

5. Being 3 hours late with some convoluted story about how they had to go back and get their dog from the neighbor’s house on a Saturday when they live with 3 roommates who have working arms and legs and eyes and ears.

6. Saying they were going climbing even though their climbing gear was tucked in under their bed and they seemed genuinely surprised their chalk was everywhere in the bag. Do you even climb, bro?

8. Their “anything we do after the movies is up to you” being a total lie because when you asked to go to their “favorite bar” they say it’s gonna be a bitch to get in even though there was ZERO line. (Probably fucking a bartender there?) Instead he suggests you go back to his house because he has wine there. This was so obviously transparent that I am legit victim-blaming myself on this one.

9. Their “Tour of the City” was really just a tour of their bedroom.

10. Ghosting you for 3 days after daily texting because they think “YOU need some space” even though your behavior wasn’t indicative of that AT ALL, in fact the opposite. You even called them to make sure they got home safely. (Callback to #1, can I get an AMEN, son!)

11. Saying they’re “Sorry” constantly after any delay in texting because they don’t want you to think “they’re blowing you off”, which at first you thought it meant that they’re “OMG totes considerate!!!! <3 <3 <3” but really meaning they’re the kind of person who would totally blow you off at any point and NOT be sorry about it.

12. Dropping you like a hot potato while also telling you they want to “get to know you and will totally text you in a little bit” which translates to they want you to be a backburner bitch because they are now focused on their new infatuation “du jour” even though they “totally like you as a person and wanna really TALK, talk,”. “I’ll totally text you in a bit after I finish putting ointment on my dog’s eye because I am SUCH A GREAT PERSON, SEE?!, I’M SUCH A GOOD DOG DAD, are your ovaries ready for me yet?. And can you guess? Drumrolllll pleeeeaseeee. He never texted me. 

13. Girl’s hair tie on their doorknob that was their “roommate’s girflriend’s”. (OOOOOOOOOKAAAAAAYYY I GUESS, THAT MAKES SENSE, LET’S NOT QUESTION THIS SAINT OF A MAN WHO WOULD NEVER LIE TO ME.)

14. Their roommate’s mom saying “You’re actually cute, I’m surprised.” Meaning she’s totally use to seeing your bringing multiple girls back to your place on the daily.

15. Talking about your ex-girlfriend on the SECOND date, which is a red flag in and of itself, but even more so when attached to the superfluous details of your messy break up and why you had to change your phone number. If she truly is harassing you she MUST be really unwell, because you ain’t no prize from what I can now truly see.

I am writing this because I am truly PISSED and FLABBERGASTED at how someone can be so freaking manipulative and disingenuous. Mostly pissed at myself because I actually let my guard down. Back to being a jaded as fuck bitch I guess, so thanks for that #hairflipemoji.

Kind Regards,

toalltheguysivefuckedbefore

The lesson herein: Don’t ignore your gut. If something feels wrong, cut that shit like Francis de Groot at the opening ceremony for the Sydney Harbour Bridge. 

“The sun in your eyes made some of the lies worth believing.”