#fraser is ray's silly little guy

[systematic-and-somehow-tragic]

"I'm afraid I'm not all that well liked up there, sir." "By 'up there' you mean?" "Pretty much all of Canada, sir."

and then he calls Ray his best friend at the end of this episode 💕

[lark-in-ink]

Part two/god knows what :)  Part one here  (Due south, F/K, AU)

Eventually this real serious-looking girl- young woman, whatever, probably fresh out of law school- came around, and we talked and then she talked to Detective Vecchio and I talked to Detective Vecchio.  Whole lot of talking all around. Then a sketch artist, then back to Vecchio, trying to figure out some way to track the skinheads down.  He whined a bit about me hiding behind a lawyer, but seemed to be taking it seriously at least.  

When Constable Fraser showed up again, it was to announce that the hospital had called, the kid had woken up, and did Vecchio want to go to the hospital to get his statement.

Vecchio sighed. “Yeah, yeah, let's go get his statement.  Who knows, maybe he actually knows who the hell those guys are.”

“Hey-” I started, but he put up his hand at me.  

“Yeah, you did great, saved the kid a lot of hurt and maybe his life, but that doesn't help us actually find the shitheads that did it, which maybe if he knows them we can, OK?”

“It was very commendable what you did,” Fraser interjected before I could say anything.

I ducked my head. “Yeah, well, anyone woulda done it if they'd been there.”

“Okay, good, right,” Vecchio said. “Come on, Benny, let's go.”

“Of course, Ray,” Fraser said, and then, “Mr. Kowalski, do you need a ride anywhere?”  Immediately, Vecchio shot him a glare, and after that was a whole lot of faces between them like they were having some sort of silent conversation they’d had a million times.  

I cleared my throat.  “Actually, uh, I wanted to head over to the hospital myself, uh, just make sure he’s alright- no, that’s stupid, of course he’s not alright, but you know. I’d feel better if I could see him.  I can take the El from there, it’s no problem��  

“That’s a very commendable sentiment,” Fraser said, “and,” and he turned to give what I guess was his version of glaring back to Vecchio “wouldn’t be out of our way at all.”  

“Fine, fine, whatever,” Vecchio said.

Apparently I got shotgun, which was good, because it wasn’t just Constable Fraser and Detective Vecchio, it was also Fraser’s dog.  “Wolf, actually- well, half-wolf, or so he claims,” he’d said when he introduced Diefenbaker, so I was awfully glad that I wasn’t in the back seat with him.  Not so much because he seemed dangerous- I don’t know wolves but a lot of tail-wagging and slobber doesn’t spell out imminent threat to me- but because damn, that was a lot of slobber.  

Vecchio seemed a little less standoffish once we got going. It helped, I guess, that somehow Fraser had gotten started talking about this one time he'd tracked an “unknown assailant” halfway across Canada or whatever from noticing what kind of freaking cigarette he'd been smoking.  It sounded pretty screwy to me, like he was either seriously exaggerating or outright making shit up, but Vecchio started smiling even as he was rolling his eyes.

The way to the hospital went pretty near where shit had gone down in the first place. I glanced out the windows, wondering what the odds were of the badguys sticking around.

“By then, of course, I had nearly run out of provisions, and had to turn to living off the land,” Fraser was saying.  “Diefenbaker was good enough to alert me to the presence of rabbits, and not wishing to alert the man I was tracking to my presence, I eschewed the use of my rifle, and instead fashioned a slingshot from the nearby foliage.”

It was a neighborhood I was only vaguely familiar with- I'd been a little out of my usual way today. But I still recognized a few buildings here and there- we were only a couple blocks over from the alley where they'd jumped the kid.

“Oh, sure. The foliage. I'm sure I'd do the same thing in your position,” Vecchio smiled.

The streets weren't real crowded or anything, but there were a few pedestrians out, some people shopping, a couple bums but nobody bothering to panhandle. Normal life on a Chicago street.

“Don't be silly, Ray, I very much doubt you have the experience- though I'd be very happy to teach you, if you were interested. Now, as it happened, while stalking a rabbit through the forest, I came close to a clearing and was very surprise to see a man standing there.  And before I could alert him to my presence, I saw him raise a cigarette to his lips and light it, and wouldn't you know it, I detected the scent of-”

“Fuck!” I yelled when what I saw penetrated my brain. “That’s them! that’s the bastards right there! four-oclock- the leather jackets” and Vecchio said something in response, but I didn’t hear him because next thing I knew I heard the back door opening, I looked over my shoulder and the mountie had fucking dove out of the moving car.  Two seconds later, he was on his feet running hell for leather at the malfeseants, as he’d called them, and a split second after that we were pulling one hell of a u-turn, and I lost sight of him.

“Dammit, not again,” Vecchio said. “Fucking super-mountie.”

But then we were speeding down after them. By the time Vecchio got out of the car Constable Fraser had somehow gotten one of them into handcuffs, and the dog was menacing the other pretty credibly.  

“These the guys?” Vecchio asked me as I ambled over.

“Sure are,” I agreed. They glared at me. I noticed a few noticable bruises on them. Heh. Sweet.  

He started giving them their rights. Something prickled in the back of my head. I turned around and saw the guy across the street maybe half a second before instinct took over.  “Gun” someone yelled, maybe it was me.  I threw myself at Fraser. Something stung on my right arm.  We were on the ground. My arm hurt- REALLY hurt.  So did bits of my left side, where it had hit the concrete instead of nice warm mountie. The spot on my arm throbbed.  

“Ray! Ray!”

I blinked. I was on the ground on my back now. Everything felt a little far away, which was nice because otherwise I probably would be screaming in pain. A face  hovered over me. Fraser. Pretty. “You called me Ray!” I said.

“The ambulance is on it’s way,” he said. “The bullet seems to have hit your arm- I suspect it hurts rather badly, but I doubt your life is in danger.”

“Ouchie,” I agreed affably. There was something under my head- his hand? “Didja get the badguys?”

He nodded at me, still staring straight into my eyes. “The men you identified are handcuffed and should be in police custody in about- forty five seconds, if I’m interpreting the acoustical properties of sirens correctly. Unfortunately, the gunman fled, but I believe I’ll be able to produce an excellent likeness.”

He was right about the time- pretty soon there were all kinds of cops around, and a couple of paramedics shoed him away from me and got to work. It was kind of a blur after that, ambulance to ER, them sticking me on a bed, poking at my arm, cleaning it and making sure I wasn’t bleeding out or anything, before all hell broke loose out in the rest of the ER and they left me alone for what must have been a couple hours at least  

I didn’t mind too much though. They’d stuck some good drugs in my IV before running off to go deal with the poor fuckers who’d been in a car crash.  

So good I must have dozed off, because at some point I found myself waking up, and there he was, sitting next to the bed.

“Hey,” I said groggily, blinking. He looked different, less of the polite mask, looking- kind of actually worried.

He smiled weakly at me.  "Hello.  I'd tell the nurses you're awake, but frankly they still seem quite busy, and one did assure me that you're in no serious danger."  

"Good, that's good," I said.  "Guess I got lucky, huh? I mean as far as getting shot goes."

"Indeed," he agreed. "I have to thank you, by the way. If not for your quick thinking and entirely unselfish impulses, that bullet could easily have hit me, and somewhere much worse than a graze on the arm."  

"Eh, I was heading towards the ground anyway, no biggie to drag you with me," I said, but some back part of my brain was getting way too happy about having the pretty mountie grateful to me.

“I saw Kyle. He's on the mend, but I don't think the hospital staff wishes him to have any more visitors today, aside from his family.”

I blinked. “Kyle?”

“The young man who you protected.”

Oh, right. “Oh. Good. That's good.”

When they finally got un-busy enough to discharge me- arm bandaged and in a sling with a prescription for vicodin and strict orders to get my doctor to look at it in a couple days- he was still there.  Detective Vecchio had gone home, but I guess the guilt was getting to him good. He hovered next to me as I filled out paperwork and read over the discharge instructions.  

As I was lingering near the exit of the ER, trying to figure out whether to take the El home or get a cab, he said, “Ray?”

I looked up at him, still a little hazy. He was biting his lip, looking uncertain, first staring somewhere over my shoulder and then straight at me.  

“Yeah?”

"Would you- would you like to get something to eat?"

I blinked. Come to think of it, I was pretty hungry.  "Yeah," I said. "Ok."

[due-south]

Fraser and RayV go out alone for a meal (breakfast, lunch, you decide) for the first time since Ray returned from Las Vegas, and find out time apart hasn't changed their friendship.

They were going to have a nice, heartfelt talk over brunch but this is more realistic for Fraser, I think. ~700 words

“This is nice,” Ray decided. “Just like old times.”

Fraser peered at him oddly. “I feel as though you may be being sarcastic, Ray.”

“Nah, why would you say that, Benny?” Ray asked calmly. “Is it perhaps the armed gunmen? Or the fact that I can’t even take you out to get a single taco without you getting us into trouble?”

Fraser looked somewhat indignant. “I’d hardly say that this is my fault. After all, you did chose to take me to a restaurant across from city hall,”  He pointed out.

“Shut up, you two!”

Ray turned one of the crazy armed gunmen that had decided that today was a good day to attack an institute of “governmental suppression”. Ray would have been fine with that (okay, not fine, but at least it wouldn’t have been his problem) if Benny hadn’t seen something weird going on, dragged Ray into following a shifty character, and gotten himself and Ray captured along with the civilians. Also, one of the guys was pointing a gun in Ray’s face. “Do you mind? We’re trying to have a discussion, here,” Ray dismissed him, rolling his eyes.

Fraser looked at Ray sternly. “You shouldn’t be so rude, Ray.”

“Me? He’s the one with the gun!” Ray exclaimed, gesturing to the guy like Fraser might not have seen it.

“Which is exactly why you shouldn’t antagonize him,” Fraser said pointedly. “I’m sorry for my friend’s rude behavior,” He told the man, turning towards him.

“Oh, yeah, he’s ‘soarry’,“ Ray imitated Fraser’s Canadian tilt to the word. “Not like the guy has a gun or anything.”

“I wasn’t implying that he didn’t, I was only saying that just because someone is being rude to you does not mean that you also have to be rude to them.” Fraser was speaking in that haughty tone that Ray hated.

“You’re impossible,” Ray huffed, turning away from him.

“You’re American,” Benny said under his breath.

“What did you say?” Ray asked, whirling to look at Fraser.  “My God. Was that a snark I heard? Kowalski has corrupted you.”

“Don’t be silly, Ray.” Fraser said in that I’d smack you if I wasn’t so polite tone of voice. “Speaking of Ray, wasn’t he supposed to be meeting us down here?”

“If he’s smart he’s gone by now. Maybe Mexico. It’s what I should have done.” Ray grumbled. There was a sound of shattering glass. “Apparently he’s not smart,” Ray told Fraser.

“Ray,” Fraser chastised.

“Yeah?” Kowalski asked, rappelling in from the ceiling like it was a normal thing to do and punching the man holding a gun on them in the face.

“I was speaking to the other Ray, Ray.” Fraser ducked another of the gunmen, who was taking exception to being captured. “Thank you for the timely intervention, though.”

“Thanks, Frase,” Kowalski said. Diefenbaker tackled someone, snarling. The bad guy screamed like a little girl, and Ray rolled his eyes.

“That kind of dramatic entrance was not necessary,” Ray said. “Oh, my God, Fraser corrupted Kowalski.”     

“Fraser corrupts everyone,” Kowalski said. “Last week he convinced an armed robber to join the priesthood.”

“He simply needed to reconnect with his faith.” Fraser nudged Dief off of a crying bad guy.

Ray nodded wisely. “You should have seen him that time with the stripper.” He commiserated. Looking around, he noticed that all of the hostage-takers had been subdued by the storming SWAT team (who had come through the door, like normal people). “Well, Benny, I can’t say that this was a new experience.”

Kowalski peeled off his rappelling gear, shaking out his already wild hair. “I’m hungry. I was promised tacos.”

Diefenbaker barked in agreement. A bad guy whimpered.

Ray grinned and threw his arm around Fraser’s shoulder. “Just like old times, Benny.” Fraser smiled back, and Ray knew that if nothing else, their friendship was as strong as ever. It was a comforting thought.

Not as comforting as the thought of tacos. He was hungry.

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 301

Ermagherd guys. It’s been 84 years but the new season is finally here! And not gonna lie, I was about 50/50 excited and nervous for the new episodes to come out because ugh season two…

But I actually really liked the episode! I felt the things I was supposed to feel! I wanted to punch the people I thought I’d want to punch! I yelled a lot of things at Frank because I still hate him! My desire to smash the patriarchy grew three times! It went by really, really fast! Can they all go by this fast so it’s not like waiting 84 more years for Jamie and Claire to get back together? Cool.

Anywho, ramblings are under the cut. I split them up between Boston and Scotland just to keep it organized but I *loved* the editing of the episode. And the direction. Good job, new director guy!

(omfg i forgot how long i get when i write these things and also how fucking long it takes to like proofread and format once i’m sober...)

Scotland

There are no more bagpipes in the theme music and it’s making me feel things. *shakes fist at Bear in the best way possible*

The shot with all the bodies is powerful and everything but I can’t also help feeling a little salty that season two/DIA exists since lol nothing matters. They’re all dead and they were always going to be dead and I just really didn’t like last season but this is the new season sooo moving on.

The body they zoom over after the piles of bodies is Murtagh, right? Because it looks like Murtagh. And Amazon’s x-ray thing is telling me it’s Murtagh. So Murtagh’s not getting saved? Because when they talk about him later in the episode I got my hopes wayyy up that he was going to come back at some point in the season. So now I guess they’re going to have Jamie maybe remember later on? Like maybe keep the part on the ship after Claire is hurt when he tells her the story about how he dies? Anywho, I’m going to go have feelings about Murtagh now.

This killing of the wounded is the most brutal parallel to Prestonpans, guys. (RIP Lt. Babyface)

Also, Sam Heughan and Tom Hardy should star in a two-man show where Sam acts everything without speaking and Tom does the whole thing with his Bane/Mad Max/Dunkirk masks on so he like only has an eyebrow left visible.

Seriously though. Murder me with feels why don’t you, dying!Jamie.

And it’s not supposed to be a surprise that it’s BJR on top of him, right? Like they didn’t think they were going to make that a reveal or anything did they? Because like who the fuck else would it be...

I’m really glad they edited it this way with it all out of sequence and cutting back and forth and stuff though. Like Prestonpans was straightforward and it was awesome. But man does this just hit me in the “omg they’re all doomed and Jamie’s dying and that’s what he wants so badly so like I want him to get what he wants but he can’t die because #plot” feels. Plus the nod to the book where his memories of the battle are all jumbled.

JFC, BPC. STFU about your birthday cup. What the actual fuck is wrong with you. How are you so bad at this. It’s been more than a year since season two and I still just want to punch your very punchable face.

Ok I know Jamie at the stones is supposed to be all heartbreaking and moving and shit, and it is, I guess, as much as it can be in the 0.5 seconds we see him there. But him smelling Claire’s plaid just reminds me of this post and I lol’ed an inappropriate amount for the moment.

I *really* want to punch BPC’s “oh shit, we’re fucked” face. Like when Jamie tells him to order the charge while there’s still a chance and his face is just like that look of horror over what’s happening like WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK WAS HAPPENING YOU FUCKING IDIOT WITH YOUR FUCKING BIRTHDAY CUP FROM YOUR DAD. LOOK THE FUCK AROUND YOU. THIS ISN’T A FUCKING GAME AND OMFG SOMEONE PLEASE PUNCH HIM.

Also inappropriately chuckling at Jamie murdering a dude with fucking divot, but moving on because…

MURTAGH!!! Omg both of their faces when they see each other and “Where’ve you been, enjoying a wee whisky?” *Murtagh casually kills a dude* “You’re welcome.” I JUST LOVE THE TWO OF THEM SO MUCH. Also, thanks for the heads up that the Lallybroch guys are home safe, Murtagh. Move over, Game of Thrones season seven. Outlander has had teleporting since the beginning.

Outlander: Where Time Travel Is Real, But Travel Time Isn’t

All that training in Je Suis Prest and they end up just charging in. Because lol nothing matters. But I did really like Je Suis Prest so whatever.

I’m not sure I like this weird “magic hour” lighting on the Jamie and BJR fight? Like I get if that’s just when they filmed it that’s one thing, and that their fight is like for *all the closure* so it’s almost separate from the rest of the battle. But I’m not feeling it?

Super glad that we do get that closure of seeing Jamie kill him though, and that Jamie remembers it so he can like process and move on from that part of his life.

Them landing like in a hug and then basically spooning is a bit on the nose though, show. Although like thanks I guess for having him keep Jamie alive and not bleeding out by literally laying on his wound?

Oh the dragonfly in amber. I’m still not a fan of the gifts at the stones thing from last year. But I guess I’m ok with him having something of Claire’s to hold on to so like when vision!Claire appears there’s like something physical tying her to him?

Also, vision!Claire is fucking stunning.

I swear to fuck Jamie thinking he’s seeing Claire in the early episodes is going to murder me.

“I’m not gonna leave ye to die in the mud. Even if ye are a pig-headed loon who canna hold his whisky.” “Drink you under the table.” Literally dying Jamie Fraser defending his alcohol tolerance is my new aesthetic. 

I’m glad they show him dropping the amber because like there goes his last physical memory of Claire. *sobs quietly* But also to show how it eventually ended up in the museum for Claire to see last season. Because I def thought they weren’t going to bring that back again and her seeing it last season was just a weird bit of haha look how this is here now for Claire to see! Feel things, monkey, feel the feelings! (That said, I don’t know if I like it enough to merit the time spent on it at the stones last year…)

Ok so I’m starting to think that Murtagh is really dead and that really was him that we saw on the ground at the beginning and they’re just bringing him up again to established that no one knows what happens to him so they can go back later in the season and have Jamie remember him dying and then I’ll have all the Murtagh feelings.

(Seriously though, please fucking save Murtagh!)

I really, *really* love Rupert in the scenes in the house. I love that they let him step up and, with Jamie out of commission, really become the leader of these men. His “No, my lord. Traitors all. Shall we be hanged then.” has just that right amount of fuck you in it, but his “Thank you, my lord.” is definitely genuine. Like yeah, he’s going to die, but at least it’s an honorable man who’s going to kill him in an honorable way?

Seriously though, I love Hal.

Ugh, Jamie saying “she’s gone.” That’s going to be a thing isn’t it. Like with Jenny and then with LJG. And it’s going to murder me every time isn’t it. Ok.

The goodbye with Rupert is my everything. The humor and feelings and Angus and omg. I have feelings.

And the way Rupert’s voice changes when he says “aye.” And when he says his name. Guys why is my face wet.

“No man in the king’s custody will be shot lying down on my watch.” I fucking love you, Hal.

Gah, the way Jamie’s voice changes and becomes stronger when he says his name, like Rupert’s did. It’s like it’s their chance to go out with all of their dignity. But then Jamie’s fades because he’s so weak. *sobs*

“Does the name John Grey mean anything to you?” “Well no, because even though he gave your father’s name and title plus his birth order last year, so he clearly wasn’t trying to hide his identity or anything, the writers decided to keep him in the script as William Grey. There really was no reason to do that. They could have just made him John Grey from the start. But they didn’t. For reasons I will never understand. So no, the name John Grey means nothing to me. Good day, sir. I said good day.”

Gah like Jamie is so sad that I really want to shoot him and put him out of his misery but I also want ep. 306 so thanks for being noble af, Hal.

I am def going to start using “This is a deuce of a situation.” in my everyday life.

Oh hey, Jenny and Ian. See you next week!

Boston

Ok but that first shot of Claire. Like that resigned look that this is her life now and she’s trying to convince herself that she’s ok with it. And the little sigh like “ok I can do this” but like more that she thinks she *needs* to do this. Break my heart a little right there, Claire. Also, please leave Frank so you can take the time you need to heal and grieve and process instead of keeping it all bottled up inside to live up to some “conditions” because that’s really not healthy.

“Are you sure we can afford all this?” “Oh totally, you see we need to have enough room to like fit the camera operators in and the sound guys and the rest of the crew and some lighting stuff and also it looks way better on TV if we have space to move around so we can definitely afford this wicked spacious house. Gotta save the cramped conditions for prisons and ships and stuff. Don’t worry about the rent, dear.”

No shade at all meant on the set. I’m just silly.

“You’ve always said you wanted a real home.” “It certainly is real.” BUT IT'S NOT HOME BECAUSE JAMIE IS HER HOME AND JAMIE ISN'T HERE. *has feelings*

“The study can be wherever the lady of the house desires.” … “The kitchen, where presumably, the lady of the house will be rustling up various appetizing dishes.” Yes, Claire, you’re the lady of the house! You can totally decide where my study is going to be! But lol your place is in the kitchen because you’re a woman and that’s what women do! Fuck you, Frank.

I almost like the handful of scenes where Claire and Frank are getting along on the surface because it’s almost like a window into what their life was like pre-War. And in each instance, I cannot see Claire being happy in that sort of relationship long term even if she hadn’t gone through the stones. Like your cowboy impression is cute, Frank, but your tendency to treat your wife like an accessory instead of a person is not.

That said, WHO THE FUCK CARES BECAUSE IT’S NOT FRANK’S STORY AND WE DON’T NEED TO SEE WHO THEY WERE BEFORE BECAUSE IT’S NOT A STORY ABOUT FRANK AND CLAIRE.

Ok so seeing Claire struggling to light the stove gave me the same feelings the gif did. But seeing her sit on the couch and then see the fireplace I was just like OMG DO IT! DO IT DO IT DO IT! AND SHE FUCKING DID IT! @abreathofsnowandashes’ POST IS BASICALLY CANON AND I LITERALOL’ED WAY TOO HARD.

Claire waxing poetic about food cooked over an open fire is making me feel more feelings than it should.

But seriously her face in reaction to Betty Draper over here is awesome. I need Claire to start a neighborhood group where she turns all the women into massive feminists please and thank you.

“He likes surprises, does he?” “Oh yeah, totally. Last time I surprised him, he almost punched me and then destroyed a shed. So yeah, I’d say he loves them."

Please don’t give Jerry a heart attack, Millie. Claire already had one husband-murdering friend and I think that’s quite enough for one person. Thanks. You’re a peach.

Oh Claire. Oh honey. “Frank is very progressive. Very open-minded.” The look on her face when she says that like she’s trying to convince herself it’s true. Like yes, if you follow all of his conditions, you can stay together and raise the baby. But is it really being open-minded if literally all of his conditions are about you keeping everything locked away so he can go on pretending like everything is back to normal? Or is that just selfish. I’m voting selfish on that one.

“Just cook, clean, raise the kids, look pretty when they meet the boss.” Millie you are literally describing Frank’s ideal wife right now. And I think Claire on some level knows that. RUN AWAY CLAIRE, RUN AWAY! IT’S NOT TOO LATE! THESE ARE ALL THINGS THAT ARE NOT TIME-TRAVEL RELATED! PLEASE WAKE UP AND REALIZE THAT NOT ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS ARE BECAUSE YOU WENT BACK IN TIME!

Oh her face when Millie says she won’t find another man like Frank. SHE FOUND ONE SO MUCH BETTER AND HE’S NOT DEAD AND SHE’LL GET HIM BACK AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OK AGAIN!

Seriously though. The shots of Claire’s face when they switch back to the Boston side of things. Punch me right in the face with feels why don’t you, show. Like when she’s getting ready to go to Frank’s work thing. That cut from Jamie’s face that’s all full of pain to her face that’s also all full of pain. *sobs quietly* Like this woman is hurting! FFS! Look at everything she went through! Look at everything she lost! And she has no outlet for any of those emotions! And that look of just pain and loneliness and then resignation when Frank calls up to her and quoting Millie… I want to give her a hug and a therapist.

Ok so the scene at Harvard. Thank fuck Frank manages to not be a piece of shit in this scene because I need all my rage for the fucking Dean. I still hate you Frank, but you get a momentary reprieve here. Because this fucking dude needs to be punched in his smug-ass face. Like you’re seriously going to shit on a woman for reading the fucking newspaper?! First of all, don’t fucking ever shit on a woman for reading any-fucking-thing and second of all, your patriarchal bullshit runs so deep you can’t stand a woman reading the most popular newspaper in Boston?! It’s not like she rolled in and was like well I was reading the Atlantic (founded in Boston, what whatttt!) or the Economist or something that your fucking misogynist brain wouldn’t be able to handle. She was literally talking about reading a fucking #HotTake in the fucking local paper.

THAT’S RIGHT CLAIRE, YOU CAN GO TO MED SCHOOL! YOU SHOULD GO TO MED SCHOOL! DO THAT THING AND THEN SURGICALLY DISASSEMBLE THE PATRIARCHY!

Good boy, Frank. Way to stand up for your wife and not suck for once. But remember that little fun fact you just spouted about your wife because that’ll come up again later when I need to yell at you for being a piece of shit.

Omg though. Claire’s face when she says “yes, I’m very happy” is the best “you can go fuck yourself straight to hell” face I’ve ever seen. And grabbing Frank’s hand when she says it is clearly part of that and not like an actual, genuine taking of his hand and he knows that. And I don’t feel bad for him at all in that moment because yeah, he fucking needs that reminder that she’s sitting through this because of him so a tangential fuck you to you, Frank, for bringing me here for this wonderful experience.

"Are you alright? You're very quiet.” “Oh yeah, peachy keen. Just got condescended to for reading a newspaper, was told women were bad at the profession I was born to do and had to pretend to be totally ok with this being my life now. Totally fine.”

For serious, Claire. Your face there. Those feelings you’re feeling. These are not time travel adventure related feelings. These are this life sucks and I hate it feelings. You don’t need to stay here. This is getting super tedious. Frank sucks. Your life with him sucks. You have all this emotional baggage that you have every right to have and no outlet for it. Jamie wouldn’t want you staying in a fucking life that is making you this miserable. The baby hasn’t been born yet, there is still time to bounce before it gets even messier. Argh. Thank fuck there are only two more episodes of this stuff because there are only so many times I can yell JUST GET A FUCKING DIVORCE at the tv.

I felt more feelings than I should have felt at Claire looking at the bird. Like omg Claire’s face as she’s looking at it. Just out there. Being a bird. Doing its bird thing. Being free. YOU COULD BE FREE TOO CLAIRE! GO! BE FREEEEE!

Ok with this tea scene I literally had to google how British people make tea. Like I know I’ve talked about it with people before, like recently, but somehow in my head it wasn’t just like loose in a tin. I can’t even do a proper snarky hashtag about preferring the American way tea is packaged because that would make it seem like I was into a weird sex thing so I guess I’ll just have to blaspheme by saying I like Lipton’s and I’m not sorry.

So Claire likes America because "It's young, it's eager, it's constantly looking toward the future." Or, you could say it's...young, scrappy and hungry! Claire would totally be Hamiltrash. Frank wouldn't be. Fuck you, Frank, it’s a great show. Loosen up, geez.

Ok Frank, why did you go to touch her belly. You clearly know that she doesn’t like that. But you saw an opening when she said it’s “our baby” and you went for it. Like I know you really, really want things to be normal, but fucking don’t proactively touch Claire like that when you know it’s not welcome.

Also, seriously Frank? Have you met Claire? Yes, she’s English. But she grew up fucking all over the world. I don’t think she’s particularly sentimentally attached to the fucking Battle of Hastings. She’s trying to have a conversation with you. She’s opening up. She’s trying to be “normal” with you and share something she’s excited about doing. And your first thing is to question her? Fuck you. You’re a shitty person.

“These are things I fought a war for.” Ok Franky boy. Remember that scene a little bit ago when I said you got a reprieve from my hatred? You know, the one where you found like the singular decent bone in your body and decided to defend Claire for a second? Remember what it was you said? Oh right. SHE WAS A FUCKING COMBAT NURSE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. SHE WAS ALSO IN THE WAR. SHE WAS ON THE FUCKING FRONT FUCKING LINES OF THE MOTHERFUCKING WAR. And then guess what?! SHE FUCKING THEN FOUGHT IN ANOTHER WAR! THIS TIME AGAINST THE ENGLISH! AND EVERYONE SHE LOVED DIED! (except not really, hang in there girl) IT’S TOTALLY NORMAL THAT SHE WOULD HAVE CONFLICTED FEELINGS ABOUT ENGLAND AND BE LIKE HEY THIS UNITED STATES PLACE SEEMS OK (*pours one out for the current state of affairs*) I WANT TO MAYBE BE A CITIZEN.

And then this fucker’s like oh it’s something you really want to do? Well you don’t have to because I’ve got it covered. THAT IS NOT THE FUCKING POINT, FRANK! STOP MAKING THIS ABOUT YOU! SHE’S LITERALLY SAYING THAT THIS IS SOMETHING *SHE* WANTS TO DO. WHY ARE YOU SUCH A TWATWAFFLE.

And then he brings in the not letting him touch her shit. Like why couldn’t you have just let this be a fucking normal conversation, Frank. But since you brought it up. Let’s talk about Claire for a minute. Claire is pregnant. Claire was pregnant before. Claire lost her first child. Claire’s current pregnancy is going to result in Jamie’s child. Her fucking last chance to have a part of him in her life. So of course that’s something that’s fucking super emotional and that she’s super protective of. Because she also knows that she can’t fucking tell this child anything about Jamie. Because of your fucking conditions. Like I don’t think you can comprehend how much of a mindfuck that must be, Frank. So maybe don’t fucking touch her stomach if she’s made it clear she doesn’t want you to.

And then! With the fucking unwanted touching. Do you fucking know how many times this woman has been assaulted, Frank?! Hell, the show is not at all explicit that she wasn’t actually raped in the glade in ep. 108. And the deal with the king. And BJR. And the dudes at Leoch. And fucking Dougal. And the gang of dudes in Paris. And ones I’m probably forgetting about. So like if there was ever going to be anyone who might be wicked sensitive about unwanted touching, it’s fucking Claire. BUT GUESS WHAT! AND THIS IS THE KICKER, FRANK! THAT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER BECAUSE IF SOMEONE SAYS THEY DON’T WANT YOU TOUCHING THEM THEN YOU DON’T FUCKING TOUCH THEM IT IS LITERALLY THAT SIMPLE.

And of course she’s retreating into her shell, you fucking asshole. The amount of trauma this woman has gone through with no fucking outlet to deal with it. Of course she’s fucking isolating herself. But instead of being concerned about her and trying to help her, you’re just like omfg but what about meeeee?! Why can’t you just be “normal” for meeee?!

“What is it that you want from me?” “I want to know when you’re going to come back from the fucking past.” Fuuuuuck you, Frank. Because you’re asking when she’s going to go back to being how she was before. Well newsflash, Frank. She’s not. You’re never going to get your pre-War relationship back where Claire was 19 and thought you were the swellest guy. Because that’s what you want here. Stop fucking deluding yourself Frank, there aren’t enough conditions in the world to bring that girl back. So now you have this woman. Who is tearing herself apart from the inside trying to fucking live up to her side of your bullshit bargain. And at every turn you’re like nope, not good enough.

FUCKING PREACH IT. CLAIRE. PREACH.

I fucking love that she throws the ashtray at him because he again reduces what she had with Jamie to fucking. He’s been doing it since last season. He just can’t get his shitty-ass head around the fact that Claire loves Jamie with everything she has. It’s a great parallel to when Claire loses it at Bree in ep. 213 when Bree also says that Claire was just fucking another guy because she was a bored housewife. I fucking love how protective she is of what she has with Jamie.

Seriously though, fuck you Frank. You’re asking her to be something she's not and then blaming her for not doing it well enough. Yes, she should have left you, but you’re also an asshole.

And yeah, Frank didn’t like hogtie her and force her to come to Boston. But Jamie sent her to Frank so she went, all shattered and hollow, to Frank. And Frank was like oh cool, I can get my wife back like nothing ever happened and so yeah, clearly staying together is a great idea. You know, on my terms. Which you’ll agree to because you’re all like shattered and hollow. But Claire, you’re now far enough removed that you SHOULD JUST FUCKING LEAVE BECAUSE THIS IS CLEARLY NOT WORKING AND JAMIE WOULDN’T WANT YOU TO BE THIS FUCKING UNHAPPY. AND GUESS WHAT HE IS ALSO NOT HERE ANYMORE SO YOU TRIED BUT IT’S NOT WORKING AND UGH JUST GET A FUCKING DIVORCE ALREADY.

Gah, we have two more episodes before my best friend in the world, Ms. Ice E. Road, shows up and rids me of my Frank-rage once and for all.

Please for the love of fuck make it once and for all because omfg it’s not Frank’s story and it’s never been Frank’s story so can Frank please just die and stay dead. KThxBai.

*sacrifices a goat that Tobias gets a kickass leading role in something that keeps him unavailable for the foreseeable future*

Why is Frank’s face just giant on the screen. Like why is it still there. It’s still there guys. I’m not even typing that fast and it’s still there. Make it go away.

Ok I’m calling bullshit here. There is no way in fuck that house doesn’t have a second bedroom. Like if you aren’t sleeping in Claire’s bed, go to the fucking guest room. You get no pity from me for all the noise that comes with sleeping on the couch.

Ok like we knew they were keeping in Frank’s request to the reverend to research Jamie because Roger and Bree find it in ep. 213 and that’s how they know he’s alive. But in all my feelings about ep. 213, I forgot that it meant that I still get to hate Frank for doing it. But luckily there’s a scene in this episode where he starts writing the original letter! So fuck you, Frank, for being so shitty to Claire about not talking about her time in the past, but you’ll write to your buddy to research it!

Although I definitely don’t like that it’s the reverend’s research that let’s them know Jamie survived. Because that means Frank is kind of responsible for it. But at least they nixed the stupid placing a fake headstone bullshit. Still no brownie points for you, Frank.

I’m glad that Frank finds out about the miscarriage but doesn’t get details about Faith. Like oh hey, here’s another detail about how my life with Jamie was real and loving and yeah, we lost a child together and it was traumatic af so just get that through your head. But also it’s such a personal thing between her and Jamie that I really don’t want Frank to get all the details.

“I’m sorry I didn't tell you about the miscarriage.” “None of that matters now.” Frank you could have picked literally any other set of words. Any other words to get your point across besides “it doesn't matter.” Because I know you're talking about Claire not telling you and not the miscarriage itself, but she's talking about her first daughter. Who matters a great deal.

I HATE THIS DOCTOR WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE THEY ALLOWED TO DO THAT IS THAT EVEN LEGAL DO I NEED TO GO DOWN A RABBITHOLE AND FIND THIS OUT WHERE IS THE CALL THE MIDWIFE CREW WHEN YOU NEED THEM SORRY FOR JOKING WHEN WHAT THE DOCTOR DID TO CLAIRE IS 1000% UNACCEPTABLE.

Omfg I cannot even imagine waking up and not knowing where your baby is or if they’re alive or dead. I definitely can’t imagine going through that twice. Like omfg when you put it next to Faith, it’s just like *ugly cries*.

“I’ve been so horrible to you.” But have you, Claire? Because I’m pretty sure you’ve been doing the best you can. And Frank’s been making you feel like you’ve been horrible. Because he’s a shitty, shitty person. But seriously. You should have left him. But it’s kind of too late now because apparently you both seem to think Bree will somehow make everything better. Right. Definitely. That’s totally going to be what happens.

*only two more episodes of this, only two more episodes of this*

“Where’d she get the red hair?” Bless you, rando nurse. Blesss.