#fr though. whos gonna have days mixed with useless chats and jokes with me.

[cut-catches]

me n who 😤😤

[josugayy]

Craziness at Midnight [RvB]

Pairing: Blue Team X Fem!Blue!Reader Fandom: Red Vs Blue (RvB) Notes: Welcome to Hell, AKA Blood Gulch! Warnings: Language, Typical Reds and Blues

You would think, after spending years with this dysfunctional group called Red Team and Blue Team, you would get tired of things. But no. Everyday is a new adventure, whether someone liked it or not.

Take for instance, your arrival to Blood Gulch and Blue Team. Believe it or not, you were one of the first to arrive, yet Church and Tucker still insisted on calling you “Rookie.”

You were there during the time that Flowers was alive, or at least when you arrived, it was three hours before he died.

It was a bit traumatizing to witness on your first day, but while Flowers seemed like a nice and understanding guy, he looked like he had something else planned, something not good.

Not that you minded anymore, because he was long gone - and you were still stuck in this godforsaken Hell of a canyon. And if the canyon wasn’t bad enough, it was the people.

When looking back to the time before the arrival of Caboose, Church and Tucker liked to claim things were peaceful; which was complete and utter BS, because if  anybody on Blue Team liked to bicker, it was those two. They always seemed to find little things to bother the other about, which was exactly why you stayed out of things.

It was hard, at first, staying out of their conflict when Tucker tried to flirt with you constantly and Church considered you the only other sane person here, although he grumbled about you never bothered to actually talk to him so he didn’t want to say much.

And it was true, you were being selfish. But did you care? No. You spent a lifetime training during your life to help the UNSC, only to be sent to the middle of absolute nowhere because your fiery temper caused a large fight. It wasn’t your fault this army was full of misogynist assholes!

But you supposed that knocking five guys out and mortally injuring another was a bit unnecessary...

Life seemed to consider that was alright, though, because it came back to bite you in the ass by Tucker finding your reason as a good excuse to say he liked woman with a hot (in both ways) temper.

And after Caboose came along? Things turned way more hectic. Caboose was quite the character, having what turned out to be O’Malley inside his head, and thus setting him free because everyone’s radio was on.

And figuring out who he was without O’Malley was entirely another story. On the plus side, you found you were relatively okay with kids, or at least as close to a five-year-old-in-a-man’s body could get.

You couldn’t exactly claim it was easy to take care of Caboose, it wasn’t like raising a kid, it was like having your kid be the same way every day, never growing up. It made things routine, but at the same time a tad frustrating because there were some things Caboose just couldn’t comprehend.

But, you found out the hard way you simply had to deal with it, for Tucker didn’t care and Church had a quicker temper than you. Thus, you managed to develop a sort of bond with Caboose, which brings you to now.

“Miss [Name]! Miss [Name]!” Caboose’s excited voice called out, waking you up from a nap. You sat up groggily, rubbing your eyes. What could be so important to wake you up for?

It was useless to fight Caboose off, however, because that could go one of two ways; Caboose disappointed or Caboose using his abnormal strength to get you up. You preferred neither, so you took out your [variation of blue] armor and opened your door just in time to see Caboose there.

“Hello!” He responded cheerfully.

“Yes, hi, Caboose. What is it?” He seemed to think for a few moments.

“Uh... oh! Right! Well, Church and Tucker are doing this thing and they want me to help, and they said you would make me cookies for it but I didn’t like Tucker’s tone so I thought I’d come to you.”

Lately, those two have been making all sorts of weird plans that have you concerned - not necessarily for them, but for yourself. There’s an unbelievably high chance of something blowing up in this canyon, and you wanted nothing to do with it.

“Thanks, Caboose. I’ll check it out, because those two haven’t talked to me.”

“Okay! But you’re still making cookies right?”

“Of course.”

--

“Oh. My. God. This whole thing was stupid from the start! I cannot believe you right now.”

“Ok, this? This wasn’t my fault. You were the one to forget the batteries, not me!”

“You literally ripped a hole in the sleeping bag!”

“So? We have more!”

“No, you dumbass, we have four. And now we’re short one!”

“What does it matter anyways? It’s only just gonna be the two of us?”

“Could you be any more dense?  First, we asked Caboose to help, who will insist on coming because I’m his best fri- fr- you know what forget it. Plus, he literally just ran off calling for the rookie! She’ll end up coming along too!”

“Good! And maybe, since according to you this whole thing has been ruined, it can be just me and her!”

It wasn’t hard to find Church and Tucker; those two were arguing so loudly you wouldn’t be surprised if the Red Team heard them. But you were a bit cautious about whatever they were doing, and you were not willing to be left alone with Tucker.

“Are you kidding me? I’m not letting you alone with [Name]! She’s the only other person who’s sane here, and I will not have you turning her insane because you annoyed her past her limit.”

“Annoy? Woah man, I don’t annoy people. My flirting skills are just so great that all the ladies play hard to get!”

Seriously, just how long will these guys believe that no one hears their conversations? Considering how bored everyone gets, you and Caboose couldn’t have been the only ones to hear them.

“Hey! Second best married couple!” You yelled, making them stop abruptly.

“Second best?”

“Yeah! You ever heard those guys from Red Team? They argue twice as much as you guys do! I was walking the other day, and all those two do is stand around and bicker like some old married couple.”

“Isn’t that what we do? Stand around and talk all day?”

“Yeah, but ours is more consistent. All they do is argue while we come up with shitty plans.”

“Makes sense.”

“Well anyways,” You got back to the task at hand. “What the hell are you two up to?”

“Nothing!” They both rang out, obviously doing a bad job of keeping a secret from you.

“Oh, don’t give me that,” you complained. “I heard you two chatting about batteries and ripped sleeping bags. I also heard my name involved, and I’d like to know what I’m being forced into.”

“Well,” Church said after a thoughtful pause. “We’re looking for a way out.”

You almost thought he was joking. “ A way out?”

“Yeah.” Tucker responded. “We’re sick and tired of all this sun, and thought we could leave through the caves. It’s a hella lot cooler in there, and we haven’t looked at them enough to say there isn’t a path out of this closed off area.” “...Alright. I want in.”

“Huh?”

“You heard me. Look, everyone could use a break. Plus, that’s just the thing. We don’t know what’s out there, so who’s saying we won’t get killed? As one of the only capable people here (probably the only one actually), I have to make sure you don’t die.”

“Aw, how sweet-”

“Shut up Church. It’s that, and I don’t want whatever we find to kill me.”

“Oh. Well, we do have supplies for everyone here, considering we can’t leave Caboose here without the base blowing up-” A loud explosion towards the back of the base sounded. “Tucker did it!”

“As I was saying,” Church continued. “But we’ll need a way to leave without the Reds expecting anything. The last thing we need is even more idiots showing up.”

“Oh that’s easy,” Tucker scoffed. “Just make some scarecrows with our colors and helmets on them.”

“Yeah, but don’t make them too convincing. Some of us here are dumb enough to get them mixed up.”

--

“So...” Grif trailed off, getting more bored by the second as Simmons stared through his sniper rifle. “You find whatever it was that exploded?”

“Nah,” Simmons answered. “Probably another one of the Blues’ failed projects.”

“You sure? Usually they’d be yelling at each other.”

“Well, it looks like they’re just standing around and talking, so I’d say yeah. Nothing productive going on there.”

“Same here,” Grif mumbled under his breath.

“Well, I’m gonna... go downstairs and eat. Since nothing ‘productive’ is going on. This watch is stupid.”

“What? You can’t leave.”

“Why not?”

“Why not? Why not? Grif, literally all you do is nothing all day. Sarge would be pissed at you. The least you could do is bear this until Sarge calls us down for his new plan.”

“Simmons! Grif! Get down here ASAP!”

“Speaking of which...”

--

Meanwhile, in the back of the Blue base, everyone was “having fun” with arts and crafts. And by fun, you meant Caboose was having fun, Church was done with his, and you and Tucker were arguing over your scarecrow.

“Haven’t you ever thought about how perverse and rude that is?!”

“Well, we want this to fool the Reds, right? So they have to be accurate!”

Tucker was trying to convince you to use something to mimic your breast size for your scarecrow. This caused a lot of commotion, and thus why neither you nor Tucker had finished your scarecrows.

“...And, done!” Caboose called, satisfied with his coloring. He put down his blue crayon and Church helped him put the shirt on the scarecrow.

“Hey, you guys done with your spat?” Church turned to you both.

“You know what, forget this!” You threw down the extra helmet you had to the ground. “You want it accurate, make it yourself!”

“Maybe I will!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

“I’ll be inside, packing my and Caboose’s bags. Caboose; orange juice or milk?”

“Orange juice, please!”

“Alright.” You nodded your head. “If you need me, I’ll be inside.”

There was a moment of silence as you walked inside, and Church seemed to be stunned at the relatively calm (at least for them) results. But after thinking about what he would do if he commented, he decided to leave it be and pack his own bag.

When everything was all said and done, the tension between you and Tucker managed to slip away (as it does for everyone), and you all gathered in the back of your base once again.

“Okay. So, Tucker, you and me are going to set up the scarecrows, while Rookie and Caboose are going to get Sheila to drive beside them as they head to the caves to shield them.”

“Right.” Tucker nodded.

“You got that, Caboose?” “Of course. Wait, what are we doing again?” A collective sigh sounded out.

Tucker and Church carefully picked up a scarecrow in each hand, and tried to use them as cover as Tucker placed two on the roof, and two facing towards the others (backs to the Red base).

Sheila drove slowly, with Caboose and you slowly moving beside her, and once you two got to the caves, Sheila started heading back.

However, halfway she turned a different direction, much to Church and Tucker’s confusion and frustration.

“Sheila!” Church quietly yelled. “What are you doing?!”

“I’m giving the illusion that I am mindlessly driving around,” Her monotone voice responded, but to the others it sounded a bit smug and teasing.

“But we need your cover!” Tucker said, growing more impatient by the second.

Sheila gave no response, but continued turning in different directions. After a couple of moments, she finally faced the caves and started heading that way. But she drove a little too quickly, and they had to jog with her.

Upon reaching the caves, you voiced your complaints. “What took you so long?” You hissed.

“Sheila was being a bit of a bitch,” Church answered. When Sheila turned to aim at Church after his statement, the three of you headed deeper in, where Caboose was staring at the ceiling.

“Caboose, what the hell are you doing?” Tucker asked.

“Finding the way.” He simply responded.

“The way?”

“Oh yeah, There are weird carvings on the ceiling of each area, so I look at them to find my special spot.”

“...” All of you were speechless at his sudden intelligence; his plan made perfect sense.

Caboose turned to his left and ran off. “Now let’s go find those star unicorns!” And there it goes.

“Well, that was weird.”

“Tell me about it.”

--

“Hey, what are the Blues doing?”

“Oh, same as usual. Standing around and talking. Look, it’s like they’re immobilized.”

“Are they?”

“Can’t really tell, they’re too far away. But since there’s nothing better to do in this place, I’m assuming that’s what they’re doing.”

--

“Ugh, I’m tired. How much longer is this?” You complained, feeling a bad ache in your feet.

“I can always carry you if you want,” Tucker suggested.

“And give you a chance to grope me? Nah.”

“Worth a shot.”

“Maybe we should take a break,” Church observed as Caboose grew more and more tired. “Caboose, how long will this take?”

“The next area. You can tell by the pretty lights.”

Everyone trudged into the place thankfully, and barely managed to open their sleeping bags before passing out. You had a relatively peaceful sleep until Caboose woke you up.

“Miss [Name]?”

“Ugh...”

“Miss [Name]?”

“What.”

“It’s cold.”

“No it’s not.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure it is.”

“No, it’s not.”

“But my arms and legs are freezing!”

You sighed. Clearly, Caboose couldn’t understand sarcasm and denial.

“And what do you want me to do about it?”

“Well, I wanted to share with Church, but he looked scary in his sleep, and I don’t want to be with Tucker. He gropes people.”

“So you want me to share with you?”

“Yes.” Wow, Caboose does not know how to beat around the bush, does he?

“... You’re lucky I’m the only one willing to deal with you. C’mere.”

Tucker woke up, or just barely enough to understand you were about to cuddle with Caboose, and immediately complained. “Oh, so you’ll sleep with him?”

“It’s not like that and you know it! Besides, this wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t ripped a sleeping bag in the first place.” That shut him up, but not Church.

“Are you seriously cuddling with Caboose?”

“What’sa matter? Jealous?”

He quickly turned away, and you heard a stern “no.”

“That’s what I thought.” You said, and gazed at the ceiling.

Caboose wasn’t kidding when he said the place had pretty lights. Right above your heads was a bunch of white lights that represented stars; not too bright to keep someone up, but just visible enough to remind someone of actual stars.

In all, you learned that there was night in Blood Gulch. It was just in the caves. And having to travel with the people you’ve been stuck with to see it? Wasn’t so bad. Or, you considered, it could be worse.

You would still never be used to the craziness that is in Blood Gulch, but you sure as heck would be able to look back on these days in interest, and appreciate moments like these.

Your canyon was full of mysteries, both in what environment it has and the people stationed here. But did that matter?

Not to life, who likes to screw you all over in weird ways.

--- Words: 2635

Not quite sure I got their characters right, but I had fun with this. Tell me if I’m missing any warnings and such, and feel free to request!

Thanks for reading!