#fr tho fuck all of them cos they did NOT care abt her like make it make sense

[gw3npo0l]

lily was actually so valid for leaving and all of her friends are evil for not making sure she was okay when theyd been friends with her the same amount of time theyd been friends with marshall

[tfw-no-tennis]

hxh RESUME

back at it again w/the hxh, heres my recap of the last few eps 

ok so i totally forgot to recap that one ep at the end of the hunter exam arc lets see what i remember from like 3 wks ago lollll

i thiiiiink i left off in the middle of ep 21 lol. i really dont remember much tbh so im gonna skim the ep to refresh

exposition time! its so wild that if you lose ur hunter card That It like u cant get another or retake the exam hgabjdfuhasjf Ls 

also the fact that you can sell it is rlly interesting 

leorio & kurapika backing up gon as he confronts illumi again :’) good lil family 

illumi u fool. gon is a shounen protag. he can do anything he sets his mind to

the fact that gon thanks illumi for telling him where killua is....hes literally THAT polite like...what a perfect boy 

hisoka just fuckgin stepping out of the shadows....ok bitch 

the fact that gon fucked up illumis arm that bad with one hand....boi is STRONK 

AUGH AUGH AUGHHHH HISOKA IS SO CREEPY AUGHHH I HATE THIS BIIIITCH 

ok but like is illumi implying that hisoka is a fr p*do bc uhhhhh thats so nasty oh lord. pls stay away from gon, and killua, and like everyone as a matter of fact 

EWWWWWWWWWW I HATE HISOKA HES SO NASTY. PLS STOP MAKING P*RNO FACES IN RELATION TO 12 YR OLD BOYS. 

no but rlly what IS hisoka gonna do now. im assuming he’ll show up p soon (tho probs not in the zoldyc arc like i thought bc its shorter than i thought) 

ok the fact that they have the internet is hilariously wild to me for some reason....it just seems like this would be one of those fantasy shounen worlds with very little tech (a la one piece) but lol nope we can just google shit hvbhjdhjdfks

gon: it was fun when you beat me up for 3 hours and broke my arm! seeya dude!

i love gon he is so chill and doesnt seem to hold grudges except when it really matters (like hisoka and illumi) 

hanzo has.....ninja business cards....thats amazing hvbhsdjkujfnd

dont worry pokkle, leorio was basically carried thru the hunter exam by various people and also won by default. he still deserves his license tho

an exotic game hunter sounds pretty cool! i wonder if we’ll see pokkle again. kinda doubt it? that sounds pretty firmly non-combat based, and therefore probably pretty far from any plot lol

so gons dad is a bigshot huh.....whatever hed be a bigger deal if he didnt abandon his son tbh 

gon swinging his feet on the bench....sooo cute 

so ging could restore a bunch of ruins but he couldnt raise his son...ok

im just gonna be bitter at this guy for abandoning the most perfect boy vhbhjfbsjhdhbfsk sorry dude but being a good hunter doesnt make up for being a shit father 

gon is so precious ;_; 

WHAT WAS SATOTZ GONNA SAY TO GON???

why does it look like theyre googling things on MS paint 

ah yes, padokea, on the continent of Africa But Sideways 

idk if i talked abt it before but the world map is WILD lmao i love how its all the continents/landmasses scrambled around.....im super curious abt that weird island in the top center of the map, thats the only thing that immediately sticks out as not having a real life equivalent 

the music in this show is so charming :’) i love the main theme sm 

gon is sooo precious i literally cant get over it. and his hurry to rescue killua is so sweet....and i love how naturally charming/charismatic gon is....pretty much everyone he meets likes him, especially leorio and kurapika, who basically adopted him after knowing him for like a day, and continue to be completely taken by him

ok wtf is satotz & co talking abt......do they know something abt ging that they arent allowed to tell gon???? shouldnt gon have access to the same info now that hes a hunter? i need ANSWERS

i bet this whole thing abt the hunter exam not rlly being over is a metaphor abt the hunter exam NEVER truly ending bc youre always being tested, or st

ok the ED continues to be So Much like especially the last shot where the 4 main characters look like theyre posing for a JC Penny catalog while the singer goes FULL metal-screamo

ok ruth and i just rewatched the next two eps woohoo

i love that there are tourist busses that take people to the front gates so they can like pose for pics and stuff vhbhjafdsfkj and its like ‘ah yes here are where the local assassins live!’ thats so funny yet it makes so much sense

i love that leorio passed tf out during the bus ride. big big mood 

gon is so cute...hes like ok yes i understand that we’re not supposed to go in but i think they can make an exception for me bc im very polite. 

those 2 dudes r so ugly and so dead god bless

that bigass buster sword....sir please 

ruth and i rlly thot that the old guard guy was gonna turn out to be grandpa zoldyk or st lol

the fact that the dog managed to eat All their flesh but left some clothes....skill 

also the dog is named mike but it sounds like the guy is calling him miku hvbjdfssk

this cant be the first time some morons have been killed here likeeee 

i cant believe nobody has visited the zoldyk estate in 20 years damn they all rlly b havin no friends. depressing 

the whole gates thing is wild. also that part where gon gets the math wrong on the weight.....BIG mood kiddo 

ok the part where gons on the phone w/the butler is soooo good oh man. i love how gon just calmly dials the phone again after hes hung up on the first time and then YELLS....and leorio and kurapikas faces r so good 

also the butler guy unfortunately has a point, it isnt foolproof that gon is here Legit....but he IS let him see his tiny bf :( 

as ruth pointed out, the butler guy is reminiscent of kuro from one piece. same vibes 

maybe if leorio was jacked like he is in the manga/1999 anime he couldve opened the gate that first time around....Ls 

god i love this shows approach to Everything so far,....as ruth put it, half the time its like ‘oh wow they should do [x]/i wish theyd do [x] but ofc they wont cause its a shounen’ but then they DO do [x] and its like damn thats dope 

anyways i love how gon is increasingly approaching situations with his Plucky Shounen Protag Attitude in full swing, and he pretty much gets shot down every time. BUT his general determination to see killua bc killuas his FRIEND and hes gonna RESCUE HIM is still a good and pure motivating force 

like here, when hes climbing over the wall and hes like whatever i dont wanna have to deal w/being tested thats bullshit, i wanna see killua, my intentions are pure, im gonna try my luck with the dog....i was like ok yeah he’ll get over and like tame or defeat the dog and the guard will be suitably impressed bc nobodys ever done That before, and then gon will continue on to get killua 

but NOPE instead the guard calls him down and explains that gon Will Die if he tries that, and then the guard will die too for letting that happen. and gon is like oh shit my actions have consequences for people other than me, wow. 

and THEN the guard takes them in to meet the dog. and hot DAMN that is a scary creature. not even really a dog tbh. they did an excellent job making the dog Legit Scary and not just like, big and flashy looking....those eyes are so soulless, and the proportions are freaky 

and the guard says exactly what i was thinking - that gon would use his Country Boy Woodland Creature Skills to workaround the dog....but then the subversion - this creature is NOTHING like the woodland critters gon is probably used to dealing with. theres no way gon stood a chance here. the guard just saved him from a really unfortunate death 

i love all the Super Heavy Stuff in the servant house that seems so inconvenient vbhjdkfasjfld. also forgot to mention earlier but the guard guy being Absolutely Ripped was wild and kinda funny 

training montage! gon continues to be so cute. and i love so much how leorio and kurapika are like no, you rest, we’ll take care of this. good parents!!!!

and then!!!! they sync up and use the power of gay love to almost open the gate. but then gon uses the power of Improbable Shounen Protag Healing Speed to toss that arm sling off and help out

i feel like leorio was side-eyeing gon like w8 a sec u broke that arm like a few days ago that aint right.....

oh man i almost forgot abt that scene with the zoldyks torturing killua :( :( this poor kid he doesnt deserve that 

also mom zoldyck seems truly awful but i must say her aesthetic does fuck. the victorian-lookin outfit paired with the futuristic cyclops visor thing....excellent. also im betting this face bandages are from killua cutting her face 

this family is so fucked up hvbsjdhjfbakdfn

killua telling his mom that gon is definitely gonna make it there :’) hes got such unshakable faith in his bf thats so good.....

back w/the gang, and immediately they run into more trouble in the form of the young girl butler, whose name i dont know, but i love her....her design is SO good oh man. a non-caricature black person? who also isnt sexualized? in MY anime??????

 i love how gons approach to conflict is currently ‘let more powerful person beat me up for hours straight in hopes that they get tired or something idk bro’ like....i love him lol, is it in an effort to show how determined he is? he doesnt even try to dodge her blows or get around her....id be tryin to hop that fence lol 

oh shit the tiny zoldyk kid from earlier is spying on them....she was w/the mom so im sure thats not good

when he punches the rock part and it breaks....strong boiiii 

oh man that little flashback from when killua first came back and told her that he made a friend ;_; bruh 

i love butler girl :( she wants to let gon but knows it isnt allowed....and as soon as she starts to waver BAM here comes mom zoldyck JFC that was so sudden and jarring....im assuming butler girl isnt dead cause that would be lame and anticlimactic 

also IS THAT NEN??? NEN>>>??? NEN??? HM? NEN????????? 

im so annoying abt nen i need to make one of those ‘is this a pigeon?’ memes w/’is this nen?’ bc thats me anytime anything remotely weird happens lmao

i do think its rlly nen this time tho

anyways shit is wild, cant wait to meet the full zoldyck family 

PREDICTION CORNER: 

as i said above i doubt hisoka will show up now bc this arc is a lot shorter than i anticipated. also im doubting that illumis even gonna show up honestly 

i think we’re gonna have this OP for a while, as the part just at the end shows gon and hisoka fighting in what looks to be an arena, and ik the next arc is the heavens arena arc, which im assuming is the tournament arc....

also i have no idea what that weird building in the OP is but my guess is that its the building w/the heavens arena in it bc its tall and,,,,heaven 

i predict there wont be much fighting in this little arc bc how tf else is it so short. at this point i rlly think gon is just gonna grab killua and go lmao. im super curious abt how thats gonna go down, considering that killua is currently strung up just bc he wont apologize...so i cant imagine his family would just let him leave w/gon. i wonder if killua will fight them, or if gons determination will impress them and then theyll let killua go (doubt it)

thats basically it....we’ll see abt the next few eps holla

[swyllh]

i spent a ridiculously long time agonizing over this, but 2 + minghao for the 100 ways to say i love you thing!

(2. “this reminded me of you.”)

premise: minghao can’t let go.

pairing: minghao x reader

genre: angst, textfic

tw: major character death, lots of swearing.

10 february 2018

minghao [1102]: hey

minghao [1102]: ITS YA BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

minghao [1102]: img1834.jpg

minghao [1104]: i set your phone to silent

minghao [1104]: this doesnt work when ur phone is ringign

minghao [1105]: haha

minghao [1105]: thats actually q funny wtf

minghao [1106]: like

minghao [1106]: lets pretend to talk to u like ur alive

minghao [1106]: while ur phone is ringing next to me

minghao [1107]: ………….

minghao [1110]: yeah i don’t kno wwhy im doing this

minghao [1111]: dr lee said i t would be good

minghao [1111]: oh 11111

minghao [1111]: 1111*

minghao [1111]: u used to wish on them

minghao [1112]: i thought it was so stupid

minghao [1112]: still think its sutpid 

minghao [1113]: man its so hard

minghao [1113]: m so used to u biting my head of f

minghao [1113]: i miss you

minghao [1115]: i miss you so much

minghao [2032]: k SO

minghao [2032]: i finally got to finidhign

minghao [2032]: all the fuckdifnf funrrrl 

minghao [2033]: moeny

minghao [2033]: haaaaaaaaaaaaahha

minghao [2033]: djd y inow funerla s cost soc much

minghao [2033]: 3000 %94_43?@589;@(p;%

minghao [2033]: ‘’’’’’’’

minghao [2034]: $7_*

minghao [2034]: $7__________________________*

11 february 2018

minghao [1422]: fuck

minghao [1422]: seems like drunk me couldnt turn back

minghao [1422]: the keyborad

minghao [1422]: keyboard*

minghao [1422]: lmao

minghao [1426]: this is actually fucking funny

minghao [1426]: but what i wanted to say was

minghao [1426]: cremations cost like 100000

minghao [1426]: ……………..

minghao [1426]: did i extra type

minghao [1427]: u dont even give shits about numbers

minghao [1427]: rmb that time

minghao [1427]: you like,, frget the decimal

minghao [1427]: we ended up donating like half our rent

minghao [1430]: about rent

minghao [1431]: do i sell this house now

minghao [1431]: i mean i like it

minghao [1431]: its close to the metro, theres two supermarkets, a library

minghao [1432]: but its also hell to get to work

minghao [1432]: mine not urs

minghao [1432]: ……..technially its not a house

minghao [1432]: god how do u still osund so bitchy after death

minghao [1443]: also moving out will mean moving your stuff too

minghao [1447]: idk i dont want to think about that

minghao [1820]: img1886.jpg 

minghao [1821]: the sunset today is so beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

minghao [1821]: fuck

minghao [1822]: img1887.jpg

minghao [1822]: img1888.jpg

minghao [1823]: img1889.jpg

minghao [1823]: which one

minghao [1823]: for insta

minghao [1824]: should i do a collage

minghao [2311]: 1111

12 february 2018

minghao [0608]: going out fr a run

minghao [1050]: ur mum wants to meet

minghao [1050]: think she wants to get ur stuff back

minghao [1111]: 1111

minghao [1111]: your mum says youre in heaven

minghao [1112]: she misses you a lot

minghao [1115]: ha fuck

minghao [1115]: next thing i know im gonna be waiting for you to text back

minghao [1251]: what do i say

minghao [1251]: screenshot_89.jpg

minghao [1251]: “sure!” ?

minghao [1252]: is it too morbid to add an exclamation mark

minghao [1252]: ???

minghao [1252]: sure.

minghao [1253]: the fullstop looks mean

minghao [1253]: ………………

minghao [1255]: god why cant she just

minghao [1255]: i said ‘sure’ w the fullstop

minghao [1255]: screenshot_90.jpg

minghao [1256]: what do i say now?????

minghao [1256]: why cant she get her own imaginary u

minghao [1256]: smh

13 february 2018

minghao [1637]: just got out of therapy

minghao [1637]: dr lee was talking abt the 5 stages of grief

minghao [1637]: kind of zoned out

minghao [1638]: was cool tho

minghao [1638]: youd like that psychology talk

minghao [1639]: can u imagine someone

minghao [1639]: a scientist

minghao [1639]: just going up to grieving people

minghao [1639]: like “hey can i know how ur feeling”

minghao [1639]: checking in every five days

minghao [1640]: or getting them to jorunal

minghao [1643]: kind of what i’m doing

minghao [1644]: but fuck if i let u become a memopad

minghao [1648]: anyway the bus is here

minghao [1648]: think ill sleep 

minghao [1946]: how the fuck

minghao [1946]: do u eat so much rice

minghao [1946]: i cooked exact as usual

minghao [1947]: img1890.jpg

minghao [1947]: r u fcuking kidding me

minghao [2313]: soz i missed

minghao [2313]: 1113?

minghao [2313]: at least its not 1112

minghao [2313]: 1113 is like a deliberate delay

minghao [2314]: a statement against the futility of numbers. freewill vs fate, control and determination. 

minghao [2314]: ok im sorry thts bullshit

minghao [2316]: i wont miss it again

14 february 2018

minghao [0028]: fuck

minghao [0028]: its valentines day

minghao [0028]: fucccccccccccck

minghao [0028]: everynes gonna be gross

minghao [0029]: ugh

minghao [0029]: like us

minghao [0029]: sto p soudnign so smug.

minghao [0812]: i still cant believe they skated to yoi 

minghao [0812]: what a time to be alive

minghao [0816]: ur probably so pissed that ur missing the olympics

minghao [0819]: i just checked, mens singles is on the 16th 

minghao [0819]: bet u chen rekts hanyu 

minghao [0820]: actually, no

minghao [0820]: youll cry if he does

minghao [0824]: god how many posters of hanyu do you have

minghao [0828]: youll cry if i take them down

minghao [0828]: p sure if u had any say

minghao [0828]: ud want them to paste it all over ur tomb

minghao [0829]: ………………

minghao [0830]: right now im really really hoping you dont hav some weird will that wants me to do that

minghao [0831]: ur so gross

minghao [0831]: ur room is so gross

minghao [1215]: i cant do this

minghao [1215]: ur room smells like you

minghao [1216]: fucking nivea extra fresh

minghao [1216]: cant believe im cryign over deoderent 

minghao [1217]: deodorant

minghao [1217]: even the word is gross

minghao [2311]: 1111 

minghao [2311]: i miss you. 

minghao [2312]: spent the day in your study

minghao [2312]: your mum is coming over on saturday so i packed a bit

minghao [2320]: ok i lied

minghao [2320]: i cried all over your things

minghao [2321]: how

minghao [2321]: how do you just keep crying

minghao [2321]: i should be dehydrated by nw

minghao [2322]: fuck

minghao [2322]: think im crying again

minghao [2322]: is it possible to die from crying so mcuh

minghao [2323]: i miss you

minghao [2323]: the bed is so cold

minghao [2326]: i miss you. so much. all the time.

15 february 2018

minghao [1128]: they’re going to terminate the contract on your phone

minghao [1128]: and then i wont be able to message you like this

minghao [1129]: i panicked and called dr lee

minghao [1129]: she said it was a good thing

minghao [1130]: fuck this

minghao [1130]: i know it isnt like ur gonna text back

minghao [1130]: but 

minghao [1131]: i hear your voice and it makes me safe

minghao [1131]: like youre here

minghao [1132]: fuck.

minghao [1516]: so i forgot to water your cactus

minghao [1516]: its dead

minghao [1516]: sorry

minghao [1517]: maybe oyull take better care of it now

minghao [1517]: actually

minghao [1517]: do plants go to heaven 

minghao [1518]: they can right

minghao [1518]: since they were once alive

minghao [1518]: lol

minghao [1520]: that means books cant

minghao [1520]: god it must be so boring up there

minghao [1522]: unless heaven has their own publishing company

minghao [1538]: or phone service

minghao [1540]: is that why you cant text me back

minghao [1540]: cos im texting the wrong number

minghao [1541]: i swear if u pull a new phone hoo dis

minghao [1542]: …. i cant even kill u

minghao [1542]: or its like overkill

minghao [1543]: jesus

minghao [1546]: youre always one step ahead of me huh

16 february 2018 

minghao [1741]: happy lunar new year

minghao [1741]: i went to your mum’s. we watched yuzuru hanyu.

minghao [1742]: ok FINE he won okay

minghao [1742]: nathan chen fucked up 

minghao [1742]: did u mess with him from above

minghao [1743]: thats not a fair win ok

minghao [1750]: your mum started crying in the middle of lunch.

minghao [1750]: she cooked all your favourite foods.

minghao [1751]: fuck you.

minghao [1803]: im sorry i dont mean that 

minghao [1803]: i love you

minghao [1804]: i love you

minghao [1804]: i lov eyou 

minghao [1804]: i love you 

minghao [2203]: ive been thinking

minghao [2204]: its getting hard to

minghao [2204]: talk to you 

minghao [2204]: at you, like this

minghao [2206]: im not

minghao [2206]: this sounds bad

minghao [2207]: it probably is 

minghao [2207]: every time. i do. its like.

minghao [2207]: i know youre not going to reply.

minghao [2208]: i knw youre dead

minghao [2213]: youre dead

minghao [2218]: but i miss you so much and it doesnt stop there and i still love you but your phone is still lighting up i still keep it charged and every time i try to talk about you its hard to not feel like im being ripped out from inside and i lov eyou still 

minghao [2224]: i dont want to forget you.

minghao [2248]: i dont want to wake up one day and not think of you and meet someone else and fall in love with them and throw all your things away and forget how you look like

minghao [2255]: i forgot wwhat you looked like this morning

minghao [2256]: i was looking at a photo of us

minghao [2256]: and for a moment i thought you looked strange

minghao [2257]: like, was your nose /that big

minghao [2257]: HAHAHAHAHA jk

minghao [2259]: i almost lost it. i wanted to break things and 

minghao [2302]: i dont want to say it

minghao [2311]: 1111

minghao [2312]: good night.

17 february 2018

minghao [1050]: your mum’s here

minghao [1050]: im so nervous haha wtf

minghao [2047]: the whole house is so empty wow

minghao [2047]: it’s so crazy 

minghao [2048]: but ur yuzuru posters left marks on the wall 

minghao [2048]: :p

minghao [2051]: its so weird 

minghao [2052]: its like youre not here

minghao [2055]: dr lee says its a step forward but i feel like somethings missing. and that things are going to fuck themselves up now.

minghao [2104]: its like i can hear everything now that all ur files and stuff are gone

minghao [2110]: this house is too big for me

minghao [2111]: shold i get a dog?

minghao [2111]: what if it dies

minghao [2111]: your plant died

minghao [2112]: bc i didnt water it

minghao [2114]: did you die because i didnt love you enough

minghao [2115]: the last thing we fought over was so stupid

minghao [2115]: it was about bills right

minghao [2117]: are you still pissed about that

minghao [2118]: im sorry.

18 february 2018

minghao [0233]: im unplugging your phone.

minghao [0234]: the contract’s expiring soon anyway.

minghao [0234]: so.

minghao [0240]: you’re at 76%. 

minghao [0240]: so this is kind of anticlimactic

minghao [0252]: i think ive spent too long holding you back

minghao [0252]: your mum gave me that look when she found out i was texting you.

minghao [0254]: im just scared. 

minghao [0255]: i dont want to forget what its like to love you

minghao [0301]: 49%

minghao [0510]: i had a nightmare

minghao [0511]: almost recharged your phone on auto

minghao [0512]: tired.

minghao [0512]: love you.

minghao [1110]: youre on 1%

minghao [1110]: i love you.

minghao [1110]: i love you.

drafts

[!] message undelivered - [1111]: i love you.

[ts-autumns-world]

Episode 1: “Autumn you are a crazy fucked up host” - Giraffez

AHHHHHHH AUTUMNS WORLD HI!!!!!! THIS CAST IS AMAZING IM SO EXCITED AND SCARED!!! JINX YES!! AND 4 KILI PEOPLE INCLUDING LILY?? cant wait !!!

Omg! first day and im placed on the Eener tribe <3 love the way it sounds like an alarm so much ! xo love the tribe divisions and love my tribe mates! super excited to get to know them more, and reconnect with others :)

https://youtu.be/9P1GrFrTHnQ

---

it’s the way i keep putting my birthday as the date...as if this is a doctors office and not autumns world...I DONT NEED NO DOCTOR THO I AM CURED IN AUTUMNS WORLD ‼️‼️‼️ anyways manifesting a jinx win 🕯 hi my name is jinx and i am the winner of tumblr survivor 103: autumns world. i keep telling myself that. it’s okay to be hungry for the win like i am this time. i can’t let it blind me but it’s okay! it’s okay to say i’m gonna win! if i fail, it’s not smth i haven’t done before. but. im taking a page from autumns book and speaking it into existence. my name is jinx clementine and i WILL BE the winner of tumblr survivor 103: autumns world. *uptown funk vc* don’t believe me just WATCH ‼️

It feels absolutely insane to be back. I feel like I’m a bit oversaturated tbh

I can’t believe this cast. Packed with icons. So many people from Kilimanjaro?? I’m just like??? I’m just so excited to play and hope that our team does great. I just don’t want to lose cause I really don’t want to vote any of these other people out! 

when i’m the annoying overactive player... i keep putting my birthday as the month/day/year 😭 so watch out for that. anyways, important announcement: the only song i ever listen to is potential breakup song by aly & aj. i never listen to anything else. if i feel like listening to music that’s what i listen to. it’s been on repeat since 2007. my itunes consists of 1 song, potential breakup song by aly & aj, and the play count is somewhere around 50,000 plays. if you ever see me listening to music, don’t even ask what song i’m listening to, because you know it’s potential breakup song by aly & aj, so why would you even ask

I don't give one fucks, two fucks, red fucks, or blue fucks, I'm gonna put all my effort and energy into this season. I have a point to prove, not to just myself, but to every person who has doubted me in any way. The biggest concern I have is meta gaming, alot of it but its going to be okay. Chris and Jinx? Vibing. Mikki and Captain? that group chat was made 5 minutes into the game. Monty and Lily C are gonna be vibing since they're winners. Lily O and I played fr*nce, but that's... no good. I'm going to just let go and have a great time. This is Autumn's World, and sometimes, we all need to just relax and let nature take its course

Autumn you are a crazy fucked up host....... Legit i was like oh come in have some fun then BOOM FUCKING MESOPOTAMIA FLASH BACK OUT THE GATE so sevice to say I'm nervous as hell about this challenge i so don't want to get voted out first .....or on the same challenge as before so even if we do have to go to tribal hopefully the winning tribe will take pitty on me and you know give me safety

feeling delusional for writing what i wrote about winning 😭🌚 LIKE DKKDKDKDKDKDDKDKKD IM TRYING TO BE MY BEST POSSIBLE SELF AND APPARENTLY THAT FACILITATES DELUSION GOOD NIGHT 

https://youtu.be/FJM9fQW7evY

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autumn not letting me in the game at first bc i’m mixed. i can hear my ancestors screaming

Yknow I’m not exactly thrilled that the song decision was made without everyone being present but like my stupid night shifts make it completely understandable at the same time. On that topic, though. Party in the USA for our music video, hmm. Not even bleach is that basic.

good morning it’s day 2 in autumn’s world and i don’t feel any better about the whites. ps. daily i love monty 

https://youtu.be/DAXdEjZW1mc

https://photos.app.goo.gl/mQ3vUbaX1nEnsp2Z9

My tribe has a varying amount of timezones which makes it harder to connect with them socially as I cannot PM them as much as I would like to. Additionally, I am finding it difficult to message them because I have to work from 8 to 5 everyday of the week. This sucks because I know I can at least make people like me in the per-merge enough to keep me. However, I can no longer reliably use this strategy. I just have to hope others are way more inactive than me and that my tribe somehow wins immunity. On that note, I am really liking that Mikki and Benj took a leadership role in the tribe. So, they are definitely people I want to keep on this tribe. It would have to be Blake or Khalid that gets the target from me. We'll see how talking to them goes before results.

I LOVE THIS GAME!!!!!!! Ok so starting with my tribe:

Mikki - ABSOLUTELY THE FAV!!! We got along right away on day 1 and are def the closest in timezones which is so great to have someone like that. Sooo fun and easy to talk to really wanna be #1 allies. I know shes amazing at orgs and won and probs is getting along well with everyone but who cares i wanna play w her!!!! The main thing is too have fun and i just know it will be with Mikki

Captain - Also amazing!!! Super active in helping with the challenge and great personally love that hes gonna do english teaching which is smth i was looking into and also in a closer time zone to me and had fun discussing stuff w him so far!!

Blake - We played Kili together!! Shoutout Autumn for getting 4 Kilis back omg. I was on a tribe with Blake and Autumn together for like 2 rounds and we did vote together once so have some positive history at least hes a bit more quiet compared to the others but hes cool and i think we could do good!

Raffy - Iconic parts in the video challenge and also fun so far!! Havent talked as much as the above 3 but still feeling good about him!

Khalid - Seems nice and friendly but we havent messaged yet and no clue if he will do his lines in the music video :O we'll see But overall love my tribe and the overall cast. LILY THE KILI WINNER QUEEN???????? Cant believe shes back would be so awesome to play w her again since last time we were mainly on opposite sides. JINX MY ONE MONTE FRIEND??? YES!! SO excited i hope we get to tribe swap together since in Monte we werent that close and i voted them off i know such a disgrace but since then we have become more friends so would love to play together!! Also played w Chips in Kili and were sort of friends! Chris we are hosting a season together but i think itll be cancelled tbh no ones applying and we dont know each other at all outside of that but i loved his intro and just started getting into agatha christie literally ordered 2 of her books a few  weeks ago sdhksa cant believe he mentioned her in his intro so super excited to properly meet him. Joey we are sorta friends but i voted him out recently in other game so dunno how he feels abt me!! Everyone else i dont really know but will meet some soon surely WOOO AUTUMNS WORLD

SO THE GAME JUST STARTED so there's not really that much to spill right now but I do really enjoy my tribe. I have my bestie captain who I will protect as much as I possibly can. and I've spent all day yesterday and today talking to benj who I LOVE so so so much. I feel so good with him. SO UM ASAHJSHSJAJHASHJAS IM ON THE SAME TRIBE AS RAFFY WHO UM ASHJSAHASHJ I played with once before where I was super chaotic and I literally fought him (playfully) and it was so messy and chaotic and stupid BUT I DIDN'T RECOGNISE HIM AND HE DIDN'T REMEMBER ME SO WE JSUT WERE LIKE "nice to meet you" and I didn't realise until later and idk if he knows yet and I am not bringing it up COS LIKE IDK I DON'T WANT IT TO GET WEIRD AND MAYBE HE DOESN'T REMEMBER BUT MAYBE HE DOES IDK but besides that I love him a lot he's so fun and his videos for our music video are AMAZING he's so full of life. Khalid hasn't been on much but I really enjoy his energy when he is. he's so cool and lovely. Blake is nice!!!!! but I can't help but feel my instincts being like WATCH HIM. like something inside me is saying beware of this white man.LIKE IDK WHAT IT IS but I just get instincts in games with people sometimes where I just feel like unsettled??? and that's how I feel right now. we're all in different timezones so socialising is the opposite of overwhelming. I've never had a game so quiet in the beginning like this before. but I've never played survivor either. I think I might be okay??? if we went to tribal but I really don't want us to go to tribal pls....

JINX IS OVER ON THE TUA TRIBE BTW and I'm sitting here with grabby hands. I wanna play with them so bad and just get to have our redemption arc because we didn't play on the same side the first time we played so LET ME HAVE THIS I just wanna play with them and have fun with them but they are so far away :((((

I'm so excited overall tho the whole cast looks amazing and I'm having fun so far. this challenge has been a blast and. a great way to bond with everyone. I feel so close to benj already. I really love him a lot. so I'm having a good time yes ashjshajjahs YAY

oh and I also did my tarot and idk where things are going to go exactly but I'm very :eyes: raffy got the tower and Khalid got the devil....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

also I wanna play with women at some point PLS PLS I haven't been this surrounded by men since I was a closeted 15 year old surrounded by posters of Robert Pattinson and Taylor lautner

Benj just submitted his version of the music video and it is..... bad. I don't know why Mikki filmed vertically? Like, I feel like that's the first rule of music videos? You have to always film horizontally. Also, some of these people's energies were not giving at all. The beginning waking up part was cute though. It's just.... these people aren't giving what they think they're giving is all I'm saying. And Benj put this weird filter on all my videos that makes it hard to see what's actually going on tbh. Anyways, time to kick the socializing into high gear so as to not get voted out! Or pray that Mikki's version of the video is better

hello autumn's world.. this is captain's speaking. sorry i'm one day late to this confessional booth stuff but i'm here and i'm ready to give u some tea. *ahem* thanks jarod for these questions.

1. How do you feel about your starting team? Anyone you are happy/upset to see? OOOOH i feel like my team is very CUTE! like i didn't think autumn was gonna put me and mikki in the same tribe lmao .. i thought it was gonna be divided from ur race and u know mikki is white and i'm not. ANYWAYS, im happy to see mikki in my team of course. thats my ride or die and i know i'm gonna have someone i can 100% trust no matter what for sure. but blake knows for sure that mikki and i are very close so thats gonna be interesting. which leads to the next part, i'm kinda eh with blake in my tribe thats only because our previous experience in CoW so i just hope that its gonna be better here this time *prays*.. for others, i don't know them before so i'm excited to get to know them!!!

2. Who are you most excited to play with on the cast? Most afraid of? oh of course mikki for sure and another person is geekoffilm cause u know we're like besties besties and i love both of them so much. most afraid of... probably monty tbh. they tried to gun for me/mikki(/cora) in jarod's mini so i think they know that mikki and i are gonna be tight so i'm just gonna have to keep an eyes on them cause they are a great player.

3. What are your first impressions of everyone based on this first challenge? OH GOD. i love benj!! benj is very organized so we started off pretty well. i threw out lush life randomly and then we decided to go with lush life, how cute!!! but yea, benj and mikki have done lots of works and i love THEM. RAFFY ALSO DID AMAZING in his parts!!! like he has PROPS and his camp is sooooo summery and AHH he's so great. blake.. ahem if blake didn't look at his lyrics at the first part, it would've been a bit better. and idk about khalid. i'm very worried cause khalid hasn't sent any of his parts yet. and like he seems inactive??? so idk but i don't wanna lose the points for full team participation :oooooh: I DIDNT JUST SHOW ANYONE I CANT DANCE TO LOSE AND I DIDNT HAVE TO DANCE AND MAKE MY LEGS ACHE JUST TO LOSE!!! SOBS!! but that is a sign that tells me i should exercise more x ANYWAYS!!!! its just interesting point to add x

4. What is your strategy going into the first portion of the game? trying to lay low and build some connections with ppl from my tribe. benj and raffy for sure. i rlly like their vibes so i need to stick with them. and just try not to lose challenges cause its gonna be suck voting one of them out. also, if we somehow win, i want to send someone who i can trust moving forward to exiled island.. but we'll see. its gonna be a lot of thinking and convincing people.

5. How do you want other people in the game to view you in the early stages of the game? as someone who they can trust and talk to and someone who always puts effort into challenges cause thats what most important in the first stage of the game.. i'll come back here after results x

HELLO AUTUMNS WORLD IM PISSED! not about raffy getting sent to the outback. its what raffy deserved. i like raffy so thats fine i just need to work on my relationship with him after he comes back. BUT KHALID. GOD. he just doesnt care about the challenge AT ALL. he was inactive. he didnt even talk about the challenge. and then coming to the chat and telling us SORRY after we have submitted… god thats BS. we literally all put our effort into this. and for someone who just dont care about the pandemic (idk about the uk but i guess they allow partying now) and go out and party. GOD i mean he’s going back to bahrain anyways WELL GUESS WHAT, HERE IS ANOTHER PLANE TICKET HOME. take that and sashay away babe

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cause thats just FUCKED UP. everyone put their efforts in. benj — his leg is HURTING he cant move much btut he still did his parts and helped us with the editing. RAFFY — he literally worked 8 to 5 but he still found time to just shoot his parts and like more random parts. blake — well even though he didnt study the song much, he still did it and he is a team player. MIKKI — well u know i love mikki and ik how much shes in her head for this challenge but every scene she is on, i smile watching her because she just did it SO WELL PLUS she stayed up late for khalid and her health is not good. fucked up khalid u done fucked up enough. hope u enjoyed ur short time at autumns world.

First challenge, done, middle of the road WOOOOOOOOOOOOO, absolutely love that my music video streak has been continuing! Coming into this game, I felt absolutely nervous as hell about playing with 2 winners on my team, but in all honesty, I’m gonna take the Jinx approach- Embrace it, you don’t get another opportunity like this. I love the fact that I’m being more engaged than before and that’s what I want to be, especially in confessionals. I’m always trying to be better, and how can I better myself I HATE THE WAY MARV ALBERT PRONOUNCES PARENTHESES, YOU DON’T SAY IT LIKE “THE C’s”? JESUS MARV ITS GONNA BE YOUR LAST GAME YOU CALL IN YOUR CAREER COME ON MAN.

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I hate to be called Joestradamus, but when Captain or Mikki get voted out first because of how tight knit they are, don’t @ me

*slides into splits* WE WON YES YES YES YES WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO YEAH

re khalid missing the challenge: no everyone in our team worked rlly hard on that except khalid who went out fucking partying then he lied about going to send the vid soon cause you know what if he already filmed his parts, looking for a vid and click send are not that hard he fucking told us he was about to send ASAP and then disappeared and then had the NERVE to tell us AFTER THE DEADLINE that he's so SORRY OH PLS

This tribe name is Autumn's last name backwards! https://thumbs.gfycat.com/VigorousBiodegradableIrishterrier-size_restricted.gif  

Now that that is out of the way, let me list my tribemates... Giraffez Joey Lily C Lily O Monty. Something is incredibly amusing about how there is a tribe with someone named Chips and someone named Giraffez. What is not amusing is that I get a "I don't like/want to speak to/etc." vibe from Giraffez? I could just be a delicate and annoying flower but our conversations have been short and dry. Joey has some great high energy and excitement and I love that he loves being part of this game. He is also pretty fun to talk to. Hoping that we can keep an open dialogue and that perhaps I can rope him into a future alliance of sorts. Lily C is a sweetheart truly and I adore her personality so much. She is such a go-getter and goes to bat for those with who she feels can be loyal. I'm hoping that we can build loyalty and trust together. Lily O has been busy with work at a bowling alley. That's actually really cool because when I was a child that was my dream job. Not even joking... my parents were in leagues when I was growing up and my brother and I entered ones designed for children. It was a big thing in my family and I thought that I would love to be in that "atmosphere" all the time. Anyway, we haven't spoken until after the results were announced so honestly if I had to guess I was their intended target if we had had tribal council and they were mine?? (perhaps...) It has been really nice getting to connect with Monty and really cool finding out that they are beginning job searching after college and thinking of pursuing education as a career. I have a soft spot in my heart for all educators.

Okay so I'm just going to say this now. Autumn needs to simplify the twists to more like Blue's Clues with an OBVIOUS large blue paw prints where I'm supposed to look. I have no idea what that announcement was about war rooming someone into the game and feel like I"m fifty million steps behind these big-brained people who figured it out. https://media2.giphy.com/media/m59avtxDzXeiQ/200.gif

I think that I missed the message about what we do with tickets or I'm still just as clueless as previously stated but I am intrigued nonetheless. I think even if I knew what to do with them I would just hoard them like I would Chuck E. Cheese tickets in case something else came along. Hope they're not like Fire Tokens and let you buy like Peanut Butter and Idols because I am anti- fire token. https://media.tenor.com/images/d7de1f75f2c43f8e044e958b964430fa/tenor.gif

On a side note, I'm paranoid when I see people on calls because even if they're not talking about me or plotting they are potentially aligning with each other and that does not include me. I don't really know much about how calls work on Discord as I am a pretty big noob generally speaking with the platform but it did say that Joey and Giraffez were on a call earlier?? I'm stressed. https://media0.giphy.com/media/3o7TKRwpns23QMNNiE/200.gif --- http://www.purplerockpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/survivor-pearlislands-lillian-morris-post-savage-blindside.gif

https://voca.ro/1lb9WKsDr6xA

Ok.....so after talking to Joey a little ive learned a few things mikki is a bit of a beast Benj is well......social to and everyone despised Mesopotamia........which i get from the stuff that pumped me up to 16th place that season but I'm mostly hoping that i can make it to the end this time....... So far I've talked to pretty much everyone Lilly and Joey and monty not sure which one really but the one whose discord is 13survivirgirl13 so hopefully soon i can work out some kind of an alliance with them and if we swap or merge from three to two either next week or the week after (probably the week after honestly) i feel i can maybe set us up as one and us four can really rule the roost for a moment....hopefully.....who knows i could just he a delusional old queen whose doomed to be nothing more then premerge every time i play tumblr survivor......or maybe I'm just crazy *shrugs* either way it should be a damn good hoot

we won the first challenge, god bless. which brings up something funky i realized: that the best part about winning immunity is having the day off. and also…idk something just doesn’t sit right…the way autumn was emphasizing that someone would be eliminated from the game…like….hm……….idk….never trust a bitch named after a season!

omg we lost AHHHH but thankfully we have an easy boot sorry khalid im glad i dont have to vote mikki captain or blake eeek pls lets win the next one

I'm totally pumped for this game! Like when I saw my tribe and Jinx is on it I screamed! I want us to have the same success of being together at ftc!! Jude honestly is great to me and I'm enjoying getting to know her a lot, Ricky I remember from HvV4 but we both say no to that and start anew! Bryan I am hopeful to talk more since its been dry and that is okay. Sucks we ended losing Michelle early but I am sure it was for the best! We WILL reign successful

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Yesterday was so stressful to me like editing I have no problem with but I thought my biggest worry was that I needed Bryan to submit stuff late-ish. But turns out an hour before due time thd program wanted to stop working 🙃🥲 and I felt so close to wanting to forfeit- which is something I never do but I just felt hopeless and guilty and even imagined getting voted out. So I had to call Jinx who assured me something could be salvaged and they'd make sure I would stay (rip Bryan) but after the extension by cool hosts I found encouragement and did my magic stuff. SOMEHOW we won and to be honest I dont think anything will top that feeling of relief in the org (give me 3 days) but man what a ride yesterday was for me!

I got a Super Idol! Well, at least I now know that I can fuck around in this game a little bit more since I have this extra insurance in my back pocket which guarantees I stay around in the long run. I want to start getting into alliances because being a solo person with not much time on their hands is definitely a scary position to be in. Preferably, I want an alliance with Nikki and Benj (though I suspect that they already have an alliance with at least one other person on the tribe). It does suck that I am not at tribal considering that it will help build my bonds even stronger. I guess I just have to suffer for the time being

i think this is gonna be an easy vote cause khalid needs to go. but idk you can never feel safe in survivor :/ but so far everyone has been telling me they're voting khalid so lets pray

Omg that immunity was so hard, I literally did not know what I was doing and I think out of everyone I was a bit lackluster. I will say on the tribe I have not really talked to all of them but I will say I trust Jinx the most and we have talked a lot and I think that moving forward we will have each others back. All I need to do is talk to the rest of the tribe and form bonds that will last me to a swap or merge. 

https://youtu.be/kKOciJGjrzw

https://youtu.be/mx7WPjx8zCk

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khalid babe this ones for you 🥺 https://youtu.be/QX2boYNUbxw

[cheswirls]

a quick sum-up of che’s future career plans, bc reasons

im halfway through the dive!! anime show that came out this summer season, and i’m having a lot of thoughts, and plus i finished going through all the footage i missed today of skate america while i was at a bball game, and it’s made me realize different things i guess? 

it might be mid-long length so its going under a cut, but to gain intereststart off, this is all about my desire to be an athletic trainer for the usa olympic center at colorado springs, co !

ive been an at(now when you see that abb. you know what it means hah!! not assistant teacher hmm) student since my freshman year of high school, and i’ve loved it a whole bunch. back then i was set on going to columbia U for their writing program, and i wanted to major in graphic design afterwards/during/it wasnt super planned out i was a fr. i didnt know what bfa or mfa stood for yet. it wasnt until end of sophomore year than i thought about being an at for realsies.

but i also still loved gd. so there was a confliction there.

junior year i took a break from working volleyball in the fall and did my one and only year of football and it was terrible primarily bc the team i worked with didnt know how to function as a group and half the group were selfless bitch whores but like thats another storyyy, secondly bc i jus really discovered i didnt care abt football at all. it was mostly for the experience and i gained it and i liked it bc i hung out w a lot of people from helping out w varsity (i was one of two our of the five juniors that had been there since my fr year and was only on jv bc it was my first year w football, but one of the seniors had to work a bunch so when they needed an extra person i was the one w the most experience so i was w them a lot,) point was it was fun!!! and you have fun w ppl you like that you dont work w all the time and i shouldnt say fun bc lots of times it was awful,

basically! it was fun being w the varsity trainers which were the seniors and the other junior that had been around since fr year. volleyball was fun but it had always been a one-at-student-per-team sport , so it was different jus being w other ats that shared the same team and not the same sport(which in the us is made up of at least three different teams, a fr,jv,and varsity). it was a more open environment and so it inspired a lot of talk with the at grad students we had that semester (we got 3-4 every semester in a partnership w the D1 uni in town, it was always cool to hear stories from them!) and anyway i remember talking w a couple of the grads one practice and we were discussing all the different occupations athletic trainers could have, and what they wanted to work with in the future, and the topic veered towards professional sports and the olympics.

i thought it was really cool when we were talking about it, and then we got busy and it flew out of my mind. i dont remember when it came back and became a focus, but sometime before my senior year, i had decided i wanted to work at the olympic level.

real quick i mentioned gd and the struggle, so to bring that into focus, my junior year i took a whole bunch of different tech classes (gd&i, compsci, webtech) and in one of those, i had the opportunity to go to a ... i cant remember what the term was for it, but it was kinda an event for gd students and it had a little competition and stuff, and it was really fun! nd you got a lot of info abt the community college hosting it and i learned their program was really good, so the gd versus at internal struggle continued, and i remember talking to my sponsor teacher (she actually taught all three of my tech classes that year aaa i loved her) about how i didnt know what to do and shit and i dunno what she told me but like, i think she was trying to be encouraging but she basically said it was up to me, like she didnt try and nod me into a direction, that i can recall.

so SOMEHOW bc i honestly cannot remember, by senior year i’ve decided that im gonna jus fuck it and pick BOTH and double major in gd and athletic training. AND i had it all planned out, where i was gonna get a degree in gd and open up an online business, and then go into a masters program for at and then enter into the olympic field. 

by this point creative writing is still cool and a great hobby but i couldnt possibly double major AND have a minor that’d be too much. id still love to take a cw course tho one day.

basically a buncha crazy stuff happened that first semester but by winter break i had an acceptance letter to a uni a couple hours north of home with a good accredited undergrad program (accredited basically means you graduate w a masters in four years so its fasttracked which woulda been great but uh..) and by the time i found out that next semester that they were doing away with the accredited program i was already too emotionally invested to consider panic-switching(panic bc it was february and id already been admitted hah...) but i decided it’d be okay. basically if you dont remember/werent around one of my school’s head ats died in a car crash died around early october ‘16. she went to undergrad where i go now, and i’d talked to her about it september that semester wondering if she knew anything abt their program and uh surprise, she’d done the same program small world. after the funeral in november and a ton of thought i applied there. (november was.. crazy in general last year. rly crazy)

may was when i started adding on sports to the future olympics job, bc i started thinking about it and after finally getting a friend to watch yuri on ice, he started making his was through all of sochi’s figure skating stuff, and then the 2010 vancouver olympics, and i decided i wanted to recap a bit on that too.

the 2010 olympics was really my first experience with figure skating. i’m a west texas gal and so theres not a lot out here to get exposed to, so seeing these best-of-the-best class sports was fun, and the earliest experience i can remember of such. i was in fifth grade so i dont remember a ton, but i do remember being captivated by korea’s yuna kim, who won gold that year in fs. shes an fs legend at this point, so if you’re into figure skating and don’t know who she is, go look her up. you wont be disappointed.

in 2012 was the london olympics. i remember a lot from it, like watching the opening ceremony with my parents and seeing the queen jump out of a helicoptor(which is like,, still cool to this day wow) and being fascinated my michael phelps and all the swimming he did so grandly. it was also my first real exposure to diving. the oldest i could recall anything abt the sport was at a pizza hut somewhere.. in town i think, and i was w my best friend at the time and my mom was there so i think maybe we were on the way back from the lake??? sounds right, i think. and we were talking abt how i always held my nose when i went underwater bc i didnt know how to not get water all up my nostrils and be underwter(and i still dont to this day aha) and she mentioned like, joining a diving team would be cool! would help me get over it and all! and i like recalling it dunno what she was talking abt bc we lived in dirt city nothing so i highly doubt there was or is any sort of diving sport happening. swimming, yeah maybe, there were lessons at pools and bodyworks areas around town, competitive teams im not sure tho, but not diving like at all so??? dunno.

so my next and technically first real experience with it was watching the london olympics. and i thought, wow, this is so neat!! i watched from that one day like the opening events, and i think i was old enough to search online like yea i had a laptop by then so i looked up the schedule for the things i wanted to see most of, and i ended up watching i think most of the diving events (i missed a couple for.. archery, i think? maybe?) and absolutely loving it. iunno what it was, maybe something i never thought i could do?(bc not hold my nose?? while i dove???????? scaryy) but i enjoyed it a bunch.

i was older when sochi was a thing, my 8th grade year. i was able to appreciate things a lot more. when i tuned into events, tony hawk and snowboarding were the main focus, but figure skating was on a lot as well. i had a tv in my room by that point, so if i didnt like what was playing on the main tv, i could go watch another event. i learned a lot of names and faces through that, and so while my bff was watching it our senior year if i was with him id point out skaters and their nationalities and stuff, like yuzuru hanyus always been a modern day household name w figure skating, but i leanred abt him BECAUSE of the sochi olympics, and he was one of the ones i’ve never forgotten. i really really liked it, so much that i watched worlds after, and around the same time my fr year, i tuned in to just the worlds championship again. i didn’t pick up trying to watch grand prix(which is their regular season, for those unaware) season until my junior year, and most of it was day-or-two-late videos from youtube, since the ice channel i think it a paid-for thing (i still dont know much abt it hah) and nothing was on tv otherwise, aside from the skate america event. but since that first time after sochi, ive always been around watching worlds fs near the beg of each year. i’d familiarized myself by senior year with the fs world, and actually,

early (i think march?) of my junior year, i searched up trying to find a figure skating anime at the time. and what did i find?? ginban, the only figure skating anime at the time. i watched like maybe all of one episode, it was abt a girl who shared her body w the ghost of a former figure skater while she was competing in events, and it was.. okay? lackluster, in the animation dept, but it was a 2005 show so.. yeah.

so after that i was like kk that wasnt good lets find another. and i didnt. not yet, anyway. instead, i found an announcement for violet evergarden’s animated adaptation, and yuri on ice, a realistic adaptation of the sport of figure skating. thats bolded bc its important. i found that shit abt yoi before it even had a promo poster, certainly before the pv came around that got everyone hyped up. i found it bc i was looking for figure skating in the first place. in fact, i think when the pv came out and got popular, i didnt even relate it to the upcoming fs anime i’d read about previously. it took me a bit to connect the dots. 

watching yuri on ice at the same time as the gp 2016 season was surreal, but really interesting. i got my bff into it before the second to last episode came out, and i only remember that bc he finally showed any interest when he found something on twitter abt it being gay (newsflash/// hes gay, and before yoi his fav show was no6 bc that was as close as it got. he still rly likes it, we both do, but his solid favc is now definitely yoi. representation matters and all) and was like well now i HAVE to watch it and i was all yes it ends soon so pls. and he watched it twice in a weekend, and thrice before the finale came out, and then a few more times after that, iunno how many times but certainly more thn i have(i went back after the .. maybe ep 10? w/e ending had the after party reveal that changed everything, so i went back to analyze everything before the next ep) and between the week of 11 and finale 12, he started watching the sochi fs competition, and then the 2010 after the show ended w ep 12. 

seeing this great fs show and getting a friend into the world of figure skating really renewed my love for it all. before the semester went out i went back and watched the reruns of the sochi fs stuff. and by may i’d decided i wanted to cosider that to be the sport i worked with.

with diving, it took a similar twist. in the form of the rio 16 olympics. i was all over that shit, i downloaded an nbc app on my phone so i could watch events live while i traveled with volleyball to a tournament in dallas and while i was at practice w them at home and generally jus away from the house and a tv. i planned that shit out had a schedule and everything for what i was watching live, and a lot of it was swimming, but a whoooole lot of live stuff was the diving. 

in the hotel room in dallas the tv would always be on to w/e olympics events were airing at the time, either track or diving tho, one or the other, or recaps. quite a few girls ended up in the room in the evening and we’d all do stuff and watch in passing at the same time, and it was suuuuuper fun. watching the chinese women perform flawlessly and walk away w all the gold was fun, but finding a good commentator to actually say such was a disheartening challenge( one of the most memorable moments w live commentary that year was hearing a woman say of one of the chinese ladies that she’d done better before, after they revealed her personal best score ever like rly cmon be unbiased and jus passionate abt the sport youre covering pls.

ive always been super fond of the diving scene. it may not be as much as fs, but honestly, i wish i grew up in an area w a diving team now, or wish i could try it out now, bc thats how much fun it seems. i still wanna go up to the big city like 30min away from uni and learn to ice skate in the civic center there, but hands down if i had to pick a sport to join tomorrow or die i’d pick diving. 

so also by may, and throughout the culmination of senior year, diving was the second sport on the olympic to-train-for list. you get a five-year contract w the olympics, now i think it’s usa as a whole and i think its by center so say, if i get a job in colorado springs i cant apply in another five years to chula vista or even like lake placid, but iunno for sure. the five-year thing is involved somehow bc i’ve heard it from a physical therapist and trainer-that-works-in-a-sports-med-clinic duo in one body named sarah, who’s been contracted out from the clinic by my high school since junior year also, bc she knows people who’ve worked w the olympics, and then another from church that worked w olympics that knows my family uh iunno how well but i know of him, i think he also works in the clinic as some sort of on-hand surgeon but a diff person than who sarah knew. so its five years somehow and then i’ll take my bfa in gd and open my online business and do that from a studio at home and look after my owl/cat pet combo.

since may, it had been ‘olympics, with either figure skating or diving’. and it stayed that for a long time. now, since a couple weeks ago, and this is again while gp season is happening for fs, its diving. i wanna work w the usa olympic diving team as their team athletic trainer, and i cant do it this summer bc i have to have completed two years of uni, instead of a certain standing, like be a junior, but so NEXT summer, before my senior year of uni, (i came in a sopho so 6 sem only ah) i’m applying for an internship at the center in colorado springs, and that’s the team i hope i work with. 

now i tell people, diving, but if i get offered figure skating, i’ll take it, but diving is the goal now. if i love it and wanna continue professionally, great, i can do that and have an online gd shop. and if i decide i want something different? i’ll work olympics and then join w a professional-level figure skating i actually dunno how it works. coach, and their skater in turn. coach, with multiple skaters under them. a culmination of diff usa skaters. w/e, something in the professional fs world.

and thats uh, thats it! dive has been so much fun to watch, and i realize i talk a lot on here about working w basketball and being an at student in general and the vast majority have no idea what i mean, so hopefully this clarifies. thank you!!

[booabug]

could you do an analysis of adrien's main character flaws, please?

oh god that would such a long post if it were even one post and not series jfc… I’ll just say I think the root of it all is how internalized a rigid belief system of esteem is.

To clarify, since i don’t even know how to name the alternative when esteem (of self and others) is deeply embedded in our society: the problem with that is it necessitates judging and putting worth on people, which is completely absurd—a person’s worth is literally incomparable. It’s unquantifiable.

UH I WONDER HOW ADRIEN GOT SUCH AN US AND THEM, BLACK & WHITE WORLD VIEW HUH

(Gabriel. it’s fucking gabriel. note how the house is overwhelmingly composed of patterns and hard lines separating black and white, and how nathalie and gorilla are in black while the agrestes wear white. gabe also always speaks abt adrien’s friends like they’re beneath him.)

As Adrien, it’s hard to see how this flaw affects him, because it makes him intentionally cover up anything bad. As Chat Noir, it’s easier because he acts completely emotionally in that alter ego. Examples:

Evillustrator - Barely knew Marinette at that point, but tried so hard to impress her. Entered scene, grabbed her hand without warning, both surprising her. Left verbally putting her in role as dependent on him being her hero. Persisted with this even after they escaped Evillustrator’s trap only with her help.

Gamer - Entered scene completely focused on beating Gamer. Surprised when Marinette called out to him; apparently hadn’t thought about her being in danger, despite just being with her and knowing Gamer was targeting her. Proceeded to suddenly grab her, sprint to safety in uncomfortable hold, then leave in a super extra fashion, while again putting them in roles as above.

Gamer (Adrien alter ego) - “Go on, you’re way better than me.” -Having Marinette take his place in the tourney.“I barely did anything. You’re a champion, Marinette. I’m nothing compared to you… You’d probably be better off without me.” -Earlier, after their victory in her room. (‘Champion’ in FR dub.)

Animan - “Tell her I’m not coming and you’ll be better off without me!” -Over headset to Nino meeting up with Marinette. Same word usage in canon.

Copycat - Tried to keep LB & Theo apart completely, even if it meant lying. Jealousy? Yes, but the root of jealousy? Insecurity. That was early in his partnership with LB, and the idea of competition for her affection got to him. He was unsure of how much worth she placed on him, and not confident enough in his worth to her to risk Theo being in the mix.

Audimatrix - We were directly shown he cultivates a celebrity image as Chat Noir, which is in line with Evillustrator/Gamer interactions, also alluded to by Ladybug in Riposte.

Early S1 eps General (pre-Antibug) - Honestly, didn’t grasp the idea of a team of equals. Would try to lead or act independently.

“We Agrestes are soloists. We’re not mere group members.” -Gabriel, Cpt Hard Rock

“Don’t worry, Chat Noir is here, and he’ll take care of everything!” -Adrien/CN, Gamer, when leaving rooftop, immediately before unnecessary acrobatics.

Note how he only references himself. In later eps he (either alter ego) and Marinette always say ‘Ladybug and Chat Noir.’ Never exclude either.

Like Evillustrator, is verbally placing himself in role of saviour and Marinette in need.

“… The cat and bug team.” -CN “You mean bug and cat team!” -LB, Mime iirc? Stuff like this happened all the time. CN always initiated. LB would play along, but was clearly joking & didn’t think anything of it.

In fact, in Reflekta, when CN started trying to plan together, her first reaction was to joke as above, until she realized he was serious. Started cooperating right away… kept roasting him tho lmao

Always rushing in without a plan, poor communication w LB. In Copycat, realized Theo’s aumatization was result of his words and refused LB’s help, kept her in the dark.

Gamer, in co-piloted mech, CN immediately went for the controls and told LB to handle the weapons. LB protested, but he deflected, knowing there wasn’t time for her to argue.

This backfired on him so hard—his janky handling got them knocked on their ass—he had to concede, switch places immediately. Hah.

ofc the series is largely abt our protagonists’ emotional development, so we see contrast with above now, especially in post-Glaciator eps. Just one this time, but a major one:

Béfana (both alter egos, kinda a companion ep to Gamer)

Adrien - Episode shows personal development both w Marinette & being more outgoing in general.

Took part in planning Marinette’s surprise party, which was a whole class effort. S1, we rarely saw him being actively social… at all, but especially not 1-on-1 except for Chloe (typically unwillingly) or Nino. Shown plotting alone with Alya here though.

(Easy to forget because we all love #squad in fanon but canonically, seems he and Alya have just a passing friendship. Above means he was branching out.)

Made a matching lucky charm bracelet for Marinette, when he is not a handy person lmao his charm compared to hers is such a mess omg… and he had to know that. Hell, had to know the skill difference was huge before even starting. However, didn’t care & didn’t worry about her caring either.

Chat Noir - Entered fight knocking Béfana’s gun out of her hand when she was about to shoot Marinette. Proceeded to act as a distraction instead of engaging in combat. So focused on rescuing Marinette, he was having trouble fighting the angels. When he did get to her, asked her to come with him and waited for her to take his hand. Carried her safely at a jog, then stopped while leaving to wish her a happy birthday, smiling. Left it at that. Didn’t try to impress her or put them in roles as in Evillustrator & Gamer.

Fight behaviour important: like Gamer, he was with her moments before and knew Béfana was targeting her.

… gdi it ended up being a long post. Anyway, if you think of any instance where Adrien/Chat Noir misbehaves, you can trace it back to the idea that people fit in some kind of hierarchy of worth.

The most dramatic one is a really good example of this: Syren, when he almost renounced being Chat Noir. He felt insecure about LB’s esteem in him as a partner. He thought no one cared if he (Adrien) weren’t Chat Noir. He was placing all his worth in CN as a superhero, not in himself as CN. Plagg had to make the point that CN is fundamentally him (in El Plaggo’s own roundabout, not-Tikki fashion).

Actually, how he himself separates his alter egos is probably why viewers have so much trouble reconciling Adrien with CN, but not Marinette with LB… Marinette’s S1 arc was all about reconciling that, and she’s always thinking of everyone, as groups and trying to include whoever possible. Meanwhile, Adrien’s belief system involves separation, categorization, division of people… but that’s a very large subcategory of esteem based emotional baggage I’m not gonna unzip now.