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deadgodwriting · 2 years ago

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I don’t think I’ve ever really felt love before. I know I told you I had, but I don’t think that’s true. I think that in all honesty I didn’t even know what love really was until feeling it with you. And, I think part of that is that I’ve never felt my love returned until now. I had loved but it never really grew into what it could ultimately become. Love feeling unconditional is so so foreign to me. I’m still having to get over the idea that if I criticize you you’ll lash out at me. It’s part of why I almost never argue back very hard, or if I really want to make a point I like doing it when you’re asleep or after you leave and I can send it in a message. Because in all honesty I am a very broken person at this point lmao. Like there’s no hiding it. I try tip toeing about the fact I’ve been abused a lot but I think at this point it’s just obvious. I’ve been in 5 relationships before you. Each lasting: 1-2 months, almost 2 months, 1 1/2 years, 2-5 months (2 dating, 3 fwb but mixed together), and over 5 years. And that’s only counting ones lasting at least a month. There’s 3 other people I had asked out and agreed but we broke up either after a day, 2 days, or a week. And I started dating at 13. My first kiss on the lips was actually after the first time I had been kissed on the neck to my memory. Part of the reason I don’t like kissing with tongue is it’s just a bad sensory thing and also because I had someone force their tongue in my mouth, like multiple times. That same person was my first kiss. And first groped me. And first kinda *tried* to rape me, but gave up because I looked too terrified. There was two police reports but my parents prevented me from doing anything about it and gaslighted me about it. The second person was violent. One of the first things he did was when I was telling him to stop getting into fights, and not be friends with a guy who stabbed him, etc, he said that i was lucky he loved me or liked me so much (just don’t remember) because if he didn’t he would break my nose for asking all those things of him. He started pressuring me for sex. And then after I still wasn’t willing fast enough he told me he would cheat on me if I didn’t and I think even made me cry about it. So we had sex in a park bathroom like, somewhat shortly after I had turned 14. He also knew about the fact I had just been molested by the other person. So..... that was interesting lol. I also got to have my first pregnancy scare at 14. I had to walk to the local grocery store and buy my own pregnancy tests, and on the way there I was debating whether I would keep it if I was pregnant. I had to use what little cash I had too since I didn’t have an allowance most of my life, just holiday money. My parents found out I was sexually active and put me on birth control shortly after. So. Anyways uhh. He was the same guy that hit me, and like mentally tortured me for fun. To the point I would have full blown panic attacks that then led to shutting down and like rocking in the corner of my closet sometimes without the light even on because I had no more crying left in my body. But the time he hit me uh, basically I was scared of him being violent. And it was his 15th birthday and I was over at his house and he insisted that I go look at his knife collection that I really didn’t want to see because again, scared. But I had to go look and while showing me knives he poked me under the nail with one and I jumped and got scared because it hurt. Not a lot, or drew blood, but I got scared. And he started laughing at me. Which then sent me into a meltdowm/shutdown. I startedd being very quiet and reserved and just scratching at myself like I told you I used to do. Hoping he would notice and try and stop me and comfort me about scaring me but he really didn’t care. And then his parents dropped us off at the movies cause again it was hi sbirthday. And so we sat and I kept being quiet and scratching at myself. And he finally noticed and started telling me to stop and I didn’t because I was panicking. So he stormed out, which then made me panic more because any time he was mad it would be horrible, so I followed. And when we were outside he said he was going to call his dad which I super didn’t want because he made his parents hate me and I knew they wouldn’t let me talk to him for who knows how long, so I took his phone and tucked it in my bra and kept asking him to just go back and watch the movie. But he refused, and started destroying some plants that were planted outside the movie theater. I really didn’t like seeing him hurting the plants so I started telling him to stop, and he didn’t, so I started slapping his arm/hand away when he would try. And then I guess I did it harder at some point and he got pissed and I was sobbing and apologizing and I said he could hit me back, so he slapped me across the face. Which I think made me freeze because I didn’t expect him to actually do it. And then if I remember correctly I think we argued a little more, he got more pissed, shoved his hand down my bra and grabbed his phone, called his dad, and then his dad basically yelled at me while I cried as he drove me home. And then yeah I wasn’t allowed to talk to him for a few days for “ruining his birthday”. Uh, lots of other things wrong with him. That relationship messed me up probably the worst out of any of them. The last time I saw him in person I had such a bad panic attack I literally ran away and had to lock myself somewhere to hide because I was terrified and was shaking violently. Luckily I seem to be doing a lot better because I can like see an old photo of him and not start shaking lol. But when I was talking about like being 14 and drinking gatorade mixed with extract it was because I was with him. I uh also used to self harm a decent amount. I never cut but I would like get a pencil or pen and would just draw a straight line into my skin over and over until I got through the top or more layers of skin. I have some very mild scars on my chest from it. I probably did it a total of like 30 times? Last time being like, last year or maybe earlier this year because it became a coping skill from handling abuse. Which like, my ex wife also was abusive. There were points I genuinely broke down and told her that I felt like I was being held hostage and was in the relationship against my will only because I didn’t have money if I wasn’t with her and I didn’t want to have to get rid of all my animals because I couldn’t pay to feed them. And like sobbed and begged for her to just treat me better or to help me get away from her. And I even told her that sometimes us having sex felt like I was a prostitute or was being raped cause again, I didn’t want to be in the relationship I was only there because I literally had no ability to have money otherwise because I tried holding a very part time (5 hours a week) job and just couldn’t with how sick I am, or can get during a flare up. And also like.... I may have been molested or raped before the age of 2? Complete unknown, because I have no memories, but I had weird behaviors as a kid that looking back like my mom and 1-2 of my therapists have agreed like it’s a possibility for sure? So. Anyways uh. I also wrote my first suicide note when I was like a small kid. Maybe before i entered middle school. It was on purple construction paper and had a little stick figure hanging themselves like if you failed hangman from school lol. I was a very not mentally healthy kid and started therapy and medication at either 13 or 12? And then kept getting worse because even more abuse. And there for a while I was basically just mentally Gone. Like I hallucinated, was delusional, just like mentally Not There. They even thought I had DiD at one point. Because on top of all the abuse was also the like, forced isolation from my parents. So I barely interacted with anyone and if I did it was like one of my significant others who almost always abused me. Or my parents who also abused me. So like my brain started inventing shit To Cope lol. I’m 98% better from all that shit though. Really the main thing is I still sometimes will like feel a bug on my skin that isn’t there or something. Or like I’ve mentioned a couple times I can get really scared at night trying to fall asleep because my brain will come up with images of monsters and give me really bad anxiety about it. And unfortunately the only way I ever found to cope with that is sleeping with someone because idk why but that really calms me down. I still also get like anxiety/ptsd and will easily panic from things or have a hard time trying to speak up about things sometimes. That whole Fear of Abandonment thing which I feel like you also easily get. At least from the times you completely panicked at the thought of me wanting to leave you over something. I get that really easily and also worry like “I’m being annoying, I’m talking too much, I ask for too much, I take up too much space, it’s okay if laying like this is hurting me because it’s annoying to ask to move” like my brain just insists I should make myself as small and as quiet as possible so I’m less of a burden to deal with. And I have a hard time voicing my thoughts sometimes because I worry if I do it will upset you and you’ll either break up with me which would break my heart or you’d snap at me and be angry or yell or ignore me or otherwise like hurt me and that also scares me because like? I might just let you if that were to happen. And find a way to rationalize why I deserved it. So anyways moral of the story: surprise you fell in love with someone who’s basically the equivalent of a kicked puppy who would probably start literally shaking if you yelled at me in anger. Or would shut down and immediately do literally anything you asked me including sexual things out of this ingrained fear and need to please whoever is angry to get them to stop as quickly as possible.

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allsystemsarenotgo · 4 years ago

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A friend and I were talking one day, and she shared this with me.

She was much like me, raised with a quarter between the knees, terrified of the things we were taught to avoid and trying to live reasonably noble lives. She wasn't allowed Birth Control for religious reasons (pro-life) as well as to prevent enablism. Her family was much more religious than mile, though I still went to church during my Sophomore, Junior, and Senior years of high school.

She married a guy 10 years older than herself, who was a long-time routine customer of her family's business. They married right after she graduated high school, long before she applied to higher education.

She is a nurse now. She has 3 kids, works long hours at a hospital, and her husband is a successful farmer as he always has been. She struggled at times, but she made it through.

She knows life would have been easier without the first child, but she was innocent and naiive and I think she realizes that she jumped in the deep end of the pool before learning how to swim.

I did the same thing.

All through high school I pledged to abstinence until marriage. I hated everything to do with sex. The topic, the drama, the action, the result. I wanted nothing to do with it.

But I also never dated through grade school at all. I never had a girlfriend. Plenty of crushes (M.S. above being one of them), but just as many denials. Because I didn't drink, smoke, do drugs, have FFA animals, or play athletics, I also wasn't a member of any social group. I was always the kid in the corner of the cafeteria scarfing food down in 5 minutes and sleeping the other 20, or asking to go to a teacher's classroom, where it was serene and quiet.

My freshman year of college, I even wrote an essay on abstinents for English class. That really didn't go over well in regards to having to read it out loud. There might as well have been fruit flying at me.

My dorm was set up such that we had 3 private bedrooms that shared a living space and bathroom. One of the roommates always had girls over, and he never tried to be quiet (or if he did, he failed...badly).

So those two things were my indoctrination to college life. Getting judged and leered at for writing an abstinence essay, and having to listen to a roommate multiple times a week.

Towards the very end of my freshman year, a girl from high school messaged me. We started talking, and she admitted that she had always had a crush on me and was too shy to ever say anything.

Error #1: For no good reason whatsoever, I agreed to formulate a relationship with this female

So when I moved home from the dorms, I hung out with the lass a few times, but my parents were moving out of the country and closer to my school, so I could live at home. That meant that this would now be a 1.5-hour-each-way medium-distance relationship.

So every 4th or 6th weekend during the remainder of that summer and into the fall semester, I would drive up and spend a day with her. Sometimes, I would drive her out of the country and into the city to give her a glimpse of escape (it was very impoverished where we grew up).

Error #2: Doing whatever made her happy

I really enjoyed the time that we spent together. She got me a purity necklace for Christmas that year. She said she understood that my preference meant something to me.

But then, something changed. She would start dropping enuindos and jokes and send me photos that I didn't ask for.

Error #3: Not standing up for myself

She said that I meant something to her, and asked me if she meant something to me. At the time, I did not comprehend that as a trap...but I wanted to make her happy, so I said "yes".

The next thing I know, she is booking a hotel for us for Valentine's day. Wherein, I learned a thing or two or five or ten that I really wasn't interested in learning in the first place.

-Provides Clorox to help scrub the thoughts from your mind-

After that, she wanted me to come see her more and more often. But I was tied up with school and life.

Mind you, we usually had a phone call every night, or at least every other night. Same time, right before bed. Sometimes we would fall asleep on the phone with eachother.

Error #4: Accepting anything as fact

Well one night, I called her, and she answered...but it was noisy in the background, like she was driving. But she never talked while driving, and wouldn't answer the phone with family in the car.

She said she was in a friend's car and they were going to the beach for the night, which was completely reasonable for the time of year and her group of friends. She cut the conversation short saying they had arrive, so we bid our greeting. But she didn't hang up, and something told me that I shouldn't either. So I didn't.

"Who was that?"

"Don't mind him. He was just calling to check on me. He's controlling like that."

"He sounds like a jerk"

"Enough about him. He won't do this."

-Provides more clorox-

And that's how I found out that her primal needs were more important than our "relationship".

Unfortunately, shortly after I broke up with her, I was sent a photo of her quite visibly pregnant. Fortunately, the timetable did not add up to Valentine's day (aside of the fact that it was physically/biologically 95% impossible).

That summer, I started a job at the student newspaper. Right off the bat, one of the graphic artists and I got along very well. We spent way too much time at work talking to eachother and goofing off, instead of working. Enough so that our boss took notice and things got tense for a bit with him. We still cranked out work no problem, but we were both too young to understand workplace policy and procedure when it comes to "dating but not dating", which is basically exactly what we were doing. We spent alot of time together. I would go to her dorm after class and we would watch movies and just goof off or do whatever. We enjoyed time together.

Error #1: So cliché. So, so cliché.

So Valentine's day rolls around, and she asks 'the question'.

So something in biology: There is a term called "Once an animal has the taste of blood, they will always hunt for it." Unfortunately, humans can sometimes be considered a sub-species of the animal kingdom.

Like the dumbass that I am, I accept to the terms and conditions.

And at the end of the night, she asks: "So are we officially dating now?"

"I...I guess?", I answered nervously.

Errors #2 to #457: Not escaping

And just like that, I was suckered into nearly 2.5 years of having a FWB while having to, very creatively at times, mask it as a legitimate relationship.

We enjoyed the time we spent together.

We enjoyed going places together.

My mum liked her, her parents liked me. (Dad was skeptical at best and thought I could do better)

The small issue: I struggled to communicate at times. I didn't know how to find my voice, so there were times that I would have to text her how I felt. Sometimes I would hide in a corner just so I could cry. (I later learned of my autism, and it all made sense and I learned how to resolve this)

The big issue: I was completely burned out on intimacy. After almost 2.5 years of emulating laboratory rabbits, I was done. My usefulness had expired.

The biggest issue: We were both suffering academically. We had no common interests at all anymore, and we had put eachother ahead of our own academics so much that we were both risking academic expulsion.

So we mutually agreed to break up.

She dropped out of university (and never went back or finished her schooling), and I changed majors twice before getting my Bachelor of Science.

My first relationship lasted from June 2009 to April 2010.

My second "relationship" lasted from February 2011 until May 2012 (Although we started spending time together in significant amounts starting August 2010)

I have not had a girlfriend since May 2012.

I had one friend in my senior year of college, who gave me some non-physical affection while also keeping me firmly locked in the friendzone. But quality time, by itself, only goes so far.

I have not had any physical affection since May 2012.

I have not spent quality time with a female since May 2013.

For most of that time, from May 2013 to August 2019, I really didn't mind it at all. I have been so tied up in working, hobbies, and life in general, that I completely ignored women.

But as my birthday loomed near in October 2019, it donned on me....I was on a crash course to being eternally lonely.

So I have tried online dating. I have gone on a few first dates, but no second dates.

Sometimes, I want to give up. The fight just doesn't seem worth the reward.

And honestly?

Sometimes I feel exactly like my friend's remarks at the top of this post. Sometimes I wish I would have been a little more rebellious, a little more care-free, a little more out-there.

But at the same time, ...

Sometimes I wish that neither relationship would have ever happened.

That I would have never learned the true definition of intimacy.

That I would have never done whatever it took to make the other person happy.

That I wouldn't have been such an easy push-over.

That I would have stuck to my initial pledge in life

That I would have spoke up more and defended myself.

All I am now, is damaged product.

I don't truly know how to love.

I don't truly know how to feel.

I don't truly know how to be myself.

I don't truly know how to be intimate.

I am human, I am male, so of course I have my moments. But I don't want that to be the reason for a relationship. I want it to be the least-important factor, or not a factor at all.

I want a relationship founded on trust, honesty, fortitude, common interests, personality, maybe even a little faith.

Not intimacy.

I just want to not be invisible, or to only have one attribute visible.

I want to be seen for all the other attributes.

I am not A-sexual. I still feel emotions and feelings. I just don't want to let them out of the locked box which contains them. Not without lots of context and preparedness.

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teapotpartythot · 6 years ago

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Doing this

1: I’m afraid my name will have to stay ademainalors ;)

2: 20

3: 3 Fears

The afterlife

Immortality

Mortality

4: 3 things I love

Anime

My Dell Latitude E6410

Cartoons that cannot technically be called anime

5: 4 turns on

Power

Intelligence

Strange hair

Complex understanding of trauma

6: 4 turns off

Misogyny

Homophobia

Clingyness

7: My best friend

Brie or Kyle, although to be honest, I haven’t talked with many humans in the past several months, so at this point, both individuals probably only consider me as a regular friend

8: Sexual orientation

Pansexual

9: My best first date

Aromantic, I never knew, but they were all awful

10: How tall am I

5″ 5′

11: What do I miss

When Zack used to do house rules DND with me, Kyle and Armstrong

12: What time were I born

Heck if I know

13: Favourite color

#ff0000

14: Do I have a crush

I tend not to pay my crushes much mind now that I’ve come to terms with my aromanticism, but when Nathan joked about how he’d want to fuck someone in the server closet, in my head I was like, name a time

15: Favourite quote

16: Favourite place

The Japanese Library

17: Favourite food

Pasta

18: Do I use sarcasm

No, never, not me ever

19: What am I listening to right now

The silence of the void (that’s not an edgy band name... yet)

20: First thing I notice in new person

Their relationship to power

21: Shoe size

10 I think? Fun fact, I religiously wear crocs, and crocs actually stretch out with use, so my crocs have been growing with my feet.

22: Eye color

Hazel

23: Hair color

Brown

24: Favourite style of clothing

I was talking to Kyle about Queer Eye, and I said, “You know what they would say to me if they saw me, they would say I wear clothes that nobody would ever wear because no clothes express my gender, and then they would fix that” And he told me I was perceptive. My favorite shirt is an MPR Volunteer shirt that has no gender.

25: Ever done a prank call?

Nope

27: Meaning behind my URL

What Adrien says to Marinette at the end of the umbrella scene, “See you around” in french

28: Favourite movie

Tangled, but in Spanish

29: Favourite song

Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story

30: Favourite band

Baths

31: How I feel right now

Overwhelmed

32: Someone I love

My parents platonically

33: My current relationship status

Single

34: My relationship with my parents

Good

35: Favourite holiday

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

I have my ears pierced

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

I’d prefer to keep those Japanese bathhouse privileges

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

I shared a blog with Kyle on Blogger and he wanted it moved because Blogger sucks

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

I’m irritated with my last ex, as my last relationship made me realize I was aromantic and that I was doing painful amounts of emotional labor and downright fraud in the name of normalicy

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

Nope

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

My dad? Platonically

42: When did I last hold hands?

In my last relationship

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

30 Minutes

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

I haven’t shaved them in the past three years!

45: Where am I right now?

My room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

Nobody, that’s why I don’t drink

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

At a reasonable level

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

Yes

49: Am I excited for anything?

If I’m being honest, no, but there are several things I would tell people about IRL if I were asked

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

Is the opposite of non-binary cisgender, or another non-binary? Doesn’t matter, the answer is no

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

Too much

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

My dad, platonically, two weeks ago

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

I wouldn’t care

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

My lab partner for this goddamn lab report

55: What is something I disliked about today?

My lack of productivity

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Justin Trudeau

57: What do I think about most?

My time efficiency

58: What’s my strangest talent?

Mechanum: I can execute complete instructions perfectly, and I can memorize sets of complete instructions. So if I get a set of complete instructions, I can master the task associated. I am very good at extremely divergent tasks due to this.

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

Having to attend SCSU

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind. Pansonic HMC150s are the bomb .com

61: What was the last lie I told?

I told a group of people that I was sick. I’m actually just anxious and depressed, which is it’s own kind of sick, but I implied influenza.

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Video chat.

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Aliens probably, but they likely formed at the same time we did and are either too far or lackluster like dolphins. Ghosts, not really.

64: Do I believe in magic?

I bought a spell from a witch down on money, I just like witches though, I’m not wiccan

65: Do I believe in luck?

100%

66: What’s the weather like right now?

Clear night skies?

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

Sedra Smith, Microelectric Circuits

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

69: Do I have any nicknames?

None that I like, except 雨

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

Concussion, 6th grade skiing accident

71: Do I spend money or save it?

Mostly save

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

Nope

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?

Yup, my blankets are pink, should change 74: Favourite animal? 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

Sleeping

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

Ochocki-Becker

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Get it together, by the Go-Team 78: How can you win my heart?

You can’t. I’ll be your QP if we make a utilitarian symbiotic domestic partnership. I’ll fuck you if you’re sexy and can somehow manage to not trigger memories of my sexual assault, but like, that won’t happen.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

Rest in Pieces

80: What is my favorite word?

です

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

I’m not here to start a war, though one of them is haiku bot

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

We are not Trump

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

Nope

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

Pausing time

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

Tell me about your sexual history

86: What is my current desktop picture?

Me standing next to a no parking sign in Japanese in a small town in rural Minnesota

87: Had sex?

Yes

88: Bought condoms?

Kind of

89: Gotten pregnant?

90: Failed a class?

I have more W’s than a web address but no F’s

91: Kissed a boy?

Yes

92: Kissed a girl?

Yes

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

94: Had job?

Yes

95: Left the house without my wallet?

Yes

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

Actually, surprisingly, Kyle. We’re cool now.

97: Had sex in public?

98: Played on a sports team?

Yep, 3rd grade, Softball. I wanted to play baseball and I hated it.

99: Smoked weed?

100: Did drugs?

101: Smoked cigarettes?

102: Drank alcohol?

Confirmation wine, a sip of champaign that I spat out, a sip of gin that I spat out. I can taste the death of my mouth microbiota when I put alcohol in my mouth

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

Vegetarian

104: Been overweight?

Nope

105: Been underweight?

Probably

106: Been to a wedding?

Yes

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

まいにち

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

はい、アニメを見ます。

109: Been outside my home country?

Nope

110: Gotten my heart broken?

I don’t have one, but I found out a FWB hated non binaries. It was kind of crushing.

111: Been to a professional sports game?

Yep

112: Broken a bone?

Nope

113: Cut myself?

Sort of, TW: I pick at the skin around my toenails, sometimes with pushpins

114: Been to prom?

115: Been in airplane?

Yep, Houston

116: Fly by helicopter?

117: What concerts have I been to?

The FIRST Robotics concert

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

Yep

119: Learned another language?

はい、すごし

120: Wore make up?

Yeah, I hate it

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

TW: Is rape virginity

122: Had oral sex?

Yeah, it sucked.

123: Dyed my hair?

124: Voted in a presidential election?

Hillary Clinton

125: Rode in an ambulance?

Yes, concussion

126: Had a surgery?

Wisdom teeth removal

127: Met someone famous?

Dessa

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

Probably

129: Peed outside?

130: Been fishing?

Yes

131: Helped with charity?

Yes

132: Been rejected by a crush?

Yes

133: Broken a mirror?

Yes

134: What do I want for birthday?

Cash

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

Adopting teenagers, they’ll have names already, probably one, but maybe more if they’ve got sibs, Despicable Me style.

136: Was I named after anyone?

Something

137: Do I like my handwriting?

No, it’s an abomination

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

Piglet

139: Favourite Tv Show?

Assasination Classroom

140: Where do I want to live when older?

Minnesota doncha no?

141: Play any musical instrument?

Used to play trombone

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

Scootering accident

143: Favourite pizza toping?

Alfredo sauce instead of tomato sauce

144: Am I afraid of the dark?

No 145: Am I afraid of heights?

Yes 146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

No 147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

The midterm two days ago

148: What I’m really bad at

Reading university textbooks

149: What my greatest achievments are

Student Senate President

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

I was in a political argument and some bitch brought my yellow teeth into it

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

Take the payments over time, put in a bank account, pay off people’s loans on the contidition they try to pay off other people’s loans, put solar panels on things, buy a tesla

152: What do I like about myself

My hair 153: My closest Tumblr friend

@dragon-in-a-fez 154: Something I fantasise about

Being dictator of the US 155: Any question you’d like?

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