#fought the war in the middle of my steel design class

[ryebreadlord]

anyways FLOOR FOB TICKETS HAVE BEEN PURCHASED!!

[lucasxxbrown-blog]

The Maine Woods, Thoughts Loosely Constructed in Train of Thought.

Part One: Casco Bay Conundrum

Casco Bay has many beauties, like Peaks Island. Peaks island itself is a magical, mysterious, inherently dangerous place. Two cultures exist on Peaks; the Square and the Wild. The square are tame, old, and quiet. Generally white (most of Maine is white, unfortunately). They lack culture and fun. The fun are the Wild. The Wild are young, ambitious, and not surprisingly - but most importantly - stupid. The Square stick to what they know - driving their golf carts to the expensive restaurant by the water. The Wild live like they’re about to die; driving their cheap (about to fall apart) golf carts; screaming down dirt roads with 3 too many people piled on the back. They seek entertainment. Sometimes in throwing bottles, sometimes in climbing on the roof of a moving car. But, as old as civilization itself, we as humans hold on to ritual. 

Ritual, for the Wild on Peaks, are the outrageous fires they construct in Battery Steele. Anything from chairs to entire box spring mattresses are likely to be burned at the stake. The Steele is a large, concrete, hallway like tunnel. Several small rooms line it. It’s about 15 feet high and 20 feet across, with musty dirt floors. Rooms contain anything from broken glass to remnants of satanic rituals. The police on the island are limited, and really just don’t care. 

The Square far outnumber the Wild. Not much really happens, but when it does, it’s a sight to see. The Wild live life to the fullest. This is something the Square could do; but choose not to. The Square sit inside in the comfort of their homes and experience next to nothing. They fill their minds with mindless entertainment. They have no desire to explore, expand their horizons, or change their perspectives. They crave security both mentally and physically. Why is any of this important? If they’re happy with their lives, don’t bother them? The problem is that this kind of happiness is ignorant. Ignorant happiness. Their minds are closed from the outside world. Rarely do they care, think of, or even understand the or state of the world. They care about their issues only and themselves only. This ignorance is dangerous.

We, as humans, have an ethical, moral, primal obligation to help other humans. We all experience the same feelings; love and hate; despair and hunger. At any level of privilege, it is our duty to help those less privileged. Privilege can be described as the circumstances in which every human life comes into. Everyone was just like you at one point; a soul born into a place we have no control over. None of us choose where. None of us choose when. But all of us are born into cycles of more or less privilege (privilege can generally be interchanged with wealth). 

A study was done that examined families wealth status over the course of 1000 years. Every family that was poor, stays poor. Just about every family that was middle class 1000 years ago is middle class now. The rich stay rich. The poor stay poor. We are born into cycles. Born into wealth classes, which we usually stay in. These wealth classes generally determine the privilege one has. More wealth, more privilege. 

We don’t choose anything when we are born. How can you look at another human, another soul, who also chose nothing (but has less), and not help?

If the majority of people’s happiness came from helping people, we would live in a better world.

Part Two: Bag of Bones

I’m back now. When I last ended, my father had called me for dinner. After swinging a chicken sausage around on a stick for a while I sat down and ate. My brother is fishing again, to no surprise. He continues to ask me to accompany him, but I decline. I like spending time with him.  I like spending time in silence. But something about fishing with someone rubs me the wrong way. Fishing is solitude, silence, and patience. It could even be compared to meditation. This should be time for self reflection. Utter loneliness. Loneliness is seen as this sad, pouty thing. In reality, solitude can truly improve your mind. Meditation improves your mind. When it comes down to it, it isn’t weird to want to be alone.

That being said, you shouldn't be alone all of the time. Social interaction has its benefits. But there is something so peaceful, serene, beautiful and divine about spending time in your own head. No thought with the outside world. Nothing to worry about, nothing to do. You, alone, with your thoughts. At the end of the day, that’s all that we are… thoughts. Electromagnetic pulses through a pink squishy blob. Brains control our bodies, but what describes the “back of your head”? When you have sleep paralysis, you can see everything, but you can’t move. What is being “there”? What is being “conscious”? If “real feelings” can be manipulated by things that aren’t real, what is reality? What is real?

Thousands of veterans with severed limbs account feeling “ghost limbs”. Go ahead, look it up, it’s real. Even though their, say, arm isn’t there… they sometimes feel as if it is. Their brains forget that they don’t have an arm and those feelings return. If your leg is attached to you - you’d consider it alive. But it’s not. Our legs, arms, everything, are simply bones wrapped in meat covered with liquid. Nothing is “alive”. Are we?

Part Three: Survival?

The human brain has evolved some physically - but mostly mentally. Our great ancestors had similar, but differently shaped brains. Their minds were simple. The focused on food, sex, and shelter. Main goal: don’t die. For thousands of years, the human brain had one main goal; survive. 

Why? People died all the fucking time. Medicine wasn’t shit. You could cut your foot and die from infection within days. Plagues killed millions upon millions. Food was scarce. While this wasn’t a reality for all, it was for most. Our minds functioned differently. 

Fast forward to now. Your average first world human, for generations on generations, never needed to survive. From birth to death, death was never an “in your face” kind of thing. These generations were all born into hospitals; places of care and security. Then, they were brought home, fed well and cared for. They were given love, nourishment, and anything else you could think they would need. As they got older, they attended school. They spent 12 years of their lives in a safe and calm environment, learning. Yes, they might have had a health issue here or there.  But our modern medicine prevented them from ever directly facing death. They never had to worry about food, shelter, hunting, gathering, anything that our simple-minded great ancestors had to. Our constant thoughts shape the inner-workings of the brain. Generations since the 21st century have been shaped by thoughts of utter security; we always have our guard down. Food, shelter, and sex are all far too easily accessible. We don’t have to think about these things anymore. 

We are losing the ability to survive. To be human. What are we becoming?

Part 4: Whatever

Am I going insane? Probably. But nobody cares. You know why nobody cares? Because everyone is fucking insane. Everyone has at least one mental issue one way or another. None of us are truly sane anymore. What is normal? “What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly” - Charles Adams. What is sanity? Who determines sanity? Is there a test you can take? Fuck. There probably is. But are all tests accurate? What if I take two separate tests and get two varying results? 

Sanity cannot be determined. We are all insane one way or another. Is this a bad thing though?

Mildly. We are all mildly insane. So, what does this mean? What does this prove? First, everyone needs to give everyone else a break. Cut judgement. Cut ignorance. Try to understand that everyone you meet has a life, feelings, family, possessions, and sorrows just like yours. What feelings do you seek to experience? Joy, kindness, forgiveness. Everyone else seeks these as well. Remember that we all feel the same - if you don’t want to be sad, why would you want someone else to?

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I’m less high now. Being high is such a beautiful thing. I almost didn’t even want to write about it. It feels…”taboo”. Getting high has been part of the counterculture since its origins. The counterculture has often been referred to as the “anti war hippies”. These hippies were right. Right about everything. These hippies were the not only the peak, but the pinnacle of American culture. Their anti-war and anti-destruction of the earth ideas were spot on. Best of all, they were so fucking passionate about it. They all lived such humble, free lives. They weren’t poisoned by the food they ate. Technology didn’t corrupt their minds. They were spiritually awoken and fought for what was right (including the civil rights movement). The problem is that this counterculture was deemed “dangerous to the inner workings of society as a whole”. Many older people at the time didn’t understand. The hippies said, “Guys, look. America is pretty fucked up. But not too fucked up. We’re at a point of return. Let’s slowly start changing some stuff for the better”. 

Unfortunately the Nixons of America denounced them. They saw change as a threat to their way of life. They also realized that their control was threatened. Nixon types, Nixon himself were ultimately severely ignorant.  Ignorance fueled by ego and greed. Fueled by an undying lust for power. This ignorance began the war on drugs. The failing, idiotic “war” on drugs. Let me be clear; opioids do not expand your mind. They are a specifically designed substance for easy, immediate happiness. Not to mention the deeply addictive trait of these absolutely monstrous drugs. Do you know what they do? They release serotonin, your “happy” chemical. You know what they don’t do? Get you high! People will misconstrue this rush of feelings from opioids as a high. You know what gets you actually high? 

Cannabis. But, also meth. As well as huffing paint. But - things like meth or paint are a synthetic high with devastating consequences. These chemicals were created by a man in a lab. They aren’t natural. You know what is natural? Cannabis. To be clear; just because something is natural doesn't automatically make it safe. My point is to suggest that this natural high is safer and doesn’t fuck with your body and brain. Cannabis is natural; so are humans. We, like cannabis, come from the earth. Don’t forget we are still creatures of this planet! We are nothing but highly sophisticated monkeys. For thousands of years during our evolution, we were pretty basic. We dealt with survival over all else. But around the 21st century something changed. Modern Medicine. We became so good at keeping stupid people alive that we significantly slowed down natural selection. And what does that create? More stupid people reproducing, and a stupider population. You know who gains from a stupid population? The puppet masters of society. A society that has corrupted us.

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Suicide. Suicide doesn't make any sense. Many (most) animals don't commit suicide. Most humans, for a long time, didn't want to kill themselves. Personally, I’ve struggled with thoughts of suicide. I’ve never been diagnosed with depression. Depression is...unnatural? Is that the right word? My point is that animals don’t generally experience depression. Depression in mass amounts began around the 50’s. The 50’s. What an interesting crossroad in American culture. Possibly the most important. The morph between the 50’s and 60’s, that is. But what happened around the 50’s that made everyone want to kill themselves? Actually, maybe it wasn’t the 50’s. 90’s maybe? The humans (in America) peaked as a species in the 60’s. Have we gotten to a point somewhere beyond natural evolution? I theorize that we have began to evolve around society itself, and no longer the earth. 

We are evolving around ourselves. Death and survival are no longer a part of our lives. We’re becoming less naturally human and more internalized to society. Our everyday problems and issues are completely insignificant compared to that of the past. My great ancestors biggest problem was finding food in loom of death; mine is forgetting to put my dishes away. At the end of the day we’re so caught up in our obsolete issues that we forget how to truly live. How to feel. Our emotions are being warped and fucked with. What even is the main goal of life? To be happy? What even is happiness? What is emotion? Chemical balances and imbalances in your brain? Aren’t we all just energy? How do you describe a feeling? Aren’t happiness and sadness just chemicals released by your brain? Is anyone happy all of the time? Is that even possible? Is the point of life to just be alive? 

My father calls for me. I’m still in the tent. I should probably go. 

Part 5: An river end

I’m sitting by the river. Sounds of babbling rocks and the fresh smell of earth make me feel at home. Sleeping in the wild, waking up with the air we were meant to breathe; it’s a beautiful and peculiar thing. Everything just feels right. The wind brushes the trees, bushes, and my hair. The water moves slow and methodically, calm, with a purpose. Soon, the dam will release and the shore will rise. Will I rise as well? My spiritual journey is still in the making. I’m not only trying to find myself, but make myself. Maybe that’s it. Maybe I need to stop looking for who I am, accept who I am, and just do the things that make me happy. It’s hard, though. Making yourself happy; when your own joy comes from the light of others. I am the most happy when others around me are happy. Even if I’m doing something that bothers me, as long as the ones around me are content, so am I. Some things downright cause me utter sadness. But at the same time, I’m happy. I’m at a constant state of war in my own head. 

What do I do?