#fort dickwad

[shiba-boyfriend]

kitty boxfort monday (with a kiss from paloma)

[starlingsrps]

every heartbeat stinging

danny bangs into the barn half an hour late for afternoon chores. his book bag slams into the side of jack’s head, pissing him off just a little bit more. he’s already gotten stuck starting his share of the milking and now the little shit is trying to knock him out.

“hey, you little asshole-“

“yeah, yeah, yeah.” danny rolls his eyes and dumps an envelope in jack’s lap. “letter for you, dickwad.”

jack is about to tell him where he can shove the mail when he sees the return address - the draft board. “fuck.”

will, ten years old with an ear for any curse word not in the bible (currently the only remaining rule regarding language in the warren household), looks over with thinly veiled interest. when his older brothers start exchanging insults, the ears that can’t hear when he’s being told to do something or pick up his shit suddenly can hear a pin drop.

“dan, do your work.” jack stands and shoves his brother down on the milking stool that he should have had his ass parked on already. the letter is crumpling in his grip before he shoves it in his jacket pocket. he doesn’t hear danny bitching as he leaves the barn and steps out into a frigid october day, fingers fumbling on his lighter as he walks. he’s been trying to cut back, smoke only in the mornings and after the day is done but since this probably isn’t a chatty little letter to catch up and see how the family is doing, he figures this doesn’t count.

he leans against the barn with a cigarette in his teeth and tears it open, forcing himself to read it slowly. he doesn’t want to see the words more than he has to. as expected, his number is up. he has another month to report to fort mccoy.

he crumples it in his pocket and starts walking, as he always does when he’s upset. the land usually calms him down - there’s a certainty to knowing that this is his land (or will be), that this is where he belongs. he walks the pastures for awhile, thinking and also trying to not think at all if he can help it. it comes down to two very opposite, very true things - he’ll be fucked if he stays and fucked if he goes. 

the ghost of ken walks with him. jack and bob are closer in age but he had always been closer to kenny. dan reminds him a lot of him - same smartass mouth that he can barely back up, same good, clumsy heart. bob had enlisted first, jack had decided that he’d go when called, ken had gone to the navy recruiter in madison on his eighteenth birthday back in january. they gave him shit for getting sent to the pacific, for taking the easy way and spending the war lounging under a palm tree with a coconut and a topless island babe.

ken was gone. they’d had a funeral for an empty box in july, three days after jack’s birthday, and his body lost somewhere on a goddamn atoll their mother can’t pronounce but he’d still gone and was now a permanent ache in his chest.

his hands are numb and the sun is starting to set when he turns for home. his steps slow as he realizes he’ll be talking about this with evie. he has friends who tell their wives and would never dream of talking things out but he can’t imagine his wife taking that particularly well. they figure everything out together. that’s just how it is. it doesn’t mean he’s less anxious about how she’ll take it by any means but at least it would be less like an echo in his head once she knows.

she’s in the kitchen finishing supper when he gets in, molly perched in her cot. she crows when she sees him and while today has taken a hard, ugly turn, he’ll never not smile when he hears that sound. it’s somewhere between a joyful bird and witch’s cackle. he bends to kiss her on top of the head. she has evie’s bright hair and his unruly forehead curl and a strong grip when she reaches to bat him on the nose. he can’t go to war. if he doesn’t hear that cackle every day, he doesn’t know what he’ll do. 

evie kisses him on the cheek when he’s scrubbing his hands in the sink. dinner in ten, she says, if he wants a quick shower. he probably needs one, if she’s just saying. when he finishes drying and turns around, she’s standing in an old cardigan of his with her hair tied back. she looks the same as she does every day but he’s overwhelmed by how much he loves her. she’s been his life since they were kids and no, he can’t leave. he catches her face in his hands and kisses her.

“you okay?” she asks, a furrow between her eyebrows. “you’re acting weird.”

“sure.” he kisses her again. “long day. be right back.”

he doesn’t remember what they eat, only that molly squawks along with evie as she tells him about their day, like she’s telling him at the same time. the rest of the night is quiet - he does the dishes while evie puts molly to bed, they listen to the radio and he dozes off while she reads her book. the draft notice throbs in the back of his head the whole time, reminding him of that stupid story he’d read in high school with the heart in the floorboards and the idiot who had put it there.

evie is merciful enough to let him sit with it until they’re laying in bed with the lights off. she’s quiet enough that he thought she fell asleep so when she does speak, it startles him a little. “are you going to tell me what’s bugging you or do i have to guess?”

he sighs. no more hiding it. “my notice came today.”

he hears her breath catch in the darkness. “oh.”

“yeah.” he can’t think of anything else to say. he’s been trying since he opened the envelope and this is as far as he got.

she stretches to turn on the lamp and turns back to face him, her hair falling around her.  “you’re going to go.” she doesn’t ask it, she says it. 

he turns to his side to face her, reaching out to rest his hand on her hip. “i don’t have to,” he says slowly. “ag deferment, right?

“but you aren’t going to.” she smiles but it’s flat and sad. “right?”

“i’m thinking about it.”

she shakes her head. “you’re not.”

“i-“ 

“jack, it’s me. don’t tell me what you think i want to hear.” she rests her hand on top of his. “just talk.”

“it doesn’t feel right. i…i feel like i owe it to kenny.”

“it won’t bring him back, baby.”

the tears prick at the back of his eyes. “i know. i don’t want to leave.” he lifts her hand to kiss her palm, folds her fingers around it. “you know i don’t.”

“but you can’t stay.”

he’s young and he’s strong and he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he stayed. “i can’t.”

she just looks at him for what could be ten seconds or could be ten minutes and he wants to know what she’s thinking and desperately doesn’t. he’s never not known evie to be honest to a fault. it’s his favorite and least favorite thing about her. “i’ve got your back, whatever you decide,” she says finally. “but i think you already have.”

he nods.

“we’ll be fine. we’ve got too many warrens to fail.” 

“mom won’t let you.”

“and maybe it’ll be over tomorrow.”

“that’d be nice.”

“so go if that’s what you need to do and we’ll be here. just come home."

[katedoesfics]

Shadows of Hyrule | Chapter 77

Just as Link expected, the media had gathered around the hospital, anxiously waiting for Hyrule’s Champions to make their appearance. But to his relief, they were also greeted with heavy security detail, and despite Revali’s eagerness to brag to the cameras, they made it through the crowd without incident and into the awaiting town cars.

All Link wanted to do was go home and sleep in his bed for the rest of the summer. But even though the war was over, there were still some loose ends that needed tying up. For one, the sword needed to be returned to where he found it, which would - hopefully - close the last portal, sealing Ganondorf away once and for all.

Secondly, there was the matter of Revali’s mysterious remark to him and Zelda. Something still weighed heavily on the minds of the Champions. Something that Link and Zelda were completely unaware of. Link hadn’t the slightest idea what had happened while they were seperated, but the thought festered in his mind and made him sick to his stomach. He wanted nothing more than to put the entire thing behind him.

And as he thought about it, another realization came to mind. There was still the unanswered question about the Yiga Clan. Zelda had her suspicions that there was a mole among the Sheikah entrusted with the safety of the royal family. She had mentioned that Impa had warned her not to look into the Yiga Clan. Surely she wouldn’t have made such a warning if there was nothing to hide.

He hoped, at the very least, the hardest part was over.

The Champions found themselves in each other’s company once more. They were gathered together at the park. The same park they so frequently visited. The park where their last soccer game was suddenly interrupted by Ganondorf’s return. On this cool, summer evening, however, the park was empty as they huddled together, keeping their voices low as they spoke.

“So,” Link started, shoving his hands in his pockets. “What’s the deal?”

The four Champions exchanged wary glances for a moment before Revali spoke.

“We think the Yiga Clan is still in business, and we think there’s a mole in the Sheikah. Someone is working with them.”

“Right,” Zelda started, slightly hesitant. “I know.”

Urbosa narrowed her gaze on Zelda. “What do you mean you know?” she hissed.

“I mean. Well. I… had my own suspicions,” she admitted.

“Since when?” Daruk asked.

“For a while,” she said.

“And you didn’t think to tell us?” Revali said.

Zelda narrowed her gaze on him. “It was just a suspicion.” she said. “It’s not like there was anything I could do about it unless it amounted to something. I have no proof.”

“Well,” Revali started, crossing his arms and turning his attention to Link. “If it’s proof you need, your father’s got it.”

Link’s brows furrowed. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“It seems he and Dorian are out to kill each other,” Daruk said. “It’s a wonder they haven’t offed the other yet.”

Link shook his head. “They’re best friends.”

“So, threatening each other with loaded weapons is your idea of friendship?” Urbosa said.

“I wish I had known that,” Revali said with a grin.

“What are you talking about?” Link sneered.

“Look,” Daruk started seriously. “After you got gutted for a second damn time, we thought we were fucked. Zelda was holding that dickwad back with everything she had, and we needed to get her out of there and come up with a damn plan.” He hesitated. “We went to the base outside the city, but your dad had other plans. I thought he and Dorian were going to kill us all right then and there.”

“He said he should have killed Dorian when he had the chance,” Revali said simply.

“And he was the reason everything happened,” Urbosa said.

“Everything?” Zelda echoed. “Like…”

“Like opening the portals and giving Ganondorf every advantage he could, probably,” Daruk said.

“Exactly what a Yiga bastard would do,” Revali confirmed.

“No,” Zelda said quickly. “Dorian… he’s not with the Yiga. He’s Impa’s second in command. She trusts him.” She grew angry. “And don’t you dare tell me she’s one of them, too!”

“Probably not,” Urbosa said. “But it’s likely she doesn’t have a clue.”

“Or she does,” Daruk pointed out, “and she’s just not telling us.”

“And she won’t say anything,” Urbosa said.

“No, she won’t,” Zelda said slowly. “She knew I was looking into the Yiga Clan. She pulled me aside and told me to stay out of it.”

“That’s enough for me,” Daruk said. “Sounds like the Yiga Clan is still a very real threat. And if Dorian is a mole, that’s even more bad news for us.”

“What do you think they’ll do?” Mipha asked.

“I’m sure they’ll do everything in their power to bring Ganondorf back and fuck up everything we’ve done to get rid of his sorry ass,” Revali said.

“How could they do that?” Mipha’s brows furrowed together.

“I’m sure they have their ways,” Urbosa said. “And we shouldn’t wait to find out. I’m not doing a second war with that giant dick.”

“What do you want me to do about it?” Link muttered.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Revali said, rolling his eyes. “Get your dad to talk.”

“He won’t,” Link said. “He won’t tell me shit.”

“How can you be so sure about that?” Zelda said. “After everything we’ve been through already -”

“Because he’s been hiding shit from me since the beginning,” Link snapped. He hesitated and kicked the toe of his shoe into the dirt. “And he probably has every reason to. If I needed to know, he would have told me.”

“I’d say if it has to do with the safety of Hyrule, you should know,” Urbosa said. “You are the Chosen Hero, after all.”

“Yeah,” Link grunted. “Let me know what that means anything to anyone. It doesn’t give me any special treatment.”

“So, you can’t put that on your resume?” Revali said.

Link sighed. “Are we done? I have a sword to get rid of a portal to close.”

“I’ll see what I can find,” Zelda said. “About Dorian and the Yiga.”

Urbosa pinched her lips together. “Be careful. Don’t do anything without us.”

“I’m the princess of Hyrule,” she said. “What is he gonna do? Kidnap me in my own home?”

“I’m not coming to anyone’s rescue,” Link said, turning his back on his friends. “My job is done.”

“Don’t relax too much,” Revali warned him. “We may be kicking Yiga ass next.”

“Sure,” Link said over his shoulder. “As long as I can sleep the rest of the summer away, first.”

*****

His father was home when Link got home. He and Aryll were happily stuffing their faces with pizza when Link entered. He sat himself at the table with a heavy sigh and reached across to snag his own slice.

“Did they have pizza in the olden days?” Aryll asked with a mouthful of pizza.

“The olden days?” Rusl repeated.

“Yeah. Like. Do you think Hylia liked pizza?”

“I don’t think they had pizza, Ary,” Link said.

Aryll frowned. “Those poor people.” She shrugged and took another bite of her slice. “So, tomorrow,” she continued, changing the subject. “We’re gonna get a puppy, right?”

“I don’t think so,” Rusl said.

“But you said if we won we could get a puppy!”

“In my defense,” Rusl said. “I was fairly sure we would lose.” He grinned at Link.

“Ha. Ha,” Link said sarcastically.

“Well,” Aryll said. “We win. And I get a puppy.”

Rusl put his chin in his hand and sighed. “We’ll see.”

“When I’m a Mom, I’m gonna get all the puppies and do what I say!”

Rusl laughed sharply. “We’ll see about that.”

“Yeah huh!”

“That’s the best part of being a parent,” he said. “You get to be the biggest hypocrite you want, and your best excuse is ‘because I said so.’”

“You say that all the time, Daddy.”

His grin widened. “It’s a wonderful world, Ary. Someday you’ll appreciate it.”

Aryll turned a helpless gaze to Link, and her brother simply shrugged.

“Why do you bother, Ary?” he said. “You’re old enough to know by now.”

“I’m six!”

“When I was your age,” Rusl said, “I had to walk -”

“Uphill, both ways, in the snow,” Link said dryly.

Aryll gasped at Link. “You’re turning into him!”

“No way.” Link shook his head. “I have a better excuse than that.”

“What, saving the world?” Rusl said. “That won’t get old fast.”

“I’m milking that one forever.”

“Does that mean you and Mipha are gonna have babies?” Aryll asked.

Rusl snorted and Link choked slightly on his pizza.

“Hylia, I hope not,” Rusl said. “Do you really think he could keep a damn kid alive?”

“He could make them peanut butter and banana sandwiches!”

Rusl nodded. “Ah, yes, a key category in the food pyramid, with all the nutrients a growing child needs.”

“Don’t you have to go to bed or something?” Link said to his sister.

Aryll shook her head. “No! It’s summer! I get to stay up all night!”

“Go to bed, Ary,”  Rusl said.

Aryll frowned. “Do I gotta?”

“Yes,” they said in unison.

Aryll turned her gaze to each of them, then sighed. “Alright,” she said as she slid off the chair. “But only because I’m gonna build a fort in Link’s room and play his video games.”

“Have fun,” Rusl said as Aryll skipped out of the room.

Link listened as her feet hurried up the stairs and waited for the faint sound of a closing door before he spoke.

“So,” he started, taking another slice of pizza. “What’s the deal with Dorian?”

Rusl met his son’s gaze, his brows furrowed.

“Come on,” Link said. “Don’t do this shit. Everyone told me what happened.”

Rusl still did not answer his son. He picked at his pizza for a moment.

“Is Dorian working with the Yiga Clan?” Link pressed, his gaze narrowed on his father. “Is he going to fuck up everything we’ve done to stop Ganondorf?”

Rusl met his son’s gaze once more. If there was anything he knew, Link could not have guessed what it was. His father’s expression was completely void of any emotional response. He held his gaze on his father, and when endless minutes passed of no response, he got to his feet angrily.

“Stop hiding things from me!”

Rusl smiled and returned to his pizza. “Your job is done. There’s nothing more you need to worry about.”

“There is if the Yiga Clan is going to undo everything we’ve done,” Link sneered. “I’m not doing this again.”

Rusl’s smile disappeared. He regarded his son once more. “I won’t let you do it again,” he said softly. He took a bite of his pizza. “Stop worrying. You’ve done your part. Leave the rest up to us.”

Link hesitated. “What about Dorian?”

Rusl leaned back in the chair and met his son’s gaze. “Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t concern you.”

Admittedly, Link was not happy with this answer, but he trusted his father. “I thought you were friends.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Is that what your Facebook status says?” Link grinned.

Rusl smiled and got to his feet. “Promise me you’ll drop it,” he said fiercely.

Link hesitated, then nodded. “Fine,” he said. “But I can’t promise Revali will, or anyone else.”

Rusl considered this with a shrug. “Convince them. I don’t need any more trouble than I already have.”

Link frowned. “I don’t like this.”

“I know.” Rusl sighed. He patted his son’s shoulder as he left the kitchen without another word.

[kaspmatic]

if @richatire & @ridingwheeler burn the fucking get along shirt and/or the fucking store that sells them – i’m telling @itsgumbo AND THEN i’m going to discuss with @astra11 the new NEW rules of the fucking blanket fort and you dickwads are DEFINITELY not allowed in.

[transfagholmes]

[Video description: clips from Succession of Tom saying different lines.

(High pitched singsong) "Terminal Tom calling!"

(On the phone with Greg, in a low, slow voice) "Hello, Gregory."

"Ta-dah!"

"You sold your ass for a watch?!"

(Gasps sarcastically) "Greg!"

"This sounds schemey. Redolent fort."

(In a nasally put on voice) "Just talking shop for renewal."

"Your principles? Greg, don't be an asshole, you don't have principles."

"So, good."

"Not unless you can puke up your entire bloodstream."

"Greg, I'm not some beast!"

"Just stop!"

"Please leave me alone please thank you!"

"I feel so god like and horny."

"It's not creepy, it's not cree- no, it's not, come on."

"You should be coloured red like a dangerous lizard."

(Making chicken noises while he hits Greg.)

"What lev-er-age, Greg?"

"Yeah, I know, sorry."

"I'll buy you a watch, dickwad, just fucking come over!"

"Oh nooo."

"But they're not, in fact, receipts."

"We tested this, Greg! Hot damn!"

"No, no, you sit down, don't worry, he's okay."

(Vehemently to Shiv) "I am not... A hippie."

"A chimp could do it. A little chimpanzee."

End description]

tom wambsgans line deliveries that are always rotating in my head

[lisbonsteresa]

Lmao I don’t even go here anymore but wow imagine the audacity it must take to question Goddess Divine One True Queen In The North Sansa Stark’s intelligence. Imagine thinking she’s anything other than the smartest person in any room she goes into, can’t relate

Honestly the sheer nerve?!Imagine being Jon Snow and leaving Winterfell in the hands of your incredibly capable sister while you go off and completely fail at any sort of political game and then coming back with a stranger - who you’ve only known for......maybe like a month? or two? To whom you gave away the entire North’s independence the thing they arguably value more than anything without consulting anyone. And then trying to joke with your other sister (who has been at Winterfell holding down the fort and taking down dickwads and knows how much said sister has been doing to protect the North and be the best leader she can while you were off chasing down snow skeleton zombies and fucking your aunt) that ‘Sansa thinks she’s smarter than everyone’ when Sansa has spent years in the metaphorical lions den - literally growing up surrounded by enemies and political players - who knows how this game is played because she’s seen how the game is played and who’s watched, and learned, and become one of the savviest people in Westeros because she honestly didn’t have another choice and who’s used that savvy to help the North stay alive (far better than you have tbh). I feel bad for him.

[yourplayersaidwhat]

Context: Broke into a fort to assassinate a man that caused the son of a trade prince to be thrown from the back of his dinosaur (after a race). After an unsuccessful attempt at stealing a bag of holding from someone we had met and my charcter had a particular dislike of at the beginning of the campaign, the fort was aware there was intruders. Now, the party split due to different methods and physiology of running away, my character ducks into a room to hide.

DM: You see a set of very fancy armor with the image of a griffin over the front.

Me (a Lizardfolk fighter): Too bad I’m not an armor person anymore

DM: It appears to be Hector’s (dickwad who had pierced a hole in our rogue at the very beginning of our campaign) armor.

Me, without missing a beat: I piss on it.

DM: He is in the room, getting dressed after finishing hooking up with the woman you saw earlier.

Consequences: My 21 constitution Lizardfolk character got critted on with a lance that inflicted bleeding damage, being dealt a total of 111 damage in one turn and being downed at the beginning of my turn. We are in a permadeath campaign, but dying for the joke would have been very worth it.

[godgavemenoname]

palace and palm dreams xoxo

palace: who is your favourite memory? what’s your favourite story with/about them? why don’t you two speak anymore?

hmm. hMMM. uhh i’m gonna have to go with a girl named hannah, because at least she didn’t abuse me??? :’)

i always loved when i got to go sleep over at her house. we’d make her whole room into a pillow fort and watch anime and movies i wasn’t allowed to watch at home. we’d eat junk food, talk and just goof off in general late into the night. i had a crush on her for a while, so i loved getting to spend time with her like that. also, it was a safe refuge from my own home, and that was pretty gr8

when she got older, she became a homophobic dickwad. i came out. she cut me off

palm dreams: do you like parties or quiet nights in? would you want to/did you stay in your hometown after moving out? what’s your ideal saturday night like? 

quiet nights in- i only like going to parties if i’m going with at least one friend. 

for a while, yeah, just for college. THEN I’M OUTTA HERE! idk where i’m gonna move, but it’s sure as hell gonna be out of the fucking bible belt. 

hanging out with friends. idc what we do so long as i’m with people i can relax around and who care about me :’^))))

hayley kiyoko song asks

[hellraiserdeano-blog]

Demonic Lukes been offed by Sam

*look's around* i know you're here *pull's out my demon blade. Luke steps out from the darkness* A brave little hunter, aren't you? *He smiles widely as Sam walk's toward him* You like control, But I ain't a woman and I would like to see you send me to another dimension. *Swing's at him as Demon Luke blocks my arm* OH, you want me to show you how I can end you, well then *He smirks and goes to Grab Sam, only to have Sam punch him in the throat as Luke backs up* hitting me in the throat, how dirty *slams his fist into Sam's face* all i have to do is touch you with my other hand and you're good as erased from this universe, And one less hunter in thi-- *Sam slams an elbow into his jaw then grabs his head slinging him again the wall, slamming him over an over an over an over an over again as Luke staggers to his knee* Why do you care if a few broads become my obedient slaves? Lost in their lust for my demonic cock! *He leaps at sam as hes knee'd in the ribs cracking them hard* I will kill you for ever hurting any fuckin' woman *grabs him by the back of the head and slashes him across the face red glow spewing from his cheek as luke roars in pain* you son of a bitch! my face! agh! my good looks! you motherfuck pig! *slams a fist into sam's jaw as Sam grab's his arm and slams him on to the table an snap's his arm in place as Luke screams feeling that pain, sam slashes him diagonally across the face as red light spewed from his face. Luke roars in pain* my face! you motherfucker i'll make you gone! *Sam grabs a axe off the wall and slams it down severing Demon Lukes left arm from his body the vessel begins spewing blood as Luke screams in pain Sam shoots in in the forehead as Luke begins laughing* you think that hurt me? how stu-- hey! I-I can't move! *Sam smirk's at him* devil's trap bullet, dickwad *he slam's the axe down upon the demons right arm severing it from the vessel, Blood spews all over the place, Sam kneel's beside his head and rakes the demon blade down lukes jaw as red light ommits from him* i can be just as sadistic as any of you fuckin' demons *He slams his fist into Luke's jaw breaking it as Luke groans in pain, Sam look's down at him* Torture is a demon's forte, I'm simply giving back *he slices the demon blade down lukes chest as Luke yells in pain, Sam walks around him then slams the axe down cutting his left leg off at the knee as demon Luke screams shaking blood gushes from the vessels stubb, Sam licks the demon blood from the axe) its like a drug to me *he grin's then slams the axe down upon lukes other leg severing it from the knee blood gushes from the wound as Sam licks the blood from the axe then looks into Lukes eyes* i want you to watch this *he slams the axe over an over an over an over an over an over an over into Lukes chest cavity blood going every where as Luke screams Sam slams the axe through his skull splitting his head wide open. Grabs his demon blade hopping up on to the table* you demons aren't as intimidating as you think *crouchs down over the gurgling Luke* i take pleasure in killing creatures like you slowly, its so much joy *he slices the demon blade down lukes abdomen as more red light gushes from him* you made women suffer, you tortured them through mind manipulation, so i tortured you in physical torture *he slams the demon blade hard through lukes brian as Luke bursts in a fit of red light through his eyes and torso before the body fall's limp. Sam climbs off the table* Filthy demons don't know when enough is enough *licks the demon blood from my blade and leaves*

[garbaromp]

Chapter 62: That One Time I Created a Hostile Work Environment.

I like to play video games. I am a gamer. I am not a ‘girl gamer’ that you see in memes; the half naked, large breasted, skinny pixie thing that daintily has the end of a controller in the corner of her mouth to chew as she ponders her next step.

I’m that type of gamer that doesn’t move for 10 hours when that new game I’ve been waiting for comes out. I order in and I don’t move. I play games on my Friday nights rather than go to the bar. I Vaynespot. I play Nami carry support. I swear. I swear a fucking fuckton. And don’t you dare fucking call me a fucking incompetent dickwad when you were the fucking moron who made a bad call that I chose not to follow up on. Think about the shit you say before you do something stupid. I create cities and burn them to the ground because I can. I do “Kill Everyone” playthroughs just to see what happens. I don’t do my make up and stream my pretty face for reactions in games. I fucking play video games and I fucking like it.

Anyways. One time at work I was talking with a friend. It was a Friday night and she was going to go bowling with her boyfriend at the midnight bowling alley after our shift was over. She was asking me what I was going to do, and of course, my answer was “Probably go home and play league with my boyfriend, get shitfaced at my computer on cheap wine, and fall asleep at 3am.” that’s a typical Friday night.

The nearby nurse, who I didn’t really know well, suddenly butts in. I really couldn’t tell you the exact words; I don’t have a memory for bullshit. But she did say something like “Why not do something fun with your time? Everyone knows girls only play video games because they’re desperate for a boy’s attention. Do something girly for once,”

bitch you didn’t. That inner, angry part of me reared up, then changed it’s mind.

You’re not worth my time and effort. So I said nothing in reply. I just stared at her. In retrospect, I should have said something like “Wow, that’s rude,” but I didn’t even think of anything to say. Honestly it’s because of the you’re not worth the effort set everything to a screeching halt, so my brain really didn’t come up with a witty reply and short circuited with my resting bitch face planted firmly on my face as an expression from the bitch you didn’t. After a moment of silence, I turned back to my friend and we continued our conversation.

Of course, I pretty much forgot about it until the next day at work when I mentioned it to another coworker, who also plays video games. Again, I don’t have a memory for bullshit, so I paraphrased what was said and my coworker said “You need to get ahead of her now and speak to management,”

I need to do what now?

Apparently, this nurse has a habit of running to management for every slight offense. She was notorious for it. And my coworker wasn’t kidding; that nurse was bragging about how I’d be fired for being a bitch back in her unit once management came back in on Monday and she reported me. My coworkers urged me to come in and speak to management on my behalf and get ahead of her.

I’m not working on Monday, and I really wasn’t worried, and I was lazy on my days off so I didn’t bother. If she was getting her pubes in a knot because I didn’t find a response worth my wasted breath, then fine. She was free to tangle up her personal time as she saw fit. I had some video games to play in the comfort of my own home whilst wearing pajamas. And honestly, I just plainly forgot about her. 

My coworker who urged me to get ahead, however, was in the conference room when that nurse chose to step forward and report “my behavior”. There was a staff meeting, and the nurse apparently decided that that group of individuals needed to be present when she reported her complaint (we think she was hoping someone else would say something to give more backing to her claims, because I was such a bitch to work with). She went into this story about how I was “rude” to her and “created a hostile working environment” because she suggested I do something with my time besides “waste it on video games like league of legends” and my boss, who was also wise to this woman’s bullshit, says “Oh I know that she plays League of Legends. It’s my daughter’s favorite game, and I’m learning how to play so I can spend more time with her. I’ve been asking Cait for pointers-”

It completely sucked the wind from this woman’s sails like a vacuum. I actually wish I had been there to see her self important bosom deflate like a sad balloon. My boss then followed up by asking the nurse to swing by her office later to formally lodge a complaint for her to look into, in private, because a staff meeting is not the place for this type of thing. The nurse never did, and then blatantly avoided me for the next few months. And I don’t use the word ‘blatant’ lightly. That’s another story involving her ducking into doorways and giving report to me through other people. For months.

I mean, if I wanted to get some D, video games wouldn’t be how I’d go about it. There are skeevy dating apps and college campuses I could patrol for some thirsty brothers looking to score. Not to mention the every indulgent Craig’s List. I certainly wouldn’t be alone in my room, secluded and antisocial, playing a game and hoping someone on the other side of a gaming platform would find my voice chat attractive and want to bang me. On a final note, I’ve been playing video games since I was a child, before sexuality and my external perceived attractiveness was on my radar of “Things I Need to Worry About”. I didn’t start playing Red Alert as an 8 year so I’d get laid. I played it because it was fun. I still find it fun, and while my boyfriend finds my gaming skills a plus to my personality, he still finds me attractive even though Rocket League isn’t my forte and sometimes I just want to play Sims and create people I hate and kill them. Who the fuck reads those last 14 words and thinks “I want to bang this person” anyway?

[blaineandersontga]

smythemissive​:

Stop, you’re going to make me cry.~ I am, yes. Sir Cooper, right? Color me excited. I don’t think I’ve seen any of his work, so I’ll have to brush up on that. As fun as being the de facto captain was, it’s probably something best left to the professionals. You’re welcome. I’ve seen the way you and Sir Malakai look at each other and I’m really happy. For both of you.

[ PRIVATE ]

Full time heartthrobs, part time gumshoe detectives. That’s us. And yeah, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little… concerned about the hacker. I’ve been here for a long time and I’ve never seen anything like that. I mean, this system’s locked down tighter than Fort Knox. It has to be or people would order DoorDash to their dorms, try to escape, and so forth. Whoever’s doing this must have some serious skill. If I wasn’t at my limit for clubs already, I’d make one myself and call it Assholes Anonymous. No, Dickwad Dads. Fuckface Fathers? We could bring snacks and swap stories about our shitty upbringings.

Hey, just giving credit where credit is due. Yup, that’s him. In the eccentric, over the top flesh. I guess it runs in the family. Ha. Don’t let him hear you say that, I’m not quite sure how he would feel about it or react, if I’m honest. Even if I’m just dying to find out. Well, that means a lot. I hope you find the same. Have any Dominants here caught your eye?

PM: Well, it would seem you’re successful on both accounts. I can’t say I expected anything less from the Smythes, so it checks out. Seriously? Nothing like this has ever happened before? Well, fuck. I was... admittedly nervous when that initial video came out, given the fact that Monsieur Beau was specifically in it. It concerned me for your family just in general, if I’m honest. And then the fires, and the lack of sprinklers. If they were able to do that, what if they turn the alarms off next time? It’s just a lot to take in and process. Oh my God. I’m voting for Fuckface Fathers. Seriously, one of us should get on that. I wonder if the HM would find it nearly as funny as I do.