#forgive me i’ve been obsessed w this basically the whole day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

deathvsthemaiden · 4 years ago

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gifting flowers :-)

I can’t!! Find the post!!! But you know that 1 old, classic tumblr post that’s basically “I love seeing people with flowers they’re planning to give away in public, it’s like watching poetry happen”? One of the best and truest posts on this site or the internet at large ever 🌷 And you know how in some versions of Beauty and the Beast, Beauty asks her father to get her just one rose 🌹 and that’s how he ends up oweing the Beast? I’m juuuust self obsessed + shameless enough to say that that detail has always spoken to me on a personal level 😔 also killjoy that I am, I’m not a fan of most gatherings meant to commemorate certain common milestones like graduations and weddings, but the highlights of a lot of the latter that I’ve been forced to attend were roses just. Being present. Who needs a decent sleep schedule when you can fidget with rose petals that have fallen from table centerpieces and sprinkle them on your little brother as a distraction from the fact that you have no friends in the entire wedding hall and would rather be anywhere else? I remember I was allowed to keep a rose bud from a wedding cake at a wedding I wasn’t having fun at and it was the highlight of my evening it hurt to throw it away when it wilted whsjwjshs And I will never forgive my high school for setting up graduation is such a way that I had to break my fast hours later than intended, but! The one and only good thing about going was that every student received a white rose and I was in LOVE with mine. I kept her on my car dashboard for months after the fact and she got all yellow and brown and crinkly from the sun and I was gonna photograph her and buy acrylic paints to paint her likeness and then my parents just threw her out one day without warning 💔🥀 anyway my point is!!!! Flowers are one of the best gifts ever, especially when given on a whim, and I dream abt receiving and giving them all the time!! I also bought a bunch of origami paper once specifically because I wanted to be able to make random scraps of paper into flower shapes all expertly and then give them away to anyone nearby agahshs and I may still eventually memorize how to make origami flowers! I still have the paper, I just keep forgetting I have it whshshs

And I’m a sucker for flowers in general, like one of the few nonfiction books I’ve ever read super quickly, from cover to cover and throughly enjoyed the whole time is Michael Pollan’s The Botany of Desire which has like. A chapter for potatoes, a chapter for marijuana, a chapter for apples and a chapter for tulips and I left the book in awe of all 4 of those things whajwjs and the tulip chapter had to be one of the loveliest things I’ve ever read 🌷 (the picture below is a quote from it, for anyone curious but also Bc I am obsessed w it 💐) so honestly books about flowers... quality flower scented things... floral printed things etc etc. are all excellent gifts too imo! Or at least I know that I personally love receiving them ctgjkjgjj

EDIT: also omg a large part of why I’m so into Sherlock Holmes (not bbc 🔪) is the man loves flowers and especially roses and bees so much and if it weren’t for that perhaps I’d be less fixated on him but!!! He had to articulate all my thoughts abt why roses are sublime for out of nowhere for NO reason and Now u guys have to put up w me constantly putting 1618838 different versions of him on ur dash day + night and I don’t even have it in me to be properly sorry it’s sick and twisted I’m whajwjsjsjsh 😐🌹

#THISSSS kind of went off topic at places I’m sorry I’m a flower fiend so this ask reminded me of so many things at once whsjwhwhs #ty Samia 💗💖💕💖💕#asks

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alanncs · 4 years ago

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hello my loves , it’s dani aka the ari mascot on the main ! if u don’t already know me , i’m 21 , i’m from toronto which puts me in the est tz , & i have a unhealthy obsession w/ mgk 🥰 hehe , that’s me ! let’s b friends pls !! anyway , i’m so so excited to be back in wealthy with all u angels , i seriously missed everyone so much ! okay , so i’m gonna put some info bout my girl alanna under the cut ... i switched her up quite a bit so i’m xcited 2 be bringing her back ! pls give this a like if u wanna plot with me & i’ll come bother u !! also pls feel free to msg me on discord for anything 🥰 𝒎𝒈𝒌'𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒆 .#1958

new york’s very own alanna d'alessio was spotted on broadway street , with a striking semblance to hailey bieber ! you may know them as @alanna or hitting the front page of tmz as youngest d’alessio heiress alanna caught trashing nyc four seasons hotel room . according to tmz , you just had your twenty - first birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being reticent , but also charming . things that would paint a better picture of you would be the lingering smell of smoke , anything pink & gold jewelry . ( cisfemale + she/her ) * vc/career claim : lennon stella .

* / 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑠 .

full name : alanna marie d’alessio .

age : twenty - one .

hometown : new york city .

zodiac chart : scorpio sun , aquarius moon , libra rising .

character inspo : alyssa ( the end of the f*cking world ) , marissa cooper ( the o.c ) , hanna marin ( pretty little liars ) .

* / 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚 !! ( tw : kidnapping , ransom , drugs , ptsd )

alanna was born heir to the d'alessio family which came with the billion dollar dynasty that her parents created .

her dad is an italian government official but they grew up in ny basically bc her dad is an ambassador/representative for italy & her mother is a super model who also wanted to raise her kids here having lived here her whole life , and so they did .

she had everything handed to her on a silver platter and her parents expected nothing but success from her because of how wealthy they were, they knew they would never have to worry about providing for her and her siblings , and so they spoiled her with whatever she asked for and more

but that came with a price, she was expected to do everything they wanted of her, go to an ivy league college, follow in one of her parent’s career footsteps

alanna did just that, she got amazing grades in high school and was head of many student clubs, organized prom, got almost perfect on sat’s and exams, and busted her ass to get into a good college despite the fact that her parents could’ve easily gotten her a spot if she didn’t do as well as she did

her life was going so well, she had the perfect boyfriend, perfect group of friends, was on her way to brown university in a couple of months, her parents and her couldn’t have been in a better spot with their daughter

the last thing they expected was for someone, a stranger, to get their hands on their daughter .

a week after her 18th birthday , she’s walking to school on a monday morning and before she knows what’s happening , there’s something over her head and she’s being dragged into a van and taken from her life

the one thing that was expected, was the $10 million ransom she was held for

basically her dad had some shady dealings with the italian mob & didn’t pay his debts to them for some time - so they kidnapped alanna in retaliation for that

they kept her for 3 days before her parents were able to work with the authorities to get her returned and pay the people in full

surprisingly, she was returned alive but she had to spend two weeks in the hospital afterwards with injuries

once alanna was returned, she wasn’t the same

she told the police what happened to her , but only barely . she didn’t tell her parents or anyone else about what they did to her when she was gone . she didn’t speak , eat or sleep for two months after she got home

she spent the last few months of her high school in bed, she didn’t attend her graduation, deferred from going to brown in the fall, she didn’t see her friends anymore and she broke up with her boyfriend

the people who took her were never caught & she is still to this day completely terrified of going anywhere alone

she never walks anywhere alone

it took her months to be able to get back to doing normal things again and being who she was before

to this day , alanna still struggles with the memories and the ptsd from what happened to her , but she doesn’t speak to anyone about it and she refuses to bring it up in any scenario

she also has a horrible relationship with her father now , having trouble forgiving him for what happened to her

some people know about it as obviously, being as famous as her family is, it was on the news at the time, and everyone she went to high school with knew what happened so sometimes it can be hard to avoid it ( possible connections ? hehe )

* / 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 !! ( tw : drugs )

ok here comes the fun part hehe where i changed her up a bit !

alanna’s def still wild ! i’ve decided to tone it up a few notches this time around

so she’s completely intertwined in the nyc party scene , like , you’ll see her at any big club or party every weekend and tbh probably on a wednesday you’ll see her there too

she kinda acts like nicole & paris on the simple life lmao like she’s always doing dumb shit

she’s always under some kind of influence whether it be cocaine , weed , alcohol , shrooms , percs , she’s always gotta be on something

after dropping out of school , she knew she wanted to pursue a career in the industry , growing up she was a child actress & did some dancing

she always had a knack for singing & songwriter , got her first guitar at the age of six & just never stopped

it was always like an escape from reality for her , just to have music playing and let her voice go free

so after making some money through instagram modelling & some professional

she decided to pursue her music career this past year

her vc is lennon stella cus i just feel like the songs fit alanna perfectly and lennon’s voice is magical so yah

she can be very selfish at times , to a fault . like u can call her out for treating u like shit and she’s gonna be like , yeah sorry . don’t cry 2 much bout it . she really doesn’t care

it takes her a LONG time to get close to people , so like if ur someone she actually cares about and loves , ur gonna know it . and if ur not , ur gonna know that too lo l

she does not hide how she feels about things or ppl , she’ll tell u straight up like

istg this girl prob doesn’t have a filter she just says what pops into her head first

here’s her pinterest board for more of an idea !!!

if u read all this i seriously love u sorry its so long ohp

CONNECTIONS !!!!!!! I WANT . THEM ALL . PLS GIME ALL OF THEM .

i have tons of IDEAS here @alannaisms ! so pls look thru that & lemme kno if any would fit with alanna & ur muse ! heh ok im done ily guys pls come plot with me <3

#me : only an hour n a half late #pls plot w me <3 sry this is messy a f #wealthyhq:intro

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wlw-lovestruck-fiction · 5 years ago

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Angst, after Vivienne’s complacent attitude towards Nadia somehow results in MC’s death — that would’ve been prevented if she’d been a good gf and actually listened instead of throwing a tantrum and gaslighting her — she struggles to live with the guilt and the Poppy have a hard time forgiving her for it too.

Written by @an-awkward-ghost“Vivienne! Is MC with you?”“She isn’t.” To avoid any more yelling, Vivienne opens her door, staring at Jet quizzically. “Why are you so alarmed? She’s probably taking a walk-”

“This arrived.” With more force that probably intended, Jett shoves a box into her hands, making her huff in both surprise and annoyance.

Another gift from Nadia, it seems. And though Vivienne is a bit excited to see what it could possibly be this time, Jett’s uncharacteristic behavior has her on edge. Slowly, she lowers the package, noticing Zoe and Leon right behind the explosives expert. Neither looks particularly happy.

“Did something happen?”

“Look first, ask later.” Zoe hisses, arms tightly crossed. Frowning slightly, Vivienne hurries to open the box. Inside sits an invitation to an extravagant restaurant and a handwritten note.

“I’ll be waiting for you this Saturday at 8PM. Don’t be late. We’ll play a game once you get there… two truths and a lie, I’m sure you’ve heard of it. Only I can give you the answers you seek.” Once she finishes reading, she sets the card down. “Answers? What is she talking about?”

“There’s no way to sugarcoat this. She’s most likely kidnapped MC.” Leon says.

Vivienne feels her stomach drop. “W-what? Kidnapped-?”

“Yes, and her tracker has stopped working. I don’t know where she is.” Zoe huffs. “Vivienne… I hope you realize this. MC was kidnapped by Nadia. The same Nadia that murdered Serrano just to try to grab your attention.”

“No, no, no… You’re not saying-”

“She’s not just a mark this time.” Jett interrupts, his eyes blazing with cold anger. “She’s just girlfriend! And Nadia is obsessed with you! In her eyes, MC is nothing more than an obstacle to your heart. If she thinks she can just woo you with gifts, she probably also thinks MC is nothing more than a disposable toy to you.”

“Of course not-”

“You’ve been blowing off at MC very often, Vivienne. I’ve caught MC close to tears at painting club whenever someone so much as breathed your name more than once. She’s hurt, she thinks she is going to lose you to some stupid woman who thinks everyone should bow to her, and she thinks she’s the worst girlfriend in the world to you. Tell me, whatever must have given her that impression? She needs you so much and you simply don’t care.”

“Zoe, I… I never…”

“Look, thing is, we don’t know where MC is. We probably won’t find out from any of our usual contacts, either. You need to go to this thing and play the game correctly, otherwise…” Leon takes a deep breath. “Otherwise we might never see her ever again.”…

“This… is it?”

The night had gone from bad to worse. Nadia had her going in circles for almost an hour with the game, and Vivienne had kept her cold façade up long enough for Nadia to give up the information they wanted. It… just wasn’t the kind of information they were expecting.

“Yeah, this is the address.” Zoe confirmed, voice flat. Her words barely registered in Vivienne’s ears, though. She lets herself drop onto the cold, harsh ground and does nothing more than stare at it, too caught up in the turmoil of feelings to care about the dirt gathering in her dress.

“MC… I’m so sorry…” Vivienne mumbled, shivering, though not from the cold. The rest of the Poppy trailed behind her, silent, with equally tortured expressions as they fixed their gazes on the uneven spot on the earth where MC’s body had been hastily buried by Nadia’s henchmen. “If I had listened to… to everyone… This- This would h-have never… N-Nadia was dangerous… I didn’t… and now…”

“We need to give her a proper burial, Vivienne.” Remy mumbled, though there was no gentleness in his voice.

And though they did manage to give MC their goodbyes, the following days had been silent and thoroughly dedicated to mourning. Even Nikolai had put his heist on hold. Elizabeth, sensing the sudden change in the atmosphere, tried to spend as much time with everyone as possible.

No one needed to say the whole ordeal was Vivienne’s fault. She herself was fully aware of it. She hadn’t left her room since they came back from the funeral – if it could be called that. There was no official ceremony, and MC’s family wouldn’t be notified until they left Paris, which only managed to intensify Vivienne’s grief.

The only reason anyone knocked was to leave her food. She understood they were having a hard time forgiving her. There she was, accepting the gifts Nadia gave her, taking MC to dates as if nothing were wrong, basically laughing MC’s concerns and feelings off, playing with Nadia as if she were another mark and not a potentially dangerous woman, just like everyone had told her she was… she might as well have cheated in MC’s face. She thought she was the worst girlfriend ever? Vivienne was the one who truly deserved that title.

Zoe’s words were still ringing in her ears.

“MC needed me… and I…” A small sob wrecks her body, and she snaps her eyes shut, pulling her diary closer to her. It was the one where she had written about her surprise to MC, right after they came back to Paris. Her eyes had sparkled so much at the fireworks… “I’m… never going t-to see that again.” Not that she worthy of MC’s pure smile, her laugh, her… her everything. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. If only… if only I hadn’t… I’m so sorry, MC…”

She clutched the book tighter against her, shivering so violently MC’s jacket slid off her body, leaving her alone and cold in the vast room.

It wasn’t enough punishment.“I’m… so sorry.”

#Anonymous #lovestruck #women of lovestruck #lovestruck headcanons #vivienne tang #vivienne x mc #queen of thieves vivienne #qot vivienne #queen of thieves #queen of thieves fic #angst #woeful wednesday #tw character death

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hotsummersimpingogacc · 5 years ago

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richard madden fluff alphabet

an: i am waaaaay to obsessed with this man so please enjoy something i’ve been working on for days bc tumblr kept fucking with me :)))))

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

he loves hiking with you, just you two and the quiet nature. his favorite place are scottish highlands... i mean dude those views! he loves to show you places in his homeland, he loves to show places where his dad used to take him. and of course this comes with trillion pictures of you two

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

he admires every single part of you. there isn't a part of your body which he didn't praise yet. he loves to track his fingers down your hip, or stroke your cheeks, kissing you gently on your lips and telling you how fucking beautiful you are

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

at first he would make sure you're okay, if you didn't yourself in any way and then he'd offer you some hot bevarage of any kind. he doesn't care if it's hot chocolate or tea and he does not care if it's 2pm or 2am. after this he'd make sure you get all love you can get. he'd hug you and cuddle with you for hours. he'd also constantky ask if you are okay or if you don't need anything

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

he sees you two in some small, cute house somewhere in suburb of london or even better in scotland. he does not rush into having kids but he sure wants some, some day when you're both sure and ready. he does not think as much about the future he just wants you there

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

richard can be both. it depends on situation. but most of the time he's the more dominant one.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

when you two fight, it's usually due to some random thing you'll forget about few moments later. but as soon as you get into bigger fight he's more expressive. and afterwards he's playing offended even though he starts fights sometimes too

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

he is very aware of everything you do for him. he'd always thank you for every thing you do for him. even if it's just cleaning up the house or it's some present. he is really caring and thoughtful and he makes sure you know how much he loves you

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

you two are sharing everything with each other. at some point it may look like you're oversharing but he wants you to know everything he does and you do the same with him.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

you were for richard a life changing experience. he never loved anyone like he loved you. he wants to try everything you love or every single thing you try. even if it's sometimes over his comfort zone but he does it for you. you might not even notice it but when you do you tell him not to do so many things when he doesn't want to. but he always tells you that what he is doing is exactly what he wants to do.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

it's really easy to spot jealousy on richard. he always clenching his teeth, his eyes never move from the person he's jealous of and when you're far away he always lifts his head up to see what are you doing. he does this mostly when you meet your ex, or some friend of other sex that is showing some affection towards you. he'd never do it on a normal person who's just talking to you. when he's jealous he has a reason for it

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

richard is a extraordinary kisser. he always put so much love and passion into kissing even if it's a gentle kiss on a cheek. and he's always very gentle as well. especially when you're feeling down. but eventually even those small gentle kisses turn to be very passionate make out session. and first kiss was unexpected. you were hanging out at his place and just talking when he suddenly kissed you. he stopped within 3 seconds and started apologizing for his behaviour but you just kissed him back and this started a few minutes long make out session on his couch.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

he was super shy and insecure when he found out he's officialy in love with you. he was finding best ways to tell you how much he loves you. his head was full of different romantic scenarios, but it just slipped out of his lips unexpectedly. his cheeks then turned bright red and he starred at the ground speechlessly. you were shocked but you returned "i love you" as fast as you could. and from then he's telling those sweet words every single day and if he could it'd be only thing he's say to you.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

richard definitely wants to get married. it'd take him a couple of years to propose but he was just gaining more confidence. richard wanted to make the proposal perfect. he cooked your favorite food, lit up some candles and opened bottle of some fine wine. but during the dinner he didn’t feel like this is the way he wants to propose. so he did it couple of hours later when you were both in sweats on couch watching some show.

and marriage with richard would be the best thing ever. he’s so thoughtful and nice and sweet, just the world’s greatest husband

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

classic dear, darling or love. but sometimes he’d call you something in scottish. scottish meaning of your name, or just some word like love or dear translated to scottish

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

when he’s in love you can see it on his face. more specifically on his eyes. they brigthen up when he sees you. also his smile, it’s wider than usual

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

whenever you two are walking the street he has his arm around your shoulder or waist. and he looooves to brag with you “aren’t they beautiful?” “wow i am so lucky to have someone like that by my side”. he’s not really fond of kissing in public but when he has a feeling to kiss you he’ll do it, no matter if he’s on street alone or it’s the biggest rush of the day, he just needs to feel your lips on his.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.

he can repair something only using youtube videos and tutorials. when he informed you that he’s gonna rewire whole bathroom like this, you were honestly terrified. but looks like it went well since no one got electrocuted [yet]

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

richard is not the biggest fan of cliche but sometimes he can be a little cheesy and cliche. but he likes to be creative. and when it comes to making you happy he does all things you love.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

he’s that type of person who would sit with you for hours even days just to help you succeed. if you’re in acting bussiness he’s practicing his lines with you. if you’re in any other bussiness he asks you if theres something he can help you with. because there’s no other person who believes in you more than richard does

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

it depends. when it comes to domestic stuff he likes to keep a routine, like when you wake up, eat and stuff like that. but when it comes to life outside your house he’d try every single thing he can

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

he always tries to understand your feelings. when he can’t figure out it himself he asks you what’s wrong, what makes you happy etc.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it's worth in comparison to other things in their life?

your relationship means the world for him. he’d do anything to keep it alive. for you he’s ready to give up anything. it sounds super cliché but he loves you that much

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

he is like extremely dorky! for example when he pulls out his phone and starts taking pictures of you or when you do some sort of selfie he pulls some dorky face. you think he’s doing this just for attention or fun but he does it because it always makes you laugh and he loves to see you love

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

richard is very affectionate person. he loves to kiss you he loves to cudddle with you. he basically loves to do anything where he can feel the presence of your body

Y earning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

he hates it when you two are apart. whenever he has chance and you have time you call or facetime. he’s just listening to you for god knows how long because he just wants to hear your voice. and when you’re not avaible and he’s feeling homesick he looks at your pics.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

he’d walk hell for you. there isn’t a thing he wouldn’t do for you.

#Richard Madden #richard madden x reader #richard madden one shot #richard madden headcannons #bodyguard #Rocketman #game of thrones

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kinktae · 5 years ago

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hello im here to say that im very very inexplicably excited for flesh and blood! yeah! im very excited for it uwu hope you have fun writing it! i love zombie aus

Anonymous said: i love your flesh and blood story!! it’s literally so cute i couldn’t help but gush over YN and JK’s interactions. I was wondering did the movie warm bodies inspire you? 🤣

it did!! :D

Anonymous said: how many parts will there be of flesh and blood and bitchin?

Anonymous said: Hi I'm sorry if this has been asked before, but how many parts will flesh and blood have? I love the story so far 💚

Anonymous said: you probably get asked this alot 😭 so forgive me but how many parts is flesh and blood and bitchin' going to have? asdfghjkl

Anonymous said: you should leave us thirsty and wait for the smut until pt. 4 of flesh and blood 😈

f&b has only 3 parts :)

Anonymous said: I just finished the Flesh and Blood and mind if I say it's BRILLIANT 😍 I have a question tho if JK is not eating y/n and namjoon will he be full with just human foods ? Like how many longer that those candies will keep him from taking a bite from y/n lol? Btw don't wanna sound like needy little brat but when will the next part come I'm so excited about this fic ??

;) guess you’ll just have to wait til part 3

jeonnsfww said: Hey!!! I am absolutely OBSESSED with your new fic flesh and blood and I was just wondering when you will be coming out with the part two? THANK YOU SO MUCHA AND I LOVE YOU!!!

Anonymous said: when are we getting a flesh and blood update ??🥺

Anonymous said: When is flesh and blood gonna be updated?

joonsbbygxrl said: ok honestly tho? I love flesh and blood so much!!! I've never really read anything like that before so when I came across it I was a bit cautious but now I am OBSESSED! when's the next part coming out?? ♡

dej-okay said: i just read flesh and blood and mayhaps it's my favorite thing in the world 👉👈 is there a taglist or anything for it so i can know if a new chapter comes out 👀

Anonymous said: When will you update flesh and blood ? I love it and YOU so much

taetae123094 said: Can't wait for the next chapter of flesh and blood!!!!😁 When do you think you'll be posting????

Anonymous said: when do you think part 3 of f&b will be out?

I’m not sure when i’ll post the next part and I don’t do taglists, i’m sorry :(

Anonymous said: god....I want a happy ending for flesh & blood. I wouldn’t know how to act if something ended up happening to Jungkook. Hopefully this pussy brings him back to life and he can live on🙉🙉🙈🙈

Anonymous said: Hello! I just wanted to say I finished binge reading your Tempting fic and oh my goodness it was so amazing!! This story was so well written and the characters are so fleshed out; I am incredibly invested in their livelihoods! Thank you so much for creating this series and for making my Halloween beautiful 😊

Anonymous said: I never really send any messages or anything, but God, girl! Flesh and blood had me SCREAMING!!!! 💜💜💜

Anonymous said: OMG YES FLESH AND BLOOD ILYSM

jungkookkilledme said: I've read almost everything you've written, It gives me so many feels I can't take it lmao. CAN NOT WAIT FOR FLESH AND BLOOD PART 3!!! In the whole supernatural realm, zombies are the creatures I absolutely hate but then you came for my neck (or should I say flesh) with zombie! jk. my hoe ass is ready for some weird zombie smut. I hate myself. pls make him jealous lol

Anonymous said: Rereading bitchin’ while I wait for flesh and blood pt.2 Y/N gets to fuck Jungkook in his life and his death. Damn Y/N won

Anonymous said: FLESH AND BLOOD PT 2, OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! Everything about it is so good. I love JK’s development (‘: I want to protect him and make sure he doesn’t suffer anymore )): THE KISS SCENE WAS SO CUTE AHHHH. But I really hope that jk, joon, and the reader come up w a plan that keeps them safe from the govt. I know this is all over the place but you are so talented and I hope u know it!!!!! If you wrote chapter books, I would buy every single one

s-u-t said: I love Flesh and Blood part 2, thank you for sharing it with us💕

Anonymous said: flesh and blood is so good rose what the fuck how dare u to finish like that

Anonymous said: i’m reading flesh and blood in class and i’m having the hardest time not the scream

Anonymous said: hey! i've been crazy obsessed with flesh and blood since i read it a few days ago. i still reread it every night, and i just watched warm bodies because of it. i just really love the way you wrote it and the way you captured the story. you encapsulated the growing hope of zombie!jjk well and like, the really sweet and innocent underlying romance. i especially love the 'lil kiss scene, it was really cute. i can't wait to get to the end :) thank you for writing it!

haniexiddd said: flesh and blood is amazing!!!!!!!am i excited for the upcoming zombie sex?? yes i am... and i have no shame

jungkook-is-my-baby said: I love love love Flesh and Blood 🤞💗

Anonymous said: flesh and blood is a beauty thank u ilysm💓

callistojjk said: I love your writing and I just wanted to say that flesh and blood is one of my faves!! How did you make a zombie attractive??? 😩Anywho I read both parts TWICE in a span of three days so there’s that I guess!! I recently started this tumblr to post my first own jk fic and it was partially you who inspired me!! Looking forward to the next part 😍💕

Anonymous said: Hello I just wanted to slide in and say that flesh and blood is so damn good!!! And the way you write is just *chefs kiss* ❤️❤️

Anonymous said: flesh and blood has me HOOKED i’m so hyped for the next part. ur writing is impeccable

Anonymous said: FLESH & BLOOD IS 👌👌👌👌👌👌 I’m usually not into that trope but you make me love this story. Thank youuuuuu

anjelicjazz said: Holy crap Rose!! Flesh and Blood omg!! I had so many warm fuzzy flashbacks to Warm Bodies it's insane! lol that being said I love that while it's in the same au you're writing it to be their story. I can tell you love the idea of it and that you're taking your time with them. They deserve a great story and I just...ah!! Thank you for writing it!! My whole heart revolves around Zombie Jungkook and his impish antics lol~

THANK U EVERYONE FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS!!! I read them all and im sorry im only just now getting to them

way-too-addicted-to-anime said: Namjoon in F&B: Say sike right now! Me: .... I mean I can but that ain't gonna be an accurate statement. P.S. How do you manage to write crack seriously like???

Anonymous said: Hhh actually I was just about to mention that your characterization of Joon in F&B is one of my favourites cause while genius!Joon is a famous agenda in the army fanfic community, its always half-assed y'know? Like they'll write him as a whole 148 IQ einstein who went to harvard when he was 7 but his dialogue would be like "so the square of root of this dimension negative to the pythagorous theory-" like bruh do you know what you're talking about? But you seem to really ground his character. Like Joon in F&B knows shit!!! He's already figured out where the whole "zombies are bad" agenda derived from as well as debunking majoritys opinion on zombies. Not to mention his whole drive for knowledge stems from his insatiable curiosity so now we have a why to the how. Basically, you're really good at writing sksjsks ALSO THE PLOT PACING IN F&B IS AMAZING THANK ILY BYE

THE WAY UR ANALYSIS OF F&B JOON MADE ME WET!!! i sent snippets of his part to my friends and i distinctly remember daisy telling me she wanted to suck his dick skdjskj. I think my capricorn self really just is just self-servicing with my smart boy kink heh

#ask #im cleaning out my inbox folks. we at 548 #Anonymous

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era-of-new-beginnings · 5 years ago

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The Tragic Suicide of Virgil Black Ch. 2

TW: Bullying, Panic Attack, Violence (just a punch), Minor Negligence, Self-Deprecation, Swearing, Unsympathetic Deceit and Remus.

Damien is Deceit* (This was made before the new video so I will start to use Deceit’s real name in the next chapter, but for now I don't want to have spoilers for the new video in case people haven't watched it.)

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Okay so, Dear Journal, today had started out as a pretty normal day. Until it turned into an utter shit show! One bad thing after another and now I’m just sitting on my bedroom floor writing in this stupid thing….I guess if I’m going to do this whole tell my story thing, I should start at the beginning of the day.

Like I said, it was normal, and right on time Damien and his buds came up to me while I was walking to school.

Virgil was walking down the same path he does everyday, as he had learned a while ago changing paths never stopped Damien. It was almost normal when he and his goonies walked right next to him. He barely had time to react as he was shoved harshly into a fence, the metal digging into his shoulder and his head knocking on it a little. His face scrunched up in a wince before he could stop it, and he wasn’t surprised to find that they had taken his bag.

All of them reaching in and grabbing whatever they could, before throwing it to the ground. He just sighed internally as the (cliche) bullies continued. Eventually, they finally got bored, and with one final shove to him they were on their way. He crouched down gingerly and started to pick up whatever they had thrown out, which was basically everything.

Once that was done he got up and finished walking to our meet up spot with everyone else. They were all there already, Logan and Roman bickering about something and Patton trying to make sure it stayed peaceful. He sighed softly with a bit of a smile before covering it up and walking over to them.

He can see when Patton notices my presence, not only because he perks up like a dog but also because he basically slaps the other two on their chests. Virgil smirks and raises an eyebrow at Roman’s offended noises. Finally both him and Logan gives him their attention, which makes him blush and hope that his foundation covers it. “..Hey guys” He mumbled quietly, which wasn’t out of the ordinary really. His anxiety made it hard for him to talk at school at all but these three always knew how to get close to people.

After getting a chorus of responses back, the bell rings and they all go their separate ways. Except for Virgil and Patton, since they shared first period together. Something was off today though, something was wrong with Patton. Patton liked to keep up his dad like personality, and anytime they walked anywhere together Patton would make a pun or two (or few). Not only that but he had been fidgeting with the sleeves of the cardigan wrapped around his shoulders, which he only did….when he was hiding something.

Not realizing Virgil’s internal turmoil about it, Patton began to get uncomfortable with the silence and started to ramble about the first thing that popped in his mind. Which of course, had to be Winnie the Pooh. Practically regressing into a younger state of mind as if that will make him stop thinking about whatever was bothering him. Virgil had known him long enough to remember his ticks and fidgets. How to tell when he was lying, or nervous, or pretending to be happy.

The thing was, Patton hadn’t lied to them since they’d shared a night crying in each other's arms about their lives. He can feel the pressure in his chest at the thought. Why now? Why would Patton lie to him now, what was so bad he felt like he couldn't tell Virgil. He was sitting now, in a desk in his class. His class….what class was he in? He had to get out, he had to go. He stood up on shaky legs and slipped out the classroom door unnoticed.

Barely making it to the bathroom before collapsing, digging his nails into his arms, his hands moving back and forth between that and tugging (practically ripping) his hair. His chest felt constricting and everything felt wrong. There was an unknown pressure just pressing against every inch of his body. He stayed there for the rest of the period and some of the next one. He wanted to go home, but he knew his mother was at work and would yell at him for just randomly calling in.

So instead, he did the next best thing. He went to the detention teacher's class, knocking lightly on the doorframe as Mr. Sanders looked up at him. They shared a brief bit of eye contact before Mr. Sanders nodded to him and let him into the room. He took up his usual seat in the corner while Mr. Sanders called his teachers to get his assignments.

He stayed there, working silently until lunch. Part of him just wanted to stay where he was, in seclusion, away from any and all people. Especially his three crushes, they would know instantly something was wrong with him and wouldn't let up till they knew. Still, he must've scared Patton earlier by just disappearing.

So instead he just buckled up and grabbed his bag and headed out the door and through the hallway. Trying to calm himself and seem normal by the time he got to the table. Par for the course, Roman was adamantly talking about theatre like usual. Only recently had he roped Patton and Logan into it too. Virgil however had refused aadamatly, saying that he just didn't want to when the reality was he couldn't do after school things much cause he had to help out his mother and Remy.

He sat down at the table, head tilted so his hoodie would hide most of his face. He draws lightly in his sketchbook while barely listening to the conversation until he hears Roman say his name for the third time. Attention gotten, Virgil looks up at Roman’s face in confusion. He realizes that Roman had been talking to him, so he closes his sketchbook to silently say he's listening now.

Roman huffs and gestures wildly to Virgil “see? This is exactly what im talking about! He doesn't even care!” He sneers at Virgil and Virgil can feel the sharp feeling in his chest at the words. “W-what?” he asks, stuttering slightly in surprise. Roman throws his hands up, frustrated “You are stubborn as ever, ignoring me? Seriously? I get that you don't want to be in the theatre but you didn't even hear me out!”

Theatre, of course it was about the stupid fucking theatre. Virgil just sighs and shakes his head “Roman I’m not trying to ignore you, i've just had a bad day. I spaced out, I’m sorry.” And Roman just…. just barks a sharp laugh and glares “we all have bad days Virgil, that doesn't give you a right to be rude to everyone around you. You know what i think? I think that your a self-obsessed asshole! You don't think about anybody but yourself! I mean really, I knew you haven't liked me since the beginning but if you hate me so much, why didn't you just say so!”

Virgil could feel his hands shaking, whether with panic or rage was unknown for now. His shoulders were curled and risen defensively and he had gathered himself enough to glare harshly instead of bawling. He slammed his hands down on the table “of course you think that! I haven't even done anything wrong and yet your spouting nonsense! You didn't even ask why because you were so focused on insulting me and making me the bad guy. Like you always fucking do! I can't believe I ever thought that you'd changed! You are such an arrogant pompous bastard!”

He quickly stood, haphazardly shoving stuff in his backpack while the others gathered from their shock. Patton was the first to recover slightly, scrambling for words “o-okay now kiddos, both of you are spitting out some real harsh things. And over what? So why don't we just- just sit back down and talk through this minor dispute!”. Roman slammed his own hands down on the table, ignoring Patton ``Speak for yourself! You have no right to be mad at me! I didn’t do anything wrong!”

Virgil just growls, throws on his backpack and goes to walk away. But of course, Roman wasn't one for being ignored. So instead he grabbed Virgil's wrist before he could go any further. Virgil himself felt a spike of fear at the touch and was set instantly on edge “Let go!” he yelled viciously. But Roman only sneered back, ranting on and on, his grip tightening on Virgil's wrist anytime he struggled. Virgil snapped and yelled at him a few times but Roman just rolled his eyes and continued. Virgil was at the peak of his panic and wasn’t standing for it anymore as he teared back and punched Roman in the jaw, effectively making him let go as Virgil turns and books it out of the school and doesn't stop until he’s home.

His breaths are panicked and short and his vision was already starting to blur with sweat and tears. He manages to get to the bathroom before all but collapsing on the floor. Tearing at his hair and scratching his arms. Breathing was nonexistent and he could hear his thoughts spiral violently. Who knew if Roman would forgive him after this or if the others would take his side if he didn’t. He’d lose not only his only friends, but his three crushes. He stays there for hours and hours until he can hear the front door click, signaling that his mother is home.

Shoving himself off the floor and checking himself in the mirror (He looked dead) before fixing himself up to be presentable and going downstairs. He mumbled a quick hello to his mother before helping her with the groceries. He could see her strained smile as she thanked him. He just gives an awkward shrug before finishing putting things away, except for what they were going to use for dinner. He gets the required pans out to start cooking, him and his mom tending to switch cooking nights.

Remy isn’t home yet, but that's not unusual. He’s not even sure if his mom realizes his absence anymore. His hands tighten on the wooden spoon he's using to stir the noodles with. He reminds himself to breathe and not think like that. His mother provides for him, and that's more than enough. He's not ungrateful really, just worries sometimes that she doesn't love them.

After finishing up dinner, he sets the table and serves up the food. Pulling out his phone real quick to text Remy, although he knows that he’ll have to save him food in the fridge. If he even eats that to be honest, though if he doesn't either him or his mom can have that for lunch. They finish up their dinner in silence until his mom retires for bed after a long day and he gets a start on dishes. After those are done he trails up to his room and flops onto his bed. Sighing heavily he shifts to get comfortable and catches a glimpse of the journal on his desk. Thinking back to the reason he has it, he sighs once again and grabs the journal and a pen and starts to write.

Dear Journal, what the fuck is wrong with me!? This entire day was like a train wreck in slow motion and I don't even know why! I don't know what Patton's hiding from me or why. And I don't even know what made Roman blow a short fuse. Here I was starting to think he might actually like me, platonic or not, but i guess i was wrong. What do I do? Apologize to Roman or ask Patton about what he’s hiding?

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So! What do you guys think!? Also your first real option to change the story! Apologize to Roman or ask Patton about what he’s hiding? Lemme know in the comments, the one that gets the most comments will determine the answer. Also send me asks on tumblr! @era-of-new-beginnings

#sander sides #ts deceit #ts logan #ts patton #ts remus #ts remy #ts roman #ts virgil #my writing #trigger warnings #T.T.S.V.B.#LAMP

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365daysofsasuhina · 5 years ago

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[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day One Hundred Ninety-Five: A New Spatula ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: A Light Amongst Shadows ] [ AO3 Link ]

There’s a lot of things he has to get used to again. One of them is how to make friends.

Sasuke wasn’t exactly an expert at that, even as a child. He, like many clan children, was kept mostly within his clan’s compound when young, and there hadn’t been many others his age. Most of his time, therefore, was spent with his brother Itachi, and his cousin Shisui.

…ironic how now, they still make up most of his social circle.

The first time he truly met new children his age was his introduction into the shinobi Academy. Though a bright and friendly boy at that age, he was also shy to a degree: meeting new people was a bit daunting. But he did his best to be friendly...ish, but also focus on his studies, rushing home right after classes to then go train. That left little time for making friends.

And then, after only a brief stint in his scholarly career...the massacre took place. Any notion of making friends was lost in a sea of mourning and reclusion. There was no one in his class to turn to...no one knew how he was feeling. No one could understand, could comprehend…!

Even Naruto, in his proclamations of understanding loneliness, knew it to this degree. They were alone...but in vastly different ways. Naruto had no one to miss, no memories to haunt him, no recollection of his family’s death. It was something he would never fully know.

And so...Sasuke withdrew. Became obsessed with his studies, his training...all in an effort to one day kill one of the few people he’d ever fully entrusted his heart to: his brother. Sasuke missed so many milestones of socialization as a child, too bound and focused on his goals. Being assigned a team had been...awkward. Even more so given who they were: a boy that never gave him peace, and a girl who insisted she was in love with someone she’d hardly spoken to, could never understand.

So he did his best to ignore them. Complete what was necessary. Sure, they’d drag him around...and at times, his loneliness meant clinging to them, if only because he had no other option. They weren’t exactly his best-suited company. But in the end...he did his best to stay distant. He didn’t need them. They were distractions. Roadblocks. They’d only drag him down…!

And then he left.

Orochimaru’s was no place to make friends, let alone expect any semblance of normalcy. Taka were necessities. Pieces in his game. Karin was just as bad as Sakura, if not worse. Suigetsu was obnoxious...if not at times witty. Jūgo was tolerable. Quiet, unobtrusive...except for his blind fits of rage. But none of them were his friends. Nor did he want them to be. Need them to be.

The war saw him reunited with team seven. In a way...it was nostalgic. But there was little forgetting - or forgiving - their crimes against him. Ignoring his wishes. His clan’s genocide. The reasons behind it, even when they learned of it. Still they worshiped Konoha, still they thought it the only place he could ever call home. There was so much he wanted to throw away, burn, start over…

But in the end, he was denied.

And now here he is, back in that very village...but things are, admittedly, different. His brother is alive. His cousin never truly died. He has a niece and nephew now. And with his classmates’ help, and the Hyūgas’, they’ve rid the last few orchestrators - the previous council - of their power. Never again can they bring a tragedy like the massacre to fruition.

It’s not everything he wanted...but it’s a start.

He has a few key pieces of his family.

In truth...that’s all he needs.

But that same family has been...gently urging him to try to branch back out. To meet his classmates and start again. Thankfully they all know and understand his apprehensions. None of them expect him to forgive and forget that easily...but nor will they let him simply give up.

The easiest place to start, as it turns out...is someone he haa little to no memory of ever speaking to before defecting.

And that is Hyūga Hinata.

But, in a way, that plays to her advantage. He has no grudge against her. She never did him wrong. And with her in the know of his past, along with her unique perspective...she’s also been the forefront of welcoming him back into their fold.

...it’s been, though he won’t admit it...rather nice.

With the Hyūga allied to their few remaining Uchiha cousins, they see each other plenty. Add in the fact that Sakura and Naruto have paired up, and...well, they’ve been a bit designated to follow them around. Sasuke as their teammate, and Hinata as a...friend.

So, with all of that in place, and making the most logical sense...he’s decided to start here.

“...got any hobbies?”

Perking up as he addresses her, Hinata glances to Sasuke. At the moment, they’re tagging along with Naruto and Sakura - as well as Sai and Ino - on a random little excursion through the village. The girls are yammering over clothes, and...the boys are waiting in apparent agony. Hinata, being frugal, has taken to just sort of...watching. Sasuke, with neither a need to shop nor an inclination to commiserate with Sai or Naruto...does the same.

So, they make small talk.

“Um...I do!” She offers a small smile, heartened to have him initiate a conversation. “I have a small garden in the Hyūga compound...and I pressed the flowers I grow in it. I have a w-whole collection.”

“Flowers, huh?” What a tame, typical, feminine thing. But it suits her, he thinks.

“Mhm! My mother loved them, and...I guess I inherited that.”

Ah, her mother...they haven’t really branched into that part of her past yet, so he carefully skirts it. “...anything else?”

“Well, I love to bake.”

“Oh?”

“Mhm! Cinnamon buns in particular,” Hinata admits, taking a moment to smile behind a hand. “There’s something very...relaxing about it. And I get a treat when it’s done!”

“...mm.” He’s never been big into sweets. But both Itachi and his wife are fans of them, so it’s rather common to see them around. “Good point.”

Okay...he has some ammunition. He can work with that.

A while back, when it was still cold, she’d knitted him a scarf. He’s been waiting for an opportunity to repay her for far too long now. And with a few of her interests in mind, he decides to go shopping.

...but he can’t do that alone. It would be weird. So, he drags his sister-in-law along.

“I don’t want anything too fancy,” he admits, perusing the current shop they’ve peeked into. “But not something too simple, either.”

Thinking that over, she admits the simple is often the best route. After all, you can never have too many of the basics in a hobby like cooking. Directing him to a rack of cooking tools, she lets him browse...and goes off to do her own.

Sasuke stares at all the little gadgets and doodads. In all honesty...he knows very little about cooking. He rarely does anything beyond the absolute basics himself. So, hand hovering, he contemplates them all before just...grabbing one.

A spatula.

Because it’s purple.

And purple reminds him of Hinata.

There...mission accomplished! Getting a little gift bag for it, he parts ways with his sister and instead goes to find Hinata. He’s not about wasting time!

She’s nearby, by some luck, browsing a window while her teammates argue nearby. Apparently she’s tuning them out.

“Hyūga.”

Glancing over, there’s a perk as she spots him. “Sasuke-kun!”

Without a word, he just...hands over the bag.

“...um…?”

“For you. For the scarf you made me.”

“...oh! You didn’t have to…?” Realizing there’s little point in arguing, she accepts, digging through the paper and finding a new spatula.

“...for your, uh...baking,” he offers awkwardly.

A blink, and then...she laughs? Cheeks go a merry pink. “This is perfect! Thank you!”

“You...like it that much?”

“You won’t b-believe this, but…” Another chuckle. “I just broke the handle of my favorite spatula a few days ago! But I’ve been too busy to replace it yet!”

...you’ve got to be kidding. “...well...glad it’ll be useful.”

She gives him a warm smile, cheeks still flushed. “...thank you very much, Sasuke-kun. It’s a very t-thoughtful gift.”

Something warms in his chest at the praise. “...you’re welcome.”

“Now I’ll have to make you something with it, ne?”

Aw, jeez...now he’ll owe her again! “...just nothing too sweet, all right?”

“Deal!”

.oOo.

Woo, more random ALAS fluff xD This prompt is...very random, but as Sasuke now knows, also very relevant to a certain new friend! Not too much else to say, honestly...? Fluff is fluff! But I hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading!

#sasuhina #uchiha sasuke #hyūga hinata #a light amongst shadows [ canon verse ]#365daysofsasuhina

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mehrtini · 7 years ago

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I did the thing that I said I’d never be able to do and I deleted my Instagram.

I’m trying to not be obsessively sad about it because the truth is, I’m sick of being a fucking slave to all of my indulgences. Everything around me is going to shit because all I give a fuck about is my appearance. Honestly, I was never ever going to let up my social media addiction as long as that account existed. I was too attached to my followers, my selfies... everything. And now it’s gone permanently. I saved the username mehrtini to my private account and temporarily deactivated that one, because I can’t give up that username. One day I’ll want a new insta and it will be private and I won’t be obsessed with internet fame, but I’m gonna want that username.

From now on, I will not be living my life as if someone is constantly watching and I’m humiliated by myself for being so superficial for so fucking long. I will find other things to do w my time besides scrolling on my IG feed for hours on end. And everything I do will be for me.

I will be beautiful for my own eye, not for Instagram.

I will buy clothes for my own taste, not to show people.

I will keep in touch with people through phone calls and private texts, and not use Instagram as a cop-out way to pretend like I keep up with the people that matter to me.

I am cutting ties with so many bad habits by doing this....

I’m not going to see pictures of Meg that other people post any more. I think deleting Instagram is definitely going to expedite the process of forgiving and forgetting. It’s been frustrating for quite some time now to open Instagram and the first photo I see is of Meg. It doesn’t happen super often but when it does, it completely destroys my mood and I’m sorry, but I’m so done with Meg controlling my life. It’s been that way for 7+ years. Being besties, then not being besties because she gaslights me when I try to tell her why I’m upset, and then me being mad and feeling betrayed because she steals all my friends, and then my rage consumes me for the foreseeable future. Like it’s literally happened THREE times, so I try to give myself grace for not getting over it, but I’m super super done now.

In fact, I’m actually excited that I no longer have my instagram because I can’t help but compete with everyone I hate through it. I constantly have to be fucking bragging about my life so everyone can visibly see that I’m accelerating at a faster speed than they are... until I’m not accelerating. Then I plummet.

So fuck that shit basically. I’m extremely proud of myself for taking the steps and DELETING THE DEMON OF MY LIFE. I’ve had that Instagram for like 6 years. And ever since I got it, it became a tool for the weaker, superficial side of me to destroy all the other parts of me.

You know what I’m going to fucking do when I’m bored now?

I’m gonna read a book, or go outside, or play with my cat.

I’m going to do great and experience life and enjoy all the blessings I have, and I’m going to do so privately. It’s going to be special. I have good things on the way and I’m looking forward to having them all to myself. No more online sharing. Everything gets ruined by other people’s opinions, whether good or bad. Nobody gets to have an opinion on me anymore.

I’m going to be PRESENT in my romance and relationship. I love that boy and I want him to know. I don’t want him to have to compete with Instagram for my attention because that makes me no different than Terry when he made me compete with world of fucking Warcraft for his love.

I want to be present. I want to write and draw and sing because I love to sing I am a beautiful singer and I don’t need to care what other people think of my ability to sing. I love my voice. I am a Taurus and I was made to sing and be beautiful and that shouldn’t be for anyone else but me.

I’m actually going to really really love myself now. I’m going to care for her, and spend time with her.

I got a whole new life ahead of me.

#social media addict #instagram #p

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quiltdeer52-blog · 5 years ago

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Cranberry Bliss Bars

Tis’ the season for Cranberry Bliss Bars! So first of all let me preface this blog post by mentioning that I could house an entire box of Starbucks Cranberry Bliss Bars to myself. In one sitting. They are one of my all-time favorites. So I decided to make a gluten-free, grain-free, copycat version because why the hell not?! It’s Christmas!

Okay so another thing I should maybe mention is that I’m obsessed with Christmas. Like OBSESSED obsessed. I put my tree up the day after Thanksgiving and I’ve had eggnog in my fridge since late September. What?! I can’t help it. Christmas is the best. Mainly because everything is covered in lights, Uggs are acceptable footwear, scarves are the best accessory, and the baking is on point. Oh man is the baking on point. Not only is baking so fun and delicious, but then you can also use the heat from the oven to heat your house, so it’s kind of like you’re saving money. Is it? No, it’s not, but just go with it.

So I also have been meaning to write a follow up to my July blog post about how I quit drinking for 8 months. Oh, you haven’t read that post yet? Well let’s go ahead and pause here so you can get caught up. It’s fine, I’ll wait…

And we’re back. So lots of you wonderful blog readers have reached out wondering, “What the heck Vanessa, are you a full-blown alcoholic again after your Honeymoon, or what? The people are dying to know.” So let’s go ahead and get right on into it, here’s my recap: I drank on our Honeymoon, I had champagne, piña coladas, dirty martinis, the works. I really enjoyed myself and I was surprisingly not hungover at all. I think the most drinks I had in one day would be about 4 though, so it’s not like I was a college girl after finals or anything.

I definitely felt and still feel myself sliding back in though. As I type this it’s only be 6 days since I’ve had a drink. After vacation ended I stayed sober until I visited a friend in San Francisco for my birthday (about a month total) and then I didn’t drink at all the month of October, I did a “Sober October” to try and get my sh!t together. Then November came in hot! I’ve basically drank every weekend in November, usually 3-4 drinks, sometimes in one day, sometimes over the whole weekend. We visited family in Tucson earlier in the month, then I had a friend in town, and then it was Thanksgiving…blah blah blah excuses, excuses. So I basically feel like someone who is walking up a steep hill and then every few feet or so, I slide back down part of the way. I believe “a slippery slope” is the easier and technical way to say that right? Ugh. See. Alcohol makes you dumb. Even after 6 days without it.

The original plan was to only drink on Holidays, special occasions, or when it’s really worth it. That plan has proven much harder to stick to than I originally thought it would. I think I just want to be one of those “in moderation” people so bad that I’m like, “Oh yeah, totally, I can make that work.” I’m still going to earnestly give that route a try because it makes the most sense to me. So the goal now is to make it until Christmas Eve without a drink and then start fresh in the New Year and go as long as I can again.

Each time I drink now I make a conscious effort to really ask myself, “What is it about this that I think I like so much?” because to be completely honest, the last few times I’ve gotten buzzed, it’s given me a sort of nervous paranoid anxiety that made me feel like, “I don’t like this, I feel uncomfortably fuzzy, I can’t articulate what I’m trying to say to this person, and I feel like everyone knows I’m drunk.” but then I still continue to do it anyway. Why? Is it to just check out of reality for a second? Or make things more challenging just for the fun of it? What is it? I’m still trying to figure this out.

On our 6 hour road trip to Tucson, Brad and I played the New York Times 36 Questions to Love which you are actually supposed to play with someone you’ve never met, but I thought it would be a good way to kill time. We’re married, so obviously we already knew a lot of the answers to the questions about each other, but it was still fun and there were actually quite a few that we didn’t know about each other. Like Question 1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? He said me! Isn’t he the best?! That’s why I married him, but then I made him pick someone else besides me and he said Jesus. Which I thought was strange since he doesn’t believe in God, but anyway that’s another blog post for another time.

Fast forward to Question 12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? His answer was amazing, he said, “I’d wake up without any vices.” Well, wow, that got me thinking (mainly because my answer was something dumb like be invisible or be able to sing) what causes us to have vices or need vices? Is that why I think I’m entitled to a drink whenever I want one? Is it because we live in a world where we feel entitled to our vices? Like we’ve earned them?

So I guess the Cliff’s Notes version of this blog post is I’ve realized I don’t particularly enjoy drinking that much anymore, but I’m still doing it anyway, and I have no idea why. Maybe I need therapy?! Or maybe I just need to read This Naked Mind again. Then the other part of me is like, who cares, YOLO, just drink and be merry. It’s the quintessential angel and devil on each shoulder.

So knowing what I know now, would I have still chosen to drink on my honeymoon or would I have continued my non-drinking stretch? The answer is yes, I would have still drank regardless. I enjoyed having piña coladas in St. Barth’s and having expensive champagne on my wedding night in St. Maarten, and drinking a cocktail as I watched the sun set over Anguilla. Yes. I’d do it again and again. It was part of the experience for me, and while it’s true that I know I would have had just as much fun without it, I still liked the feeling of just letting my hair down and completely indulging with no guilt. Just like you’re supposed to do on vacation.

As someone who rarely lets their hair down, meaning that figuratively rather than literally, because I’ve actually been wearing my hair down a lot lately, as I feel a workout bun is just not an appropriate way to present myself to society, no matter how convenient it may be and I spend way too much money cutting and coloring my hair to just throw it up so no one can see. I’m rambling aren’t I, where were we again?

Ah! Letting my figurative hair down felt really nice and carefree. And since I’m an abstainer, it’s hard for me to get out of the drinking cycle, if I’m still drinking on weekends. Are you as confused as I am? It’s hard getting all of your random thoughts and feelings into one concise point or blog post, so forgive me if this post seems scattered. I blame the alcohol obviously. 😉

I’m excited to see what 2018 has in store! I’m excited to get off the drink again and get back to that place where I was living my best life and things weren’t so foggy. As much as our society worships alcohol, I think there is really something to be said about living an alcohol-free life. It’s charming almost, simple and charismatic.

So anywho! That’s that. The married life rules too in case you were wondering. I love it! Everyone I tell that to says, “Oh well enjoy it while you can, that will change real soon!” Um, excuse me, that’s not nice. Be nice. Speaking of being nice, you absolutely have to make these copycat Cranberry Bliss Bars because they are just too delicious not to, they are very nice. So nice in fact that I think Santa took them off the ‘Naughty’ list just for you.

12 tablespoons (170 g) salted butter, browned

2 cups (184 g) sifted fine grain blanched almond flour

1/4 cup (40 g) coconut flour

1½ teaspoons baking soda

1 teaspoon cream of tartar

¼ teaspoon fine-grain sea salt

¼ teaspoon ground ginger

1 cup (135 g) sifted maple sugar

2 large eggs, room temperature

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 cup (6 oz./180 g) white chocolate, chips or chopped

½ cup (70g) dried cranberries

16 ounces (452g) cream cheese, softened (see Notes for dairy-free option)

8 tablespoons (112g) unsalted butter, softened

1 cup (115g) (70g) powdered sugar, or sifted maple sugar

¼ cup (60ml) light-colored raw honey

1 teaspoon orange extract

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

½ cup (50g) finely chopped dried cranberries, for garnish

½ cup (90g) white chocolate, chips or chopped, for garnish

Brown the butter by placing it in a medium-sized heavy-bottomed saucepan (2.5qt./2.3L) and cook over medium-low heat. Stir intermittently using a rubber spatula. As the butter melts it will start to bubble and foam. As the butter continues to brown, the color will turn from lemon yellow to amber and go from a loud bubble to quiet simmer. When the butter is ready, brown specks will have formed at the bottom of the pan and some will start rise in the foam. The butter will also have a very pleasant nutty aroma. Remove from the heat and let cool for about 15 minutes. While butter is cooling prepare other ingredients.

In a large mixing bowl combine the almond flour, coconut flour, baking soda, cream of tartar, ground ginger, and salt. Stir together using a fork until well combined; set aside. In a separate medium mixing bowl add the maple sugar.

Once the butter has cooled, use a rubber spatula to transfer it into the maple sugar bowl, use the spatula to scrape in the browned bits as well. Beat together the butter and sugar with an electric mixer on low speed until combined, about 1 minute. Once the butter and sugar are mixed together, add eggs one at a time, mixing well after each, and then add the vanilla. Increase mixer speed to high and continue to beat until smooth bubbles appear on the surface, about 1 minute.

Transfer the wet egg mixture to the dry mixture. Use the spatula to scrape out any remaining liquid in the bowl. Beat on low until thoroughly combined. Then mix in the white chocolate and cranberries by hand. Scrape the dough down into the bowl and cover with plastic wrap, pressing directly on the surface. Place in the freezer to chill for one hour.

About 15 minutes before the hour is up, adjust oven rack to the middle position. Preheat the oven to 350°F (177°C). Line a 9x13 quarter sheet pan with parchment paper; set aside.

Once the dough is chilled, use fingertips to grab some dough and spread the dough evenly across the pan. Place a piece of parchment paper over the dough and roll out until the dough reaches the edges of the pan. It will rise during baking. Bake for 22-25 minutes or until browned on the top and edges and a toothpick comes out clean. Make sure the middle is cooked through completely. Cool completely before frosting.

Add the cream cheese and butter to a large mixing bowl or to the bowl of a stand mixer. Beat together using a hand mixer or stand mixer set on medium speed until fluffy and combined. Gradually add the sugar, beating well after each addition. Then add the honey, vanilla, and orange extract and continue to mix until smooth and creamy.

Use an angled frosting spatula to spread the frosting across the cookie layer. To garnish, sprinkle the dried cranberries across the frosting.

Melt the white chocolate in the top pan of a double boiler over simmering water. Stir until smooth. Another method is to place the white chocolate in a large glass or metal mixing bowl set over a saucepan of simmering water. Stir intermittently, using a rubber spatula, until the white chocolate is completely melted. Once melted, let slightly cool, then transfer to a piping bag or re-sealable plastic bag with the corner cut off. Drizzle across the top of the frosting.

Use a sharp large chef’s knife to cut into 12 squares, wiping the blade after each cut. Then cut each square in half diagonally. Serve immediately. Store any leftovers covered in the refrigerator for up to 4 days.

To make these dairy-free, sub ghee for the butter (I recommend Tin Star Browned Butter Ghee or 4th Heart Ghee) and sub dairy-free cream cheese for the cream cheese in the frosting. Kite Hill makes a great dairy-free cream cheese and you can find their products in health food stores across the country. Omit white chocolate chips or use a dairy-free version.

Clean Eating with a Dirty Mind http://cleaneatingwithadirtymind.com/

December 1, 2017 | 17 Comments