#forever just a headworld that i play toys with.

[radicalhighway]

i have so much info stored in my brain abt ryker and his species and the world she’s from. i’ve had this oc since 2016 and it’s gone thru so many different iterations and oh my god i have never been more attached to an oc in my LIFE

[crazyfangarlady]

actually i think what’s throwing me off is all them mutuals leaving the site/getting disinterested in fr/still playing but reworking their lore and characters so they are standalone and not bound by the limits of being fanworks

FR lore has been a really soothing outlet for me, and let me be creative in ways that I didn’t explore on my own, by allowing interactions with other people and the nice tingle of having to figure out how our universes would cross

But now, as I am still plotting and developing in that universe, people who’s stories I enjoy/inspire me/I reference in my own lore or use as basis for mine/I’d want to interact with or already have ongoing ties with/etc.. are taking their stories and characters and saying (as is their full right) “this is now its own thing, so i can keep this without being bound to the game forever”

and let me make this clear, i have NOTHING against it, hell, ive been planning to do that too and absolutely look forward to seeing how these stories keep developing and such

but still I kind of feel like i’m watching all my friends leave for better toys while i’m still on the sidelines because I’m not done yet with what I was doing

I think this started with that one ‘friend’ of mine repeatedly ignoring the stories we were writing together before they left everything unfinished with me hanging there waiting for them to give the details/endings they promised, but yeah fuck that it’s been a whole year i’ve given up and took decisions so I could keep on with my own stories and our linked characters.

and maybe it’s my bad for being so attached to people and Craving That Validation ? probably. i wish i didnt care so much tbh but i really feel like im bothering people sometimes when i interact with them ? i know i should post more for people to get interested in my stuff but also i dont really have the energy to shout in the void for so long

the general mood around my dash has just been Not Nice lately, I think I need to meet new people for things to go better. maybe i’ll just go and make my own worldbuilding based on my already-existing headworlds to make it easier to retcon that shit more easily later. idk. idfk.

anyway bottom line is, thank gods for Kayla, because if it wasn’t for our dragon children and all the stories we’ve planned and the lore talks we’ve had, I probably would have given up long ago. she’s a real gem and the true MVP of all people I’ve had lore with, I mean it.