#for your dumb self-centered victim fantasies
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the thing that kills me about radfems is that a lot of the early concepts are pretty cool, and now they’ve just devolved into total idiots.
oh you wanna talk about how assigned sex at birth impacts everyone in a structural way that should be completely reformed and how unfair these forced roles are? wow, as a trans person i completely relate and understand -
oh. wait. you’re just a complete freak who thinks that people who go against these forced labels at birth are the problem? and also you have weird obsessions with sex and sexuality where you think anyone assigned male is inherently horny on main all the time and can’t be trusted, despite seemingly being against this socialization? and your idea of “utopia” is this america-brained punitive society that’s just as oppressive and cruel as the current one, only women are in charge? and you ironically base the belief on old-fashioned, sexist ideas of women being inherently softer and gentler as a class? and you’re completely unwilling to unpack any trauma that causes you to see the world in this stupid black/white way where anyone afab is “safe” and anyone amab is dangerous? and you refuse to address any privilege of your own because you’ve already assigned yourself as “victim”?
ok. never mind then. you’re just a fucking idiot.
#not su /#social issues#feminism#btw terfs stop putting words in my mouth challenge - impossible difficulty#i am against gender roles i am against rape i am against discrimination like are u crazy#me being trans doesnt mean i cant be a feminist. y'all just want that to be the case so im a more fitting boogeyman#for your dumb self-centered victim fantasies
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This wasn't the reason before, but after seeing your new dumb post my new reason is because you think you aren't "safe" around Trump supporters. You are a clear victim to fear porn if you believe that. Trump and Harris are both liars, frauds, and puppets for a corrupt system, but Trump supporters (for the most part) are amazingly wonderful people (other than their blind allegiance to an actor playing his part, just like Harris plays hers). The vast majority do not care if you're a faggot pretending to be a girl, they just want you to stop guilting, shaming, and trying to force everyone else to play pretend with you (as well as supporting the indoctrination and grooming of children). If you want to live inside your imagination, then by all means go ahead, but that doesn't mean the rest of the world needs to play along with your delusions or be quiet with their opinions.
Regardless of what you think of this message, I want to implore you not to give in to fear. If you live a life centered around love, then you have nothing to be afraid of. If you turn people into monsters inside your head, then of course that's what you'll see when you look at them, regardless of the reality in front of you.
Get off Tumblr. Get off the internet. Breathe fresh air. Walk on grass. TALK to people face to face and live inside the real world. You're killing your soul by spending so much time online, drowning in toxic, hateful ideologies. Thinking with your dick instead of your heart. I'm pretty sure you don't believe you have a soul, anyway, which is just further proof you're destroying yourself. Why else would someone get off to being beaten and abused? Being treated like a dog? You have no self-worth and you want everyone else to be just as miserable as you. You don't love yourself, so how can you ever expect anyone else to love you? All you'll ever find is people who get off to the idea of fucking and hurting the costume you choose to attach yourself to. Your entire life is the way it is because you don't take accountability for anything. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You are on the wrong path. In ten years when you're in the exact same spot, wondering why things are so bad for you, why people cut you out of their lives, questioning what you could have done differently, feeling alone and unlovable, still staring at your computer screen and wishing things would change, still pretending like it's the world's fault and not your own, I hope you remember this anon and start making the right choices for yourself. You're a man. Get your shit together and act like one. Then once you've finally learned to love yourself as you are and you straighten out the mess of your life, by all means - act like the dumbest, prettiest lil' puppy bitch you wanna be behind closed doors. Separate reality from fantasy instead of trying to merge them into one. You will NEVER find happiness if you carry on how you have been. The only people who will love you are the ones who are happy to keep you sick and mentally ill so long as that means they never have to face their own demons.
it really is the most boring piece of shit little worm answers from people like you lol. crazy you tell me im on this website too much when you literally respond to my posts within minutes. someones obsessed 😇
why is it always the same speech 😔 cant you loser pieces if shit come up w something new and interesting to say? ive heard this before. you're wrong. there you go, thats my argument. it has just about the same level of depth and introspection as the 9 paragraphs you just sent. you get to see one side of me on the internet with no context and you think you can say all that. get a life
spending your free time sending personalized, anons to a blog in a dark corner of the internet that averages 1 note a post, and then telling them they spend too much time on the website is psycho behavior. get help, and make actual friends im begging you.
you're weird and gross for thinking like this. stop trying to control other people you know nothing about, and do a lil work on urself. look into your own beliefs and the sources you're getting your entertainment and information from. get some perspective in life and stop wasting your time being such a sad, boring, loser <3
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Tangled Salt Marathon - Rapunzeltopia
This episode, much like many other plot important episodes of the first two seasons, is decent on it its own, but becomes retroactively worse due to season three’s bad writing and behind the scenes bullshit.
Summary: Matthews reveals himself as another dark spirit and disciple of Zhan Tiri, and traps Eugene, Lance and the others in unbreakable vines similar to the Great Tree's evil magic. He has Rapunzel live the perfect life while he prepares to hand over the mystical powers of the Sundrop to his master. Fortunately, Rapunzel is able to make contact with her brown-haired dream self and attempts to convince her to let go.
Timeline Alert
So what does almost a year ago mean? The Great Tree was six months out, and then in Mirror, Mirror, Lance said that they been fighting for three weeks since. So how long have then been stuck in this shell house? Because You’re Kidding Me was just the next day after Mirror, Mirror. Was Lance’s ‘three weeks’ comment meant to be after Brothers Hooks and Rapunzel: Day One and not Great Tree? Are we 7, 8, 9, or 10 months out from Secret of the Sundrop? Like be clear about your time frame guys if you’re going to use it as a plot point.
I’m going to say we are 9 months along on this trip, just cause that sounds closer to ‘almost a year ago’ without keeping them all trapped in the shell house for months. So Great Tree is 6 months, Brother’s Hook and Rapunzel Day One is 7 months, Mirror, Mirror is going on 8 months, and at the end of this episode they’ll be heading into the 9 month period...I guess. Lets just say they were trapped there for a week or two.
This Episode Only Highlights How Self Centered and Immature Rapunzel Still Is Rather Than Showcase How Much She’s Grown
The point behind this episode is show how much Rapunzel has grown since season one, and how she is accepting of responsibility now, but it actually backfires because she’s not actually being challenged on her selfish desires but on her lack of agency. Which is the wrong lesson that she needs to be learning at this point in her development.
Rapunzel in her subconscious mind doesn’t wish for what’s best for other people but what’s best for herself. People she must interact with on the regular have to be superficially happy even if it completely warps their character. While people she doesn't care about, like Lady Caine, can just be simply banished and ignored regardless if they deserve such an end or not. She doesn’t see people as people with individual thoughts and feelings, but as satellites to herself and her narrow worldview.
Also, ‘I believe everyone deserves a second chance’ my eye! Caine never gets even a first chance in Rapunzel’s own fantasy world. Because Rapunzel is a selfish hypocrite who’s ‘redemptions’ always comes with strings attached.
Here Comes the Dumbest Plot Point In the Show
I’ll talk about this more when we get to season three, but this scene is the beginning of the end for any dignity the show once held.
Also why would ‘I don’t trust anyone’ Cassandra follow a creepy voice calling her name through a doorway inside a magic house that’s tried to kill her twice now?
If you gotta make you character act out of character in order to get your plot rolling than you haven’t a good plot. Think of something else.
What’s the Point of Having Two Names?
They did this both with Sugarbee and Matthews here and it makes zero sense. Why would they need to bother with fake names if the heroes wouldn’t even recognize their real names to begin with? Such revelations add nothing and fails to tell the audience anything new about the characters. It’s also not consistent as it turns out Gothel was a disciple too and she only gets one name, so what gives?
So How Does This All Work Again?
So Zhan Tiri needs ‘a clash of the sundrop and moonstone’ in order to be freed from her prison. Why? I don’t know, but holding Rapunzel prisoner for life actually undermines that plan, and it’s a plan that Zhan Tiri is currently setting up with Cassandra off screen during all of this.
So does Tromus/Matthews just not know that Zhan Tiri is already ‘free’ and has her own plans?
Is Rapunzel’s power being drained what gives Zhan Tiri a foothold in the real world?
Or was Zhan Tiri released back in the Great Tree with the removal of the spear and that’s why she knows to go after Cass?
What was up with the Great Tree and the sealed tree back in Painter’s Block? Did they have any impact on Zhan Tiri’s plans?
Were any of the disciples actually useful at all?
So What Do the Disciples Gain From All This?
Sugarbee, Matthews, and Gothel were all once real people who actually lived so what are their reasons for following Zhan Tiri? What do they gain from going through such complicated plans? Why continue to follow someone after you’ve been dead for centuries and are a ghost now, and were presumably trapped and or killed by Demantius for following her? Real people don’t just hold on to such fanatical devotion without reason.
This Conflict Over Choices Does Not Work Without Varian
Going back to how this episode fails to develop Rapunzel; it wants to have Rapunzel take responsibility for difficult choices, but much like Painters Block, it completely ignores her biggest fuck up thereby undermining why she has trouble with owning up to hard choices.
Rapunzel ruined a child’s life. She may not have meant to but she did, and thus far she has done nothing to make amends for it. She’s not even spared the poor boy a single thought beyond seeing him as the boogeyman in a nightmare once.
You can’t have Rapunzel take responsibility for anything if you won’t hold her accountable for anything.
Varian was meant to appear in this episode, and indeed he should have for the above reason.
But of course Chris had to give us a bullshit excuse for why he cut the most plot important character from the series.
I’ve already spoken about how Varian’s cameo in Happiness Is did nothing to actually further develop Rapunzel nor explore her guilt back in that review. In this episode, however, I want to discuss how hollow the comparisons to Gothel is and why there shouldn’t logically have been any competition between the two.
Varian and Gothel provide two completely different conflicts and two completely different points of development for Rapunzel’s arc. Gothel is the instigator of her conflict with Rapunzel. Rapunzel, as the victim, has only one thing to learn, self esteem. She learned it back in the movie, she relearned it back in the season one, and here she’s re-contextualizing it for this episode’s mini-arc.
Meanwhile Rapunzel is the instigator of her conflict with Varian. She’s the one with the power in their relationship and her choices matter. She doesn’t need to learn agency because she already has it. What she needs to learn is responsibility and she can’t do that without confronting Varian and what she did in some manner. So unlike with Gothel there only new ground to cover here rather than rehashing old conflicts.
Chris Sonnenburg has things all backwards. Rapunzel’s agency/self-esteem issues and her need to take responsibility for her actions are not interchangeable conflicts. Addressing one does not automatically address the other, and of the two her conflict with responsibility holds more weight because it’s ongoing. We haven’t seen the resolvement there. It also affects more people than just herself so the stakes are higher there as well. And to top it all off, it fits with the themes of the episode better.
Also, you very much could have had both characters because they both reflect different conflicts and serve different purposes in the narrative. Time management in television is a very big deal yes, but you have little grounds for defense when all you’ve shown is how poorly you’ve managed your time until now.
In short, Chris is full of shit.
No, It Wouldn’t
We’ve already established that there’s no need for Rapunzel to go on her quest in season two. The black rocks are inactive, there’s no ticking clock she has to beat, and her staying at home would have actually prevented the conflicts in season three.
Unless dream Rapunzel is referring to Zhan Tiri being released, but even that is false because Zhan Tiri is already floating around a little blue ghost girl off screen right now. What Rapunzel choses or chooses not to do does not change that.
Lack of external conflict undermines internal conflict.
Just Cause You Make A Meta Joke About Your Heroes Being Dumb For No Reason, Does Not Make Them Any Less Stupid
Jokingly admitting a fault in your writing doesn’t not excuse that fault. If you can’t have a plot without handing the idiot ball to your characters than you haven’t a good plot. Time to go back to drawing board.
Season Three Will Go Back On This Episode’s Message and Prove the Villian Right
I’ve liget seen fans unironically praise the show for it’s message of ‘be content with what you have’. Not only is that a terrible lesson to teach children; it’s actually the exact opposite of what the show is trying to achieve.
“Be satisfied” is suppose to be the wrong motto. Rapunzel is suppose to be fighting against this message. In the episode itself it’s the villian who is saying such things in order to tempt her to stay put.
So how could anyone look at the show as a whole and come away with idea that the one off villain was right along?
Because season three does a complete 180 away from its original messages regarding agency and responsibility. All consequences disappear from the story and the mains are given convenient scapegoats to distract from their decisions. Characters actively regress and are rewarded by the narrative for either not doing anything or for victim blaming others for their actions.
But most damaging of all is the fact that nearly everyone winds up back where they started out at, or aren’t given a proper ending at all. Tangled’s story is just one giant circle and that in of itself contradicts the idea of progress.
Cassandra’s Hurt Hand Is Only Relevant When The Story Wants Rapunzel to Feel Guilty About Something
Oh but we can just throw Cassandra’s burnt hand in here as a substitute Rapunzel’s guilt over Varian. Even though the two incidents should actually complement one another rather than compete for dominance.
Tangled doesn’t trust its audience to remember things. It acts like if it’s off screen or not being focused upon than it’s not happening or isn’t relevant. This undermines any ongoing or overarching conflicts.
Why should we care about Cassandra’s arm if she’s been shown as being fine with it for four episodes by now? Especially since it’ll never come up again after this point? And on the flip side of things, why should the audience not care about the 15 year old who has been sitting in a dungeon for almost a year now due to Rapunzel’s neglect?
We’re not magpies who are quickly distracted by shiny new things. We are capable of retaining information and informing decisions based off of that. Especially if Chris was shooting for the teen audience as he claims he was.
Oh But We Got Time For Godzilla-Pascal
Can’t spare even half a minute for a Varian cameo that would be relevant, but we sure got time to waste on a pointless action sequence that does nothing to further the character in what is meant to be a character development episode.
This Scene Is Out of Character
That’s not how abuse works!
The whole reason why Gothel was able to keep Rapunzel under her thumb for 18 years because Rapunzel always sought her approval. Never at any point, even when finally choosing to break away from her in the movie, did Rapunzel wish to harm the woman. That goes against who she is as a character and it’s not how abuse victims respond to abusers even after cutting things off with them.
If anything, Rapunzel’s treatment of Frederic in Happiness Is is more in line with how a victim goes about mourning the loss of an abusive relationship. Victims grieve for what might have been. Victims mourn the loss of what good times they had with their abusers, because yes, abusers aren’t abusive 100% of the time 24/7. They can’t be or they risk losing their victim quicker.
I initially was ok with flashbacks to Gothel on occasion because no victim ever makes a completely clean break from their abuser. Even ‘moving on’ isn’t some triumphant singular action when you stand tall while you knock your opponent down in a wish fulfilment fantasy.
No. ‘Moving on’ is slow. It’s understated. It’s routine. It’s about being able to do the dishes without getting triggered. It’s sitting at lunch with friends and being happy and calm without the fear of returning home hanging over your head. It’s not skipping out on work because your anxiety is through the roof over just meeting with your boss. It’s not devolving into a yelling match over something minor because you internalize your abusers behavior.
Abuse victims don’t celebrate violence as strength. We celebrate being an unmovable mountain of clam fortitude. Being in control even as the world rages at us, because we’re self assured.
The fact that this scene exists, while Happiness Is shows Rapunzel behaving the opposite way to the father who abused her the same as Gothel did, only proves that a man shouldn’t have been in charge of this show. Certainly not without a woman by his side giving equal input.
Stop Using Destiny as a Shorthand for Everything!
Destiny isn’t a catch all word that can mean whatever you want it to. Words have definitions for a reason. Destiny isn’t a goal nor does it equate to agency and responsibility; kind of the opposite in fact.
Well That Was Redundant
All we did was rehash Rapunzel’s season one arc in under half in hour. Nothing new was learned. It’s like writers don’t know how to resolve any conflict that isn’t a repeat of the first movie. Meanwhile actual unique conflicts are just sitting off to the side being ignored. All because the show’s creator doesn’t want to hold his precious self insert accountable for anything.
Bye Bye Smart Cass, Hello Dumb Cass
So from this point onward the Cass we’ve known for nearly two seasons is gone. She’s just been replaced by the dumbest bitch on the planet. Because the writers don’t understand how manipulation and trauma actually works. Nor do they comprehend the importance of giving characters actual goals.
Conclusion
Season three is what retroactively spoils this episode. Cass’s dumb decision here, Zhan Tiri’s lack of a coherent plan, the uselessness of the disciples, and even the lack of Varian could have been glossed over had they writers given us a satisfying pay offs for any of the main conflicts. But they didn’t and so here we are.
Also a small update, but after this review and starting next week, the Salt Marathon will go from bi weekly updates to only one a week. This is a combination of real life work getting in the way and the growing length of the reviews. This means we’ll hopefully be done come March, which would mark the show’s anniversary. I got some plans to celebrate if that works out.
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Well, what do you know? A tragic glimpse to my right presents a view of a little stranger with a charm for whispering nonsense to the air. Fucking Harper Lee over there is writing shit all on her frosted green MacBook with the creativity of a blunt hacksaw. That she casually smiles with a hint of disdain towards those that give her the stern eye when she infrequently cowers behind Jane Austen books is nothing less than revolting. Why do I sound surprised to see these people at Verve? All of them with the usual brand of “I want to make it in Hollywood too”. Here’s a newsflash for you. Stop pretending that you like to read Lady Susan and Sanditon. Oh and Miss Fucking Perfect, we know you haven’t read any classics in your sunny shell of an existence. I would also like to add that drinking five cups of mint mocha and mumbling your shitty screenwriting lines is a non-starter with any professional worth a damn. It’s insulting that people like you think otherwise. But you like giving out shitty blowjobs to every one of your followers on Insta if it gets you some undivided attention. The nerve. For once, I would like to rip open her fucking head and look inside. But we all can’t take unnecessary risks. Can we Joe? Cut to our little hideaway in that golden Americana cul-de-sac. Repose feels great in the evening. Some might beg to differ. Now, it’s time for some pressing news. Shock. Horror. A domestic violence case in our own quaint suburbia. To say that I'm intrigued to see how you handle this crisis is a bit of an understatement. Typical. Color me fucking surprised. You try to console yourself with many crafted truths. A bad case of false reporting. Lack of circumstantial evidence. You even blame it on something out of your control. But I'm glad to hear that you’re slowly dying on the inside. The world can finally find comfort in knowing what a stand-up guy you are, Joe Goldberg. You want a do-over? Some respite from public heat? No bueno. Why will it be any different this time Joe? Do you honestly think that low of me? Every word you espoused was a lie. Like crimson etches that forever stains our vision of what’s real. Comeuppance is nothing but a decorum now. The viewers of the media and our community love to crucify every fucker that slowly chips away at the perfect household image. The perfect family. Our fucking so called perfect lives as couples that be. But that’s the least of your concerns. What you should worry about most is a woman who owns her narrative. Her story. Her triumphs. She doesn’t pretend to be some victim of circumstance. She is a fucking survivor. Fucking America loves this piece to death. People love it. They all can't get enough of that shit. As soon as it's served up, everyone eats it up like magic rice. You were too oblivious to see what is at stake here. Don’t give me that dirty look as if you're entitled to it. Really, it’s a fitting retribution. Any scorned lover would see this punishment as fit for the crime committed. Did you think for once that the cost to all the insanity you inflicted was justified? Has nothing sacred ever matter to the likes of you? You weren’t like this before we grew and settled. Those restless struggles. Endless disputes. Our relationship certainly wasn’t the easy paradise that we pictured in our minds. That much I can tell you. But it was worth fighting for. Nothing else meant more than the first word we chose to define our union. Don’t tell me it meant nothing the moment you pulled closer at a wedding and reassured me with vows that came to be. Don’t you dare lie to me and say that our love was an illusion that ended while we fucked each other in my third trimester. When you saw me for the first time at Anavrin, you witnessed that wonder. A one-of-a-kind love. That incited all this madness and ecstasy. I was the cool girl you envisioned in your hopeless dreams. That cool girl who did everything right. Who like every asshole envisions as the definitive girl they like to fuck and bring to their family home for Christmas. Manic pixie version. She is that fucking cool girl. The same girl with a mouth that is sure to win some prizes in any department. What a fucking joke. To think that I shaped myself to be the ultimate lover. Unmatched in both scale and vision. Did you think that my fucking name was a joke to you? Yes, that’s a rhetorical question by the way. One fucking word. Love. How the fuck did you fuck that up? My charming hardened New Yorker guy with a wounded soul. I remember when you were different. Smitten by a dumb joke about fucking fruit of all things. I saw that darkness in your eyes. A wit that followed with a charming presence. Can’t also deny you weren’t easy on the eyes either. This had to be it. The thing we both searched for our entire lives. Love. In Hollywood of all places. You were all in and nothing else mattered. I loved you unconditionally. Yeah, that’s a fucking cliché if I hear it again. We fucked each other, blew one another and rose in the morning like fucking squirrels on mescaline. Perhaps, that’s a little too intimate for the ears. Forgive me for not censoring shit that needs to be heard. So, how the hell did we end up here? Call me a little jaded now, if I don't look back at our history with rose-tinted glasses. I should have seen the signs. Yes, love can make us do terrible things and be blind to each other's faults. That's a fucking given. But I never thought I would lose trust in you. The one who finally brought a sense of ease to my heart. The same guy who later cheated on me and fucked a woman from behind. Our neighbor no less. On a day that very well should have marked the death of me. Just one glance and I saw the vision of our nuclear family undone. All you ever pursue is another work of project in sight. That’s how your fucking story always is. Just like Delilah. Just like Beck. Add that cutthroat bitch with a revenge agenda to the fucking equation too. You killed assholes. Left. Right. Center. Yet, you stand there and face me with a familiar look. A smugness that reeks of self-righteousness. That appearance of hypocrisy. The very look my mother gave me when I didn’t do my part in taking good care of Forty. The same look is all I see now. Disappointment. Disgust. Revulsion. Like a damaged commodity that you pass on when you’re done. You didn’t even have the balls to tell me what you really felt. It’s all a delusion that you hold to encourage that shitty desire of buying new merchandise with an exclusive item on the side that some cunt upsells you at Walmart. Forgiving the unforgivable is not in my fucking rule book. You think you can get away. Unscathed. Unfazed. Unhurt. No, you don’t. No fucking way Joe. Now, I know the truth. I wasn’t destiny. I wasn’t love. The worst part is that you made me believe in hope. Made me hold onto faith. Then, you reduced me to a foil in your self-absorbed romance story. But make no mistake, you will pay the price. Mark my fucking words. Don't think I won't make plans well ahead in advance to fuck you over. You will see what I'll bring to the table. I must thank you though. You brought something else out of me. Something I tried to hide for a very long time. All it took was a little nudge in the right direction. The follow up act was less painful. But you wouldn’t care, would you Joe? You never thought about family. The lengths that many would go to protect their kind. To spare them of any anguish. A quick head dash into a collective antique vase from Montalcino should do the trick. Maybe, a little cut on the arm with a help of a few broken shards. That will save myself from the shame. From the silent screams. The undying pain. Nothing compares to the deep cuts of the heart. All I see now is a vivid painting of torture. Filled with cinnabar streaks all over the Vermillion carpet that my late brother cherished. What a perfect expression of grief. The dull ache. The fading memories. The wild stench of blood. When your other half dies, nothing eclipses the misery of loss. That’s what I told myself. Family is everything. It always came first. Above all else. But when I fell in love again, my entire perspective changed. Until reality hit me in the face. Sheared off in patches and defiled like every other celebration past the fourth of July. Do you really think I wouldn’t see to it that justice will be sought for the unseen wounds, the unheard abuse, and the million masks people like you wear to fool their loved ones? Don’t kid yourself Joe. It’s time we put an end to this fantasy. One way or another.
Love Quinn (YOU)
#gone girl#you on netflix#you netflix#netflix you#love quinn#cool girl#monologue#joe goldberg#joe x love#relationship#quote#season 3
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An entirely too long post on how to fix Veronica Mars
So, anyone who has followed this blog for any length of time knows: 1) What a massive Veronica Mars fan I was and 2) how distraught I’ve been over the most recent season that debuted on Hulu in July. I’ve been pretty angry about it since it dropped, but the first month after I was pretty occupied with real life stuff. Now that I’m more settled, I’ve found myself getting sadder and angrier over time with just how terrible S4 was and what an obvious fuck you to longtime fans it was. It feels dumb to be so upset over a tv show, but this show got me through a lot over the past 8 years, and I feel like it’s been taken away from me.
It’s anyone’s guess as to whether there will be a new season. Ideally it would end here with maybe an alternate ending filmed to avoid alienating fans further. On the one hand, the botched release, overwhelmingly negative response, and silence from the creators after initial interviews don’t look good for renewal chances. On the other hand, Hulu doesn’t have a lot of streaming hits, it probably did relatively decent numbers, and there are rumors floating around that its pickup chances look good. On a personal level, I hate the idea that this is where the legacy of Veronica Mars ends, while at the same time being extremely wary of what the creators have planned. I think a big part of the disappointment with S4 was that the movie and books set up what could have been some really interesting storylines and situations, all of which RT and co. squandered for cheap drama and to apparently turn the show into an entirely new vehicle; additionally I had hope that S4 would be a chance to rectify some problems the show has long had, but again, S4 exacerbated them. At this point I don’t expect anyone higher up in the creative process or at Hulu to give a fuck about the fans or making the show better as long as they hit streaming targets, but here are some suggestions:
Fire Rob Thomas
While he created the show, it’s become clear that not only has he lost touch with the audience and the original spirit of the character, he doesn’t seem too keen on putting much effort into writing the show (as I will discuss below). Then you have his clear misogyny: his views that women in relationships can’t be interesting, that what makes Veronica interesting as a character is her trauma and how much she can endure, and the fact that basically every female character in the history of the show has a history of sexual victimization. He thought that making the Mexican cartel hitmen “philosophical” was subverting expectations (which says a lot of what his expectations of Latinx characters are). Then this is the way he essentially exploited his long term fan base to earn a new season of the show, only to turn around and tell us that we don’t matter. From a business perspective alone keeping him doesn’t make sense; selling a streaming platform on your loyal fanbase and then proceeding to purposefully piss ~80% of them off would be pretty questionable to me as someone in charge. The sheer cruelty with which he treated not only the fans who have supported him for 15 years (I fucking used to liveblog iZombie y’all. iZombie!), as well as how he callously dismissed long time cast members in favor of celebrity guest stars should not be rewarded. He’s admitted in interviews that he would be ok with younger writers doing a reboot many years in the future; why not just let him have a producer credit and then hand the show over to someone who’s invested in making it good?
Put a woman in charge and diversify the writing staff
A big problem with a) Veronica’s characterization in S4 b) RT’s ideas about what makes female characters interesting c) the show’s long history of problematic treatment of sexual assault is that it comes from a man’s conception of the female experience. The Veronica showcased in S4 and that RT wants to write in the future is very much a male fantasy: hates marriage and children, traumatized, DTF, and is too cool for other women. RT stated in interviews that he wanted to show Veronica at a “crossroads” this season in a way he claimed had been shown for men but not women; many female viewers found this depiction to ring false (few women are spending their time fretting about how committing to marriage after five years in an established relationship will bar us from strange sex going forward). In addition to having RT at the helm, most of the show’s writing staff for the majority of its run has been white dudes, which doesn’t bode well for telling the story of a female PI in a diverse community in today’s political climate. Putting a woman in charge would hopefully help rectify these issues to make the character feel more true to life and put a damper on the misogynistic storytelling. The show has a natural candidate in RT’s second-in-command Diane Ruggiero-Wright (despite her problematic history, never forget #KeisterEggGate), who has admitted to not being able to watch the last episode. Jennifer Graham, who wrote both of the books, would also be a worthy addition to the writing staff; while the books had a mixed reception, most fans agree that she got Veronica’s character right. And with the show’s problematic historical treatment of minority characters, adding more POC writers going forward is also necessary.
Bring back Logan (alive)
You don’t have to be a LoVe shipper to recognize just how integral Logan has been since the inception of the show, not just as Veronica’s partner but as a character is his own right. Logan’s journey in many ways parallels Veronica’s, and shows a contrast in how different characters respond to similar trauma. The most critical plot line in the show’s history, the mystery of who killed Lilly Kane, simply doesn’t work without Logan’s importance to Veronica. RT and his defenders like to claim that Logan was holding her back from true growth, which is frankly bizarre as he is the only character to consistently challenge her, like when he tells her that she obviously isn’t happy this season. Additionally, Logan’s scenes this season were the lone highlight of what was otherwise a painful slog of a season. Of the people who have said they would watch a potential S5, a good portion are only interested because they believe that the ambiguity of the last 10 minutes of the season means he’s not really dead (despite what RT has said in interviews). Then there’s what Logan’s death does to Veronica’s character, effectively cutting off what would have been an interesting character arc and stagnating her forever. No matter how much they try to shove Leo the pedo creep and other milquetoast RT self-insert love interests on us, no one else can possible measure up to Logan’s level in terms of being able to match Veronica as a character, intellectually or as a result of shared history.
Plus, the fact that we haven’t had a Weevil/Logan interaction since S3 is a goddamn travesty and should be rectified immediately.
Bring back Veronica
As sad as I am about Logan’s death, for me the most upsetting aspect of S4 was the assassination of Veronica’s character. For many viewers (including myself), the character we saw Kristen Bell portray in S4 wasn’t Veronica Mars but a different character with the same name. Between her abusive behavior towards Logan, her general indifference to her father’s medical condition, her dismissal of Wallace, and her racism towards Latinx characters (using a kid’s lawyer to threaten deportation: not a good look!), she was lacking the marshmallow-y center that always balanced out the pricklier aspects of her character and made her compelling. This change in characterization was especially jarring given that she was not this way when we last saw her in the books, where she mused about having children and sent her half-brother Hunter to summer camp (side note, but does he even exist anymore?). Many of us who had grown up with Veronica were hoping to see her grow with us as a character; instead we got an extreme regression lower than we’ve ever seen her. It would be one thing if they were trying to depict a PTSD storyline, which would make sense given her background, but since her change in behavior is never addressed by the narrative, it just makes her look like a cruel asshole and makes it impossible to root for her. This is exacerbated by the fact that RT has made it clear he has no interest in portraying her inner life, as shown by his wanting to avoid showing her grief over Logan’s death because it would be a real downer compared to the entertaining but ultimately hollow banter and quips he wants to focus on. Veronica this season was also just plain dumb: you mean to tell me that the girl who nearly got killed by Aaron Echolls in her back seat wouldn’t think to check her backseat every time she gets in a car? (And let’s not even start with RT’s bizarre assertion in an interview that she apparently votes Republican). Not helping matters was Kristen Bell’s performance, which felt very flat for me this season compared to S1-3 and the movie; I don’t know if this was due to personal limitations or a reflection of the bad writing. Writers of future installments and KB herself would be wise to revisit S1, the movie, and the books to figure out what makes sense for Veronica’s character, leading me to my next point:
Get reacquainted with canon, develop a show bible, and hire a continuity director
This show has long had a problem with dropped plots, timelines, and continuity issues. Shelly Pomroy’s party has two happened either in the summer, or the fall. Then we have the movie paradox: Veronica graduated high school in 2006, which means her 10 year reunion should have taken place in 2016. The movie was released in 2014 and the books seem to keep to 2014 dates. Then S4 states that Keith’s movie accident took place in 2013, and mysteriously ages Veronica up to 35 when she should be 32 in 2019. Logan mentions an Aunt Naomi in S4--why didn’t she take care of him after Aaron was arrested (and what happened to Trina)? How the hell is Leo working as an FBI agent when he presided over the disappearance of the Lilly/Aaron tapes? Veronica is shown to be tentatively forgiving of Weevil taking the settlement from the sheriff’s department in Mr. Kiss and Tell, but is then shown to be extremely angry towards him for it in S4. This is just a small selection of the inconsistencies within the show. Plus there is the problem of repeated plot lines: Veronica rejects Leo in favor of Logan in S1, then rejects Leo in favor of Logan in Mr. Kiss and Tell, only for her to...reject Leo in favor of Logan in S4 (and RT says he wants to leave the high school plots behind). This sloppiness doesn’t bode well for a series that is supposed to be about mysteries, which require tight plotting. It would behove TPTB going forward to once and for all determine a timeline of Veronica’s life, keep a detailed record of past plot and character points, and have at least one person on staff who thinks to remember this stuff (RT notoriously has only a “solid, not spectacular” memory of the show, no matter what Kareem Abdul-Jabbar says).
Make an effort (and do your fucking research)
Moving on from continuity issues to more general problems with the laziness of RT’s writing. He has basically admitted that he doesn’t care much about facts or characterization when writing plots--he shoehorns details to fit the plot rather than have it evolve organically from the characters and prior canon. I know that when writing it’s often impossible to make every story detail 100% accurate, but the extent of RT’s sloppiness is alarming. This excellent Reddit thread details a lot of the problems with S4 in particular, but this has been a problem since S2. Did anyone ever understand exactly why the Fitzpatricks were invested in framing Logan for Felix’s death? In the movie, it makes no sense that if Cobb and co. wanted Carrie silenced, they would add the complication of framing Logan for her murder--given her history, it would have been a lot easier just to make it look like she had accidentally overdosed. Given his previous patterns of villain writing fans were able to guess the identity of the S4 bomber based on casting alone. The mysteries in both Mr. Kiss and Tell and S4 are both ripped from the headlines, which indicates that RT wants to turn VM into the next Law and Order. Meanwhile, he complained about how hard including Logan in the story in S4 was, while Logan arguably had the best lines and most interesting scenes this season--apparently when you put an effort into things, they work out! This laziness extends past storyline issues and into factual problems that detract from the quality of the plot. Longtime fandom pals are probably tired about hearing me go on and on about how there’s no way Aaron’s lawyers could have gotten Veronica’s medical records due to HIPAA laws. Logan’s career change from naval aviator to intelligence is highly unlikely (and unnecessary, given that they changed it only to fridge him at the end of the season). Meanwhile, I know fanfic writers who have spent hours on the phone with strangers in order to research what type of firearm would cause a specific type of bullet injury. It’s very puzzling to me that RT wants to take the show in the direction of being mystery-only when apart from that one time he is piss poor at writing mysteries and puts no effort into them. I shouldn’t have to tell television writers to, you know, do their job but this is what we’ve come to in 2019.
Know your audience
A majorly annoying thing about the promo for this season is how in every single interview Rob Thomas did he was always talking about how he wanted VM to be like other shows and movies: Fargo, True Detective, Game of Thrones, Chinatown (which is apparently the only noir movie he’s ever seen). The thing is, if I wanted to watch those shows, I would; I watched Veronica Mars specifically because I enjoyed its unique qualities, and I would say most fans agree. The general perception within the fandom is that with this season Rob Thomas seems to have been aiming to dump the old, majority female, CW fanbase in order to achieve what he perceives as a cooler prestigious male fanbase; the issue is, new people aren’t going to take up a show in its fourth season if they didn’t watch or didn’t like earlier seasons. Also, trying to write a prestigious show doesn’t make your show prestigious. Considering that based on anecdotal evidence most of the people who like S4 seem to be male, he may have succeeded in the first part of his aim. However, this majority female fanbase he was so willing to cast aside are the ones who have run fansites and rewatches during fallow times (i.e. between S3 and the movie and then between the books and S4), so drumming up interest among fans (and therefore streaming views) in the future may be a challenge. Plus, women are a better advertising demographic since they are more likely to be in charge of household purchasing decisions, so maintaining us as a fanbase makes business sense as well. He may have tricked enough people into watching S4 that S5 is given a go, but I wouldn’t be surprised if streams are weak beyond that. If the show is to succeed as a commercial endeavor, better to go with appealing to a known quantity than trying to make a generic show that very few people have expressed interest in watching.
Bring back the mystery of the week
This is a more minor thing I felt was missing from S4. I think after the criticism of S3 not having a season-long arc RT overcorrected in focusing on one mystery. However, the mystery of the week had the following benefits: 1) giving chances for the characters to interact and telling us more about them 2) helping to modulate the pace of the season-long arc. With better writing a season-long standalone mystery could maybe work, but in the case of S4 specifically the mystery was kind of dull and repetitive and could have stood to include a couple of diversions in the form of a smaller case here and there.
Re-evaluate the creators’ interpretation of the word “adult”
Much of the promo and reviews for this season noted the more “adult” content to be expected this season now that Veronica’s grown. Many fans hoped that meant seeing Veronica act like, you know, an adult with adult problems rather than a teenager less mature than the actual teenager she was. Unfortunately, the show’s interpretation of the word seems to be more in keeping with a television rating sense of the word--meaning sex, drugs, and gratuitous violence (But apparently not the word “fuck.”). Look, it was expected that as the show moved to a streaming service and given the overall dramatic scope that there would be an upgrade in some of this sort of content (and I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t looking forward to steamier LoVe moments, which were sorely overpromised), but the way it was included this season felt like RT and co. included this stuff just because they could and not to serve the storyline. For me, personally, the biggest example of this was Veronica’s drug use, which I know didn’t necessarily bother everyone. Given her history as the daughter of an alcoholic as well as someone who had been the victim of two roofie attacks, not to mention the fact that her character never seemed to be into partying, I found it very out of character (and book writer Jennifer Graham agrees). It felt like RT included this just bc they thought it would be funny to see Veronica on drugs without considering whether it made sense for her character. Also, were the beheadings strictly necessary? Plus there’s RT’s little temper tantrum over not being able to use curse words this season--they weren’t present in the original show, no one was going to miss them now, and the “cuss” thing was just annoying and reminiscent of The Good Place.
Dealing with a parent who maybe has dementia--that’s an adult storyline. Too bad RT ended it with a dumb excuse about “mixing meds” (another factual error! Pharmacy software would have caught it!) rather than actually exploring what it would mean for Veronica to see her father in decline and take over the family business (and give Rico Colantoni the exit he appears to want). This is the kind of adult content I would hope to see in future seasons.
Adult is not a synonym for “unrelentingly bleak” either. The original show, while dark, always had an element of hope that was completely removed from S4 (no matter what KB might claim). And would it have killed the writers to show Veronica wearing disguises and going undercover like she used to? There was nothing fun about this season (and no, I don’t count the multiple partying scenes as fun, more like sad).
Kill your darlings
It’s cliche, but it’s true. Another issue the show has long had is the writers keeping around characters or inserting jokes and references for their own personal amusement rather than for the story. The most notable example of this is the continued presence of Dick, a highly problematic character considering he pushed Beaver into the room with Veronica the night of Shelly Pomroy’s party, among a whole host of other racist, sexist, and generally obnoxious actions over the years. But because Ryan Hansen is so widely beloved among the cast and crew, so he stays. Then there’s the matter of the infamous Keister egg in 3x08, which the writers and KB have all expressed love for, despite the fact that said Keister egg is an example of sexual assault--which, even if the victim is a douchey fraternity president, is never funny.
Also the constant Big Lebowski references are tiring. Watch a new movie.
Improve Neptune’s gender ratio
Veronica Mars, despite having a female lead, has always been a male-dominated show; other than Veronica herself, the only consistent female character over the original show was Mac (and she didn’t even come back this season). This is unacceptable in 2019, for any show. The books introduced promising female characters in the form of Marcia Langdon and Petra Landros, but Marcia’s character was was watered down for S4 and Petra was nowhere to be found. Additionally, Veronica and Mac have always been written as “cool girls” who looked down on other women for their femininity, which isn’t a great message. Almost every other female character, even the innocuous Parker, is portrayed as somehow bad or incompetent. I would love nothing more than a season centered on the women of Neptune and their interactions with each other. While we’re at it, stop giving every woman on this show a background of sexual victimization.
Treat VM as an ensemble show, not a Kristen Bell vanity project
A major complaint from Burnt Marshmallows and S4 defenders alike was how little time was given over to the original core cast this season. While Veronica may be the protagonist, a large part of how the show became so beloved was her relationships with the other characters. Yet RT has decided that going forward VM will be a KB solo project, with her traveling town to town quipping and sleeping with strangers. This seems strange, given Kristen’s recent interviews talking about how difficult it is to shoot VM and how she never wants to be first on a call sheet ever again, not to mention how she asked for less screen time all the way back in S2, which resulted in the Weevil-Logan storyline, which was way more interesting than Veronica’s storylines during the first half of that season. (The traveling detective thing also seems weird considering that KB is pretty insistent on shooting in LA to be near her family.) Additionally, if this is truly the last season of VM with all the original characters, then no one got a proper sendoff.
I’m not sure how willing much of the cast will be to return for future iterations, given how uncomfortable many of them seemed during promo as well RT and KB’s treatment of them (insensitive at best, deliberately mean at worst) this season (shout out to Tina Majorino for recognizing what a shit show this was going to be), but bringing back all the original characters into the fold and giving them significant storylines would go a long way to mending fences with fans, improving the show from a character arc perspective, and would also give KB the break she apparently wants.
Recourt the fanbase
What has VM always been renowned for above all else? It’s incredibly loyal fandom which not only got it renewed twice during its original run but also put up their own money to get the movie made--I know many people who donated when they really couldn’t afford to. RT basically owes the last 6 years of his career to VM fans--the success of the Kickstarter arguably got him the iZombie show running gig, and the fourth season likely wouldn’t have even happened if not for it. Thus, the blatant cruelty and disregard with which RT and KB have treated fans during the promotion of S4 has been incredibly insulting and hurtful; I still can’t fathom what in the world possessed RT to think that throwing away this 15-year relationship was a good idea. It’s not a good sign when the 2 fansites most active during the post-movie period (VMHQ and VM Confessions) cease operations in the wake of S4, and when at least 3 out of 8 board members of the oldest running fan group, Neptune Rising (who were dormant during the post-movie period but played a critical role during earlier fan campaigns and in the S4 promo) resign. A fandom this loyal that was betrayed will not stand idly by if the S5 RT wants to make goes ahead; given the number of tweets the official Hulu VM account has had to delete in the wake of S4 due to the overwhelmingly negative response as well as the controversy over editing out Logan from S4 promos, I imagine that S5 will be a PR nightmare. Even if future seasons are amazing the trust can probably never be fully repaired, but it would be helpful for RT (or fingers crossed, a new show runner) and KB (as star and EP) to go overboard in reaching out to fans and at least admitting they made a misstep with the entirety of S4. Back in the day, the old Mars Investigation fansite was invited to set to conduct interviews; maybe do that again. Also someone should get KB some sort of VM fandom-fluent media trainer because I don’t think she has conducted a single interview during her entire stint on the show that didn’t anger fans (it might help if she actually bothered to watch the show).
Map out an endgame
Look, this can’t go on forever. As long as RT keeps leaving every installment open ended with the hopes of maybe getting renewed again five years down the line, the story is going to keep running into the issues the movie and S4 faced with having to shoehorn the characters into nonsensical plot lines to reconcile those endings and deal with actor availability issues. Either plot another 2-3 seasons to wrap the show up with a satisfying conclusion, or map out a greater timeline of Veronica’s life with spots where a mini series or movie here and there could fit in.
#Veronica Mars#still angry#mainly written for personal catharsis#need to stop being angry about this and focus more on studying synaptic transmission#Burnt Marshmallow#we use to be fans
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aheavenlyrush replied to your post “I’ve been on tumblr since 2012 and I was even a John Green fan for a...”
i checked and it happened in 2015
aheavenlyrush replied to your post “I’ve been on tumblr since 2012 and I was even a John Green fan for a...”
i saw that jg post on my feed and i had no energy to comment on it but truly when i saw that you had i felt such relief!! i remember making that one post about stiefvater defending him and telling teenage girls to be quiet and the response to it still fucking haunts me i swear
Oy, was it really that recently? The last three years have taken 900 years. And yeah... Maggie Stiefvater’s post about it was a Really Bad Look, and iirc that was the environment that spawned the beginning of the batshit “Keep YA Kind”* concern-trolling thing (yep, also 2015) that was mainly used to silence girls and women and people of color whenever the four white cishet men in YA fucked up between 2015 and 2018, when it finally publicly came out that most of them were, yk, fucking up because they’re legitimately horrible people and maybe the people calling them out should have been taken seriously.
* The other notable “why the fuck is this happening???? why is HE the one getting the sympathy here?????” events from “Keep YA Kind,” which, listen, I would bet you anything that it was very very nearly called “Keep Kidlit Kind” until the only person involved with 1/4 of a braincell managed to realize the acronym on their Twitter handle looked REALL BAD:
Andrew Smith, a straight white adult man, says out loud with his human adult man mouth, that he knows he can’t write female characters well and relies on fetishization and stereotypes because he never really met a girl until his daughter (??? SO WHAT IS YOUR WIFE, ANDREW? CHOPPED LIVER?) and, being as that is Bullshit and also his books were also being lauded as though they were Infinite fucking Jest Jr. even though the interview in question was for a book in which mutant grasshoppers take over the earth and a teenage boy gets trapped in a bunker with a teenage girl who eventually has to git to birthin’ babies she doesn’t want and isn’t medically prepared to have safely For The Good Of Humanity, he’s called out.
He’s called out mostly on a technical, writing level at first, even! Like, “Here’s how to write a female character: you write a fully considered, well-rounded character. They’re a girl.” And Andrew Smith FLIPS HIS SHIT, does some op-ed about how his mother used to beat him so he can’t see girls as people, and makes his twitter private. The “Keep YA Kind” sycophants support him HARD.
And then this happens to pop up on a mysterious Twitter that just HAPPENS to start while HIS twitter’s offline...
NOTE: Jay Asher, author of 13 Reasons Why, was literally dropped from his publisher and SCWBI for being a sexual predator. So like, I don’t think he was bullied, I think his predation was being remarked upon. Like, idk, maybe that he was being called creepy or sth idk idk idk
And then when A.S. decided to unsockpuppet to promote his next book, The Alex Crow, which is about mutant crows and a bunker or whatever:
The “asshole” in specific that Andrew Smith was calling an asshole was delightful human being and fellow author Kate Messner, who, coincidentally, was one of the victims to come out against Lemony Snicket’s sexual harrassment, so she’s had a BULLSHIT time just trying to do her JOB of being an author while female.
Which leads to Tommy Wallach! All-around fucknut! Whose major interest seems to be being That Guy In Philosophy 101 Who Always Has To Be Devil’s Advocate, Even Though No One Asked, and has a deeply vested interest in making sure that teenage girl readers -- who are his target audience, because he chose to write YA, as an adult man who made a choice in what he wrote and chose to make it YA, and not, like, any of the hundreds of genres that AREN’T largely written about and for teenage girls, yk -- know that teenage girls are Dumb. Victoria Schwab actually wrote an essay for YA Books Central about the incessant problem that IS/WAS Tommy Wallach called “We Need To Talk About Tommy” back in -- you guessed it! -- 2016, but it’s offline now and I’m not going to go Wayback it rn.
I’m just going to copypasta YAinterrobang’s Wallach timeline because he’s exhausting, he reminds me of undergrad.
Wallach’s continual pattern of behavior is worth discussing, especially in the context of sexism in YA and the continual marginalization of “diverse” voices in the community despite the efforts of the We Need Diverse Books movement.
Wallach’s problematic behavior runs back over a year, starting with a defense of Andrew Smith where he ignores the opinions of author and advocate Tessa Gratton in favor of a dictionary definition of sexism. (Andrew Smith’s behavior and the fallout around his statements have, of course, already been documented on YA Interrobang in “The Curious Case of Andrew Smith, Twitter & sexism.”) Wallach postures that women are inherently “other” from men, accuses Gratton of “gin[ning]up the controversy” and explains that he is a feminist because he was “raised by a single working mother and she’s still my best friend in the world.”
[View Wallach’s defense of Smith and attack on Gratton as a .pdf.]
Fast forward to later that year. Author Justina Ireland takes to Twitter to discuss a book where she feels the black character is self-hating. Ireland, being black herself, is asked about the book in question; she says that it’s Wallach’s debut novel We All Looked Up. Though Wallach is not tagged, he swoops into the conversation and demands Ireland provide proof that his character Anita is self-hating before claiming that author Dhonielle Clayton, who is also black, is friends with him and “engaged” with him on the issues in the book.
Clayton later stated publicly that she had not done any sensitivity reading on We All Looked Up.
What brought Wallach’s behavior to the attention of the YA world as a whole came this past November in the wake of the horrifying terrorist attacks in Paris. When the hashtag #prayforparis went viral, Wallach responded with multiple social media posts and a blog post about how atheism was the only belief that could make the world a better place. (Though Wallach argues that it is not, in fact, a belief: “The fact that we have a word for it makes it seem like it’s equivalent to other belief systems, but it’s not. The absence of something is not equivalent to the thing itself.”)
[View Wallach’s comments on atheism as a .pdf.]
After Wallach Tweeted that he was a “a rabid atheist, and the world would be a better place if more folk were” – a Tweet he subsequently deleted before deleting his account in its entirety – he doubled down in a block post that outlined all the way religions failed and all the reasons atheism was awesome.
Those who tried to explain to him why this behavior was – to say the least – problematic found themselves quickly blocked or shut down; at once point, Wallach tried to explain anti-Semitism to Jewish author Hannah Moskowitz before claiming that “if [her]parents are atheists and [his]dad is Jewish, [he’s] as much Jewish as [her].”
(For those wondering, Wallach blocked me during this incident despite being friendly with me and having taken my advice previously; while he did believe me in regards to his behavior towards Justina Ireland, which you can see in Tweets above, my snarky comment to him about “the only good people are the people who are exactly like me” was, apparently, too much for him to take. As Wallach’s account has since been deleted and I purged my social media account in January, that interaction is no longer publicly available.)
Take this behavior in comparison to author LJ Silverman, who recently received a sea of anti-Semitic hate mail – including crude manipulated images of her in an oven – for Tweeting that she was worried about the upcoming election in the context of history. Wallach painted himself to be the victim, somebody “attacked” for insulting all of the religious folks in the YA community, while Silverman, who simply shared a worry plaguing her, became a victim of virulent trolls.
While Wallach deleted his social media accounts after this, there were no public consequences to his actions despite ill-will from the YA community at large. If another member of the YA community had spoken out – one of our Catholic or Islamic or Jewish or Mormon authors, for instance – the backlash would have been substantially worse, possibly career-ruining.
Wallach’s career, however, was not ruined; he recently landed a six-figure deal for a book trilogy centered around a “holy war.”
And thus, we return to Wallach’s dismissive comments on suicide – which, it turned out, were neither new or original. In a blog post deleted after it came to light during this discussion, Wallach rated “the top ten literary suicides (organized by emo-ness)” which included all of the characters of HBO’s Girls – “It’s really just a fantasy of mine.” – and, ranking at number one, Sylvia Plath – who is not a character but a real person who suffered from depression before taking her own life at a young age.
[View Wallach’s post on suicide as a .pdf.]
“I’m only going to talk about the fact that a successful YA author found it appropriate to glorify, romanticize, and mock what for many of his readers is among the highest causes of death,” wrote Schwab in her “We Need To Talk About Tommy” post. “That this author could be so very careless and flippant and insensitive about such a very serious issue is abhorrent. That two years after penning this post he still sees suicide as something to be made light of, to be used as a marketing tool.”
Simon & Schuster made no public comment about any of Wallach’s comments. His career, save for making enemies of some fellow authors, seems relatively unscathed by his callous actions.
Anyway, the moral of the story is, like, if you wanna read books by straight white dudes, go for it, but check them out from the library. Spend your book-buying money on books by women, nonbinary/other folks, and dudes who aren’t straight and/or white. Straight white men, PARTICULARLY in categories of literature that are largely targeted towards girls and women, and largely written by girls and women -- but published, edited, and marketed by other straight white men -- are lauded FAR above what they’re actually worth, as like, storytellers or human people go.
The Glass Escalator is a one-way trip to wonderland, but YA is a skyscraper that was built by women and I PROMISE you, whatever book by one of these dudes you’re considering reading, there’s a better version by a woman and/or person of color on the shelves nearby that just didn’t get 1/10th of the marketing money.
And of course there should be an effort to be kind on social media, but “keep YA kind”... to whom? To the people who were being silenced when they were pointing out legitimate problems with the behaviors of men in social power? (And one of whom, in the case of Jay Asher, was LITERALLY DANGEROUS BC HE IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR.) Like, really? There had to be a hashtag campaign to silence dozens of people with legitimate, not-bullying-just-pointing-out-problems-that-are-problems-with-stuff-you-did-dude problems, to make social media feel more comfortable for four middle-aged straight white men?
As though the outside world isn’t comfortable enough for middle-aged straight white men????
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With Option C, we reach the end the beginning of the road. That is to say, we come full circle. The drug trial ends, and the subjects are paid off and sent back to their day-to-day lives. Owen and Annie attempt to make changes in their lives, following up on what they experienced in their reflections.
The doctors are forced to change their lives, after the unexpected way the trial ended. They are sent out into the real world, no longer able to use their careers as an excuse to hide behind their computers in windowless rooms. All of the main characters spend the episode building toward striking out on new adventures, but we’ll have to wait to see if Maniac stays a “limited” one season series, or if it gets a season 2, before we find out if we get to follow the next stage of their development.
Option C begins with the subjects waking up from their “C” pill experience. They are dazed, overheated, and dehydrated. Owen asks Annie if she’s okay, but she just tells him, “Not now.” As the subjects stumble from the experiment room, James and Greta stand outside the door and say helpful things like, “You’re alive!” and, “You woke up!” They get it together after a minute and act as though they’re in a receiving line, congratulating the subjects and asking Owen if he feels pure, unaffected joy.
Owen tells Greta that he’s a huge fan and has read all of her books. That explains why he was able to understand Gertie, and she liked him so much. I wonder if Greta is Owen’s fantasy mother, when he dreams of replacing his own.
James declares the 73rd iteration of the ULP a complete success and the patients healed.
The Big Boss, Yoda, who appears only as a talking 50s TV with wavy lines on the screen, calls James, Azumi and Greta to his office to account for what happened. He’s disgusted that years of work and money have been wasted. Greta doesn’t take his attitude though. She’s a globally recognized, best-selling author and radio host. She doesn’t work for him.
Yoda says that his minions can’t find Gertie. “They believe she may have slipped away.”
Ha! I knew it. Gertie has escaped onto the internet, or into another AI ready appliance. Azumi says it’s not true, that Gertie no longer exists, but during the emergency sequence, Gertie did all kinds of things that she wasn’t supposed to be able to do. She could definitely play dumb about the shutdown, then play dying/dead.
She and Grimsson are probably together, happily holding seances in their jazz speakeasy in some corner of the internet, as we speak.
Yoda says that Muramoto’s family intends to sue. Greta tells him that she does as well, since they stole her mind from her for profit. Yoda thinks that’s a good idea, which is odd, since she’s suing his company. Then Greta tells Yoda not to ever let James practice in this industry again, for both his sake and the sake of humanity. Yoda assures her that James’ career is over.
Yoda gives James a chance to speak, but he doesn’t have anything to say. Greta stands to say goodbye to her son. He suggests that they could share a very brief lunch sometime. She tells him that she’s leaving the country on an extended book tour covering all seven continents, so they won’t see each other again for a long time.
She walks away. He wipes his mouth off, even though they didn’t kiss goodbye. I bet she loved being able to tell him that she was the one leaving this time, after he said she blinded him with her toxic love.
Yoda tells Azumi and James that their idiocy with the ULP might be useful to him in a private matter. Does that mean that he wants to manufacture and sell it illegally, since they didn’t complete the legal tests? The A and C pills apparently have some value without Gertie’s input. Maybe he’s going to give them a lump sum of cash as a combination buy out and hush money.
The subjects leave the center. Annie tries to give her payment to Patricia as an apology for threatening her daughter, but Patricia doesn’t take it. Owen follows Annie to where she waits at the nearest bus stop. He tells her that he understands that they aren’t real friends, and won’t stalk her. He explains that sometimes he has a problem with obsessing about people. Annie’s still preoccupied with her own “C” pill experiences and brushes him off. Owen says goodbye and gets in a cab.
😭😭😭😭😭
James and Azumi ride up to the surface in the elevator with their stuff. Azumi has a bonsai with her, as well as her luggage. James apologizes for ruining everything, after she brought him back on the project. Azumi says it’s okay, it was going to fail anyway. She set up a situation that was intolerable for Gertie. James insists that her work on Gertie was remarkable.
James tells Azumi that it might have been the kiss she gave him during her big speech to Greta that made him go blind for a while. While he was blind he had an internally generated vision fantasy: “You and I were at sea. You were my first mate and nurturing life partner. And we were on a journey.”
Azumi: “To Where?”
James: “The lost city of Atlantis.”
Azumi: “Oh.”
James: “What is it?”
Azumi: “It’s just I don’t like boats.”
Hot and heavy making out ensues, followed by smug standing and waiting for the elevator to stop. Azumi asks if she can give him a ride somewhere. A whole new world opens up in front of James as he realizes she has a car and can drive. Maybe Azumi can be the captain this time and he can be the first mate and nurturing life partner.
And Azumi wants to live in the real world instead of his fantasy, though it was lovely of him to ask her. His purple soulmate was from Atlantis, after all.
Azumi’s car is Owen’s flame-covered roadster from the mob family “C” pill reflection. She was born to be wild.
Owen sees a Daddy’s Home ad on his way into his apartment. It doesn’t have Annie’s face on it. The mission is over. Once he gets into his tiny apartment, where he and Olivia lived with their seven children, he sits at his tiny desk and writes a note to her, apologizing for the things he did during his BLIP. He’s trying to face reality and accept consequences.
Owen meets with his mother, who encourages him to tell the “truth” and get Jed out of trouble at the trial. She asks Owen if he’s been approached by anyone trying to manipulate him into changing his testimony. She’s heard that witness intimidation is something that frequently happens to wealthy people.
Unlike our world, where the wealthy buy off or threaten witnesses.
Owen hasn’t been approached by strangers, so his meeting with his mom is done.
Next up is trial practice with Frank the lawyer (Same as in the reflections) and the men of the Milgrim family. Frank’s first practice question is, “Have you ever seen your brother engage in an act of consensual or non-consensual urination?”
Well, that’s very specific, isn’t it?
They get a call with a new settlement offer, but Porter and Jed refuse to even hear it. Even though accepting a plea would keep Owen from perjuring himself, they think it would also ruin their family name for Jed to plead guilty. Porter thinks it’s up to the female victim to forgive Jed for his “mistake”, and if she won’t, she’ll get what she deserves. He makes a vicious, violent threat toward her, pointedly says that’s how the Milgrim family deals with enemies (to make sure Owen gets the message), then leaves the room.
Jed and Owen are left alone. Jed puts on a bizarre act, begging Owen not to let him be convicted, while fake crying, throwing things, and threatening him. Owen’s not the only unstable one in the family.
On the day of the trial, Owen dutifully tells the story they coached him to tell, that Jed was at his house playing Risk the evening of the assault. When the prosecutor takes over, she notes that Owen lives in an apartment with no data portals and a building with no doorman or security cameras, so there’s no objective record of Jed’s visit that night.
Owen says that he prefers to be disconnected. That’s definitely a loaded statement. The prosecutor suggests that he’s invisible, in a sense.
The prosecutor shows Owen video footage pulled from the closed circuit surveillance cameras in his family’s factory which shows the crime as it happened, moving from camera to camera, with a few gaps. You can see Jed grope the woman, force her movements, and celebrate after she runs out crying. It appears that he has her urinate on him?? (If anyone is more clear, let me know. I think his shirt is wet when she leaves.)
After she shows the video, the prosecutor brings up Owen’s history of mental illness. Owen is more honest than the family would like. After having a moment to think, Owen tells the judge he wants to submit his testimony, and says that the man in the video is Jed. Owen admits that he was lying before when he said that Jed was with him. Jed is a monster and he’s guilty.
Owen and Jed stare at each other. Jed looks excited and hard as nails. He loves a “justified” chance for violence. This is the hawk all over again. He finally jumps up screaming and threatening to kill Owen.
But Owen isn’t a 9 year old boy or a hawk. He did take another big step toward becoming a mentally healthy adult who can live with himself without guilt and self-loathing, though, and he got justice for the woman and the hawk. He may be invisible and disconnected, but he’s also a brave hero.
Annie visits her dad. When she can’t find him anywhere in the house, she assumes he’s still in the A-VOID, so she gives the pod her speech. She tells him that she needs him to come out of the pod and live in the world and be her dad now. She understands that he’s been heartbroken over his failed marriage to a mentally ill woman and the sudden death of the good daughter. But they are they only 2 left in the family, and it’s time to pull together, even if she reminds him of her mother and he wishes that Ellie had been the one to survive.
Hank, thank goodness, is already out of the pod. He heard everything she said and opens a window to tell Annie that he doesn’t think any of those things about her as compared to her mother or Ellie. He did think she wasn’t coming back after she took all of his money and left. He figured she was the third Irish exit and now he was going to be alone.
They sit in the kitchen and drink tea while Annie tells him about the drug trial. Hank’s take away is that she looks good, it seems to have opened her up some, and he wants to know how Ellie looked. Annie tries to convince him that the reflections weren’t real, so what she saw in them doesn’t matter. He figures that you never know what or who might have a connection to the spirit world.
Then Hank asks if anything’s come to her in the last three days. Annie wonders if she did it wrong. Owen listened to her stories and tried to help her, no matter what she did. Hank points out that Owen acted like a friend.
Jed went through with the threats he made against Owen (to make it look like Owen had tried to hurt important people), and Owen’s family had him committed to a mental health facility. The therapist in the facility asks Owen why he hasn’t tried to contact Annie since the drug trial. Owen explains that there are two options. In Option A, he looks her and Neberdine up and discovers that they don’t exist. “Option B is even worse.”
Annie decides to go to Salt Lake City after all, and to ask Owen to go with her. Friend Proxy Owen. It seems like there should be an Ad Buddy along to pay for the Friend Proxy, but I didn’t see one. I guess one fake friend at a time is enough for Annie.
Annie makes an end-of-the rom-com speech to “Owen” about how special their connection is, and how much she needs him in her life, because it’s so hard to really connect with someone. “Owen” makes the expected speech back about feeling the same way, capping it off with a marriage proposal, because that’s the perfect ending for a rom-com, right?
Not this one. Annie tells him no, their relationship isn’t like that, and he’s doing Owen all wrong. Owen’s has an underlying sadness mixed with sweetness and caring. Friend Proxy Owen tries to figure out if her notes on his performance mean he’s fired.
They’re at an impound lot picking up Hank’s truck. Presumably it got towed away when he kept ignoring the parking tickets that were piling up on the windshield. Annie must be bailing the truck out with her drug money.
When she gets in the truck, she finds a copy of the NY Post with Owen and Jed on the front page and a report on Owen getting committed. Annie decides that seeing real Owen is a sign, and drives away without Friend Proxy Owen, who figures out that he is indeed fired.
It’s time for a rescue mission. Annie has her trench coat and her Linda Marino persona in place when she visits Owen at the mental health facility. She signs in as Linda and mentions that her husband is already inside, putting his name, Bruce Marino, down on the list above hers, and giving Wendy Lemur as the name of the patient they’re visiting. Then she sashays on in to find Owen.
I love that with those two there’s always an important animal to save and/or who carries the important message. Linda’s going to get Wendy out of the hospital and keep everybody away from the bad guys, this time.
She sees Owen in a courtyard, sitting on a bench, and sits next to him. He moves to another bench, but she follows.
The part in italics is meta about Owen. You can skip it if you aren’t interested.
Annie solved her crisis and can move on, because she still has her dad as a safety net. She’s a volatile person and will have rocky relationships, but, as long as she remains otherwise emotionally healthy and honest, she’ll be able to find people who enjoy that kind of excitement, as they showed in the reflections.
Owen came out of the drug trial in good shape, but his trauma is ongoing and never-ending. I’m not sure people who don’t come from a (nearly) inescapable, psychologically abusive situation understand what it’s like.
The amount of money involved doesn’t really matter. That’s why they showed the reflection where Owen’s family was the same, but working class. When the family controls everything, including access to the money, wealth isn’t a safety net for abuse victims. It’s another way to control them. Every penny has conditions attached, and, as they showed, loyalty is the first condition.
I speak from experience. My family has been poor, and parts have been wealthy. The only difference between the two, as far as the abuse goes, is how much stuff there is to manipulate you with. The stuff, whatever form it might take, whether it’s affection or material goods, is always clutched under tight, jealous control, and must always be earned through shows of loyalty and submission.
But not dependence. Don’t ever think they’re going to just take care of you or give you a hand out when you’re in trouble. Owen’s father offers him a job and various perks, but he has to earn them by lying in court or moving back into his toxic home.
I guarantee you that nothing is in Owen’s name, unless Owen has earned it on his own, separate from his family. They’ve probably tried to find legal loopholes to claim those belongings as well, such as having him sign over power of attorney when he was committed. Tyrants don’t retain control by spreading power around, and to them, money is power.
So Owen has a mental illness that has been debilitating at times, making it difficult for him to work. He has a powerful family who, if he crosses them, can black ball him away from getting decent jobs. He’s been hammered at for decades now, put in his place as the worthless child, who’s only good for taking care of the rest of them, who couldn’t possibly be wanted by anyone outside the family. The family wants him, of course, because they take care of their own.
Owen’s in a place where he can see it all clearly, but he also knows that it would be tough for him to survive on his own, without anyone to keep an eye on him. The Forgotten Child has learned to be invisible as a coping mechanism, which doesn’t attract a lot of people to you. Because of that it takes much more effort to break free from the family and build a new social network.
So, after the trial, Owen surrendered and allowed his mobster, cult-like family to have him committed. He figured he’d be out of their way and left alone, and maybe he’d get some real therapy, with medication, that would help. Unlike his adventurous self in the reflections, real life Owen is emotionally exhausted and ground down.
Which is where Annie finds him. He’s assuming that the choices for the rest of his life are that anyone who cares about him is either a delusion, like Grimsson (Option A), or, as he tells Annie, a fair weather friend who’ll leave as soon as he has a bad day (Option B- Olivia, Jed, his parents, Adelaide) because they don’t care enough about him to deal with his issues.
His family has taught him that his BLIP was catastrophic, and that’s what he tells Annie now. In episode 2, the family baited Owen about dessert and Balderdash until he snapped at them in a fairly normal, frustrated way, then they all asked if he’d taken his medication. He’s been groomed to believe that he’s the one with the dangerous emotions, instead of Jed. Because of his mental illness, and because these ideas were ingrained when he was a child, he hasn’t been able to fight back.
This is one flaw in the A-B-C pill therapy. There’s no long-term strategy for ongoing issues. And Owen is full of them.
Okay, back to the courtyard and the bench-hopping, now that we understand how Owen got there and where he is. Which is tired and hopeless. Annie demands to know why he’s there, since it’s not a state-run facility, so they can’t force him to stay against his will. He tells her the obvious, that Jed made good on sending Anthrax to the governor, his family had him committed, he had a BLIP in college, and he’s “crazy”.
If having a BLIP was enough to get you put away for good, most people would be locked up eventually. Breakdowns can take a lot of different forms and look different from Owen’s, but in my experience, almost everyone has one sooner or later.
Which Annie basically tells Owen.
Annie: “Maybe you’re diagnosed, maybe you need to be medicated, but this…this does not work for me, Owen, and I don’t think it works for you either. So you saw some things that weren’t there. So what? People see aliens, people hear voices, people see ghosts.”
Owen: “That’s different. My mind it…it doesn’t work right.”
Annie: “No one’s does. I’m gonna go into that bathroom, and 30 seconds later, you’re gonna go into that bathroom. You get me?”
The bathroom is inside the facility.
Owen: “No”
Annie: “What is the problem?”
Owen: “I’m afraid.”
Annie: “Of what?”
Owen: “Option B. Annie, the same thing happens every time I meet someone or get close to someone. I mess it up. I’m gonna get frustrated one day and yell at you out of nowhere over something insignificant I’m fixated on. And then you’ll stop calling back. And you’ll change your number, and it’ll break my heart. It’s just easier if you’re not real.”
Annie: “But I am real. You know me.”
Owen hasn’t looked at Annie throughout their conversation. He finally does.
Annie: “You’re braver than this Owen. And I will never do that to you. Never… Thirty seconds.”
Bruce Owen: “Thirty seconds.”
Those were much better romantic speeches, about things that are real. They talked about what they really needed, what they’re afraid of, and what they could realistically give. They understood what they were saying to each other because of their past experiences together.
Annie heads for the ladies room. Owen follows, as instructed. Linda Annie tells him their cover story and takes off her outer layer of clothes, borrowed from Hank, for him to change into. Owen takes the clothes, but doesn’t change.
After a minute, he asks Annie why she’s there. She says, “Because I’m your friend. And that’s what friends do.” Owen looks overwhelmed for a second, while Annie holds her breath. She’s really put herself out there for Owen. He says, “Okay,” and starts changing. She gives him a little smile and nod. They’re both near tears.
Once they’re dressed again, they walk out through the lobby, hand in hand. The security guard at the desk remembers that Annie came in alone, and questions her. She keeps moving and says it’s fine, but he checks the sign in sheet. Since there’s no patient named Wendy Lemur, they’re busted, and make a run for the truck. Owen is excited to see the truck from the story of the day her mother left.
They hop in, and Annie introduces Owen to Harpo, her new little rescue dog who looks similar to Groucho (and is named after another Marx Brother). Another debt repaid.
The facility security staff are running out of the building and toward the truck, but Annie can’t get herself to turn the key. She says it happens sometimes when she tries to start cars. She asks Owen if he’ll go to Salt Lake City with her, with the disclaimer that she doesn’t technically have a driver’s license. With the staff bearing down on them, Owen tells her, “Yes, you gotta start the car, though.”
Knowing she’s not driving alone gets Annie past her block and she turns the key. They circle the parking lot a couple of times, looking for the exit. Owen has Wendy the lemur Harpo the dog in his arms and a big smile on his face as they escape. It’s the wish he was going to use on the tiny lost Don Quixote chapter, come to life. They drive off down a country road, with the leaves turning brilliant fall colors, to parts unknown, still laughing.
Some time later, there’s snow on the ground as Azumi and James take a back road to Newfoundland, Canada. He has a theory that’s he feels is a bit ridiculous, more like one of Greta’s woo-woo ideas, but Azumi wants to hear it anyway. They have a long drive ahead of them. It begins, “Two billion years ago, an amoeba…” It’s the theory from the season’s opening voiceover.
Azumi and James pass Owen and Annie driving in the opposite direction. Annie tells Owen that Salt Lake city is far away, and the truck might not make it, but they’ll get there someday. Owen says, “Do we actually know each other?” Anni replies, “We’re off to a good start.”
After they’ve disappeared around the bend, Annie’s little sanitation bot comes into view, giving Owen’s hawk a ride. Groucho the lost dog runs past them.
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This season features two love successful stories, between James & Azumi, and Annie & Owen, who have a lot of issues, but accept and help heal each other. When the drug trial is over, no one is perfectly mentally healthy, but they are ready to take care of and protect each other through the tough times, even the tough times that originate within themselves. They are all ready to go out and experience real life, instead of just a simulation or a canned version of it set in a very controlled environment.
Robert and Gertie are an example of a tragic love story, of star-crossed lovers who could never fully be together. Greta is a modern love story of a woman finding fulfillment within her career and arranging the rest of her life to serve that. Adelaide and Jed are a cautionary tale. Olivia and Owen were Owen’s dream of a traditional love story, one that would never work out for him. He doesn’t have it in him to be average and typical. Neither does Annie, so that’s okay.
Owen’s hawk symbolizes adventure, purpose, freedom, strength, Annie and mental health. The hawk is the side he’d always like to show the world. The owl symbolizes exploring his past, his subconscious, dreams, Olivia and the dark, hidden recesses of Owen’s mind. The owl is the side he’d like to hide from everyone, even himself.
It’s significant that he brought Annie to the Lady Neverdie’s safe, which used to be an owl, in the Neverdie mansion, and let Annie have what was inside without a fuss. She’s probably the only person he’d trust that way. His mind tried giving that role to Olivia in the next reflection, but it didn’t feel right, so he turned into a hawk and went to find Annie. Maybe Olivia is too closely connected to the worst day of his life. Owen and Annie are a platonic, best friends love story for now, but sometimes that’s the most enduring. Maybe they’ll grow into wanting more over time, or maybe they’ll always be the replacement siblings each one needed.
Owen never gave himself credit for his intelligence and problem-solving abilities because his family didn’t want him to develop them and outshine Jed. But the evidence is there throughout the season, and he subconsciously knows he’s the smartest one in the family. He tosses in logical arguments that are shot down for emotional or irrational reasons every time he’s with family members. He frequently has a Rubik’s cube in his hand, as if it’s his worry beads. A Rubik’s cube is not soothing for most people. We saw Grimsson give him information that could only have come from Owen having keen powers of observation and using that to power his intuition, or from Owen (and Grimsson) actually being psychic. No matter how you look at it, he has a logical, analytical, problem-solving brain, and he’ll be able to do something with that once he detoxes from his family for a while. Owen’s Rubik’s cube symbolizes that he’s a complex, intelligent thinker.
Annie’s symbols are the sanitation bot, Groucho the dog, and Wendy the lemur. The sanitation bot can deal with any kind of s–t that’s handed to it, and clean up the mess afterward, though it could use a helping hand every once in a while. It’s Annie’s strength and courage, her down to earth ability to deal with whatever life throws at her. She’s a caretaker at heart, though she forgot for a while because she was stretched so thin as a child by having to raise Ellie when her mother left and her father fell into depression. Now she’s ready to take care of things again.
Groucho was a bit lost and helpless, and was really a symbol of Ellie, everything Annie’s lost and of Annie’s depression and despair. Annie had to accept that Groucho and Ellie were really gone, before she could go on with her life. But once she worked through that pain and loss, and believed there could be other people (and dogs) who were important to her, she got her dad back, and found Owen, and found a new dog to love.
Wendy the lemur was an exotic animal who sowed discord around her and didn’t really belong in the story, though she also didn’t mean any harm. She symbolized Greg FUN Nazland, the accident that killed Ellie, and events that don’t make sense. There was no way for Annie to weave the accident into the story of her life in a way that would make sense with the rest of the story because it simply doesn’t. It’s a terrible thing that happened, just like Wendy being taken from her family in Madagascar, being forced to live under a bed in a tiny cage, and then ending up in a war zone, was a terrible thing for her.
Owen’s family having him committed for Jed’s crimes was another Wendy situation. Owen’s family are who they are, and he’s not going to change them. Right and wrong don’t matter to them. All that matters is what benefits them and what hurts them, according to their own skewed values. Since Owen had lived with them all of his life, it was hard for him to see how wrong and bizarre their actions were. To him, they were a dog. To a normal person from a loving family, they’re Wendy the lemur. The only way to solve the issue was to get Owen away from the family so they can’t hurt him anymore. There’s no amount of therapy that Owen can attend that will stop Jed and Porter from being violent psychopaths.
Both James and Azumi have been living in the subbasements of their minds for years, using Greta’s early work to come up with something barely original. They’ve been too afraid to go out into the world and take risks, create, adventure, be truly original. A spectacular failure frees them both up to do that now, since the worst has already happened.
In the lab, there was so much glass surrounding Azumi and James that they might as well have been bugs in a jar, or lab rats on display. They were surely subjects of the experiments, just as much as the odds and evens were. But they were subjects of Gertie’s machinations.
I think that Gertie played everyone, starting around episode 4. She wanted to fix James and Azumi because she felt both motherly toward them and like their child. She really did want to meet Greta, the other version of herself, but she also wanted to get Greta there so that she and James could have the confrontation they needed to have. Gertie set up the conflict and confrontation scenario wherein she intended to keep Annie, in order to give everyone something real to fight for.
Gertie figured out that you can’t solve your problems in your head alone, even with virtual reality. You have to interact with the real world. So she pushed the people whose problems she could help solve, James, Azumi, Annie and Owen, into action, interaction and risk-taking that helped heal them, some of it in the “C” pill experience and some of it in the real world.
Azumi and James mirror Annie and Owen in many ways, with the genders reversed. Azumi even ends up with Owen’s adventure car, and leaves her tiny world of the lab, same as Owen leaves the tiny worlds of his apartment and family, and goes on an adventure of testing his sanity against his family’s will at Jed’s trial, then goes adventuring in the big world with Annie, when he gives up on his family for reals. James has to kill and say goodbye to his fake mother, letting his childhood issues go, same as Annie has to accept Ellie’s death and say goodbye, allowing her to accept adult responsibilities, symbolized by adopting a dog and taking on a partner, Owen.
When we meet them, James and Annie are both using addiction as escapism. Annie is using the “A” pills to relive the accident that killed Ellie everyday. James is addicted to sex software and acting out fantasies that sound suspiciously like the way his mother talks and thinks.
Owen is repressed and at the mercy of his family, living in a tiny apartment and unable to break out of his rut. Azumi is repressed and tied to James’ experiment, having committed herself to finishing someone else’s life’s work. She lives in the windowless lab and almost never leaves.
Over the course of the drug trial, Owen and Azumi both gain confidence in themselves and their abilities. They learn that someone cares about them, even when they make mistakes.
During the trial Annie and James both fight growth and need outside intervention, but make progress in the end. Both need to make some giant, protective, destructive gesture at the end to feel they’ve accomplished something.
An argument could be made that Annie and Owen are just reflection doubles of Azumi and James, and that it’s Azumi and James who are really going through the treatment protocol. But I prefer to think that the truth is close to what we were shown, and Gertie created a growth scenario on her own for James and Azumi, maybe with the help of Greta. We didn’t see everything that Greta said happened between her and Gertie. Maybe Gertie convinced Greta of her plan once the camera was off of her.
Or, all 4, Azumi, James, Owen and Annie, are going through the trial together and have gotten mixed up in each other’s reflections.
I don’t think Maniac was trying to make a sweeping statement about the value of therapy or medication for mental illness. The scenes with Owen in the expensive private facility, getting very good care, show both him and Annie acknowledging that medication and therapy could be helpful for him. In fact, Owen acknowledges that medication might help him several times over the course of the season. Whether he wants to be medicated or not depends on his stress level and how much support he feels he otherwise has.
The private facility that the Milgrims commit Owen to, which is clearly the best and most effective that money can buy, is meant as a counterpoint to Neberdine’s crackpot approach to medicine for profit. That’s where the show’s social commentary is. If you have the money, you can buy effective treatment in a safe, respectful facility from qualified professionals. If you don’t have the money, you’re stuck cobbling together whatever you can manage, using free clinics, drug samples (I’ve known schizophrenics who got by for years on drug samples) and experimental drug trials. The inequality leads to greater homelessness and incarceration among the mentally ill.
I also think the show was arguing for getting away from pathologizing our lives and just living them instead. With a suggestion to be tolerant of the highs and lows of loved ones, as long as they aren’t harming themselves or others. They seemed to be suggesting adventure and fresh air could cure some ills, instead of always being cooped up in the A-VOID, or the sub-basement, or the microapartment…
Vulture article on the multiple roles played by various actors.
Deadline interview with Maniac writer Patrick Somerville.
Dr Mantleray’s Secret Study Parameters from the episode 1 opening video:
Hypothesis: All souls are on a quest to connect. Corollary: Our minds have no awareness of this quest. Hypothesis: All the worlds that Almost Were, matter just as much as the world we’re in. Corollary: These hidden worlds cause us great pain. Camaraderie, communion, family, friendship, love, what have you. We’re lost without connection. It’s quite terrible to be alone. Put simply, my goal is to eradicate all unnecessary and inefficient forms of human pain. Forever. We must evolve past our suffering. My research into this matter is, of course, ongoing.
James really is just a hopeless romantic. He should take up writing fantasy romance novels. Or he and Azumi can start a dating app and website, using a reconfigured Gertie. She’d love that so much. Grimsson would come along, and act up, and that would give James and Azumi a reason to bring in Owen and Annie. There’s your season 2. It takes place in Salt Lake City, of course. First dates would be in the VR/reflection experience using a new pill James created, which we don’t talk about because it isn’t quite legal. Greta shows up periodically for couples counseling.
Images courtesy of Netflix.
Maniac Season 1 Episode 10: Option C Recap With Option C, we reach the end the beginning of the road. That is to say, we come full circle.
#black comedy#Emma Stone#Jonah Hill#Justin Theroux#Maniac#mental illness#metacrone#Option C#recaps#review#Sally Field#science fiction#Sonoya Mizuno#virtual reality
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I'm Standing on a Million Lives - Volume 1
Hurray! Moving on from 100% Pascal Sensei, this is the next series on MAL alphabetically due to its Japanese title (100-man no Inochi no Ue ni Ore wa Tatteiru). I'm excited to be catching up on something so recent as season 2 for the anime is actually coming out this month! I'm going in 100% blind so, I guess we'll just see where this goes. Chapter breakdown after the "read more."
Ch. 1
-Well, this was really awkwardly paced and written, not a promising start if I'm honest. I hate it when people are isekai'd and barely react, it's so jarring.
-Protag-kun is an edgelord who "hates Tokyo and all the people in it," has no friends, and just wants to play video games. Of course his video game skills are rewarded in isekai-land. Typical cliché BS so far. At least he had a self-aware "oh wait, I'm being a self-centered prick" moment.
-The art isn't hideous, but I don't sense any creativity here. Everyone looks very generic, including the monsters. At least the two-page spreads look nice on my new e-reader
-I feel like this would read as batshit to people who aren't familiar with the isekai genre. They just assume that people are so used to these tropes that they don't need to explain anything. I would have liked it if they showed us more of the "normal" world so that the isekai moment would be more of a shock and we could get a better feel for the characters/setting.
-Game master dude is really annoying. I hope they explain why he speaks in partial sentences. None of the characters even acknowledged it which was really weird.
-Kinda dumb how Kusue saying "I want to be useful to people!" just completely blew Protag-kun's mind and changed his whole world view. First of all: can we save epiphanies like that for at least the end of volume 1?? Second: how easily swayed is this man!? He felt like he went through the entire A Silent Voice MC's character arc in 2 seconds.
-I feel like the level of gore doesn't fit the tone they're going for. It just feels out of place and gratuitous. Like, this isn't Attack on Titan, this is more of an adventure series (I think)
Ch. 2
-The characterization in this is really annoying. So far the characters don't feel like real people, they're just assigned archetypes. Yuka is an otaku, Kusue is the "frail girl," etc. I think one thing that's lacking is the girls barely get a chance to speak and we're stuck with Yotsuya's incel monologues. Hopefully this improves.
-Real convenient that all the chosen party members are girls so far. The setting/make up of the party reminds me of Konosuba a lot.
-Why are bullying scenes in manga always so over the top? I'm pretty sure bullies don't typically go the sexual assault route. Similar to the gore feeling out of place, that felt unnecessarily dark. The character's also reacted to it as if it wasn't a big deal (???)
-Today in "fancy words used in manga": polyandric. Apparently it means an animal that mates with multiple males.
-I was honestly triggered by the centipede monsters. I have house centipedes in my apartment and they're horrifying. The thought of one wrapping around my head...-shudder-
-The bullying rescue scene was interesting. I feel like normally it would be a big, heroic moment, but instead they chose to show how all the girls (bullies and victim) were afraid of Yotsuya for suddenly showing up and acting like a maniac. It was kinda nice to see his "you love me now, right?" rejected lol.
-The self-aware anime stuff is obnoxious. MC being like "woah this is a harem situation" and the girls being like "gap moe!?" at the end of the chapter. It's jarring when characters that aren't supposed to be otaku bring up otaku things.
-Game Master showing up on Yotsuya's phone was pretty funny lol. I liked his selfie.
Ch. 3
-Shindo's backstory was so weirdly written and awkward: she was a bad kid, made friends with an older girl who taught her to be good, and then that older girl killed herself. She then overheard her family members being like "lol that dead girl was ugly" so...she vowed to protect the weak...or something? I dunno it was confusing. Also, more needlessly grimdark content with Shindo's parents basically saying that girl deserved to die because she was ugly.
-I don't think this mangaka understands anatomy, the abs on the male characters look...off
-Interesting rule where they lose EXP for fighting humans. Although, that does make me wonder about the cover art for this volume. Are the "million lives" supposed to represent all the times the characters die and are revived or...?
-Yuka being like "I don't think Shindo's a good person because she's got pretty privilege." Rubbed me the wrong way. She reeks of the "not like other girls" trope
-When Yotsuya said he's "not like other boys" because he'll listen to your tragic backstory and Shindo reacts "are you gay or something?" That felt like a mix of casual homophobia and toxic masculinity, not cute.
Ch. 4
-We get a new harem addition and her stupid quirk is that she likes cutting people up. I dunno, something about the way she robotically announced that while fighting felt so unnatural and forced. This manga is anything but subtle.
-Only now realizing that the artist and the author are two separate people. Honestly, I was surprised to find out that this is just a manga and it doesn't have a corresponding light novel. It really feels like it's being adapted from something, but maybe that has to do with the writer and artist being separate?
-Every time they mention a new fantasy name it kinda seems like the author just threw scrabble letters at the wall.
-The design of the bipedal steeds wheel attachment looked like it wouldn't work. Like, how do those things walk with a big giant wheel right in front of their feet? I guess I'll find out in the anime lol
-Very, very confused about Yotsuya's "career." When he became a chef he dressed as a chef, but now that he's a wizard he's back to dressing like a farmer and using a hoe? That seems like a continuity error. Either that or they didn't explain how things work very well. Can you switch between your past careers?
-They reveal that they only feel 1/36 of normal pain in this world, which would have been nice to know in chapter 1 when people were being torn apart, but okay.
-One of Yotsuya's new skills is "the ability to raise or lower the persuasiveness of your words." Immediately I was like, "wtf? In what situation would you want to lower your persuasiveness?" Maybe if you're using reverse psychology? -shrug-
-I enjoyed the author's mini essay at the end about stories standing the test of time. I guess this is their first serialization so now I kinda feel bad for trashing it so much lol. Oh well, gotta be honest in my reactions...
#i'm standing on a million lives#100-man no Inochi no Ue ni Ore wa Tatteiru#manga#this was pretty bad lol#I can handle 10 volumes tho#maybe it will get better?#plz?
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The Gift – How To Slay A Dragon
Hello my invisible other…I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for the last four weeks…gasping to take a breather…taking time out to absorb the present memories recently brought to life…the fragments of love floating around my heart are remnants of what was…what is…and indeed what could be…The Gift – How To Slay A Dragon
if only, becomes a cry in the dark at present due to the absence of mutual trust and the lack of depth where internal feelings are concerned…my heart no longer slices like a carving knife at the scar tissue of old wounds…instead I kiss each sealed entry point…like a wise man once bitten no longer shy…fools fall in love
the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift
the need to piece together the love lost…the love found…and the love suppressed in the here and now has become vital to keep my heart on the knifes edge…choosing to walk the straight and narrow with one aim in sight…keeping balanced every step of the way…retracing the footsteps of the dragon…
knowing too well how one slip up could lead to the down fall of ones own soul…life can take its toll…weighing the heart down until it snaps under the peer pressure of opportunity knocks
whether it be to fulfill your own fantasy or another heart’s desire…by following the temptation of a silver tongue…the heart will eventually sever all ties with reality…a superficial puppet carrying the chains of hell fire…
the devil has a warped ideal of love…shaping and carving human hearts to follow in their ancestors blind beliefs of what love truly means…indeed my invisible other the puppeteer would be dead right…
love in the pure sense would remain lost among the debris of fractured and shattered souls…with the hope of future hearts becoming accustom to down trodden broken dreams…
the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift
keeping traditions alive throughout the centuries…Ignorance and want hidden under the cloak of power and glory…orphaned off to the highest bidder for a life time of grooming
without trust…self respect…honor and a genuine care towards one another’s well being…human beings in a world of plenty become spiritually starved by greed and love for this material world…a selfish existence in the end
absorbing the pain of others is a crucial remedy…medicine for any soul wanting to alleviate heart ache…whether it be someone else’s or your own…
unburdening the load at the same time uplifting each other’s spirits…a brighter future to work towards lifting the veil of darkness once and for all…
pain is a healing process for all concerned…a two way lesson to be learnt…a plan of action that tries to avoid A&E…the home of broken bones and other mortal ailments…superficial scars heal right before your very eyes leaving behind a visual sign of love gone wrong…displaying ones heart on a sleeve of skin for all to see…in my eyes my dear…foolhardy
emotional scars remain blind until you open both eyes…the question is my dear…where do broken hearts go to find their way home…for your heart to feel like home sweet home you need to be able to live with yourself in the real world
the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift
Before I delve into my heart’s desire I feel the need to look beyond the world we think we see…the world that seems nothing more than a daily routine…eat…sleep…work…shit…
birth and death a reality much more than a cycle of every human beings life…the idea of a purpose or the reality of ones existence is believed to be a mystery best kept unheard of…
millions upon millions of souls unaware of their true identity desperately seeking a meaning to life…the overwhelming need to fill a void is ever present…Love becomes the devils misdirection…a trap so cleverly disguised love becomes the souls demise
A heart born in today’s day and age will look towards a science lab for answers related to love…an emotion that needs tender loving care to grow and eventually bloom…the cold harsh reality of a mortuary slab deals with the death of a mortal vessel…
can a postmortem uncover how much love or indeed pain the heart concealed throughout its lifetime…a clogged artery or a heart attack speaks volumes about lifestyle…
the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift
good and bad choices where food and drink is concerned…DNA flaws along with inherited diseases can all be a cause of death…there are a million ways to die a mortal death my dear…but only one way to die spiritually…
you see my invisible other the heart that beats in your chest is so much more than an organ of flesh..every heart born into this world has a spiritual mission…to find its way home…placed deep within the heart is a guidance…it has nothing to do with a star or three wise men my imaginary friend
a knowledge of good and evil…right from wrong…every heart is born with an innocence that sheds light on a purer love beyond this world…a direct link to the The Divine…an undertaking of one’s soul becomes the hearts ultimate goal…
the soul has a life of its own…a spiritual being that contains a light like that of an angel…and a darkness like that of a demon…a mirror image that is split down the middle…an equal balance of good and evil…
the heart is attached to the light even though the dark half is closer to home…the heart that remains in a state of purity acts like a mirror reflecting the light to illuminate the dark side of the mind…
the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift
if the conscience becomes clouded with doubts and the love of this world…the hearts vision becomes difficult to see…blocking out the light leading to eternal darkness…deaf…dumb and blind…sealing the heart resulting in a spiritual death…
life goes on for the mortal shell now living dead under the devils command…having distinguished the light of one’s Creator…the devil now has the right to coincide taking order over the empty vessel…
the purpose of the lifeless soul becomes focused on the pleasures of this world…disregarding the hereafter as a homeless abode…looked upon as a fantasy world…
The question you should be asking yourself my dear…how did the Shaytan manage to fool the hearts of mankind…
The reality is my invisible other it didn’t happen over night…generations upon generations before our arrival on planet earth had succumbed to the illusion of this world…falling victim to the innovation of lies
a new born child’s chances of remaining pure at heart will depend upon the infants guardians…if the parents are far removed from the straight path they will raise their offspring the traditional way…the same way their own parents raised them…
the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift
if the heart of the child grows attached to a love other than its true intent…the misdirected love or false belief will become the hearts down fall if followed blindly into adulthood…when puberty arrives the gift of free will is granted to every soul…if the heart fails to recognize its duty…choosing to remain young and forever foolish
the devil no longer hidden in the wings…whispers into the heart of men and women a like…offering the soul a joyride…the soul who seeks a life on easy street…strives for a comfortably numb existence without heartache or misery…
will live their lives without knowing the devil personally…conform…turn a blind eye and follow the majority of modernized conditioned humans…this world will become no more than a dream of a dreamer…the existence of angels and demons will become a myth like the soul of men…erasing The Creator of the heavens and earth from the hearts internal memory
any selfish act of transgression involving the seven deadly demons will kill the heart from the inside out…there’s not a saint nor priest dead or alive who can bring the dead back to life
Subconsciously emotional ties and the attachments of love are bonded to the heart from a tender age…ribbons of silk entwined with barbed wire becomes entangled by the heart’s desire…love at first sight is an unconditional free for all…
the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift
no matter what hurt comes by way of misunderstood love…love conquers the hearts worst fears…eliminating hate as a crime against one’s own self…an immature heart holds onto love like the elixir of life…
the ego on the other hand grips the injustice overlooked by the heart who loves regardless of feelings being hurt…placing a wedge of resentment between the hearts judgment of what’s right and whose wrong…
the benefit of the doubt plays havoc with a shadow of doubt…a conflict of wills twists the idea of love flipping it on its head…love from an egos perspective has a lot to be desired…
when nobodies home the devil comes a knocking…offering the deceitful ego an invitation to gorge on its own flesh…a suggestion to turn every fantasy into a reality…making what if..
a perversion or a blessing in disguise depending upon the souls good or evil intention…if the ego steps aside allowing the dark half to reside…the heart is overthrown…a complete black out…lust turns love into a dirty word…the soul becoming a shadow of its former self…hidden behind eyes wearing a fake smile…
Past time love Part One…I was lost inside the devils playground for the time being…born into slavery and raised to love the devil without question…a production set a flame…directed and co-hosted by the devil himself…all actors and actresses are subconsciously center stage…unaware of the role they played…
hidden behind the scenes waiting for the final curtain to fall…my own example of the game of love is a free gift from one soul to another…a rebellious soul where the devil is concerned…unable to break my spirit…
the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift
the devil paid close attention to my inhibitions…every ounce of love my heart kept alive was used against my soul killing it softly…holding my heart hostage against my egos better judgment…
a pain free experience passed on to you my invisible other…how to slay a dragon…stop chasing the dream and start moon walking…become the hunter…heading in one direction…all the way home
the mistaken identity of the devils footsteps will start to look a lot like your own…only one set of foot prints are visible…chose your direction wisely and your shadow will be left without choice…keeping the future in mind
broadcasting straight from a soul once shackled and chained to this thing called love…a heart bypass knocked me for six…the devil offered my soul an unholy matrimony…a declaration of undying love
my past experience of Love had never gone beyond the bond of blood ties….cutting so deep it nearly severed an artery…at the time I didn’t feel the knife go in…Every twist of fate tore through layer upon layer of mind numbing pain…the thought of loving a stranger was a joke that tickled my ego
I was immune to my own heart ache until I brought it upon myself…I would have to say accidentally on purpose my dear…the stranger I was waiting for was no ordinary demon…he was a dream come true…A stoker…
the kiss of death would hunt down my soul many a night…including every christmas eve…unable to breathe I would wake up inside my dreams…opening my eyes in the dead of night…what did I see…the gift of life in the present…putting to bed the nightmare of death laying in my wake
I had one advantage over my suitor…I caught sight of the dark prince first…a year or two before he actually became acquainted with my mortal shell…my first name happened to be a permanent fixture under his skin…
why indeed my invisible other…the story goes…He loved the name Natasha so much so…he christened his wishful thinking in ink…a future reference…a title aimed towards the fruit of his loins…playing god with his own fate so to speak…
the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift…the gift
it was just a matter of time before our destinies entwined…on the stroke of midnight 31-10-89…Ah-satan came a knocking on my door…my heart red raw and tenderized in the name of love…huffed and puffed under baited breath…
my soul on the other hand stood in the shadows…a gesture that welcomed my dark half to step inside…closing the door behind my adversary to keep the light of the moon from exposing my true Identity…true colours were hidden on both sides…making this game of checkmate a dead end insight…to becontinued
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I Remember You Differently (Trixya) - Chapter 3 - goth
One more high school lesbian AU for the good people of this blog. It’s the end of senior year, prom season, and Trixie thought she was finally over her crush on Katya from freshman year drama class. She was wrong. Kim is over it before it even starts.
A/N: Lesbian drama at the local P.F. Chang’s. More mocking of Trixie by her friends. Trixie is once more the victim of Katya unexpectedly appearing. Again, not slow burn, but slow moving chapters. Everyone loves a big payoff.
“Tracy and Ketchup, sitting in a tree.”
No matter the setting, Trixie can’t escape being the subject of discussion. First Fame’s house, now dinner at the girls’s favorite Chinese restaurant. Any other day, she’d love being the center of attention. She ignores William’s sing-song, the accompanying giggles from Trannika, and lets her imagination run wild.
Everyone being in awe of how beautiful she is. Or gushing about her long blonde hair, how it always smells like peaches and strawberries. How it’s soft like silk. Or waxing poetic about her singing. Anything, really. She’s not picky.
Trixie doesn’t get to live that fantasy. No, everyone prefers talking about her love life. The lack there-of. She sinks her cheek into her palm, eyeing William with distaste. “Oh, this isn’t over? You’re not done?”
“S-c-i-s-o-r-i-n-g.”
Trannika swallows a wonton before speaking. “You misspelled scissoring, you dumb bitch.”
“Fuck,” William’s honking laugh serves as punctuation. “Well. I think you two are going to be cute together.”
A wave of nervousness rolls through Trixie. Cute together. They were cute together freshman year. Past tense. She considers not being as annoyed with the girls. Her friends providing constant reminders of Katya’s reemergence in her life is the reason why she’s not convinced things with Katya are all past tense.
Going to be. She has a future with Katya now. Immediately that rings with far too much finality, and Trixie blocks any daydream out before it can begin.
Yeah, if it weren’t for her friends, Trixie would block everything out completely. Forget it all until Katya’s on her doorstep with a corsage. Another daydream she has to repress.
Trixie sips on her water until she’s sucking on air. “Thanks. It’s just a prom date, we’re not together-together.”
Trannika offers sage wisdom in between bites. “Get on that fast.”
William nods, pointing aggressively at Trixie with her chopstick. “She means don’t take any fucking longer.”
“William, what are you—“ William silences Trixie with the chopstick, pressing it against Trixie’s bubblegum pink lips.
“Ketchup mixes with a lot of mustard.”
Trixie swats her away. She’d like to swat the entirety of William away. At least half of Trannika, as well. Maybe herself, while she’s at it. “Please stop.”
William points at her again. “I’m not joking! That goth bitch fucked all the lesbians on the softball team.”
Trannika yelps, and talks around a wonton in her cheek. “No way! The whole softball team?”
“Yes!” William sounds exasperated. Her usually lidded eyes widen, peering deep into Trixie’s. “Your girlfriend is like, the talk of the school. Do you know how hard it was? Not being able to say anything?”
Trixie rolls her eyes and starts chewing on a veggie egg roll.
William smacks the table between her words, for emphasis. “For four years? Because you’re so fucking oblivious?” William crosses her arms. “Or because you’re only at school for an hour, or whatever.”
Somehow, she makes this all about her. Not surprising. William relaxes, worrying Trixie for whatever she’s about to say. William smirking like she is… Never a good sign.
“I hear it’s big.”
Trixie chokes on her egg roll. Trannika claps her back three times before the coughing stops.
William waits, patient, until Trixie’s done sipping the glass of water Trannika handed her. “When Katya whips it out on prom night… If you don’t tell me exact length and girth, I’ll kill you.”
“I hate you. Stop talking.”
“I’ll strangle your pink juicy neck.” William encircles Trixie’s neck with her hands, swaying back and forth, tossing both of them around. Trixie laugh-screeches. Trannika aids and abets William, attempting to silence Trixie with a napkin over her mouth.
Kim’s shaking her head as she approaches their booth with her order. “Don’t kill Trixie before she finally goes on a date with Miss Queer of Freshman Year.”
William untangles herself from Trixie to clear space for Kim’s meal.
“I’ll never live this down.” Trixie speaks, monotonous, moving a spoon around her plate.
“You won’t.” Kim and William respond at the same time.
“Whoa, ominous.”
The girls all look up to see Courtney, William’s girlfriend, standing by their booth. She’s sipping on a soda. Ominous, says the girl whose tiny body appeared from nowhere, like fucking Glinda in the bubble.
Then again, William is one loud bitch. She could speak over the civil defense siren. Trixie glances between her and Courtney. “Oh naur.”
“Tracy, don’t be— Hey, is there a term for—“
Kim throws a fortune cookie wrapper at William’s face. “Just stop.”
William curses and gives Kim the finger. Courtney fidgets in place beside Trixie, who pretends she doesn’t notice. William does, and reaches over to flick Trixie’s arm. “Make room for my girlfriend.”
Trixie loves Courtney, but to be honest, she’s too fucking lazy right now to get up. Also, emotionally and physically exhausted. She just ate five egg rolls. She’s not moving her big ass one inch. “Is there room?”
William frowns. “No, because your big ass is taking up all the space.”
So. The cliché is true. Best friends do think alike. Unfortunate, to find out in this manner.
Trixie suddenly gains the motivation to get up. She throws her spoon down in defeat and passive aggressiveness. “Well, excuse the fuck out of me.” She scoffs when Courtney politely maneuvers around Trixie. William nuzzles her nose against Courtney’s cheek.
“Why am I friends with any of you dykes?” Trixie never means it. But she does ask that question, in that exact way, a lot. Mostly to herself.
Freshman year, she met Kim, Trannika, Shea, and Pearl. Through those girls, she met the rest of the gang. William, Courtney, Alyssa, Fame, Violet… Too many to name. As a sophomore, she thought she was so cool to have so many cool friends.
Now they all just bicker like old women, drink a lot, and probably do too many drugs. She loves them all, and life’s fun, but it’s going to get old one day.
Trixie waves half-hearted to Kim, who blows her a kiss, and Trixie stands in place before spotting Shea and Pearl.
P.F. Chang’s is one of few interesting places nearby that is also affordable for high school students. This fact is irrelevant to Fame. She could probably buy the damn franchise. Speaking of Fame, Trixie sees her and Violet sitting with Shea and Pearl, or rather, just with Pearl. Shea’s long legs stretch over her side of the plush booth seating.
Trixie walks the short distance across the hardwood floors to their table.
“Hey bitch.”
“Hey Shea. Girls.”
Fame gasps, pats the scarce space next to her, and scoots over for Trixie to sit there. It pushes her even closer against Pearl, who in turn pushes closer against Violet. None of them seem to mind. “Trixie, you look gorgeous.”
Trixie fluffs her hair. “Thanks Fame. I put on a wispy lash today.”
Fame laughs, looks to Shea for the go-ahead, Shea shrugs, and Fame wiggles closer. She speaks in a whisper. “Tell us about the girl.”
Trixie sighs, rapping her knuckles against the wood table. “You all know seem to more than I do.”
Pearl nods her assent. “I can tell you Katya’s favorite color.”
Trixie assumes she means to say black. Surely it is these days, but in freshman year Katya wore the same emerald green shawl everyday for two weeks. ‘It was my baba’s,’ Katya had said, bumping her shoulder. That spot of flesh was on fire for the rest of the day.
When Trixie expressed her sadness over Katya’s grandma passing, Katya howled for a solid five seconds. ‘She’s alive, I just stole it from her.’
Trixie wonders if she still wears that shawl, in the privacy of her room, where no one can see past her goth fantasy. She wonders if Katya still listens to the Russian pop songs she let Trixie hear through one earbud when they sat hip-to-hip backstage during rehearsals. She wonders if Katya’s hips are still bony.
She’s never been in Katya’s room. Maybe she will, one day.
“Hot pink. Obviously.” Violet finally speaks, looking up from her plate. She gestures with her chopstick, pointing to the booths Trixie moved past. “You also walked right by her.”
“What?” How many times is Trixie going to say that fucking word?
Pearl hums and adjusts the arms draped around Violet’s and Fame’s shoulders. “She and her very interesting gal pals frequent this place a lot.”
Trixie was thinking she was the nutcase when it comes to Katya. “Is everyone stalking her?”
“Katya’s kind of the gay icon of our school,” Shea interjects, correcting Trixie. “We can’t help being fascinated by her antics.”
All the girls mutter in agreement and Pearl continues. “We frequent this place a lot, too. Before we knew she did.” She tries to hold in a giggle. She fails. “Now we just come here more often.”
Fame’s face evolves from bemusement to disbelief. “How did you not know any this, Trixie?”
Violet supplies an answer before Trixie can respond. “She has a late-in and early-out. She’s not even at school for half a day.” Violet pauses, and smiles, eyeing Trixie up and down. “Trixie probably spends the rest of it masturbating to Dolly Parton in her room.”
“Leave Dolly out of that.” Trixie shakes her head. It takes all her self-control not to look where Violet gestured. “I walked right past her… Like, in what specific direction is she?”
Fame covers her mouth with her hand, speaking through a mouthful of rice. “When you turn around, she’s in the booth on your right.” She raises in her seat and cranes her neck forward, peering closer.
“The littlest one with her is smoking.”
“Should I go— Should I go talk to her?”
“Yes!” A chorus of shouts erupt. Trixie hunches over in her seat, nose against the table, and covers her head with her hands.
“Hey, guys? Could you, uh, be louder? Thanks.”
Trixie’s the only one with her head down. Violet watches in silent amusement, popping rice balls off Fame’s plate into her mouth. Pearl rolls her eyes. “We could’ve brought Alyssa.”
“Alyssa’s gonna get us kicked out of the restaurant on prom night.” Shea laughs after her own prediction. She’s not wrong. “I’ll wager ten dollars.”
Pearl snorts. “Fifteen dollars says she talks the staff out of it.”
Shea counters. “Twenty says Kim Chi stabs her with a spoon regardless.”
Pearl extends her hand to Shea who takes it. “Shake on it, bitch.”
Trixie straightens up, and sets her hands on-top the gambling pair’s, lowering them all to the table. “Cool. Now that you settled that, let’s get back to me.”
Shea turns in her seat to face Trixie head-on. She easily frees herself from Trixie’s lackluster grip. Shea’s in serious, ’Bitch I’ll cut you’ mode.
Her voice gains a matching edge. “Trixie, it’s not fucking rocket science. Walk over and say, ‘Hey, Katya. I’m sitting with my friends over there. I know you’re sitting with your own, but they really want to meet you.’”
“‘Let’s fuck in the women’s bathroom.’” Pearl adds on.
“I’m just gonna over there before what Pearl said fully registers.”
…….
Trixie repeats Shea’s advice in her head like a mantra with every step towards Katya’s booth. She avoids Pearl’s advice like the plague. Nothing is sexy about the plague. Nothing is sexy about taking Katya into the bathroom at fucking P.F. Chang’s and rubbing against her hard-on on-top the bathroom counter.
Nothing sexy about that at all. The crow masks the doctors wore during the plague were cool though.
She lost where she was supposed to be going with this.
Katya must be able to hear Trixie’s thudding heartbeat, because she looks up from her fortune cookie before Trixie is at the table. Katya beams, and gives her a small wave.
It’s not rocket science.
Trixie’s brain short-circuits. All she can utter once she’s beside the table is, “Hi.” Fuck.
Katya’s lips purse, like she’s holding in a laugh. Trixie can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Katya looks adorable doing it. “Hi.” Katya says back.
Is she mocking her or flirting with her? Both? Neither? It’s just a fucking two-letter greeting. Trixie’s already overwhelmed.
Katya stares up at her, a smile spreading slowly. She tilts her head to the side, back towards the others at her booth. A sort-of gesture. Again, she’s so adorable — a sharp contrast against the sharpness of her jaw. The angular cut of her face is painfully visible in the harsh restaurant lighting.
Trixie’s hands wring behind her back.
“This is Trixie.” Katya smiles even wider around the two syllables of her name. Trixie is breathless. “The girl I was telling you guys about.” Katya looks up at her through her lashes. Trixie’s stomach flips. “She’s taking me to prom.”
One of Katya’s friends scoots forward in their seat. Their squinting eyes blatantly examine Trixie. and they speak with a cadence like Meryl Streep. “You’ve made our girl a conformist.” Despite the choice of words, it’s said with a warmth Trixie wasn’t expecting. Protectiveness. Trixie feels like she’s intruding.
She feels five years old. She feels uncool.
“Trixie, they who spoketh is Jinkx.” Katya’s head turns away, looking back over her shoulder, as she jabs her finger in the respective spaces of her friends. “Alaska, Ginger, Laganja, Tammie.”
Everyone appears college age, save the person yet to be named. They look like they could be in a class with Farrah. Oh, Jesus Christ. For their sake, Trixie hopes not. “Finally, we have Adore. They’re the baby.”
Jinkx speaks up again. “Katya’s the first of us to go to a promenade.”
Promenade. Trixie snorts. Jinkx does humming-tutting laugh. It’s more appropriate for a jazz age singer. Not a college student. Trixie kind-of loves it.
Of course these people would be Katya’s friends.
Something’s familiar about them. Maybe they were the seniors picking Katya up from rehearsals and school plays. The older kids who honked the car horn ten times before Katya heard them. She was always entertaining Trixie, reenacting humorous scenes from that night’s performance.
Trixie never interrupted her to mention the car horns.
Jealousy colored Trixie pink, as she would watch Katya run away and hop into the various cars belonging to her friends. Trixie wasn’t only envious of hanging out with seniors as a freshman, but of the seniors hanging out with Katya. She craved being with Katya so badly those days.
Everytime the end of class bell rang, everytime the curtain fell, was like a bullet in her back.
Trixie’s mind moves forward to present day, forcing the old pains out. She ruminates on what her own friends said about Katya. Talk of the school. Katya doesn’t even know. She doesn’t even care. She never has. It fills Trixie with pride.
She can hardly express that, though. Trixie runs a hand through her hair. “Cool.”
Jinkx leans back and nods at Alaska. “She’s a talker.”
Alaska does a once-over of Trixie. “She’s nervous.” Alaska counters, playing with her straw. She laughs, and is joined in by the rest of Katya’s friends.
Trixie can take the heat, but in the recess of her thoughts, she no longer wishes to be alive.
Katya clears her throat harshly. Her friends go silent.
Trixie’s nerves morph into confusion, looking on in stunned silence. Katya glowers at her friends while collecting her things. She shoves her phone into her jeans and folds a fortune slip into her jacket pocket. The action, precise and yet pissed off, would have made Trixie giggle, if Katya’s jaw wasn’t clenched tight.
Every movement Katya makes speaks anger she expresses without words. Trixie is unable to decipher the language, but Katya’s friends have no problem.
Trixie’s never seen this side of her. It’s thrilling, actually.
Katya’s stands up. She smells like cologne and peppermint gum. Trixie drinks in the combined scent, and wills her eyes open while Katya’s are peering into them. A hand sets against the small of Trixie’s back, just barely, ghosting over the thin fabric of her dress, and Trixie’s skin buzzes.
In all honesty… She’s been wet since her eyes traced the line of Katya’s jaw. At this point, she’s a lost cause.
Katya leans in close. “You wanna talk outside?”
Trixie swallows. She feels déjà vécu and vertigo all at once.
“Yeah.”
#goth#i remember you differently#trixya#high school au#group fic#lesbian au#cisgirl au#trans katya#katya zamolodchikova#trixie mattel#fluff#tw alcohol#tw drugs#tw food#tw anxiety#rpdr fanfiction
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Never hook up with or marry a woman who
Never hook up with or marry a woman who: · Acts as if being sexist only applies to men · Acts as if she knows everything · Acts as if she knows what it is like to be a "man" · Acts cutesy, dumb or stupid. Women are not stupid, they are smart! So, don't play dumb · Always interrupts, and doesn't let you speak · Always tries to trip you up · Believes others before she believes you (automatically takes others side) · Believes that any differing opinion from hers' implies that you are evil or the like · Believes or acts that you have a right to your own opinion as long as it is the same as hers · Believes or expects you to give up your family, friends, stuff, hobbies for her o When she moves in, all your stuff has to go. o Believes the house (which your job pays for) is her domain and you can have a piece of the cold dark basements as a "man cave" As if you some sort of animal · Believes her own lies/fantasies · Believes that men and women are completely equal yet behaves differently o Expects you to do "man things" (i.e. mow the lawn, fix stuff around the house, dispose of scary critters…). Yet gets miffed when you ask what's for dinner. o Expects you to do "man things" around the house but expects help with cooking and cleaning. If she is a house wife, she does the house work and it is up to you to help if you want to o Note: Men can do things better than women and women can do things better than men. If women were the same as men... Boring · Belittles and insults you in front or your children or family/friends. Name calling, condescending comments etc. · Blames others for her mistakes. · Blames you for everything, even if you couldn't possibly have anything to do with the issue (i.e. blames you for Hillary losing the election) · Cannot admit that she is wrong or has done anything/something wrong · Cannot apologize (See above) · Cannot keep an open mind · Cannot put herself in another's situation/moccasins · Cannot ride a bike and refuses to learn · Cannot seem to do anything on her own. Even simple things like hanging a picture. · Cannot stand on her own if needed · Cannot swim and refuses to learn · Cannot talk about anything. Everything is a shouting match. · Cannot walk away from an argument or know when not to continue talking/yelling. screaming (She may be on the right side of an argument but she must know when to table it and walk away). · Complains or whines all the time. Never truly happy with what you do for her. · Doesn't admit she is wrong even when you point to the meaning of a word in the dictionary. · Doesn't believe that cats walk through walls. · Doesn't enjoy reading or allows you to read. · Doesn't enjoy travel (She MUST have the wanderlust). · Doesn't have a bit of the pirate in her (but balanced by the Paladin). · Doesn't have compatible political or theological views with you. · Doesn't have the same interest in common with you · Doesn't know how to: o Balance a cheque book o Care for a sick child/husband/animal companions o Cook o Change a baby's nappy o Change a bike/car tyre o Check the car's oil o Check the car's tyre pressure o Shoot a gun/bow o Start a camp fire o Use a dictionary · Doesn't like bacon · Doesn't like Greek food · Doesn't like motorcycles (or at least supports your joy of the ride) · Doesn't like pipe smoking men · Doesn't like sex (or pretends not to) or uses sex as a weapon/tool to control you. · Doesn't like the same kind of food/drink as you do. · Doesn't listen, she has already made up her mind after the first word out of your mouth. · Doesn't love children or doesn't want to happily make her own rugby team (with you help of course) · Doesn't love the smell of a good leather-bound book. · Doesn't support you in everything publicly (she can openly disagree with you in private but not humiliate you in public) · Doesn't support your dreams · Doesn't trust you o Who reads you email/text/Facebook, etc. o Opens your mail o Goes through your wallet o Goes through your possessions (desk, drawers, office space, car…) o Demands to know who is on the phone with you o Demands to know who you are texting o Follows/stalks you when you leave the house o Demands to have your electronic passwords o When you confront her on the above she says that you are obviously hiding something · Doesn't understand that men need time away from women/her · Doesn't want to get her hands dirty (gardening, changing diapers, cleaning up after a dog or a sick child, etc.) · Doesn't wear dresses o Only wears dresses (dresses are sexy, however bib overalls are hot also) · Doesn’t need a man/you · Expects a certain standard of living and you have to provide it to her (without any effort on her part). · Expects you to be "home" at a certain time from work. Work is work · Expects you to remember where she left "things". · Goes along with the "in vogue" political dogma without doing any critical thinking or research on the subject · Gossips about others · Has a different idea of what romance is. · Has double standards: o If she has chosen to be the "house wife", it is acceptable/expected to split up the house work even though you have been at work all day and she has been at home (when kids are little they take a lot of time an effort, however when the kids spend all day in school…) o Is OK to watch male strippers but is disgusted of women stripers o Expects to be able to hang out with her friends but you have to get permission. And when permission is given you have to take her along. o Thinks that you should spend time with her family and not yours (she should think of your family as her own and act accordingly) o Has one set of standards for herself and another for everyone else o Is O.K. with female masturbation but when men practice the art they are disgusted o Thinks that a "Girls night out" is acceptable yet gives you shit for hanging out with your friends o Expects a "girls’ night out" or a week end in Vegas but when you want the same thinks you are cheating on her o Think that going to see male strippers is ok however you going to female strippers is disgusting and a sign that you are cheating on her · Ignores facts and believes conjecture · Is Androphobic or doesn't know what Androphobia is · Is a drunk (or on the road to being a drunk) · Is a snob · Is a teetotaler · Is afraid of the Forest · Is afraid of thunderstorms · Is fiscally irresponsible (Cannot be trusted with money, taxes, misused credit and credit cards, hides cash) · Is judgmental · Is petty or mean spirited · Is quick to anger · Is secretly ashamed of your military service. Makes comments like "everyone knows that the military are war mongers". · Is stupid (my definition of stupid is someone who refuses to learn, not one who lacks the ability to learn or isn't knowledgeable in certain areas) · Is totally dependent on you · Likes to hurt others · Plays the victim · Puts herself before you · Puts others (not her children) before you · Says "man up", "manly-man”, “Mr. Handyman" or similar clichés · Screams and stands on a chair when she sees a mouse/bug · Sees the world in black and white · Takes her anger/frustration out on others. Usually the most defenseless person nearest to her · Tells you who to vote for (or how to vote) · Thinks that the only way to win an argument/discussion it to scream and insult you into capitulation or silence. · Treats you as a servant or slave by ordering you around and telling you what to do · Treats you as if you are a stupid male (man bashing) publicly or in private · Tries to change you (or believes that you will/should change once you get married) · Uses the word "we" in place of the word "you" (i.e. we need to clean the garage however expects you to clean the garage) · Who believes that objects/things (stuff) are more important that you are (i.e. a couch, a jar…). She may say differently however her actions show the former. · Who cannot laugh at herself · Who cannot laugh out loud · Who cannot plan for the future or expects you to do all the planning · Who doesn't enjoy lying under a tree watching the clouds · Who doesn't love the sound of crickets on a warm summers eve · Who doesn't find every opportunity to become intimate (the opportunity may never come again) · Who doesn't love puppies and cats · Who doesn't practice self-control · Who doesn't think a good fart is funny · Who has dreams that greatly differ from yours · Who has no dreams or aspirations of her own (lives her life in envy, envy of unreal-reality personalities) · Who procrastinates and puts everything off for "later". You never know when the moment may be the last "moment · Who is ashamed of her body o Always belittles herself in order to make you complement her · Who is ash of your body (we find every part of her body beautifully and love to look at you, you should feel the same) · Who is a prude · Who is jealous of others · Who is judgmental · Who is self-centered, self-possessed or self-serving · Who spends time and resources on herself instead of loved ones and friends · Who thinks rolling down a grassy hill is childish or stupid · Who uses sex as a weapon/tool and is then shocked that you go and find "it" somewhere else. · Who would never run around the house naked · Who would never go skinny dipping
And finally: · Gets Angary when reading this list!! If you haven't figured it out. This list applies to men just as much as it does women. It is a list of good traits that every parent strives to instill in their children and what every women/man should be.
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