#for you earlier and i messaged her like helen omg you're never going to believe what i am also doing rn asfdksajdl

[tirednotflirting]

i was just an only child of the universe (and then i found you)

@clumsyclifford you enabled my writing this and it is also your birthday so it is yours (unless you think it is Bad which is def a possibility bc i have read it all the way through like 1.5 times and in that case u saw nothing). i hope you have beautiful day. you put so much light out into the world, you deserve nothing but that and so much more in return. thank you for your kindness and community and endless fun. much luv x

and as always here’s the link to ao3 bc it is the Better way to consume writing let’s all be real here

When Ashton wakes up, it’s still dark. And he’s alone.

He lets his eyes flutter open, reaching out to his right for his phone to check the time. It’s just before 4am, he’s only been fully asleep for around two hours. He pushes himself up to sit, the fleecy blanket Luke had tossed across the sheets when the temperature dropped a few weeks earlier pooling around his waist. He lifts his neck some and pushes his hair from his eyes to peer over toward the bathroom to see if he can see the light on, worried the drinks Luke had had several hours earlier were making a reappearance. But the door to the bathroom is open and the light is off, so his lover isn’t sick. 

Or at least not in the bathroom, he thinks to himself when he hears a quiet noise in what he suspects is the kitchen. 

Ashton turns, letting his bare feet drop from the mattress to the floor. He squints against the darkness in search of something to pull on to cover his upper half before going to investigate. He sees what looks to be a shirt and half-blindly reaches for it, realizing it's one of Luke’s flannels once he gets it closer to his face, the identity of the garment being revealed by the softness only achieved from years of wear and wash and the faint smell of Luke’s cologne on the fabric.

He stands and pulls his arms through the sleeves, not bothering with buttons, his entire being just too tired for that. Ashton shuffles out from the bedroom and down the hall, the lack of carpet making him wish he had tugged on his slippers (a recent gift that had come in a care package from Calum’s mom) before wandering out to find his boy.

Luke is sitting in one of the barstools at the kitchen island, the only light on being the dull yellow one just above the sink. He faces away from Ashton, his shoulders covered by one of the quilts he must have pulled from the couch and hunched over some. His hair had grown long during the semester and he’s got it pulled back into a little bun he must have put up after getting out of bed (Ashton never letting him wear it up that way to bed so that way he could play with the blonde curls without a hair tie getting in the way). He sniffles quietly and Ashton can hear him stir a spoon around a bowl that must be blocked from the black haired boy’s view, the metal clinking against the sides of the ceramic.

Gently, so as to not scare Luke, Ashton places his hands atop his shoulders, sliding his hands down to clasp together against the blonde’s chest. He settles his head to rest against the side of his. “Why are you up?”

Luke sets his spoon back in the bowl and tugs Ashton’s hands apart so he can lace his left with Ashton’s right. He smiles as Luke turns to place a kiss against his temple. “I was having this dream that we were eating cereal. And then I woke up when I dropped the bowl on the floor in the dream. And then I was hungry for cereal. So now I’m here.” 

Ashton chuckles to himself as he rubs his thumb over Luke’s where their hands are clasped together. He liked that Luke’s brain worked in the kind of way that got him up for cereal when he was still a little drunk after a night out at the bars. They had been out with Michael and Calum, celebrating the end to another semester. Ashton, the group’s forever faithful DD, had spent the night sitting at the bar, sipping on soda and lime, watching the three others dance on and with each other. He had smiled and nodded at the bar as Luke told him a story of some funny ringtone that had gone off during his literature final and about the therapy dog he had gotten to pet when they brought them by the library.

(He had also avoided the suggestive look from his favorite bartender when Luke draped his arms around Ashton’s waist toward the end of the night, his lips brushing over his neck as he begged to go back home in between kissing the blushed skin. An Uber was called the moment Luke’s hands started trying to creep their way up under Ashton’s t shirt.)

They had gotten home only a couple hours earlier, Ashton sitting Luke at the counter to drink a few glasses of water and take a couple preemptive ibuprofen while he waited for the confirmation text that Michael and Calum had made it back to their apartment a few streets over.

(cal: we are out of the uber.

cal: we are at the front door.

cal: michael dropped his keys and then someone walking a dog walked by so he is petting the dog.

cal: it’s pretty fluffy. his name is einstein.

cal: okay we’re in our unit now. door is locked. we are drinking water.

cal: [attached] seeeeee? 

cal: luv u)

Getting him to the bathroom to brush his teeth and change out of his jeans hadn’t been all that difficult. Luke had two phases of sleepy drunk: giggly and hangry. Thankfully Ashton had made sure all of them had a full meal before hitting the bars so he knew he was likely to deal with the giggly version of his boyfriend rather than the latter. Luke had followed Ashton by hand to bed without complaint, slurring his words around a story about another dog he had met recently before his words slowly came to a stop as he fell asleep against Ashton’s chest.

Luke uses his free hand to take another bite of the colorful cereal, frowning when a drop of milk hits the counter. He swipes it away with his thumb and then smiles again. It’s quiet between them for a moment while he leans his head against Ashton’s as he continues to stand behind him, chewing slowly, as if stuck on a thought. Ashton finds himself smiling adoringly at him as he glances at his face out of the corner of his tired eyes. It’s obvious the blonde is still at least a little drunk.

“What’s going on in that gorgeous head of yours?”

Luke’s expression shifts for a moment then, to something lighter and happier, in response to the compliment. It fades just slightly and then he’s dropping his spoon in his mostly empty bowl and turning in the barstool so he can face Ashton. He drops his hands around his waist and maneuvers the standing boy to move between his legs. “You ever think about how tiny we are?”

Ashton slides his hands up where they’re rested against Luke’s bare chest, fixing the blanket to stay wrapped around his shoulders before letting his arms hang loosely around his neck, his fingers absentmindedly playing with the curls at the back of his neck that have escaped the little bun.

“I hate to break it to you, Lu, but you’re a little bit of a giant compared to most people of average size.”

Luke opens his mouth to reply but then closes it again and pouts his bottom lip out. Ashton can feel him play with the hem of the flannel at the bottom of his back before sliding his hands underneath and resting against the skin there. “No, I mean, like. Do you ever think about how big oceans and planets and suns and stars are and how we’re just these tiny little things? Just little specks on what is a speck in the middle of other specks?”

The question itself, though alcohol induced, is pretty damn existential. And Ashton probably would have wanted to take a bit longer to formulate an answer but Luke is looking at him with those anxious blue eyes and his hands at Ashton’s back pull him in closer, as if he’s worried that that big wide universe will suck the hazel eyed boy away. He’s trying to think of a way to respond when Luke keeps going.

“Because I mean it's just so wild to me. How we can be so little and tiny and really not much of anything at all when compared to everything else in the universe. Yet for some reason the universe decided to give us just a little bit of attention to guide us to one another. I can’t stop thinking about what we did to deserve something so special.”

And despite knowing that everything coming out of Luke’s mouth in the poetic way that it is is liquor induced babbling, Ashton’s heart is bursting at his words. Luke is speaking from a place of adoration, of love, not existentialism (or at least not too much). He’s not even sure what to say really so he just slides his hands up to cup Luke’s cheeks, the blonde closing his eyes while smiling wide, his blushing cheeks pressed against Ashton’s palms. 

He shakes his head as he runs his thumbs below Luke’s ocean blue eyes. “Guess some higher power had a free afternoon and decided it might be funny to kick both of us in the direction of the library that day. To make you spill your coffee in the elevator to the fourth floor.” 

Luke lets out a giggle and drops his head to the side, Ashton’s left hand holding it up. “When our kids ask how we met, we’re gonna have to come up with something better than that. You’ll have to make up some story about wooing me, you’re much better at telling stories.”

Ashton lifts his brows and lets out a gentle laugh. “Our kids?”

Luke responds with a look as if Ashton’s just said something ridiculous. “Yes, our kids. Should at least have two. That way they’ve got like a built in friend. Ideally, a boy and a girl.”

Ashton can’t help himself as he leans forward to press his lips to Luke’s for a brief moment. Even dead tired and drunk, Luke sees him in his future, long term future too, not just next summer or something. He can taste the sweetness from the cereal and Luke’s toothpaste as he pulls away, dropping his hands from his cheeks so he can rinse the cereal bowl, the heaviness of the early hour really starting to weigh on him again.

“Have you picked out names yet?” Ashton asks Luke as he watches Ashton turn on the water and wash the leftover milk down the drain. Ashton looks up to see the blonde’s gentle smile as he pulls the blanket closer around his chest. 

Luke answers immediately, causing Ashton to blush since that means Luke has certainly thought about the question before. “I like Matilda - like from the movie? - for a girl. And I think your middle name would be nice for a boy. Both sound nice with Irwin, too.”

“So they’ll have my last name then?” Ashton asks with a smirk, his eyes still soft with the love for his boy.

“Yeah, I always thought so. I mean, I want to have it one day too so the kids probably should as well.”

Ashton rounds the counter again, moving back to stand between Luke’s legs. He pulls the hair tie from his curls and cards his hands through them. “You’ve thought a lot about our future, huh?”

“Have you not?” Worry briefly crosses Luke’s eyes.

Ashton shakes his head. “No, of course I have,” he starts, one of his hands reaching down to hold Luke’s. He always liked how their hands looked like they were meant to hold the other’s. “I had just always thought on the end of making sure we could find jobs in the same place, that we find a city both of us like, introducing the parents to each other next spring like we planned. Thought about how I might propose but hadn’t gotten into the logistics of names and such. You really want to take mine?”

Luke’s lip pouts out some as he nods. “Yeah, I do. Is that okay?”

“It’s perfect. You’re perfect.”

He watches then as a blush slowly creeps up to Luke’s cheeks, though they’re still pink from the liquor he’d had earlier. Ashton coaxes him to standing, their hands still clasped, and he uses his free one to pull the blanket from Luke’s shoulders to drop on the couch as they pass by. For a moment, he squeezes their palms together before letting go to shuffle to the opposite side of the bed, pulling off the flannel before sliding back beneath the covers. 

Luke immediately slides his body to press against Ashton’s side, his face dropping to nuzzle it’s way into Ashton’s neck, letting his lips just barely brush against the black haired boy’s shoulder. Their legs slot together beneath the sheets. Ashton had always been thankful for the immediate calm that would wash over his body when pressed as close as he could be to Luke. He liked not having to worry about him letting go. (In what way he means that, he’s not really sure.) He’s just seconds away from sleep when he hears Luke whisper, his lips dancing delicately against Ashton’s skin as he speaks.

“Love you, Ash. Glad I got to find you.”

“I love you, Luke,” Ashton sighs back as the calm settles again.

And as he lets their fingers tangle together again against his bare chest, Ashton finds himself wondering if the action will feel different when they’ve got the wedding bands he’s hidden beneath a stack of t shirts in his chest of drawers resting on their fourth fingers.

*