#for this nice art I paid the price of 1 (one) back pain

[debellatis]

save me dog hob... dog hob... dog hob, save me......

Makes pair with my cat dream

[teaveetamer]

Re: Fates pricing vs House repetitive issues. I think the problem here is that it depends on what each person values in a game to see whether it's scummy or fair or not. House put a LOT more into things like voice acting for fully voiced support (save for Byleth themselves). That's a lot more effort than Fates did re: voice acting. If you love the characters as a result, you see more value in what 3H brought. If you judge based on gameplay alone, you might see Fates as more value to bring (1/2)

For me personally, I fell in love with the voice acting of 3H. It made the cast feel more real and alive than Awakening and Fates did. And I loved the cast more the Echoes too, which also had voice acting. 3H characters became beloved by many. But the gameplay was very repetitive nonetheless. I loved playing Fates (I played Birthright twice, Conquest once). But I never bought Revelation b/c of negativity re: the maps and meh story. So I would say a DLC golden ending was kinda scummy (2/2)

I'm glad you enjoy the voice acting enough for that to make the $60 price tag worth it to you, anon. I'm of the opinion that having nice voice acting does not make up for having three quarters of the game be lazy copy pastes of each other (and, in fact, I wish they would have taken the money and time they put toward that production value toward making more unique maps, optimizing the game, and tightening up the gameplay).

I've said it before and I'll say it again: the worst sin a game can commit is not being fun. You can have the best voice cast in the world, the highest production values, the nicest art, the coolest cutscenes... but if the game isn't fun then it's not serving its function. I don't play games to be bored for three hours straight until the next kernel of interesting plot dump.

It just so happens that 3H commits the cardinal sin of not being very fun to me while also having significantly worse production values than it's predecessors in basically every way except the voice acting. The maps are samey and repetitive, the gameplay is either completely not challenging or SO challenging beause of inflated "difficulty" (mainly crazy inflated enemy stats and ambush reinforcement spawns), the classing is so open as to make each unit functionally interchangeable (and therefore boring), the graphics look like ass, the load times are atrocious, the lag is a pain in the neck, the art is not to my preference at all, there's too much copy-paste, the cutscenes look like they run at 15 frames per second (aside from the in-engine ones), and the story is a complete and utter mess that they couldn't even correct with a second go around.

I'll tell you two things I never felt while playing Fates: I never felt like I wasn't having fun, and I never felt like I'd wasted my money. I won't say I had no fun with 3H, and I won't say I feel like I completely wasted my money, but frankly it's embarrassing that 3H costs $60 with the state they released it in. It's unfinished. They had to add content in after release in a patch. That's unacceptable practice.

Last time I was at my local Gamestop I saw it on the shelf for $40 and you can bet your ass I was kicking myself for not saving that $20 on it. (Actually, more, since I bought the special edition with the steel box)

Also, fun fact, if you purchased one route of Fates + Rev you'd be paying exactly as much as you paid for 3H, and you get two entire complete games for the same price as one half baked mess. If you paid for all three, you're only paying $20 more for nearly triple the content.

And again, I'll bring up Tellius as a comparable. To get the full story of Tellius you have to play both PoR and RD. That was $50 for PoR and $60 for RD back in the magical beforetimes when these games didn't cost your entire yearly salary to purchase, so $110 for both. And no one calls those games scummy for intentionally designing a story which forces you to purchase two separate, full priced games in order to see it through to its conclusion. We can extend this out to other series too! Mass Effect? No one calls Mass Effect scummy for intentionally designing a trilogy that forces you to purchase all three games in order to experience the full story!

"But those were all full games with their own stories!"

So. Was. Fates.

The difference is:

One, you had to buy Fates three separate times instead of as a bundled purchase

Two, Fates released all at the exact same time, which meant you had to pay for each of these things all at once if you wanted to play them all right away.

And you know what? There's actually a psychological tactic companies use on consumers! It's called "Flat Rate Bias".

Fates is a much better value than 3H or Tellius. Three games for $80 is a far superior deal than one game for $60 or two games for $110, but because you only have to pay once for 3H and three times for Fates, you think 3H is a better deal. And because your payments for the two Tellius games (or three Mass Effect games, or whatever franchise applies) is split up over time, you feel like you're spending less, or it takes the sting out of spending, even if you're spending more.

You can also see the latter phenomenon with The Sims. Do you really think EA would make any money if they just rolled up and said "'sup, here's the whole Sims 4 experience. It costs $1,500"? No! That's why they release the content slowly over time, so you keep buying and buying and oh shit, looks like I've spent $1,500! (Personal experience. I'm not immune to this)

Like do I have problems with Fates? Sure. I think the way they rolled out the games was clunky and ultimately made them inaccessible and difficult to recommend to beginners. I think the three-in-one cartridge should have been a standard option. (I would have gladly paid for it instead of buying all three separately! I am not immune to Flat Rate Bias either!) instead of a special edition exclusive thing.

But like I don't wanna hear about it being overpriced or scummy because it's really not. If you personally don't think it's worth the money because you didn't enjoy it then that's one thing. I am never going to convince you that something is worth the money if you didn't enjoy it (spoiler alert: NOTHING is worth the money if you don't enjoy it!) but let's not pretend like charging $80 for three full games is somehow scummier than any of the other things I listed.

[athrialuxegna]

Stronger than she thinks Part 3

Triggers warning: mental and physical abuse, violence, swearing

Click here to listen to the song used in this chapter, it’s Antidote by Faith Marie. (I love this song so much!)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4

Fanfiction | Archiveofourown | Wattpad

At 5 a.m I get up and leave my apartment. My feet drove me to the leaders' quarter. I felt out of place in this dark hallway. I walked up to door 655. I stood there, looking at the door as if it would come to life and eat me alive. It opened itself and I almost thought I did it by using telekinesis. I was almost disappointed to find Eric on the other side.

"What're you doing here so early?" His rasped voice indicated that he just woke up.

All I could see was his head and a glimpse of his naked torso. I could have waited a few minutes before coming up here. I chastised myself to keep my eyes from wandering along with his defined muscles. I cleared my throat and scratched my neck, my eyes fixated on the door handle.

"I came here because I want to report to Max. Brent ran into me yesterday and... and he'll do it again I'm sure of it."

Eric didn't say anything, he made a sign for me to wait. He let the door slightly open and I heard shuffle around the apartment. He came back fully dressed then he let me in. I stepped inside the large apartment. As usual, all doors were closed. I stood still in the middle of the main room. Eric turned to me.

"Coffee?" He asked.

"Sure." I accepted.

I sat on the couch, twirling my fingers in an attempt to calm my nerves. Eric came back with two cups, he gave me one which I took thankfully. I took a sip of the dark liquid, it burnt my throat in a comforting way.

"What did Brent say to you?" The question made me grimace although I knew it was coming.

"Four found me to tell me that he and you saw what happened from the control room."

Eric's body tensed up at the mention, he opened his mouth but I beat him to it.

"I ran off and bumped into Brent. The bastard wouldn't let go of me, he thought I'd ran into him on purpose to... fuck him." I spat the last part in disgust. "Now, tell me why you didn't inform me that two persons have seen  my rape?" I asked, my voice held all the betrayal I've felt since I'd known.

Eric sighed deeply and rubbed his eyes in a tired motion. I couldn't pinpoint why I was feeling so damn bad that Eric lied to me. Sure it was pretty big information that he kept from me but I knew it was deeper. He was the only one I confessed to. Hell, I didn't even understand why I told him but it implied that I trusted him enough. It felt like an eternity before I heard his deep voice again.

"I didn't want to let you know not to scare you away. It was easier if you'd confessed yourself." He explained plainly.

"I don't stand lies, Eric. Even minor ones can have disastrous consequences. The cold hard truth is better to know no matter what." I said more harshly than intended.

"I didn't lie to you when I said that I won't do anything about this without your consent. I had to play fool around Brent, it was hell not to punch him until he bled out." He admitted.

I was surprised that Eric would talk about how he felt with me. We had regular contacts, nothing out of work until last week. Something had changed between us, some sort of untold agreement that we could rely on each other more than professionally.

"One more lie and I won't trust you anymore." My voice was firm.

Eric nodded sharply, agreeing that no more lies would come out of his mouth. A casual silence settled in while we were sipping our black coffee. I needed to drink this or I'd faint in Max's office. I was content that we sold that trust issue before getting in the lion's den.

"What are you doing tonight?" He questioned out of nowhere.

I wasn't sure how to reply or how to take this. So far, I'd doubt that Eric would be one to take advantage of the situation. I raised a questioning eyebrow, my grip on the cup tightened ever so slightly. Eric's eyes flickered to my hands then plunged into my emerald orbs.

"A friend of mine has a band, they have rehearsal tonight. You should come." He elaborated.

I had a hard time imagining Eric's friends. He was mostly alone or with colleagues when I crossed paths with him. I nodded quietly. I was too awestruck to utter a word. A small smile crept upon his lips, enlightening his gaze. A knock at the door broke the peace in the apartment. The leader took a second before getting up. He knew what was going on apparently. Four came in view, a worried expression all over his tense face. His eyes found mine, a shadow crossed his dark eyes.

"Eric, we have to do something about this." Four's voice was nervous as he poked his head in my direction.

"I'm well aware Four. Chris just accepted to report this to Max."

Eric's demeanor had changed. His body was tensed, his jaw clenched and his eyes threw daggers. I was aware of their rivalry, the reason for this male show was beyond me though. They always were at each other's throats. The tension between these two was practically unbearable.

"No, Brent did it again." He said sternly.

The words made my blood run cold. I jumped up and walked to stand in front of Four. My eyes searched him for any sign of lies. Finding none, anger took the upper hand. I also felt guilty for some reason. Maybe if I hadn't run into him he wouldn't have gone after another girl. I shoved Four to be able to run out of the apartment. I had to find Brent and beat the life out of him. My brain numbed all emotions aside from the pulsating rage. I knew where to find him. I barged in the training room, panting and fuming.

Brent stopped in mid-push-up to look at me. A seductive smirk crept up his face. I stomped towards him and took advantage of his position to throw my foot right into his head. The cracking noise of his nose and his scream just fueled my wrath. I took him by the collar, my eyes burning with hate as I stared at his pained face.

"I'll kill you motherfucker!" I yelled in his face.

I punched him over and over. I couldn't stop myself, even when blood started to pour from his mouth and nose. His face was covered with it. All my pent-up emotions were thrown at him. The loud doors banged open. Heavy footsteps echoed in the room. I continued to punch Brent's unconscious body. Large hands wrapped around my shoulders to stop me. I wriggled in the unknown grasp, afraid that Brent's friend came to rescue him. I hadn't even checked the area, few Dauntless members had stop training to look at the commotion.

"Stop it, Chris!" Eric's stern voice made me stiffen.

He dragged me off Brent then let me go. I was panting, hair wild and eyes wide opened, I must've looked like some psychopath. My eyes darted to the ground when I saw the disappointed looks of Max, Four, and Harrison. Everyone gave me that look lately. Shame invaded my brain, my cheeks burnt from the sudden surge of emotion. I had been carried away, and sure, I'll pay the price.

"Christine, an investigation will be open. The other victim had already pressed charges against Brent. He will be judged by Dauntless law. You're off duty from now on. Your behavior will not be held against you seeing the circumstances but this is the last time you beat up a fellow Dauntless member." Max's voice boomed.

I looked at him and nodded. My breathing and my beating heart had calmed down. I was devastated to no end, but they didn't have to know that. Harrison wanted to say something but Max made a sign for him to take Brent out of the training room. Then the elder leaders took their leave. Eric stood still, his hard gaze burning a hole in my skull. I dared a glance in his direction then sighed. My bloody hands hurt me, not as much as my shattered ego.

"I told you to fight me not to kill Brent. Chris, you're running down the wrong path. Max won't forget this incident even though it's understandable. Don't let this bastard ruin your life."

I couldn't utter a word, I felt empty and full all at once. Eric's presence prevented me from breaking down once more. My wet eyes met his blue ones, disappointment evident in his irises. If he turned his back on me I had no one else to rely on.

"I'm sorry," I finally whispered. "I didn't intend to do this... I couldn't stop myself..."

"Meet me in the Pit at eight tonight." He said then turned on his heels.

Relief washed over me. He still supported me. I went back to my apartment to wash the morning away. I ate lunch at my place. I played the guitar all afternoon. It kept my mind at ease. I began to find some lyrics to put my feelings into words. It was harder than I thought to write a song. My efforts finally paid but one string broke in my fingers. I headed to the Pit to find the music store.

Music was a huge part of Dauntless. It didn't seem at first but every pretext was good to party. It was odd to think that Amity and Dauntless couldn't stand each other as they shared similar rituals and common interests in musical arts. I looked at the racks to find the right box of strings.

"Chris!" Gary's voice called me.

I turned around to see him by the counter, he was waiting for customers. I waved at him, took the box I was looking for, and headed to him. His short green hair stood out from his Dauntless black attire and his big brown beard. His slim figure seemed even frailer behind the big counter. Gary was the musical expert of the compound. He knew all music history from the beginning to nowadays. I used to hang around his store for hours to custom my guitar. It was only a few weeks ago but it felt like ages.

"Hey, Gary!"

"It's been a while since you've come here, sweetheart. I'm happy to see that you're playing again." A smile beamed on his face and his eyes sparkled with joy.

"Yes, I needed a little break.," I replied lightly.

"Can't wait to hear you play sometime. And I heard from a little bird that you have a nice voice to hear." He remarked, giving me a wink.

"I'm not good enough to show my skills but I'm working on it. This little bird lied, I sing in the shower but that's it." I replied casually.

"Your fellow initiates always brag about your singing skills, honey. It's more than just shower gibberish."

It was true that I had sung my ass off in the dormitories showers during my initiation. My fellow initiates didn't stop me so it became a habit. They would praise me and ask for songs from time to time during parties. They were the only Dauntless to have ever heard me singing. It was for fun mostly and to let some steam off during those stressful days.

"Alright, I'll think about it, Gary." I smiled at Gary.

The conversation ended up here, I paid and looked at my watch to see that it was seven-thirty. I had time to eat before meeting Eric. I went to my apartment to drop the strings' box then headed straight to the cafeteria. It was not full so I found a sit at an empty table. I ate with little appetite. My eyes scanned the half-empty tables nearby. Jenna and Kate were nowhere to be found. I sighed deeply. Were they ghosting me in return?

Someone sat next to me. I turned around to see Four. I rolled my eyes and resumed eating as if he wasn't there. I didn't want to talk to him. We ate in silence for a while.

"You shouldn't have done that." He blurted out.

"No shit, Sherlock." I scoffed. "If you're here to lecture me, it's not the time Four." I didn't even look at him.

"I don't judge you, Chris. I understand more than you think." His voice became quiet.

I remembered the rumors about his abusive father, Marcus Eaton. It was different in many ways but I guessed the traumatic consequences were similar. We were both destroyed, broken, and beaten. I could also talk to the other victim, she could entirely relate to my experience. However, I felt uncomfortable around Four. We fell in silence once more. I finished my plate and get up. Finally, I looked at him.

"Thanks, Four. But I don't want to talk about it."

I didn't let him time to respond and turned on my heels to put my plate away. It was nearly eight. I walked to the Pit. Life was buzzing around, Dauntless members were laughing, fighting, and hanging around. I smiled at the overwhelming energy. It made me feel alive and a part of something big. A large figure in my back made me turn around. Eric stood there, his Dauntless attire had changed to a more casual outfit. He wore a button-up shirt and black jeans. I bit my lip at the sight. Eric smirked at my reaction.

"You didn't tell me we had to dress up," I remarked casually.

"My leader's attire has been ruined today. I was at the Child Care service, it turned out pretty messy." He explained with an amused tone.

I raised a curious eyebrow. I almost forgot that Eric ran the Child Care service. It was a place where abandoned children and orphans were raised and taken care of. Picturing Eric with children made me laugh inwardly. The tough leader's image would be shattered into millions of pieces. I wondered how he was with the kids. I didn't think Max would approve if he treated them as initiates.

"I wish I was here to witness our ruthless leader handle children." I laughed.

"You don't know those children, they're little devils sometimes." He muttered under his breath though a small smile grazed his lips.

It was weird to see Eric look fond of children. A man appeared next to him, clasping a hand on his shoulder, a broad smile on his lips.

"We're about to begin." He said cheerfully.

He had intense dark green eyes, it reminded me of the pin forest I had seen in my geographic books at school. His imposing figure matched Eric's even though he had slim muscles. His face was round like one of a child, he had crooked teeth and seemed younger than Eric. The leader turned to his friend and nodded.

"Sure Lex, we're coming."

"The famous Chris, pleasure to meet you." Lex turned to me and bowed before me.

"Famous?" I asked dumbfoundedly.

I feared someone had already spread the word about my rape. Lex laughed heartedly at my wide-eyed face.

"Nothing to worry about, I'm Josh's friend. He praised your singing skills so much, I couldn't stop him." He explained, his big smile always on his lips.

My cheeks turn a dark red at the mention of singing. Eric's eyes locked on me, I could feel his intense stare. I laughed nervously and shrugged my shoulders.

"Oh, well, it's been years since my initiation. I can't believe that anyone remembered this."

"Just so you know they all miss your voice." He winked at me then walked away.

"So you sing."

I turned to Eric, fiddling with my fingers.

"Sort of, I sang in the shower all the time during initiation. It kept me sane from stress." I admitted.

"Interesting." He muttered more to himself than to me.

We entered a secluded bar where a makeshift stage had been set up. The band was already in place, testing the sound before playing. There were few people, some I knew like Josh, Matthew, and Grey. All three were in my initiation class. As soon as we step into the room, silence fell. All eyes turned on us. Eric sent them a look and they all came back to their conversations.

"Chris, it's good to see you here." Matthew greeted me.

"Hey, guys" I smiled at the three men.

They had got stronger and they became real Dauntless men throughout the years. They were in the same patrol squad, real brothers. They came from different families that had been friends for years, they grew up together and didn't part ways at any point. Same as Jenna, Kate, and I. Eric stood next to me, hands in his pockets, not paying attention to the conversation.

"There's free time after the rehearsal, anyone can play on the stage. I hope we'll see you up there." Matthew said enthusiastically.

"Don't count on it, I'm not quite ready to sing outside dormitories," I replied truthfully.

"Maybe you'll change your mind." Grey retorted optimistically.

When the trio had an idea it was nearly impossible to take their mind elsewhere. I rolled my eyes even though a small smile found its way on my lips. Lex called everyone to get attention.

"Let's go!" He shouted.

Music blared through the speakers around the stage. Vibrations surged through my body. Eric placed a hand on my shoulder, I flinched a little at the sudden contact. His eyes narrowed and he seemed thoughtful. I didn't really fear Eric, but I couldn't help but react badly to all physical contact.

"You want something to drink?"

I nodded in response then he disappeared at the countertop to order something. Music always eased my soul. My body moved slightly to the beat. I couldn't bring myself to go party last Friday because Brent would be here. Now there was no way for him to found me. I hoped he was rotting in a dirty cell in the depths of the compound.

Eric returned with two drinks. I took a sip, alcohol burnt my throat and I felt light-headed. I wasn't a drinker, I preferred to smoke but it was taboo in Dauntless. Many smokers would go on the roof or at the train racks not to be bothered. Zeke and Uriah Pedrad were notorious to sell weed nonetheless, leadership didn't mind as long as it didn't interfere with the faction's balance.

It was pleasant to let go. I began to dance once my drink finished. Alcohol intoxicated me. Eric joined me at some point, after his fifth drink or so. We were close, closer than ever. Our eyes were connected and couldn't let go, his large hands on my waist kept me against him. I lost track of time. The music came to a stop and we both quit our odd trance-like connection. I adverted my gaze to the ground and distance myself from Eric. When I glanced back at him, his eyes bored a darker tone. The same one Brent had when he was over me. Images flashed before my eyes. Unable to control the flowing memories, I clenched my fists and shook my head to get rid of them.

"Chris?" Eric called.

I needed to expel all of this. The trauma, emotions, memories. My body moved to the stage, all eyes were on me. I sat at the piano, my fingers caressed the instrument lightly. Jenna taught me to play a long time ago. I felt alone in the room to focus on my desire to pour my heart out. I began to play notes, I knew the song by heart. I opened my mouth and my voice filled the room.

“Finding refuge in my own lies How are you? I'm doing alright Small talk is a great disguise Just let me be Just let me be

Empty thoughts start to crowd my mind Am I only living, living to survive? Shake it off but I've lost the drive Just let me be Just let me be

Let me be okay

No one knows what goes on up inside my head There's a new kind of poison and it's starting to spread No one knows what goes on up inside my head They don't think I need help But I'm scaring myself

I just want to be okay I just want to be okay

All the voices in my head are coming to life They're getting louder and I'm, I'm terrified How do you run from your own mind? Is this what I've become? Take it back, what have I done?”

The last notes died in the silent room. A round of applause erupted from the little crowd. Josh, Matthew, and Grey were thrilled by my showcase. I found Eric's eyes on me, he knew all too well that the lyrics held some truth. I get up and walked out of the bar. I wanted to be alone. Alcohol had worn off during my performance. Emotions ate at me again,. They wouldn't let me enjoy life as I used to. Memories haunted me whatever I did. I walked to my apartment then went up to the roof. I spent the night smoking and gazing at the starry sky.

[keepcopinghoe]

catch up pt.1

quick rundown of what’s been going on with me

ramo is the first guy that i’ve consistently and personally interacted with since about 2018 and definitely the first guy who actually around my age that i’ve formed a relatively close bond with. i think it’s for this reason that i’m so attached to him. he frequently described himself as an incel (ironically tho) and i think his last actually non-paid-for sexual relationship was back in 2017. so i stupidly assumed that i was the only girl in his life that he was actually close with and this delusion i think in many ways also is what build the foundation behind the inexplicable quasi-infatuation that i have now.

 on 06th june he told me about some girl that was part of his i***c*** discord which i already knew he was a part of since ages ago. i asked about her and he said she was from lithuania and that he was pissed off because some other guy was orbiting her which immediately set off alarm bells to me since there’s legit no reason to get pissy that someone else is orbiting a girl unless you like her yourself. he also said some shit to me which i think was unintentionally (or maybe intentionally?) hurtful, about how he could easily afford my prices and that i sell myself way below the market rate (both true but still). i think it’s both these things happening at the same time which particularly stung: ramo orbiting some e-girl who is involved in the same interests and hobbies to a greater extent than i am and also the emphasis that i’m a whore (and a cheap one at that) who no one would ever really consider as a serious dating prospect if they knew anything about my history.

i told him shortly after than i didn’t want to see him for a month or so, making up the excuse that it was because i was gonna be too busy. this is partially true cus i did initially have the plan to work every single day until the date of my breast augmentation/lift surgery which would be 25th june, earning like £700 a day in profit if i worked very hard. that didn’t quite come to fruition because there was some guy who booked with me that left a negative review on UKP which led to a fussilade of criticism from various users about me being a power-tripping time waster who frequently ghosted clients. this is kinda true except the power-tripping part; my timewasting is a direct result of substance abuse problems which is a direct result of whoring myself out to men that i often find unattractive. all in the preceding week (i met ramo on a sunday and this shit happened the following week).

two separate people passive aggressively threatened to send me another negative review over text, i have to provide a discounted rate to two of my regulars due to consistantly missing bookings, someone left me a negative review under my AW profile (which they did through sending a booking request that i didn’t confirm) saying that my service had declined massively over the last few months and that it was like ‘fucking a zombie’ and the final night of working on thursday (10/06), i saw this guy who has followed me under various aliases i’ve had in the past (jade/sana/etc.) and that i last meant at kingston premier inn in like june 2019. would have been a nice blast from the past in some respect but i made a stupid retarded decision to do coke with him - i then sniffed poppers which was retarded as well because poppers are a stimulant and speeds the heart up even further which i didn’t really know at the time. i then got super paranoid that i was gonna have a heart attack and kept telling the client in question to ensure that he call an ambulance if i collapsed, which i’m sure really got him in the mood. his name was james and i stupidly told him my real name. he couldn’t come and i felt like shit because i knew he didn’t enjoy himself - he told me in his mind that he had kind of ‘built’ the meeting up and i suppose it must have fallen massively short of his expectations. it is what it is.

i couldn’t sleep really at all due to the coke. i had several meetings arranged for the next day on friday with regulars all of which i cancelled. i just couldn’t continue on with the same routine of waking up in the morning feeling disgusting because i keep eating junk food delivery, doing an enema, getting drunk and just getting fucked until bedtime even though it was really good money.

i fucked around and went to chinatown on saturday evening and was feeling really happy and relieved about not having to work. i’ve figured that i can just make money after my surgeries and start again under a new profile where i don’t have any negative reviews attached to it and maybe rent out an actual apartment on a monthly basis, since it’d be cheaper than air BnB and i can set things up the way i want. i ate sweet and sour fish and egg fried rice, it was taste (ramo always says that lol).

idk what compelled me to do it but on 14th june, i looked through ramo’s likes on twitter. i think it was because i recalled seeing an obvious girl account in his likes previously - this is something i didn’t really think about at all previously but with the new information he had told me the sunday before, i ended up browsing her account which kind of led to a personal crisis. i found out fairly quickly that this girl was the same one he had referred to on discord (m** on discord, j**** on twitter) simply because there were screencaps on her media referring to the same discord and she was definitely from lithuania. i always assumed that women in these circles were lame and bland tradthots who lacked any kind of constitution beyond mindless pandering to irony poisoned scrotes and genuinely retarded wignats but i was suprised at how immediately endearing this girl appeared even to me, through the internet and as someone i have every reason to feel petty resentment towards.

her shitposts were funny and while she is edgy, she has an underlying sweet and kind disposition. her art is shit but cool in its own scrambled way. she’s also apparently only 16 so it’s understandable - i was a lot more cringe at her age and just as shit at art.

the feeling of inadequacy was overwhelming since in addition to being an actual whore, i’m super cringe, lame and normie compared to her. it made completely sense that ramo would orbit a girl like this and i’ve since completely re-evaluated my position and meaning in his life. it’s a good thing that my cope of feelings of intense inadequacy is to launch myself into a phase of hyper-productivity - i kept practicing drawing (apeing her in a way ig since i recently had kind of given up on drawing), fasting, reading, etc. to try and overcome how worthless and self-loathing i felt at being the unwitting basis of comparison to a young girl who was better than me in every conceivable manner. i even listened to msg 3.

i was in so much pain over this that i couldn’t listen to songs which reminded me of ramo (any i****c*** but specifically drug approved and also temptation) and when i did, i just felt anger at my position and a weird resentment towards him. worth mentioning than ramo had sent me a weird bootycall kind of text sometime before then which came across as really crash, so that made me feel even more devalued. 

this is already super long so i’m gonna follow up with a pt. 2 later or maybe edit.

[iicewitch]

☀️ cult of dionysus

a playlist for my friend caz link to playlist: here tracklist and favorite lyrics below

1. only as good as my god - everything everything And on the steps of my church There, I'm chasing down a red girl with my hooves upon a- Ooh - Wild Ooh - Child If they crawl out of the mud Wash them away in a flood I'm only as good as my god Burnt hair and more money 2. disciples - captain murphy Don't you want devoted followers? Who leave their families for you Give their money to you Give their bodies to you Give up their lives for you Consider you God, and will kill for you Don't you want to become a cult leader? Since the death of God there has been a vacancy open You can fill that void, here is how 3. dionysus - bts Just get drunk like Dionysus Drink in one hand, Thyrsus on the other Art splashing inside this clear crystal cup Art is alcohol too, if you can drink it, you'll get drunk fool I'm now in front of the door to the world The cheers I hear when I get up on stage Can’t you see my stacked broken thyrsus At last I’m reborn 4. good hand - turbowolf And I say No pain, no gain That's the mantra I'm repeating No sun, no rain That's the mantra I'm repeating No pain, no gain, no sun, no No pain, no gain, no sun, no rain 5. addicted to love - robert palmer Your lights are on, but you're not home Your will is not your own You're heart sweats and teeth grind Another kiss and you'll be mine 6. cult of dionysus - the orion experience Or start a secret society for the wild and free Our ideology is "You can do what you want Too much is never enough" We are the Life, we are the light We are the envy of the Gods above 7. hitting on all sevens - lyndon smith Make of me a subject caste Pressed and kept beneath thy glass Every heart thy sent in heaven Always hitting on all sevens One by one as ordered Flank to flank and facing forward Hanging by the word In chapter, verse and sentence heard 8. touch tone telephone - lemon demon Don't hang up yet, I'm not done I'm an expert, I'm the one The one who was right all along Better to be laughed at than wrong I'm an expert in my field UFOlogy, yes, it's all real Ancient aliens, it's all true I'm an expert just like you 9. sundial - lemon demon Don't mind me, I've just got some problems to work out I'm only passing through or maybe just right out Somehow something set my sundial backwards tilted and upside-down Now the shadow hand is pointing time right out of town I don't remember what it is that I just said to you I've got Anubis on my back and something in my shoe 10. mother’s talk - tears for fears It's not that you're not good enough It's just that we can make you better Given that you pay the price We can keep you young and tender Following in the footsteps of a funeral pyre You were paid not to listen now your house is on fire 11. light up the night - the protomen There is a city that this darkness can't hide. There are the embers of a fire that's gone out, But I can still feel the heat on my skin. This mess we're in, well you and I, Maybe you and I, We can light up the night. 12. pure morning - placebo A friend in need's a friend indeed, A friend who'll tease is better, Our thoughts compressed, Which makes us blessed, And makes for stormy weather, 13. aspiring fires - mother mother Baby, so you think you know crazy I think you know what you know, But what you know you don't know for sure A little advice for aspiring fires You'll get put out if you don't get a little wild Try again, try again, it ain't right You don't got the due diligence to lose your mind You're not getting it right 14. oh ana - mother mother I'll play god I'll play god I'll play god I'll play god today Ante up and play that god a poker game Walk away with all our little God's spare change Playing this god it can't be good for— Ana's safety, Ana hear me ! 15. this devil’s workday - modest mouse So I ate the wedding cake 'til the whole damn thing was gone. And I'm gonna drown the ocean. Now ain't none o' that so wrong? I could buy myself a reason. I could sell myself a job. I could hang myself on treason. Oh I am my own damn god. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha 16. kiss me son of god - they might be giants I look like Jesus, so they say But Mr. Jesus is very far away Now you're the only one here who can tell me if it's true That you love me and I love me And a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God" Yes a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God" 17. personal jesus - depeche mode Take second best Put me to the test Things on your chest You need to confess I will deliver You know I'm a forgiver 18. charlie’s inferno - that handsome devil Catch you later, I'm off to see the man upstairs They all look like ants from here Stars and crystal chandeliers Excuse me, sir! There must be someone you've confused me for If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform I go to church on sunday, truly, usually more! Screaming at the angels while they pushed him through the door! 19. old 45s - chromeo Don't wanna settle Or didn't you get the memo You only get a date if you're walking in stilettos This is enough to drive you mad If you think romance is dead and gone Find an old jukebox full of 45's Pop a nickel in it and it all comes back 20. down at the midnight rectory - ted neeley Down, down, down at the midnight rectory! With jiggle juice frisking under the marquee! The peacocks are strutting behind velvet ropes, Sipping away on their heavenly dope. Gimme two alleluia's and an amen! 21. elevate - dj khalil Can't stop me, can't break me (can't break) What don't kill me, gon' make me (gon' make) Shoot for the stars, no safety (no safety) And now I see clear in HD 'Cause I win, over and over again Battlin' evil, I'm hopin' to win Fightin' my demons, I'm nice for a reason Enticed with the bleedin', I'm showin' my sins 22. come along - cosmo sheldrake We'll dance and sing 'til sundown And feast with abandon We'll sleep when the morning comes And we'll rise by the sound of the birdsongs We'll be here when the world slows down And the sunbeams fade away Keeping time by a pendulum As the fabric starts to fray 23. just one yesterday - fall out boy I thought of angels Choking on their halos Get them drunk on rose water See how dirty I can get them Pulling out their fragile teeth And clip their tiny wings If heaven's grief brings hell's rain Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday 24. church - fall out boy And if death is the last appointment Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom If you were church, yeah I'd get on my knees Confess my love, I'd know where to be My sanctuary, you're holy to me 25. beast dance - kurage p Cast aside your humanity, before you have to grovel on the ground, being at the bottom of society. You want to be loved? In that case, come on. ”Roar roar roar roar roar roar” Inside the cage, ‘kay? 26. black and white - MASA Pour the gospel echoing through the world into your glass. Black&White! Practice your faith through shots and prayers. Open the bottle. Black&White! 27. sister’s mercy - hitoshizuku-p Jesus!! Pray and pray Believer, if you demand for salvation Oh Yeah!! Then pay up more and more for this Bright Red, now! Cheers!! Pour and pour When you’ve filled your stomach with this bright Red, Aa! All your wishes will come true 28. inferno pt. 2 - the buttress The depth of my breadth is unmet I'm becoming unraveled on the road less traveled I know Jesus wept But I abhor the Lord Fell on my sword Forever slept 29. let’s just live - casey lee williams Let's just live Just one day Let's forget about our problems Let's fall in love with life And just be free The sun will never fade The night won't steal our day Let's dance and laugh and love And let's just live 30. ignite - casey lee williams Fool, you shouldn't stare into these eyes of fire You're goin' to regret this little fight You don't wanna mess with me, I'm something higher You'll watch yourself suffer You'll watch me ignite 31. god’s gonna cut you down - johnny cash Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand Workin' in the dark against your fellow man But as sure as God made black and white What's down in the dark will be brought to the light 32. royals - lorde Let me be your ruler (Ruler) You can call me queen bee And baby, I'll rule (I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule) Let me live that fantasy 33. you should see me in a crown - billie eilish Count my cards, watch them fall Blood on a marble wall I'm gonna run this nothing town Watch me make 'em bow One by one by, one One by one by You should see me in a crown 34. rev 22:20 - puscifer Pray til I go blind (Pray) Pray cause no one ever survives Prayin' to stay in her arms just to die longer Satyrs and saints, devils and heathens and lies 35. this must be the place - talking heads Home, is where I want to be But I guess I'm already there I come home, she lifted up her wings I guess that this must be the place I'm just an animal looking for a home and Share the same space for a minute or two And you love me till my heart stops Love me till I'm dead 36. razzle dazzle -  richard gere Give 'em the old razzle dazzle Razzle Dazzle 'em Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it And the reaction will be passionate Give 'em the old hocus pocus Bead and feather 'em How can they see with sequins in their eyes? 37. you’ll be back - jonathan groff You say our love is draining and you can't go on You'll be the one complaining when I am gone And no, don't change the subject 'Cause you're my favorite subject My sweet, submissive subject My loyal, royal subject Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever 38. no light, no light - florence and the machine No light, no light in your bright blue eyes I never knew daylight could be so violent A revelation in the light of day You can't choose what stays and what fades away 'Cause it's so easy, To say it to a crowd But it's so hard, my love, To say it to you out loud 39. shiny happy people - r.e.m Meet me in the crowd, people, people Throw your love around, love me, love me Take it into town, happy, happy Put it in the ground where the flowers grow Gold and silver shine Shiny happy people holding hands Shiny happy people holding hands Shiny happy people laughing 40. a good song never dies - saint motel There was a moment, a hole opened in the sky A chance to join that pantheon For all the times they never heard your battle cry Now be an angel, sing along 'Cause a good song never dies It just reminds you of where you were The first time it made you cry The first time you felt alive 41. king of the clouds - panic at the disco Some only live to die, I'm alive to fly higher Than angels in outfields inside of my mind I'm ascendin' these ladders, I'm climbin', say goodbye This old world, this old world I don't trust anything Or anyone, below the sun I don't feel anything At all 42. battle for the sun - placebo I, I, I will battle for the sun, sun, sun, sun And I, I, I, I am the bones you couldn't break Break, break, break, break, break, break, break 43. walk like an egyptian - the bangles All the school kids so sick of books They like the punk and the metal band When the buzzer rings (oh whey oh) They're walking like an Egyptian All the school kids so sick of books They like the punk and the metal band When the buzzer rings (oh whey oh) They're walking like an Egyptian 44. credens justitiam - yuriko kaida and eri itoh Free, they are With no malice they sing quietly And they told me that my song was louder/lighter Their song Releases the day of all malice I want to be like them And my mind (their minds are) Free 45. 99.9 - mob choir The protagonist of this stage is me Cryin' my life, cryin' my psyche Cryin' my heart in such commonplaces Is this my ideal? Is this my mind? Ahh, I’m looking for the answer ! 46. cruel angels thesis - yoko takahasi But someday you will notice On those shoulders of yours There are strong wings To guide you to the far future. If there is any meaning In the fate that pulled us together, Then I am, yes, the Bible That teaches you of freedom. A cruel angel's thesis And then sorrow comes forth 47. peace and love on the planet earth - zach callison I guess we're already here I guess we already know We've all got something to fear We've all got nowhere to go I think you're all insane! But I guess I am too Is there anything that's worth more? Is there anything that's worth more? Is there anything that's worth more Than peace and love on the planet Earth? 48. now we can see - the thermals We were born in the desert We were reared in a cave We conquered in the sun but we lived in the shade We were born on an island we grew out of the sand Never saw another creature never knew another man 49. love today - mika I said Everybody's gonna love today Gonna love today, gonna love today I said Everybody's gonna love today Gonna love today Anyway you want to, anyway you've got to Love, love me, love, love me, love, love 50. where is my mind? - the pixies With your feet on the air and your head on the ground Try this trick and spin it, yeah Your head will collapse If there's nothing in it And you'll ask yourself .. Where is my mind? Where is my mind?

[softjeon]

The perfect Illusion | Pt. 1

• Pairing: Geisha!Jimin x Namjoon | Side-Pairing: Geisha!Jungkook x Yoongi • Genre: Fluff / Angst  | Geisha!AU ( → Gifset Trailer) • Words: 15k |  ↳ AO3 • Disclaimer: mentioning of abusive behavior

*** please note that this story doesn’t mean to represent accurate geisha tradition, it was solely inspired by the beautiful art form, giving it a modern twist in a fictional universe and therefore has been dramatized for entertainment purposes.

written with @cassiavioletblue

↳  He was the perfect illusion. The getaway for anyone who didn’t want to face reality. And yet, there was something in his eyes, something vulnerable and hopeful as if he was dying for someone to see through him, to care for him enough to look behind the mask and draw out the real Jimin. And Namjoon couldn’t wait to do exactly that.

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It was still early, with the sun shining over the mountain’s peak that one could see in the far distance behind the monstrous high buildings. Jimin always thought they were a bit to bland for his liking. And still he wondered how it must feel like to stand up on the twentieth floor and look down on the sea of people below from time to time. Turning the corner, a few children were playing in the streets and women sitting and chatting on their doorsteps. There was silence when he passed and he greeted them with a smile and a simple nod. A young woman blushed. A man, leaning against the banister of his home was inhaling the smoke of his cigarette deeply, when his gaze flickered onto his. 

Just for one second. 

Jimin didn’t need more. With a single look he had the man stop in his tracks, his eyes fixated on him when nothing else existed anymore. Almost as if he was hypnotized for a moment.

Turning his back onto them he could still hear the woman’s shouting, the way she was scolding her husband but Jimin was sure that wasn’t the last time he’d see that man. He smiled to himself and held his head high as he could see a part of the market a few alleys away next to the street where they sold the finest jewelry that he just loved to stroll around and look at. There was no time of day when this part of the city wasn’t crowded. Jimin took a quick short cut, one that lead through a pleasant tree-lined area where it was much calmer. He knew his way around the city and still he always felt like a stranger. Someone that didn’t really belong here. The ribbon around his waist indicating who he truly was. Luckily people treated him with respect, sometimes more out of fear than anything else and others just admired him from afar. Jimin smiled at a young girl who was staring at him, holding onto her mother’s hand tightly. He winked at her and she giggled as if they exchanged a small secret. 

Jimin passed another street, walking by a few high buildings to get to the other side of the market where they sold the finest fabrics. He had promised to get Jungkook a new satin to wear and as he was still a maiko, the younger wasn’t allowed to go out when he was still suppose to train. Jimin sighed and brushed through his hair, blinking up as the sun shone on his face. For a moment he stayed still, well aware that he should keep his skin protected and not get a painful sunburn but the feeling of breaking the rules - just a little - had always excited him. With a soft smile that played on his lips, Jimin walked ahead. He could hear voices coming from the market, people trying to negotiate the price and it had him excited. It was then that his gaze involuntarily wandered over to one of the men hurrying out of what seemed like an office building across the street, waving his hand frantically in the air to catch a taxi. For a second, Jimin stilled completely and even though the other seemed stressed, he still vibrated with an aura that had him fascinated. Tall, lean, the suit he wore fitting him perfectly. 

Namjoon was so tired that his eyes hurt and he could feel the fatigue in every part of his body. The meeting had lasted forever and if it hadn’t been so important he might have excused himself for a coffee break in between just to make sure that he stayed awake. Luckily though it had ended before he could fall off his chair from exhaustion - and it even ended on a good note. All their hard work had finally paid off and the approval copies had done what they should and gotten the investors approval. Now they would have enough buyers to sell their whole current collection which meant that they could start with their new one right away. Namjoon almost got dizzy when he thought about the amount of money that he had just secured for them - though honestly he didn’t do it for the money alone. It was nice being so rich that you knew that you would never have to worry about making ends meet ever again in your life - but without a passion, without something to do that you put your heart into it meant nothing. Luckily in Yoongi he had found someone who was just as determined and passionate as him about their profession: korean inlaid work. Their focused on home decoration but apart from that their range went from small little boxes to store your jewelry in to tables or whole wall-covering wardrobes, each of them decorated with the finest mother of pearl inlay and polished wood. He actually always wore a piece of their work with him in form of a business pen that he used when he had to sign something important - just as he had done right now. 

He breathed out in relief and imagined what he would do when he would finally arrive back home; run a bath, cook some delicious food, maybe ask Yoongi how he was doing at the atelier because the older was there most of the time, drawing, sketching, trying to work out the best patterns and pictures that told the owner of their work a story. He especially loved Yoongi’s butterfly designs that the other excelled in, something that you wouldn’t expect of him when you met Yoongi for the first time and he looked at you with narrowed eyes in his cautious, almost closed off way of greeting strangers. 

Namjoon got as close to the side of the road as he could to wave for a taxi and then hoped that he would get one soon as he kept his arm raised, feeling it getting heavy almost immediately. While he waited he let his gaze wander - and something hit him like a blow. There was a boy in front of him, strolling around the market as if he had all the time in the world. He was so breathtakingly beautiful that Namjoon couldn’t help but blatantly stare at him. Although his beauty wasn’t everything there was to him, he had a smile that looked so honest and genuinely happy that Namjoon could feel his own lips curl up on their own. He had a grace to him that spoke of years of training, maybe in dance or theater - and then Namjoon saw the belt. It was a dark burgundy colored piece of satin, bound in an intricate pattern of knots around his waist, telling those who knew what to look for what he was: a geisha. 

Namjoon swallowed hard. He had always held admiration for those who held onto tradition in such a way but he had never dared to visit a teahouse out of personal reasons before. He had been there many times with other business men or to celebrate a deal but he had always chosen the house that was most convenient in its placement, never because he wanted to see a special geisha. For that boy though he would willingly drive through the whole country just to see him dance or play an instrument or serve him tea. Maybe their newly closed business deal called for exactly that…

Their gazes suddenly met. 

Jimin’s heart jumped and his own eyes shined amber as they stared back at each other. Only a second. A smile played on Jimin’s lips. That was all it took - before he turned the corner quickly, ignoring the rapid beating of his heart. 

“Hey! Are you coming or?” The taxi driver yelled through the halfway rolled down window of his car, obviously confused on what the man was so fixated on when he couldn’t see anything himself that was worthy staring at, “People have to work ya know. If you don’t want a taxi don’t call for one! I got better things to do.” 

Jimin had easily mingled into the ocean of people that were strolling through the market, letting his gaze wander over the dozens of beautiful fabrics. “How can I help you?” The owner of the booth bowed his head and Jimin mimicked him, pointing at the yellow satin that almost seemed golden. Jungkook had always a thing for vibrant colors like these and Jimin thought with his own favorite blue robe, the younger would look absolutely mesmerizing next to him.

Before Namjoon could explain or apologize the taxi was gone and with him his chance to get home and fall into bed. Honestly he was almost glad because as tired as he had been before there was a spark of curiosity that kept his eyes open and his mind focused on one single sing: the elegant geisha boy that had bought some silk in a way that would have suited a documentary about noblemen in ancient times. He was just so naturally graceful that it was a joy to simply watch him. And Namjoon wanted to see more of him! As his ride was gone anyways he picked his bag back up and then hurried tried to walk across the market towards the boy who had left the part where clothes and accessories were sold and was talking to a merchant now who sold little colorful rice cakes. 

When he paid, taking the rice cakes from the salesman, Jimin noticed a man out of the corner of his eyes. He dared to turn his head, just a little to see who it was that had followed him. Jimin had thought it must been the husband maybe, the one he had passed earlier but to his surprise it was the young man again. He held his breath, casting down his eyes and bowing his head just slightly into the man’s direction - a barely there movement as if he was doing a respectful curtsy before he turned around again, using the group of people that just passed to vanish quickly again. Jimin didn’t dare to look back again, loving this sweet game he was playing too much already and hoping that the stranger was intrigued to follow after. 

Namjoon forgot to pretend to be busy himself so when the boy turned in his direction he was obviously caught staring and he blushed - honest to good blushed in the middle of the street - and then tried to turn around to hide his face but the geisha had already seen him. He nodded at him and Namjoon wished he was cooler or more collected because in that moment he couldn't even remember what day it was.

Jimin loved the game they were playing. It made his trip even more exciting as he made his way through the market, well aware that the other was following him. Jimin wondered if he’d would try and talk to him, if he’d noticed that he was a geisha or not. He easily vanished and reappeared in midst the crowds, making sure the stranger could catch glimpses of him – enough to make him interested but not enough to make him catch up. A giggle escaped his lips as he made a sharp turn into the alley that sold jewelry and when he turned to look over his shoulder the man was gone. For a second Jimin was almost sad that he couldn’t see him anymore, but maybe the other had gotten tired of his games. He sighed and reached for one of the pearls when he felt a presence right behind him, the warmth of his body embracing Jimin and he had half a mind to just lean back into him. But instead, Jimin leaned his head to the side, just enough to feel his breath fan over his neck and look shyly over his shoulder. 

Namjoon was intrigued, especially when he noticed that the younger was playing hide and seek with him. He obviously enjoyed vanishing in front of Namjoons eyes and puzzle him long enough for him to think he lost him and get disappointed - just for the joy to flood him again whenever he caught a glimpse of him again. He hadn’t even seen his face properly and he already was totally hooked on him. Namjoon was baffled by how well the younger played him even though they hadn’t exchanged a single word before. Finally he seemed to get a chance of getting close to the geisha when he was distracted by a string of pearls, long enough for Namjoon to change directions and sneak up on him from another angle. He felt a little like a creep but if it meant that he would be able to see the flirtatious geisha’s face then he could deal with that feeling - or so he hoped. He was almost close enough to touch the younger when the boy stiffened, noticing his presence without even turning his back. He would be crazily attentive and Namjoon was kind of impressed. 

“If I didn’t know better that you’re a gentleman, I’d say you’ve been following me sir.” Jimin blinked up at him, regretting that he chose not to wear any makeup today. Nowadays there was no rule for them to wear their costumes outside, although the belt always indicated their belonging anyways. Jimin let his hand soothe over the soft pearls, reaching into his pocket to pay for them.

Namjoon didn’t know what he had expected the youngers voice to be but he could have never imagined a voice that sweet, like honey, warm and melting on his tongue. He played along easily, even though he had blushed so hard just shortly ago but it felt natural to do and he quote enjoyed it. 

“Following you? Oh I wouldn’t dare to follow a beauty like you around. Because one could get the wrong impression. And I’d never ruin your undoubtedly flawless reputation.”

Jimin smiled taking the string from the owner of the booth and turned his head to blink up and gaze into the eyes of the stranger. It was far longer than he intended to, but he couldn’t help but to be intrigued himself. It was obvious how well spoken the other was, how handsome and well-mannered, that he must indeed be a gentleman. “That’s good to know. I wish you a good day, sir.” Jimin casted down his eyes and with a fleeting brush of his arm against Namjoon’s, the geisha was gone again. 

Jimin took his lies and turned them around, waving goodbye quickly before vanishing right in front of his eyes just like before and as if he had planned to make the end of their conversation as dramatic as possible. Namjoon cursed under his breath, regretting that he hadn't asked the younger’s name or at least the name of his establishment: it would be a hell of a lot of work to find out where he worked at and if he had bad luck the teahouse owners wouldn’t disclose that kind of information for the boys safety. 

He was fucked.

…

“God fucking damn it!” Yoongi cursed loudly. His coffee spilled all over his sketches and the young man groaned in anger. “I shouldn’t have gone out of bed this morning,” He mumbled under his breath when the door to the studio opened and Namjoon walked in and although he seemed rather happy it didn’t lift Yoongi’s spirits. “If you don’t have good news for me, I’ll consider jumping out of this window and yes I know we’re on the first floor and I don’t care.” He raked through his hair in a desperate manner, before finally reaching for the tissues to try and keep the damage in check but it was too late already. He would have to do it all over again tomorrow.

“Maybe it was a sign that you should take some rest for once and stop overworking yourself. You will have enough work waiting for you the next few months. Because I just sold our entire collection!” He knew that Yoongi had some difficulties with sudden skinship or else he would have swept him off his feet in a hug from how happy he was. “Which means you’ve got a blank canvas now and can start an entirely new collection - or you could just say ‘fuck it’ and never work again because they were really generous with the money. Though please don’t - I need you in this business because if it wasn’t for your sketches our new design would probably be simple squares because I might share your fantasies but I totally can't bring them on paper.” He fished one of the half soaked papers out from the stack of the ruined sketches and held it up. It showed an intricate bird design with a twig of cherry blossoms in full bloom with a bumblebee filling a blank space and tumbling petals. Namjoon could already imagine how beautiful it would look as an inlay, the light pearly shimmer in stark contrast against the dark, polished wood. “It’s beautiful!” Then he coughed, remembering what he was trying to ask him. “Apropos beautiful…,” He was thinking about the geisha but he couldn’t just say that right away so his transition wouldn’t make sense to Yoongi and as he knew that his cheeks dusted again, “How about we properly celebrate it this time? No other investors or business people, just us?”

Yoongi cocked up an eyebrow in interest when he heard the words celebrating but his brows furrowed right after though when he realized the transition from beautiful to celebrating didn’t make much sense. “What do you have in mind? If you’re just thinking about going to the opera again I might decline this time. Didn’t know your way of fun was listening to someone scream for four hours straight.” Yoongi chuckled at the fond memory, because every time he let Namjoon decide what they should do to celebrate it only ended in them going on a educational trip instead. And he could just sleep in his bed instead of the uncomfortable chairs in the opera house. When he threw the soaked papers into the bin, Yoongi let himself fall back onto the couch that stood in the middle of their studio. “Oh and no trips to the historical museum or any kind of historical place...please, chose something fun instead. Something that we both enjoy, how about that?”

Namjoon got a little nervous because lying to Yoongi - or bending the truth a little - was never easy. He was bad at lying in general but Yoongi saw through people like an x-ray machine. “No, no, don’t worry, it’s none of that. I was actually thinking about... visiting a tea house if you want?” It was a rhetorical question because of course Yoongi would be up for it. He admired all kinds of arts and beauty and he was reckless enough to openly enjoy watching pretty boys while it was normally Namjoon who felt uncomfortable or conflicted about supporting an institution that so openly prioritized superficial qualities. They had actually talked about this before because when they were invited by their contract partners, which happened quite a lot, then of course Namjoon went together with Yoongi. Though in the evening they often ended up discussing because Yoongi had been enjoyed himself and those short lived pleasures while Namjoon was worried or bothered by the fact that outside of the tea house the boys and girls didn’t have any practical skills and if they didn’t get enough money with their mizuage then they were stuck working at the same tea house and if no one offered to marry them they would be left with nothing at the end of their retirement which was usually set around 50 years. Yoongi just told him he worried too much.

“A tea house? You want to go to a tea house?” Yoongi looked at his friend, eyeing him head to toe. “Did you smoke something?” He teased his friend with a laugh, “Hell yeah, we can go to a tea house. Actually there’s this new place I’d love to try. It’s further downtown. I think it’s owned by the same dude...but they have different shows there.” Yoongi nodded enthusiastically. He always enjoyed an artistic show and if it meant for him to sit back, relax and just simply watch beautiful people then he was all for it. “What are we waiting for then?” Jumping up from the couch, Yoongi grabbed his jacket and keys, “Let’s get suited up.”

“Uhm, o-okay.” Initially he had planned on calling a few tea houses and giving them the description of the boy he had seen to ask if he lived there but he figured that the boy must be from around here anyways because he had seemed familiar with one or two of the merchants as if he came there regularly. So why not try the house closest to them, maybe he got lucky and then he didn’t even have to behave suspiciously which meant Yoongi might never find out why exactly he suddenly wanted to go there in the first place. As he had just gotten there he didn’t need to change a lot, he just put away his suitcase and loosened his tie before following after Yoongi who seemed really excited at the prospect of them going to a teahouse alone without any tiring business talk involved.

Yoongi had been excited, not caring anymore why Namjoon had suddenly wanted to go into a teahouse, figuring that the other just wanted to do something good for him in return. Namjoon just was that kind of a friend and nothing would dim his excitement now. 

“I take a red wine, please,” Yoongi said with a smile towards the waitress and then leaned back. From where they sat they had a great overview on the stage and the music was already starting to play indicating the start of the show. Turning towards Namjoon, he noticed the others stiff posture and reached out for him. “Hey, relax. This is just one night off. Just enjoy the show, okay?”

It was a very modern take on a teahouse and it made Namjoon simultaneously feel relieved and more uncomfortable. Relieved because they boys were on stage instead of sitting together with them in a small room to serve tea and uncomfortable because the arrangement felt a little similar to a strip club; with lots of men sitting around waiting for someone beautiful to come on stage and dance for them while they consumed their alcohol and tea.

Yoongi didn’t care. His eyes shone the moment the geishas stepped on stage and showcased their art one by one. It always had fascinated him: the beauty, the artistry, the sensuality. It send shivers down his spine each time. He was so lost in the show and the stories the dancers told, that Yoongi completely forgot about the wine he had ordered and only remembered it when the light went on again. 

Namjoon appreciated how well prepared the dancers were, how graceful they moved and how easily they portrayed their story or played a character even though their routines looked challenging and demanding. There was one thing though that disappointed him immensely: None of them were the boy he had seen earlier today. 

With their heavy make up it took him awhile to figure out how their faces must look like under it but he was absolutely certain that the boy from the market hadn’t been on stage. 

He frowned.

Outside of the establishment, Yoongi put his arm around Namjoon (as much as he could and only while pulling him down as he was way shorter), “Are you okay?” He furrowed his brows and nudged Namjoon’s side, “You know you don’t have to do these kind of things for me, right? If you really don’t enjoy it we can easily just go out and eat next time.” Letting go off Namjoon, he waved his hand to call for a taxi, “With you paying of course.” 

Namjoon huffed, his mouth twitching back up. Even though the evening had been disappointing for him at least it had lightened Yoongi's mood. “Sure, in other words you forgot to buy food again and have an empty fridge so you’re trying to make me pay for you even though you could easily afford it to pay yourself - or just let stuff get delivered to you.” Their playful little banters were part of their routine and not to be taken seriously. 

It was what made them perfect together after all. They were as different as one could be, but together they were the greatest business team and Namjoon would have never asked for another partner. 

“Let’s get you home, shall we?” Yoongi chuckled, patting Namjoon’s shoulder as they sat down in the taxi, paying the driver by cash. They only parted at the front of their doors, their apartments on the same floor in the same building. Some would have thought it was crazy, but Namjoon thought it was what made them unique. He had shared his living space with Yoongi when they were barely making it and now when they had more than enough it was only natural for them to stay close in one way or another. Yoongi saluted him lazily, reminding him in between a yawn to not wake him tomorrow. “Dream of beautiful geisha boys dancing for you, Joonie.” 

Then he closed the door.

…

“I need you to sign here and here,” The man in the grey suit said, a smile on his face, waiting for one of them to pick up the pen. It had been a few weeks since they had been celebrating their last contract and Namjoon had been looking for the boy. 

He had failed ever since. 

He couldn’t find him at the market anymore, nor somewhere close. So, Namjoon tried to concentrate back onto work and not let a random stranger that he had met once and exchanged just a couple of words make him go crazy already. How could a simple glance from the geisha do that to him?

When Namjoon finally set his signature, he took the stack of papers, pushing one copy of them back to him and the other to his boss. “Great!” Mr. Ling, one of their new offerors, said and reached out his hand to shake both of theirs, “I can’t wait to sell your delicate designs in Japan. It is a great idea of yours to expand, Mr. Kim.” He nodded over to Yoongi and then added, “I will set up the export contract as soon as possible. Why don’t we celebrate our agreement? As I am still here for a few more days I’d like for you to be my guests tonight then we can settle the investment and anything else further tonight?”

”Oh, it would be our pleasure!” Namjoon’s response came fluidly without a second of hesitation while internally everything he thought was ‘not another teahouse please’. He had seen enough of them from the inside now and it bothered him that he was so caught up in the memory of that boy when he didn’t even knew his name. He should have asked for it. Or where he worked. It would have made the search so much easier. 

Though was that really what he wanted, visiting him and acting like all the other men who thought that they might become someone special to the boys there? His perfect smile almost wavered and he was glad when Yoongi chimed in to make small talk with the older man.

“Expect my driver to pick you up at eight then,” Mr. Ling bowed his head in a respectful manner, “Wear something high-end. It’s an exclusive gentlemen club I want to introduce you to. You can only get in with an invitation tonight.” He was bragging, obviously proud that he was one of the gentleman who were allowed to bring in new people and the more the two of them were thankful that he thought they would be suitable. When Mr. Ling was gone, Yoongi turned around to his partner with a big smile, “Are we really invited to a gentlemen's club tonight? You and me?” He laughed wholeheartedly, grabbing his bag with the designs and lead the way outside, “I need a new suit asap!”

“If there’ll be lightly clad women dancing to bad music then I’ll have to excuse myself…,” Namjoon grumbled knowing damn well that he wouldn’t because a few rules still applied even though they were technically rich men themselves now: 1) If you wanted to do business you needed to be nice to customers 2) The more money a customer had the more they thought they knew everything 3) Offending said customers was really dangerous because in their state of constant egocentric attitude they could make it their personal mission to destroy you because no one who didn’t curried favours with them deserved to have a blooming business. 

“You’ll see it’s going to be alright,” Yoongi answered, “I don’t think he means a strip club when he talks about exclusive invitations only. It sounds like the perfect opportunity for us gentlemen to be.” He chuckled, “And if not, I will find a good and plausible way to get us out of there after a few drinks. You really need to relax more, Joon. You’ve been kind of off lately.” He closed the trunk of his car after he threw in his bag and looked at his friend with furrowed brows, “Maybe you need a massage or something or just a good ‘fuck’. When was the last time you got laid?”

Namjoon choked on air when Yoongi suddenly went from casually conventional to very very private. “That’s none of your business?” He answered, when he could finally breathe again and with a last attempt to keep his dignity he added, “Unless you are offering to help with that?” He made a show of looking Yoongi up and down though in reality there wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen yet. They knew each other long enough that they had seen each other in all kind of situations, with only shorts and a thin shirt in the middle of the night when Yoongi couldn’t sleep again, wet as a dog in see through, sticky clothes after they had been surprised by a summer rain downpour or pale and skinny in nothing but a hospital gown when Yoongi’s had that accident where he had injured his shoulder a few years ago...

Yoongi cringed visibly, scrunching up his nose as he walked past his friend. “If you’re already considering me then it’s really time for you to let loose again.” He shook his head as if he couldn’t get the image out of his head and sat down in the driver’s seat. “Now get your cute ass into the car! We’ve got to get ourselves ready for tonight.” He nodded, holding his nose high up while he got out of the parking lot, “A real gentleman needs his time and we sure don’t want to disappoint Mr. Ling, right?”

Namjoon had nothing to say against that, knowing the importance of an invite like that. It was important for them to make new connections, as well as strengthening the once they had. Business always meant politics and Yoongi liked to remind him that he was the better talker from the both of them. Of course, the other had a way with customers too, but Yoongi couldn’t always keep his mouth shut when it came down to unfair treatment. Namjoon chuckled to himself, when memories flooded his mind and he had to calm Yoongi after meetings as they began to expand their business, who called the offerers all kind of names. Luckily those times were over and they had made their stand in the business world. People respected them and their work now. 

That evening, he chose one of his dark blue suits, the one that had a wide belt built in around his waist. He always thought it brought too much attention to his length, but Yoongi assured him that he looked good in it, that it was the perfect mixture between traditional and modern suit. Yoongi himself had chosen a black suit with metallic pattern that's shimmered whenever light fell onto it and Namjoon had half a mind to touch it. “The driver’s going to be here any minute,” Yoongi said and pushed Namjoon’s wallet into his hands, checking his watch once more. “Don’t make this face as if someone’s forcing you to look at naked women,” Yoongi nudged Namjoon’s side and reminded him to keep his posture, “Just two drinks and then I’ll smuggle you out of there if needed.” He smiled reassuringly at his friend, who only hummed in response - the thought of a strip club now branded into his mind. 

He let his friend pull him down and towards the car already waiting for them and only then Namjoon put on his usual ‘business’ smile that he had trained over years. He greeted they new business partner with a handshake and a respectful bow, placing himself right next to Yoongi as he felt the safest right next to him and let his partner do the talk this time. As it was usually him, Namjoon actually could relax a little more, leaning back into the comfortable leather of the car, only now noticing the luxurious interior. “You will love this club!” Mr. Ling addressed Namjoon and the other jerked out of his thoughts that had drifted off while watching the street lamps pass by, “It’s invitation only tonight and I reserved us and the others a tea room for after the show.”

On the outside Namjoon nodded with a smile, but on the inside he wished himself back into his bed. Another tea house? He fairly had enough of them. Especially now that his mind was clear enough again and he wasn’t thinking about that one boy. 

The geisha that had clouded his mind with just one gaze. Namjoon was still confused on how it had been possible. That it had made him throw over his own morals for a moment, made him follow and even look for him in hope to just see the geisha once more. What did he even try to gain? A nudge from Yoongi let Namjoon snap back into reality and he stared at him wide-eyed. 

“We’re here,” Yoongi whispered, “Where are you with your mind? Try and concentrate just a bit okay? I really don’t want to lose the contract right away okay? We already signed...but he hasn’t, yet, remember? And we need to settle on a sum of money. If this doesn't work out he won’t send us the papers, I’m sure. So try and be a normal member of this society for once before drifting off again okay? You can do that when you’re home again.” He patted Namjoon’s thigh lovingly, before getting out of the car with Namjoon right behind him. 

Gazing up, they stood in front of what seemed like a modern theater and only the tinted windows and golden writing above let them know that this was a high class club or establishment. Namjoon took a look over his shoulder, trying to take in the environment, the clubs and establishments around. He had never been here before - most likely because he wasn’t one for snobby clubs and if he’d rather went out for food and a good meal instead of a club to dance for. A pull at his arm, reminded him to walk ahead and Namjoon smiled awkwardly at the bodyguards at the front that checked them warily as they entered staying close to their Mr. Ling who was still talking about his wife and his favorite stew. Namjoon was only half-heartedly listening, completely in awe about the teahouse. 

But this wasn’t just a teahouse. 

This was a theater and with its golden mahogany and red interior it only accentuated it’s exclusiveness. He stumbled after the group of people to a booth where they sat down and Namjoon let his hand soothe over the fabric loving the feel against the palm of his hand. “Did I promise too much?” Mr. Ling laughed and his eyes got a mischievous glint when a young boy neared, bowing his head respectfully as he offered them some tea and alcoholic beverages. They all ordered, leaving only Namjoon who quickly stammered something about a wine. “Soft, please.” He added quickly before the boy was gone. “It’s my favorite tea house by far. Not even the ones back home can uphold with this one.” Mr. Ling explained and pointed towards the stage that was still covered with a curtain, only some traditional music playing from somewhere was setting the mood. “It’s the perfect mixture of tradition and modern arts. And Mr. Jung has only the most talented boys. All of them go through great training,” He leaned back, taking a cigar from one of his accompanies and offered them one but both declined, “Nowadays it’s hard to find a teahouse like this, believe me. You will enjoy this and if you see the boys up close later in the room I reserved, you’ll thank me. They call the boy’s ‘hummingbirds’,” Mr. Ling’s voice toned down, when the light was fading out and there was a expecting hum going through the crowds that mostly consisted of men tonight, “Sweet, delicate, with beautiful voices that will enchant you.” 

Namjoon furrowed his brows, biting his lip as he turned his head around to the stage. He was sure that he would have ended up like Mr. Ling one day if he had continued his search for his geisha. He seemed almost manic with the way he talked about the young boys. He was probably thinking that he was precious to the boys as well, that he was their special guest but in the end - they were only leaving their money with them. Namjoon’s eyes focused on the stage and when he took a look around there was the same gaze on everyone’s face and if he didn’t knew better he would say that all of them were hypnotized. 

The music faded out, just to start anew with a loud drum that made Namjoon jerk a little. A young man sat on the stage, his face painted, his eyes gazing up at the ceiling as he started to move slowly. His hands reached out for the air and he pulled back, when the music began to fastened. Yoongi was just as hypnotized as everyone else, his hand reaching for Namjoon’s arm who hissed at the sudden pain but the other couldn’t help it. “He’s beautiful,” He stammered, watching the boy twirl until more dancers joined him on stage, dancing absolutely beautifully to the rhythmic music. “They all wear the same make up, Yoongi.” Namjoon mumbled back at him, “They look the same.”

“But they don’t dance the same way.” He whispered and locked his eyes onto the boy who had faded into the group dancing perfectly in sync with the other maikos to open up the show. Namjoon had figured that this was the more traditional part Mr. Ling had referred to, as he watched them move rhythmically in their colorful costumes. The stage had a T-shaped catwalk at the front and although Namjoon felt safe before, now that the dancers were walking off the main part and towards the end of it, he scooted back on his seat. He had seen teahouses before and he had seen performances - but the usual establishments had a main floor where the geishas were dancing, playing instruments or showing off other arts while the people were seated on the floor around him. This was different. This was spectacular, big and something he had never seen but in movies. The dance ended with rose petals falling from the ceiling and Namjoon curiously looked up to try and figure out the technical part of the show, his gaze wandering over to the light station, where someone sat with a headset, motioning somewhere when the spotlight fell onto the stage again. He was in complete awe at how much time and preparation must have went in to making a show like this come alive and almost completely missed the start of the second performance. 

After a while and in midst of the first break of the show, Namjoon had come to terms that he liked it - more than he wanted to admit. But in the end, he loved a good show just as much as everyone else. His mood didn’t stay bright for long, when he caught up onto the conversation next to him. “There’s a mizuage in a few months,” Mr. Ling’s words cut right through the relaxed mind of Namjoon. “You mean like in....selling off someone’s virginity?” Namjoon couldn’t help but ask, his own standpoint clear on his facial expression. “Yes, like that, Mr. Kim. But don’t worry. It’s not like a brothel here in general. You can buy the boys time, but not their sexual services. If you want that, I can give you some great tips for other houses.”

Yoongi had placed a calming hand on Namjoon’s thigh, but it still couldn’t help that a shudder ran through him. As much as he respected people that stayed true to traditions in a way, he hated it how people could make money off something like the concept of virginity. He had argued about it with Yoongi a lot of times and while the other was a bit more cool with it, Namjoon was disgusted at the thought of it. 

If it wasn’t for Yoongi and the thought of keeping the contract, he would have told the other off that selling someone’s virginity was just as much prostitution as anything else that meant selling your body against your will - or not. Now that he thought about it Namjoon wasn’t even sure if the dancers were here on their own free will and if they had choices. He opened his mouth, wanting to ask more about geishas, how someone like the owner could pay off all of this, coming to realize that he basically knew nothing but the performance and what geisha’s portrayed on the outside aspect of it when the light went out again and everyone’s conversations died down. 

Now, each time a dancer stepped on stage Namjoon tried to figure out if they were happy with what they were doing. But their expressions were either emotionless or just playing their part of the story perfectly and one couldn’t see through the masks. 

It was too easy for Namjoon to overthink this, he’d always had a habit to do so and it would only lead to headache - he was sure of that. Rubbing the side of his temples, Namjoon took another sip of his wine and just tried to calm himself. He would only go through with the show and maybe excuse himself then to go back home - that was his plan and he would stick to it. 

A gasp fell from the crowd and Namjoon blinked his eyes when the lights on stage began to flicker as if there was a lightning, followed by the drumming sound of thunder. The dancers that had shown a traditional dance before, were now staring ahead into the crowd and Namjoon had half a mind to turn to look over his shoulder to see what they were looking at, when they got into a formation of a flower and in midst of them all stood a young men, waving his fan delicately just below his eyes with which he was piercing through the crowd. The music began to shift into a modern tune and the dancer instantly reacted to it as if the music itself was controlling him. With a smile that played on his lips, they showed off a few formations, mixing modern dance with the instrumentals of traditional music and somehow it reminded Namjoon of their designs. Soft, delicate movements and still so full of control. That boy knew exactly what to do next, every expression and gesture was right on time and it had everyone in the audience mesmerized - until he jumped and a loud thunder broke through the stage, tearing a just as loud gasp from the audience, unsure whether it was staged or not. 

The stage light dimmed down, a single light on the boy that faded him into a blue color as if the moon itself was shining only for him. Every dancer was gone but him. Following the tune of a flute, he began to move his arms all the way up to his fingertips, his eyes glistening. The part of the stage where he stood had lowered itself a few inches, just enough for water to fill in the space. It was barely recognizable for the audience, everything working so smoothly that only the droplets of water falling from his fingertips gave away that he was in midst of water now. A smile appeared on his lips, as he pushed himself up, arching his back beautifully, reaching out into thin air and then he stopped. His linenshirt was sticking to his back, water dripping down. His chest was heaving heavily as he bared his neck to look up so slowly that one could make out every feature of his face. The light was shining directly onto his face as he turned towards the audience - and then it began to rain. It was like a movie scene, the boy was dancing, water splashing with each movement while the light was making the water sparkle like diamonds. No one could tear their gaze off of that boy, who was so effortlessly moving in sync with the music. 

Yoongi almost choked on his tea when he saw Namjoon’s star struck expression, of course everyone else looked similarly entranced because the boy was just stunning and amazingly talented - but coming from Namjoon who had reduced the well-liked and highly valued tradition of a maiko’s coming of age ceremony to prostitution in front of their business partner - to say Yoongi was surprised would have been an understatement. A smile stole its way onto his lips. Maybe they would be able to visit a few tea houses together from now on without Namjoon being a spoilsport.

The music stopped and for a moment there was silence. Only the sound of dripping audible coming from the young man’s shirt as his lips curved into a confident smile. Then all hell broke loose and the audience was cheering as the light turned off and the curtain fell again. Yoongi was clapping too, but his gaze was on his friend who had gotten up from his seat, giving a standing ovation and he wasn’t sure if Namjoon was even realizing what he was doing. 

“I told you,” Mr. Ling said with a knowing grin, “They are true diamonds. Hoseok only trains the best boys.” Yoongi chuckled and patted Namjoon’s thigh lovingly, to make the other jerk out of his trance. 

“So much for me having to find an excuse for you to leave. If I didn’t knew better I’d say you’d enjoyed yourself a lot just now.” He gave his colleague a teasing grin and then got up from his seat quickly to follow Mr. Ling who was talking about the delicious tea they would get. This was something new even for Yoongi. He’s had business discussions in tea rooms before but definitely none of this class because renting a simple tea room alone was really expensive so he didn’t want to think about what Mr. Lings reservation for them cost. He was curious if the tea ceremony would be a traditional one or if it would have a modern touch just like the show just now.

…

As soon as the curtain had fallen, Jimin wrapped his arms around his body and shivered. The smile vanished and instead his lips were trembling, as he stepped out of the water. “W-w-hy can’t we use warm water?” Jimin asked and gladly took the towel Jungkook offered, shaking his wet hair to let the young maiko feel the cold for himself. “You did so well, Kook.” Jimin easily let him help to get out of his wet clothes, “I’m so proud of you. I wouldn’t be surprised if Mr. Jung will give you more solos soon.” 

Jungkook quickly shook his head, cheeks dusted pink from the praise, “Ah, no, it’s fine like this. I’m not even close to your level. You should have seen the way the visitors were mesmerized by you, all their attention was solely on you when you danced.” Jungkook sighed quietly. He was actually a little jealous but he loved Jimin too much to let that affect him or their friendship. “I bet you’ll receive a new marriage proposal by the end of the week.”

“You don’t have to be close to me. You’re amazing on your own,” Jimin smiled at Jungkook genuinely and then nodded at their dressing table that stood backstage. All the other geisha’s were either still touching up their make ups or already out and doing service, so there weren’t many around. Jimin liked it better this way, when it was just the two of them. He trusted Jungkook – and only him. “If it just would be so easy as a proposal,” He chuckled quietly, too much pain in his words and for a moment sadness washed over his face, before he blinded Jungkook with a smile again. Grabbing the powder quickly, Jimin pushed it into the maiko’s hands, “Will you help me touch up my makeup?” 

“Of course!” Jungkook eagerly took everything Jimin would need and then helped him as best as he could. He didn’t comment on Jimin’s strange behaviour. Jimin had always loved dancing so he wasn’t like those who wanted to built a home with someone and get a family as soon as possible, leaving their former life behind without the blink of an eye. Still Jungkook couldn’t help but bring it up from time to time. Because he was fascinated by that thought just as much as he was scared. He didn’t want to lose Jimin, ever but he knew that Jimin would only be his mentor for a little while longer. As soon as he had become a geisha himself he wouldn’t “require” Jimin’s care. The thought alone made his chest tight and had him gripping his own silk robe even tighter. He didn’t feel like he was ready. It was an honor that Hoseok thought his education and training were finished and he wasn’t even the one with the shortest training period but still, Jungkook didn’t want to change anything in his life, not even achieve what he had worked for so hard if it meant that he would lose the only person who had ever truly cared for him.

Jimin had his eyes closed while Jungkook was doing his best to touch up his makeup, completely relaxed. When the younger set the final dash of rouge, Jimin leaned over to look in the mirror with a content smile. “Thank you.” In the reflection his gaze wandered up towards the clock involuntarily and a gasp fell from his lips. “Oh, we have to hurry, Jungkookie.” Jimin jumped up from his seat and quickly went over to where his robe was hanging, waiting to be worn. “Quick, help me.” As much as they had to hurry, Jimin still took off the delicate clothing as careful as possible. He had ironed it for hours and didn’t want to ruin it just because he got hectic. Stepping into the robe with Jungkook’s help was much easier and he would never be able to tie it all up without his help. A geisha always needed the help of their maiko, or a dresser. When he was about to give the belt over to Jungkook, his eyes flickered over to the backstage door as it opened. Without a second thought, Jimin bowed his head, pushing Jungkook simultaneously to do the same. 

Hoseok entered the room, a pleased smile on his lips to see his dancers bow immediately and elegantly for him just like they were supposed to. He gave them a sign to relax and then waved Jungkook closer. “Our guests are waiting already in the main room. Tae is with them but as you know he can’t serve them alone so please help him until Jimin is ready, will you?” Jungkook’s eyes flickered over to his friend, a little too wide and nervous because he normally wasn’t even allowed to do a single step without Jimin and now suddenly he was supposed to serve with another geisha though of course this wasn’t a request but an order so he quickly bowed and lifted the long layers of silk that he was wearing to run over to the main tea room. 

Hoseok took the belt from where Jungkook had wordlessly put it down and had Jimin turning around for him. He carefully smoothed down the layers of his robe so that the belt would fit snug and perfectly around his waist. “You danced beautifully today, as always.” He praised him honestly while placing the belt around his waist. Jimin held it in place at the front so Hoseok could pull it tight. He did and a breathless gasp fell from Jimin’s lips. He was used to Jungkook’s gentle way of tightening it and hadn’t expected the sudden pull. But the tighter the belt the more beautiful his attire would look so he bit his lip and didn’t say anything about it.

“Thank you,” Jimin’s voice sounded a bit breathless, while his gaze flickered over to his reflection and staring right back into Hoseok’s eyes. “I apologize though that it took longer for me to get ready than everyone else,” The younger averted his gaze softly, “I’ll try and do it quicker next time.”

“It’s okay. We can just add a little more time for you to get ready next time. You need to dry yourself completely or else you might get sick. You musn't get sick, Jimin. You are the heart of the show. My precious little hummingbird.” He put in the last pin and then gave the younger a soft pat on the shoulder. “Off you go. Be nice to our guests, they are really wealthy businessmen and if you make a good impression on them they might come again for you and bring their money with them. So show your best side please. I know you can be really sweet when you want to.”

Jimin didn’t answer. There was no need to answer. Instead he bowed his head respectfully, before checking himself once more in the mirror and then made his way out of the backstage area, letting the younger maiko’s do the job of cleaning up after them and making sure everything was back where it needed to be.

“Hummingbird,” Jimin whispered to himself, closing his eyes to relax and ignore how tightly the belt was embracing him, making it hard for him to breathe. Instead he rolled his shoulders back to keep his posture and reached out for the sliding door.

…

Yoongi turned to look over his shoulder for the second time now, furrowing his brows at Namjoon still dazed look, as the tall man stumbled behind them. “Are you alright?” He asked with a low voice, as they followed the loud chatting group of men and Mr. Ling upstairs and to the tea rooms. “You are a little pale, Joon. You know I was just joking, right? If you still need me to get you out of here or something.” His eyes flickered to their business partner, flashing him a smile and then back to his friend as he got rid of his shoes at the front of the door and hoped for Namjoon to do the same, “It just seemed like you enjoyed it a lot. Maybe you just don’t want…the private room stuff?”

Namjoon swallowed harshly. It had been him, he was absolutely certain of that. He had known it, even before the spotlight had illuminated the dancer’s face he had felt it in his gut that this was the boy he had been looking for, the geisha with the kind eyes and the charming smile that had bewitched him with one gaze alone. This couldn’t be happening, he had just let go of the thought, had just decided to get back on his moral high horse and never step a foot into an establishment again where young boys had to be deflowered to be seen as an adult and now... now the only thing he could think of was that boys face and how utterly overwhelmingly stunning he had performed. He wanted to see him again! 

And then he realized that if that boy was a full on geisha then he had worked his way up and had participated in the same rituals, the same routines like everyone else of his status. He felt sick to his stomach at the thought that someone like him, someone who had fallen for his eyes or his sweetness or his talent had sponsored his mizuage and therefore earned the right to have him for one single night. He had no idea if the boys were allowed to chose who sponsored them or if the just had to take the highest bidder. 

He must have looked as sick as he felt at that moment because Yoongi addressed him with worry in his tone and Namjoon quickly tried to close off his feelings. There was no time to have a full on breakdown over being interested in a geisha. “Don’t worry about me please. It’s fine. I’m just thinking about the performance.” He wasn't even properly lying as he had been thinking about the performance over and over again - the part that “his” geisha had danced. 

“Good,” Yoongi smiled, patting Namjoon’s shoulder reassuringly, “Tell me if you need some fresh air or anything. I think we were all blown away but remember we can’t fuck this night up, okay? We still need him to sign the papers.” The room they stepped in was far more traditional than the theater itself, but still it held an extravagant style that it had Yoongi speechless as he had never seen it before in any other tea house. The dark wooden table in midst of the large room was filled with snacks and it pulled Yoongi in right away and with him Namjoon as he still held onto his friend’s arm. He barely gave the other decoration a second glance, the food far more interesting than anything else. It didn’t take long for a few of Mr. Ling’s other business partners to come in and join them at the table. Yoongi relaxed visibly, when he could see Namjoon getting back into his natural habitat: talking business. That was until the door slid open and a young boy sat on his knees, bowing deeply to greet the men, making all of them snap their heads around.

“Good Evening,” Taehyung’s low voice send a shiver effectively down everyone’s spine and he slowly looked up, a mischievous smile on his lips, “I hope you enjoyed the show. It would be a great pleasure for me to…” The geisha got caught off by a push on his side, when someone placed himself right next to him rather roughly. Heavy breathing indicating that the other had run all the way up to the tea rooms instead of walking slowly as they were supposed to. Taehyung eyed Jungkook from the side, trying not to roll his eyes in annoyance. At least the younger was bowing deeply. “It would be a pleasure for us to join you tonight and celebrate with you.” Taehyung ended his greeting with a smile, although he wanted to grab Jungkook by his collar to tell him a word or two but the customers were more important to entertain now. Getting up, Taehyung walked inside and sat down right next to Mr. Ling, leaving Jungkook to close the door behind him.  

It was almost funny how one person could hold so much attention on himself just by being there. The boy slowly prepared the tea and they watched him, business pushed into the back of their heads while the little maiko who had rushed into the room at last minute helped as best as he could. He was pretty, the make up hiding most of his features but he had a cute mouth and big doe eyes and Yoongi found himself smiling at the younger’s cuteness as he quickly gathered everything necessary for the tea ceremony. After the tea was ready and Mr. Ling had a steaming cup in his hands he sighed contentedly and finally addressed what they had been waiting for: “Well, did you bring the papers? Now would be the perfect time to talk a little about what each of us will make of this little arrangement of ours.” Yoongi was the one keeping the documents in his bag because Namjoon had a habit of losing stuff so he pulled them out and gave them over. While Mr. Ling losely scanned the paragraphs Yoongi’s eyes wandered back to the Maiko who filled cup after cup of tea. 

Everyone else was talking. They had signed the papers for the overall agreement this morning and now it was about how much their partner was willing to invest in Yoongi’s and Namjoon’s business. The most important part.  Namjoon was gesturing around, telling Mr. Ling and his co-workers how much percent they needed to make this work. Everyone was fixated on the interaction - but Yoongi. 

Jungkook tried his hardest not to bite his lip and therefore ruin the lipstick he wore as he concentrated to fill in each cup perfectly. It was different when he was with Jimin, then he wasn’t as nervous as he was without him and Taehyung didn’t help in that case. The geisha was sitting close to Mr. Ling, obviously knowing the familiar face. It was clear to Jungkook that Taehyung wanted to have the highest tip tonight, going for the seemingly richest man of the group. The other had a habit of making a competition out of everything and now that he had the chance to be there right before Jimin would chime in again, he would use it as his advantage. Jungkook eyed Taehyung from the side who was laughing along with a joke, touching the man’s thigh ever so lightly. It was a moment where he lacked concentration, his fingers trembling from holding the heavy teacup that was burning his fingertips simultaneously. It was enough to make him spill a bit of the hot water right into the young man’s lap and Jungkook’s eyes widened immediately, just hoping that Taehyung or anyone else hadn't seen anything. He would be doomed if Hoseok knew that he wasn’t even able to pour in tea correctly. Gulping heavily, Jungkook’s gaze was fixated on the young man, completely frozen in shock.

Yoongi’s eyes seemed to find their way back to the young boy over and over again - while the little Maiko was concentrated on anything else but him. He didn’t even look at him, he either kept his gaze fixated on his tea or held his head bowed in a polite manner - which would have been a little more convincing if he wouldn't sneak glances at the geisha in the room who was entertaining mostly Mr. Ling right now. Yoongi couldn’t care less. He was more intrigued by the boy who had finally arrived at his place and was trying to fill the tea cup that stood in front of him. Again he sneaked a glance and the teapot wavered, hot tea spilling over. Yoongi flinched hard and the boys froze immediately and so fully that it looked like he was under some kind of petrification spell, his eyes so wide that it was almost comical. When Yoongi had gotten over the little shock of the hot liquid on his skin he carefully, slowly reached for a napkin and dabbed the tea away from his clothes. Spilling tea on customers was an affront in every tea house and he couldn’t imagine what the consequences must be for a Maiko in such an exclusive establishment. The younger must be scared out of his mind. So Yoongi gave him a little wink and then placed his finger over his lips to signalize that he would keep it their little secret.

The confusion was written all over the young dancers face and only when he realized what Yoongi had done, did a smile and a blush on his cheeks appear. Jungkook bowed in gratitude, placing the tea can back on the warmer and placed his hands in his lap. The kind man had just turned back to the conversation as they shook hands and agreed on a sum of money that Jungkook didn’t catch because he was still wondering about how that small little wink made him so flustered. He bit his tongue as they all cheered and Taehyung immediately took the moment to attract all the attention to himself, not giving Jungkook a chance to intertwine in a way, so he sat there quietly, watching with a smile on his lips. Although this way, Jungkook could observe closely. 

It was pretty clear that Mr. Ling and his partners were used to Geisha’s around, easily mingling with Taehyung and starting to play games with him while the other two young men seemed pretty new. The taller, slim one looked rather absent again and Jungkook furrowed his brows, wondering where the man’s thoughts were when he noticed Yoongi’s gaze on him again. He startled a little, his mouth opening to say something just to close again in nervousness. Jungkook could feel his heart race, trying to seem collected on the outside and do whatever Geisha would do now: offer their entertainment. He quickly reached into one of his pockets, getting out a stack of cards and held them out for Yoongi to take, while bowing his head. Jungkook didn’t dare to say something, only making a small sound when Yoongi wasn’t taking his offer right away. 

The little maiko was the cutest thing he had ever seen. He knew that he must be blushing even though he couldn't see it through the the makeup because the boy acted so shy and flustered. Apparently he didn't dare to do what the Geisha was doing so Yoongi was surprised when the younger was holding a pack of cards within his reach. He hesitated for a bit too long and the boy made a little sound in reaction that Yoongi had a hard time not to coo over. With a smile he took the cards. "Are you planning on showing me card tricks - or do you have the courage to play against me? If yes, then what's the stake? A kiss?" It was too much fun to flirt with that cutie to not do it.

Jungkook blinked up at the man - again, completely confused and rendered speechless. He shook his head quickly and took the cards away from him again to open up the pack and start sorting them. Jimin would have long scolded Jungkook about not saying anything to their customer as it seemed rude but it felt like he had lost his voice, too nervous to say something. Instead he took Yoongi’s hand to place it on the cards he just sorted and placed his palm on top to push them back to him, to signal that it was his and took another stack to push it over to Namjoon, opening his mouth to ask if he wanted to play, too while it seemed that the other wasn’t very keen on playing but rather observing everyone else. “Do you…,” It was all Jungkook could say, his soft voice breaking off when the sound of the door sliding open again made everyone turn around. 

Looking over his shoulder, Jungkook smiled brightly when he saw Jimin bowing deeply and asking to join them in a sweet tone of voice, leaving everyone to stare at him the moment he blinked up. It was just a small movement, the way his eyes were glistening, the soft smile that played on his lips. Everything just seemed perfectly timed, as if the boy knew exactly how to wrap them all around their fingers in seconds and with one simple glance. “Oh! Jimin!” Mr. Ling called out happily, throwing his hands in the air and then leaned over to Namjoon and Yoongi alike, “He is really rare to book but I did it. Just for this occasion! Isn’t he beautiful?” He laughed, cheering with his drink towards them and spilling some of the liquor in the process.

It was as if someone had dimmed the sound in the room and the moment Jimin stepped in everything snapped into focus. Namjoon stared at him, shamelessly and without even noticing, too lost in his own internal yelling. That was him. The sweet boy on the market, the stunning dancer on stage. And now he was so close that Namjoon could have reached out for him if he had dared. He wore an embroidered silk robe with a long and equally embroidered obi wrapped around his waist. Although it was beautiful Namjoon would have prefered to see more of Jimin like he had on stage because right now he looked like a carefully wrapped gift and it was obvious that the formal wear was more constricting. He was still as elegant as ever when he mingled with them, choosing a place close to the Maiko who visibly relaxed at his presence.

Jimin had ignored Mr. Lings talk completely, who was already busy with Taehyung again who gave it his all to bring back the attention to himself. He had almost chuckled at it, a smile appearing on his lips and it only faltered when Jimin’s gaze fell onto Namjoon’s. For a second, his expression turned surprised, his heart picking up its beat because he recognized him right away. How couldn’t he? The handsome stranger’s face had been stuck in his mind from the day he had seen him. Quickly, Jimin put back on his professional demeanor and bowed his head just slightly, “Are you enjoying your tea, sir?” Reaching out for the tea can, Jimin filled his cup back up without tearing off his gaze from Namjoon.

“Even more now that you’re here.” The words were out before Namjoon could think about if it would be impolite or intrusive to voice his thoughts like that and he quickly broke the eye contact in case Jimin would feel uncomfortable. He could feel his ears burn when he thought about how many men must have made unwanted flirtatious comments while talking with Jimin and how the younger must be used to it by now. He coughed a little awkwardly before continuing more put together: “Your performance was amazing by the way. It must be difficult to dance like that in the water and with all the wet clothes clinging to your body.”

Jimin smiled softly, pouring himself some tea as well. “Thank you,” He bit his lip to not talk too much about how much he had been training for it too look like it and how many times he had slipped and fell onto his bottom. Tearoom conversations were never about them but about the visitors. Jungkook’s soft giggle interrupted Jimin and he turned to look at the young maiko, who was playfully slapping Yoongi’s hand away from his stack who was either not understanding the rules of the game or doing it on purpose to make the younger laugh when he made mistakes. “What brings you here to our lovely teahouse,” Jimin turned back around to Namjoon, looking over to Taehyung who was pouring in one drink after another for their visitor whose ears seemed pretty red already. “You haven’t been following me, have you?”

“Business,” He answered, a little embarrassed that Jimin had seen through him right away. Even though he probably meant it as a joke there was some truth behind it considering Namjoon had actually tried to find him before. He decided to find out how Jimin would react if he knew the truth so he gathered all his courage for a confident smile and added, “What if I had? Maybe you bewitched me the very moment I saw you.”

Jimin cocked his head to the side, his hands wrapped around the warm cup and smirked, “Isn’t that what a Geisha is supposed to do?” Jimin couldn’t explain what it was, but it didn’t feel like they were in a tea room filled with people who were playing and loudly chatting. Their own voices were soft, quiet and their gazes were glued on one another. “What kind of business are you working in?” Jimin asked, shifting a little closer to Namjoon.

“We manufacture home decoration and furniture with korean inlay work.” Normally he didn’t like to brag but somehow he wanted to impress the dancer with what he had so he pulled out his special pen and held it out for him to see. “Like this. My partner Yoongi designs them and I make sure that they look as good in the finished product as they do on paper.”

Jimin took the pen from Namjoon, turning it in his hand to look at it more thoroughly. It was beautiful. More beautiful than anything he’d ever seen. An it was just a pen after all. “You should think about expanding in the fashion business,” Jimin smiled brightly at him, reaching for Namjoon’s hand to place the pen back into his palm softly and making sure to touch the other ever so lightly. It seemed natural, but every movement was trained, ever feather light touch or stroke against the customer a way to lure them in further and to Jimin it was second nature. He didn’t need to think about anymore. But still he couldn’t help but notice how soft Namjoon’s hands felt. “It is really beautiful. Just imagine one of the designs on our costumes…,” He looked down at his own robe, “I bet it would look absolutely stunning. I’d buy all of your designs….” Jimin blinked up at the handsome man innocently, “I didn’t catch your name earlier, sir.”

“I’m not sure if the designs would look as nice as embroideries... but maybe I can ask Yoongi to design an obidome for your costume.” His heart beat quick and hard against his ribs. If he really planned on doing this then he would need to come back to give it to Jimin - and see him again. The touch of the younger’s hand was soft but electrifying and Namjoon wished that he could take his hand for real. He swallowed down his answer which would have been ‘you already look stunning enough’ to not be creepy. “My name is Kim Namjoon. And you are?”

“Jimin,” He breathed out, his cheeks dusting in a rose color although there was nothing to be embarrassed about. It still felt way too intimate in a way. “Please don’t go out of your way for me.” He bowed his head softly, “Just being able to see your designs like this was already enough. I hope I can come by and buy something beautiful from you. I’m not out in the city very often but I would love to see your bigger designs one day.” His eyes lit up, sparkling in the dimmed light. Jimin would never earn enough money to do so, but just the single thought about owning something so beautifully made him dream. “So, you’re not just handsome but also smart and talented when it comes to business.” Jimin reached for the snacks, leaning over Namjoon a little before offering him some. “Your wife must be very proud.”

They both knew that buying something from him was out of the question for Jimin or else he wouldn’t be a geisha in a tea house but a tea house owner himself if it was the love for the old arts and traditions that kept him there and not his fate that had brought him into this at a young age. You didn’t decide to become a geisha. You either did it for family duty or money and survival. But right now they both pretended so Namjoon just nodded and smiled, the idea of asking Yoongi to design a little gift anchored in his mind. He laughed when Jimin started to flirt with him, playing along. “Oh, yes, if I had a wife I am sure she would be so proud of her amazing husband,” He gentle shook his head, chuckling before confessing a bit more seriously, “...that’s the problem with a booming business. If it goes really well you don’t have the time for a family and if it doesn’t - then you don’t have the money for one.”

Jimin placed his hand on Namjoon’s thigh softly in a sweet gesture, “That’s just an excuse. If it’s love then believe me, you’ll make the time and effort. And if your partner isn’t appreciating the work you put in, the passion you have for your business then maybe they aren’t the right one.” He nodded determinately when in reality Jimin knew nothing about love, but just the stories from books and what others told him. 

Jungkook’s eyes widened when he saw Jimin and the customer so close together. Other than him Jimin could be a bit more bold and touch them but still he hadn’t seen Jimin act so intimately with a stranger before. But there was no way that he knew that man, Jungkook was sure that Jimin would have told him if they were serving friends tonight. He almost missed Yoongi’s turn and only reacted when the other asked him if he was giving up already. “No, I’m not but.. I have to make sure that Jimin is on time for his next appointment which means that sadly I’ll have to leave soon.” He bowed politely and to his own surprise there was real regret this time. 

“I see.” Yoongi nodded and collected the cards. “I hope you’ll give me the opportunity to play with you again to find out who the winner is. If I win I’m allowed to kiss you and if you win it’ll be the other way round, right?” He winked again as he gave the cards back to where they belonged.

“I…I…” Jungkook gulped heavily, the nervousness right back the moment his customer was talking about kissing him – again. “You’re not allowed to touch me, Sir.” Jungkook added quietly, taking the cards from him and putting them back in his pocket. Averting his gaze, Jungkook was playing with the hem of his belt. “It would be a pleasure nonetheless to play again and welcome you back into our establishment,” It felt a little off to say his usual goodbyes when he really wanted to tell Yoongi to come back and maybe even ask for him, even though he wasn’t technically allowed to be booked, yet. 

In contrast to Namjoon, Yoongi knew the rules though therefore he asked right away and without missing a beat, “Do you normally accompany Taehyung or Jimin or do you switch?” Because next time he visited he wanted to make sure that he was able to find Jungkook again without embarrassing the younger and ask for him directly when he wasn’t supposed to. 

“Jimin,” Jungkook nodded over to the Geisha as an answer, “He trains me and supervises me and therefore I help him. You can find me wherever he is.” The words came out of his mouth faster than he could take them back, biting his lip and smudging the red lipstick in the process just a little. He bowed his head again, hiding his cheeks with it that were blushing red right now. 

“Thank you. I’ll make sure to ask for him then.” The boy’s eagerness was utterly cute and Yoongi was happy that the Maiko had told him just like that because it meant that he really was okay with seeing him again or else he would have just needed to lie and tell him that it changed from time to time or that he didn’t have a regular supervisor at all and he would have had to leave it at that as you could randomly book geishas if you wanted and had the money but you could never request who was accompanying them.

Jungkook hurriedly gathered the seam of his long costume and went over to Jimin, watching every step as to not fall over his feet or one of the tea pots. When he reached the two men he quickly kneeled back down and bowed his head. “Jimin? Sir? I’m so very sorry that I have to interrupt you so unpleasantly it’s … the time.” He still couldn’t talk as smoothly and perfectly like Jimin and he often laid awake at night wondering why he couldn’t just relax instead of making mistakes.

Jimin startled a little when Jungkook plopped down beside him, a hand on the youngers thigh making him lose his stiff posture. “I apologize for my short visit,” He addressed Namjoon with a sad smile, that was far more genuine that he’d like to admit in that very moment. “I am unfortunately awaited somewhere else right now so I need to leave but Taehyung will stay here with you, so don’t worry. You’ll be in good hands.” Jimin bowed his head as well and with being so close to Namjoon before he could take in his cologne, the sweet musky smell that was the handsome stranger - just like he remembered it from the market when he stood so close by him. Jimin nodded towards Jungkook to get up, taking his own costume to lift it up just enough to get up comfortably, when a hand wrapped around his wrist kept him in his place. He froze completely, his eyes widened for a moment while Jimin stared back right into Namjoon’s eyes. His heart was threatening to jump right out of his chest. There was a hint of fear mixing with the excitement that rushed through his veins. Just as much as a maiko, Jimin wasn’t allowed to get touched without asking first, especially not pulling or holding him in place in any kind of way. He licked his lips nervously, his breath coming in short, soft pants and Jimin wasn’t so sure if it was because of how tight his belt was wrapped around his waist or just because of the fact that Namjoon was holding him like this right now. 

Namjoon had acted out of instinct and so quickly that he was surprised by his own courage. Jimin looked at him, wide eyed and real, all pretense fallen away because of the shock. He looked younger like this, vulnerability shining through were there had been nothing but confidence before. Namjoon immediately loosened his grip because the last thing he wanted to do was to startle Jimin or get an official reprimand of the tea house for breaking their rules (also the little Maiko looked like he was ready to fight him if he didn’t let go of Jimin, all shyness gone in his fierce sense of loyalty). 

“My apologies.” He let his hand slide off of Jimin’s arm, caressing the inside of the younger’s wrist with a feather light touch of his fingertips. “I didn’t mean to be harsh. I just really want to see you again and... I was afraid you’d be out of the room before I could ask for your for permission to do so. Would you please forgive me my inconsiderate and intrusive act and allow me a chance to proof that I can be a pleasant conversational partner instead? I promise that you won’t regret it.”

A shiver ran down Jimin’s spine when Namjoon’s fingertips soothed along his skin touching him so delicately, so softly as if he was breakable and only needed to be handled with care. Jimin’s eyes were still wide, but he listened attentively. His heart skipped a beat when Namjoon just simply asked for permission - which he really didn't have to. Anyone who was allowed to come back, was allowed to ask for any Geisha. It was a simple act of kindness from Namjoon to ask if Jimin wanted to see him again, too. Jimin never had any visitor to be so considerate and ask what he wanted and it rendered him speechless for a moment. Letting his hand brush along Namjoon’s fingertips, Jimin nodded softly. “I accept your apologies,” He whispered and let go off Namjoon, “I hope to see you again, too.” With a smile and a racing heartbeat, Jimin got up and placed a hand on Jungkook’s back to push the younger out of the room with him. He stole one last glance at Namjoon, before he slid the door close. 

“Have you ever seen such a beautiful boy?” Yoongi hummed, leaning against Namjoon. He was sure he could still hear Jungkook’s giggle in the back of his mind. “No, never.” Namjoon sighed, completely mesmerized - and failing to notice that they were talking about two different boys. 

He straightened a little before addressing Yoongi again, “I want you to do me a favour.” Startled, Yoongi nodded without his usual teasing about how he needed to think about it and wanted something in return “I’d like you to tell me all those tea house rules you know and... and maybe you could include an obidome design next time you’re drawing.” 

Yoongi was silent for a moment - and then broke into laughter, “Damn, those boys really got you this time, hm? If I had known all it would take to convince you that tea house visits can be pleasurably would be a reservation at a high class one I would have done that years ago.” He was still chuckling, completely surprised by that sudden development. “So.. will you do it?” Namjoon acted almost shy in his request now. 

“Sure. Whatever makes you happy, Nams!” Namjoon carefully overlooked Yoongi's wink at him.

…

“Stop pouting, Jungkookie,” Jimin chuckled as they hurried down the hallway and back to the powder rooms and where they usual got ready for visitors. “I’ve never seen you pout before. I’m sorry we couldn’t stay longer I will ask Taehyung to share the tip he gets, okay? I’ll give you my share of it, too.” The geisha patted his shoulder softly, thinking that Jungkook was mad that he didn’t get his usual tip which were always important to them, to pay of their debts and buy themselves little things. Especially for a maiko, who always just got less than a geisha’s tip it was necessary. “Kook, would you mind loosening my belt a little?” Jimin was panting when they finally could close the door behind them to freshen up, “I can’t dance like this.”

Jungkook kept it to himself why he hadn't been ready to leave yet but he was still a little embarrassed that he had liked a random man so much. While he loosened Jimin’s belt his tongue also came a little lose and he couldn’t help wondering and asking, “Do you know who they were? I’ve never seen them before but Tae acted like he knew them. Also... you weren’t there in the beginning so.. I spilled some tea? On one of them? And they didn’t yell at me.” He was mumbling the last sentences so shyly that Jimin could barely understand him and when he wanted to turn around in surprised Kook kept a hold of his belt and kept hiding behind his back. “Do you think that means he likes me? Or does he just not care about spilled tea?” 

Jimin held onto the table while Jungkook was keeping his belt so tightly in his hold that he couldn’t turn around, but he still tried to look over his shoulder. “You spilled tea?” His voice sounded surprised, “You never spill something, Kookie. You can be lucky they didn’t say anything...maybe he did, yeah. Anyone would be a fool not to like you.” When Jungkook was finally done, Jimin took a deep breath and sighed. “Mr. Ling is a regular visitor whenever he is in our city. He’s a businessman from Japan. Very wealthy. And he likes to bring new guests to the house. But I didn’t know the others. Not really.” The geisha began to explain before he touched up his make-up a little, mumbling under his breath, “I just saw him at the market once. That’s all.”

Jungkook had ears like a lynx though. “Him? Who’s him? The guy you were talking about? The lanky one? The one who held you?” He got excited at the prospect of Jimin being interested in one of their customers. Jimin hadn’t even shown interest in the ones who had proposed to him until now. As Jimin was a geisha he was allowed to receive marriage requests and he had already gotten some but Hoseok had been refusing them all. Jungkook wasn’t allowed to ask but as much as he knew Jimin hadn’t asked why either and he found it a strange thing to not even weigh his options. Though of course he was really relieved that Jimin didn’t leave him alone here. He felt like he wouldn’t survive for even a week without Jimin. Especially with his mizuage within reach…

Jimin hummed in response, blushing slightly, “Yeah. Him. He followed me on the market, and I thought of him as handsome - that’s all. I didn’t think I would see him again.” He turned to look at Jungkook with a smile and reached for the younger’s hand to pull him closer. “You know that’s how we suppose to be like, right? One single glance and make a man fall for you?” Cupping Jungkook’s cheeks softly, Jimin looked at him thoroughly. “We are the perfect illusion, the forbidden fruit. I told you I’m good at that.” He chuckled, sounding a little off, even to himself. Quickly, Jimin cleared his throat and gave himself a quick glance in the mirror. “Will you sing while I dance?” He changed the topic easily, even though knowing his maiko, Jungkook wouldn’t let go and lightly pushed the younger out of the room with him to get to the next tea room, “It’s more fun when you play while I dance.”

“Of course I will.” Something stirred inside of him and the sadness in Jimin’s smile had hit him straight into the middle of his heart. Jimin only very rarely let it shine through that he could feel sad or lonely or lost and Jungkook knew that this man must reach way more in Jimin than just his interest if it evoked such a response. He didn’t push further though afraid of hurting Jimin further. The older was always so strong for him, the shoulder he could lean on, the person he could come to at night. He wanted to give Jimin back what he so gratefully received but he couldn’t. He knew that Jimin would never let his guard down in front of him in fear of pulling the ground from under both their feets. They relied on each other and their stable little bubble they had created. 

Who knew what was needed to make it burst.

A/N: Another story is about to begin... who is ready? Yay! I’m so happy to share this story today and so excited to see what you guys think of it!!! What do you think will happen? ♡♡♡ Oh and this story will be updated every sunday!

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[kmindset]

Reconciliation in Currency: One

Summary:  Sometimes reconciliation comes at a cost. Literally.

On ao3     My Twitter

Chapter 1: Man in the pinstriped jacket

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay with me?”

Your friend’s worry was evident over the phone. “Su Na, I’ll be fine. Joey is letting me stay with her until get on my feet.”

She hummed in disapproval.

“Flight 301 to South Korea, section B, now boarding.”

“Unnie, I will be fine.” You stand, lifting your carry on bag onto your shoulder. “You’re still picking me up from the airport right?”

“Of course! After so many years away I know there are things you haven’t told me. You are spilling everything!”

“I would love to hear you rant some more but I’m boarding the plane.”

Normally, you would sleep through most of your flights but returning to Korea was making you restless. Unable to sleep, listen to music, read, or focus on a movie, you were almost out of options. Thankfully, you were right at the beginning of coach which was the perfect area to listen to the flight attendants. “My section is amazing! There is a man who gave me 60,000 won just for getting him a drink.” She was hidden by the crevasse of the cabin where they resided that separated business class from the rest of you but you could hear her clearly.

“Really? Why is someone like that flying commercial?”

“He said he was having trouble with his private plane.”

The other woman opened her mouth again but the wall behind her dinged signaling someone was calling for her. The first class stewardess walked back to her section with a dark colored drink.

Your curiosity made you tilt your head to see into first class. The stewardess handed the man his drink but all you could see was a hand, an expensive looking watch and the sleeve of a grey pinstripe suit jacket.

The moment the plane arrives at the gate everyone stands as if it won’t take 20 minutes to get even half the passengers off the plane.

You move your legs to allow the impatient older woman next to you to push her way onto the aisle. You busy yourself texting Su Na and Joey that you have landed and checking emails.

When you look back up almost everyone has cleared. You make your way off the plane

“That Kim takes my breath away.”

The same attendants.

“I finally saw him when he was exiting the plane.” the second says. “I have never seen someone so perfect.”

They go on gushing on the perfect businessman who apparently gave the first attendant his business card.

When they split for another flight you finally laugh at their teenaged ramblings.

“_____!!” Su Na’s voice covers the baggage arrival announcement you were calmly waiting for.

An embarrassed wave is all you can give before she is pinching your cheeks and fawning over how much prettier you have become.

“Unnie, we’re in public.” You say, pushing away her grabby hands. Though you’re more than mortified it’s nice to see a familiar face.

She gushed over you for hours, asking if you had eaten then taking you to stuff your face at your favorite restaurant you were happy was still there. She took you to refill your t-money card which you were also grateful for but the line was drawn at the fifth outfit she made you try on for your interview. As grateful as you were slightly jetlagged and had yet to see Joey.

When she finally dropped you off, you were greeted by a message from Joey. She’d texted you the house code as she was going to be late.

You helped yourself to the food she bought for your arrival. When she arrived there was a hug that you were pretty sure would leave a bruise.

The two of you talked as if no time had passed.

“Yeah, I have a job interview in the morning. It isn’t the best and It isn’t what I got my certification for but it’s something.” The defeat in your voice couldn’t be masked.

“A step in any direction is progress.”

True enough but it didn’t help your mood. You said your goodnights and laid down for a restless sleep. Sleeping with a weight on your mind was always hard, you couldn’t help but think back to the one person who could lift it.

“Taehyung.”

He heard the quiver in your voice right away. “______, what happened.”

“I can’t do it.” You sobbed into the receiver. “I can’t do it.”

“Aegya, I know you are nervous and scared but you can do this. You have done it before and you can do it again.”

You lean your head back against the wall. “Tae, if I don’t pass this test all my credit hours will have been for nothing!”

“But that wouldn’t happen anyway. All I am saying is I believe in you. You have the potential for greatness no matter what.”

It got quiet and you knew what he was thinking. “And you’ll be right there with me right?”

He chuckled lowly with what sounded like a sniffle. “Of course. There’s nowhere else I would rather be.”

A comfortable silence fell over the conversation as you calmed down and finally felt fatigue.

“TaeTae, can you sing to me?”

He was quiet for a moment before he began to sing. Slowed down version nobody by Wonder Girls in his soothing tenor.

There was no better sleep than sleep aided by Taehyung.

You didn’t have that anymore but you needed it right now.

Seoul sparkled like a diamond in the dirt at night.

It’s beauty served as the backdrop to many fantasies. A hand came to undo the expensive watch from the wrist of the man that loved to admire such a view.

He didn’t care for the price as he threw it on his nightstand, his pinstripe suit jacket joining it. All his attention was on the view. It made him think of her. The pain in his heart had subsided over the years but would he ever feel ok?

His mind drifted as it often did to a thousand what-ifs.

He urged himself to stop as his jetlag became more apparent. He needed a drink.

You stared at the search engine homepage with fingers slightly shaking. You wanted more than anything to look him up. You wanted to reach out and hopefully get a warm response. You wanted to tell him all about your time away and be filled in on everything you knew the extraordinary man accomplished in the years apart.

But the last interaction came to mind.

His handsome face scowling in betrayal. The same feeling of guilt from the day returned at the dismay in knowing you caused that scowl.

You closed your laptop quickly. ‘ Not tonight.’ You thought with a sorrowful heart.

Morning came far too quickly.

As you awoke, a fresh wave of nerves hit you like a truck. The thought of waiting until you found a better job crossed your mind as you disapprovingly examined your dark circles but your resolve strengthed when you saw the makeup to hide such bags was running low.

You weren’t sure how to dress for the interview as the listing was vague but it was clear on the payment. It seemed as though it would be clerical work or assistant- type tasks.

As long as it paid, it was currently good enough for you.

You were early arriving at the building the stood tall in the heart of Seoul. Everything about being there made you nostalgic. You breathed in familiar air with a content smile. As you entered the building your awareness of the oh so familiar city put you in a melancholy state. The heels you willed yourself into wearing took you almost on autopilot to where you were told in the interview announcement email. The elevator ride even sparked a memory that sat on the tip of your subconscious. There was no time to try and reach for it as the doors opened to reveal the most beautiful area you ever set eyes on. The beauty and meticulous detail applied to the whole of the area reminded you of him. It brought a smile to your face. An olive colored desk with white trim that swirled downwards at the end was the first thing you focused on. The words ‘Welcome to Kkangji’ were written beautifully on the front.

The name made you smile, mind drifting to the snow white kitten from times past.

“Ma’am.”

You looked up to see a woman smiling from behind the desk. “Are you here for the interview?” You nodded, a little embarrassed at the first impression you must have been making. “Ah, he will be pleased you are early.”

She picked up the phone and said a few quick words in the receiver before placing it back down. “Follow me please.”

You followed behind her quietly. The hall was as beautifully done as the waiting area. Expensive looking art pieces and their almost as equally as expensive frames were gorgeous. “He made most of these himself.” the receptionist leaned over and whispered with a smile. She must have noticed you looking. “He designed this whole floor of the building.” There was something deeper in all of it that warmed your heart now. His artistic soul was poured into everything.

Finally, she stopped in front of a large white door. It was simple yet powerful for some reason.

She opened the door to reveal the lavish office. You stepped in, eyes landing on a large desk. The chair behind it, obviously occupied, was spun facing the large window.

“Sir, here she is. Ms. ____________ ,  this is Mr. Kim Taehyung.”

Three things happened simultaneously. First. The receptionist left the room almost as quickly as she dropped you off.  Second, the memories from minutes before hit you full force. The company name. The building. The outstanding art. All linked to the man you knew better than anyone in this building.

And third, he spun in his chair to look at you. “________?” “Taehyung??”

You had to be dreaming. It felt impossible that your Taehyung could be the man running all of this. The first instinct was to run and hug* him but there was something about his blank expression. The picture of him dressed impeccably, sat behind that desk radiated a kind of power you were unfamiliar with. Only when his gaze traveled down to his phone had you noticed how long you had been stood there.

You cleared your throat and approached. The glare of his unreadable face now off of you made you confident enough to move. Right in front of him now, you picked up his name placard.

Kim Taehyung, CEO and Director of Art

“This explains the waiting area. It looks like something from your wettest art hoe dreams.” you tried to joke.

“You don’t know about my wet dreams, _____.” His tone was sharp and cold, like a knife cutting through the friendly air of your comment. He reached out as he stood to take the placard from your hands.

“I-I- uh”

“As articulate as ever I see.” Your mouth clamped shut like an offended child at the comment. “I won’t waste your time, Ms. ______. Do you have your resume’?”

His stoic demeanor shocked you but you nodded. You handed him the professional looking paper, complete with your most recent sources from the past few years. You smiled proudly trying to regain any confidence you had before you saw him.

He quietly looked over it. A hum here, a raised eyebrow there. It was painfully quiet. “I can answer any questions you may-” your sentence stopped short as he tore the paper in half then again.

“Tae what the hell?!” formalities were dropped as he must be out of his mind.

“There must have been a disconnect. This job isn’t one you would require this kind of experience for. I am already aware of your experience to some degree though.”

“Tae, what are you talking about?”

“I need someone.”

“I have always been here for you.”

There was brief silence before he scoffed ‘Have you?’ more to himself than you. “I refuse to stoop as low as some in my business so I’ve decided to opt for something mutually beneficial.”

You sighed, still very confused. “Use simple words, Taehyung.”

He learned from where he sat on his desk to get close to your face with a smirk that told you he knew his next words would floor you. “I want to fuck you, wreck you whenever I fucking feel like it, and give you money for it.”

Your mouth hung open like a dead fish now. You stared at that familiar face to see nothing you recognized. His boyish charm and triangular face shape now switch for a mature charm* and square jaw. His unique eyes that once were so playful now sinful and taunting. Even his dark locks were now a long greyish brown. This was not your TaeTae. This was CEO Kim Taehyung.

“H-How are you like this. I can’t believe that came from your mouth.”

“Because you don’t know me anymore.”

“I haven’t been gone that long.”

He straightened up, now glaring coldly. “Years, _______. Years.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I have to though.” This had been a common back and forth for weeks now. Though before where it was playful now it was desperate, pleading, and very much hurt. The chance to volunteer in your field was too much of a miracle to pass up. Only it meant traveling out of the country. Away from Taehyung. You were almost at the point where you had to say your goodbyes but he was making it difficult.

“Aren’t I important to you?”

You stop, your mouth opening some in shock. You wanted to believe it was a joke but his face held the betrayal he clearly felt. “Of course, why would you ask that?”

“Because it doesn't seem like it!”

“I can’t stay here for someone else. There is nothing here for me.”

“I’m nothing?!”

You open your mouth to tell him no, that he is wrong so you want to shout until your voice is gone but instead you turn to go through security.

“Looks like there were opportunities here.” An unreadable look with a tone of smug disgust.

“For YOU, Taehyung. You still aren’t getting it.” You shake your head incredulously as you pick up the remains of your torn resume.

“My success could have been yours too.”

“I wanted my own path not to crowd yours.”

“So you left me?”

“I obviously wasn’t gone forever!”

“How was I supposed to know that?!”

At this point you were so frustrated you had to take some deep breaths. “You were supposed to trust me.” You turned around to see him taking off his belt, jacket already off and tie loosened.

“What are you doing?”

“You still want the job right?”

You were silent not wanting to admit you need the job despite what it was. With much hesitation, you nodded. “Yes.”

He walked up to you, getting close to your face again as he slid off his belt with a snap. “Then strip, it’s time for your interview.”

[50thirdand3rd]

Writer, producer, Poptone drummer, and co-founding member of Tones On Tail and Love And Rockets takes us back to his Bauhaus roots with The Bela Session EP and his new coffee table book, Bauhaus Undead and teases a few hints at what he has in store for 2019!

  Bauhaus – photo by Graham Trott

Kevin Haskins, the elusive Bauhaus drummer is quietly powerful behind his placid, penetrating expression. The jazz trained boyish younger Haskins brother who drew more inspiration from Stephen Morris than Gene Krupa paid his dues in bands with older brother, David J. before forming what would eventually become Bauhaus with friend and fellow art student, Daniel Ash and Daniel’s friend, Peter Murphy. The band’s chemistry was instant and Bauhaus began playing shows wherever they could and on January 26, 1979, the band recorded their iconic debut single, “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” at Beck Studios in Wellingborough a mere six weeks after forming the group.”Bela” was just the beginning and soon Bauhaus found fame and an early fan in the late John Peel who kept the band in heavy rotation on his legendary Radio 1 program. By 1980, the band released their groundbreaking debut LP In The Flat Field to mixed reviews further solidifying their status as post-punk icons with their dark fusion of glam, punk, jazz, dub, and disco and gained a rabid cult following among the cool kids in black on both sides of the pond.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0bLCILyVRk%5B/embedyt%5D

  Shortly after Bauhaus called it quits in 1983, Kevin and Daniel continued a fruitful collaboration in the short-lived and lightyears ahead of its time, Tones On Tail with bassist and former Bauhaus roadie, Glenn Campling. TOT scored a dancefloor hit in the US with their 1984 “Lions” b-side “Go!”.

[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TJC48BRBn8%5B/embedyt%5D

  Two years later, Kevin and Daniel reunited with David J. to form Love And Rockets, who found success with early singles “Ball of Confusion” and “No New Tale To Tell” before scoring a breakout hit with their ubiquitous 1989 single “So Alive” which spent 20 weeks at #3 on Billboard’s Hot 100 chart.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-L41MhFPU9s%5B/embedyt%5D

  After 40 years of forward motion with not one but two highly influential post-Bauhaus bands, Kevin takes us back to his Bauhaus roots with his new coffee table book, Bauhaus – Undead “The Visual History and Legacy of Bauhaus” and The Bela Session EP which features four previously unreleased tracks along with the iconic 9:37 opus that started it all.

Photo: Jenna Putnam

50thirdand3rd: So, can we talk about Bauhaus Undead?

Kevin Haskins: A good friend of mine who works at Cleopatra, Matt Green, suggested the idea. He knew that I had this big container full of memorabilia. I was the guy who collected everything, kept everything. So, he says, “Why don’t you make a coffee table book?” “Matt, that’s a great idea.” And then he made me an offer to put it out on Cleopatra and I just felt that I would like to self-publish it. So he said, “Of course, that’s your decision. Go ahead and good luck. Wish you all the best.” And so, I went off on my merry way and so along into the process, I ran into this guy, Jeff Anderson, at gigs. And it seemed like fate kind of brought us together. On the third meeting, I said, “What do you do?” And he said, “I make box sets and re-releases for bands and so, I went to his house and I saw these amazing box sets from Sigur Rós and Roger Waters and Beck, Nine Inch Nails, The Pixies – beautiful ones! I thought “This was a no-brainer, let’s do the book together!” He was really excited working with me on that. He brought in a great design team and off we went. And I just sat down and started writing stories which I’ve never done, before.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aOk0A4pnN8%5B/embedyt%5D

  So, it all took about two years and we designed this huge book with a slipcase and it was this huge, crazy size book! Basically, we really didn’t figure out how much it was gonna cost to make and how much it was gonna cost to ship and Jeff really wanted to use his regular printers in LA. Anyway, a month before, we put on a pre-sale to raise money to have it made. A month before the pre-sale ended, I found out how much it was gonna cost to have it made and it was ridiculous, it was like over $100 to make, in the end! (laughs) I spoke to publishers after the fact, who were very impressed with how many I sold, because it was like $180 or something. But I didn’t raise enough money to get it made, so I had to refund all of the money. Then I went to a bunch of publishers and got a lot of interest from boutique publishers, but they really didn’t have the means to do what I wanted to do, but I did decide to make this book a regular size book, so that we could sell it at a decent price and make it cheap for people.

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And basically, about two years or three years after Matt gave me the idea, I went around his house and he showed me a book that Cleopatra had just put out. I think it was Hanoi Rocks or something and he said it was a great deal for this band it was really great deal and I said, “Oh Matt, could you do the same deal for me, please!” Because I was back at square one, I had nothing, but I did have a book already made, all the layout was all done, all the stories were written, it was proofread. It was just ready to print. So, I was kinda handing him a gift, really, on a plate and he said, “Kevin, I think we can do your good deal.” Which they did and it ended up coming out on Cleopatra, so I did this complete circle, so, now I know everything about printing and shipping and fulfillment companies.

50thirdand3rd: You got a real education on the process.

Kevin Haskins: Yeah, it was a mixture of extreme pain and pleasure. (laughs) I’m really proud of it, it’s over 300 pages and it has some great content. We were all very art inclined so we do a lot of drawings and doodles and I kept all those and I think that’s the stuff that’s very interesting for people. Very personal stuff like that and handwritten lyrics. And when we went to shop “Bela Lugosi’s Dead”, Daniel wrote out all the names of all the companies we went to, EMI and Polydor, all the huge companies and what they said. They all rejected us, so he wrote a kind of note to them, it’s very scruffy, very Daniel and all over the place and there’s drawings of Bubble men all over it. It ended up the last piece that went into the book. I was kind of done and he had just come back from England and raided his mum’s attic and said, “Look what I found!” I’m like, “Oh my god, I’ve gotta get that in the book, it’s so cool!” So, it’s got a lot of funny stories and great memorabilia.

50thirdand3rd: Awesome! I understand you did a book signing at Rough Trade in Brooklyn, this past summer, was it? How did that go?

Kevin Haskins: It went great! We were on tour with Poptone and I set up an In-store for my daughter’s band, Automatic, they were supporting us. 

50thirdand3rd: And that’s your daughter, Lola’s band, right?

Kevin Haskins: Yes, Lola (Dompé), Izzy (Glaudini), and Halle (Saxon Gaines). And then after they played, I did a signing and it was nice, you know, it was my first time in Brooklyn if you can believe that.

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We’re playing rough trade tn bbs come through

A post shared by Automatic (@automatic_band) on Jun 29, 2018 at 1:15pm PDT

    50thirdand3rd: Wow, how’d you like it?

Kevin Haskins: We loved it. My wife came out and we rented a really nice Airbnb and got to really walk around, check it out.

Photo: Jenna Putnam

50thirdand3rd: Very cool! How’s the response been with the book?

Kevin Haskins: Really good. Yeah, it’s been great, people love it! I don’t wanna boast but I’m very proud of it and people respond really well to it. There’s a lot of good content in it and I was really happy with the quality and the printing and everything.

50thirdand3rd: It sounds awesome and you had some of the other Bauhaus historians kind of help out, too, with the timeline, did I read that right?

Kevin Haskins: Oh yeah, a guy called Andrew Brooksbank and also I should mention Vincent Forrest and they were very helpful. Andrew is kind of the Bauhaus historian and when our old label, Beggars Banquet, put out re-releases, he always writes the sleeve notes. He’s an extremely organized guy and he’s a good writer and he created this timeline of every show and every radio, like interviews, TV appearances, that type of thing. So, that was really so valuable to me because I can’t remember what I was doing.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5UFgXuz1Gc%5B/embedyt%5D

  50thirdand3rd: Right, because you were like in the center of the storm.

Kevin Haskins: Yeah, I was. And he was a great resource and I think he gave me a few items. A few scans of this and that and also helped out in that way. So, it was nice to have fans included, there were people whose names, sorry, I can’t remember, right now, who sent me some great pieces to put in, so it was nice to include people, as well, like that.

50thirdand3rd: That’s really exciting! Seeing it all together in the context of a timeline, how was that? I imagine that would have to be a little awe-inspiring, like “Wow, I did all this!” Like, looking back on it?

Kevin Haskins: Yeah, I’m surprised at how many shows we played because I didn’t think we played that many, but, we did. We really worked! We started from nowhere and the only really then to get known was to play, you know, to get the ball rolling. So, there was a two year period where we were just slogging away. Just trying to get shows when we started, we played in the weirdest places. (laughs) Like, I got a gig, there’s a little village called Ilchester and it was a Sunday lunchtime community center and it was bright sunshine. It was in a modern kind of bland hall with big glass windows, very bright, and there were kids running around playing, parents just eating, and Bauhaus were playing to these people. It was completely ridiculous! And then Peter got us a similar thing but in a working men’s club on a lunchtime.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5DUQuY1mf4%5B/embedyt%5D

  50thirdand3rd: Oh, wow! How was that?

Kevin Haskins: After our first number, this old character, this old guy who worked there came up to us and he said, “What are you trying to do? Blow the bloody roof off? Play something that people know! You know, something we can tap our foot to!” (Laughs)

50thirdand3rd: Character building, I imagine!

Kevin Haskins: Yeah, blow the bloody roof off! So, we would play anywhere we could. Actually, and I wrote about this in the book. Really, our first show, I think went kind of undocumented. Daniel got us this rehearsal room at a teacher training college in Northampton and we were in a kind of portacabin, this kind of a prefabricated classroom, you know, it was kind of like a trailer. 

50thirdand3rd: Oh, okay.

Kevin Haskins: It was outside the main building, just adjacent. And it was adjacent to the student union room where they would have bands play and they had a bar. It was winter and it was snowing, I remember, and The Pretenders were playing that night. So, we were rehearsing late afternoon and we kind of finished and we were like, “Is anybody going to see The Pretenders?” “Yeah, I am.” Kinda fancied that and then one of us had this idea that why don’t we just follow them? “What do you mean?” So, the next minute, we open the door, dragging up our gear up this, it was like an incline, covered in snow, dragging all our gear, and there was the French door, like this big glass door that opened up and we just opened the door and we just set up really fast in the corner of the room and by this time it was like 7:00. People were just coming in and The Pretenders had just done their soundcheck and we just set up and started playing. So, a crowd appeared around us, and we got about two or three songs out of the way, we didn’t have many songs, we had just started, and the student union came up and he was like, “Wait a minute, stop, what are you guys doing?” We’re like, “Oh, we’re the support band.” And he’s like, “Really?” And we’re like, “Yeah, we’re the support band.” And he was like scratching his head and like looking at us very suspiciously and he turned away and he walked away and he was kind of looking over his shoulder. And we sold it and then we’re like, “Get into the next song!” And we managed to get two more songs done and then he brought everyone from the student union and they shut us down. They said, “Hey, you’re not the support band!” So, we supported The Pretenders, punk rock Guerrilla style. (Laughs)

50thirdand3rd: That’s awesome!

Kevin Haskins: I’m sure Chrissie Hynde would’ve appreciated that. I don’t know if she heard that we did that.

50thirdand3rd: I hope she finds out!

Kevin Haskins: We were dying to play, all we wanted to do was play.

50thirdand3rd: That’s really cool! So, The Bela Session EP you recently put out, could we talk a little bit about that? I understand it was the first time you guys worked with Derek Tompkins. Like, he was really important to like Bauhaus and he produced Love And Rockets, too, right? Like he was Engineer/Producer at Beck Studios for you guys, can you tell me a little bit about that?

Kevin Haskins: Sure, we’ll start with Derek. I think we went to Beck before Bauhaus, we were in other bands, like The Craze, Jack Plug and The Sockettes, these kinds of new wave bands, but it was Peter’s first time in the studio when we went with Bauhaus. And Derek was this amazing character. I always kind of viewed Derek as our George Martin. Mainly because he was older than us and he really didn’t know anything about fads or fashions which was good because he just approached it from what sounds exciting and what sounds good. He just instinctively knew how to produce bands and also he was a bit of a rogue, he was a really funny guy, very smart, very opinionated, a bit of a rebel. And he had a great stutter, he stuttered and just consumed endless cups of coffee and cigarettes. Like really unhealthy, but he kind of like built the desk. He built of a lot of the equipment in the studios. 

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So, anyway, The Bela Session was the idea of Andrew Brooksbank. He emailed me one day and he said, “What do you think about this idea? Why don’t you release the entire recording from the day you recorded ‘Bela Lugosi’s Dead’?” Three of the songs had never been released and I just said, “This is a brilliant idea! I can’t believe no one had thought about it, before!” And he said, “Yeah, it would be the holy grail of the band’s fans.” And I said, “Marvelous idea!” And for some reason, he had the original 1/4” tape and box. I don’t know how these guys get hold of these things, you know, I know they’re in good hands. And so, his idea was to use a scan of the tape box and it’s to the cover and I later thought, it would be great for the inner sleeve. So, that’s what the inner sleeve is and you can actually see the front and back of the original tape box. It’s marvelous, it’s got the aged patina and the picks, crossing things out and notes, so it’s a wonderful thing just to view.    

50thirdand3rd: That’s really cool!

Kevin Haskins: Yeah, and just for the cover we came up with the idea of just doing a negative of the original cover, so, it’s white on black and yeah, so it has three unreleased songs and they’re interesting to hear because, you know, some of them, one of them, in particular, I think “Some Faces” doesn’t sound like Bauhaus, at all. It’s kind of a chirpy, bright sort of a new wave song, but it’s interesting to listen because you can kind of see a bit of an evolution. Right, like this is us. We had only formed about six weeks before, I think. So, it captures the band in a period of its formative period. 

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vV772Ht1Sys%5B/embedyt%5D

  And we ended up going with Leaving Records which are an imprint of Stones Throw and they did a marvelous job, I think. They really chose a great kind of engineer and they’ve really been wonderful, I’m so happy with the product and also Bela hasn’t been available on vinyl for, I don’t know, twenty years or something crazy. It’s really nice to have it in record racks, again. And I just remembered another story from that day. So, “Bela” is about nine minutes long, but we actually laid down eleven or twelve minutes.

50thirdand3rd: Oh wow!

Kevin Haskins: And we kind of listened back and we thought, “This is a little bit too long.” And we could kind of imagine if we cut three minutes out of this, we’d probably be good. And Derek said, “I..I can do that!” And we were kind of naive and it was probably only our second or third time, Peter’s first time in the studio. And he (Derek) disappeared and he came back with a little razor blade and he got the tape and he laid it down and we were like looking at him like, “What’s he doing?” And then he began bringing the blade down towards the tape and we all knew we had recorded something really special and he was gonna cut the tape and we were like, “No! Stop!” “What are you doing?”

50thirdand3rd: Gasp!

Kevin Haskins: Then he like turned around and he’s like saying, “What’s your problem?” And he explained that he’s done this many times, before and not to worry, you know, you can always put it back together, again. And he did a great edit, you can’t hear the edit if you really listen out for it, though. He did a very good job.

    50thirdand3rd: That’s awesome! So, if I can nerd out on you, for a sec, I know John Peel was like one of the first people to really play “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” on his show. Could you tell me a little bit about getting to go to John Peel’s studio?

Kevin Haskins: Sure, yeah. I actually devoted a story to John in my book. I cannot stress how important he was to bands such as us and I guess, after us. I mean, the airwaves were really, this was pre-internet, of course. The airwaves were really controlled just by the BBC. There were a couple of pirate stations, Radio Powerline and Radio Luxembourg that you could tune into and that was free radio but the BBC really controlled everything. They had John Peel on at 10 o’clock at night and they probably weren’t really listening to what he was doing. (Laughs) And his taste was just remarkable and I remembered he kept devoting his two-hour show to punk rock and in ’76, I think “New Rose” by The Damned had just come out and you know, there weren’t many punk records, back then, right at the beginning. So, he did this whole show and put bands that like influenced this new movement. So, there’s The Stooges and the MC5, bands like that and then he played every punk single that was out and it was a wonderful show. And he got a lot of hate mail, apparently, from hippies of the old guard saying, “How can you be playing this rubbish?” But he went on undeterred, he wouldn’t listen to anybody, he just played what he liked. So, he was invaluable to getting bands known. And it really helped us and a load of other bands.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMuB2PjjRic%5B/embedyt%5D

  So, anyway, we heard “Bela Lugosi” and I think we just drove down to London, which I think was like an hour and a half’s drive and we went to the BBC Studio building and went to reception and we said, ”We want to see John Peel” and the receptionist looked at us like, “Who…Are you kidding me?” And she said, “Oh, well, I’ll call up.” And she did and his producer said, “Oh, show them up. It’s fine” which was remarkable, really. He was in the middle of a show, so, they let us come up and to us, we were in awe. It was amazing, we were actually in his studio with John and he offered us some red wine and we had a little red wine in BBC paper cups and gave him the record and he kind of sent us on our way pretty fast. He told us he’d play it and I remember, you know, when he played it for the first time, we knew that this night was gonna do it! We all lived in this house 37 Adams Avenue, it was like a little terraced house in town and you know, we would cook these awful meals with like vegetables because we were on the dole and we didn’t have much money. And it was freezing cold in this place and it was kind of haunted, it was kind of in a slum (laughs) but we were kids, it didn’t matter. But I remember we were all huddled around this transistor radio, listening to the show when he played our song. That moment is just imprinted in my mind because it was just remarkable to hear your music coming out of a radio, you know, it was just so exciting and it was like a benchmark moment. So, now, I remember that really clearly and yeah, I paid homage to him in my book and wrote a nice piece about him.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMLNwT4v5Rc%5B/embedyt%5D

  50thirdand3rd: So, I’ve gotten really hooked on Poptone, recently and I was watching the tour livestreams you guys were doing on Facebook from last year. It looks like you guys were having fun, especially with the fans. Can you tell me a little more about how those tours have been going?

Kevin Haskins: Well, it was great but we kind of wrapped it up, over the summer. Basically, we kind of exhausted where everywhere people wanted us to play. It was great, it was so much fun! You know, Daniel’s still a very close friend of mine and we always have a laugh hanging out, we got on really well and then I was so glad to have my daughter involved (Diva Dompé). She plays bass and keyboards and backup vocals and she was amazing, she really brought so much to that project, I felt.

Photo: Paul Rae

50thirdand3rd: Yeah, she’s rad!

Kevin Haskins: She had big shoes to fill, she was playing my brother’s bass lines, Glenn Campling’s amazing bass lines, I mean I can’t say enough great things about Glenn’s playing in terms of what he brought to Tones On Tail. Like, those bass lines are just remarkable, there’s just so simple but so powerful, you know, kind of like riffs and so it was it was a great pleasure to play that music. Yeah, I knew that would be an attractive thing for fans just because we only played one little tour over a year and that was in the UK, so you know, it was fun for us to play those songs, again.

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwYq2FfsBKo%5B/embedyt%5D

  And I think people really love to hear them, we had a great crew, just like a small family, and we had a marvelous time. I was really taken aback in a marvelous way with the audiences who came out to see us. They were so appreciative and towards the end, I would out after the show to the merch table and sell my book, Bauhaus Undead by Kevin Haskins, *plug*. And then I’d get to meet all these wonderful people and they were so happy and appreciative that we were doing it, so it was like a whole celebration. 

It was marvelous but it’s kind of on the back burner, now. I mean it is something that we could pick up, again. We did record an album, you know, it was kind of a retrospective project, just for people who were unaware, we were playing the music from Bauhaus, Love And Rockets, and Tones On Tail and we recorded an album. We did it as a Part-Time Punks session, Part-Time Punks radio station (KXLU) in LA and then Michael Stock he also puts a club night on and he’s a wonderful guy. So, we just kind of played pretty much live and put the songs down and that’s been released out on Cleopatra Records and so, you can go to Bandcamp and buy that or listen to it.

Poptone poster by Paul Rae

  50thirdand3rd: Can we talk a little about the FOXES TV show you’ve got coming up and how you got involved in that?

Kevin Haskins: Sure, yeah! So, I met Tina and Julian (de la Celle), they are the creators of the show. I met them at one of their events. They put on events around Los Angeles, they get local musicians, they’ve done kind of thematic events where they portrayed Andy Warhol’s Factory, they had a bunch of young bands get together and play Velvet Underground songs. They did the same with CBGB’s and the Bat Cave, they’re really nice people, they love music and fashion, it’s such a strong passion for them. They have a magazine called FOXES and it’s a beautiful magazine, comes out twice a year, and they get really great photographers to shoot for them and they do interviews, so, I did an interview about my book, Bauhaus Undead, my coffee table book, plug! plug!  

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

50thirdand3rd: Right, yeah!

Kevin Haskins: There’s a singer from the New York Dolls who goes under the name, Buster Poindexter, now, and does kind of a lounge act, he was in the issue. I think Duff from Guns ’n’ Roses and they have these great fashion spreads. It’s shot very beautifully, kind of cinematic and stylish, stylized. So, they decide to turn the magazine into a TV show because there’s nothing really to watch like that, you know. So, anyway, they approached me around September time, last year and asked me if I wanted to be a producer and music supervise and I thought it was an exciting new challenge. So, we just kind of went on from there and the three of us kind of learned how to navigate the industry and what you have to do to get a TV show made. So, it’s taken us this long to really figure that and so we made like a great concept sizzle reel where we’ve taken slotage from other shows like The Tube and fashion show footage and just still photography and it really sort of represents the aesthetic of the show. And then we worked together a treatment which is kind of PDF, you do a similar thing, just for people who don’t know what treatments are, you explain what you’re going to do, you’ll explain what the episode will look like, and the sequence of events during that episode. You put bios from everyone who’s attached to the project. Your dream hosts, presenters, so there you go! So, when Richard submitted that to the network to my agency and we’re now waiting to hear back.     

  [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cd1LlXP_pk%5B/embedyt%5D

  50thirdand3rd: This sounds really cool! Can you tell me a little bit about what views can expect to hear and maybe see?

Kevin Haskins: Well, the original feel for the show is very rock and roll. Basically, Tina, Julian, and I, we love glam, punk, post-punk rock and roll, you know, that area of things. But what we’d really like to do is we’d really like to broaden it more, now. Hmm, I don’t know who would be on the first show, I know Tina loves Duran Duran, so our dream show would include them, maybe for an interview or performance. And the project has to depend on who’s available for the team.

50thirdand3rd: Of course.    

Kevin Haskins: And we want to give space for unheard of bands that we really like. Actually, we did shoot my daughter’s band, Automatic.

50thirdand3rd: Oh, cool!

Kevin Haskins: They’re worth checking out. Also, there’s a band called POW! I would definitely have them on. Other LA bands, Froth, Numb.er, and then, I’d love to get Nick Cave on, for instance. You know, it’s really wide open but they’re the artists that come to mind, right now.

Photo: Jenna Putnam

50thirdand3rd: Cool, I can’t wait to check that out! So, do you have any other music projects coming up for this year?

Kevin Haskins: Well, I’ve actually been invited to kind of produce, also, I’ve been kind of involved in writing on another tv show and I can’t say much about it for obvious reasons, but it’s a comedy set in Los Angeles. One of my close friends has created it and helped me write it, now, which is something I’ve never ever done, before and it was challenging and it was fun, so, I’m excited about that. I feel that it could really work out well, so, a completely new thing, once again, like the FOXES TV thing. And I have a new musical project that I’m very excited about. I don’t know if I can say much about that, but, I’ll give you some cryptic hints. There’s primarily three of us and we’re looking for a vocalist, right now. We’ve put word out to who we really want. We’re going to be recreating music from the bands we were in and also creating new music, but the instrumentation is very particular and different from what you might expect. (Laughs) And I think I’m going to leave it at that, but it’s a teaser and you’re really the first person I’ve told about.

50thirdand3rd: Thank you very much! An Exclusive!

Kevin Haskins: And the way things are going, we’ve got quite a ways to go, there. We’re just starting out and we haven’t got a full band, yet, so it might be the fall until we play or release something but we are going to work on a release and I’m really excited about it. It’s got great potential.

50thirdand3rd: Very cool!

Pick up a copy of Kevin Haskins’ Bauhaus Undead from Cleopatra, Rough Trade, and Amazon. Pick up Poptone’s self-titled LP and follow Kevin Haskins Official Facebook and Instagram for the latest on FOXES TV, updates on his next series, and more on his upcoming music project —You read it first, here at 50thirdand3rd!

Follow Kevin Haskins:

https://twitter.com/kevinmhaskins

https://www.instagram.com/bauhausundeadbook/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNKf_DvhGkidQFDmnoxyO3g

http://poptone.bandcamp.com

  Follow Foxes Magazine:

https://www.facebook.com/FoxesMagazine

https://twitter.com/FOXES_Magazine

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAC2rwsSytKP6kf-olCZ4Lw/videos

https://www.instagram.com/foxes_magazine

http://foxesmagazine.tumblr.com

50THIRDAND3RD INTERVIEW: Kevin Haskins Writer, producer, Poptone drummer, and co-founding member of Tones On Tail and Love And Rockets takes us back to his Bauhaus roots with…

[thenobullshtblog-blog]

Ink Etiquette

Since I am getting a new tattoo in September it’s made me think about all the questions, comments and unwanted concerns that I usually get when I advertise I am getting a new piece.With that, I've been inspired to do a rant style blog on stupid shit people say regarding my tattoos. At the end I’ll answer some typical general questions for those who want to get inked but are doing a little more research first.

First things First-tattoo etiquette, you gonna learn today.

Stop telling people they will regret their tattoos

What do you care? It’s not your body, you don’t have to look at it every day! Who gives AF. I cant tell you how many times people have told me I will regret the size of my tattoos, the placement, and that if all my pieces don’t have a huge significant meaning that im gonna wish I never got them. IT’S NOT TRUE. I am not you, so don’t project your shit onto me-10/10 we have different views about life, Negative Nancy. My two largest tattoo pieces have no special meaning. It’s Art. I love art of all kinds, and wanted it on my body because its beautiful and badass. I’ve had one of those tattoos for over 4 years now, have never regretted it a day in my life and its honestly my most highly complimented piece. So suck it.

Stop asking people if they’ve thought about how they will look when theyre 40 or 80

Well spoiler alert, I take phenomenal care of my skin and body in general and I have full intentions of being a super hot milf until I reach the puma and then cougar stage so I’m really not worried about anything up until my mid 70’s. I do understand the general laws of aging and gravity but can you honestly tell me that 80 year old saggy wrinkly tattooed skin looks WORSE than non tattooed saggy wrinkly 80 year old skin? Yeah I didn’t think so.

If you don’t like someones tattoo-you actually don’t have to Say Anything.

So many people have this burning desire to voice an opinion that was never actually asked for. If you don’t have anything nice to say-don’t say anything at all. Unless they ask you for your brutal honest opinion, I would try and avoid commenting. Now if someone has a shitty tattoo I’m not saying lie to them, but just keep their feelings in mind as this will be on their body Forever unless they get it removed or covered up. I've had people ask me if I like their tattoos-and if I don’t like them either because i’ts not my personal style, or it’s a poorly done tattoo this is what I say “oh wow, who did you go to?” and then I start asking about the artist. That’s a safe bet. You don’t need to comment, especially if your comment is not nice. Again-these are permanent, it’s not a shirt that they can return at the store.

Realize that your preference of tattoo style and size may be different than someone else

Go big or go home, has always been my thought when getting a new piece. I’ve always loved large tattoos, dainty isn’t really my style. I am a little extra and I like that part of my personality to show with the art I wear on my body. I’m so tired of the bulging eyes people give me when I tell them how big my piece will be, or when I show them the ones I have (after they ask). You don’t have to get a massive tattoo and I understand large pieces aren’t for everyone-OK but get your active bitch face under control especially if you’re going to ask someone a question about size. I’m not shitting on the infinity sign you have on your ankle-lets move forward.

Stop saying “my tattoos are for me”

This is also something people say to me once I tell them how large my piece will be, they normally respond with “oh, I’d never get a tattoo that big-my tattoos are just for me”. Cool? Mine are too? I didn’t pay all that money, give my literal blood sweat and tears to the ink table if all my pieces weren’t for me. I honestly prefer to have pieces that I can see in pictures, that are easily displayed where I will be able to admire them every day without being totally naked. I don’t need a hidden tattoo on my ass cheek for it to be “for me”. Unless you literally have a tattoo that you got because someone else begged you to get it for them because their skin physically cant be tattooed for some odd reason, and you want to specify that the new tattoo is for you-OKAY THEN STFU.

Stop asking people how much their pieces cost-it’s tacky.

We ALL KNOW that nice ink isn’t cheap. Generally speaking people don’t go around bragging about how much they dropped on a sleeve. Ink is an expression of Self, not Wealth. If you really like the artist who did that persons piece, ask them for the artists Instagram or website so you can get their contact info and email the artist directly to inquire about pricing. On the flip side-if someone’s tattoo looks like dogshit, don’t ask them how much they paid for it. They probably know it looks like dogshit and it’s a sensitive subject- you asking about the price is just salting the wound.

Before you ask somebody Why they are getting what they are getting, consider WHY you are asking them that.

There are usually only a few reasons why people ask about what someone is getting, whether they know it or not. A lot of people don’t even Realize why they are asking what they are asking until they think about it.

1. they love art, and are truly interested

2. they don’t support tattoos and want to give you the whole “don’t put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari spiel”

3. they want to add their two cents to what it is you are getting, try and impose their ideas or change your mind to redirect your vision. Regardless they will subconsciously judge you by the content of your piece and form ideas about you based on what you’re putting on your body and where.

If you are asking “why” for any reason other than the first one. Kindly fu*k off.

Nobody puts bumper stickers on Ferraris, but how many ‘rraris have you see with custom pant jobs, bruh?  And as for you Linda, nobody cares that you don’t like my futuristic post-apocalyptic leg sleeve idea-you’re not changing my mind. Fu*k your two cents if it’s not going toward the bill. And we both know it’s not, so again-kindly fu*k off.

 Alright- so that just about concludes my ranting about stupid shit people say or ask. Lets get to some actual Q&A’s/tips and comments.

What does it Actually Cost?

It depends on the artist! Some artists charge by the size of the piece, and some charge by the hour. Whenever I email a new artist I always ask them if they charge by the piece, or hourly-they’ll let you know. From what I’ve experienced I’ve typically had artists who charge between $150-$250 per hour, but my philosophy when getting a piece is “spare no expense”. This is going to be on your body FOREVER. No, I’m not ballin like LeBron, I’m ballin on a budget, so yes I do have to save up to get my pieces-but it’s always worth it. You get what you pay for.

What does it feel like?

The best way I can describe it, is a hot cat scratch over and over again. In some more sensitive areas it can feel like what I imagine branding would feel like. Everyone has a different pain tolerance and skin sensitivity, so some areas may be more sensitive on some, than others. A lot of people say the ribs are by far the most painful-to be honest when I got my sternum piece although the bony part of the sternum was murder, the ribs weren’t bad at all-in some spots it rattled my rib cage so much it kind of ticked. Likewise, some people get inner bicep/tricep tattoos like it’s nothing, the back of my tricep killed me. I was almost in tears. It totally just depends on your skin.

Go the Extra Mile

If you cant find a local artist that you Love, drive. Even if it’s 2-3 hours out of the way. Again, this is going to be on your body forever. I would rather drive an extra 2 hours or so for the artist I know is going to crush my piece, than a local artist who would probably do an okay job. That’s not to say you cant find a good local artist-but if you cant, expand your search radius.

Walk in, or wait?

It depends on what you want, but if you’re asking for my suggestion I would do as much research as you can on the tattoo shop. Look at customer reviews, the artists online portfolios. You'll have better luck than hoping you randomly pick a good place for a walk in. Although I do have a walk in lettering tattoo and it looks just fine haha For a planned piece understand that the artist you want may be booked for the next couple weeks, months or up to a year. Don’t get discouraged, you'll have time to really think about the piece you want, change any details, and usually if they're booked that far out-they're pretty good and well worth the wait.

Color or Black and Gray?

This is a personal preference. Growing up I Hated how pale I was, being a ginger was a struggle all around but the porcelain skin was definitely a target. I hated wearing shorts, and never did all through high school because of how beaming white my legs are. To be honest I didn’t start wearing shorts until I got my First tattoo. Artists and tattoo admirers alike have complimented my skin time and time again, and how the colors in my tattoos really pop because of how pale I am. So, I prefer color tattoos because they show up super vibrant and it makes me feel even more comfortable in this vampire skin. I don’t necessarily think color is better over black and gray and in some cases I think that it also totally depends on the type of piece you are going for. Consider your skin tone, the type/style of piece you are getting and then decide.

Think it over, and speak up.

I feel like a lot of the “regret” that people are talking about with tattoos comes from spontaneous ideas or trends. There have been so many times I have seen a bad ass concept for a tattoo and I thought about finding and artist and setting an appointment ASAP. The next day I will revisit the idea and go eh, I guess I don’t love it that much. I have a Pinterest board that is just for my tattoo ideas, I pin shit on there so later I can look at it and think if that’s something I really want or not. I definitely recommend either pinning similar images of a concept you want, drawing it out, or writing it down in a notepad and then sleep on it. You'll be surprised how quickly you may change your mind in the course of even a few days, a week, months or a year. If you’ve had the same tattoo concept for quite a while, and every time you revisit the idea you still love it just as much-it’s probably safe to start on that piece when you're ready.

When you finally decide to get your piece, the artist will usually have it drawn out in some form, either on paper-or on an iPad of sorts that shows you all the details and potential coloring (if you're getting color). Do Not be afraid to speak up if you don’t like something or want to change something. It is their job as the artist to accommodate your wants especially since they are putting something permanent on your body. Even when you get the stencil on, if you don’t like the placement, or want to change something-let them know. They can remove the stencil pretty easily and print out a new one after they fix whatever it is you want fixed. But don’t just deal with something if you're certain you don’t like it. You're gonna have to look at it every day.

Artistic Freedom

This is just another opinion-and by no means a fact. But I’ve found by giving the artist freedom on my piece has always made them turn out even better than I imagined. There are quite a few people out there who go in with a very specific piece or picture in mind and are disappointed when their piece doesn’t look EXACTLY like the picture. Well, that’s pretty hard to replicate as it is but especially when that artist isn’t the original artist of that picture or drawing that you bring to the table. This does not go for portraits-obviously you want your Marilyn Monroe to look like Marilyn Monroe and a portrait artist definitely should be able to replicate that haha I am talking about more “creative” pieces you want. My suggestion, have a few pictures of things you like (and some things you don’t like) regarding the concept of your tattoo and tell your artist to have fun with it. If your artist enjoys drawing up your piece and has freedom to add their flair on it, it will probably turn out better than you micro managing the shit out of them. I’ve always given artists freedom and I’ve always been crazy surprised at how the piece they gave me turned out way better than anything I had in mind.

This is all that I can think of? I probably lost 99% of you by the first 500 words, but to those of you who made it to 2,376..cheers.

[hadescavedish]

the previous post

The Works

In 1840 they did not come to Nohant, because George Sand had been in great debt so that she couldn't keep her castle operational. He was also in debt and actively thinking about ways to pay it. He replace the loyal Fontana to talk to the publishers in person. He sold his six new compositions to a new French bookseller Troupenas, possibly paid in cash right after signing the contract. Also he demanded for high prices when he talked to the German publisher, his reasons are: he couldn't teach students at all, he's too sick and totally depends on the income by making composing. Actually it's not true: in 1939, George Sand said he teaches 5 or 6 courses pre day, and participate night activities more and more frequently (probably art salons and such as). Delacroix, however, was already quite worried about this active lifestyle would worsen  his health condition and wear out his energy which was built up in Nohant  (how nice my boy! I know you're always the nicest! Eugen)

By the increasing of his income, he had the ability to support a poor polish young man 14 francs pre month of allowance. So the man could redeem his property back from pawnshop. Also as in return to his old friend Stefan Witwicki's favor, he let this man to be Witwicki's protégé, and the guy paid him 10 Sou (20 Sou equals 1 franc) pre course. But the man didn't realize this made Witwicki hated Chopin (bc Chopin could earn so much more).

Meanwhile Sand had difficulties to get her out of this dilemma. Buloz made sure her play is going to be success but the first show in 1840 was actually a total failure: the actress, Marie Dorval were booed and smashed tomatoes by the audience. The reason probably was because they didn't rehearsal enough and Sand also refused to buy off some audience to applause. The actress was also starting to flop. So the show was just played not even for a week. But she immediately left her failure behind and started to writer her two new novels, The Journeyman and Horace. The first one is showing her confidence for labour movement, and the second one is criticizing over romanticism, the poet in the second novel was lost in his own decadence and spoiled by aristocrats around him. Buloz hated them both, he refused to make the first one become serialized, and won't publish the second one at all.

Maurice and the end of 1840

Due to being busy at works, Chopin and Sand both had no longer spoil Maurice anymore. In the summer of 1840, he went to his father baron Dudevant's house and several months later he accept his father's philosophy: stay away from the maids and those suqires. His mother had to write his letter remind him everyone else is working hard: Chopin teaches 5 courses pre day, and she has to write 8-10 pages every night. Delacroix had come back so she ask Maurice to work as an assistant in his studio. She warned, the holiday has ended!

One week before the Christmas of 1840, the ashes of Napoleon has brought back from St. Helena, was placed in Hôtel des Invalides. Chopin went to see  Pauline Viardot, Luigi Lablache and Alexis Dupont (opera singers) (it is said the funeral looks alike Chopin's own funeral.... Lol)

At the end of the year, there was an elder has passed away in Dudevant family, originally Solange could succeed a golden watch but Sand took it over for her, and also the 15 Gros Écus for Maurice. He brought 6 jars of jams from his manor as étrenne for the children, he originally thought himself as a child so he knows the pain of lacking of care pretty much. So he decided to switch his role in the family, became an honorable elder one......... (it is amusing to see this fella wants to be a dad) and he gave a golden watch as a gift to Maurice.

To his own family, he obscurely mentioned the woman who were taking care of him. But it still rose his parents' worry. His father said he wants to know more about their relationship. (NATURALLY)

His older sister also revealed the sadness that Warsaw was being taken over. The siblings were quite close, also she revealed his ex fiancée has engaged to his godfather's son  Joseph Skarbek: the Joseph fella's look scared her, the man looks too weak like a specimen, as if getting married he could get her to take care of him. (The girl's parents want her to marry with the guy for the money, obviously.... ) (That's why I think the girl and her family made mistake)

His gender His fanboy, Marquis de Custine is obviously gay (he came out of closet later on in his life), he went to see Chopin one night and wrote his letter: the matureness of jouissance is exclamatory ('jouissance', means youth but is kinda sexual... So the letter can be seen as love letter) Also, Chopin's letters to his male friends seems to be bromance. ("I kiss you on the mouth")

It is so obvious he was seen as a feminine person by his contemporary, delicate and fragile. His playing is gentle and soft, he looks so delicate, those information tell people that he's not a man at all. Sand said he's an angel. (remember the movie's dialogue) and in 19th century Paris's slang, it means gay (lmao)

@get-dank-with-banks  @barriemorebarlow

[cessanderson]

Easy DIY Summer Cooling Spray Recipe & Tutorial https://ift.tt/31Uivh4

It is HOT out there! Our local forecast promises a HOT and humid week. No worries! I’m going to share my favorite way to keep cool and chill out with an easy DIY cooling spray.

Reasons you need to make cooling spray this NOW for you and your family members.

• It’s hot outside! As a result, you might be feeling over-heated. • If you’re hot, you’re sweating. Yuck. Doesn’t hurt to spritz on some good smelling lavender and peppermint! lol • If you’re overheated, chances are – you’re cranky. A ‘lil lavender for calming is going to help!

DIY Keep Cool / Chill Out Spray

Supplies I use:

I included some affiliate links.

• 2 oz. amber glass spray bottle (or adjust recipe according to the size spray bottle you have on hand) • Witch hazel • Distilled water • Peppermint essential oil* • Lavender essential oil*

* I only use and recommend Young Living essential oils! Quality matters!

What I do:

I fill the bottle half way with witch hazel, then the rest of the way with distilled water (to where the bottle starts to curve, NOT to the bottle neck or completely full, leave room for essential oils. I then add 4 drops each of Lavender and Peppermint. No worries if you get an extra drop or two, no worries if you’re running low and only have 3 drops. The nice thing about DIY is you control the strength and can alter the recipe as needed.

Lavender Essential Oil

The Swiss army knife of essential oils! SO many amazing benefits! Off the top of my head – supporting healthy skin, so a good choice for a body spray. AND as most of us know…relaxing and calming. So hot = cranky pants, add lavender = CHILL (CALM).

Peppermint Essential Oil

Another good one with so many benefits. It supports a healthy digestive system, soothing after exercise (dilute and apply topically), etc. But one other benefit is … it’s COOLING! For all things that cause me to overheat, I keep this bottle handy. Peppermint = CHILL (COOLING).

Tip:

It is not necessary at all, but I store it in the refrigerator to give it an extra cooling boost!

Easy to grab and go, throw it in your purse or backpack. Having a cookout or going on a picnic in the park? Toss it in the cooler.

How I use it:

Shake and spritz myself, then spray the back of my neck.

Head’s Up:

Avoid your eyes! Peppermint stings! IF you do get it in your eyes, grab some coconut or a carrier oil, some fatty liquid and flush. Water will not help.

When I use it:

When temps are up, summer heat! Outdoor events, going to the park, going on a walk, run or hike, doing yard work, working outdoors, when air conditioning isn’t available or isn’t working, when the power is out and the a/c and fans aren’t an option, picnics/BBQs, at the pool.

IGTV

It WORKS! When I made this video, I spritzed myself then had to adjust the a/c. I was cold! Brrr!

Watch the tutorial on IGTV HERE!

Not a member of Young Living yet?

You guys! I know you’ve heard of essential oils by now. Maybe it feels overwhelming? Sounds expensive? Whatever your reason, I’d love to answer your questions and address your concerns.

#1 Quality:

It does matter and Young Living has a 25+ year history and is the pioneer of bringing back and raising awareness for using essential oils. Check out the Seed to Seal guarantee and pillars.

#2 Where you get them matters.

Maybe you’ve had a bad experience with MLMs, therefore maybe you feel that going to the store is a better option because you steer clear of network marketing “scams”. Well, with a 25+ year history and the fact that scams are illegal, Young Living doesn’t fit that description at all. And you wouldn’t avoid your friend who waitresses at your favorite restaurant, right? Of course not. You’d want to be seated in her section, tip her extra and show your support. Same thing! PLUS! When you connect with a friend who’s passionate about Young Living, you’re going to have access to an amazing community of thousands who love and use the products and share their real life experiences as well as educational resources to empower you to actually know how and why you would use the products. You have a friend to hold your hand as much or as little as you want to make the whole ‘healthy lifestyle’ less overwhelming!

#3 Membership

Purchasing a Young Living Premium Starter Kit is NOT agreeing to selling anything. It’s there floating in the background as an option of your membership but completely your call. No pressure, no obligations. It’s NOT agreeing to purchasing regularly or ever again (of course they have an optional rewards program for those of us who do that can be canceled at ANY time without penalties). There is NO yearly fees. You guys, we have a SAMs Club membership. $45/year. Over a year year time frame, we’ve paid $450 for the privilege to shop there and not really anything to show for it. With Young Living, you buy a premium starter kit, you have lifetime access to 24% off retail prices. That’s it. Not to mention the starter kits are the best bang for your buck. When I need to restock, that’s usually the route I go (hello, $400+ worth of product for $165 = smart)!

#4 Young Living Lifestyle

Young Living is about so much more than essential oils (although they have a HUGE collection and oils you can’t purchase anywhere else). Example: we started choosing products with non toxic ingredients. Building and supporting a healthy immune system is SUPER important! So I simply switched from buying the following at the store to purchasing them with my Young Living membership (ask me how I get 25% back in rewards):

• Cough drops and chest rub • Insect Repellent • Dental care (toothpaste, floss, mouthwash) • Natural deodorant • Nose rings! yep! – personal essential oil infused diffuser rings • Shampoo and conditioner • Clean makeup! Yep! EVERY thing you need! • The best skincare I’ve ever tried in my life • Supplements (Vitamin D, C, B and more!) • Baby products (wipes, lotion, wash, shampoo, diaper rash cream, etc.) • Pain cream • Sunscreen and After Sun Spray • C B D oil + C B D muscle rub • Household cleaner (plant based that we use on EVERY surface of our home) • Foaming hand soaps + bar soaps • Bath bombs, body wash, lotions • Hand sanitizer (that doesn’t burn and is so moisturizing) • Hormone support – I have NO issues at age 50 or for the last couple of years and I know it’s because of what I use. • Laundry and dishwashing soaps • Kids’ collection (pre-diluted essential oils) • Pet line! • Energy and anti-oxidants with Ningxia Red (love Ningxia Zyng for an afternoon pick me up too)

I could go on and on! I love that there is so much to choose from to create a beautiful safe environment for my family!

Get Started:

So, which kit are you going to go with? My recommendation: The Premium Oil Kit + Aria diffuser (it’s a gorgeous statement piece, ART!) with soothing sounds, glass dome, speaker (plug in your phone!), light options, and a remote!  The Desert Mist diffuser being a close second with great settings too (lights, candle flicker mode, 3-5-10 hour settings, automatic shutoff).  

And when you purchase one of the Premium Starter Kits using my referral #1836762 at YoungLiving.com HERE, I’ll invite you in to our circle of wellness inspired friends who will embrace you! I’ll plug you in to our beautiful Facebook communities. I’ll get my favorite educational resources to you so you have guidance. I am personally available to you as a mentor and friend. I even offer a special welcome bundle for DIYShowOff friends that varies month to month. This month: I’ll give you 10% back on your order and reimburse your standard shipping. OR if you’d prefer, we can chat and I’ll personalize your welcome bundle to suit your needs.

Wishing you well!

Stay COOL, HOT friends!

Use this same recipe with these oils to create a DIY outdoor spray! 

https://ift.tt/3iBZF44 Roeshel

[snowydawn17]

Thank you, and honestly having you as a friend helped me realize that lesson too. (One of the reasons I look up to you a bit!)

My problem then becomes that.... I don’t know what that other job could be? I’m halfway through an animation degree right now and I enjoy learning this stuff, but animation tends to be a full-time commitment if you aren’t freelancing, and from what I know of freelancing it isn’t exactly a job that supports you and gives you free time to explore other things. And I do want to learn and improve my art! I don’t want to drop out.

In the realm of like... retail/food service/etc, I live in the suburbs so 1) there’s not a lot of options and 2) I’m like. Really bad at them. I settle into routine easily but I don’t have a lot of stamina (and am prone to back pain) & my memory is garbage + I second guess myself a lot so even if I theoretically know how to do the thing I don’t trust myself to actually do it and have to keep asking for help even if I’m leagues past needing it.

The closest thing to a “job” I’ve had and enjoyed was managing the dessert table during a church event, which was honestly pretty fun! But I was in charge of prices and setting things on the table so they looked nice and keeping it stocked and it was just me running the table and i don’t think there’s like. An equivalent to that in an actual paid job. So... yeah.

I feel like I know the answer (I want to Write more than I want to Art) because my favorite class last semester was a writing class and I’m incredibly excited about applying to a writing minor and while I continue to get incredibly frustrated with my inability to meet the standards of my art classes I’ve drawn a solid mental line at getting mad at my writing (I can go on about how i suck at x y or z, but mid-breakdown I half snapped out of it because I thought about saying my writing was bad too and I had a solid “No.” response)

But idk what to do? With that? I don’t want to go to college for writing, at least I don’t think I do (learning how to write better & in different ways is cool but I don’t want like. English classes or an English major) and I also don’t want to drop out? I don’t want to quit just because I’m struggling but I’m also semi-confident that while I want to learn this I don’t think I really want a job in art

[laurabwrites]

MarsCon

Partner, Metamour, and I went to MarsCon last weekend, which is a little literary convention in Williamsburg, VA. I went to a few panels while Partner and Metamour spent most of their time in the board gaming room. It's a fun, chill convention. Since it's smaller (let's be honest, my benchmarks are Dragon*Con and GenCon — anything is going to seem small in comparison) there's less rushing to get across X hotels to go to the next panel which is really nice. The hotel we stayed at was less than a mile from the convention hotel which feels like short enough of a walk that I feel guilty when I drive between them, but gods damn, 10 or 11 at night in the middle of January is cold. So, you know, more driving than let's me pretend to be a decent environmentalist.

Friday

After we picked up our badges (yay pre-reg), we tootled around the dealers' room for a bit. I grabbed all three books in the Ancillary series by Ann Leckie:

I definitely paid a lot more than if I'd bought them on Amazon or something, since, you know, I paid actual list price. But they were there, I was thinking about it, and I finally just did it rather than continuing to let these books languish on my wishlist. They'll probably languish on my to-read pile now but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

I did reread Ancillary Justice in the evenings before bed at the con. Just have to finish up The Real and The Unreal at home before I let myself start Ancillary Sword. 

After the dealers' room we all went to a panel: What Makes a Good Narrator or DM?  It was fun and interesting. There was some good give-and-take and feedback before the Q&A got semi-hijacked by a kind of socially awkward teenager who didn't know how to ask his questions with telling the panel the whole story of his specific situation. And he wasn't very good at telling the story. I'm glad he could get some advice. I wish the questions could have been kept more general and relevant to more people without everyone having to individually extrapolate out from the specific question.

After the panel was dinner and then board games. For the life of me, I can't tell you what we played — that information apparently never made it into the long-term memory. But any rate, after a board game I went back to the hotel to get some sleep while Partner and Metamour played another and then went to Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Which apparently was a bust: technical issues plus incorrect assumptions. They thought it'd be in the tradition of Rocky Horror and have yelling at the screen. Instead it was just a watching party. Not bad, but not a desired activity at midnight.

Saturday

Actually did make it to the 10am panel I was aiming for: Economics of Self Publishing. First of all, I can't seem to sleep in so I was getting up at my usual time of 6am. Second of all, Partner and Metamour do not share this problem. So there I was typing away on my computer when Partner starts waking up. 

"What time is is?" 

Looks at clock. Well... damn. "9am." 

I made it anyway. 

The panel was pretty good. It was my second time at this particular panel (same moderator ran it at MarsCon 2016), so it mostly functioned (for me) as confirmation I'm doing everything the author's on the panel recommend. Best line of the panel of the panel was in response to the opening question of 'what does it cost to self-publish?' Answer: time, emotion, and pain. Second best: as much as you need it to.

After that, Metamour joined me at the panel on Genre Blending which was a lot of fun. Mostly thoughts on what works, why what doesn't doesn't, and talking about what's already out there. Of course, being me, I walked out with a recommendation for a book I do want to read (Vellum by Hal Duncan), a book I am going to read for the new podcast a friend is putting together where we tear apart why a book is bad and will regret reading immensely (Out of the Dark by David Weber), and an aesthetic I want to somehow write now: solar punk which was described as art deco/nouveau ecological sustainability.

If someone would like to draw that or point me at artists who already do, please please let me know in the comments.

After the panel was lunch (hurray ConSuite!) and then a Star Wars:Edge of the Empire game with a friend who found out MarsCon was happening that morning and decided to drive up for the day. Yay living within an hour's drive? Any rate, I'm finding that I like the Star Wars stupid custom dice for the variety in outcomes they could produce (... got a few single success plus two disadvantages rolls) but the Star Wars universe is not one I'm particularly interested in playing in for an RPG. Nice to visit for the length of a movie. But not play in for extended periods. 

Two things from that game: 1) my (male) friend played a female Rodian while I played a male Rodian. Nobody at the table, including the two of us, could get character genders right. argh. 2) the other player at the table had a well timed "Master, shall I attack the darkness?" that was completely in character. Play stopped for a few minutes while Friend poked me to keep breathing, I was laughing so hard. :D

After RPGs was a spin around the art show and more board gaming, where I played Cosmic Encounters for the first time. Lost, not horribly, but man, the ending to that game. A little bit like Munchkin where everyone is trying to throw everything they have at stopping whoever is in the lead until everyone runs out of things to stop other people with and someone grabs the prize. I mean, I'd play again, I think there's strategy and interesting things to do. But that particular game end felt a bit grindy.

Sunday

Sunday had one last panel for me: Indie Publishing: Getting Known. This wasn't all that useful for me. I've got that I should have a blog and twitter and stuff in order to connect with people. But like how do I drive more people like you, dear reader, to the blog or catch people's attention to come check me out? I guess I need a marketing class or guru or something to get that answered. Meanwhile, I'll keep on keeping on with this blog and hope for steady organic growth.

Last thing we (Partner, Metamour, and I) did at the convention was play T.I.M.E. Stories with a friend we only know from and see at MarsCon. So, TIME Stories is, to my mind, an RPG campaign in a box. You're time travelers jumping between bodies in the past to try and figure out how to fix something gone wrong in the time stream. There's a time limit and no way to figure everything out in that time limit. So you jump back and do the loop all over again. And again. Until you figure out where what you need is and can, essentially, do a speed run through the time loop. I felt like each loop could be it's own weekly gaming session, except maybe the last speed run one. I think we played that game for... five hours? and I was mentally fried from taxing my brain at the end of it. Lots of fun! Have to buy new stories/expansions to go with the core game in order to have replay-ability. And yet, I'd like to own it/play it again. 

All in all, a fun MarsCon trip!

[markssailingthecrisscolfership]

Easy DIY Summer Cooling Spray Recipe & Tutorial

It is HOT out there! Our local forecast promises a HOT and humid week. No worries! I’m going to share my favorite way to keep cool and chill out with an easy DIY cooling spray.

Reasons you need to make cooling spray this NOW for you and your family members.

• It’s hot outside! As a result, you might be feeling over-heated. • If you’re hot, you’re sweating. Yuck. Doesn’t hurt to spritz on some good smelling lavender and peppermint! lol • If you’re overheated, chances are – you’re cranky. A ‘lil lavender for calming is going to help!

DIY Keep Cool / Chill Out Spray

Supplies I use:

I included some affiliate links.

• 2 oz. amber glass spray bottle (or adjust recipe according to the size spray bottle you have on hand)

• Witch hazel

• Distilled water • Peppermint essential oil* • Lavender essential oil*

* I only use and recommend Young Living essential oils! Quality matters!

What I do:

I fill the bottle half way with witch hazel, then the rest of the way with distilled water (to where the bottle starts to curve, NOT to the bottle neck or completely full, leave room for essential oils. I then add 4 drops each of Lavender and Peppermint. No worries if you get an extra drop or two, no worries if you’re running low and only have 3 drops. The nice thing about DIY is you control the strength and can alter the recipe as needed.

Lavender Essential Oil

The Swiss army knife of essential oils! SO many amazing benefits! Off the top of my head – supporting healthy skin, so a good choice for a body spray. AND as most of us know…relaxing and calming. So hot = cranky pants, add lavender = CHILL (CALM).

Peppermint Essential Oil

Another good one with so many benefits. It supports a healthy digestive system, soothing after exercise (dilute and apply topically), etc. But one other benefit is … it’s COOLING! For all things that cause me to overheat, I keep this bottle handy. Peppermint = CHILL (COOLING).

Tip:

It is not necessary at all, but I store it in the refrigerator to give it an extra cooling boost!

Easy to grab and go, throw it in your purse or backpack. Having a cookout or going on a picnic in the park? Toss it in the cooler.

How I use it:

Shake and spritz myself, then spray the back of my neck.

Head’s Up:

Avoid your eyes! Peppermint stings! IF you do get it in your eyes, grab some coconut or a carrier oil, some fatty liquid and flush. Water will not help.

When I use it:

When temps are up, summer heat! Outdoor events, going to the park, going on a walk, run or hike, doing yard work, working outdoors, when air conditioning isn’t available or isn’t working, when the power is out and the a/c and fans aren’t an option, picnics/BBQs, at the pool.

IGTV

It WORKS! When I made this video, I spritzed myself then had to adjust the a/c. I was cold! Brrr!

Watch the tutorial on IGTV HERE!

Not a member of Young Living yet?

You guys! I know you’ve heard of essential oils by now. Maybe it feels overwhelming? Sounds expensive? Whatever your reason, I’d love to answer your questions and address your concerns.

#1 Quality:

It does matter and Young Living has a 25+ year history and is the pioneer of bringing back and raising awareness for using essential oils. Check out the Seed to Seal guarantee and pillars.

#2 Where you get them matters.

Maybe you’ve had a bad experience with MLMs, therefore maybe you feel that going to the store is a better option because you steer clear of network marketing “scams”. Well, with a 25+ year history and the fact that scams are illegal, Young Living doesn’t fit that description at all. And you wouldn’t avoid your friend who waitresses at your favorite restaurant, right? Of course not. You’d want to be seated in her section, tip her extra and show your support. Same thing! PLUS! When you connect with a friend who’s passionate about Young Living, you’re going to have access to an amazing community of thousands who love and use the products and share their real life experiences as well as educational resources to empower you to actually know how and why you would use the products. You have a friend to hold your hand as much or as little as you want to make the whole ‘healthy lifestyle’ less overwhelming!

#3 Membership

Purchasing a Young Living Premium Starter Kit is NOT agreeing to selling anything. It’s there floating in the background as an option of your membership but completely your call. No pressure, no obligations. It’s NOT agreeing to purchasing regularly or ever again (of course they have an optional rewards program for those of us who do that can be canceled at ANY time without penalties). There is NO yearly fees. You guys, we have a SAMs Club membership. $45/year. Over a year year time frame, we’ve paid $450 for the privilege to shop there and not really anything to show for it. With Young Living, you buy a premium starter kit, you have lifetime access to 24% off retail prices. That’s it. Not to mention the starter kits are the best bang for your buck. When I need to restock, that’s usually the route I go (hello, $400+ worth of product for $165 = smart)!

#4 Young Living Lifestyle

Young Living is about so much more than essential oils (although they have a HUGE collection and oils you can’t purchase anywhere else). Example: we started choosing products with non toxic ingredients. Building and supporting a healthy immune system is SUPER important! So I simply switched from buying the following at the store to purchasing them with my Young Living membership (ask me how I get 25% back in rewards):

• Cough drops and chest rub • Insect Repellent • Dental care (toothpaste, floss, mouthwash) • Natural deodorant • Nose rings! yep! – personal essential oil infused diffuser rings • Shampoo and conditioner • Clean makeup! Yep! EVERY thing you need! • The best skincare I’ve ever tried in my life • Supplements (Vitamin D, C, B and more!) • Baby products (wipes, lotion, wash, shampoo, diaper rash cream, etc.) • Pain cream • Sunscreen and After Sun Spray • C B D oil + C B D muscle rub • Household cleaner (plant based that we use on EVERY surface of our home) • Foaming hand soaps + bar soaps • Bath bombs, body wash, lotions • Hand sanitizer (that doesn’t burn and is so moisturizing) • Hormone support – I have NO issues at age 50 or for the last couple of years and I know it’s because of what I use. • Laundry and dishwashing soaps • Kids’ collection (pre-diluted essential oils) • Pet line! • Energy and anti-oxidants with Ningxia Red (love Ningxia Zyng for an afternoon pick me up too)

I could go on and on! I love that there is so much to choose from to create a beautiful safe environment for my family!

Get Started:

So, which kit are you going to go with? My recommendation: The Premium Oil Kit + Aria diffuser (it’s a gorgeous statement piece, ART!) with soothing sounds, glass dome, speaker (plug in your phone!), light options, and a remote!  The Desert Mist diffuser being a close second with great settings too (lights, candle flicker mode, 3-5-10 hour settings, automatic shutoff).  

And when you purchase one of the Premium Starter Kits using my referral #1836762 at YoungLiving.com HERE, I’ll invite you in to our circle of wellness inspired friends who will embrace you! I’ll plug you in to our beautiful Facebook communities. I’ll get my favorite educational resources to you so you have guidance. I am personally available to you as a mentor and friend. I even offer a special welcome bundle for DIYShowOff friends that varies month to month. This month: I’ll give you 10% back on your order and reimburse your standard shipping. OR if you’d prefer, we can chat and I’ll personalize your welcome bundle to suit your needs.

Wishing you well!

Stay COOL, HOT friends!

Use this same recipe with these oils to create a DIY outdoor spray! 

from https://ift.tt/2AG3zb6

[lawrenceremodel]

Nas Denies Kelis Abuse Allegations While Pleading 'We Should Be Better Examples' for Son Knight

Some five months after his ex wife Kelis accused him of mental and physical abuse in an in-depth interview with Hollywood Unlocked, Nas is telling his side of the story.

On Thursday, the rapper, 44, shared a series of seven plain black Instagram posts with lengthy captions that explain his relationship with the “Milkshake” singer, 39 — especially in relation to the child they share, a boy named Knight Jones, born in July 2009.

“PART 1. The Price I Pay To See My Son,” he began before explaining that “a call from Essence about wife doing another sad fictitious story” prompted him to speak out.

View this post on Instagram

PART 1. The Price i Pay To See My Son. And apologies in advance for the typos as I am speaking from the heart as a man who has had enough. Today i got a call from essence about my ex wife doing another sad fictitious story. Nothing surprises me anymore, including this. This is what your life has come to sis? Exploiting some people’s Real struggle and pain…just to get at me….to get attention ? Fame? Another fight against men? We are a human family and we should be better examples for our son. Why is there even a issue for me to have time with my son. A son needs his father. So many absentee fathers out here and here i am being attacked by your accusations simply because i got us in court to help fix this the custody matter? Why did i have to take you to court to see our son? Why when i win the joint custody ( which is a win for both of us and our son, it helps us with both our schedules) why do you feel thats an attack on you? Is it control ? Why do you need to have control over my life? because we’re not together? Then why? Is this being rewarded and praised by people who are being taken advantage of by you and your lies? To all separated couples out there who are cordial and co parent nicely GOOD FOR YOU. I wish that was me. I’m the most chill cool parent there is. Who has time to argue ? About what? It’s about our little guy. You haven’t had to deal with what I’ve been dealing with. Trust me. I’m a mild mannered god fearing very fair human being who tries his hardest to please everyone. It’s my nature. I’ve seen this too many times before And there was times i thought Kelis my ex wife was not this type. This is the type of antics that deceive people and people mistakenly call it strong. Seems I always had more belief in you than you do for yourself. I instilled strength in my daughter who you were already so jealous of and treated poorly. Being jealous & verbally abusive to a Little girl.

A post shared by Nasir Jones (@nas) on Sep 6, 2018 at 4:54pm PDT

//www.instagram.com/embed.js

View this post on Instagram

PART 2. In life you have to work hard to be successful, not try to tear someone down for that’s the most coward way. Women are the essence of life. I cherish them. My strength is given to me from my mother. I am everything she taught me to be. I was raised in a single home by a single woman. I am a very proud black man. I shouldn’t have ignored the signs from your your first song and video I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. But I thought you was beautiful. You came into my life at a time i was grieving from my moms passing. You was a friend. Because of that i wanted to marry you. And i did. And we had a big lavish wedding. Overall there was too many good times. I have to say i wasn’t the most faithful husband. I was immature. I’m sorry about that. But you bumped your own head sis. Why do i have to live thru a constant divorce? It didn’t work out. Life goes on. I’m not coming back to you. Your married and im happy for you and I’m a extremely happy black brother out here trying to make a difference for my kids and the next generation of young people who see me as huge inspiration in music, art,business, education and so on. After 10 years of keeping my silence during a decade of dealing with very hostile behavior and verbal abuse and even your stepfather holding you back from one of your physical violent Attacks on me right outside your house THIS YEAR while trying to pick up our son while he watched from the window, it was my weekend and you denied me that because your parents were in town. I just went home. This has been my life for my son’s entire life. Even our son wonders why you treat me the way you do?

A post shared by Nasir Jones (@nas) on Sep 6, 2018 at 4:55pm PDT

//www.instagram.com/embed.js

He continues, “Nothing surprises me anymore, including this … We are a human family and we should be better examples for our son. Why is there even a issue for me to have time with my son. A son needs his father.”

View this post on Instagram

PART 3. There’s some seriously crazy things i won’t i disclose for our son’s sake. Because you keep my son from me ive been going thru lawyers to stop you from this bullshit I’m tired of it. I’m tired of you painting a bad picture of me. I’ve been tired of it but you never seem to get tired. I even had to be in a relationship with you AGAIN after we separated just so i could see my son & I AM JUST TIRED. Back then you asked me why didn’t i stop the divorce from happening. I tried! We are too different. Some things aren’t meant to be. We were meant to be so that we could have our son. Nothing more. You didn’t like that. I prayed for your peace of mind for years because of your uneasy soul. I still do. I guess some things take time. You definitely don’t know me now and probably never knew me. You make up this image of me that’s not true but it’s funny because it’s really you describing yourself. You made up stories about me and claimed i did things that YOU DID. I hate all this, but you were a very jealous wife, and i had to deal with that and that’s the worst feeling. How much heat i had to take from producers, writers, music attorneys and record execs etc who felt your mean spirited wrath and dropped you from labels, from startrack to them all. I stopped talking to jungle & steve stoute because of you & almost lost Anthony because of you.

A post shared by Nasir Jones (@nas) on Sep 6, 2018 at 4:58pm PDT

//www.instagram.com/embed.js

View this post on Instagram

PART 4. You used to turn my phone off so my professionals couldn’t reach me and take the battery. You insulted any and everyone whoever was around me. Not a single person in my life loved or could even stand you. Luckily for you our assistants all signed NDA’s or you would have a list of men and women who would happily talk about how verbally abusive and evil you are. Your self saboteur ways has caused you your grief your dealing with. Not me. The altercations you speak of are no more different from what most normal couples go thru, but your exaggerated version is UNJUST. Whenever one is constantly attacked the instinct is to restrain that person or defend yourself to prevent escalation. In hindsight now my advice to young men out there in a situation like that is to RUN at the very first sign of verbal abuse or physical. I herd you said terrible things about me. It makes me feel sad how heartless you can be. You play with strong women’s struggles like they mean nothing. You’re taking advantage of a moment in time where women who are fighting for their lives to get justice and be treated fairly & you just looked at it as an opportunity to get ahead. Like abuse is a game? Like tearing down your son’s father is a game. You have a son! Why are you still competing with me by telling him bad things about me. Guess what sis, he has eyes and ears and smart as ever. i don’t have to say anything. I think he knows what’s really good. You will NOT stop me from fighting for my son. You tell him GOD doesn’t love his dad because his dad doesn’t goto church.

A post shared by Nasir Jones (@nas) on Sep 6, 2018 at 4:59pm PDT

//www.instagram.com/embed.js

In the next installment, Nas discussed his view of women and the beginning of his relationship with Kelis, writing, “I was raised in a single home by a single woman. I am a very proud black man. I shouldn’t have ignored the signs from your first song and video I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. But I thought you was beautiful. You came into my life at a time i was grieving from my moms passing. You was a friend. Because of that i wanted to marry you. And i did.”

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PART 5. Didn’t want to bring up money but since that’s the fuel behind all of this Let me say that I gave you the tools to be successful after you was dropped from your label. I paid for your cooking school cordon blue. The expensive yellow stove we had flown in from Europe. I helped pay for the remodeling of your house. Your assistant stole thousands from my cc according to Amex. Out of all people you should be completely understanding of my my grind. But you just can’t win with you. My schedule is CRAZY but you never help me see my son. I’m hardly allowed to talk to him on the phone. Ever. My lawyer told me bring the cops to your house and show my court orders when you don’t let me get him or answer your phone but who besides you wants to show their kids that his parents are that out of control? I’ve been going thru lawyers to stop you from this bullshit for years. I finally got our custody together to work with both our schedule thru court, while leaving court you tell me your gonna get me back for fighting to see my son and 3 weeks later you’re on camera doing an interview about “your truth”. Interesting timing. Do what you want just don’t violate another court order sis because the judge won’t like that at all. The judge already ordered you to pay my legal fees because he was tired of you wasting everyone’s time in court. No lawyer wants to represent you after what you put them thru. That’s why you texted me today asking me for more child support money-and you want to keep it out court. You will NOT stop me from fighting for my son. Remember GOD sees all. And I’m no longer allowing you to take advantage of the fact that I did not want to respond in a manner that could affect my kids , friends or family publicly. THAT ENDS TODAY.

A post shared by Nasir Jones (@nas) on Sep 6, 2018 at 5:06pm PDT

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PART 6. Everything with her is a plot and a scheme. Has no merit. No foundation I didn’t Wana speak up because i have real respect for our women. And definitely my son. I do not beat women. I did not beat up my ex wife. Stop. You got beat up in court. How much money do you want? Do you want me to relinquish my rights to see my son is that what you want? Just tell me. After all the tweets and posts you made thru the years disrespecting me and my family I still have love for you as the mother of my child BUT I am done with this. This game ends now and GOD will be the judger of all this. And although you tell everyone GOD hates me (some Christian you are) I will survive and thrive from this moment because I know who I am & you have not a clue who you are.

A post shared by Nasir Jones (@nas) on Sep 6, 2018 at 5:07pm PDT

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Nas continued, taking shots at Kelis’ character: “You insulted any and everyone whoever was around me. Not a single person in my life loved or could even stand you. Luckily for you our assistants all signed NDA’s or you would have a list of men and women who would happily talk about how verbally abusive and evil you are.”

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PART 7. And to all the fans that knew my silence was due to the fact that I don’t openly do this kind of petty shit… I appreciate you riding. And to those that were lead down a wrong path… I get it… very sensitive times and all things must be taken seriously. This is MY TRUTH. And I don’t care what else she has left to say unless it concerns our son. This is the first and last time I’m addressing this. Despite all of this I still hope for the best for her because whats best for her is what’s best for Knight. Love, NASIR BIN OLU DARA JONES

A post shared by Nasir Jones (@nas) on Sep 6, 2018 at 5:10pm PDT

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Then, the “I Can” hitmaker addressed the custody arrangement he and Kelis reached in March and the Hollywood Unlocked interview: “I finally got our custody together to work with both our schedule thru court, while leaving court you tell me your gonna get me back for fighting to see my son and 3 weeks later you’re on camera doing an interview about ‘your truth’. Interesting timing.” He also urged her not to “violate another court order.”

RELATED: Victoria Beckham Slams Divorce Rumors as She Poses with Husband David: ‘We’re Stronger Together’

In part six of seven, Nas explicitly denied the abuse allegations: “I do not beat women. I did not beat up my ex wife. Stop. You got beat up in court. How much money do you want? Do you want me to relinquish my rights to see my son is that what you want? Just tell me.”

And to conclude, the rapper explained that he had stayed silent for so long because he doesn’t “do this kind of petty s—” adding, “This is MY TRUTH. And I don’t care what else she has left to say unless it concerns our son. This is the first and last time I’m addressing this. Despite all of this I still hope for the best for her because whats best for her is what’s best for Knight.”

RELATED: Kelis Lists $1.9 Million L.A. Home and Announces ‘We’re Buying a Farm’

Nas and Kelis divorced in 2010 but did not reach a custody agreement regarding Knight until March of this year. According to TMZ, they have also been battling over the amount of child support Nas should pay. Kelis is also mother to Shepherd Mora, born in November 2015. She is married to Mike Mora.

This past April marks the first time Kelis spoke out about her relationship with Nas, calling it a “really dark” time in her life. “There was a lot of drinking. There was a lot of mental and physical abuse,” she recalled. “I probably would have stayed longer had I not been pregnant because I really did love him and because we were married. We weren’t dating, we were married. Like, this was my person.”

RELATED: Kelis Accuses Ex Nas of ‘Mental and Physical Abuse’ During 5-Year Marriage: ‘It Was Really Dark’

She continued, “I’ve waited nine years to say anything. I have never talked about this man, ever. The amount of airing out that I could do, and I’ve chosen not to … Our kids will find out. They’re finding out now. I’ve never painted myself as a saint. Did he hit me? Mmhm. Did I hit him back? Mmhm.”

from DIYS https://ift.tt/2NVDOox

[atypical60]

Yes I did!  And I’m gonna tell you all about that stuff I got!!

Yes I did.  But I paid mostly with cash!

I got another eyeshadow duo.  This one I purposely bought because I decided that I would make myself a “makeup bag” for work. (Which, by the way as I write this, I have not done) Now—I normally don’t do touch ups during the day but because I’m at the computer all day my eye makeup can sometimes get a bit wonky because I’ll rub my eyes without thinking.

I’m really hung up on the MAC eyeshadow refills. I need to stop this obsession!

It could be a good idea to perhaps do a bit of an eye touch up if I run errands after work. Know what I mean?

Anyway, I ordered Patina, a slightly shimmery neutral and, naturally, Quarry—my go-to shadow shade.

Patina on the right. It goes on so lightly that it looks like your eyes are shaded. And Quarry on the left is more of a taupe than the lavander hue the photo took on!

But I was really excited about the lip pencil that I ordered.  Half Red by Mac.  One of my favorite YouTube Beauty Gurus, Aly Art, loves this and her lips always look so beautiful so I decided to try it.

Half Red in the box….

Let me tell you something. I’m thrilled that I did.  I feel as though the purchase was an epiphany.  I don’t like a lipstick that feels “heavy” and some matte lipsticks have a texture that makes them feel dry and heavy on the mouth.  And I want staying power because during the day, I do not want to be constantly applying lip gloss or lipstick.  And if you use a lipstick/gloss that’s a bit on the more “colorful” side and not a neutral, as the color wears off it looks a bit “off”.

The one concern, though was that a pencil needs to be sharpened.  And my luck with pencil sharpeners isn’t exactly great.  Regardless, I still bit the bullet and bought it.

Half Red is a truly neutral type of red. It just blends into the natural lip so well!

And I couldn’t be any happier.  This goes on the lips so nicely.  I did prep by exfoliating my lips and adding a bit of concealer to tone down the natural pigmentation in my lips.  Then—I went to town!

Me, wearing Half Red to the office this week.  What the heck. I’m changing this to A+ anyway!

Overall, I have to give this an A.  I think as I get more used to wearing this, it will reach A+ status. But I’m relatively new to using a lip pencil as lipstick so we’ll see.

Mascara.  Yes. I did.  I bought another mascara. I couldn’t help it. I’ve been fondly reminiscing about the Bourgeois mascara that Oona and I loved back during her Irish Dance days.  The mascara was two-fold.  A white primer at one end and mascara at the other.  It was great.  Made the lashes long and lush and there was not one con about the product.

False advertising on the package.  My lashes did NOT look like the lashes on the package–but this does a very decent job with making the lashes look lovely!

When I saw this Voluminous Super Star mascara from L’Oréal, I dug deep into my wallet and made the buy.  I’ll say, this isn’t bad. It isn’t bad at all.  It isn’t perfect either.  The primer is good is coats the lashes evenly but, there isn’t a lot of actual product in the tube. That’s annoying to me.  I can imagine that the mascara end of the tube will outlast the primer.  The mascara isn’t bad either.  The wand is a good one because there’s decent separation and the bristles are a great size. Not too thick and not too thin. It reminds me of the old “The Falsies” by Maybelline wand before Maybelline changed the formula and packaging that now basically stink.

Primer on the left, mascara on the right.  The wands are very good ones.  My issue is that L’Oreal is stingy on the primer!

My only complaint about the mascara is that I wish it made the lashes a bit thicker.  It gives a nice length but I like a slightly clumpy look. and there wasn’t a good amount of lash primer!

Just in case you get confused, the primer is number 1 and the mascara number 2!

Overall, this gets a B+ to an A- simply because the primer end of the tube is stingy.

Eyelash Curler.  I had an eyelash curler that came with a little replacement rubber.  I had that little replacement rubber for about two years. And when I needed to replace the rubber that was in my eyelash curler—the replacement disappeared.  God knows where it went—it most likely either ended up where the odd socks from the dryer go or Chippy ate it.  And I never bothered to replace the eyelash curler or buy replacement rubbers.

So, while at Dollar Tree last Sunday, I spotted an eyelash curler and figured all they are worth is a buck anyway.  And I’ll be honest.  Don’t waste the buck on a dollar eyelash curler.  The size is weird—because it doesn’t “grab” the lashes the way the other lash curlers do.  But—for a buck, it’s worth it to keep in my travel case.  If you are at Dollar Tree or any other Dollar store, pass on this. Please.

This eyelash curler isn’t worth the dolla spent. In fact, notice that on my hand is a paper towel. That’s because I accidently stabbed my finger with the scissor that I opened the packaging with and bled for a half hour!  Ok–15 minutes.  Alright already–a good three minutes!

I also picked up a two-part cosmetic case.  This is actually a very good thing for me.  My lip products can go in the smaller case. I’m a lipstick/gloss slob and the glop gets everywhere.  By putting them in a separate case helps to keep things clean!

For a buck, I should have picked up a couple more of these to throw into various tote bags. I’m not big on expensive makeup/cosmetic bags because within six months (ok–make that a month for me) they get filthy inside.  These work for me. And I’ve yet to fill them with cosmetics..

I did pick up and placed in the larger bag this little mirror/brush combo.  I can use the brush for my wigs because the bristles are plastic and synthetic-wig friendly!

Who can pass up a pair of dollar flip flops?  Not I!!!  One pair can be kept in the car and one at the office for those days when the heels start to bother my dawgs!  A very handy item of footwear, I must say!

The flip flops with the anchors are right up my alley.  The white ones are July Fourth specials!

Now. Since we were at the beach on Saturday, and I got a bit of sun on my face, I decided to rummage through my old makeup case to see if there was any face tanning product that I could use as foundation.  I came across a sample of Tarte’s Brazilliance.  I don’t even know if it’s a face product because the printing on the sample tube was too small but I put it on my face anyway.

Well..the tube states this is a self-tanner but it washed right off at the end of the day!

Here’s how it  rolled!

The Tarte Brazilliance is a gel.  And it’s dark. Real dark. But when you apply it to your face, it blends.  And it blends so well that it ends up giving just a hint of color. This is a great product to use after you’ve gotten a decent color on your face from the sun or if you tan easily.  It isn’t hydrating nor is it dry-it just is what it is.  If I had a great tan, I would purchase this as an extra.  But due to the fact that I just turn red, I need something that’ll make me look slightly tanner… For those who tan easily and want a bit extra, I give this an A. For those like me who get red. It’s a B because despite the dark color of the gel, it could go on a bit darker.

This is how Brazilliance looks straight outta the tube. It’s dark!

But here’s how it looked on my face. Not bad but could be darker!

Albolene.  OK. Last night we went out to celebrate Bonaparte’s birthday (I’ll be writing a post later this week), when we arrived home and I went to remove my makeup, I realized that there was nothing left in the jar of Albolene that I have.  It didn’t surprise me either; in fact, I was pissed at myself for not searching enough for it.  I went to Walmart during the week but there was none to be had.  I did something so awful.  I ended up going to bed with my makeup on.

This was the empty jar last night.  I use a ton of this due to the amount of mascara that I plop on my lashes. For me to go to bed without removing my makeup is atrocious–but I did!

It all came out in the shower this morning!  So, earlier this afternoon I drove to Rite-Aid because I know the store sells it.  After searching through the shelves for five long minutes, I spotted it on the bottom shelf.  It pained me to shell out $13 bucks for it—I could have ordered it cheaper from Amazon but I needed it NOW!   After I write this post I’m heading to my Amazon store and ordering a backup.  This is, hands down, the best makeup remover ever and I’ve been using it for years and years and years.  It’s an A+++++ product!!

It just about killed me to spend over $13 (with tax) on this but I needed it so badly.  This is lard for the face. It moisturizes and cleanses and is THE BEST MAKEUP REMOVER OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!  I’m heading over to Amazon to price check after I write this post! Meet me at my store!

Last of all, I ordered another duplicate Goyard-inspired tote from Amazon.  Amazon sent me a rewards card and I used it to order the tote.  And a sincere thank you to all who have ordered from my Amazon store because I would not have received the card if it were not for you.  Seriously.  I’m filled with gratitude because, as you know, Like to Know It refused me four times but Amazon has taken me on and I’m thrilled.  I’ve started to monetize which inspires me—so again.  Thank you!!!

My “replica” tote.  My sister paid over a hundred bucks for this on the streets of NYC and my niece has the real thing.  Not much of a difference at all!!

Anyway, this tote is an all-around great item.  My step daughter ordered one and loves it. I think she uses it as a beach tote.  It’s totes ma goats!!

The humidity has crept up and I don’t care because I can just plop a wig on my head!  I’m telling you, the beauty of wigs is that you don’t get a bad hair day in the summer! I received my third Violet this past week in the mail. I paid a deep discount on Wigoutlet.com.  I freaking love this wig by Estetica Designs!

Violet’s looking mighty fine, she is!!!  

More items have been added to my idea list:  Let’s Make Up.  Have a looksee and I filmed a Sunday Chat video on my YouTube channel this morning.

Please enjoy my little chat and let me know what you think of the cosmetics packaging that I rant about!

I Got Some New “Stuff” Yes I did!  And I'm gonna tell you all about that stuff I got!! Yes I did.