#for the record the first one is lai's and the 2nd one is mine

[leftneb]

in light of the DTS S7 teaser finally going up on yt I'd like to share the bingo cards my partner (@lailau7904) and I made over the winter break. guaranteed we'll get about 37 aneurysms watching the season (Lando stan moment) but at least it'll be fun :3

+ a blank and the list we compiled for anyone feeling inspired (please share we'd love to see other people's delusions as well)

[etes-secrecy-post]

Hi, before I explain my post, I want to say something important.

• What you see my blog has become a major overhaul. And despite the changes, I decided that my 2nd account will be now my artwork blog with a secret twist.

⚠️NEW RULE! (W/ BIGGER TEXT!)⚠️

⚠️ SO PLEASE DO NOT SHARE MY 2nd ACCOUNT TO EVERYONE! THIS SECRECY BLOG OF MINE IS FOR CLOSES FRIENDS ONLY!⚠️

• AND FOR MY CLOSES FRIENDS, DON’T REBLOG IT. INSTEAD, JUST COPY MY LINK AND PASTE IT ON YOUR TUMBLR POST! JUST BE SURE THE IMAGE WILL BE REMOVED AND THE ONLY LEFT WAS THE TEXT.

⚠️ SHARING LINKS, LIKE POSTS, REBLOG POSTS, STEALING MY SNAPSHOT PHOTOS/RECORDED VIDEOS/ARTWORKS (a.k.a. ART THIEVES) OR PLAGIARIZING FROM UNKNOWN TUMBLR STRANGERS WILL IMMEDIATELY BE BLOCKED, RIGHT AWAY!⚠️

😡 WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT EVER LIKED & REBLOG MY SECRET POST! THIS IS FOR MY SECRET FRIENDS ONLY, NOT YOU! 😡

Okay? Capiche? Make sense? Good, now back to the post…↓

No #OnThisDay throwback post, only exclusive for super secret blog(s) albeit re-post. Instead, I have this!

Title: Cuteness Girl Member - Chick-Sara

Hello, April! 🎗️🧩 Here's my "Secret Art Trade" for my good 'ol G-Pal, rafacaz4lisam2k4. 🇬🇹🙂

• I'm still thinking about Ricky's (another rafacaz4lisam2k4's HTF OC) first "Cuteness Mecha Armor", soon. But, in the mean time, let's meet "Chick-Sara" 🐤🐿️, an adorable chipmunk HTF OC (owned by his) in chick's clothing. And by that, I meant the yellow baby chicken (not a female slang word 🙄😒). I was gonna give her a Zeon's armored "Zaku" series ❌, but look how innocent she is that she deserves a Federation's armored "GM" ✔️, instead; "GM II" to be specific. 🤖🙂

BTW: Don't worry, though, there will be more members that will fitted in Zeon's armored Zaku for the selected "Cuteness Members", someday to make balance out. 😉

GM II Chick-Sara Based on the: RMS-179 GM II [CLICK ME!]

Armament(s):

60mm Vulcan Gun • A pair of shell-firing armament built into the helmet. Low offensive power, only used to restrict enemy movement, and lay down a wall of suppressive fire due to their rapid fire capability.

Beam Saber • The beam saber is a small device held in the armor's hands when deployed and is powered by a rechargeable energy capacitor. It emits high-energy Minovsky particles to form a blade-shaped I-field (via manipulation of electromagnetic fields), and then fills this I-field shell with superheated Minovsky particle plasma to produce an effective cutting blade. Like the GM, the GM II has one beam saber stored on its backpack, but features an improved blade generator unit.

BOWA·BR-S-85-C2 Beam Rifle • A portable firearm that shoots out mega particles beams. It has a power rating of 1.9 MW and is powered by a built-in energy CAP system.

BLASH HB-L-07/N-STD Hyper Bazooka • An improved model of the HB-L-03/N-STD Hyper Bazooka with added targeting sensors, increasing its accuracy. The magazine has also been changed to be completely sealed/airtight, and this not only makes exchanging magazine easier, but also protects against debris intrusion, accidental explosion due to being hit, etc. Additionally, no special attention needs to be paid to the weapon during operation as the rigidity of the rib section connecting the carrying handle to the bazooka's rear has been enhanced.

HWF GMG·MG79-90mm Bullpup Machine • The bullpup machine gun was a system weapon developed as a Space/Ground dual-use projectile weapon. Though compact, it has sufficient anti-MS firepower while maintaining accuracy. Its muzzle velocity is increased due to the use of new gunpowder and this enables it to easily penetrate the armor of Zeon's. A box-like sensor system incorporating a video camera and laser sensor is installed at the top, and when this system is used alongside the GM II's targeting system, target acquisition capability is enhanced.

HFW-GR·MR82 90mm GM Rifle • A portable, mobile suit-use 90mm rifle built based on the 'system weapon' structure, its effective range and accuracy is superior to the HWF GMG·MG79-90mm machine gun. With the extended barrel, the GM Rifle sees a 15% increase in muzzle velocity, leading to increased armor penetration capability. Additionally, a newly developed caseless cartridge allows for a lightened ammunition load.

YHI YF-MG100 100mm Machine Gun • First utilized by Federation's armor ground forces during the One Year War, its use became less common after the war as the Federation switched to 90mm caliber weaponry. Equipped with a box magazine and folding stock, it has excellent rate of fire and is easy to wield. It utilized a smoothbore type barrel that lacked rifling and has to be replaced after firing 3000 rounds. The weapon could utilize three different types of ammunition: HEAT (High Explosive Anti Tank), APFSDS (Armor-Piercing Fin-Stabilized Discarding-Sabot), and HESH (High Explosive Squash Head), allowing combat units to select the appropriate type to meet operational needs.

Bazooka • A portable, physical projectile-type firearm, this general purpose bazooka was used by the armored Jegan and other Earth Federation Forces' armors. A spare ammunition cartridge is mounted in front of the bazooka's grip, and the weapon is compatible with various types of warhead. Despite the relatively slow speed of the bazooka's projectiles, they have sufficient destructive power to deal critical damages to an armor.

M-120A1 120mm Machine Gun • The same portable firearm used by the Zaku II. It can switch between semi-automatic and automatic fire. Although useless against Luna Titanium Alloy, it can still destroy weaker armor material with multiple shots. It fires 120mm caliber rounds that are stored in a 100-rounds drum magazine.

Harpoon Gun • A projectile weapon designed for amphibious combat. The harpoon gun fires four harpoons one by one in a rotary manner similar to a revolver. The tip of each harpoon is loaded with explosives that detonate once the projectile has penetrated the enemy's armor.

YHI ERRL-TYPE.Doc-04/380mm Rocket Launcher • A portable large rocket launcher meant for armor, it is independently developed by Yashima Heavy Industries for use specifically in 1G environment. Also known as Hyper Bazooka (Ground Type), it has a very versatile design with features that include targeting sensors, etc. It uses a banana-shaped magazine and has a short barrel to facilitate its use in jungle/forested areas. This weapon can utilize a number of different munitions including warheads that deploy stabilizing fins after launch, and this shows that its design took many references from human-sized ground weaponry used in older eras.

YHI YF-RC180 Railcannon • A weapon that uses electromagnetic forces, rather than gunpowder, to fire solid projectiles at very high velocities. Manufactured by Yashima Heavy Industries. This equipment was developed in consideration of the problems that the early beam weapons had decreased power due to attenuation in the atmosphere, and the basic structure is diverted from a battleship's main gun. It was first used by the armor (RGM-79F) Land Combat Type GM.

170mm Cannon • A successor to the 180mm Cannon developed during the early stages of the One Year War. Although the caliber of the shell was reduced to improve handling, its range and power have been increased. The cannon's trigger grip is mounted at the top surface, and a foregrip can be used to stabilize the weapon when in use. Like the 180mm cannon, the 170mm cannon was fed by a magazine: though this time it was underneath the cannon.

BR-87A Beam Rifle • The same beam rifle model as the one used by the Marasai and Hizack. It is powered by a replaceable e-pac and is power rated at 2.2 MW.

FADEGEL RGM-M-Sh-003 Shield • A basic defensive armament used by the Federation's GM type MS. It is composed of a triple honeycomb structure made of Luna Titanium and the surface also has anti-beam coating for defending against beam attacks.

FADEGEL RGM-M-Sh-007 Shield • An improved model of the RGM-M-Sh-003. It has the exact same size as its predecessor, but its material was changed to Titanium-Ceramic composite. Its mount latch was made movable, allowing the shield to be positioned up or down when carried by a Mobile Suit manipulator or mounted on the forearm, increasing its usability.

RGM*S-Sh-WF/S-00109 Shield • The GM II can also use the same forearm-mounted shield as the armor G-Ground Type and GM Ground Type. This small, light shield is constructed of Luna Titanium alloy, and is designed to primarily protect the cockpit and other critical areas. Additionally, it can be used as a close-range striking weapon in C.M.A. (Cuteness Mecha Armor) combat. Furthermore, through lodging the spikes at the tip into the ground, the shield can serve as a free-standing frontal defense. This also allows the mobile suit to use both hands to hold large-caliber weaponry and maintain a stable firing position.

Special Equipment(s)/Features:

Ballute System • An atmospheric entry device designed to be used by a multitude of different mobile suit models. As the mobile suit enters the atmosphere, a bowl-shaped ballute (balloon parachute) deploys to protect it from the friction heat of atmospheric entry. The balloon then detaches, leaving the armor with chest and leg hover units which ease its descent to the ground. If the mobile suit reaches the ground without expending all the fuel in the leg units, these devices can also be used for hovering and high-speed strike missions.

Chick-Sara (HTF OC) - owned by rafacaz4lisam2k4 Armor (Mobile Suit Gundam - Universal Century Timelines) - Gundam series © Bandai Namco Filmworks, Inc. (SUNRISE), Sotsu

[seungmvnnie]

Gryffindor!Jeno x Hufflepuff!Reader

word count; 4.3k words (I GOT CARRIED AWAY)

warnings; female reader, bullet point au, enemies to lovers (last enemies to lovers in this little series), you kind of need to understand quidditch to understand what they’re talking about, I expose myself as a fucking nerd in this one because I didn’t have to research anything for this fic, also somewhat of a ‘pushing people off/jumping off towers,’ joke at the end

Quidditch was your life

Ever since you could walk, your parents had put you on a broomstick

they were determined that you were going to be the next best quidditch player

You had taken to it immediately, although that was pretty much guaranteed, considering your family were entirely professional quidditch players

There was lots of pressure on you to be the next best thing, especially since your cousin Jaemin had rejected the family legacy as soon as he could

He was happy to play for fun but not as seriously as your family took it

He was kind of ‘the family disappointment,’ for a while, but that was until you both went to Hogwarts and you were sorted into Hufflepuff and he was sorted into Slytherin, which was the house everyone in your family had been in for centuries

Then you were both disappointments so it kind of cancelled out

Despite being sorted into Hufflepuff, you spent the majority of your first year with your cousin and his friends 

Which was when you met Lee Jeno, the Gryffindor puppy-eyed muggleborn and Jaemin’s best friend

It was hard not to be friends with Jeno for your first year and a half at hogwarts

He was sweet and likeable and if you were being honest with yourself, you found yourself with a bit of a crush on him in 2nd year

That was, of course, until you both became seekers for your respective quidditch team in 2nd year

You didn’t hold anything against him at first

What was wrong with some friendly competition? 

It wasn’t until the final match of the year, Hufflepuff vs Gryffindor, that everything went went wrong

the Hufflepuff team had a strong lead

your chasers were miles better than theirs

Realistically, the only reason the Gryffindor team had made it to the final was because Jeno hadn’t failed to catch one snitch the whole season

But neither had you

people had been betting on which team would win all year

You were faster than Jeno was, but Jeno was faster at spotting the snitch than you were

Maybe the fact that every student in every house was comparing which of you was better was where the cracks in your friendship with Jeno has begun

You had been idly circling the quidditch pitch, eyes peeled for any sort of flash of gold 

It wasn’t until the Gryffindor chasers finally scored a goal that your attention was drawn to the stands draped in gold and red, the Gryffindor audience’s boisterous celebration deafening everyone else on the pitch

Unbeknownst to the poor Gryffindors, their screaming was what made you spot the snitch, darting frantically above their heads

You dove into action from where you had been lazily hovering, groaning as the snitch similarly took off, zooming around the stands

Unluckily, Jeno was just behind you in spotting the snitch, but you zoned out his presence behind you and the screaming of the audience coupled with the quidditch commentators shouting and focused only on the snitch

You were so close, your outstretched fingers grazing the metal as your urged your broom to go just that little bit faster

When Jeno, who had gained on you without you even realising, slammed into you with his shoulder

The force as well as the surprise meant your grip on your broom loosened and his knock sent you hurtling about 30ft to the ground

The aftermath of the match was a bit hazy - apparently your head had slammed on the ground too hard when you fell and you had a concussion, which would heavily contribute to your difficult recollection

Not to mention a broken arm and a few fractured ribs

Jeno had caught the snitch shortly after you fell, which meant Gryffindor had won

You spent a week in the hospital wing following the match and whilst magic definitely healed you a lot faster than normal muggle remedies would, you still were banned from quidditch or flying for two months to make sure it definitely set properly

You were livid, to say the least

Jeno knew how much quidditch meant to you and your family but he seemed to care more about winning than the fact your parents would kill you for loosing the match

he didn’t even come visit you in the hospital wing when everyone else did

Needless to say, from then on you held quite the grudge against Jeno 

He tried talking to you a couple of days after you got out of the hospital wing, but apparently he hadn’t realised that he had basically declared war 

He got the message when you told him to ‘Fuck off, you cheating wanker.”

Realistically, if he hadn’t gotten the message at that point, you would have been incredibly concerned

The next year, the competition between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor was insane

Your house had supported you in being angry about Gryffindors dirty tactics and the Gryffindors were angry about being accused of cheating - contact was allowed in quidditch

At the centre of all of the competition was Jeno and you

It wasn’t long until you both had gotten the reputation of being the best quidditch players in the whole school, which your family weren’t very pleased about

You were meant to be the best, but you let someone who didn’t even know what a broom was until three years ago beat you?

And so, you started working harder

You pretty much bullied your quidditch team into training every second morning

You wanted to do every morning, but the quidditch captain at the time, a 6th year named Kun told you as nicely as he possibly could, to fuck off

The second the Gryffindor team found out about your training schedule, they were out training every morning too

When you were friends, Jeno was never as competitive as you were, or easily irritated, but apparently you had perfected getting on his nerves

Your team won that year, in record time 

Gryffindor vs Hufflepuff was the second game of that season and you and Jeno had both spotted the snitch about 5 minutes in, but unluckily for him, you were faster

Gryffindor won the year after that

Then in your fifth year, the quidditch captains for Hufflepuff and Gryffindor both left and you and Jeno got the job

The competition heated up even more 

The Gryffindor and Hufflepuff teams were trained religiously and if anyone had a problem with it, they were off the team

It wasn’t as though you had a lack of interest in people joining your teams; everyone wanted to say that they played quidditch with Lee Jeno and (Y/N) (Y/L/N), especially after the article on you two came out in the daily prophet about halfway through your fifth year

you and Jeno had been dragged out of your potions class by the headmaster and some annoying reporter who had apparently heard of your reputation and wanted to write an article on the, ‘future of quidditch,’ as she had put it

You were happy to comply at first, taking pictures with the Headmaster and Jeno and answering questions

simple stuff like, ‘when did you start playing?’ and ‘What are your plans for after school?’

You got questions about your parents, seeing as your family were already well known within the quidditch world

It wasn’t until the very end when everything went wrong

She had been shoving her parchment into her strange leather briefcase as you two hovered awkwardly at the door of the unused classroom, waiting for her to leave before you could go back to class

when she looked up and, adjusting her glasses said,

“Well, it was very good to meet you two. You make a very cute couple!”

You nearly choked as your eyes widened

“We are not together!” You exclaimed

Jeno had infuriatingly said nothing, almost as if he wanted this random woman to think you’d date him

She had only smiled knowingly, and replied,

“Sure.”

The walk back to potions was almost excruciating as you walked in an awkward silence, the stupid reporter’s words laying heavily with you both, until Jeno cleared his throat

“Well that was weird.” He glanced sideways at you, but you refused to look at him

“You’re weird.” You grumbled

He inhaled sharply as if he was going to say something, but stopped himself, taking a moment before he opened his mouth again

“You can insult me all you want, (Y/L/N), but I’m still going to beat you.”

You scoffed

“Not bloody likely. Your team is terrible, the only reason you’ve won a match this year is because the Slytherin and Ravenclaw seekers are terrible. Your chasers won't last 5 minutes against mine.” You looked at him this time, ignoring how his stupid red quidditch captain badge gleamed on his chest and how his stupid perfectly styled dark hair only emphasised his stupid good looks

He raised an eyebrow at you (which was stupidly attractive) and came to a stop as you approached the door of you potions classroom 

“Well then isn’t it a good thing that as long as I catch the snitch before your team can score 15 goals, I win.”

You scoffed again. As if you would let him beat you?

You mirrored his stupid eyebrow cocking thing and, taking a step towards him, lowered your voice to a whisper

“Well then isn’t it a good thing that there’s no way I’m going to let you beat me.” 

The annoying confidence he exuded flickered as his cheeks warmed to a pinky blush and you watched as the previous competitive glare in his eyes softened to something else as they scanned down your bod- Hang on, was he checking you out?

“Eyes up here, Lee.” You sniped, enjoying how his eyes snapped back to your face flusteredly

You spun on your heel before he could retort and entered your potions classroom, leaving him in the corridor

The article appeared in the sports section of the daily prophet a few days later and caused a massive uproar at Hogwarts

You had expected a small nerdy article about how both of you wanted to play quidditch after school and the upcoming Hufflepuff vs Gryffindor match, but that wasn’t quite what you got

“ -it appears that, outside of discovering a skill which could boost these two talented teens to success upon leaving school, they have also discovered their first whirlwind romance with eachother. A regular ‘Romeo and Juliet,’ their tragically romantic relationship blossomed amongst the fierce competition between the two’ - What utter bullshit!” You slammed the paper down onto the table, accidentally spilling poor Chaeryong’s (One of your chasers the year below) orange juice over her breakfast in the process

“Hey!” She cried out, but with a quick mumbled, ‘Scourgify,’ and a flick of your wand the orange juice vanished

You preoccupied yourself with slamming your head off of the table repeatedly as Chaeryong patted your back comfortingly

“If it helps, I doubt anyone will even read it.” 

She couldn’t have been more wrong

It was all the entire school was talking about by lunch time

You couldn’t turn a corner without someone asking you if you were actually dating Jeno

What was worse was when you received a letter from your parents the next day

You thought they were going to disown you, considering they had spent the past 4 years putting great emphasis on how badly you needed to beat Lee Jeno

but somehow, their actual reaction was worse

You weren’t expecting two pages of them gushing about how your children would be the best quidditch player the world had ever seen

They were honestly more disappointed whenever you sent them a letter informing them that would never happen 

Everyone wanted to join the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff teams because they seemed to be convinced that the teams knew you had some sort of affair going on that you didn’t tell anyone about

Most infuriatingly, Jeno didn’t seem to be trying to combat the rumours whatsoever

His nonchalant nature was so annoying that it only seemed to spur on your competitiveness

Which resulted in a Hufflepuff win that year

and the year after that

You had destroyed them two years in a row by your last year of school, although the last year was the most important for recruitment

There was one spot open on the best quidditch team in the country, the team your parents and aunt were on, and the team captain was going to watch your match against each other and choose one of you to join

Your team was trained harder than ever before and you made it very well known that winning meant you actually had a future when you left

you had the best team you think Hufflepuff had ever had

pretty much everyone was talented and incredibly competitive 

If one of your chasers, Zhong Chenle put his mind to it, he could definitely   go pro 

But he was more inclined to a career in music and he was friends with Jeno so you didn’t like to praise him too much

Your teams both flew (pun very much intended) through your games against slytherin and ravenclaw

The 7th year Gryffindor vs Hufflepuff match fell at the start of march, as to not interfere with your NEWT exams, which left plenty of time for preparations, and you left school for the christmas holidays content that you were ready to destroy Gryffindor

Which was lucky, considering it became the topic of conversation during boxing day dinner with your extended family, Jaemin included

“So, (Y/N), I hear you have a big match coming up.” Your aunt asked, taking a sip from her wine glass

You looked up from where you had been toying with the food on your plate and smiled politely

“Yeah, the finals are at the start of March against Gryffindor, as per usual.” You mumbled the last part of your sentence more to yourself than anyone else, but that didn’t stop the dirty look Jaemin sent your way

“Oh against Jaemin’s friend? Are you still dating him?”

You choked on your water

“Uh- we were never dating.” “Oh, that’s a shame. You would have been a very talented couple, you know. With very talented children, I’m sure.”

You were about one more comment about how beautiful or talented you and Jeno’s nonexistent babies would be away from stabbing yourself in the eye

You awkwardly laughed in response and kicked Jaemin under the table, who was positively dying laughing

“I’m sure you’ll win though.”

You perked up. Baby talk, you couldn’t do. Discussing how you were going to destroy the Gryffindor team so badly they’d be crying for years? That was right up your alley

“Oh, definitely. Their team is terrible, no one except Jeno could probably tell the difference between a Quaffle and a Bludger. He entirely carries the team. I lucked out, I have two beaters who are planning on going pro as well as one of the best keepers I think Hogwarts ever seen. We’re going to ruin them. There’s no way he’s getting that spot over me.”

Jaemin wasn’t laughing anymore, and instead made an indignant noise

“What’s wrong?” You asked, attempting to sound as though you were genuinely concerned for your cousin’s wellbeing to your parents, although you knew he was about to go off on one about Jeno

“Did you ever stop to consider maybe getting that job means a lot to Jeno too?”

Your hands halted their chore of playing with your food as you narrowed your eyes at him

“That job’s been mine since before he was even born, Jaemin.”

He rolled his eyes and you ignored the way your mum was tapping your leg in a silent attempt to get you to stop

“No it hasn’t. If it was, you’d have it, but funnily enough you don’t. Jeno needs that job to support his family, he doesn’t have any other career plans whereas you, little miss daughter of multi-millionaire quidditch players could never work again and live a much more comfortable life than him.”

“Na Jaemin!” His Mum scolded, cutting him off as he rolled his eyes and slumped down in his seat

Suddenly, the egg-shell table cloth was the most interesting thing in the whole world to you

You had never thought about what this meant for Jeno - you thought he had simply wanted to piss you off

On top of that it was important to you too! Your parents would be so disappointed if you didn’t get the spot on the team

but would living up to your parents expectations be worth what Jeno would loose if you won?

The rest of the dinner was... awkward, to say the least

So was the rest of the holidays; you just wanted to get back to Hogwarts and train the weeks away, which you did

You spent the next two months drilling your team as vigorously as you had been before the christmas break, but this time a lingering guilt panged at your chest with every exercise you put your team through

Finally the day of the quidditch match arrived and you were almost sick with anxiety

“(Y/N), you have to eat something.” Chaeryong brandished the toast she had brought you to the dressing room almost threateningly as you fidgeted with the neckline of your quidditch robes

“I’m being entirely honest when I say if I eat something right now, I will just throw up on you.” She stopped trying to force feed you pretty quickly after that

The entire Hufflepuff team was feeling your anxiety

Chenle even kicked out his friend, (they were definitely in love with each other, but no one talked about the hypothetical babies THEY were going to have, everyone was just obsessed with you and Jenos, which was entirely that stupid reporter’s fault) who usually sat in the dressing room with your team before you went out to play

Eventually the time came and you entered the quidditch pitch, for your last time at Hogwarts and maybe your last official time for the next while

The snitch was released 18 minutes into the game, at which point the score was already 50-0 to Hufflepuff

You hovered above the quidditch pitch, scanning the field as though your life depended on it - technically it did

But then you thought about it for a moment; your life didn’t depend on this snitch. Jeno’s did.

Almost perfectly timed, your eyes were drawn a golden glint just above the Gryffindor goalposts

You dove instinctively, Jeno who was behind you, mirroring your actions

You were so close, reaching out your arm towards the Snitch

Jeno was alongside you this time and you were almost neck in neck

almost

you had gotten that head start

although, your position here mirrored almost exactly the match in second year where everything went wrong which meant, if Jeno wanted to, he could slam into you again and win

but he didn’t

Maybe that was what made you purposely slow down that tiny bit that allowed Jeno to catch the snitch

You spent the entire afternoon and evening deliberating exactly what had made you let him catch the snitch

Also regretting it; the Gryffindor team and their supporters were definitely ones for rubbing their victory into the Hufflepuff teams faces

So much so, that to avoid the constant partying and celebrations of how Lee had finally beat you after a two year streak you decided to find somewhere quiet to yourself

which was how you found yourself perched at the top of the astronomy tower, legs crossed staring out at the Great Lake that wound around the castle and the dark sky which illuminated the dark countryside

If there was anywhere to lament about life, it would be here

You could hear the Gryffindor’s party from where you perched, the thumping music and screaming almost causing the whole castle to shake

You still found the space to think

Had you simply felt sorry for Jeno? You wished that you could say that was what it was, because maybe then it could save your pride

But in actuality, when you had pulled back, you hadn’t been thinking about what situation his family may be in, but instead those puppy dog eyes which lit up whenever he won

You had spent so many years determined to beat him, you had never stopped to really think about him as a person as opposed to the declared enemy on the quidditch pitch

You had been sat there for about an hour eyes closed and leaning against the wall, when a voice cut through the stillness

“You know, when Chenle said you had gone to the top of the Astronomy tower, I was almost scared you came here to throw yourself off.”

You didn’t have to open your eyes to recognise Lee Jeno’s voice

“Don’t flatter yourself, Lee. I would never throw myself off a tower because of a man. Throwing a man off a tower is a completely different story, though.” 

You opened one eye to look at where he stood at the top of the stone steps, clutching two red plastic cups, no doubt filled with firewhiskey

He had long ditched his quidditch uniform, much like you, and traded it instead for a pair of black ripped jeans, white t-shirt and oversized jacket which all looked annoyingly good on him

“Should I be worried?” He quipped, although you could sense there was no malice in his voice, but instead a joking tone

You didn’t say anything but stared out at the scenery of the castle grounds you would soon be saying goodbye to, not acknowledging the fact he sat down next to you, placing a cup beside your leg

He had taken the fact that you hadn’t tried to push him off the tower yet as permission to sit beside you

You sat in silence for a moment - although the silence was not awkward or uncomfortable in anyway, but instead comforting

“We’re still even by the way.” You mumbled, breaking the silence

“Huh?” He looked at you with those stupidly adorable puppy eyes

“We’ve been competing for six years. I’ve won three matches and so have you. Even.”

He stared down into his alcohol which he swirled in the cup for a moment, before he replied

“Not really. If you hadn’t have let me win, it would be four-two.”

You froze

“You think I’d let you win? Get a grip, Lee.” You covered. This was your worst nightmare. First you let him win, but now he’s going to ask you why you did it and realistically you didn’t even know why

“We both know if you had really tried, you would have beat me.” 

“Well, it’s not like you tried very hard either.”

“What do you mean?”

“You could have very easily pushed me off my broom again.”

“Yeah well- last time I did that I started world war fucking 3, so I wasn’t about to make that mistake again, was I?”

His words weren’t laced with hatred, but were instead playful and actually made you let out a small laugh

You lifted the cup he had handed you to your lips before speaking

“Why did you do that? In second year, I mean. You hadn’t really cared about quidditch that much before that match.”

“Honestly? I fancied you and wanted to impress you.”

You furrowed your brow glancing up at him, an amused look on your face

“Who the fuck told you breaking a girl’s ribs was a good way to impress her?”

His face flushed the same way it did that day in the corridor as he stared at his hands

“I was 12! And I thought winning would impress you which was why I went so hard, but I think I realised in fourth year that I was in the competition way too deep to give up at that point. By then I had grown to love it as much as you did.”

You crossed your arms and leaned forward, letting the silence envelope you again for a moment, the only sound the faint music radiating from the Gryffindor tower

“So - When’d you stop fancying me? Was it calling you a wanker or the fact that I literally wanted to destroy you?” You half-joked

You seriously wanted to know how long he had fancied you for

“I don’t think I ever stopped.” 

You straightened up immediately

That was certainly not the answer you had expected

“Don’t be ridiculous.” You scoffed, staring at him with wide eyes

You hated how cute the way his face had flushed was, as well as the honest look in his eyes

“I’m being serious. You hate me, (Y/N), but the hate was never reciprocated.”

You huffed out a sigh

“I don’t think I hated you, I just- I was jealous. You’re perfect, Jeno. Jaemin just had to knock some sense into me that maybe winning doesn’t mean everything.”

He faked gasped

“The Slytherin lecturing the Hufflepuff on being a good loser? How backwards!”

“Har, Har.” You said, rolling your eyes, but you couldn’t stop the real smile grow on your face as you met his eyes

The fond smile dropped from your face as you saw how he looked at you

Lee Jeno, the boy you had sworn vengeance on when you were twelve was looking at you as if you were his world - and you liked it.

“Can I- Can I kiss you?” He almost whispered, as though saying it any louder would break the spell

“If you don’t, I think I will actually throw you off this tower.” You joked leaning in to meet his lips halfway

He kissed you with 7 years worth of love and in that moment, you didn’t care about who got the spot on the quidditch team

Life was more than just quidditch, and you were lucky enough to have Jeno to show you that.

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 2 - Sanosuke Sakura Epilogue

hrm... im debating looking at buying some of the Shinkai Reimeiroku drama cds when they come out... but if I do that, it’ll push back when my BD order of Souma-hen arrives (i refuse to pay for shipping twice when their release dates are so close together)... and i know i’m a bit interested in kazama being in a reimeiroku drama because of the timeline tho id definitely choose to do that in a heartbeat if there was a drama with both Serizawa and Kazama on it. lol. decisions, decisions.

anyway, this is my 2nd translation from this game this month and this is the Sanosuke version of the 『 恋染めし日』 story which im fairly certain happens before his last Edo Blossoms chapter... images used in this post were snips from my vita capture vids.

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 2 - Sanosuke Sakura Epilogue

Translation by KumoriYami

The sakura were no longer in full bloom, and would now vividly scatter as they were carried away by the wind. 

The light red petals [tl i have is for red] from the above branches spread across/formed a thin layer on the ground.......

We were admiring this blanket of sakura that had scattered about.

Chizuru: Sanosuke-san, the sakura season will soon be over/is coming to its end.

Harada: That’s right. From the looks of it/At this rate, in about two or three days/in a few days, these sakura will begin to sprout leaves.

Ever since the snow melted, and when/once we could feel the warmth of spring from the sun/sunlight/shine, we've been visiting here everyday.

We found the first buds today. 

Today we saw a perched cuckoo.

These buds are starting to bloom/about to bloom..

The first flower finally blossomed——.

Each/Every time we came here, Sanosuke-san and I would talk about these subjects, and it was just the other day/a few days ago when the sakura finally bloomed.

Harada: We waited so long for them to blossom, but they don't stay in bloom for long.

Chizuru: Yes/That’s true......

As I gently touched a (nearby)/the (nearby) trunk, I could feel the slight heat from where the tree had been exposed to the sunlight.

Then, as if to ascertain my thoughts/grab my attention /check on me, Sanosuke-san's hand was holding mine.

Harada: Is something wrong/What’s wrong, Chizuru?

Chizuru: No. When Sanosuke-san and I came here today, earlier you said...... That you were thinking about how the beauty of sakura has remained unchanged even though we’ve left our homeland and had come to this foreign country [i give up rewording this so that its more condensed for now]. 

Harada: That’s right....... but, I feel that I've profited quite a bit. 

Chizuru: Profited?

Harada: Yeah. The sakura blooming season would have already ended in Kyo or Edo/Edo by now....... So don't you think it's great that we're able to see sakura at this time, even while this far north/even while we're this far up north?

Chizuru: Fufu. 

Hearing Sanosuke-san's childish words, I couldn't but help but smile.

Unlike Japan, sakura are not seen everywhere in this northern land.

While I felt a sense of nostalgia as I looked towards the southern skies, Sanosuke-san suddenly got down onto the ground.

Harada: Hei...... yo [basically allez-oop, mais, je ne peux pas penser à un équivalent]. 

(he lies down)

Chizuru: Sa-Sanosuke-san? What are you doing?

Harada: Ah, this is more comfortable than I thought. You should try lying down too. 

Chizuru: Ex-Excuse me then......

As I boldly lay on the on the ground that was covered in sakura, I could see how the petals accumulated as they fluttered together. 

After lying down like Sanosuke-san said, I looked up towards the sky, and couldn't help but exclaim/marvel at this beautiful view.

Chizuru: Wow...... Look, Sanosuke-san. It's like a rain of sakura......

Harada: Although we come here to see the sakura whenever we have time these days... It’s quite refreshing to see them from a different perspective/angle. You get to see what you normally wouldn’t see.

The were sakura that had fallen onto the ground around me, and there were sakura dancing in the sky.

The petals falling from the sky made the sakura feel like snow as they began piling up over me......

The moment I was buried/covered in this snow of sakura, just as I was about to close my eyes, a shadow suddenly fell over me.

Chizuru:!?

(he kisses Chizuru. i think. i clipped the pics for this when vlc was muted on account of recording sound)

Harada: You're too/so defenseless, Chizuru.

Chizuru:......Surprise attacks are unfair. 

I hadn’t even realized when he had gotten up. 

Sanosuke-san, who was supposed to be lying down next to me, showed a proud expression, as I protested with my stolen lips. 

Harada: Didn't I tell you before that I would kiss you if I ever caught you off-guard?

Chizuru: Did you ever say that......?

I tried to remember those words, but I didn't think it mattered anymore.

Sanosuke-san smiled and continued to speak. 

Harada: "Well, it's because you look like that, that I want to kiss you/you're showing such an expression makes me want to kiss you. If you don't want that, shouldn't you not be showing me such an adorable expression/shouldn't you stop showing such an adorable expression to me?

Seeing how Sanosuke-san had a childish/mischievous expression, I whispered softly.

Chizuru:......I can't do that/That's impossible.

Harada:......?

Chizuru: Because I want Sanosuke-san to love me even more/more and more.

Ever since I started living with Sanosuke-san, I have probably become more selfish/willful.

As if to embrace the sky and sakura, I laid down and spread my arms.

Harada: If you say something like that, how can I not cherish you even more?

While taking Sanosuke-san into my outstretched arms, I sighed happily.

continued chatting

bring this to an end <-

——A moment later.

After getting off the blanket of sakura, we faced one another again beneath the sakura. [reword later? i can’t figure out to make this less wordy].

Harada: So, what now? Do you want to continue talking/chatting here?

Chizuru: N-No, let's go home now!

I spoke quickly as I desperately tried to hide the redness of my face.

Although I would have loved to continue watching the sakura, I was/felt too embarrassed to now......

While I didn't expect anyone to come here, if someone really did, I wouldn’t be able to go outside/wouldn't dare to leave the house ever again.

Harada: Then, let's/we'll continue this next time.

Chizuru: When will that next time be?

Harada: Hm? If you want, it can be tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.

Chizuru: Yes. Let’s come again before the sakura have completely scattered.

In the days to come, how many times will be able to talk beneath the sakura trees before the sakura fall/scatter...

As I pondered this question, we left this place.

---End---

[project-box]

What would have been 04: Henry’s desk + collectibles

Please read this if you haven’t yet!!!

Searching the desk was the “minigames” in Project Box. During the day, when the animatronics would bury themselves underground again, Charlie would have a chance to search for anything to help her escape-- only she finds her father’s belongings instead.

Below contains scripted dialogue Charlie had for each collectible, as well as 2 diary entries from William Afton in the mid 80s.

In the books, Henry’s work is mysteriously cleaned out from his garage. In Project Box, Afton was the one who stole it all, along with Henry’s desk and placed it inside the game’s main room. Henry’s recordings would have a stack of work papers, with different passcodes being written each tape. By watching each tape you could unlock a different drawer from his desk.

The desk drawers

Tape 1 found on top of the desk contains the first mention the box, as well as the passcode to open the left drawer. The passcode for the left drawer would have been “1578” to reference the easter egg of what Baby repeats in a distorted voice in Sister Location.

Clicking the Box in the left drawer would have moved the box to the desk’s top. But I’ll talk about the box in another post.

The right top drawer has a passcode that references the distortion you hear when zapping Ballora on night 2 of Sister Location. In tape 2, the writing paper on Henry’s desk would read “P.H.A.S.E”, giving the order of buttons you would press to unlock the 2nd drawer.

The right bottom drawer would have the passcode be “RWQFSFASXC” in reference to shadow Bonny ( or in Project Box’s case, twisted Springtrap ). The keypad is supposed to look like the arrangement of the ‘QWER ASDF ZXCV’ keys on the English keyboard.

The collectibles

I’ll talk about the tapes in another post.

The photographs: The first photograph is Henry and Afton at the grand opening of the original Fredbear’s Family Diner. The logo was inspired by 80s logo of Pizza Time Theater. In both photos, Henry is wearing sweaters to reference Nolan Bushnell. Henry’s handwriting was changed from cursive to capitalized print to differ himself from Afton’s cursive. The smudges on the polaroid’s writings hint that Henry is left handed.

The blueprints and springlocks: These were to 1. hint that Fredbear and Spring Bonny’s springlocks were designed differently ( though it’s hard to tell here since Spring Bonny’s blueprint isn’t actually finished... sorry LOL ). The differences in their design would play into the story, which I’ll explain in another post. I had to research how springlocks actually worked, since the best description we get is in FNAF 3.

Afton’s diary entries: I’ll explain why Afton’s diary entries are in Henry’s desk in another post. These entries exist to lay the foundation of Project Box’s backstory: The history between Afton and Henry. They were inspired by the books mentioning the police finding entries written by Afton, and how they went from praising Henry to cursing him, and even showing Afton's paranoia.

Afton entry 1:

17th December, 1984:

Henry has done it again. When doubted because of his unusual designs, he manages to overcome that doubt and amaze me and our patrons with this constructions. His work could fool children with the way these machines move with the illusion of life. It makes me wonder.

Bones, veins, organs. Rods, wires, circuit boards. Humans, are we not just complex machines? What separates us from them? When a computer is dismantled, it no longer operates. There are many who think we do the same. That when a human dies, they cease to exist.

But I know better. I am well aware of the lingering “existences”. They watch me. They follow me. I can feel their glares on my neck even as I write this.

The machines I create are only that- machines. I’ve always envied Henry’s gift of the illusion of life. But perhaps, I can finally surpass him. The life I create can be authentic. So be it.

To the souls I give gifts, bodies once more. And to the machines, I give life.

Afton entry 2:

15th March, 1985:

I once entertained the thought of getting a tattoo or two. To draw a meaningful picture on my skin. To see a mirrored version when I look in the mirror. But now, as I stand before the glass, there’s only a symmetrical pattern of rings and lines stamped across my body. I’ve grown to adore them over the months. Our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real. I can recall that day as if I dreamed it last night.

Realization in Henry’s eyes as he caught me tucking a small, lifeless body into Chica’s torso. Blonde curls and a bow. I never asked for her name, I never cared. Reminiscences of my hands on her throat only moments ago were discarded by Henry’s hands suddenly on my own throat. The realization in his eyes burned into anger. I was wearing Spring Bonny that day. His fingers flexed, and I collapsed on the ground as the spring locks he warned me about so many times pierced into me. The last thing I saw before blacking out was him placing Chica’s mask back onto it’s shoulders, hiding the girl.

The anger in his eyes that day, however, is worth nothing to me compared to the horror that filled them days later when I returned to him unexpectedly. He thought he ended it for good. He was mistaken. I told him his son looked just like that girl with curls. It would be a shame if his daughter looked like that too.

He’s been quite cooperative since then. At least until recently. The look in his eyes now: Determination. He’s hiding something.

Charlie’s dialogue when collecting

Photograph ‘Grand Opening’: “The fact that my dad worked with him for so long…. Makes me sick.”

Photograph ‘Christmas ‘79’: “Mine and Sammy’s first Christmas. I guess sweaters were my Dad’s way of dressing formally.”

Fredbear’s blueprint: “Fredbear. I never knew he was his own character, separate from Freddy… I’m sorry you have to be trapped in that... cage, Michael.”

Spring Bonny’s blueprint: “The counterpart to Fredbear. How are they so... cursed? Both only… shadows of what they were supposed to be.”

Fredbear’s springlock: “A spring lock. Gotta be careful with this fella, he’s small but he packs a punch.”

Spring Bonny’s springlock: “This spring lock… the spring is rotating a different direction from the other one I found.”

Afton’s entry 1: “Is this… why he did it? What he did to those kids... to Michael?”

Afton’s entry 2: “This was what dad meant in his tape. This is how he found out. Dad... I’m so sorry.”

[i-am-not-a-who-i-am-a-what]

there was a moment from yesterday’s episode that set off so many alarm bells in my head and i haven’t seen anyone talking about it yet so i’m going to get my thoughts out there. i’m putting the majority of this post under a readmore bc it got very long thanks to all the transcript quotes i pulled but i really want to know what everyone else thinks about the Implications™

BASIRA

Okay. So… what do we know about Hill Top Road?

ARCHIVIST

Not much.

BASIRA

Another blind spot?

ARCHIVIST

No, it’s – I could look at it, but it… it was… it was like a… a hole. You know that feeling you get when you look down from a, a great height, like you’re being pulled into the abyss?

BASIRA

Kind of?

ARCHIVIST

[Getting lost in thought] Well it was… was like that. Normally I can see it, see the… webs, and feel the power of The Spider emanating from it, but… as I would look… it’s like my mind…. follows the paths of The Web,

[STATIC RISES]

the strands going down and… out… [Catching self] It’s quite disorientating.

[STATIC FADES]

my first thought after hearing this exchange was “huh, that sounds eerily similar to the description of the table the not-them was trapped in.” here it is from mag 3 - across the street:

I’d become enraptured by the table on which he’d placed my tea. It was an ornate wooden thing, with a snaking pattern of lines weaving their way around towards the centre. The pattern was hypnotic and shifted as I watched it, like an optical illusion. I found my eyes following the lines towards the middle of the table, where there was nothing but a small square hole.

my first instinct was that this was some foreshadowing for jon meeting some kind of horrible fate, because well... remember what happened the last time someone got mesmerized by the table?

SASHA

Oh, hey. I’ve found… I’ve found that table you were talking about. Don’t really see what all the fuss is about. Just a… basic… optical illusion. Nothing special… just… just a… wait…

[Hushed and panicked] Jon! Jon, I think there’s someone here. Hello? I see you. Show yourself!

but then i started thinking more about why the table specifically would be referenced, and i remembered the earliest we see it used as artifact of the web, and where: with raymond fielding in hill top road in mag 59 - recluse:

On Sunday evenings, however, we’d all gather for the evening meal, and before we sat down to eat, he would remove the bright white tablecloth that covered it, and we’d gather around the dark wood. I remember it was carved in all sorts of strange swirling designs and patterns. It felt like if you picked a line, any line, you could follow it through to the center, to some deep truth, if only your eye could keep track of the strands that had caught it.

it was while i was checking the transcripts to find the above quote that i also remembered the hole in center of the table that the web pattern leads towards wasn’t always empty - it used to contain a box, and that box contained an apple.

again from again from mag 59:

The center of the table looked, at first, like it was simply part of the wooden top, but if you looked closely, as I did so often, you could see an outline marking the very middle as a small, square box, carved with patterns just like the ones that laced their way over the rest of the table. I don’t remember how long we sat around the table those evenings, nor do I have any memory of what we might have eaten.

...

I reached over and pulled the wooden square from the center of the table. On its own, it appeared to be a small wooden box, and the lid opened smoothly, as my hands moved in a practiced motion. Inside was an apple, green and fresh and still wet with morning dew.

I knew I was going to eat it. I could feel tears desperately trying to push themselves out of my eyes, but I instead decided not to cry. I placed the box down on the table, reached over, and picked up the apple.

the box from the center of the table makes its first appearance in the very first hill top road statement, mag 8 - burned out, where we learn that apparently the apple was full of spiders. 

considering the web’s predilection for filling it’s victim’s bodies with spiders (carlos vittery, annabell cane, the spider husks trevor encountered, the victim of the chelicerae website, the old woman in annabell’s statement, francis, etc.) i think this goes a ways to explain what happened to raymond’s other victims, and what would have happened to mag 59′s statement giver if he’d bitten into the apple:

They lay still now, wrapped in their sticky cocoons. Their bodies seemed warped and bloated in a way I didn’t recognize. But that’s only because at that point in my life, I had never before seen a spider egg sac.

more importantly though, we also learn that the box was buried under the burnt up tree in hill top road’s garden, the one whose uprooting was implied to be linked to agnes’s death: 

STATEMENT

At that moment I made my decision. It was easy, like destroying this tree was the only thing to do, the only path to follow ... When the tree lay on its side, uprooted and powerless, I gazed into the hole where it had sat and noticed something lying there in the dirt.

Climbing down, I retrieved what turned out to be a small wooden box, about six inches square, with an intricate pattern carved along the outside. Engraved lines covered it, warping and weaving together, making it hard to look away.

...

ARCHIVIST

Except… We cannot prove any connection, but Martin unearthed a report on an Agnes Montague, who was found dead in her Sheffield flat on the evening of November 23rd 2006, the same day Mr. Lensik claims to have uprooted the tree.

and keep in mind that the only reason the statement giver in mag 59 didn’t eat the apple, didn’t succumb to the web... was agnes’s kiss:

As the man in the suit told me to follow him in a clipped BBC accent, Agnes walked over, and gestured for me to lean down and listen to her. I did so, but instead of a conspiratorial whisper, she just gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, then ran off down the hall.

...

All at once, my cheek erupted in pain. It was like someone had pressed a hot branding iron into my face, and I could swear that I heard the flesh sizzle as I let out a scream and fell to my knees. I raised my hands to my face and realized in that moment two very important things. The first is that my face seemed to be untouched; I could feel no injury or burn. The second was that raising my hand had been a truly voluntary act. I had willed it myself, and whatever power had been gripping me, tugging me into its web, I was free of it.

at this point you’re probably wondering why i think all this is relevant in terms of what might happen with hill top road, and i have two potential ideas: 

my first idea has to do with the theory that agnes is lingering on as a ghost. this theory isn’t mine, i first encountered it shortly after mag 167 - curiosity aired through this post’s attempt to fix what bits of the timeline were thrown out of wack by the new info. if anyone has any other posts or general thoughts about this theory feel free to share them, i’d love to read them!

this theory is relevant to my speculation that agnes might finally make an appearance because she might have been the ghost seen by one of the statement givers in mag 100 - i guess you had to be there:

MARTIN

Right. Right.

[THROAT CLEARING]

Statement of Lynne Hammond, er, recorded 2nd of May 2017, regarding…

Uh, what, what’s this one about?

LYNNE

I saw a ghost.

MARTIN

O-kay.. Regarding a… a ghost. Statement begins.

who appeared as one of the cultists in mag 190 - scavengers: 

MARTIN

[Puzzled] Celia?

CELIA

Probably. The, um… place I was trapped in, they took my name. I never got it back. But I like Celia, so… yeah! Celia it is.

MARTIN

Uh… H-Hello… Celia.

and was recognized and directly confirmed to be the same person by martin in mag 191 - what we lose:

MARTIN

…

Hey, I meant to ask. Do you recognise that woman, Celia?

ARCHIVIST

Um… no, I, I don’t think so. Why?

MARTIN

I’d swear she gave a statement once.

having her only pop up in mag 190 would have just been a fun easter egg, but having martin directly call out her presence the next episode sounds to me like jonny telling the audience to pay attention, to remember that her statement had to do with the ghost of a young woman on fire who might have been agnes. 

my second idea involves web lighter.

over various statements throughout the previous four seasons we’ve been shown that the web and the desolation have been at war, and hill top road has been their battlefield. the best examples of this come from mag 139 - chosen and mag 149 - infectious doubts respectively. 

on the one hand we have agnes being planted in hill top road by the cult of the lightless flame in an effort to both control her powers and derail the web’s plans, which seems to begin the conflict:

The compromise we came to was Hill Top Road. We knew it was a stronghold of the Web, full of other children Agnes’ age. We would supervise from a distance, but were confident she would be in no danger. The Mother of Puppets has always suffered at our hand; all the manipulation and subtle venom in the world means nothing against a pure and unrestrained force of destruction and ruin.

and on the other we have the web binding gertrude to agnes, thus thwarting the desolation’s ritual, which also involved hill top road:

ARTHUR

Alright. Agnes. How’d you do it? Never did understand it, not really.

GERTRUDE

Ah. That’s a fair enough question. It was the Web. I didn’t know it at the time, of course, and I would call it an accident, but it never is, with them. It’s only after the fact that you can see all the subtle manipulations

... 

So, I began researching what I thought was a counter-ritual of sorts. Like I said, I was young, naive. I somehow found just the right books, made just the right connections, and even got what I thought was a piece of blind good luck when I found a tin box in the ashes of Hill Top Road, containing some perfectly preserved cuttings of her hair.

wouldn’t it seem symbolic, fitting with the dream logic we’ve been working with all season (and that the fears have always tended to work with), if what ended the metaphysical war was an artifact touched by both the web and the desolation? 

say perhaps... a device that creates fire while being marked by a symbol of the spider? one that just so happened to be delivered to the institute at the same time as a certain table?

TIM

Er, what is it?

ARCHIVIST

A lighter. An old Zippo.

TIM

You smoke?

ARCHIVIST

No. And I don’t allow ignition sources in my archive!

TIM

Okay. Is there anything unusual about it?

ARCHIVIST

Not really. Just a sort of spider web design on the front. Doesn’t mean anything to me. You?

TIM

Ah no. No.

ARCHIVIST

Well… show it to the others, see what they think. You said there was something else as well?

TIM

Oh, ah yes, yeah, it was sent straight to the Artefact Storage, a table of some sort. Ah, looks old. Quite pretty, though. Fascinating design on it.

all signs point to the best hope of escaping whatever plans the web has for jon lying with the desolation, or at least with fire, and who should be waiting in hill top road than someone who’s been known to burn statements in the past... and someone who, as of mag 162 - a cozy cabin, was the last person to mention the lighter: 

MARTIN

So, should we destroy it? Before we go?

[THE CABIN CREAKS VERY LOUDLY.]

ARCHIVIST

I honestly don’t know if we can.

[HE SIGHS.]

MARTIN

Mm.

ARCHIVIST

Besides, there’s – far worse out there. Better to try and avoid it, I think.

MARTIN

We’re not even gonna try? Look, we’ve got your lighter; maybe if we just –

i haven’t even begun to touch on the multiple instances of spiral marked individuals interacting with hill top road, or the potential role of the rift leading from the world without the institute to the reality with the institute from mag 114 - cracked foundations, or the foreshadowing we’ve gotten throughout this season that the archive might be destroyed by fire and how it’s looking more and more like that means jon might die, or the significance of the tapes and what power might be behind them...

but it’s nearing five in the morning where i am and i’ve been working on this frankly gargantuan post since about midnight, so i’m going to let more meta-inclined minds take it from here. tell me what you think! where do you agree with me, where do you think i’ve gone astray? hell, tell me if you think i’m just spinning my wheels, this is the first real theory post i’ve ever made so i might be completely off base, at least i tried lol.

tl;dr: 

the call back to the imagery surrounding the web table and its long history with hill top road and the desolation is leading me to believe that whatever plans the web has in hill top road for jon, fire is going to have a significant role in whether or not the web gets what it wants; either agnes herself might finally make an appearance or the web lighter might finally come into play.

[dailyaudiobible]

10/6/2021 DAB Transcript

Jeremiah 6:16-8:7, Colossians 2:8-23, Psalm 78:1-31, Proverbs 24:26

Today is the 6th day of October, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible, I am Brian, it is wonderful to be here with you today. As we continue our journey and settled into this 10th month of the year, as we continue our journey through the book of Jeremiah and the letter to the Colossians. We’re reading from the Common English Bible this week, Jeremiah chapter 6, verse 16 through 8 verse 7.

Commentary:

Okay so, we’re reading in the 2nd chapter of the letter to the Colossians in the New Testament. And, what Paul lays out today is our reality and in describing that reality he’s kind of coming against some other behaviors that have been taught, like this is what will lead you to righteousness. So, he says don't let anybody judge you about eating or drinking, or about a festival, a new moon observance or sabbaths. These religious practices are only a shadow of what was coming. Don't let anyone who wants to practice harsh self-denial and worship angels rob you of the prize. And so, what is the prize? The prize was described today. Literally, I can't say it in another way that's better, or teach it, like Paul teaches it out of this letter exactly as it's intended to be received, so I simply want to reread about five verses while highlighting this is supposed to be the reality, we live in. This is supposed to be what normal looks like to us. And so, Paul says “See to it that nobody enslaves you with philosophy and foolish deception which conform to human traditions and the way the world thinks and acts rather than Christ. All the fullness of deity lives in Christ's body. So, all the fullness of God lives in Christ's body. And you have been filled by Him who is the head of every ruler and authority. In Him you were also circumcised with the circumcision not administered by human hands. The circumcision of Christ is realized in the stripping away of the whole self, dominated by sin. In other words, that was cut away and discarded, the self, dominated by sin. You were buried with Him through baptism and raised with Him through faith in the power of God who raised Him from the dead. When you were dead, because of the things you would done wrong and because your body wasn't circumcised, God made you alive with Christ, and forgave all the things you had done wrong. He destroyed the record of the debt we owed with its requirements that worked against us. He canceled it by nailing it to the cross.” Oh, that is our reality. And it's not like we have encountered these concepts in Paul's writings, but here it is laid out concisely, we aren't who we were. Things have changed. We have changed. In fact, so much so that who we were is well, dead, no longer existing. We have been resurrected into a new life. Again, this is kind of, I mean it's a mind blowing, let's not, let’s not take that off the table, its mind blowing. But it's also essential Christian teaching, like 101. It's the basic understanding. But man, if we could get the fundamentals, if we could get the basics down, because if we look at this and this is the reality, then why don't we live like this is the reality? Like, that’s the question, right? If this is the reality and we’re now living in reality than what are we doing, besides living in a false reality that is considerably less then what the good news offers us? On one hand, we can make this really encouraging and bolster ourselves and rise up, and yeah, we’re going to do this, but on the other hand, this is not really just about us. This is how the world will know, this is how Earth's people, who do not know Jesus will come to understand. We have been entrusted; we’re supposed to be living this reality. Anything less is just less.

Prayer:

And so, Holy Spirit, come into that. We confess that we have elected to live less, more of the time, then is easy to admit. The letter to the Colossians tells us that the fullness of God is in Christ, and we are filled by Christ who is the head of every ruler and authority, that's hard to get our mind, it's so big and so good, it's hard to get our minds around. And yet we choose to ignore things like this when there, they change everything. You change everything and we just try to moderate that which essentially makes us live less than You've offered. And we don't want to do that anymore and we need to not do that because we are the light of the world, a city on a hill, the salt of the earth. And so, come, Holy Spirit, not only let this message transform our own hearts and encourage us but give us a sense of purpose and understanding about why this reality has been offered to us in the first place. Come, Holy Spirit into this we ask You to lead and direct us and guide us. Lead us into all truth. We pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it’s where you find out what’s going on around here, so be sure to check that out. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can check it all out with the drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner. Places like the Community section which is well, that's where different links are to get connected on social media, provided social media platforms are up and running but it is also the home of the Prayer Wall. The Prayer Wall is there and available day or night, no matter where you are in the world and no matter what is swirling around in your life, you don't have to be alone, which is one of the things that we worked so hard around here on as we come around the Global Campfire, to know that we’re not alone. Just that one thing, that one piece of knowledge, even if it's just knowledge that we’re not alone is so helpful sometimes when we feel nothing but alone. And the Prayer Wall is always there and so you can always go and ask our brothers and sisters to pray for us. We can also go and pray for our brothers and sisters. And that's how works right, we give and we receive and we give and we receive from one another in so many different ways, so don't be a stranger to the Prayer Wall.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, if this mission to continue to bring the spoken word of God read fresh every day and offered to anyone who can hear it, anyone who will listen anywhere on this planet, any time a day or night, and to build community around the rhythm, as we call it the Global Campfire. This rhythm, the next step forward together. If that is meaningful to you, then thank you for your partnership, we wouldn't be here at all, if we weren't in this together. So, thank you. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is P.O. Box 1996 Springhill, Tennessee 37174.

And of course, if you have a prayer request or encouragement; certainly, the Prayer Wall is a place to go but you can also hit the Hotline button in the app, that little red button up at the top, or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today, I’m Brian, I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Prayer and Encouragements:

Hey everybody, Tony the Narrator here. Just a big shout out to everybody just to let you know that I’m praying with you and for you. I love all of you but yeah. Quick prayer request if possibly; my Mum’s come down with COVID for the second time. She's had both of the Oxford shots and she still come down with it and she's got a cold at the same time and it's really, she's, she's going through it, bless her, she's going through the ringer. She actually got it in November 2019 before we all knew what it was. So yeah, it was, it was, she was one of the very early cases and she picked up a new version of it so, if I could just, please beg your prayers over my mum. I’ve already told her that your all praying because I know that I can trust you guys in DABC. I’ve told her that she's got hundreds and hundreds of thousands of Christians around the globe praying over her right now because time is irrelevant when you’re speaking to the Lord and she also said to say thank you and she said all that’s lovely, which is very English thing, don’t worry.  And so, yeah, please hold my mom up in prayers she’s going through it and this is a really beautiful opportunity for me to be able to share the gospel with her and to let her know that actually she's got a Jesus who is caring for her. So, guys, I love you so much. I'm going to be able to share the gospel with my mom because of you and I love all of you. You’re all mine.

Hello beautiful family this is Susan calling from Albuquerque. I just wanted to lift a couple people up in prayer. The first one: Mark the teacher in Australia, he called about his brother who's been missing in the Outback for a couple months now and can’t imagine how, how worried you must be. I'm just kind of speechless. I can’t imagine. And the other is Bonnie from Virginia who has managed, who came here from another country and I'm assuming it's from a culture that, where women are thought of as no less important than dogs. And I, you came over here and managed to escape from a very big abusive situation. Oh, my goodness, you are so courageous and I'm so grateful you are here, there is no accident you came here and we're just all loving you and supporting you and I just wanted to say that and I'm so glad you called in. So, Father I wanted to lift up Mark and Bonnie today and we come together because Your family we love you very much and we love Your children and our brother and our sister. Please encourage Mark. Please help him find his brother-in-law. I know that they're terribly worried and they need peace of mind, please comfort this family and help them find an answer very soon. And Bonnie, please continue her recovery from this abusive marriage. I'm all out of time now. Love you all.

Good morning my DAB family. This is Judy from Georgia. This message goes to Victoria Solider. Victoria, I'm so sorry my sister to hear about your brother passing. May God comfort and keep you in His care and comfort the rest of your family and give you the strength to get through this time of mourning. We’re all praying for you my dear. Have a great day everyone. God bless you all.

Good morning Daily Audio Listeners all around the world and here in the United States. This is Maurine from Alexandria. I want to call myself Dr. M, because that's how many people refer to me. So anyway, I wanted to let you know that I am so grateful to all of you for your contributions, for your prayers and I want to say a quick prayer for everyone today, Sunday. For your healing, for your deliverance, for God's peace and for God’s protection in your life. For all those who are suffering from COVID, I pray for God's healing. For all those who have lost their loved ones, I pray for God's comfort. For all those who are finding strength in the word of God, may you be strengthened in every area of your life. Father, thank You so much for my brothers and sisters all over the world. Thank You so much for this place where we can come together to pray and to study Your word. May Your divine presence strengthen, encourage, provide, protect and heal. In the name of Jesus, by the way, thank you for such a beautiful, beautiful time together daily. And we ask that your blessing continue on Brian and his family. Lord, we love You, we bless You, we worship You. In Jesus name. Amen.

Good morning everybody, it’s Susan from Canada, God’s Yellow Flower calling. I just want to lift up Victorious Solider in prayer today and her family, over the loss of her loved brother. Dear God, dear God, I am so thankful that her brother has been saved and is enjoying the benefits of his faith here on earth. I am joyful that his heart and soul and mind and body are with you, right at this time. But for those left behind God, it's hard. And I pray Your arms of comfort about each and every one of them and that You would strengthen them and guide them and lead them through this hour of grief. I pray dear Lord that You would especially bless Victorious Soldier with leadership she needs in guiding this family through this terrible time. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

[wisteriafield]

Had a thought again, the saying "yesterdays heroes are tomorrows enemies" which was a sentiment about how tons of tankies back in the cold war would dispose of their muscle to remove the risk of being upended themselves after they did the dirty work or any other possible dissidents

But suddenly i thought of an original gundam story that could use that phrase in multiple contexts as a tagline for its story

I was thinking about how colonization and loss of collective identity create nationalist movements and 0079 paralleling that with Japan, i feel a similar thing happened with Vietnam

During WWII the US trained vietnamese soldiers to harass Japanese troops stationed in Vietnam and the people who volunteered (like ho chi minh) saw it as an opportunity to try to vouch for their peoples independence after being a french colony, but after the war the US treated vietnam like property to be returned to the french because that was their terms to agreeing to join NATO, which greatly angered them and caused them to be disillusioned with the us and became radicalized

Its often told that despite leading a movement, minh would eventually be cast aside from his own peers for their own ambitions once he became too old.

Notes about this series

Main character is a girl, with tan skin closer to how southeast asians look

The earth-a-like would be referred to as "the central planet" as earth federation is parallel to the US, the moniker refers to the US's spotlight in world politics as well as their own self absorption

The planet to parallel Vietnam is a dense two layered canopy jungle planet called Verdia because im brainstorming right now, and is a colony of the central planet

The first episode shows disturbing normalized things in the girls life as she runs an errand like carrying water; she memorized the location of land mines on the road as well as being completely unfazed by the sounds of battle nearby and constant bombing runs of mobile suits dropping bombs or burning trees in the upper layer canopy for better visibility, because the 2nd layer obscures even mobile suit vision by being just as tall as them. Shes heard stories of bombs that were dropped but didnt explode and how some of her friends died by getting too close to them out of curiosity and then suddenly exploding and knows to steer clear of ordinance even if it looks already used

Most of the central planet soldiers are around her age too, one night in her village she has an uncomfortable encounter with two of them wandering, obviously inebriated or on something else, and has to fight them off and steals one of their mobile suits and has to kill them to survive. The stress of having her idealized perception of central planet soldiers that was shown to her and being forced to kill to narrowly avoid sexual violence and death causes her to physically break down in the cockpit once the fight is over.

She is eventually found by a guerilla bloc that opposes the central planet and works with them, her uncanny survival ability owed to her understanding of the ecosystem (such as using firmer trees to make harder turns than MSes normally can) as well as the instinct shown in the beginning thats kept her alive up to this point. While she has a mass produced grunt suit (eventually customized), the gundam of the story itself is piloted by who would be her rival

Her rival embodies the idealization of Lyndon B Johnson’s “Hearts and Minds” program. A conscientious, compassionate soldier who truly wants to do good by the native population of the Verdians, but has misinformed convictions of what he’s been told the enemy is due to a lack of perspective. Disciplined to a fault, his rigid but noble nature clashes with those under his command, leading to a fragging attempt later on. He allows a private journalist to shadow him, with his naivety thinking that he can be a positive and benevolent force among his peers.

His MS is the only with beam tech, in particular there is an anecdote of one of his men wish he’d just use the beam saber to cleave down the jungle so they can get a better visual, reminding him in a time of which he did exactly that, which caused a mudslide that decimated a nearby village. The rest use machetes and ballistic weapons

The central planet has plenty of enemies beyond their reach, some of which fund the guerillas on this planet, but to avoid stretching the span of the plot this wouldn’t be too heavily focused on.

By virtue of a proxy war, the central planet has trained locals who believe in their cause to fight their own kind, in order to minimize casualties of their own

While they skirmish a few times before, a major turning point in the middle of the story is a parallel to the My Lai Massacre, his men organizing bombing runs and sortieing their MSes behind his back on a village due to their frustrations, betrayed expectations of wanting to go hunting for enemies rather than protecting and supplying locals, fueled by distrust and xenophobia for Verdians. The girl and the rival decide summarily that they have to work together, fighting together at first, and then she leaves the rest to him so she can try and protect some civilians, taking some children into the cockpit with her. Though she tries her best, many still die needlessly, causing her to cry uncontrollably clutching her head and pulling at her hair. The children make themselves small and hold each other, like walking in on a parent in a moment of emotional weakness they know they should not be looking at. The event ends with them having a tense and uneasy but mutual respect for one another.

The rival becomes disgusted beyond reconcile and deserts, realizing he could never have disciplined by example nor led by virtue, and that the attitude the central army has towards verdians is fundamentally wrong to its core (in which he recalls his CO who resembles General McArthur speak of verdians as savages whose natural state is chaos and evil)

The girl begins to doubt her place among the guerillas as they yearn to “reclaim” a national identity which they have not been able to call themselves true Verdians having been colonized by multiple nations with deeply vested interest in their resources, or being used as a staging point to reach the central planet. The movement for freedom begins to turn into a call to establish superiority by a show of strength, boldly planning to make a move to annex the capitol to prove it.

In the end of the story, rather than fight a battle trying to beat the central army, she needs to deliver the recorded proof of atrocities that took place on verdia to the journalist that the central army tried so hard to bury, in a 3 way battle between her, the central army, and her former allies she no longer wishes to associate with in the destruction waged in the capitol city during a mass evacuation effort, scenes mirror the infamous images of people clinging to helicopters taking off as they fill the helipad

The central forces eventually leave due to political backlash, but the planet is a smoking crater, cities ruined, millions of her own people dead, and despite her efforts, her own fellow verdians would later be consumed by propaganda from the central planet and defend their actions despite everything she did by the time she becomes an old woman coping with her trauma

The rival is publicly awarded by his government for heroism for his intervention during the massacre, but in private is court martialed and dishonorably discharged, while government officials lament the plummeting of their outside image while alluding to the Domino Effect.

[tekweela]

Nish!! I would love to know what your top 5 lyrics are from CALM?? Hope you're having a lovely day 🥰

kara! ❤️ i love this ask so much!!!

i have A LOT to say about this record plus i'm a bit unhinged right now for reasons so i might just keep on rambling. i apologize in advance.

i gave the album another listen before writing this answer and it is still so hard for me to come up with the top 5 lyrics (like a single line, you know). for me, it's the running themes throughout the album, open to more than one interpretation

to love/to leave, to stay/to go

rip the heart out, bleed on the floor

fatal love, lies like butterflies, turning blind eye

killed/saved by lover, broken heart/breaking heart

running from devil and demons of the past

colorblind/unsure/unaware lover, well- aware 'them'

self discovery, acceptance of everything with no remorse

the repetition and exaggeration of it all. i've seen many ppl criticize the album, call it incoherent but literally all the songs are connected pretty much, if one pays attention. not to mention the callbacks to cigarettes and throwing rocks lol. i believe it's their most mature work in that they've succeeded to put layered emotions into simple words. ANYWAY, these are my top 5 lyrics from CALM with or without some more rambling (sorry! 😭)

5. lonely heart: why is this so simple yet so beautiful?

your type of mind, so hard to find. native of mine, you're just my kind

4. not in the same way: THE BRIDGE, PERIOD.

i don't ever wanna lie to you but i can't say no to you. i know you think i'm bulletproof but you know how to hurt me too. in the dark, we're black and white in the morning, colourblind. leave your mark with every bite then everything's alright

3. high: this one start to finish just keeps coming for my heart i mean 💔 keeping the fan interpretation and current situation in mind though:

i know i'll never meet your expectations, but the picture that you paint of me looks better in your mind. now every step i take with hesitation and i'll always miss the memories of the mornings we were high

2. no shame: not to be that person but if taken in context of fans (again), i feel, changes entire meaning of the song. i anyway feel there's some similarity between no shame and holy grail (JT and jay-z) plus the whole angel with the gun (media+cameras) in the first verse? anyway, so the 2nd verse is them singing to the fans leaving them for new music they might discover in future? ouch!

lay me in the palm of your hand. i'll give you my permission, you'll always be forgiven

go on, replace me when you're cravin' somethin' sweeter than the words i left in your mouth

go on and spit me out

1. thin white lies: this song is too cinematic for me. every single line stands out and is open to interpretations. honestly i want a mv/short film/full blown movie/anything based on it. it's my #1 🥺 anyway!! the 2nd verse is still so mysterious. i do not know what it means and we might never get the exact reason why it's written the way it is. it could be infidelity with watch me as i disappear and you never call me out or the entire song's just a long ass confrontational conversation with self in the mirror? that song is so underappreciated it hurts. i hope one day it will get its due. i'll say either the first verse or:

i don't think i like me anymore. can someone tell me who i was before?

that's about it! if you managed to make it all the way down here, thankyou! i'd love to know your thoughts and your top 5 lyrics! thanks again for the ask, kara! have a wonderful night!! ❤️

[doomedandstoned]

Shepherds Crook Doom the Moonlit Sky in Latest LP

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

By Billy Goate

Album art based on a painting by Remedios Varo

I've been enamored SHEPHERDS CROOK from the moment I chanced upon 'Black Lake' (2018) some years gone, which inspired an impromptu review. Here is a band that should be, in my mind, every bit as familiar to aficionados of doom metal as Dopethrone, Bongzilla, and Cough. This opinion is founded on more than the strong emotional connection the music has made with me over the years. Every sludge lover I've had occasion to introduce the Trondheim duo to has taken to them immediately. Who can deny the appealing backwoods grit of "Uteseler" or the celebratory toke of "Smoke Diver"?

While their road game has yet to start, their track record in the studio is flawless with two stellar EPs and four highly regarded LPs notched around the belt already. The principal drivers of this project are multi-instrumentalist Ole Hell and vocalist Nestor. Together, they're a force to be reckoned with in the heavy underground, with Ole's penchant for composing dank rhythms and forlorn guitar leads that touch a nerve every time. Nestor completes the picture with characteristic gravelly crooning that carries more evil, hissing ire than a den of pissed off vipers.

Before us lay the latest long-player of the lot, 'Mat For Månen' (2021) -- or "Food For The Moon" -- which is such a brilliant title when you consider how suitable this music is for humid summer nights full of barbeque, beer, and self-loathing. If the dog's fabled bark at the moon could be rendered in relatable terms, it might end up sounding like Shepherds Crook.

"The Narrow" cracks the bottle on the recording with an irradiated strum. This becomes the song's central theme, with bass and drums joining in, followed by Nestor's gruff, caustic strains. This dirge of doom is unrelenting, with the riff simultaneously establishing the melodic core and rhythm. It's a tight track with no room for fat, not even for one of Ole Hell's trademark guitar solos -- though the woeful axeman does drop an ominous footnote during the song's closing seconds.

The titular "Mat For Månen" is next in queue and dons quite a downcast mood, with guest artist Stian Sumstad's basswork carrying the song to several emphatic moments that border on epic. The guitar has an opportunity to really shine on this one, with a melodic lead midway through that seems to be telling us secrets buried in the woods 'neath these mysterious moonlit skies.

Photograph by Magnus Olsen

Though I'm far from an angry drunk, "Barfight" has me feeling the rage that comes along with imbibing a bit too much and making enemies at the table before the night's all said and done. The song sets off a nasty blues vibe that makes me feel braver than I really am, inspiring a swing at my enemies -- real or (in this state likely) imagined.

Our four-song excursion grinds to a finish with "Ingen Morgenkvist" which does sad as only Shepherds Crook can. Though I'm uncertain of the precise meaning ("morgenkvist" has no English equivalent), my best detective work has me believing the song title could be approximated "No Morning Seen." This number has a certain weight to it -- and not merely because of its 16-minute runtime. Despite the familiar joshing about how long doom bands are prone to playing ("I just got here, what did I miss?" "Nothing yet, they're still on their first song!"), it takes strong songwriting and a steady hand of musicianship to pull off low and slow in a way that works convincingly for the listener. Here, the song has a balladic feel (it's based on a poem by poem by Jørgen Nygard) that builds gradually, layer upon layer, with Mr. Hell's guitar doing the kind of singing that defies words, yet somehow succeeds in rendering meaning.

Overall, Mat For Månen is a welcome addition to the Shepherds Crook oeuvre. It succeeds in delivering the unique sound of the band with a depth that gives it staying power. Perhaps it will find a welcome home in your playlist, to. Releasing July 2nd (at which point it will be available for purchase here), the record is presented in its world premiere courtesy of Doomed & Stoned.

Give ear...

LISTEN: · Shepherds Crook - Mat For Månen (2021)

Shepherds Crook: The Rundown

Interview with guitarist Ole Hell Photographs by Magnus Olsen

How did Shepherds Crook get its start?

It started out as some kind of experiment back in 2017 when I (Ole) rented this little studio room in a larger studio space of a friend of mine.

The first track we did was "Outlaw Speedking", based on a riff I made on the spot when I found my acoustic guitar after many many years of not playing. I got myself some new gear and just started to record.Nestor heard it and got hyped, wrote some lyrics and recorded the vocals in one take, first try. We knew that we had to do more songs and about a month later we released Black Lake. We did five releases from 2017 to 2019. I do everything from recording to mixing and mastering, so it's been a learning process for me as far as making heavy music sound good, with every release I think it sounds a little bit better.

Where did the name Shepherds Crook come from?

Actually I thought it was a fascination for walking sticks from hiking in the woods or whatever, but Nestor reminded me the other day that the name came from a dream I had years ago where I was going to make a band called Shepherds Crook. I can't really confirm that as I don't remember. Blame the beers.

How would you describe your "sound" to someone who hasn't yet listened to your records?

We're all over the place as far as I'm concerned. We started out with more of a stoner vibe and kind of mixed in elements of doom and sludge. The vocals might be weird for a lot of stoner rock fans, and the riffs might be too boring for everyone that is into "metal" but likes the vocals. This is our impression from people anyways. But back to the sound; it's heavy riffs, moody melodies and mean vocals. I think we kind of got our own thing going at this point, we care less and less about these "doom" and "stoner" labels these days to be honest.

Walk us through each track on 'Mat For Månen' and tell us about what the songs mean and/or how they originated.

We do like the idea that the listener can interpret and make up his own mind what the tracks mean. But, basically the general idea for the album is the moon and how it connects to organic life on earth. Mat For Månen is norwegian for "Food for the moon" and is based on the same concept laid out by the mystic G. I. Gurdjieff (and to some extent Ouspensky and others), I won't lay the whole thing out here, but if anybody is interested they could check that out.

The tracks touch on this topic in various ways like lunacy, the saturn connection, no dawn, wizards and shit, lol. The songs are also pretty varied on this one, from that stoner doom thing to a more heavy blues vibe, doom and stoner metal.

As a side note, we recorded the album at a place called "Månen" (the moon), the place of a buddy of ours. Cool thing is he joined on vocals for two of the tracks and It sounds awesome. He might be joining us on bass and co-vocals whenever we get our asses on stage.

Speaking of stagework, has Shepherds Crook had a chance to get out and tour much?

I mean, not really. In the beginning it was just me playing all the instruments as a studio project. Then after a while we had a couple of drummers come in and a bass player. We started rehearsing to play live then some of us couldn't make it due to different reasons, etc. We still have plans to make it happen at some point in the near future.

Give us an overview of your discography so far.

Black Lake (2018) Uteseiler (2018) Evil Magician (2018) Carved In Smoke (2019) Dauseiler (2019) Mat For Månen (2021)

Black Lake by Shepherds Crook

Uteseiler by Shepherds Crook

Evil Magician by Shepherds Crook

Carved In Smoke by Shepherds Crook

Dauseiler by Shepherds Crook

Are there any records or songs that you are especially proud of?

I know we're both pretty happy with Uteseiler as a whole and the last track of Dauseiler: "Serpent Ropes". Also, Mat For Månen is pretty decent I would say.

What does the future hold for Shepherds Crook?

I'm in the process of writing riffs for another album, but have no idea when it will be finished. It could take a while. We have other projects going as well.

Nestor (the singer) is now in this black metal band and I'm doing my other thing Vandrer (instrumental doom), you can check it out on vandrer.bandcamp.com.

We also got a new drummer: Trollhammer aka Jan Olav, an old childhood buddy. We were in a death metal band together in the early-mid 90's and he's been in many death metal bands since then.

He will be doing the drums on both Shepherds Crook and Vandrer from now on, bringing that extra punch to the face (and groin area).

What is your philosophy of life? How do you see the world, your place in it, etc.?

Well, we got all kinds of crazy renegade ideas. While we wait for that book, just insert any Lemmy quote of choice!

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[hwallout]

our little secret (iii) - csy

summary: as a CEO of one of the country’s most powerful companies, you had your secrets to success. no one ever gained power without ruthless, filthy and unfair play, it’s all okay if no one knows right? well, what happens when your little secrets fall into the hands of someone you can’t get rid of that easily?

words: 7,6k

genre: angst, drama, future smut

warnings: language

early an: feedback really appreciated! please let me know what you think of this! THERE IS A READ MORE BUTTON

[part one]

 [part two]

[part four]

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

How could speculations like that arise so fast? How could someone write such a scandalous article without knowing the truth? Shouldn’t they know it’s harmful to both sides, including their own agencies?

There were so many questions that you weren’t sure anyone had the time nor bothered enough to answer. What you were sure about though, was that money can and will once again shut all of this down.

Without any more thought and effort to check the picture sources, you turned to Eunha in a panicked manner. The female still had her head hanging low, hands nervously shuffling and pinching the material of a tight black skirt. You frowned, dissatisfied with seeing the assistant like this. Eunha had a name, high position, and pride to withhold, so it wasn’t exactly clear as to why she was so affected by a pitiful heir.

“Eunha, make sure all of-” Your voice was loud and clear, with no hints of doubt or hesitance. Seungyoun still stood towering over your sitting form, but his broad frame didn’t succeed to daunt this time. Maybe it was because you’ve been so shocked by the news or determined to get rid of them, that the existence of the other didn’t quite matter at given moment.

Although, you somehow forgot something just then. Seungyoun was Mr.Cho’s descendant. He learned how to be a step ahead of the opponent.

“Eunha?” Seungyoun’s authoritative voice echoed through the room. It managed to overpower yours and the male smirked upon realizing that. With a scoff you leaned back slightly, watching the male avert his gaze on the assistant. Eunha immediately turned to face the heir, flinching slightly after hearing her name called in such a tone. Seungyoun continued.

“Out. Leave” He pointed towards the door and you weren’t quick enough to stand up and stop the female from leaving. It was as if Eunha waited for that exact command, already up and storming out of your office. The tablet fell out of her shaking hands, but she didn’t dare turn around to pick it up and just left it laying in place. The door closed with a loud thud.

“That’s not a way to talk to my employees!” Finally alone, you suddenly yelled at Seungyoun. You stood up and mirrored his pose, arms straight and palms outstretched on the expensive desk. There were evident anger and annoyance on your face, but the other seemed not to care. No, Seungyoun turned around, his hooded eyes locking with yours, eliciting a burning fire.

Without a word, the heir held your gaze intently and walked around the desk, coming over to where you were standing. He leaned against the strong object, crossing his legs. Seungyoun’s composed and calculated demeanor once again reeked of dominance and situational control. You felt pressured to listen to what he had to say next.  

“You’re not shutting any of those down, darling” Seungyoun said, never once looking away from the target. His breath was calm, chest rising and falling in an even rhythm. Same couldn’t be said for the female, irregular heartbeat causing shorter and inconsistent breaths. If human ears could produce smoke, yours probably would.

“We’re going to do this properly” As if Seungyoun expected the upcoming burst, his hands silently intertwined with each other, resting on his thighs. With head slightly cocked to the side, the male took a deep breath as you moved.

“Oh, we are” You insisted, walking just two steps so your feet were almost touching his. The tension was thick but with a reason. It was unusual; having Seungyoun so calm next to a fuming figure, his cool and composed self, next to a hot and bothered female. “We’re going to do this the best possible way”

“But first off, let me repeat myself. That was not the way to talk to my employee. My assistant at that. As much as I’m informed, she could be more qualified than you” You began. At that point, it was possible to feel burns of the poisonous words. Seungyoun’s lips twitched something that almost resembled a frown before they were back to their previous position.

“I have never once been involved in a scandal of any kind, let alone one that concerns my love life. I’d like it if stayed that way, or at least if I had your name wiped off my record” Continuing, you watched Seungyoun’s cool demeanor slowly break down, especially through the way his jaw clenched.

“This” You turned around and finally picked the little device up, scrolling down where the three pictures were displayed. Tapping a nail on the screen as if to gain his attention, the speech resumed. “This right here...wait”  

Your eye managed to catch onto the little watermark in the bottom left corner. With white and navy-blue stylized letters, it showcased the initials of StarLight. You looked at Seungyoun in pure disbelief.

“I should’ve known! How fucking dare you!” Although wanting to throw the phone away to the other side of the office, you controlled the overwhelming wave of emotions. Putting it down on the desk slowly, you breathed steadily, eyes closing for a few seconds. It was too much to take at once, all while having too little time to think.

StarLight, one of the main press photo agencies of the country. In fact, StarLight was the 2nd on the list and estimated to move to the 1st spot in the next couple of months. It hired only the best of people, those flexible enough and even able to sneak into dangerous situations to get enough content for the press/news articles. It wasn’t surprising that they paid extremely well, considering the circumstances they put their employees in.  

StarLight, also one of the most powerful agencies that Cho enterprise managed to acquire a year ago.

“Listen” Seungyoun interrupted the silence, along with your calm state of mind. Your eyes opened and there was another, new fire burning inside. You felt defeated but still had the awakening willpower to continue fighting.

“What’s there to listen to? You just keep wanting to ruin me, don’t you? Then go on. Go show everyone what a good boy you are and-”

In the middle of your blabbering, Seungyoun distanced himself from the desk and in one swift motion pulled you in for a kiss. One of his hands latched onto your waist, while the other moved to the back of your head. Holding on lightly, he didn't put on much pressure. Just like before, the male was allowing freedom and control of movement. Seungyoun smirked when he felt you kissing back.  

The feeling of his lips on yours was intoxicating, the touch of his hands burning even through thick pieces of cloth. Seungyoun’s smell of expensive Gucci perfume filled the small bubble of air around you, probably sticking to the material of your blazer too. You wouldn’t mind, but never admit wanting to smell like the heir.

Just when your hands were starting to move up, Seungyoun took a step back, effectively breaking the kiss. He turned around and strolled towards the leather couch not so far away. That way, the other spared you from witnessing the confident and cocky smirk on his lips.  

With thoughts all over the place, the sensation from before was still present. A hand instinctively came up to brush at the soft skin of your lips, trying to cool away the burning patches. Silence.

“If I knew that’s all it takes to shut you up, I would’ve done it sooner” Seungyoun’s tone was monotone, without any specific emotion lingering on his words. He sat down on the couch, legs immediately crossing and hands neatly placed on his lap.  

“Now be a good girl and listen, okay?” His commands, although said without much authority, set something off in your head. Nodding obediently and approaching to sit across from him, you watched the heir with utmost attention.  

“This isn’t a joke. In fact, it’s an important chance I’ve made for you to take. I’m a calculated and precise man. Although it’s hard to admit, I’m sure you’re aware of that” Seungyoun started, slowly introducing the whole topic in a way that many businessmen did. He attempted to make the whole ordeal sound trustful, while also trying to label it as a one-of-a-kind situation.  

“Cho enterprise and INVICTA have their shared, as well as own partners. By those, I mean experienced, powerful and well-known agencies that both establishments seek for. I’m sure that your company, as well as mine, strives towards increasing the number of associates day by day. Am I right?”

Seungyoun spoke carefully and slowly, aware of the fact that your mind might still be a little cloudy. Receiving a nod, he continued talking.

“A lot of eyes are following our steps meticulously, watching over the development of our project. Once it’s done and our companies prove their power for the nth time, we will be swarmed. I’m speaking hundreds of possible partners knocking on our doors”

“They’re always trying to find a way to contact and work with one of us, most are scared to be caught in a crossfire. Imagine if that crossfire didn’t exist, just imagine what we could do together”

The male shifted and leaned in, elbows now resting on top of his knees. With such posture, Seungyoun seemed much more serious. His breathing quickened and words seemed much lighter.

“Think about how many agencies we could have a chance to work with through this. You’d get to meet new people through the somewhat open meetings Cho enterprise organizes, I’d take you there, and you could bring me to the parties INVICTA throws. That way we show them that both of us are open for cooperation at any time”

Throughout the whole speech, you nodded along, agreeing with everything said. Alas, there was always that slightest bit of hesitance in your being that you weren’t able to get rid of. And maybe you really shouldn’t. The whole deal was too sudden, yet it seemed that the heir was expecting an immediate answer. Was there even an option to think about it? Or to deny? Acting impulsively was never the right thing. You needed time.

“Now, of course, there’s the gossip media and people wanting to constantly invade privacy. They’ll only help make this whole thing more believable” That only rang another alarm in your head, one more point that had to be argumented to the other.

“That means we have to show in public together...”

“Not for long. Let’s make a deal. We’ll go out occasionally, to Halo Garden or Angel Den, we own those don’t we? We’ll choose a secluded corner and from there you’ll be able to focus on your work, I won’t bother you. I can even leave to another table, they won’t see” Seungyoun’s voice sounded different at the last part. Almost as if having to say that somehow affected him. You thought it wasn’t a big deal – one could always use some work time in a relaxing environment with indie music and a caramel latte.

“You could also visit my home” The heir blurted out, once again capturing full attention. Gulping, you looked at the other hesitantly, not sure how to react. Seungyoun’s lips pulled into a smile.

“Don’t think too much of it, you’ll only make it awkward for yourself”  

Silence. You relaxed into the leather seat and threw your head back. With eyes locked on the white ceiling, you sighed out loud. The other wasn’t saying anything, probably because there wasn’t anything more to say. He patiently waited for an answer.

The door of the office opened but shut only a second later. Eunha’s heels sounded over the tiles outside.

“I need time to think”

“No”

“Then I can only refuse your offer” Tired eyes met with another expectant pair. It was only the beginning of a workday, yet you felt exhausted way over the limit. It was impossible how one person can drain so much energy from someone.

“That’s not going to happen” Seungyoun replied, annoyance bidding its hello through an undertone. It appeared that the male was easily worked up, which of course, you’ve been proven many times in the past.

“I planned this whole thing out perfectly? Why do you need to think about it?” He questioned. You stood up, cracking your fingers one by one while walking around the broad office. When right in front of the window, you overlooked the whole territory, allowing the beautiful view of a waking city to relax you. Seungyoun’s questions finally processed properly and for whatever reason, they happened to hit a certain spot.

“Because unlike you, I run my own company. I’m the CEO. I’m the head that has to think about the consequences. There’s no one behind me, or let alone above me. Someone who can pat me on the head and say ‘Don’t worry darling, daddy will take care of it’”  

You moved to face him, but your legs didn’t take a step away from the previous position.

“Seungyoun, everything needs time to be thought about. Many ideas were believed to be great before they were put into action. World war one is a great example. I’m sure your education is high enough for you to understand that”

Seungyoun laughed with a pitiful face. From the moment he entered, maybe even from the day he hired a reporter to follow your interactions, Seungyoun knew how his plan would end. Just as mentioned, the male was a step ahead, purely because he was the one controlling the game. Sometimes, you’d be allowed the benefit of doubt, but all this time, Seungyoun was the one moving the pawns.  

That thought was always forced in the back of your mind.  

“It’s silly of you to think I came here to be rejected, sweetheart” Seungyoun stood up and approached you in three quick strides. With low voice, almost a whisper, his finger once again came up to hold your chin. Seungyoun hadn’t moved at all afterward, just watched your cheeks turn a bright shade of red. It was exceedingly hard for both to stay calm and composed, not lean in and feel the special sensation just once more.  

The two faces started moving towards each other at an extremely slow pace. Then, as if hit by electricity, when only a breath away, Seungyoun stepped back, sighing and running a hand through his back hair. The movement effectively ruined his hairstyle, a few strands falling over the man’s forehead and making him just a tad bit more attractive.

Seungyoun took hold of a random paper from your desk, not caring that it just so happened to be an important list of your monthly profit, and scribbled something on it with a pen.  

“I thought we’d come to an agreement easily, guess I was wrong” He tsked, already backing away from the desk and heading towards the exit. “Expect my call, or better, call me yourself. Don’t make me turn the media’s focus on Kang Byungho again”  

Seungyoun didn’t leave any time for replies, for he was already out of the office, slamming the door behind with a wicked grin on his face. You approached the desk, throwing a peek at the scribbled set of numbers, immediately labeling them as a phone number.  

Sitting down on the comfortable chair, you leaned forward, elbows resting on the desk and fingers gently massaging aching temples. With closed eyes and furrowed eyebrows, you tried to think about everything that led to this point in time. Everything that you managed to fuck up to end up being controlled by a pathetic heir.

This was actually the first time you’ve been threatened. Seungyoun wasn’t dumb, for he knew how to play and which information to use against you. If things weren’t going as planned, Seungyoun would unleash a piece by piece, never the whole story. He would want to see you break down slowly, to watch the country’s most powerful woman on her knees, trying to put a shattered glass back together. At least, that how you envisioned it.

Exactly why the male mentioned Kang Byungho was because he knew how much hassle you had taking care of the second theft. How much money went into hitmen and associates that were of high positions in courts, as well as police. Seungyoun saw it all, from the hidden receipts of money transferred between the source and the recipient, to the documents of illegally manipulated trials saved for possible blackmail.  

As much as everyone in the industry, he was aware of Byungho’s importance as the main assistant of RELAY enterprise. The company had great potential and was doing astonishing work, slowly but surely climbing the chart. They were expected to someday reach first place – well, at least until that happened.  

Byungho’s unexpected and clean murder that was thrown under the mat, managed to horribly disturb Lee Yuna – RELAY's CEO and also Kang Byungho’s long term best friend. The woman stepped down in a matter of two days, reasoning it by feeling unsafe and not mentally stable enough to continue her job.  

It was morally correct to feel bad for her and the enterprise that crumbled down, but somehow you just didn’t care. As long as your own empire was safe.

Seungyoun knew that it only took two hours for you to locate the man, organize and execute his murder, call all the associates with authority and have the case closed before it was even opened. Still, that information was just one tiny piece of everything you held secure in the hidden database.

That’s how much potential the young man had. That’s how much his father owed him. Seungyoun would prove that all the degrading words thrown his way were never genuine. Seungyoun had raw power even over the most powerful.  

Although there really wasn’t any reason, except for maybe extreme pity, the young man was up for negotiations.

And that’s exactly why there was no other choice than to save the numbers on the paper as a new contact.

As the day passed by, bits and pieces of free time allowed the mind to think about everything. At least, that’s what you thought.

The probability of Seungyoun expecting a call the moment he left your office was high, although that never happened. He probably envisioned you following his orders like a ‘good little girl’, but was unfortunately left disappointed. The heir didn’t insist though. There was no more pressure added to the already existing one, for he was well aware that you’d eventually follow his commands. If because of nothing else, then out of pure fear.

Somewhere around an hour before the work was completely done, you stood up and paced around the office, trying to get rid of the uncomfortable ache in your feet. The varnished heels were becoming a problem and you looked down, not quite understanding why they were still on.  

Taking one, then the other off, you enjoyed walking barefoot on the cold floor. Pleasant change in temperature had you skipping around, seeking for new colder patches of the ground. Still, that wasn’t what intoxicated one’s mind the most, rather the still lingering scent of a Gucci perfume. Although it had been hours since the male left, Seungyoun still managed to overtake your senses and occupy your mind.

Looking out of the window seemed to only arise more worry. Seemingly under your feet, down on the street, formed a crowd of about fifty people. There were three black SUVs and loads of rushed humans chasing after the ones coming out of your company. Squinting, you managed to catch onto men carrying heavy cameras.  

A huge gulp echoed throughout the room.

After hurriedly walking over to the desk, you picked the little phone up and dialed the recently saved number. It only rung twice before the person on the other side answered.

“Well hello th-”  

“Seungyoun there are reporters outside and I don’t know how to engage them” You spat out quick, and in fear that the male hadn’t caught onto a single word, you were about to repeat. The heir suddenly spoke up.  

“Okay, calm down. I can come pick you up” He seemed to have understood everything, which made you sigh in relief. There was shuffling on the other side, a chair squeaking and fingers working on a keyboard in an even rhythm. It took just a moment too long to process his words.

“Seungyoun I have my own car. I just don’t know what to say to them while I’m making my way towards it. They’ll fucking swarm me like wasps”  

“Doesn’t INVICTA have an underground parking lot?” The male continued, now with decent amounts of surprise and confusion in his tone. It was true, this building, like many others in the area, had an underground parking lot serving its employees only. It was free, which the workers greatly appreciated, and it meant that public parking wouldn't be occupied all the time. Everyone used it, well, everyone except for you. Money wasn’t a problem and you didn’t want to lose time getting out of the underground, therefore you usually parked outside.

“I’m glad you know the blueprint of my company better than I do. I don’t park my car there, kind of disappointed you didn’t notice” Although it probably wasn’t the greatest time for it, you joked. Still, the man on the other side laughed, obviously entertained by the little remark.  

“Oh, so the white Porsche was yours...” Seungyoun trailed off, hands once again back to working on the keyboard. He let the silence drag on for a few moments; unintentionally or not, you wouldn’t be sure. Tapping on the hard keys stopped; he resumed speaking. “Just rush through them. Get the security to follow you out and just don’t say anything. They’ll get their answers soon enough”  

With a brief okay and goodbye, the call ended. Numerous papers on the desk suddenly became too much work and you sighed, turning around in the chair and looking out at the clear sky. A huge advantage of this office was that one of the walls was just pure glass. At every moment of the day, it offered a beautiful overlook one could really get lost in.  

There was half an hour more to spend and your mind once again wandered off towards a certain tall and broad, black-haired man.

The next day, Eunha seemed reserved and shy, only talking when being spoken to or ordered around. She was hesitant with staying around for a longer period of time and even excused herself a couple of times for unknown reasons. Her behavior was completely different than before and it wasn’t a hard thing to notice. You expected the assistant to speak up alone, but when that didn’t happen, you decided to take the matter in your own hands.

“Eunha sit down” The voice you used wasn’t the one usually used on the smaller. The female stood up to leave for the nth time that day without saying anything and you had to do something. Upon hearing the command, Eunha stayed seated, hands immediately intertwining and gaze falling onto her lap.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, and the sudden change to a much more adoring tone seemed to surprise the other. She looked up to find you leaning forwards, soft gaze not meaning to intimidate.  

Eunha has always been one of your most appreciated and hardworking employees, someone who you had deep respect and huge amounts of love for. Throughout these few years, she grew to be a close friend before everything else. Therefore, seeing her face full of discomfort deeply worried you.  

The assistant took her time gathering every single thought before saying anything. She looked around the office, at all the decorations, the huge TV no one ever used, then papers on the table. Everywhere but the eyes of her boss.

“Eunha is it about yesterday?” You questioned again and that’s when she looked at you and nodded. Eunha sighed out loud as if a huge weight was taken off her chest, and the words were able to finally freely flow.

“I feel as if I’ve let you down. I should’ve known about the visit, and I should’ve warned you, I shouldn’t have been quiet about the news and I shouldn’t have been so easily controlled by your respective boyfriend an-”

Through the sudden clench of her jaw, it appeared as if the smaller was about to cry. It wasn’t often that the female became so self-critical and it had you jumping up and crouching right in front of her.

“Eunha! You didn’t disappoint me! Nothing is your fault. Really, everything is okay, none of us could’ve predicted any of this. It was all unexpected so please don’t blame yourself, you’ll never be able to disappoint me, okay?” You reassured the other, hands coming up to take hers. They were clammy and you only frowned at that. All of this really affected her. To lighten up the atmosphere, you laughed before continuing.

“And he isn’t my boyfriend”  

Eunha looked shocked after hearing that. Her eyes reached the size of avocado seeds, while her rosy lips were left parted. The sight amused you quite a bit.

“But the visit, the news-”

“It’s all fake. Media and business play. Clout. Call it however you want” Although given a clear and simple clarification, the assistant still seemed taken aback. She blinked a couple of times, leaning back into the chair and furrowing her brows. You stood up and returned back to your own seat, expecting Eunha to ask for a better explanation. Of course, that happened not even three seconds later.

“How did that come to be?”

So instead of returning to work that was left to pile up yesterday, you leaned back and started the telltale from the exact beginning. The assistant listened with utmost attention, making sure to suck in every piece of information, every little detail you offered, growing more dumbfounded as seconds passed. Minutes fled by fast when such an interesting story was being shared and soon enough it was time to leave. Still, the other stayed seated until the very last word left your lips, apparently not caring about the time.  

You appreciated that, it felt nice being able to talk about the whole situation with someone who wasn’t labeled a fake boyfriend. Then, even if you wanted to talk with him, Seungyoun probably wouldn’t be so invested in understanding your emotions and viewpoints like Eunha was. At the last point, the assistant gasped.

“And that’s exactly why I have to go and meet with him at Angel Den in approximately half an hour”

The white Porsche came to a stop right outside the big café in center of the city. It happened to be just in the right time because an expensive black Maserati was also pulling up right beside. When the door lifted up and opened, dressed in casual attire, Cho Seungyoun stepped out. You thanked his outfit choice, for you too weren’t dressed formally at all. The heir wore a caramel long-sleeved button-up and black pants with black vans. He seemed to unexpectedly match with your outfit. It consisted of a beige cardigan and loose shirt of the same color tucked in black ripped jeans – truly something the media weren’t used to.

There was a genuine smile on Seungyoun’s face as he approached you, completely ignoring all of the flashing lights around him. For whatever reason, the reporters were already there, with set up cameras and annoying interviewers, ready to capture every possible move of the new couple.

Honestly, why the fuck were they so bothered? The two of you weren’t celebrities, only successful business people; when did the lives of those become gossip-worthy?

Seungyoun offered a hand, which you took without any evident hesitation. His palm was warm as he took you inside, not trying to hide the admiration that danced around his irises. The sudden amount of emotion was surprising, cheeks immediately flushing as the two of you walked upstairs - to the secured designated spot.  

A couple of reporters tried following but weren’t allowed on the second floor by the staff. This was a café Cho enterprise owned, therefore ordering to keep the upper floor off-limits for an hour or two wasn’t hard at all. They were given a bonus anyway.

The reserved seat was all the way in the back, hidden from outside view and decorated in most beautiful ways. Your eyes immediately caught onto the black wall, one that was (almost) completely filled with different drawings and words. There were numerous jokes, pick-up lines, and cheeky caricatures, all of them bribing a smile out on your face. Suddenly, Seungyoun took your hand, turned it around and put a white stick in the opened palm.

“Go on” The male cocked his head to the side, motioning towards the black wall. You were taken aback, needing a moment to cherish the privilege of writing something down yourself.

“They wipe them off every three days so don’t be too happy about it” Of course, Seungyoun always had to ruin the moment. Instead of the lovely look he gave you just a few minutes ago, there was an assured smirk on his face. It only served as a reminder that all of his ‘obvious’ emotions were a play and a façade put on for the media.  

For whichever reason, it hurt.

The chalk felt soft against your fingers and hard against the surface. With elegant moves, your name was written down, a beautiful heart just above the last letter. Although unoriginal, it was the thought that mattered and you laughed, finally having left a trace of INVICTA in Angel Den.

It wasn’t long after the waitress took the orders, that your drinks arrived. Seungyoun went all out, ordering their fanciest (and at the same time most expensive) drink that you remembered the name of - Flash. It ended up being a black cocktail with red streaks that changed shapes every time the little umbrella was swirled in it. Seungyoun’s drink greatly contrasted yours, a simple oreo milkshake.

For the first few minutes, you expected the other to begin some kind of a topic, yet unfortunately, that never happened. Seungyoun’s gaze was locked outside, on his phone, the black liquid in a fancy glass, but never on you. The male didn’t look happy though, there was a slight frown on his lips, and his brows looked slightly furrowed. You pondered asking about it, but decided not do. It’s for the better to keep to your own work.

With laptop opened, you slowly worked on important paperwork, fingers swiftly moving over the keyboard and eyes carefully scanning all text. In such a concentrated state, you missed the way Seungyoun’s eyes stopped observing the outside world and switched to you. He was relaxed in the seat, taking slow sips of his beverage while watching the female on the other side. Something inside his chest ached upon not being noticed.

Then he remembered.

Turning on the little device resting on the table, Seungyoun tapped a few times on its screen and opened the newest gossip article. Of course, it featured the two of you.

“You look so ugly here” Seungyoun mocked, expecting a large reaction in return. You looked up from the bigger screen, taking a quick glance at the picture, before returning to work. Truthfully, there was nothing wrong with the picture; maybe taken from an unusual angle, but you for sure didn’t look ugly.  

Without any verbal answer, Seungyoun felt defeated, but he wasn’t going to give up so easy. Annoying, that was probably one of Seungyoun’s main personality traits.

“I hope that not all of the articles feature that shot because damn, I’d want that taken down” He continued, hoping that another one of those stupid remarks will have you answering. Fortunately for him, it did.

“I literally couldn’t care less. But if it affects you so much, go and cry to them about how ugly your girlfriend is, boohoo” You didn’t look up from the screen, but smiled. It wasn’t genuine, almost a show of teeth and a warning to the other. Really, you didn’t care and you didn’t understand why he was so bothered about it. None of the two agreed to media being all up in their face, so was it really important how they looked like in those shots? Hilarious.

“Damn, thought you have some pride to keep” Seungyoun answered, hands raised in the air in defense mode. Still, his heart didn’t fail to miss a beat at your mention of being his girlfriend.  

“Just being with you here destroyed even the smallest pieces of pride I had left”  

Seungyoun’s pride was probably what should’ve taken the biggest hit there, but it turned out to be his heart. It stopped for almost two whole beats, allowing the mind to become fuzzy, thoughts flying all over the place. The male felt, but didn’t understand and refused to show.

Seungyoun was well aware of the fact that you were slowly getting under his skin, but it wasn’t clear as to why. What was it about you that had him wanting to be in your company? To be around? What was it that made his stone heart quicken its pace when you're around?  

And did he really need to play like this? If he gave up on using knowledge to his advantage, were you going to turn your back on him? Probably. If he didn’t set up this dumb ultimatum, would you still be up for getting to know him? Probably not.  

But that’s exactly where Seungyoun’s thoughts clashed together and contradicted each other. Was all of this an ongoing process used to show his father that he wasn’t a failure? Because Seungyoun wanted to back up his parent in succeeding as an even bigger businessman? Or because without it, would you ever think of him as worthy enough?

From the beginning, there was a much simpler way to do all of this. Alas, the heir was greedy and wanted to kill two flies with one hit.

Seungyoun looked away and refused to let his hurt be shown.

Second meeting was scheduled on the weekend; Sunday to be exact. You were the one who proposed a walk through the park, which Seungyoun needed a minute to think about. In the end, an agreement was settled.

Both thought that Sunday night was the best option for a date of an open kind. There wouldn’t be as many reporters (if any), which meant you’d be able to walk around more freely. Also, many real couples chose said day and time for their own outings, so that way you’ll be able to camouflage with them.

Once again, although this time planned, Seungyoun and you managed to match outfits. Both were dressed in black comfortable outfits with masks covering generous amounts of the face. There was a suggestion to pair up caps or beanies with the overall look, but the heir was quick to shut the offer down. He said that you looked like an idol couple already as it is, and adding hats to raise more suspicion wasn’t at all needed.

The park was crowded. Kids ran around, screaming and playing, while their parents carefully watched over their little devils. Young couples were crowding the place, holding hands, laughing, goofing around and enjoying the presence of their partner. Some were sitting on the wooden benches, arms thrown over shoulders and heads resting against each other.

For a moment, you felt like one of them. Walking hand in hand with someone who others would label as your boyfriend. Others. But would you?

Unexpectedly, your mind crossed that point out and allowed itself to just enjoy the moment. Relish the feeling of having someone right beside.  

It was too long since you’ve engaged in a relationship. Work proved to be way too big of a fuss, never allowing enough time to focus on someone the way a girlfriend should.

What ended up ruining the perfect picture and warm feeling bubbling inside of your chest was a sudden realization. Seungyoun’s hand felt cold in yours, although the grip was strong. There was no warmth you expected to find and the sadness bid its hello. You sighed.

From behind one of the trees in the distance, there was a flash. That little action made you freeze in place and look around. The hold on your hand tightened and Seungyoun was quick to address the situation. When the heir turned around, he saw the surprise in your eyes.

“StarLight”

Disappointment overtook your features and your shoulders slumped forward. Then again, there was another bright light, coming from a completely different direction. Your eyes tracked the position.

“Cascade”  

At the mention of another gossip agency, your head snapped in his direction. Seungyoun caught onto the dismay in your irises and immediately stepped back, letting go of your hand. It suddenly felt as if he wasn’t qualified enough to hold it anymore. But was he ever?

“How many of them know about this meeting?” You whispered, hurt almost dripping from said words. Inside of your chest, the heart was beating with a delay, blood pumping slowly through veins. Seungyoun looked back, chest tightening in a certain indescribable way.  

“Just them” Seungyoun answered, trying to control his voice, scared that it might just break if he said more. You nodded and your gaze lowered, focusing on a small rock on the ground. Kicking it away and watching it reach the grass, you picked Seungyoun’s hand, feeling once again just how cold it was.

“Let’s go home. It’s enough for tonight” The conversation was cut short there, no one saying a word until the very farewell. Throughout the whole walk home, Seungyoun’s head was a mess, thoughts incoherent for god knows which time that week.  

He thought that there was no way out of this. At least a way that would end up positively for both of you. Whatever Seungyoun tried; one wouldn’t be satisfied. He was in a crossfire, feeling guilty.  

The warmth from your own hand was slowly disappearing in his.

As per usual, you were on time.  

Once a big iron gate opened, a beautiful property came into view. The tall and fancy building Seungyoun lived in, shone bright, illuminating a broad territory around it. Outside, on the parking lot, there weren’t many cars, despite the building’s housing potential. Every single vehicle turned out to an expensive brand - from Porsche, Aston Martin, Bentley to Rolls-Royce and Bugatti. All those fancy cars were secured by tens of cameras and laser control, making you completely dumbfounded and intimidated.  

Indirectly, you got the answer to why it wasn’t completely inhabited – money probably became too big of a problem.

If the counting was done right, it had twelve floors and an open balcony on the top. Thankfully, it appeared to have a set of elevators that would be taking you to the last floor – just exactly where the heir lived.  

The entrance was locked, it operated through an intercom that took some time to figure out. Seungyoun seemed to be expecting your visit just then, for he immediately opened the door.

Walking inside felt like entering an expensive hotel. There was a reception in the middle of the wide hallway, a cute girl with a surprised face working behind the counter. Two guards were positioned at the different sides of it, their eyes suspiciously tracking your every movement.

Well, this is something you’ve never experienced before.

Walking towards the female felt strange, the looks of the other two only an added pressure. Fortunately, upon noticing your nervous appearance, she smiled and appeared more cheerful than a few seconds ago. This was a casual building people casually lived in, but for whatever reason, you felt like the visit had to be reasoned.

Thankfully, the conversation didn’t last long, for she happened to recognize you ‘from the news’ and carelessly allowed a free pass. The ride to the twelfth floor didn’t last long. A familiar song that played made time pass by quicker. The elevator opened with a barely audible ding. Your eyes immediately caught onto the fact that there was only one door.  

The guard that appeared out of nowhere startled you, but only for a blink of time, for you were already used to the area to feel as intimidating as ever.  

Knocking onto the hard surface, you waited for Seungyoun to come and open, but that never happened. Trying the second time, you feared looking like a burglar to the man beside the elevator. Suddenly, something that barely sounded like ‘come in’ was heard from the other side. That was the only que to come in.  

“It’s me” You chirped, taking the heavy coat off and looking around, searching for a hanger. Finding it in the corner of the hallway, you hung the clothing piece on it. It was expected to find a thousand pairs of shoes on the floor, but there were only two – a pair of dress shoes and black vans. Your own pair of white Converse seemed to perfectly break the melancholy.

From the hallway, which appeared to be the center of the apartment, it was possible to go four different ways through four different doors. You contemplated which ones to open first, scared to barge in uninvited to whatever was on the other side. It didn’t have to be a form of unexpected activity, rather something Seungyoun wouldn’t want others to see. Like his untidy bedroom, for example.

Therefore, choosing not to move just yet, you anticipated the host to appear soon – seeing as someone has entered his apartment. Minutes passed and no one came out.

Suddenly, your ears picked up on a quiet and calm melody. It was coming from behind the door on your left. With slow and careful movements, you pushed the door, opening them without any effort.  

The room was rectangular but divided into something that looked like an upside-down letter U. It was huge, almost like a suite all by itself. The aesthetics were something similar to your own apartment – white coffee, beige and white with a few black decorations here and there. From the entrance, you were met with expensive furniture and a huge TV screen that resembled a dark void on a bright wall. There were shelves filled with books of different genres and authors; the most worn-out ones were related to music. Family portraits filled the walls, making you stop and observe for a few moments.  

Most of them were when Seungyoun was little. They looked happy.

On the other side of the wall, Seungyoun seemed to have a built-in home-cinema, for there was a huge projector on the ceiling and a screen that could be pulled down from above. Many squishy beanbags were thrown around in front of it, offering maximum comfort while watching movies. Behind, but placed to almost kiss the wall, was a long bar. On the wall, there were bottles of random, colorful drinks you supposed only the upper class could afford. Glasses hung from above while bowls with fresh fruit were placed all around. Right beside was a football board Seungyoun probably loved playing with his friends.  

Apart from any basic furniture you’d expect in a living room, there was a small place filled with cat stuff. Scratchers, food bowls, a huge circular bed and all kinds of toys. You never knew the male had a pet and for some reason, you felt happy to see it.

The door to the balcony was open, and that’s where the quiet melody was coming from. Deciding to check it out next after (not so secretly) observing the whole room in detail, you stepped outside.

“Seungyoun?” You questioned, startled and surprised to see him. Seungyoun was sitting in a comfortable black chair, one arm leaning against a glass table. On it was a glass full of wine and a black bottle that appeared half empty. His breathing was calm, almost too calm, while his eyes were focused on an invisible dot, irises dark, but emotionless. Seungyoun heard your voice but reacted with a bit of delay.

“Heh, didn’t expect you to come here” The heir replied, words slurred, but not due to alcohol. No, Seungyoun looked tired, exhausted. Maybe you’d even dare say he looked numb.  

His eyes only moved to make sure you really were there, but he made no effort to tease or bite a remark as per usual. Soon enough, Seungyoun's hand reached out to grab the glass and lift it to his lips. With three quick and audible gulps, it was almost empty.

You walked around and took a seat on the other side of the table. Naturally, you felt worried, anxious, confused. Still, there was that unexplainable amount of hesitance you always felt when the other was in question. Therefore, you approached the subject in a certain, nonchalant manner, not wanting to show too much emotion in fear of being misunderstood.

“Uh... is there something wrong?”

Seungyoun’s head turned slowly, eyes appearing glassier due to the light that reflected off them. His head then shook, a frown painting his features. It took Seungyoun a few moments to gather his thoughts and allowed it, ready to hear whatever whenever. Then, the male spoke, with a small and almost broken voice.

“You know...I have no clue what I’m doing this for”

A/N: hello! if you’ve made it this far and are reading this, thank you so much from the deepest depths of my heart! i love you! 

i’m so sorry i wasn’t able to get this out earlier, a lot has happened and affected me lately, the biggest problem being the death of my uncle and my mental health not being good. i hope you can understand.

thank you and see you soon hopefully!

[scotianostra]

Callendar House.

Took a wee walk round  Callendar Park, was a few folk around and had to wait a few minutes to get a shot without anyone in it. 

Through wars, rebellions and the industrial revolution, Callendar House has played host to many great historical figures over the centuries, including Mary, Queen of Scots, Cromwell and Bonnie Prince Charlie.Callendar House dates from the 14th century. It is set in the nationally-important historic designed landscape of Callendar Park, which also contains a section of the Antonine Wall World Heritage Site.

The House's permanent displays are The Story of Callendar House, a history covering the 11th to the 19th centuries, The Antonine Wall, Rome's Northern Frontier, and Falkirk: Crucible of Revolution 1750-1850, tells how the local area was transformed during the first century of the industrial era.

In the restored 1825 Kitchen, costumed interpreters create an exciting interactive experience with samples of early-19th century food providing added taste to stories of working life in a large household. The kitchen featured in what is said to be one of the most memorable episodes,  Vengeance is Mine in season 2.  While here Murtagh learns that Sandringham organised the the attack in Paris that resulted in the rape of Mary Hawkins. He swiftly decapitates the English Duke. Presenting the head, he announces to Mary and Claire “I kept my word. I lay my vengeance at your feet”.

The Park Gallery on the ground floor offers a changing programme of contemporary visual art exhibitions, while different aspects of cultural heritage are explored in the 2nd Floor Galleries temporary exhibition space.

Callendar House also boasts a Tearoom with stunning parkland views serving a range of breakfast, lunch, and light snack options. And a visit isn't complete without stopping by the Gift Shop to have a look at our range of items from bespoke local made products, to kits and crafts for kids.

Falkirk Archives are also based here with the search room occupying the House's Victorian library which is open Monday to Friday to explore their range of fascinating records and images.

Callendar House is set within the breath-taking Callendar Park covering over 170 acres with history dating back to the construction of the Antonine Wall in 142AD. The woodland and gardens host a number of interesting historical features including an Aboretum, Ornamental Gardens, and a family Mausoleum. It's also home to three par golf course, set over nine holes, a large children's play park, and a variety of seasonal outdoor activities.

[calumsvapor]

wherever you are | c.h

word count: 2357

warnings: cursing

pairing(s): calum hood/reader

notes: soulmate au. the povs in this are kind of weird. it’s 2nd person, but you don’t get that good of a view into the reader’s thoughts until near the end. it’s sort of from calum’s point of view but not really. idk just read it lmao :)

for as long as he could remember, the skin on his chest above his heart was occupied by the small lettering. by the time he entered grade school, calum knew that the letters spelled out the lyrics to his soulmate’s favorite song.

once he entered high school, calum was convinced he didn’t even have a soulmate. surely it was possible for the universe to mess up, or maybe his soulmate died earlier on in their life. all calum knew for certain was that the song the lyrics came from didn’t exist.

despite this fact, he was still amazed by the people all around him, brushing hands with someone they barely knew, locking eyes, and grinning from ear to ear as their markings flashed red before fading into their skin. 

calum wanted to write the songs that people fell in love with. he wanted his lyrics tattooed above the hearts of the people who would bump into their soulmate while rushing through the halls, or while standing in line at a coffee shop. he wanted to write the songs that people listened to on repeat, sitting alone in their bedroom, trying to hear a small piece of their other half in the melody.

the years flew by, and before he knew it, he was writing songs and performing. he and his friends from australia had become more and more popular with each passing month, and their songs were played all over the world. calum’s dreams had come true.

so why did he still feel so empty?

maybe it was because he and the rest of the band were still in the middle of their new album, and he hadn’t completely figured out the lyrics to one of the songs he was writing for it yet.

or maybe it was because everyone around him was meeting and settling down with the people who they knew would complete them for the rest of their lives. even most of his bandmates and crew had someone. michael had crystal. luke had sierra. 

and calum had his guitar and his notebook.

“why do you think you don’t have a soulmate, cal? you’re a great guy and anyone would be lucky to have you.” 

calum sat on his plush leather couch, on the phone with his friend and bandmate, ashton irwin. due to the pair’s single statuses, around 50% of fans were completely convinced they were each other’s soulmates, which wouldn’t be too bad, honestly, besides the fact that his favorite lyrics were most definitely not from an ariana grande song.

“because i’ve googled this one line about a million different times on a million different days, hoping that maybe some singer somewhere just came out with a new song and i’ll finally get a sign that i won’t be alone forever.”

“maybe that just means you have to write it yourself.”

of course. why hadn’t he thought of that before? 

“sorry ash, i have to go write a song. i’ll call you later.”

with a chuckle and an “alright,” ashton ended the call, leaving calum alone with his thoughts. 

after around three hours of sitting alone with his guitar and his notebook, with approximately zero ideas and zero words written on the paper, calum set down his things and decided to find a nearby cafe to take a break. he was in los angeles, after all, and anyone who lived within 20 miles knew there was no shortage of coffee shops.

once calum decided on a fitting store to get his caffeine fix, he ordered his drink and sat down at a small table by the window. instead of pulling out his phone and brainstorming like he expected, calum found himself switching his gaze between the street beyond the window and the barista behind the counter, making his drink. 

hey, just because he doesn’t have a soulmate, doesn’t mean he can’t recognize a pretty girl when he sees one.

eventually, his name was called, and he left the swirling mess of a chasm that was his mind and walked over to the pickup counter. as he was handed his drink, he met eyes with the woman who he’d been observing just moments before. the woman, of course, was you. the cafe was empty, save for calum and yourself, so he had no problem with making small talk - just a little mindless flirting - even if it was simply to kill time. 

“busy day, huh?” he said, a small smirk adorning his features. you let out a shy laugh, and for some reason, calum found himself thinking that if somehow, someway, you turned out to be his soulmate, it wouldn’t be so bad.

“yeah, i’m absolutely swamped. you wouldn’t believe how many people come in for coffee at 2 pm on a tuesday in the middle of a workweek.”

“since you have so much time, why don’t you sit down and have some coffee with me?” calum quipped, the smile on his face never fading.

with a smile and a nod of your head, you maneuvered around the counter and walked over to the table for two calum had previously been sitting at. 

“so, i’m just gonna cut to the chase,” calum started, “what’s your favorite song?”

“if i’m being honest,” you said, pausing, “i would have to say i don’t know. none of the music i’ve heard so far has really spoke to me enough to be considered my favorite song, and on top of that, i’m not really that in touch with current music.”

the bright smile on your face wavered as you met calum’s eyes.

“sorry, i know it’s a really important topic, given how things are, but i just don’t have an answer,” you finished with a sheepish, almost guilty smile.

“don’t even worry about it, it was a dumb question anyway. if it makes you feel any better, my soulmate’s favorite lyric is from a song that doesn’t even exist. just don’t tell the gossip magazines.”

“why would i tell the- oh. you’re famous, aren’t you? i knew i recognized you from somewhere!”

calum laughed a bit at your obliviousness.

“yeah, i’m the bassist for 5 seconds of summer. maybe you’ve heard of us?”

“mhmm! i think i’ve heard a few of your songs. she looks so perfect, right?”

“you really need to catch up on modern music, sweetheart.”

blushing at the nickname, you asked calum for some song recommendations, and you spent the rest of the afternoon discussing anything and everything, right up until customers started getting more frequent at around 4.

“so what days do you work? can i swing by tomorrow around the same time?” calum asked, fiddling almost nervously with his fingers, a stark contrast from his bold and flirtatious behavior from earlier. 

you grinned and nodded happily, then waved goodbye to him as the door swung open then closed again, the bells hanging above it making a pleasant ringing sound.

on his walk home, calum couldn’t stop thinking about you. and yet he couldn’t figure out why. the fact that you didn’t have a favorite song meant nothing. it was just too good to be true. he had lived 23 years of his life, happily believing, no, knowing, that he was soulmate-less. and honestly, he felt it was for the better. he could focus on his music. he could focus on his dream. he was living out his dream right now, and if not having a soulmate was what it took, it was well worth it.

so when he finally got home, calum flopped back down on his couch and scribbled down the lyrics he had memorized by heart before he even turned 13.

he then stared at the paper for a good 30 minutes.

it almost felt like stealing. the lyrics, in theory, were his, and it wasn’t like some other artist had written them into a song yet, so there wouldn’t be any legal issues, but he didn’t really come up with them himself, did he? were they really his to write and record if it was just dumb luck that had tattooed those words onto his chest?

“what do you need, cal?” ashton’s groggy voice sounded from the other end of the phone.

calum had gone about his usual evening routine, then decided to go to bed around 10, since there was nothing left for him to do. but then after 3 hours of laying on his bed and staring up at the ceiling, he decided he needed some help.

“i really don’t know if i should write this song, ash. i have absolutely no ideas for the melody, the lyrics don’t even feel like mine, and honestly i’ve been doing just fine without a soulmate. i don’t really see why that has to change now. not to mention that i just met some girl at a cafe and she’s… i don’t even know.”

“cal, slow down. do you want me to be honest with you? i mean completely and totally honest?”

“yeah?”

“you should write the song. and i think the reason you haven’t yet is because you’re scared. you’re scared that even after you finish this fucking song, you still might not find her. you’re scared that this girl you met isn’t gonna be your soulmate, and you’re scared that you’re going to be alone forever, surrounded by everyone that already met their soulmates, and you’re going to feel like complete and utter shit for ever believing that you had a soulmate in the first place. and i think that’s complete bullshit. you can’t just throw away your one chance at finding someone because you’re scared. that’s not how the world works. now goodnight, calum. think about it.”

with that, ashton hung up, leaving calum in the dark of his room, his words playing like a broken record in his head. and even though he hated to admit it, ashton was right. and he’d put this off for far too long already.

after you and calum’s first meeting, you were disappointed to say you didn’t see him again for another two weeks, and by the end of the first, you had accepted the fact that he just wasn’t interested in you once he realized you didn’t have a favorite song. 

which was completely understandable, seeing as once you hit your 20’s, it seemed like people only cared about meeting their soulmates as quickly as possible.

so you could imagine your surprise when, exactly at 1:45 pm, the bells dinged softly and the cafe’s doors swung open, calum emerging from behind them, swinging his phone around like a trophy and smiling wider than you thought possible.

“hey, y/n,” he said, breathless to the point where you almost believed he sprinted all the way there.

“hey, cal,” you replied, matching his elated expression, “what can i get for you?”

“you can sit down with me and listen to this,” calum gasped, still trying to catch his breath. 

“and what’s this?” you asked, motioning to the file pulled up on his phone, his thumb hovering over the play button, and his other hand holding out a pair of headphones for you.

“modern-day music.”

you grabbed the headphones out of his hand, inserting one into your ear and motioning for him to take a seat. once the two of you had been situated at a two-person table, he put the other earbud in and clicked play. 

once the three minutes of the song were over, you took the earbud out and stared at him in awe.

“shut. up.” you said, no hint of a smile on your face.

calum’s gleeful expression dropped to a look of confusion.

“you wrote that?! no fucking way!”

a look of relief passed over calum’s face as he grinned at you once more.

“yep. took me two weeks.”

“so that’s what you’ve been doing while you were too busy to visit me. i can’t say i’m angry.”

the two of you took some time to catch up on everything that had happened since you first met. you’d been coming into work and interviewing at various jobs in your free time, and he had been writing and spending time in the studio recording the demo you’d just heard.

as the pleasant conversation dwindled to an awkward silence, you finally remembered what you were going to say when you’d first heard the song.

“by the way, i think i finally have an answer to your question. that song is and will always be my favorite song.”

“you really mean that? you’re not just saying that to be nice?”

calum honestly couldn’t believe his ears. he may have been living out his dream of making music, but during the past two weeks, he’d learned enough about himself to know that a life with you was his new dream, whether it was as soulmates or just as friends.

“would i lie to you?”

calum smiled at that.

“no, at least i hope not.”

“i especially liked that one line…”

you then proceeded to recite the lyrics written on his chest word for word.

“it’s just amazing how you can write such meaningful and amazing lyrics. i could never do anything like that. i remember once in like 7th grade we had to write a song about the louisiana purchase or something and it was absolutely terrible. i mean we got an A, but that was only because-”

“can i kiss you right now?”

and with that, your rambling was stopped in its tracks.

“what?”

“you heard me,” calum said, the same smirk on his face as when you first met him.

with that, you leaned across the table, grasped the collar of his t-shirt tightly, and pulled him forwards. calum let out a short gasp of shock at your uncharacteristic boldness.

as the tips of your noses touched together, you felt a strong burning sensation right above your heart. as you looked down, you noticed a red glow, shining through the thin fabric of calum’s shirt. 

calum placed his large, warm hands over your own as you looked straight into his deep brown eyes.

“take me on a date first, cal.”

[journarl-s]

TVXQ Concert Circle - #with In Jakarta

“Definitely an unforgettable concert experience. The dazzling stage is just too much, the concert literally climb up into THE BEST concert i have ever been to. Everyone alive should at least attend one of their concert, and you’ll have no regrets left.” - me

“The energy, the performances, the stage, the visual, the lightnings, are just beyond words. Despite the small venue, TVXQ brings out their very best act like it was in stadium/dome. Their professionalism is what everyone should look up to.” - me

Some quoted words above are me acting out as critics but,

HOLY SHIT AFTER SO MANY YEARS THEY FINALLY CAME AND HELL YEAH THEY CLIMBED UP INTO THE BEST CONCERT I'VE EVER BEEN TO IN MY LIFE.

THE STAGE, THE ENERGY, THE PERFORMANCE, THE SOUND, THE LIGHTNINGS, THE VISUAL, HOLY SHIT THAT WAS THE VERY BEST.

They are all very true. Sounds a little bit exaggerating, but THAT IS THE TEA yeorobeun. ok sorry, pardon me.

So am gonna tell you guys about this amazing experience. i can actually say that my literacy is not that good especially in english but since i want to improve my english skill, here i am trying. So....

At first i kinda worried if TVXQ gonna cancelled the concert again like in the Philippine because the venue was small and only 1 section was sold out but the day is finally came!!!! ALHAMDULILLAH.

When i entered the venue, i was kinda sad because there were section that was not packed enough and had some space but what's on my mind that day was "i'm going to have fun, i'm going to see them in real life, i'm going to sing my heart out!" and turned out all the crowd think the same as mine? lmao because the energy we poured during every song was so loud maybe because there's a lot of people who has been waiting for 16 years also!! If i compared it to my Eyes On You experience, it's like, when i'm doing fanchant because of the sound and my own voice, i can't hear clearly if the fanchant was loud or not but in this concert, holy shit, i heard the fanchant so loudly!!!!!

I'm glad that everyone who attended the concert have memorable experience to bring back home and as encouragement to face the real life that's gonna happen in the next day (lmao it's for me).

As for the concert, i never expect that the setlist has that flow so the songs feel connected to each other somehow. It was also thanks to the VCR that contained of hotness, handsomeness, and funny videos.

Bounce, Something, and Top of The World became the opening act and seems like to hold a magician concept! And it was so much fun lmao i can honestly say that i don't really like Bounce before but when it was sung at the concert heeeeeeol it's so good!!

After that, Yunho and Changmin introduced themselves and i love the way they speak Bahasa lmao. Yunho was like "Sudah lama tidak bertemu. Apa kabar semuanya!!!" and Changmin was like "Saya kangen kalian semua" and did a yes pose (lmao he is so cute) as we answered yes though it's not a question, it's a statement lol.

After that was Truth and then Love Line, my favorites of their own separate albums ❤ and then Tonight. In my honest opinion, Tonight is a hard song to sing because it is full of high notes and truthfully the 5 were singing it with so much effort and then now it's only 2 who is singing it, my heart is weeping. I really appreciate the hard work that Yunho and Changmin put on singing this song, and it was not disappointing at all, it was beautiful. VERY BEAUTIFUL. I CAN'T. I love you guys, truly. Thank you for singing this song.

Now was the time for Yunho solo. He sang his newest single Follow, although i prefer City Lights he he The Chance of Love came after, holy shit, it was the remix version that they sing in MBC Gayo. Changmin's high note in "i will take you higher~~ i will take you HIGHEEEEEEER" is just too good, i am in awe. Sooner than Later came next. It was not expected that Sooner than Later would also became a performance full of hotness, though still can't beat Before U Go which was came after, but still.

AND THEN THE PEAK OF HOTNESS CAME (yes, it’s Before U Go!). MY HEART. OK THIS IS MADNESS MY HEART WAS LIKE "OMG OMG OMG ALLAHU AKBAR" because it was that deadly ass performance. You know what i mean if you know what kind of performance Before U Go is. Thank you again Yunho and Changmin that was brilliant. My life is now complete.

So, here am gonna spill my Before U Go fancam that was intended to be my private belongings but, if i don’t do this you guys will not get what i mean TT

The next was the ballad stage, TVXQ sang Lazybones and Mideoyo. When they started singing Lazybones, all the white lights turned on them and at that exact moment, me and everyone around me be like "MALAIKAT" which means "ANGEL" HAHAHA.

And finally, Changmin's solo Beautiful Stranger. Have been waiting for this because the song is just beautiful itself. My most favorite of Changmin's solo and the 2nd is In a Different Life. Changmin's kind of solo is really put me to lay back for awhile.

After that is Vertigo and Mirotic. MIROTIC IS THAT PERFORMANCE WHEN I LITERALLY PUT MY LUNGS OUT TO DO THE FANCHANT. IT WAS CRAZY. MIROTIC WAS CRAZY.

Hug and Balloons came next! Hug was kinda beat up not like the original one. Looking at Changmin and Yunho singing this song really reminisce the old one and they both look very different (lmao ofcourse!). Balloons was so fun!! We jumped a lot and literally shout so loudly "JIIINAGABORIIII" lol anyway they showed up with a boyfriend look and huhu they're so handsome TT after that is Dream, still with the boyfriend look.

In the bridge of Balloons, Changmin was like pointed to our side and Yunho was like saying something in korean and told us to sing "La~ La La La La~" and then after our turn, Changmin was like "Kiri~" means it's the left side turn to sing and then he said "Semuaa" which means "All" and then Yunho followed along saying "Semua semua semua!!" And then he said "Sekali lagi!! (Once more!)" Lol why are they so cute 😭

After the kind of cute, fun and lay back jumping stage, it’s suddenly turned into MAXIMUM-KYHD-RISING SUN stage. IF MIROTIC WAS CRAZY THAN THIS PART OF THE CONCERT WAS CRAZIER!!!! IT IS THAT CLIMAX HOLY SHITTTT and what made me upset was, in the middle of Keep Your Head Down,  my phone's storage was suddenly full FAAAAAAAAAKKKKK fortunately my external storage was still empty, thankfully i have still got the full footage of Maximum and Rising Sun and half of footage of Keep Your Head Down. Thank God! but still TT

After that was Morning Sun, Yunho and Changmin threw balls to the audience. And waw Changmin's throw was really far i'm impressed.

The last but not least, Circle. The song that really fits for an ending of a concert when i first listened to it. The melody, the rhythm, the tunes, all of them, i love it. HUHU and finally i can hear it live TT

At the ending ment, it felt sentimental as in Yunho and Changmin actually keep repeating the “16 years” and keep saying thank you as if they were kind of regret to hold their first concert here just now, while they should’ve hold concert here sooner, like YES YOU SHOULD HAVE COME SOONER! nonetheless, the important thing is they held their solo concert here finally, it’s always better to be late than never. So, THANK YOU VERY MUCH for including Indonesia in your tour!!!! and i won’t forget your promise to come back here again and will definitely come to watch you guys again!

I felt very satisfied after the concert, despite the waiting-outside-the-venue thing that got your ass burned and skin got tanned (lol), the concert was that magical i came home weeping lol. I know that TVXQ consists of main vocal of their separate trainee groups but i really think that the recording tape of CD or DVD did them injustice! Their vocals are SO much better than the CD! While other groups sound the same as the CD, TVXQ are much greater. I think the CDs can't contain the greatness of TVXQ's voices.

It's been more than a month and i still can't get over the concert, instead, i love them more than ever! To think that i'd jump to this blackhole again lol....

[euphoricpixi3]

Taste of Menace |6| ot7!mafia au

— Masterlist in my bio

— Pairings | this chapter | Jimin x reader

— Through the story | reader x others as the story progresses

— Warning | this story contain smoking, swearing, tattoos, drinking,  blood and drugs, smut. This is a mafia!au!yandere

— Summary | Your first time watching the underground fight took a completely wrong turn, why were you the only one laying lifeless on the cold ground when you weren’t even fighting?

—Tell me if you want to be tagged!

Everyday’s routine. The same routine you lived by since you became an official university’s student.

After you heard one of the teachers say that early rising is the father of three blessings- healthy, wealth and wisdom. You became an early bird, waking up at 5am.

Sometimes you would wake up to the steady patter of rain upon your window that would almost work as a nature’s natural lullaby.

Other times to your neighbors’ loud rock music or loud shouting from the nerves of playing fortnite.

You never woke up to the sunrays trying to come through to the thick fabric of your blinds, it was rather rays coming from the bright takeout’s sign, that struggled to get past the grime of your blinds.

After that, still looking like a blanket burrito, you would stroll down to the bathroom, where the white light was just a little bit too bright for your early morning.

Coffee. You liked it strong but sometimes you would let yourself go and make it sweeter. But you would never trade your Americano into one of those decaf with extra sprinkles almost white liquid that tasted nothing like coffee.

The aroma of freshly grind coffee beans would get lost in your small kitchen, making the air thick with coffee’s scent.

And after that you would take the same route to your University building.

That’s it. That would be your every day’s routine and for some reason whenever you would discuss it with others, the negative words would spill from your crusty dusty lips like droplets of rain, you mentioned  how much you hated it and wanted to change it, but as you woke up in a different room, no rain, no takeout sign, no alarm clock, nothing, just pain, you realized how safe it really made you feel.

It was like an unbroken promise, pinky promised to yourself that brought you safe heaven, and now…

All of it was gone.

The promise broken and thrown away making you feel lost and lonely.

 The door let out a squeaky sound as someone pushed it open. You didn’t have to open your eyes to know it was Jimin, the first time you woke up you saw him walking to his wardrobe with a towel dangerously low hanging from on his  hip bones. You closed your eyes before he could see you looking.

The next time you heard him was when he sat on his bean bag while playing on his phone. Few curses escaped his plump lips as something didn’t go right on his playing game.

You planned on continuing your little act, you didn’t want to face them, not one of them. They scared you and hurt you.

But most importantly, they made you feel so weak by breaking down the walls you worked so hard on building.

No matter how hard you tried to build everything back, nothing worked, whenever Jimin would leave the room, the tears would start rolling down your cheeks, stinging the small cuts on your face.

Your heart seemed to drop when you felt Jimin’s finger tip tracing your pouty lips. The deep shade of red appears on your cheeks as you realize your lips must feel so chapped under his feather light touch.

“You must be awake by now and seeing the blush on your cheeks just from the little contact, I’m sure you are awake” his quiet voice seemed to be too loud for your throbbing head.

“Don’t shout” you muttered not opening your eyes but shifting your body on your right side, slightly wincing at how much pain it caused it.

“Jin hyung told me to not let you move around too much, since the wound could start bleeding again” his hands appeared on your hips, slowly turning you back.

Your eyes fluttered open and you couldn’t help but chuckle, sending shivers down Jimin’s spine. Almost as if nothing was left in your eyes, only void.

“And whose fault is that because I’m sure as hell it’s not mine” the bitter words from your crusty dusty lips dripped down like honey causing Jimin to wince.

He knew it was their fault, more or less. Jimin was a mafia member, cruel mafia member, he never thought with his heart when pressing the trigger of his gun, sending the bullet through someone’s head.

But the guilt sat on his chest, not in his brain, what he had done he could not un-do. The guilt was toxic almost like a gasoline, lighting up the inside stuffed with sinfulness of people he had killed, lives he had stolen.

The fire burnt him out so badly there was nothing left but a shell, an outline of a person. He was just as void as the girl in front of him.

Jimin soothed closer to your laying body, he pulled you closer him, wrapping his arms around you. His embrace was warm, and his strong arms seemed very protective when wrapped around your frail body. For a moment you froze not sure what to do or what to think, but the warmth of his embrace felt so secure, reminding you of the old days, old days that happened just a week ago, but felt like centuries.

The weight of your memories came crashing down, you could feel the hard painful lump in the back of your throat as the tears began to form. Before you know it, tears streaked down your cheeks. Your fists clutched in fists as you throw them towards Jimin’s chest. “I can’t take it anymore!” Hysterical sobs shook your thin frame. “Why? Why are you trying to break me?” you demanded still hitting him, trying to reflect the pain they caused you.

Jimin didn’t feel any physical pain, the hits you sent his way were like feathers. But your words, the stung like bee stings, snapping his heart and mind some more. His inside world was shattered in so many pieces that he didn’t know if he’ll be able to fix it.

But he knew, he will need to fix you.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry” he started repeating like a broken record. “I promise you, I won’t let them break you. I won’t let anyone break you” his voice faltered more. The room drowning in sounds of your shallow breathing and choking sobs.

But for some reason, his words, his presence made you feel somehow safe. Not that kind of safe you have felt before, it was different.

The world around me melted away as you squeezed him back, not wanting the moment to end.

3rd POV

That one cold night, as the colours of the day rest under a blanket of darkness, two people unconsciously made promises to each other, fill the void and use the love to rebuild each other anew.

**

2nd POV

The world was a blur as you opened your eyes, feeling someone’s hot breathing on your neck. Jimin’s hand was interlocked with yours, making sure you wouldn’t escape.

With the tip of your finger you smoothly traced his hand, trying to read the words on his rings, even though it was no use, all of it was in Latin and sure as hell you never learned it.

“Morning” your eyes widened from the sudden noise behind you. “Did you rest well? Because Namjoon demanded to see you”

From the mention of Namjoon’s name you felt yourself freeze.

Jimin felt your body stiffen in his embrace, he squeezed you tighter trying to give you comfort and courage. “Remember my promise, I won’t let them hurt you”

You wanted to believe him. You really did.

You looked in the mirror, Jimin’s oversized hoodie pulled over your body, hanging loosen in every possible way. His given sweatpants didn’t do a good job on not falling down.

Jimin’s laugh filled the room as he pulled belt from his jeans before putting it on you. “I’m sorry, I don’t have other now, probably one of the guys took it” he smiled shyly before stretching his hand towards you, taking your palm. “Let’s go”

**

You couldn’t help but shake as you felt everyone’s eyes on you. Well, Jimin’s, Namjoon’s and apparently Hoseok’s.

Namjoon chuckled as he noticed Jimin’s clothes hanging on your body. He wondered who took you from the cell. Now he knew.

“We meet again, little one” he smiled stepping closer to your trembling body. His hand tugged your hair behind your ear before he looked at the papers on his table.

“It’s says that from the 6th of September you have been buying drugs from Hoseok, little one” he said, the nickname smoothly rolling from his tongue.

“Excuse me?” you asked sending confused glances to all of them.

“That’s what I expected from you, yet I was hoping that Yoongi and Taehyung had taught you a lesson not to lie” Namjoon coldly smiled, while the other two boys just looked at you with serious faces.

You could feel the tears dwelling in the corners of your eyes just from mentioning those two males. What is going on?

You could feel the pressure growing in your insides, the air suddenly thicken, making it hard to breath, but just before it could become worse, Jimin appeared in front of you. He kneeled down taking your face in his hands, not caring what his leader or other boy would think. “Listen to me, it’s okay, we won’t hurt as long as you’ll tell us the truth. Remember my promise” he mumbled.

Hoseok looked at everything confused, he wasn’t even sure about what he was doing there in the first place. Yet Namjoon seemed to enjoy this situation just a little bit too much. “I thought we learned our lesson not to make promises, Jiminssi” he laughed, making Jimin freeze for a second. But he just shook his head focusing on you.

“Talk to us” Jimin muttered with pleading eyes. You nodded your head before looking back at Namjoon. “When did I start buying drugs?” you asked, trying to calmer your breathing.

1,2,3. 1,2,3. Just breath.

“6th of August” he answered glancing back to the papers.

It was just 10 days after…Your eyes widened at the sudden realization.

It was 10 days after your boyfriend cheated on you, 10 days after you met Eve.

Sure she was different than you, you were quiet, she was loud, you drank, while she drank and smoked weed. But she always said that she never took anything else than it.

Could it be that she lied?

“I don’t care if you do drugs, little one” Namjoon said walking closer to you “You see, the thing is, you never paid for any of it” he muttered looking down at you. “Just tell us the truth and I will let Jimin keep his promise”

You looked at him and then back to your lap. Was Eve really and addict? Was your best friend using your identity to get drugs?

You remember when one day you walked into her apartment as she was laying in her bad laughing at nothing. But you thought she was smoking weed again. Yet, perhaps she wasn’t.

But no matter what, your mind wandered back to those moments when she was the only person in your life that actually took care of you.

You made your decision. You will protect her. “Yes. I did.” You said before looking up “I ordered drugs from you”

But maybe, that was a bad decision because soon Namjoon’s laugh echoed through the room.

“Liar”

[getaroomyouheck]

wrote a review for Hospice by The Antlers

(little precursor to this review, it's rather emotional and personal, maybe also upsetting, kinda stream of consciousness at points too. so a warning in advance) The beginning to 2020 has been one of the roughest moments of my entire life, honestly speaking it's the most aimless and fucking lost I've felt in a while. My grandfather essentially gave up on living and now simply just sits and waits for his eventual death, taking a toll on me, but specifically my mom. Having heard her anger but eventually just simply harrowed emotion of seeing her father at this state. Alongside this, I've almost felt momentary lapses of reason, moments where I feel back in my hollow shell of a body left behind by ones who hurt me in my past, people i once called friends as well as my abusive ex-girlfriend. Broken promises, lies, empty betrayals, actions that left me afraid of human touch. Combined together, the past month I barely even felt like myself, just a shell of who I should be. Yet at this endless sea of wander, I've come to realize something. Something that has helped me begin to finally feel like myself again. Something that I would've only found through the help of this album. So, I want to talk about it, and really go into what it means to me Hospice is, at it's core, an album about abuse, trauma, and the psychological reparations of broken relationships. From the first words sung on Kettering to the final refrain of Epilogue, this albums breathes and bleeds raw emotion as it's main sense of catharsis and sense of meaning. The concept of this album is one that's simple enough to grasp, our narrator (I'll call him Peter since the lead singer of The Antlers is named Peter), is a nurse at a hospice. He falls in love with Sylvia, a woman who is fatally dying of cancer, and the album from Kettering to Epilogue explores their degrading love, her abuse towards him as she withers, and her eventual death. The conceptual narrative to Hospice is one that, while strong and fully developed across the 10 songs present, is second-nature to why this album hits as hard as it does. Where this album hits closest to me, is in how uncompromising its portrayal of abuse, toxic love, and psychological damage on a fragile mind, ends up being, that is what makes Hospice stand above most of its contemporaries. The prologue to the album, while a beautiful instrumental chop that sets the mood, to me, isn't really where this album begins. The true beginning, lies in our 2nd track. Kettering Within this bubble of echoed piano chords, comes our first signs of what's to come. Peter's frail, broken falsetto's, speaking over what little he knew getting into this relationship. It's a unceasing icy reminder of anguish, each hit of the chord being another lie told, another object thrown, another vicious word spat out in agony, all containing this soft yet obvious punctum to their hits. In this dirge of utter misery, Peter spills out from his heart true bleeding words of what abuse really represents. You wish you knew what you would've gotten yourself into when you became a piece of this other persons life, you wish you had the foresight to know you're just one person, that you can't save them from their own demons. Yet, you still try anyways, in an unceasing hope that you might just be able to bring them closure. From Kettering onwards to about Shiva, we get more of a standard fare of what was presented prior There's an inquantifiable amount of depth I can get into. How Atrophy perfectly captures the justification of abuse from the victim, showing what it means to accept ones abuse as a warped sense of adoration. How Bear is a dichotomy of a soft, broken lullaby alongside this crashing chorus of fuzzy guitars, accurately representing the broken home a child would grow up in. How Two is a horrifyingly real portrayal of the false world and broken promises made manifest into a reality crafted by the abuser and the victim, the private life of suffering never to be seen. And especially, how Epilogue painfully captures the cycle of abuse and the clammy throes of falling for the lies and soft words of your abuser simply to let them hurt you more. Yet, the song I want to discuss the most here, is Wake Wake is, a song I can't fully even begin to describe. The sound of this song is haunting to the fullest degree. The lifeless breaths of a dying corpse always cutting through the lowkey instrumentation to which Peter lays bare the reality of being alone as his abuser has left him. This song sounds almost like a suicide note, like a final recording before taking ones own life. The pulsating, rythmic drumbeat feels as if it's a heartbeat, ready to cease on a lifeline. Layered vocals represent that of a Wake, the social circle around a funeral. It's steeped in the clammy hands of death and throes deeply in the jaws of abuse, the breath of death is fresh always present on the words Peter sings. Yet, lyrically, it doesn't mean that at all. This song is not a cry for help, but rather a championing cry for learning to open about the pain inflicted to you, that it's ok to speak, that some people can't be saved, but that's not your burden to bear. It all crashes into what is maybe one of the most powerful moments in all of music to me, one that without fail, makes me cry. Peter, repeatedly, with more and more strain and power to his voice, screams out "Don't ever let anyone tell you you deserve that" as it all washes away in this final maelstrom of emotion. The crashing cymbals, the layering ascending horns, the cutting piano chords, the choired vocals, this song is the beginning of letting go of the anguish that's festered deep inside you. This song, after 8 songs of utter pain and abuse, being hurt and apologizing to the one hurting you, is representative of finally beginning to realize what you had was broken, but accepting it's ok to find someone to listen to you, and finally taking that step forward. Finally, walking out that door, letting people in, and beginning to accept what you are for who you are. This song, to me, helps represent the emotions surging through me as i finally began opening up to my friends and current girlfriend about how I was emotionally abused and sexually harassed by my ex. How I began to trust and learn to accept the touch of another human. How I learned to realize I'm more than just what she saw me as. Wake is more than just a song to me, rather Wake is the culmination of learning to move forward from grief and toxic love, and try to begin again, maybe wishing you could change the past, but willing to move forward all the same This is what Hospice taught me, and what truly clicked with me as I listened to it this past month and a half. As much as I may want to, I can never go back in time and change the mistakes I made in my youth. I can never go back and stop myself from making friends with people who would only feed into my depression and suicidal ideation. I can never go back and stop myself from dating someone who would end up nearly raping me. I can never go back in time and speak with my grandpa before he gave up on his own life. But, what I can do, is move forward in spite of this pain, in spite of this grief, and learn to love again, to laugh again, to trust again, to continue facing forward anything that may ever face me. Hospice taught me that while I may have endured anguish, I'm still here despite it, and can still keep moving forward. That this burden isn't mine to brunt alone. That it's ok for me, to let people in Favorite songs: Kettering, Sylvia, Atrophy, Bear, Two, Wake (standout), Epilogue Least fav song: N/A