#for the record nobody thought i had a brain tumor but it was a brain mri so if they were gonna find one now's the time

[oakfern]

my MRI results came back in!!! looks like i don't have a brain tumor. also my sinuses are "unremarkable"

[curious-minx]

October 2010s Music Deep Dive!

A mock up poster for the only possible music festival line-up I would be willing to risk my life attending. Tony Allen’s passing has caused the entire Octoberfest to be cancelled indefinitely, but all proceeds from ticks will be given back to the community. 

Hope all of you special nobodies and overblown somebodies reading this right now are having a smashing start your first o November. All last month I had taken it upon myself to listen to as many albums and fragments of albums released sometime during the month of October spanning the entire 10’s decade, 2010 through 2019. This is all probably a result of drinking too much dead water, Quarantine brain, undiagnosed Autism, magical thinking and the death of boredom. I have created a Spotify playlist sporting 25 hours and 4 minutes worth of music with an arbitrary amount of albums getting multiple songs, but largely one song/album. This project did create a sense of madness because of the volume of music that gets cranked out. How can we expect anyone to properly criticize music when it is nearly impossible to keep up with it all? I largely culled these albums from Allmusic’s Editorial Choice section, but I did have to use Rateyourmusic to fill out the hip-hop and R&B gaps. In gathering up all of this music I am attempting to see if spooky music was relegated to the October season and any other possible trends. Even though October has been laid to rest her swelling calendar breast still contains a treasure trove of music worth discussing. Grab your broom, sharpen your heels and get the cobwebs out of your ears because we’re going on a Deep Dive! 

//////

The 2010s Old Souls and Musical Auteurs 

I consider any musician or band that endures more than a decade worthy of this veteran label. Music biz lifers seem found solace in the October release schedule. A trend that has carried onto the new decade with October 2020 offering revitalized releases by Elvis Costello and Bruce Springsteen reunited with the E Street Band. All three main members of Sonic Youth, Moore, Gordon and Renaldo are still harnessing that spooky Bad Moon Rising energy and carrying it over into their solo releases. 

KIM GORDON’s NO RECORD HOME

The first truly proper solo album by Kim Gordon following up her pretty good noise rock releases under the Body/Head moniker with Bill Nace. No Record Home towers over Thurston Moore and Lee Renaldo’s mostly okay solo releases because of how truly experimental and refreshingly modern sounding No Record Home is. This album sounds like it could easily have come out from a young Pacific Northwest Trip-Angle (RIP) label upstart. Instead, Gordon is defiantly aging gracefully and remains an all around important feminist voice in experimental rock music. No Record Home did not pop up on a lot of “Best of the Year” lists in 2019, nor did Gordon embark on any kind of touring for the release. I am hoping that more people will eventually discover this great album and realize that Gordon was truly the best, most truly experimental aspect of Sonic Youth. Her vocals on this album are the best she’s ever sounded because she built these songs and sounds with the intergral collaborator, producer Justin Raisen. A glimpse at Raisen’s Wikipedia page is a who’s who of great artists of the past decade: Yves Tumor, Charli XCX, and Sky Ferreira. The collaboration occurred at an AirBnB shared between Gordon and Raisen and birthed the first single of the project “Air BnB.” A song that completely sets the tone of the album and features one of those amazing music videos in the same line us Young Thug’s “Wyclef Jean. “

Björk - Biophilia

Can you name the last album the rolled out with its own app? Nine years have come and gone and I certainly can’t think of another album with such wholesome ambitions. Björk was getting passionate about ecological concerns in her native Icelandic home with Sigur Ros and using her sphere of influence to try to good. 2014 the app has found a permanent home in the MOMA, but outside of this curio status the album itself is still a worthwhile addition to the Björk canon. Biophilia finds Björk in musical scientist mode using sounds captured from a Tesla coil and making a whole musical universe onto herself. The rest of the 2010s found Björk going for bigger and more ambitious projects that continue to frustrate those who wish she would go back to her poppier roots. She remains one of those most consistent solo artists around and someone no one will be able to predict what she does next. The only thing is certain is that it will be visionary and will probably include a wildly ambitious rollout and a new piece of physical art like Biophilia’s $800 tuning forks.

NENEH CHERRY - BROKEN POLITICS

Featuring production duties for the second time from Four Tet (who also pops up in the October playlist with his 2013 album Beautiful Rewind). Broken Politics in Cherry’s words, “is about feeling broken, disappointed, and sad, but having perseverance. It’s a fight against the extinction of free thought and spirit.” The music video for single “Natural Skin Deep” was filmed in Beirut, a backdrop made even more painful given 2020’s Explosion. Cherry is an artist with deep spiritual and blood connections with artists central to jazz’s history. Broken Politics also features songs built around Ornette Coleman samples. This is all to say that Neneh Cherry is always going to be someone tapping into a creative cosmic vein that spans generations, and with that comes a hard wisdom. Two years later we’re still dealing with the same god damn guts and guns of history. 

OTHER NOTABLES:

(Cat Power - The Wanderer; John Cale - Shifty Adventures in Nookie Wood; Tony Allen - Film of Life ; Neil Young & Crazy Horse - Psychedelic Pill ;Bryan Ferry - Olympia; Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Ghosteen ;Yoko Ono - Warzone; Vashti Bunyan - Heartleap; Elvis Costello & The Imposters - Look Now; The Chills - Silver Bullets; Weezer - Everything Will Be Alright In The End;Laurie Anderson - Heart of A Dog;Janet Jackson - Unbrekable;The Mercury Rev - Light In You;  Rocketship - Thanks To You; Van Dyke Parks & Gaby Moreno - Spangled; Donald Fagen - Sunken Condos; Prefab Sprout - Crimson Red; Pere Ubu - 20 Years in a Montana Missile Silo; Negativland - True False )

/////

TRILOGY OF BLACKSTARS

Three last albums released by three titans of 20th century songwriting. Two of them follow the trajectory of an older artist getting rejuvenated by a younger backing band. Lulu is beyond a meme at this point and is considered one of the most confounding flops since Metallic Music. Like Metallic Music, Lulu will get a reappraisal and find its audience. Mr. Blackstar himself Bowie considered  Lulu one of his favorite releases. “Junior Dad” alone makes this album a worthy addition in Lou Reed’s discography. Scott Walker invited some similarly hairy and intense younger rock studs into his private castle and pulls off a far more natural combination. Soused fits like a velvet glove on a elegant corpse hand swirling thick slabs of guitar and demonic percussion. Scott Walker effortlessly orchestrates between elegance and moribundity whereas Lulu wallows and thrashes against  the ugly riffage. 

No riffs or oozing wall of sound are  anywhere to be found on the sparse and pointedly elegiac You Want it Darker. Leonard Cohen never went full on sleazy I’m Your Man ever again but he didn’t become adult contemporary either. You Want It Darker finds Leonard and his son Adam Cohen. When Leonard passed away he was the only one to get a full David Bowie like museum tribute, Lou Reed only got a corner of a library. Cohen is far and away the most accessible mystical Jewish Buddhist monk with a penchant for fedoras and having a masked man with a leather belt beat him in the recording booth [citation needed]. You Want It Darker is the only one of these mortality laden kiss offs to win a Grammy. I do wonder if Cohen would have ever allowed a more adventurous production to touch his staid and timeless old fashioned sound. Tom Scharpling divides Leonard Cohen into his Pre-Fedora and Post-Fedora days. If you are being literal about that demarcation that still gives you a pretty vast body of music I just want sad bloated blurry black and white Leonard Cohen with a banana or the smiling cad on Songs of Love and Hate. Even the floppy fedora era has worthwhile albums and he sounds like if Serge Gainsbourgh was a muppet Gargoyle, he’s reliable. I will always beat myself for not buying that official Leonard Cohen raincoat at the Jewish Museum Leonard Cohen exhibit, but I hope someone has and they are finding comfort with Cohen’s music. A lot of his latter day period is comforting in a sardonic sexy mind bending nursing home sort of way. 

I am glad that these men were ultimately spared from having to deal with Covid times and even someone as tasteless as Brian Wilson’s Ghost can acknowledge that it’s more important than ever to keep your elderly loved ones locked away in a well ventilated pod. 

////

(INSERT ARTIST HERE) SEASON

For a few sticky sweet select few artists the month of October proved to be a suitable release launch pad for more than one album. The Mountain Goats and clipping. have just joined the October two-timer club this year. The reigning queen of October releases is Taylor Swift and Adrianne Lenker. In chronological order swift released Speak Now, Red and 1989 probably Swift’s biggest run in terms of critical and commercial success. None of these albums have a particularly big place in my heart, in fact speaking on behalf of Brian Wilson’s Ghost Ltd. I’m not the biggest fan of America’s Sweetheart, Sweet Tea Poet Laureate.  All three of these albums all came out in the latter part of October and based on the Target brand synergy roll-out felt as inevitable as pumpkin spice. Haunted. Sad Beautiful Tragic. Out of the Woods. These are either song titles taken from these three albums are the names of the under utilized Romantic Halloween Horror Comedy genre. Lady Gaga might have been spooking it up on American Horror Story, but Swift gives a far more chilling performance in Tom Hooper’s midnight madness of Cats and I could envision Swift excelling really well as a horror film actor. Especially in a role like Scarlett Johansson’s Under the Skin. 

You cannot get more polar opposite from Swift than Adrianne Lenker. Who released her first solo album abysskiss   and the second Big Thief album of 2019 Two Hands. Lenker will have also gone on to make her third October release this year with her second solo album songs & instrumentals. Striking that such a ghostly autumnal band would have only released one album in October, but autumnal feeling albums are not beholden to release calendars. The song “Not” from the Big Thief album Two Hands is a watershed breakthrough moment for the band and put Lenker and her band on the map. In 2019 Big Thief became a band that could get booked onto a Goodmorning American performance slot and more or less made Big Thief one of the rare 2010s indie bands to become more or less a household name. 

Other notable artists to have released more than one album on October 2010s:

Less notable artists to have multiple October releases: James Blunt Korn

Calvin Harris 

Kings of Leon

Pentatonix 

//////

FORMER HARBINGERS OF HYPE

These are October releases from artists that once felt like whenever they put out an album a wider array of outlets and publications seemed to care more and would spill more digital ink over them. The big three artists that had the biggest drop off in attention and acclaim that stick out to me the most are Titus Andronicus,  Justice and Why? All three artists debuted with strong starts back in the aughts, but according to critical reception more or less crashed and burned. Titus Andronicus’ Local Business was one of the last times Titus Andronicus would get positive marks from Pitchfork. Local Business a fun and shaggy follow-up to one of the most self-serious concept albums of the 2010s. 

Justice’s Audio, Video, Disco similarly is a follow up to a highly acclaimed album that set the bar high enough to doom Justice into never living up to the hype. Justice’s 2007 s/t heralded them as the next Daft Punk, but unlike those soulful and thoughtful robots Justice mainly wanted to make big ridiculous unfashionable synth prog rock. Audio, Video, Disco is simply cheesy fun and even though we live in a world better off without parties and gatherings this album helps you feel like you are in high-def IMAX monster mash on the moon. 

The leaves us with Why?’s Mump’s Etc. an album that already had the job of following up an already divisive follow up record Eskimo Snow. Why’s Alopecia is a really important 2008 indie blog rap album that helped thrust the online indie blogs into the hip-hop genre hybrid experimentalism. Why? would never make another universally beloved album again and with Mump’s Etc. ended up permanently in Pitchfork’s hate pit. In the original release review the Pitchfork writer essentially deems this album an act of “career suicide.” The whole review is essentially an assignation of Why?’s figurehead Yoni Wolf and taking him to task for all of his awkward lyrical blunders and the fact he is narcissistic enough to be a musician writing about his career in a meta fashion. Yet when I listen to Mump’s Etc. I am more or less enjoying Yoni Wolf’s personality and find the whole thing to be pretty charming. A perfectly serviceable 3.5/5 release that a media outlet like Pitchfork turns into a flexing opportunity to show how that they have the power to make or break a career. 

A.C. Newman, an artist who appears on this playlist with his terrific 2012 Shut Down The Streets took to Twitter to scoff at the idea that a good Pitchfork review has done anything for his career. Shut Down The Streets currently remains the last solo album Newman has released under his name choosing to focus on his main gig with the New Pornographers. The Internet based hype machine is even more ADHD addled and twitchier by the day. The joy of doing this deep dive allowed me to revisit a lot of these artists and acts that I had fallen out of touch with. I had completely forgotten about King of Convenience’s Erlend Øye who released the album Legao in 2014. I rediscovered a good deal of bands like the Editors, The Dodos, Kisses, Black Milk, Crocodiles, Empire of the Sun, Juana Molina, Jagwar Ma, Here We Go Magic, Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr., YACHT, Peaking Lights, The Twilight Sad, Elf Power, Swet Shop Boys, Radio Dept, Allo’ Darlin, Foxes In Fiction, and HOMESHAKE are all bands not trying to change the world or challenge listeners with avant garde experimentation. Instead I feel like I maintaining relationships with old friends on the edge of obscurity. 

////

A HISTORY OF CHRISTMAS IN OCTOBER 

A tradition stretching back as far as 2014 not October’s Idina Menzel’s Holiday Wishes, but Seth McFarland’s Holiday For Swing sweatily released on CD, digital, and vinyl on September 30, 2014.  2015 then brings us a Chris Tomlin and Ru Paul Christmas albums because every force of Neo-liberal good must be balanced with evangelical contemporary Christian music *shutters.* 2016 finds the Christmas in October era reaching a complete and utter nadir with R. Kelly’s final official LP 12 Nights of Christmas and A Pentatonix Christmas, but also buffered by Kacey Musgrave’s Christmas. 2017 only had time for Gwen Stefani’s You Make It Feel Like Christmas and no one else could evoke this feeling in October. On 2018, Michelle and Barack Obama’s combined one and only Christmas wish comes true, no not cancelling those drone strikes, but getting John Legend to join the October release jamboree; Eric Clapton claps open his guitar’s butt cheeks and hatefully squats out a half assed Xmas album defiantly opening the album with “White Christmas” [eyeroll emoji]; and finally 2018 found the Pentatonix announcing in October that Christmas Is Here. I apologize for all of that crude butt talk about the hateful racist Eric Clapton, but(t) I have festive gluteus Maximus on the mind, because in 2019 Norah Jones got her alternative country gal trio back together to remind us to shake our Christmas butts. Eat shit commercial shit, today’s Santa’s birthday! That’s the magic of the October release schedule! 

The hallowed Christmas in October tradition continues on in 2020 with Dolly I-Beg-Thee-Pardon  releasing A Holly Dolly Christmas right on time on October 2, 2020 (Carrie Underwood missed the memo and unwraps her unwanted My Gift in September 2020). Meghan Trainor, Goo Goo Dolls, and Tori Kelly released Christmas albums. Can you believe Seth MacFarlane comes up twice in this article, because his sleazy J. Michigan Frog croon is processed and grated like Parmesan cheese snow flakes all over a rendition of White Christmas.  What a time to be alive! 

////

WHERE DID THEY GO?

A Brief Case For Class Actress’s Rapproacher

Among my October music travels I encountered one artist that really impressed me with her proper LP debut Rapprocher. The trio fronted by Elizabeth Vanessa Harper is essentially peddling the kind of competent moody 80’s inspired synth pop that belongs on a lost Donnie Darko sequel. Harper’s vocals are striking and expressive and they are melded with constantly propulsive bed of shiny synths and glossy barely-there gated percussion. Outside of an 2015  EP called Movies featuring exciting production contributions from Italo-disco icon Giorgio Moroder there has been nothing else from Class Actress. Highly recommend you check them out especially if you want to find the sweet spot between Chromatics and Kylie Minogue. 

/////

THE OCTOBER 2010s MASTERPIECES 

(Robyn - Honey, Big K.R.I.T. - 4eva is a Mighty Long Time  ,Miguel -  Kaleidoscope Dream, Crying - Beyond The Fleeting Gale , M83 Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming ,SRSQ - Unreality, Sufjan Stevens - age of adz, Joanna Newsom - divers, VV Brown Samson and Delilah, Kelela - tear me apart , Neon Indian - VEGA Intl., Fever Ray - Plunge , Antony and The Johnsons - Swanlights (goodbye album) , Caroline Polachek - Pang , Sky Ferreira - Night Time, My Time . Bat For Lashes  Haunted Man, James Ferraro - Far Side Virtual , Grouper -  Ruins , Kero Kero Bonito -Bonito Generation , DJ Rashad - Double Cup)

Maybe if I surround this VV Brown album with more well known artists she’ll finally get some more clicks? I should also mention that Joanna Newsom’s Divers is nowhere on my Spotify October Music playlist because Joanna Newsom thinks Spotify is bananas, and she hates bananas. I know I should also mention Kendrick Lamar’s good kid, m.A.A.d city and Tame Impala’s Lonerism. That’s the maddening thing about October music that just when you think you covered all your ground you find another hidden hump underneath the carpet.  I feel remiss without mentioning striking debut and instant hidden gem Tinashe’s Aquarius, which did you know has a new album art on Spotify. Death Grip’s No Love Deep Web. T_T I didn’t even get around to making a big verbal mosaic to Thom Yorke’s witchy Suspiria soundtrack.Corpus Christi! I forgot to highlight The Orb album in the collage with my other veteran artists!  As you can see this project nearly ruined me. I did not necessarily listen to all of these albums from front to back, but I did listen all of the songs on the playlist and chose them from the immense collection of October releases. I am pretty sure this is the kind of content for no one in particular but I really needed to get it out of my system. Let’s meet back up October 2030!!!!!

(Thank you to my beloved partner, best friend and Spotify provider Maddie Johnson XD)

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7sdLaNNaqWpKEKXRZ3jNqY?si=SLZxUwLMQYOQ5wA1xuZc7w

[brie-bullaro]

My Papaw Bob passed away on Saturday

Over the past few months, I thought I knew what stress and depression was because of college and various other parts of my life. But last week I was given a heavy dose of reality and perspectice when my grandfather was admitted to the ICU.

My grandfather was a veteran of Vietnam; he was in the Marine Corps. And you could tell how proud that made him every day of his life. His service even inspired other in our family to join the military throughout the years-including me.

However, he was exposed to agent orange when he was deployed. That exposure lead to a long list of illnesses that he battled for decades, including multiple forms of cancer. He also told me numerous times that when he was in Vietnam the Marines made sure to try to keep morale up by ensuring the men always had their cigarettes and alcohol. And while he has been cigarette free for more than a decade, the addiction he formed of those cigarettes over there also contributed to COPD and congestive heart failure.

There were several times over the last couple of decades that doctors have marveled at how he was still alive. In fact, he was championing through it all so well, it was easy to forget that he had nearly ten forms of cancer, brain tumors, and heart issues. His memory never went, he never complained save for the copious amounts of medications that had him taking, and even throughout chemotherapy I never heard that man utter a complaint. He was always so thankful for the care he was given.

Up until the day they had to put the ventilator on him it was hard to tell that he was that sick. He was still able to walk and carry on lengthy conversations. The only indications were his sliming figure and the O2 tube he had to keep him his nose. He always hated that thing. I’m sure that he is dancing with joy at never having to wear it again. He was so strong that his body was constantly coming out of the sedation so he could open his eyes and he was fighting the ventilator.

My grandfather was definitely fiesty, sarcastic, and the most stubborn man I have ever met. He is where I get it from, or so I thought until I met his brother Harley on Saturday. It turns out those traits run deep in our lineage. But he was also the kindest and most caring man I have ever met. He loved his family very much. And it was apparent as nearly 30 people were crammed by his bedside as he took his last breath. He never failed to tell us how proud he was of us, and I regret that we did not tell him as often as we should have just how proud we were of him.

He always supported me no matter what I did. While so many people never thought I would make it through boot camp and thrive in the Navy, my grandfather never lost hope. Ever single conversation we had over the phone or in person included him telling me how proud he was of me and how much he loved me. Up until the end, he still told me that he believed I would be an amazing president or could change the whole world for the better.

He was such a living man. He loved ever member of our family with his whole soul. That included all of the pets! He was such an animal lover, and they loved him. It seemed like all the animals would just flock to him. His bank card even included a picture of puppies on the front. Of the numerous charities he donated to, animal focused charities were always present.

Every time I asked him where in the world he would go if there were no restrictions of any kind, he would say Victoria Falls in Africa. He never elaborated on why that was his dream, but it was. I always told him that I would take him there one day. I still plan to do so. I plan on saving my own money up, and one day taking a locket of his ashes to cast into the falls for him. But that is a long ways away, and I do not care if it takes me decades to save money and find the right time to go-I will do it for him. He deserves the world, and if the only thing I can do for him is help him go on his dream vacation I will do it.

I am SO very blessed to have been given 23 amazing years with this man. I could not have asked for a better family, but especially not for a better grandfather. It eats me up inside that he has been begging me to come visit for months, and I haven’t been able to because I have been in college year round. I don’t even remember the last conversation we had in person, because I always took it for granted that he was doing so well. He was my Superman, and I didn’t think anything could ever take him down. So I always told myself I would record his stories or spend whole trips with him-the next time. I always thought he would be there. But I want everyone to really understand that you have NO idea if there will be a next time. Spend time with your loved ones.

I was able to travel to Ohio to visit him while he was sedated and on the ventilator. I got to sit and talk to him for three days, and I have peace knowing in my heart that he could hear me. And on Saturday, at 12:25 PM the wonderful Palliative Care NP unhooked him from his ventilator, tubes, and sedation so that he could be free for his last moments. He got to open his eyes and see his siblings, children, and grandchildren all surrounding him with love. For 32 minutes we got a chance that almost nobody gets these days, and we got to talk to him as he went to be with God. At 12:57 PM he took his last breath. But I got to hold his hand, run my fingers through his hair, and know that he was watching me smile down as him as he did so. It is the most bittersweet memory I can ever hope to have. I am so eternally thankful that I got to be there for him in his last moment, because he was ALWAYS there for me.

I want everyone to go spend time with their family. Please do not tell yourself you are too busy. You aren’t. The saddest part is that the classes I took over the summer, the reason I did not go home to visit, I no longer need for my degree path. I gave up the chance to have a last full conversation with one of the most important people in my life because I prioritized college.

My family is going through a really hard time. And I am only including this because my mother is being crushed emotionally and financially right now. I am doing my best to help her. But my grandfather was forced to switch life insurance policies recently, and since it has not been 2 years since the date of the new policy the insurance company is only paying $80 towards the funeral costs. $80. You do not have to go to the link, and you do not have to donate if you do. If you do decide to, any amount is welcome. And shares are greatly appreciated as well. And if you donate, you can be assured that the money is going to help provide and amazing man with the memorial he wanted. Thank you all for the time you have given me, and the chance you have given me to write this cathartic post. If you ever want to vent or talk about someone you have lost, I am always here to listen and engage. Thank you again.

[amelia-blackshepherd]

Record Time (3)

Last part from my mama and sister shepherd prompt!

“I’m going to bed.” Betty announces as she stomps into the house in front of us. She had refused to talk to us or tell us why exactly she had ended up in jail on the entire car ride home. All we knew was what the police had told us, that they picked her and her friends up after getting a call about some teenagers driving recklessly, thankfully nobody was injured.

“Stop.” Owen’s strong authoritative voice commands. “You aren’t going anywhere till you tell exactly what happened tonight.”

Betty turns to face us, her teenage face stone cold gaze looks onto us. When she made no attempt to begin explaining, “We are waiting…” I impatiently state, standing beside Owen staring back at her with my arms crossed.

She rolls her eyes at us before finally opening her mouth, “Some guys offered us a ride, it isn’t a that big of a deal. The cops are totally over reacting, it was probably just some lame person who saw the car go by their house and freaked out cause we were going like 2 miles over the speed limit.”

I let out a harsh laugh, “2 miles over the limit, Betty the cops told us how fast the car was going when they pulled you over. This isn’t a joke, you could have been seriously hurt or killed. Did you even know those guys before you got in a car with them?”

“Yeah, kind of, I’ve seen them around school before. Look, I am fine, nobody was hurt, so can we just drop it.” Betty says as she turns back ready to make a retreat to her room.

I look at Owen for back up, “No, we can’t just ‘drop it’ Betty. The rules are you have to tell us when you go somewhere else and that includes getting in cars with random boys.”

“Oh my God. You are so over reacting. Nothing happened, and they were just going to bring me here so why would I call to tell you that.” Betty voice is beginning to raise as the argument progresses.

“Betty, you were picked up 40 minutes from here. Do you really expect us to believe they were just driving you home?” I ask, and before she can try another lie, I continue, “And the next words out of your mouth better not be a lie.”

“Fine. Whatever, I’m sorry.” Betty mumbles.

“That’s it?” I ask raising an eyebrow at her, when all I get is a shrug in response, “Alright then, you are grounded. No hanging out with your friends, no going out, just school and home.”

Betty rolls her eyes, “Yeah, saw that coming. For how long?” She asks clearly not caring.

I look at Owen first, “Until you tell us the truth about tonight. The whole truth, no lies, no excuses. Oh, and if we aren’t home, you can come to the hospital and wait for us there.”

“What!” Betty exclaims, causing Leo to wake up in his nursery, “That is insane. You aren’t even my parents, you can’t do this.”

Her words sting me slightly, but I also know she is angry and lashing out, Owen takes over, “No we aren’t, but we are responsible for you. This is not up for discussion, go to bed.” Betty huffs off towards her room and slams the door causing Leo’s cries to become louder. “I got him.” Owen says as he heads off to the nursery.

When I reach the nursery, I am greeted with the sight of Leo being comforted by Liz, I completely forgot she was here with all the commotion. “Ah, thanks again for watching him for us. Sorry we took so long.”

“No problem, he was a perfect angel until all the fighting a few minutes ago.”

“Yeah, sorry about that buddy.” I coo to Leo as I let him play with my finger as he settles back into his crib.

As we leave the nursery, Liz voices the question I know she has been dying to ask since Amelia first got the phone call. “So, what exactly is the whole situation here? I wasn’t eaves dropping but it was kind of hard not to hear the fight. Who is the girl?”

Owen runs his hand back through his thin hair, wanting to be careful about how much he told Liz as Amelia’s relationship with her was still extremely fragile, but also knowing he had to offer some sort of explanation, “Well… her name is Betty and we are sort of taking care of her, she is actually Leo’s mother. See I am er we are fostering him, and then we met Betty. Betty was living on the streets, which is why she had Leo in the foster system and Amelia wanted to help Betty, who ah is a recovering addict.” I try to explain as simply as I can, but Amelia is right there isn’t exactly a word for this.

Liz is silent for a moment trying to take in the information, “Wow, that’s an incredible thing that you and Amy are doing.” I nod my head as we continue towards the living room, “But wait, if you two decided to foster does that mean you can’t have kids of your own.” Liz asks quietly, just as we come back into the kitchen where Amelia was cleaning up from supper.

I look at Amelia, knowing that it isn’t my place to explain all of our situation to her family. Liz follows my gaze to Amelia and waits for her to say something. “No. I mean, no we can have kids, well we probably can, it is just…. It’s complicated. I guess to really answer your question I will have to start from the beginning.” Amelia’s words tumble out of her, I can she would rather not have to dig up everything that has happened, everything she went through, and everything we went through together.

Despite not really wanting to tell my sister about how me and Owen split, how I ran after the pregnancy scare, how we became friends again and then Leo came into the picture and then Betty and then me and Owen came back together, despite how little I wanted to tell my sister every little thing that had happened that lead us here, I did. I even told her about the brain tumor and about Christopher, which was hard, I still wasn’t sure I could trust her with all of this, however, it did feel better to get everything out in the open.

Liz ended up spending the next 2 days with us, and it was actually really nice to have a real relationship with her again. I was sad when she finally had to go back home. I was surprised that she didn’t nag me at all about keeping some pretty big things secret, not only from her, but from mom too.

It wasn’t until the day after Liz left that everything began to implode. Within 24 hours of Liz leaving my house I had 12 missed calls, all from my family that a month ago I hadn’t spoken to in over four years. 6 calls were from my mother, 4 from Nancy, and 2 from Kathleen, and based on there angry messages I knew Liz had told them everything, or nearly everything.

For most of the day I tried to ignore my missed calls, but I knew sooner or later I would have to face the facts, they knew, and I couldn’t keep hiding it from them. So, first I called Nancy, I wasn’t ready to deal with my mother and I figured Nancy would be good practise as she was the most like mom. Plus knowing how close Nancy and my mother were and how my mother use to rely on Nancy to give her information on the rest of us I figured I could use that to my advantage. I could tell Nancy what mom wanted to know and that way I wouldn’t have to directly deal with her.

I was just hanging up the phone with Nancy when Owen came into the living room. He took one look at my drained face and moved behind where I was seated to massage my shoulders. “I wish I could help.”

“mmm…” I mumble relaxing into his hands, “Me too. I think I’ll call Kathleen and Liz next.”

“Want me to give you some space.” He asks, moving around the front of the couch.

I pat the seat beside me asking him to join, “No, these calls shouldn’t be as bad anyway.” I pick my phone back up and decide to call Kathleen first, seeing as she called me the least amount of times and from what Liz had told me, she has her own secrets she is keeping from mom, I doubt she will be as harsh on me for keeping stuff from her.

I was right, Kathleen was worried about me in her typical big sister kind of way, but she also understood why I choose not to tell our family some things. Next, I called Liz, when she picked up the phone I couldn’t help but say, “What happened to sisters covering each others’ asses?”

“I’m sorry, Amelia. You know mom and Nancy, the second I got back into town they were on me to tell them everything. I really thought they would see your side if I explained everything, that they would understand and give you some space so you could tell them on your own terms. I really am sorry.”

“Liz, did we even grow up in the same house? When have mom or Nance for that matter ever left things alone and let things sort themselves out.” As much as I want to be mad at Liz, I know she didn’t mean to cause harm and to be fair I have had years to tell them everything, but I hadn’t.

After I hung up with Liz, I looked over at Owen who had fallen asleep beside me at some point, I shake him gently, “O, why don’t we go to bed.”

He sleepily opens his eyes and smiles at me in his charming sleepy manner, “You finished all your calls?”

I look away from his eyes and play with an imaginary loose string on the couch, “I’ll call my mother tomorrow.”

“Amelia…” He draws out my name.

“I know. But what is one more day going to hurt?” I counter.

“Call her. Then we can go to bed. I’ll even give you another massage before we go to bed.” He tempts.

“Fine.” I accept, knowing it will be better to just get this over with anyway. So, I pick up the phone and call my mother.

She answers on the first ring despite it being fairly late. I try and ease my way into the conversation and surprisingly she lets me. We talk for a while, she has questions about why I didn’t tell her and if I am okay. She is hurt that I didn’t tell her about the brain tumor or about Christopher. But she also understands why I didn’t tell her about Owen after everything that happened with our wedding.

I stayed on the phone talking with my mother for nearly an hour, Owen sat beside me silently rubbing my back in support. After finally hanging up with my mother, I was exhausted. I laid my head back against the couch and closed my eyes. It was weird I felt so raw and open now that my whole family knew everything but I also felt like I was stronger then ever.

“I am so proud of you.” Owen’s strong voice softly says beside me. “I know how hard that must have been for you. And I love you so much for being so strong and telling them everything, that could not have been easy.”

I sit up and lean into him and press a tender kiss to his lips as my way of thanking him for being so understanding and for just being there. I couldn’t have done any of this without him and I want him to know that.

“You looked exhausted, let’s go to bed.” He pulls me to my feet and puts his hand on my lower back as he guides me towards our room.

I lean back into his hand and allow him to guide me even though I know exactly where we are going, “Lets. But before we sleep, I believe I was promised a massage.”

I feel Owen’s strong hands move up my back to my shoulders as he starts a light massage and then his warm breath against my neck as he moves my hair aside and kisses the exposed skin, “Of course, I always keep my promises.”

[bigasswritingmagnet]

Petty Doesn’t Look Good on Us

Fandom: Deadpool (comics)

Pairing: Nathan Summers/Wade Wilson

Rating: PG-13, I guess

Summary: Nathan is sick of people not taking his relationship with Wade seriously. He has an idea to fix the problem. Wade...does not like this solution. (Mostly fluff with a touch of angst and Nathan being a dick.)

AO3 link

Wade was startled awake from his nap on the couch by someone slamming the door so hard the entire room shook. There was only one person it could be, but said person was not usually the door slamming type. Nevertheless, it was Nathan Summers who stomped by without so much as a word. His shoulders were tense, his jaw clenched, his expression downright murderous.

“Well hello sunshine. How was work today?”

He got no answer. Nathan stalked right by and banged his way into the bedroom. Wade hurriedly did a mental check of everything he’d done in the last week that might merit such a response and came up empty. Even checking further back yielded nothing he hadn’t already been in trouble for. Someone else had incurred the Wrath of Cable and now Wade was going to suffer for it.

not like that. he just means we’re probably not getting laid tonight.

and isn’t that cruel enough?

Nathan emerged from the bedroom dressed in civvies and still radiating fury.

“So that’s it? No kiss hello? Not even a head pat?”  

Nathan stalked into the kitchen. Wade could hear him rattling around in the liquor cabinet, fixing himself a drink. He harrumphed.

“Well fine. Be that way. I’ll just be over here, unkissed and unloved. Don’t mind me.”

Nathan came out of the kitchen. He wasn't holding his drink, which mean he was at that state of angry where he couldn't get anything done. His hands were on his hips, and though he was glaring at Wade, Wade was pretty sure he wasn't glaring at Wade.

“Marry me.”

Wade fell off the couch.

what?

what?

“What?”

“Marry me,” Nathan repeated. He still looked like he was ready to strangle someone to death with his bare hands, which put a pretty significant damper on the romance of the moment.  

“I- B- Wha- I- What?”

Nathan began to pace.

“I am so sick of people acting like our relationship is some sort of joke! Insinuating that I’m sleeping with you to keep you in line, calling you my “pet mercenary”—

“Kinky.”

“--as if the idea that I could actually love with you is impossible! I’m sick of it!” Nathan slammed his fist (the not-robot one, fortunately) against the wall. Quietly, almost to himself, he said “They’ll have to believe it if we get married. They’ll have to acknowledge that it’s real.”

Wade was still on the floor where he’d fallen, staring up at Nathan uncertainly. He didn’t like the vindictive glint in Nathan’s eye. He should have felt giddy and excited that Nathan “monogamy is an outdated concept that doesn’t exist in my future” Summers wanted to put a ring on it, but he didn’t.

He felt…

disappointed?

unsettled?

Angry.

“No.”

Nathan straightened, shoulders relaxing a little. Wade felt a sting of further irritation, realizing that he hadn’t even been listening, he’d just assumed, the way he always did when he was at his most up-his-own-butt.

“The county clerk’s office is probably closed by now, but if we went in the morning—“

“Nathan,” Wade said calmly from the floor.

“—try to get there when they open so we don’t—“

“Nathan!”

“What?”

Wade stood up and brushed himself off. There was nothing to brush away, but he wanted the excuse not to make eye contact, and a moment to reassure himself that this was really how he wanted to take this conversation. Marriage might be kind of nice, so long as he could look at a ring and not think every time about a proposal that started with “I am so sick of people”.

that’s not our jam.

or our jelly.

“I said no.”

“…what?”

“Negative. Nyet. Nein. No marriage license, no county clerk, none of it. I don’t want to get married.” To continue not looking at Nathan, he fussed with his shirt.

In that wounded, kicked-puppy, how-could-you-when-I’m-only-trying-to-do-what’s-best-for-you voice that Wade hated more than anything in the world, Nathan said “I thought you loved me.”

Wade’s head snapped up, and he pinned Nathan with a glare so fierce the man actually took a step back.

“Fuck you. I am not saying no because I don’t want to marry you. I am saying no because you are not asking because you want to marry me. You are asking me out of spite. I am not going to marry you just because you want to prove a point.”    

“I want them to take you seriously—“

“No! You want them to take you seriously! Nobody takes me seriously; nobody has ever taken me seriously! People have been giving me shit about our relationship since momento uno, and getting married wouldn’t change that!”

Nathan looked shocked.

“You never said… why didn’t you tell me? Who said something to you?”

“Literally everyone, and I never said anything because it doesn’t matter to me! I know you love me. You know I love you. I am not—“ To his surprise, a lump had grown in his throat. And not the usual unexpected tumor, either. He had to swallow a few times before he could get the words out, and when they did, they were shaky. “Jesus, Nathan, all that talk about how monogamy and marriage isn’t a thing in the future and I’m fine with it, okay, I’m fine with the way things are. I’m happy. But the fact that you’d be willing to put all that aside and get married out of spite, just to be petty and prove a point and not because… not because…

“...Not because I loved you.” Nathan had the grace to look ashamed of himself, which was a rare treat. “You’re right. You’re right, I’m sorry. ” He crossed the room and put his hands on Wade’s shoulders. “That was…it was stupid of me to even suggest it. I’m sorry.”

“Wow, two apologies in one go, that’s a record for you,” Wade said weakly. Nathan pulled him into a tight hug and pressed their foreheads together. Wade said nothing for a while, letting the tension drain out of the air.

“’Pet mercenary’, huh?”

Nathan actually growled. It was kinda hot. Wade brushed his fingers across Nathan’s jaw, tilting his head up to meet his eyes.

“Hey. Fuck ‘em, Nate, seriously. If thinking this is some plot of yours to keep me under control lets them sleep better at night, that’s their damage. I know you love me. I don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks.”

At last, Nathan smiled, though it was rueful.

“I do love you,” he said. Wade leaned up and kissed him, soft and slow.

“I love you, too.”

Nathan smiled down at him, then tilted his head thoughtfully.

“Do you want to get—”

“Ah ah ah!” Wade put a finger to Nathan’s lips. “Shhhh. If you were going to ask me that question for real, you would have to put some effort into it. Dinner at an expensive restaurant, flowers, fireworks, a little speech, maybe even a band.”

“Are those mandatory?” Nathan mumbled past Wade’s finger.

“Those are suggestions. But it has to involve a ring and you down on one knee. That’s non-negotiable.”

Nathan reached up and took Wade’s hand in his, the corner of his eyes crinkling in that fond way that always made Wade’s heart do little flips.

“Noted.”

(When it does happen, there isn’t a ring, but there is a giant monster that feeds on emotions, and proposing in front of all the X Men produces such a complex wave of joy-horror-delight-fear-disgust from everyone present that the monster’s brain explodes.)

(And he goes down on one knee, so that’s alright.)

[foresightofthelakes]

Ok I have maybe a stupid question. If the soul exists, what’s the brain doing? Or our bodies in general? I was raised without any belief and I basically found put people believe in things they’ve never seen (unicorns, souls, ghosts) or can’t really distinguish from a psychotic break if they have seen them (never got a recording) at around age 11 or 12. So that’s what I mean when I admit this is probably a stupid question— I don’t think I get the basis of how I’m supposed to separate possible psychosis from religious experience, or how I’m supposed to know which god or gods a feeling comes from, especially if there might be evil or liar or amoral gods or some equivalent, which book is fiction and which is religion and among those which is true. I’m curious about a variety of people’s thoughts on this but nobody has to answer.

Actually, these are all very good, thought-provoking questions, and I appreciate that you considered asking me for my thoughts, because you asked something pretty controversial in particular. I hope you don't mind if I break down your ask into questions and key points, and I'll do my best to approach this first by explaining without Bible (since your question seeks to discover what's true and tangible versus what's false), and then come back and explain how the Bible is both relevant and holds the truth on each of these things.

If the soul exists, what is the brain (and body) doing?

I think it's important to differentiate between the physical and metaphysical to better explain the soul, what it is and what it's used for. Physically speaking, we know the brain is the grey mass in our skull that hosts an array of electric synapses, and that there are specialized components designed to gather, translate, regulate, and relay information to the rest of the body. Our control center, that's considered the mind.

The immaterial soul, however, is the bridge between the physical and spiritual realms and extends beyond those electric synapses. The memories, the personality, passion, drive, creativity, the life force, all depart with the soul. It's the essence of who we are that leaves. The body and mind are our vehicle that our soul uses to navigate the physical realm, in other words.

We're given an illustration of our three-in-one mind, body, and spirit composition from the Bible. I think you'll find these particular verses relevant:

"And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." -1 Thessalonians 5:23

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them." -Genesis 1:27

"God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth." -John 4:24

"And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." -Genesis 2:7

Is it a religious experience, or a psychotic break?

This one question opens up an entire can of worms... but I hope I can help steer you in the right direction.

I can tell you that the spiritual and physical realms interact, and I can tell you that I've had experiences with the spiritual manifesting in the physical quite literally-- but I'm trying to avoid answering it that way because I don't want you to just take my word for it.

The best way I can differentiate between the two is that a psychotic break is (usually) brought on by issues with mental health such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, severe stress or trauma, or health conditions such as dementia or brain tumors. A "religious experience" is brought on through a person's pursuit of knowledge or spiritual wisdom in an attempt to better themselves as an individual, and in part is where the controversy comes in: because the "experiences" can (and do) occur in such a broad spectrum. In this are also involved things such as demonic possession or oppression, magick, witchcraft or sorcery, and what the Bible refers to as apothecary or pharmakia, which is accessing or opening up the spiritual realm through the use of drugs.

Evidence of someone having a psychotic break will tend to be accompanied by other factors, i.e. changes in behavior, confusion or disorganized speech where thoughts are sporadic and unrelated, sometimes hearing voices, catatonia, or extreme anxiety and suspicion. That being said, any and all experiences shared with us by other people need to be taken with our best judgement and a grain of salt. Some people have ulterior motives outside of sharing some profound discovery with others, and unfortunately yes, sometimes a psychotic break or episode might have someone convinced that they've experienced a manifestation of the metaphysical. There are signs we need to watch out for in the hopes of helping those individuals heal.

In regards to Christianity and religious or spiritual experiences, when someone accepts Jesus Christ into their heart as both their Lord and their Savior, they're made new. Their hearts are changed, they've been spiritually "born again" with the Holy Spirit, their minds are completely reformed. When someone is born again, they'll begin to produce fruits that others around them can tangibly observe:

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." -Galatians 5:22-23

Their love for and desire to please God becomes more consistent and more evident. It reaches beyond some sensational experience- it impacts the Christian in a more permanent and intentional way. Their entire lives are changed, and they begin to impact the lives of those around them.

The Bible also tells us that when we're changed by God, that we'll be able to discern or witness our spiritual surroundings. Sometimes that's described as "lifting the veil from one's eyes", "removing the scales from their eyes", or opening their eyes. One of my favorite displays of this comes from 2 Kings when Elisha prayed for Gehazi, who feared the Syrian army that had the city surrounded:

"Then Elisha prayed and said, “O Lord, I pray, open his eyes that he may see.” And the Lord opened the servant’s eyes and he saw; and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha." -2 Kings 6:17

God also bestows gifts of the Spirit upon Christ followers that manifest:

"Now there are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. And there are differences of administrations, but the same Lord. And there are diversities of operations, but it is the same God which worketh all in all. But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to every man to profit withal.

For to one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom; to another the word of knowledge by the same Spirit; To another faith by the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit; To another the working of miracles; to another prophecy; to another discerning of spirits; to another divers kinds of tongues; to another the interpretation of tongues: But all these worketh that one and the selfsame Spirit, dividing to every man severally as he will.

For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ." -1 Corinthians 12:4-12

How can we know which god or gods are real, versus which ones are fiction?

I'll give you this: Christianity is the only religion that, instead of working your way into Heaven (or paradise, nirvana, or some form of eternal enlightenment), God came down and made atonement for our sins. The Bible is the only religious text you'll find that says God came to man and met him in his place, and willfully and in abundant love, died in order that His shed blood would cleanse us and make atonement for our sins. Jesus is the only one that gave us the bridge across the dreaded chasm of sin that separated us from God. YHWH, "I am that I am", who is complete in Himself and uncreated, looked on His creation and so desired us to be with Him and knew we couldn't, no matter what we did, make it back home by our own accord. It's entirely backwards from every other religion or pursuit to somehow make someone's own way into Heaven. After all:

"They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one." -Romans 3:12

I want to point out that you asked (at least partially) about determining this through feeling, but thankfully the Bible tells us that we don't go off of feelings- we go by critically thinking, discernment, our best judgement. Feelings can be very fickle and hearts can be easily swayed. We're told:

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" -Jeremiah 17:9

We're also told to test the spirits:

"Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is of God, and every spirit that does not confess that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world." -1 John 4:1-3

As well as all things (including scripture) to see whether or not it's the true and inerrant word of God, or that it falls in line with God's word. Simply put:

"Prove all things; hold fast that which is good." -1 Thessalonians 5:21

Last, and one of my favorite things about the Bible, is that 27% of the Bible is dedicated to prophecy (or eschatology). God specifically gave us prophecies to show us that He exists outside of the bounds of time and that He's the one in control. He transcends everything:

"Remember the former things of old: for I am God, and there is none else; I am God, and there is none like me, Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure: Calling a ravenous bird from the east, the man that executeth my counsel from a far country: yea, I have spoken it, I will also bring it to pass; I have purposed it, I will also do it." -Isaiah 46:9-11

Consider even just the Bible prophecies of Jesus that have been fulfilled; Jesus (and Bible) are the pillars of Christianity, and if you disprove one or the other, then the entire thing falls apart. That's a lot of opportunity to dismantle Christianity if even one prophecy is wrong. Let me give you a chart:

To further illustrate the importance of these prophecies being fulfilled, mathematician Peter Stoner applies the science of probability to fulfilling just eight of these prophecies.

"We take 10¹⁷(or 100,000,000,000,000,000) silver dollars and lay them on the face of Texas. They will cover the state two feet deep. Now, mark one of these silver dollars and stir the whole mass thoroughly. Blindfold a man and tell him that he must pick up one silver dollar and say that this is the right one. What chance would he have of getting the right one?

Just the same chance that the prophets would have had of writing just eight prophecies and having them all come true in any one man, from their day to present time, providing they wrote in their own wisdom. This means that the fulfillment of just eight prophecies alone proves that God inspired the writing of those prophecies to a definiteness which lacks only one chance of 10¹⁷ of being absolute."

Remember, the Bible is a collection of 66 books written by 40 different authors throughout the span of 1,500 years. That prophecies were written hundreds of years in advance, separately written from one another and yet aligning with one another, before they were even fulfilled, is a wonder in and of itself.

I know I took a little while to respond to your ask, and I thank you for your patience. It took a hot minute to find the time to sit down and thoroughly address your questions, but I sincerely didn't want to rush!

I hope this helps, and God bless you on your pursuit of knowledge and truth!

[gkgandesbery-blog]

One of the most heart wrenching things about being a parent is finding out your child has a incurable disease or disability. Many children and families are faced with this each year. This year it was me and my Angel. It started out as me just noticing while talking with her, she turned her head as if to be distracted. She could not see or hear me for about 5 seconds. After her attention returned, it appeared she had no recollection of what had transpired. I wrote it off as her just being tired at first. Then I bargain to see it happen again and again. I started to panic and worry. What if it was something bad? What would I do if it was not fixable? What if it was a tumor and fatal? I took her to the Doctor and I told her what I had seen. She sent us to a specialist. My Angel was diagnosed with Absent epileptic seizures. I find out that many children have this disability. It starts around 3 to 4 years of age and most from out of it by around 12 or 13. Angle had been having problems in school. She was falling behind. I had thought the reason was behavior and self control issues. That is how the school reported it to me? I tried to deal with it the usual way with disciplinary consequence. That never seemed to work. In some was it only made things worse for her. She began to say things like “I’m stupid”, “Everyone thinks I stupid”, “I want to kill myself”. I learned that her seizers could be the cause. They ran an EEG test in her. That’s when they attach small wires all over your head and the record your brain activity. My baby was having electrical surges that spans her entire brain. This is when the brain sends signals to parts of our brain and other parts of our body to signal a smell or movements. Her signals were many at once and involuntary. I realized that I had missed my mark on this one. She had been having these for years and nobody ever knew. She thought she was stupid. She lost her self confidence. She thought she was told things and could not remember them. She did not know that she never received the information in the first place. This was a real eye opener. Parents are responsible for the safety and well being of their kids. Please pay attention to your kids. Watch them play and interact. Look at them when you talk to them. Most importantly listen to them. This is important and you must pay attention. Angle liked to swim and ride her bike. Looking back I remember her coming home with skinned knees crying that she fell on her bike. I thought it was just normal circumstances. But I was wrong. Imagine being on a bike going 20 mph and without warning you go blind and draft for 5 seconds. What do you think could happen in that situation? I told others about the situation and they had told me they knew someone who had a kid with this disability. They went swimming and the child drowned because they had a seizure while swimming. I was terrified. I had been letting her swim for many months and even years. I could have lost her. How could I ever forgive myself for what could have happened? Please pay close attention to your kids. Be aware of their interactions. God and Our special Angel in heaven was watching over us fir sure. Today Angel is on medication and is seizer free. Her grades have picked up and she is a happy 10 year old excited about her future. She is the love of my life and I am so thankful that I caught this and helped her. Thanks also to all those that sent payers too. I hope that today’s story helps someone out there. I hope it saves a child’s life and that is the greatest thought in the world to have. Blessings

[sundayeveningthoughts]

Happy Valentine’s, Linda

Sunday Evening Thoughts

                                      Happy Valentine’s, Linda

Dear Rachel and Paul,

And his soul was drawn to Dinah daughter of Jacob; he loved the girl, and spoke tenderly to her. Genesis 34:3

       Jesus and Linda Long died the same day in 1960. The difference is, according to Christian tradition, Jesus rose from the dead three days later on Easter Sunday. Not intending to be flippant, but a little girl I knew named Linda Long died on Good Friday in 1960 from a brain tumor, and I know this because she was my first girlfriend. Let me back up a little…

       When I was very little, there was no formal kindergarten in elementary school — public or private. There were however various city Community or Recreation Centers where kids could play after school or even during the day. Our local rec center had a wonderful director, Mrs. Wittington, who had previously been an elementary teacher, and switched from the public school system to the city’s recreation department — kind of like switching from Fairfax Public Schools to Wolf Trap Education Department for art and music education.

       Mrs. Wittington decided to start a five-day per week kindergarten at the rec center, and Herbie, Carol, Linda, myself and about eight other kids were in the first class. She taught us how to read, do math, and of course various art and music programs. In my memory, it was a blast!

       One of the other programs the Westhaven Rec Center had was a Friday Night Dance. Your Uncle Paul and I went every week. This was open for all ages 5-17, which of course meant that little kids usually left about 9 p.m. and the bigger kids got to stay until 10 p.m. “It’s not fair!” I can still hear myself complaining. But we danced and danced all night, sometimes square dances, other times polkas (which nobody liked!), but most often it was late 50’s and 1960 contemporary music on the small record player: Bobby Darin’s “Mack the Knife,” Wilbert Harrison’s “Kansas City,” and especially Paul Anka’s “Put Your Head on My Shoulder” to which we slowed dance.

       It took courage to slow dance! When you slowed danced, everybody in chairs surrounding the dance floor stared and commented to each other, often with a nervous, juvenile mocking, “Look at Bill and Debbie!” or “Suzie and Sammy, “Are the dating now?” as serious as any young adults talk about dating today.

       The St. Valentine’s Dance was the biggie. You exchanged cards, candy, and experienced a thoroughly stressful evening waiting for Paul Anka’s song, wondering, “Will she or will she not want to dance this song with me?” You fast danced with anybody, but you only slow danced with your girlfriend — at least she was your girlfriend for the 2:37 of the song.

       The tension grew throughout the night, as most people in my class figured I’d ask Carol to slow dance, as she was my best friend since birth. But Carol was my earliest playmate. She was our closest neighbor my age. And, I need to mention, Carol could hit a baseball, throw a football, or kick an empty vegetable can as far and as hard as I could. (Note: Carol continued to play organized softball throughout her adult life, and only recently stopped playing.)

       No, the Valentine’s Dance song would not be with Carol, it would, hopefully, be with Linda. Linda had long, blond pigtails, with pretty pink ribbons tied at the ends. Where as Carol was a rock-hard 5-year-old, Linda was soft and gentle. Besides, Linda had these cute dimples.

       As the moment arrived for “Put Your Head on My Shoulder,” I scurried over to Linda and asked her to dance. And she said, “Yes.”

       “Yes! Yes! Yes!” I screamed inside. I had scored! I had succeeded beyond my wildest imagination — the dream of every five-year-old boy at Westhaven Rec Center or even the dream of every five-year-old boy universally, as I was reminded this week while reading Trevor Noah’s Born a Crime.

       Trevor recounts in Born a Crime, which is what brought Linda Long to mind, his first encounter with a girl on Valentine’s Day in elementary school in South Africa, only in Trevor’s case, he was rejected. At the last moment, the class jock asked Trevor’s valentine to be his for the day, and she accepted. Bummer!

       Shortly after the St. Valentine’s Day Dance, Linda was diagnosed with a large brain tumor, and died within a few months. I saw her only one time after the dance, and she looked gaunt, thin, and pale. Honestly, a little scary to another five-year-old. I also remember being asked if I was going to her funeral. I passed. I suppose I lacked courage. I do remember sadness at the Rec Center for a few days, but it quickly dissipated.

       Happy Valentine’s Day, Linda!

       Have a good week…

       Love,

       Dad