#for the record i am a cis woman who is very comfortable with that

[ivywing]

I think everyone should participate in a little gender fuckery. As a treat

[genderkoolaid]

You’re not even trans (as per your header, you’re a female who identifies as a woman) and yet you claim to be part of it so you can force yourself and your “progressive homophobia” on others… look at yourself. You’re not an ally to trans people

babe. you have got to get a hobby that is not sending rambling anon hate to random blogs on tumblr dot com

and while it shouldnt matter. for the record: i do, in fact, Have Dysphoria! i have talked a decent amount on this very blog about my bottom dysphoria and my intense desire for phalloplasty. the reason i am so comfortable calling myself a woman is because i went on testosterone, enjoyed it, and felt comfortable being a woman in a clearly sex-variant body. Even then, I still often want to be read as a queer man (part of why I keep my breasts)!

I am about as much a True™ Transexual™ as you could ask of a nonbinary person. Literally no cis person I interact with IRL reads me as cis. You are grasping at straws to justify your obsession with me.

[many-but-one]

hey just to let you guys know the term 'femboy' is an extremely derog term (i think some consider it a slur as well) for transfeminine folk. not upset, just informing you guys!

I mean. I have sometimes heard femboy used in the context of transfemme who don’t pass well, but mainly said by cis/cishet folk who ain’t part of the LGBTQ community. Femboy has been used by gay men or men who dress feminine who are not transgender for a very long time. Considering Dori was not referring to another trans woman or another person who did not consent to the term (she was using it towards herself because she used to consider herself a man who dressed feminine—a femboy—before she fused with a bunch of girls) I fail to see how that would be considered a terrible thing to say.

It’s like me calling myself a bulldyke/dyke, a faggot, or a tranny. I am all those things and I am well within my rights to call myself terms that used to be slurs used against us as much as I want. Reclaiming shitty things said against us has kinda been a big part of queer culture and lesbian/transgender history. No offense anon, as I know you were trying to give a heads up in good faith, this is hella chronically online behavior. Go hang out with some queer people at a bar and you’ll hear all kinds of words like that. Queer culture is by nature not “politically correct” and especially since this was aimed at ourselves and not calling anyone else the term without their consent, I’m gonna let Dori use whatever terms make her feel most comfortable in her skin.

For the record, femboy started as a slur around the 80s-90s and seemed to be used in conjunction with the term sissyboy, though the term femboy itself has existed for much longer. Femboys or men who use feminine expression have been around for a very long time—centuries, even, and in the mid-19th century the term femboy was coined to describe men who dressed femininely. Obviously derived from the word “feminine” and “boy.” The term gained traction as a reclaimed term (as the term was used to describe men as “incomplete men” who were not masculine enough to be “real men”) in the 70s and 80s with the rise of punk culture, and queer activists started reclaiming it to empower GNC individuals. I’ve personally rarely ever seen it as a derogatory term toward transfemme folks and our transfemme partner agrees that she’s hardly ever seen anything like that. And if it is a derogatory term toward transfemme folks, it was clearly not used in that way when Dori referred to herself as a femboy.

Don’t police the way we talk unless it truly brings actual harm to another person. We ain’t calling anyone else a femboy, Dori was calling herself that.

-Elektra🦂 (she/her) + K (she/he) + K (he/him)

[mpregandproud]

Isaac (Part 4)

The next few days I can't say they were the best of my life. In addition to the nausea I still felt some mornings, I was worried about the fact that I was going to be the father of five babies in a matter of a few months. Sandra was soon to give birth to the twins that I thought were Peter's children and were the reason for our separation. On top of that, I had three more babies growing in my belly from my relationship with Isaac. And if that wasn't enough, I had anxiety again and turned to food.

I gained 5 pounds the first week and this second week I think I will set a new record. My belly was growing very fast and this made my insecurity increase. I didn't feel confident at all in my condition. Only when I was with Isaac did I feel comfortable. He was my safe space, with him I could be me without fear. With him I didn't have to pretend, I didn't have to hide that I was pregnant. When we went out I wore loose sweatshirts so that my pregnant belly wouldn't show. We had told almost no one that we were expecting triplets. 

Isaac noticed my insecurities and recommended that we start telling our friends and family the good news. With my college friends and Isaac's group of friends I knew there would be no problem. They already knew about my relationship with him, so beyond the initial shock of finding out I was a cis man with the ability to father life, they would take it very well. My cousin Alfred would be very surprised, but supportive, as would my sister Esther. I had serious doubts with my friends in the village and my parents. They were more traditional people, people who on more than one occasion made homophobic comments in my presence. Arriving and telling them that the womanizing boy they knew was now gay and that he had become pregnant was not going to be easy.

So, because it was going to be easier with them, Isaac organized a gathering of friends. Bruce, Ken, Tom and Justin came, and also Hugo, Tom's fiancé. He invited my college friends Ray, Leo, Carmen and Patricia. My cousin Alfred came with his new girlfriend, Samantha. And also my sister Esther, four years older than me and who was in town preparing for her future wedding.

They all made jokes about my weight gain. Alfred, who was always a joker, told me: "Boy, Sandra is not pregnant with you, stop it with the weight gain for sympathy". That was a very diverse group, but very open-minded. Esther and Alfred didn't know until that day that Isaac and I were officially a couple, for them we were still soccer and roommates. Neither of them were surprised when we told them we had been a couple for two months. "The sparkle in your eyes and the excitement with which you spoke to me about Isaac went beyond the screen when we talked on Skype. I was already assuming this," my sister told me and then congratulated us.

The gathering of friends was going so well that it was even embarrassing to cut it short to announce the bombshell news of the evening. Isaac stood up and made me stand next to him. "Oh, they're getting married. These two are getting married!" said Bruce, Ken, Ray and Patricia in unison, eliciting laughter from all of us. "No, nothing like that. Daniel and I are very happy to share with you, our family, that we are going to be the parents of triplets," said Isaac.

The announcement elicited a silence of doubt from everyone that my cousin broke trying to be funny. "Which one of you got the other one pregnant?". "Shut up! I'm sure they've resorted to a surrogate womb, it's very fashionable now," Hugo said. The murmur was growing and I had to cut it off immediately. "We have not resorted to surrogacy, no, nothing like that. It was not something premeditated and by the vagaries of genetics it turns out that I can get pregnant. So yes, dear Alfred, I am the one who got pregnant," I said holding Isaac's hand with one hand and rubbing my belly with the other.

Esther jumped up, rushed over to me and gave me a very tight hug. "I love you so much, I don't want you to ever forget that. You are my brother. No matter what happens, you'll always have me there with you for whatever you need. You are going to make me the proudest aunt in the world," she said without letting go of me for a moment. She then hugged Isaac with the same enthusiasm. "Thank you so much for making my brother happy again. Thank you for loving him and taking such good care of him. I want you to take great care of him, to love and support him and make him the happiest father in the world. Now more than ever he needs you by his side," he told him.

After Esther, everyone else came up to congratulate us. The last was Alfred, who came up shyly at the end. "I'm so sorry, Dan. I made those comments as a joke. You know I'm a big mouth. I love you a lot, buddy. You're like a brother to me, so I can tell you're going to make me an uncle," he said and gave me a hug. He asked for permission to see my belly. My insecurity diminished from the moment I told my chosen family that I was going to be a daddy with Isaac, so I lifted up the sweatshirt I was wearing. It was the first time I showed my pregnant belly, it was the first time I was proud of that rapidly growing belly. I was creating life inside of me, could there be anything more beautiful in the world?

Before dismissing Esther she wanted us to talk privately. "Do mom and dad know? What about your high school friends?" she asked. "No, they don't know about Isaac, and they don't know about the little gift inside me either," I replied. "You have to tell them, although I don't know how they'll take it, especially Dad." "I know. I'm trying to find a way and a time to tell them everything, but it's not being easy. I'd like Isaac to come with me when I tell them. I want to make it official," I admitted to her. I was scared to death about the reaction of my parents and my usual friends, but sooner or later I would have to tell them, there was no other way.

Almost three weeks passed since that day. I stopped feeling nauseous, although my appetite was still unstoppable. I already weighed 256 pounds. My belly was already noticeable, and I was only four and a half months pregnant. I started working from home, so my trips to the fridge only increased. Many of the t-shirts that used to fit me were now a couple of doughnuts away from becoming crop tops. And for some reason all these shrinking clothes and my growing belly made Isaac even hornier. He loved playing with my belly when we were in bed. I'm not going to lie, those moments transported me to paradise itself.

One of those days, while we were having breakfast together I got a call. "Are you Daniel Norris?" a female voice asked me. "I'm calling from St. George's Hospital, it's regarding Sandra Diaz, your ex-wife. Something has happened with her and we need you to come immediately," she said.

Go to Part 5

[freedkenna-a]

♡ independent. private. highly selective. independent Scottish selkie oc blog.♡

♡ pinterest ♡

♡ affiliated with:

hello, I'm Wrennly. I'm 25 years old, American, & taken. I go by she/they pronouns as well. I am pagan, practice witchcraft, & own many animals. these are the rules & basic muse bio below.

♡ there will be no comparisons to deities, whether that's ic or ooc.

♡ relationship depreciation does not apply here, & let me explain. "whether I talk to you in a day, or in a year. I'll see you when I see you; until then, take care."

♡ I am neurodivergent; I have PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety, & Depression. I work full-time as well as have a life outside of tumblr. I'm in a committed relationship, & that takes up a lot of my time.

♡ I also follow a lot of people, so I may forget your alias/pronouns/muses! I always try to reread everything before contacting people, but sometimes I am a forgetful bean! please offer me grace!

♡ I am a shipping whore and prioritize bonds held with other people & their characters. friends receive favoritism over strangers, but I try to play fair! I want to write & ship with people I'm comfortable with & who know me very well!

♡ muses are written at an age-range. meaning, some may be underage in one thread scenario, but of age in another. always look at tags for extra information. most times, consider adult ages as default.

♡ NSFW and other content will appear on the blog, which includes but are not limited to NSFW: smut, mentions of rape, explorations of human psyche, religious mentions, drug usage, sex work, abuse, pregnancy issues, abortion / miscarriage, sexuality, and so many more. do not follow if under 20+.

♡ blog is drama-free, will never post roleplay drama or politics drama. life updates will be periodically given based on how often I'm promising to be online, but cannot for any reason.

TOXICITY CLAUSE. I used to be a shitty rp partner & friend! I never committed bigoted acts like racism or sexism, but I'd have the tendency to collect ships or participate in drama etc. my past aliases include Sam, Sammi, Stormi, Peaches, & now Wrennly. all problems have been fixed.

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

full name: Mairi Rose Kenna nickname: Mai, Ri gender: CIS female height: 5 foot 9 inches age ( verse dependent ): 17 - 25 zodiac: March 21st; Aries species: selkie

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥

hair color: dark brunette eye color: hazel skin: fair body type: thin, but curvy dominant hand: left scars: on her hands, arms, and thighs most noticeable feature(s): her eyes

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝

place of birth: Scotland siblings: none parents: unknown ( mother - escaped, father - alive )

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

occupation: jobless current residence: homeless close friends: none relationship status: multiship financial status: poor criminal record: nonexistent vices: stealing, but she's not good at it ( but she's never been caught )

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐬𝐞𝐱 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

sexual orientation: biromantic bisexual preferred sexual role: submissive | dominant | switch | top | bottom | vers. libido: medium turn on's: prefers making love turn off's: quick sex relationship tendencies: relationship unsure

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬

theme song: honey and glass - Peyton Cardoza mental illnesses: PTSD, anxiety physical illnesses: athsma phobias: drowning self confidence level: medium vulnerabilities: her fur

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

Mairi is on the shyer part of the spectrum, she means well whenever she's talking to others. Mairi has a unique sense of justice ( where stealing to survive is alright ). she is supportive of the communities she's part of, and identifies as a queer woman. Mairi enjoys cooking.

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲

Mairi's childhood was spent indoors where she wasn't allowed to play. her father was a domineering man who would force Mairi into aligning with his pre-concieved notions of what a daughter should be like. one day, her mother found her fur and escapes, never to be seen again. Mairi mourned the loss of her mother for a long time, and her father equipped a more extensive measure to keep Mairi under his control.

eventually, Mairi found her sealskin and escapes as well, abandoning her father.

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬

species ability: selkie - ability to turn into a seal special ability: Mairi also aligns herself as a witch so she has powers of witchcraft

[the-faceless-amalgam]

Hi, so introduction here. Written by L, I will introduce myself later as I introduce everyone here. But first, a quick description of the body we all share.

We are about 5'11', white with an average build I'd say, we have a tummy but honestly that should be average. The body is undergoing gender confirming hormone therapy towards femininity (MtF) as that is more comfortable for the majority and there are no folks being upset by it. We generally, mostly due to me being the front person most of the time, are dressed in an alternative style somewhere in the Goth, Grunge and Punk triangle.

So, introductions to everyone in the system. These may well get edited as this will be our pinned post, even if this blog is primarily for me to wax academic about experiences and reflect on the way everything feels.

L - 26y/o, body adjacent age. Body associating in body image. (They/Them)

I am kind of the face for the system, the person that has unintentionally defined us all very strongly. I identify as trans feminine non-binary, I'm ace spectrum pan. I was a blind front until 2 years ago (in 2024) when I found out due to counselling with a therapist who had specialized in dissociative conditions. To my understanding I have been around in the head since the body was 9-11. I am a youth worker by occupation, I love to build worlds for TTRPGs and I am also a massive motorcycle dyke (dyke in the gender sense more so than the sexuality sense).

T - 26y/o, body adjacent age. Does not associate the body with their body image.

T is a very outgoing and excited person. T is a cis woman from her perspective, pansexual and ace spectrum. T has been very close with myself (L) in the head for some time and we have learned a lot from each other but do want to stay as separate people. T is a lot more aware of the system and has been around for a very long time in a range of ways. T dates and enjoys going out for drinks and generally sits in a very adult joy space.

J - 18(?)y/o. Body adjacent image but masculine and younger.

J likes music a lot and is very supportive and kind. He also, unlike most of the folks in the system, has a dialect and accent more in line with the council estate area we grew up in. This has caused me anxiety as people who know mine and the generally RP accented voice may mistake this for appropriation of or mockery of folks with this accent and dialect. However there is also classism on my part baked into that from parenting. J likes to play music in the head which can be nice when it's not too distracting. J and T often watch period dramas such as Downton and Bridgerton together which is cute.

A - 30y/o. Body adjacent image with the beard we used to have and ginger hair.

A started out from my perspective as a cleaner, just a guy who popped in when I was overwhelmed and cleaned my flat while I was asleep. Turned out he was a whole ass guy not just a fragmented bit of us. A takes care of the kids and the folks that can't cope and still cleans up but we try to share more. He likes "golden age of TV" shows like Mad Men and Breaking Bad. He also enjoys Formula 1. A is a gay guy and is aromantic, which is a big standout in the head as we're generally soppy romantics. A recently merged with a protector who was becoming disillusioned and angry because they're job of keeping me (L) unaware of having the condition had failed, this has had some effects on A's personality but not much.

M - 55/56y/o. Does not associate their body image with the body.

M is the angry Scottish man who got locked in a pub so I wouldn't get angry at things. He's from Glasgow much like part of the body's family and generally operates as an inside the brain voice, letting us know it's ok to be angry and ranting. He's also very insightful and very funny, he enjoys Johnny Cash a lot and when I come to if he's been about there's a chance out Johnny Cash record will be on.

P - Age Fluctuating. Uncertain of Body Image

P holds a lot of trauma, having lived near the dump or box in the head where we put things we can't deal with they have come to hold a lot of that. I don't know P very well, A looks after and makes sure they are ok but generally I will start to cry uncontrollably if P is around at the same time as me and then I will lose time. The one thing I do know is that P enjoys Vivaldi's Operas as they are always playing when I come back.

K - 8y/o. Body adjacent body image.

K is the kid, they're happy and cute. They like Ghibli movies and cartoons generally and they seem to have a friendship group inside the head that mirrors our adult friends in an age appropriate way for them. A takes care of them a lot and I try to help by making space for them, getting them snacks they like and watching TV with them.

C - C is a cat.

I don't really know how or why. There's just a bit of my brain that's a cat, I grew up with cats and I have a cat myself so that's a likely axis of cause. Mostly the cat comes out at home and, well, cat naps.

[freedkenna]

♡ independent. private. highly selective. independent Scottish selkie oc blog.♡

♡ pinterest ♡

♡ affiliated with:

hello, I'm Wrennly. I'm 25 years old, American, & taken. I go by she/they pronouns as well. I am pagan, practice witchcraft, & own many animals. these are the rules & basic muse bio below.

♡ there will be no comparisons to deities, whether that's ic or ooc.

♡ relationship depreciation does not apply here, & let me explain. "whether I talk to you in a day, or in a year. I'll see you when I see you; until then, take care."

♡ I am neurodivergent; I have PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety, & Depression. I work full-time as well as have a life outside of tumblr. I'm in a committed relationship, & that takes up a lot of my time.

♡ I also follow a lot of people, so I may forget your alias/pronouns/muses! I always try to reread everything before contacting people, but sometimes I am a forgetful bean! please offer me grace!

♡ I am a shipping whore and prioritize bonds held with other people & their characters. friends receive favoritism over strangers, but I try to play fair! I want to write & ship with people I'm comfortable with & who know me very well!

♡ muses are written at an age-range. meaning, some may be underage in one thread scenario, but of age in another. always look at tags for extra information. most times, consider adult ages as default.

♡ NSFW and other content will appear on the blog, which includes but are not limited to NSFW: smut, mentions of rape, explorations of human psyche, religious mentions, drug usage, sex work, abuse, pregnancy issues, abortion / miscarriage, sexuality, and so many more. do not follow if under 20+.

♡ blog is drama-free, will never post roleplay drama or politics drama. life updates will be periodically given based on how often I'm promising to be online, but cannot for any reason.

TOXICITY CLAUSE. I used to be a shitty rp partner & friend! I never committed bigoted acts like racism or sexism, but I'd have the tendency to collect ships or participate in drama etc. my past aliases include Sam, Sammi, Stormi, Peaches, & now Wrennly. all problems have been fixed.

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

full name: Mairi Rose Kenna nickname: Mai, Ri gender: CIS female height: 5 foot 9 inches age ( verse dependent ): 17 - 25 zodiac: March 21st; Aries species: selkie

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥

hair color: dark brunette eye color: hazel skin: fair body type: thin, but curvy dominant hand: left scars: on her hands, arms, and thighs most noticeable feature(s): her eyes

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝

place of birth: Scotland siblings: none parents: unknown ( mother - escaped, father - alive )

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

occupation: jobless current residence: homeless close friends: none relationship status: multiship financial status: poor criminal record: nonexistent vices: stealing, but she's not good at it ( but she's never been caught )

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐬𝐞𝐱 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

sexual orientation: biromantic bisexual preferred sexual role: submissive | dominant | switch | top | bottom | vers. libido: medium turn on's: prefers making love turn off's: quick sex relationship tendencies: relationship unsure

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬

theme song: honey and glass - Peyton Cardoza mental illnesses: PTSD, anxiety physical illnesses: athsma phobias: drowning self confidence level: medium vulnerabilities: her fur

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

Mairi is on the shyer part of the spectrum, she means well whenever she's talking to others. Mairi has a unique sense of justice ( where stealing to survive is alright ). she is supportive of the communities she's part of, and identifies as a queer woman. Mairi enjoys cooking.

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲

Mairi's childhood was spent indoors where she wasn't allowed to play. her father was a domineering man who would force Mairi into aligning with his pre-concieved notions of what a daughter should be like. one day, her mother found her fur and escapes, never to be seen again. Mairi mourned the loss of her mother for a long time, and her father equipped a more extensive measure to keep Mairi under his control.

eventually, Mairi found her sealskin and escapes as well, abandoning her father.

-- • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗ 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬

species ability: selkie - ability to turn into a seal special ability: Mairi also aligns herself as a witch so she has powers of witchcraft

[captain-kit-adventuress]

Look, I get the argument and it’s well-enough articulated. But rather than pretending trans men don’t exist, even for the sake of a hypothetical, I still say we need to get people on board with “full bodily autonomy for all is a complete sentence.”

Sometimes this is why I take issue with framing a big idea as a “feminist stance.” Because we get ourselves all caught up in who qualifies as a woman, instead of remembering that feminism used to simply mean equality for all regardless (though that one’s really down to radfems for changing into this women-only space, though they’ve gotten far to many of us on their bandwagon, however tangentially).

Bodily autonomy is an issue for ALL humans. “What if they regret it?” is condescending and infantilising to any human. Yes, there are different degrees of it applied to various groups and individuals, but anything short of full bodily autonomy for all humans, no questions asked, is unacceptable.

No, I am not making an “all humans matter” argument. There is very much an urgency to defining full bodily autonomy for the most vulnerable segments of our society first because everyone else who experiences that infantilisation to any degree will quickly follow. It is so, so easy for this to start with trans people and cis women and girls, and extend it to something like forced sterilisation for minorities because of legal precedents, and those groups have fought too long and too hard to go back.

Doesn’t make it a strictly feminist issue in the way people seem to define it, though. And, for the record, there are too many people with an end goal of “no trans people exist” for me to feel comfortable with arguing hypothetically that any segment of trans people do not.

Everyone has the right to full bodily autonomy, full stop.

The fact that anti-abortion laws and anti-transgender laws are both being implemented en masse, at the *same* time, by the *same* people (who, it hardly needs to be remarked, are overwhelmingly neither women nor transgender) should be enough to convince any reasonable person that the narrative of conflict between and women's and transgender is, first and foremost, a divide-and-conquer strategy by the far right.

Your survival is our survival. Our survival is your survival. Anyone who says different is a fed.

[rhythmic-idealist]

Wow, that reblog on that trans woman's post was really obnoxious. No one is fucking responsible for someone else's trauma. If you can't refrain from making people WHO HAVE PERSONALLY DONE NOTHING TO YOU uncomfortable, afraid or ashamed then that's on you, no one else.

Also, knock the condescension down a notch or three.

Well, I typed a response here and it's been just thrown into the void by Tumblr, so I'll do my best. It's wordier now, because I'm sleepy, but I felt you deserved a thoughtful response (which you don't need to read, but deserve the option to read). Deleting the tags.

The tags, for posterity (I think that reading a post about something that's been deleted can be both stressful and useless without context):

If it's worth anything to you, here are the other points? In the end this bit does not matter but I know some people will generally prefer to know what was going through my head here (and others will not! I personally am reassured by knowing Why someone said some weird shit):

Basically on first read I thought that last sentence was doing a sort of weird and needless "ummm if you look at your trigger you're not traumatized??" at people doing the normal good faith act of Being Traumatized About Penises and seeking good faith advice on how to be normal. This is not because I assume transphobes speak in good faith: it's because I somehow didn't realize the last paragraph was addressed to people who say they should't have to see trans women's bulges in public. This felt very strange to me, and was not me assuming OP Would Say A Thing Like That. It in fact startled me so much that I was like what I'm confused by this. I failed to read grammar.

Back when I thought it said that I still had no problem with it being said. Raises the question of if a tag saying I disagree with it is a reasonable thing to do but also not a question we need to answer since, well, the decision has long been "I'm more comfortable deleting the tags regardless"

I want to be extremely fucking clear to any potential transphobes in the audience. Being triggered by specifically trans women's penises/bulges isn't a thing. Reasons for this do include but are not limited to the fact that you literally do not know the gender of a person when you are looking at them. But that is also, like, perhaps the smallest fucking reason and maybe even a distracting one to bring up here. --- IF there is one person in the world for whom it is a thing, then sure, literally anything is possible, surely someone somewhere is triggered by guys who do tapdances in funny little hats or whatever. No discourse is required about that and no one is doing anything wrong by existing. --- Being specifically uncomfortable with trans women is a thing. White women feeling uncomfortable around black men is also a thing. This is called bias, and, even (especially!) when it manifests internally as fear, absolutely fucking must be worked on and overcome.

Anyway, thanks for the message.

This is a REAL long post about something that I don't want to accidentally present as more... struggling for adjectives here.... than it is because of the length of the post? This is also hard to articulate. What I mean is that my tags were never about a very strong opinion and that my opinions of OP were never negative. What I do NOT mean is that the OTHER side of this interaction is something that must be downplayed. Reasonable response, ty.

Final addition that for the record I don't think I was ever saying anyone is responsible for anyone else's trauma, I was very much saying the opposite? I was saying that so many other ways in which penis related trauma is triggered can just be other completely innocent parts of day to day life, so the existence of trans women is not some kind of exception. Especially if you're not going to indict the sheer existence of cis men, but also, even if you are going to (it's a bad take).

I still think they were bad tags though so they're gone now.

[babblingstacey]

Welcome!

Thought I'd update my pinned post with some info about me & my tumblr. Also a handy place to find links to my mods.

Reblogs: BabblingStaceyReblogs

(updated October 6 2023)

Basic info

I believe I'm much older than most simblrs out there! I played the original Sims way back when, then didn't play any versions until a month into the pandemic for something to do. I've always loved storytelling so this was perfect to rejuvenate my creativity.

I don't really play any other games, to be honest.

I do not have a gaming computer I just play on a laptop. I don't have any fun reshades, only editing I do to my screenshots is cropping and occasionally will brighten them. So they will not be high quality but I enjoy taking them/telling stories anyway.

I'm terrible at CAS but I love to build. I don't know how good I am at it, but I do it for my own amusement anyway. Gallery ID BabblingStacey.

I've had this tumblr for a very long time but only started sharing my gameplay through over the few years - mainly because I kept taking screenshots with nowhere to put them.

My game and blog is LGTBQ+ and BIPOC friendly. If that bothers you, then this is not the simblr you want to follow. For the record, while I'm a CFBC straight middle aged white CIS woman, I try to keep my gameplay as diverse as possible. If I do get something incorrect, please send me a message. (unless you are a TERF or racist, then you can kindly just fuck off).

My avatar is my simself, or as close as I can get to one.

Gameplay (I've been swapping a lot, just to stop from getting bored)

Current: Gerdie the SuperSim, using @lostinsophiesave save file. Gerdie is from my Julissa the Unlucky Chef and Gerdie the Genius. gameplays, but in a brand new save. I just like this girl.

Current: Power Pop Legacy. My own little legacy, inspired by power pop songs from the 90s. Making it up as I go along. Using Prxnce Love Letter Save File

Previous play and mods/CC below the cut (it got really long)

On hold: Yvette's Wandering Life with Yvette Deaton, a continuation of Anna's Vagabond Challenge. Using @haledela's savefile.

On hold: Landry's Growing Together with Vanessa Landry. Just a little family I'm exploring the new update & pack with. Vanessa was created by NoMoreBadTownies on the gallery, the rest of the fam were created with her genetics. Total vibing, no real storyline so far. Vanilla-lite gameplay in ratboysims' amazing save file.

On hold: my own legacy challenge. Mainly on hold because I need to replace a lot of B&B CC in my homes anyway because I've been deleting a lot of problematic creators who leave their content locked behind paywalls for too long for me to be comfortable with using any longer. I've done Not So Berry (the updated version) in a previous save and started my current legacy with the Chromatic Legacy Challenge but during the 6th gen I decided I wanted to write my own that fits more of the way I like to play. You can see my plans here: BabblingLegacy, I update it as I get an idea for a generation. Using SweetieWright's save file. I do change up the houses/lots a lot, but it's a great way to have a starting point.

On hold: Tianna the Wolf with Tianna Pancakes, daughter of Iggy. I really wanted to play this pack - I'm not even that much of a occult simmer but man, this is a lot of fun. Using Fleuralia Save File. On hold because there are now triplet toddler wolves and...i needed a break.

Previous Play: Iggy's Frogs with Iggy Pancakes (again). Just one post.

Previous Play: Aliens Stole My Parents scenario. Can Anna & Kasen Deaton get their father back? Using @anotherplumbob save file.

Previous Play: Stuck in Their Shadow Scenario with Nova Curious. Just a a quick scenario play.

Previous Play: Teenage Kicks. 5 Willow Creek teens transferred to Copperdale High. How will they survive high school? Will they actually all go to school at the same time? Time will tell! Using lilsimsie's save file.

Previous Play: Globetrotter Challenge with Iggy Pancakes. Using lilsimsie's save file.

Previous Play: My Perfect Life challenge with my Sim June Yamamoto. Also with lilsimsie's save file.

Previous Play: Robles Family. Started as a Sim Scenario Making Money. Used @anotherplumbob save file, though I've downloaded random lots/households from the gallery to fill out the world's.

Yvette getting electrocuted, since I needed an image to break up the text.

Abandoned: Iggy's Making Money Scenario with Iggy Pancakes. Using Fleuralia Save File. Started because I was bored, abandoned because it did the trick, got me interested in a different challenge. Maybe I'll come back to it to finish it but it's not looking likely.

Abandoned: Expansion Berry Legacy, created by @becciisiim, featuring the Shaffer family. However, I'm not doing the generations in the same order as the original. Using @ratboysims's save file. Abandoned because I got bored. I may come back to when I feel more inspired.

I prefer to play one household and don't really play occults very often.

I have all the packs except for some kits and stuffpacks.

I play with mods, a partial list: MCCC , WonderfulWhims, UI Cheats, Personality Please!, Meaninguful Stories, First Impressions, Control Any Sim, many from LittleMsSam (@littlemssam) and Bienchen.

I use a lot of Maxis Match/Mix CC; some of my faves: Clumsy Alien (@clumsyalienn) , Okuree (@okruee), LittleDica (@littledica), Peacemaker (@peacemaker-ic), CharleyPancakes (@charlypancakes), myshunosun (@myshunosun) and probably a bunch more. I've been trying to use less build/buy CC but use it for my own gameplay frequently.

[samwisethewitch]

Reconnecting with the Divine Feminine

I don’t think it’s groundbreaking or controversial at this point to say that all three Abrahamic religions are mostly patriarchal. Sure, we can talk about the veneration of the Virgin Mary, or the woman prophets in the Tanakh, or women saints in Islam. At the end of the day, though, we cannot overlook the fact that in Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, God is a man. Since 31% of the world’s population identify as Christian and 23% identify as Muslim, that means over half of the people on Earth are completely disconnected from the feminine side of divinity.

Ironically Judaism, Christianity, and Islam are among very few religions that don’t embrace a feminine aspect of divinity. Patriarchal religion is treated like the norm in most modern cultures (again, largely because of the dominance of Christianity and Islam), but it has definitely not been the norm throughout human history. The Goddess, the Divine Feminine, has been a prominent part of human spirituality since before recorded history.

In ancient Sumer she was Inanna, the Queen of Heaven. In Egypt she was Isis, Lady of the Sky, Great of Magic, and Hathor, Lady of the West, and Sekhmet, Mistress of Fear. In Hinduism she is Shakti, the feminine principle that moves the universe. In Japan she is Amaterasu, the Great Illuminating Deity, and Izanami, the creatrix who rules the underworld. The Divine Feminine has taken all of these forms at different times and places, among many, many others.

Even the Abrahamic religions haven’t always been solely focused on masculine divinity. There is significant evidence that the Abrahamic God was originally part of a larger pantheon before becoming the sole object of worship in Israel and Judah. As part of a polytheist system, he had a consort, a goddess named Asherah. Rabbinic literature refers to the divine presence of the Jewish God as “shekinah” — interestingly, this is a feminine word, implying that this aspect of God is feminine.

The removal of feminine divinity from Christianity largely occurred during the fourth century, when Roman Christianity beat out other traditions as the sole “correct” Church. Before this some Christian groups, notably those in North Africa, had worshiped God as both Father and Mother — a masculine/feminine dyad, rather than the masculine trinity worshiped in Rome. Other groups identified the Holy Spirit as feminine, creating a trinity of Father, Mother, and Son. (Interestingly, these family triads were also common in Egyptian paganism.) When the Nicene Creed was created in 325 to standardize Christian belief and practice, it excluded these interpretations by affirming belief only in “God, the Father Almighty” and “Jesus Christ, the Son of God” and removing all mentions of God the Mother.

All of this does not invalidate the genuine, life-changing spiritual experiences people have had with modern Judaism, Christianity, or Islam. It does, however, prove that patriarchal religion is the exception, not the rule.

Modern paganism’s acceptance and veneration of the Divine Feminine is a large part of its appeal for many converts, especially women, genderfluid, and nonbinary people who do not see themselves represented in the mythology and art of patriarchal religion. The Divine Feminine is present in all pagan religions, though She takes different forms in different faiths.

In monist pagan paths like Wicca, the polarity of Goddess and God is seen as one of the primary ways deity makes itself known to mankind. In the words of Scott Cunningham, one of Wicca’s most influential authors, “The Goddess and God are equal; neither is higher or more deserving of respect… The Goddess is the universal mother. She is the source of fertility, endless wisdom, and loving caresses… She is at once the unploughed field, the full harvest, and the dormant, frost-covered earth.”

The Goddess and the God balance and compliment each other, and this balance is at the core of many neopagan religions. (There are some traditions that exclusively worship the Goddess, but we’ll talk more about that in a future post.)

In polytheist paganism, the Divine Feminine is present in the form of various goddesses who rule over different aspects of life and nature. It is not uncommon for polytheist pagans (or monist pagans, for that matter) to work with multiple goddesses, even goddesses from different historical pantheons. Some goddesses are explicitly associated with certain aspects of womanhood — for example, the Greek goddess Artemis is associated with virgins and young girls, while Demeter is associated with motherhood.

In many (but not all) polytheist systems, there is an emphasis on balance between gods and goddesses. One of my favorite examples of this is the marriage of the Morrigan and the Dagda in Irish mythology. The Morrigan, goddess of war, magic, and death, is married to the “good god” of life, fertility, and knowledge. Their union represents a balance between opposite, complimentary forces.

This brings us to another point I want to make, while we’re on the subject of the Divine Feminine: not all feminine divinities are passive, maternal, fertility goddesses.

In Western culture, women (and, by extension, feminine deities) are seen as the passive or receptive sex. This is largely a product of Victorian England, not an ancient truth.

Without knowledge of sex chromosomes, hormones, or the complexities of gender, Victorian thinkers developed a theory that men had a “katabolic” nature that was constantly releasing energy, while women had an “anabolic” nature that was constantly receiving and storing up energy. This concept of gender greatly influenced Western occultism and can be seen, for example, in Gerald Gardener’s conception of the Goddess as the passive recipient of the God’s energy.

This is a relatively new and very Western idea. In Hinduism, for example, Shakti is both the feminine principle and the energy that moves the cosmos. In the words of author Kavitha Chinnaiyan, “there is nothing in creation that isn’t a manifestation of Shakti.” Shiva, the masculine principle, is unchanging awareness — it is Shakti who possesses the dynamic energy necessary for creation.

I am by no means encouraging pagans to appropriate Hindu concepts. My point here is that no gender is entirely active or entirely passive, which is why so many cultures interpret gender in so many different ways.

Even within systems like traditional Wicca, which operate within a strict gender binary, neither gender can be completely tied down. In their book A Witches’ Bible, traditional Wiccans Janet and Stewart Farrar acknowledge that the “masculine = active, feminine = passive” model is an oversimplification. They use the example of an artist and muse. The (feminine) muse “fertilizes” the (masculine) artist, who “gives birth” to the resulting art.

Personally, I see the masculine/feminine polarity as a constantly shifting dynamic, with both sides giving and receiving energy all the time. Which side of the polarity is more active or passive depends on the situation.

Being pagan does not mean dedicating yourself to the worship of gender binaries, and it does not mean you need to uphold those binaries. God and Goddess are only two of many possible expressions of the Divine, just like man and woman are only two of many possible gender expressions.

Monist pagans see the God and Goddess as two halves of a greater, all-gendered whole. Polytheist pagans may worship gods and goddesses who fall outside of the gender binary such as the Norse Loki or the Egyptian Atum. In either case, divinity is seen as encompassing all possible gender expressions, not just cis man and cis woman.

The erasure of the feminine from Western religion and mythology means that the nonbinary nature of some deities is often downplayed or erased completely. (You’d be hard pressed to find a mythology book that doesn’t use he/him pronouns for both Loki and Atum.) Reconnecting with the Divine Feminine opens the door for other divine expressions of gender.

The end result of this acceptance of feminine and nonbinary divinity is a religious community built on equality between all gender expressions. No one is closer to the gods because of the anatomy they were born with or the gender they present as.

This paves the way for a religion where no one’s worship is restricted because of their gender expression. It allows for priests, priestesses, and priestixes. It allows everyone to fully participate in the rites of their faith, on equal footing regardless of gender or pronouns. It also creates an environment where practitioners feel comfortable exploring issues of gender and sexuality, knowing that they will not lose the support of their community if their identity changes.

Resources:

The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels

Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham

The Morrigan and The Dagda by Morgan Daimler

“Victorian Theories of Sex and Sexuality” by Elizabeth Lee, Brown University

Shakti Rising by Kavitha M. Chinnaiyan, M.D.

A Witches’ Bible by Janet and Stewart Farrar

Casting a Queer Circle: Non-binary Witchcraft by Thista Minai

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Vivian

Debut: Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door

So, Paper Mario: The Origami King came out last week! I haven’t played it, and besides that it’s brand new so I don’t think we feel like spoiling it or judging it yet. I am not going to mention it for the rest of this post.

Now for a different Paper Mario game that I haven’t played, but am totally willing to judge, let’s talk about The Thousand Year Door, which came out sixteen years ago, today! This was not planned, but boy is it working out. The Thousand Year Door, we need to talk. We need to talk about Vivian.

Vivian, as you can probably tell from the picture starting this post, is a FLAWLESS character! Everything about her design is perfect. I love how wispy she is, I love her huge pink striped hat, I love that her hair obscures her eyes, and I love her pink rosy cheeks. And she’s purple! Purple is my favorite drink. Even without being a marine invertebrate, I think Vivian hits just enough marks that I can safely say that she’s a top-tier character design. I aspire to look exactly like Vivian does.

Vivian was the youngest of the three Shadow Sirens, alongside Beldam in the blue hat and Marilyn in the yellow hat. I say “was,” as she quits being on their side to join Mario instead, as tragically, Vivian’s sisters are incredibly cruel to her, regularly blaming her for their mistakes, and insulting her. Although specifically sent to fight Mario, she quickly realizes Mario is nicer to her than her sisters ever were.

Vivian is awesome, she’s a shadow gal with strong magic powers that can drag Mario into the void to avoid obstacles and enemies. She’s a bit insecure, due to the ridicule she received from her sisters, but that doesn’t stop her from being one of the best characters ever. She’s also transgender! Which is... actually a double-edged sword kind of!

On one hand, I think there is a sort of abstract joy in knowing that this awesome ghost gal is canonically transgender. She’s one of my Best Characters Ever (not to infringe on Mod Chikako’s copyright) and she is a transgender woman much like myself! No wonder I want to be her. Vivian’s character design simply rocks too much to be cis.

...Unfortunately, whoever was writing The Thousand Year Door didn’t quite handle this situation with the most tact and care. If you don’t recognize Vivian as a canonically transgender character, in which case, where have you been, then that’s probably because the whole thing was erased in the English and German versions of the game, while left in tact in every other language, including the original Japanese. And how was it handled? Well...

So in the original version of the game, Beldam’s insults towards Vivian were very much geared towards her being transgender, often calling her a “man” and slinging transphobic insults at her. While it could be argued that this is being portrayed in a negative light, since the other Shadow Sirens are antagonists for most of the game, this doesn’t change the fact that a number of “good��� NPCs seem to treat her with a sort of weird hesitation. Even Goombella! GOOMBELLA I say!

The game very much seems to treat her Epic Transgender Existence in the “used to be a man” sort of light, and even in Super Paper Mario, her catch card description refers to her as a “boy...”, a sort of portrayal that makes it, as best, questionable whether or not Vivian was written with positive intent. Oh Super Paper Mario catch cards! How have you betrayed me like so! While it’s great that a character like Vivian is trans, at best it’s just handled sloppily, and at worst it appears to be actively malicious towards her. It might not be quite on the same level as Birdo, but... that’s a really low bar to pass.

While it’s a pity that certain translations completely erase Vivian’s transgender identity, it may be for the better, considering how sloppily it was handled more often than not. Poor representation can prove to be more damaging than no representation at all. I’m certain there are people who have found comfort in Vivian’s character and story, and that is a good thing! (I mean, if anything you can probably tell I sort of have!) But it should also be acknowledged that this doesn’t necessarily mean Vivian’s story was well-written, if it was even written with positive intents.

I like Vivian. I love Vivian. I wish her post didn’t have to end up like this, because she deserves so much better than this. Obviously, the world has changed in the past sixteen years, and I hope that if Vivian were to make a return, it’d be in a world that is kinder to her. But that’s two “if”s in one, considering that Nintendo still, unfortunately doesn’t have the best track record with handling trans characters, and besides that, weird restrictions have been placed on the Mario series ever since the Wii era.

But who knows? Maybe if Odyssey is an indication, Nintendo’s opening up to the idea of doing more daring things with the franchise, and acknowledging more of its history. Maybe a mainline game will acknowledge Paper Mario before Paper Mario acknowledges Paper Mario. And who knows? Maybe someday, she’ll come back, and it’ll be in a game written by better, kinder people...

And maybe then we’ll be able to play as her in Mario Kart. C’mon Nintendo. This is main material right here. You’ve given Vivian enough slack, now let her enjoy the joys of Waluigi Pinball. She deserves it.

[chispas-and-broken-bindings]

Thoughts on the female gaze?

Thank you for this ask @palominojacoby​ because I have so many thoughts! Too many to contain in one answer. 

So, I’ll mull over what’s top-of-mind, related to the female gaze. In a nutshell: 

- I’m digesting Joey Soloway’s wonderful Tiff Talk on the female gaze. It’s funny and poignant and a great primer on the subject. You can find it on Youtube, or there is a written transcript you can find here. 

- I’m thinking about what terrifies men about the feminine gaze (my preferred term for it): one, that they won’t be the objects of it and; two, that the feminine gaze is out of their reach. It is a space or a viewpoint that they don’t have access to but feel entitled to. They want to capitalize on it, and exploit it, just like they are allowed to exploit everything else. This needs to be watched and it needs to be called out. 

- The older I get, the less interested I am in consuming or experiencing art or media created by heterosexual white men. I’ve been in their head space long enough. I’ve been consuming their media and their opinions and their gaze for thirty-four years, and I think, by now, I know what they have to say, and I’m no longer interested in it. It does not inspire me. 

I want to be submerged in the feminine gaze. 

 For the long version, read below the cut. Buckle up, it’s going to be long: 

While eating lunch today, I watched Joey Soloway’s Tiff Talk on the female gaze. Early in their address, after they defined the male gaze, and after they did a funny riff about all the things that the female gaze isn’t (Magic Mike if it were written, directed and produced by a woman/placing women into male roles in your typical Dude Movies), they remind the audience that men have had control of the camera more or less for 100 years (and control of the everything else forever). 

Then they say this: 

So for there to be actual gender parity in the gaze – the kind that would actually make it reasonable for a reporter on the red carpet to say to me – things are getting better for women, right?

We would need the next 100 years of almost every single movie to be produced, written and directed by women. Like, let’s check in again in 2116, people.

And then after that – we could start on the 50/50 thing.

It was that very math – which is perfectly reasonable math – that made me realize that not only do women have to be inspired and funded to start making a fuck of a lot of things in record numbers, but for things to even out, well that’s why I asked that audience of cis men to please: STOP MAKING THINGS.

It did not go over well. 

They then explain why this matters; why it matters that Cis men have controlled art (and everything else) and why it is so important to wrest that control away.

ART IS PROPAGANDA FOR THE SELF.

Yep, TV and film-making and fuck, all culture making, is people going, “I’m okay! And people who are similar to me are okay! Watch this ½ hour then be more on my side! In case of Armageddon! Zika! Trump! Hitler!” 

We all need friends and so we make tribes with our art.

Simply put, Protagonism is Propaganda. Protagonism is Propaganda that protects and perpetuates privilege.

So if only cis men are creating art (or the only ones whose art is amplified), their point of view, their selves, their gazes are the only ones that are going to be privileged in spaces far beyond the art world. Protagonism as propaganda affects politics, personal relationships, economics, etc. etc. etc. 

Joey Soloway’s definition of the female gaze: 

The female gaze is a conscious effort to create empathy as a political tool. It is a wresting away! Perhaps a wrestling away of the point of view. [A wresting away] of the power, of the privilege propaganda for purposes ---​of changing the way the world feels for women when they move their BODIES through the world, feeling themselves as the subject.

It’s a great speech. I highly recommend it. 

During the Q&A after, the third question is from this Cis old white guy, who asks this fucking nonsense: 

My body, right now, is feeling shaken and inspired by everything that you said. So, I just want to ask you, I might be misunderstanding, but I think you your definition of a cis male, is those of us who were born with a penis and identify as male. [Joey Soloway affirms this definition] I’m wondering how you would feel about differentiating those of us who get it and those of us who are perpetuating...

And I just...lost it. (Note: Joey was extremely gracious in their response. I will not be.) Like, holy shit dude. You just sat through this extremely thoughtful, extremely funny talk about the female gaze and how the male gaze and perspective has been privileged for a millennia, and maybe, just maybe, it’s about FUCKING TIME to center other perspectives and YOU IMMEDIATELY TURN THE CONVERSATION BACK ON YOURSELF. YOU INSECURE, FRAGILE LITTLE MAN. SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR 2 FUCKING SECONDS. 

Holy fuck....

Again, you’d think after so long in power, men would be just a tad more secure, but they just fucking aren’t. They’re insecure little bastards (don’t come into my comments and “not all men” me on this). 

I think they are afraid of two things. 

1) That if feminine creators are actually given the space and the funding and the amplification to create feminine gaze works, cis men aren’t going to be the objects or even the subjects of that art. 

I think this terrifies them. Not only are they not going to be behind the lens, but they might not be in the picture either. This is something I’m still mulling over, and don’t have much more to say about it at this time.  

2) They really don’t like being told that a space isn’t theirs. They don’t want the feminine gaze to be out of their reach. They see feminine gaze works gaining notice and prestige and critical acclaim, and they want in. 

This had me thinking about something I’ve noticed in film. Every time a feminine (or queer) gaze film gains critical acclaim, there is almost IMMEDIATELY a rush by white cis male filmmakers to capitalize on that success. 

And it’s exhausting. In Joey’s speech, they say this: 

Sometimes the first gasp of this re-centering of ourselves is a kind of paralysis when it occurs to us how we have been groomed to stay quiet simply by having TAKEN IN all of this work, all of our lives of consuming such an overwhelming amount of cis male artists splashing in their privilege, by telling their stories which work like propaganda that suggest how we should act, for access to their attention. 

And how that stops us from gathering our own attention on ourselves. Like, I wish I could put into film the feeling of being eleven years old, to look around the classroom. Walls lined with presidents, looking around the ceiling of the whole damn room -- ALL of them men? And to think, I’m going to be the first woman president, and then on that very same day, same body, walking home listening to Rod Stewart, because he was my favorite, singing along to Tonight’s the night. Thinking I’m going to be president and then singing “Don’t say a word my virgin child / Just let your inhibitions run wild / The secret is about to unfold / Upstairs because the night’s too oldTonight’s the night? Gonna be alright / Cuz I love ya babe / Ain’t nobody gonna stop us now.” 

Singing along to a pedophile grooming an underage girl to have sex with him. When I sang along, was I Rod or the virgin child? It didn’t matter: my presidential power dreams got lost throughout all of my adolescence, or had to do extreme high jumps throughout my life, dreams of power getting lost in being sister golden hair sublime, sugar magnolia, being the lady in red, your body is a wonderland, you look wonderful tonight, you do, you look so wonderful night. 

I can’t even listen to the radio anymore, I mean, it’s a problem. This Female Gaze is a political platform, it means we start to call out how awful it is to be offered access in exchange for succeeding at being seen. 

We are so tangled up in the male gaze, that one or two or three or four or a dozen, or fucking one hundred feminine gaze stories ISN’T GOING TO BE ENOUGH. 

So when I see a feminine gaze film like Portrait of a Lady on Fire gain critical acclaim, I applaud and I’m excited and I want more.

But then...

Inevitably...

A shithead like Casey Affleck produces and stars in The World to Come, a tale about two women who fall in love on the frontier, adapted from a short story written by Jim Shepherd (if you couldn’t guess by the name, spoiler: he’s an old white guy). 

and...I’M SUSPICIOUS. 

I haven’t seen the film. And I’m not saying men can’t make films that center women, or women loving women. They can, and they obviously have all the resources to (so don’t come at me about cancel culture or gatekeeping), but... 

I’M SUSPICIOUS

and furthermore....

I’m just not that interested. I’m not interested in what Casey Affleck or Jim Shepherd have to say about the experience of being a woman who has lost a child, or is struggling with her marriage, or with material comforts, or is falling in love with another woman. 

I’m interested in what women have to say about those experiences. I’m a woman who has experienced those things. I don’t need, nor do I trust a dude to tell me what that feels like. 

Which brings me to my final thought. 

I want to be submerged in the feminine gaze.

I want to consume media created by feminine artists for feminine viewers. It’s what inspires me. It’s what makes me curious. It’s what I want more of. 

[starship-imzadi]

S5 E17 The Outcast

Androgyny is defined as having both male and female characteristics so that a specific gender cannot be determined.

Jonathan Frakes has reportedly gone on record to express his belief that Soren should have been cast with a male actor as it would have sent a stronger message. And I absolutely agree.

As it is, Soren identifies as a woman and is played by a woman which is just reestablishing a heteronormative status quo. In fact, all of the credited cast who portray the J'naii are women.

I have a problem with this. Often times the dichotomy of western heterosexual gendering is seen as "the haves and the have nots". E.g. men have body hair, women do not (which is absolutely untrue). Women are emotional, men are not (also absolutely untrue). Women as "the weaker sex" are often seen as "without" and androgyny is sometimes construed as being more "without" because it's supposed to be lacking the characteristics that give definition or.... features that are identifiable as a certain gender. Casting all women to be androgynous is, in a way, sexist for this reason. Though the non speaking and background J'naii are far enough away they seem less defined and more androgynous (some might be cast with men but it's not possible to tell...which is the way it should be).

Okay...so, Riker gets a bad rap for his struggle with pronouns and misgendering BUT what he's doing is actually incredibly important and valuable. Riker is canonically an American, heterosexual, cis gendered, Caucasian, male. He is the character that the most privileged, and most represented demographic will see themselves in and relate to. He is put in a position where he doesn't understand the experience of the person opposite him, he's trying his best and he makes mistakes, but he's also demonstrating that he's open to learning.

I've also seen some small uproar, especially from younger viewers (I'm looking at anyone born after the year 2000) over the writers not using they/them pronouns "I do not think there is really a translation". It is true that "they" as a pronoun to refer to a non specific person in common speech has been in use since the time of Shakespeare. Up until women's suffrage in legal context the pronoun used was "he" without specifically meaning a man. I.e. those pronouns were place holders for an unknown person regardless of gender or sex. Non masculine or feminine pronouns used to refer to a known individual is a slightly different story. There have been many different pronouns developed and used to greater or lesser extent through the entire 20th century (e.g. Hir or Xe) However, none of them really caught on for regular use across the entire language. "They" has been adopted most successfully because it is already in the language but its prominent use and acceptance wasn't until between approximately 2013 and 2015. This episode aired in 1992.

I really like that early on Soren and Riker are given an established shared interest. Too often on this show two people are put together....and it's not clear why they like each other. In such a short span of time it's tough to establish a believable new relationship, but this is a good first step.

They've known each other two days? It is reminiscent of "The Masterpiece Society" just a few episodes ago where Troi started to fall in love after five days. (Maybe they're both just very loving people.)

Also, in the midst of the misgendering, I'm pleased that the writers (or whoever) chose for Riker to use "he" because it plays against this species that's supposed to be androgynous but... Have a tendency to look feminine.

Riker's dad had a recipe for split pea soup...I wonder when he ever cooked it though. Riker mentions that it's good for cold Alaskan nights and it's the second episode in recent memory of his mentioning that he's from Alaska (the other was "Conundrum") I can't actually remember it being mentioned prior to that episode.... though there's a good chance it was established in the "Icarus Factor" and i know it's mentioned again in "Lower Decks"

A lot of the focus on this episode from fans seems to be on Soren being transgender but the J"aii are also homosexual. Riker and Soren have two different paradigms that are represented as neither worse nor better nor even given a moral label, they're just different. (Although, the J'naii's insistence that Soren cannot be male or female in gender or sex, is clearly meant to be the reciprocal of any insistence by humans that we can only be male or female in gender and sex.)

"I like one who's intelligent, sure of herself, who I can talk with and get something back. But the most important thing of all, she has to laugh at my jokes."

This conversation has a great sub text: different men like different things in women (and vis versa) so for someone to even identify as "heterosexual" doesn't mean every member of a different sex is attractive to them. And it begs the question: why are so many people with different qualities all under the same gender "umbrella"?

I've seen screen caps of Soren asking about human male genitals but they only show Riker's surprise. Really he deserves more credit because he handles the question really well. The way he handles everything very kindly and graciously, and the fact that Soren continues to ask questions, is a real testament to the safe place that he makes for discussion and curiosity.

There's some... dark humour in how Star Trek talks about misogyny and sexism. It's one of the notable hypocrisies and failings in star trek: to talk about a better future, while still operating on damaging ideals, and without any real idea of the journey it would actually take for society to reach "better". Both Gate and Marina had struggles with how they and their characters were treated compared to the men.

Oh boy. Worf's sexism fluctuates a lot, but when they need someone to be a misogynist, Worf is the go to and it's always painful. And Data asks the innocent, child-like questions. With a scene like this there are unfortunate reflection on some of the characters BUT the main purpose of the scene is, a slightly heavy handed, means of proposing different view points for representation and comparison. It's not really about the characters at all.

I'll say just from experience with that long hours spent working together will create some sort of bond for pretty much any two people. Love or other wise.

This scene is clearly about Soren coming out to Riker. And he takes it as kindly as he has everything else so far.

Geordi has a beard! (LeVar apparently grew it for his wedding)

"good hunting commander"

"thank you sir. See you for dinner." Do Riker and Picard have dinner together? (I love a good found family shared meal).

I really like this scene between Will and Deanna.

"well this one looks like you" with the teddy bear absolutely gets me every time. And Deanna's side look! I love their friendship and comfort together.

"You're my friend and I thought... I don't know, i thought I should tell you."

"I'm glad you did"

"Nothing will change between us, will it?"

"Of course it will. All relationships are constantly changing. But we'll still be friends, maybe better friends. You're a part of my life, and I'm a part of yours. That much will always be true."

This really hits home. Regardless of the label for their relationship, regardless of the details of the boundaries of their relationship, Troi is affirming for Riker that they are important enough to each other, that he is important enough to her, that she will stay in his life and keep him in hers. In a way this touches on what was established way back "Haven". The characterizations were still being sorted out to a large extent, but when Troi was due to be married Riker thought he was losing her and Troi ask him "i am no longer imzadi to you?" But even as much as they love each other, Riker isn't taking for granted that Troi will stay in his life once he becomes involved with someone. Troi is assuring him, promising to him, that she will stay. And the fact that Riker went to her, to tell her about him and Soren, was his way of demonstrating to Troi that she is still important to him, and that he wants to keep her in his life too.

Props to Riker for protecting Soren. Not only did he keep her secret he tried to help her preserve it.

This is a really good and impassioned speech that, even though its clearly about legislation against homosexuality, doesn't feel over the top like a lot of star trek speeches can. It's probably one of the better speeches not given by Picard.

This is the second episode in a row Riker has gone to Picard for guidance...kind of.

It's kind of sweet that Worf offers as a friend to help Riker jeopardize his career, for the sake of someone important to him, even though he doesn't like or understand the J'naii.

In the end, the Enterprise must maintain its status quo, so much like "The Host", there had to be a reason then love interest cannot stay. Even if the reason is honestly so disheartening and sad. I genuinely believe Riker cared for Soren, and this is so devastating. This was probably the best single episode relationship in terms of development.

Picard is so gentle and subtle with Riker.

Engage (!)

[writeanapocalae]

A Guide for Writing Trans People

Written by a Trans Man. 

I’ve seen a lot of different posts on how to write trans characters (absolutely none on how to write cis characters and I am so lost on how to do that oh my goodness) but maybe I’ve got a different perspective and maybe I’ve got something you haven’t heard before. Let’s go! 

Terminology

There are a lot of different genders out there, not just male and female. Some people think Trans men and women are some outside of the binary extra gender, which is very much not true. While many trans people do fall outside the binary, there are a lot who are strictly male or female. Therefore their genders are male and female. The trans part is not part of the word, it is a definer to state that the person is transitioning, that is all. So when you write trans man or trans woman the words are separate, not transman or transwoman. 

A trans man is someone who is transitioning his appearance for society to view him as male. 

A trans woman is someone who is transitioning her appearance for society to view her as female. 

The reason I am wording it this way is because they were already their genders. They have always been their genders. Transitioning is greatly influenced by the way we are treated by society, the same way that beauty standards influence people to contour and get surgeries and whatnot. 

Demi means mostly in terms of gender so a demi boy is someone who is male most of the time and a demi girl is someone who is female most of the time. 

Agender is someone who has no gender

Genderfluid is someone who shifts from gender to gender

Genderqueer is someone who’s gender is nondefined by other terms

Two Spirit is a third gender that encapsulates masculinity and femininity (according to Wikipedia) that is only used by Native Americans 

Third Gender is a gender that can encapsulate or be a completely different solid gender like male or female

Nonbinary is someone who is somewhere on the spectrum between genders and their gender is defined by them 

Pangender is someone who has all genders

Androgyny is not something that actually relates to gender as much as it does presentation. Presentation does not inherently tell you someone’s gender. Being androgynous just means that someone fits right in the middle of societies expectations of male and female and their AGAB cannot be guessed by onlookers. 

AGAB AFAB and AMAB mean Assigned Gender At Birth, Assigned Female At Birth, and Assigned Male At Birth. At birth someone will often assign a gender to a baby based on their genitals and parents tend to show off what sort of genitals their baby has with accessories and colors. Pretty creepy if you ask me. 

FTM and MTF has been deemed problematic but many still use them. They mean Female to Male and Male to Female. The terminology states that the person’s AGAB is their initial gender and they are becoming the opposite when, as stated before, it’s more that they were always their gender and now society has to catch up. 

Gender Nonconformity can be practiced by anyone regardless of gender. It just means that they do things that aren’t expected of someone of their gender like men wearing skirts (for some reason?) or women growing beards or a nonbinary person not being androgynous (for some reason that’s become an expectation)

Intersex is not a part of the trans umbrella, even though it is often lumped in and people who are intersex can also be trans. It is a sex (different from gender) in which different parts of genitals and chromosomes and hormones are produced in a way that deviates from the norm. Many intersex people undergo genital reconstruction or reduction surgery when they are infants (and can’t consent) in order to fit the mold better. Intersex people can be cis. 

Cis just means that someone agrees with the people who assigned them a gender when they were a baby and how society treats them. 

Slurs: Don’t use them. There are a lot. If you see it in a porn category you probably should stay away from it. 

Pronouns

Pronouns are highly personal and can be a myriad of things so I will not be going over all of them. They do not always match presentation (a long haired man with breasts is still a man) and many people will use multiple sets of pronouns or fluctuate between them for what they feel most comfortable with. 

Common pronouns are: they/them, he/him, she/her

Less common pronouns are: xi/xir, fae/faer, it/its, e/em, per/pers, ve/vir, zie/hir

Neopronouns: People make up pronouns all the time since they are personal and these new pronouns are just as valid as any others. Someone made up his and hers after all. When making neopronouns the main thing to be aware of is consistency. You want the different forms of conjugation to make sense and you want to spell them the same way every time. 

Appearance

As has already been stated, there’s no correlation between gender presentation and gender and many trans people are unable to present the way they want to due to the economy, genetics, health, or community. Still, people do what they can to pass or feel comfortable in their body and these things need to be in mind during descriptions. People tend to think of the slight things that make people not pass are unattractive and will point out a woman’s 5 o’clock shadow or a man’s high pitched voice as flaws. These things do not necessarily need to be skipped over but they can be described in a way that doesn’t distract from the characters gender. 

Try to stop thinking of an hourglass shape as an intrinsically feminine trait and height as an inherently masculine one. There are cis women with full beards and cis men with round jaws. Exploring different features, combining them, and seeing how they meld will give your characters more depth and help with differentiating them from one another. A good rule of thumb is, if you mention something that people don’t immediately clock as the characters gender, describe it as gender accurate. 

Misgendering

This is another one that I would say don’t do but there are characters who the writers don’t always agree with. Misgendering is extremely harmful, puts trans people’s lives in danger, and can out them without their permission. The narrator should never misgender a character unless the character does not realize they are trans until the story is underway but this should be rare. The trans character would have no reason to ever misgender themself and may talk about how they presented in the past but will, most likely, still refer to themself with the correct gender. The POV character may misgender a trans character upon meeting them but after being corrected should fix their behavior unless you want your audience to dislike the POV character. Friends of the trans character should not misgender the character unless they are in a situation in which being correctly gendered would bring them harm, otherwise they’re not good friends. Family may misgender the trans character if they are not out or if the family members are terrible people. 

Dysphoria/Euphoria

Dysphoria is when there’s a painful discrepancy between mind and body, like when someone knows they are one way but they don’t look the way they feel. Misgendering can be a large cause of dysphoria, as can hearing a recording of their voice, reflections, binding and tucking not hiding what the individual may want to hide, height, muscle structure, bone structure, etc. 

Euphoria is the exact opposite of this. It is an extreme sensation of peace and joy in personal gender presentation. This can be caused by hormone replacement therapy, correct gendering, presenting in a way that feels natural, and acceptance. 

Dysphoria is not necessary for being transgender. 

Social Groups

Look around your friend group. Notice anything eerie? Notice how most of your friends are similar to you in a lot of ways, especially IRL friends? They’re people that you trust and expect to keep you safe while having a fun time with because you share interests and experiences with. Same for trans people. This is why, if you look at my friend group there’s 2 genderfluid, 1 agender, 1 nonbinary, 2 trans women, 1 trans man, and 1 cis man (who’s a cousin). If you have just 1 trans character in a group of friends it is going to read as a need for diversity points and that character is less likely to feel safe with discussing trans issues due to no one around them being able to relate.

Outing 

This is one that a lot of people have a hard time with and even trans writers mess up a lot. We all know the infamous scene of someone walking in on a trans person changing and, hopefully, we know that this is not only cliche but actually harmful as it tends to lead to the idea of “lying” when it’s really just not anyone’s business and that trans bodies must be on display. I would say that you shouldn’t have to out your character because coming out is dangerous for real trans people in a lot of situations and it normalizes the idea that trans people must doxx themselves at any moment but due to the lack of representation and the nature of novels, you pretty much have to out your characters. No amount of subtext will be as beneficial to a trans reader as cementing the fact that there’s someone they can relate to in canon. Luckily outing a trans character is a lot easier than people think. 

Some of us can’t shut up. A lot of trans people will hint at it a lot and just flat out say it if they’re in similar company. If we see people who we feel confident are also queer we often drop hints that we understand we’re safe, they can come to us (especially in a retail setting), because we want a community. The amount I bring up my masculinity is very very often, to the point I’m surprised people aren’t annoyed with me. I don’t pass very well so I wear a lot of brightly colored buttons that explicitly state my pronouns. There’s also this very strong urge to correct people who use gendered language for things that don’t need gender (like sexual organs and menstrual cycles). There’s nothing wrong with just saying that a character is trans. 

Resources

The best thing you can do for your story is research. The trans people you know are not google and they do not deserve to be treated like google. You can use google. Here’s some stuff I found on google: 

Dummies | Transequality | EverydayFeminism | Scriptlgbt

But no matter how much research you do it’s not going to be as useful as a sensitivity reader. Once your story is complete ask people to read it as beta readers and sensitivity readers and listen to the people that fit your minority characters. 

Some musicians to check out for inspiration

I have to recommend music. I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t. 

Agender: Angel Haze | Mood Killer

Androgyne: Florian- Ayala Flora | 

Genderfluid: Aja | Miley Cyrus | Dorian Electra | Jana Hunter | Ruby Rose |  Sons of an Illustrious Father | Eliot Sumner | Maxine Feldman | Chester Lockhart 

Genderqueer: Sopor Aeternus | CN Lester | Planningtorock | Chris Pureka | Sam Smith | Rae Spoon | Vaginal Davis | Ezra Furman | Randa | Vivek Shraya

Genderneutral: Grimes | 

Nonbinary: Arca | Mal Blum | Justin Vivian Bond | Adore Delano | Grey Gritt | Rose McGowan | Shamir | T Thomason | Beth Jean Houghton | Openside | Fraxiom 

Pandrogyne: Genesis P-orridge 

Trans Man: Alexander James Adams | Bettens | Little Axe and the Golden Echoes | Cidney Bullens | Meryn Cadell | Ryan Cassata | Quinn Christopherson | Beverly Glenn Copeland | Quinn Marston | Clyde Peterson | Schmekel | Lucas Silveira | Billy Tipton 

Trans Woman: 1.8.7. | Nadia Almada | Vacancy Chain | Barbra Amesbury | anohni | Estelle Asmodelle | Backxwash | Mykki Blanco | Namoli Brennet | Tona Brown | Sara Davis Buechner | Mya Byrne | The Neptune Darlings | Simona Castricum | Lili Chen | Jessie Chung | Coccinelle | Jayne County | Bulent Ersoy | Deena Kaye Rose | Bibi Anderson | Marci Free |  Teddy Geiger | Gila Goldstein | Laurie Jane Grace | Romy Haag | Ai Haruna | Juliana Huxtable | Mila Jam | Christine Jorgensen | Lady | Left@London | Amanda Lapore | Liniker | Jennifer Maidman | Michete | Trevi Moran | Angela Morley | Ataru Nakamura | Octo Octa | Dee Palmer | Kim Petras | Axis of Awesome | Katey Red | Patricia Ribeiro | Danica Roem | Jackie Shane | Breanna Synclaire | Sophie | Ramon Te Wake | Terre Thaemlitz | Cindy Thai Tai | Titicia | Venus Flytrap 

Two Spirit: Tony Enos | Cris Derksen

[gatheringbones]

hey bones I'm a femme lesbian but i feel like I'm not entirely a woman idk how to explain like i feel like a funhouse mirror version of a lady but I don't think I'm nonbinary as well bc only certain gendered terms (like queen) make me flinch from them but not others? idk what to do, do you have any recommended reading to figure this out?? i live in a v homophobic country and don't know any other lesbian irl to talk about this

I don’t necessarily want to recommend reading certain materials that would give you the definite, clear-cut, completely unambiguous example of what you’re looking for (even though Joan Nestle’s work in particular jumps out at me as having very much to say about lesbian and femme especially as their own genders) because I find myself questioning the efficacy of simply handing you a citation and saying “See? There you are in your entirety. Somebody figured it all out for you thirty years ago and it’s all in here, problem solved.” I don’t think that’s possible, frankly; I think there are still pieces of you that won’t line up exactly, especially considering the cultural differences and societal pressures you face that directly inform how you interact with gender and history and desire and presentation, and that not lining up is still going to feel lonely and uncomfortable and potentially forbidden for you.

What I would like to offer you instead, if I can scrounge the words together, is that no matter what you read, you’re going to find examples of people who had absolutely no language or theory or analysis surrounding who or what they are, and how those common those accounts are in the historical and literary record. I would point towards people from historical periods who when presented with the current definitions of what a lesbian for sure was and wasn’t, promptly said “ah, no thank you” and trailblazed into territories of gender so forbidden it barred them from taking part in wider lesbian culture as it was defined and defended at the time. People who grew up very rural, or very working class, or both, people from below the poverty line, people with different racial backgrounds; all sorts of people whose class and racial backgrounds do not remotely line up with white, upper-class, academic cis-feminism, whose language has always been inadequate at describing how much diversity of experience there is with people who choose to interact with the lesbian label. I would want to point you towards people who did it wrong, in other words, who were the thing that you feel isn’t permissible within the current language system that’s been approved for lesbianism, and who carried on being that thing despite the vocal and enthusiastic presence of a great many people who saw lesbianism as a crumbling fortress beset on all sides by tainted invaders.

Joan Nestle’s great for this, but so is Leslie Feinberg— wordlessness and ambiguity and the freedom you can find in both runs all throughout hir work, and you can find echoes of that trickster strength in all kinds of authors— Amy Fox, Audre Lorde, Sinclair Sexsmith, Tristen Taormino, Rae Spoon, Ivan Coyote. Ivan’s also who I turn to when I want to read someone who grew up in the backcountry with no theory because that’s me; I didn’t grow up in a city with visible gay people, I grew up with no electricity or running water in a shack with crazy people who were very vocal about performing violence on anyone who so much as resembled a homosexual, and I grew into a gender and sexuality shaped by my trauma and disembodiment and the kind of searing rural loneliness that only people who lived it are going to be able to empathize with. Right now I’m thinking about the story from Bushfire I read that’s set at a secret Black lesbian house party in the south where there’s so much conversation and vernacular happening and the moments of sexuality are so bewilderingly presented that you can’t tell what anybody necessarily is only that it’s wonderfully unlikely that any of this is happening at all. I’m thinking about Larry Mitchell and The Faggots and Their Friends In Between Revolutions and how much of that book has to do with intentionally fucking with categories in order to subvert patriarchal control. (“The faggots and their friends and the women who love women can keep the men off balance for a long time by subtly, but continually, changing their identities. The men who are in charge of controlling it all find it difficult always to know how many of each kind there are, and who they are. Each group can grow and shrink as the men’s changing ferociousness demands.”) I’m also thinking about Jeanne Cordova writing in anguish about having to cut the chains off of her boots because the lesbian feminist scene she was involved with said they were “male-identified” and therefore forbidden. I’m thinking about the white woman at the Womyn’s festival in Minnie Bruce Patt’s S/he who pokes one of her companions in the chest and accuses them of having “boy energy” and that they need to leave immediately, and of Leslie Feinberg turning to them and asking her to decide right then and there what gender ze is and whether or not ze should be kicked out as well. (“You turn to the angry woman and ask quietly, “What about me? Do I have male energy? Am I a woman or a man?” She pauses, taken aback, and finally says, “I don’t want to talk about each person...” You reply, “But you do want someone to decide. You want someone to judge, and us to submit to judgement. So tell me, am I a man or a woman? Tell me how you can decide? The woman falls completely silent, all of us sit silent. She does not answer. She walks away.”) I’m thinking of ambiguousness as a defense mechanism and a weapon all in one, because people do all sorts of things when presented with ambiguousness that tell you exactly who they are, and people who can co-exist with and honor ambiguousness are incredibly rare. I think that feeling like a funhouse mirror of a woman is only dangerous in spaces where ambiguity and exploration aren’t allowed, where it isn’t safe because of the presence of people who find more meaning and comfort and safety in mapped categories than they do in the lived experience of gender outlaws. I think they’re delusional and brittle and authoritarian and that Larry had them pegged exactly right. I want to invite you, if at all possible, to see your status as both incredibly common and a gift.

Will you run across something that seems to describe you word for word and fills you with joy and certainty? It’s more than possible; lesbians are a prolific bunch and the more you keep tracking down and reading the more likely you’ll come across something exactly like that. But if you don’t? if it’s a lifelong search, or more like an ongoing conversation between you and other members of your community, throughout history and person-to-person? that’s even more likely, that seems like what we’re all doing. And if you end up being your own weird thing, to the point where some For Real Lesbian points at you and shouts that you’re undermining and betraying the very concept of lesbianism? you’ve made it baby! You’re in such good company!