#for the record I have not yet played the epilogue as I'm drawing these

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Goodbye Lae'zel.

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[aishangotome]

Alfons Sylvatica: [Blind Love] Epilogue

Chapter 25

♡———♡

For him, love is fleeting, and everyday life is fragile.

So, every day, every second, I carve it into my heart and body, and hold it dear.

---That is how I love my dear illusion.

Kate: Roger, I found an interesting note in this church's records.

Roger: Hmm? Which one? Let me see.

I occasionally visit the basement like this to continue my joint research with Roger on the "mirror curse."

In addition to reading through materials, we also narrow down places and people to conduct interviews.

(Alfons is...ah, he's asleep.)

Even though he doesn't cooperate with the research, Alfons always comes along for some reason, and he spends his time freely playing with lab equipment, reading books, or sleeping on the examination bed.

Roger: Al, lend me your arm for a bit.

Alfons: Eh...? ...No. You're going to draw blood again, aren't you? Are you that fond of my blood, you pervert?

Roger: Yeah, I am. It's a valuable sample for monitoring the progress of the transfusion.

Although he makes a grumpy face, he does cooperate with the research about once every ten times.

(He's like a fickle cat.)

Encouraged by Alfons's profile, I turned back to the materials.

To remember his profile, this time, because he is cursed by the "mirror."

-

Kate: Thank you again for accompanying me today.

Alfons: You're welcome. Thank you for your hard work on the research, even though we haven't made any progress yet.

Kate: Hehe, I'll make sure we get results eventually, so don't worry.

Alfons: Yes, yes, I'm looking forward to it.

(Ah...again.)

Alfons sometimes looks at me like this, with his eyes narrowed as if he's dazzled.

(I love this look...it's like he's trying to burn me into his memory.)

I feel like Alfons is trying to carve me into his heart and body, just as much as I'm trying to do the same with him.

It's becoming my happy habit to look for the "truth" in Alfons' subtle gestures, since he rarely says "I love you" or "I like you" in words.

Alfons: Oh, by the way, Kate.

Kate: Yes...?

Alfons: I'm going out tonight. I won't be back until morning, so please go to sleep first.

Where are you going? - I desperately held back the urge to ask.

**flashback**

Alfons: I'm afraid I can't stop going out at night. It's my hobby, my pleasure, and my life's work.

Alfons: Going out drinking, showing illusions… but

Alfons: I want to try to love you properly, so

Alfons: I won’t do that with anyone other than you… no kissing, no caressing, no sex.

**flashback over**

I haven't yet followed him to confirm his "only me" statement.

(Because I believe the words Alfons gave me...)

When he goes out at night, my head is filled with thoughts of him.

But even the time I spend like that at night is proof that Alfons is deeply engraved in me, so it's precious to me.

Kate: ...I understand. Have a good time.

Alfons: Ah ha! Don't make such an obviously lonely face.

Kate: Huh? I'm not lonely, it's normal...

Alfons: That's a problem too. Even if it's normal, please be lonely.

Kate: Wh-what...?

Alfons: Well then, see you tomorrow.

He kissed my cheek and left for the entrance.

(He told me not to make a lonely face, and to be lonely...)

Roger: He's a selfish guy, isn't he?

Kate: R-Roger...were you listening?

I turned around to see Roger standing halfway up the stairs leading to the basement, with a mischievous smile on his face.

Roger: If you're lonely, I can keep you company while he's gone.

Kate: I'm fine, really, I'm not lonely at all.

Roger: Oh really?

After glancing in the direction of Alfons, who had disappeared beyond the entrance,

Roger smoothly placed his hand on my chin and—

Roger: I think I understand what Al was saying. He said it's cute when you pout.

Kate: –Hn!?

He kissed me as if it were natural.

Kate: Wh-what, why so suddenly!?

I hurriedly pushed him away, but Roger just smirked.

Roger: Because you're a good woman who's lonely but acts tough, and Al is too careless.

(Wh-what should I do...)

Kate: Alfons said he wouldn't be with anyone but me...

Roger: ...

Roger: Heh, heh! So that's what you're worried about, huh, little missy?

Roger chuckles gleefully as I turn pale.

Kate: ... Huh? What else is there to worry about?

Roger: Hmm... No, nothing. I was just teasing. Don't worry, I won't do it again.

Roger: But if that guy makes you cry, I might just have to do something about it.

Roger: I have a fondness for tearful faces.

Kate: N-no way...! I don't plan on being made to cry!

I ran up the stairs to escape Roger's egotistical smirk.

-

And then--the next day.

(Yesterday's kiss... was my fault for letting my guard down.)

(I absolutely, absolutely need to make sure it doesn't happen again.)

(...And it wouldn't do any good to make Alfons feel bad, so it's better to keep it a secret, right?)

Alfons: What's with that troubled look on your face, Kate?

Kate: Eek...!?

I jump up as he pokes me in the side.

Alfons: Ah, you're so sensitive. Is this an erogenous zone too?

Kate: I was just ticklish...!

Alfons, who had just returned from a night out and woken up a moment ago, laughed cheerfully with his shirt still rumpled from sleep.

(I'll keep it a secret after all...)

(Alfons keeps secrets from me too, about where he goes and what he does at night...!)

I changed my mood and announced today's plans.

Kate: More importantly, we promised to draw a portrait of you today, right, Alfons?

Alfons: Of course, I remember. Ah, shall I take this off?

Kate: It's fine as it is!

I stopped Alfons' hand as he reached for the buttons of his shirt and pushed him into a chair.

Alfons: This was an attempt to leave a picture behind in case the ink writing fades, wasn't it?

Alfons: Didn't you take a photo with the same reasoning the other day?

Alfons: And before that, you got your hands on the latest equipment, a phonograph, and recorded my voice, didn't you?

Kate: Just being extra careful! Now, please stay still.

Alfons: Yes, yes.

Alfons teased me a bit more before crossing his long legs and resting his cheek on his hand on the armrest.

I set up the easel and canvas I had prepared and began to sketch.

Alfons: Kate, I didn't know you could draw.

Kate: I can't. That's why I'm practicing.

Alfons: By the time you're a grandmother, you'll have improved and will surely be able to draw a perfect likeness.

Kate: Ah ha! Do you intend to live with me until I'm a grandmother?

Alfons: How optimistic of you, to be involved with a man whose profession is assassination.

(Of course, I know. No one knows when death will come.)

The things I'm accumulating now may not be able to overcome fate.

(Even so...)

Kate: That's why I want to capture the present moment that we're living together.

Alfons: ...Hehe, how straightforward.

Alfons looked at me intently with those dazzling eyes again.

Every time I look at him to confirm his form, my heartbeat quickens as I meet his beloved gaze.

(I, I have to focus.)

I moved the charcoal as if to dispel unnecessary distractions. But...

(This is... It might not just be a lack of talent.)

The more lines I added, the more hopeless the result became.

Alfons: What's wrong? Your face is getting paler and paler.

Kate: Ah, don't move... Don't look!

Alfons: Let me see...

As soon as he saw the disastrous picture I had drawn on the canvas, Alfons pointed at it rudely and burst into laughter.

Alfons: Ahahaha! Ah, you... Is this a human being? Ahahahaha!

Kate: It will be! I'll get better!

Alfons: Ha... You're a really interesting person.

After laughing until tears came out, Alfons snatched the charcoal from my hand.

Kate: Ah...!

Alfons: Hey, Kate.

Alfons: For the sake of improvement, shouldn't you get to know my body... better?

Kate: ...

When his seductive voice poured into my ears, my body ached sweetly as if a switch had been flipped.

Alfons guided my fingertips, which were wandering in the air after the charcoal was taken away, to the buttons of his shirt.

Kate: ...Your shirt... will get dirty with charcoal...

Alfons: Please dirty it, with your fingers.

He was deliberately using suggestive language, enjoying my reaction.

(I know, but...)

As expected, I was made to imagine indecent things, and my body became wet with anticipation.

(...It's like I'm being trained to Alfons' liking.)

(It's embarrassing, but... I'm happy.)

It's because it's proof that he's carving his love into me - I can't help but feel happy.

After letting me unbutton his shirt, Alfons guided my fingertips inside.

Alfons: See, if you touch me like this... you can understand my contours better, can't you?

Kate: ...

As I was guided, my fingertips traced the contours of his muscles, moving down from his chest to his abdomen.

Kate: Ah... Alfons...

Alfons: Remember my form well.

---By the time I touched his warmth, I had already fallen into his sweet trap.

-

After taking pictures, recording our voices, and even leaving behind drawings... maybe at least one of them will remain.

After our sketching session gradually turned into a sweet moment in bed—

Alfons playfully laughed while languidly twirling my sulking hair.

Alfons: I used to hate photos, you know?

Kate:...Is that so?

Alfons: Yes, you took my photo virginity. You have to take responsibility for it.

My nose was poked, and the sweet ache in my chest made me forget my sulking.

(The Alfons who was trying to irresponsibly abandon our relationship and disappear...)

(To say something like "take responsibility" that ties us to our relationship...)

Joy slowly spread through me—at the same time, I remembered something I felt guilty about.

(Alfons is trying to love me so properly...)

(To keep it a secret... it's not good, is it?)

Kate: U-um... Alfons, there's something I need to apologize for.

Alfons: Oh my, this sounds interesting. What is it?

Kate: I...

Kate: When you weren't around, Roger kissed me.

Alfons: ..........

Kate: I'm so sorry...

Alfons stared blankly for a moment, then started to laugh, his shoulders shaking.

(W-why is he laughing...?)

Alfons: Oh dear... You really are something else... Heh.

Alfons: Go ahead, you can have as many "meaningless kisses" as you want.

Kate: Huh!? But, Alfons, you said you wouldn't kiss anyone but me...

Alfons: Doesn't count if the other person forces it on me, right? That's an accident, an accident.

(Oh, good... Huh? But that means...)

Kate: So you're saying you don't count those kinds of kisses either, Alfons?

Alfons: Oops, I shouldn't have said that.

Kate: ...How many times have you had those kinds of kisses since you said you'd only kiss me?

Alfons: Hmm, I don't remember. Maybe two or three times, maybe not.

(This guy...!)

I leaned over Alfons and roughly pressed my lips against his.

He laughed with glee, and I hated the way his lips received it.

Kate: Nn... Ah, Alphonse, you good-for-nothing!

Alfons: Yes, I know.

Kate: Womanizer! Liar! Pervert!

Alfons: That last part was a compliment, wasn't it?

Kate: You jerk...

My body is rolled over, and our positions reversed.

With a creak of the bedsprings, Alfons leans over me.

Alfons: Do you hate me for being a good-for-nothing, a womanizer, a liar, and a pervert?

Kate: ...uh...y-yes...!

The perpetrator, who knew exactly how I would respond, smiles like a devil.

As if trying to burn each and every one of my reactions into his memory, he narrows his dazzling eyes.

(He's toying with my feelings again, teasing me... He really is an impossible person.)

(But...)

Kate: ...I...love you...

(I can't imagine a life without you anymore.)

Alfons: Hehe, good.

Alfons: I love you too, Kate.

His curved lips drop a sweet kiss.

I want to continue this playful exchange forever.

Until it's etched into my memory, leaving a mark that will never fade.

-

As usual, a gloomy darkness lies over London, England.

The man who shows illusions to escape from this reality for a moment was about to throw himself into the darkness again tonight.

Roger: Going again? You're persistent, aren't you?

Alfons: You're persistent too. Do you enjoy talking to me?

Roger: I'd love to expose your true intentions for always making the lil lady sad and anxious.

Alfons: Do you really think I'd tell you honestly?

Roger: Who knows. But if the day comes when you don't come back by morning, I'll take the young lady.

Roger: --What would you do if I said that?

Alfons: Ah ha! Do you think I'd just casually die again?

Laughing with a distorted face, Alfons turned his whole body towards Roger.

Alfons: I'd rather not die before her.

Alfons: I'll die after Kate, even if it's just by a minute or a second.

Alfons: I don't want to be forgotten by her.

Alfons: Oh, and also--

Roger: ....!

Alfons grabbed Roger's chest and pulled him closer. In his smiling face, only his grey eyes were filled with cold murderous intent.

Alfons: ...If you kiss Kate again, I'll bite off those lips.

After spitting out these words, he turned his back on Roger and left the castle without looking back.

Roger: I see. ...Even his way of loving is troublesome.

As Roger sees him off, the sound of two sets of footsteps reaches his ears without a moment's delay.

Kate: ...Roger, you're just in time.

Roger: Hmm? What's wrong, lil lady... and Elbert?

Elbert: I was taking a walk... and Kate called out to me...

Kate: Roger, would you also like to... not follow Alfons' tail, but, um, yes!

Kate: Would you like to accompany us on a walk... while watching his back?

Roger: ...Your way of loving is just as troublesome, lil lady.

Kate: Yes...?

Roger: Never mind. I'm talking to myself.

-

For him, love is fleeting, and everyday life is fragile.

That's why he plays with me day and night, driving me crazy - that's his way of loving.

And he seems to enjoy it even more since he fell in love with me.

I'm still being swayed by this lovely, indecent illusion today.

FIN

----

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[musicoccurred]

Mixtapes

The mixtape, a word that is dependent on who's using it and when. I'm middle-aged and came up in the 80s and 90s so it means something different to me than a kid today or a band camp rapper. Having said that, let's take a look at the different usages of mixtape and see if we can crown a winner of the top type of mixtape.

For those of us with achy knees and patches of gray in our hair, a mixtape was, first and foremost, actually on a tape. Now there were themes involved just as there are now with some of the others I'll mention in a bit. For instance, every Sunday there was Rick Dees Weekly Top 40 radio show. I would often drop a blank cassette in my boom box and hit record. I would then go watch TV in the living room and keep an ear out for the telltale 'click' of the tape running out. I'd run back to my room, flip the tape, and hit record again. You have to understand, before the internet, geez that never not sounds old, the radio ruled. Even with albums, cassettes, and later CDs you still listened to the radio all the time. That's why I love XM so much, there's something about having someone curate music for you. And even today with every song available at the tap of a finger there's something awesome when your jam comes on the radio. It just hits different. I digress. So now at the end of the countdown you have the top 40 songs of the week, or however many you had enough tapes for... You can now make a mixtape of your favorite tracks. Radio also had "Request and Dedication" shows where you could call in and request a song and give a little dedication to your amore. You could record that and toss it at the beginning of the mixtape and good things happen. Another type would be artist specific. Say you were a Michael Jackson fan, you could take Off the Wall, Thriller and Bad and make a tape of your favorite songs from each. Another would be genre, when I was first getting into blues and jazz, I'd borrow tapes from my Mom and friends to make mix tapes. And last but not least, the mixtape for your love interest. These were the ultimate, you'd diligently record songs from the radio and mix in a song or two from either an artist she didn't know or an obscure song from a known artist to show you were a deep brother. You weren't done yet! You'd then work hard on the label and of course the note to go along with those 10 songs that perfectly sum up your feelings for that person. On a side note, I'd like to take this opportunity to say if you were the object of my unrequited affection and received one of these, I apologize. Unless you liked it, then, hey girl.

Next up we have the burned CD mixtape. It is the evolutionary cousin to the cassette mixtape. While it took a while for CD burners to become ubiquitous, they eventually showed up, primarily in PCs. What was lost in recording from the radio was picked up by being able to download from Napster and pass along. Additionally, you could write or draw on the CD itself and the labels, if you went that route, were larger for track listing and any other info you wanted to toss in there.

Now we're moving on to the streaming portion of the discussion:

Note: I'm using playlist and mixtape interchangeably here.

One step removed from the burned CD and what seems lightyears beyond the cassette technologically is the custom, personally curated playlist. This can be a playlist you do for yourself; I have several in Spotify. I will sometimes dump an entire artist's collection in there to shuffle, or perhaps include only the tracks I like best. I also have one for jazz and one for funk called 'greasy.' But in the spirit of this piece, I'm thinking of a playlist that you create for someone else and share the link with them. I actually like this, not only can you send them a custom mix of songs that can express how you feel about them, but you can update the playlist anytime. It can be romantic or simply sharing new tunes with a homie.

Next, we have the algorithmically created playlist. When you sign in Spotify (I'm assuming other services offer similar features) and you get the daily list or the multiple "just for you" selections, this is what I'm referring to. Spotify uses the data from your listening habits to create playlists with songs from artists they think you'll like. It's pretty accurate with a few swings and misses. I have to say I'm a fan of including these playlists as well as listing other artists similar to the one you're listening to. I've discovered so many new bands this way. Alternatively, there are playlists that are created based on other factors. I work out with playlists on Spotify and XM such as Hip hop workout or Lithium Workout. These are likely created based on a beats per minute count. Some don't really fit the workout but have a faster beat. Overall, I like this style of mixtape/playlist.

Finally, we have the artist mixtape. This is generally hip hop but isn't necessarily limited to any specific genre. I relate it to an EP being released prior to an LP back in the day. Some of these have very rapid turnarounds, like a day or two so sometimes the quality of the mix isn't that great but topically it's right on time.

So how do these rank in terms of which mixtape format is best? Let's find out!

5. Artist Mixtape - This may be one of those "not for you" cases but I'm not a fan of most of these I've heard. Some are pretty good, but most feel rushed or worse, don't have a cohesive feel to the tracks. The ability for artists to drop tracks near instantly is pretty amazing and I do like the idea of it. We'll see how that continues to develop.

4. Algorithmically created playlist - While I use these pretty much every single day, they lack the human touch - hello, algorithm - which is what makes the mixtape great.

3. Burned CD - I probably surprised you here with this at number 3. I do think it has a lot of strengths and is still a physical object that gives the human touch. But there were some issues. If you're old enough to have gone through the burned CD era, you'll know the pain of burning a CD for it to simply not work. Sometimes the person you gave it to had a CD player that wouldn't play those or you needed a CD -R or +R or RW, it was awful.

2. Personally curated playlist - While fully digital and not that personal this does have the ability to add and remove songs as you go. Plus, when you email the link to the person you can toss in a nice note about how you thought about them when making it.

1. Cassette - I mean come on, it's called a mixTAPE right? Clear winner here. Yeah, I'm old but there was something about it.

Epilogue:

I listen to either streaming music or records. I'm resisting the urge to get back into cassettes even though I have a couple decks and tapes. My cassette collection didn't survive growing up. Honestly, I have no idea where they went. I still have my CDs but before I would play a CD, I would stream it. There's something human about playing a record or a cassette. We are a touching, feeling creature and it means something to flip that tape over or to hold the liner notes on a record. I think that's lost on the younger folks. As everything is digitized and available on a screen it loses some of its meaning. I like buying concert tickets online but man, there's something about lining up at Macy's or JC Penney's or wherever your ticket office was and buying a physical ticket they handed you. When I have the option, even if it's a couple bucks more I still try to get physical tickets. In 20 years, I can look at that stub and remember the show, I can't do that with a barcode on an app.

What's your favorite format or mixtape/playlist?

-js