#for the past week I've been in a constant state of fear and anxiety over this manga and the last week's chapter really did for me...

[olasketches]

jjk ends in 5 chapters... wow.. :"))

[that-lazy-snail]

Election Ramblings to follow...

So I'm currently studying abroad in Japan for the year (and all the struggles that has presented is a whole different story but!) and the election has literally made me physically sick with anxiety every day for the past week. Like I can't sleep, I have no appetite, I have a horrifically upset stomach. I haven't been this anxiety paralyzed since I was 15, in England with the worst depression of my life and suicidal thoughts, before Trump got elected the first time. I know there's been some studies done on the post 2016 election ptsd but I honestly didn't realize how bad it was, I forget how bad it was and the fact that this year, it's another woman vs a white man, it's worse than it was in 2020.

I literally cried for an hour today, and probably will continue to cry until I fall asleep (if I even can it's 3:30 am in Tokyo right now) because in 2015 no matter how horrible Trump was, a woman was somehow still worse. That is psychologically damaging in a way I can't explain, that the country basically said that being a pedophile and a rapist, racist, homophobic criminal, was still better than being a woman. The bone deep dread I have, that it will be the same now, is indescribable. I don't know if I can survive another Trump presidency, as someone who has reproductive health problems and is amab, as someone who is homosexual. Even if the policy doesn't kill me (which it very well could and would, I live in the South) the stress, constant paranoia and anxiety might.

Being abroad for the election is definitely also not helping. While I have a wonderful sense of community with my friends here, and we're all very supportive of each other and have been doing some emotional hand holding for the last month of so regarding the election, my professors and to be frank the fuckin European students are not understanding. Quite a few of the European students are actually assholes about it and treat the whole thing kind of like a joke (which it's very much not) and use it as an excuse to shit on America and Americans overall. The professors aren't mean, they're just oblivious to the like, constant state of breakdown I've been in for the last week or so. Life goes on here, they watch our election on the news and call it done, for me, it is quite literally my life on the line so I'm quite a bit more anxious and generally stressed about it. I miss my parents and I'm terrified he's going to be elected and I'm going to go back to my apartment, alone and suffer. I'm so scared I'm going to relive 2016, where I sobbed in my parents bedroom for hours, until 6 in the morning except without my mom holding me and my dad telling me everything would be okay (spoiler it wasn't they overturned roe v. wade). Where I campaigned for Hillary and prayed for the rest of the adults around me to protect my future and watched them choose sexism and hatred over my safety. Watched my grandmother say that how her church told her to vote and their opinion was more important than my future, and then tell me that to my face. When I spent that whole year, believing that we'd get our first female president only to have that future ripped away. I'm scared to hope for it, but when (and I say when because if she doesn't I might really never be coming back from Japan) she wins, I'm going to celebrate so fucking hard. I'm going to be cheering and popping champagne and screaming from the rooftops that we finally shattered the glass ceiling.

By God I hope she wins, I hope she wins for women, for LGBT people, for children and for schools and for immigrants and for education and for unions and for tax cuts and loan forgiveness and freedom. I don't want to live in fear for the next 4 years, assuming that it doesn't quickly turn to fascism if he's elected. So she's going to win, cause she has to win, and if she doesn't I don't think I can call myself American anymore.

[petersmparker]

Clutch pt 7 (Peter Parker x Reader)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: This is the first time Peter has spoken to you since he’d kissed you in the alley, and he can’t help but be surprised.

Word Count: 1868

A/N: woo! long time coming, huh? thanks to everyone following this series for their patience! we’re one week into the semester and college is already beating me into submission. did someone say “five classes that assign almost 50 pages of reading due for every class”?? Love you all for sticking w me!!! I’ll promise the next one will be out faster- it’s already written for editing!! ps, tumblr literally won’t allow a cut, so I’m sorry to anyone who has to scroll past this

INTRO PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 5 PART 6 PART 7 PART 8

It's nearly a week until Peter sees you again due to careful avoidance in the halls and an unfortunate streak of petty crime a distance from your usual routes. Even despite the heated kiss that had been exchanged and his decision to share with you the name behind Spider-Man, he worries that it would be unwise to approach you outside of the suit, and the sight of you in school makes his heart do flips that leave him flustered and distracted for an admittedly embarrassing amount of time.

Because of this, the week passes with some anxiety and nerves. Peter isn't exactly sure how to make odds or ends of what had occurred between you. The kiss had been wonderful- something he had dreamed of without the nerve to actually hope for it. Moreover, it was his first. He wondered if it was yours too, or if you minded that it was him.

Well. Not him, he supposed. Spider-Man. He knew that you felt nothing for him personally, but rather his superhero alter ego. You knew very little about him, after all, besides his name. There wasn’t much he’s been able to share. But if you did, Peter wondered, would you see something in him worth caring about?

Five days in, as Peter goes through the motions of dinner, he fights the urge to admit to May what had occurred. To just talk about it, maybe get some advice. The thoughts rattle in his brain nonstop, keeping him in a near-constant state of “What now?”. But he meets her eye over her container of takeout as she digs a piece of broccoli out from under her rice, and can’t seem to do it. Not yet. Not until things are clearer.

As he climbs into bed, he once again replays the kiss in his mind for the millionth time, hoping to hell that his fixation isn’t breeding false hope.

The next day, Peter decides to swing through the street where his fight had occurred to survey the damage repair. It was something he, unfortunately, was becoming accustomed to doing after putting himself on the radar of higher level criminals the year before. The guilt always struck him when he viewed a shattered glass storefront or a torn apart corner of a building. No matter how hard he tried, sometimes the damage control got away from him.

Seeing the closed-up mini mart is just like every other time, and it feels terrible.

Despite that, the guilty thoughts circling Peter's brain come to a dead stop the moment he lays eyes on you again. Overcoming them was nervousness. Embarrassment, even, as he recalled just how much you'd been at the center of his mind for the past week.

You’re walking along the far side of the street, gazing up at what is left of the shop. The busted-out window is covered in several layers of plastic, wood planks, and cardboard. While the police tape is long gone, the word CLOSED is clearly displayed on the front door- as if the mess of a window isn’t enough of a clue.

As Peter watches, you move on toward a telephone pole to read a sheet of paper that had been stapled to it. After a few moments, you tear it off and stride, agitatedly, in the direction of an alley that he knows all too well. For a brief second Peter wants to assume that you’ll just walk past it. Surely you aren't going to return to The Place It Happened and cause the impending conversation to be even more awkward than it was already going to be.

You turned into the alley, and with a sigh, Peter jumps from the roof he had been perched upon to meet you there. He touches down next to you, startling you only slightly when he attempts to casually say hello and reach for the flyer in your hand.

"Jesus," you gasp, yanking the paper away from him in your exasperated surprise, "Part of me had a feeling you'd show up, but I still wasn't prepared. Maybe you need a bell around your neck."

Peter accepts the now-offered flyer and tries not to shiver when you gently brush a finger against his throat for emphasis. "Ah, well," he starts, somewhat awkwardly, "That might ruin the element of surprise a bit, you know? The bad guys would hear me. Mr. Stark might have to fire me. And in this economy?"

"Spider-Man gets paid?" You ask, bewildered.

"God, no," he says quickly, "This suit is payment enough. And he gave me all this nice stuff I couldn't afford, I- I'd never ask for more."

With a gentle laugh, you place a hand on his arm. "You're a good guy. Really. It makes the shit this reporter is spreading all the more ridiculous," you say with finality, gesturing toward the flyer he still hadn't read.

Pictured was Spider-Man in the midst of his criminal sendoff. Shards of glass are flying across the whole photograph, and the look on the man’s face is one of complete terror. The caption reads, SPIDERMAN: HERO? OR PUBLIC MENACE?

"Oh," Peter says, dejectedly, "I can't really argue that, can I?"

In a quick movement, you rip the flyer out of his hands, crumple it, and toss it toward the open lid of the nearest dumpster.

"Spider-Man," you say firmly, commanding him to hear you, to listen, and Peter’s surprised by the seriousness of your tone.

Your voice lowers in volume when you say, "Peter," and take his hands in your own, and he nearly melts.

"Everything you do is for the good of others. You've saved people's lives before. Put your own in danger to do it. That flyer is slander. Nothing more. No one in their right mind will believe this, and you, you damn intelligent boy, you should know better than to buy into it, either."

"The damage-" Peter starts, before you raise a hand over the mouth area of his mask.

"Nothing was destroyed, Peter. The infrastructure is sound. It was a single window. It can be replaced. Lives can't be replaced,” you assert, squeezing your  eyes shut tight when you continue to say, “With the way I was reacting, I- I probably would have been shot. You stopped that from happening.”

"But. . ." he starts, muffled against your hand, before he realizes that he doesn’t know what to say.

Your other hand comes up so that you can gently hold the sides of his face. The touch sends shivers up Peter’s spine. He’s sure you can feel it when it shakes him, and he’d be embarrassed if he weren’t so entranced by your eyes now that they’ve reopened. You stare into the eyes of his mask, almost as if you can actually see his face.

Your voice fills with what Peter thinks is gratitude when you say, "I would be dead if it weren't for you."

A tension-filled moment passes in which he reels, mind flitting to a hundred different places, before it lands on a terrible thought.

"Is that why you were willing to kiss me?" Peter asks, tentatively.

Surprised, your hands fall away for a brief second, before coming back, holding him tighter than before. "No," you say, definitively, "I would have kissed back no matter what you had done. I'm glad you gave me the opportunity."

With your words, the anxiety slips away from Peter all at once. The fear of rejection is sapped out of him, the concern that he had overstepped his boundaries, the sinking feeling he got every time he thought about how he left afterward. He is left with a balloon in his chest inflating too quickly. It fills with happiness, relief, and affection. It takes his breath away.

In his joy, Peter forgets who he is. Not unlike the first time, he surges forward, arms wrapping around your lower back to pull you forward. He leans in to kiss you, and realizes once he meets your mouth with his own that he's Spider-Man. Not Peter. The mask is still on. His embarrassment is horrific, and had you not burst into delighted laughter Peter may have left the country then and there.

"That- that was so dumb," he says, awkwardly, reaching up to hide his face as if the mask didn't always hide his blush, "I'm sorry. That was- oh man."

You pull him down to plant a kiss on his cheek, paying no mind to the mask that has thwarted his attempt at affection. "This is why," you explain, stopping to press a second quick kiss to the mouth of his mask, "You ask if I kissed back because you saved me? I kissed back because in the little time I've known you, you've been funny. And you've been kind, and brave. What more could I have done, besides feel something for you?"

Peter calms slowly, the heat of embarrassment being replaced by a different kind of warmth. A lovely, comfortable one. The urge to tell you who he really is- more than just his name- bowls him over like a tidal wave, potential ramifications be damned. He opens his mouth to do so when a voice at the entrance of the alley says, "Hey, it's Spider-Man!"

Peter turns to see someone who appears to have stumbled upon the alley at the worst possible time. While you hadn't heard them speak, his hearing is far better. You don’t turn until after he’s faced the unwelcome arrival.

Luckily, thinks Peter as he attempts to emote as much disdain as possible without moving, it's just you. Ned waves at the scene you’ve made in the alleyway, unaware of the context of your meeting or the true presence of you in his life.

"Hello there," he adds, when neither of you respond. His tone implies that he's picked up on something, but Peter isn't sure what that is.

"Uh, hello," Peter answers, unsure of what to say.

Ned looks between the two of you slowly. "Is... everything okay?" He asks, seemingly unaware of how odd it is for a civilian to ask if Spider-Man is alright, whether or not he secretly knows him personally.

His eyes flick downward to your hands, still cupping Peter’s jaw.

"Yes!" Peter exclaims, backing away from you, "Everything is fine! In fact, I should probably be going, now that everything is fine."

"Oh?" His best friend questions in response.

"Absolutely," you say slowly, picking up on Peter’s tone.

Ned nods, but his expression clearly states that he is both skeptical and confused. In a moment of eye contact, Peter realizes that you know there's something going on, too. Maybe even that the person who has stumbled upon you and him knows something. The prospect of it is vaguely terrifying. He can feel you continue to stare at him long after he’s turned back to Ned, searching for the words to say, and is sure that you’re searching his body language and the squint of his eyepieces for answers. His posture falls from rigid to defeated.

Peter turns to look back at you, reaching toward you to grab your hand. He stops halfway, thinking better of the action before he’s spoken to Ned. You almost reach out to meet it, but you stop too, centimeters away.

"I have to go," he says, voice laced with apologies and explanations he can’t fully give to you right now, "I'll... I'll see you. I'm sorry."

You smile reassuringly. "See you, Spider-Man."

After a long moment, he turns away. After nodding toward Ned, still watching from the end of the alleyway, he takes a huge leap into the air and swings away. Maybe he’s mistaken, but he’s sure that he can hear Ned offer a quick, I guess I’ll see you later? to you before he runs off.  

Tag list:

@undiadeestos @moonstruckholland @deathofthethrones @souvenirsvisuels

@nedthegay @legendarydazekitten @secretlittlewonders @jackiehollanderr @disgustangg 

[per1shed]

Heyy my dearest<3 I was planning to update you when the person asks me out/he did not/ but it was the last thing on my mind, I still know it's gonna happen (do I sound delusional) and we met really randomly I was out with my friends and he was with his next to our table and my friend (in a silly goofy mood already🥃) asked them to sit with us. anyways are you also struggling with things sm more these days like something's in the air and everyone pretty much feels this way I feel like?? I've been having really bad anxiety and moments of depersonalisation which I'm not used to bc it'd been happening very rarely. I'm in a constant state of dread I'm back to fighting to even step outside on my own. I already told you this once so now it's even worse.😭 Also to update you I applied to some schools again in different cities but rlly diverse majors but I'd go for arts.. I think staying in hometown is making me worse I fear going to places bc of past memories and people here. The other day I told my dad about this anxiety as I'm not able to work in an enviroment with customers and believe me I'm trying my best to find something I'd be able to do and not to feel like the most stupid person.. so he compared it to some sunstroke as a joke basically told me to get over myself i guess, questioning what I could be possibly anxious about. Yet I'm over here being proud of myself for going for a walk and a shop today.

Sorry for this long msg, I've seen some of your posts and I think of you wishing you are well, let me know how you doing, good night love 💌

heyy my love <3 did he ask you out yet? it sounds like such a good time ^_^ i wish i could help you with the depersonalization.. the only thing i can tell you is that the best way to make it stop is to stop fighting it, it helped me a lot when i started accepting it. it’s can be very scary but just know that it won’t stay forever esp when you know it can’t cause you harm and you’re not going crazy! also the “staying in my home town is making me worse”, you have no idea how much i relate. if you can, go away as soon as you can. i hope you get accepted at one of the schools soon, i promise a change of location can do so much for your mental health. also, maybe a customer service job isn’t for you? or maybe one where you don’t have to deal with a big amount of customers, like a book store? ive always dreamed of that for some reason. i’m sorry your dad reacted that way :( there’s a million things one can be anxious about. esp customer service, i think even people that don’t struggle with anxiety will struggle at some point. and i’m really proud of you too! every little thing counts<3 and i’m just getting through the days, my moms away for 2 weeks bc she had surgery so i’m really just anxious about how everything is gonna work out at home with me. someone else is gonna cook and clean and take care of stuff but still, im worried. and lonely. </3