#for the most part they have proven to be able to write ben and devi SO well

[rainparadefromhell]

Okay, I wasn't going to go in on this but I didn't expect people to be so sad over the spoilers, to be honest. I see people really disappointed in both Ben and Devi as I once again, completely understand both sides.

I will be talking about s4 spoilers so if you don't want to see that you should probably stop reading now.

First thing I'd like to say is that I am just another person on the internet with an opinion and I could be very wrong about all of this. This is just my personal view of things and it doesn't make anyone else's any less valid.

I think the biggest thing that confuses people is actually the one I'm most excited to see happen in season 4. I really disliked how they handled the cheating in season 2. Devi's apologies seemed like they were over a stolen pen, not cheating on someone. I did think the second apology was sincere, I just think it should have been a whole conversation.

I believe that season 4 will be focused on unravelling of all of Ben and Devi's traumas, which is a big task and will result in messy emotions, anger, lashing out and suffering. As much as I like the show's approach to trauma and Dr. Ryan scenes, we don't actually see the characters explore that with one another. It is all very internal. The confusion comes, I believe, from the well crafted pov episodes that allow us to know how Ben and Devi are feeling. We know so much about their inner struggles but here's the thing - they don't.

Yes, Devi knows that she hurt Ben in the past but she doesn't know how that feeds into his insecurites and abandonment issues. She doesn't know how much that has actually affected him.

Because she broke his heart.

She broke his heart and she doesn't know that.

And yeah, Ben knows that rejecting her in the way that he did wasn't the best way to deal with the situation but he doesn't know that the reason why Devi is so attached to him is because he accepts and wants all of her. It means comfort. It is a love language. All of this seems obvious to us, people that are more mature and grown. But not to two traumatized kids that are trying to understand relationship dynamics. Ben and Devi both have a pretty good understanding of their own feelings towards relationships - Devi in season 3 ("What if no one ever loves me because I am too much?") and Ben in season 2 ("But it isn't real. What you and I have is").

Because what if no one ever loves her and here is Ben Gross who likes her personality, who will miss her. What if no one ever loves her and here is Ben Gross saying that he needs something easier and simpler with another girl.

And what if what they have is real until Devi pulls back. And here is Devi Vishwakumar telling him that first times are always a bit weird and they can try again. She can be that for him.

Ugh, my children are really hard to defend sometimes.

Devi's season 2 is gonna be Ben's season 4 and i know some people will probably not like it but I think this is really important for him and I don't think it makes him regress as a character. I think it is good that he recognizes that they can both take things too far because they make each other feel so much. But I don't think that he actually wants something simpler and I have a feeling he will realize that later in the season.

I also thought that bringing Margot into all of this will just be a repeat of Aneesa's character but I don't think that anymore. Ben and Aneesa were fundamentally really different people who couldn't understand each other while Ben and Margot are much more in tune with one another. Margot was and is important for Ben's development because she helped him relax and try new things. I love Ben and Devi but sometimes they can really reinforce each other's bad behaviors.

This is just a repeat of what I said in my last post but just having love for someone is not enough. Strenghtening the positive effects they have on each other and building trust is what they need now. They need communication and time. They need friendship but also a certain perspective which requires space from one another. They need all of it, all of the messiness because they are complicated but ultimately extremely realistic characters.

Because what if what they have is real and what if a relationship you have with someone is so important you challenge everything you know about yourself. Over and over again until you get it right.

What if what they have is real?