#for the most part i’ve been able to get behind most of his ideals and whatever so far but uhhhhh. this ain’t it chief

[magpigment]

a little concerned about uh. williams opinions about this doctors morality?? he’s like ‘yeah this doctor who’s in prison for child endangerment and dangerous experimental practices on children is equivalent to doctors who fail to save someone in a surgery. this is a reasonable argument that i would be willing to break this person out of prison for. there is not a single flaw in this ideology’. like. hello?? i’m not the only one who thinks he’s a tad off the rails about this right???

[rq-producerperson]

Hi April!

I have some of questions about the public-facing transcripts of Magnus Protocol.

They have a very “shooting script” vibe. Are these the same as what’s given to the cast, a very close derivative, or something else?

If they aren’t what’s given to the cast, when in the process do they get made?

A weird copyediting question: What drove the change from the monospaced font (I think Courier New) to the bolder sans serif font? And is there a reason the headers and footers are the old style?

An esoteric “my masters is in rhetoric” question: The scripts contain quite a bit of content that isn’t in the audio. In the other hand, I hear that The Magnus Protocol is a podcast. Are you able to talk about your personal opinion on their relationship to the text? I’m not asking for an answer on authorial intent or the “on high” answer, but I’m curious how various people involved in making Protocol think of them. (As an example, I’ve been thinking of them, to go back to the as “apocrypha”; I think of them as true, but also not as part of the text, if that makes sense. More like annotations or marginalia.)

Anyway, welcome to the public Tumblr stuff! It’s cool to have you here.

Oooooh very happy to answer this, mostly because I think it’s a neat example of how we work as a team.

The short answer is yes the transcripts are derivative of the shooting scripts but they aren’t the same.

Alex and Cathy are both very sensitive audiophiles who have worked together to make those layers and layers of interesting audio bits some people catch but others don’t (the lie glitches are an example as well as the whispers in episode 10) Conversely, I have mild progressive hearing loss and handle the transcription.

As I am also the producer, I know all of the plot points, beats, and important bits that need to be communicated for the story to work. I use the shooting script as a guide and listen to the final release audio along with the shooting script and make edits as I go. Sometimes different takes are used, sometimes audio cues change etc. I also try to obfuscate information that’s not yet revealed in the timeline.

I will admit I don’t catch everything, and definitely make mistakes, but ideally the transcripts are designed in such a way as to make sure people who may not be as keyed in to the highly detailed audio execution can get a similar experience by reading the transcript. I have such respect for Cathy for the work she puts in artistically, we want to make sure people know what they’re hearing.

Our audio team are exceptional in such a way that they are constantly trying to balance creative narrative with accessibility. You can get all of the information in the audio, but we recognize that’s difficult and we are often people’s first experience in audio drama, so we balance it with the extra information in the transcripts.

The layout and design of the transcript was influenced by external guidance for the visually impaired who recommend 14 point bold Ariel as the most readable. We also release Word versions so people can use dark mode or adjust font size and style if needed. Accessibility is different for everyone, we do our best to make sure we have options available.

—

For amusing behind the scenes mistakes I know I have made:

People may have remembered the old pilot had ‘Norris’ labeled as ‘Martin’ this was because we changed Norris’s name so many times I didn’t know what to call him and accidentally forgot to change the Martin placeholder. 😬

So yea. I’m not perfect and nor are the transcripts but we try our best.

[lavendertom]

The Neighbor Across the Street pt. 6

Mike Schmidt x Babysitter!f!Reader

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5

wc: 3.2k

warnings: none! basically pure fluff (as always, lmk if there’s anything i’ve missed)

summary: the neighbor across the street needs a babysitter, so you take the job, not knowing what’s in store for you as you grow closer to the siblings. AU where nothing bad ever happens at the pizzeria.

A/N: this is it 🥹 the ending mike and y/n deserve! everything in italics are flashbacks. i cried tears of joy writing this, i hope you all enjoy this well deserved fluff and fun 🫶 happy reading! btw… u might wanna listen to “yellow” by coldplay towards the end ;)

——————————————————————————

It probably wasn’t the ideal first date, but you wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Technically, you and Mike had been dating for about 2 months now, but he wanted to continue working on himself and focusing on work before deciding to officially take you on a date anywhere. He wanted to save up enough money to do something fun and be able to bring Abby with you guys. It wouldn’t be the same without her there and you couldn’t agree any more.

“Abs what’re you most excited for?” Mike asked, looking at her through the rear view mirror. You sat next to him, holding his hand as you looked out of the window.

“Everything!” she squealed with excitement.

“You can’t decide on one thing you are most excited for?” you asked laughing.

This wasn’t just a big deal for you, but Abby as well. She always wanted to visit an amusement park. The semester had ended a few weeks ago for you and it was Abby’s last day of school just a few days earlier, so what better way to start the summer. After your big conversation with Mike, the siblings also worked on their relationship with each other. It was not easy by all means, but they were closer than ever before. Mike felt it was fair that he did this for Abby after all they’ve been through. He knew how much she’d wanted this and he found a way to make it happen. Anything for his little sister.

“Maybe the big rollercoasters. Those look fun.” Abby said grinning.

“You aren’t nervous at all? What if you’re not tall enough?” Mike asked her.

“Y/n told me I was tall enough!”

Mike playfully hit your arm.

“Okay to be fair I told her I think she’s tall enough. Have you been finishing your dinners Abs?” you asked chuckling.

“Duh, I had to be tall enough to ride the big rides.”

You looked over at Mike, smiling, knowing he was the one who came up with the idea to get Abby to finish her meals.

“I don’t want to eat!” you heard Abby shout from her room as you finished up making some grilled cheese. It was something you heard often from her voice, so it wasn’t surprising. You were used to making a meal and letting it sit on a plate all evening to get cold until just before bed when she’d suddenly be hungry.

You put it on a plate, the plastic wrap already in your hands as you assumed she wouldn’t be eating it now. Suddenly the little girl was right in front of you snatching the plate from your hands.

“I thought I heard you say you didn’t want to eat now?” you questioned her as she sat down quickly.

“I told her that if she doesn’t eat, she can’t ride the adult rides at the amusement park.” a voice said from the other room.

“Is that so?” you stepped out of the kitchen to investigate further. You found Mike sitting in his usual spot on the recliner in the living room.

“They stay tiny forever!” he said once more for good measure, you noticed Abby began eating faster.

“What are you up to now Michael?” you asked as you stood behind him, your hand finding it’s way into his messy dark curls.

“Wow legal name and everything, am I that suspicious?” he said looking up at you.

His brown eyes were no longer filled with that hint of sadness and exhaustion you always noticed. They always seemed a little brighter since you started dating. It was something you noticed immediately.

“You’re not very good at this you know.” you had to hold in a laugh to not make him feel too bad.

“I got the tickets.” he said whispering, trying not to show how excited he was about this.

“Did you really?” now you had to try and hold in your excitement too, you didn’t want to spoil the surprise with Abby in the room right next to you.

“Yup, they’re for the end of May. So a little end of school gift for both of you.” you could tell how happy and proud he was for finally saving enough money to treat both you and Abby. He had been waiting for so long to finally say he had done it.

“Mike she’s going to be so happy.” you placed a kiss on the top of his head.

“I know.” he looked over at her, still scarfing down her food. “Thought I could use that little trick to get her to eat dinner tonight. I promise I won’t use it too often.”

“I don’t buy that for a second Mike.”

“I still have time to return your ticket you know-“

He was interrupted by your lips on his as you leaned over the back of the seat to reach him. It was short but long enough for him to get the point. Once you pulled away, you sat with your chin resting on the back of the seat, just staring at Mike still playing with his hair.

“Can I have more food Y/n?” Abby shouted from the table.

“Sure Abs.” you replied, still staring at your boyfriend, which still felt crazy to think let alone say out loud.

“Stop kissing my brother Y/n, it’s gross.”

“Abs you’re the reason this exists, besides I’m not even kissing him. Not anymore.” you got up, lightly ruffling Mikes hair, saying that last part quietly so Abby wouldn’t hear.

The car ride to the amusement park was long, but it felt like it went by in a breeze with all of the random conversations the three of you had.

Once you got into the park and found your way around, you realized Abby wasn’t messing around. She immediately found the biggest rollercoaster possible.

“You sure you’re brave enough Abs?” Mike asked her. He was clearly getting nervous about it.

“Of course I am Mike!” Abby was the happiest kid in the world, not an ounce of fear in her.

You and Mike followed behind her, your hands laced together.

“Don’t be so nervous Mike, she’s gonna love it trust me.” you said, attempting to reassure him.

“I know.” he sighed. “But what if she hates it?”

“Abby’s one of the most adventurous and daring kids I’ve ever met. You’re never gonna be able to get her to leave here tonight.” you smiled, squeezing his hand. “Are you sure you aren’t scared?”

“Yeah right… I could never.” he sarcastically rolled his eyes at you.

Abby absolutely loved the rollercoaster and you weren’t entirely surprised that Mike did not love it as much. The ride photo was a hit for you and Abby. Abby was having the time of her life, sitting with you, while Mike sat behind with the most terrified look on his face. You and Abby spent a little too long laughing at the photo, Abby making sure to mock Mike as usual. The three of you continued on your adventure for the day as you walked hand in hand with Mike once again, Abby following next to you.

“I thought you said you liked rollercoasters Mike?” Abby questioned.

“Yeah, like ten years ago.” he replied, his voice ever so slightly still shaking from the adrenaline.

“Mike you were only like 14 years old ten years ago.” you were still chuckling at him. “Stop acting like such a grumpy old man.”

“Y/n called you an old man!” Abby started laughing at your accidental diss.

“Yeah, old man is a new low Y/n.”

“I didn’t mean it like that!” you tried defending yourself, but there was no coming back from this one.

“Mhm…” you knew Mike wasn’t buying it. You also knew exactly what he was fishing for.

Something you found out about the siblings as you continued to get to know them more was their ability to get what they wanted whenever they wanted it. They were both extremely good at it, too.

“Y/n! Can I pleaseee stay up tonight?” Abby begged you as you cleaned up her toys from the living room.

You looked at the clock on the wall that read 9:08.

“Abs, it’s only 9:08 you still have 20 more minutes to read or draw in your room.” you said, still finishing up picking up toys off the ground.

“Yeah, but I want to hang out with you!” she ran to the ground to latch onto your leg, not letting you move anymore.

“I know Abby, but your brother told me you gotta be in bed by 9:30. You can’t get up in the mornings when I let you stay up.”

“Pleaseee Y/n? Now that Mike is your boyfriend, you’re technically my mom now.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works-“ you were slightly embarrassed and intrigued that Abby really thought of you in that way.

“And if you’re technically my mom now, you can make up your own rules!”

You looked at the girl on the ground, still not allowing you movement. She gave you the most heart wrenching puppy dog eyes you couldn’t say no to.

“Alright, fine.” you sighed, smiling. “But only until 10, got it?”

“Got it!” she leaped off the ground, doing your special handshake with you as she got up.

You didn’t realize how late the two of you ended up staying up, it was now 11:30 and Abby was out like a light. The two of you were still on the couch in the living room. She looked way too cozy and you didn’t want to wake her up by moving her to her bed, so the two of you stayed there. You grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and placed it over the two of you.

It was moments like these you cherished most with Abby. She was probably going to be a pain in the ass to wake up the next morning. Mike was also probably going to call you at 7:30am the next day to come wake her up yourself because he “wasn’t the one who stayed up till midnight playing pillow fights with her.” Regardless, these moments were the best. You loved spending quality time with Abby as if she were your own sister. You knew how much you meant to her and if staying up till midnight with her is what makes her happy, you were gonna do it with her. Maybe not every night, but if she really wanted to, Abs always found a way to your heart.

At around 6am, a door quietly opened. The sun was just beginning to shine through the windows of the house. Mike set down his things before he walked towards the living room. He stopped in his tracks when he noticed you and Abby sound asleep on the couch. He quietly chuckled to himself, he knew exactly how the two of you ended up like that.

He couldn’t really be upset though. He knew how much Abby loved you and needed you to be there for her. He also couldn’t forget how lucky he was to have you as his girlfriend. The two of you became “official” just a few weeks ago, but Mike still felt like the luckiest guy in the world to have you by his side.

He sat down in he usual spot on the recliner across from the couch. You started slowly waking up as the sun began hitting your eyes from the windows. You rubbed your eyes as you oriented yourself with where you were. Through your still blurry vision you could just barely make out that Mike was sitting in his chair.

“Good morning Mikey.” you said quietly through a yawn, careful not to wake up Abby just yet.

“Morning babe.” he said with a small smile. “Let me guess, another sleepover night?”

“How did you know?” you said pretending to be surprised.

“Don’t worry about it Y/n. Long as you guys are happy, I’m happy.”

“Are you still going to make me wake her up when she doesn’t want to get up?”

“Of course I am. Still makes me happy to know Abs doing well when I’m not around, and I get to see you just a little longer before you have to leave for classes.”

“Well in that case, I’ll do girls night with Abby every night.” you were starting to get up from the couch, sitting up now stretching the sleepiness out of you.

“You’re too cute Y/n.”

“Mike, stop.” you buried your face into your hands. You had to be honest, you were still getting used to all this dating stuff. As much as his little compliments made you feel like prettiest girl in the world, you still didn’t know how control your reactions over them.

A small smirk was forming on his face.

“Make me.”

You looked up from your hands so quickly. You never realized how he was exactly like his sister. They both knew exactly how to get what they wanted. You got up slowly to not wake Abby, smiling and rolling your eyes, realizing you give in way too easily for these siblings.

You carefully walked over to Mike and squeezed yourself next to him on the chair (or you attempted to, it was more you sitting on him rather than the couch.)

You wrapped your arms around his neck and he pulled you in closer. Your lips met his and everything felt perfect. It always did, it just felt right. It was like the two of you were meant to be, always and forever. After probably a little too long, you finally had to pull away from him. The two of you sat with your foreheads pressed together, admiring one another.

“How are you and Abby always so good at getting what you want?” you finally broke the comfortable silence.

“You’re just too nice to ever say no Y/n/n.” he brushed a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“And you and Abby are just difficult.” you said through a small laugh.

He pulled you in for one more kiss, the two of you smiling through it. When he pulled away he placed one more gentle kiss on your forehead. You let your head fall onto his shoulder, his left arm pulling you closer as the two of you just sat there. It wasn’t often the two of you had moments like this and you were both taking advantage of it.

“I should probably go wake up Abs now.” you said, wishing this feeling would never end, but you knew it had to at some point.

“Can we have five more minutes? Please?” he asked quietly, still holding onto you like he was gonna lose you at any moment.

And you couldn’t say no those brown puppy dog eyes that looked into yours.

You rolled your eyes with a smile as you leaned over to place a very quick kiss on Mikes lips.

“Y/n! You said you weren’t gonna kiss my brother in front of me today!” Abby said as she looked over with a disgusted look on her face.

“Your brother asked for it Abs.”

“That’s even worse, ew!” she gave you an unamused glare before running ahead of the two of you to her next big activity.

You gave Mike a knowing stare as he smirked back at you while you all continued walking. The two of you always found it funny that Abby was the matchmaker that got you two together, but now she could not stand the thought of you guys doing anything romantic. Ever.

After that, the rest of your day consisted of many activities including playing the prize games, riding tons more rides, and Abby forcing Mike on every big rollercoaster she could get him on.

Once you finally arrived at your final activity, it was like watching two kids in a candy store, quite literally. Abby’s eyes lit up as she walked into the ice cream store, she turned around to face you.

“Have you ever seen this many ice cream flavors in one place?!” she tried to contain her excitement.

“I don’t think I have Abs.” you said with a small laugh.

“Me either.” Mike said as he let go of your hand to begin inspecting every single flavor.

The two siblings spent a good half an hour in the shop just trying to decide what flavor to get. It was quite amusing watching Mike get so excited over ice cream. Out of all things, ice cream is what made him that happy. After everyone finally picked out a flavor (or more) the three of you left the shop to sit and eat your sweet treat.

“Today was the best day ever!” Abby said with a mouthful of rainbow sorbet.

“I have to agree with Abby on this one.” you said while poking at the rest of your ice cream

“I already want to come back and we haven’t even left yet.” Abby squealed.

“Hold it Abs, it’s gonna be a while until we can do this again.” Mike said.

“That’s okay, I can start collecting change so we can buy the tickets quicker!”

“Look at this little girlboss you have on your hands.” you said smiling at Mike.

“Believe me, I know.” he was already so used to Abby’s big ideas.

“I wish we didn’t have to leave already.” Abby said, looking down at her cup.

“It’s okay Abs, we’ll definitely be back before summer ends. Right Mike?” you looked over at Mike with your best puppy dog eyes, giving him a taste of his own medicine. He knew what you were doing. Abby quickly caught on to your idea and followed along.

“Anything for my girls.” he said with a smile.

“I am exhausted.” you said as you all made your way home, the dim moonlight shining through the windshield of the car. The quiet noise of Abby snoring from the backseat filled up the car.

“Pretty good first date, huh?” Mike said.

“More than pretty good, it was perfect.”

“Even with Abby here?”

“Especially with Abby here.” you smiled. “I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.”

Mike looked over at you quickly, not losing his focus from the road ahead of him.

“Me too.” he softly smiled, looking at the rearview mirror to see Abby fast asleep.

“How’d I get so lucky to have you in my life?”

“I ask myself the same question every day.”

You leaned your head onto his arm, starting to feel extra sleepy from the quiet hum of the AC and Abby’s occasional snores.

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

You slowly drifted off to sleep after hearing those four words. It was all you needed to know, the worlds best little reminder of who you were doing it all for.

Mike looked over at you once again, smiling to himself. After he thought about it some more, today really was the perfect first date. Not the most ideal with Abby there, but after all, she’s the reason the two of you met in the first place.

Mike carefully moved his hand to turn on the radio, quiet enough not to wake you or Abby, but loud enough to keep him awake. The quiet sound of the song “Yellow” by Coldplay now filled the car. Mike smiled again, remembering that this song was yours and his. A constant reminder how Y/n would do anything for Mike and Mike would do anything for Y/n. A reminder for Mike that if he never mentioned this babysitting job to the neighbor across the street, this bond would’ve never formed.

An even bigger reminder to Y/n that taking the job from the neighbor across the street was the best decision she could’ve ever made. A decision that changed her life and the lives of two siblings who just needed a little extra love.

——————————————————————————

A/N: one final massive THANK YOU to everyone who supported this little series 🫶 i hope everyone enjoyed as much as I enjoyed writing. I plan on doing one or two more little cutesy fics in this same AU so keep an eye out for this :) until then, thank you once more. sending each and every one of you big hugs! 🫂

jules jewels 🤗

@balesita @universi8 @browneyedgirly93 @marsmallow433 @prongsprincessworld @ajlareads @k3nnlolz @louweasleymalfoy @chompwoman @wasabidottie @queenie-official @emmaishere432 @curasimp @nevvdrinksteaa @rcailleachcola @scribblesandsherlock @iheartyouyou @prosteticsynthesis @hotgothchick @novausstuff @1-akira-2 @starringo @planetevermore @cherriebat @bethsvrse

dedicated to @mxrvelouss for dealing w my delusions and also feeding into them by letting me write this. love u w all my heart 🫶 the peeta to my bread 🫡

[jeannereames]

In "Dancing With The Lion", you seem to say that Alexander was not handsome. But when I searched about Alexander's appearance on Google, I found that almost everywhere he was described as a handsome man. He was even called extremely handsome in a couple of articles. I have seen the copy of Alexander's bust originally made by Lysippus. It's said that Lysippus made the bust during Alexander's lifetime & Alexander looked like that. The bust doesn't look bad. Why do you then think that Alexander wasn't good looking enough? By the way, I loved the guy who seemed to represent Alexander on the cover page of "Dancing With The Lion". Alexander might very well look like that :-)

First, a comment on my description and why I made it, then some background on the history.

What Hephaistion thinks to himself is actually, “Only a flatterer would call him handsome.” He doesn’t say he’s ugly or plain. He’s just normal looking. I made that choice partly for historical reasons, but also because I wanted to humanize him. Same reason I gave him acne. 😉 I don’t see him as unattractive, I just don’t see him as especially handsome. (A link to the novels, for anybody looking, with the new covers.)

I would caution about taking seriously much that you find via a Google search. It’s kinda a dumpster fire, honestly, unless you know exactly what you’re looking for.* Always check who wrote an article. How did they learn the information they relate? That’s part of why I cite things here, even if I don’t load y’all up with citations the way I would in a scholarly article. But I want readers to be able to chase down references for themselves, even as, in our post-expert era, I also want readers to trust that I know where to look in the first place—what’s reliable.

Although it’s now 30+ years old, probably the best book on Alexander’s appearance is Andrew Stewart’s Faces of Power: Alexander’s Image and Hellenistic Politics (1993). I know it’s expensive (LOTS and lots of picture plates inside), but because it’s been out a minute, you can probably find it used, or in a library.

So, let’s look at the history. There are several things going on here:

The ancient Greeks conflated wealth, class, intelligence, and beauty with heroic status. So Achilles is beautiful but Thersites is malformed and ugly. This motif rolled over onto historical individuals, and the Greeks purposely practiced “idealizing” in their sculpture, especially of anybody presented as heroic. There’s quite a lot written on Greek idealizing, but again, beware a simple Google search; I just tried to find something useful and gave up by the time I was on page 6; the best thing was an article in the NYT, behind a paywall. I’d suggest grabbing an art history textbook, especially a specialized one, like Shiela Dillon’s.

The Alexander head on the Akropolis (which was used to find the model for the cover of Becoming) is a perfect example of Classical-era idealization. We’d call it Photoshopped. 😉 Yes, it’s recognizably Alexander, but his face is made to match the canon of Greek ephebic beauty. (The publisher liked it. ha)

Add to this the divinization of Alexander and its impact on his sculptures across time. See Stewart mentioned above for a great description of how his Successors molded his image for their own purposes. Generally speaking, his hair gets longer and flowier, his eyes get larger, and his face get softened until he looks feminized. The sculpture below, from the Capitoline Museum, is a great example. It’s Alexander as Helios (the sun god), a Roman copy of a Hellenistic original, and that original is speculatively dated to sometime in the late 200s or early 100s BCE, based on style.

We in the modern world are inclined to these same assumptions. We got it from them! I’ve noticed that most sketches (especially AI pictures) of Alexander on the internet turn him pretty. One (below, yes with 6 fingers) has him looking suspiciously like Henry Cavill! LOL

There have been some better attempts to use AI to render him, based on ancient statuary, but most use statues I’m less fond of. Yet the one that uses the Azara Herm is, I think, pretty close. I agree with Stewart that the Azara Herm is as near to a likeness as is out there; see Stewart’s discussion as to why. I believe it’s the bust you’re referring to in the ask. Below with link to Royalty Now, who made it. I want to be sure she gets credit. I bought myself a copy of this one. She did two reconstructions, but I don’t care for the other because of the statue used. Royalty Now may have airbrushed him a bit (he lacks scars, for instance—highly unlikely in a soldier), but at least in basic facial structure, it’s good. Note the long face. If a long face with sharper features is more accepted today—largely thanks to what photographs well—the Greek ideal was a rounder face, like the Akropolis head above.

So the real Alexander wasn’t an ugly man, no, but if you passed him on the street, you probably wouldn’t stop and stare. Unless he wanted you to. It was his CHARISMA that people noted, not his physical appearance.

That, I also tried to note in the novels. At one point, Aristotle remarks to himself that Hephaistion might have the looks, but Alexander would always be the one to draw eyes. 😊

------------------------------------------

* For instance, my educational website on Hephaistion appears pages and pages and pages down from the top on Google … even though it’s written by one of the two leading world experts on him (Sabine Müller is the other). Ergo, you have to wade through a lot of stuff put out by sites that know how to rank themselves higher before you get to the actual specialist. Once upon a time, btw, it popped up higher, but pay-to-play has changed search engines.

[linkspooky]

Do you think that Batman could empathize with Tomura and successfully reach out? They are both orphans with a dark side. The difference being is that Bruce was able to work through his darkness to be healthy(er) while Tomura had all his pain cultivated for 15-16 years.

Yes. 100% yes. That’s not even a question for me. I’ve been dying for someone to send me a question like this, because it’s something I’ve noticed in the general fandom response to the pro-heroes and the hero kids. The thing is, the heroes in My Hero Academia don’t really act like good wholesome heroes. They certainly act like marvel movie heroes... in the fact that they have strong superheroes and fight a bad guy and have such a clear delineation between good and evil that many viewers take them to have propagandistic qualities. Like, there’s a reason that marvel movies have degraded to what they are today currently, and besides all the other factors it’s because these comic book heroes are really getting sanded down into a set of superpowers, a costume and a bad guy to beat with no ideals or themes behind their characters. My Hero Academia heroes aren’t really that heroic, they don’t really have any ideals they stand for except the extremely vague notion of defeat the bad guy. Yeah, Deku has “Save people” but Deku is noted several times to be an oddity among heroes. 

The Pro-Heroes and the Hero Kids in My Hero Academia have this weird paradox to them where the story itself, and also in world hero propaganda sells the idea that heroes are incredibly wholesome, always selfless, people who go above and beyond to save and protect. Yet, the heroes in MHA are actually extremely cynical, and pragmatic, and they also really have no guiding principals beyond “Might makes Right.”

You can put all heroes on the scale of Spiderman <---------> Punisher. 

To define them by whether they are a superhero focused on saving innocents, or a violent vigilante who is focused on punishing the guilty, the heroes in MHA are far more on the punisher scale of things than anyone either in setting or the fandom would like to admit. This is a universe where heroes like Hawks and Lady Nagant regularly commit state sponsored executions. This is a setting where Enji Todoroki is revealed to be a heinous abuser of his family and everyone in the superhero community is like... fine with it for the most part. They either don’t bring it up, or they think Enji does such a good job it justifies his position. 

I mean, here to justify my accusation that heroes in MHA are far more on the punisher side of the scale. To compare to another manga, Jujutsu Kaisen and My Hero Academia have a similiar circumstance where a villain, Mahito and Dr. Garaki respectively are able to transform unwilling victims into mindless attack dogs by twisting their bodies into unseemly and horrifying shapes. Mahito’s altered humans, and Dr. Garaki’s nomus respectively seem to retain some sense of humanity and are in a state of pain. Nanami Kento, Shoko and Yuji all come to the harsh reality that there is nothing they can really do for the humans that Mahito has twisted, except for a swift mercy killing, and yet a lot of time is still given to the fact that killing something that is a human being is wrong and a heavy task even though it’s their only option, and two that the decision to kill someone is an extremely heavy burden to bear not made lightly. Nanami straight up loses all focus in a fight, and stops to wipe the tear of a former human when he realizes what they are fighting against. 

Compare this to the way every hero responds to the Nomus in My Hero Academia. Enji without knowing whether or not they are truly sentient or even capable of being turned back into what they were, roasts one alive right away it’s his first action with them. Enji then later on meets a Nomu who is capable of intelligence and communication, and roasts it alive even harder specifically because the way the Nomu Acts, reminds Enji of a darker part of himself, and killing that enemy is perfectly satisfying to Enji because it allowed him to take out those personal frustrations. When Mirko learns that the Nomu are former human bsings she has no hesitation at all at bashing their brains in, in fact she’s almost delighted because she doesn’t have to hold back and that makes it easier than fighting regular villains. If the enemy is sufficiently dehumanized than heroes in my Hero Academia very easily resort to murderous methods, and it’s not just heroes like Enji, Mirko does it, heck Present Mic expresses the sentiment that Oboro would be better off dead then continuing his existence as Kurogiri. 

The heroes in My Hero Academia are dark, almost myopic. I’m not saying you can’t enjoy them, but they are very different from the way heroes act in western comic books and I think a lot of people don’t know this because a lot of manga fans don’t really pick up comic books, and their biggest experience with western heroes therefore comes from movies. 

So when I say BATMAN WOULD NEVER dehumanize a villain to the extent the My Hero Academia heroes do on a regular basis, I’m not saying that as a batman fan, I am saying that because Batman is probably THE MOST IDEALISTIC DC HERO. Yes, even moreso than superman. Batman is Clark’s hero. His inspiration. His good time boy. 

Bruce would have noticed there was something off about Tomura right away in the early stages, if not the very first attack he waged on UA. I’m going to use two examples to prove my argument, one the fact that heroes also noticed that Shigaraki was extremely mentally unwell and just decided not to really care about it, and two Batman was actually faced with an extremely similiar situation in BTAS and his reaction is pretty much the opposite of All Might’s. 

1. There’s Something Wrong with That Kid

To those who were paying attention to Shigaraki’s character from the beginning, even before we got to dig further into his backstory in My Villain Academia arc, or even be shown a more sympathetic and human side to his personality in the Overhaul arc, from his introduction Shigaraki shows signs of extreme mental distress. He is constantly exocriating himself, which is a form of self-harm that manifests under circustmances of extreme psychological stress. Shigaraki has a full on skin disorder that many people have because he is so poor at managing his stress he relentlessly picks and scratches at himself. 

When he starts to lose in the middle of the fight, he essentially throws a tantrum, and not only does he immediately want to give up and go home, but he also lashes out at his own ally to try to vent that anger. 

When All Might removes the hand from his face he has a momentary break from reality, and talks to the hand a physical object like it’s a person calling it “father” and apologizing to it. 

Shigaraki also shows a clear grudge against both heroes, the failure of heroes, and the violence that heroes show (no kidding he’s a victim of violent abuse and the cycle of abuse in his family has an origin in his grandmother’s complete and total failure as a mother) that he clearly states in front of All Might once, and then Deku later the idea that heroes do not save people with their violence, and the implication that there are people that All Might have not saved and both times he is essentially brushed off by both of them. 

Shigaraki’s mental distress is so obvious that even the heroes of My Hero Academia, who’s general response to villains is lock them up and throw away the key, noticed it. The heroes notice several of the symptoms I listed above about Shigaraki, but then decide to dismiss him as a man-child and then go on to say that he represents a kind of “pure evil” that villains may find attractive. The enertain the idea for like half a second that there might be more to Shigaraki that makes him different from the regular street villains heroes usually fight, and then they just dismiss the thought. Once again a common theme, the second All Might realizes he is Nana’s grandson he wants to go after Shigaraki to attempt to find him and reason with him only for once again Gran Torino to dismiss him as the kind of villain who’s beyond redemption and All Might to immediately give up on trying any other tactic than beating him down. 

Now why do I say Batman would have immediately gone after Shigaraki and tried to reason with him and get him the help he needs? Do I have proof of him acting similarly? Batman in fact, comes across a similiar enough situation in one of the most famous episodes of Batman the Animated Series. 

2. Man-Child meet Woman Child 

Baby-Doll Batman the Animated Series season 3, episode 4 is one of the most popular episodes, and it shows most clearly the way Bruce’s brand of heroics is ultimately based on saving and empathy for his villains rather than just putting them down for the greater good. I could have gone with a lot of batman villains with much more clear and tragic origins, Mr. Freeze isn’t even trying to achieve anything villainous he wants to save his wife. Two-Face started out as not only Batman’s best friend, but a good guy and an ally of justice who was driven to insanity by a horrifying and sudden tragedy. Harley Quinn is a victim of grooming and abuse similiar to Shigaraki who has her entire sense of self warped and controlled by an abusive narcissist who quite literally turns her into a crude relfection of himself, to act as a pawn in his own evil schemes. I could use a lot of batman villains, but no Baby Doll, we’re going with Baby-Doll. 

Mary Dahl is a washed up child actress with a physical condition that prevents her from growing up past a child, she’s sort of like Claudia from Interview with a Vampire, an adult mind inside a child’s body. Not only will she always be treated and regarded as a child for her physical appearance, due to her child as a former child star who’s show was cancelled and had no success in acting when she tried to do anything outside of playing the cutsey and innocent “baby-doll” on the sitcom “Love that Baby” she has ended up emotionally stunted and stuck in the past. 

Mary Dahl’s fall to villainry is a bit less tragic than Shigaraki’s, she wasn’t like kidnapped and groomed since childhood by a villainous mastermind and turned into his own pet “make your own supervillain” project. She’s not getting work, but she’s not poor or destitute, there are former child stars who lose out on their childhoods and have no money to show for it, but she seems to have enough money to at least have an extremely competent agent and money to blow on her elaborate schemes. Her backstory is not nearly as tragic as Shigaraki’s, yet she shows several symptoms in common with Shigaraki, being a former child star like many child stars she shows severe dysfunction as an adult because it ate up her entire childhood. Child labor is bad people. Children who are not given room to grow up and develop as kids, have problems late into their adulthood.

She is also someone who feels rejected and left behind by society as a whole, it’s clear her only way of connecting to other people was the attention she received as a child star and the connections she had with cast members. She also experiences severe body dysmorphia I would say on level with Shigaraki’s, Shigaraki’s body dysmporphia is so bad he constantly picks at his own skin, his quirk soemtimes even causes physical damage to him and he feels extreme nausea at a near constant basis b/c of his emotional unrest. Baby-Doll literally experiences a same incompatability with her body, she has an adult mind, she craves to be a fully grown normal body, and a lot of her mental breaks from reality seem to come from how easily people mistake her for and treat her like a child. 

Mary Dahl also shows severe dysfunction when it comes to regulating her own emotions. As tragic as Mary Dahl’s fall from fame is, and as much as it mirrors what happens to a lot of child stars in reality, Mary Dahl kind of also dug her own grave by her actions. Everyone on the cast thought she was notoriously difficult to work with, her show wasn’t cancelled on her, she left because the directors added in a new character she didn’t like and took attention away from her because of plummeting ratings. She left the show to try to take a more serious turn as an actor, once again to get attention and because she was on an ego-trip, then tried to get the show running again when it didn’t work for her but by that point it was too late. She’s also someone who just does not treat people well, she’s manipulative, she never engages people as her true self Baby-Doll is a role she is essentially playing, to both allow herself to violently lash out, but also to evade any responsibility for her own actions. It’s also ambiguous how much of the Baby-Doll persona is a genuine psychotic break (I don’t use the word psychotic lightly, I’m also not saying LOL look at her she’s so crazy, but there are genuine moments where Mary seems to mistake what happened on her TV show for reality which indicates that she’s not just trying to reclaim her former glory, that she is full on having delusions) there are also moments where “Baby-Doll” is a deliberate act she’s putting on, and Mary seems aware of what she is doing. 

Mary Dahl is at the same time, delusional enough to believe she can kidnap everyone on her former show, and force them to just pretend to be the characters they were on her show, and playing dollhouse with this pretend family will somehow fix her problems. She is also, lucid enough to carefully plot and execute the kidnapping of several people, control a minion in her agent, and then evade capture from Batman several times. She is both a victim (she’s genuinely mentally unwell) and a villain (but not unwell enough she’s not aware her actions are wrong, she’s deliberately hurting people she just thinks her tragedy makes her entitled to that revenge). Mary Dahl thinks the world has wronged her and left her behind, that her show being cancelled was some great injustice done to her, and something she deserves the chance to rectify, even though as I just explained in detail that Mary was equally as responsible for the cancellation of her show. She is a person not willing to take any responsibility for her actions or see fault in herself. 

You could even argue because of these quality Mary is way less sympathetic than Shigaraki, Shigaraki at least seems to have genuine critques about his society, and feels that he and the people around him have been rejected in an unjust fashion. Mary Dahl is upset her TV Show got cancelled and decided to make it everyone else’s problem. Mary Dahl’s problems are a lot more selfish, and smaller in comparison to Shigaraki’s, and yet the story itself does not downplay Mary’s distress because it is genuine to her. 

In one extent, Mary is a danger to others, but she’s also a danger to heserlf. Like I said, it’s ambiguous how much but she’s clearly a mentally unwell woman. When someone is experiencing delusions on that level it’s a brain chemistry problem, and it’s also not something where it’s fair to go “Well, she has no reason to be mentally ill, it’s not like she was beaten, she’s just having an emotional breakdown because she’s not famous anymore.” I mean, what does it matter the reason whether she’s having a breakdown is a good enough reason or not, she’s clearly in extreme distress. 

Number two, I think society as a whole tends to downplay the suffering of celebrities or child stars and make them seem like they are just entitled or spoiled for acting out, because they��re rich and famous and living a life most people would die for so who cares. But, HollyWood, the spotlight, and public scrutiny has a really bad psychological effect on people. Most people would not do well under such harsh public scrutiny all the time, and also when you make your entire personality around being a star and having the spotlight, also because in Baby Doll’s case there’s really no other career avaiable for her because of her condition then losing that is a pretty huge loss. Like, child stars who cannot either adapt to adulthood, cannot get work as adult actors, or just cannot even function as adults is a pretty common societal problem. 

On top of kidnapping people, holding them hostage, she’s also someone who clearly needs help, like Baby-Doll is not just doing these things because she’s a selfish, entitled brat throwing a tantrum because she’s not famous anymore, she’s experiencing clear mental breaks from reality where she confuses her tv show for reality, she’s mentally sick and in need of treatment. 

Baby-Doll is presented to us as a manipulative child star desperate for the spot light, endangering her cast because she herself cannot let go of the past for most of the episode, people around Bruce are pretty unsymapthetic to her, her attempts to get a more serious career is played off as a joke, the cast members do not like Baby-Doll and found her to be extremely high maintennance and difficult to work with even when she was on the show, Baby-Doll’s clearly not after the cast because of nostlagia, friendship or happy memories she has with her former cast members, but rather because she wants to pretend to be the the sitcom character who was surrounded by family who loved her. People constantly remark how crazy she is for thinking a tv show is reality. Even Robin says that he absolutely despised the “Baby-Doll” show, and it’s dismissed as kind of a cheesy sitcom with no real merit. 

However, the last five minutes turn all of that on its head. Bruce Wayne, my darling, is presented to us as a man of few words. We don’t actually see Bruce’s reaction to what Baby-Doll is doing for most of the episode, we see Dick’s who clearly thinks she’s just crazy, Bruce the whole time is focused on just resolving the incident first, finding the kidnapped people, rescuing them from Baby-Doll’s grip. So Bruce’s absolute first priority is just to stop the villain from doing the bad thing, he stops the bad behavior and makes Baby-Doll unable to hurt others. 

Bruce, the living embodiment of the term “Gap Moe”, because he is so closed off and not reacting to Baby Doll in any way, does not seem to be going out of his way to sympathize with her. That however, changes once the the threat Baby-Doll represents to others is neutralized. Baby-Doll then flees from Bruce with a Tommy Gun out into the middle of the night. The tables have turned and Baby-Doll has gone from a cackling villain, pretending often to be a scared little girl in order to manipulate people, to a genuinely scared and desperate person. Even the image Baby-Doll evokes fleeing from Bruce, is a sympathetic one, Baby-Doll despite being an adult woman still looks like a child, and acts several times like a woman-Child and she is fleeing from an adult man who picked his costume to terrify crimminals into submission. 

Baby-Doll flees into a carnival ground filled with children, she has a Tommy-Gun on her, she’s still pretty much a direct threat to others, but the way Bruce approaches her does a complete 180. Bruce is calling out after her to stop fleeing, when she disappears into a tunnel, he’s telling her to stop not because he wants to arrest her, but because she’s going to hurt herself at this point. Baby-Doll is no longer a danger to others, she’s a danger to herself because she’s scared desperate, and fleeing, and instead of pursuing her to put her down Bruce is trying to stop her from getting hurt as she flees. This is also behavior he has shown to repeat, in Harley’s Holiday he pursues Harley the whole episode not to stop her because she’s on a crime spree, but because she’s freaking out and he doesn’t want her to be sent to Arkham and lose all the progress she made in her recovery. 

Bruce pursues her into a mirror maze and this is where we get the most famous scene in the episode, Baby-Doll is still dead set on killing Bruce (this is also where Bruce shines, Baby-Doll is actively firing a gun at him and he is still calling out at her to stop because she might get hurt). 

Baby Doll fires at the mirrors over and over again, until one of the funhouse mirrors shows her what she might look like as an adult, at which point not only does Baby-Doll come to a complete stop, but she talks not in her Baby Doll voice, but as Mary-Dahl. 

Mary Dahl: Look. That’s me in there. The real me.  Mary Dahl: There I am... BUt it’s not really real, is it?  Mary Dahl: Just made up and pretend like my family, and my life and everything else.  Mary Dahl: Why couldn’t you just let me Make believe? 

She then grows angry at realizing that she is trapped on the other side of the mirror and will never exist in that adult body, she starts firing at every mirror around her trying to get batman who stalks her once again as an unspeaking shadow, until she gets impatient enough to destroy even the idealized image of herself represented in the funhouse mirror. At which point the gun itself runs out of ammo, and Mary breaks downc rying. At that point Batman could say that Mary is just throwing a tantrum, that being a washed up child star doesn’t entitle her to hurt others, he could say  that her tears aren’t even real because Mary Dahl has pretended to be a child in order to manipulate other people and merit sympathy literally this whole episode. Bruce does not do any of that. Bruce’s only action after following her this whole time, is to remove the gun from her hands so  she’s no longer capable of hurting someone, and then when she  hugs him, to return her hug and comfort her. 

Mary Dahl: I didn’t mean to... 

Because, utlimately she’s a human being who needs help. It’s not Bruce’s job to pick and choose who deserves that help, it’s his job to help people who need it. 

So yes, Bruce would have noticed right away that Shigarki wasn’t just a violent child, but a child who is clearly suffering from distress and lashing out. He wouldn’t just dismiss Shigaraki as an entitled man-child because as I’ve just demosntrated, Bruce had a situation where he frankly could have just dismissed Baby-Doll as a selfish an entitled vain womanchild and yet he didn’t do that. He saw a crying person in front of him, and he helped them, and he was even trying to help her before she started crying and asking for comfort like a more standard victim TM. Letting a child who shows clear signs of abuse like Shigaraki has go unhelped is not only out of character for Bruce, it basically is against everything he stands for as a hero. 

And if you still don’t believe me on that, here’s a quote from the director of the final installment of the popular Arkham Series, “Arkham Knight”, a game that features a character Jason Todd who was similiarly groomed over a long period of time by batman’s arch enemy into an enemy for batman to fight. 

[coldshrugs]

15 Lines of Dialogue Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

tagged by @ghostwise ty so much rinny!! i'll tag: @scionshtola @hythlodaes @lavampira @galadae @myreia @lilas and @thevikingwoman (no pressure!)

okay, i'm cutting out most of the dialogue tags or surrounding text UNLESS they are her own thoughts, describe important body language, or reference speaking to multiple people.

15 lines of Io Laithe Dialogue:

"Want me to stay with you?" The real ending to that question forms on her tongue and stays there: "baby." - whatever keeps you around

"Something else you have in common with him. I thought it might just be the pompous strutting." - longing's favorite season: stable scene

"If holding back the eighth calamity hinged on that alone, I believe you might let the world fall to ruin." - longing's favorite season: part 1

"Oh, right... I forgot those are once-in-a-lifetime events! Shit!" She makes a little show out of it, shaking her fist at nothing and melting into a fake sob against the bar, before meeting him with a straight (but not sober) stare. "Come on, let's go home." - neon moon

“You have a knack for finding wayward souls. Little lambs. It’s like you call to them, or they to you… Like you can’t help but care for them.” - mustering

“Nonsense. I enjoy hearing about them, and I like when you talk like this.” Her hand falls to his forearm, his warm skin growing warmer beneath her touch, and both of them look down to the point of contact. Shit. “Shit.” Oh. She said it out loud. - take another step off the edge

[about pretending to be asleep] “Is this better? Shall I snore?” - slow kiss prompt

“Kiss me,” she says against his mouth, and being able to make the request like this is almost as good as having it fulfilled. “Before I combust.” - tipsy kiss prompt

“By all means, intrude. Once the solitude is broken, it hardly matters by whom.” - see you in the morning

“Estinien,” she huffs, standing at her full height and gesturing around them with the stick. “Have you forgotten we are at sea, and will be for another month? I need to train, and unfortunately, the occasional gull makes for poor sport.” - close quarters

"Oh, you look very serious. But so am I." - scholarly fatigue

“Wonderful to see you, Ser Aymeric. But I’m afraid I’ve been instructed to tell you only that Estinien is getting on well. Offering details could come at a great personal cost–he knows where I live now.” - oblivious

Io’s smile is a tight line, “Right behind you, General.” She turns to Estinien and the smile softens. “But you should stay a moment and catch up. For such dear friends, you don’t spend nearly enough time together. I will live vicariously through your tardiness, and you might be spared the clumsy speech they’ll ask me to give.” - oblivious

Her hand curls around his neck, nails grazing his skin. "Here," she says, "now." - something to talk about

"Gossip runs rampant already." Io kisses his cheek, a final request. "So fuck it. Stay." - something to talk about

[overdueforarevival]

Whumptober Day 11 - A Million Little Times

'Leave no trace behind, like you don't even exist'

Summary: Regulus Black has spent years hating James Potter and yet, somewhere along the line, he became the best thing that ever happened to him. For months, the two sneak around, anonymous to everyone and for a while, they can live in blissful oblivion. What happens when reality comes crashing down on the two and the truth is shown one single time?

Also posted on AO3

‘Make sure nobody sees you leave,’

‘I know,'

‘They can’t know,’

‘I know, sweetheart,’

Regulus is tying James’ tie around his neck, long fingers working deftly and so gently James could almost laugh. He knows why he’s doing it, though. He wants to make sure that nobody will see the bruises now littering James’ neck.

They can never know, Regulus always reminds him. The Quidditch changing rooms are certainly not the most ideal location, but they’re both Captain of their respective teams and know the rota by heart. It’s the only place they can be sure to never be found.

Regulus’ parents will lose it if they ever find out that not only has their son been snogging a man, but a Blood Traitor no less. Walburga and Orion could probably look past James’ inability to produce an heir for Regulus, but they would never forgive him for bedding a Potter.

And James… James might not survive if Sirius were to ever find out that he’d been the one to defile his baby brother. He hadn’t meant for it to happen, truly, it just sort of did. One day, they were screaming at each other across the empty Quidditch changing rooms after a particularly brutal game and the next Regulus had James pinned up against the wall and James was a goner.

‘Same time tomorrow?’ Regulus asks hopefully, flattening James’ tie against his chest.

‘I’ve got detention with Minnie tomorrow. Pete and I jinxed Snape’s last essay to read as a dramatic proclamation of undying love to whoever reads it,’ James apologises. He’s never felt bad for pulling a prank on Snivellus before, but the look on Regulus face makes him regret ever having the idea. ‘Day after?’

‘Hufflepuff are practising ‘til eight and you know what Harper’s like, they’ll be here hours after that,’ Regulus huffs. ‘Friday night? We’re got the pitch, but I’ll have everyone out by half seven. You can come ‘round for eight?’

James smiles and leans forward, pressing a kiss against the boy’s forehead. ‘Friday it is,’

Regulus’ eyes flutter closed at the gesture and James wishes they could stay here a little while longer, but Remus will start getting suspicious. Not that he’d say anything, but Regulus will kill him if anyone finds out, even Remus.

James backs away from Regulus, his hands falling from the boy’s shoulders and he smiles ruefully as they part. It’s not like they’re some kind of long-distance lovers who only see each other once in a blue moon, but it still hurts. Even if they manage to see each other in secret at night, knowing that when they see each other in the day they must act indifferent to each other hurts. If he could, James would avoid Regulus at all costs and yet he’d tear himself apart if it allowed him to catch just a glimpse of him in the hallway.

The stolen looks they dare to risk are enough to keep the oxygen in James’ lungs and, if the corridor is really busy, they might be able to brush arms as they pass. It sounds pathetic, but it’s what James lives for. In a world slowly falling into war and ruin, James will do anything for his breath of fresh air. The small reminder that there is still good in this world. That good is Regulus Black.

James turns around only at the last moment, he always leaves first and then Regulus will follow a while later, turning right to the dungeons while James turns right to Gryffindor tower. He pulls the hood of his robes over his head, keeping his eyes on the ground as he walks. Walking through the Hogwarts grounds in the dark is a difficult task and James has to concentrate to not trip over the roots of the Whomping Willow which must stretch for miles. He doesn’t dare light his wand.

Sirius will be expecting James back soon, he’d told his friends he was out for a run, knowing that even the crisp October air wouldn’t lessen the red in his cheeks by the time he reaches the tower. With every step, James’ heart continues to hammer in his chest, no matter how many times he sees Regulus’ face, the novelty of being with him never seems to wear off. The very moment James sees Regulus Black, he is, well and truly, a godforsaken mess.

James doesn’t take the usual route to the tower, opting for the secret passage Peter discovered in third year that winds through the outer wall. There’s a few windows dotted about and, when James peers out, he can just about see the silhouette of Regulus sneaking back towards his own common room.

It’s late now, nearly midnight, and most of the younger students have vacated the common room in favour of their beds. The only ones left are a few fifth years studying furiously for Slughorn’s potions exam tomorrow. James remembers that one, over half of his class failed and were sure the same fate awaited them in their OWLs.

In the middle, right by the hearth, are his friends. They always wait up for him and he knows it should annoy him, knows that it only makes the likelihood of being caught higher, but it's nice of them. James has the best friends and he hates lying to them, but he knows that Sirius wouldn’t take the news of his relationship with Regulus very well. Sirius has enough going on right now.

Remus is lounging in on a sofa, one hand holding open a book on his lap while the other hangs down and across Sirius’s chest. Sirius always sits near Remus, ever since their argument last year, it’s like he needs to know that Remus isn’t going to leave. It’s a trait James has noticed since they were kids. Anytime Sirius would fall out with someone, Sirius would plaster himself to the person’s side and James hasn’t quite figured out if it’s a sign of loyalty or apology or perhaps something more concerning.

Either way, Remus never seems to mind. Peter is working on an essay in a chair next to the two, parchment wrapped over a book, but he doesn’t seem to be writing much. James can’t blame him, he hasn’t started their Defense essay yet either.

‘Evening, lads,’ James grins easily, hoping that nobody else notices the way his heart is still beating erratically in his chest.

‘Good run, Prongs?’ Sirius asks, looking up at James and for a moment, there’s a flicker of something in his eye. Something like doubt, or perhaps he knows something. No, Sirius can’t possibly know of anything amiss about James’ nightly outings.

‘Yeah, all good. Nearly tripped over one of them bloody tree roots, can’t escape the fuckers anywhere,’ James grumbles. It’s not a complete lie, but not exactly the truth either. ‘I blame Moony,'

‘Oi! Wasn’t my idea to plant a giant fuck-off tree, I’d have been happy with a some chains and a wooden shed,’ Remus jokes, eyes never leaving his book.

‘Wouldn’t you just,’ Sirius smirks slyly, looking up at his boyfriend. Peter gags loudly and Remus smacks Sirius across the face playfully. James laughs at their antics, all the while trying to battle the awful mental image currently trying to take root in his mind.

‘Well on that unsettling note, I’m heading for a shower, you lot enjoy yourselves,’ James tells them, jogging past and up the stairs to their dormitory.

He showers quickly, washing his hair and scrubbing the smell of Regulus off his skin. When he gets out, he dresses in his pyjamas, then wraps his towel around his neck just to be sure. That’s the thing about these illicit affairs, as they reach their end, all evidence is erased and they all move forward as though it never happened a million little times.

Regulus makes sure to spray a little cologne before he exits the bathroom, finding his friends all sitting around their dorm, chatting to each other. Barty and Evan are sitting together, the latter relaxing back against the former and Regulus can see their fingers intertwined on one side. A pang of jealousy strikes through his heart and he hates himself for it. Evan’s parents couldn’t care less about who he dates, in fact Evan once said that he was thirteen when he came out to them. As for Barty, Regulus is pretty sure he lauds his relationship over his father’s head just to spite the man. Regulus wishes he had the guts to do the same.

Nobody will know that James exists in Regulus’ mind. No trace is left behind of Regulus’ whereabouts and nobody will ever even consider the notion that Regulus would do something so preposterous. Regulus Black is and always will be, the perfect heir to his family’s name. With Sirius having been disowned over a year ago, Regulus has taken his place without fuss and this will be his fate until the day he dies.

James’ words echo in his mind for now, promises to always be his and vows that they’ll find a way to be together forever. It’s not that Regulus doesn’t want to be with James for the rest of his life, but he can’t let himself hope. He can’t allow himself to entertain the thought that he could grow old with James and live with him until their dying days. The world will never allow that, not for Regulus. So he won’t hope.

The high will fade as he sits on his own bed, heart still hammering, and joins in the conversation with his friends. Pandora and Dorcas have come over, Dorcas has been quieter recently and Regulus knows she’s planning something, though she isn’t sure what. Pandora keeps casting him sad looks like a puppy watching its owner leave for work.

Even as he talks with his friends, though, chatting about all the work they’ll have to do now that they’ve started studying for their NEWTs, his mind drifts back to James Potter. He’s like a drug and Regulus swore he’d quit, promised himself he wouldn’t let it get this far. Professor Slughorn once told them that drugs lose their potency as you use them more and more, but James works every bloody time and Regulus can’t make himself stop. Every time he catches the boy’s eye across the corridor, he needs to hear his voice, feel their hands clasped together. Regulus needs to stop, but he knows he won’t.

Deep down, Regulus knows that he’s going to keep going even when his parents bring him before the Dark Lord when he goes home for Christmas. Even when his arm is marked with a sign he knows will turn James’ stomach, Regulus will keep going. He’ll keep going until James hates him and it will all blow up in Regulus’ face. One day, he’ll wish he never met James Potter, but for now he’s going to beg for every second with him.

In the end, they don’t even make it to Christmas.

Early November arrives, bringing with it the Scottish bitter cold and one evening when Regulus is busy attacking James’ neck with his lips, the boy comes up with a truly absurd idea.

‘The boys all have detention tomorrow,’ James says breathily, fingers twirling around Regulus’ curls as he sighs contentedly.

‘Don’t make me think about my brother,’ Regulus frowns, sinking his teeth down on James’ sensitive skin, then quickly soothing it with his tongue.

‘Could use my invisibility cloak, bring you up to the dorm. Do this proper, you know,’ James continues and Regulus officially loses his appetite.

‘You want to fuck me in the room where my brother sleeps?’ Regulus pulls away and raises an eyebrow at James disbelievingly.

‘Uh… yes?’ James grins at him sheepishly and Regulus should really refuse the offer because it’s got ‘danger’ written all over it. Even if he can sneak into the dormitory, what if they come back early? What if someone manages to see them? What if the cloak falls off and everybody knows?

What if Sirius finds out?

‘We shouldn’t,’ Regulus sighs, turning away from James because there’s no way he’ll stand his ground if he catches even a glimpse of those doe eyes he’s so adept at. ‘People could find out,’

‘They won’t! Come on, Reggie, think about it! You and me, big four-poster bed… think about all the things we could do.’ James steps forward, hands creeping around Regulus’ waist, prodding gently.

Regulus doesn’t need to see James to know the look on his face. It’s not one he can say ‘no’ to.

‘One time,’ Regulus insists and immediately feels the smirk on James’ face.

‘One time,’ he agrees.

It is, in fact, not one time. Regulus promises himself he won’t do it again, but then an owl brings him a note as he’s getting changed after taking a brutal thrashing from the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. James’ friends are celebrating in the Hufflepuff common room tonight, Regulus can come over again.

He doesn’t say no. In the end, he stays the night, hidden behind the curtains of James’ bed, secure in the boy’s arms. It’s the safest he’s felt in years and now that he knows how it feels, he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to stop.

Regulus stays the night every Tuesday and every Friday. Sirius always stays late after Gryffindor Quidditch practice on those days to run his own drills and Remus always watches. It’s easy, apparently, to get Peter to stay behind, saying that Sirius could really use a hand or Remus wants the company. James is first back and he lets Regulus in, hidden under the cloak.

As the weeks fly by and nobody finds him huddled next to the Gryffindor Golden Boy, Regulus finds himself lulled into a sense of security, a routine that won’t be broken. And then, Sirius has to have one of his genius ideas.

It happens in the middle of the night, Regulus is sleeping soundly against James’ chest and all of a sudden, there’s a loud crash from the right. James wakes first, jumping so violently that Regulus is shaken out of his sleep as well.

‘I’ve got it!’ Sirius announces proudly to the room, clearly oblivious to how little anyone wants to hear whatever it is he’s got to say at this ungodly hour. It’s still dark out for Merlin’s sake.

‘Not now, Pads!’ Remus groans loudly.

‘Shit,’ James mutters, lifting his head and looking at Regulus with wide eyes. Regulus pushes himself up onto his elbows, frowning.

‘Prongs, I’ve got it! I know what we’re gonna—’ Sirius pulls back the curtains to James’ bed and promptly cuts himself short, jaw falling open and eyes blowing wide.

The two are under the covers, both shirtless (Sirius does not need to know that James isn’t wearing any trousers either) and any idea of bullshitting his way out of this is thoroughly dashed. James sits up slowly, one hand remaining on Regulus’ knee , fingers drumming on the joint nervously.

Regulus stares up at Sirius, eyes locked unwaveringly as all of Regulus’ fears melt away into pure stubbornness. He will not lose this argument, not when James is the best thing that has happened to him in years.

‘What the fuck?’ Sirius deadpans, eyes flicking back and forth between his brother and his best friend, seemingly lacking coherent thought. Regulus continues to stare his brother down.

‘Ever heard of a little something called ‘privacy’, Sirius?’ Regulus asks coldly. There’s a gasp from across the room, no doubt as his voice is recognised by the two boys who can’t see Regulus. James squeezes his knee gently, clearly trying to communicate something, but Regulus isn’t paying enough attention to decipher that.

‘Shittin’ hell, James. You fucked Sirius’ brother?’ Peter is the one to respond when Sirius continues to stare bug-eyed at the two. Regulus opens the curtains on the other side of the bed so he can turn his glare on Peter and the boy shies away.

Remus is getting out of bed now, sliding his feet into his slippers and making his way over to Sirius, a nervous look on his face. Strangely, he doesn’t appear shocked.

‘Sirius,’ he says quietly, reaching out a hand to gently touch the boy’s shoulder. Sirius shakes him off roughly.

‘Don’t,’ he mutters, looking down at James with a look Regulus didn’t think Sirius could ever hold for his best friend. In all of his and James’ antics, he never considered that this could do something to James and Sirius. As long as Regulus has known James, he’s been everything to Sirius, the brother he always wanted to have and at first Regulus resented James for it.

An odd flare of indignation rises up in Regulus' chest and he sits up straighter, putting himself in between James and Sirius. Sirius can be angry at him all he likes, but Regulus won’t stand by and let him look at James like this.

‘You fucked my little brother?’ Sirius says finally, echoing Peter’s words, voice trembling with anger as his fists shake at his sides. Regulus tries to move towards Sirius, but James holds him back before he can pull the duvet away from his lower half.

‘I didn’t ‘fuck’ him,’ James responds firmly, then frowns. ‘I mean, I did, but… that’s not- it’s not… Shit, just hear me out, Pads—’

‘No, don’t fucking ‘Pads’ me, you fucked my kid brother! He’s a kid!’ Sirius shouts angrily.

‘Don’t call him ‘kid’, he’s barely a year younger than us!’ James snaps and Regulus can see the anger forming in his eyes. He shouldn’t be angry at Sirius, that’s his best friend. This wasn’t meant to ruin them.

‘It’s okay, James, he can be mad at me,’ Regulus tries to calm James down, but the boy is springing out of bed and Regulus sees, thankfully, that at some point before they fell asleep he’d pulled some boxers back on.

‘No, it’s not okay, we’re allowed to be together, there’s nothing wrong with us!’ James gestures wildly between the two of them and Regulus absently thinks the uncoordinated movement sums them up perfectly.

‘I never said that, baby, I just—’

‘Don’t call him ‘baby’! What the fuck?’ Sirius is staring incredulously at the two now. ‘Why are you doing this to me? This is- This is- What the fuck?'

That seems to be about all Sirius can manage right now and Remus is, once more, trying to get close to Sirius. It doesn’t work and Remus backs off, staring at the back of his boyfriend’s head worriedly.

‘Nobody is doing anything to you, Sirius,’ Regulus tells him firmly, also leaving the bed in favour of standing next to James, wrapping an arm around his waist. ‘We aren’t doing this to hurt you, we’re doing this because we…’

Regulus trails off there, unsure how to finish his sentence. Sure, he loves James with all his heart and always will no matter how this ends, but he’s never said it outloud before. Not to anyone and certainly not to James and James has never said it either. This isn’t exactly the time for grand announcements or dicey assumptions.

‘You what? Huh, you what? For Merlin’s sake, James, that’s my brother! What is wrong with you?’ Sirius yells at them, face contorting with anger and Regulus is used to that being directed at him, but nobody should look at James like that.

‘Sirius, stop it! Take a breath and listen to them, will you? This is getting ridiculous,’ Remus interjects, appearing to give up listening to Sirius’ clear aversion to his presence right now and pulling his hands down from where they were gesturing angrily at James.

‘No, I won’t listen, Remus. How could you do this, James? You know… you know everything and you still… fuck you, James. Fuck. You.’ Sirius shakes his head, all anger dissipates from his voice as he speaks until he merely sounds defeated. James opens his mouth to say something, but before he can get any words out, Sirius is marching away and out of the door, letting it slam shut behind them.

Regulus flinches as the loud bang echoes around the room and as the silence stretches between them, James pulls Regulus closer. James always knows when Regulus is about to cry and he holds one hand up against the side of Regulus’ face, shielding it from the view of the others. James’ chin rests on top of Regulus’ head which is buried against his neck as Regulus clings to the boy tiredly.

‘It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re okay,’ James whispers soothingly. Regulus feels the words vibrating in his throat.

‘I’ll talk to him in the morning, he’ll come around. He just needs some space,’ Remus says and James nods awkwardly against Regulus’ head. Regulus doesn’t say a word.

‘Let’s get back to sleep, Reggie, nothing to do about it now,’ James murmurs, steering them back into bed and arranging the covers across the both of them.

There’s rustling and shuffling as Remus and Peter no doubt do the same and James leans over to pull the curtains shut again. As he does, Peter’s voice drifts quietly across the dorm, clearly words only meant for Remus’

[lovecaitlined]

My Honest Thoughts on KaySun after Episode 62 🖤

I Can Excuse Bad Characters, But Not Bad Writing

Another ride. I’ve gathered myself and my thoughts up to once again marvel at the bad writing this show has. It’s only saved by KaySun’s chemistry thanks to Taro and Beril’s talents.

Before I begin, I want to say that all these are my own opinions, and I don’t think I’m a 100% right so I welcome other people’s opinions as well. Next, I don’t watch this show religiously—I only look at Kaya and Suna’s scenes, and even then I don’t watch it on the official channel live.

I also want to say I can excuse bad characters, but I cannot excuse bad writing.

I also wish the characters acted logically instead of for the sake of the plot and whatever politics goes behind the scenes (who is your backer, Buce? Onur?) but yeah.

Anyway, let’s start.

Bad Writing

Suna has been OOC for the most part; unfortunately, now, Kaya is as well. The cheating thing was too abrupt. The reason why I take issue with this is because characters are supposed to be driven by the motivations set up by them by the writer. The sudden, illogical changes in Kaya’s and Suna’s characters show that the writer is making them act out of character only 1) for the sake of the plot, 2) to be used as collateral for SeyFer parallels, and 3) to bring in the shock value and retain reytings—a cheap OGM move, because now the story is bad and has lost its value.

I will not excuse Kaya’s and Suna’s behavior. However, I wish they showed us that they were capable of doing such things early on instead of making them OOC. It’s giving me whiplash.

Kaya’s Cheating

I want to say, I hope this is an AsLaz (Yabani) and EsZan (Aşk Mantık İntikam) situation wherein the guy was flat out drunk / drugged and nothing actually happened. But even before that, he was being friendly and basking in Pelin’s attention. Granted, she’s a childhood friend, and he needed someone to talk to—but not someone to flirt with.

I hate how OOC Kaya is. You do not write someone to be a loser in love, who is a stickler for loyalty and protecting his wife, only to throw it all out the window for the sake of a cheap parallel plot. I wish they hinted at Kaya having a roving eye during his marriage with Suna. I would be able to swallow the plot more. However, they doubled down, making him very ideal and loyal, only for him to suddenly “cheat” on her after she acts a bit strange after…4 days? After he was waiting for her to call him?

The fact that he did it with Pelin (and not Pırıl—wtf happened to that plot, anyway?) irks me as well because he knows how Suna feels about Pelin. Maybe Kaya was really drunk (we know he gave up drinking after his ONS with Pırıl), but again, it doesn’t excuse his behavior. And it’s a slap to our faces to see him cuddling in bed with Pelin when we didn’t even get that post-halver scene with Suna.

I want to retain the hope that nothing is as it seems and it’s all an elaborate ploy by Pelin—she will blackmail him for sure, I just know it. I feel he will bring her to the mansion under the guise of protecting her from Serter, and maybe Seyran will beat her up. But I’m not taking my chances.

What do I think will happen next? I do hope Kaya shows remorse and guilt, I do hope he grovels for Suna. I think KaySun will be happy together for a bit before she finds out. However, there are alternative theories in the fandom that 1) He will fall for Pelin for real with his savior complex and make her an official mistress, and/or 2) Pelin gets pregnant. Personally, I don’t see any of those things happening, but who knows with such illogical, poorly planned writing? (Also, no one has sex like 4 days after a miscarriage and a C-section. The same way a loyal man won’t do a 180 after fighting for his wife for 4 days).

Suna’s Destiny

I think I’ve made my thoughts on Suna’s fortune telling arc quite clear in this other post, so I’ll try to keep this short.

We can see her waking up in this episode (we also see that İfakat was behind this sht). But unfortunately, her change of heart came too late—because Kaya has now potentially done something irredeemable?

I am also mad at how OOC Suna is because she’s clearly sane but SO illogically affected by a fortune teller. Make it make sense! She is so dumb (she used to be smart, anxiety-riddled but smart) and she is blaming the fortune teller for ruining her life, when it’s all her fault for misinterpreting everything. No one forced her to interpret things a certain way lmfao. She acted (OOC) of her own volition.

It’s such a huge step back from her character development. I hate seeing regression without reason or payoff. Once again, bad writing—she is acting weird because the plot demands her to, when the original character profile for Suna would never.

I know people are saying she cheated on Kaya emotionally for a teensy tiny moment when she rubbed foreheads with that fck@$$ driver. And yes, she was wrong! I’m not justifying her! But Kaya fcking someone else while still married to her was even worse imo.

I think she’s definitely going to try to make it up to Kaya in the next episodes, even though they haven’t closed the fortune teller arc yet. She’ll probably even want a kid. Will Kaya avoid her this time, out of guilt? Or will he hide what he did and carry on like nothing happen? (I really refuse to believe Kaya will make Pelin a full-time mistress, and I hope I am not wrong). Again, we might get happy KaySun and even halvet 2.0 (we cheered) and then when Suna gets pregnant with a son, she’ll find out about Kaya’s infidelity. Idk, we still have 11 episodes left until the finale on June 7, 2024.

KaySun Endgame

I hate to say this, but they will dig us out of the grave with minimal payoff and then make us endgame. As long as they want us to parallel SeyFer. And as long as Taro and Beril don’t leave the cast (and honestly, why would they, when KaySun trends always and has launched them a lot career-wise?), I am sure they will be 100% endgame. (But at what cost?) It’s unfortunate it had to happen this way, but yeah.

Another thing is Taro and Beril are finally doing promotion together. Maybe because Beril got rid of Ersh!t (rumor has it he’s dating the actress who plays the maid the show), and now they’re free to post like the besties they are. I truly do love and admire Taro and Beril’s professionalism, talent, and friendship. And someone pointed out how he posted about the important girls in his life—he included his mom, his pet dog Lila, and Beril, his co-star. They’re honestly so sweet and I love how wholesome their friendship is. Their chemistry and talent shouldn’t go to waste; I sincerely hope that they reunite it a hot digital project in the future, just like Boran and Miray did for HiLeon and HelSav. I want KaySun 2.0 to be better, too!

Also, Taro and Beril posting more photos just feels very genuine—and not just because my girl Beril is finally free. I also feel they’re trying to get us to continue to have hope for KaySun. Though I think they should demand a better plot too, but they’re too professional for that maybe.

I’ll definitely continue watching on the timeline, and I’ll root for Taro and Beril and KaySun happy ending always. But still! This is such clownery, and such new lows even from the most misogynistic production in diziland. I just pray they give us KaySun’s happy endgame.

Final Thoughts

Once again, I hate how OOC KaySun became, and I hope they fix this plot and make it so that what seemed to happen was not what really occurred. Wish they could be redeemable.

I pity Asuman…that guy is gonna blackmail her for money. (Also, Asuman would never sleep with a guy she just met. Wtf?)

I hate how the whole Yalı fcked eo during Ramadan except for KaySun. I don’t know why YÇ hates one of their most popular ships so much, but then again, it’s OGM. They hate women, logic, and happiness.

Binnur Kaya is a talented veteran actress, and I’m not surprised she is leaving, given how underutilized she was on the show. I hope we get a good final arc with Nunu and Kaya, but they barely fleshed out imo. (Why would she give her share to Orhan when he will steal it? 💀) I can’t blame the actress for departing, though Birsen did hint she is open to come back for S3.

I can’t believe I had to witness this during Lent. I have always been a good Catholic, but this show has made me turn to God and prayer more than ever. 🙏🏻

KaySun endgame, but at what cost?

Thanks for reading my thoughts. They may be muddled, but at least they were logical and slightly organized. 🧿🙏🏻

[theblackestnight-ffxiv]

[ffxivwrite2024] prompt 4: reticent

A low drone of conversation occupied the Forgotten Knight, punctuated by the occasional sharp exclamation or burst of laughter. The table she and her companions claimed had ideal placement, near the warmth of the hearth, placed in the corner with view to all the entrances and exits of the room, against the wall so that no one could approach them from behind. Despite its obvious appeal, the regulars of the Forgotten Knight always left it vacant for them, and warned away anyone else who attempted to take their place.

D’zinhla was cloaked and hooded here. Miqo’te were more common in Ishgard than when she had first gained passage to the city, but they still stood out in general, and she in particular. Not wanting to link her activities that brought her to the Forgotten Knight with her identity as the “Hero of the Dragonsong War” and ward of House Fortemps, she came with ears and tail hidden, and tried not to draw obvious attention to herself.

Unfortunately, one of her companions was far less able to conceal his identifying features, and he’d long since given up the attempt. Despite the personal tragedy linked to misinterpretation of his appearance, Sidurgu made no effort to hide that he was Au Ra. By now he was familiar enough at the Forgotten Knight that the regulars paid his appearance no mind, which was exactly what he preferred.

The third of them was the one most likely to be overlooked, and Rielle took to that with an adolescent mix of relief and indignation that tended to prompt at least a bout of bickering with her companions. 

Unfortunately, this night seemed destined for one of them.

“Another lovely evening to sit in silence,” the girl said with a sarcastic twist, frowning in turn at each of them.

D’zinhla’s ears shifted beneath the hood, the fabric too heavy for them to perk to attentiveness. She glanced at Rielle, then across the table at Sidurgu, whose everpresent frown had deepened.

“And just what do you mean by that?” he asked in a low tone. He sounded intimidating, but she didn’t think he meant it; it was just a feature of how he tended to speak, especially when put on the defensive.

The girl was far too accustomed to him to be cowed in the slightest. “I mean that we finally get to see our friend for the first time in moons, yet here we are, silent as stone!” Rielle scowled at him. “I know to expect it from you, Sid, but you,” and she turned to face D’zinhla, “are just as bad as he is this time!”

Her eyebrows raised as she was taken aback. “I didn’t realize I was being so quiet,” she said, her voice pitched lower and huskier than she typically spoke. “I suppose I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

“Then why not tell us, rather than letting it sit inside you like that?” Rielle asked, waving a hand as if it was the most obvious thing

She blinked, lips parting but her refusal dying before it found breath to be spoken. “I…”

Her voice may have failed her, but Sidurgu was in full command of his. “Now, see here, Rielle, there’s no need to be prying like that. You don’t know what she’s been dealing with, and it’s none of your business if she shares it or not.”

“Prying? It’s just asking!” She wheeled around to face him. “And what’s the harm in asking?” She put her hands at her hips, glowering at the much taller Au Ra man.

“Because you need to learn when’s the right time for that, and you just go about blundering into it.” Sidurgu’s arms were crossed now. “We’ve been over this and over this, there’s a right time for that sort of thing, and you need to learn when to leave well enough alone.”

“And how am I ever supposed to learn if I don’t ask? Huh? You tell me to ask questions, and then you get mad at me for asking! How am I supposed to learn if every time I try to figure something out, I get yelled at for trying!”

“Enough,” and D’zinhla held a hand up, weariness washing over her. “It’s fine. You’re fine, Rielle. I was just… It’s hard. It’s hard to find the words.”

Rielle was still frowning. “I bet it would’ve been easier if Sid hadn’t gone on like that.”

“Rielle, don’t you-”

“Sid.” This time D’zinhla held her hand to silence him, and let threads of annoyance slip into her voice. “It’s fine. She’s right, how else is she supposed to learn if she doesn’t ask?” She sighed, resting her hand back on the table’s surface. “Neither of us is the easiest to talk to.”

“You could say that again,” the girl muttered. 

Sidurgu’s eyes flashed in irritation, but D’zinhla cut him off. “And I suppose it feels like you can’t win. You sit in silence without speaking, or you try a few pleasantries that die away, or you push harder for something with substance and get a lecture. Is that about the shape of it?”

Rielle nodded, a flicker of hurt in her eyes.

Sidurgu made as if to speak again, and yet again D’zinhla made the decision to cut him off. “Doesn’t seem fair, does it? And I know none of us operate under any illusions on the fairness of things, but it feels like you should get more credit for the effort.”

A look of sullen triumph was in Rielle’s expression now. “It’s not like I’m expecting some scholasticate conversation. I just want to talk! Especially when we go so long without seeing you, and half the time you show up only to run off somewhere with Sid and tell me to just wait here. I’m way too old for ‘be a good girl and stay out of trouble,’ and that’s another thing, but at the very least,” and she cut off Sidurgu’s building argument, “both of you could talk more! If you’re not going to talk to me, talk to each other, and at least I can join in a bit!” She bit her lip.

D’zinhla took a sharp breath. The matter of Rielle getting left behind when they went out to “take action” as only dark knights could…that was a matter of longstanding conflict, one with at least one clear solution that she could not wholeheartedly support. Teaching Rielle the way of the dark knight would have her beside them, not being left behind, and she had shown she was more than just interested in the idea. But Sidurgu had been deeply reluctant, for many reasons that were a tangled mess of emotion. Airraim felt strongly that Rielle should be taught, but because of that tangled mess of Sidurgu’s, her opinion on the matter was especially fraught. D’zinhla was deeply torn, wishing there was a way to keep Rielle protected from what she would experience, but knowing it could hardly be worse than what she had already been through. 

Still, it wasn’t as if that decision needed to be settled tonight. Rielle was right, at the very least, they owed her more than this. They were, she recalled with a pang, all the girl had in this world. And that was a problem on its own as well, but at the very least, they could open up to her. Not just to each other and allow her to politely listen in, but actually include her.

Sidurgu had kept silent as she had ruminated, with a level of restraint she appreciated. So had Airraim, for that matter, which was probably for the best; it didn’t seem like tonight was a good night for broaching what she represented, and she had stayed withdrawn within D’zinhla, silently observing. 

She sighed. “I’m sorry, Rielle. You’re right. You deserve better than that.” She pressed her palms flat against the table. “So, what’s something you’d like to talk about?”

Rielle shot a look of “I-told-you-so” at Sidurgu, tilting her chin up as she looked back at D’zinhla. “Tell me what’s got you so caught up in your thoughts. You don’t have to go into all of it but you should talk to us about some of it!” She looked especially proud of her offered compromise.

D’zinhla smiled softly, though it was a weighted smile. What she’d been up to lately had been exercises in deep frustration, unable to act until problems were solved by those better equipped to solve them. But maybe putting them to words would help with that, at least a little. Rielle had very good instincts for that. 

She’s going to make an incredible dark knight one of these days. D’zinhla tried not to outwardly react to Airraim’s inner declaration, instead registering her intent to get into that–later. Right now she had a conversation to make. “Alright then, but first you’ll have to answer a few questions for me so I can figure out where to start. How much do you know about the Void?”

[luffysprincess]

HI AMIRA ❤️ I’m here for the interview game!! I’d love it if you would interview my boyfriend Kisaki 🤭 we’ve been together for a couple months now!

Three things I love about myself would be….my smile for one hehe. I really love that my friends feel comfortable talking to me when seeking advice or a shoulder for comfort. And I also love that I’m willing to try new things!!

And then three things about my selfship right? First, Kisaki was the one who helped me get my ex’s stuff out my apartment; he stood by my side while the cheater tried to blame Kisaki of all people for breaking us up! Crazy right? Second, Kisaki has been showing me how to use a gun 🫣 he says it’s important I know how to defend myself since people will come after me if they know we’re together 🥺 And third….whenever we have the day together, we start off by making love and having breakfast in bed 🥰

a/n: kisaki’s dialogue is bolded for an easier reading experience

“Is there a reason why you’ve got two men standing in the corner glaring at me?” the interviewer begins.

“There would’ve been five but I sent three to watch my girl.”

“Your girl? You mean Andy, correct?”

“Who else would I be talking about?”

“She didn’t come with you today?”

“No, she was pretty tired after this morning. I decided it was best for her to sleep in.”

“What happened this morning? Is she okay?”

“Andy’s perfect. She just can’t walk and probably won’t be able to for the rest of the day.”

“Oh is this a normal occurrence?”

“No, usually our morning activities are more gentle, so to speak. But this morning, the sight I woke up to filled me with the sudden urge to completely ruin her.”

“I don’t know whether to feel bad for the girl or not.”

“Don’t worry she’s fine. This wasn’t the first time. Besides, if anyone can take it, it’s her. She was meant for me,” he grins.

“Okayyy moving on to our next question: How serious are you about your relationship with Andy?”

“As serious as the men behind me who are willing to put a gun to your head if you ask a question that stupid again.”

“Woah okay, no need to get hostile. I'm just reading the cue cards. Don’t shoot the messenger…” the interviewer mumbles the last part, “...literally.”

“Next question, I don’t have all day.”

“What has you so busy today?”

“I’ve gotta buy a new bed frame, since I broke our current one just a few hours ago.”

“Goodness– how did y– no you know what. Nevermind.”

“I wasn’t kidding when I said she’s bedridden from our morning happenings,” Kisaki smirks.

“ALRIGHT, lets move on to something less inappropriate. What’s an ideal date with your girlfriend look like?”

“Well…” Kisaki smirks again, hinting at a not so inappropriate thought. He laughs at the interviewer’s incredulous expression before he continues, “An ideal date would most likely start with the two of us getting ready for dinner together. She teases me with the new dress I bought her, and then I fuck her in it. We show up just a tad bit late, but enjoy our time there nonetheless. I may or may not fuck her again in the restrooms, depends on if we’re truly enjoying the food or not. And then we end the night enjoying some drinks on our penthouse balcony. No scratch that, we stick to the infinity pool instead. Either way, I’m having her against any surface there is. Finally, we fill the night with endless love making.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“One last question. That’s been there since you walked in here.” The interviewer points to the cube shaped protrusion in his pants. “It doesn’t look like a gun, and I know sure as hell you’re not excited to see me, so what is it?”

Pulling out the box, Kisaki answers, “This morning really confirmed a lot of things for me today. So this is your sign that the next time you see Andy, you’ll be addressing her as Mrs. Kisaki.”

[acopenhagenarmy]

PART 9

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Warnings: bad words and such, a shit ton of fluff as usual and some angst because why the hell not... 

Wordcount: 2,2K

/ Moodboard / Teaser / One / Two / Three / Four / Five / Six / Seven / Eight / Nine / Ten /

Taglist: @purpletaehyung92 @just-call-me-trash-can @undiscovered1personality

His eyes could light up the room, he looked content, happy in this moment. Food splayed out around you, the two of you completely relaxing as you told him all your life had played out so far. It was nice. 

He too told you about him and his life, the dream of rapping and being able to live off of it at some point. Him and the boys struggles when they first started out and the life he had now. 

You cleared off the bed when you finished the food, and laid down, head on his chest as he cuddled around you, resting his head on yours as he played with your hair. 

The first thing that happened was his heartbeat began to beat a little faster than it had just a minute before, and then you felt the sadness that he felt. 

You gave him a minute or two to just dwell in his emotion, think about what he wanted to say before you started to question him.

“Do-” he sighed. “Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?” he said. 

It was only a whisper, but you heard it. The emotions his voice held almost broke your heart in that exact moment. 

“Forgive you? What for?” You asked as you tried to stop the overthinking and anxiety from kicking in. 

“For me, not finding you earlier” this time around his voice almost cracked under the pressure of the fear that slowly creeped in. 

It was obvious he had thought about this throughout the day, maybe even before the two of you met. But he hadn’t had the chase for the feelings to really manifest to the degree where you would be able to feel them. That was until now. 

“Oh my love” you said as you tried to drown out his sadness with the love you already had for him. “There’s nothing to forgive” 

“Are you sure? Cause I felt your sadness that monday you know? The loneliness, the fear of never finding me, and I just… I never wanted you to feel like that. And if I hadn’t been so preoccupied with my own dreams and aspirations I might’ve been able to feel you earlier, search for you” 

You sat up and gave him a small peck before you took his hands. 

“Our mark isn’t ideal, there’s no saying if either of us would’ve ever noticed. But I’m pretty sure that if it wasn’t for this job, these dreams of yours, the two of us would’ve most likely never met. I wouldn’t have heard your song, I wouldn’t have called Hobi, and we would’ve never met” 

He sighed as he hid his face behind his hands. “I know, I just, I don’t like I’ve caused you pain” 

“Just focus on me, in the darkness just the two of us is enough” You answered which earned you a giggle as he pulled you in for a kiss. 

“What?” you asked in between the sweet pecks he plastered all over your lips and cheeks. But he refused to give you an answer straight away. 

“You just quoted lyrics from one of the songs I’ve written about you” he kissed you between each of the words in the sentence. He smiled while he did it, and it made your heart flutter. 

You fake gasped. “So ‘forever rain’ wasn’t the first song dedicated to me?” 

“Nope! now come here and cuddle me, we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow, might be best if we get a little rest” 

It didn’t take long for the two of you to drift off, and being here, in his arms, was the best feeling in the world. You had never felt more safe or more at home. 

The following morning Namjoon had decided that he wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed. He had no intentions of leaving the hotel room the next couple of days. All he wanted was to get to know you better, especially without the eyes of the world, resting on the two of you. 

Speculations about him finding his soulmate were all over twitter. Someone had spotted him and the boys as they left your school, finding it peculiar just what they were doing at a place like that, so close to one of their concerts. 

That, in combination with the small hints of complete happiness and love from his speech at yesterday's concert, had made army analyze every little second of his performance. 

He had a takeout box in hand as he filled it, and many others to the brim with breakfast for the two of you. 

“You think you’ve had enough pancakes?” Jungkook laughed. 

Shortly after they all heard a loud *smack* followed by a loud and dramatic “ouch” from their maknae. 

“Let him live, Jungkook. Something tells me the two of them are gonna need all the carbs and strength for the day that they have planned” Star said as he passed you all by, just before drowning her ginger shot. 

He couldn’t help the blush that painted his cheeks. The boys instantly started teasing him. But Jin stayed silent. 

It looked like he was in a trance of sorts. Daydreaming about something that seemed important. 

“You okay?” Namjoon asked. 

His eyes were shining like little stars, he looked happier than he had in a long time. And that’s when he spotted it. A small piece of a round pink confetti in his hair. 

“Ohhhh” it was like a lightbulb went off in his head. 

“Yeah,” Jin answered, unable to say anything else. 

“Oh wow!" So she knows who you are? Hell she even biases you?” Namjoon had completely stopped what he was doing, all he could think was how lucky Jin was. 

This made it much easier for the two of them to come into contact with one another. You knew how she looked, and hopefully the two of you had exchanged more than just formalities in the midst of everything. 

“I really hope it’s her Namjoon” 

“I’m sure it is, congrats bro!” He sat down the boxes and gave him a giant hug which the older man quickly returned. 

“Ah fuck… If this is a dream I better wake up before I have her in my arms, because otherwise I don’t think I’ll be able to recover.” 

You woke up in the dark room, with just a small light source from the borders of the curtain. You smiled and stretched your arms over your head, unable to see even those in the dark room. 

“Goodmorning love” you said with a groggy voice. 

You slowly stretched out your arms in the hopes of reaching your soulmate. Morning cuddles, well cuddles in general, were really something you enjoyed. And waking up with him meant daily cuddle sessions. 

But there was nobody next to you, the bed was completely empty beside you. 

You felt anger, sadness, depression and anxiety come crashing over you, all at once. 

It was all a dream, he’s not here, he’s not real… 

Your thoughts overpowered every kind of rational thought you might’ve had in that moment. Instead of getting up, looking for him, you drew the covers over your head. In hopes of shutting the memories of what you thought were your dreams, out. 

You did what you had done so many times where you had dreamt of him, or the mere idea of him. You shut down and hid in the dark, hoping that someday, the dream would become reality. 

Namjoon talked to the boys after he had collected all the food he loved and hoped you liked too. He tried to figure out just how many days they could stay in the city with time off, without it ruining too much of the schedule. 

He could almost see the emotions that were about to hit him, creeping in on him like dark clouds, filled with thunder and sadness. The hit of it almost knocked the air out of him. 

Your loneliness was more severe than he had ever felt, and the feeling of tears staining his cheeks were not to be mistaken. He couldn’t understand why you were feeling like this, weren’t you happy? 

And then it hit him… She thinks yesterday was a dream. 

He quickly threw the take away boxes on the table without a care in the world. And then he set off and ran as fast as his feet could carry him. 

Through corridors and hallways, up the stairs and finally he was there in the room with you. 

His heart broke by the sound of your muffled cries. He didn’t even take the time to turn on the light, in a second he was in the bed right beside you, pulling you close, freeing you from the covers and the dark void that was your anxiety. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m right here” he said as he rocked you back and forth, repeating his words, over and over like a prayer. 

You clinged on to his t-shirt, as you cried, every second inhaling more of his perfume. His arms that held you felt so real, and when you finally had the courage to look up, he was there. 

He took your face in his hands and used his thumps to dry away the tears. “I’m right here, it wasn’t a dream. I’ll never leave you, okay? Never. It’s you and me my love, you and me” 

His voice pulled you back to reality. 

“You’re here?” It was meant to be a statement, but in the end, it sounded more like a question than anything else. 

“I am,” he said. 

The two of you sat there for a while, just staring at one another while embracing. You didn’t want it to stop, you wanted to memorize him like this. The fear filled eyes, that still had that spark of love and adoration. You wanted to get lost in them, drown in them, bury yourself in this feeling. 

“Do you need anything?” he asked as he removed a strand of hair from your face. 

“A glass of water maybe?” 

He responded by kissing your forehead, and then went to pick a cold water bottle out from the fridge. 

“Here” he said as he threw it your way. 

Your man was perfection, he was made for you, there was no doubt. But he could not throw anything, maybe not even if his life depended on it. The water bottle missed the bed by an entire meter, and the hard drop on the floor made the lid fly off of it. 

There was nothing you could do except laugh. And seeing you smile was contagious, and before he knew it, the two of you were laughing together. 

It was perfect, and lifted your moods without the need to talk through the episode right away. 

“Remind me never to do that again” He said in between laughs. 

“Are you always that clumsy?” You asked as you tried your best to get both the laughter and your breathing under control 

“Well the army calls me god of destruction…” 

The absurdity of the nickname made you giggle, just as the two of you had stopped laughing. 

“How many things do you break, for it to be a nickname your fans have given you?” 

“A lot…” He smiled, dimples on display. 

You sighed and took his hand, not ready for him to go take care of the mess he had just made. 

“I’m sorry I scared you… my fears and anxiety got the best of me I think” 

He gave your hand a squeeze. “Please, don’t apologize. I’ve had dreams of you before as well. And waking up from that is terrible.” 

“I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who’ve missed you over the years” 

“Trust me, you weren’t.” 

He bent down, toilet paper in hand to clean up his mess as you watched him. He hummed a little melody, and impressed you once again with his talent. How did I get so lucky?

Oh wanna hear some good news?” he asked. 

You liked this. The feeling of having someone who didn’t judge you for how you felt. The feeling of being able to communicate every feeling and thought you had, was everything you had ever hoped and dreamed to have in your partner.

“Tell me” you said as you hugged one of the pillows on the bed. 

“The girl you met yesterday, the one who dropped the confetti, we’re pretty sure she might be Jin’s soulmate” 

You couldn’t help the way your heart swelled with happiness. 

“Oh my god! You’re kidding!?” You said with as much excitement as your voice would allow you. 

He couldn’t help but smile at your excitement. It was nice to see you were as excited for his brother as he was. Even though you’d only met him yesterday. She’s complete and utter perfection. 

“How do you know?” 

“Well he woke up with confetti everywhere, he had some stuck in his hair when I met him at breakfast.” Namjoon laughed. 

His laugh was slowly becoming your favorite sound in the entire world. 

“That’s amazing Joonie. But damn I should’ve asked her, her name, or at least gotten some kind of information” 

He got off the floor and gave you a peck before trying, and failing, to throw the paper in the bin basketball style. 

“Don’t worry too much about that, how would you know? How would any of us?” 

You nodded along, that was true. “I do have some info though” 

[starglitterz]

elysian.

─── THE BEGINNING ; 01.

elysian

adjective; relating to or characteristic of paradise

summary: when you lose your job out of the blue, you’re pretty sure this is the end of the road for you. at least until you reconnect with your childhood best friend aether and he offers you your ideal job and a place to stay. the only condition is that his office will be behind the store you’ll be running, and under no circumstances are you permitted to enter. that’s how you begin your new life as a florist, though you’re not sure how to focus on working when aether seems to have too many pretty boys working both for and against him. your fresh start gets a whole lot more interesting when you discover just how many secrets these men are hiding, but somehow you think you’ll still be able find the elysian ending of your dreams.

pairing: various genshin male characters x gn!reader

a/n: hello!!! i've been talking abt this for ages, i'm sorry it took so long :( i had to rewrite this a billion times until i finally came up w smth i liked hehe <3 this is the first part of the set-up for the universe in which my most recent milestone event takes place ! if you're confused just send me an ask & i'll try to explain better LOL. anyways without further ado let's get right into it !! hope you enjoy <3

elysian masterlist. // next.

If anyone asked you what you do for a living, you doubt that even in your wildest dreams would you have imagined replying that you ran a flower shop as a cover for a gang. It's so outrageous that sometimes you think you owe your past self an apology for going off the rails. But it doesn’t make sense to start telling your story from there – it’s better to start all the way at the beginning: a chance encounter in a coffee shop.

“Y/N? Is that you?”

You’re wallowing in the depths of despair, doing your best not to cry into your cup of iced coffee, when you hear a familiar voice call your name. Jerking around instantly, you scan the room filled with chatting teens, businessmen on important calls and smiling couples until your gaze lands on a man with a long blonde braid sitting at a table a few feet from you. 

Your eyes widen, “Aether?!” His face lights up when you recognise him, and he moves to your table, “It is you! Mind if I sit here?” “No, not at all. Just… wow, I can’t believe you’re here. It’s been forever!” “It really has. I’ve missed you,” Aether’s features soften into an easy smile, “I think the last time I saw you was at our college reunion party. How long has it been since then?” Attempting to ignore how his smile still manages to make heat rise to your cheeks, you chuckle, “At least three years, but you were always the one with the better memory. How have you been?” 

You don’t know if you’re imagining the shadow that seems to cloud his expression, but it dissipates in a second as he replies, “I’m doing well, actually. Moving here was a great decision, I’ve got a new company and everything.” "Really? That's incredible, Aether!" you beam, "At this rate you'll be taking over Teyvat." "I wouldn't go that far," he rubs the back of his neck bashfully, "What about you?"

Now you're fumbling for an answer. How do you tell your college roommate who you haven't seen in years that you've just been fired from your job and your landlord refuses to renew your lease? "Not too good on my end, if I'm being honest," you start cautiously before plastering on a bright smile, "But I'm hoping things will turn up soon!" Genuine concern floods Aether's face and he frowns, "Y/N, what happened? I don't mean to press, but you always did have a tendency to downplay your problems." "It's nothing, really," you try to laugh it off, but you can't meet his eyes. In fact, you can't even take yourself seriously for trying to delude yourself into believing that you being homeless with no source of income is not that serious. 

Aether places his hand on yours, which shocks you enough that your eyes dart up to his and he says softly, "You can tell me, you know. I'm the last person who has any right to judge anyone." "It's not that, I just don't want to dump everything on you," your voice seems to be stuck in your throat, and it comes out a lot less convincing than you hoped for. "Hey," he flicks your forehead gently as a playful smile curves his lips, "I don't think anything can compare to listening to you rant about all your different college crushes for hours." That coaxes a laugh out of you, and you sigh, "Fine." 

When you finish telling him the sad story of your life (AKA just the awful news of today), Aether is quiet. Fantastic. Now he thinks you're a jobless loser, and he's going to pity you and this is going to destroy the dynamics of your friendship and- "Would it sound crazy if I said I had the perfect solution for you?" Your train of thought comes crashing to a stop, "What?" "There's this building I have on the outskirts of town. It's our… base of operations, so to speak. But we only use the back storeroom, and the entire front area feels wasted. It used to be a flower shop, and we haven't had time to renovate it into anything we could use. Also, it would be really helpful to have someone I trust keeping an eye on the place," Aether explains. 

No way. This has got to be impossible. Could a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity like this really just fall into your lap? Aether smiles, "I remember you once said your dream was to be a florist. And there's an apartment on the second floor, so you don't need to worry about looking for a place to stay." He must be kidding, right? He's definitely joking, and he's going to drop the punchline any minute now. But a few seconds pass in silence and he doesn't say anything – he just looks at you. Tilting his head, he asks, "So, what do you think? Of course, there's no pressure to accept. This must sound pretty wild."

It seems too good to be true, but a part of you doesn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth. You've known Aether for years, he's someone you'd trust with your life. He couldn't have undergone a complete personality change in just a couple of years with no contact, right? Everything will be fine and all your issues will be resolved if you agree to this – who wouldn't want that? Inhaling a deep breath, you look at him with a determined expression, “Alright. If you’re serious about this, I’d love to!” An excited grin spreads across his face, “Awesome! When will you be moving in? I can text the rest of my team to prepare anything you need for the store, just say the word.” 

The reality of what’s happening seems to crash in on you as he looks at you expectantly, you’re moving into somewhere you’ve never even seen and becoming the owner of a flower shop after years of working a 9-5 desk job. But strangely enough, it isn’t overwhelming at all; it feels like you’re taking the first step towards a new beginning, and instead of nervousness, elation is what’s bubbling up in your heart right now. So it’s with an eager smile that you reply, “Would today be okay?” Aether’s expression mirrors yours, “Definitely!” 

And that’s how a coincidental meeting in a coffee shop changed everything for you, placing you on the path that would eventually lead to an elysian dream of a life. 

© starglitterz 2023. do not repost or modify in any way – reblog & leave comments if you enjoyed !

[scummy-writes]

⋅ ── ✩ Glimpses of Teal and Auburn - Doubts

Words: 916

Characters: Arthur/Isaac

Summary: In which Isaac overthinks and worries

Isaac absentmindedly bit the corner of his thumb, scanning over the pages of the book lost in thought. In truth, he wanted the book to offer some distraction, but he found himself rereading the same passages over and over again while he kept thinking of the proposition he was offered.

He couldn’t deny that he was curious. A night spent entertwined with such a loving couple, finally being able to get a taste of that warmth between them… But why were they wanting him out of everyone here? Was it purely out of pity due to his lack of romantic experience? Because they were attracted to him?

Or was it simply the fact that the other residents rejected the couple’s odd request, and Isaac was the last on the list?

The idea sullied his mood in an instant, for it seemed the most likely. Because, in comparison, how could he be the ideal choice? A lack of sexual prowess did more harm than good in this situation, considering the fact they’d have to ease him into this. His body was lithe, laughable when put beside someone like Theo or Napoleon- Or even Vincent. Stuttering was a curse that slipped out when his nerves were shot, and he’d been constantly teased for his overthinking; something that would come out in the bedroom, he was sure of.

It seemed reasonable to doubt that he was their first choice, and no matter how he had become accustomed to his downfalls, it still rather stung when placed in this context. A firm reminder of why he was never successful even trying to secure friendships before his ‘second chance’ at life. Given his lack of success academically this go around, due to refusal to share his research, Isaac even sometimes wondered if le Comte regretted bringing him back.

“What’s got you so glum, ol’ boy?”

Isaac sighed as Arthur plopped down beside him on the couch, the writer resting his arm along the backside of it; his hand resting just by Isaac’s head, “nothing.”

“Mm, so that frown is just part of your natural expression?”

“Haven’t you anything better to do than plague me this early in the day?”

“Come on, Newt,” Arthur’s fingers teased the back of Isaac’s head, toying with his hair, “you know it’s all in good fun! I don’t mean it harshly.”

Isaac kept quiet for a moment, flustering at the scarcely intimate touches. With the way her and Arthur worded their idea, Arthur was interested in Isaac, too. Or, at the least, the idea of being… close… with another man.

The negativity coming back in full force made his stomach churn, and it must have shown on his face, for Arthur’s tone lowered.

“Hey, I mean that. It’s just a friendly tease, I didn’t know it would harm you-”

“It’s not that,” Isaac interjected, Arthur’s guilt causing him to feel worse, “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

“Mm, is it about the three of us…?”

Ah, he hated the way his cheeks were so quick to blush. Isaac looked away, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You know, Isaac, it’s alright to change your mind.”

“That’s not…” Rubbing his eyes, Isaac sighed, “I just don’t understand.”

“Hm?”

“I don’t understand why you asked. Or rather, why you asked me. I understand being curious over these matters...exploring… but surely I wasn’t your first choice,” the words came out in a rush, Isaac not wanting to give Arthur a chance to cut him off, “every conclusion I reach- it just doesn’t make sense.”

Arthur finally stopped toying with Isaac’s hair, instead propping his head up as he looked at Isaac, “is it that hard to fathom that we’re attracted to you?”

“...Yes.”

At the quiet admission, Arthur’s eyes widened for a moment- and Isaac felt embarrassed; what was he doing? What was possessing him to admit his worries in such a manner?

But Arthur gave him a gentle smile, reaching out to tuck Isaac’s hair behind his ear, “for all the greatness you contain, you still can’t work out the reasons why someone may house affections for you?”

Cheeks burning, Isaac couldn’t get himself to respond. His throat felt tight from the sudden compliment, and… he felt like a fool, for getting so torn up over an opportunity others would leap towards.

But Arthur didn’t poke or prod with jokes, and instead kept talking.

“It’s rather easy to pick ourselves apart to compare with others. When we’re trapped in our own thoughts, it’s easy to convince ourselves of the worst. But, whether you want to believe it or not, you do have charms to you- physical and otherwise. 

I won’t claim to know how it feels to go through what you have, and perhaps it’s asking a lot, but I’d like you to believe us when I say we didn’t ‘settle’ on you, Isaac. If it’s difficult, we’re more than happy to make the fact very clear.”

Isaac wasn’t sure how much he could take. His heart thundered in his chest as he poorly attempted to sort through his emotions, ruminating on the words said- that he was actually wanted. Wanted by two people that constantly occupied his thoughts, in one way or another.

Two people that, whether he wanted to admit it or not, made him feel more than he had in years.

“I…,” his voice was raspy, struggling not to show the torrent of emotions going through him, “I t-think I’d like that.”

----------

Glimpses Of Teal and Auburn Masterlist || Ikevamp Masterlist || Ikepri Masterlist || Ikevamp/Ikepri Server

Tag List (Let me know if you'd like to be added/removed!): @yarnnerdally @katriniac @kissmetwicekissmedeadly @bakaneko-chan @skoetiepoetie @fang-and-feather

[bluedalahorse]

Hey! I love your YR analysis posts, thank you so much for sharing your ideas with us! :) I'd love to hear your opinion on what you think happens in August's mind that allows him to look beyond Sara's class background when date her, given his obsession with defining himself by his status social standing. Thank you!

Hi! Thanks for reading my analysis; I’m glad you like it! I’ve been dreaming of answering an ask like yours for a long time, so I’m glad you popped up in my inbox. As it happens, I have a shorter answer and then a much longer answer prepared.

So, the first part of my thesis here is that August’s attraction isn’t rational. Feelings kinda happen however they’re going to happen, and people try to rationalize those feelings and make them make sense and fit into the frames they have for relationships. You are right to notice that August has to get past some mental blocks to get to the place where he sees Sara as a dating prospect at all. But once he gets there, he rationalizes her presence in his life using frames he understands.

Now, August doesn’t necessarily see status as something he has to earn. He sees it as something he already has and is owed more of, and as something with ideals he strives to live up to. Nonetheless, as much as August clings to his status to give himself a sense of stability in the wake of family trauma, his status is constantly in jeopardy throughout both seasons. This is what makes his behavior so erratic, and why he lashes out at others.

My (potentially controversial?) sargust theory is that Sara and August are attracted to one another from the earliest episodes of season 1, even if they don’t understand that as true at first. August’s understanding of his attraction to Sara changes over time, the same way his sense of security in his status changes. How he responds to Sara is tied together with how he responds to his perceived power in any given moment.

We often think of the ruling class as being tied to old, outdated traditions, and to some extent, that is true. But from my experience of working in proximity to people of considerable privilege, one of the ways they express that privilege is in how and when they move goalposts to fulfill their desires. Those who are privileged claim the power to write the rules, but also the power to decide what the few rare exceptions to those rules are. By the time August recognizes that he’s fallen in love with Sara and is willing to commit to her, he’s also decided to rationalize her as one of those exceptions.

It’s a little easier to see the evolution of his thoughts when you break his interactions with Sara down by half-season. Luckily, I had a meta started focused on what I see as the timeline of their relationship, so I was able to take what I’d already written and modify it to answer this ask. I’m putting this behind a cut, because it’s SUPER long. But hopefully it shows the shifts in his thinking and the ways he eventually ties Sara to his philosophy of exceptionalism. Feel free to read on if you’re curious…

(Content warning for most August topics, especially in this case toxic relationship dynamics and class-based sexual harassment.)

Intro: Framing Attraction

Before we start, we have to recognize some things about the nature of attraction. First, it’s important to realize that not everyone feels attraction in the same way or at the same pace. Wilhelm and Simon fall for one another pretty quickly, to the point where Simon makes an unambiguous move on Wilhelm at the end of 1.2. For all that Simon and Wilhelm still have a lot to understand about their feelings, Sara and August are both less in touch with their feelings and what they would want out of a relationship. In Sara’s case, we see her asking a lot of questions to the other girls that shows understanding her own feelings isn’t always easy for her. (I imagine one of the ways her AuDHD manifests is alexithymia, which, haha I relate tho.) August, meanwhile, spends so much time in cycles of self-denial and self-punishment that he’s gotten used to ignoring his own needs, whether that’s emotional needs or even needs around things like food and not over-exercising his body. As a result, what occurs between Sara and August is paced and dealt with in dialogue a little bit differently than the Wilmon stuff, but it’s just as dramatic.

Second, and less comfortably, we have to acknowledge that attraction is not always accompanied by purity of intentions or emotions, and that a person’s understanding of their own attractions can be influenced by outside social structures. As a result of these structures and systems, attraction can also be expressed in ways that are laced with disdain. (Patriarchy, for instance, gives heterosexual men an abundance of sexist language and tropes to draw on when describing or addressing women, even women they’re attracted to.) Hence August calling Sara a “freak” and berating her early on in the study hall scene. This is not to agree with the idea that A Little Boy Pulls On A Little Girl’s Pigtails Because He Secretly Likes Her, because that is a dangerous and harmful idea and I don’t subscribe to it. Rather, I want to examine how societally-influenced biases shape our ability to process and act on our feelings in a healthy way.

Sara and August sit at an intersection of class, gender, and neurotype that influences how they react to one another and initially prevents them from seeing one another as potential partners. Consider that an overwhelming amount of Western history and culture includes men who harass women into relationships, spouses complaining about one another, working class women getting taken advantage of by upper class men, and just general… *waves at all of that.* As much as we want to believe we’re now in the era of the emotionally honest softboy, these sexist, classist, and ableist influences are still very much with us, and we still see the kind of nonsense that’s out there nowadays radicalizing young men into crap behaviors toward women. We don’t have to be resigned to this in our own society, but we do have to acknowledge it and how it influences August. I mean, August can’t even express his attraction to Felice without being gross and offensive about it, and she’s of his class and therefore someone his biases nudge him to see as “marriage material” at first. So how is he supposed to recognize what he’s feeling about Sara and reframe it in a healthy way?

For what it’s worth, we can see how Wilhelm’s societal programming impacts his relationship with Simon, too. It’s not just the sexual orientation stuff, but the class stuff. We can see the little moments where Wilhelm starts to drift into “we can just hook up and have it be a secret forever.” We see how he tries to make things happen with Felice (and that’s additionally nuanced, because he and Felice are also performing Gender as Hillerska defines it.) The part where Wilhelm denies being with Simon in the video on live TV is really the apex of that kind of class-based thinking, that would let him just kind of have Simon be a secret guy on the side. 

Wilhelm however, unlike August, is much more willing to actively question his biases from the beginning of the series. He protests against being at Hillerska in the first place because he doesn’t want to be surrounded by people who parrot the ideas he was raised with and validate him on everything. Wilhelm wants his views challenged, even when he is periodically tempted to slide back into the habits of the upper classes. August wants his views reinforced, because he clings to his class status and social hierarchy as something that makes him feel grounded, and that’s always slipping away from him in a way it isn’t for Wilhelm. August eventually does push past his biases and see his attraction to Sara for what it is, but things go to hell again when he tries to assimilate her into his class-bound cultural norms.

1.1-1.3: August and Sara discover each other’s existence

In the first three episodes, August isn’t trying to assert his status by pursuing Sara. Instead, he’s pursuing Felice, who he insists that he wants to marry. (Marriage is, after all, a way to keep the noble classes going.) Still, there’s little hints about his future with Sara that we should be watching for, it’s just that neither Sara nor August quite knows the vibes they are putting out just yet.

I want to start by pointing out a moment of foreshadowing during the party scene in 1.1. August is giving Wilhelm his “we could murder someone and get away with it” speech which ends in the question of “who wants to be ordinary?” The Eriksson siblings enter the party right then, and the camera cuts over to Simon and Sara together. We’re following Wilhelm’s gaze at this point, and the camera is showing us his attraction to Simon, what with the way the way Simon is surrounded by colored light, all glow sticks and casual clothes and charisma. (I love this moment because it’s an immediate visual rebuke to August’s philosophy of exceptionalism and special-ordinary dichotomy; the special can be found within the ordinary, and there is so much beauty there.) We’re in Wilhelm’s head and being pulled along into his attraction to Simon. At the same time, August is shadowing Wilhelm the same way that Sara shadows Simon. From the start, we are being primed to see these two relationships as parallel. The camera isn’t quite ready to hint at full-fledged attraction yet, but it’s telling you to get ready for that attraction to develop and track it throughout the season.

In 1.2 and 1.3 we have moments of uncomfortable subtext. Consider the moment in 1.2 where August slides up to Sara and casually asks if maybe, could he please try some of her ADHD medication?

(Crap, I saved this but I forgot who made it. If someone tells me, I’ll credit them in an edit.)

I wouldn’t call their vibe consciously flirty or anything; that’s not quite what’s happening here. Sara’s initially buried in her book the way I am when a guy tries to talk to me on the metro. (She can be feeling attraction but still find the attention unwanted, which is important to mention. These things are complicated.) Still… there is a Vibe on August’s part. I say there is a Vibe because of how Simon reacts when he sees the conversation happening. Immediately Simon rolls in and plays the protective brother and is very never talk to my sister again. Which is about the 50 mg of Vyvanse, yes. But I find it hard to believe that this is not also about August potentially hitting on Sara, and Simon being worried about that.

As for 1.3, one place where there might be subtext about Sara’s feelings is the whole to-do over lunch tables. August is gatekeeping the Erikssons’ access to lunch as a way of flexing his power, and each Eriksson reacts in a way that’s quite telling. Simon is incensed, and uses it as the springboard for a (very justified) rant. Linda isn’t bothered; she is so cheerily sure it’s all just a misunderstanding and of course they’re going to be served in a minute. Sara… is quiet and withdrawn in a way that suggests she might be embarrassed by both her brother and her mother. Simon is unwilling to accept the rules while Linda doesn’t understand them. Sara’s worked so hard to learn the social rules and fit in, and here are her family members flagrantly ignoring the rules! In front of people! In front of… a person she might be developing a crush on, but knows she “shouldn’t” be? It’s not quite there until you think about it in retrospect, but that’s why Young Royals has so much rewatch value.

To be fair, both of these scenes are operating very much in the realm of subtext rather than text (and neither of them portrays a healthy sargust power dynamic.) It’s comparatively rare to encounter a heterosexual pairing who can’t quite find the words or social structures to articulate what they are, while the same-sex pairing they’re paralleled to knows very much that they care for one another. Wilhelm may struggle to label himself, but he understands that he desires Simon. Meanwhile, August is quick to claim a label and perform heterosexuality as a political stance, but doesn’t understand how nuanced and unexpected his desires can be.

I will also remind you that August and Rousseau are the same character, and that instead of giving us an overt, literal, absolutely excruciating Sara-August-Felice love triangle, Lisa dives into the horse subtext instead. A lot of what is under-the-surface in the early part of season 1 is expressed through the horse stuff!

1.4-1.6: Realization and Recognition

The second half of season 1 marks more of a transitional period in the sargust relationship. At this point, the subtext from before is rapidly beginning to surface in the text, and Sara and August are learning more about one another and trying to make sense of what they’re feeling about each other. There’s always been a vibe hanging between them, but now is really where they start to get pulled into one another’s orbit. At first, this looks like it’s going to conform to a toxic patriarchal paradigm, but that paradigm gets twisted a bit at the end of season 1.

Naturally the first scene that marks this shift is the one in 1.4 where August looking for Felice in the stables and encounters Sara instead. August’s immediate response to finding Sara alone is to try and sexually harass information out of her, which… is definitely uncomfortable again. We’ve got to acknowledge that in order to unpack this scene.

I’ve seen a lot of people argue that the stables scene is where Sara’s attraction begins, and I’m not sure if I agree with that. Sara’s inexperienced when it comes to relationships, but I don’t think she’s so pure and naive that August’s cocky performance is what sweeps her off her feet and makes her fall for him. We also know she isn’t taking what he says at face value, because one of the questions she asks him is what he really wants. Instead, it makes infinitely more sense to me that Sara’s already been attracted to August for a few weeks and is still kind of wondering what those butterfly feelings are in her stomach, and now here’s this extra bizarre social interaction (with added kissing that Sara doesn’t consent to but may have wanted under different circumstances) for her to hang those feelings on.

On August’s end… man. Why must this boy be such a can of emotional worms? I do wonder how much something is shifting in his head as he begins to hit on Sara. Most of those shifts are happening for him subconsciously. Maybe what he’s settling on in 1.4 is that, it’s fun to flirt with Sara to assert his social dominance that way, but at that point in the narrative he doesn’t think she counts as a long-term relationship/marriage material kinda girl the way Felice does.

Here I think it’s important to remember for that for most of Western history, wealthy upper class men weren’t shamed for pursuing women of lower classes on the side of their married relationships. (Sometimes these side relationships were more or less consensual relationships with mistresses, but other times men were just taking advantage of women who worked for them, and consent was impossible.) I’m not saying that August is thinking consciously about Sara being “available” for temporary amusement because she’s working class, but I am saying that’s the historical tradition of toxic masculinity that he’s been raised in. He does not expect to be caught and dumped for kissing Sara, because unconsciously he’s absorbed the upper class patriarchal programming that doesn’t even identify this behavior as cheating. It’s just a “fun” way to get the information he wants. (Ugh.)

Tl;dr it’s important to view August hitting on Sara in the stables not as August leaning awayfrom his upper class status, but rather as him trying to assert it. Yes, he does try to get Felice into a committed relationship with him to assert his status and masculinity, but now that he’s in a committed relationship with her he doesn’t feel any more secure in his status. So now he’s pulled Sara into his whole social class deal as well. (Ugh. UGH.)

That isn’t, thankfully, where August stays. 1.6 marks another key shift in his mindset toward Sara, because it’s where August sees a genuine connection between them for the first time. When Sara goes to confront August about why he leaked the video of Simon and Wilhelm, he corners her and offers to give her whatever she wants. Sara confesses her secret desire—to be a boarder at Hillerska and become one of its elite students. August’s reaction is fascinating, because there’s almost a quality of relief to it. Part of that, of course, is because he can easily buy her off. But I think it’s also because he’s finally not alone. It’s worth remembering that August has spent most of season 1 worrying about paying his tuition and the possibility that he might get kicked out of school. As Erik tells us before he dies, August made Hillerska his entire personality as a way of dealing with the grief over his father’s suicide. Sara, who is using Hillerska to escape her own family trauma, feels similarly about it as a space where she can feel more agency, and now she’s worried that her mother will pull her out of school.

(On Sara’s part, August’s behavior has become increasingly erratic over the course of the last few episodes, and I think she’s drawn to the idea that he might need help. I covered a little of this when I talked about Sara being the special horse girl who wants to tame the troubled horse, but we also see this come out in her friendship with Felice. She wants to help Felice when they first meet! Not to mention, one of the big things Sara gets in trouble for is revealing people’s secrets. If you think about it, August has revealed the biggest secret of the series by leaking the video about Simon and Wilhelm. As pissed as Sara is on Simon’s behalf—and people forget how pissed she is, in 1.6—she also understands what it’s like to have let a secret out and regretted it. Sara’s doing rationalizing of her own.)

I don’t know how much of that runs through August’s head in an obvious or logical way, but in his gut, he’s feeling this jolt of recognition. Sara feels it too. Sara sees him, and he sees her. The magnetic pull has finally brought them together, and when she kisses him, he kisses back. We’d be rooting for these kids as they found a genuine connection, if they weren’t also covering up a horrendous and harmful crime. Sigh! And know we know we’re in for some drama in season 2…

2.1-2.3: Liminal Companionship

Season 2 begins with both Sara and August in an in-between state, where neither of them quite fits into the world they’ve been placed in. Sara’s gotten her coveted boarder’s scholarship to Hillerska, but is rapidly becoming disillusioned with the amount of wealth her dorm mates take for granted. August, meanwhile, hasn’t had to leave school after all, but is convinced he could lose his status and freedom at any minute if anyone finds out he leaked the video. They don’t really discuss this directly, but it’s clear they feel more comfortable around one another because each of them has seen a side of the other the rest of the world isn’t aware of. Moreover, given the amount of discomfort each of them is feeling at the beginning of the season, it’s understandable that Sara and August would seek out one another’s company more deliberately.

It’s in this in-between space, where August feels like he’s lost so much of his Hillerska identity, that he finally starts to recognize that Sara is someone who can hold emotional space for him. At the same time, he goes back and forth between wanting to be vulnerable with her and keeping her at a distance. He breaks down and panics in front of her, causing her to teach him deep breathing, but then runs away after. He seems to like Sara, but he’s cautious about getting too close.

Sara and August’s physical relationship is also in a liminal state at this point in season 2, somewhere between an unexpected platonic friendship and a blossoming romance. Not that anyone should have to define a relationship if they don’t want to, but it’s almost humorous to me how you have this period between 1.6 and 2.3 where Sara and August keep touching and kissing and even grinding on one another and they just… keep acting like it’s happening for the first time. Like. Do we maybe want to communicate about that? No? Yes? Omg you kids are such teenagers, stop.

Sara takes the physical lead most of the time, which is a change from the aggressive predatory gender roles we see August performing in 1.4. I don’t think August is more passive because he isn’t interested (we see the way he lifts Sara up onto his desk in 1.6, and the way he laughs to himself after Sara leaves his room in 2.2.) I personally think this is more about August’s tendency to punish himself. His establishing shots in 2.1 are all about self-punishment and self-denial—the grueling exercise, the infamous bites of kale. We also see him refusing to fight for himself when Wilhelm starts maneuvering him out of his Hillerska positions. August is starting to give up in a big way, and at first he holds Sara at arms’ length because he isn’t letting himself indulge in anything that could bring him actual joy.

For that reason, we don’t really see a reciprocal ebb and flow develop between Sara and August until 2.3, when they finally more consciously choose to do relationshippy things and decide to have sex for the first time. One thing that really stands out to me in this scene is that August is so sure he’s doomed. He is genuinely convinced at this point that the palace is going to send him to jail and brand him a criminal for life. And now that he’s lower than he’s ever been at any point in the series, he’s weirdly somehow gained the ability to show compassion for himself. This is also the episode where he throws his pills aside and pats Rousseau (his narrative shadow) on the nose. If August is doomed anyway, and he’s about to lose everything, well, why not give in to his developing feelings for the girl who likes him back even if she knows he made a terrible decision? Maybe he thinks it’s his one chance to be with her.

I don’t know if August expects that he’ll fall hard for Sara. The reality is, by the time they’re together, he already has fallen for her. Suddenly, she’s a person he’ll fight to keep in his life. Suddenly, August doesn’t want to give up anymore.

2.4-2.6: Whose Cinderella fantasy?

The first time I watched season two, I wondered if August was going to approach Sara differently after his meeting at the palace. There was always the possibility that his (alleged) new security in life would influence him to cast her aside and go back to pursuing upper class girls. Instead what we see is that August is just as devoted to Sara as before—even more devoted, in fact. He invites her to the dance so they can debut together as a public couple. He sets up his room with candles and champagne and waits for her and there’s almost marriage proposal vibes about the whole thing and we all die of second-hand embarrassment when Sara texts to say she’s changed plans. August and Sara argue at the Valentine’s dance, causing August to backslide and start scheming again, but the minute she shows up and cries at his door about losing Rousseau, he takes her in and comforts her. He buys her the horse. He refuses to snitch on her in the field when Wilhelm has a gun pointed at his chest.

Anyway. We know August has very deep feelings for Sara, and it’d be easy to say his feelings run deep enough that he no longer cares that she isn’t high class. And his feelings do run that deep. But there’s another component too, when you think about how August is envisioning his future, and how Sara is part of that future. He’s happy to have her listen in on his phone call about the ten-year plan because he sees her as part of the ten-year plan.

After August’s meeting at the palace, he no longer sees himself as the heir to Årnäs, but rather as a prince in line for the Swedish throne. A noble is supposed to serve and protect the king by making an advantageous marriage and having sons—August explains this much in 1.4 when he’s talking to Wilhelm about the Society—but the king (in August’s fantasies at least) is ultimately at the top of the hierarchy and can bend the rules to suit his will. So August marrying who he wants is really an expression of kingly power, in August’s mind. Of course he can rewrite the rules for himself and marry Sara and make her his queen. He almost says exactly that out loud, when he promises never to hurt her and frames it as a royal oath. And while August and Sara never discuss having children, I’m sure August assumes it will happen someday. (That weirdo probably has names picked out and everything.) That means he’ll be able to fulfill one of the most important duties of kingship (especially in an era where a king’s powers are mostly symbolic) which is producing an heir and keeping the monarchy going.

Anyway, I actually do think that between Sara and August, it’s not Sara who’s caught up in the Cinderella fantasy—it’s August. He really wants to be the prince who rescues her from her ordinary life of drudgery and makes her dreams come true. Why? Because August loathes himself and can’t sit with his own flaws, and it’s more comfortable to imagine himself as Sara’s princely hero than as the guy who leaked the video. And he and Sara are soulmates, in August’s mind. He sees her ambition, and sees himself in it, and he wants to reward it. I don’t think that’s something he could see himself doing as the heir to Årnäs, but maybe it’s something he can do as heir to the throne.

Implicitly I think there’s an element of competition with Wilhelm, too. Sara and August’s fight at the Valentine’s dance brings that subtext bubbling to the surface. Sara is concerned about being in a public relationship with her a royal when she saw what happened to her brother after being outed. August replies, bitterly, that he isn’t Wilhelm, and accuses Sara of just wanting sex.

It’s worth unpacking this. As viewers, we know exactly how devoted Wilhelm is to Simon. But from August’s point of view, all he sees is Wilhelm disavowing Simon on live TV and not standing by him. Keep in mind, too, that the rumors of Wille and Felice’s hookup are traveling around the school at that time, and yet Felice and Wille are not attending the dance together, probably signaling to August that either a) Wilhelm treated Felice like a conquest and then pushed her aside, or b) Felice is a gold digger who took advantage of Wilhelm for her own gain. From August’s perspective, what he’s thinking is, he’ll be more committed and mature than Wilhelm. He will be a good partner. He’s not afraid of being seen with his Eriksson sibling, who he absolutely intends to take to the dance properly and stand in posed graduation photos with and probably marry someday. August is keeping score, and he also believes in his own hype. He’s infuriated that Sara can’t see how he’s different than Wilhelm. That’s why the moment he and Sara are back in each other’s arms in 2.5, he immediately leans toward rhetoric about making her his queen and staying with her long-term. I do think he genuinely means this, but we also can’t ignore that he sees himself as better than Wilhelm for it. He’ll do an unexpected fairy tale romance of his own and he’ll do it better than Wilhelm ever did, dammit!

Now if you’re very clever (and yes, this is me trying to channel the gravitas of Abigail Thorn) you’ll notice how actively ignorant and irrational August is being. He’s constructing a narrative about his relationship with Sara that ignores their rocky beginnings. To some extent, August doesn’t have a full picture of what’s going on in Wilhelm’s head, and he’s also assuming he’ll have a lot more free will as king than would actually be true. (We see this in another way, when he tells Jan-Olof he has some ideas about how to modify the Jubilee Day speech, and gets stopped from doing so.) But it still doesn’t stop August from dreaming about being able to write the rules for himself.

Well, of course August is actively ignorant. Systems of oppression thrive on the active ignorance of those at the top. That’s exactly what allows people in August’s position to think well of themselves and genuinely see themselves as good people (who occasionally make mistakes) rather than people running a system that perpetuates wealth disparities and patriarchy and inequality.

Conclusion: The Privileges of Inconsistency and Ignorance

To sum up: I genuinely do think that August is attracted to Sara from almost the beginning of the show. At first, his warped worldview causes him to ignore or lash out at or objectify her, and overall fail to treat her with respect. When it looks like he might lose all of his power, he does have a brief window where he can see her as a fellow human being who makes him feel less alone, and discovers his feelings for her in a new light. As soon as he’s spared by the royal court, however, he becomes consumed by the fantasy of being king and rewriting the rules to make Sara his queen. Being able to cast her in that role would go against convention, but it would also be the ultimate expression of his power and agency. Other people would still have to follow the rules, but August would get to break them, because the king gets to make the rules and be the authority on everything. This isn’t, of course, what Sara wants—but part of August’s hamartia is that he assumes he and Sara are on the same page.

Maybe this isn’t a popular opinion, but it’s upsetting to me that Sara and August didn’t get to connect under different circumstances. When they work together, they work. But by god do they need some therapy and a social revolution to boot. I 99% agree with (I believe) missbolt’s post on Sara and August, where she talks about them fulfilling a deep need in one another. The one place I disagree (possibly in a very nitpicky way that isn’t really disagreement) is that I do think August sees real ambition/struggle to survive in Sara, and I do think Sara sees real vulnerability/loneliness in August. These traits are real and not illusions. Because Young Royals emphasizes choices over “innate” moral personality traits, however, what Sara and August don’t foresee in each other is the choices and sacrifices the other is willing to make. Sara is willing to put aside her ambitions to try and make things right with her brother, while August shoves away his vulnerability to try and prove to himself that he’s worthy of power within a system that’s content to just use him and toss him aside when he isn’t useful anymore.

Neither Sara nor August really expects the other to make these decisions, and that’s what drives them apart. Sara’s choice will hopefully save her and allow her to reconnect with community; August’s choice will only further isolate him and drive him toward destruction if he doesn’t check himself and change course. August could stop this cycle of self-harm if he stopped subscribing the aristocratic ideals of masculinity, but he hasn’t yet. How infuriating! The amount of sleep I have lost over this fictional character’s terrible decisions, let me tell you.

(It kills me how gendered Sara and August’s sacrifices are, too. Sometimes I just think about it and I want to scream. But I can also appreciate the well-written tragedy of it all.)

I will also say that this reading of the characters influences my reading of the show at large. It’s part of why I’m not personally in favor of the monarchy sticking around and a Prince Consort Simon future. (I get why it appeals to other people and can read others’ fics based around that, but it’s not my personal preference.) It’s also why I can’t find hotness in the idea of Wilhelm being a sort of sexy masc dom prince who orders people around and pulls strings to make things more convenient for his precious Simon. August already exists in the narrative as a cautionary tale against that kind of power dynamic! There’s more to be said here about the way you can look at August’s choices compared to Wilhelm’s, and how they are foils to one another. Ultimately, there is danger in trying to rewrite an oppressive system in accordance with one’s individual whims, even when a person imagines something as noble as romantic love as being what motivates them.

Once upon a time, I was leaving @heliza24 a comment on the Heart and Homeland draft she sent me, and I said this:

“The road to democracy is letting aristocratic boys embrace their submissive tendencies.”

And… maybe I was being a little bit facetious. But on a symbolic level I think what I meant was, Wilhelm and August both have to envision themselves in new positions, possibly even as part of a new system, if they want to do right by the people they love. Moreover, they need to think beyond the people they love, and consider the impact of their power has on the world at large. They need to learn humility, to listen, and to manage their emotions. So far, it’s Wilhelm who’s succeeding in that kind of growth, and he doesn’t win that victory by trusting in his love for Simon alone. Instead, as I pointed out in my justice meta, Wilhelm needs therapy and community and the willingness to self-examine in order to move forward. He learns to stop focusing on winning Simon’s love like it’s a prize, and focus more on being the kind of person Simon would choose to be in a relationship with, while still acknowledging that ultimately the choice is Simon’s.

Will August eventually be able learn the same lessons? Only season 3 can tell for sure. I kind of hope he can figure it out eventually, against all odds, if only so he can one day heal from his trauma. He also has to radically accept that he caused harm toward Simon, Wilhelm, and others. If August wants to get there, he’s going to have to stop subscribing to the philosophy of exceptionalism, and instead start valuing the special within the ordinary.

[anomalyaly]

Chapter 18: The Catacomb is posted on AO3/Wattpad!

Ft. A snippet that I made an audio for, which you can see on my TikTok @ elsiecorvin.

He didn’t believe it for a second. She was up to something, off on another adventure perhaps. But then why hadn’t she invited him instead? Sebastian was the one who knew of her ancient magic, of the Keepers and their trials and everything in between. So why the hell was she with Amit, and why was she lying about it?!

He could feel the anger bubbling up inside of him as he paced around the Undercroft. He should be studying the spell book further, making sure he had interpreted it correctly and knew where to find the relic. But he couldn’t stop thinking about Elsie.

And then, as she tended to have the most ideal timing, the Ravenclaw girl burst through the gate.

With parts of her clothing singed off.

“Please tell me the burn marks are because you got careless with confringo.”

Elsie grimaced and pulled out a dragon’s egg.

A goddamn dragon’s egg.

He crossed his arms. “Do I want to know why you’ve avoided me for another week and then decided to show up here with a bloody dragon’s egg?!”

Elsie scoffed. “It’s not just any dragon’s egg. It’s the egg of a Hungarian Horntail.”

“Right. That makes it so much better.”

He skulked over to her, not masking the irritation on his face.

“Was this what you were doing with Amit?” he asked, a bit harshly.

She looked dumbstruck. “No. This was with Poppy.”

Sebastian pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fantastic. It feels really nice to be left out of your most interesting adventures.”

“I didn’t realize you would take it so personally.”

“You’re avoiding me. It is personal.”

“I’m not avoiding you!” Elsie snapped defensively.

“You’ve been avoiding me since the scriptorium.”

She fell silent. It was all the confirmation he needed.

She shifted her weight a few times - he had never seen her so fidgety before. He didn’t know what to say to make her understand.

“Can I hide this here?”

He blinked. “What?”

“The dragon egg,” Elsie said, cradling the purple glowing orb as if it were a mere infant and not the spawn of a fire-breathing death trap. “We rescued it from a poacher tent. Poppy and I are going to track down the dragon and return it.”

Sebastian stared at her blankly. His scrutiny must have made her uncomfortable, because she frowned at him and snapped.

“What?”

“You’re talking like you’re returning a library book, not a gods-damned dragon’s egg,” he said. 

Elsie huffed. She stomped over to one of the piles of crates and gingerly tucked the egg behind it, wrapping it in a stray tarp.

“You want to talk about the scriptorium?” she snapped. “Fine. Let’s talk about how I can still feel the effects of it, when I’m by myself and try to stand still, the pain from the Cruciatus Curse is there.”

His eyes widened with horror. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

“You - you can still feel it?”

Elsie crossed her arms - a small puff of soot dusted off of them as she did.

“I’ve avoided you because I didn’t realize that you hated me so much in that moment that you were so easily able to cause that much pain to me,” she gritted out. “I had a lot of time to think, and Ominis was right - you wouldn’t have been able to do that level of damage unless you truly meant it.”

“I didn’t.” Sebastian realized his voice sounded pleading, but he didn’t care, not right now. He needed her to understand - he never wanted to hurt her. He only wanted to get them out of the room. “Elsie, I didn’t. When I cast it…it was hardly anything. It was - it was just enough to get us out of there.”

She didn’t believe him. “That’s not –”

“The scriptorium took over. Whatever Salazar Slytherin enchanted it with -” he interrupted her, raising his voice slightly to make sure he was heard. “You have to hold on to the curse to cast it, to inflict that level of pain. I didn’t. I stopped.”

For a moment, Elsie’s face was conflicted, almost as if she was trying to will herself to believe him. He understood her reasonings for questioning his truth - she had endured the Cruciatus Curse and was still suffering the effects from it. And it was his fault.

After a long stretch of silence, she spoke.

“Alright. I believe you.”

[mubal4]

9/13/23  

Where is our limit? – Mogollon Monster 100 Race Wrap Up

How far can we truly go? What is the limit? What are we truly made of?

The questions above where the principals behind us doing the Mogollon Monster 100 (MOG 100 for short) last weekend. Would never consider myself a veteran 100-mile ultramarathon runner. This was my fifth one since beginning this wildly, wacky, and amazing sport back in 2015. However, I am familiar with the distance, what it takes to complete them, and since none of mine have been pretty (pretty-ugly more like it 😊), there have been many lessons learned along the way. Listen, running 100 miles is crazy far and there are so many unknowns; things you don’t think of, wouldn’t think of, that do occur where you need to problem solve (more to come on that). However, there are ways to mitigate some of the unknowns and uncertainty that are apparent. This in mind, I studied the course and was able to do some training runs along the route to familiarize myself with the climbs, technicality, and conditions. We spoke to friends that have experience with running it (much gratitude Meghan & Brian) and crewing it to limit a bit of the uncertainty. We trained! And trained! And trained! The expectation was this was going to be a 100-mile not like something we’ve experienced before, just in the course, terrain, and technicality. Therefore, if we were going to do something we’ve never done before, we were going to have to train like we’ve never trained before. Come race day however, there were still a few pieces of uncertainly, some done on purpose – that would prove to help us begin to understand if we could go beyond the limits!

From the book A Runner’s Hi, by Dean Karnazes

“An ultramarathon is not a single experience, but a series of little moments, strung together in a narrative thread that becomes a complete story. Some moments are silly, others sublime; not that much different from life really. In so many ways, an ultramarathon is a microcosm of life when compressed into 100 miles of running the full breath of humanness is experienced, the physical, emotional and the spiritual. Along the path, a story gets told. What I’ve come to realize is that the ending is not what matters most. Sure, I may get another buckle today, but reaching the finish line is not the ultimate prize. It is the story that’s lived along the way and today was turning out to be one hell of a story.”

Here's the story.

The foreshadowing the weeks prior to this race was the perfect preface to what was to come. We spent the two weeks before in California with our youngest daughter Alaina for two separate soccer tournaments. In between those weeks I was also in CA for work. It actually worked out well because I only drove out once (flew the other 😊). Point being, it wasn’t the ideal type of taper weeks I would have liked, and things were not routine at all. Even the week of was not ordinary in any way but the more I thought about it, it was in line with what I was expecting the race to deliver. The day before I drove up to Pine, AZ to get settled into the cabin and wait for my wife Robin & our great friend, Michelle, who would be crewing me throughout. Originally, we had thought it was going to be Robin solo for ungodly hours up on the Mogollon Rim (rim), in a point-to-point race, driving for miles and hours trying to find out where the hell I am in a remote part of AZ with limited, if any cell service. (Yeah – a bit uncertainty and unknown there). Fortunately, Michelle committed to helping out and she was a complete rockstar for her first time ever experiencing something like this. She came up critical in a number of areas. When we all arrived separately late Friday, we talked about the game plan, made final preparations, and tried to get as much sleep as possible. Not something that comes easy before any ultra, let alone one like this. When the alarm went off @ 3am it was time to get going and by 530am I was at the starting line getting ready to tackle this beast.

There was a calmness to the air as we got a few minutes out. Race Director Noah shared some instructions and insight on the course, finer details, and wished us all luck and then the National Anthem was played. This was the first time; I can remember this being done at a race. It delivered a sense of pride, some emotion, and much energy. After feelings of anxiety, stress, wonder and excitement, we were off, and I actually felt relief and comfort.

After crossing the starting map there was no hesitation, we were immediately into our first climb. The weather was cool, the climb was gradual, and we were moving steadily. A couple of short miles we were on top of the rim for the first time and the views (from every time up there) were epic. My first thought expressed out loud – “wow.” It truly is amazing, beautiful up there and recommend having it part of a bucket list. Not the race, but certainly a trip to the top 😊!! We had several miles of smooth running before descending back down to our first aid station. Quick refueling and then it was back up for our second climb for a couple more miles, then on top of the rim again, runnable terrain, before meeting up with Robin and Michelle for the first time at mile 27ish! We all had a lot of energy at this time, and I was feeling strong. We did our first sock change and took care of the feet, iced down with a neck banana. This was however, the initial point where my stomach started to act a bit off. I had been eating pretty well up to this point and staying consistent with food, but nothing sounded good to me at this time. I did though, stuff a few things in my head and got back at it. We had a few miles on top of the rim road (gravel road) before making a big descent down to a major aid station at mile 32ish. This is where the fun started!!! As I left the girls, just a few minutes out, my pack felt loose and bouncy as I ran. Not normal!! It is usually snug to my upper body. I didn’t think too much of it and kept running and for about 5 minutes the whole right side broke off. Think of having a backpack on and the right strap broke off. I was essentially running with that! No bueno for another 80+ miles. Here is where problem solving comes in…. fortunately, I had some athletic tape in my back so as I continued moving, I put that pack on the front of my body and worked to tape it up the best I can. In the meantime, I was trying to call Robin (remember remoteness and bad cell service) and fortunately she picked up. I told her the news and thankfully she and Michelle were able to catch me. Cue the MacGyver music cause this is where Michelle went to work. She was able to use leukotape (very stick & strong tape) to solidly put the pack together, while they “went to town” (a couple hour roundtrip) to see if they can get me another before meeting back up about 20 miles later.

That pack ended up holding up for the rest of the race but did cause a bunch of cuts/scrapes on my back because it wasn’t as snug, but we used that same leukotape to take care of that mess too. Leukotape – it’s the new duct tape!! The next 20 or so miles are some of the toughest of the course. There is that long descent as mentioned, and then several miles of rolling hills in an exposed area below the rim and then another brutal climb known as Myrtle. Fortunately, most of the time in the exposed area it was cloudy so we did get a bit of a break, just about a mile before the climb started. The sun popped back up and it seemed to warm quickly. The technical terrain, my stomach not on par, the heat and now the climb, started to pull me into my first real dark spot of the day. The climb up Myrtle is very tight, technical, steep, and at some points it doesn’t seem like you are even on a trail. It was slow going but I will tell you, there were a few moments when I stopped to turn around, at this point the sun was beginning to set, and the views were amazing; even saw a rainbow. It sucked but it was pretty easy to embrace that suck with what I was seeing. Things finally began to flatten out and I was able to hit the next aid station at the top. At this point, I was nauseous, and no food sounded good. I tried a few things but no dice. I took a seat, took in some salt (chips), downed some ginger ale, and I was on my way again. Fortunately, I’d be seeing Robin and Michelle for the second time in a few miles – that was giving me the energy I needed to get there.

As I began approaching what was the Buck Springs aid station, I began hearing faint noises. At this point, I was running near the edge of the rim to my left side, and it sounded like coyotes howling. Although I was a bit beat up, I wasn’t at the point where I was hearing things (yet 😊), and nightfall was just on us. The closer I got to Buck Springs the more I realized that was where the noise was coming from – it was an all-out party, on top of the rim, in the middle of nowhere and the volunteers and crews were having a blast. It was an immediate bolt of inspiration considering the last climb that happened, the 4th one. I came upon Robin and Michelle, and they went right to work. The last stretch did take a toll on me, my stomach was still queasy, but my body and mind were in good spirits. We had two jobs at this point, taking care of the feet with cleaning them up and sock change, and eating. They both went through a cycle of different types of food for me to eat and settled on grapes (thanks again Michelle, best grapes I ever had 😊), broth and a load of potatoes and salt. I also took a moment to get my wits about me. This was going to be one of those moments that was going to be unknown for me, and for Robin as well. There have been races that I haven’t had a pacer and actually, my last 100-miler back in October, I didn’t have one. I went through the night at that race solo. But……it was a 20-mile looped course and one I’ve run dozens of times, so it was VERY known. These next 20 miles were going to be through the night, on trails I’ve never traveled, likely by myself in the middle of nowhere. Yes, there are other runners out there, however at this point in a 100-mile race, things are very spread out. This is another moment of this race I was looking forward to – let’s see how I navigate and work through this without a pacer to keep me motivated, moving, fueled and awake 😊!!!!

When I left the girls, the trail descended a bit and was quite smooth. I actually caught up with another runner and we worked together for a few miles. We then came upon two others and the four of us started picking off miles throughout this section of the course, known as the cabin loop (passing by a few cabins, Pinchot & General Springs…..hence the name). After some time, we began dipping into and climbing out of a few canyons over several miles. During this time, not sure because it wasn’t like I was moving at blazing fast speed, I began distancing myself from the other three runners. Coming into Pinchot Cabin aid station I was feeling very good, likely because I ate before but my stomach was still not right and that stayed with me the entire race. For some reason, just couldn’t shake it. No worries, I downed a full PB&J, some caffeine, and was on my way. On my way out, I saw one dude and his pacer, talking deeply, and as I turned back to say thank you to the aid crew, the runner was heading to a caught to sleep……my hope for a short period of time and then pressing on. This next part was about 7 miles, and I was to be seeing Robin and Michelle for the last time at night. This part and more ups and downs, not as difficult as the climbs up and down the rim but for some reason it seemed relentless. It chewed me up and spit me out and by the time I reached the girls, at just over 60 miles, I was not in a good way. Physically, my muscles were good, and feet were okay too. We did another sock change and cleaned them up and I sat for a bit but didn’t have an appetite. The girls kept asking me if I wanted anything and nothing sounded good. I forced down another PB&J and then Robin, sweet Robin, asked if I wanted a lemon-lime Celsius. As I changed into dry clothes and got ready for the rest of the night, early morning hours, I grabbed the Celsius and took a sip. It was tasty, refreshing too. I then slugged the remainder of the can and it seemed to immediately give me a boost (caffeine….)! My mind had been in a dark spot, and I was hitting a low but once again, the girls, and this magic elixir got me moving again.

I wouldn’t be seeing the girls till mile 87, likely not until early afternoon so it was just me, my headlamp, and the trail for the next 10-12 hours. The descent just out of this aid station is down what is called the Powerline Climb and it sucked. There is no other way to describe this, about a mile maybe, trek over a rocky, boulder filled “trail.” During this time, another one of those things that don’t usually happen but will during a 100-miler, happen. As I planted my trekking pole and went to remove it, it got stuck between two rocks and I yanked one part right off. It was still connected with the internal cord but for some reason I was no longer able to collapse them AND, my headlamp ended up blowing up as well. All while descending this “trail” from hell. Thankfully, I made it to a section resembling an actual trail where I was able to get the pole and headlamp “fixed” and I was back moving again with Celsius energy. There was another aid station a short distance away and I again down a full PB&J – they seemed to be working for me at this time so stayed with it and went in and out quickly. The next few hours it was pretty much me out there. I had seen a few headlights a ways in front of me as the trail meandered through the trees and climbs but other than that, it was darkness with the cone of light from my lamp leading the way. I was moving, and moving well, or at least I felt like I was. I glanced at my watch occasionally and my pace is where I wanted to be heading to the 75-mile mark. I kept my head down and just kept moving forward. The silence and darkness were peaceful and my mind went to Robin and Michelle, hoping they made it back to the cabin okay (Robin confirmed that via text but didn’t get that until after…..). I was thinking about Isabella and Alaina and how they were doing. As well as our dog Bear. I had thoughts of when we committed to doing this race earlier in the year and the months of training leading up to it. I thought about the different trails and mountains climbed, people met, and research we did in preparation. More than we’ve done for past races. Technically, we were approaching 75-miles into this adventure, but the journey started way back in April!!!

Not sure if I nodded off for a quick second during my thoughts or it was a rock that I kicked but I did come out of what seemed like a trance and noticed two lights ahead on the trail. As I continued to get closer, I saw a couple more just ahead of me. The night sky was getting lighter, and the morning was beginning to wake up, just like me I guess 😊. My pace picked up as well and about a mile outside of the Geronimo aid station I was able to catch up to the 4-5 folks in front of me and we descended into the aid station as the sun was rising in the air. Getting through the night of an ultra can be one of the most demanding portions of the race. The last few hours for me were a bit serene and the dawn of this new day brought new life to me as well. I had a drop bag at this aid and was able to get another fresh set of clothes, new socks, and fueled up again. I had about 27 miles before seeing Robin and Michelle and the two last climbs of the day. I was ready to go but the Geronimo aid station was a scene of a bit of carnage. A friend was sitting there when I arrived, hadn’t seen him for about 12 hours, and unfortunately, he had decided not to go on. Another that I had passed coming into the aid did the same. And one guy, who we shared some miles with earlier in the race, came into the aid, all smiles and seemed like he had a ton of energy, was asked if he wanted anything, “nope, I’m done,” was his response. I wanted to see if I could rally these folks and all of us press on. But their race isn’t mine and vice versa. I gave my friend a pat on the back, it was his first 100-miler, he crushed it, and I was proud of him; happy as well to have shared miles. Told the others great job too and thanked the aid station volunteers. They all encouraged me to keep going and that I was doing great.

I had goosebumps when I left that aid station. The encouraging words, the new morning, knowing that we were getting toward the final quarter, and I knew this section of the course. I had trained on it a few weeks prior, so I was excited, and I was doing it almost exactly at the same time of day. After going through the night, conquering that uncertainty, and leaning into the unknown, I was somewhere familiar. This section of the course has some more rolling hills, nothing too substantial, before hitting the fifth climb. This is the shortest climb of all six but still gets a bit hairy toward the top. Navigating the rollers, I came across a runner and pacer, two from back earlier in the night, they were moving well, and we shared some short words. We had come across each other for several hours and figured we’d hit the climb together. I was surprised, by the time I got to the climb a couple miles later, they were nowhere in sight. I ended up seeing them finishing up the race as we were driving out of town…….it was good to know they kept moving on! Getting to the top was good and the trail dumped onto the rim road again and there was about a mile to Donohue aid station. There was about half-dozen runners at this when I rolled in and none that I had seen on the trails. We were all taking a bit of a breather because what was to come wasn’t going to be ideal at all!!! We were all about to take on, arguably the ugliest, toughest, most technical climb of the course. Prior to that, we were heading down a gnarly set of switchbacks and a steep grade, one that was to match the future climb. Altogether, it wasn’t far, 4 miles, but it was going to be brutal. I filled up my bottles, grabbed a handful of food and was on my way, I wasn’t going to delay the inevitable. I started to descend and told myself, “this is going to suck, it is going to hurt, it is going to be brutal, take your time, breathe, and keep moving forward.” The downhill was tough for a bit, slow and steady, then began to ease up getting closer to the bottom. After a quick left turn the climb was on and in reverse, it started off with an easy grade and then it just got as expected. It was almost breaking, but I just kept moving forward, took some stops for a few seconds, and kept climbing. It seemed to get steeper and steeper and then after some time, I began to hear voices. My head peaked over this ridge, and I heard a few people clapping. I was relieved to be at the top and after about ½ a mile I heard more cheering. I had made it to Dickerson Flat aid station and the final time I would see Robin and Michelle before the finish!!

It had been about 12 hours since I had seen them and yes, they were a sight for sore eyes…..and feet. Those 20 miles between our time together had tested me but not defeated me. My muscles were still feeling good, but my feet were banged up. Bones were sore and my hip/groin was beginning to bother me. I also started to begin feeling hotspots on my feet but decided not to change socks. I wanted in and out of this aid station fast. With about 15 miles to go, it was time to get to that finish line. Lemon-lime Celsius and PB&J made another appearance, and, in a few minutes, I was back on the rim road for about 5 miles before heading into Pine Canyon. This is a great view from the top of the rim looking into this canyon, all the way down, about 2 miles to the bottom. Although the view is pretty the trail down is not. Very technical, steep and switch backs several times before flattening out at the bottom. Now the trail was level, pretty smooth and was winding through some pine trees. The temps were nice, and the overcast skies made it much cooler. This was ideal since I was headed into the final stretch, which was mostly exposed. This was the second exposed part of the course I had mentioned but today, it was cloudy, and was starting to drizzle a bit. This made the next 8 or so miles to Pine Trail head, even with its climbs and descents, thankfully the final ones of the race, tolerable. There was a point on this stretch that I thought I was going the wrong way. I hadn’t seen anyone for a few miles, I was still following the markers, but didn’t realize this last stretch had so many climbs. I had even done this part of the course a year earlier at another race. I guess was beginning to lose my mind with being up for 40 hours, so I was getting a bit freaky 😊. I just kept moving and had some energy to run some of the flatter downhill areas. About 3 miles before I was to hit the last trailhead and get into the final stretch, I came upon a man, and what I found out to be his daughter. He was moving really slow – almost a crawl. I stopped to check in on him. He had said he hurt his knee quite badly and, to a point, needed to be held up by his daughter. He seemed to have his wits about him but had trouble staying upright. He still had a few hours to finish and with only 5 miles left, I believed he was going to make it. I did let the race folks know at the finish line that he was out there, but I had confidence he was going to get there. A few rolling hills later I saw the trailhead and water stations and realized that this journey, this test, was about 20 minutes from ending. The last, almost 2 miles, is on the roads through the town of Pine with the finish being at the community center. I crossed the main road and headed through this neighborhood, that dumped me out onto the main road. With about ½ mile left, you can see where the finish turns into the community center and I was able to see Robin and Michelle standing, almost in the road, waving me in. Strong feeling of emotion filled me, and my pace picked up to a solid run, faster than I had run for many hours. It is funny how the sight of your crew and the smell of that finish gives you that kick to run faster in the last mile of a 100-mile race than you had run at the start. As soon as I hit the line, some pictures were taking, and hugs were given by not only Robin and Michelle but folks from Aravaipa racing.

The race was over, and the journey completed. As I am sitting here a week later from the day the race started, I still haven’t had it set in deep. I’ve reflected on it, Robin and I’ve spoken about it a little, but who it drove me to become and where the next step will take me is unknown right now. I am clear though on the fact that what we set out to do, what I outlined above, for this race, came to fruition. I wanted to be tested, moreso, then I had ever been in a race. I wanted to hurt, be pushed to and beyond limits, go into deep pain caves, and sit there. And deal with it! I wanted to be in the mountains and woods at night, by myself without anyone around, with my thoughts on how to keep my mind and body moving forward. As mentioned, it was pretty ugly, mistakes were made and, yes, many things were not ideal. But we did it and I am grateful for all those that helped me along the way.

Thank you to #aravaiparunning, Brian and Meghan Slavin, all the volunteers, participants, crews, families, friends. Thanks for all the text and words of encouragement before, during and after the race. All those that have reached out – you reaching out means more than you can imagine. To Isabella & Alaina, one at college and the other playing in soccer tournaments all weekend, thank you for thinking of your old-man and reaching out throughout the journey. I love you both very much and am so very proud of you. To Michelle, the rookie crew member – what can I say, you freaking rocked it. You know have a lifetime spot on our team 😊. Really appreciate you – love you! To Robin – we’ve talked about it so much these last few months and in the last week. This was an adventure from the start, and we knew the journey was going to be way different than we’ve experienced before. We knew we were going to have to do things way differently than we had done before. However, when things started last Saturday and until we crossed that finish line, I knew – no matter where this journey was going to take us, I was where I was supposed to be and who I was supposed to be with. Thanks for being my partner and my guide throughout this experience. Glad we can do it together. “Once you decide to run 100 miles, you’re not in charge anymore. Those in charge are your former and future selves. During the race, when you don’t want to keep going and life’s awful, just remember your former self wanted to do this and your future self wants you to finish. Let those two be your guides.” – Eric Senseman