#for the first half of october and the end of september I wasn't even scheduling polls in advance

[which-qsmp-egg-would]

I am officially taking another break!

Of course, this doesn't mean I'm going to dissappear for several months. It just means there won't be any polls for a little while! Who knew, running a gimmick blog while working and dealing with personal problems would be so taxing?

I'm thinking that this break will either last the month, or the rest of the year. it depends on how I'm feeling.

I'm really excited to relax and just work on OC stuff for a while!

I hope everyone has a great day :DDDD

[anythingisfilm]

On-Set Exercise 2 - Blackwidow

Our production exercise 2 project was very rushed compared to exercise 1, we only realised as we finished shooting exercise 1 that there would only be 1 possible day before the due date that all of us would be free to film. That day was only 5 days after our exercise 1 shoot and 2 days after our in class shoot, which all of us were dedicating a decent amount of time to prepping for. Part of the blame for this was on me, as I was scheduled to work Thursday - Sunday and had class all day Monday and Tuesday and a half-day Wednesday and so I very quite limited availablity. We decided on shooting after class on Wednesday, the prep day would be Tuesday.

We decided our mood would be dread, and settled on the story of a woman preparing to kill her husband, with set elements suggestion this was not the first time she'd done so. We wanted the dread to come from the viewer figuring out what's about to happen but being powerless to warn the husband or do anything to stop it. We also didn't want to spill over from dread into plain fear, so the husband is still technically alive at the end of the short, but his fate is sealed. I decided I wanted a very stylystic approach, looking to Giallo film to inspire the lighting and shot style, and specifically Suspiria ((1977) Dir. Dario Argento) for the lighting colours.

We booked equipment as soon as possible, but were slightly limited on what we could get due to the last minute nature of the booking. It wasn't myself who booked equipment, and part of the rush to get something booked meant that a few items were missed. My first choice of camera as DoP, the URSA mini was not available and we had to go with an FX6 and a variable lens. This threw a spanner in the works as I'd been hoping to utilise lens distortion in some of my shots and find that this effect is not as dramatic on a variable lens as it is on static lenses unless you're going for something like a dolly zoom or some other shot that requires the focal length changing as the camera moves in some way. The other issue this raised is we had previously had issues with getting the remote follow focus to work with the FX6, and this time a manual follow focus was missed from the booking entierly, this left us on set with no working follow focus and so all focus had to be done from the barrel.

We also couldn't get a transmitter or more than one monitor, and so the focus pulling on some shots was done by the camera op who could see that camera's monitor rather than having a separate camera op and focus puller. None of the shots on this required any complex focus pulling, so this wasn't a major issue, but far more interesting shots could have been achieved if we were better able to follow the actors through their environments rather than having very set focus without much depth. We decided shadows and silhouetting would be a good way to portray certain interactions, as you can still achieve some level of depth even with infinite distance focus. Again something Suspiria does to create fear and suspicion which we chose to draw on.

All of our set design was done with roughly 2 days notice, we dramatically scaled back our vision for the short and its art direction. Originally the short was going to be 1950s themed, however we had to pivot to a more modern setting as we decided we couldn't authentically create a 50s home enviroment. This gave Flo, the production designer, more of a chance to create a good looking set in the limited time, scaling back the scope of the project was essential to cope with the restrictions we were working within.

As DoP I had made thumbnail sketches during our production meeting 28th of September where we discussed concepts and storylines. We then refined the story over the next few days and on Monday 7th of October, right after we shot the in-class project we had another meeting where we solidified the story, art direction, prop and set requirements, call time, lighting requirements and I re-made the thumbnail sketches. Later that night I created a shotlist, however I only created a chronological list, not a shooting order list, as I had work for my Tuesday class to complete.

Whilst taking inspiration from giallo film for most, the hallyway shot was specifically inspired by the poster for Dev Patel's 'Monkey Man' (2023), which very effectively creates a sense of dread and foreboding from the framing and colour choice.

As DoP and Director on this project I failed at a number of my responsibilities, which visibly damaged the success of the final project. Whilst it's understandable given the very strict time scale we were working on, a better prepared or more experienced DoP and director would be capable of making this work. Instead My lack of availability and poor organisation led us to a rushed pre-production full of mistakes and oversights and a poorly coordinated shoot. A smarter decision would have been to lay our personal availability at the beginning of the course, and take this into account when assigning roles. Unfortunately in my case this may not have helped much, as I only get my work schedule 3 days before it comes into effect. So I have very little notice of when or how long I'm working. This issue is external to university and it is my responsibility to ensure it doesn't interfere with education, it was sadly not possible for me to meet this responsibility on this occasion and I let down my team because of it.

The other crew members had to cover for my absence with my guidance to create their individual elements in line with the overall vision, I communicated ideas and gave feedback on proposals, although not as efficiently as if I'd been more available. Whilst I was unavailable to physically be present for prep, I was in communication with Flo who was production designing, and we co-ordinated what would be require and what would be realistic. I went out and bought supplies whilst Flo created elements from scratch and sourced other features.

The actual shoot day was quite messy, again down to my poor planning. I left other crew member s floundering as they didn't have a clear shooting order and some shots required others to be completed before they could be shot because of our limited props and resources (I.E. We couldn't have the dinner scene before we had the cooking scene, as to minimise waste we were using the same food in both scenes.). We worked this out as we went, working out a shooting order on set. We ended up managing to get everything we needed, but the shoot bled over on time quite significantly. We began shooting at 18:30~ and finished at 22:30~, which was an hour over our original 21:30 goal.

I am not a very practiced director, and we didn't have an official AD decided, so my control of the set was quite poor. I was often overwhelmed as I was focused on organising the camera as DoP and would have to switch focus to answer questions from other departments and give direction to our actors. I had originally agreed only to be DoP and so wasn't prepared to direct action as well, my lack of experience and preparation slowed production down as I had to take extra time to understand the issues crew members were having and it took me a bit to figure out solutions having never encountered many of the issues before. In future I would not accept both the role of DoP and director without having at least one AD or both a 1st and 2nd AC. On this production the camera team was just me and Chelize, the 1st AC. As Chelize was also the cast co-ordiator though I often ended up needing to find other members of crew to help with set-up as she had other tasks to fulfil such as arranging costumes and running through the action with the cast.

I still believe overall the shoot was a success, we managed to get some really nice shots, and I believe we achieved the original goals of creating a mood and transforming the space. The use of high-key lighting to create strong shadows, and used coloured lighting to fill these shadows with shadow and create unfamiliar visuals really changed the feel of the space. The plot line we created and the wonderful performances from Annabel and Omar really sold the story and alongside the environment created an uncomfortable and foreboding mood. We successfully created dread, as the audience is privvy to the plot, and can see the inevitable from the second shot of the short, combined with the letter from the husband in the first shot, the audience is lead to fear on behalf of who they know is about to become a victim. Although there is a lot I would have done differently if I could do the shoot again, it was a very valuable experience, and I learned a lot about scheduling, directing and how set design incorporates other cinematic elements like lighting and cinematography.

Link to film:

[nettheworldonfire]

Okay, so I did that thing again where I fell off the face of the Earth for a bit. And in full disclosure, my memory is so bad these days, I don't know what you've "missed" while I was "gone," but I'll do my best to play catch up.

In September we got Covid (after successfully avoiding it forever) and had to reschedule our DisneyLand trip. Luckily, we were able to move flights and hotels and make it work). This meant though, in October, while floating through "It's a Small World" with my family, I got the call from Dr. Soulen -- the liver specialist. Through the spotty reception and tiny multicultural voices, I was able to hear his short, expert opinion - the Lanreotide injection has been doing its job, but probably won't by this time next year. The happiest place on Earth meets impending doom convo kind of left me a bit lost. And to be honest, I'm still not sure how I feel about it, because it means we're into the next phase - and while this is a "marathon not a sprint" it also will eventually end. Despite any weird feelings the call caused, and maybe because of it? I savored the trip with my family and I'm so glad we were able to make it work, even with the Covid curve ball.

Then, in November I had jury duty that was expected to last a week, and my upcoming Gallium scan got me dismissed. The scan showed very minimal growth (as expected) and Dr. Teitelbaum again discussed me at a conference for good measure. She keeps telling me she doesn't want to get "complacent," and I appreciate her being diligent. So, in December the docs decided to continue the Lanreotide injections, at least until my next scan in April.

Later in December, I had bloodwork (as always) and a physical with my primary where I had the pleasure of learning that the injections have given me type two diabetes. I've known this was a likely side effect (along with thyroid issues), but I was hopeful I was avoiding it. Like all issues with me, a metastatic anomaly, no one wants to just form a treatment plan without me seeing 500 specialists. I made an appointment with an endocrinologist at Doylestown Hospital (that was a month out) and then was given another appointment with Penn for the same week, so I canceled my first in effort to keep my doctors in the same circle. (Joke's on me because this circle is in West Philly and a 2 hour drive apparently). Took a day off, because Charlie also had an appointment at CHOP. My mom and Olive came along, so we could make it all work. Left the house before daylight, only to get pulled over for a left turn my GPS insisted I make. (Neither my mom or I saw any sort of sign saying I couldn't). I got a $165 ticket and was late to my appointment and couldn't get the whole "new patient" treatment so I had to schedule yet ANOTHER appointment. Fast forward to today -- took a two hour drive into the city -- I took a half day since my appointment was at nine, but I was still there with the docs at 12:20 so I had to call into work to take the whole day. Had I known I wasn't going to work, I probably would have dressed for comfort at least.

Now, I've finally had my specialist appointment with Dr. Sachum and a consult with Dr. Burns. They want me to eat a low carb, high protein diet (which I completely understand except my other gastro issues from the Whipple make me feel crappy when I eat veggies and meats, so that's fun). Currently I am wearing a Libre 2 meter (which is attached to my right arm for two weeks) to monitor my blood sugar. It gives me port vibes and I don't like it. The kids, however, are intrigued and Olive fell asleep caressing my arm (as usual) making sure she was touching the device. Weirdo.

I also have to test my sugars ocasionally using the finger prick meter (One Touch). That is not fun.

Everything is Bluetooth connected. How crazy is that? And what's super cool is that since they are linked to my phone, I get notifications and alarms sound to let me know it's high (or low, or just for fun maybe?) and they tell me that I cannot disable notifications, and it's all being reported to the diabetes police. (It's legitimately going off as I write this).

This should identify my patterns of highs and lows, and when the doctors see how things are working (or not working) we will formulate a plan. I've started Metformin (which they expect will cause me GI discomfort, but what's new) and they intend to slowly increase the dose over the next month or so. They may add another med if this doesn't do the trick alone. If cancer doesn't kill my liver, I'm pretty sure the 98 medications will.

So, I'm feeling annoyed and somewhat defeated by this all, which I'm sure is normal, but it's hard to keep up with life when I feel tired, nauseous, and generally down all the time. I'm working on the mental health stuff (new therapist) and hope to start feeling more like me again soon. I know there are people who have to deal with diabetes their whole life -- and I can certainly suck it up and deal with it as long as I have to. Hopefully, when the Lanreotide isn't working anymore and we move onto a new treatment, the effects of it will also go away and I won't need any of this crap. We shall see.

I plan to meet with Owen's aunt Monica, who is a nutritionist, and perhaps get some tips. Happy to accept any good recipes or ideas for school lunch (or coffee replacement options since I don't enjoy black coffee and can't justify wasting my carb intake on sugar).

Friday, I have my 36th injection - it's been about three years. It's insane. Let me say a hallelujah for that being an in-home visit. I couldn't handle going to Penn every month. My next scan is April, then a telehealth visit with Dr. Teitelbaum. May is the follow up with Dr. Sachum and then I hope any other appointments can be virtual because my PTO is being annihilated. Til next time!