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you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

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i love when you just click the share link on a picture on your phone and you get a bunch of batshit insane options. yeah let me email this selfie to the periodontist office. let me send this to my boss on teams. perfect suggestions.

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they won't tell you this in therapy but sometimes the best way to stop catastrophizing/anxiety is to interrupt your spiraling with "girl what the hell are you talking about"

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northern hemisphere babes we made it to the longest night of the year. we made it. for the next 6 months, every day will give us a little more daylight than the last. let's go. take my hand. climb out of the darkness with me

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i think it's cute when americans talk about being from the 'great state of connecticut' or like 'the great state of wisconsin.' not when it's texas or new york or california obviously because then there's the fear that they're being serious. but when americans adopt that really earnest tone and are like 'god bless the great state of delaware' in response to a picture of a seagull swallowing an entire ziplock bag full of cheese-its. I think that's very endearing

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You ever been in a state where you physically have no energy, but you're bored and socially understimulated so you kind of wish you could just invite people to come over like this:

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Every year at this time I have to be the only one in the room defending baby it’s cold outside against mindless brain dead losers who can’t understand the concept of flirting or romantically playing cat and mouse to the point of genuinely believing the man in the song is trying to assault her NEWSFLASH SHE WANTS HIM SO BAD!!!

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something incredibly American about an Allied trooper yelling brand names at Soviets until they recognize him as an ally.

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This also applies to large SUVs in general. So often the selling point of these vehicles is literally “you want to be in the biggest car on the road so that when you’re in a collision you don’t get hurt.” (And fuck the smaller car you crushed with your 6 ton death machine bc you can’t see over the steering wheel and reach the pedals at the same time, I guess).

I honestly feel like the proliferation of LED headlights was the canary in the coalmine for the general attitude we see in the political climate these days and i'm not even remotely kidding

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Oh Judy Garland… how things change and stay the same

figuring out how to get rid of screen addiction is like trying to figure out how to stop a nicotine addiction while also having a job centered around smoking cigarettes and having half your social life be in smoke breaks

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Black Friday is such a joke nowadays. “Don’t miss out on 30% off” don’t piss me the fuck off. People used to hit each other over the head for a microwave that’s how low the prices were. People literally died. We used to be a country

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adhd paralysis sucks bcuz im just sitting there and my brain is like

YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME

no work done no rest gained. literally no point of this at all

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idk who needs to hear this but if you have been putting something off bc it doesn't need to be done until the end of the month. we are almost done with the teens we are approaching the big numbers (the twenties). that date shall dawn upon you swiftly and without mercy before you know it. psa for everyone except me i got plany off time

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Let’s face facts- if Remus was a hottie with a body, Harry James Potter would have fucking let us know

I think what's happened is that people succumbed to the confusing and misguided belief that only pretty people can date pretty people.

Sirius is handsome and hot so Remus needs to be too, Sirius is cool and edgy, so Remus needs to be too - I BEG YOU TO SEE REASON!

People don't have to match visually to match in a romantic way! People don't have to "look good together". Opposites can attract! Remus Lupin did not have abs and he did not have a cut jawline and I will die on this hill!!

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Ideal ship dynamic is “person whose love language is acts of service” and “person who has never been cared for before”