#for someone who writes a lot. writing a useful screen reader caption is quite hard actually!

[duelbraids]

( rough translation: without a visa or passport, i sent your fake love on vacation )

anyways the marinated top and annaki charms are REALLY cute together in game so . . .

[arcanadreams]

That time you and your demon boyfriend went viral

hi yes hello obey me fandom!! my name is Gabbi and i have never played a single second of the actual game but i have read enough fanon content for the past year to have this idea swimming around in my head and now i am finally letting this accursed thing out of my brain and putting it in yours

also i’m only doing the brothers because any more than that and i’d have an aneurysm probably. oh and shoutout to @obeythebutler and @beels-burger-babe for inspiring me with their works to feel brave enough to write for this fandom

Lucifer:

You and Lucifer go viral on Asmo’s Devilgram story!

You’re in the kitchen helping Asmo with dinner duty and singing along to one of your playlists of human realm music that you like to show him.

Asmo starts filming your cute little dance while you stir the pot on the stove because you are just adorable!

About ten seconds into him filming, Lucifer appears in the doorway with quite the stern look on his face. You know, the one that comes right before a “MAMMOOOOOON” and strikes fear into the heart of all those with functioning eardrums. That one.

He opens his mouth, presumably to tell y’all to shut the fuck up, but then there’s a lull in the music and the eldest can hear your voice ever so slightly above the song’s vocalist and he freezes.

Man stops in his tracks like someone just smacked him in the face with a midair volleyball.

Asmo can be heard stifling a laugh behind his phone.

Lucifer’s face gets so soft and he almost, almost, loosens his metal-rod-through-the-ass posture before you notice him and give a little wave and ask if you and Asmo were being too loud like the considerate darling you are.

Lucifer clears and his throat and says something like, “No, you aren’t. I was just coming to check on how dinner is coming along,” and leaves, after which Asmo immediately presses the post button.

Screenshots of Lucifer’s heart eyes for you go absolutely viral because every demon on Devilgram goes absolutely feral for seeing the eldest demon brother lose his dignified composure. It becomes a meme template. “Get you someone who looks at you like Lucifer looks at MC” and “me at the delivery demon when he shows up with my spicy bat wings” posts become commonplace. (Asmo thinks the memes are totally worth getting strung up with Mammon for laughing at them.)

Mammon:

Much like Lucifer, you and Mammon end up going viral off Asmo’s Devilgram. (Noticing a pattern here?) 

He pulls a silly prank on your asses and honestly I don’t know how you fell for it. But hey, they say “idiots in love” for a reason, so...

You and Asmo are sitting in the common room of the House of Lamentation just chillin. Well, he’s chillin, you’re on the floor studying for an upcoming exam.

The video starts in the middle of a conversation you and the avatar of lust were having.

“No, Asmo,” you say. “Mammon and I don’t use pet names for each other.” Now that’s just a darn lie, and every demon and crow within ten miles of Mammon and you together knows it.

“Really? I find that very hard to believe, MC.~” 

You sigh in response to Asmo’s teasing. “Okay, he has a lot for me but I’m just not much of a pet name person, y’know?” The rest of the exchange goes like this:

“Oh, I totally get it.” *pause* “Hey MC, what do human world bees make again?”

“Honey.”

Cue a sheepish Mammon sticking his head in the doorway at the bluntness of your tone when you answered Asmo.

“Yeah, babe?” he looks like a puppy left on the side of a highway oh my god hUG HIM-

Asmo turns the camera back to his smug ass face and in the background you can be heard tripping on the damn carpet trying to get up and hug your mans. (”MAMMON GET OVER HERE SO I CAN HUG YOU” “W-WHAT? I THOUGHT YA WERE MAD AT ME?!?!?!?!”)

Leviathan:

Streamer Levi? Streamer Levi.

You guys go viral the first time you make an appearance on one of Levi’s weekly (insert cool Devildom streaming service name here) streams. 

It’s completely unintentional. You had been asking him for weeks to play with him on there, but he’s the avatar of envy after all. He doesn’t like sharing his partner, even if it’s with random strangers who have no real access to you.

However, he has his stream on a Thursday instead of a Friday one week, and you come into his room carrying dinner because 1) You didn’t realize he was streaming and 2) No matter what he was doing, the boy needed to eat. It wasn’t unusual for you to bring him dinner, so you had no idea why he was blushing and stammering even more than usual this time in particular. Boy was speaking in beached whale trying to tell you what was wrong.

Then you notice his screen. Oh! “Hi chat!” You wave, setting Levi’s food down on his desk in front of his keyboard. “M-MC!” He full-on whines, slamming a hand over his mouth afterwards when he remembers his viewers could hear that.

Honestly, they’d meme the fuck out of him if it weren’t for the fact that they are FINALLY SEEING HIS HENRY!!! THE MYSTERIOUS MC!!!

Chat is bombarding you with questions while you make Levi eat dinner. And by make him eat dinner, I mean literally feeding this man forkfuls/spoonfuls while he games because you love how flustered he gets when you do that. 

Does it impact his score? Absolutely. Does he care? Not really when you’re pampering him like that.

You start answering chat’s questions about you while he’s chewing so he can’t tell you to stop LMAO-

You’re a natural on stream. The VOD becomes the most popular on Levi’s account in a matter of hours and soon cute highlights compilations of you and him on that stream start making the rounds on Devildom Twitter.

Satan:

There was buildup to Satan going viral, similar to Levi in a way. 

Satan does have a Devilgram, but it’s basically a white woman’s Instagram with added book reviews for variety. Unless you’re a reader his account is pretty boring: candles, books, fireplaces, and cats.

However, after you two started reading together fairly often he began posting pictures of your legs draped over his while you sat together. They’d always be captioned with vague ass pretentious literary criticism. 

This goes on for months, and he gains a lot of (horny) followers after the leg pics start up. He doesn’t really get why but you both joke that it’s because you have some damn nice legs and I mean neither of you are complaining about the new following.

You two go viral when he finally shows your face, entirely by accident.

The post is a video, which is already strange for him and grabs attention. In it, you’re scoffing and reading an excerpt of a book, mocking its understanding of female anatomy.

“I’m quoting here, Satan: ‘her breasts bouncing around like giant pacmen.’ I’M SORRY?? THAT ISN’T HOW BOOBS WORK SIR. WHY ARE MEN ALLOWED TO WRITE?” 

(fun fact that is a very real quote from a very real book I really read last month pls save me)

Originally the camera is focused on your body, with your head out of frame to protect your privacy, but your righteous anger made Satan laugh. Like, a real laugh. The one that makes you and everyone in earshot wonder if he truly was never an angel cause he sure as hell laughs like one but anyway-

When he threw his head back, his DDD angled up just a tad without him noticing, and your face was in view for like .2 seconds. Screenshots of it are making the rounds on Devilgram almost immediately: FINALLY THE LEGS’ OWNER HAS BEEN FOUND.

Satan apologizes profusely but you honestly find it funny and you two opt to just start taking selfies while reading with both of your faces in them from now on. 

Asmodeus:

I’m gonna be real with you: you and Asmo go viral all the time. Pretty much everything Asmo posts can be considered viral because of his social media following and his status as one of the seven avatars of sin.

However, there are some fairly cute highlights to be pointed out among the times you were both featured in a post that blew up.

Your favorite is probably that time Asmo livestreamed on of you guys’ ‘Nail Nites,’ as you call them.

You’re both on the floor, doing your nails and kicking your feet back and forth while talking to chat. A lot of the questions are about your relationship, and there’s a lot of flirting back and forth between the two of you.

A particular clip of the stream does blow the fuck up on Devilgram, though, when someone screen records it and posts it with a bunch of heart emojis edited over it.

“’What colors do you think best describe each other?’ Ooo, that’s a good one, chat!” Asmo claps his hands together excitedly, making sure to be  careful of his nails.

Pretty much everyone expected you to say pink, but you surprised both your boyfriend and your viewers when, after a pensive few moments, you replied with “Hmm...probably yellow or orange.”

“Can I ask why, darling?” Asmo tilts his head in confusion. I mean, yeah, those colors look good on him, but he doesn’t wear them often so he’s wondering about your thought process. 

“Well, in the human world those colors often represent happiness, optimism, and positivity. You’re always the cheerful presence I need in my life when things get hard, so you have the vibe of those colors.”

Asmo proceeds to burst into tears and hug you, messing up both of your nails and prolonging the stream since you both have to start over. But neither of you particularly care. 

Fun fact: Asmo has the clip that demon made of that portion of the stream saved on his DDD and watches it whenever he feels sad.

Beelzebub:

Beel and you probably go the most viral out of everybody. Like this moment is an entire phenomenon across the Devildom internet. 

It’s a video, or well, multiple videos, taken at the end of a Fangol game that Beel’s team had just won. Everyone is cheering and going crazy, yourself included, and you just really wanted to congratulate your boyfriend.

So, like the rational person you are, you elect to climb up onto the railing of the bleachers and wave to get his attention. 

You were absolutely fine up there, and sat all comfortably motioning Beel over to you. He notices, of course, and jogs over, standing right beneath you and looking up. (Back where you were sitting, Mammon is screeching like a hyena in heat and Belphie, who is laying down, has one eye open to glare at him. The youngest knows Beel would never let you hurt yourself; you’re fine.)

A bunch of assorted demons at the game has started filming while you were sat atop the railing since you were rather noticeable. Therefore, there’s a shit ton of different angles of the adorable events that follow:

You slide off the railing, landing right in Beel’s waiting arms bridal style. You’ve got this brilliant smile on your face as you pull his helmet off. None of the DDDs filming can hear it over the crowd noise, but Beel asks you why you just went through all that trouble and you tell him it’s because you wanted to tell him how proud you are.

Soft boy’s chest puffs up and he smiles this big cheesy smile at you reach up to run a hand through his hair. You feel him practically purr at the contact, and with a laugh you pull him in and plant a big ole smooch on him.

The crowd, at least those of them that can see, scream. Everyone is running high on adrenaline and happy emotions; something that cute causes a ruckus!! When you pull away Beel proceeds to put you on his shoulders and you celebrate with him and the rest of his team.

The videos of you two being adorable go completely viral and there are some threads dedicated to stockpiling every single angle taken of the event. Beel is completely oblivious to the attention but you have a lot of them saved on your DDD.

Belphegor:

If you think Belphegor has any sort of social media presence whatsoever then you are sorely mistaken. (Well okay he actually does run some anonymous troll accounts to meme on Lucifer’s posts but that’s neither here nor there-)

Therefore, naturally, you two go viral off of Asmo’s Devilgram. 

Okay so someone in the obey me tag the other say headcanoned that Belphie will go out of his way to nap in ridiculous places and my brain really took that and RAN WITH IT.

So what happens is that Belphie will fall asleep in the fucking weirdest places. I’m talking on top of the fridge, underneath the dinner table, on top of bookshelves...you name it, he has slept there, no matter the effort it takes to get there in the first place. 

And, ever since you two started dating, you would join him. Sometimes it involved putting yourself at risk of great bodily harm, but the little smile he gave when you he saw you fucking scaling the countertop to reach him made it worth it.

So anyway, since Beel adores the both of you to no end, he takes pictures whenever he sees you two napping together, whether or not it is in a crazy place. He sends these to the family group chat because he thinks they’re adorable.

Over a span of weeks to months, Asmo has built up a stock of images of you and Belphie cuddles up in seemingly impossible places. Once he has about ten or so, he posts a compilation of them to his Devilgram with some cheesy ass caption like “The things we do for love <3″.

They become a meme SO QUICKLY. Like UNBELIEVABLY quickly. 

The picture of you and Belphie sleeping on top of a bookshelf, in particular, is a big hit. Memes abound.

“If my girl doesn’t climb up a bookshelf to cuddle my ass, she don’t love me.” “Get yourself a partner who scales bookshelves just to be with your ass.” Etc etc...Belphie doesn’t give a shit but you laugh at a lot of them so he sees that as a good outcome.

[demivampirew]

Kalentine’s Day

Henry x Plus-Size Reader

You can find more of my writings in the Masterlist

This was a request from @born2stronger : “what about if Henry meets reader through Instagram (we all know sometimes he checks on the comments) so reader gets his attention and he messages her.”   I hope you like it. 😊

Triggers: Fat- shaming; talking about the lost of a pet; feeling of nostalgia.

Tag list: @lunedelorient​​ @henrythickcavill​ @wolvesandhoundshowltogether​ @mary-ann84​ @desperate-and-broken​ @peakygroupie​ @summersong69​ @ivvitm1109​ @madbaddic7ed​ @iloveyouyen​ @the-soot-sprite @hell1129-blog​

"Happy Valentine's day everyone! For all of my fellow single pringles out there, you don't have to be in a relationship to enjoy today, it's about Love. Enjoy seeing others in Love, love your friends, your family, and especially yourself. #Kal #ValentinesDay #BestDogEver #KalentinesDay"

Henry wrote and posted the picture of Kal laying on the bed with a rose on his Instagram account.

Nostalgia hit him hard later that day. He wasn't in a rush to get back on the dating game, especially not after a recent disappointment with a lady, but he missed celebrating that day with a woman he would care about. He starting to imaging how that day would've been if there was someone special in his life: he'd had made breakfast for her to eat on the bed; he'd taken a stroll down the park after that, to enjoy the beautiful morning. They'd have had lunch in someplace fancy, then watch a movie and he'd prepare her favourite dish for dinner and he'd finish the day by making her feel unique. Every woman in his life was unique on his eyes, for best or for worst. That thought made him sigh deeply for what he decided to check some comments on his post. Cheeking comments on his photos was his guilty pleasure. He loved the nice comments and would laugh out loud whenever there were thirsty comments; some were a bit distasteful, others were cute and there were others that were so odd that made him chuckled.

As he was scrolling through comments, one caught up his attention. "@(your username) "KalentinesDay" you cracked me up, Mr Cavill! But I'd like to differ with the BestDogEver one; I love Kal, he's awesome, but my dog is...was the best. I lost him two days ago and I felt like my world crushed for I've had him since I was a kid. Being there holding his paw as the doctor put him down due to disease was the worst thing I've ever experienced. Sorry for ruining the mood, but thank you for the post, it lighted up my day! Have a nice KalentinesDay, Sir." He felt so bad for that person, so he entered her profile and hit the message option. "Hi Y/N. I saw your comment and I just wanted to say how sorry I'm that you lost your beloved companion. I've had Kal for a few years and I cannot even bear the thought of losing him, so I cannot imagine how must feel to lose your pal who's been there most of your life. Be strong. I'm sending you virtual hugs and lots of love. I hope you get better soon." After sending her the message, he checked her account for he saw a recent post with a picture of a lovely dog. It wasn't a mixed breed. It was a rescued dog. She talked so fondly of him, remembering the first day she met him and a few adventures they lived together. The stories warmed Henry's heart yet saddened him, knowing that his light had extinguished. There were a lot of pictures of her dog on her account and pictures of books and movies. Funny enough, most of the books she talked about were some of his favourites and the ones that he hadn't read, he took screen captures so he wouldn't forget to check them out. One of the movies she posted about was Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and he had to see her thoughts on it. She agreed that the whole Martha plot was absurd, but the thing that bothered her the most, and in her opinion ruined the movie a little bit, was the fact that Doomsday was on the final trailer, for the movie would have been higher rated from her if she'd already known that he was going to show up. Yet, she disagreed with all the hate and the thought that the movie was bad: "It could've been better? Sure, Was it horrible? Absolutely not," "If it is too dark for you, don't watch it, period. Mr Snyder understands the soul of DC Comics. Dc is not lighthearted, accept that and move on" she wrote. Henry was too tempted to like the post and reply, but he decided that it was best not to do it. She didn't have many pictures of her, but he found one from two years ago. In the picture, she was standing to a bride and she hugging her. She had a pink dress on. Henry looked at her cute smile and was stunned by her beauty. In the caption of the photo, she wrote " Ignore my ugly fat ass... focus on my beautiful sister who just got married to her Charming Prince! Congrats, babe! Love you a lot and wish you a lifetime of nothing but happiness! ♥" Henry liked the picture and went straight to the comment section and wrote "You look gorgeous. I hope their love story is a good one and lives on." and press send. He was so caught by her, that without even noticing it, he went through every single post on her account, like all the photos she was in and same with pictures of books, movies and albums he liked.

He was having dinner with Kal when he noticed that he had a reply on IG. When he opened, he saw it was from the girl with the mesmerizing smile. "I think I should call the police, I have a stalker, 👀 😂" she wrote. "Thank you so much for the mood busting. It means a lot. He brought a lot of light to my life and it's hard to have to say goodbye." she confessed, "but instead of lying in bed crying, I'm going to use that energy to give love to another animal in need, that's what my baby would have wanted, I know it in my heart." she finished. Henry didn't wait for a second to answer her, even if that meant that his food would get cold. "Absolutely! Any animal would be lucky to have you as their momma." he assured, "Sorry for that, I didn't mean to be a creep. I swear I'm nice. I'm Superman" he joked. After a few moments, the girl messaged him again "Superman killed Zod, so...👀😜 ". "Low shot. Also, Zod was a villain" he went on with the conversation. " How do you know that I'm not a villain?" she joked, "Because villains don't love puppies" he grinned like an idiot in love as he pressed send. "Cruella did, though, 👀 😂" she said; "Touché. But I'm sure you're not a villain, you are too cute for that" he explained. "That'd be the perfect cover for a conquer the world masterplan, don't you think? To have everyone trust me and love me for me to be easier to control them?🤔" "Alright, you convinced me. You're the evilest villain in history. So, I should fly to wherever you are and get you." he playfully told her. "And I didn't want to sound creepy 😂. My apologies if my humour seems creepy," he apologized. "I think your humour is genius and I find it cute, no creepy," she pointed out. "Cute enough to meet me in person? 👀" he asked. "Absolutely," she accepted his invitation. "When are you free?" she questioned. Henry looked at the clock, it was 7:30 pm. "I'm free right now if you can." Henry offered, "Do you live in London?". "From the last couple of years, yes. I moved with my mom after my parents got divorced. She's was born here... I mean, yes, I live in London, sorry for the unnecessary information," she requested his forgiveness. "There's no need to apologize. I like getting to know more about you." he explained " Do you want to go to Mark's Club restaurant? It's a nice and quiet place where we can have a nice conversation" he proposed "I think I can get a last-minute reservation since I'm a member of the club." he informed her.  "Sure, I'm going to get ready. Tell me if you get the reservations or we can go anywhere else, I'm sure there are plenty of nice places to eat where there are tables available 😊" she said. "Great, I'm calling them right now!" Henry exclaimed excitedly and went into his phone contact list and press the dial button. He was lucky enough that the manager was a Superman fan and was quite fond of him, so he agreed to reserve a table for him in the busiest night of the year for restaurants. He shared the information to her and went to change as well. He put a white sweater and a nice pair of black pants on and black shoes. A grey blazer was his coat of choice.

He asked for her address to pick her up, but she opted for meeting at the club and he accepted because he understood that maybe she felt unsafe by giving her living information to a stranger. He couldn't lie that this gave him enough time to leave Kal with his friend Ben.

He waited for her inside the restaurant for there were paparazzi outside the place. Mark's Club was an exclusive place where many celebrities choose to eat in, especially in such occasions like Valentine's day - Guy Ritchie and his wife choose that place to spend the night and so did David and Victoria Beckham. Both couples came to greet him as soon as they saw him. His table was about to be ready and she wasn't there yet. He checked for messages on his IG but there were none. Has she stood him up? That'd have broken his heart; no because someone rejected him, but because she did it. He thought that he was losing his mind: being afraid that a girl he met that day on the internet might have played a prank on him and make him believe that she was interested in him.

When he saw that it was 10 pm, he decided that it was better to inform the host of the club that he wouldn't need a table after all. He was about to get up when behind him a female voice called his name. He turned around and stood, speechless. A beautiful woman on a red dress was standing in front of him, showing that glorious smile that captivated him ours ago on his phone.

- I'm so sorry I'm so late.- you apologized profusely - It took me ages to find a cab and then I've spent literally thirty minutes outside trying to get in because paparazzi were being annoying and would get in the way for me to get in.-she explained. - No worries!- he assured her- Honestly, I was a bit afraid that I've had been stood up.-he confessed, styling his hair backwards with his hand. - Absolutely not! I don't particularly enjoy pranks. Especially not in niece people like you.- she smiled and his legs were shaking.

At that moment the waiter approached you to let you know your table was ready. Henry said "Ladies first" indicating you to go first into the table area. The place was elegant. Henry waited behind your chair and as you sat in, he pulled it close to the table. He sat in front of you, grinning like the devil. That charming smile took your breath away.

Every word that came out of your mouth amazed him for your charisma and intelligence. You were not only funny, smart, confident but also beyond beautiful. He knew that wasn't love at first sight, but he could see himself falling deeply in love with you.

Halfway through the dinner, Henry finally noticed that lots of costumers were watching them. He found that odd since he was a regular there and there were plenty of celebrities on that place that night -some way more famous than him.

- I apologized if you feel uncomfortable with people watching us. Usually, they barely look at me. They know I'm an actor, but these fancy folks don't care much for Superheroes.- he explained. You looked at him with a smirk. - They're not looking at you, they are looking at me.- you pointed out. - Are you famous?- he asked confused and you chuckled because he meant it and it wasn't sarcasm. - Yes, I'm Ashley Graham.- you joked and his expression showed ignorance; he didn't know who she was.- She's a model.- you explained and he laughed apologizing for his lack of knowledge on current pop culture. He was beyond cute.- No, I'm not famous. They're looking at me because I'm "fat"; I'm a plus-size woman and they probably can't understand why are you having dinner with me.- you said and smiled- In another point of my life this would have hurt. It did for a long time. Whenever I'd be in a date with a thin man, people would look at us as if they were thinking out loud that he was too good for me, that he could do so much better than a fat girl. Thankfully I'm no longer in a place in which I'd blame myself for their judgement. I'm who I am and I'm ok with that. They can look all they want, they don't mean anything to me.-you shrugged- But, I need to know if that bothers you. I won't judge you if you are not into me. Maybe I'm confusing things, but the fact that you made a last-minute appointment for dinner on this day is because you have some kind of interest on me and I do for you too. I'm in for getting to know each other and maybe be something if we feel it later on. But if that's the case, if I got things wrong and you are not interested in my, just tell me. It's ok and we can be just friends if you want. All I ask from you is not to waste my time. Don't get me to grow feelings for you if you have no intention in returned them.- you requested. Henry went silent for a moment. Then he put his hand on top of yours, grabbed it and kissed it. He grinned and replied, "You got it right, gorgeous."

The dinner continued with you two laughing, drinking fine wine and having delicious desserts. You tried to grab the check but he took it so fast that you barely saw it. "I'll pay next time. That's the condition for me going out again with you" you indicated firmly and he agreed.

As you were about to leave, he noticed you didn't have a coat. "I was so hurried that I forgot to grab one" you explained and he immediately took off his and gave it to you, despite you telling him that you were ok, and helped you to put it on. He held your hand to walk outside, not caring if paparazzi took photos of you and he called a cab for you. It was easier for famous people to get a ride, you noticed. He drove you to your place and walk you to the door. He was much taller than you, so he leaned in to kiss your cheek and kissed your hand as well. Henry promised to call you the next day and walked towards the car. You reminded him of his coat and he asked you to keep it safe for him until next time you saw him. With a big smile, he got in the car and after you entered your place, you heard the cab left.

[tardis-stowaway]

Ten years after the Not-pocalypse, Adam Young, age 21 and recently graduated from university:

-Works in a crappy retail job and lives in a tiny, crappy flat in London

-The crappy flat has no sound insulation, so he’s always hearing the absurd amount of movement from the people in the flat above and the really loud but not quite intelligible conversations from the people in the flat next door. It’s a long way to the nearest public park, and he misses the green of home.

-Is not all that good at his customer service job, with the exception that if a customer is irrationally angry about something, he says he wants to make sure he understands the problem and repeats their complaint back to them with this look in his eyes, and they universally back down and often apologize. His coworkers love him for it. Everything else is just drudgery.

-Single, despite his best efforts. Okay, maybe not his best efforts, but some efforts.

-Knows that his childhood was uncommonly idyllic at least partly due to his powers. He’s not entirely sure how his life went quite so off the rails lately.

-Maybe his powers have faded gradually since he rejected his destiny, or maybe it’s just that on some level he absorbed the expectation that being in one’s early 20’s means being broke and a little lost, and the expectation made it happen whether he wanted it or not.

-Or maybe he just should’ve chosen a more employable course of study at uni instead of comparative religion. In his defense, it seemed relevant to his life.

-Spends much of his free time on climate crisis activism. He’ll be damned (ha) if he stood against the forces of Heaven and Hell, the Four Horsepeople of the Apocalypse, and his own birthright to preserve the continuing existence of humanity on the Earth only for humans to blunder into destroying themselves unintentionally through greed and shortsighted decisions.

-He’s been doing this since he was twelve, when Brian sent the Them’s group text an article about the group Extinction Rebellion with the caption “named for us?? :)” Adam had laughed, then actually read the article. Within a week he’d convinced the Them and a dozen of their classmates to show up at the next town council meeting with a list of sustainability demands.

-No matter how many civil disobedience events he takes part in, he never seems to get arrested. Adam suspects it’s his supernatural entity privilege. Pepper says it’s probably mostly that he’s white and great at charming his way out of trouble.

-He’s still friends with all of the Them, but they don’t live especially close together. He does have a flatmate, an American who Adam met at uni.

-At this point you, a genre-savvy reader of much Good Omens fic and meta, are probably seeing the word “American” and thinking that Adam is flatmates with Warlock Dowling. For once, you are wrong. 

-Adam’s flatmate is Jesus.

-Not Jesus Christ, but a young man named Jesus Dominguez, pronounced the Spanish way (like hay-soos).

-Jesus is from Southern California, and he talks more than a little bit like a surfer stereotype. He’s got warm brown skin, shoulder-length dark hair in perpetually-mussed waves, and a little beard. He’s kinda leaning into the look  to mess with people, but it’s also the same style found on at least a third of the other male-presenting hipsters in London.

-When he learned that he was going to share a flat with someone named Jesus, Adam called Crowley and Aziraphale. He’s never been gladder that he stayed in touch with them, because he NEEDED someone who understood how the Antichrist and Jesus sharing a flat sounded like the setup for a joke or a sitcom. Crowley did indeed laugh out loud, then told Adam that as a fellow lapsed member of the forces of Hell, he could personally recommend sharing quarters with a heavenly adversary. Aziraphale just muttered “oh, stop” at Crowley.

-Adam moved to London because it was easier to get to the important protests there, and because he was curious. He spent the first six months desperately homesick for Tadfield. The city was so crowded but somehow he still felt so alone, other than Jesus.

-Then a midnight fire-alarm in their building sent him and Jesus into the streets along with dozens of their neighbors. Adam finally met the people in the flat above theirs who made all that moving around noise. They were an older couple who took ballroom dancing lessons at the senior center and liked to practice at home. Mrs. Kapoor tried to teach Adam how to foxtrot right there on the pavement in the middle of the night. He stepped on her feet, but since he was in bare feet and she’d actually taken the time to find shoes it wasn’t a big deal.

-Meanwhile Jesus was finally talking to the loud young men from next door. By the time Adam wandered over, Jesus had learned their names (Leon, Seamus, and Nazim) and secured an invitation for the two of them to come over to watch Saturday’s football match, and to join their next D&D campaign (“just no more  paladins,” said Nazim). Adam looked forward to finding out whether it was the D&D or the football that was the cause of more yelling.

-As the evacuation stretched on with no hint of either actual fire or clearance to go back inside, the building’s children began to get fussy. Adam found a coin on the ground (successfully picking it up, because Crowley didn’t make it to this neighborhood very often) and proceeded to distract them with stage magic.

-He initially learned stage magic from Aziraphale, but he’s better at it than the angel ever was. He hardly cheats physical reality at all. The kids love it.

-When the fire department finally gives them the clearance to go back inside, Adam’s stomach rumbles. “Is anyone else hungry?,” he asks, to a chorus of agreement. It’s too late for any nearby takeout, but Jesus chats with their neighbors about options.

-Jesus enlists Adam’s help in going from flat to flat gathering ingredients from everyone, and before long they’re serving fish tacos and grilled cheese sandwiches to a small crowd of pajama-clad people. It’s 2 am, but everyone is smiling, or at least has contentment at the edge of their yawns.

-The next day, Mrs. Kapoor brings Adam and Jesus a spider plant cutting, because she thought their flat looked too bare. Adam texts a picture of it to Crowley and receives back lengthy instructions on watering, pot size, soil, and the most effective threats for the species.

-Five months later, the local planning council has an intense debate about why crime rates in one neighborhood have dropped by 75% since their last meeting. They each try to claim credit for their pet civic projects. Actually, it’s because Adam Young has started to love London, or at least his nook of it.

-Buskers soon realize that certain tube stops are generating far more tips than they ever have before, with no obvious demographic shift accounting for the change. The common ground is that these are the stops on Adam’s commutes to work and his activist meetings. He can only occasionally spare a tip himself, but his enjoyment of the music is contagious.

-Even after the breakthrough, not every day is good. On a late summer day that just happens to be the anniversary of the day the world didn’t end, Adam comes home from a protest fuming.

-“Dude, you okay?” asks Jesus, looking up from his guitar. (Jesus sometimes goes to protests with Adam, but not usually the ones where they’re planning on breaking laws. “I’m a brown-skinned foreigner, man. Do you think I’ll get away with what you get away with? I’m not ready for that yet,” he says, and Adam can’t argue.)

-“The media barely showed up at our event, probably because it was about a million degrees and even though that’s exactly what we’re protesting, nobody wants to be out in it. Six of our people passed out from the heat and three got arrested. They still didn’t arrest me, but I got pushed over and cracked my phone screen. On my way home, some drunk on the tube vomited on my shoes. Our green jobs bill still doesn’t have the votes in Parliament, and have you seen the latest news on the Antarctic ice sheets?” Adam kicks off his shoes, then collapses dramatically onto the futon and groans.

-“Sounds rough,” says Jesus.

-“I should’ve just ended the damn world when I was eleven and I had the chance. Would’ve been quicker,” Adam mutters.

-Jesus gets up and goes to the kitchen. He brings Adam a beer. “You don’t mean that, bro,” he says.

-Adam sighs, accepting the beer. “I suppose not.”

-He drinks his beer. Dog, now grey-muzzled and slow, shuffles over to curl up at his feet. Adam pulls out his phone, which is cracked but still seems functional. He’s got a text from Aziraphale.

-“Dear Adam,” the text begins, because Aziraphale might have finally deigned to learn to text but he steadfastly refused to adopt its stylistic conventions, “I hope that you have returned safely from today’s protest. I’m very proud of your continuing efforts, and though he won’t admit it I know that Crowley feels the same. Please write back at your earliest convenience. Fondly, Aziraphale”

-Adam texts back to reassure the angel, who will doubtless pass it on to Crowley, then he texts similar reassurances to his parents and to Mrs. Kapoor upstairs. He’s still figuring out this adulthood thing, but he’s got a lot of parental figures looking out for him. His Infernal Bio-Dad isn’t one of them, and that’s the way Adam likes it.

-Through the open window comes the sound of music blasting from a car stuck in traffic below. Freddie Mercury and David Bowie are singing:

And love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night, And love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves.

-He turned down the chance to rule the world, and he’d make the same choice again, but he still feels a certain proprietary responsibility towards the planet and its inhabitants. His father—his real, earthly father—didn’t raise him to shirk responsibility, and he’s not one to cave under pressure.

-Life is hard, people are mostly idiots, and the world is coming apart at the seams, but it’s his messed up life and his idiotic people and his beautiful, half-broken world.

[kierongillen]

Writer Notes: The Wicked + the Divine 35

Spoilers, obv.

I suspect this may be shorter than usual. Or maybe not? When you've been working (and thinking) on something for a long time, you work past the need to talk about it. I've said it to myself so many times, I don't really need to externalise it. Whatever “it” is, is in the book.

I suspect this is going to grow as we progress across the final year. In a real way, we're at the point of the degree course when we're easing off. It's your project now. Make of it what thou wilt. Easy answers are a long way behind us. But there are answers, at least.

Jamie's Cover: with solicits going out earlier, we're always worried about putting something like this on a cover. Ideally, we'd want it to drop after Imperial Phase II dropped, so at least people would be suspicious of Minerva.

But it's a lovely image – I love what Matt's doing with the light, what Jamie's doing with the expression. Great stuff.

Yoshi Yoshitani: More great stuff. The playfulness of Persephone, the pose. It's just total joy.

Page 1-4

This looks familiar. Once more we return, again, right?

We were obviously planning this from the start, but by the time we've reached this point, Jamie's style has evolved to the point where the extra panels we need to add to the sequence would break the coherence entirely. So Jamie insisted on re-inking the whole sequence, and updating the Minerva panels (as she's seen in more panels later). I did say that if we were clever, we'd have drawn the whole thing back when we did issue 1. Jamie noted that he'd never have been happy printing four years old art in a book.

So yes.

I was originally thinking that this sequence would actually be the opening of Year 4, but when I did the tight plotting for this arc, I realised that you had to really start way back around 4000BC, to set certain themes in motion. I had the option to switch them until quite late though – they're similar lengths, and abstractly can be switched, with a few changes.

I didn't. It's the way to go. And it's a good way to make issue 2 hit hard, right?

It's an interesting thing to think about that those who are following this in singles will have read the 1923 special before this, so know exactly why everyone is here, while those following with trades will learn it in the NEXT trade.

Page 5

For those who follow the idea of page budgets, this counted as a half page.

When writing this first time I got the order the wrong way around, so Amaterasu survived rather than Susanoo. Always check this stuff.

It's another tour de force for Matt here, in terms of the intensity of effects going on. I feel terrible for all the people involved. Thinking through the psychology of this was always going to be the hard one. To pull the trigger, who had the hardest job?

Page 6

Yet again, just look at the reds. I've got an issue with a bunch of fire in, and this is really making me look forward to it. Susanoo is a sweet one. Poor fucker.

Minerva saying “Necessity” feels like a necessary beat, right?

Page 7

This counts as a ¾ page for page budget.

Was waiting for the “Minerva emerging from fire” money shot for 34 issues (plus specials) and Jamie doesn't let me down. Had me thinking of “Figure covered in fluids” being one of those recurring beats in Jamie and my work. Persephone in the fourth trade, America in issue 13 of YA, Emily in Phonogram and so on.

It's the billow of the skirt, innit? Nice, Jamie.

8-9-10-11

Oddly, lettering this so you could work out who was speaking and who to was trickier than you'd think.

Set still getting her digs in now is very set. And, yes, I'm sure people will have a theory on who the fourth head is by now. If not, don't worry, we'll get to it soon enough.

Getting a little quality time with Ananke/Minerva was one of the writing challenges here – this is a scene which is pretty much showing methodology. When the pages came in for this, Chrissy said “I've been trying to make sense of what you meant by this for four years, but now I get it.” So I hope it hits the core beats for most people.

I do love this push and pull between Ananke and Minerva though. It's quietly horrible.

Pop-art head death there, and a return of the flying eyeballs. Also, looking at the various expressions of the heads in the backgrounds on page 9 is pretty impressive. Set in the third panel!

10-11 is the ritual. Trying to work out how much space for this and what you actually needed to show was key. Plus the timing of it – there's an argument you could have taken this longer, or pushed it shorter. Two pages felt right.

Good eye-to-camera at the end, which allows us to...

PAGE 12

...Have an interstitial...

PAGE 13-14-15-16-17

...and segue to Minerva's eyes in the present day. Linking sequence between scenes.

Due to the repeated pages in the first half being “free” (They weren't – Jamie chose to kill himself) this means that the issue is considerably longer than usual. Even so, there are a lot of fish to fry. This is obviously the problem of the structure of this arc – yes, there will be past and present content in every issue. Balancing what we do in each is basically the key... but it also means we have to choose our scenes very carefully.

Anyway – Minerva and Woden, facing off. Just letting two characters push and pull against each other – and, for the first time, really being behind the curtain “with” Minerva. Previously Minerva has been presented as a supporting character, based on her interactions with others (1923 is an exception). Here, Minerva is protagonist, and we get to see her work.

Minerva! Love the dyed bangs. Strong look. Also, great thoughtful expression on the end of the last page... and her making her move on the next page.

Woden calling her “Sweetheart” seems to be a minor peak Woden move.

This sequence is making me think that Minerva would be great at playing the party game Resistance. Tricky thing in this sequence is actually signalling lies to readers. Lies are really hard in comics. Like irony (as in, characters saying things they don't believe) there's certain parts of the readership who have huge problems with it. Signalling what you want to do is paramount, and tricky. I'm not sure there's a right answer.

Last two panels of 15 are particularly good for Jamie and Matt – firstly, we get the time based upon the sun coming up, which gives it an odd atmosphere. Guns out in a room? You'd think nighttime. But no, it's something else.

Secondly, with the steady angle, with Minerva having her back to Woden, we get a chance to see her think about what lie to tell. That's an “Okay – Woden knows about the heads. How could he know about the heads?” think...

Then over the page, making the lie, expression hoping she gets away with it... and then relief when she's called it right. Great steady-angle work by Jamie and Matt, and the sort of performance you can get from them. I wouldn't write this for almost anyone else.

(Favourite detail – look at the shoulders. From Woden's perspective, she's not moving at all. She's only giving facial tells.)

This sequence was also particularly picked over with C, in a line by line way, in terms of what information is being imparted. Minerva and Woden are both absolutely drilling each other for all the information they can get, so what IS being implied.

I laugh at Minerva bundling over to the computer the second Woden is gone. Plus great final expression there by Minerva.

18-19

In an issue that's set half in the past, and the half the present day stuff is with Minerva, we're in danger of losing our lead – so I definitely try and write Persephone particularly present where she gets it. This is an advantage of the captions coming back in – we can slow sequences down and make them feel like they last longer.

It's fun to do Persephone captions. Well, “fun”. You get to hit certain things directly that normally I'd only ever approach obliquely.

The weirdest thing of rewriting was Jon's line about being trapped underground – which was originally “Buried alive.” The question was whether anyone would take that literally, as the lab hadn't 100% been established as being underground.   (and the stairs from the giant machine that lead to the lab go upwards, even though the whole thing is all underground.)

In short: in a plot as dense as ours, it's important to not confuse in any area except where you have to.

20-22

After a scene earlier of lying to someone's face, using the modern communication to do something exploring the same sort of thing seemed interesting. Also, efficient. For those following Page Budgets, the repeating panels of the phone aren't quite “free” panels, but they're relatively low energy panels. Plus it gets a LOT of information exchanged in a direct, quick way. Instead, we spend the effort on the expression panels, to show the journey that's NOT on the screen.

It's not stuff I'd do constantly, but I do like that we do it.

Nice Verðandi-shoulder-touch silent panel too. Yay Jamie and Matt!

23

I believe I originally wrote this for two pages, but with no captions. Jamie felt it was unnecessary, and they'd get a similar effect in a single page. The reason why I did it with two pages is that I wanted to slow the reader down in the process of discovery – there was a little bit more akin to the Rorschach scene in Watchmen, with the procedural exploration of the environment and trying to find a way in too.

In the script I said I may add captions at lettering, but reduced to a page, that felt like a necessary thing. It slows the eye, and lets us join Persephone in her internality.

(I actually wrote most of this as the opening of the next issue, before realising it didn't fit, which was nicely timed, as I realised that with some edits, it fits perfectly here.)

The mural introduced in issue 4, as coloured by Nathan Fairbairn.

Laura's glimpse back on panel 4 is one of my favourite minor moments – Matt's magenta behind the image really adds to it.

24-26

Minerva, in an issue of deniable manipulative shit, this is your most deniable and manipulative thing. Astounded, and I wrote it.

Last two panels call back to Imperial Phase I, for reasons which will become obvious.

Due to the way the pages moved around, Jamie suggested moving the reveal of the skulls to the previous page – they were originally on the final one, but the angle was nearly impossible to pull off, and worked better brought forward. You always want BIG information to be revealed on a page turn, but in this case, the panels are small enough to not register unless you're actively looking at them, plus the REAL meaning of them is only really get-able by those who recall a scene from issue 4.

Hence the flashbacks, to ensure people do recall them. We don't do a lot of this kind of thing, but as this has been a long time back, we felt it was worth really laying out the key facts, step by step. Also, free panels, for the page budget purposes.

(Of course, not for Matt, who is doing a really cool treatment here – the reds and blacks in one timeline, and the pink and blue dots in the flashbacks. Astounding. Give that man another Eisner.)

The “...but everyone else should be” has been sitting in my hard drive all that time too. Odd to hit this stuff as well.

I think I've said that Baal is one of my favourite characters in the whole series. Obviously much more to come here, and probably down the line. He was a character who was always going to become more central the further we got into this – you know I talk about knowing the characters arcs, but not always when the plots come to the top of the mix? There's certainly a take on WicDiv where this is revealed near the climax of Imperial Phase II along with the rest of it. I suspect that would have overloaded it – it needs space, and I'd hate to leave more than a month between this reveal and the What's-Going-On.

It always surprised me that more close readers didn't jump on a “Baal is Baal Hammon” argument, as there's stuff which I considered considerably more obscure that people were all over. He cries fire in issue 12, for example – though a lot of people were noting that 1920s Baal wasn't much like 2013 Baal after the Special. This stuff is fascinating, from my perspective.

Yes, Baal's hot stuff in the final panel. For those who are wondering about his Inanna tattoo, alternate covers aren’t strictly speaking canon, and gods have all kind of miracles available to them. 

Next issue is two weeks late. As well as being one of the hardest issues we've ever done, there's been several real life disasters. Sorry for the delay, but we'll see you next week.

[sweetlifetownsville]

Hard Going Getting On Top Of The Hill: The Mayor's Magnificent Mount Louisa Make-Over Might Stumble At The First Jump

And Jenny knows about the problem, but is blithely telling us its all go, when it may well be all stop. The Pie shares a most interesting email. The old bird can reveal that Mayor Jenny Hill IS under investigation by Brisbane authorities for possible misconduct and watching all the fumbling inanities coming over the next 12 months in the run-up to local council elections is going to be more fun than watching a blind man trying to get out of a door knob factory. To that end, The Pie this week introduces a new occasional award, The Codswallop Cup. No shortage of contenders. Also, our new white ele sorry, stadium, has hit more turbulence as it rises from the mud and Lozza Lancini will not be a happy chappy. Bentley has a say on George Pells new lifestyle And our regular gallery from Trumpistan. First, Hot Of The Rumour Mill

The most interesting rumour has just floated into the Nest. Its unverified (well duh, thats why its called a rumour) so well have to wait until the Astonisher plays catchup sometime this week. The Pie hears that the only two tenderers for the new stadiums ultra-lucrative catering contract , one being the incumbent Spotless and one being the Cowboys Leagues Club, have both been excluded for non compliant tenders to do with not paying award wages. So back to square one for the new stadium and where does that leave Spotless in the current stadium? For the answer, check the Astonisher around oh, say, next Friday, by when Lozza Lancini will have told iditor Jenna Cairney what she can say about this. Pell Mell Nothing has been quite as spectacular in the annals of fallen high flyers than that of George Pell, who has swapped his glittering Mardi Gras cardinals robes for prison drab, after being sent to chokey for six years (to serve 3 years and 8 months before eligible for parole) for what only be described as the most brazen, power-deluded child abuse imaginable. Indeed so brazen as to leave lingering doubts among some observers whether such things couldve happened as described, but an appeal will sort that out, after all, the jury knows things that we do not. Now Georgy Boy faces another biased jury his fellow inmates, a class of folk not known for their strict adherence to jurisprudence rules and who exercise their own summary justice according to their own morals and mythology. And Bentley reckons you never know who youre going to bump in in the Yard.

And The Pie says to those who say the term is not enough, rest assured, for a man of Pells pomposity, ego and age, he has been handed a life sentence of one sort or another. One imagines there is one person who will give Judge Peter Kidd the thumbs up.

Shifty Business Delivering on promises is a tricky business, especially when our mayor is in campaign mode. Today, we were offered this little bit of click bait.

But when we went through to the story, what we got was this

Uncanny how this is so ambiguous, like the Castle Hill upgrade itself. Now this is media sleight of hand at its clumsiest, making a highly speculative project sound like solid fact. Interesting because it simply that the TCC will start drawing up plans for what it would like to see at Mt Louisa and crucially for mayor Mullet is the quote: with construction expected by the end of the year. Community engagement started this week and will continue until the end of April. The Pie thought, well thats a nice idea, if conveniently timed to become a re-election boast, but hey, good for the huffnpuff crowd. Then this morning, (Sat) an email fluttered into the Nest. From Angela Sacilotto Councillor Jenny Hills grand plan for Mt Louisa is another political stunt with council elections due in March 2020. TCC do not own all of Mt Louisa. I own a 8 ha block right across the middle of the hill. I have told TCC I do not want to sell. Havent been able to verify Ms Sacilottos information, but she volunteered her contact details and phone number if The Pie wanted a chat about the matter (which for reasons well known to regular readers, is not a viable option since the recent operation.) But The Pie would guess there will be whole lot more to the meaning of community engagement when Mayor Mullet reads this. it is known that Jenny Hill does not like being crossed by people with legal rights who stand in the way of her grand visions, so this community engagement with Ms Sacilotto could involve nipple clamps, a car battery and wet towels . But That May Be The Least Of Her Problems Cant reveal too much at the moment, but our mayor is being officially investigated possible misconduct over her Adani links, particularly arising out of her trip to India. This will not be a revelation on her, because she has been informed of the issue by the Brisbane based investigating body, and what is officially termed overt inquiries are underway. Perhaps no biggy (but then again ) but not a great look for someone who once expressed her admiration for Ipswich Mayor Pisasale. What Dreams May Come, As Willy Shakespeare Once Said All this has led to The Magpie being told that Jenny, a Hitchcock fan, recently watched his classic The Birds, but when she went to bed, she had an horrific dream.

Serves her right for throwing darts at a much loved and protected Australian species. THIS WEEKS CONTENDERS FOR THE CODSWALLOP CUP Its a crowded field. Cmon, Really? Cmon now, seriously Jenna Cairney? Is this all youve got?

Listen, me dear old haggis-head, getting shocked by a menu may apply to a Korean doggy delicacy, a Vietnamese cockroach kebab or the price of a pie at the footy, but because this mob is adding burgers bloody good old Aussie burgers we Aussie snowflakes should be shocked? Do you not understand how insulting this advertorial pap is? One seriously has to question whether the decision makers who publish this clap trap have an IQ above room temperature. A Group Effort Where to start with this one, the inanity is of such magnitude that The Pie is tempted to inaugurate the Clusterfuck Cup as a separate category.

This mind-blowing little corker of an idea is called the Palmer Street Precinct Activation project, and involves wait for it a bit of new lighting along the street, and a new sign saying hang on again Palmer Street.

The plan was obviously to give re-election hopefuls a bit of sorely needed publicity (youd think on recent photographic evidence, Messagebank Walker and Ann-Maree Greaney are going steady). But for other reasons, the story raised both an eyebrow and a guffaw at the same time. Chef/restaurateur Matt Merrin, normally a sensible and successful man, made a right goof of himself when he (reportedly) told the paper the changes would transform Palmer Street into a world class destination. It will be something that visitors to Townsville can Instagram, take photos of and sell the message to the world. Its going to bring new investment back to Palmer Street (question: how does new investment come back?) Weve had many restaurants close over the last 12 months, this will inspire new restaurant owners and people to come back into Palmer Street and be part of the precinct it once was. A world class destination? Matt, a message from The Magpie, mate lay off the cooking sherry and exotic herbs before talking to the Astonisher (FFS, mate, youre even holding your glass crooked.) The story also informs us The dining strip received some upgrades during the preparations for the Commonwealth Games last year. Oh did it? Very similar upgrades in scale to the ones now proposed , as The Pie remembers. So in the year since that spruce up, two Palmer Street nose-baggeries have gone belly-up. But somehow, this one is going to usher in a new era? Hows that? But heres the best bit in the original story, Ann-Maree Greaney said the lighting would keep people, particularly women, safer that apparent admission that the council has allowed Palmer Street to operate without adequately safe lighting for years has now been removed from the story. What fucking planet are you from, you lot? Reporter Chris Lees, have you no dignity? Or sober judgement? Did TCC media gopfer Simpo Templeton have anything to do with this, its about his speed? Well, anyway Anthony, unlike the when at the Astonisher, at least in your TCC role you dont have to put your name to your cock-ups. 3. Off The Rails Then on Thursday, we had this little bit of fluffy irrelevancy.

But no sooner had this flimsy kite taken to the sky, than the Astonisher itself cut the string on Friday with this:

What city rail plan? There wasnt any, the original story was a campaigning thought-fart from the desperate Clr Jacob. Clever though, isnt it write bullshit one day and call it out as bullshit the next. Gotta luv the ol Astonisher. A Miscellaneous Magpie Whinge The Magpie is deliberately not talking about or seeking comment on the massacre in New Zealand, he has no words, certainly none that would contribute positively to this dark deed of pure evil. But coverage does prompt The Pie to vent about a favourite piece of nanny state demeaning idiocy can we please move away from the rubber-faced sign language person standing next to officials who are often making statements about deeply disturbing matters. Often signing involves grotesque and to the uninitiated completely inappropriate comical facial expressions. This presents the twin problems of distraction for the general audience and indignity for the subject of the media conference.The Pie doesnt know what the average deaf audience would be at any given time not many one would guess and yes, there are times like bushfire and flood updates where this information should be conveyed in this manner. But shit folks, heres a newsflash for more 60 years now, real time lower screen captioning has been available, or as all sports directors so slickly employ technology for a smaller, less distracting vision box to one corner. To currently give such a minority a so distracting and undignified presence is not necessary and lacks dignity, and disturbs concentration on what can be vital messages. Of course, nanny staters wont agree. Speaking Of The Nanny State Our evolving language, not always for the better, now features the term woke, as in are you woke to climate change? or any number of other social issues. It means are you alert to, but as so often happens, we too readily adopt the argot of the ill-educated as some sort expression of being cool and identifying with a group one wouldnt normally break bread with. The lovely thing about this nonsensical use of substitute language leaves it wide open for hysterically funny skewering and in this classic piss take Are You Woke? from a fed up Tracey Ullman. The Clock Is A-Ticking The Brexit imbroglio is increasingly hard to follow (or for The Pie, to care much about) but one of the cleverest pictorial comments the predicament of Theresa (dis)May(ed) comes from the Guardians Steve Bell.

And More Of The Same From Trumpistan A lot of attention continues to surround the tumble of democrats eager to take on President Trumpet at the polls next year. And the interest has been heightened by someone not running.

. The ducking, weaving and hilarity of the comments section runs 24/7, so give us of your best, folks. And if you like the blog, you can show your appreciation with some sorely needed financial support, the how to donate button is below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/hard-going-getting-on-top-of-the-hill-the-mayors-magnificent-mount-louisa-make-over-might-stumble-at-the-first-jump/

[utchattanooga]

How ARRO arose: the tale of a graphic novel's creation

The year is 2032, and much of the southeastern United States can best be described as a post-apocalyptic wilderness.

According to the story’s overview, most of North America had been wiped away in 2029 by a gene-altering disease in the drinking water. A team of researchers working for a large global initiative called the American Research and Recovery Organization – better known as ARRO – travels across the southeastern U.S. to explore what's left of the former world. The mission for these doctors and scientists: Work to get the power grids back on, survive the wasteland, and recolonize.

And the futuristic story got its start … when two UTC students met at a screen printing shop in Chattanooga.

The year was 2009, and a chance meeting changed the lives of Tara Hamilton and Ali Burke – a pair of graduating UTC seniors. Hamilton (before marriage, her last name was Harris) was closing in on her bachelor’s degree in painting and drawing. Burke, an English major, would soon earn her degree in rhetoric and writing.

Going all the way back to middle school, Hamilton had been infatuated with drawing characters – so much so that she fantasized about creating comic books. She had specific concepts and characters in mind, mostly of a zombie genre.

Burke, meanwhile, was a science fiction fanatic. She had an interest in comics, but hadn’t seriously thought about making them.

Then, as fate would have it, Hamilton and Burke crossed paths in a local screen printing shop run by Nick DuPey – Burke’s boyfriend at the time and now her husband. Hamilton purposely had come to his shop due to an “art crush” she had on DuPey – who had received his degree from the UTC Fine Arts department two years before and had opened the shop with support from a grant he received in 2008.

“I had been trying to get somebody to work with me on a comic since high school,” said Hamilton, who grew up in Chattanooga and still calls the city home. “I was trying really hard to find somebody to work with, and those false starts were devastating; I figured it just wasn’t going to work out.

“I had three failed attempts before I finally met this amazing person I work with now, and we met in the most off-chance way possible. I was printing T-shirts at Nick’s screen printing shop. I was poor. I was like, ‘If I do the work, can I get them cheaper?’ I was an emerging artist and I was poor, and I needed shirts to sell.

“This one day, Ali came over to hang out at the shop – I think she came by with some beers – and Nick was like, ‘You’re a writer. You’re an artist. You guys should talk.’ “

Hamilton and Burke started talking, and their mutual interest in comics emerged. They started hanging out regularly at The Yellow Deli on McCallie Avenue. They began world-building – constructing an imaginary world with storylines and fully developed characters.

“Tara already had this rough concept and she’d been drawing this one character a long time; she really wanted to do a zombie comic,” Burke said. “I wasn’t too keen about the idea of zombies, so we developed these ideas together. We spent a lot of time before we even put pen to paper – just conceptualizing and researching.

“We started out just tossing things back and forth. I would write something, and she would draw a picture to go with it. Then she would draw a picture, and I would write some caption content that would fit with it. We did exercises like that, just to get warmed up.”

Through the world-building process, they created eight central characters. They developed a disease that traveled through the water system. They established storylines. They generated a post-apocalyptic adventure story.

“We hung out there a lot, and she kept making the story so much better,” Hamilton said. “Finally, Ali said, ‘Dude, we need to write this. We have to do it.’”

And ARRO was born.

“We came up with it together,” Burke said. “We really built out these characters’ back stories and the overarching narrative. It was just a tennis match of idea sharing, and that’s the best way to make things … to sort of volley it off someone else.

“It became a really natural collaborative relationship. I think we work close together. We push each other in good ways and have a lot of it balanced in our working styles. It’s really exciting to create something with a person … to write something and see it come to life visually through someone else’s eyes. We have a very collaborative relationship throughout the process, but a lot of times the writer/illustrator relationship in comics tends to be, ‘I write … I hand it to you … you draw it … it’s over.’ But we have a lot of back-and-forth throughout. We’re always working together on it, which is a relatively unique way of working. It’s something I really appreciate.”

“Ali is amazing. Please put that in there – that I said she’s amazing,” Hamilton said. “She manages to write everything how it needs to be for my style. I’ve never met a duo that I feel is as mentally together as we are. The only thing that stops us is ourselves as far as other stuff going on, but when it happens – it’s amazing.”

The digital illustrations of a comic book or a graphic novel don’t just happen overnight. It can be a laborious process.

Hamilton, the designer/illustrator, brings the characters of ARRO to life on her computer, utilizing a clunky stylus.

She explained that comics used to be done on a non-photo blue template, so when you inked it, the initial sketch drawings didn’t show up on the photocopier. There is no reason for her to use blue, but it’s still comfortable for her to do it that way. She then sketches in black, making sure everything fits into panel templates. Because ARRO is dialogue heavy, she has to leave ample room for words balloons.

Is it a labor of love for her? Yes. But it’s laborious, just the same.

“I work a 9-to-5 job, so on weeknights, my goal is normally half a page,” she said. “On weekends, my goal is normally one full page per day – when I’m really hitting a stride, trying to get stuff done. And that’s for lines only. I wait to color it until everything is done. All I want to do after Ali has edits is change the line art. If I have to keep changing it with the coloring, it hurts. I like drawing a lot and I like doing the line art a lot. Figuring out panels … I love it. But if I have to redo color, it’s rough. Sitting there and figuring out where colors go the first time is great. But if I have to delete a panel, redraw it and then recolor it, I’m going to hate every minute. So it’s best to leave the coloring until the end.”

As for the storylines, ARRO is really character driven. So it’s more focused on developing those eight characters than the world around them.

“I world-build a lot in my head,” Hamilton said. “I don’t draw it out as often as I probably should. But when Ali sends the chapters, I get a really clear vision of what it should look like.

“We collaborate for major ideas. We talk about it and talk about it and talk about it. Then she’ll send me this word document … and it’s magic. She understands these characters amazingly.”

Readers following the ARRO researchers know they’ll see 2032 Chattanooga both in the early chapters and in later volumes of the story.

“Part of it is just practical,” Burke explained. “In terms of drawing, you want to draw on things you know and places you know – and want to reference the places you visualize. You’re not writing about a place you’ve never been to.”

“I think we wanted it be as realistic as possible, so placing it in a location we knew felt more honest,” Hamilton said. “I love Chattanooga, and Chattanooga will come back quite a few times in later chapters.”

The year is 2016, and Hamilton and Burke had often talked about publishing an anthology once the third chapter had been completed.

It had taken quite some time to get to this point in the process. Life, literally, had gotten in the way.

Since the collaboration process started seven years ago, Burke got married, moved to Boston, had a baby and took on a fulltime job as a copywriter. Hamilton, too, worked a fulltime job, got married, and went back to UTC to obtain a second degree – this time in graphic design.

“Inevitably, there have been times – when she was finishing school … when I was preparing for my wedding … when I first had a child – when there were gaps and we just couldn’t work on ARRO,” Burke said. “Like any relationship, the best ones are the ones where you don’t talk to each other for a little while, then pick it right back up again where you left off. And we’ve been able to do that consistently and allow each other space to do the other things we needed to do in our lives.”

Although Chattanooga and Boston are more than 1,000 miles apart, Burke said their conversations tend to be more ongoing these days. Despite their heavy schedules, they’re in constant contact about future ARRO chapters.

“When we started, we had a lot more time to devote to it – and a lot more face time. We were able to go sit in a coffee shop for hours and kind of play around,” Burke said. “The distance thing is difficult, but we live in a time where we have a lot of Skype calls and texts going back and forth. We have a lot of shared Google docs. We still communicate a lot. And any time I’m in town, we get together and have that face-to-face experience. Honestly, there’s no substitute for that.”

Although they have taken breaks from time to time, “I knew that I wanted to keep working on it – and I knew she did, too,” Hamilton said. “It didn’t seem like it was a big deal taking that break. Our hearts were still in it, for sure. Once I graduated last year, I knew this is what I wanted to do and this is what I was going to do, no matter what.

“Even when I was in school, even when I didn’t have time to work on pages … every day, I was thinking about it and working out plot points. I was always thinking about character development. And anything I could possibly do in here” – pointing to her head – “while I was working on what I had to for class. It was never on the backburner for me. Every day, I was coming up with something to occupy my mind with the story and try to really flush it out. Once I was finished with the degree, I jumped into it as quickly as possible.”

Slowly but surely, page after page of ARRO was drawn and illustrated. Chapter One of the anthology, good to go. Then Chapter Two. Then Chapter Three.

The first volume – the aforementioned three chapters plus a pair of mini chapters, which are black-and-white in nature and separate from the main story – was now ready for production and distribution.

Earlier this year, Burke and Hamilton started a campaign through Kickstarter – a crowdfunding site that helps creative types find the financial backing and assistance they need to turn their ideas into a reality.

Hamilton and Burke’s goal was to raise $2,000 in 30 days (from June 13-July 13) for ARRO Comic, Volume 1. All of the funding was to go toward pulling everything together into one perfect-bound, full-color graphic novel. And they had specifics in mind: Speckle-toned Madero Beach 140# paper for the cover, 100% post-consumer Neenah PC100 80# for issues 1-3, and a crisp accent of Starch Mint 70-lb for the minis.

They reached that pledge level quickly, giving them the opportunity to create incentives for a stretch drive. In total, they raised $3,444 over the one-month period.

“It just so happened that it took us long enough that the technology exists for us to reach out to people,” Burke said. “The cool thing about Kickstarter … I think sometimes it feels like you’re begging for money, but I don’t see it that way. It’s an opportunity to pre-order. It’s an opportunity to gauge interest on something.

“Think of it this way. I’m asking, ‘Hey, if I printed this many books, how many would buy it?’ And these people are saying, ‘I would buy it.’ That way, you have the money to do the printing before you go to do it. And that’s an amazing opportunity. They’re not donating to us; they’re buying what they would have bought anyway.”

Approximately one-third of those pledging were from the Chattanooga area. But they also received pledges from backers in Great Britain, Australia, Singapore, Sweden and Gibraltar.

It’s an exciting time for the ARRO co-creators.

“We plan on having 10 or 12 volumes of ARRO; this is just the first one,” Hamilton said. “I really believe in this story. I think if people read it, they’ll see the amount of work we’ve put into it and hopefully really enjoy these characters.

“I’m seriously obsessed with them. Hopefully, other people can see that and like them, too.”

[swipestream]

Leveraging Tech at the Table

The Obvious: Distraction

I know a few (probably more than a few) GMs who don’t want or allow technology at their table. That’s their call, and I urge players to respect it. This is because devices, especially those with online capability, can lead to distractions in the form of text messages, phone calls, social media, web browsing, and watching funny cat videos. I get it. I really do.

However, there is a place and time for technology at the table. If you, as a player, have a GM that doesn’t want technology at the table, build a case for streamlined play, quick rule lookups, online tools/utilities, electronic character builders/sheets, and easy-to-reach references. If they still don’t relent, respect their desires and move on.

Having said all that, let’s assume technology is allowed at the table and explore its extensive capabilities and uses.

Technology and Limitations

For the purposes of this article, I’m going to use the word “technology” quite a bit. What I’m referring to here are the portable electronic devices most of us carry everyday. This will include laptops, tablets, smart phones, and the like. I’m mainly going to focus on using a tablet, though.

This is because I find smart phones too clunky for smooth use at the table when information is needed on-demand. Character sheets are too small (or require massive pinch-zooming and swipe-scrolling) to effectively make use of. PDFs can be read on smart phones, but when you’re reading half a paragraph per screen, it’s not that speedy. Also, taking notes on a smart phone just isn’t efficient. I have a hard time composing a tweet in any reasonable amount of time on my phone, let alone trying to capture the rapid-fire events of what’s going on at the table. Of course, you may be a world-class typist on your phone, so give it a whirl.

On the flip-side, laptops tend to be too large and consume tons of table space, especially if someone lugs out their massive 17-inch gaming laptop. They can’t easily be set aside and then pulled back out for quick reference. They’re great for note taking because of the keyboard, but doing dynamic notes (like maps) on a laptop is still problematic unless you have a touchscreen variant.

In the middle-ground between smart phones and laptops exist, of course, tablets. They’re great. They lie flat on the table, don’t take up tons of room on the table, and can be set aside or propped against a chair leg when space is needed. Tablets also have the same advantage of laptops with a larger screen allowing for easy reading of rulebook PDFs, interacting with electronic character sheets, and taking notes in a document, especially if you have a stylus or other writing device that works with your table.

Specifications

For the remainder of this article, I’m going to dive into details about how I use a tablet and stylus at the table. I currently have a an 11-inch iPad Pro and use an Apple Pencil. The screenshots I’m going to throw your way come from an app called GoodNotes 5. I also use an app called GoodReader for viewing, bookmarking, and annotating PDFs. With these bits of technology and just these two apps, I can do everything I need at the table as a player or GM. I still keep a small notepad and pencil nearby for passing notes when appropriate. Oh. Dice. Yeah. Lots and lots of dice are part of my kit, but that’s not the point of this article.

For you Android/Microsoft users, I apologize for focusing on Apple products here. I don’t like recommending or pointing people to apps or hardware that I have no experience with in case I lead them astray. I’m certain there are options out there for Android and Microsoft tablets, styluses, and applications that can perform in a similar fashion to what I do here. A search along the lines of “GoodReader for Android table” or “GoodNotes for Microsoft Surface” might lead you in the right direction.

GoodReader

When I can, I buy the PDFs of rulebooks. This is because my days of carrying 150+ pounds (no exaggeration) of books with me to the FLGS are over. I’m tired of doing that, and my back isn’t getting any younger. Where I can’t find legal PDFs, I suck it up and lug the books, but this article is about electronics, not calisthenics with a bag o’ books.

GoodReader is my application of choice for reading and marking up PDFs. It’s fast to load even the largest books. In my current campaign, I’m a player in a game of Astonishing Swordsmen and Sorcerers of Hyperborea. The PDF is 68 megabytes in size. Not small, but I’ve seen bigger. If I don’t have the PDF open, it takes about 5 seconds to load. Once loaded, page transitions and scrolling through the document is rapid-fire fast. It can also have multiple PDFs open at once in tabbed layout like in your web browser. That’s super handy for leaping between multiple source materials.

There is also a bookmark feature where you can save links to pages that are frequently referenced, and if the bookmark is properly outlined with an electronic table of contents, then the outline feature comes in very handy.

Here are some screenshots with captions about what the various functions do:

GoodReader Toolbar

GoodReader Outline View

GoodReader Bookmark View

GoodReader Search Feature

GoodNotes 5

For my handwritten notes, I use GoodNotes 5. Version 4 was great, but the upgrade to version 5 is a whole new world of note taking! I use it at the table, during classes, at conferences, and anywhere else I need to scribble something down for later review or sharing.

GoodNotes comes with a wide variety of “backgrounds.” Of course, I go with the gridded background for all RPG notes even when I’m not mapping. It helps me align the notes and indentations and such as I go. For mapping, the obvious choice is the gridded background. Another fantastic feature is that you can use a PDF as a “background.” Just import the PDF and start writing on it. The “eraser” feature won’t delete the PDF text/lines because it’s the background. This allows me to import the PDF version of a game’s character sheet and just use my iPad for the character sheet as well. This importing of a PDF as a background also works great for your GM maps. This allows you to take notes on the maps and highlight areas without worrying about accidentally erasing or messing up the original map.

GoodNotes, like GoodReader, allows multiple files to be open at once in a tabbed interface. In addition to being able to track notes, maps, and character stats on the fly, I can export the files to PDF format and save it on a cloud drive for sharing with the rest of the group between sessions. This is a fantastic feature since I track the campaign notes, treasure gained, maps, and my character in GoodNotes.

The main features I like about GoodNotes is the different line widths and colors available for the pen. I can also highlight in different colors. The eraser tool is handy when my handwriting gets super messy or I misplace a door on the map and need to redraw it. There is also a lasso tool that allows you to select an area and then drag ‘n’ drop it or cut/copy/paste it to another page or elsewhere on the same page. If you’re into type-written notes, but still want the ability to draw lines between text boxes to link things together, you can do that too.

Here are some screenshots of files I’ve created in GoodNotes, so you can get a flavor of what they look like. I apologize for the horrid handwriting, but I want you to see the different pen colors, highlighter colors, and so on.

GoodNotes Toolbar

GoodNotes Notes

GoodNotes Map

GoodNotes Character Sheet

What Do You Use?

What technology do you use at your in-person games? Let us, and your fellow readers, know what you have in your hands!

Leveraging Tech at the Table published first on https://medium.com/@ReloadedPCGames

[sweetlifetownsville]

Hard Going Getting On Top Of The Hill: The Mayor's Magnificent Mount Louisa Make-Over Might Stumble At The First Jump

And Jenny knows about the problem, but is blithely telling us its all go, when it may well be all stop. The Pie shares a most interesting email. The old bird can reveal that Mayor Jenny Hill IS under investigation by Brisbane authorities for possible misconduct and watching all the fumbling inanities coming over the next 12 months in the run-up to local council elections is going to be more fun than watching a blind man trying to get out of a door knob factory. To that end, The Pie this week introduces a new occasional award, The Codswallop Cup. No shortage of contenders. Also, our new white ele sorry, stadium, has hit more turbulence as it rises from the mud and Lozza Lancini will not be a happy chappy. Bentley has a say on George Pells new lifestyle And our regular gallery from Trumpistan. First, Hot Of The Rumour Mill

The most interesting rumour has just floated into the Nest. Its unverified (well duh, thats why its called a rumour) so well have to wait until the Astonisher plays catchup sometime this week. The Pie hears that the only two tenderers for the new stadiums ultra-lucrative catering contract , one being the incumbent Spotless and one being the Cowboys Leagues Club, have both been excluded for non compliant tenders to do with not paying award wages. So back to square one for the new stadium and where does that leave Spotless in the current stadium? For the answer, check the Astonisher around oh, say, next Friday, by when Lozza Lancini will have told iditor Jenna Cairney what she can say about this. Pell Mell Nothing has been quite as spectacular in the annals of fallen high flyers than that of George Pell, who has swapped his glittering Mardi Gras cardinals robes for prison drab, after being sent to chokey for six years (to serve 3 years and 8 months before eligible for parole) for what only be described as the most brazen, power-deluded child abuse imaginable. Indeed so brazen as to leave lingering doubts among some observers whether such things couldve happened as described, but an appeal will sort that out, after all, the jury knows things that we do not. Now Georgy Boy faces another biased jury his fellow inmates, a class of folk not known for their strict adherence to jurisprudence rules and who exercise their own summary justice according to their own morals and mythology. And Bentley reckons you never know who youre going to bump in in the Yard.

And The Pie says to those who say the term is not enough, rest assured, for a man of Pells pomposity, ego and age, he has been handed a life sentence of one sort or another. One imagines there is one person who will give Judge Peter Kidd the thumbs up.

Shifty Business Delivering on promises is a tricky business, especially when our mayor is in campaign mode. Today, we were offered this little bit of click bait.

But when we went through to the story, what we got was this

Uncanny how this is so ambiguous, like the Castle Hill upgrade itself. Now this is media sleight of hand at its clumsiest, making a highly speculative project sound like solid fact. Interesting because it simply that the TCC will start drawing up plans for what it would like to see at Mt Louisa and crucially for mayor Mullet is the quote: with construction expected by the end of the year. Community engagement started this week and will continue until the end of April. The Pie thought, well thats a nice idea, if conveniently timed to become a re-election boast, but hey, good for the huffnpuff crowd. Then this morning, (Sat) an email fluttered into the Nest. From Angela Sacilotto Councillor Jenny Hills grand plan for Mt Louisa is another political stunt with council elections due in March 2020. TCC do not own all of Mt Louisa. I own a 8 ha block right across the middle of the hill. I have told TCC I do not want to sell. Havent been able to verify Ms Sacilottos information, but she volunteered her contact details and phone number if The Pie wanted a chat about the matter (which for reasons well known to regular readers, is not a viable option since the recent operation.) But The Pie would guess there will be whole lot more to the meaning of community engagement when Mayor Mullet reads this. it is known that Jenny Hill does not like being crossed by people with legal rights who stand in the way of her grand visions, so this community engagement with Ms Sacilotto could involve nipple clamps, a car battery and wet towels . But That May Be The Least Of Her Problems Cant reveal too much at the moment, but our mayor is being officially investigated possible misconduct over her Adani links, particularly arising out of her trip to India. This will not be a revelation on her, because she has been informed of the issue by the Brisbane based investigating body, and what is officially termed overt inquiries are underway. Perhaps no biggy (but then again ) but not a great look for someone who once expressed her admiration for Ipswich Mayor Pisasale. What Dreams May Come, As Willy Shakespeare Once Said All this has led to The Magpie being told that Jenny, a Hitchcock fan, recently watched his classic The Birds, but when she went to bed, she had an horrific dream.

Serves her right for throwing darts at a much loved and protected Australian species. THIS WEEKS CONTENDERS FOR THE CODSWALLOP CUP Its a crowded field. Cmon, Really? Cmon now, seriously Jenna Cairney? Is this all youve got?

Listen, me dear old haggis-head, getting shocked by a menu may apply to a Korean doggy delicacy, a Vietnamese cockroach kebab or the price of a pie at the footy, but because this mob is adding burgers bloody good old Aussie burgers we Aussie snowflakes should be shocked? Do you not understand how insulting this advertorial pap is? One seriously has to question whether the decision makers who publish this clap trap have an IQ above room temperature. A Group Effort Where to start with this one, the inanity is of such magnitude that The Pie is tempted to inaugurate the Clusterfuck Cup as a separate category.

This mind-blowing little corker of an idea is called the Palmer Street Precinct Activation project, and involves wait for it a bit of new lighting along the street, and a new sign saying hang on again Palmer Street.

The plan was obviously to give re-election hopefuls a bit of sorely needed publicity (youd think on recent photographic evidence, Messagebank Walker and Ann-Maree Greaney are going steady). But for other reasons, the story raised both an eyebrow and a guffaw at the same time. Chef/restaurateur Matt Merrin, normally a sensible and successful man, made a right goof of himself when he (reportedly) told the paper the changes would transform Palmer Street into a world class destination. It will be something that visitors to Townsville can Instagram, take photos of and sell the message to the world. Its going to bring new investment back to Palmer Street (question: how does new investment come back?) Weve had many restaurants close over the last 12 months, this will inspire new restaurant owners and people to come back into Palmer Street and be part of the precinct it once was. A world class destination? Matt, a message from The Magpie, mate lay off the cooking sherry and exotic herbs before talking to the Astonisher (FFS, mate, youre even holding your glass crooked.) The story also informs us The dining strip received some upgrades during the preparations for the Commonwealth Games last year. Oh did it? Very similar upgrades in scale to the ones now proposed , as The Pie remembers. So in the year since that spruce up, two Palmer Street nose-baggeries have gone belly-up. But somehow, this one is going to usher in a new era? Hows that? But heres the best bit in the original story, Ann-Maree Greaney said the lighting would keep people, particularly women, safer that apparent admission that the council has allowed Palmer Street to operate without adequately safe lighting for years has now been removed from the story. What fucking planet are you from, you lot? Reporter Chris Lees, have you no dignity? Or sober judgement? Did TCC media gopfer Simpo Templeton have anything to do with this, its about his speed? Well, anyway Anthony, unlike the when at the Astonisher, at least in your TCC role you dont have to put your name to your cock-ups. 3. Off The Rails Then on Thursday, we had this little bit of fluffy irrelevancy.

But no sooner had this flimsy kite taken to the sky, than the Astonisher itself cut the string on Friday with this:

What city rail plan? There wasnt any, the original story was a campaigning thought-fart from the desperate Clr Jacob. Clever though, isnt it write bullshit one day and call it out as bullshit the next. Gotta luv the ol Astonisher. A Miscellaneous Magpie Whinge The Magpie is deliberately not talking about or seeking comment on the massacre in New Zealand, he has no words, certainly none that would contribute positively to this dark deed of pure evil. But coverage does prompt The Pie to vent about a favourite piece of nanny state demeaning idiocy can we please move away from the rubber-faced sign language person standing next to officials who are often making statements about deeply disturbing matters. Often signing involves grotesque and to the uninitiated completely inappropriate comical facial expressions. This presents the twin problems of distraction for the general audience and indignity for the subject of the media conference.The Pie doesnt know what the average deaf audience would be at any given time not many one would guess and yes, there are times like bushfire and flood updates where this information should be conveyed in this manner. But shit folks, heres a newsflash for more 60 years now, real time lower screen captioning has been available, or as all sports directors so slickly employ technology for a smaller, less distracting vision box to one corner. To currently give such a minority a so distracting and undignified presence is not necessary and lacks dignity, and disturbs concentration on what can be vital messages. Of course, nanny staters wont agree. Speaking Of The Nanny State Our evolving language, not always for the better, now features the term woke, as in are you woke to climate change? or any number of other social issues. It means are you alert to, but as so often happens, we too readily adopt the argot of the ill-educated as some sort expression of being cool and identifying with a group one wouldnt normally break bread with. The lovely thing about this nonsensical use of substitute language leaves it wide open for hysterically funny skewering and in this classic piss take Are You Woke? from a fed up Tracey Ullman. The Clock Is A-Ticking The Brexit imbroglio is increasingly hard to follow (or for The Pie, to care much about) but one of the cleverest pictorial comments the predicament of Theresa (dis)May(ed) comes from the Guardians Steve Bell.

And More Of The Same From Trumpistan A lot of attention continues to surround the tumble of democrats eager to take on President Trumpet at the polls next year. And the interest has been heightened by someone not running.

. The ducking, weaving and hilarity of the comments section runs 24/7, so give us of your best, folks. And if you like the blog, you can show your appreciation with some sorely needed financial support, the how to donate button is below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/hard-going-getting-on-top-of-the-hill-the-mayors-magnificent-mount-louisa-make-over-might-stumble-at-the-first-jump/

[sweetlifetownsville]

Hard Going Getting On Top Of The Hill: The Mayor's Magnificent Mount Louisa Make-Over Might Stumble At The First Jump

And Jenny knows about the problem, but is blithely telling us its all go, when it may well be all stop. The Pie shares a most interesting email. The old bird can reveal that Mayor Jenny Hill IS under investigation by Brisbane authorities for possible misconduct and watching all the fumbling inanities coming over the next 12 months in the run-up to local council elections is going to be more fun than watching a blind man trying to get out of a door knob factory. To that end, The Pie this week introduces a new occasional award, The Codswallop Cup. No shortage of contenders. Also, our new white ele sorry, stadium, has hit more turbulence as it rises from the mud and Lozza Lancini will not be a happy chappy. Bentley has a say on George Pells new lifestyle And our regular gallery from Trumpistan. First, Hot Of The Rumour Mill The most interesting rumour has just floated into the Nest. Its unverified (well duh, thats why its called a rumour) so well have to wait until the Astonisher plays catchup sometime this week. The Pie hears that the only two tenderers for the new stadiums ultra-lucrative catering contract , one being the incumbent Spotless and one being the Cowboys Leagues Club, have both been excluded for non compliant tenders to do with not paying award wages. So back to square one for the new stadium and where does that leave Spotless in the current stadium? For the answer, check the Astonisher around oh, say, next Friday, by when Lozza Lancini will have told iditor Jenna Cairney what she can say about this. Pell Mell Nothing has been quite as spectacular in the annals of fallen high flyers than that of George Pell, who has swapped his glittering Mardi Gras cardinals robes for prison drab, after being sent to chokey for six years (to serve 3 years and 8 months before eligible for parole) for what only be described as the most brazen, power-deluded child abuse imaginable. Indeed so brazen as to leave lingering doubts among some observers whether such things couldve happened as described, but an appeal will sort that out, after all, the jury knows things that we do not. Now Georgy Boy faces another biased jury his fellow inmates, a class of folk not known for their strict adherence to jurisprudence rules and who exercise their own summary justice according to their own morals and mythology. And Bentley reckons you never know who youre going to bump in in the Yard. And The Pie says to those who say the term is not enough, rest assured, for a man of Pells pomposity, ego and age, he has been handed a life sentence of one sort or another. One imagines there is one person who will give Judge Peter Kidd the thumbs up. Shifty Business Delivering on promises is a tricky business, especially when our mayor is in campaign mode. Today, we were offered this little bit of click bait. But when we went through to the story, what we got was this Uncanny how this is so ambiguous, like the Castle Hill upgrade itself. Now this is media sleight of hand at its clumsiest, making a highly speculative project sound like solid fact. Interesting because it simply that the TCC will start drawing up plans for what it would like to see at Mt Louisa and crucially for mayor Mullet is the quote: with construction expected by the end of the year. Community engagement started this week and will continue until the end of April. The Pie thought, well thats a nice idea, if conveniently timed to become a re-election boast, but hey, good for the huffnpuff crowd. Then this morning, (Sat) an email fluttered into the Nest. From Angela Sacilotto Councillor Jenny Hills grand plan for Mt Louisa is another political stunt with council elections due in March 2020. TCC do not own all of Mt Louisa. I own a 8 ha block right across the middle of the hill. I have told TCC I do not want to sell. Havent been able to verify Ms Sacilottos information, but she volunteered her contact details and phone number if The Pie wanted a chat about the matter (which for reasons well known to regular readers, is not a viable option since the recent operation.) But The Pie would guess there will be whole lot more to the meaning of community engagement when Mayor Mullet reads this. it is known that Jenny Hill does not like being crossed by people with legal rights who stand in the way of her grand visions, so this community engagement with Ms Sacilotto could involve nipple clamps, a car battery and wet towels . But That May Be The Least Of Her Problems Cant reveal too much at the moment, but our mayor is being officially investigated possible misconduct over her Adani links, particularly arising out of her trip to India. This will not be a revelation on her, because she has been informed of the issue by the Brisbane based investigating body, and what is officially termed overt inquiries are underway. Perhaps no biggy (but then again ) but not a great look for someone who once expressed her admiration for Ipswich Mayor Pisasale. What Dreams May Come, As Willy Shakespeare Once Said All this has led to The Magpie being told that Jenny, a Hitchcock fan, recently watched his classic The Birds, but when she went to bed, she had an horrific dream. Serves her right for throwing darts at a much loved and protected Australian species. THIS WEEKS CONTENDERS FOR THE CODSWALLOP CUP Its a crowded field. Cmon, Really? Cmon now, seriously Jenna Cairney? Is this all youve got? Listen, me dear old haggis-head, getting shocked by a menu may apply to a Korean doggy delicacy, a Vietnamese cockroach kebab or the price of a pie at the footy, but because this mob is adding burgers bloody good old Aussie burgers we Aussie snowflakes should be shocked? Do you not understand how insulting this advertorial pap is? One seriously has to question whether the decision makers who publish this clap trap have an IQ above room temperature. A Group Effort Where to start with this one, the inanity is of such magnitude that The Pie is tempted to inaugurate the Clusterfuck Cup as a separate category. This mind-blowing little corker of an idea is called the Palmer Street Precinct Activation project, and involves wait for it a bit of new lighting along the street, and a new sign saying hang on again Palmer Street. The plan was obviously to give re-election hopefuls a bit of sorely needed publicity (youd think on recent photographic evidence, Messagebank Walker and Ann-Maree Greaney are going steady). But for other reasons, the story raised both an eyebrow and a guffaw at the same time. Chef/restaurateur Matt Merrin, normally a sensible and successful man, made a right goof of himself when he (reportedly) told the paper the changes would transform Palmer Street into a world class destination. It will be something that visitors to Townsville can Instagram, take photos of and sell the message to the world. Its going to bring new investment back to Palmer Street (question: how does new investment come back?) Weve had many restaurants close over the last 12 months, this will inspire new restaurant owners and people to come back into Palmer Street and be part of the precinct it once was. A world class destination? Matt, a message from The Magpie, mate lay off the cooking sherry and exotic herbs before talking to the Astonisher (FFS, mate, youre even holding your glass crooked.) The story also informs us The dining strip received some upgrades during the preparations for the Commonwealth Games last year. Oh did it? Very similar upgrades in scale to the ones now proposed , as The Pie remembers. So in the year since that spruce up, two Palmer Street nose-baggeries have gone belly-up. But somehow, this one is going to usher in a new era? Hows that? But heres the best bit in the original story, Ann-Maree Greaney said the lighting would keep people, particularly women, safer that apparent admission that the council has allowed Palmer Street to operate without adequately safe lighting for years has now been removed from the story. What fucking planet are you from, you lot? Reporter Chris Lees, have you no dignity? Or sober judgement? Did TCC media gopfer Simpo Templeton have anything to do with this, its about his speed? Well, anyway Anthony, unlike the when at the Astonisher, at least in your TCC role you dont have to put your name to your cock-ups. 3. Off The Rails Then on Thursday, we had this little bit of fluffy irrelevancy. But no sooner had this flimsy kite taken to the sky, than the Astonisher itself cut the string on Friday with this: What city rail plan? There wasnt any, the original story was a campaigning thought-fart from the desperate Clr Jacob. Clever though, isnt it write bullshit one day and call it out as bullshit the next. Gotta luv the ol Astonisher. A Miscellaneous Magpie Whinge The Magpie is deliberately not talking about or seeking comment on the massacre in New Zealand, he has no words, certainly none that would contribute positively to this dark deed of pure evil. But coverage does prompt The Pie to vent about a favourite piece of nanny state demeaning idiocy can we please move away from the rubber-faced sign language person standing next to officials who are often making statements about deeply disturbing matters. Often signing involves grotesque and to the uninitiated completely inappropriate comical facial expressions. This presents the twin problems of distraction for the general audience and indignity for the subject of the media conference.The Pie doesnt know what the average deaf audience would be at any given time not many one would guess and yes, there are times like bushfire and flood updates where this information should be conveyed in this manner. But shit folks, heres a newsflash for more 60 years now, real time lower screen captioning has been available, or as all sports directors so slickly employ technology for a smaller, less distracting vision box to one corner. To currently give such a minority a so distracting and undignified presence is not necessary and lacks dignity, and disturbs concentration on what can be vital messages. Of course, nanny staters wont agree. Speaking Of The Nanny State Our evolving language, not always for the better, now features the term woke, as in are you woke to climate change? or any number of other social issues. It means are you alert to, but as so often happens, we too readily adopt the argot of the ill-educated as some sort expression of being cool and identifying with a group one wouldnt normally break bread with. The lovely thing about this nonsensical use of substitute language leaves it wide open for hysterically funny skewering and in this classic piss take Are You Woke? from a fed up Tracey Ullman. The Clock Is A-Ticking The Brexit imbroglio is increasingly hard to follow (or for The Pie, to care much about) but one of the cleverest pictorial comments the predicament of Theresa (dis)May(ed) comes from the Guardians Steve Bell. And More Of The Same From Trumpistan A lot of attention continues to surround the tumble of democrats eager to take on President Trumpet at the polls next year. And the interest has been heightened by someone not running. . The ducking, weaving and hilarity of the comments section runs 24/7, so give us of your best, folks. 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