#for some reason this team gave me more motivation than i've had in months

[whole-grain-waffles]

i know nothing about naruto.

downloads/twitter post here :D

[darkpoisonouslove]

HotD S02E06

This show is exhausting, the fandom - even more so. I didn't even want to write this but I hate not finishing stuff I've already started and abandoning my "reviews" halfway through the season just didn't sit right with me. Also, I guess I do want to bitch even if I would be infinitely happier if I didn't have to. There is good news, though, and that's the fact that I did like this episode more than the last one! These thoughts might not be in order because I cannot be bothered to open the episode again and look through it:

Daemon is so funny for real. He has NOT caught on to the fact that Alys is playing him. I think this might be more misogyny from him, though. Look at it - he is blaming Simon, who is allegedly in charge of all of Harrenhal and he is absolutely not clocking Alys despite the fact that she literally gave him a potion to drink. He cannot perceive that there might be some kind of other power different from being a lord/king.

I do not know why Alys is helping him tbh. I guess she sees how pathetic his state and that of the entire team Black is and she figures that if she doesn't help, the war will be over soon. So if her motive is prolonging the war to ensure both sides take as many hits as possible, then she probably wants to end the Targaryens/dragons. It's really funny how they are making team Black the underdogs, however. What, with Daemon alienating all of the Riverlands houses and the loss of Rhaenys and their largest dragon, they are presented at a severe disadvantage. In the book, though, team Black has more dragons and more houses that support them... and they still fucking lose. Guess we know why the writers are "adapting" the situation to make them look like they will come out on top from a worse initial position but it's really funny because who fucking fumbled the Riverlands, guys? It was Daemon! He had one job and the only reason he might come back from his mistake is because Alys probably wants to see all Targaryens dead. What a funny way to present your "heroes".

Love how they also made Alys say that Rhaenyra should get the crown because she's never wanted it. I guess that conversation in 1x02 where Rhaenys warned her it would all lead to war because the men of the realm won't accept her as queen and Rhaenyra's response boiled down to "Fuck them! I will have my crown!" was just some kind of dream we mass hallucinated then. Istg this writing is a fucking joke. I don't think the writers are aware that adapting something doesn't mean "do the exact opposite of the main theme of the source material", which they are doing by insisting Rhaenyra has some kind of divine right to the throne. Read. The. Fucking. Book!

The way they're "adapting" Aemond is killing me so I don't even want to talk about it. I just have to say that the Aemond from 1x09 would never do what he's doing right now. I could be repeating myself but the fact that he regretted accidentally killing the boy that slashed out his eye and mutilated him but burned his own brother in cold blood (and was essentially torturing him in this episode) over one minute of Aegon reverting to bullying him like he did during their childhood is nonsensical af. Not to mention that he already had the chance to be king. Aegon literally begged him to let him run away so that he could be free and Aemond would be king and he didn't do it because he respected his mother's wishes. I do not buy that he would change that much over the course of 2 months.

Having Aemond insult the one other disabled character and call him a toad (and torture the other disabler character besides himself aka his brother) was not great. Trying to marry Alicent off after everything that's happened to her? I think the fuck not (at least he didn't insist on that)!

I was thinking that it would be much more suspenseful if Rhaenyra's first attempt at finding more dragon riders was unsuccessful because imagine how much harder it would be to continue with more attempts - both because of her conscience and because all the other candidates would probably not want to risk their lives on what appears to be a doomed cause. In fact, I was so wrapped up in that scene, I didn't even realize that since it was Seasmoke that they were trying to match with a rider, it obviously wouldn't be successful since Addam was to be Seasmoke's new rider. Then they did the horrible death in dragon fire and I thought we were on the same page only for them to take the easy way out and make Seasmoke hunt down the one person that he would accept as a rider. What a cop-out! Make Rhaenyra make the hard choices! Without dragon riders more people on her side would die! She should have pushed through with the plan until she found a rider! Not this convenient way to absolve her of responsibility for risking more people's lives!

Please, tell me there will be more development with Rhaena and the wild dragon. Why would you tell us there's a wild dragon if nothing will be done about it? Frankly, I am more invested in the potential of this situation than half the other subplots on the show.

I have to say I am... concerned as to what's going on with Otto. First, Aemond wants to get him back as Hand, which is a red flag already. With Otto there the chaos and blunders would be minimized, which is definitely not what they would be aiming for at this point. Then Alicent says that Otto hasn't answered her letters. I'm really starting to think that he's dead. Either that or he's in the middle of some shenanigans. I hope it's the latter.

"Oh, was it the Red Keep or was it their mother?" Yeah, that's right! Their mother. Their single. Fucking. Parent! Since Viserys couldn't be fucking bothered with any of his children from Alicent. Do keep telling us how she is at fault for how they turned out and not the constant neglect and obvious preference for their sister that they suffered from their father. I'm sure that sitting there with your eye slashed out while your father refuses to do anything for you and your sister demands that you be tortured further wouldn't have been life-altering for Aemond if it weren't for Alicent's failure as a mother. I get that Alicent would feel responsible with the way that things are going but I do not trust this show (and especially not the fans) to not frame it like it's the truth. Just fucking give us Daeron already (probably won't happen this season). At least her scene by Aegon's bedside was good!

Speaking of Aegon, I do want to see how things will develop with him from now on! He managed to save himself from Aemond for now but Larys' monologue is really getting my hopes up (silly me) that we will see an evolution of Aegon where he will truly start using his mind now and grow smarter and more cunning. I shouldn't hope but that would be amazing!

I find it curious that Daemon has managed to make some emotional progress by being there for Viserys (in the visions) when Viserys is dead in reality. Rhaenyra is the one who's still alive and needs him but he's loudly proclaimed his intentions to take the throne for himself and betray her and there hasn't been any indication that he's changed his mind about that. So basically, he's only able to "be there" for Viserys because Viserys isn't an obstacle to him anymore, doesn't hold any power that could allow him to take away what Daemon most desires while Rhaenyra is still very much a symbol of Daemon "being robbed of what he deserves". It don't count if it won't hurt, Daemon! Maybe try making nice with the relative that's still alive!

I have seen people say that it's stupid for the small folk to say Rhaenyra cares about them when she's the one implementing the sea blockade and that's true to an extent but I think the bigger reason for the riot was that they were convinced there was food but the Greens were hoarding it. I can kind of understand that but imagine that you're starving so much that you're grateful to the person that implemented a food blockade in the first place for sending you food and then... you start throwing the food you were so desperate for at the royals instead of... idk fucking eating it. Even if Rhaenyra sent an excess, you'd still fucking need to eat tomorrow. Also, isn't it funny how the book describes Alicent and Helaena both as beloved by the small folk while the show makes them the target of the riot? I am sure that was a completely innocent, unbiased change on the writers' part.

I understand Rhaenyra's frustration with everyone talking like Daemon will come to save her. As if he can get anything done. I do think that maybe Jace didn't mean it in that way but was trying to reinforce the idea that she should stay protected and let others fight instead of her because without her everything is lost. Finally, a complex situation that makes their relationship more interesting! Can't wait to see what might happen if the thing with Mysaria continues, though I do have my doubts about that. Rhaenyra has really been feeling the effects of losing Rhaenys' support and Mysaria is the only one that's shown faith in her. It could be treated like a weak moment for Rhaenyra where she was seeking reassurance. I'm hearing that a lot of people thought that scene was blasphemy and I'm glad that at least we, here on tumblr, are fucking normal about it aka we're celebrating it. Frankly, both Rhaenyra and Mysaria deserve better than Daemon so I hope they keep making out and more.

[mousegard]

this june is the 4th anniversary of an eagle among lions. i should've made a post about it on june 8 but i was extremely busy moving to a new apartment and would have just as easily forgotten my own birthday

but instead of looking at how the fic began (shitposting about "mayo dimitri" in a discord chat with my beta reader @nolivar6136) i want to take a look at the last 11 chapters of this fic and the context in which they were written, and why i have always been so thankful for the enthusiastic reception eal received from my readers.

on monday, march 21, 2022, after publishing one of my favorite single chapters of the fic—desdinova's POV chapter, "the tears of god flow as I bleed" (a blue oyster cult reference, naturally)—i was abruptly let go from the marketing job i'd had since 2019 with no warning and no reason given.

i have had my suspicions as to why. the tech startup i had originally been hired by had been acquired the past year by its own sister company, and there was a growing sentiment from the original company's employees—who were increasingly becoming ex-employees—that the new company, now that it had acquired the old company's core technology and production facilities, no longer needed its people. in particular, rumor had it the higher-ups hadn't wanted anybody from the ancien regime on the company's marketing team. my old boss had already left of her own accord (i probably should have followed her; she'd been the best boss i'd ever had).

it was also likely that the company wanted to purge people who preferred remote work to in-office work. these suspicions came as a relief to me, because my termination had also come just over a week after offhandedly mentioning to the marketing team that i had a girlfriend before taking a week off to spend time with her (that's right, i was fired literally the day i came back from vacation), and the timing had felt suspicious. turns out my new boss wasn't homophobic, just an incompetent asshole working for other incompetent assholes!

but i digress. it had been my first time being let go from a job and my first time being unemployed, and i would continue being unemployed until august 2022. i don't need to tell you how awful being unemployed was. we all know how awful being unemployed is and how traumatic being fired from a job you love can be. the only bright side was that i had more time to write than ever before, and that was how i dragged an eagle among lions across the finish line. i wrote like it was my part-time job. i wrote like the comments from my readers could pay my rent, because telling this story to my readers and seeing them react to every crazy twist and turn the story took in its final act sustained my soul.

eal had an extraordinary cohort of regular commenters who would comment on every chapter, or almost every chapter, which is an exceptional rarity for fics on ao3. every chapter had some of the liveliest comments sections i've ever seen. the joy that came from sharing the story with such a responsive community was what gave me the strength to keep going. if i'd just been shouting out the story to a void, my motivation would have likely died out. i might not have ever managed to bring the story to a conclusion.

i think i've talked about how much i loved eal's commenters before, but i haven't shared the exact circumstances of eal's final arc and the specific way these enthusiastic readers and commenters made the most unbearable four months of my life tolerable. when i'd lost a sense of purpose in my life, they helped me hold onto one. they made this story feel worth telling. they made me feel as though it was worth it to do my best and drive the story to its best possible conclusion when hardly anything else in the world felt "worth" doing. when resume after resume vanished into the void and potential employers ghosted after one, two, or even three interviews, eal's commenters made it so that at least my magnum opus didn't feel like wasted effort, even when every single interview and job application did. when you're unemployed, your life feels meaningless. eal's readers made me feel like a rockstar.

even two years later, i'm still so happy and grateful to have met so many wonderful people through eal's comments sections.

thanks, everyone. i really appreciated it.

[marshmallowprotection]

i fell asleep lmao but im still mad so

lately i've been working on this united nations model that my school has every year for those in high school, and since last year we were virtual this is my first time ever participating and im like, expected to work with ppl who are both older than me and who've done this before and that uh scares the shit out of me, i hate this project with a burning passion and would rather fall from a window and be hospitalized for six months than participate but unfortunately my windows have iron bars so i can't jump from it and have to do it. as if that wasn't bad enough when the project was first announced my name didn't appear on the list so i couldn't know what i had to do and even now i have no way of communicating with my "president" or get any feedback from him. very fun. but i've been doing my best and although i've procastinated a bit i still turn everything in in time and according to my teacher i've done an excellent work and only have to fix one thing. this one thing has been breaking my brain bc i have no idea of how to fix it and im supposed to turn it in this monday. my mom has been helping me with the project and for some reason decided to become my agenda and tell me when im supposed to do everything without even bothering to ask my opinion. this naturally means that she expects me to be working every single day and gets mad when i take a break. yesterday i spent hours trying to fix that thing but couldn't find what i was supposed to put instead and i got kinda stuck and that was beginning to make me cry so i decided to stop for the day and try again today.

and what did my mom do? she told me that i couldn't use my ipad anymore for an indefinite amount of time bc "it was distracting me and making me act stupid" 🧍‍♀️ she also gave me the ever-so-reassuring "you've done this multiple times before" bs that pisses me off more than anything bc this feels very obviously much more serious and is far more complicated than any other investigation project i've ever done and sjshxjahdsjnxsn i can't stand her and her stupid ass help that doesn't help in the slightest

so yeah 👍 thats the drama this time. sorry if it doesn't make any sense im not rlly thinking rn

Yeah, I'm sorry to say this but your mother isn't doing the right job in this situation. Taking away things from your child doesn't make them work harder. It just stresses you out and makes you feel like you're in the middle of a disaster zone. You deserve to have free time, even if you're supposed to be working hard. You can't be working all day all the time. You'd suffer from burnout and make yourself exhausted and sick to your stomach. That's not going to make you a better student. That's going to frustrate you. She's not helping. She needs to learn that this isn't how you motivate your children.

As far as your assignment goes, it's my best advice that you talk to someone else on the team. If you can't talk to them, talk one more time to your teacher. It doesn't mean you're stupid if you ask more questions. It means that you're able to understand what you need to do. If that fails, Google is always a Godsend. Don't be afraid of trying something new for the first time this way, it will be okay. You just need to break down your tasks into parts and do that one by one. Don't listen to your mother about how to do your work, you know what goes best. Just ensure that she thinks you're listening to her so she doesn't do worse again.

[roswelldetails]

RNM 2x12 - Crash Into Me

EPISODE SUMMARY:

WELCOME TO CRASHCON — As the town prepares for CrashCon, Liz (Jeanine Mason) and Max (Nathan Dean) attempt to piece together who may be behind a potentially deadly plan targeting the festival.  Elsewhere, Maria (Heather Hemmens) and Isobel (Lily Cowles) take drastic measure to learn more about the night Mimi (guest star Sherri Saum) disappeared, while Michael (Michael Vlamis) is forced to do someone else’s bidding.

DETAILS:

Max is secretly practicing with his powers.  Was Max's "light cardio" actually just him trying to strengthen his powers?

Max has a land line. Hee. Which Liz doesn't mind answering for him.

Liz is looking for a pen on his desk when she finds the empty vials of the antidote.  Max plays them off as being leftover from when he had amnesia.

Liz mentions that the phone call was Max's bank calling to verify a deposit for him. 

Max is choosing not to worry about Michael because he and Isobel can feel that he's not badly injured or in serious danger.

Liz called Dirk:

"He said before she left she was getting nonstop calls from a 575 number. The Sunset Mesa facility where Mimi DeLuca lives."

"Wait, Mimi was calling your mom before the abductions?...Mimi was always obsessed with alien movies. Maybe fiction and reality are blurring. Your mom is working with Flint Manes who spent years making an alien-killing weapon while at Caulfield. What if your mom found out Rosa was killed by an alien? She'd want revenge."

Note: Max and I apparently think alike, because this was my assumption going into the episode as well. For the sake of detailing and not making this confusing plotline any more confusing...Max and I were both wrong. 

Also, I love that they mentioned cell service issues during Crash Con.  That is extremely realistic and makes a ton of sense, speaking from experience at like, concerts and baseball playoff games and such.

Maria gets Liz's voicemail and immediately confronts Mimi.

"I just got a message from Liz. Mom...when you disappeared, it was Helena Ortecho that took you...You didn't have butyricol in your system when they found you. You know Liz's mom. You'd remember if you spent a month with her.  Mom, are you covering for Helena?"

"Everything is going to be fine."

"I'm not fine. Alex and Michael are missing."

"Helena is a lot of things, but she won't hurt your friends. I'm sure… (Isobel walks in) You're the blonde. The one that Rosa was afraid of."

"Hi Mimi...I'm your cool Aunt Isobel.  Hopefully we can get to know each other under better circumstances sometime. Sure about this DeLuca?"

"Desperate times call for desperate alien invasions."

Isobel's first trip into Mimi's mindscape:

"Show me what happened the night you disappeared, Mimi."

Mimi turns to see headlights approaching. It's the hunting van. Helena is driving it. After they greet each other they talk in the van.

"I saw her. I saw her in a vision.

"I didn't believe you. I had to see it with my own eyes."

"You saw her.  You saw Rosa."

Flashback to Liz and Rosa arguing over Rosa's necklace in 2x01.  Just as a note, Isobel is in Mimi's head, not Helena's, so she shouldn't really be able to see this flashback since Mimi wasn't there when Helena saw Rosa.

"This is a good thing, Helena. Your daughter is alive. She needs you."

"When Jim Valenti was dying, I came home to say goodbye. He kept saying Rosa could live again, that she was preserved."

"But you didn't believe him. No one ever believes us."

"If Rosa is alive, it means Jim was telling the truth. Which means everything else he said could be true, like aliens are real and Jesse Manes has a weapon that can kill them. It means I have to go to war, Mimi. First, you need some shoes."

Then Mimi somehow kicks Isobel out of her memories, which gives Isobel a nosebleed. But Mimi doesn't seem to know what happened.  It's almost like she has a kind of subconscious protection on her own mind, somehow.

Note: the hunting van must not be Flint's, because Helena is driving it when she first considers teaming up with Flint, I assume based on the above.  Maybe she was the suspicious figure in Flint's house when Max and Kyle were hiding in the closet? And what about the car that Rosa blew up? Did she have access to multiple vehicles? Am I overthinking this?? Haha.

Kyle's tip to Max:

"I found this at Flint's, but it's from a florist my dad used when he was in the doghouse with my mom. I finally guessed the password today. Rosa's birthday. The only thing on it is a note my dad wrote to Helena. It's a lot of romantic crap followed by details for a storage unit he had up near Haystack Mountain."

Haystack Mountain is an off-road vehicle recreation area about 30 miles northeast of Roswell.

Michael working on the "bomb". Charlie is working on the toxin nearby and Helena is keeping an eye on both of them.

"This entire process would be more efficient if I could attach the release chamber to the other side."

"Ay, mijo. Now is not the time to get creative. Time is running out. Follow the blueprints exactly."

"You don't look like an obedient soldier. Who'd she take to force you to do her bidding?"

"A friend. It's complicated. Why are you helping her? Jenna's free."

"Flint Manes has a sniper rifle on the roof pointed at her bedroom window. If I step out of line and something happens…"

"You'll never forgive yourself."

"I'll never forgive myself anyway. Helena has me formulating a pathogen that I invented when I was 17.  It's a poison that dismantles specific DNA. If targeted your death is quick and ugly. A bleeding from every orifice kind of deal… I thought that I was saving people. Okay, imagine a weapon that you could drop into a populated city and the only people targeted would be al-Qaeda leaders and their direct descendants. Okay? In the right hands my weapon could prevent innocent civilian casualties and save our troops."

"I'm guessing these are not the right hands? Why am I building the bomb when the inventor is under Helena's thumb?"

"I do chemicals, not mechanics. And technically it's not a bomb. It's a catalytic toxin atomizer that was developed in a top secret operation involving weapons specialists from both the Army and the Air Force."

"Project Shepherd. One more question for you, Charlie. Whose DNA is that poison you're making gonna target?"

"Judging from conversations I've heard between Helena and Flint, it's alien DNA. Like, literal aliens."

This is actually the part of this story that's crystal clear to me. We've been getting tidbits on this dating back to 1x12, when Flint told Alex about his "smart bomb".  Jesse told Jenna in 2x04 about Charlie's toxin that could pinpoint specific DNA, and even used a similar metaphor in explaining it as Charlie did in this episode. The part that doesn't make sense to me is, why did FLINT need Michael to build it, if he developed the blueprints?

Liz and Rosa in the lab discussing Max taking the antidote.

"He's only supposed to take a drop when he has amnesia. It's not vitamin C. In high doses it could cause surges of adrenaline that could be dangerous."

"No offense, but you sound like a mom. Like a real mom, the kind who actually give a duck. Oh I just figured out what autocorrect is. It's hilarious."

"Speaking of moms, ours hasn't reached out to any of your old dealers and she hasn't shown up at any of the churches in town, so you got any other ideas?"

"It's CrashCon. We usually find her wearing the loudest t-shirts and flirting with the richest nerds."

"Yeah, but Flint and Jesse Manes hate aliens. I mean it's literally their only hobby. If she's with them, I'm betting she's lost her affection for the simple charms of UFO novelty kitch."

"Wait, if you were going to get revenge on aliens, CrashCon is the perfect place. There's all kinds of conspiracy theorists and press. You know how mom loves attention."

"You think something's gonna happen tonight?" 

"Papi is there by himself setting up. I think he should come home."

Note: my phone autocorrected duck to fuck. So I guess that tells you something about me. 😳

Also I just realized that for once ROSA and not Liz is the one who put the pieces together! Good for her. I wonder if that's purposeful since she's the daughter who is more like their mom? Like, she understands Helena's motivations better than Liz or something.

Steph and her father are going to CrashCon together. Kyle helps her with her makeup. Super sweet, but rather pointless since the scenes of Steph at CrashCon were cut. Mostly just including this here as a reminder that she's there in case it comes up in the finale.

Max and Cam, who got her job back!

"Thanks for the assist. I'm guessing that guard wouldn't let me through with bolt cutters unless I had an officer of the law present."

"Oh well, don't be jealous, Evans. Valenti has me on desk duty. So this little adventure is my lunch break."

"Valenti did the right thing, giving you your job back."

"Yeah well, you know, apparently some local bartender gave her reason to doubt the events the night of the gala were my fault. So I owe you."

"I've lost track of who owes who what at this point."

They break into the storage unit. It's empty except for an empty shelving unit, a locked chest, and a puddle of purple alien goo.

"What is that?"

"It looks like embryonic fluid. There must have been a pod in here."

Note: no, Max! Pod Goo evaporates upon contact with Earth's atmosphere/air. So it's not pod goo.

There isn't a super clear shot of inside the chest, but Max pulls out a love letter from Helena to Jim Valenti. I can transcribe it if you want me to. It's pretty easy to read and frankly, there's nothing important there. My heart is forever yours...it feels good to actually love and be loved in return...blah blah cheesy platitudes.

But seriously. Just send me an ask if you need me to transcribe it.  But I'm gonna skip for now.

Isobel is chugging acetone straight from the bottle in the middle of the Pony.

Isobel's second trip into Mimi's mindscape:

"Mimi. I know you think you're doing the right thing, but Helena is holding people hostage. We have to understand her motive."

"You all think I'm losing my mind. But I just...slip out of my time and into a different one every once in a while. Sometimes Maria's. Or Mama's. Other women in our future or past. I saw you when you were a baby. The sky was red."

"What can you tell me about your time with Helena? She had you for a month."

"We were in a motel. We watched movies. We laughed and gossiped. She wanted to trigger my visions...gather information."

"What information? What did you tell her? What did you see?"

"What's important is Helena will take care of our girls. I'm not afraid. That's enough."

Mimi kicks her out again.

"I tried.  She's fading."

"She's tired. It's harder when she's tired. Come on, Mom. I'm gonna take you back to Sunset Mesa."

"Maria, you just have to look for the signs in the water. You have to believe. Go on, you'd better hurry."

"Hurry where?"

"CrashCon closing night! You don't want to miss the fireworks. You always loved the fireworks."

Max and Cam going through the chest of letters back at Max's house:

"Okay, all these notes are from Helena to Jim Valenti. This is from the week Rosa died. I mean even 20 years after their affair she's still writing and he's still saving her letters."

"Pining after an Ortecho for years and years. It's so weird. Who does that. This is a receipt. It's a money transfer he made around the same time. He paid Daniel Fuller a thousand bucks."

"Fuller was the county coroner. Okay we still don't know how Noah got Rosa's body into the pod, right? But Jim had Project Shepherd connections to the morgue. So maybe if Noah knew about Jim and knew that he'd be grieving Rosa, he could have told him where to find the pod, right, and maybe he didn't even take the pod back until after Jim died."

"I mean, this is all a bunch of conjecture."

"Jim pulled me aside at high school graduation, he said I was the kind of guy the sheriff's department could use. Look, I mean maybe… I mean, he never let on, but maybe he knew I was an alien, right? Maybe he knew more than that."

"Okay, Evans? Breathe. You're looking a little clammy. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"No. See, something's going on, and you're gonna tell me or I'm out, I swear to God."

"Okay you can't tell anyone."

"You know I won't."

"Okay, I've been taking this antidote that Liz made. No...she doesn't know. But its rebuilding some of my memories from before the 1947 crash, right? I was just a little kid, but I had a destiny. I had responsibilities."

"Right, you're the savior."

"Yes! Well, maybe. But I was starting to remember these symbols from our old language, right? I remember what they mean, but it's like the meaning is just out of reach. And I'm out of the antidote. And you know, Liz is getting suspicious. So…"

"No."

"I didn't say anything."

"Really? Can you tell that to your face? I am not using my friendship with your girlfriend to steal alien steroids for you. Okay? Our partnership has limits."

Michael and Helena:

"It's done. So now what? You inject my spine with your mind-eraser?"

"We only used the butyricol on Jenna Cameron because there was still work to be done. And Flint was afraid she'd ruin it for us. You told Flint Charlie was creating a toxin that would kill aliens. But if you wanted aliens dead, you'd be testing it on me right now. 'Cause that's what I would do if I was a criminal mastermind."

"I needed Flint for the schematics and the muscle. Our agendas didn't need to align perfectly."

"You don't have to do this. If you kill anyone tonight, Liz and Rosa will never look at you the same."

"That ship has sailed. Besides, I'm not killing anyone. If disaster never strikes, justice won't be served. Do you want to see Alex or not?"

Liz tries to get Arturo to go back to the Crashdown.  She tells him that the kitchen is backed up because it's so busy.  The interesting part of this exchange from a character perspective though:

"Papi, please. I have a bad vibe, all right? A gut feeling I can't shake."

Diego walks up.

"Who are you? Elizabeth Ortecho doesn't do feelings. She believes in facts and evidence."

"No, I do feelings now.  I've evolved."

Alex is chained up in the house.  There's a takeout box and coffee cup next to him. He's humming a song under his breath. Michael walks in and they talk.

"Guerin, you were right. They used me to get to you. My dad hit me over the head and then he swiped the piece of the console. And then Flint showed up with a gun to my head."

"Did anyone hurt you?"

"Nothing I can't handle. Helena's been weirdly motherly. She's bringing me clothes and meals."

"Your leg."

"Yeah they took the prosthetic. I tried to bludgeon my brother with it. Come on, use your powers. Get me out of this."

"Helena dosed me with something. I'm basically human until it wears off."

"Okay then find something that'll break the cuff or my wrist. I don't care."

"Alex, tonight at CrashCon, your dad plans to release a toxin that kills anyone with alien DNA...Helena made Charlie and I build an identical device, but one that targets a different DNA. She somehow got her hands on your dad's cells. She knows your dad killed Kyle's dad. She wants revenge.  But she wants him to take himself out. When he pulls the trigger on us tonight your dad's gonna die because of a device I built."

"No, that is not on you, okay? Now let me out of here."

"I can't. The atomizer will kill anyone in your dad's direct line. You are safer here."

"Are you serious?"

"And I gotta go. I'm gonna come back for you."

While Michael explains to Alex, we get a flashback to Helena in her totally fake blonde wig at the hospital in 2x02.

Helena disguises herself as Jesse's maid using her totally fake blonde wig and switches out the bombs while Jesse is in the shower.

The @ladiesofrnm have their first scene all together! (With Max...and eventually Michael…) reading through Helena's letters together. Michael makes quite an entrance. Afterwards:

"You're such an idiot! You don't comply with a kidnapper's ransom demands. Without telling me."

"Alex was in trouble. He had to go."

"Mikey, where are Alex and Charley?"

"They're safe. Your mom doesn't want to hurt them."

"Look I don't get it. Does she want to kill aliens?"

"No. She's avenging her murdered lover."

Back to the house where Helena talks to Charlie:

"This atomizer contains the poison that kills anyone with alien DNA. I need you to destroy it."

"Does Flint know that you have it?"

"Flint. Jesse really broke that boy. Some people were never meant to be parents. You can go when you're done.  The door's unlocked. Flint's rifle shoots blanks."

"What's to stop me from leaving now?"

"The knowledge that that deadly device only exists because of you. You decide. I'm off to CrashCon. I hear there will be quite a show."

Note, when Helena says Flint's name she says a word in Spanish that I can't make out and isn't in the closed captions.

Max and Liz's conversation about racism and privilege:

"I want to help. Your mom's not the villain here. All right? She's going about this all wrong, yes. But Manes is already a murderer. I mean, if he'd succeeded today…"

"I know...I could have lost almost everyone I care about in a moment. I remember every day what it was like to lose you and Rosa. I don't think I could survive that again. She could've built a decoy bomb that wouldn't have hurt anyone."

"He'd just get angry and do it again."

"Yeah, but he's not the only one that this would hurt. I mean, the headlines if she gets caught? Illegal Mexican Immigrant Slaughters Decorated American Vet via Bioweapon. People will line up to lay bricks at the border wall. But hey, maybe the president will talk about my family at his rallies. That's gonna be fun."

"That's not gonna happen. This will get covered up like every other strange death in this town."

"In case you haven't noticed those cover-ups don't tend to protect the Mexicans. Even when…"

"Even when Rosa died. You can say it, Liz. It's okay. It's fair. Rosa got blamed. White people didn't. Okay? I get it."

"I know you're on my side, but you don't get this. And that's not your fault, that's just the reality of our experiences. If I mess up. If I so much as roll through a stop sign, it reflects badly on any Mexican who came before me. And it hurts any Mexican who comes after me. I used to think that nothing would ever change that, but lately I think...maybe if something extraordinary happened it could."

"Extraordinary? Like what you're doing in your lab?"

"I've discovered something that could be the key to curing people who have no hope otherwise. I can't walk away."

"So you're gonna turn my family's stem cells into the hottest commodity?"

"No, I won't. I...we'll find a way to synthesize it or replicate it."

"Is this about the people you're trying to save or about becoming the poster girl for immigrants everywhere? You want the president to talk about your family because of you. Because you saved the world."

"If those in power see what happens when people are given opportunity…"

"You want the glory."

"I want recognition. I want to be the example I never had. And people who want glory, they're just in it for selfish reasons. People like Jesse Manes want the glory. He wants to be a big American hero. He wants the parades, he wants the medals. If he sets off his alien atomizer at CrashCon, a handful of twenty-something's will die of some mysterious ailment and it's barely gonna make the news. That's not what he wants. We're missing part of his plan."

"First, something violent. Large-scale that'll draw media attention. And then, once all eyes are in Roswell…"

"He'll blame the violence on the aliens. He only gets his parade if he makes people afraid and then he destroys the thing that they fear. If he makes people think that you're terrorists before he kills you."

Graham Green's reveal at CrashCon.  Graham is announced and takes the stage as Max, Liz, and Rosa arrive to find Michael, Isobel, and Maria nearby.

"Hey, you guys shouldn't be here."

"I was held hostage, Max. I deserve to ride the Sizzler until I barf cotton candy, and maybe watch a bad man die."

"You guys, we think that…"

Graham Green starts his presentation.

"Hello loyal fans and devoted supporters! You patience is about to be rewarded. Today I am thrilled, nay, honored to show you the result of years or painstaking work. The moment we've all been waiting for. Irrefutable extraterrestrial proof! A bona fide alien artifact!"

Graham pulls the curtain and reveals what appears to be something similar to Michael's console, only it is complete and intact.

Flint brings Alex food and they discuss Flint's motives:

"If you're doing this to impress dad, it is never gonna work."

"I'm not trying to impress dad. His shutdown of Project Shepherd was an inform decision, but he's trained me my entire life to take it on.

Flint goes to leave but Alex stops him.

"Do you remember when mom used to drive us to the res, and you would sit at the loom with Granddad? Weaving stories. When was the last time you made something, Flint? Anything that wasn't built to destroy?" 

"Around the time that mom decided that to leave dad, she had to leave us."

"She didn't know what he would do to us."

"He didn't do anything to us. Me and Clay are fine. He'll, even Gregory is coming to see dad today."

"...You are wrong. We are all dad's victims. Sure, he beat me up, but what he put the rest of you through was abuse too. He made you watch while he kicked my ass… He scared you into thinking that there was only one type of man that you could become."

Alex manages to knock Flint out, steal the key to his handcuffs, and free himself.

"You're so pathetic. You don't know me at all. This has nothing to do with dad and everything to do with our history. Aliens are a foreign threat. They're invaders."

Back to CrashCon, where the gang discuss the alien object:

"Alex's piece must have been the last one that Manes needed to finish building it. Where's he been keeping the rest of this?"

Sanders appears out of nowhere.

"Kid, I seen that thing before. Your mother built that back in the old barn. I don't know what it is, but it is definitely explosive. I always wondered what'd happened to the pieces."

"Maybe Harlan or Tripp Manes gathered them up. Rebuilt it."

"Yeah but if Manes is gonna use that to blow up CrashCon, it's gonna make Graham Green look like the bad guy. No one's gonna think an alien planted it."

"Unless they follow the money. I got an alert from my bank this morning. A $10,000 deposit had cleared."

"You think Manes set it up so that the investigation would lead to you?"

"If I become the world's first alien terrorist and he takes me out, the world cheers."

"Guys, you need to do whatever you can to get as many people out of here as possible, okay? Get help."

"Hey, where are you going?"

"Michael and I have studied this material before. It's part tech, but it's also part organic. And if it's part organic, that means it can be killed. I gotta get back to my lab."

Diego sees Max toss Liz his keys.

Max and Michael sneak backstage and convince Graham Green to let them have a moment with the alien ship thingie. Max takes photos of it with his phone.

"Do you think we can destroy it?"

"No. The pieces want to be together and now that it's complete if we break the bonds with brute force we risk a violent reaction."

Max hears voices whispering and reaches out to touch the alien tech. The alien symbol forms under his hand and he pressed it.  There's a surge from the tech and it almost appears like Max is absorbing something from it. The voices get a little louder. When he breaks the connection it almost seems like it takes effort and he seems stunned.

"What the hell just happened to you?"

"Nothing. I think this is a remote. I think this controls a ship."

"It's a what?"

Gif by @maxortecho

Note, the way Max laughs when he says nothing is oddly similar to how he responded to Cam when she called him out on his weird behavior from the antidote. Like he's hiding something or brushing off the worry or something. 

Sanders interrupts before Max can respond. Points out that the top of the stage is varnished which is highly flammable. 

"Wait, if this is fresh varnish, this whole platform is set up like a tinderbox."

"There's gonna be fireworks tonight."

"One spark'll light a fire. I mean, this whole thing, the whole platform will go up."

"If this giant remote goes kaboom aliens will be framed as terrorists. You have to get out of here."

"What? No. I'm not going anywhere."

"Max you are all sorts of worked up right now. What happens when you're worked up?"

"Sparks fly. Right, okay. Yeah. I'll go."

Before Max leaves he spots something on one of the display boards that makes him pause. He grabs it before leaving.

Charlie is working on her chemicals in the makeshift lab when Flint sneaks up on her and puts a gun to her head, demanding that she gives him the atomizer.

Maria and Rosa hurry through CrashCon discussing each other's alien biology and Mimi's vision. They spot Gregory Manes and decide to try to get him to leave since the Manes bomb would kill him. He has 12 kids with them so they suggest that he take them to the Crashdown for free milkshakes. He recognizes Rosa, but they tell him she's Rosa's cousin. 

Liz works in the lab while blasting Alanis Morissettte - great call back to last year when she told Michael that Alanis helped her channel Rosa's creativity. She says to herself:

"Destroy the organic cell membrane. Disable the nanotech." 

She mixes some chemicals which react and explode her flask and start a fire. Really don't know if that's supposed to represent success or not. 

Flint and Helena talk at CrashCon. She is surprised to see him.  He tells her that he cleaned up the mess at the house. 

We flash back to the house which is on fire.  Charlie is chained up and trapped.

Liz hurries from the lab and doesn't realize that Diego followed her there.  He sneaks his way into the building while Liz rushes for the car.

Speaking of cars...they're in the middle of nowhere. Where's Diego's car? I had the same thought last week when Max and Kyle were searching Flint's house and they almost got caught. Whoever pulled up in the hunting van should have seen their car!

Maria and Rosa are helping get the kids loaded onto a bus when Rosa points out Pisces to Maria. Call back to 1x03 when Maria tells Liz that she and Rosa used to compete to see which one of them could spot the constellation first. It gives Maria an epiphany. Pisces is "the water sign" which was one of Mimi's clues from her vision.  Maria goes to follow the sign. She runs into Max who tries to get her to safety. They spot Flint Manes carrying the atomizer. Max tells Maria to get out of there and hurries after Flint. He tries to sneak up on Flint, but Flint is able to disarm him and beat him up. Flint sets the atomizer to go off in two minutes and then throws it like a Hail Mary into the crowd. Max chases after Flint while Maria goes after the atomizer. She pushes through the crowd and spots another clue from Mimi's vision - a poster of aliens asking "Do you believe?" The atomizer is sitting below it. Maria grabs the atomizer and takes off running with it. Cam spots Maria and follows. 

Flint beats Max up again and then pulls a gun and threatens to shoot Max. Max disarms him and is holding the gun to Flint now. He laughs and asks Max if he's really going to shoot a soldier. Tells him that he already pulled the trigger to kill Max by setting off the atomizer. Max tosses the gun aside, and uses his powers instead to kill Flint,

Michael and Isobel are trying to keep the stage from catching fire, but then the fireworks start going off into the wind (which blows the embers towards the fair). The hay bales easily catch on fire. Isobel used her powers to hold back the flames.  She can feel that something is wrong with Max and send Michael to find him. 

Instead Michael finds Jesse and Alex. Their exchange: 

"You know, I actually started to believe that you had changed."

"You never could tell friend from foe. I actually counted on it."

"Hey I know exactly who you are. You were gonna let all of these people die and you were gonna let the aliens take the blame."

"It's high time they got blamed for something, I think. I'm gonna drag them from the shadows."

"Yeah and then what? You're gonna use the atomizer to kill them all? Then you become some hero by destroying the enemy that you created?"

"American children are gonna read about the events of tonight in their history books... And don't worry about collateral damage, son. That's just an unfortunate aspect of war. You know that better than anyone, Alex."

"You're gonna become your own collateral damage if that thing goes off. Helena Ortecho switched the devices. That's not gonna kill aliens.  That is set to destroy your DNA. If it goes off, you are going to die in a puddle of your own blood."

"What are you doing? Are you bluffing to protect the aliens?"

"What I'm doing is I'm trying to protect our family. Dad, if that goes off it kills all of your direct descendants. Flint and Greg are somewhere in here. And I don't care how much I disgust you, I am still your son!"

Greg runs up looking for help responding to the fire. He spots the atomizer and immediately recognizes it as a weapon. Alex tries to get him to leave. Michael runs up and Jesse pulls his gun on him. Greg steps between Michael and the gun to protect Michael for Alex.

Maria throws the atomizer off into the desert and immediately begins bleeding. Thankfully Cam is there to try to help.

Max kills Flint which in turn gives him another heart attack. Liz arrives as he's collapsing and starts CPR. Rosa runs up and tries to get Liz to let her step in to help Max so that Liz can stop the alien device from exploding… And cliffhanger.

MUSIC:

1.  Valley Queen "Chasing The Muse"

2.  The HawtThorns "Give Me A Sign"

3.  Everclear "Everything To Everyone"

4.  Alanis Morissette "All I Really Want"

5.  Gary Numan "I Am Dust"

[abittoolate70]

01-19-22

3/166 days till my birthday

Morning weight: 111.4

Evening weight: 113.4

Total calories: 500/500

Quinoa soup (150) + homemade barley bread (50) + banana chocolate "nice cream" (150) + one chocolate muffin (100) + part of a little charcuterie board I put together.

Eating was hard today, but I had a pretty nice day and I decided to eat instead of fast. I am trying to get fit and regrow my hair, after all. And I fasted yesterday. I started off with challenging that rule, and then I was on a roll and decided to share the cracker plate with my family. It was delicious in the moment, but I think I took this "challenging myself" thing too far for one day. I feel horrible for eating them, even though I know I shouldn't. I think it's a little too early for me to start addressing that issue yet. I am sort of proud for not fasting though. Compulsive fasting is something I struggle with, and it despite it being somewhat harmless (at least to me) I think I usually did it for the wrong reasons.

Exercise:

A little less than usual, I feel kinda sick to my stomach after those crackers. Not because of the volume of food, I think it's just cause crackers are one of my biggest fear foods and I'm scared of bloating tomorrow and the like. I'm drinking some tea right now to settle my stomach, so hopefully I'll be able to complete my nightly workout, especially because I think I'm seeing results.

Journal:

Nothing too interesting, I'm stressed about Spanish class and AcaDec, but I gave myself a quick break by watching an episode of a good show with my family. Hair loss today scared me, but to be fair what I brushed out was three days worth since I've had my braids in for a while (I dutch braid my hair often and leave it in for a couple days, not tight or anything, but with gel. I think it's probably more of a protective style than anything else). I'm seeing some of my baby hairs grow back in around my hairline, which is nice. I'm planning to order biotin and hair masks before the end of the month to reward myself once I'm under 100lbs.

One positive thing: finished a large section of my studying. Also reading a great book. Also the boy I liked walked me to my next class today :). Most of my day was actually pretty good.

One negative thing: I'm anxious about tests and big events coming up and afraid of disappointing my AcaDec team and myself.

Motivation for today: I really want to see my shoulder blades again; I miss them.

Goodbye for now! I'm finishing my tea and hopefully going to exercise!

[incorrect-bom]

I've never seen any bom hogwarts headcanons, what the f u c k, this is ungodly.

OKAY I’VE HAD A FEW HOGWARTS ASKS SO JUST KNOW THAT IF YOU HAVE SENT ME ONE IM SMUSHING THEM INTO THIS FUCKING MONSTER OF A ONE: 

THIS WILL CAUSE BATTLES I CAN FEEL IT BUT THIS IS WHAT I THINK OKAY

Kevin: Slytherin

Arnold: Gryffindor

Connor: Hufflepuff

Nabulungi: Ravenclaw

Chris: Hufflepuff

James: Gryffindor

QUICK REASONS BECAUSE I CAN TALK ABOUT THIS ALL DAY

Kevin: His only motivation comes from his own ambition, he’s willing to sacrifice trust from a friend for the sake of their well-being, he’s manipulative and cunning and even though he doesn’t possess the same resourcefulness Slytherins have he’s still very adaptive

Arnold: He’s impulsive and irrational, he values honesty and honour over anything, when he likes something he becomes obsessive, he’s blunt even if the questions are inappropriate, and what he lacks in strategy he makes up in heart

Connor: He’s all for the rules until they don’t work for him anymore, he’s emotional over logical, he has blind loyalty which means he’s taken advantage of, he’s hardworking, patient and dedicated, and often makes himself miserable in sacrifice for the feelings of others

Nabulungi: She’s incredibly creative, stubborn, has an open mind, has a huge imagination and she seeks knowledge and understanding and has big love of learning

Chris: He’s extremely loyal, very friendly and extroverted, has a deep love of food, hard-working to the point of an overachiever (mostly due to his tendency to throw himself into his work as to forget about his sister’s illness), and is very tolerant and welcoming to every type of person.

James: He’s the opposite to the stereotypical loud-mouthed Gryffindor as in he’s introverted and shy and prefers to spend time in library than in the rowdy common room, but his Gryffindor traits kick in a pressuring situation as he has a rigid sense of right and wrong that he will fight to defend to the point of being impulsive enough to throw himself into dangerous situations to protect those weaker than him.

SOME HOGWARTS TOM-FOOLERY HEADCANONS:

They hang out in the Astronomy Tower - that’s like their spot and everyone knows it

First thing in the morning, sunset, twilight, midnight, lunch, break ANYTIME if you need them they’re there

They all eat breakfast together at whoever’s table of who’s the first there

Kevin and Connor start dating at the end of their 5th year and the whole school didn’t think it would last because?? The dancey Hufflepuff who is the unofficial school counsellor and couldn’t finish his potion one lesson because he burst into tears because he had to use flobberworms and couldn’t kill them IS WITH the arrogant Slytherin who chugs two mugs of black coffee every morning and is constantly scowling??????? whaaat??

Arnold and Nabulungi are the Purest™ couple in school. They start dating pretty young, if they weren’t actually dating, like 3rd year they kissed on the Astronomy tower after Nabulungi won her first Quidditch game and Arnold had been the only splodge of red in the sea of blue cheering for her. They’ve been constantly holding hands since but they do turn red if you ever mention how Nabulungi is Arnold’s girlfriend and visa versa 

Chris and James are the couple goals relationship. They FINALLY got together after 3 years of pining and violent nudging from their friends at the beginning of their 7th year. James mom had died during that summer and as soon as they saw each other on the platform they just bolted at each other kissed without saying anything. When they parted Chris was the first to say ‘I love you’ with a massive grin before it been more serious and added ‘and I’m always here for you”. James just hugged him really tight. They’ve been even more inseparable since

Nabulungi DEFINITELY cussed out Snape once when he was being a big dick as per usual. She called him ‘an apathetic dipshit who fucks his cauldron at night because no one wants to touch his slimy hair’ and got detention for 3 months and 200 points taken from Ravenclaw. Connor hugged her for a full 5 minutes after though so it was worth it. Plus Kevin smuggled her some Firewhiskey.

Connor never got permission from his parents to go to Hogsmeade after he came out to them at the end of his second year, which was before he knew Kevin, Arnold and Nabulungi, and so Chris and James would bring him back a huge bag of sweets while telling him it really wasn’t so fun anyway

When they met Kevin he just gave them such a 'What the fuck??’ look and promptly showed him all the secret passageways he’s known about for years.

(little did they know that 3 years later, that’s where they go to make out ALL the time)

Kevin and Nabulungi are Potions buddies because they find it fascinating and sneak out to go into bathrooms at 3am because Nabulungi was wondering what would happen if you mixed lace fly wings with unicorn horn and aconite and theY NEEDED TO KNOW

James and Arnold are History or Magic friends and honestly, it seems they are the only people in the school who enjoy it but they don’t understand because???? GOBLIN WARS??? GIANT BEHEADINGS?? WHY DO YOU PEOPLE FIND THIS BORING???

Connor prefers Charms because it’s sooooooo satisfying to just flick your wand and instantly fold your clothes or perfectly make your bed

Chris LOVES DADA because all the different defensive spells are so cool and make him feel safe in an otherwise dangerous world 

Since they’re such a mix of houses sleepovers are very common 

They mostly stay in the Hufflepuff common room though since a) It’s the warmest one b) It’s right next to the food c) It gives Kevin and James chance to ‘accidently’ wake up cuddling their crushes ;) 

(It’s consensual btw nothing creepy going on Connor and Chris are massive cuddlers and their crushes are requited) 

They all knew the Slytherin and Gryffindor passwords as soon as they change which is a bit suspicious when a First Year is stuck outside the Gryffindor Common Room because they forgot the password and then tall dark and scary Slytherin Head boy strides up to say it and then stroll through casually leaving the First Year a bit confused because? Weren’t Gryffindors and Slytherins supposed to hate each other??

But then Kevin plops down into the lap of a chubby Gryffindor and the First Year just shrugs

Oh yeah, Kevin is Head Boy, while Connor and James and Nabulungi are prefects. But that’s okay because Arnold and Chris can still sit together on the train and Kevin usually skips meetings because “Fuck the system!” 

Connor: “NO KEVIN WE NEED THE SYSTEM.” Kevin: “YOU’RE PART OF THE SYSTEM CON!” Connor: “I’M A GAY MUGGLEBORN KEVIN, HOW AM I A PART OF THE SYSTEM?!”

James and Nabulungi are on the Quidditch team for their houses. James is a keeper while Nabulungi is a beater. Her Captain wanted her to be a Seeker but how could she miss the opportunity to have permission to hurt people???

Patronus’?: 

Kevin: Fox

Arnold: Budgie

Nabulungi: Rabbit

Connor: Golden Retriever 

James: Lion

Chris: Octopus 

Blood Status’?: 

Kevin: Pureblood

Arnold: Half-blood

Nabulungi: Muggleborn

Connor: Muggleborn

James: Pureblood

Chris: Half-blood

[guessmonsta]

Hi your tendou soulmate post was so beautifully written! I'd been saving this request for so long! Could you do a scenario for tendou having a crush on his school's idol who everyone sees as charming and happy but she struggles with depression and tendou finds her crying and comforts her and afterwards she develops feelings for him? I've been having a really hard time dealing with depression and how people perceive me lately. Thank you for your time even if you don't get around to this request!

《If you ever need anyone, I’m right here. My dms are open 24/7 and I literally do nothing with my life. I wish you the best ♡♡♡》

Perfection was nothing but deception. That’s what Tendou Satori thought, at least. Issues run fruitfully through the veins of anything to ever take a breath of air, and to Tendou, a flawless being is a being that doesn’t exist. That’s why he found __ __ to be so interesting.

She was definitely out of the ordinary but nothing extraordinary, either. Although, she did walk the halls of Shiratorizawa academy like she owned the place and truth be told, she probably did. She had the face of an angel, the generosity of a saint and the grades to get her a one way ticket straight to a PhD. If Tendou knew anything, though, it was that you can’t be nice, smart and pretty all at once, and if you are, you’re a fake. __ was a fake, and a convincing one at that. Convincing enough to trick Ushijima Wakatoshi into befriending her. When Tendou had gotten the news that Ushijima, the emotionally closed off, socially distant captain himself, spent a two hour study session in the library with her after practice, he was anything but baffled. He reckons that was when he started taking an interest in her, Shiratorizawa’s princess herself.

According to Semi, anyone who spends three seconds around __ will instantaneously fall in love with her charisma. It’s what she was infamous for, apparently, yet for some reason, Tendou could never find himself striking a conversation with her. He figured it would be utterly pathetic and not worth risking his dignity for. He imagined it would be a one way conversation of her asking him pointless, small talk questions and him red in the face, blubbering responses like like a toddler. That was the last situation Tendou would like to be caught in, especially during the most stressful time of the school year. He really didn’t mind not getting to talk to her, though. As a self proclaimed introvert, he much rather liked sitting by the sidelines and watching her interact with other people, except himself. This ‘hobby’, as Shirabu liked to call it, might get him deemed as a stalker, but Tendou disagreed. He was simply just dismantling her for now, taking the puzzle apart piece by piece until it was shattered on the floor. Only until then, would he make a move and piece it all back together.

Tendou really didn’t know much about her yet. He knew she liked music quite a bit. Earbuds always hug out of the pocket of her bookbag and the face of it was covered in band pins. She attended all their home games but never stayed to talk to anyone afterwards. He reckoned she had a knack for the fine arts since she always seemed to linger in that wing, which brought him to the conclusion that she was taking several fine arts courses to compensate for a void in her schedule, most likely lunch, since he never saw her in the cafeteria. The only time he’s ever seen her in casual clothes was in the library after hours. She wore a t-shirt with a funky octopus looking animal on the front which made him realize she wasn’t as cool as she wanted people to believe she was. He made an inference that she came from a rich family, because as smart as she was, grades alone couldn’t get you into Shiratorizawa, not without a prominent extracurricular activity, that is, and she did none. Although she was the poster child of the dance team, but the whole fine arts department was gravely outshined. With all the minimal information Tendou had stockpiled, he came to the conclusion that this tragic hero’s flaw was undeniably depression.

It had to be, there was no way it couldn’t. It was a mischievous little devil that was easy to hide but quick to come out and just by staring at her, he saw its dead eyes in hers. The dark rings underneath the sockets, the glossiness, the agony. Tendou thought it was silly to judge a person based on their eyes, for all he knew she could just be tired all the time. Although, in this case, he knew she wasn’t just tired. There was so much more, a forest full of secrets and lies that she kept flourishing. Tendou couldn’t wait to chop all the trees down. His teammates would tell him he was being creepy, that his crush had become a full blown obsession, but he couldn’t disagree. At this point, he knew it was far too early to say that he was in love with her, but he was definitely intrigued with her. He was intrigued enough to spy on her, sometimes. Well, he wouldn’t call it spying, per say, more like uncomfortable one-sided observing. He found himself spending a lot more of his free time roaming the arts wing. He found out she was a marvelous dancer, a ballerina, much to his amusement, with movements that sent shivers down his spine. He reckoned that she had to have noticed him at this point, even for a second, at least. In the matter of three months he had become her biggest fan on the sidelines, and he kept mindlessly hoping that one day he’d get to talk to her.

And that day came.

But not like how he wanted.

Everyone imagines their first conversation with their crush to be something picturesque. A James Dean and Audrey Hepburn moment, if you were to get into specifics. Although, Tendou clearly wasn’t receiving that in this very moment. It was fourth period lunch and since he had nothing better to do than ramble with Semi, he found himself getting lost in the arts wing. Even if __ wasn’t down there, the school had some remarkable violinists he had never known about, if they were even violinists, that was. Although when he got there the hallway was barren, except for a dark, looming corner at the end of the hall. The lights were off somehow, but through the light of closed classrooms he could still make out the figure hunched over and bawling into the crevice of its sleeve. It was her.

Half of Tendou wanted to book right then and there. He was an incompetent emotional wreck himself and barely knew how to cope with his own cranial calamity. The other half wanted to approach her and comfort her in her most vulnerable state, knowing he’d never get a chance at this again. Although, all of him was absolutely thrilled. He had guessed right yet again. He stood there for a moment, frozen in his tracks, watching her with a blank face as she sat there and screamed. If Tendou had never seen this same situation played out in front of him before, he might’ve been horrified.

But he wasn’t horrified, and that was all the motivation he needed to approach her. She didn’t hear his footsteps, as boisterous as he tried to make them. She only noticed him after he was hovering above her for a solid three minutes, when he cleared his throat abruptly. She looked up at him, wide eyed, and screamed, making haste as she gave him an impromptu kick to the shins. He shot her a feared look, she shot him a feared look, and everything went dead silent until one of them dared to open their mouths. “I uh… Are you okay?” Tendou ended up muttering, breaking the looming, dead silence. “Do I look okay?”“Well you kick okay, that’s for sure.” She shot Tendou another glare. He did nothing but shrug. “Do you want to talk about it? Instead of, you know, screaming your lungs out by yourself?”“I’m sorry for kicking you,” Was her reply instead. “I get really anxious when people surprise me.”“Nah, you’re alright. I can take a blow.” Tendou shrugged again, waiting for any positive reaction, or any reaction at all for him to sit down next to her against the wall. She sniffled, and he took that as his queue for him to slump up down in a ball at her side. “Aren’t you on the volleyball team?” She inquired. She had reburied her head in between her knees, but Tendou knew she had stopped crying. The cracks in her voice had smoothed out, though the tremble of pain was still there. “Yes ma’am.”“Why do you care about me, then?”

Tendou really didn’t know why he cared about her.

“I don’t really know. I, uh, I see you around a lot though, I mean, everyone does but-” Tendou paused. He knew what he wanted to say but didn’t know if he should say it. He was already the weird kid who approached her in a dark hallway, he didn’t need another title. Her hands were gripping at the fabric at her knees. She had lifted her head up but refused to look at him, even when he was talking. He didn’t care, she was coming out of her shell. “-but I figured you must be hiding something the moment someone first mentioned your name. I hate to say it but…”“But what?”“But nobody’s flawless. Even people who think they can try to be flawless, people like you, they still have flaws. It’s like foundation for the mind, you know, you can use so much but the blemishes are still there.”“I thought…” __ peeped, looking up at him, finally, for the first time that day without a menacing look in her eyes. “I thought you were supposed to be the funny one on the team.”

Tendou snorted, and without thinking burst, out laughing. She kept giving him an odd look, but didn’t move. “Did I say something funny?”

“No.” He replied, shaking his head in the midst of giggles. “But see here, everybody has a reputation they’ve built up. Mine, I guess, is the funny guy on the volleyball team, or whatever. You, you’re the schools idol. The chick everyone’s parents are like, ‘Why aren’t you more like that __ girl! She gets good grades and dances!’ No matter who you are, everybody faces the same demons sometimes. If you really want my opinion, which I’m guessing you don’t, Look, look at your face. Do you know what kind of face you’re making at me right now? You look like you want my blood.” At this, she cracked a smile. Something inside of Tendou had burst.

“But __, I think you’re going to be just fine. Whatevers going on right now in your life, it’ll pass. You got decades ahead of you, and you’ll find your paradise along the way. If anyone can do it, it’s you”“I really don’t know what to say. I’m a bit shaken right now, to be honest? But, um, thank you, thank you so much. You must’ve gone through a lot too, I’m guessing?”“Yeah, but that’s for a different time.” Tendou shrugged, faking a smile down at her. He sighed and got back up on his feet, helping her up with him with a little bounce in his step.

“Listen to me now, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you look like you just hopped straight out of a horror movie scene. Go wash your face and get back to class. School’ll be over in three hours, and don’t try to push yourself to be lively. That’s not who you are today, and that’s okay. If you need me to beat anyone up, I gotchu. Tendou’s the name, okay?”“Tendou…” she bowed, eyes pointed at her feet. “For someone with such an odd reputation, you’re quite the character, you know that?”“Well, I’ve been told. It depends, do ya mean character in a good way or in a bad way?”“Good, good for sure. Um, will we ever talk again?”“Depends, do you wanna talk again?““Definitely. Maybe next time we don’t have to talk about my crippling mental state?”“Sounds like a deal.”

[onemanzerosquad]

New York Blackbeard Diary Pt. 3

Day 11.......Woke up.....Started my day getting breakfast then headed to my neurologist office to get my form from my job in regards to my restrictions. After, went to the library to print out documents in regards to a situation that led to someone purchasing something from a PayPal. Pretty much someone hacked into my PayPal and purchase a monthly subscription to watch a show smh. As I was heading to work, I thought about all of my problems and have decided to take care of all the problems. Feels like time is not on my side in my opinion and I can no longer deal with the bullshit no longer. As take care of the problems head on, I have no problem dealing with consequence even if my body limitations is at risk cause. I'm alone in this and that's no one fault cause everyone has their own problem to fix.

On on to the side story......2012.......

The new year started and I was in a long distance relationship. Unfortunately, It didnt last long. Obviously, communication was the cause of the problems. From there I was talking to girls got into a relationship but that didnt even last too. Then I saw her. Now I'm not gonna write her government name. So I'm gonna name her HopelessRomantic. Unlike every women I've been with physically, I actually found her online. I didn't expect her to give me a chance but she did. At first, we were back and forth breaking up and making up. Then mid year, she broke up with thru a inbox smh. She was right tho, I wasn't doing anything with my life and she felt I had no ambition. It's crazy because before she broke up with me, I wanted to let her know that I finally got a job lol. During that time til September, I was dating and talking to other women but at the same time trying to get back with HopelessRomantic. Then at one point, HopelessRomantic was going through a tough time. So I took an opportunity to help her out. I was making sure she was okay. Then one day there was a BWA (beach) reunion show and since I told HopelessRomatic about my backyard wrestling career, I invited her to the show. That day was interested as I got to see some of the guys even my first love and by the night, I brought her home and "Netflix and chill" happened lol. It was our first time doing something after 9 months of us knowing eachother. From that moment on we were back together but this time she trusted me and gave me another chance of love again. On to other things,in that year I started wrestling officially in BWA (Bronx). I had a chance to wrestle in RCW but I decided not to go. I knew I wasn't going to be comfortable there and plus the only people I would mostly trust would be the DIW wrestlers that I meant in 2011. Everyone else ehhhhh (the white boys weren't really there lol). BWA (Bronx) hands down was the best time of my backyard wrestling career. Holy Convictions Tag Team with Genocide, 4 aces, matches with Loco, Dixon, Dom The Don, my epic match against Gencocide that open everyone's eyes, and the match of the event of SuperShowDown (their Wrestlenania), against Joker. I had a epic time in the BWA (Bronx). Now back to HopelessRomantic. Our relationship was great. Our families liked us together, I got to see her often, I was working, the sex was great lol, and she even motivated me to actually go to college. The original plan was to go study Criminal Justice. Then December hit and after the hurricane, I came from chilling with a friend and HopelessRomantic send me a message on Facebook breaking up with me. There wasn't a particular reason. She wrote like an essay but it had nothing to do with me. I can only assume she wasn't interested anymore. So the year was heading to its end. So I decided to live it up with Black, Red, Green, and Blue Label with some 40s. Regardless of the break up, I still had good year.

Day 12.......Woke up and started my day with a cup of coffee. Went to my job to pick my check check my app to see how much since I started last week and today was pay week and apparently I got no pay listed on this week. So I can only assume my next check will make up for last week or something. Money is always with no value hard to get by but hey whatever. So went on my morning and TD Bank to fax the people apart of my dispute case and unfortunately the bank printing machine doesn't work doesn't work. So another Negative Nancy in the poison air of New York City. After work, I saw my Autismo crew (J God, Weirdo, and Porn Plug). Chopped it up a little bit and by the way F**K WWE 2K!!!!!

On on to the side story......2013......

2013 new year.....still working on and off. Surprisely, me and HopelessRomantic kept in contact regardless of the breakup. One day I brought her over just to chill. She got cozy which didn't bother cause she was single as was I. From what I remember, we were talking and it led to her being emotional and she was crying. So held her tight then boom......we had sex......The next day we were talking and I kinda express to her I wanted to get back together but she didn't want that. I actually cried but accepted and got over it. Probably like a month later, she got into a relationship with someone else which sucked even more. Other than that I signed up for a program that dealt with Digital Media and did well in the program. I was still working but not as much. My birthday but on that day I was sick (for about a week). After I healed, I started this new job that my guy Dirty Sandchez aka Eyevrows from Getaway hook me up with. It was an maintenance job. Did the job and all. July 4th hit and partying up drinking doing my thing. I woke up and got a call from HopelessRomantic letting me know that her Aunt passed. All I had was tears cause her aunt meant a lot The last time I talk to her was Mother's Day so the pain was more. I was mad and I played Dante's Inferno with anger. From morning til night, I beat the game. The one thing I notice alot that day was I had double vision that whole day. I would think that would be gone by the morning but it wasn't. After hanging out with my boy. I started to fall easily and constantly told I looked crossed eyed. By August my left leg felt like I or sprained it. August I finally hit the switch and started college. I was studying Mental Health/Domestic Violence Counseling. First semester went well. All As and 1 B. I even had my own little crew.

SIDE NOTE: One person in that crew ending up being my girlfriend (2016)

During the first semester I was still dealing with my health problems. Things got worse. My hands were so numb that I couldn't write. My double vision was there everyday and I had a hard time walking on my left leg. After going to the emergency room doing MRIs and Catscans and testing my strength with a group of neurologists and constantly hearing that I'm so young (I was 22), I saw a neurologist and he told me that I have Multiple Sclerosis.......

Day 13........Woke up, got ready, and speed walked to the bus stop to get to work. Unfortunately, I got a little late due to the bipolarness of the bus coming on schedule. When. I got to work, I couldn't punch in due to the app I punch in on couldn't connect to the server. After work, I went to see a friend that I haven't seen in quite some time and that was pretty much my day.

On on to the side story......2014.......

2014 came. I finally got my finally treatment after waiting for months for insurance reasons smh. I had to take it every week. I continued college by taking free classes inthe winter semester which was apart of Fall semester. As a result passed both classes with an A. From there my GPA was 3.6. With my education background with a learning disability, D equalivent grades, being in special ed classes, and receiving services due to my learning disability, for a guy with a incurable health condition that pretty much messes with your body depending on the central nervous system state, it was remarkable for something like that to happen. Spring semester hit and once again did my thing in classes, went on dates, and followed the routine of being on grind. Then the summer semester hit and I was offered to take a short summer class and I took it of course since it was free. That morning of first day of the class, I wanted to do the impossible and walked from my home to school (Albemarle and East 19 to Manhattan Beach). It took about 3 hours. Got to class on time and kind sat around or whatever. Some other people got inthe class and informed the professor that they were in the other classroom. For some odd reason I was more aware of a woman saying that then the others. Crazy cause that same woman ended up being my girlfriend by the end of September. We ain't saying government names. So her name for this post is Hermione (she likes Harry Potter). She had tattoos, smart, and she was honest for what I feel most of the time. Eventually the relationship didn't last and ended the same way.......a message. Her reasons made sense I guess (went too fast). Honestly I don't believe time should be a determining factor for a relationship to happen. If you feeling this person then give it a shot but that's just my opinion. Also, in 2014, I officially ended my backyard wrestling career against my friend, my brother, and my on screenplay rival Rodney Banks. It was the perfect ending to the legend that was called Heavy D.

Day 14.......Woke up. Gather some clothes and did some laundry. Sat outside for a little bit and headed back to the shelter and took a power nap. Woke up about 3 and watch One Piece Episode 901. I'm already current with the manga. So I'm basically watching what I already read. That was pretty much my Sunday. Plus I need all the rest for the upcoming days of this week. I gotta say, I'm slowly getting myself together to the point that people inthe shelter are noticing me more as hardworking individual. I'm always on the move and that's being notice and respected by people in the shelter.

On on to the tragic side story......2015

2015 started off okay. Winter semester was a success. I saw Hermione. But I didnt really give her attention after the break up but after we talked, we became friends and that was it nothing more. Spring semester came and I did my thing again and lived the college life but got a job. So now I'm get on my grind and officially had no time for much. Summer was here and my mother was working getting her passport to go back to Jamaica and see her family after years. One time I came from work and as usual expected my mother to be home since she doesn't like to be out late. She nevered came home which was extremely alarming. Call the police and I was informed that she was in the hospital in the city. Got to the hospital and use the phone to locate and she was in the 3rd floor ICU. I didn't know what ICU meant at that time but I knew it was something bad. Got to the ICU and saw my mother........Hospital covered with a bandage on her head as if someone bash a metal bat on her head. Come to find out, she had a seizure and fell on head in the street very hard. I was in tears. All I can remember was that the last time I saw her she told me that she was heading out. My mind was wtf like this ain't real. Called everyone I can call and every got the news that my mother was inthe hospital. She eventually got transfer to a rehab center in Far Rockaway Queens. Things seem to be okay. Then I come home from a hard day at home and I get phone call from a friend informing me that something happened and my younger brother didn't sound okay on the phone. Went to the hospital my mother was sent to. Her eyes was closed. Next couple of days saw her as the machine was helping her breath not responding or reacting inthe room. The doctor spoke to me and younger brother and pretty much said there a very little chance they can help. By October 12th. My younger brother called me and informed me that our mother died........

Day 15......Woke up.....Had to skip gym again. I had to get my mail and sent some emails. After, I went straight to work. After work, I happen to see a face I haven't seen in quite some time and we actually introduce our names after knowing each other for years. It's kind of cool knowing someone and finally just engaging in a conversation (just regularly). Then mailed my my money order to this One Shot Deal that I owe money to unfortunately. While on my way back to the shelter, I started thinking.....now knowing that just about everyone knows that I have Multiple Sclerosis......Hawk's Eye will be on me and my refusals from any assistance will make things a little more tough and edgier. So at this point, I have to be smart on everything I do. But I'm sure I'll get through this someway.

On on to 2016.......

2016 was here. After a hard 2015, I was able to keep the home, still work, made sure my health was good and survived a hard semester. I made the impossible possible. On the other hand, things were different. I started living somewhat a independent free life. I went to school, work, and party on the weekends. I was even going to the strip clubs and bars just living it up with my people. Eventually, I had this feeling like I needed to be what I was and I felt it was time to look for love again and I found it. No government names revealed. So her name was SoReal lol. I knew her since I started college (2013). We kept in contact and eventually we got together in July. It was love again. I haven't felt this type of love since my first relationship. She was smart, hardworking, and very determined to finish college. I was in love. When she felt she needed me, I was ready to help. We went on multiple dates. We talked all the time and we expressed that we loved each other. Other than love, I GRADUATED FROM KINGSBORO WITH AN ASSOCIATES!!!!! By September, I was city bound at City College. By the fall semester thing weren't good between me and SoReal. She distanced herself from me and with that I got less focus on school. Our relationship was so back and forth. When December hit, I got a letter from the landlord informing me that I must pay 3500 dollars in two weeks or I get evicted. So rent is not really being paid by my roommate, I'm barely getting thru college, and my relationship is a mess. As a result, I was still in relationship surprisingly, I pass my classes (barely), and I had to ask for assistance from this service called the One Shot Deal (where your whole rent is paid off but you got to pay back the money that was covered. 2017......would finally bring me to the limit.....

Not everything was meant to be......

Jikai........One Last Time. The Past From The Last View 2017 The Fall Of A Headliner

Mad King Recharging Arc