#for some reason it isn't letting me put this under a read-more so I apologize to anyone who's dash this stretches!

[xomakara]

Body & Soul

SUMMARY | You just want to have sex with Johnny but Doyoung keeps interferring so you and Johnny try to convince Doyoung into having a threesome. PAIRINGS | Johnny/Fem!Reader/Doyoung GENRE | non-idol au, smut with no plot, unprotected sex, oral sex, threesome RATING | Mature LENGTH | 3,445 words AUTHOR’S NOTE | I honestly don’t know how this turned out lol. I’ve written mentions of threesomes and group sex, but tbh, this is the first time i’ve written an actual threesome scene. Hope it turned out okay hahaha. Plus, i’ve ran out of ideas for titles…

"Babe, what are you staring at?"

You couldn't help but stare and bite your bottom lip as you watched your boyfriend scratch his shoulder. Normally it wouldn't faze you but for some odd reason, Johnny decided to scratch his shoulder with his hands under his sweater, his bulging abs on display for all the world to see.

"Nothing," you stammered, "I was just... um... seeing if I could read anything."

He smiled at you and you blushed in embarrassment. It was no secret that Johnny loved showing off his body. He worked hard in the gym almost every day and after months of working out, he looked amazing. His perfect body turned heads wherever he went, and even girls were starting to pay attention to him. You weren't going to deny that it made you a tad bit jealous seeing all these girls ogle over him. But then again, who didn't get jealous watching their significant other be so sexy?

Johnny noticed you staring at his stomach and chuckled. "What? What is it babe?"

You stood up and slowly walked towards him, running your hands under his sweater. Your fingers ran along the smooth skin, which was turning hot from the friction. He leaned into you and nibbled on your earlobe before giving it a small bite.

"I don't know babe," you said, your voice husky from lust. "Why don't you show me exactly what I'm looking at?"

With that he stood up and grabbed you by the hand. In one swift motion he lifted you up onto the kitchen counter and positioned himself between your legs. He leaned his head down to kiss you and when you reached out to unbutton his jeans-

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" You heard a yell and broke the kiss. You turned to look at Doyoung, covering his eyes as he walked into the kitchen. "If ya'll are gonna fuck, then do it in your bedroom."

Johnny quickly buttoned his pants while you stared at Doyoung and let out an embarrassed laugh. "Ha, you caught us."

"You were home the whole time, Doyoung?" You muttered as you hopped off the counter.

"Yeah, I've been home for about an hour already." Doyoung rolled his eyes. "Now I know you two are always horny for each other but can't you two think about your poor roommate's eyes before you start fucking in our shared space?"

"Yeah yeah," Johnny sighed, leaning against the counter next to you. "We're sorry. Are you okay though?"

Doyoung nodded, rubbing at his temple. "Yeah, it's just been a long day at the office. My boss keeps giving me more work and I'm swamped. Luckily my team is pretty good but sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. So to make matters worse I came home to find you two about to screw each other in my face. Not cool."

You laughed and hugged Doyoung. "Well, we are sorry about that. I guess there isn't much we can do but apologize. So do you want something to eat or drink?"

"Ugh, can I just have water please?" Doyoung rubbed his temples again. "Also, give me a second to wash up and I will join you guys."

After Doyoung left the room, you and Johnny walked back into the living room. You sat down on the couch and he put a blanket around you, tucking it in around your shoulders.

"It's freezing in here," you groaned, wrapping your arms tighter around yourself. "Why didn't you turn on the heater?"

"Hm, well..." He took a seat next to you and wrapped his arm around your waist. He rubbed your back gently, sending chills through your entire body. "...it's not quite cold enough for the heater yet."

You bit your lower lip as he leaned in closer, pressing a soft kiss to your neck.

"Don't you ever stop teasing me," you whispered.

His hand moved up from your waist to caress your cheek. "Never."

As you turned your head to meet his lips, Doyoung walked into the room, shaking his head. "I fucking hate you two."

Johnny laughed. "You know you can always join us. I'm sure Y/N doesn't mind. Right, babe?"

You laughed and nudged him. "Yeah, Doyoung. I'm sure Johnny doesn't mind sharing me. Right?"

Johnny let out a loud roar of laughter.

"Wow," Doyoung said quietly, still shocked. "Are you two serious or just joking with me? Please tell me that you two aren't actually serious."

Johnny let out another booming laugh. "Well why would we joke about something like this?"

Doyoung groaned loudly and sat down on the floor. "I have a headache now."

You felt bad for Doyoung because he didn't deserve to deal with your crazy sex life. Ever since you started dating Johnny, you couldn't keep your hands off of him. Even when he had just woken up, you would touch his naked body, feeling his muscles ripple underneath your fingertips.

When he got dressed, you would watch him as he adjusted his clothes, checking his own body out. If you saw any signs of imperfection, you would immediately run your hands over them, making sure they were smooth and perfect. Then, when he finally arrived home from work, you two would make love for hours. Every time you woke up, you'd find yourself lying on top of Johnny, having no memory of how you got there. And every night, you would dream of being fucked by Johnny, only waking up in a puddle of sweat.

To say you were obsessed with your boyfriend wasn't even close to the truth. It was more like an addiction. Every single part of him called to you. From his luscious lips to his beautiful brown eyes. All you wanted was to spend your life with him. He was your world.

Doyoung sighed and rubbed at his forehead. "This conversation has officially gone too far. Just let me sleep. I need to clear my head."

"Of course, Doyoung-ah," you said softly, rubbing his arm. "You should go rest."

"Thank you," he replied, standing up. He stretched his arms over his head and closed his eyes, breathing deeply.

After he left the room, you glanced over at Johnny. He gave you a seductive smile and placed a kiss on your forehead. "Sorry, babe. I can't help myself sometimes."

You laughed. "Me neither."

He laughed louder, throwing his head back. You giggled as you scooted closer to him and wrapped your arms around his chest.

"Do you really mean that? About you sharing me?" You asked softly.

"Only if it's Doyoung." Johnny kissed you. "Any other guy, I would never share you."

You kissed him back, pulling away. "I love you."

"Love you too," he replied, kissing you again.

The following day, you spent most of your time reading books. Doyoung came home early and asked if you wanted to grab lunch. Of course, you said yes. After he ate his sandwich, he mentioned that you hadn't been eating very much lately and was concerned about your health. You assured him that you were fine but that you were taking vitamins to ensure your health.

The two of you talked for hours until he suggested that you take a walk around the neighborhood. Once you both finished eating, you headed out, bundled up against the chilly weather. The breeze whipped around you and covered you in goosebumps. For the first time in a long time, you felt truly happy. Maybe you needed to stop reading so many books and spend more time outside enjoying nature.

When you returned home, Johnny was sitting on the couch, watching TV. You walked over and plopped down next to him, snuggling up against his side.

"How was your walk?" He asked.

"It was nice," you answered, closing your eyes. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Not at all, babe."

"Thanks, Johnny," you said, resting your head on his chest. "You're the best."

A few moments later, Johnny began playing with your hair. You moaned softly as his fingers tickled the nape of your neck.

"Mmm, that feels nice," you said.

"Good," he responded, moving his hand down to cup your ass. "Your cute butt makes everything feel better."

You giggled and wrapped your arms around his waist. "Oh, you know it does."

You closed your eyes as he continued to play with your hair, lightly stroking it. You could hear the TV behind you but ignored it as he began lightly kissing your jawline.

His hand slid down your stomach, coming to a halt at the top of your thigh. Slowly, he dragged his fingers up and down, causing you to shiver with anticipation. Before long, he pushed his hand under your shirt and slowly slid it under your bra, tracing circles over your nipple. You sucked in a breath as your nipple hardened and the pressure grew stronger, begging for release.

You pulled away from Johnny, breaking the kiss. "Doyoung is in hi-"

"Don't worry, baby," he cut you off, kissing your lips once more. "Even though he cusses us out, it's not like he hasn't seen a pair of tits before. Trust me, he won't mind."

You opened your mouth to respond but then stopped yourself. Was Doyoung going to come in and catch you two having sex? Would he call you out on it? Would he freak out and storm out of the apartment? Or maybe he wouldn't even care. That's what you had hoped for anyway.

Without thinking, you pressed your lips to Johnny's, forcing your tongue into his mouth. His moan made you grin wickedly and yank his shirt up, freeing his bare chest. Your hands ran over his toned abs, feeling his hard muscle ripple beneath your fingertips. With each pass, your arousal increased, pulsing within your panties. Finally, you pressed your fingers against his pants, slowly opening them.

Before long, you found yourself working your fingers under his boxers, ready to pull his stiff dick out. But before you could, you heard the door open and froze.

"What the hell are you doing, Johnny?" Doyoung shouted, startling you. "And you, you better not be pulling his dick out of his pants."

"Damn it, Doyoung!" You whined. "Why do you have to be such a cockblocker? Can't I fuck my boyfriend in the comfort of my own home? I have needs!"

"I have needs too," Doyoung retorted.

"Then why don't you just join us Doyoung?" Johnny asked. "Wouldn't you rather have some pussy than not have any? Can't you see how Y/N is practically dying for it?"

"Please, Doyoung?" You whined. "I'm so fucking horny that I don't even care whose dick I get anymore."

Doyoung sighed loudly and stepped towards the two of you. He stared down at you for a moment, his gaze intense. "Fine. Go ahead and do whatever you want."

You bit your bottom lip as you reached for Doyoung's belt buckle. As soon as your fingers touched his skin, he grabbed your wrist. "Wait, Y/N."

"I've waited too long, Doyoung-ah," you replied. "Let me have my fun. At least let me have a taste."

Doyoung looked at Johnny. "Are you sure you want to share your girlfriend with me? You'll probably end up regretting it later."

Johnny let out a chuckle. "If I wasn't fine with it then I wouldn't have suggested you join us in the first place. So please, sit down, shut the fuck up, and let Y/N suck your dick."

With that, Doyoung sat down on the couch, glaring at the two of you. You smiled at him, unable to contain your excitement as you crawled towards him, pushing his legs apart. When you reached his lap, you unbuttoned his jeans, revealing his already hard dick. Your breath caught as you looked down at it, watching as it twitched slightly.

Doyoung placed his hand on your head and directed you to his throbbing member. As soon as you wrapped your lips around his shaft, he moaned. With one hand, he held your head, guiding you as you bobbed your head up and down, getting a feel for his size. His scent was intoxicating, sending a wave of desire through your body. Without thinking, you tightened your grip on his dick and began sucking harder.

Johnny watched as you sucked Doyoung off, unable to believe how sexy his girlfriend was. Every time she pulled her mouth off of his dick, her cheeks would puff out as if she was panting. The sight of her face covered in saliva was driving him wild, especially since he knew it would lead to something else.

When you started sucking him with more force, Johnny turned to Doyoung. "Does that feel good?" He whispered.

"Fuck yeah," Doyoung grunted, tightening his grip on the back of your head. "So damn hot."

You grinned and moved your head down his shaft, licking at his balls. They tasted salty but sweet at the same time. It was almost too much for him to handle. As his dick swelled further in your mouth, you took it as an opportunity to tease him. After taking his entire length into your mouth, you pulled your mouth off and began licking the tip, causing Doyoung to groan loudly.

"How do you like his dick, baby?" Johnny asked you, his voice deep and raspy.

"Tastes delicious," you answered, letting your tongue trace circles around his head.

"God, Y/N," Doyoung breathed, leaning back.

"Look at how fucking sexy you look sucking his dick. Are you gonna suck mine like this?" Johnny asked.

Before you could answer, you felt Johnny's hand wrap around your waist. He pushed down your shorts, exposing your soaked panties. You gasped and lifted your hips, allowing him to pull them down.

"You didn't think I'd forget about this, did you?" He asked, gently running his finger across your clit.

"No, Johnny," you whispered, raising your hips higher as his finger brushed against your sensitive bud.

"Finish sucking Doyoung off, baby." Johnny muttered, pressing his finger harder against your pussy.

In response, you wrapped your lips around Doyoung's shaft again, making sure to lick his balls along the way. When you started sucking harder, Doyoung groaned, trying to fight back his orgasm. Suddenly, Johnny leaned forward and licked your inner thigh, causing you to jump. You looked at him questioningly but he just grinned at you, knowing exactly what he was doing. He trailed his tongue up your leg, finally reaching your wet center.

"Oh fuck," you gasped, raising your hips to meet his tongue. Within seconds, he was attacking your clit, sucking on it as he swirled his tongue around it. You felt as if you were going to burst right there. Even though Doyoung was being pleasured by your talented mouth, you couldn't stop thinking about how big and hard Johnny's cock must be.

"Whose dick do you want first, Y/N?" Johnny asked, still licking at your pussy. "Doyoung's? Mine's?"

Suddenly, you felt Doyoung lean back, freeing his cock from your mouth. When you looked up at him, you saw him gazing intently at you. His brown eyes glittered and he ran his thumb over his mouth. You weren't quite sure what he meant but decided to take matters into your own hands. Standing up, you straddled Doyoung's lap, sliding his hard cock inside of you.

You groaned as Doyoung rubbed your thighs, causing you to bounce up and down on his lap. With every thrust, his dick filled you up more and more. He wasn't quite as big as Johnny but it felt great nonetheless.

Doyoung pulled out momentarily before moving your body to face Johnny. He slid you back unto his cock, hands at your waist, your breasts bouncing up and down. Johnny licked his lips as he watched you ride Doyoung, his eyes glued to your pretty face. From the corner of your eye, you could see Doyoung smiling at the sight of you enjoying yourself.

After undressing himself, Johnny held out his dick to you. Your heart skipped a beat when you realized that he wanted you to suck him while Doyoung was busy thrusting into you. "Come on, baby. I know you want to suck me off. Fuck, you look so hot riding his dick."

Without hesitating, you lowered your mouth to his erection, wrapping your lips around his shaft. Johnny groaned loudly as you sucked on his cock, relishing the sound of your lips sliding up and down his length. In response, he cupped your breasts, kneading your soft flesh.

As you felt his dick swell in your mouth, you became even more eager to please him. Soon enough, his member was swelling with blood, becoming harder than ever before. Johnny pushed your hair back and guided your head onto his dick, moaning softly as he slid deeper into your throat. His moans echoed in your ears, making you moan in response.

Doyoung was still thrusting into you, filling you with pleasure. But as he got closer to his climax, you became distracted by the cock in your mouth.

Johnny groaned, looking down at you. "This feels so fucking good. Just look at you sucking my dick."

At that moment, you decided to switch things up, sliding your hand between your legs. Within moments, you were cumming all over Doyoung's cock, squirting juice everywhere.

Doyoung suddenly let out a loud grunt as he came, filling your tight hole with his semen. A second later, Johnny began pumping his load into your mouth, giving you more to swallow than you thought possible.

Once they finished, Doyoung collapsed onto the couch, leaving you alone with Johnny. For a moment, you didn't know what to say or do, other than stare into his gorgeous hazel eyes. Slowly, your fingers trailed up his neck, tracing little circles against his jawline.

"Johnny, I need you now." You whispered, running your tongue over his earlobe.

He nodded, placing his hands on your ass, lifting you up onto his lap. His eyes were heavy with lust as he lined his dick up with your dripping wet pussy. "Doyoung wasn't enough? Do you want more?"

"More than anything," you replied. "You're the only one who can satisfy me right now."

Johnny smirked and slowly entered you, watching as you moaned. As his dick stretched you open, you instinctively reached down, grasping his ass. "Ahh, fuck yes," Johnny groaned. "You're so fucking tight."

You bit your lip, grinding your hips into his as he fucked you harder. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, nails digging into his skin. "Make me cum, Johnny," you begged, tilting your hips upwards.

"Oh fuck," Johnny grunted, slamming into you. "Baby, did you like it when Doyoung fucked you? Did you love feeling him bury his dick inside of you?"

"Yes," you panted. "Fuck, I loved it."

"And you loved being fucked by me, right?" Johnny asked, grabbing both of your breasts, squeezing them roughly. "Did you like feeling me fill you with my dick? Tell me, Y/N."

Your reply was cut short as Johnny pounded into you faster, speeding up until he was fucking you relentlessly.

The next thing you knew, you were cumming yet again. Not only had Johnny filled you with his seed, but Doyoung had filled you with his. It was such an incredible feeling. When your orgasm subsided, you relaxed your hold on Johnny, bringing your head up to kiss him passionately. He moaned as he pressed his forehead against yours, gasping for air.

When you opened your eyes, you saw Johnny staring at you with a soft expression. He placed his hand on your cheek and brushed away a strand of hair that fell in front of your face. You leaned forward, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss.

"I love you, Y/N," he whispered.

A smile crept across your face as you looked down at him. "I love you, too."

Johnny pulled you close, kissing your nose. You snuggled into his chest, letting the weight of him rest on top of you. As he caressed your bare back, you felt contentment wash over you. This was home.

After awhile, after cuddling in each other's arms, you heard Doyoung get up from the couch. "You know...this was fun. If you need me, I'll be upstairs. Sleep well, guys."

"Goodnight, Doyoung," Johnny said.

Once he left the room, Johnny brought your hands up to his lips, kissing each one. "Are you ready for bed, Y/N?"

"Definitely."

That night, when you closed your eyes, you dreamt of nothing but the man in your arms.

[rin-fukuroi]

𝐎𝐰𝐧 𝐦𝐞 [𝐏𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞]

Please do not translate or publish my works without my permission.

The originals of my works can be read here

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Pairings: dom!Pantalone x sub!fem!reader

Warnings: no fluff, unhealthy relationships, sexual tension.

▶• ılıılıılıılıılıılı. bülow - Own Me

Note: English is not my native language, so I apologize if there are errors in the text qq

What about unconditional submission without sexual overtones? Although it's still present here, because i'm only trying to understand these boundaries, where the simple relationship of the dom and sub ends and something obscene begins. Perhaps i'll return to sketches of this genre more than once, since dom men are the best men in the world (ง ื▿ ื)ว

art: @jianrou

Have you ever heard of a wolf that decided to tame a hare? The poor fluffy little animal shivers day by day, not knowing at what second the thread of life can be irreversibly cut off, but the wolf takes care of tamed food, not allowing the hare to breathe its last breath before the whim of its owner. The little animal sees its defender in the wolf, leaving its own fate in its paws, and the hare's gaze is always permeated with devotion when its owner comes into view.

It's so wrong. Unnatural.

But what if the wolf became infatuated with the one he tamed?

You think about it every time your gaze meets blue eyes hidden under the glass of exquisite and fabulously expensive glasses. Your whole being screams that a wolf cannot love its prey, but your heart continues to beat faster every time you hear your own name spoken by your master.

— Y/N, — Pantalone smiles softly, pointing with his palm to his own knees, and you shyly put your hands behind your back, feeling the weight of the gazes of the other Harbingers sitting at a huge luxurious table.

Pantalone never needed a leash for you to blindly follow him. Your body and soul are drawn to this man by themselves, like a moth lost in the darkness, finally meeting a light. Only your fire exudes a chilling cold.

You awkwardly take a step forward, carefully settling into Pantalone's lap, and burrow into his fur coat. It looks soft, but for some reason it tingles so unpleasantly on the skin of your face.

One of the Regrator's palms rests on your hip, as it should. There's not a single place on your body that he can't touch, and you shouldn't care if outsiders are present.

You just have to stay diligent, pure, innocent, devoted. Obedient. You must behave the way he likes. Be humble, silent, and accommodating. Otherwise, how else will you please your master?

You raise your head uncertainly, casting a brief glance at Pantalone, which he ignores, continuing in his stoically calm manner to discuss something with other Harbingers. How stupid of you to think that he would pay attention to you. He's busy right now, and you have to be nothing more than an ornament sitting silently on his lap, otherwise without your presence he will simply die of boredom. The Regrator likes to sometimes just squeeze your hips or stroke your knee while he is busy with exhausting conversations, which he tries to avoid as much as possible.

You may blush, you may feel aroused by his touch, but you must not make a sound until both of you leave the hall or the other Harbingers vacate the room, leaving you alone. Even if his fingers thoughtlessly fiddle with the fabric of your underwear, even if they stroke the inside of your thighs, casually touching your crotch, even if the heat in the bottom of your stomach is so unbearable that you feel suffocating moans getting stuck in your throat, you must be quiet and obedient.

The owner can have fun with his toy as he wishes, and the toy should only remain sitting on his lap until he allows it to become human again.

You'll die for him if he asks you to. You'll let him kill you if he has to. No questions, no objections. Isn't that true love? Doesn't the fact that he allows someone like you to even be around prove his feelings? No, no, you're not even worthy of his feelings.

The blood is pumping so furiously through your burning veins, and your hips involuntarily clench around Pantalone's wrist as he roughly, possessively squeezes the elastic flesh of your thigh, and you almost crumble into pieces on his lap, desperately clutching the prickly fur of his robe. It's so embarrassing. You have to be stronger, you have to overcome with dignity the irresistible desire to just bury yourself in the curve of his neck, inhaling the tart scent of cologne, whispering his name over and over again, because if you can stand it…

— Good girl, — the Regrator's lips press against the top of your head as he whispers softly into your hair, continuing to maintain a strained smile on his face.

It's so warm.

The poor muscle in your chest is ready to burst apart. Just two words, but they always sound just for you.

You smile, barely restraining the urge to burst into tears, tightening your lips and nodding briefly, hiding your flushed face in the spikes of black fur again.

…if you can stand the bone-piercing cold, stand the way your heart bleeds, one day a wolf will be able to love his little animal, right?

[anangelwhodidntfall]

Hey it's me again 😁

I have another request for human miles quaritch x reader, it can be that the reader is a smoker/ vaper u choose, and maybe it can be about miles trying to stop her cuz he use to smoke or maybe something like that?

Thank you

A/N: I've never smoked or known people who quit so I'm going off of stuff I've read online or seen in movies <3

You Should Stop: Miles Quaritch

You let out a sigh as you blew out a cloud of smoke feeling the nicotine hit your lungs and make you already relaxed after your stressful day.

"Long day darlin'?" Miles asked making you snap your eyes open.

"Something like that. You want one?" You asked offering him a cigarette from your pack.

"No thank you, I quit a million years ago." He said as you nodded your head putting your pack away. 

"Really? What made you quit?" You asked him as you two took a seat at the table.

"Health reasons. I saw how bad it was affecting my health for a five-minute stress relief, so I decided to quiet which wasn't easy but now look at me." He said. 

"I know I should probably quit, but I'm under too much stress to do so." You said with a sigh. 

"Just start off slowly, I can help you if you want." He offered you with a smile. 

"I would like that a lot, thank you." You said to him. 

"Of course, darlin', just want to see you are healthy and here for a long time." He said squeezing your hand. 

So from that day forward, Miles tried to ween you off of the cigarettes slowly knowing how it could be for you to stop smoking. At first, you would leave your cigarettes in your room, instead of carrying them to prevent you from reaching for one, Miles also gave you some different ideas such as yoga, chewing gum, etc to try and help you. Then when that didn't work you tried to give him your cigarettes so that you would have to go and physically convince him that you needed one. 

As you went through the next week, you and Miles began closer and you started to develop more feelings for him, especially with how caring he was towards you and your health but sadly you knew that he didn't do relationships so you just suppressed those feelings for now. 

"I'm so proud of you darlin', with how well you've been doing this week in terms of your smoking." He said giving him a smile. 

"Thank you miles for that and your help. It means a lot to me." You said giving him a small smile. 

Miles had been looking all over for you wondering why he hadn't seen you today when he walked into your office and saw sitting there with tears running down your face which made him worry. 

"Y/n?" He asked you. 

"I tried to do it Miles, I just couldn't." You said through tears as he saw the pack of cigarettes sitting next to you.

"Easy, Easy." Miles said rubbing a hand up and down your back. 

"Look at me darlin', you're okay. I'm right here." He said lifting your chin so that you were looking at him. 

You didn't notice if it was due to him being so close to you, his voice, or what, but something compelled you to kiss him. You were about to pull away wondering if you crossed a line when you felt him kiss you back, shocking you a little as you two kept kissing until you needed air. 

"Sorry if I..." You started to say but you felt him kiss you again.

"No need to apologize, sweetheart, I've been thinking about doing that since we met." He said with a smile.

"Me too. Are you disappointed in me for breaking my streak?" You asked him. 

"No, I'm not. I know it isn't easy to quit, I'm still proud of you for trying." He said placing a kiss on your forehead. 

[alessiathepirate]

FAR CRY 6

IT WASN'T THE ONLY COPY: Juan Cortez x fem!reader

Summary: Since Juan forced her to stay on the couch until her wound is fully healed, she had to find something interesting to do.

Notes: English isn't my first language. I apologize for any mistake I may have made while I wrote this short story.

My Spanish isn't the best so if you find a word / phrase used in the wrong context or anything please let me know so I can improve :)

Warnings: swearing, referenced violence

•••

Ever since she got hurt back in Isla Santuario, Juan forced her into safety, not letting her engage in any fight at all. And even though it felt nice to know he cared for her that much, staying behind while the others took care of the dirty work - the fun work - quickly became boring and a bit annoying.

Even after they got back to Zamok Archipiélago, she still had to stay behind and let Dani go after the Monteros alone. Nor Clara, nor Juan wanted her to run around - even though the Jefa was still doing that with a not fully healed bullet wound.

The furthest place Juan let her go to, was his office - otherwise she had to rest on the couch above it, slowly rotting away. After she kept on insisting, he finally let her help him work on resolvers and supremos, while they shared a glass of alcohol. That's where she put together the small lamp, what she could attach to books and read comfortably - because the lighting 'upstairs' was shit.

Juan was out again - getting more alcohol to drink or cigars to smoke most likely, because those past few weeks he barely left her side. So she spent her time doing something more fun than getting crazy on the damn couch - she was reading with her back against the pillow and her legs stretched out to not put pressure on her stomach.

She was already halfway through it when she heard the footsteps, and they got closer and closer until she could clearly see Juan, who was on his way toward her with a bottle of whisky.

She put her book aside. A great bottle of whisky was a rarity in Yara.

"Back already?" she asked with a smile as she sat up carefully, making some space for Juan on the couch.

"Sí. Jefa needed some help with the comms, but I still got something for you." he explained as he sat down.

"Finally some good whisky." she said happily as she leaned forward to rest her chin on Juan's shoulder while he poured some alcohol for the both of them. "Does Clara need help with anything? And how's Dani doing in Madrugada?"

"Don't worry about it cariño, they can take care of themselves."

"I can take care of myself too." she explained, wanting to get out and do something fun.

"I know you can." she took one glass from him. "But until you're ready to go out and fuck Castillo's shit up again, you'll stay here and get drunk with me."

She drank up the whisky, enjoying the taste it left in her mouth, then let Juan light up a cigar.

"I just wanna go out and shoot at some FND assholes."

"Sí, corazón, I want that too and I can't wait for you try the resolver weapons I put together for you, but a good guerrilla is never impatient."

She raised her eyebrows. "That's not even a rule!"

"It is."

"No, it's not!"

"It is when you're such a loca guerrilla who wants to run around with a wound like that." he gave her his cigar, sharing it with her as he looked at her stomach what was still covered in bandages under one of Juan's shirts.

"I don't want to run around, I just want to help."

"And you'll help by being Juan's asistente in the office."

She gave the cigar back to Juan and put her chin back on his shoulder. His free arm hugged her close, being surprisingly gentle.

"Fine. I can take a few more days." she agreed. "As long as I'll be your asistente."

She pulled her legs up, getting closer to Juan, trying to enjoy his presence. He'll get back to his office soon - he always does, so she tried to enjoy every minute being close to him while he smoked.

Her movement made the book move as well. That was the reason why Juan noticed it in the first place, just as he finished his cigar.

"Is that my book?"

She grabbed it and gave it to him. The small lamp she put together was still on it.

"Yeah. I wanted to read something interesting while I was healing."

"I thought I destroyed the last copy of it when that hijo de puta called the FND on me at the bar."

"I put one aside." she explained. "You talked about Kyrat a lot, but you never mentioned the KGB before. Or the Colombian guerrillas."

"If I talk about them now will you sit on your ass 'til you're fine?"

She chuckled.

"You make it sound like I'm annoying you."

"You're never annoying me, cariño. But your damn stubbornness does."

"If I wasn't this stubborn," she began as she pressed a kiss into the crook of his neck. "I wouldn't be dating Juan Cortez. So you better love my stubbornness too, mi amor."

He leaned down and kissed her forehead. She sighed, breathing in his presence and took his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers.

"Did you make this?" he asked, referring to the lamp.

"Yeah. You had some scrap around so I got creative."

"That's why you're my favourite asistente." he praised and her heart fluttered. "So where were you?"

"I was reading abbout the Colombian guerrillas when you came in."

So Juan started to talk about it. And the next thing too what came up in his book -- and the next... He spoke and she listened. They drank up their whisky and smoked a few more cigars.

When Juan was around to talk to and listen to, she didn't mind at all that he was so damn protective of her.

[lukevonhagen]

my take on marius von hagen: part one, his approach to romance

marius has been with me for over a year now and he pretty much occupies my thoughts 24/7, and this was something i have been itching to write for a while. so... strap in, grab your juice box and your cheetos and let's get this show on the road yeah?

Fair Warning, this will not be under a read more, so i apologize in advance if it gets pretty lengthy. (edit: this post is abt 1.8k words long, wow sorry lol.)

this is going to be a character analysis... sort of; it's an analysis of the version of marius that lives in my brain rent free. given that this is an introductory post to what i believe might be a series of my insane marius ramblings, i think i should provide some insight as to what said marius is like in order for the rest of this post to make sense.

first of all, i embrace realism and i reject canon. in marius' sweet wonders card, he finally reveals the significance of the z dog tag he's always wearing. while i think it's really magical that he was able to move on from blaming himself for his mother's death by having an epiphany staring at the ferris wheel... well, i like to make him worse and i just don't think, ultimately, that it's likely or realistic. the marius in my head has a very hard time trying to justify his own existence. i'm not saying he doesn't want to live, or that he'd put himself in any kind of danger, but i believe that he works very hard in order to justify being alive (to himself). not only does he still grapple with the loss of his mother and the role he believes he had to play in that, but there's a part of him that also blames himself for giann's disappearance.

marius believes that he is a vortex that sucks in everything, that destroys everything in its wake. we know for a fact, above all else, that marius doesn't want other people to have to go down with him.

i also believe (especially due to this description) that marius personally manufactured the image he has as a playboy, as opposed to it being a reputation that was given by others which he eventually leaned into.

allow me to elaborate.

marius, in his desire to avoid people being chewed up in his life and spat back out, would want to control the situation as much as possible. there are a few reasons why i believe he'd make this reputation for himself, which are 1) having control of the narrative of himself and making sure people do underestimate him is precisely how he maintains the upper hand in many scenarios (because let's face it, no one expects ditzy, arrogant marius von hagen to be able to outsmart them), and 2) it's much easier to push people away when he makes himself seem incompetent and undesirable. he may be one of the richest men on the planet, but sometimes money isn't enough to redeem an awful composition.

all of that having been said, marius additionally has to have severe trust issues due to the fact that he has a lot of influence and wealth people undoubtably want to use him for, and said influence is the source of a traumatic experience he went through as a child that would forever change the way he'd interact with others in the future. if you remember, marius vaguely alludes to an incident in will of the trees.

he mentions it again in the card in the darkness when he and rosa get trapped in a dark cave and he begins to panic, only this time he's a little more detailed about what happened to him in order to explain his anxiety to her.

then, he actually gives the details of what happened in his personal story.

mc remembers the hints marius had dropped to her a couple of times regarding this incident, so she then asks:

i don't believe marius actually blamed himself for his mother until this was said about him. his mother is the root of all things; he thinks that if he was never born, she would have never died, and perhaps she and giann would still be around and would be happy and healthy. he convinces himself that his existence destroyed his family. the stress of his feelings and anxiety makes him extremely sick as a kid.

all of this was too much for a young marius; now, remember when i said that i reject canon? that's important, because i don't think he ever properly recovered from this episode. i fully believe that marius does need and should go to therapy as an adult, and hasn't done so. my headcanon as to why he didn't, and why he gives off the impression that he's fine now and everything is fine now, is because he wised up and realized that he was being a burden on others and his mother's death would be in vain if he did so.

marius, tired of being a strain on the people he loves, pretends to be mentally sound to avoid his father and brother worrying about him. the way he chooses to cope with this is to disassociate himself with these events that happened to him, to the point where he talks about them like it wasn't him personally that experienced it. (i might touch upon this again in a future post if it becomes relevant.) he can't let others know that things bother him, because it can be weaponized; it would make him look weak, and the last thing he wants is anyone worrying about him but himself, or anyone to take advantage of that weakness. consider this as a strategy he adopted from the "conceal, don't feel" philosophy.

that having been said, a personal acceptance to "get over it" to stop feeling like he needs an emotional babysitter in his relatives =/= a lack of resentment towards others for how that was handled. marius nearly died due to the cruelty of a jealous relative, and his family was right in trying to protect him (as burdensome as he feels he may is), and he learns pretty quickly that he cannot trust others.

he still is one of the most influential people alive, and that means there's going to be a slew of people walking in and out of the revolving door leading into his life that are going to want to take advantage of that fact. it also goes beyond just people wanting to manipulate him, but he doesn't enjoy playing along in this circus of social hierarchy, and doesn't enjoy the people hanging around in these spaces. because they're ingenuine, they have no merit to him, and quite simply put he's looking to fill his life with color and sincerity.

i propose that... in order to consider a romantic relationship with someone, despite how much he longs for one, he would need to deeply get to know the person first and it would take a significant time to do so... and i know what you're thinking, it's just like a regular relationship, right? getting to know someone before deciding if you want to be with them? except, to marius, this is extreme; this social sphere he occupies has effectively chewed him up and spat him back out, because he's at the top of the top. his father is the wealthiest man in the world. marius by virtue of being a von hagen is essentially on the same level as royalty, and his family name is not enough to protect him. he has to be sharp, and he needs to be alert and constantly on guard.

he'd have no idea what someone's intentions may be with him when he meets them and he knows better than to blindly trust a person's seemingly apparent good faith, but also... he's so worried about dragging people down that he'd be almost afraid to consider it. it isn't enough that people want to use and abuse him to their hearts' content, but they'd try to tear up anyone else who went in there with him, and marius would be afraid of that outcome. he's already ruined the lives of his mother and his brother in his failure to protect them from the circumstances that removed them from his life. he would be unwilling to cause someone else he cares about to be put in the same situation, and he wouldn't be able to bear it if they also ended up abandoning him.

all of that leads me to say: i believe he would be more scared and avoidant upon realizing he was falling in love with someone, rather than immediately trying to pursue it with all he's got like he would his other endeavors.

the reason? it's so simple to pursue art. art is an arbitrary passion of his that doesn't impede on anyone else but himself, nor is it influenced by any outside forces; marius has full control over it. the same goes for his company; no one is going to sit there and hold his hand with his newfound ceo duties. he's always been capable of pursuing things on his own. romance is different; romance involves putting his young and fragile heart on the line to go after a whole other independent and outside entity not knowing whether or not he's going to face rejection.

eventually, i believe he'll completely learn to get over the hurdle, but in the interest of transparency... i think he's going to need a nudge from the other person first. a sign it's reciprocated, before he has to put his heart on ice.

i think it's on brand for marius to be a tease when you meet him; it is a genuine facet of his personality, but it's also something that feeds well into his reputation. he's assuming that people are going to know exactly who he is when he runs into them on the street, so he doesn't even bother dropping his pretense. but, i do think that extends... he doesn't drop that mask right away, it takes months and months, and lots of patience and understanding in order to unravel the mystery that is marius von hagen. he's going to want to gauge whether or not it's something he wants to commit to, and if it is, he's going to have to be prepared to unpack all that baggage. he would have to believe that this is going to be a happy ending for him, that his fairytale won't be a tragedy, in order to see a path forward. once marius goes into something, he doesn't step out.

so, he won't put up that much of a fight if he starts to fall in love with you, but that doesn't mean he would be eager make that leap of faith without getting a hint that there will be a safety net ready to catch him when he falls.

[writernopal]

🏴‍☠️ This is your Captain speaking 🏴‍☠️

So I thought I'd make a little post to encompass some important updates and some changes that you'll probably notice around the old blog in the next few months! However, I will do you all the courtesy of putting this under a cut because holy mama it turned out longer than I expected 😅

Updates

I'm doing my first NaNo this year!!! I'm excited but also really nervous because 50K is an aggressive goal and I'm not sure I can do it BUT I decided that I'm just going to try my best. I won't be starting a new project for this, instead, I want to use this as a time to beef up AASOAF 3 as I'm a little behind where I'd like to be in terms of progress.

AASOAF 3 has a release date! Err, more like release season lol. The announcement is here in case you missed it, and includes some beautiful Mariel and Fay art for you to feast your eyes on! Spring 2024 is the time to watch so keep a close eye on the new release tag, witness moonrise on oepus, for any content/posts related to release activities! Obligatory plug for AASOAF 3's masterpost and taglist so you don't miss a thing!

M.O.W will go on a brief hiatus at the end of November. But don't despair, it will return in January 2024! I decided that this series will take a month-ish hiatus at the end of each part so Part I will be nice and wrapped up before it goes on a break. Obligatory plug for M.O.W's masterpost and taglist so you don't miss a thing!

Work on AASOAF 3's super secret companion material has begun! For reasons I hope are clear, I can say nothing about this other than to look for it in Spring 2024 when AASOAF 3 releases. Just know that I'm super stoked to be teaming up with @illjustpretend again for this project and it's going to be an even bigger undertaking than Mariel & Axtapor's Scrapbook was for AASOAF 2.

Changes

Now you might be reading all of those things and be thinking, "Wow Nopal, that's super cool but isn't it a lot?" To that, I say, "Indeed, dear reader it is." But know that I do this to myself because writing is genuinely what I love to do and, let me toot my own horn here for a second, my stories deserve no less!

However, these things combined with work and a few other things going on in my personal life (all other good and exciting I assure you!) mean that I need more of that constructed but dreadfully measurable commodity: time. So you will likely see less of me around here but that doesn't mean I'm disappearing!

Believe it or not, this little corner of tumblr has become a huge part of my life. I love reading about y'all's stories, updates, and getting to cheer you on as you go do The Thing so I'll definitely be around 😊 Tag games and asks will most likely fall by the wayside though advanced apology for that 😅

Anyway, I think that's all for now! (I write as if this wasn't already long enough LOL) Wishing you all fair winds in your sails and many words on your pages 💙

AASOAF 3 Taglist: @outpost51 @thelivingdeceased @faelanvance @captain-kraken @illjustpretend @elshells @writeblr-of-my-own

M.O.W Taglist: @moonluringfrost @writeblr-of-my-own @illjustpretend @sparatus @outpost51

[muffinrecord]

Rambling Thoughts (Negative)

Putting this under the cut and out of the main tag for reasons. Sometimes people will read my opinion here and then say it elsewhere-- to be clear, I just want to say my own feelings without influencing anyone about the state of the game.

(also I accidentally lost and rewrote this post twice so I apologize if it feels all over the place)

So yesterday I responded to a post about Homucifer and EOS, but my feelings are actually a little more complicated than that.

The truth is, I do think that this game has maybe another year left, but maybe not more than that. I'm not actually sure how it could keep going-- not because of Akuma Homura, but actually because of all the power creep. But let's talk about Akuma Homura first.

Everyone and their mom knows the issues that plague her release. First off, she didn't get a new shiny transformation video but a copy+paste of her rebellion one. Hell, even youtube was like "this shit isn't original" and gave me this:

This video is banned in Austria and Germany for its content, not because of music (for once) but because it uses footage from the Rebellion movie. Like jeez.

The game has been having issues with its transformation videos for a while now, so I don't think anyone expected something revolutionary for her video-- but to have it just be reused animation is very disappointing for an anniversary unit and such an anticipated one at that. Additionally her chibi poke animation looks super weird and offputting (which is such a stupid complaint but it really adds into every other problem with the unit). Her Doppel reuses more animation, which is a shame.

I think that's the big deal for me-- this is a massively anticipated unit, and she was an Anniversary unit. I think everyone, not just myself, expected more effort to be put into her. I say this as someone who wasn't hyped for Akuma Homura-- I didn't have massive expectations to meet.

All that said, I still don't think that Akuma Homura herself is an EOS signal at this point. I meant it earlier when I said that I think the game has another year left. The entire reason that Devil Homura was considered an EOS signal in the first place was because that was the "big" unit that could for sure draw in the most money. She was the one "oh shit" button that could draw in a crowd and force people to spend money.

And in a way... she kind of did, through some scummy tactics. We all know very well why they released Historia Yachiyo the way they did-- she looks like an Anniversary unit, she has gameplay like one, and her banner runs throughout Anniversary. I completely believe that they released Historia Yachiyo to drain folks' pockets of magia stones so that people would be forced to spend money to get Devil Homura.

All that said-- to go back to my earlier point, I don't think Devil Homura is an EOS signal. I think that Madoka & Homura and Kyoko & Sayaka would fill a similar role. They are also both very anticipated units.

Additionally, I don't think that Akuma Homura being released in such a state, no matter how pathetic, is an EOS signal. As mentioned above, the game is having issues with its transformation videos. If they're going to budget the game accordingly, I'd rather it affect the henshins than anything else.

Here's the thing that makes me think the game is starting to wrap up in this year: Gameplay.

This game is suffering from powercreep. No, it didn't start now, or even last year-- I think Madoka & Iroha definitely began a bad trend which has become more and more monstrous. But even before then, we had units like Yozuru and Mikage which just completely outclassed units before them (before getting outclasses themselves).

But imo, Madoka & Iroha were still at least fun to use? But then you get to units like Devil Homura and Historia Yachiyo.

These units are straight up not fun to play with. In fact, they're the opposite of fun-- you don't even need to play the game. I did all of the EX-Challenges with my Historia Yachiyo and... jeez, the hardest part about them is that I can't turn off magia/doppel animations or use auto. And maybe the answer is: well don't use Historia Yachiyo then.

But what did I roll her for? I want to play with this character. I got her four-slotted. I like her aesthetic. I liked Puella Historia and I want to use a character that encapsulates that.

It's just, it feels like lots and lots of parts of the game that used to be important simply aren't anymore. Remember when the poison used by that one uwasa boss was a murderer for teams? Or the curse inflicted by the little uwasa mail familiars? You don't really need to worry about things like that anymore.

I'm not just speaking as a whale either... I do have alt accounts that don't spend money that I play a whole lot of.

At a certain point, the gameplay gets really really stale, but investing in your characters isn't fruitful anymore either, because they're already maxed in episode levels, magia, doppels... The only reason that Spirit Enhancement isn't maxed is 'cause the middle to large fragments are artificially capped and you can't grind them out.

But how do you give players more ways to invest in their girls without increasing further power creep? Attribute Enhancement was introduced and god, the numbers are fun but also jesus christ. Like, in what possible way can you make the girls have new ways to be new?

....

This really is a ramble.

I don't think the game is going to eos in the next six months or so. I base this on all the promo this anniversary put out (that costs money to make money), all the new quality of life things put in place by anni, the announcement of Magia Day + Scene Zero, and the upcoming movie. These are all signs that the game is gonna keep going for a bit.

But man, it also just kinda sucks that this game I love is actively becoming less fun for me.

[gg-university-if]

Okay I have loadsss to say!!!

Apologies in advance! It's a long rant. I'm excited.

Spoilers below!

All my ROs are Male so hence the pronouns my MC is a MLM

1. Beck is the most adorable fucking thing in the history of everything. I love him. Omggggggggggggggggg just how could your brain even come up with such a bean of a dude. He seems so stressed but so sweet. I adored his interaction with Jason it was so funny to read. And how much he actually misses his friend. Loved that I can have a crush on him because come on.

On that note tho:

Can I throw Ethan off a bridge???? Like Jesus dude cut it out. I see I'm gonna have issue with him on a beck route because dude doesn't know when to take a step back and not come off as a di....dingleberry!

2. The farewell with the fam was bittersweet as my MC has very complicated feeling towards the parents but Jace is just the best brother ever. Makes me sad I'm an only child.

3. Sids cute. ♥️ just so cute. Friendly and funny. Quite charming.

4. R is such a little lovebug. I love how we cldnt say no to him. And I had to stand up for him because no one gets to push my roommate around especially if they are really hot.

On that note again: ugh I want to punch Hader so badly... but I also want to romance him.. but I also wanted to throw a can at his head..empty can.. calm down.. 🙄 he can be glad he's hot and that I'm Slightly masochistic when doing IFs.. I also go for the your an asshole but i like you routes.. unfortunately 🥲

5. F seems like he is soooo fun! Very charismatic and DRAMATIC lol

6. Question. You said we would encounter EVERY (yes i saw that) RO.... did I see correctly and is there a secret RO.. and does that mean they are in the chapter? If it's Ethan end me now. It's gonna be an enemy to lovers route cuz he is aloooot.

Hmm what else..

I love the little things. Like choosing our aesthetics. Clothes, dorm room set up. It's a nice touch in customization. You love us awww 😭

Was wondering about customization and if MC is gonna have the option to have any piercings or tattoos their family know nothing about.

Oh I did see a bit of a typo I suppose. After Haders scene and meeting F. After you choose your food in the cafeteria. Instead of saying as you take a "bite out of your chicken katsu curry" it says take a "sip" but that's all I noticed. Also if you ever need beta readers.... 👀👀👀👀

Overall I loved the entire update. I can't wait to interact more with everyone. And as I'm on a music scholarship Hader is gonna have to get used to my MC talking back 🙄 it's great. Your writing is great. This is so fun to read and reading it brought a smile to my face. Thank you for working so hard on it. ♥️

Spoilers under the cut, let's break this down!

I love, love, love all the detail!

So I'll try and answer or have a comment for each bit since you made so much effort to give me feedback when you didn't need to.

Fun fact: Sid and the male form of one of the ROs are actually holdovers from an ill-starred short-lived mlm fic I wrote before GGGLU ever existed.

1. I'm so glad you liked Beck! I was worried that people would get irritated with him or end up not liking his personality but I thought the way I wrote him was most authentic to the story I wanted to tell for his route. He's so exhausted but so willing to help and isn't that just the cutest thing ever?

Ethan is Ethan, you'll definitely get your chance to be snarky and put down some fighting words with Ethan in the future. Infact at no point do you have to come to like him for Beck's Route but I can atleast say that there is a reason that he is Beck's University BFF and to a certain extent in my mind it makes his character a lot more...understandable if not your cup of tea.

2. (Obviously) there's the death of the author and I don't get to dictate how others interpret my writing but I'm so glad that you saw it the same way that I saw that scene when I was writing it because to a certain extent parting is a bittersweet moment for the MC regardless of how they feel about Jace and their parents.

3. Sid is adorable, just a ball of pop punk flavored sunshine. Was definitely one of my favorite characters to write in this part of the chapter and as a music scholarship MC you might be seeing more of them...but I'll shut my mouth for now.

4. Yeah I had debated allowing the MC to deny R and totally skip the cafeteria scene but I thought it was more fun if it was a compulsory event and the idea that R already has so much sway over the MC is sorta funny to me.

Hader is a bag of emotions and definitely stormy ones at that, I can't promise he'll ever be B or R levels of adorable but I can say that Riley wasn't lying when he said Hader isn't always like that and that usually he's a little more hot than scary and broody than angry.

The intended effect for my Hader-mancers was that they would want to punch and kiss him at the same time and seeing as they were already simping I had to ramp up the punching bit.

5. Fred is also good fun to write, I keep on saying this but also one of my favorites to write this time round and also one of the hardest for me. I'm not naturally a very dramatic or big personality so it's hard to write someone who is naturally charming and affable, I'm happy it was able to work somewhat as intended.

6. Hehehe the secret RO is in the demo currently and seeing as they're already implemented it's not a particularly big deal for me to reveal them BUT seeing as you guessed wrong I guess I'll be keeping it a secret for a little while longer.

A little hint: part of the reason H is so angry has to do with our beloved secret RO.

7. Customization is going to come as necessary to the story, things like tattoos and piercings are planned to come in part 2 of chapter one.

At some point you'll have a chance to get bigger tattoos but so early in the story the only tattoos you can have hidden from your parents will be pretty small.

8. I do need beta readers 😭😭😭 but I don't know how to get in contact with anyone through the proper routes and I'm famously awful with Discord amongst my friends.

If I ever figure out how to set up a Discord or interact with readers outside of Tumblr itself through the proper routes of communication then you will definitely be at the top of the list!!!

Finally we're at the end, thank you for giving me such a comprehensive breakdown of your experience. I really couldn't and wouldn't be able to write if it wasn't for your encouragement and excitement to push me forward to write.

I'm glad my writing style is atleast palatable and I'm more than ecstatic that it was able to provide a momentary amount of joy when reading.

Thank you for reading!

[rainbowsky]

I was just aimlessly scrolling through tumblr and came across a post saying " XZ is straight but WY is not* . This assumption was made because apparently: gay ppl know these things. So does that mean I'm now straight because I believe they're both part of the community in some way? 😃. Also if you're assuming WY is gay based on his words, then by that logic Xz past actions put him in close proximity to that.

We all assume based on perception, however to outright dismiss the possibilities on either side just seems absurd to me.

Hi Anon,

I apologize in advance for what's going to be a bit of an annoyed rant about 'gaydar'.

Fake, fan fiction, CPN.

Both of them are obviously 'not straight', because they're in a relationship. Beyond that it's anyone's guess. I personally don't see any evidence of DD being into women. I talked about that in various previous posts, starting here. I think GG is likely bi, given their banter in the BTS.

The Tumblr post might have been referring to an exchange GG had with a gay acquaintance on Weibo where the guy said he thought GG was straight. Just so everyone knows: Gay people do not have 'special magic powers' to read each other's minds, which is what a lot of straight people seem to think (and even some gays).

This is especially true when someone is in the closet and actively trying to hide their sexuality. Men who attract hordes of women like GG does are doubly able to fly under the radar. There is a reason why gay people often do a lot of hand-wringing over whether the person they're attracted to 'plays for their team'.

And let's not forget the whole aspect of bi erasure that GG's friend might have been engaging in, whether or not he intended to.

I want everyone to please understand, because I get a lot of asks about gaydar:

GAYDAR IS A MYTH

And before anyone sends me a bunch of dubious studies claiming it's 60% accurate, those numbers actually prove that gaydar isn't real.

I actually get pissed off when people talk about gaydar and try to make it out to be some sort of real thing. It's not. All gaydar is for the most part, is garden variety gender role stereotyping being cast into some sort of 'folksy queer intuition' branding to make it seem less offensive. Gender presentation, mannerisms and vocal intonations can't tell us about someone's gender or sexuality.

It might sometimes be fun to joke around about certain stereotypical things as being 'very gay', and for the most part I find that harmless and sometimes make those jokes myself, but 'gaydar' can actually be harmful and misleading.

While most of us joking around about stereotypes understand that a flowy blouse or a tight mesh shirt aren't actually gay, a lot of people treat gaydar as science and genuinely believe it's real. I think we need to be cautious about what we claim, and circumspect about how we use 'gaydar'. It is one of those 'for entertainment purposes only' concepts, and should never be treated as hard evidence of anything.

So a gay person who happens to know GG in college will only know about GG, what GG wants him to know.

GG is even more expressive of queer Pride than DD, so I always find it funny when someone refers to him as straight. Whether gay or bi, he's clearly not straight.

And contrary to what a shocking number of BXG believe, straight guys don't fall in love with men and date/marry them.

(BTW, I'm not saying we should never use the term 'gaydar'. It can be fun, and an easy shorthand in certain contexts. I'm just saying we should always be cautious about how we use the term so that A] we're not hurting others and B] we're not misleading others. It's one of those fun but potentially harmful toys that should be taken away from us when we are irresponsible about how how we play with it.)

[decepti-thots]

re: meta again. first, thank you for the long answer! you have a lot of interesting points, e.g. how fandom spaces influence how you interact with media: my first fandom space was restricted to teenagers who mostly knew nothing about media analysis (and it was also animanga haha), and then I moved onto tumblr, where - in my memory - most users were slightly older teenagers but still didn't know much about media analysis. there probably was meta somewhere (apparently on LJ?), but I didn't see (or notice?) a lot of it. which possibly also was because I changed fandoms a lot more quickly, and I feel like many others did, too. there's a book fandom where five years ago, the general sentiment about an antagonist was 'well fuck him' and now people write extensive posts on why he did what and what that means for the story and why it mirrors the protagonists arc etc, which maybe means that sometimes fandoms need time to get past the initial excitement of new things to give more attention/time to meta?

I very much agree that tumblr makes interactions/discussions harder. especially re: reblogs - its so easy for someone to disagree with you in a reblog and some of their followers to take that as a hint to hate on you - I've seen this happen mostly related to "shipping the wrong things", but why wouldn't it happen for drawing the "wrong" conclusions in a meta post? I feel like the general tumblr user is older than they were 10 years ago so maybe I should hope that they've grown up as well and are more reasonable about this to be fair

what I also noticed regarding the book fandom and TF is that TF fans - depending on your specific bubble probably - seem to be more aware that writing meta is a thing, because they're more likely to call it that.

re: elitism - it's important to me that the things I was referring to can feel elitist, not that they are, if the distiction makes sense? maybe it also wasn't the best/fairest choice of words, sorry. the sentiment isn't meant towards e.g. the people complaining about headcanons that have become accepted in the fandom but have zero relation to canon. its more frustration that theres seemingly infinite canon material and you can't really join any conversation without interacting with a good chunk of it, while (seemingly) everyone else has already done that already.

and finally, wonder if part of who writes meta and who doesn't is fandom "socialization"; there seem to be a few people for whom it appears easy to express their thoughts online, and then a much larger amount of lurkers who don't, and I've never really figured out the cause.

god tumblr does really let me put as much text as I want here, I'm a bit sorry for the long message. If you have any further thoughts I'd be happy to hear them but no pressure

First of all: no apologies for the long message! I love it, I will put my thoughts under a cut for everyone's dashes but we LOVE an in depth fandom meta-meta discussion in this household. I started this blog to RAMBLE and rambling is WELCOME my friend.

You make an EXCELLENT point about how longevity can influence fandoms here, anon. Especially for fandoms where there isn't a constant drip-feed of NEW canon, I absolutely think fandoms living on and people going back and re-engaging the source material to look for new ways to engage it can gradually make meta a larger part of the fannish space sometimes. (To give my own book fandom example, I was on the periphery of book!Good Omens fandom back in the day, and the amount of time people had spent with just that one single book meant that more and more discussion of the ways you could read and work with that one book meant there was some very in-depth meta going on there.) (…as you can imagine, the last few years have been a hell of a wild time for me with the show fandom becoming the Hot New Major Fandom, LMAOOOO.)

There's definitely also something there about the old "if someone I follow clowns on a person, my (para)social relationship with them means I feel like I'm doing a social faux-pas by not choosing a side" you mention here too. Tumblr really makes visible the idea of social networks in a way I have to admit I overall find uhhh. Kind of not great. "If I follow someone who follows someone my mutual hates, do I need to perform my support of someone here", that kind of thing. (Answer: no, that is some Panopticon shit, bring in the Foucault. I am only half joking.) Even over an objectively inane Transformers headcanon take, it's the social mechanism more than the content that brings in the pressure I think. Again. Web 2.0 wants everything pushed at everyone all the time to encourage More Interaction, and reducing any sense of wider social circles being removed from you personally is a part of that I think. It's all equal on The Endless Timeline, innit.

I see what you mean about the "feels like" distinction on elitism, anon, now you lay that out- that makes sense. I do think TF fandom is sometimes a bit of a minefield in terms of like, even within certain subdivisions of canon there's so MUCH stuff (and the fandom has, IMO, a bad habit of not bothering to decide what is more or less "useful" in conversations; sometimes tertiary material is… you know. Tertiary. LOOKING AT ALIGNED FANDOM). I think those of us who are sometimes a bit more "canon completionist" do need to approach these things in terms of like- take IDW1 fandom. If someone posts meta about MTMTE based on just material from MTMTE, approaching that in good faith and not going "well it's in continuity with phase one, and THIS phase one comic says [xyz]", but instead seeing it as a perspective that takes that one text as a complete thing in itself? (And maybe considering how that perspective and how it differs from one which looks at the whoooole canon is interesting, rather than deficient, in its differences of opinion.) There are folks who get very snotty about people doing that in a way that is, at the very least, unproductive. (And the folks bringing in their Extensive Lore Knowledge TM by whining stuff from other continuities contradicts a take on a different continuity are just uhhh. Annoying. Those people can just Stop, Please, lmao.) I think understanding that different approaches to what "canon" even is can be interesting rather than something to be "corrected" might go some way to making it feel less… intimidating? Alienating? For folks working with what they like.

As for the confidence in sharing opinions thing… I can only speak for myself but uh. If I have a personal flaw it is unwarranted overconfidence, not insecurity, haha. Let me put it that way. I do think that cultivating a confidence in the idea "I have my own personal tastes, and those tastes are idiosyncratic and do not need to be compared to other peoples' taste, and they are Valid TM" is a skill to be honed and one I think is worth honing, and I think may be a big thing here from my anecdotal observations. I find that many people in fandom don't have a lot of confidence in the idea that you can express not just an argument for "objective" (lol) "quality" but a sense of personal taste? (This is not unique to fandom, at all, but I think fandom has a lot of it, if that makes sense.) Especially because often the things fandom centres around lack cultural prestige. It's why an appeal to being Real Literature TM is the go-to argument for why fanfiction is "acceptable". I think a similar thing can be true of opinions; to let go of the urge to have everyone agree with you 100% of the time and to be "proven" right, you have to feel confident enough to sit in subjectivity and be like. My opinions may be subjective, but that's fine. And you do have to cultivate that! But I think that's where the "I can express an opinion and not feel destroyed if someone flat out rejects it and I can't even disprove their argument" trick kinda lies, maybe. And maybe meta is easier if you've already internalized that, so the possibility people will be like "nope" is less scary?

[fingons-rad-harp]

ALL OF THE SILM ASKS

ALL OF THEM OKAY DAMN

under a cut bc it's gonna get longggggg

🗡️ Defend your favorite war criminal (or make them worse - I'm not your mom).

i know i say i'm a feanarian apologist in my bio but it ain't because i defend them i'm just always apologizing for their shit. nah fr though i like them because they're flawed, they killed people and i think that's sexy of them even if they were objectively in the wrong. but the reason i like maedhros specifically (and maglor but this ain't about him) is because despite the fact that he does do kinslayings and all that murder he still tries until the very end to adhere to his moral code. he does forswear the oath at one point in an attempt to resolve the conflict without bloodshed, he looks for elured and elurin in the woods because he can't bear the thought of children dying because of his actions, he takes in elrond and elros and raises them to become great leaders of both men and elves, and he does all this even AFTER losing fingon, even after all of the everything he endured, it isn't actually until morgoth has been defeated that he says "fuck it, i have nothing left to live for, let's finish this and i don't care who we have to kill to end it"

🔥 Give us your hottest Silm hot take.

i don't actually think maeglin was an adult during tfog. i think he was the elf equivalent of like, 15. this explains everything about his behavior

🌟 Which of the Valar do you feel the most affinity for and why?

probably este. i be sleeby.

⚓ Pick a Silm ship to go down with. What is compelling about their dynamic?

RUSSINGON ALL THE FUCKING WAY THEY ARE EVERYTHING TO ME IT'S ON PURPOSE THEY LOVE EACH OTHER ON PURPOSE

🤔 Tell us one of your favorite Silm headcanons. Can be one that's out in the wild or a personal one!

gil-galad as the son of lalwen and cirdan. lalwen because it fixes all of my issues about noldorin succession and cirdan because it gives more reasons for him to be ruling lindon in the third age and also why he got one of the Three rings - for a sinda he's very associated with the noldor

⏩ Which section of the Silm did you read through the fastest? (Couldn't put it down!)

beren and luthien, i ZOOMED through that chapter i loved it so much

⏸️ Which section did you read the slowest? (Not as interesting or "if I don't keep reading 'x' bad thing cannot happen)

of beleriand and its realms, mostly because i kept pausing to look at the map

🗺️ Pick a kingdom/faction in Beleriand to visit. (No matter what happens, you cannot be injured and you cannot die - yay, plot armor!)

himring! can't be injured? i'm gonna hug maedhros

🐉 A lot of figures in the Silm have weird Eldritch powers or possibly biology. Tell us about your headcanons for one.

this one isn't really eldritch but elves with tapetum lucidum. elves who have seen the light of valinor literally glow, and that light is passed down through generations (though to a much lesser degree). songs of power are also a BIG thing, and elves can learn to control various aspects of reality with enough practice. this makes maglor one of the most powerful characters in the silm. he can melt entire armies with nothing but his voice

😈 Give the villains some love. Which antagonist is most interesting to you and what about them draws you in?

sauron is great on his own but all of his motivations are so rooted in his devotion to melkor that i feel like you can't really separate them. they are the most horrible power couple in arda. their love language is acts of violence. i tend to imagine that melkor was just as devoted to mairon - "villains can't love" is so overdone to me, i want to hear about the dark lord who mercilessly and brutally tortures his enemies to fates worse than death and then presents them to his faithful lieutenant like a cat bringing a dead mouse to its owner. said lieutenant is extremely into it. sauron who does genuinely care about celebrimbor. who even loves him, though in a different way than he loves melkor. who kills him anyway, and never forgives himself for it, because his goals are more important to him.

👑To which High King of the Noldor do you owe your allegiance? Why would you offer them your fealty?

idril tbh because she's the only one in this family with a fucking brain cell

🪄You can change how one (1) Big Event goes down in the Silm - either in favor of something in HoME or something you made up. What happens instead? Tell us the cool stuff!

see the thing is i'm very canon compliant - or at least canon compatible - because you just can't change anything about the silm without fucking up everything else! i do however have an outline for an au where fingolfin wins his 1v1 with morgoth (though he does still die) and maedhros accidentally becomes a warlord and he and fingon unite the rest of everybody. it'll probably never see the light of day, but feel free to ask about it and i'll explain more

🍽️ You are having a dinner party and you can invite five (5) characters from the Silm. Who do you invite?

oh that's a HARD one. okay. feanor, thingol, galadriel, elrond, and fingolfin. i wanna see how fast it turns into the hunger games.

🔮You can reach into the Beyond and ask the Professor to settle one (1) debate for you. He won't even waffle on the answer, honest. What do you ask him?

PROFESSOR. DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT MAKE IT GAY ON PURPOSE? if not that's fine i'll keep writing gay fanfic about them, death of the author and all that (lol) but DID YOU DO IT ON PURPOSE??? THE RUSSINGON/BLUTHIEN/SAMFRO PARALLELS DID NOT GO UNNOTICED SIR.

[dinosaursatemymom]

I'm the anon from yesterday, and I have to say in s4 canon, Nancy was helpful. Yes, it could have gone a different way, but she should get credit for moving the plot in that direction. She shouldn't have gotten the credit for finding the articles and the music theory that was Robin, but the initial hint was on Nancy.

It's still questionable how she got the information, tho, like she isn't a reporter she writes for the school paper. She shouldn't be out there investigating a murder scene. That article wouldn't have even made it into the paper, given it was about a student, and the principal would have shut it down immediately. Idk what her plan was besides being nosy.

I'm also still thinking about the s2 plot, and it just doesn't make sense to me. It's even worse that Nancy's half-baked plan worked because it framed Steve as this bad boyfriend for not wanting to help her. Like their major argument that painted Steve as uncaring about Barb was that he didn't want to get revenge on the lab and that he wanted to live his life as normally as possible. That him shutting down Nancy's idea is him surpressing her trauma, idk it makes me want to scream. He went with her to Barb's family every week, and he tried to cheer her up, to say he didn't care about the situation is just wrong. Also, why is Nancy's way of coping the right way? Steve should be able to adjust his life in a way he feels comfortable. Nancy went along because she thought it would help her. It's not like Steve pressured her into anything. He thought his way was helpful, and Nancy didn't communicate it better to him. (Like she still can't communicate properly, i.e., Jonathan or Robin in the library, who asked her if she hated her, and Nancy just ignored her and rolled her eyes.) Steve can't read her mind so he was under the impression everything was okay. I doubt he would be malicious and shut down Nancy's grief. He was concerned about Nancy's destructive ways of getting revenge because it was dangerous.

The lab was set up to be scary. They killed people for knowing too much in s1. Steve was totally reasonable for being scared. And then they made the lab into something dumb that it got infiltrated by two teenagers who even let it slip they wanted to expose them. How on earth was Nancy able to get that recorder inside? And why was Jonathan okay to go through with everything after Owens explained and even showed them the huge mess. Will and his mother went there every week, the people were trying to help his family. Jonathan had no reason to help Nancy besides getting some brownie points in her book. It was ooc for him to go against his family and put others in danger. Nor did it help the plot or Nancy. It was never discussed how incredibly stupid and selfish it was of her to go against them that way. Like she put her family and everyone involved in danger, plus the entire town. But it was framed as her being super smart and brave when it did more harm. Nancy didn't even deal with grief. There was no real discussion about Barb with Jonathan, only her admitting that she waited for Jonathan to make a move so she could get away from her boyfriend. I wish Jonathan had said something so Nancy could be able to examine her behavior.

I think what makes her plots so frustrating is that she doesn't grow as a person with them. She is still the same character since s2, who gets her little investigation plotline, which is unnecessary because the other characters are able to get there without her anyway. What is her arc? A grieving teenager who lost her best friend? It's never truly discussed in the show. Otherwise, she can use a useless weapon. She isn't the smartest person who can piece stuff together. Robin was only there for 2 seasons and yet was more helpful with her wits than Nancy. I wish we could get an arc for her next season, but I doubt it tbh.

Also this and the last anon was quite long, and I apologize. Sometimes, I get carried away. I feel like you can't really discuss this topic because people will hunt you down and call you names. I really tried liking Nancy, and I think if she were better written, I would love her because she has potential. But because her being perceived as flawless in the show (and fandom) contradicts with her actions, it makes her incredibly unlikable.

You're right, Nancy was helpful in s4 and I shouldn't discredit her for that. Although I do believe the plotline could've worked without her.

Nancy is just constantly trying to get the story no matter what, even if it could get her fired.

Yeah, I didn't like her plot in s2, it just didn't make much sense to me. I definitely agree about Jonathan. I really don't like how nearly everyone bends over backwards for Nancy in the show, even when they logically shouldn't(Robin). I think a lot of the problem with Steve is that the show is trying to make others seem in the right and Steve in the wrong while also making him likable to the audience because the duffers don't want to kill him off.

Yea, it was really weird that all of a sudden this top secret highly guarded government facility didn't search two teenagers. Especially considering the lengths we've been shown that they'll go to in order to keep confidentiality, ie Benny.

I would absolutely love to see an arc for Nancy!! Contrary to what my posts may make it seem, I think Nancy's character held a lot of potential and has been poorly written for the past few seasons. Her being written as this flawless badass who everybody loves kinda makes her seem shallow and annoying. If the show could acknowledge her faults and figure out a nice ending for her where she actually shows some growth I would absolutely love her character. I really hope to see something better for her in s5.

It's totally cool, I like long asks anyway! Feel free to shoot me an ask anytime! You're absolutely correct about not being able to dislike Nancy without being hunted down and called names [(I know you're reading this, you know who you are. Get off my page and block me and the tag, stop harassing me. Im not gonna like Nancy because you call me a misogynist or a bitch, that's gonna make me like her even less)<--not targeted towards you anon] Yes! The fact that no one holds her accountable is the reason she doesn't grow because she's framed as constantly being correct.

[supersonicsteaktacular]

Some thoughts on Miraculous Ladybug in general under the cut. Don't peek if you haven't caught up because i will be discussing season 5 including the finale.

Apologies if this is an incoherent read, i'm just writing as i think, this is just going to be a total mental vomit.

Ok so i had some complicated emotions when watching the finale. It was great in a lot of ways. We had some of the best fight scenes that miraculous has ever had and some undeniably cool moments, but i can't help but feel a little let down?

I think that's partly because of how long it's taken to get here. To call the pacing in miraculous glacial would be an understatement. Nothing much happened to shake up the status quo of Ladybug and Chat Noir fighting a villain of the week for like 4 seasons. Almost everything was world -building up until Gabriel got his hands on the miraculous.

So we had a story that was going slow suddenly going at a breakneck pace in season 5. Suddenly after 4 seasons of nothing happening, everything happens at once. Gabriel is coming out and fighting the heroes personally, Ladybug and Chat Noir are making plans that very nearly beat him and Gabriel gets wounded in a way that puts a timer on the plot. Things now HAVE to start moving faster.

In addition, the love square dynamics change for the first time in the show. It took 5 seasons to do what everyone wanted since season 1. Everything was exciting again!

And then they kinda blew their load on the first jerk??

Gabriel quickly went back to his villain of the week plans, the changes to the love square came and went within the first half of the season and ended up settling on the end of the love square with the least exciting dynamic?

It's pretty telling that the Love square is the most popular hetero ship on Ao3 in terms of number of fics. It has something like 10'000 more fics than the next most popular hetero ship. The love square is exciting in a way that no other ship is and there are people more eloquent than me on here that will wax philosophic as to why that is.

So it's a tradegy that nothing really changed with the love square until 5 seasons in, and then those changes were over in a flash. Flipped Ladynoir was gone in a few episodes, Marichat fucking burned twice as bright but a half as long and poor Ladrien never got a chance. Now i do like Adrinette but it's just a typical high school romance once you take away all the rest of the love square stuff. It's cute, but guess what? So are all of the other ships that i like. They took away what made the love square exciting enough to write 35'000 fics about.

So just about the only things left by the halfway point of the season to look forward to is defeating Gabriel once and for all and an identity reveal.

And NEITHER HAPPEN.

Gabriel actually ends up winning in the end. He gets to make a wish. In the final scene i was literally saying to my screen "WHERE'S THE CATCH??" but apparently there isn't one? Turns out all that pontificating about how a wish cannot be made without a huge sacrifice was for nothing. Maybe there will be a catch but we'll have to wait and see, and who knows how long we'll have to wait to see that plot point come to fruition.

And of course there was no identity reveal. In fact Chat Noir just flat out doesn't participate in the season finale. Let me repeat that. THE AGRESTE DOESN'T PARTICIPATE IN THE FINALE OF THE AGRESTE SAGA. You deserved so much better than being locked in your schrodinger box Adrien. You absolutely should've been there to deck your father in the face.

Sorry if this has come across as a whole bunch of complaining and salt. I just needed somewhere to reconcile my own thoughts. At the end of the day i really do love Miraculous. There's a reason i've been invested since season 1, there's a reason why i've always looked forward to new episodes releasing and why i've spent the last year desperately trying to avoid spoilers. It's clearly has something special even if i can't quite put my finger on it.

[meimi-haneoka]

My apologies for such a delayed response. I got caught up in a few real life things. Thank you so much for replying back. Also, I didn't know that Yukito's bills were paid by Eriol. Is he (and Kaho) the "grandparent(s)" who are always away on trips? I would love to know more! Is this from the OG manga or somewhere else? It would be wonderful if you can recommend me more sources to learn such trivia. On a second ask: I just realised that Syaoran's family is actually immensely wealthy. They have a sprawling colonial style mansion on Victoria Peak. And that seems to house just the head family. I remember Meiling mentioning she lived nearby. That is not just some simple well off money which is exaggerated in anime. If taken seriously, the house would be worth, in the minimum, 100 million USD or so. Given that usually the ultra rich tend to host only about 10-12 percent of their entire net worth in their primary residence, that would mean that Syaoran's (immediate) family's net worth has to be around a billion USD in the minimum. And that is just his own family. I am not even going into the economics of a cousin who also lives nearby on Victoria Peak. That would mean that the Li Clan's wealth must be on mutli-billionaire (in double digits) level stuff. This is some Crazy Rich Asians level stuff. This really lends credibility to those wealthy Li Clan/Enterprises Syaoran-is-a-CEO fanfics. While I really doubt Syaoran is going to be a CEO (he has four sisters, any one of them can do that) given that he is going to be the head of a mage clan and that puts enough responsibilities on his plate as it is, these are some insane realisations. No wonder, some clan relatives raised objections at their heir being away from them under potentially dangerous circumstances. Also, no wonder Meiling (and Syaoran) treat flights (and entire trips) back and forth between Japan and Hong Kong like long distance bus journey tickets.

Hello again!! It's completely ok and as you can see my replies aren't immediate either 😅 So let's see...

Is this from the OG manga or somewhere else?

From chapter 1 of Clear Card, actually!! Let me get you the exact panel...

This is from the official ENG translation. Here Kero says that Eriol managed to do something about the management and legal rights over Yukito's house, so he didn't have anything to worry about. Basically he's taking care of the administration of the building and any legal stuff related to that house (paying taxes and such, so in short I said he's been "paying for it" but to be more precise this is what he's doing). (And no, Kero didn't say "it's unsafe for him to be all alone up there", he actually said "it would be careless to leave (the house) unattended for long time" to explain why Yukito didn't stay over at the Kinomoto's that night - I managed to find a translation mistake even in this random panel, oh my gosh).

I just realised that Syaoran's family is actually immensely wealthy

Yeaaaah he's very rich 😂everyone knows his immediate family got a huge mansion on Victoria Peak and I've been told that's a very luxurious area of Hong Kong!

No wonder, some clan relatives raised objections at their heir being away from them under potentially dangerous circumstances

I know right? That bit was added in the anime and I found it made a lot of sense. In my years of reading SyaoSaku fanfictions I've seen countless of stories about how the Li Clan would be totally against Syaoran's union with Sakura, but with Clear Card we found out that the contrary opinions were actually quite limited to a few unhappy members (and again, Yelan is the head so if she says 'yes' they have to comply), which if you think about it is something that happens in any family, even the best ones. There's always going to be someone who will complain. And they have good reasons, having the next head of the clan living abroad isn't exactly the best of the situations, but I'm sure that Syaoran and Sakura will find a way to manage this when they'll be married (I'm pretty sure Syaoran will stay in Japan as promised, and won't make Sakura leave her family and friends). This connects to your next comment

no wonder Meiling (and Syaoran) treat flights (and entire trips) back and forth between Japan and Hong Kong like long distance bus journey tickets.

They have the money to do so, and the trip isn't that long, so yeah 😂😂😂 I bet Syaoran will be doing back & forth between Japan and Hong Kong, but it's not going to be a problem!

[hailmarymachine]

Okay. I know I've made it pretty clear that as a person? I don't like drama. I'm not a fan of callout culture on this site because it very rarely serves the purpose of warning people of bad behavior and turns into a witch hunt to alienate users wrongfully.

Stuff is going under the cut. I'm ranting about Mox/one of my best friends. Read if you want, or don't.

I'm sick and tired of the treatment towards Mox. I'm not tagging her blogs. She wants to be kept out of this, and I'm respecting the wishes of one of my best friends. She doesn't need this shit anymore. And she never deserved this harassment from tumblr.

I'm writing this because I'm angry that she's currently being doxxed by another tumblr user, and when this fact as been pointed out, MOX is to blame here for wanting a reasonable expectation of privacy. All of this got dragged up because Stevie was put on a callout for something COMPLETELY unrelated to Mox. She got dragged into it to get the fucking heat off of themselves.

And by the way. Hey, Stevie, you ever wonder why that doc has been taken down multiple times? YOU are revealing private information without her consent. Google deemed it against their TOS and removed it both time. Take responsibility instead of telling everyone else that she should be more careful. Bare minimum, you're contributing to potential cyberstalking. Doxxing is still illegal and this isn't the first time it's happened and you fucking know it. Do better.

I'm going to say it: YOU are letting Mox live in your head rent free. If anyone so much as says something you disagree with, you drag her name into it. YOU play the victim, have some seriously big feelings, and talk about how you can't do x or y thing because mox is somehow turning people against you. It's never that you're unable to regulate your own feelings over disagreements. Or that YOU are causing problems.

I will also come out and say I, at one point, called some of the people from the callout a few years ago friends. I believed the callout. I believed the horseshit that was fed to me. I read about how she (mox) was some stalker that hurt a lot of people (and she's apologized to the people she's hurt). The second she tried following one of my blogs? I blocked her and moved on, but I admit at the time I was anxious because of the things I'd heard. I wasn't stalked. I didn't have her trying to bypass the blocking to harass me and make me feel shitty for doing that to her. She respected the boundary I put up and I reiterate: She did not bother me or send people after me on her behalf either. When I realized that at the time? I realized something was off. Where was this big scary person they went on and on about constantly even after the dust had died down? ( Yeah, she lived rent free in a lot of people's heads, guys. For way longer than was necessary OR healthy. )

They even went after her when she tried to reemerge again as a different alias and shit talked an apology she tried writing. You know what I did? I read it. I wanted to know what she was saying that was worth all their shit talking, and all I saw was someone trying to take some responsibility and make amends. That's it. And I'm not gonna lie: I eventually ghosted all of them because they kept finding ways to circle back to shit talking mox and even tried involving fandoms mox wasn't even apart of. Like why? For what reason do you feel the need to keep dragging shit out after you've already warned the relevant communities a "harmful person" is apart of?

But hey, I decided to give mox a chance when she followed me under her new penname. I decided to give someone a chance that STILL IS catching shit she doesn't deserve. It's been five years, guys. Five years of this drama circulating on and off. Five years of someone calling her a toxic abuser when Mox is the one that's had to literally move across the country for her own real life, physical safety, because she was doxxed before this instance. She couldn't leave her own home out of fear for her real life, physical safety. It's ridiculous that one person is THIS obsessed and is constantly stirring the pot about her.

I don't understand why people aren't looking at the fact that she's literally being doxxed a second time and don't see it as a problem? Or that someone is allowing another person on the INTERNET to occupy their thoughts THIS MUCH?

Grow the fuck up, guys.

[xaryxarybdis]

hello!!!! i have a very indulgent writing question as i am working on a short story for my creative writing class😭 for your work on archive of our own, i bequeath nothingness by no one, what inspired some of your perceptions on time loops and nihilism? what were your key inspirations for writing?

Hello ! First of all, my apologies for taking so long to answer, I hope this doesn't reach you too late to be useful. And don't worry-I love talking about writing and everything it implies, and I guarantee you your question was no less self-indulgent than my answer will be.

Concerning the time-loop aspect of the story, the most immediate source of inspiration that comes to my mind is the movie Edge of Tomorrow (2014). The movie itself is a fairly classic action flick, but I remember seeing it when it came out and immediately being completely enamored with the concept of a time loop that isn't the classic groundhog day-type situation, but rather one where the loops are dependant on the death of the protagonist. So that definitely stuck at the back of my mind and ultimately inspired the way I wrote I bequeath nothingness to no one. I have not looked into the matter and this particular movie might not be the first piece of media to put this particular spin on the idea of time loops, but it's the one I personally came across during my formative years, so that's the one I'd quote as an inspiration.

The nihilism part of your question was much more difficult for me to answer, because I found it much more difficult to reverse-engineer where most of this stuff came from. So I'm afraid my answer might not be quite as complete as you might have wished, and for that I apologize. I think part of the difficulty that much of it is simply part of the greater cultural canon I grew up in, though I can pinpoint some key elements: looking back, a lot of the sense of absolute alienation from the rest of human society can be traced back to Albert Camus (esp. The Stranger, wherein the protagonist's profound otherness and decaying sense of reality really stuck with me). Moreover, I remember reading Kafka's Metamorphosis not too long before writing this particular piece and while I don't disagree with all the classical interpretations of the story, I felt very strongly that it also served as a particularly striking metaphor for mental illness (or, well, at least mine): the sensation of slowly transforming into something monstruous and unrecognizable, of being put away in a room, neither allowed into human society nor to escape it entirely, but kept quietly, with an iron grip, at arm's length. More pertinently, I think Sasuke's mental state in the story has a lot in common with that of the protagonist of Kafka's tale: he, himself, is slowly changing, metamorphosing, into something he feels is profoundly alien, while all around him, the world stays the same, stays normal in a way he knows he will never be again.

The last work I will quote as inspiration will sound random as shit, but hear me out, I swear I have a point in there somewhere: Thomas Harris' Hannibal, third installment in his Hannibal Lecter series. I fucking hate this book. It makes me unjustifiably angry. Not because it's bad, it's great. I just hate what it does to its Main character with a passion.

Now, for context (and spoilers ahoy): Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal both follow Clarice Starling, a young FBI agent who, for reasons unclear and unimportant to our purposes, attracts the attention of the titular character Hannibal Lecter, who then proceeds to slowly, thoroughly fuck up her life. Towards the end of the book, Clarice’s life clearly has gone past the point of no return: even if she survives, she has no life to return to. Her career is gone, she is under suspicion from the law, and even her friends are in danger by association. She is cast adrift, and there she has one choice: let the man who did this to her die (not even kill him herself - simply let his death happen), or try, herself, alone, with no support, against overwhelming odds, to save him.

Here is the thing about Clarice Starling: she is not a heroic paragon of virtue. She’s a cool, calculated person, who’s clever enough to recognize in herself seeds of ruthlessness that could become evil. But here is the thing about Clarice: she chooses to do good. It doesn’t matter that it doesn’t come to her instinctively, as it does some people, because she consistently, relentlessly, makes the choices that will benefit others. And here, at the end of her journey, where all around her is darkness, and the world is screaming at her that everything and everyone is terrible and cruel and unjust, she drops the sickest line of Thomas Harris’ entire career:

The world will not be this way within the reach of my arm.

This simple sentence - both acceptance and refusal, a decision to stand her ground on this undeniably dark earth - crystallises Starling as one of the most memorable characters I’ve ever read in fiction.

And then Thomas Harris just goes and fucking ruins it. The tl;dr: she succeeds in saving Hannibal Lecter’s life, he kidnaps her and brainwashes her into eating people with him, they’re in love and they go off into the sunset, to live happily ever after. The end.

In a book series about the most fucked-up murders you could possibly come up with, this might be the most repulsive thing to happen. Because, let’s be clear: Clarice Starling, at this point, is dead. The one we know, anyway. She dies the moment she saves Lecter, because what comes out of what he does to her next is a scrambled mess of the parts that used to make up Starling, but now make up this still, eerie, bobbing doll. For the reader, who has followed in Clarice’s footsteps for two books, it feels as close to a profanation as can be. It’s obscene. And perhaps it’s the point, but what I wanted to get at is: Sasuke, too, is not a “naturally” good character. His morals are fucked, he doesn’t know what normal is, he commits acts of objectively great evil. Like Clarice Starling, goodness is something he has to seek. Part of his growth is learning that not only goodness is a choice he has to make, but that it is one he can make. That the world is dark, and cruel, and terrible, but that he doesn’t have to be. He can refuse this dark and unjust world the right to be this way within the reach of his arm.

So, basically: if only out of spite, I like to think a little bit of Clarice Starling lives on in Sasuke. (She deserved better and I will die on this hill, thank you very much.)

The last source of inspiration I’ll quote is, quite simply, folk tales. More specifically folklore about fairies and elves, who contributed quite a bit to my version of Kaguya. I won’t divulge the exact area I come from because I don’t want to dox myself, but in the version of the tales I grew up with, the fair folk lives in the mirrors and crevices of the world: the water-smoothed caves underfoot, where you can still hear the slow, unescapable tinkling noise of water dripping; the burrows under the roots of elder trees; the back of a man’s mind; the hollow heart of the moon.

In the stories, the fairies, nominally, look humanoid. But they’re wrong: their limbs are too long, their fingers too tapered, their faces too pointy, too smooth. They’re imitating us, but they always get it just a little bit wrong. It clearly inspired this line in particular:

[...] its smooth white face, a triangular imitation of humanity, human skin threaded over a lion’s skull.

Kaguya - and, by extension, the concept of godhood in the story - resembles the folktales’ fairies as well in the sense that she is unchanging. If you fall into Fairyland, you are surrounded with creatures that incomprehensibly older and more powerful than you are. To them, you are, at best, a toy, at worst, vermin. But the fairies have one weakness: they do not change. They’re immortal. They cannot. But you, mortal, you have this thing they cannot name and yet so desperately crave: a heart.

This is how you outwit the fairies, in the stories: you endure. You are vermin, and like vermin you can be stamped down, but never for long. This is what the stories tell you: be patient, be watchful, be clever. Be strong, for you must endure; be cunning, for you must learn. Do the one thing they cannot do: adapt.

Sasuke’s story is pretty much a retelling of that one.

I realize now that this is getting horribly long; I apologize. (Though I did warn you: once you get me talking...) I’ve probably missed a lot of influences that i’ll feel stupid for not recalling later, but that’s life, I suppose. I hope this was helpful to you in any way, and, if not, then at least entertaining. If you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to ask them, I think I’ve made it obvious that I would be delighted to answer. And if you ever want to share what you wrote with me, I would be absolutely honored to read it! (Though I perfectly understand if you cannot or would rather not share it, I just want you to know the option is open if you so choose.) Have a wonderful day!