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jellieclogs · 1 year ago

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october media recap ✩°｡ ⋆⸜ 🎧✮

i love music, movies, tv, podcasts, games, books, and more. here's a recap of things i watched in october 2023!!

music ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚

i've been really into more indie blues type music as autumn comes to a head, my playlist autumn girls this is for you has a bit more songs that i really associate with this season. anyway heres the list!

mitski - my love mine all mine

mitski - i'm your man

these two songs are phenomenal, as is mitski's album "the land is inhospitable and so are we" i actually wrote a brief analysis on my love mine all mine as a love song and breakup song. the feeling it invokes in me is second to none, what a beautiful song.

olivia rodrigo - lacy

sixpence none the richer - kiss me

jane remover - search party

searows - used to be friends

phoebe briders - moon song

iron & wine - flightless bird, american mouth

mazzy star - fade into you

sting - shape of my heart

yeule - software update

yeule - sulky baby

taylor swift - "slut!"

rachel chinouriri - maybe i'm lonely

emile mosseri - jacob and the stone

i actually listen to this song to fall asleep, but i can assure you that i also cry every time i watch those videos on the internet with this song playing in the background. it perfectly encapsulates a feeling of hope and loss. beautifully done. minari was a phenomenal as a (real) movie lover, i love when movies have tracks like this that so clearly stand out from the soundtrack and score.

movies 🎞️✮⋆˙

i haven't watched as many movies as i'd have liked in october, it has been an emotional month to say the least. but, now im on anti-depressants so our regularly scheduled slaying is back. movies will be rated a 1-5 star based on how much i enjoyed it! and NO NOT EVERY MOVIE IS FROM THIS YEAR OR EVEN THIS DECADE <3

talk to me (2022) ★★★★

pearl (2022) ★★★★

the invisible man (2020) ★★★★

child's play (1988) ★★★★

doctor sleep (2019) (fucking insanely good) ★★★★★

bodies bodies bodies (2022) (so camp??) ★★★

call me by your name (2017) ★★★★

silence of the lambs (1991) (this is a perfectly made film. argue with the wall!) ★★★★★

and thats about it, i genuinely have been too busy with school to watch as many films, still have not seen barbie or the fnaf movie because im so busy and too broke to go to the movies constantly LOL. however, i will say what my favorite youtube video topics are currently in my honorable mentions section!!

honorable mentions ˙˖°📷 ༘ ⋆｡˚

my current fave youtubers or streamers :3

dead meat (james and chelsea constantly demonstrate a genuine love for horror and have recently been branching out to video games amidst the SAG strike! love them and their work so much, they have definitely made me into more of a horror movie buff)

wendigoon (i will listen to this man talk about anything, but he constantly raises the bar with how informed he is on topics. he just likes to talk abt weird shit and thats really neat idk)

supertf (ive been watching this guy for over 5 years he is still the funniest ow streamer out there sorry)

kyedae (she is rlly funny and even though valorant is boring to watch i watch her play mostly, however i LOVE when she does variety or horror its so funny how scared she gets)

jacksepticeye (watching him play spiderman 2 bc i don't own a ps5, BUT ALSO sean just has the best playthroughs of games like this. love his takes on the game!!)

mike's mic (olivia wilde nodding gif like if you get it you get it!)

games im playing right now :3

the sims 4 (do i need to explain this rlly... i have 2000 hours on sims... currently building a tiny town for the new expansion pack :3 pics here)

sun haven (started playing with my bf, feels like stardew valley with a bigger world and more things to do! i HATE the fishing mechanic. it is not for me babes)

valorant (playing occasionally as i am not very good, but i have alot of skins so yipee)

overwatch (i have 1600 hours in the game unfortunately. addiction is real guys)

fall guys (just recently started playing with my friends again, idk why anyone wouldnt want to play this its free and fun. theres a hatsune miku skin in the game like CMON)

genshin impact (im actually really invested in fontaine's story, if i had multiple hours a day to game i would do all the story quests and things but again, im so b u s y. still farming for arataki itto, pls come home)

bloons td6 (i've somehow racked up 60 hours on this game...its so fun...i love it...)

lastly, my october hyperfixation was...

horror movies and true crime!! i watched over 100 hours of movies, video essays, podcasts, and documentaries relating to horror and true crime. i'm officially burnt out of it though, so i will be back next month to once again happily share my interests!! byeee

- jane ⋆｡° ✮

#media review #movies #music #gaming #october recap

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pr1ncessm00n · 3 years ago

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Update!!

Hi, everyone!! thank you so much for all the support and compassion. i'm sorry i've been kinda MIA for two days lol. that's kind of shitty of me to just not drop an update on Sunday and then disappear. but here's an in depth explanation as to wtf i've been doing and whats going to happen!! tw: heartbreak, depression, academic struggles

so obviously most of my chapter got deleted. i am actually almost done with rewriting it and i think it shaped out to be better than what i had previously written. i think by at least the end of the week it should be out, and it's VERY long just to make up for sunday's non update!! so i've been working a lot but thankfully my days off start tomorrow. i have a lot fo academic stress bc of some personal issues regarding my school quite literally fucking my schedule up and pushing my estimated graduation date back by oh... a few fucking months! great! literally hate that !! so ive been running around like a headless chicken trying to fix what wasn't my fault. sigh, i guess it should be resolved in a week or so, but as you can imagine i am so stressed about it. what makes me angrier is that it was not my own error. like to have to fix an issue that i did not cause?? i swear the staff at my school makes our experience harder not easier.

secondly, don't be fooled lol. i am writing this with tears down my face listening to harry styles and the aot season 3/4 theme song endings on repeat for almost 30 minutes because i had to end my 4 year relationship. that's a whole story for another day, but i don't think i will be okay mentally for a long time. he was my best friend and my first real love, so yeah. i might make our own love story into a fic or something just to cope but as for now thats another thing i have to deal with now!! my heart hurts a lot !! it's always the things you least expect. the worst part is it really isn't either of ours faults... or choice. i don't want to go into too much detail because even tho he's not on here and y'all don't know him, i want to respect his privacy. but the main reason is he has become very depressed, and even though i tried to help him as much as i could theres just some things you can't fix as a partner. i wish so much that i could take his pain away but i can't, i just can't.

sorry for that weird rant lol. it was a mutual decision, but it still hurts regardless lol. he was my bestfriend and lover in one, and i don't know how im going to continue my boring routine without him lol. but don't worry, i'll still be writing. if anything i'll probably write more. it distracts me, soothes me and is. great outlet. i don't plan on abandoning tumblr anytime soon lol.

thank you all so much for the support you guys are seriously the best group of people/fandom space i have witnessed in all my years as a fangirl. and i was around for 2014 tumblr so thats saying something. you guys have motivated me a lot to write more and improve, and i actually feel heard on this tiny blog (altho u have managed to make it not so tiny any more in the span of such a short few months?? im literally at 420 followers and i was at 300 a few weeks ago?? wow. im also about to hit 500 notes oh god.) you guys have literally given me so much inspiration and im so grateful for the friendships ive made already!! i have plenty of requests in my inbox to work on as well. im also creating a tag system so stay tuned!!

anyways, i feel so blessed to have such attentive followers and readers and you guys literally make me laugh everyday. its not just about notes or followers to me, but its so amazing how through tiny screens we can all share our love for some 2d characters and how for some reason my writing has struck a nerve with some of you. i love you all <3

emi

#pr1ncessm00npsas

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mrsmount16 · 3 years ago

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I'm done - Mason Mount

Prompt: "Were not children anymore! You shouldn't be acting like this."

Warnings: Angst. Cheating. This is FAKE!! This didn't really happen, just an imagine.

Notes: I keep listening to 80's songs and I want to write an argument/sad piece type of thing😬.

"Mason! Why don't you understand? I have done everything to make you feel happy and comfortable, even when we had a break, I waited this whole time. Ive been patient, you said that you wanted to take time but you knew that I was there whenever you needed me and you've just took advantage of that. You knew that you had me wrapped around your little finger. I was ready to do anything and everything for you Mason and you knew that! You knew it and you still didn't care. You still went off with other girls even after we spoke about how I don't like other girls being that close to you and you still declined my calls and left my messages on read. Well, not anymore, because were done. I'm done. We're not children anymore, you shouldn't be acting like this." You screamed, your fists in a ball. The rain hit hard around you both, you was soaked, makeup ran down your face and your clothes stuck to your body.

The moons light highlighted you standing in the middle of the road, it was 3 am and you just found your so called 'boyfriend' in bed with another girl. You was beyond shocked but mainly you felt betrayed. You loved Mason with your whole heart, and just like that it shattered into a million pieces and every word that came out his mouth meant nothing to you, trust was gone and so was the relationship.

He ran after you of course, but you didn't care. You carried on running, and running, until you realised that running from your problems won't solve them. So you stopped, turned around and came face to face with your problem. He pulled on a hoodie and joggers slipped on some sliders. He just stood, after calling your name several time, he caught his breath and looked down at the ground.

Thats when you erupted. All your anger that had builded up over the months was getting overwhelming, so you let everything you had out but still you didn't feel any better. Your eyes were stinging and your cheeks were puffy, your nose was hurting and your sleeves were damp. You just wanted to run home and cry for as long as you needed.

"So youre not going to say anything? After you hurt me, youre not going to try and justify yourself? give an excuse? At least apologise?" You scoffed, your sadness slowly turning more and more back into anger.

"Of course im sorry y/n, but I cant justify my actions when I know they shouldn't be justified. I am so so so so sorry, I regret ever doing it and im not asking for you to give me a chance but" He started, pointing here there and everywhere. You didn't even want to hear his voice.

"Mason, there is no but, you did what you did and you face the consequences. Lets just be real, I always gave everything I had and you never gave me shit." You spat, stepping a little closer.

"You cant even fucking look at me!" You finally shouted, furrowing your eyebrows and wiping your tears.

"Thats a lie! I always loved you and I do! I always will, I just was a bad boyfriend, a shitty boyfriend and I cant apologise enough." He looked up now, tears threatening to spill.

"You have no reason to cry, or to be sad, upset, angry. Only at yourself. you had a good thing and you let it go by being careless and reckless. Your so unthoughtful and inconsiderate its unbelievable. I don't care who you are, what you do, you’re still a human, same rules apply to you in the respecting part of life and you need to understand that even though you may be richer, famous, a star in everyone else's eyes, I want you to know that im a way better person than you and deserve so much more for myself." You scoffed, turning around and walking away.

"Please, y/n, everything you said is true, but for you I want to become better, I made a mistake and I promise ill fix it, I won't do it again. Please, I love you." He pleaded, following you.

"Don't talk to me Mason, I meant what I said. I'm done."

You left him in the middle of the road, rain falling heavy, the moonlight casting a shadow over him. he messed up, and you let him know that you deserved more and won't ever tolerate something like that. You walked away, and left him to chase.

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julie-thefatones · 4 years ago

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Ghost of You || Luke x Reader || Part 2

Hello Everyone! Welcome to part 2 of my First FanFic...... If you would like to Read Part 1 click here 💜 But thank you so much to everyone who liked and read the first part... I hope you all like the second part just as much! Okaaaaayyyyyy im gonna go work on Part 3! thank you guys bye :) (Updated- Part three now posted here)

A/N: Your best friends with Julie, since the stamp was removed from the boys they are able to be seen by lifers at choice and can touch lifers at choice, but are still ghosts. You and Luke grow closer and closer starting to go from friends to more than that and everyone starts to notice, it just takes a little longer for you two to figure it out.

WordCount: 3,316

As you and Luke made your way back to the High School you guys didn't say a word, both of you not really understanding what just happened back at your spot by the lake, You were so confused, because Luke is just a friend, and he's your best friends band mate.... which made it even more complicated with the feelings you were currently feeling.... whatever happened back there felt more than just friendship, You shake your head to get that thought out of it, *no* you thought to your self *Luke is just a friend* you could only imagine what was going on in Lukes mind right now, what was he thinking, you thought, looking down at yours and Lukes hands entwined with one another's..... he probably doesn't think anything, you looked up at his face and then turned away the second you saw him start to look at you back. *What is he thinking about!* you thought to your self, you cant help but feel frustrated, Luke must have felt your frustration because you felt his hand tighten around yours "Hey, Y/N.... are you okay?" Luke asked you with real concern in his voice, You look back at him, widening your eyes "Me? oh yeah! just thinking about what I missed in algebra today... Mr. Berty is gonna be Pissed" You said with a nervous chuckle, Luke chuckled along with you " Well, just tell him an emergency came up!! like ya girly thing came" Luke said smiling at you, and you laughed "My girly thing? You mean my period?" You said nudging his shoulder with yours, teasing him, he scrunched his whole face "ahaha yeah! I just always feel so weird saying it" he said still scrunching his face, and you both laugh while simultaneously inching a little closer together as you walked.

As you approached the school, you looked at Luke and saw his eyes get bigger with excitement, confused you looked in the direction he was looking at, you looked all around, still confused and then looked back at Luke "Luke? why are you so excited right now?" you asked him with a slight chuckle, you just couldn't help but laugh with how cute his face was, how excited he was, he then looked at you "Y/N, do you see what I see?" he said with so much excitement, motioning towards the direction of the school, and you look over still not seeing anything, and looking back at Luke "No, I really don't" you responded, he then rolled his eyes, and nudged your shoulder "The gym door is open" he said excited, and the motioning over to the field where there were a bunch of student playing soccer "They are all at practice, which means!..." Luke continued, his eyes widening and motioning them back and forth from you to the door, you, still slightly confused to why he was so excited "What? we should sign up for soccer, because im not very good at it.... you might be good at it!! are you good at it?" You replied, now wondering if he was good at soccer, causing a confused look on your face, Luke rolled his eyes again "Yes I am good at it, but thats not the point! the point is!! EMPTY GYM!!!" he said so excited, he hopped forward dragging you along with him running towards the door "Luke! why is an empty gym so exciting?" you asked while running, as you approached door you out of breath and him being totally fine since he's dead, He continued to smile, and dragged you through the doors "Because Y/N! its an empty gym!" He laughed causing a slight echo "You can do all kinds of stuff... like this!" he said looking at you with a flirtatious glance and then did the most effortless body roll you ever seen anyone do ever! you majorly impressed by Luke and his skills, also notice your heart beating a million miles a minute... but you just let it slide.... it didnt mean anything, you just got done running across a field which is longer than you have ran since you had to do the pacer test in middle school. You looked at Luke and smiled and then clapped your hands slowly together "Wow I was almost impressed Patterson!" you said with sarcasm in you voice, just to tease him a little because you were very impressed, did his arms look more muscular than before? you thought to your self looking at his arms through his sleeveless Rush tee, Luke laughed cutting you off mid thought "Almost impressed? C'mon! you were so impressed by the way your mouth was hanging wide open Y/L/N" He said moving closer to you, until before you knew it he had you in his arms swinging you around, both of you laughing "Luke!!!! put me down you dork!" you laughed, he didnt listen instead he swung you over his shoulder "Not until you admit you were impressed!" he said in a teasing tone, and you knew he wouldn't let you down until you admitted it, but you also were not one to give in so easily "Never!!!" You screamed causing Luke to laugh creating the biggest smile on his face "Alright then! I guess we are going to be here for a while Y/N" Luke said confidently causing you to smile because you didnt mind the thought actually, but he doesn't have to know that "I guess we are Patterson" you replied in the most confident voice you could manage trying not to laugh, just hanging upside from his shoulder.

15 minutes or so had passed and you were still hanging from Luke shoulder in the Gym, except now you two were hiding in the corner because the gym class came back in. You looking at your phone, and whispering to Luke "Hey! there's a 5:00 showing of that movie, you still wanna go" you could feel his little bounce of excitement "Yes!" he whispered back "you even need to ask! is it just gonna be me and you or did you wanna invite the whole gang" he whispered, you sat there thinking for a minute, you would love to just have it be you and Luke but you also don't want to cause any rifts with Julie, she is your best friend after all and she has been wanting to see this movie for a while, its all she talked about for a week straight "we better invite everyone, we don't want them to think we don't care about them" you whispered, you could feel the sudden shift in Lukes mood, *was he disappointed?* you wondered to yourself "Yeah your right... ill tell the boys" he whispered, you could feel him playing with your shoe laces on your shoes, just twiddling them around in his fingers "Hey Y/N, we should sit next to each other though, ya know just because then we can make fun of it, in case it turns out bad" he whispered with a nervous type of laughter, causing you to smile, you whispered a chuckle, slapping his butt in a rhythm to your words "Of course you dork! duh" you whispered, you felt him bounce in excitement again, then rubbing your calf "Y/N, has the blood started rushing to your head yet?" he whispered to you with a teasing tone causing you to roll your eyes, the blood rushed to your head a while ago but you weren't gonna let that cause you to loose, so you slapped his butt once more "No! you might as well give up Patterson" you whispered with same kind of teasing tone, Luke now slapping your butt in a playful response "Never!" he whispered.

You and Luke had spent around 30 minutes just hiding in the gym with you slung over his shoulder, until Luke finally put you down in defeat. Now you were walking to Julies house with her now that school was over "Where were you most the day today Y/N?" Julie asked you truly confused, *oh crap* you thought to yourself, how are you going to explain your self... you don't want to admit you were hanging out with Luke all day but you also don't want to lie to your best friend, shifting your eyes from your nervous twiddling hands to your best friends confused face "Well, ya know here and there" you replied hoping that would be it and you both would move onto a different subject, Julie laughed "Okay! what are you hiding from me girl! you know you cant keep a secret from me ... now spill" she said but now with excitement and intrigue as to where you were.... *oh just tell her!* you thought to your self "Alright!!! I was hanging out with Luke" You laughed, now super nervous to your best friends response to you getting so close to her band mate, it also felt really nice to get that off your chest "Really?" Julie laughed "What did you guys do all day?" She asked, still laughing, your eyes widening with relief that she wasn't freaking out "Oh, we hung out in the gym, I was trying to win a bet, which I did!" you laughed, with a confident voice feeling proud of your self for the victory, Julie laughed with you "Oh! at 5:00 we are all gonna go see that movie you have been dying to see! you wanna come?" you asked Julie with excitement, Julie laughed "Duh!!!! im there" she said punching your arm playfully.

You and Julie got to the movies a little earlier then the rest of the gang to get the tickets and get in line for snacks, soon Flynn came in and joined you guys in line "Hey girls!!" She said with her usual Flynn excitement and flare "Hey Flynn!" Julie said with a smile and a fist bump, you smiled too "hey girl!" you said giving her a small hug "Where are the guys?" Flynn asked looking around noticing you and Julie were standing in line alone "Oh they should be here any minute" Julie said casually, her being used to them showing up late to places...

As you guys guys waited You just fiddled with a stuffed animal that was for sale sitting on one of the shelves that they have by the line area, enticing people to shop while they wait.. it was just a small stuffed animal, a panda in fact, holding a little heart that said the words I adore you you kind of smiled at it, due to how cute it was, just spacing off playing with its ears while Julie and Flynn went on about something that Nick did in Biology class due to Julies huge crush on him. You felt a brush of air sweep behind you and then "What you doing!" whispered in your ear from behind scaring the crap out of you causing you to drop the Panda, turning and punching the the thing that scared you right in the arm, wasn't long until you noticed it was Luke, who was now holding his arm "Ouch! thats the kind of welcome I get Y/N!" he said teasingly, still holding his arm "You know this is the second time you have punched me today, im starting to think you don't like me or something.... that hurts" he said now smirking with the same teasing tone, you guys locked eyes, you were trying to find the right words to say but were struggling, getting lost in his green eyes, but then found your way back as he looked down at the ground at your now dropped panda "Is this your little guy" Luke says picking the panda off the ground and messing with the ears the same way you were "Its cute!" he said smiling and now motioning it toward you moving its limbs like it was alive, you smiled and pushed the panda down in a playful way in order to see Lukes face "No, its not my panda! he is cute though" you laughed, Luke smiled at you and then looked down at the panda in his hands "So you do think he is cute? well at least I know your type now! a little odd but alright" he said still teasing you, causing you to roll your eyes "Do you want me to punch you again" you said now teasing him "Hey Y/N! Luke! can you guys stop flirting for 5 seconds so we can order our food and go, the movie is gonna start in like 10 minutes" Alex yelled over to us from the front of the snack bar with Julie and Flynn. You turn to Luke and see his face turn a certain shade of red "Dude, we are not flirting! excuse me for being social" Luke laughed while skipping forward, but grabbing your hand to come along with him, Alex rolled his eyes "Yeah, okay! whatever you say pal" Alex said sarcastically patting Luke on his shoulder, You looked around "Where is Reggie?" You asked confused to where he was, Alex nodded his head in the direction of the arcade where Reggie had his head resting on the glass of a claw machine in defeat, using his pointer finger to caress the glass next to the toy he wanted, you and Luke shared a look and laughed in reaction to him "Hey Reg! buddy! its okay, we can try again after the movie!" Luke yelled to Reggie causing Reggie to sigh and look at the toy "Ill be back for you little buddy" Reggie whispered to the toy, causing us all to burst into laughter, in that moment you noticed, just like earlier today... Luke never let go of your hand after dragging you with him, right now you both were holding hands.... your eyes widened.... *me and Luke are holding hands* you thought to your self *Doesnt mean anything! nope* you said to yourself looking down at your hands intertwined with one another, Luke must have felt your wandering eyes because in that moment he squeezed your hand tighter.

As you sat in the movie next to Luke as planned before in the gym you kept looking down at your hand which was still holding Lukes like it was so natural to him, the way your fingers were interlocked with his and how his thumb just subtly massaged the outer part of your thumb.... it felt nice... you glanced up at Lukes face as he was watching the movie, you never noticed how beautiful his smile was, like this dude had a seriously amazingly beautiful smile, you just sat there looking at him laugh at the movie.... he must had felt your stare because in that moment he looked over at you, still not dropping his smile, in fact it grew bigger than before but with a softer touch, he leaned in next your ear "What? is there something on my face?" he whispered, while taking his free hand wiping his mouth, you just chuckled "oh yeah!! there is, its a mess oh my gosh" you whispered back in a teasing tone, putting your hand on his cheek as if to wipe something, and then you looked him straight in the eyes with a smirk "Oh no, that was just your face, my bad" you whispered with the same teasing tone, as Lukes smile turned into a gasp, that was some how still a smile "Ouch, that hurt Y/L/N it really did" he whispered with a slight chuckle, you laughed in a whisper "Uh huh sure it did" you whispered while softly tapping his face, like a small slap before removing your hand from his face, in that moment he squeezed your had tighter again, but this time as if he was happy he still had your other hand..... *That doesn't mean anything, its all in good fun!* you thought to your self..... you looked over to your left at your best friend who was watching the movie, you don't know why but you felt slightly relieved she didnt really notice the interaction you and Luke just shared, until she leaned over to your ear with a handful of popcorn "What was that?" she whispered with a slight laugh, you looked at her with a shy smile, "What was what?" you whispered back, trying to avoid the topic, because you and Luke were just friends and you knew she was gonna ask If it was something more "Is there something going on between you and Luke?" she whispered, but this time in serious tone due to actual sincere curiosity "What do you mean by something going on? I mean we hang out alot" you whispered back, telling the whole truth, thats all it was after all, Julie looks at you and tilts her head with wide eyes as if she were saying really and then motioned her eyes over to yours and Lukes hands that were still tangled together, in which you looked at too and looked back in a swift movement "Oh, thats nothing, we just do that! I don't know why... we just do" you whispered, in a slightly rushed nervous tone, because you really didnt know how to explain that..... you didnt even know your self, Julie raised her eyebrows "uh huh....whatever you say girl" she whispered back, you just chuckle in response not really knowing what to say, in that same moment you see Reggie and Alex passing a note down the line of seats until it reached you and on the top it read To: Y/N and Luke... Julie scrunched her eyebrows together confused, you shrug your shoulders and lean over to Luke "Hey we got a note from Reggie and Alex?" you whispered in confusion, in which Luke looks down at the note and then over to Reggie and Alex who have their eyes plastered to the screen as if they were actually paying attention to the movie, casually eating there popcorn... Luke then looks back at the note and the up at you "What do you think they want?" Luke whispered with a slight laugh, "I don't know" you whispered with a laugh, you and Luke share a look, both quickly shrugging your shoulders and opening the note both using the only free hands you have, when you get the note open Luke reads aloud still in a whisper "So when are you two gonna get a room? because ya know there are people here, Love Alex and Reggie" Luke face then went from a smile into his grumpy Luke face, which he rarely ever makes, you both just look over at Alex and Reggie again who are now looking at you both and laughing

silently to each other which causes you to chuckle as well, Luke looks at you surprised your laughing, but then softens his face at how funny you think it is, Luke starts chuckling too and then sits back in his seat continuing to watch the movie *what were Julie, Alex, and Reggie talking about though? there's absolutely nothing going on between me and Luke.... ugh at least Flynn hasn't said anything* you thought to yourself, you sit back in your seat too, now drowning in your thoughts of confusion....... *Oh boy* you thought to yourself, you then glanced at Luke who felt your look and turned to you "I know im hot Y/N, but you did pay to see the movie... you should probably Watch it instead of me" Luke Whispered to you in a teasing tone and a smirk "Oh! I also have something for you" he whispered in such a cute soft tone, it made your stomach feel weird, *what the heck was that* you thought to yourself putting your free hand on your stomach and then you knew what it was *Butterflies*

#Julie and The Phantoms #jatp #jatp fanfic #Luke Patterson Fanfic #Luke Patterson fan fiction #Luke Patterson X Reader #Luke Patterson X Y/N #Jatp Luke #Jatp Luke Patterson #Charlie Gillespie #Marys Fanfic

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junquisite · 4 years ago

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Fated to love 2

PAIRING : Park Junhee X OC X Kim Wooseok

GENRE : Fluff, Angst

WORD COUNT : 2.9k

PARTS : I+P 1 2

AUTHOR’S NOTE : From now on italics mean that its real but from a past moment, so memories are in italics, regular font means present.

Seungyoun joined Wooseok at the cafe he invited him to and wooseok scowled at the first words that left his friend’s mouth.

“So what did you fucked up now?”

“I did no such thing.” Wooseok gritted out as he passed Seungyoun’s usual order towards him - Latte and a pastry while he sipped on his ice americano. He vaguely noticed how similar Seungyoun and Bora’s tastes are but then the both of them used to love going to different restaurants and cafes together so.

“You only specifically call me for breakfast when you do something. And Bora has returned from swiss 2 weeks ago. Thats too long for you to not fuck up.” Seungyoun concluded as he happily smiled at his visibly pissed friend.

Wooseok sighed and told Seugnyoun everything - from the party to the dinner he crashed. Seungyoun stared at him for far too long he was comfortable with so he fidgeted with his phone.

“I don't know if you intentionally do this but why do you act like an asshole to her when you love her?”

Wooseok sputtered a loose explanation about how it was not his fault but Seungyoun knew it was just his jealousy acting up - which knowing Wooseok, he would never accept. Seungoyun also pointedly noted how he didn't deny the part that he was in love with her and that was interesting.

“Apologise to her Wooseok. You were too much.” Seungyoun finally said and Wooseok nodded - already planning on how to apologise to her.

“I am so sorry i had to call you both in so late! I wanted to meet for lunch but I had an important meeting, but thank you for making time to meet me at this time!” Junhee saw as she trailed off when she looked up and only saw him.

“Where is Donghun?” she asked and he nodded outside.

“He had an important call, he’ll be in soon.” he said and she nodded and got back up from the crouching position she was in before with her back towards him which led to her rambling as she had done.

There was an awkward silence in the office as she fumbled with the papers and he kept staring at her.

“Did Donghun say anything after you left?” she asked finally and he nodded in a negative.

“Why?”

“He's too smart to not figure out that we have known each other longer than meeting yesterday for the first time.” she remarked and Junhee shrugged.

“He figured you were the girl I met at switzerland. He wanted to know if I was uncomfortable working with you and wanted to cancel the collaboration.” he said and saw as her eyes widened, she really wanted this to happen.

“Oh..do you want to? Cancel it?” she asked softly and he wanted to go close to her, comfort her and promise her to even bring the stars if she asked for, this collaboration was nothing.

“No. we’ll move forward with it.”

She nodded and the room fell in silence again.

He saw her hesitate and sigh. “Why..did he think you would be uncomfortable with working with me?” she asked and he mentally debated if he should tell how he was when he got back. Finally he decided to come clean, she should know that he's here, and now in front of her.

“When i got back.. It was hard to concentrate on work - i could only think of you. A girl i met in switzerland whom i knew nothing about more than that she lived in seoul and was returning a week after me. So the sunday you were supposed to come back, a day before i checked all the flights coming to seoul from swiss, even checked the ones who’ll have pit stops. There were 7 in total and I was ready to spend the whole day at the airport just to see you again. He stopped me.

He said something which made me listen to him and not come.”

He saw that she was staring at him wide-eyed, hanging on his every word.

“He said i left my contact number to her and she still hasn't texted me for the whole week. That i was just a vacation fling for her and meant nothing more then that and that i need to stop being dumb.” he finished.

He saw her flinch as he was talking but that was exactly what Donghun had told him. And she needed to know it too.

“I'm sorry I was late, should we get started?” Donghun asked as he came in and the gloomy mood of the room slightly lifted as Bora gave him a strained smile. If Donghun noticed it, he didn't comment on it.

“I ordered us Sandwiches. I hope you both will like it.'' She said as she passed both of them Subway bags and Junhee took his, only to look inside and find a chocochip cookie which was missing from Donghun’s as he saw him emptying the content on the table.

He looked across at her to see she was avoiding his eyes.

“It's 3 am.” she said incredulously staring at him.

“You don't know the fun of eating Subway sandwiches at 3 am.” as he wrapped a scarf around her and pulled her outside her room. Junhee pulled a whiney Bora to the subway 5 minutes away from her Hotel and went to order 2 chicken sandwiches and ice tea.

“Cookie?” he asked her and she said no.

He came back with one chocochip cookie though.

“I love these. I sometimes feel like Subway chocochip cookies are the best ever in the world.” he said as he took a big bite of it and moaned in pleasure. She slapped his arm in between her laughs.

Junhee took a bite of his cookie. She remembered it seemed. Now was it a good sign actually or not, he wondered.

Bora was tired and only craving her bed by the time she reached home. So she was not expecting any guest - and especially not Kim Wooseok. So when she saw him, a sigh involuntarily slipped through her mouth.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“I brought dinner.” he said as he showed her the bag he was holding. It was the restaurant she loved but it only took advance bookings and she was sure this was an impromptu visit so it meant he paid whoever had the chance to bring her food. She vaguely wondered how much he paid the person.

“How long have you been here?” she asked as she realised it was almost midnight - way past dinner time.

“A while.” he muttered and she sighed. It meant hours.

“Why didn't you wait inside? The code is the same as we set when we bought this.” she muttered as she walked past him to open the door and wave him inside.

“I didn't want to intrude.” he answered and she scoffed, turning around to stare at him.

“Why are you actually here Wooseok?” she asked and he looked away, clearly avoiding her eyes. She saw as his ear reddened and she raised an eyebrow.

“I wanted to apologise.. For the party and yesterday dinner too.” he muttered while looking down at the floor and she ran a hand through her hair. Her face softened.

“I have had dinner already.” she settled on as he looked up at her and nodded, slightly looking like a kicked puppy. “I’ll get going then. Goodnight.” he told her as he turned to leave.

“Wooseok..” she called his name and he turned around. He looked young but tired, like how they used to be when they used to have their finals and would spend nights living on energy drinks and coffees - no matter how cold their relationship had turned now and how much she hated his guts now- he was still her best friend that she has known since kindergarten.

“Stay.. i’ll sit with you while you eat. And you can sleep in the guest room.”

Bora woke up to the smell of fresh eggs and toast and coffee and if you ask her, that probably is what heavens smell like to her. She freshened up and then dragged herself to her kitchen to see Wooseok cooking her breakfast.

“Did you knew you had nothing in your refrigerator except for alcohol?” he asked her and she shrugged.

“I'm pretty sure there was coffee somewhere here.” she said vaguely pointing to her kitchen and he shook his head at her.

“I had to go out for grocery shopping to make you breakfast.” he said as he served her and she thanked him.

“Take whatever food is left to your house though, it’ll go bad here.” she said as Woosoek joined her in eating.

“Shouldn't you learn how to cook about now?” he asked her and she shrugged.

“I usually grab breakfast either at the office or the coffee shop in front of it. Or at the main house if i'm summoned. Plus there’s no one around to teach me to cook.'' She spoke the last part lowly and Wooseok felt his heart clench.

“You can always ask my mom, she would love to teach you.”

As soon as the words slipped his mouth, her head shot up to stare at him as if he grew out another head.

“She hates me Wooseok.” she said with such a painfully straight face that it made even him laugh.

Breakfast ended and she helped him with the dishes.

“I’ll get going now. I have to go home and get dressed too.” he said and she nodded as she walked him to the door.

“Bora..” he trailed off and she smiled at him and for a second he felt like they were back in highschool where she would happily follow him around, laughing with him and making him feel like he was at the top of the world.

“Seungyoun said everyone was meeting for meat and drinks today. You wanna join?”

She looked to be thinking, probably thinking of her schedule.

“Sure. i'm in. i haven't seen him and the guys in a long while too!” she agreed and he smiled. He was already imagining telling a cocky Seungyoun that not only he apologised but she also agreed for the night out - he couldn't wait to see the look on his best friend's face.

“And Wooseok..” her voice brought him out of his thoughts. “Next time you wanna grab dinner, tell me. If not a day before then at least an hour before. I'll clear my schedule for you.” she said with a smile and his heart skipped a beat. This was the Bora he fell in love with all those years ago.

She entered the Barbeque place and the smell hanging in the air reminded her of Highschool and University - when times were better she thought. Once inside, she made her way to the table with the loudest voices and found her friends- Wooseok and Seungwoo were the only silent and smiling ones at the table - the other three were the creators of the noise - Hangyul, Yohan and Seungyoun who all looked halfway drunk. She was only half an hour late from the decided time though.

She took a seat between Seungwoo and Wooseok as Seungyoun passed her a glass of beer.

“I literally just got here.”

“And you have to compensate for the half hour you’re late for.” Seungyoun cheekily said as he passed her a shot of Soju which she happily took. Seungwoo passed her a plate of snacks and she thanked him softly.

An hour passed with drinks and talks and taunts to Bora for not meeting the others more. But it was all good and Wooseok was slightly tipsy and Seungyoun was trying to sober him surprisingly. It was just that Seungyoun had a good alcohol tolerance and Wooseok did not. And drunk Wooseok is clingy as the hand wrapped around her waist and head leaning on her shoulder was reminding her. It was vaguely reminding her of how close they used to be before and suddenly the alcohol in her system felt too much and the restaurant felt suffocating.

She suddenly stood up, Wooseok almost falling on the seat as he was leaning on her and she asked Seungwoo to move, mumbling about needing fresh air. She really needed some.

She was standing outside as the cold air blew and saw the time. A little over 11 pm, none of them will even consider going home before 1 and she sighed. She tugged out her pack of cigarettes and a lighter as she lit one. She wasn't an avid smoker - only smoking occasionally when stressed and the friendly dinner with old friends was leading into dangerous territories - from highschool memories to her and Wooseok almost dating to their sudden engagement. It was frustrating since she knew the reason behind all his attention on her now - he wanted to marry her.

“Fancy seeing you here.” she heard someone speak behind her and turned around to see a smiling Junhee coming to stand beside her. She wanted to scowl at his smiling face but also apologise for never texting him again. She hadn't been able to sleep much last night because she kept thinking about what Junhee had said.

“I didn't know you smoke.” he commented as she took a drag of it and let the smoke out.

“I don't usually. But a tough day makes me want to take one.” she said as she took another drag and Junhee turned around to leave.

“Wait, where are you going?” she asked as he looked behind at her, face unreadable.

“I can't stand the smoke.” he said as he turned and started walking towards the alleyway beside the restaurant. She looked at the cigarette in her hand. Cursing lowly, she threw it on the ground and stomped it with her heels as she walked after him.

“Wait for me!”

After making sure Wooseok was sober enough to not fall, Seungyoun got up to follow behind Bora. He had felt her getting uncomfortable by minute as they kept talking about her and Wooseok and he wanted to make sure she was fine. And also maybe not to be so disgusted by the fact that she was engaged to Wooseok now.

He walked out to see a man standing beside her and paused a little behind, making sure to hide himself but also hear what they were talking about.

“I didn't know you smoke.” the man commented and Seungyoun was surprised that he actually knew her.

“I don't usually. But a tough day makes me want to take one.” he felt guilty when she said that. Was she that uncomfortable with the idea of marrying Wooseok? Isn't she the same person who would blush whenever Wooseok said anything directly to her and literally told him in the morning that she would clear any schedule for him?

“Wait, where are you going?” he heard say and looked up to see the man turning to walk towards the side alleyway.

“I can't stand the smoke.” he said simply and Seungyoun sighed. It brought back memories of the many times anyone had ever told her to not smoke.

It started during University. A huge fight between Wooseok and her that no one ever found the reason for and she went out alone at night. Seungyoun had found himself opening the door of his apartment to a drunk Bora at 4 in the morning smelling strongly of alcohol and smoke.

Since then, she had smoked on multiple occasions followed by someone telling her not to and her retoriting with something.

“You should not smoke.” Seungwoo had told her and she had just shrugged in response, choosing to not smoke in his presence out of respect but not listening.

“The smoke bothers me.” Wooseok had complained once. With a cigarette between her lips, she walked to the door of the apartment and opened it for him saying, “feel free to leave.”

“Smoking kills you eventually.” Aerin had said.

“So does life at one point.” Bora had retorted.

“Can you stop smoking?” he had followed after Aerin who was snuggled in his arms.

“Shut up.” was the crude response he got as she laughed and he joined, taking the cigarette from her hand to take a drag himself.

So maybe he was not the best person but she also has never listened. So when Seungyoun saw her throwing the cigarette down and running after the guy, something dropped in his stomach.

He went back in and joined the others.

“Where is she?” Wooseok asked and Seungyoun shrugged.

“Did not see her. Maybe she went in the side alley to smoke.” he said, not willing to put doubts in the head of a drunk Wooseok. But sober Wooseok has to know. She came about 20 minutes after Seungyoun had come back and the smile and the slight flush of her cheeks were bothering him a bit too much. So he decided he’ll give him some sort of warning at least.

That's Why Wooseok woke up the next day with a killer headache and a text awaiting on his phone from Seungyoun saying, ‘You should have a serious talk with Bora about the engagement.’

#A.C.E #X1 #Kim Wooseok #park junhee #a.c.e smut #x1 smut #up10tion #a.c.e scenarios #a.c.e imagines #a.c.e jun #kim wooseok smut #ACEWRITERS

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itsybitsylemonsqueezy · 4 years ago

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ANGST KAZUMAJI ANON AND WOOF. FUCK. GOTTA LISTEN TO THOSE SONGS AFTER WORK. EXCITED. Your idea though OW. I haven't seen Y6 yet (I watch playthroughs don't have the console and my computer laughs at me trying to run the games) the streamer thats playing it finally got to Y6 and I am Refusing To Watch It. My heart can't take even starting the VOD.

You’re welcome for the music cc:

A LOT of people haven’t seen 6 yet, so I did my best to get through that without spoilers ^^; Hope I haven’t ruined anything for you. And I feel that, my laptop and I have constant arguments and I’m not a good gamer anyway ^^; I should try Kiwami 1 someday though... I have it, I'm just Nervous about Being Bad ^^;

Nice, following one streamer, well done c: I just hopped around to different playthroughs on youtube ^^; My wife and I binged all 7 games in I think 2 months, max. ^^; She crazy tho and a bad influence on me xp She likes to just sit and binge things and I am, understandably, weak for my wife <3

6 isn’t so bad, I promise. You can do it c: It’s very pretty, you get to stare at Kiryu’s juicy ass the entire game, there’s lots of cute minigames of Kiryu with a baby, uh... *running out of nice things to say about 6* ...did I mention it’s very pretty? Fuck... Listen, I have... Feelings about game 6, but I don’t want to ruin it for anyone ^^; Everyone’s allowed to experience things in their own time and form their own opinions and I don’t want to deprive anyone of that. Please watch it and when you see it, feel free to come tell me about it c:

And as a reward for all that, another angsty idea:

The Nishikiyama Opera!

So I composed the entire thing on a car ride with my wife last week and it’s WILD. Y’all ever see opera? If you’ve never seen an opera you SHOULD, they’re fucking Great. Operas are all about being The Most, comedy or tragedy, they’re all horny as shit and everyone is extra as fuck. If you living for the drama, you HAVE to get your ass to an opera. I’m lucky enough to live somewhere with a relatively robust opera community. And anyway, my point is, The Nishikiyama story? RIPE for an opera adaptation!

First, you gotta know some of the opera tropes. There are two categories of opera, comedies which are kinda rare and tragedies which is... constantly. And operas are pretty good at telling you almost immediately which one they will be. There’s also a lot of meta about the voice parts themselves:

Soprano - heroine, ingenue, beautiful. Will win if this is a comedy, will die if this is a tragedy.

Alto - mothers & witches. Not the heroine. Will probably die regardless of comedy or tragedy. Unless she’s the villain, then she lives in a tragedy.

Tenor - hero. Given the sexiest parts to sing. Sometimes unbearable. Everything is about Him.

Baritone/Bass - fathers & villains. Gorgeous voice, never utilized properly.

Knowing the vocal parts and what they classically represent is key to knowing who will win and who will die in the opera. For example, in Carmen, Carmen is actually an alto, not a soprano, and Don Jose is a tenor. This immediately tells you that shit’s fucked. Tenors are supposed to fall in love with sopranos, never altos. So this story can only end in tragedy because he’s interested in the wrong kind of voice part. There’s even a counterpoint of a soprano who is madly in love with him, and the baritone toreador for Carmen. They’re given their proper voice partners, but Don Jose still pursues Carmen which is a ginormous mistake by operatic tropes.

So, opera education over, picture this:

ACT I Kiryu (soprano) is the loveliest yakuza in all the land! He’s just delightful. The Chorus sings his praises and he demonstrates his impeccable fighting ability. (Forgot to mention, any opera worth its salt has a Chorus and I will die on this hill.) The Audience is assured of his might and grace.

Kiryu, obviously, does not want for admirers, but has not chosen to court anyone formally.

Here enters Kiryu’s brother, Nishiki (bass). The Chorus explains that Nishiki is second to his brother in strength, but is formidable in his own right. Nishiki explains to the audience how he longs for Kiryu, how he covets him, his strength, his beauty. How after a lifetime together, affection has turned to love. Nishiki must have him.

Kiryu hears none of this. Nishiki approaches to make his case when Majima (tenor) sweeps onto the scene. Majima is brazen and glib. The Chorus tells us to beware his charming smile, he is as dangerous as he is flirtatious. Majima has heard of Kiryu’s reputation and calls him into the street to defend his title. Kiryu responds and they do battle.

In the midst of the battle, Majima finds himself won over by Kiryu’s skill and grace, his kindness and strength. Majima is bursting with love and there and then makes a proposal to Kiryu, offering his whole heart.

Kiryu is stunned. Majima is not a weak fighter, he is not a braggadocio, despite appearances. He was a real challenge and Kiryu was not expecting the fight to take this turn. He is so surprised he cannot make an answer and politely, but quickly, leaves.

Nishiki has been watching the entire time and finds his heart gripped by jealousy. He plots to claim Kiryu for himself and hates Majima bitterly, despite the fact that Kiryu has given no answer. Nishiki believes he knows his brother too well not to know that Kiryu returns his affections even if he won’t say. Nishiki leaves, concocting a plan.

We find Kiryu at his balcony, lamenting his situation. Majima may have been exciting, but Kiryu’s no fool. He has no proof that Majima’s feelings will not waver in time. Majima steals into the garden beneath Kiryu’s balcony and professes his love once more.

Kiryu is startled and makes to flee, but Majima sings so sweetly, entreats so gently, that Kiryu is compelled to stay. Majima doesn’t even ask again, just sings of his feelings. Kiryu, in his heart, is wooed by this. He may have been ready to answer when Nishiki interrupts. Majima quickly hides in the foliage.

Nishiki counters with his own confession, his own proposal. Kiryu is shocked and saddened. He begins to sadly tell his brother that he cannot accept. Nishiki flies into a rage, demanding if there is someone else, someone else Kiryu prefers. Kiryu hesitates, but answers honestly that he has always seen Nishiki as a brother, regardless of any other feelings. He cannot accept Nishiki on the grounds of their previous relationship.

Nishiki was expecting this. He reveals a vial of poison and threatens to drink it unless Kiryu will marry him. Majima gasps. Kiryu pleads with Nishiki not to be rash, but Nishiki only demands his answer, the vial nearly at his lips.

Kiryu swallows back tears and collapses to his knees. Sorrowfully, he agrees, unable to bear the responsibility of his brother’s death, and the act finishes to the sound of clamoring wedding bells.

ACT II The lights come up on Kiryu and Nishiki in their home. Nishiki is pacing the floor and making increasingly outlandish suggestions for things to do. Kiryu says yes to all of them, gently and politely. Nishiki’s frustration and annoyance increases with every yes. Eventually he snaps at Kiryu, demanding why he won’t fight him, demanding why he will give no more reaction than a placid yes. Kiryu shrugs helplessly and tries to soothe his brother, but Nishiki won’t be soothed.

They have been married less than a year and it has been like this the entire time, getting worse by the day. Nishiki can see the pain he’s causing his brother, but can’t stop himself. He loves him too greedily to stop. He departs, hoping to take his mind off things.

Kiryu is left alone in the house and sings a longer, sadder version of his lament from the balcony. Distantly, we hear strains of Majima’s love song, now broken and echoing.

The scene changes and we see Kiryu sat down in a busy cafe. At first we assume he’s alone, but people move and we can see he is sitting across from Majima. They do not touch. Their careful, polite space around each other is conspicuous.

Kiryu is tired, he looks wan, almost sick. Majima sings heartbrokenly, telling Kiryu he needs to take care of himself. He is desperate to take Kiryu away from all this, and asks several times, but Kiryu always sighs and shakes his head no. Majima knows Kiryu will not break his word once given, he is too good and honorable for that. But he cannot help singing for him all the same. He cannot touch, he will not permit himself to touch, but he can sing.

Kiryu eventually cannot take the heartache anymore and departs sorrowfully. Majima looks after him, just as sad. Nishiki is revealed to have been spying on them the entire time. He confronts Majima, furious and accusatory. He insists that he and Kiryu have been having an affair. Majima simply looks at him and shrugs. Nishiki screams for Majima to admit it, to admit that Kiryu loves him, has always loved him, this whole time. Majima only says that Nishiki knows Kiryu best. He will not confirm or deny anything Nishiki says. Shaken and stymied, Nishiki flees.

We return to Kiryu’s balcony, where he sits, silent and pale. Nishiki storms in and begins to berate Kiryu with his accusations. He is half-mad now, not seeming to hear Kiryu’s denials. Kiryu professes over and over that only Nishiki is his husband, that he loves only Nishiki. Nishiki cannot accept this as true. Nishiki screams that Kiryu ought to ask him for a divorce. Kiryu cannot claim to want a divorce. He gave his word. Nishiki reveals that he had been watching them in the cafe, that he knows all, the secret contents of Kiryu’s heart. Kiryu manages some resistance at last and asks Nishiki for proof. What proof of his indiscretions? What proof of adultery? What has Kiryu done that has angered his husband-brother so?

Nishiki has none. Kiryu has not done anything wrong, not in word, not in act. Whatever thoughts he might accuse Kiryu of having are ephemeral and will never be real. Still... Nishiki saw how they looked together and his heart was sore. He knows he has stolen Kiryu from what was rightfully his. Moved to regret, Nishiki withdraws the vial of poison again.

Kiryu gasps and tries to prevent his brother.

Nishiki swallows the poison quickly, insisting this will set things right, this will free his brother. He says he did it for love. He falls.

Kiryu collapses next to him, sobbing.

The final scene is Nishiki’s funeral. Kiryu kneels next to his brother’s grave, all in black. He sings of his regrets, of his sorrow. Majima stands close by, but still not touching. He does not look at the grave, only at Kiryu. His broken love song is the last thing we hear.

The End.

...this opera was a tragedy ^^;

#Yakuza #long post #kazumaji #I write sad thing #hope everyone wanted a slice of tragedy today #Anonymous

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westernchords · 4 years ago

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2020: a replay & reflection

so... here we are at the near end of a very long, unsettling & strange year. and at this particular moment in time, spotify has released its 2020 wrapped feature, an annual highlight for gay people everywhere (self VERY included). since the world is very large & this is a personal blog with a limited scope, i'll talk about what i know best: the view from my corner of the musical world.

i only had two songs in common with any previous year -- i wish i missed my ex by mahalia & sugar by brockhampton (... i know, the heartache is loud already,)

4 unique rain asmr audios made it into my top 15 (they help me sleep lolol)

show tunes was my #4 most listened to genre and yet not a single one made it into my top 100. (i'm pretty sure it was all of my late night waitress sing alongs)

i discovered 1,012 new artists and 162 new genres

all very fun and interesting things! however, in looking at this year, there are two things to discuss that are most important: the amount of time i spent listening to music (111,989 minutes) and my top song, fake mona lisa. let's discuss both.

on time: in short, music means a lot to me. in long, i mean that music has been central to my life for as long as i can remember. i think of my church choir and my mother singing eartha kitt and corrine bailey rae in the kitchen, my father's surprise talents at piano when he would play in chapel, and how i like to make up little ditties to sing for my dog or while i cook or to solely entertain myself. if one was to take a look at my journals, each entry is annotated with the song i was listening to or suited my mood at the time i was writing. at any moment, i am capable of revisiting the emotional landscape of old memories all set to the very soundtrack that holds that particular past closest.

i still remember plucking violin strings at 5, how i used to stack music books so i could sit up straight on my piano bench because i was too short at 7, picking up woodwinds in highschool and letting my best friend act as conductor, and now, singing endlessly- day in and day out, because it makes me feel like i am traveling home. i think of creole folk songs that connect me to my family, my diaspora. i remember the favorite songs and artists of people i don't know anymore, but still. it stays with me. my friend cj says i have a great emotional sensitivity to music, but more so, music simply connects to every cornerstone of who i am. the creation of it, the listening, the love of it. the constancy.

music is integral to my daily routine and life. since i was 13, maybe younger, i have always believed that the first song i hear in a day sets the tone so i always try to play something i love and makes me feel joyful to start off on the right foot. i will do this my entire life. every day is permeated by sound and the data shows it. 111,989 minutes is almost 3 months straight. this doesn't even count soundcloud listens or youtube tracks or music i play on my own. this felt fitting. music, this year in particular, has been a salve to both new and old hurt. and maybe i am picking at my scabs, but 2020 has amplified so much anger and shame and fear and despite that, there is so much joy in art. music is a balm for the world, it is poetry in its own right.

on fake mona lisa: so .. i am kind of obsessed with this song. fifteen hours worth of listening, i text my friends i'll join the video call soon - i just need one more replay, i got high and played this song while lying in the middle of a meadow and experienced more emotions than i had had in a very long time, my friends lovingly tease me about it so it's sort of like a character trait now, kind of obsessed. my turning to this song was the sort of romance that i didn't anticipate, but fell very hard into and, if you know me, you know that's my favorite kind. let's get into why: when dedicated side b came out, i was heartbroken. there's really no other way to put it. i was alone, back in my childhood bedroom, and harboring a reopened wound from past relationships that maybe had never closed in the first place. i was in this strange, melancholic knee-deep-in-emotions place & if you're an avid CRJ fan, you recognize that's a place she knows and sings about well.

as a song, fake mona lisa tends to be one of carly's more lyrically opaque tracks. which is fine, i'm a storyteller at heart, i'll craft my own narrative. (and honestly, there wasn't much legwork here.) without doing a full blown analysis, here are pieces that i find important to note about the song lyrically and resonate most with me -- big or small.

(transcription at bottom)

what i'm basically saying is that this song is about risk and young love and sex. its about secrets, cheap thrills, fast & easy desires, and the fantastical euphoria of a dead-end-but-still-fun “we're young so what's the matter,“ relationship. (very reminiscent of LA hallucinations, imo) and to me, someone who has been in and out of this same subset of emotional affairs, fake mona lisa stuck with me. vegas is a city of high risk, high reward- where else to chase that superficial, unattainable someone? more so, the song gives you the understanding that the relationship doesn't last, but that was not what carly ever truly wanted out of it. fake mona lisa is, at its core, about over indulgence in pleasure as a stand in for actual love + commitment, something i am oft to do myself & only did more of after dedicated side b dropped. i latched onto the slow and simmering exposition into glittery pre-chorus, starlit imagery, shiny-faraway vocals, and frankly, there was no competition for my song of the year. the song is a dream. i love it and i know what that says about me, but i stand by it.

dedicated side b, especially fake mona lisa, carried me through the healing process of heartbreaks that crystallized into many other things- indulgence, desire, risk, short lived romances, secrets, joy, kisses i should've kept to myself, spontaneous dance breaks, tears, etc., it is an album about love, recovery, and returning to the self. fake mona lisa is just my favorite stop on a long train ride to an okay-ness with aspects of romance (both with the self and others) that i am still figuring out the messy, rose-tinted, contours of.

and sonically? i just adore the key of d minor.

as a last touch point, fake mona lisa was only the tip of the iceberg of songs i obsessed over about not-exactly-ideal romances. again and again and again, heartbreak anthems appeared in my top 100, a deviation from my typical warmth towards romantic sentiments that appeared in past years. instead, there is a sense of love-at-a-distance, a painting yourself as the object of desire, a severed attachment, a not wanting to commit at all (see let's be friends, heartbeat, want you in my room, all by crj ... all appearing on the list.) however, much of what appeared celebrated love and having tremendous, special, struck by cupid, feelings. it's all there. what i'm saying is that carly rae jepsen writes music for lovestruck people- both lucky and not so much, hopeless or hopeful -- you name it. she writes about how you can fall in love with almost anyone, soundtracks for the highs of the first throes of intimacy, the first (and last) kiss, the shared moments between two people when they are each other's whole world, and the palpable distance of heartache, separation, and the landscape between.

she writes as though she is both eros and psyche, armed with arrows of cascading melodies, tipped with a salve for suppressing+healing+amplifying heartbreak, and lyrics so intimate and dreamy, you really can't help but believe in love with the way she speaks of it. love is a venture from shame, a fantasy that is more real than anything else, tender and kind, pleasurable, and escapable into. the world is better in it, the world is better because of it. in carly rae jepsen's discography, love is the defining pillar of experience. a northern star and guiding principle. it is the only thing, no matter what form. & frankly? i cant help but agree.

as a final note, in hanif wills-abdurraqib's emotion review for MTV, carly rae jepsen's public displays of affection, he says this:

thats all for now. bye 2020.

- august

///

transcription of my notes:

verse 1:

city/star light imagery

i am known for wearing a star stamp on my cheek

infatuation & attraction

paints a photo of a starlet and her lover, a fair weather affair

pre-chorus:

always waiting fro a chance the object of desire

a high from love, addictive pleasures

chorus:

sex & art & risk taking (art synonymous with beauty. + seduction)

she knows she cant handle this in a real way, but wants it

desire vs/& (in conjunction with) pain

verse 2:

an idealistic worldview, hoping for the best, always somewhere else not present.

dreamy lyrics + dreamy state of mind, cloudy even.

specifically the words fake mona lisa:

contrast, beautiful yet fully acknowledged to be unreal/superficial

a stand in for “real art“ aka “real love“

#crj #mine

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iwantlove-or-death · 6 years ago

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*insert mr. Krab meme* (TC story time)

Im going to talk about the time where I almost exposed my feelings towards Mark to Mark.

Ok well to be honest i think it was Marks fault as to why I was almost caught like an idiot. Because hes and IDIOT LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Ok so back in high school my friends and I always hung out after school. Class wouldn't end until around 3:16 and we stayed in the hallways sometimes past 5:30. Something about being in the hallways by ourselves made us feel like we were home. None of us wanted to go home. We just wanted to stay together get me?

But anyways in this particular day all my friends left early. All of them had to do things. You know doctors appointments, helping out for something, or just that their parents were there to pick them up early. So i was alone which i don't mind really.

I just kinda sat there listening to music or reading book. But then i got a call from one of my close friends. Lets call him L.

L decided to call me because he was "bored" his words. And this was around the time i had just told my friends about Mark and so they teased me ALOT

And so that is what L did

" hey V! What are you doing?"

- nothing. Just sitting. Reading. The usual

"Ohh i thought you would be with your lover *marks real name*"

- ahaha very funny. I dont have to be with him every second of everyday you know....plus hes in a meeting.

"Right. Hey. If you see him you should try and seduce him"

- oh yeah because thats easy and legal. *giggles* imagine though how that would go. I would be terrible.

"Aye dont knock it till you try it."

- right. Cause its always been my goal to try and seduce mr......

And at that moment Mark is standing right next to me looking down with the most confused face ever!! And at that moment MY HEART DROPS

GOD ALL MIGHTY TAKE ME NOW. i thought to myself

And so i am just looking at him now. WITH SO MUCH FEAR IN MY EYES AND ITS QUIET FOR LIKE A GOOD COUPLE OF SECONDS UNTIL mark goes

"Uh. What are you still doing here?"

And im in such a panic mood i answer with the speed of fucking LIGHTNING MCQUEEN AND SHIT

- uh nothing. I mean. I uh. My mom is not here yet

"Umm ok then. You want to come help me with something"

-ok.

And so i click on my friend L with no explanation and now mark and I go to the ELEVATOR TO GO UP STAIRS AND USUALLY THIS WOULD BE AWESOME AND I WOULD BE GIDDY BUT IT WAS SOOOOOO AWKWARD. WE BOTH Didn't SAY Anything THE WHOLE TIME THERE.

And so we finally get to his room and the door closes and so Mark tells me what to do. He needed help organizing some papers. And so after terrible AWKWARD SILENCE MARKS SAYS

"So like who were you talking to earlier on the phone"

-oh it was just *says my friends real name*

"Oh ok."

And then he kinda chuckles and im like

-what?

And he pauses and smiles and goes

"I dont want you think im like an ease dropper or whatever but like i could have sworn i heard you talk to L about seducing someone. Haha crazy right"

And so i get this instant rush of fear and i try to play it off

-oh haha uh no Mr. I think you were just hearing things. Me? Seducing? HA!

" haha yeah i guess your right about that but i know for a fact you were going to say a teachers name because the last thing you said was Mr.... So who were you talking about"

So AT THIS POINT I WAS READY TO JUST RUN AWAY like FUCKING BOY BYE

But I KEEP MY SHIT TOGETHER

- oh yeah mr. *makes up a random name* he was L's and I middle school teacher. We were just talking about this one time in middle school where L was acting like a fool. It was actually really funny

"Oh ok then. Well lets finish these up and head out of here"

So now i do the rest of the work and we finish and he leaves and im still at the school and the second i no longer see him I SIGH IN RELIEF

Like FUCKING MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

And the second he left i called L again and told him what happened. I blamed him by the way since technically it was HIS FAULT BUT ALSO MARK LIKE WTF

He SHOULD HAVE JUST IGNORED IT. GODDAMIT.

But anyways after this terrible interaction i became even more paranoid that Mark was catching on so i stayed away for a couple of days

Anyways that is all. Hope you guys learn something from these cause god dam im an idiot.

PS my inbox is open for question or advice or just talking to hit me up.

#teacher crush story #teacher crush #teacher crush community #teacherxstudent #teachercrush #teachercrushcommunity #teachercrushstory #teachercrushdream

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whimsically-ominously-auspice · 5 years ago

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My mom worked in a bar, a bartender, weekend nights as she went to school to be a nurse. My dad just wanted to be a musician. So I grew up in the bar.

That's my mom.

So I met Jesse in the bar. He taught me to play poker. I was extremely skilled at it. So i became a hot shot at age one. I would win bets all kinds. Who would think a kid in diapers could win at poker?

They didn't even know i potty trained myself and didn't piss nor shit in my diaper but panties were too small for me.

So i wore a diaper.

My dad was in the military, too. But someone told him he could go with them to get a music career started.

That is how he got kidnapped.

My mom went to look... Followed the same guy into the parking lot and got kidnapped.

She left me in the bar. The guy said my dad was outside all drunk and bottled up. "Oh I'll be right back"

So I tended bar for the rest of the night. Locked up when everyone left. Slept on the floor.

I looked for my mom but it was cold and the air felt strange. Danger like. Still and eerie. Bad.

So i went in, shut the door and locked it. Yelled "mom i locked it but you can come in" just in case she could hear. May be she was in a car talking to my dad. I yelled for 10 minutes. A couple men went to the door but i refused to open it. Cried myself to sleep in the floor. Scared for my parents.

It was two days before anyone noticed it was weird I was making margaritas and serving beer. One and a half year old tending bar. No one thought it was weird . i was a hot shot.

I told every one I couldn't find my mom. They didnt care. Just another beer.

It wasn't till Monday night that any one noticed and that's only cause that's when the new bartender showed up.

So i helped her that night. She was impressed. When i locked the door from the inside and got myself ready to sleep in the same place i cried myself to sleep in before...

The door opened and light spilled in, "mom?"

But it was the late night bartender, "oh you." She closed the door and locked it. "You can't stay here"

"I can. I been here since Friday. I can lock the door. Im safe. I can be, too"

"There's kidnappers outside"

"Yeah since Friday and they took my mom and I serve them beer and they don't pay. Just walk out. I should beat them up"

She took me to Miss Leena's house the next morning. We both slept in the bar floor. In front of the locked door.

"Miss Leena, i don't know what to do" she said.

Miss Leena kept me in the trailer park. Out of foster care. Let me go wherever whenever.

I never saw my parents again.

I saw George a few times. But he wasn't a man. Some monster. Some sick in the head creep. This thing with legs and arms and a head. No heart.

That's when I learned the difference between a me problem and a you problem. Even when it came to families, there was rarely an Us problem.

He's been eradicated. There was no hope of healing him and i being able to tolerate him if he did heal.

My Uncle wasn't the best father. I'll be curt. But thats because he knew I had a dad out there somewhere. But he was the best father i had. He never hit me or sexually abused me. He defended me. Stood up for me. Took care of me and supported me.

He is a real man.

Point is. One day you'll be almost two years old tending bar alone. Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

And no one will care. They will think it's neat.

And yeah it is. Its fun doing moms job. And doing it well.

But comes the point that you're an orphan. Locked in the bar with kidnappers outside, crying yourself to sleep on the floor, in front of the door. Hoping you may not be. An Orphan.

Wearing the same clothes. Same diaper. And keeping it so clean that by Monday the late late night bartender doesn't realize you've been in them 4 days.

That photo above was taken the night she disappeared. I was in the bathroom. There's one of me with her, the same night.

The last photo we took together. Before I took one next to her coffin. I was two then.

The person sitting on Jupiter killed and raped her. For no reason other than he was outlaw Jesse James. So he named himself. He was rich. His father a store owner down the street. Sold groceries. Got women's names and addresses off checks. The son Jesse did.

Self-entitled Jack ass.

For no reason im an orphan.

If they were in a car wreck or something that would be tragic and dangerous. But murdered so the criminal wouldn't get in trouble for rape. Kidnapped for ransom the military refused to pay.

Doesn't make sense to me.

They never even bothered to look for my father.

I did. But by the time I found him, he was no longer a man.

"Don't forget i raised you"

I was 3. Half my life i raised myself and more than half the life i had with him he was working.

"I don't even know you -- Do you -- are you saying you want to come home?"

"Not yet im working"

"You want to come home and be my dad?"

"No I've told you time and time again I'm working"

What piece of shit says that. I spent nearly 2 years looking for him to take him home. He was too busy mopping floors?

I saw him again 5 years later... Just gassing people. Anyone he could get in a room. Like a Nazi. Kids. Moms. Didn't matter.

So i sorted out the evil ones for about a year so he wasn't killing innocent people. But then he turned on me. And I left.

He was gonna end up killing me. I called the police. Had him arrested.

Spent 2 years in The penitentiary.

I was 9 when he got out. We moved the year before so he couldn't find me.

I killed Pablo Escobar the year after he got out.

He did have ways to find me, though. Steal my kids and freeze them and put them in car panels.

Never made sense why he would. Just crazy I guess.

He used to be a good man.

But after he did that to me. He had to been eradicated.

He couldn't see past his crazy to ser his own daughter. I can see going nuts and being afraid to leave. But then...

Why attack me? Take my kids.

There was no reason

He took my father away from me.

He had no right to take anything else.

I grew up with a photo of him in our house. I don't know if he was crazy then. Evil.

I know I am. Crazy. But there's a difference between caring and not.

Her name was Deborah Anne. I think she was lucky to die.

My dad became a herion addict. Shooting up with needles 19 pints a day of black tar herion. Which pints is a term like nickel. Dime or quartet in marijuana. It means full 5 cc needle one hour a day sleeping 5 hours a day.

5 mL of black tar herion 19 times a day.

That's 95 mL of herion.

3.212 ounces

A cup is 8 ounces so it's nearly a half cup and you know sometimes he did at least 3/4 of a cup.

Not around me... Because.. One time i told him "why don't you just get a bigger needle? I mean syringe? The tube part?"

"Get away from me. You're not smarter than me"

"Yeah well sure but you're doing it every 15 minutes"

And while pints is a term like nickel or dime... My dad really did 19 liquid pints of herion a day.

So when I was around I made him feel dumb, insecure and selfish. So he did less.

"Who is taking care of you?"

"I work. I have a job. I make more money than you"

"I make none. You could make a penny and its more than what I -- hey you think you could buy me herion off the street? I think it's better than what i got. Or maybe not im told it's pure. Never mind you're a kid. No buy me some. I said buy me some. I didn't mean to grab your arm"

"Like a mad man all crazy? Because you did"

"I didn't mean to. I said i didn't mean to!" Injecting his arm again

"Hey fill these up for me again. Do something useful"

"Talking to you ain't useful?"

"Not if you want me to go home it ain't. I'm the boss"

"Give me the syringe. How come if you're the boss you're only bossing me? Where's everyone else?"

"At work they know what to do"

I start laughing. And laughing. "There is no one! I sent them home! All is left is you!!"

"Then I'll start gassing. If they escape i have to gas who is left and they start over"

"You could just go home like they do"

"You mean escape? I'll start gassing"

"There is no one left but you. Come on I'll show you"

"Nope bring them to me. Ill start gassing the place up let them burn. I like that. Like im a Nazi"

"The who? I'm calling the police" i pick up the phone "911" i dial im not playing. He's fucking crazy. "My dad said he will start gassing. Hes all doped up and" my dad stopped shooting up to stare at me "you don't know what you're saying!!!" He stormed the floor and grabbed the phone and hung up

"Don't you call the police on me again. Im just doing my job"

"You're shooting up" i stood to get the phone

He snatched it "I said do not call the police on me again!" He stood over me not like a threat but as a threat

"I'm gonna puke"

"And she did. You know you ain't gotta say every nasty thing you gotta do to me. Now that's gonna stink. Dad let's go home every two goddam minutes." He snatched the trash can from me and i fell. "Oh my God it's the police! How did they get here so fast?!?! You didn't even give them the address. They're going to think I'm herion dealing. And it's just for me!"

"Dad they're the CIA they're here to help!"

"Oh my God i was in the military. They don't care. Now it's the CIA. They don't care"

"Dad i care. Please"

"You're just a kid"

"I work for the CIA"

"No you don't. You're just a lying." He leans down towards me and whispers "why don't they just Come in?" And he shoved me.

He hit me in the side of the head. Covered my mouth with his hand. I shoved him off. He pulled me by my hair.

"QUIT!!!! IM SO SICK OF YOUR SHIT!!!"

He acted like i beat him.

"I'm opening the door stay calm" i opened the door. "Arrest him. I think he broke my teeth"

I held my face and felt sad

"Sabrina, I've seen you be hurt worse than that. Are you sure you're okay?" Asked Matt Hagan's FBI grandpa.

"Its just my dad. It hurts more because emotionally. Im going to cry. I'll just lay my head on This desk and cry awhile"

Of course my dad was out the next week to gas people and kill them. Of course he was.

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toricrypticice · 7 years ago

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Lets get personal

No one tagged me but why not?

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (Lmao, no)

THE LAST:

1. drink: Iced Tea 2. phone call: My mom 3. text message: “?” 4. song you listened to: Pretty Girl -Cheat Codes X CADE remix 5. time you cried: 7:35 pm today 6. dated someone twice: yes 7. kissed someone and regretted it: yep 8. been cheated on: sort of 9. lost someone special: yes, I lost an important friend as of kind of recently. :( 10. been depressed: yep right now but I’m getting help 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

12-14. - Maroon, seafoam green, and Teal.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. made new friends: Yeah and they all are pretty great (≧▽≦) 16. fallen out of love: kind of they broke my heart once and I was stupid enough to get back with them only to realize I had gotten over them between the time we were apart. 17. laughed until you cried: Yes XD 18. found out someone was talking about you: not really no one does. 19. met someone who changed you: Mmm, yes. in real life and online. 20 found out who your friends are: yeah, a lot some people don’t stay I guess and some are closer than others. 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yep

GENERAL:

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them except two actually 23. do you have any pets: Not myself but my family has four cats who I love but I want a dog 24. do you want to change your name: Ehh unsure yet I like Tori but I also like Marsh. A lot of my friends call me Marsh. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: Well the day of my birthday not much I mean we had something I picked out for dinner. But two days before my B-day I hung out with my other family and they got me a cake, brought me out to eat, and walked on the beach with me. I missed them a lot. 26. what time did you wake up: Today around 3 but went back to sleep until 9 am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Chilling on my phone, mostly instagram and Snapchat 28. name something you can’t wait for: FOR ME TO GRADUATE 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: today at 3 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Money issues. I wish we didn’t have to constantly worry that we might lose the house and the roof we live under. 31. what are you listening to right now: A fucking Spotify Ad (ಠ ∩ಠ) oh wait well now Broken Strings by James Morrison 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yep, 33. something that is getting on your nerves: A lot and really there is no reason. Acne, my body, my anxiety, my depression, summer school (눈_눈), and of course my family. 34. most visited website: Youtube 35-37. lost questions?? ?Wat 38. hair colour: Naturally brown but dyed partially blonde 39. long or short hair: Short but growing it out 40. do you have a crush on someone: Right now no but I kinda wish I did. 41. what do you like about yourself: Creativity 42. piercings: None (my ears closed on me) 43. blood type: Fuck I don’t know lmao 44. nickname: Tori/Marsh (Tori short for Victoria, Marsh short for Marshall) 45. relationship status: Single 46. zodiac: Taurus 47. pronouns: Any 48. favourite tv show: hmmmmm idk I don’t watch much but I like the classic teen titans not the sucktacular new one, oh and Steven Universe is super good. 49. tattoos: Nope ....But doesn’t mean I won’t be getting some ฅ•ω•ฅ 50. right or left handed: right 51. surgery: nah 52. piercing: wat....this was already a....aw whatever 53. sport: Sports don't agree with me. I mean I’m good at frisbee and badminton, other sports are fun but I’m not the best. I do like watching Hockey and Ice Skating though. 55. vacation: Nah my family doesn’t have the money. We never go on vacation. 56. pair of trainers: .....oh this is talking about shoes XD.... I was like trainers who gets two and why is this a common thing. lmao welp guess I answered that with a big fat nope!

MORE GENERAL

57. eating: thirty minutes ago 58. drinking: Been drinking a lot of over sugared ice tea, monsters, and water lately. 59. i’m about to: Push all my clothes onto the floor so I can chill on my bed instead of chilling on the floor. 61. waiting for: this shouldn’t be a hard question but somehow it is, uhhhh oh for all my friend to be free so we can get together I wanna go to Quassy for $0.50 cent night 62. want: To get to my goal weight :P 63. get married: I do XD I hope to meet someone that I can hangout with to recharge There’s a Youtuber I watch who has a great relationship with his wife. I want that. 64. career: I’m so unsure. Being a YouTuber has been a huge interest but everyone shits on that along with my acting dream so I guess anything to do with art 65. hugs or kisses: I love both but I do like hugs a lot even though I act rather stand offish I appreciate hugs

66. lips or eyes: i think it depends on the person honestly, but probably eyes 67. shorter or taller: Hmmm I don’t know it doesn’t matter to me I don’t get why people say they NEED someone who is taller. If the person is sweet, acts like a child, enjoys games, and loves movies they are my kinda person. 68. older or younger: I don’t know I like people who are rather mature but can also horse around 70. nice arms or nice stomach: Eh Don’t care much for either. 71. sensitive or loud: Both, and they need to know when loud is appropriate and when it isn’t, because I have no patience for immaturity in that way. Idk maybe that’s just me 72. hook up or relationship: Relationship. I don’t think I can hook-up because I’ve been realizing I’m pretty sure I’m on the demi-sexual side of things. Plus i don’t know a hook up just seems terrible. You hook up and give someone a part of you and then you never see them again I don’t know maybe its just not for me. 73. troublemaker or hesitant: i prefer someone who is hesitant, but with a slight troublemaker streak because I am very hesitant myself. Yeah as long as we don’t get arrested/expelled/fired I’m up for it.

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. kissed a stranger: nope. 75. drank hard liquor: Yep but just a sip shhhh 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: Yep and then you can’t find them because you need glasses to see but thats what you lost. 77. turned someone down: Yeah, but it never gets any easier I just feel so bad cause I know what its like to be on both sides. Both sides are horrible. 78. sex on the first date: NOPE!!!! 79. broken someone’s heart: Yeah God I felt so bad :( But I think they are over me, we are still friends.... but I still feel bad. 80. had your heart broken: Yeah twice and both times were horrible 81. been arrested: No and I hope it stays that way 82. cried when someone died: Yeah but not usually when I first get the news it takes awhile before it sinks in. I’m bad with emotions. 83. fallen for a friend: Yeah all of them. They all didn’t work though :P

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. yourself: Not really, I rather mean to myself but kinder to others. but I’m also a jerk at times to people I care about. 85. miracles: Uhm. Only because I’ve seen some, tbh. 86. love at first sight: Kind of. 87. santa claus: Nah man its not possible.....wait unless he’s a wizard OH SHIT___!!!!! 88. kiss on the first date: Maybe, idk, probs not, but there’s a chance. 89. angels: not really I don’t believe in god sooooo

OTHER:

90. current best friend’s name: Mikayla and Michelle They are the closest people in my life. 91. eye colour: blue/green with a brown ring around my pupil 92. favourite movie: UGh I can’t really choose, I love movies so its super hard. like there are musicals, dramas, romance, thriller, animation, comedy- I could go on forever. My favorite movie changes. Right now its Winnie The Pooh Piglet’s Big Adventure but tomorrow it will most likely change. Dude I should watch that.

Who’s Tagged? (I chose most of them randomly)

@seashell-calling @theauthorolive1215 @i-ship-septicplier @i-did-it-because-i-can @elentori-art @konoira @queer-coffee @planet-pastels @peachymints @ethan-works @lemememeringue

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