#for like the 800th time are you serious

[skaianettechsupport]

what do i do if my “fic research” ultimately consists of needing to reread homestuck over again in its entirety

[piouscatholic]

Novena to Saint Anthony

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

#Day3:

[Franciscan, Missionary and Martyr]

Saint Anthony went to Morocco.

“courageously determined to experience the Gospel in the footsteps of the Franciscan friars who had been martyred there.”

(Pope Francis, Feb 15, 2020)

When the Infant Pedro brought back the relics of the five martyred Friars Minor from Marrakech, claiming to have been miraculously freed by their merits, Fernando, struck by this news, believed it was his duty to leave his monastery, in order to obtain like them the palm of martyrdom, and decided to put on their habit and follow their radical way of life.

There were friars of this Order who lived in the hermitage of St Anthony the Abbot of Olivet, near Coimbra, and who came to Anthony’s monastery to ask for alms.

One day, unable to restrain himself, Fernando took them aside, and revealed his project to them.

Delighted, the brothers set a meeting time, and, in that same monastery, clothed him with the habit of their Order.

Fernando changed his name to Anthony, and went without delay to the land of the Saracens (2,7).

However God had a different plan for him.

Stricken by a serious illness, he set out to return to Portugal, but instead a storm at sea and strong winds pushed the boat off the coast of Sicily and Anthony’s dream of becoming a martyr crumbled.

(Assidua, 5:1; Vita secunda, 1:12. 2:8-10)

In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

Let us pray that God will give us the same strength of faith and martyr’s courage that animated Saint Anthony of Padua.

[His spiritual journey]

In 2020, the cities of Padua, Coimbra and Lisbon celebrated with a Jubilee year the 800th anniversary of St Anthony's Franciscan vocation.

The witness of the first Franciscan martyrs produced a 180° turn in Anthony’s quiet life as an Augustinian canon.

All his biographers agree on this point: Anthony was suddenly seized by an extraordinary fervor.

He wanted to repair the insults done to Christ, the deaths of the martyrs, and resist a politico-religious power that knew only violence and denied human dignity.

The simple life of the Franciscan Brothers, living on almsgiving and with no fixed abode, wholly dedicated to the proclamation of the Gospel, was in sharp contrast with his Augustinian abbey that was enjoying the subsidies of the king, who had chosen it for his burial place.

At the age of 25, according to traditional chronology, an enthusiastic Anthony decided to leave the Canons Regular for the habit and life of the Brothers who had died for Christ.

He made this decision without regrets: since "he had already been frustrated once in his desire by the Divine Will, he no longer had the presumption to attempt a new undertaking, and henceforth he relied totally on the good will of God...

God kept him for greater undertakings."

(Vita secunda, 3,11)

[Thoughts]

"Blessed is he whom the sword of the wicked has not frightened, but transformed into a better person."

(Julian of Speyer, Liturgical Office)

"Anthony, martyr of desire, you ardently sought to share in the death of the martyrs!

While the sword of the persecutor did not end your life, your soul did not lose the palm of martyrdom."

(Rigaldina, 4,8)

"Saint Anthony, struck by the Franciscan way of embracing and living the Gospel, rose from among us, passed through our human city and traced for us in an exemplary way the paths of wisdom that would lead to salvation."

(Don Virgilio do Nascimento Antunes, Bishop of Coimbra, June 13, 2020, Saint Anthony dos Olivais)

In Anthony’s Sermons, the word "martyr" comes up 29 times, in reference to John the Apostle, the Blessed Virgin, and the Apostles Peter and Paul, to evoke the harshness of suffering and death and to underline the seeds of life for the martyrs themselves and for the Church.

"Saint John did not die a martyr’s death, but was nevertheless a martyr: he was plunged into a barrel of boiling oil, sent into exile in Patmos, and forced to swallow poison."

(St Anthony, Feast of St John the Evangelist)

"The 12 stars (Rev 12:1) were Mary's 12 glorious merits in Heaven, in her flesh and in her heart.

The glorious merits of her heart were humble devotion, reserved modesty, great faith and martyrdom of the heart, for "a sword pierced her soul"

(Lk 1:31).

(St Anthony, Annunciation of the Virgin Mary II)

Every martyrdom is the seed of conversion.

By the shedding of their blood, the martyrs watered souls in the garden of the Church, so that she might persevere in the greenness, strength and vigor of the faith.

(St Anthony, Feast of Saints Peter and Paul)

The Passion of Christ is called "excess," since it exceeded the pain and passion of all the martyrs put together and exceeded any other passion.

(St Anthony, First Sunday after Christmas)

"They offered sacrifices of justice."

By their martyrdom, Peter and Paul sacrificed their righteous and holy bodies to the Lord as victims of justice.

(St Anthony, Feast of Saints Peter and Paul)

"They will suck the floods of the sea like milk."

An overflowing sea is frightening in appearance and bitter in taste; milk, on the other hand, has a pleasant color and a sweet flavor.

To suck means to desire with avidity and to taste with pleasure.

"O love of Christ, who makes all bitter things sweet!

The martyrdom of the Apostles was frightening and bitter, but the love of Christ changed it into sweetness.

They received Him with avidity and pleasure, and then received happiness with Him for eternity."

(St Anthony, Feast of Saints Peter and Paul)

[Meditation]

"Let each one glory in his own martyrdom"...

Anthony's aspiration to martyrdom was part of the very spirit of the Order of Friars Minor.

To those who glorified the martyrdom of the Friars of Morocco, Francis replied that dying a martyr's death was everyone's calling, and he himself gave the example, undertaking three times the journey to the Holy Land and among the infidels.

As Thomas de Celano, his biographer, wrote, "he had an ardent desire for martyrdom."

"The ardor of charity," added St Bonaventure, "impelled him to imitate the glory of the holy martyrs, for nothing could extinguish the flame of their love or weaken their fortitude."

There are two kinds of martyrs, both equally demanding in their self-giving and eloquent in their witness to Christ who offered himself to his Father on the Cross: the violent death or "martyrdom of blood," and the offering of one's own life as a spiritual sacrifice pleasing to God, just as Christ offered himself to his Father on the Cross.

Thus, Saint Francis identified himself with Christ to the point of dying naked on the naked earth, and Anthony, in the vision and joy of his Lord.

(Assidua 17,12)

This kind of death can be ours too.

We are not asked to expose our bodies to persecutors, even though many Christians are still persecuted and violently martyred today, but to offer our work, prayers, our daily occupations, acts of kindness and assistance towards our suffering brothers and sisters, our illnesses and all the inconveniences of life, in immolation and holocaust.

By immolation we become victims and sacrifice; by burnt offering, "we burn on the altar of the Lord as a sweet incense pleasing to the Lord."

(St Anthony)

[Prayer]

"Saint Anthony, you invite us to discover the price of our lives and measure the depth of our wounds by the Cross of Christ that only the Blood of the Son of God can heal.

Help us to understand with what love we are loved and to offer our sufferings for the salvation of the world. Amen."

(Saint Anthony Novena – Grottos of Brive)

Saint Anthony, we entrust to you the sick, the unemployed, our struggles to meet the needs of our family and children, those who are exposed to heavy work, poor health and unsafe conditions, those injured at work, occupational and road accidents, and all the small and large crosses of our daily life.

Give us the grace to carry all those crosses with love, following your example, and with the help of Jesus.

© Marie de Nazareth 2023

Association Marie de Nazareth 75 rue de Lourmel 75015 Paris – France

[greasygyeom]

gigil | ten

pairing: Ten x Female Reader (Fluff)

words: 1.9k

warnings: might be disgustingly cute idk.

A/N: Gigil is a word used to describe the overwhelming feeling that comes over us when we see something cute.

At 1 am, with bare minimum noises in the background, save for a stray car zooming away in the distance and a blanket of stars overhead, Ten walked back to his apartment; feet dragging on the pavement, as they traced his displeasure along the way. 

For the third night in a row he’d had to stay overtime at office, simply because someone else had been too lazy to finish their portion of work assigned to them.

Had it been any other day, he would have pulled through without feeling this level of annoyance. Any other week, he would not have complained; he liked working alone, when no one was around to disturb him and ask him stupid questions. But the fact that this was happening during the few days your schedule wasn’t as tight knit as usual, was really testing his patience.

He’d thought long and hard on whether he was being too dramatic about it, because it wasn’t like he never got to see you—your off days always had his name written on them—it was just that off-late he’d been wanting to see a lot more of you.

For him, dating you had started as a breezy ‘hmm I’ll see where this takes me, I’m not looking for anything serious’, but had quickly and quite irreversibly morphed into an intense whirlwind of ‘fuck, I might love her’ and at the end of six months it had rendered him dizzy. 

He didn’t know when exactly he’d started to crave more of your attention, but on days it overpowered his entire existence. He wasn't yet used to the out of the blue pangs of wanting to hug you until you fell asleep in his arms, but he loved the warm and fuzzy feeling thoughts like these left him with.

On most days he could prioritise his work over his neediness for you. Today though? Today had been one of those days, where it had served as a roadblock between what he had to do and what he really wanted to do. Instead of being in bed, cuddled with you, watching a cute coming of age movie, he had to stay back and redraw the anatomy for a new character because some of his peers were incompetent. 

Half an hour of brooding and a long silent walk later, he finally reached his building. On his last call you had already been yawning, so he assumed you were fast asleep and entered the apartment as quietly as he possibly could… only to find you lying on the floor.

His heart dropped down to his stomach as the worst, most horrible thoughts of you being injured and unconscious and him being too late in taking you to the hospital clouded his mind.

His panic lasted only about 30 seconds though, until he switched on the lights and it unravelled a completely different story.

You were passed out on the floor alright, but because you’d fallen asleep cuddling with his cat. He didn’t see the cat because your back was facing the entrance. Louis had fit himself comfortably in the crevice of your concave form, lying curled up, snug next to your stomach and was using your arm as a pillow.

Ten’s heartbeat slowed down with the realisation that you were indeed alive and okay and he breathed in a sigh of relief, giggling fondly at the sight of you two sleeping so peacefully; completely unaware of his presence. 

He was kinda jealous of Louis, which was an insane thought, but he wanted in on what looked like a super cozy cuddle session.

Of course, he had to grab his phone and take some pictures first—how could he pass off this opportunity to stock up on some free serotonin. But as soon as he was done taking photos from every angle, he sat on the floor next to you, your back towards him, and rested his chin on your waist. It was a challenge to not kiss the sliver of skin peeking through, from between your shirt and boxers and an even bigger challenge to not wake you up.

He extended an arm to pet Louis, but the cat wasn’t having any of it. 

Within minutes Louis was out of sight and reach and it was just the two of you, on the cold floor. With no cat to disturb, his attention naturally wandered over to you. It was too tempting to not kiss your bare skin. Your hands were tucked under your head, like a makeshift pillow; sooner than later you were bound to get uncomfortable—it only made sense to wake you up. It was definitely not because you looked too cute and he couldn’t stand not being able to squish you. 

“Baby” he whispered softly, “Wake up.” 

You stirred at the sound of his voice, pushing your body towards him, but not really moving.

He had the widest grin plastered on his face, just looking at you. “Let’s go to bed, you’re sleeping on the floor.”

You hummed in response, too lethargic to actually move and also just a scat annoyed.

When he stroked your cheek, you shivered under his touch, goosebumps forming all over your body. His touch was electric. 

Feeling a bit smug about the reaction he just elicited out of you, he pulled your shirt up, just enough to expose your waist, and planted soft kisses alongside your ribs.

You squirmed with every kiss, until you were wide awake and sitting upright, fighting him off.

“Why why why” he giggled, as you pushed him away.

“Why!! Look at the tiiime.” You whined, not letting him have his way for the 800th time.

His face fell, “I know baby, I’m sorry. If it makes you feel better, I was really sulky the whole time I was there and not here.”

“No, that does not make me feel better.” You replied, “I don’t want you to sulk when you’re working.”

“Ayee you can’t have both.” 

“Both what?”

“Be mad at me and not let me be mad at my work.”

“I’m not mad at you.” You pouted, crawling into his lap, “I just really missed you.”

There was something so soothing about your presence, something he couldn’t really explain. He held you tight and buried his head in the crook of your neck, taking in the faint vanilla-esque scent you naturally emanated. 

“I missed you too, baby.”

You ran your fingers through his brownish-blonde hair, your heart skipping beats every time you felt his hot breath on your skin. You weren’t one to feel ticklish easily at all, except for under his touch. It was a phenomenon that perplexed you too. So when he slipped his hand under your shirt, to feel your skin, you shivered again. 

He raised his head and gave you a knowing, smug smile.

God he was so infuriating with how attractive he looked when he smiled like that.

“You’re lucky you’re this cute.”

He grinned even wider. “Oh? What’s that? You think I’m cute?”

“Yeah, I think you’re very cute. What of it?”

The cutest laugh escaped his lips and he cupped your face, “I think you’re cuter, now please kiss me.” 

He puckered his lips and in anticipation, closed his eyes, deliberately acting like a cringey young adult rom-com hero, but two could play that game, right?

You pecked him on his cheek instead. 

His dramatic reaction sent you into a fit of laughter and the whole time you were trying to contain yourself, he was gazing at you as if nothing else existed in his world, with the goofiest, most endearing smile on his face. 

He’d never told you he loved you—even though it’s all he’d thought about the past couple of days—partly because he was scared and partly because he didn’t want to scare you away. 

But the way you made his whole being melt into a mush of happiness, made him not want to hold it in anymore.

“Hey,” he interrupted your hysterics in a serious tone, causing you to stop and look at him. You couldn’t match the intensity in his eyes, but it sparked a wildfire at the pit of your stomach.

“I love you”

Did you hear that right? Did he say he loved you? 

“You what?”

“I love you.” 

You beamed ecstatically. “Good, ‘cuz I love you too.”

“Oh thank god” he exhaled in relief, but before he could finish that sentence you had him caught up in a long, sweet kiss that knocked the wind out of his lungs. 

In the dead of the night, you could only hear his soft moans as you bit and sucked on his lower lip. His hands wandered all over your body, grabbing and teasing you, while you focused on how he tasted like liquor and chocolate, without having any. 

Everything about him was intoxicating. 

“Let’s go in”, he signalled towards his room, when you finally parted away from him.

You looked delectable with your messy hair and slightly swollen lips. Ten wanted to devour you.

“Ohhhhh Mr. Lee why do you want to take me into your bedroom at 2:30 AM.. What are your intentions?” 

“To show you how much I love you.” he seduced, “Will you let me?”

“I’ll let you do whatever you want, baby” you replied, getting up and holding your hand out to help him.

“I wonder what good deeds I did to have found you in my life.”

You rolled your eyes as you walked towards his room. “And I wonder the exact opposite.”

He gasped. “Is that how it is huh? I guess you’ll never find out how much I love you then.”

“Aww.” You chuckled, closing the distance between you, “It’s okay, I can show you right here how much I love you instead?”

“No, I can feel Louis looking at us and I’m not about to traumatise my son. So, I’m gonna give him some treats and be right in.”

“Fifteen minutes or I’m going to sleep.”

“I’ll take five.”

“You and I both know you need at least fifteen minutes with Louis.”

How does this woman know me so well, he thought to himself walking over to where his cat was perched. 

“What do you think, Louis? Did I do the right thing” Ten whispered, nuzzling his nose in the fluffy fur. 

Louis meowed.

“Yeah, I think so too. She’s really great isn’t she.” 

Louis meowed again, making him chuckle.

While pouring some dry food in the bowl for his cat he realised he actually hadn’t eaten anything since afternoon, yet he felt full… full of this happiness and a kind of contentment that he’d never experienced before. He cringed at this disgustingly sappy thought and made his way back to you, into the bedroom. 

You were sprawled on the bed, already asleep, not even having managed to get under the blanket.

“So cute”, he fondly murmured, as he got in bed too and encompassed you completely in a hug—his arms now wrapped around your waist and one leg overlapping both of yours.

You stirred, but he pulled you in closer,

“It’s okay, go back to sleep baby.”

He heard a little affirmative hum and you turned around to face him—eyes half closed—to give him a tiny peck on his lips and then hid your face in his chest. 

You started falling back into your world of dreams and he fell right in with you, following you through a field of daisies, admiring your beauty as the sun glowed on your face; just like he would if you were awake. And tell you a thousand times over how beautiful he thought you were and love you and kiss you until you fell right back into his arms at the end of every night. 

There was something so sweet about that feeling, it made you smile and you thought yeah… it seemed like a good way to spend the rest of your life.

[thetriggeredhappy]

Sniper teases Scout about his height just a little too much and he gets genuinely upset over it and a little self conscious about his figure, at which point Sniper has to reassure him that 'no you have a great figure and being short is adorable and not a bad thing in the slightest'

camera cuts to me writing scout tf2 with RSD for i think the 800th time, just as feverishly as the previous 799

(warnings for body negativity)

-

He thought maybe something was wrong when he noticed Scout being much more quiet than usual even as the rest of the team continued to be rowdy. He thought that maybe something was wrong when Scout was one of the first to toss his cards onto the table and grab his beer to leave. He thought that maybe something was wrong when he ducked into the camper twenty minutes later and saw that Scout was already in bed, curled up and facing the wall.

“Bun?” Sniper asked, and that was when he became certain something was wrong, because Scout didn’t answer at all.

Silence for a few moments as Sniper tried to figure out what to do.

He sat on the edge of the little cot he called a bed, pulling free of his boots and hat and stripping off his button-up. Silence.

“You awright?” he asked more directly.

Scout made an ‘I dunno’ sort of noise. Sniper shifted.

“Feel like talking about it?” he offered.

Scout made another quieter ‘I dunno’ sort of noise, and yeah. Something was definitely wrong.

He stood to go get some semblance of pajamas on and returned not long later, a little relieved when Scout at least budged over to make room for him in bed. He hesitated for a few long moments before putting a tentative hand on Scout’s arm. After a moment Scout moved to pull the arm in question around his waist, and alright. That was a relief too in some ways, because at least Scout wasn’t angry at him, but also worrying because Scout tended to be pretty upset before he tried to be little spoon. Either he’d curl up facing Sniper or he’d insist on being big spoon, wanting to face away was generally a bad sign.

“It’s awright if you don’t want to talk about it,” Sniper said carefully after a few moments, soft against Scout’s hair, “but... if you do, I’ll listen. Promise.”

Quiet for a second. “I love you,” Scout mumbled, and nothing else.

“You too, bun,” he replied, and eventually Scout fell asleep, and he resolved to ask more questions in the morning.

Except Scout wasn’t there in the morning, he’d apparently managed to wriggle himself free without waking Sniper up and left to go somewhere else. And he couldn’t ask Scout any questions before the fighting started because all the blokes were around, and the closest thing to privacy he could hope to get before that night would end up being in the locker room at the end of the day.

And he didn’t even get that, which confused him plenty. Because usually Scout took his time, trying to wind down from battle a little bit. Would chat and goof around like plenty of the others, and always had to spend a good while in front of the mirror trying to get his hair back in some semblance of order.

But this time he showered in five minutes flat and just put his hat on without even drying off properly, out the door before Sniper could get himself together enough to follow after.

He ended up at Scout’s room, knocking on the door hesitantly. And there was a long few moments before Scout opened the door just enough to peek through, hair a bit of a mess, chest bare and visibly surprised to see him standing there.

“You busy?” Sniper asked.

“Uh, not really,” he said, and paused, and finally stepped back from the door, letting it swing open a short way.

Sniper stepped in and took note of how Scout moved away, picking up a towel next to where he had his mirror hung and holding it up near his chest, trying to get his hair in order. He seemed closed off. Nervous, almost. It was a far cry from his usual relaxed bravado, the general sort of ease he tended to move and stand with, the casualness. He seemed... he didn’t know what.

“You awright?” Sniper asked quietly, taking a seat on the edge of Scout’s bed and looking at him.

Scout hesitated. “I mean, yeah. Just... I dunno. Yeah,” he tried.

“Yeah?”

“I, I dunno,” Scout shrugged, and his hair seemed to be in order, but he kept messing with it. “I just, I... I dunno.”

Sniper stayed quiet and waited. Predictably, Scout continued talking a few moments later.

“I just kinda feel... weird. About some stuff,” he said haltingly. “Like... I don’t want you to be worrying about it.”

“Same to you,” Sniper replied easily. “But maybe talking will help.”

Scout hesitated. Hesitated. “...Maybe.”

A long pause. “Go on, then,” he urged gently.

Scout fidgeted with the towel. “I... I dunno. I guess I’ve just kinda been wondering if... if you like me.”

Sniper blinked. “I like you plenty,” he said, not sure what Scout meant.

“No, like—like, if you like this,” he said, gesturing up and down himself loosely with the hand not holding the towel. “Just—how I am, what I’m... like. Because, like, I dunno, I know I’m kind of a big dummy about pickin’ up on hints and stuff sometimes, and I figured, y’know, what if the jokes and stuff are you just sorta hinting that you aren’t into, like...”

He trailed off. Sniper’s expression largely conveyed confusion, he was sure, so eventually Scout managed to spit out the end of his sentence.

“...Guys like me,” he managed.

“Like what?” he asked.

“Like—“ Scout tried, fought with his words. “Like, guys who are kinda short and all scrawny and weird, and the, the babyface thing and just, just being built the way I am, I know I’m not the biggest guy around or on the team or whatever but I just figured if you joke around about somethin’ like eighty times maybe it means you seriously have a problem, and it’s just that I can’t really... can’t really do shit about it but I guess if it’s—“

“You—wait, hold it,” Sniper cut in, surprised, “you—you think I’m being serious when I poke fun about that?”

Scout hesitated for a long moment before managing a jerky little nod.

“Scout, of course I—when I make those jokes, I’m not—“ he tried, stammering, shocked. He managed to wrestle his words into order long enough to get a sentence out. “How long have you thought I was serious?”

Scout shifted on his feet. “...A while,” he said hesitantly. “But... I dunno. You really laid into me the other day and then all the guys were laughin’ and I figured I’d have to be a pretty big idiot to think nothin’ was up. Like, if that was your way of hinting about it and I didn’t pick up on it by then, I’d seem pretty stupid. And I know I kinda am stupid—“

“Scout,” Sniper cut in, brows furrowed together. “That’s not it. Really it’s not.”

Scout’s expression looked doubtful. Sniper continued talking, trying to be careful as he chose his words.

“I like the way you look, I like it a lot,” he insisted. “I make those jokes just to push your buttons a bit, it’s really nothing to be taken this seriously. If I knew it bothered you—“

“But like why wouldn’t you hate it?” Scout cut in suddenly, not quite looking him in the eye. “I’m way smaller than like any of the guys, and not as strong as them, and I just look like a goddamn stick figure and all, and I’m just—I’m, what’s there to like about this?”

“Plenty,” Sniper insisted, and Scout just looked at the floor, doubt crossing his expression again. “Scout, plenty. I’m being serious. Right, look here—“

Scout tried to turn away, cutting him off. “Look, this doesn’t gotta be a whole thing—“ he tried.

“No, we’re talking about this,” Sniper insisted, taking the towel from Scout’s hand and setting it aside. The next thing he took was Scout’s face in his hands, looking him in the eye. “Hear me out.”

Scout went still and quiet, as expected. Sniper was silent for a few moments, thinking about how he wanted to phrase all of this.

“This, here,” he began, smoothing thumbs over Scout’s cheeks as an elaboration, “is comfortable. You’re just the right height for this. And for this,” he continued, leaning in to kiss Scout on the temple, “and for this,” he said, leaning in further to kiss Scout briefly on the lips, “and even more for this,” he said, pulling Scout into an embrace. “You’re just the right size for this. Feels right to hug you. You’re not too big or too small.”

“I’m all bony,” Scout protested under his breath.

“What’s wrong with that?” Sniper asked lightly. “Just a detail, same as what your hair does, same as where your freckles are. Wouldn’t change the fact that I like you.”

“You wouldn’t like me more if I was tall and built?” he tried, sounding disbelieving.

“I’d like you about the same,” Sniper shrugged. “Anything different would be something I still liked, because it’s you either way.” He paused. “Though, to be honest, if you were too good-looking I’d never talk to you.”

Scout laughed a little.

“I’m serious! If you looked like some bloke from a magazine, I’d never get on with you, I’d be too busy being jealous or annoyed,” Sniper continued. “You’d be unbearable! I’d much rather be around you. A real person.”

“So it doesn’t bug you?” Scout asked, earnest, more vulnerable than Sniper expected.

“Not in the slightest. And s’nice sometimes.” He squeezed Scout harder for a moment before pulling back to look at him. “I like the way you are.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Scout seemed to consider that. “...Like, for real?”

“Why’s that so hard to believe?”

“I, I dunno. Just... I dunno. Maybe it’s just that I don’t like it,” Scout mumbled, picking at his fingers.

“Well, that’s a different problem altogether,” Sniper shrugged.

Scout nodded absently. Seemed to think hard for a few seconds. Glanced up at Sniper. “Can I have another hug?” he asked, and Sniper obliged, and Scout squeezed him tight around the neck, leaning heavily against Sniper. “Thanks,” he said quietly.

“Anytime,” Sniper said.

“Not just the hug, the... the bein’ nice thing too.”

“Anytime,” Sniper said again.

It was silent for a long few moments before Sniper decided to cut Scout some slack and break it.

“Y’know one good thing about you being smaller like this?” he asked idly. Scout hummed in question. “Means I can do this.”

He shifted the hold around Scout’s waist and bodily lifted him up over his shoulder.

Scout was set to laughing in an instant, even as he loudly and feverishly began to protest such treatment. “Snipes! Put me down! Snipes put me down you can’t just do that—“

He continued to laugh protest all the way back to the camper, where they stayed for the rest of the night, Sniper deciding every other part of his day could wait—apparently he had a boyfriend who needed assuring.

[purplesurveys]

800

.·゜゜·. Holy Cow A Survey .·゜゜·.  (and holy cow, it’s my 800th on here) by junkie_dreams

1. What made you pick up the last book you started reading? I started reading it for a while, then thesis made me too busy to read it for a few weeks, then when I was finished with that I realized I’ve left the book alone so I continued it and proceeded to finish the whole thing.

2. Have you received any bad or troubling news lately? All things revolving around Covid19, George Floyd, & Trump < Pretty much, though replace Trump with Duterte. He’s being such a cranky ass about hastily passing this new bill that will essentially allow warrantless arrests to anyone complaining about him on the internet, so everyone’s kinda stressing out about that right now. 

3. When was the last time you were relieved about something? Since Tuesday, every day that I’ve woken up without a fever is a relief. Another thing is that it’s Gabie’s birthday today and I was relieved to find out that she loved the surprise I made for her :) I pooled all her friends together and made them do video birthday greetings and submit photos that they have with her and I compiled it in a simple short film. It turned out super cute!

4. What about your life concerns you the most? Anything job-wise. They say 2020 graduates are heading into the worst job market in a very long time, and I think that’s pretty straightforward information.

5. Is there a common thing most people seem to do without trouble, but it scares you (talking on the phone, driving, interviews, etc)? When was the last time you had to do one of these kinds of things? Talking on the phone, ordering in a restaurant, and asking for help in any kind of store. I had to talk to a Grab delivery driver the other day to help him with directions going to my house; andddd I don’t usually have to recite my order or ask for help at a store myself because my girlfriend will often be the one to speak for me HAHAHAH.

6. Is a pen pal something you would enjoy? If so, what kinds of little things would you send your pen friends? No, only because writing exhausts me these days. I only enjoy writing for people I already know very well and love, and I wouldn’t feel invested enough to write to people I don’t know all that much yet.

7. Describe a time when you were there for a friend? Angela was sad the other day so I dropped her short messages to let her know I was there for her. She never replied, but it’s okay; it was just important to me that she knew I wasn’t going to leave her alone.

8. When was the last time you went somewhere for the first time? I dunno, I obviously haven’t gone around the city in months...though I’m thinking it’s the milk tea place we have at campus, called Nomu. I was there to pick up a drink a week before lockdown.

9. What is a situation that makes you feel especially confident? If it’s a situation that I know I can handle, like a test I studied a lot for; or if it’s a situation where I have a lot of support.

10. What was the subject of your most recent conversation? My dad was asking if he can have one of my soju bottles (my mom recently bought me five) and was also asking what flavor is really good. That prompted me to walk over and hesitatingly point out the good flavors, until he said, “Just kidding, I was just checking to see if this will make you stand up. You’re so predictableeeeeeeee” hahahaha

11. Hypothetically and generally speaking, how would you go about breaking up with someone? Is there anything you would make sure to say, or perhaps not say? I’d do it personally, say everything there is to say, and let’s face it, I see myself crying a lot too because I can never have serious conversations without tearing up lol.

12. Are you more of a night person or a day person? What is it about the night/day that you favor? I like the nightlife more. I hate the sun and when it’s bright out, so I’m most active when it’s evening and the lights and stars are pretty.

13. What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend? Mostly anything racist, misogynist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, biphobic, acephobic, and anti-poor. I’m very alert about these things and will call out anyone making insensitive sentiments about any of them.

14. Is there a belief you have that most others around you don’t have? Do you share this belief with others, or do you tend to keep it to yourself? Have you ever offended anyone with this belief? Ok so it’s technically the opposite of belief but I am atheist in a predominantly Catholic country. I’m very vocal about it except with my family. I probably have offended some people by stuff I’ve said or shared, but I don’t care. If they choose to ignore the myriad of issues surrounding their religion, they’re part of the problem and the reason why I’m so wholly against it.

15. Do you consider internet friendships as important as offline friendships, or do you view them differently? I value offline friendships more.

16. When was the last time you visited relatives or friends of the family? Is visiting family something you enjoy? I visited my lola, aunt, and cousins last Sunday when I was sick, since the doctor we were heading to lives in the same village. I hadn’t seen them since December I think? so my lola cried when she saw us walk through the front gate :’) I love visiting family, whoever it may be. It’s always fun to catch up, as long as conversations don’t turn into politics lol.

17. What did you do for the last holiday or event you celebrated? For my birthday we were stuck in lockdown so I couldn’t really do anything, but we had lots of food which is the easiest way to make me happy anyway. My parents and sister bought a blueberry cheesecake but had the blueberry part scraped off and then they crushed a whole pack of Oreos to turn it into an Oreo cheesecake lol; and Angela sent me a box of sushi.

18. If you’ve moved out from home, what was the scariest thing about it? What was/is your favorite thing about it? I haven’t yet.

19. Are there any fictional characters you like even though they’re “bad” or “evil?” What qualities draw you to a character? Yeah. Many antagonists speak the truth, and that makes it so easy to root for them. It’s this case very often in pro wrestling.

20. What are your thoughts on “forgiving” murderers, rapists, attackers, etc? Do you think it’s even possible to forgive these people? I don’t even forgive friends who betray me, so much less would I forgive assholes like the ones you listed. It’s definitely possible; I just choose not to do it because that’s my way of being in peace.

21. What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? I’m awwwwwwwful at finishing series man. I’m still on Descendants of the Sun but I also started a rewatch of The Big Bang Theory lmao. I want to finish DOTS first though and then maybe move on to Crash Landing On You, another Korean drama. Big Bang’s not really a priority for me and just something I wanna watch when I don’t want anything too heavy.

22. What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same? I’m a lot less afraid of dealing with people (and been better with it) thanks to the stuff I’ve had to do in the last year, like my internship and heading external relations for my org. I’m still the same in the sense that I’m still deathly terrified in the last few moments before I do the aforementioned dealing with people lol. Once I jump into the conversation I’m perfect, but I take f o r e v e r to get prepared.

23. When was the last time you had to walk somewhere in the rain? How about the snow? I don’t like walking in the rain and we don’t get snow.

24. Are there any types of survey questions you dread or don’t like answering for whatever reason? What kinds of questions do you like best? Questions that make me think too much or are too deep. I also don’t like basic surveys. Random is where it’s at. Ask me what I got at the last restaurant I was at, places I plan to visit soon, the last time I got mad, stuff like that.

25. If you could learn about anything without the stress of grades or cost, what kind of classes would you take? Law.

26. What was the last item of clothing you purchased? Do you wear it often? Two identical tops in different colors. I haven’t gotten the chance to wear either a lot because lockdown happened shortly after I bought them.

27. Has anything made you feel nostalgic lately? Sure. When I was compiling stuff for Gab’s surprise video, I came across some very old photos of us and of her and Angela.

28. What was the last chore you completed? Wash my plate from breakfast.

29. Name a song you’ve listened to today? 7/11 by Beyoncé, heh.

30. Is there anything you’ve promised yourself you’ll never do again? Drink buko juice. I had to drink it for the first few days of my UTI treatment and it’s so disgustinggggggg.

[pwsing]

It was time to get serious! #WWAmbassador • 11/28/17 I walked in @ww at 396 lbs I just wanted to feel better. • Fun Facts: Today is my 800th full day on WW! • I’ve tracked every day I’ve ever been on the Dub’s. • I’ve lost 144-146 depending on the moment. • I’ve had 749 straight days with 🔵 • I’ve weighed in at #wwStudio 116 times • I’ve only had a gain on the scale 15 times. • If losses/gains were = wins/losses 85-15-16 (85 losses/15 gains/16 Zero +/-) • I’ve never had back to back weeks with a gain. • I weigh mid-week for my mindset checkup from the neck up. This keeps me engaged in my week. • I regularly eat: Pizza Ice Cream 7SP @healthyeat_onthego @jimmyjohns @ww Snacks out the Wazzou!! PS: have you tried the new PB Bars?OMG. Good! ~link in stories~ • I lost 100 pounds year 1 and didn’t work out one time. • I joined a gym year 2 and only lost 46 pounds. (That’s not the full story) • I workout 2 or 3 times a week and only for 30 mins max. • I went to the gym 136 times in 2019. Not one time did I go for more than 30 mins. (Sustainable) • I love to eat-I don’t love to create • I love to share recipes of amazing cooks. So, often my posts tag my favorite creators. • I will finish with one more about me.... • I am like you. No superpower in me. I am you. We may not be in the same part of our journey but there has never been anything that would differentiate me from any other person who has lost weight. I simply did it one day at a time. I followed the plan. I learned one bite lick and taste to not obsess about food. I slowly brought food back into its place in my life as fuel and not a reward and as sustenance, not medicine for feelings. In the most very simple way to tell you this. • I have only done one thing and that one thing I’ve done 800 times. • I showed up for me. So as my epic friend @kelhett shared last night. Put the car in park and walk in to your new life. You deserve this one day journey and you are worthy. Make one day TODAY! • Love you family. #myWW is for YOU! • • People following the WW program can expect to lose 1-2lbs per week. I’ve lost weight on a prior program and continue on #myWW https://www.instagram.com/p/B8RFml8hYlT/?igshid=16dj64jathm3w

[aaronisaiahyoung]

Wholeheartedly serious about this with you, b. ❤️,S.

I just want to be able to lay together on the couch while we watch your favorite show as I fall asleep to the smell of your sweater. I just want to be able to reach for your hand and actually feel your skin for the 800th time even though it feels like the first time, every time. I just want to be able to taste your lips while we’re in the middle of a conversation about what happened at work today. I just want to wake up beside you and be able to watch you in the morning before you wake up to leave for work. I just want to watch you talk about something you love and fall into a trance by watching your vibrant beauty radiate towards me. I just want to look back when we are old and say that I got to do these wonderful things with YOU.

[bharatiyamedia-blog]

French Open: Serena Williams Arrives Wearing Cape With "Mother, Champion, Queen, Goddess" Emblazoned On It

http://tinyurl.com/y65yd5vc Serena Williams had caused a stir in last year’s French Open when she unveiled a ‘Black Panther’ catsuit which was subsequently banned. For this year’s French Open, Serena Williams again made an entrance, this time wearing a cape emblazoned with the words: “Mother, champion, queen, goddess.” The legend of “mother, champion, queen, goddess” was written in French in a nod to her hosts. Once the cape was removed, Serena Williams revealed a black and white zebra-stripe print dress, split at one thigh. Fans on Twitter went gaga over Serena Williams’ new fashion statement but the American star herself admitted that her Roland Garros outfit was “a lot to carry, but so is being Serena”. The French Open authorities had serious issues with Serena Williams’ outfit the last time she played at Roland Garros. This year she has the words Mother, Champion, Queen, Goddess emblazoned on her zebra-striped cape. Guess no one should have issues with that.#FrenchOpen — Nitin Naik (@toi_nitinnayak) May 27, 2019 Serena Williams invented tennis. She can wear whatever tf she wants. #FrenchOpen pic.twitter.com/nC7mzVYDP4 — Blanche NeverHo (@Black_Daria1) May 27, 2019 Just beautiful…. — Mandiweni Mushoriwa (@MandiweniM) May 24, 2019 She looks amazing!! — Shiz (@Shiz03613209) May 24, 2019 Wait, what. This is her outfit for the FO?! Warm up and all? Wow. — Aldrin Enrile (@banglababy) May 24, 2019 There should be a Serena line period. Nobody else — Dana Gregorich (@dana_gregorich) May 24, 2019 She looks fierce! Wow. — 102Titelhunger (@VolleyMePlease) May 25, 2019 The 37-year-old American survived a first-set scare before defeating Russia’s Vitalia Diatchenko 2-6, 6-1, 6-0 to reach the second round. But as she struggled to impose herself on her 83rd-ranked opponent, it looked like her dazzling choice of costume for the occasion might come back to haunt her. “It was just to remind everyone that they can be champions and are queens. So I love that about it,” she said of her 2019 dress and cape. “Yeah. It is a lot to carry, but so is being Serena Williams.” The American, who is attempting to equal Margaret Court’s all-time record of 24 Grand Slam titles, racked up her 800th career main draw win with her victory in front of a half-full Court Philippe Chatrier. After dropping the first set, she was in danger of suffering just the second opening round defeat of her Grand Slam tournament career. But normal service was quickly resumed as she racked up 12 of the last 13 games. “You know, I have been dealing with a lot, and then I just got nervous out there and I stopped moving my feet. “There were like concrete blocks on my feet. I was, like, ‘You gotta do something’. (With AFP Inputs) Source link

[makemoneyonlineprofit-blog]

55 Best Work From Home Jobs You Can Do (on the Side of Your Day Job)

https://120profit.com/?p=1112&utm_source=SocialAutoPoster&utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=Tumblr Searching for the best work from home jobs can be a pain.Whether you love your day job or can’t wait to quit, maybe you’ve been thinking about getting a work from home job on the side. But regardless of your long-term goal… the next logical question is naturally, what can you do?Which type of work from home jobs are right for me? Well, in order to answer that question, you need to start by examining what kinds of work from home opportunities are on the market today. Then, it’s time to decide if you should you leverage the skills you have, or jump into something fresh and new.These are all great questions to ask yourself when considering the jump to a work from home job. And I’m here to help guide you to the answers that are best for you.Specifically, I’ve wrangled up a list of my picks for the 55 best work from home jobs that you can get started on right now (today) and fit into your busy schedule even if you’re still working a full-time job and just want a little extra side income.Some of these work from home jobs require a bit of skill, experience, or credentials—while many of the other work from home jobs we’re covering here today demand no prior expertise at all. Take note of the gigs that catch your eye most, and that can give you insight into the types of work from home jobs you might be interested in.While many of the work from home jobs we’ll be covering today can be found on the major job board sites (which we’ll discuss below) or in your local Craigslist help wanted section, don’t underestimate the value of personally reaching out to a local business to pitch yourself and how you can use your skills or experience to help them.But for now, let’s dive into our list breaking down all of the best work from home jobs.To make this guide to finding the best work from home jobs easier to digest, I’ve broken them down into sections based on larger skill categories like writing and editing, virtual assistance, design, development, administration, sales, video editing, and otherwise.Please note that some of the links below are affiliate links and at no additional cost to you, I may earn a commission. Know that I only recommend products, tools, services and resources I’ve personally used and believe are genuinely helpful, not because of the small commissions I make if you decide to purchase them. Most of all, I would never advocate for buying something that you can’t afford or that you’re not yet ready to implement.Alright, now let’s get into the list of the best work from home jobs!Up first, the more writing-focused work from home jobs that’ll let you flex your creative muscle.Writing and Editing Work From Home JobsWhether you’re a wondrous wordsmith or editor extraordinaire, there are plenty of opportunities to work from the comfort of your own couch and the sound of your own keyboard. These work from home writing and editing jobs range from technical to creative, and beginner-friendly to expertise-required—let’s dig in.1. CopywritingIsn’t everything technically copywriting, you ask? Well, yes, good point. You should write an article about that.A work from home copywriting job is at the top of the list because you can flex your writing skills, differentiate yourself by becoming an expert in what you’re interested in, and constantly learn new things. Think about how much written word the worldwide web has to offer: every company’s landing page, descriptions of every product sold, articles about how to tie a sailor’s knot, think-pieces on why you should make your own cheese. You can be a part of that, and get paid for it too.For more actionable strategies on growing a copywriting practice, check out my friend Rob’s $5,000 Freelance Challenge here on the blog.2. GhostwritingFor a lot of people, writing doesn’t come naturally. They know what they want to say, but they’re not sure how to say it; they know what they’re trying to communicate with their brand, but they don’t know how to translate it to a powerful message. Even if someone is a pretty good writer, they may just not have the time and would rather delegate it to someone–like you!By ghostwriting, you won’t have your name attached to it (although you can usually still use it in your portfolio), but you’ll get to take on the personality of whomever you’re writing for and communicate their vision. As far as work from home jobs go, this one can be pretty sweet.3. Freelance JournalistBelieve it or not, a degree in journalism is no longer a requirement to be a journalist, especially doing it as a work from home job—get started by digging into my guide to starting a freelance business.If there’s a local story that has caught your eye, consider investigating it and working with a local news organization to publish it—compensation varies, from paying for the article to paying based on how much ad revenue it brings in. If you grew up on Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys and never quite let that detective dream go (Law and Order, anyone?) consider trying your hand at writing up news articles.And if you’re interested in more freelance writing-based opportunities, check out my list of the best freelance jobs where I dive much deeper into the specific websites that are best for freelancers… in particular Flexjobs, SolidGigs and Journalism Jobs.4. Starting Your Own BlogIf writing articles about what other people want you to write about sounds like a drag, what about writing about whatever the heck you want to write about? To put it simply, start your own blog.Blogging can be an incredible work from home job. With some effort and persistence, it can really rake in a serious return over time. Here are the essential steps of making blogging a work from home job for yourself:Learn how to start a blogChoose a domain name (through a hosting company like Bluehost) and build your blogMonetize your blog—usually through a combination of subscribers, sponsors and affiliate dealsSwan dive into a comically large pile of money (not really 😊)Jokes aside, choosing to build my blog (the website you’re reading this article on), was a decision that’s completely changed my life. I’ve created my own work from home job where I can now put in a relatively low amount of effort and still reliably earn anywhere from $7,000 – $20,000 in monthly side income regardless the amount of work I put in on a given month.More on how to build your blog and lay the foundation for future growth in my ultimate guide to starting a blog, and through my free in-depth course about growing your blog.Want my Free Course: How to Build a Blog in 7 Days?Enter your name and email below and you'll get instant access to my course that's been featured on Forbes, Business Insider and Entrepreneur.5. Writing ReviewsHere’s the thing: everyone wants to know what other people thought of a product or service before they buy in, but no one wants to take the time to write those reviews after they bought the thing or went to the place. Believe it or not, this is a work from home job opportunity for you.There are sites you can sign up on that will pay you for writing reviews—which vary from leaving reviews on other sites to taking a survey about a brand and reviewing their product—but either way, a work from home job writing reviews is an easy way to make a quick buck. A few sites that fall under this category are Swagbucks, Modern Mom, and Influence Central, but (as always) make sure to do your research and ensure that it’s worth your time.6. Writing Greeting CardsHave you ever been on the hunt for an awesome, unique card for someone special and just couldn’t find what you wanted? Or maybe you prefer blank cards because you know you write better than anything that’s on the cards in the store? Well, consider a work from home job writing greeting cards!Blue Mountain Arts is always looking for writers that can dazzle them with original content. This is more than your average “you’re the light of my eye and every wish come true” drivel – this is creative, unique, clever, heartfelt, meaningful writing. If you can pull it off, you’ll get $300 for your efforts.7. Editing and ProofreadingIf mistakes make you unable to enjoy what you’re reading, and misplaced apostrophes drive you crazy, editing or proofreading is the perfect work from home job for you. Get paid to make all the grammar gaffs of the world disappear!This mostly requires a keen eye, and while a related degree helps, building up a portfolio will help you prove yourself just the same. Try the major job boards for any basic editing or proofreading gigs to get started.8. Edit Academic EssaysThis editing work is a little more specialized, and will require some more specific knowledge of academic writing rules – make yourself an expert in MLA, APA, or Chicago and you’ll find yourself in the perfect niche to rescue desperate college students. A work from home job editing academic essays is the perfect gig, because there is a never-ending market of customers.Additionally: if you have an academic background above undergrad, target grad students. After looking over their thesis or dissertation for the 800th time, they will pay big money to hand it over to you.9. Edit College Admission EssaysHave you ever met a parent dying to get their amazing, unique, totally special child into their dream college? How much do you think they’ll pay you to increase that kid’s chances?Applying for college is stressful to the max these days, and parents will gladly pay you to look over their child’s essay and edit it to be perfect. If you have any sort of background working in college admissions, this is an amazing work from home job for you, but even if you don’t it’s not that hard to brush up on what colleges are looking for.10. Enter Naming/Slogan Contests“Ah, Coffee House,” you think, as you walk by a café. “How original. I could come up with a better name than that.”Well, you should!Tons of entrepreneurs and business owners need a little creative help with the naming and slogan-creating process. They have the idea, but they need someone to come up with the perfect name or tagline to capture what they have in mind. Check out the big job boards for postings, but also pay a visit to name or slogan contest-specific websites, like Naming Force or Slogan Slinger. As work from home jobs go, this one is pretty fun and creatively rewarding.Work From Home Jobs in Developing or CodingThe internet—it’s as much a part of our daily lives as eating, breathing, and hitting the snooze button in the morning. You could be one of the many people working from home to make the stuff on the web come to life.11. Web DevelopmentIf you have any sort of web development skills, you have to know that you’re in high-demand – maybe you’re already working a job that incorporates those skills, or you’re trying to get your first big-time web developer position. Why not take a look at all the work from home jobs using those skills?Additionally, if you feel like your skills aren’t quite up to snuff, you can take online classes and take simpler jobs to supplement your income and also build your portfolio. Win-win!12. App DevelopmentHow many apps do you have on your phone right now? My guess is a lot. An app to see when the bus is coming, to see what the weather is like, to see what your Aunt Brenda has been up to. Why not look into a work from home job developing those apps?This has two areas you could go into: coming up with the actual business idea or writing the code itself (or both if you’re a high achiever like that). If your idea is good, you stand a chance at making a lot of money.13. Software DeveloperIf you’ve ever stopped to think about how much software is in our day-to-day lives, it’s kind of mind-blowing. If you’ve ever stopped to think about a work from home job creating that software, I have good news for you: that’s a great way to make money online.If you now how to build software, you can work for anyone from a small startup to a huge corporation, usually with lots of freedom and on your own hours to boot, making it the perfect work from home opportunity.Work From Home Jobs That Take Creative AbilityWhether you have an eye for design, you’re good with your hands, or you can combine technical knowledge with either one, there are a lot of work from home jobs where you can put those creative skills to good use.14. Web DesignDoing web design can be a fulfilling and fun work from home job for anyone who is both creative and technically minded – there is no rule saying you can’t be both! Anyone who has been on a website that is so horribly designed it’s essentially unusable (I feel like that applied to a lot of sites in the early 2000’s) knows how important a web designer is, and as content saturates the internet, websites with good design stand out above the crowd. By working from home, you can work on your own time and take on any clients you want.15. Graphic DesignFor anyone with a good eye for color and design, a work from home job as a graphic designer can hit all the right notes – freedom, comfort, and creativity (and, you know, paying rent). The possibilities run in a lot of directions: you can sell your own original prints on Etsy or other marketplace platforms, you can pick up freelance jobs on major freelance sites, and you can even approach startups and small business owners to see if they need design help. Plus as an added bonus, you may even pick up a piece or two of business advice along the way.16. PhotographyI know what you’re thinking, don’t you have to leave the house to make money as a photographer? Therefore, making this incorrect?My answer is absolutely not, I would never lie to you like that.There are, in fact, lots of ways you can make money with a work from home job as a photographer (but don’t let me stop you from leaving the house if you want to). Creative product photo shoots, interior design photography, portrait photography, even food photography can be done from the comfort of your own home – or if you do feel like getting out of the house, family and wedding photography really rakes in the cash. So sit your butt down on that couch and start making that portfolio.17. Sell Your CraftsHandmade gifts and crafts are really having a moment, and you should get in on it! Whether it’s knitted pants, hammered copper luggage tags, or lamps made from birch trees (I just made all those up but they’re probably a thing), you’ll likely find a market for it. Work from home jobs don’t have to mean always sitting at your computer – try sitting in front of your knitting needles instead.Word to the wise, though, keep track of how many hours it takes you to make each item and how much you’re spending on supplies to ensure that you’re making a profit.18. Design T-shirtsDesigning t-shirts takes a special blend of design, creativity, originality, and trend knowledge. The best t-shirt designs will not only look good, but let the wearer declare something about themselves for the world to see – if you’re up to the challenge, this can be one of the best work from home jobs there is. Once you design it, as long as people keep buying it, you keep making money without having to do any more work. Shops like Redbubble will allow you to get your design printed on just about anything, while Teespring focuses just on t-shirts.Work From Home Jobs In Marketing, Virtual Assistance and SalesWhether you start your own or help someone with theirs, you’ll find plenty of work from home job opportunities with some business know-how.19. Online T-shirt BusinessInstead of submitting designs to websites who will sell them for a cut of your profits, try getting in on the production as a business you can start on the side of your day job. This is the type of work from home job that will take quite a bit of work upfront, but can be very rewarding down the line. You can set up a print shop in a spare room of your house to start, sell on Etsy or local shows, and grow it from there.20. Marketing ConsultantYou know what sells and you have a passion for helping others reach their business dreams – being a marketing consultant could be right up your alley (especially if you have a knack for driving traffic to a website). Consulting is one of the best kinds of work from home jobs, as you can create whatever schedule you want for yourself and take on as many or as few clients as you can handle.To get started, try reaching out to local businesses that you feel could be doing a better job marketing, whether it’s getting started on the right platforms, improving their copy, or doing outreach.21. Social Media ManagerSpeaking of things that businesses are in dire need of, managing social media accounts can be a great work from home job. All the content is online anyway, and if you know what type of strategy the business should be using, you can help them avoid alienating their young audience by trying too hard to relate, for example.22. Virtual AssistantFind a busy businessperson who wishes they had about three different clones of themselves to get all their work done, and you’ve found yourself an amazing work from home job. Virtual assistants can do everything from answer phone calls, to schedule appointments, respond to emails and send cold emails on behalf of your client. You can help them out from the comfort of your home and get paid for (usually) fairly simple work. Not a bad gig!23. SEO ConsultantSearch engine optimization: the oxygen of every website on the internet. Optimizing a site for search engines can make or break a business, as everyone uses the internet to find just about everything these days. Work from home jobs helping businesses navigate these new waters are in high supply, so brush up on your SEO knowledge and start putting yourself out there. These days, knowing about search engine optimization is the golden ticket, and small businesses are usually in dire need of understanding how they can rank higher in Google’s search results.24. Remote SalesA work from home job in sales can be the perfect job, but only for the right kind of person. There are two options here: either get hired by a company to sell for a set amount per hour, which is a steady guarantee of income, or get hired as a commission-only salesperson, which has the potential to make it big... as long as you're using the right CRM, that is.If you work based on commission, setting your hours can be great, but keep track of how much you end up earning to see if it’s really worth your time (making a hundred bucks is great, but not if it took twenty hours to make it). To get started, try looking for startups that are working on expanding and converting customers.25. Customer ServiceNo matter how good those little chat bots get that pop up when you visit a website, at the end of the day, companies will always need human customer service. However, what they don’t need is an office full of workers – a lot of companies are happy to contract work from home customer service freelancers to do the same work out of the office environment. You can check out the big job boards, join an agency, or even try to market yourself on your own.26. Project ManagementGet involved with a business or company from the logistics side with a work from home job as a project manager – if you’re organized and have a knack for keeping people and their projects on track, this could be the perfect opportunity for you. Again, you can check the big job boards, but you might have better luck reaching out to local businesses or startups that are in major growth mode and could use your help.27. Data EntryThis work from home job is great, because it doesn’t take a lot of skill other than being mildly perfectionist and a quick typist. This is a common job for companies to outsource, but fair warning: the pay is not always very high. To make sure you’re getting paid fairly for your time, try looking for companies that are only looking for workers based in the U.S., or join a U.S.-based agency.28. Data AnalysisBut what does it mean? Companies often collect a lot of data, but if they can’t decipher it, it’s totally useless – and that’s where you come in. This does require some expertise, but if you’re good with numbers, look into taking a class or getting a certificate that you can show to prove your skills. Also, once you get some experience under your belt and build up a portfolio, you’ll find plenty of companies on job boards like Upwork and Freelancer that would love you to take their business to the next level.Work From Home Jobs In Audio and VideoGot a camera, microphone or editing skills? Put them to use!29. Create Video ContentIf you’ve browsed Facebook for more than two seconds, you know that text content is out and video content is in – and that’s only a slight exaggeration. People love everything from recipe videos to cute animals to pimple popping (apparently), and even news outlets are producing short, subtitled videos.Get in on this content train by working from home producing videos! You could product your own recipe videos, for example, with simple kitchen tools and an eye for an aesthetically pleasing setup.30. Video EditorVery few people who make videos enjoy editing them – and if you know how, this is an ideal work from home job. Learning how to edit videos is the perfect behind-the-scenes skill, because the people recording content want to spend more time recording more content, not cutting down the raw footage and editing it into a high-quality video. All it takes is some software and some practice!31. Teach an Online CourseTeaching others can be rewarding and fun, but a bit limited when you have to be in person, in a classroom. But what if you had something you taught and recorded just once, and people all over the world could pay to watch it anywhere, any time? This makes the list of amazing work from home jobs because this is the kind of project that requires mostly an upfront commitment to producing good content, and then makes the money for you over time.32. Start a YouTube ChannelThe YouTube channel market is a bit saturated these days, but that just means that people are looking for better, and more specialized content. If you have a specific set of skills or knowledge, consider leveraging that into a YouTube channel – you’ll make some money from ads, but the big money comes in from sponsorships, so focus on providing value and growing your subscriber list.33. Start a PodcastGot something to say that you think people will want to hear? Try a work from home job producing a podcast! For me, I found that people wanted to hear about how to turn their side hustle into a profitable, full-time business. I’ve done that, and so have a lot of other people. I decided to start a podcast interviewing these people and talking to them about their side hustle, and called it The Side Hustle Project. If you have a hobby you’re passionate about, or a subject you know a lot about, start telling people about it.34. Voice ActingForget having a face for radio, you might have the voice for it! If you have a clear voice, unaccented, and easy to understand, you have the perfect skill for voice acting. Authors of the best business books and even companies need voice actors for all sorts of things, from audiobooks to training videos—if that sounds fun, this could be the perfect work from home job for you.Work From Home Jobs in Professional ServicesDo you know stuff? Teach other people that stuff, or use that stuff you know to do stuff for other people. Simple. There are tons of work from home job opportunities putting those skills to use.35. Online CoachThink big on this one: what are you passionate about? What can you help people with? Instead of starting a channel or teaching a course, try doing one-on-one coaching. As long as you know exactly how you can help someone, and you set up a measurable plan together of how you can help them improve, this could be a really fun and rewarding work from home job.36. Online College CounselorIf you have any knowledge about how to “hack” college – admissions, financial aid, or extracurriculars – this could be the perfect work from home job for you. Instead of working for a school, you could offer your services online and fill in high school students (and their parents) on what they should be doing to get into their dream program.37. Accounting or BookkeepingI guarantee that upwards of 80% of entrepreneurs and small business owners have no idea how to do their own accounting, and have no interest in learning. That’s where you come in! Many companies now make that job available to people like you to do from the comfort of your couch. If you have a certificate or degree related to accounting, this could be the perfect work from home job opportunity for you.38. Tax PreparationThis is obviously more of a seasonal work from home job, as you can count on having basically no social life from February until April. However, you can also try and get some bigger clients that file quarterly so you have more work year-round. This is the perfect work from home job if you have the know-how, because your skills are in incredibly high demand from all the people who don’t.39. Online NotaryThis is definitely one of the easiest work from home jobs you can do once you have all your paperwork in order. People need notary publics for all kinds of important legal documents, for everything from estates to business agreements. Check out what it takes to become a notary public, and offer your services online!40. Online Personal TrainerGet paid to be at home and encourage other people to work out and be healthy – if you’re a closet gym rat and know a bit about personal training, this could be the perfect work from home job for you. While many personal trainers freelance at specific gyms, working from home and offering online personal training can be the perfect solution for anyone who doesn’t have easy access to a gym, an easy schedule, or wants specialized training.41. TranslatorIf you speak another language, this is one of the best and most profitable skills you can have. As the world gets smaller and we seek to understand each other better, you can have a work from home job facilitating that understanding.Work From Home Jobs For Your Inner EntrepreneurEasier said than done, but if you’ve been harboring entrepreneurial dreams, try looking into how feasible they are to achieve working from home.42. Launch up a StartupThis one can appear deceptively easy—vague enough to seem easy to jump into, but as any entrepreneur will tell you, takes a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. However, you can actually get a start on that idea you’ve always wanted to make into a reality working from home – do research, validate your idea, and get in contact with people who can make it happen. What have you been dreaming about?43. Start an eCommerce BusinessSimilar to the above, setting up a business selling things is not easy, but a great work from home job. As an example, my best friend and I ran a phone case business that started as a work from home side hustle, and grew into a full-time company. We sold our phone cases on Etsy initially, but you can sell your eCommerce product everywhere from Amazon Handmade to trade shows, depending on what it is. If you want to know more about starting a phone case business, check out my tips here.Work From Home Jobs Related to Flipping (Buying and Selling)Think you have a good eye for value – and more importantly, when someone is undervaluing something? Try buying and re-selling for profit. It’s risky but the payoff can be huge.44. Buy and Sell Domain NamesWhile the bigger, more obvious ones are already taken, buying domains can still payoff big if you have a keen eye for future trends. This is the perfect work from home job because it takes research, patience, and will never make you enough money to become your full-time job, but can payoff in smaller amounts.45. Buy and Sell Entire WebsitesThis is kind of like virtual house-flipping - you’re trying to find that perfect diamond-in-the-rough website that is being under-utilized and could make some big money if revamped. This takes a keen eye and knowledge of what makes money on the internet in the current landscape. Websites are bought and sold all the time, but of course not all of them succeed, so proceed with caution.46. Sell Your Own StuffFrom books to clothes to collectibles, you could be sitting on a windfall in your very own home. It’s kind of a human tendency to be a bit of a hoarder, holding on to things we think we’ll use, we thought we’d like, or that we can’t be bothered to give away. But what if it was your job?Consider a work from home job selling your old junk. It’s like getting paid to do spring cleaning! Do some research to find out what you have that might be worth some money, take nice photos, and put them up for sale on an appropriate marketplace (got some weird tiny sunglasses an Instagram influencer would die for? Try Depop).47. Buy and Re-Sell Other People's StuffBut what about when you run out of stuff?Get more stuff!In all seriousness, learning how to find gems at thrift stores and garage sales can be an adventure in and of themselves (although it does mean you actually have to leave the house, sorry), or you can hunt around on eBay. Either way, working from home to buy and re-sell can be a pretty fun way to make some extra cash.Work From Home Jobs in Coaching, Teaching and AdvisingThink you need a teaching degree to teach anyone anything? Think again.48. Teach Music OnlineIf you only knew how many people regret quitting learning a musical instrument when they were kids. There are just as many adults wanting to re-learn an instrument as there are parents trying to get their kid to learn – you can teach them both! This has to be one of the best work from home jobs, because you get to do something you love, get paid top dollar for it, and not really have to leave your couch.49. Teach English OnlineI’m assuming if you made it down here you speak English, so why not work from home teaching other people? People all over the world are looking to learn English, and the best way to teach them is online. You can get an ESL (English as a Second Language) teaching certificate you can be a little more official and charge more money, or you can find people who are interested in conversing just to practice.50. Online Dating ConsultantDating doesn’t come easy for a lot of people, and in the age of swiping, ghosting, and FOMO, people need more help than ever. Maybe you have special insight into relationships, maybe you just understand people really well – have you thought about a work from home job helping people date better? You could help people with how to write their profile, what to say, or skip the online dating altogether and play matchmaker – you never know, maybe Will Smith will end up playing you in a movie.51. Travel ConsultantFriends’ jaws drop when they hear where you’re going next, how little you paid for your flight, and what an awesome trip you have planned. Why not plan some of those trips for other people? If this work from home job planning fun trips isn't motivation to whip out your laptop and explore, then I don't know what is.Working from home as a travel consultant is as easy as hunting for flight deals, getting known for being on top of the best promotions and coolest places to go, and convincing people to throw you some cash to put it all together for them.Work From Home Jobs With No Experience NecessaryYou may be reading some of this and thinking, I don’t have the capital to invest in buying and re-selling, or the knowledge and skills required to teach something like a musical instrument. Luckily, there are plenty of work from home jobs that require no experience at all!52. TranscribingTranscribing makes the list of best work from home jobs because of the lack of experience required to get started. Have ears? Can type? You can work from home doing transcriptions.Everyone from journalists to lawyers have audio that they need transcribed and don’t have time to do it themselves. This is where you come in! No experience required. However, if you have any sort of technical background, like medical or legal, you can get paid even more. For this, I recommend going straight to a transcribing agency instead of checking the major job boards, as they will pay typically $15 to $25 an hour.53. Clean Up the WebBelieve it or not, as automated as the internet has become, there are still humans hard at work making it all happen. One of the areas where our robot overlords still need our help is in search engines. If you’ve ever been on google and got results that baffled you, this is where search engine cleaner uppers come in.Aside from search engines, websites will often pay to see how they need to improve their site for visitors, and social media applications will also pay for statistics on usage. Companies like Appen and The Smart Crowd post work from home jobs to clean up the web all the time, so check them out.54. Micro JobsMicro-jobs are basically small, quick, and very random jobs posted by people all over the world. When someone needs a lot of tasks done that are fairly simple, they will post it to Amazon Mechanical Turk, who will pay participants a small sum of money to complete the task – usually from a nickel to a quarter.But – this one comes with a huge but – as work from home jobs go, just do this one for a bit of extra cash. It’s not really recommended to try and make a lot of money or invest a ton of time into. For people living in the US, the cost of living is usually so high that your time is worth more than Mechanical Turk pays. It still makes the list because it’s very easy to get started on and do, but as with all the suggestions on this list, do your research.55. Test WebsitesHave you ever visited a website and thought “NOPE” in the first two seconds and clicked the back button? I bet you formed a lot of thoughts and impressions about that website in the two seconds you were on there – like the layout and design was terrible, or the navigation bar was impossible to use.What if I told you there were work from home jobs that pay you to tell all those thoughts to the owner of the website? Check out services like User Testing, Userlytics, and TryMyUI to get started.56. Take Online SurveysThis makes the end of the list on best work from home jobs because taking surveys online are a pretty painless and quick task – they just aren’t great for making tons of money or doing anything all that interesting. Check out sites like Survey Junkie and Swagbucks, but if you want to make more than some small spending money, check out the rest of the list.57. What'd I Miss?What other work from home jobs have you done that you enjoyed?What did I miss? Share your work from home job ideas in the comments with us below.And for those of you who are fans of Pinterest, here's an image I'd be eternally grateful if you'd share 🙏(function() { var _fbq = window._fbq || (window._fbq = []); if (!_fbq.loaded) { var fbds = document.createElement('script'); fbds.async = true; fbds.src = "http://connect.facebook.net/en_US/fbds.js"; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(fbds, s); _fbq.loaded = true; } _fbq.push(['addPixelId', '828188630572953']); })(); window._fbq = window._fbq || []; window._fbq.push(['track', 'PixelInitialized', {}]); 120profit.com - https://120profit.com/?p=1112&utm_source=SocialAutoPoster&utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=Tumblr

[kimjauhiainen]

The Burbs (1989)

(Once again republishing my old writings. This time a review of one of my favorite films of all time. Originally published at thesupernaughts.com on Sep 8, 2016)

The Burbs (1989) Director: Joe Dante Writer: Dana Olsen

“Remember what you were saying about people in the ‘burbs, Art, people like Skip, people who mow their lawn for the 800th time, and then SNAP? WELL, THAT’S US. IT’S NOT THEM, THAT’S US. WE’RE the ones who are vaulting over the fences, and peeking in through people’s windows. We’re the ones who are THROWING GARBAGE IN THE STREET, AND LIGHTING FIRES. WE’RE THE ONES WHO ARE ACTING SUSPICIOUS AND PARANOID, ART. WE’RE THE LUNATICS. US. IT’S NOT THEM. It’s us.”

I have been ruminating a long time about which film I’d be making a retro-review next; there are simply so goddamn MANY to choose from!

Then, earlier this week I ended up watching Joe Dante‘s latest film – “Burying the Ex” from 2014 – and I was kinda dumbstruck of how little of Dante’s personality there was left in that one. I mean – aside from some nods to old classic horror movies and cult films and a Dick Miller-cameo, there was NONE of the visual flair I’ve come to associate with a film directed by Joe Dante. None. I was actually pretty shocked by this. I mean – it’s no secret that Dante has worked VERY sparsely in the 21st century; in fact the list of projects he has tried to get made but have fallen apart in the course of the last 16 years is probably as long as his filmography. If not even longer.

So with that in mind I thought “well, isn’t this the perfect time to blow off some dust from over what I believe is the man’s best movie?” Because I sincerely believe it IS. I’ll give my reasons why I believe so later on. First – let’s look at just how “The ‘burbs” came to be, and how it ended up in the hands of Dante in the first place.

“The ‘burbs” began it’s life as a script called “Life in the ‘Burbs“. Screenwriter Dana Olsen based a lot of it on his childhood experiences of living in a suburb not that different what ended up in the film itself; in fact the story of “Skip the Soda Guy” that the character Art tells in the film is very loosely based on a real story about an axe murder in the 30’s, which was still being passed on from generation to generation to the kids in Olsen’s neighborhood. And his neighborhood had “it’s share of psychos” as he says – the essence of some of them ended up in the script – and as he said “As a kid, it was fascinating to think that Mr. Flanagan down the street could turn out to be Jack the Ripper.” So Olsen wrote the script on spec and passed it around, and very quickly it got the interest of Imagine Entertainment – a fairly new company started by Brian Grazer and Ron Howard in 1986. And due to it’s combination of comedy and horror, Grazer thought the the perfect man to direct this would be Joe Dante.

And Dante responded very strongly to the script, as it presented great opportunities for him to use some of his very specific skills as a director; inserting outrageous elements into a realistic environment; much like in “Gremlins” where a peaceful little postcard town suddenly gets overrun by raving supernatural creatures. But “The ‘burbs” was an opportunity to make a more grounded story. Tom Hanks – who was at the time slowly moving away from his more plainly comedic roles into more serious character parts – was pretty much the only choice Dante and the producers had as Ray Peterson, the everyman lead. And Hanks was quickly drawn in as well, after some hesitation about playing a father for the first time on screen. The rest of the cast soon followed; Carrie Fisher, Bruce Dern, Rick DuCommun, Corey Feldman, Wendy Schaal, Henry Gibson as well as Dante’s regular stock company Robert Picardo and Dick Miller. The filming took place mostly in the Universal backlot street-set, which had previously been featured in many movies and TV-shows; in fact, the home of Ricky Butler(Corey Feldman) was the Munster Mansion from “The Munsters” – and the whole street would later be very prominently featured as Wisteria Lane in “Desperate Housewives“.

So, a short recap of the story of “The ‘burbs” in case someone is unfamiliar with the film:

Mayfield Place, a street in a fictional suburb of Hinkley Hills; Ray Peterson, a somewhat tight-wound father and suburbanite, wakes up in the middle of the night to strange noises. They come from the basement of his next door house, recently occupied by a family called the Klopeks. Along with the noises of some ungodly equipment, we also see unnaturally bright lights emerge from the basement windows. Something’s fishy in the neighborhood. We meet the various other neighbors on the street: Ray’s wife Carol(Carrie Fisher) and son Dave(Cory Danziger), Art Weingartner(Rick Ducommun) – a paranoid summer-widower, Lt. Mark Rumsfield(Bruce Dern) – a shady retired military man and his slightly ditzy wife Bonnie(Wendy Schaal), Ricky Butler – a metal-head teenager who’s charged with painting the house while his parents are apparently away for the summer and Walter Seznick(Gale Gordon) – an older gentleman who keeps his lawn in pristine condition while letting his dog take a crap on Rumsfield’s.

After Walter suddenly disappears, Ray – who is on vacation and massively bored – gets further and further entangled into Art’s and Rumsfield’s crazy conspiracy theory that the Klopeks; Werner(Henry Gibson), Hans(Courtney Gains) and Reuben(Brother Theodore) are in fact a family of serial killers moving from town to town. As the mass hysteria builds, the trio of “heroes” try to get to the bottom of the bizarre family’ life – and in their house – by any means necessary. And to find the body of the missing Walter. MUCH chaos ensues…

Now to get back to my initial claim on WHY “The ‘burbs” is Joe Dante’s best film I felt that it would be best to address it with a small list of points:

CLEVER SCRIPT, BALANCED DIRECTING

This is a big one. What comes fairly obvious when looking at Dante’s filmography is that he is a filmmaker who is clearly wearing his cinematic influences in his sleeve; at times he can go into this “throw in everything AND the kitchen sink too“-mode, which is probably the most evident in “Gremlins 2: the New Batch” and “Matinee“. I’m not saying those are bad films, not at all – they just feel slightly uneven when more dramatic scenes get outweighed by chaotic Looney Tunes-like set pieces. “The ‘burbs” is probably the most grounded of all the movies he has made. There is no science fiction. There is no supernatural horror(except in a few dream sequences). The protagonists are human – the antagonists are human. Although the brilliance of the script is that the line between who REALLY is the protagonist/antagonist is very thin – right up until the end of the final act. It’s actually a very clever story point: you can very well say that Ray, Art and Rumsfield are for the most part the villains of the movie, as they show some very clear nearly-psychopathic tendencies as they become more and more obsessed with these “weirdos” that have invaded their neighborhood. In a very clever way writer Olsen and Dante show just how evil humans can get and how easily they can turn on each other. I think that can all be transferred very easily into what’s going on in real life even as we speak, as almost every day the newsfeeds are filled with more and more news of man turning against the fellow man.

And Dante shows extraordinary restraint in his direction here as well. Sure, there are occasions where he goes into his more cartoony mode, but most of the time the story is told in very simple ways, like very long, sweeping camera shots going around the set and cover multiple characters doing their thing. I’d say Dante is paying a lot of homage to Hitchcock’s “Rear Window” in the way the neighborhood is constantly shown to go on with it’s life in the background of all this madness. And when it’s time to go crazy, Dante does not linger with his visual gags; for example in a scene where Art falls through the roof of a garden shed, you can see that he has left a human-shaped hole in the roof. THAT’S the Looney Tunes-Dante, but he does not linger on it; it’s there to be seen but it does not stay and wait for a studio-audience laughter. The same goes for a scene where Ray has momentarily given up on the conspiracy theory and just tries to relax on his yard and have a few beers. There’s a very long sequence where Ray and Art are speaking in the foreground and at the same time we can see Walter’s dog digging for something in the background…and the scene goes on for a LONG time until we are finally revealed that the dog has dug up a human femur bone. And only THEN does Dante go for broke again, as the camera starts snap-zooming while the characters scream in horror.

Like I said: balanced.

BRILLIANT CASTING

As said before, Tom Hanks was kinda moving away from the wacky comedy parts at this point. Which was definitely a good thing: I personally think that in his comedy performances of the early/mid-80’s  he was very quickly starting to repeat himself. I’ll give an example: I re-watched “Bachelor Party” a few years ago and; while it was quite fun to watch as a teenager, I think the “likeable manchild”-character that Hanks played in that one, as well as in most of his other movies of that era was ABSOLUTELY ANNOYING. So the character of Ray, who really is the plain everyman, is – and was – such a welcome departure. Sure, the character becomes more and more crazy during the course of the movie, but never over the top – and still remains very relate-able. The “over the top” is reserved for the two true MVP’s of the picture: Bruce Dern and Rick Ducommun.

Dern, who had already at this point had a long career playing dramatic parts and villains in more westerns than there’s time to list here, shows some unbelievable skills at comedy: both verbal and moreso, physical. Rumsfield(obviously an not-so-subtle homage to Donald Rumsfeld) basically treats the whole thing as a military operation, and has access to some pretty sophisticated surveillance equipment as well as weapons(there’s a small hint in the movie that he is in fact a weapons-dealer, and Olsen confirms this in his commentary), but he is also a clumsy idiot, and completely devoid of any real social skills. Meanwhile, Ducommun’s Art is just a stir-crazy conspiracy theorist who very clearly is watching too many sensationalist news-reports on TV. He is a guy you do NOT want to invite to your home, because you will never get rid of him after that. It’s almost impossible to decide who ends up stealing the movie: Dern or Ducommun – so I’ll just say both.

The Klopeks were without a doubt cast with physical attributes in mind, but the actors bring a lot to the table; be it Henry Gibson‘s sort of calm benevolence with some darkness appearing under the seams to Brother Theodore‘s blatant outrageousness to Courtney Gains‘ mostly non-verbal presence. Carrie Fisher probably has the most difficult part in the movie as the sole voice of reason, but her very clear chemistry with Hanks speaks volumes. Corey Feldman has probably the most one-dimensional part in the movie as the cliched “airhead loudmouth teenager“- it’s pretty much “Mouth” from “Goonies” a little bit older – but in a way he’s also representing the audience as he demonstrates that he doesn’t have to watch TV or go to the movies when all the excitement and action is right there outside his porch. The Dante-regulars Robert Picardo and Dick Miller have a very amusing walk-in as two garbage men – as a matter of fact, their short scene almost makes one wish they had made a sitcom of these two characters.

THE SCORE

I think I’ve said this before on an article about film scores; I think Jerry Goldsmith found a perfect cinematic partner in Joe Dante. The score he made for “The ‘burbs” gives him an exceptionally wide range of styles to play with: you have your mystery music to represent the Klopeks, you have your “happy neighborhood” music to represent the suburbian life, you have your dramatic music to represent the family tension as Ray gets deeper into his obsession, you have horror music for a nightmare satanic sacrificial sequence, you have the theme from “Patton” whenever Rumsfield is featured, and you have the sort of Looney Tunes-music when Art does something crazy. It really is chaotic masterpiece of film scoring and I can imagine the late composer just laughing like a schoolboy when he was writing this stuff.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uies0Y-jjH0

CONCLUSION:

So, that’s why I feel this movie is Dante’s finest work. But don’t take my word for it; check it out yourself. There is a wonderful UK special edition Blu-Ray by Arrow Films out there, which includes a few alternate endings (the ending of the movie was apparently a bit of a problem for the filmmakers, as the original was too dark. And they filmed several versions until ending up with the one that is in it now. And after seeing the alternatives, I think they made the right call) as well as a Workprint version of the movie that has a few added scenes, some alternate scenes and a temporary music score which features a huge amount of spaghetti western-music – including the one track that’s actually left in the film, which can be heard when Hans Klopek makes his first appearance.

I’m not sure if Shout! Factory is planning a US release of this, but there’s a bare-bones Blu-Ray release out there as well. Just a friendly hint to any of you who might’ve missed this movie until now.

It really hasn’t aged at all, it’s a perfect mix of thriller and comedy, with some very clever satire on the ingrown living habitats and their effect on people – and it has something very poignant to say about the human nature even now.

Of course, the theatrical trailer at the time was just trying to sell it as another zany Tom Hanks-comedy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3lfkZTwN00

[elizabethcariasa]

Houston, we have a tax filing deadline problem

"If anyone from the, uh, from the IRS is watching, I…forgot to file my, my, my 1040 return. Um, I meant to do it today, but…."

That tax oversight admission was made on April 11, 1970, by National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) astronaut and Apollo 13 command module pilot John "Jack" Swigert.

Bill Paxton as Fred Haise, Tom Hanks as Jim Lovell and Kevin Lovell as Jack Swigert in a pivotal scene from the 1995 Universal Pictures film "Apollo 13." (Image courtesy IMBD.com)

By now, everyone knows, either because they're fans of NASA (like me!) or the popular Ron Howard/Tom Hanks movie (me, too!) about that ill-fated space flight, that an unfiled federal tax return was the least of the crew's problems.

But for one brief moment before Swigert and his crewmates Jim Lovell and Fred Haise struggled to return safely to Earth after a potentially deadly hydrogen tank accident, a Form 1040 that was due in just a few days was Swigert's biggest problem.

Preflight filing oversight: The usually calm astronaut reportedly was in a mild panic during his second day in space when he realized he hadn't filed his taxes before launch. Of course, he hadn't been expecting to be on Apollo 13, which was supposed to be the United States' third manned moon landing.

Instead, Swigert was the mission's backup command module pilot. He replaced original crew member Ken Mattingly just 48 hours before the launch after Mattingly was unwittingly exposed to the rubella. Since Mattingly had no immunity to the measles, NASA doctors yanked him from the mission.

"How do I apply for an extension?" Swigert asked on April 12 from 200,000 miles above the planet. Mission control erupted in laughter.

"Things kinda happened real fast down there and I need an extension. I'm really serious!" Swigert insisted. "Would you turn it in?" he asked Mission Control in Houston.

Flight Director Glynn Lunney calmed Swigert by explaining that American citizens out of the country get a 60-day extension on filing. "I assume this applies," Lunney deadpanned.

Added tax time for special situations: Lunney apparently was talking about a tax provision that allows taxpayers who are out of the country to request a discretionary two-month additional extension of time to file their returns.

This extension, however, is tacked onto the regular six-month extension granted when people file Form 4868 to get a filing extension. That would give such filers as late as Dec. 15 to get their returns into the IRS.

And there is a later filing deadline of June 15 for U.S. taxpayers who reside abroad. In addition to giving those foreign-based eligible taxpayers more time, it also applies to members of the military or naval service on duty outside the United States and Puerto Rico.

Since Swigert's official tax residence wasn't in space, or even on the moon if the mission had gone as planned, he technically wouldn't have qualified for the later tax filing deadline as a taxpayer abroad.

And while he had been in the Air Force, his last year of service (as an Air National Guard member) was in 1965, so he wouldn't have qualified for that extension either.

But, hey, I appreciate Lunney and the NASA ground crew doing whatever it took to put Swigert's mind at ease about his taxes and get him to focus on the mission at hand. And I'm especially impressed with Lunney's quick tax response.

Houston, we have a tax problem: Of course, Swigert, Lovell and Haise soon had to deal with literal life-and-death matters that put unfiled taxes in perspective.

Two days after liftoff, on the April 13 that fell 48 years ago today, ground controllers received a low-pressure warning signal on a hydrogen tank in orbiting portion of the spacecraft, the Odyssey.

An attempt at a routine fix was anything but routine. Oxygen pressure fell in the module and power disappeared. That's when Swigert uttered the famous, "Houston, we've had a problem" message.

Yes, those were Swigert's words, not Lovell's. The movie version took dramatic license, revising the phrase to "Houston, we have a problem" and giving it to Tom Hanks, who played the mission commander in "Apollo 13."

Thankfully, the trio proved they had the right stuff and brought the module back to Earth safely on April 17.

Trailer for the movie "The Right Stuff," the story of the original Mercury 7 astronauts and their macho approach to the space program.

And, although it's not documented in NASA records, I presume Swigert, who passed away on Dec. 27, 1982, filed his taxes without further incident.

Extension to file procedure: If you, a regular taxpayer here on terra firma who hasn't yet filed your 2017 tax return and know you won't get the job done by the April 17 filing deadline (this year) next Tuesday, it's time to do what Swigert didn't before his launch in 1970.

File for an extension by submitting Form 4868 by the Tax Day deadline.

You have a variety of ways to do this. You can:

download, complete the form and then snail mail it. Just make sure you get to a U.S. Post Office in time to have it postmarked April 17,

fill out Form 4868 as a fillable form via the IRS' Free File page and then submit it electronically,

e-file the extension request, either by using tax software that you bought or use via Free File,

have your tax pro file the extension electronically, or

use an electronic payment option to pay any tax you owe.

Note that final option, specifically the "pay any tax you owe" phrase.

An extension to file — repeat with me for the 800th gazillion time — is just that. An extension to file your forms.

You still must pay any due tax with that extension request. But that's still a better choice for many of the almost 10 million taxpayers who every year get an added six months to file rather than frantically filling out a tax return and perhaps making hurried and costly mistakes.

You also might find these items of interest:

Star scientists prefer low-tax states

Amazon.com chief's tax rocket crashes

ISS astronauts celebrate a traditional Thanksgiving

Advertisement

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[christophergill8]

Houston, we have a tax filing deadline problem

"If anyone from the, uh, from the IRS is watching, I…forgot to file my, my, my 1040 return. Um, I meant to do it today, but…."

That tax oversight admission was made on April 11, 1970, by National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) astronaut and Apollo 13 command module pilot John "Jack" Swigert.

Bill Paxton as Fred Haise, Tom Hanks as Jim Lovell and Kevin Lovell as Jack Swigert in a pivotal scene from the 1995 Universal Pictures film "Apollo 13." (Image courtesy IMBD.com)

By now, everyone knows, either because they're fans of NASA (like me!) or the popular Ron Howard/Tom Hanks movie (me, too!) about that ill-fated space flight, that an unfiled federal tax return was the least of the crew's problems.

But for one brief moment before Swigert and his crewmates Jim Lovell and Fred Haise struggled to return safely to Earth after a potentially deadly hydrogen tank accident, a Form 1040 that was due in just a few days was Swigert's biggest problem.

Preflight filing oversight: The usually calm astronaut reportedly was in a mild panic during his second day in space when he realized he hadn't filed his taxes before launch. Of course, he hadn't been expecting to be on Apollo 13, which was supposed to be the United States' third manned moon landing.

Instead, Swigert was the mission's backup command module pilot. He replaced original crew member Ken Mattingly just 48 hours before the launch after Mattingly was unwittingly exposed to the rubella. Since Mattingly had no immunity to the measles, NASA doctors yanked him from the mission.

"How do I apply for an extension?" Swigert asked on April 12 from 200,000 miles above the planet. Mission control erupted in laughter.

"Things kinda happened real fast down there and I need an extension. I'm really serious!" Swigert insisted. "Would you turn it in?" he asked Mission Control in Houston.

Flight Director Glynn Lunney calmed Swigert by explaining that American citizens out of the country get a 60-day extension on filing. "I assume this applies," Lunney deadpanned.

Added tax time for special situations: Lunney apparently was talking about a tax provision that allows taxpayers who are out of the country to request a discretionary two-month additional extension of time to file their returns.

This extension, however, is tacked onto the regular six-month extension granted when people file Form 4868 to get a filing extension. That would give such filers as late as Dec. 15 to get their returns into the IRS.

And there is a later filing deadline of June 15 for U.S. taxpayers who reside abroad. In addition to giving those foreign-based eligible taxpayers more time, it also applies to members of the military or naval service on duty outside the United States and Puerto Rico.

Since Swigert's official tax residence wasn't in space, or even on the moon if the mission had gone as planned, he technically wouldn't have qualified for the later tax filing deadline as a taxpayer abroad.

And while he had been in the Air Force, his last year of service (as an Air National Guard member) was in 1965, so he wouldn't have qualified for that extension either.

But, hey, I appreciate Lunney and the NASA ground crew doing whatever it took to put Swigert's mind at ease about his taxes and get him to focus on the mission at hand. And I'm especially impressed with Lunney's quick tax response.

Houston, we have a tax problem: Of course, Swigert, Lovell and Haise soon had to deal with literal life-and-death matters that put unfiled taxes in perspective.

Two days after liftoff, on the April 13 that fell 48 years ago today, ground controllers received a low-pressure warning signal on a hydrogen tank in orbiting portion of the spacecraft, the Odyssey.

An attempt at a routine fix was anything but routine. Oxygen pressure fell in the module and power disappeared. That's when Swigert uttered the famous, "Houston, we've had a problem" message.

Yes, those were Swigert's words, not Lovell's. The movie version took dramatic license, revising the phrase to "Houston, we have a problem" and giving it to Tom Hanks, who played the mission commander in "Apollo 13."

Thankfully, the trio proved they had the right stuff and brought the module back to Earth safely on April 17.

Trailer for the movie "The Right Stuff," the story of the original Mercury 7 astronauts and their macho approach to the space program.

And, although it's not documented in NASA records, I presume Swigert, who passed away on Dec. 27, 1982, filed his taxes without further incident.

Extension to file procedure: If you, a regular taxpayer here on terra firma who hasn't yet filed your 2017 tax return and know you won't get the job done by the April 17 filing deadline (this year) next Tuesday, it's time to do what Swigert didn't before his launch in 1970.

File for an extension by submitting Form 4868 by the Tax Day deadline.

You have a variety of ways to do this. You can:

download, complete the form and then snail mail it. Just make sure you get to a U.S. Post Office in time to have it postmarked April 17,

fill out Form 4868 as a fillable form via the IRS' Free File page and then submit it electronically,

e-file the extension request, either by using tax software that you bought or use via Free File,

have your tax pro file the extension electronically, or

use an electronic payment option to pay any tax you owe.

Note that final option, specifically the "pay any tax you owe" phrase.

An extension to file — repeat with me for the 800th gazillion time — is just that. An extension to file your forms.

You still must pay any due tax with that extension request. But that's still a better choice for many of the almost 10 million taxpayers who every year get an added six months to file rather than frantically filling out a tax return and perhaps making hurried and costly mistakes.

You also might find these items of interest:

Star scientists prefer low-tax states

Amazon.com chief's tax rocket crashes

ISS astronauts celebrate a traditional Thanksgiving

Advertisement

// <![CDATA[ // &lt;![CDATA[ // &amp;lt;![CDATA[ // &amp;amp;lt;![CDATA[ // &amp;amp;amp;lt;![CDATA[ // &amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;![CDATA[ // &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;![CDATA[ // &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;![CDATA[ // &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;![CDATA[ // &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;![CDATA[ // &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;![CDATA[ // &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;![CDATA[ // &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;![CDATA[ // &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;![CDATA[ // &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;![CDATA[ (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); // ]]&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt; // ]]&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt; // ]]&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt; // ]]&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt; // ]]&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt; // ]]&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt; // ]]&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt; // ]]&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt; // ]]&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt; // ]]&amp;amp;amp;amp;gt; // ]]&amp;amp;amp;gt; // ]]&amp;amp;gt; // ]]&amp;gt; // ]]&gt; // ]]>

from Tax News By Christopher http://www.dontmesswithtaxes.com/2018/04/tax-filing-deadline-extension-houston-apollo-13-jack-swigert.html

[aowanders-blog]

New Post has been published on https://aowanders.com/how-to-prepare-yourself-for-long-term-travel/

How to Prepare yourself for Long Term Travel

Long Term Travel

One of the most life changing activities is Long Term Travel.  Everyone dreams of traveling to far off adventurous places living a carefree lifestyle were budgets aren’t a concern, responsibilities are temporary and fun is the only focus point.  The allure of sipping Mai Thai’s on a beach in Thailand or surfing waves in Maui create this romantic stereotype of Long Term Travel. The movie “The Beach”, “Call of the Wild” or my all time favorite “A Map for Saturday” ignite this soulful lust to pack a bag and head out into the world to see all its magnificent beauty, diverse cultures & unlimited challenges.

    The excitement this thought process brings to us is undeniably motivating.  Then you get the text message from your boss reminding you to turn off the lights in the bathrooms at the dental office when you lock up at night ……….uuuuuuuuuuuurkkkkkk  reality pops your daydream bubble.  Long term travel is one of the most intimidating concepts out there.  How are you going to afford long term travel when you can barely afford car insurance?  How are you going to get time off from work when you get written up for being 5 minutes late?  You don’t even own a passport, and your last vacation amounted to spring cleaning & hosting a garage sale. The time before that you spent a months salary on a rental cabin in the middle of the woods while drinking copious amounts of alcohol around a fire!  How could you afford to travel the world if it costs that much for one weekend getaway?  Its unfair, unobtainable & irresponsible!  Right?

  Long Term Travel is this mythical unicorn that only a friend of a friend of a friend heard another friend say to a friend they know a guy that has been travelling the world for years.  You always hear about it, read about it, but you never actually meet someone who can tell you about it.  You never meet that individual that can tell you while long term travel seems intimidating its one of the easiest things you can do.  And the easiest part of long term travel is funding it especially if your adaptable.  Sure you can take the “old guard” approach to stay at your job and save up $20,000, buy your around the world ticket, put all your things in storage and see what happens.  There is no right or wrong way to fund your travels.  Some will save up, some will get a credit card, some will take a loan out, others will sell all their belongings, and some will get very creative.  There is no right or wrong way to obtain your happiness.  Your either going to live your dreams or your going to fund someone else’s.

  Every time I meet someone or tell them how long I have been travelling for ….the typical response is: “Oh my God”, “WOW”, “Sounds rough”, “Do it while your young”, “I wish I could do something like that”, “Your so lucky”, “That is so amazing.” To most I have the best life in the world, but just like everything else in life there is a price.  I’m not talking rent or groceries here.  I’m talking about the trade off you have to be willing to make to be a perpetual traveler.  So while the allure of exotic destinations,  foreign languages, eclectic cultures,  adrenaline pumping adventures & foreign tavern times may seem very appealing there is also  down side to Long Term Travel.  Friends and family are always in another time zone, solo occupancy at a hostel in a foreign country on a rainy day isn’t so exciting, saying goodbye more times in one year than anyone should say in a lifetime has its challenges, loneliness, constant travel planning, becoming numb & detached (insert 100th waterfall, 600th bus ride, 200th historical church, 800th mountain, etc etc).  These are just some of the things you will encounter on your trip, and whenever anyone asks me whats the one piece of advice everyone should have when getting ready for a big trip I always give the same answer: “Make sure your ready for it mentally above anything else.”  Money comes and goes.  Electronics get lost, stolen or broken.  Friends wander in and out of your trip.  Bars become your living room, buses/plains/trains become your daily transportation, lobbies & terminals become your office, and anonymity becomes your default.  How do you prepare for all of this?  You can’t prepare 100% for life on the road, but you can get a glimpse of it or some exposure to what life would be like as a Long Term Traveler.

  Couch Surfing

One of the most beneficial things you could do for yourself to prepare for Long Term Travel is sign up for Couchsurfing which was founded in 2004 and one of the first hospitality networks to really take advantage of all the web had to offer.  Couchsurfing  is a peer to peer portal made of hosts and surfers meant to connect travelers with hosts willing to provide a free place to stay (couch, bed, guesthouse, room, floor, backyard, etc), and get a local perspective on the vibe and pulse of a destination.  Hosts are individuals willing to accommodate travelers for FREE  & surfers are individuals looking for places to stay.  How can couchsurfing help you prepare for Long Term Travel?  Thats a great question,

Seasonal Life

  Nothing is impossible, but life has a very creative way at throwing you curve balls to deter your dreams.  I’ve been travelling the world for 22 years which all that means is Im an expert problem solver because a life of travel will test your problem solving skills daily!  Knowing that lets examine a scenario…….You make “X”

Before I show you how to fund your own dreams I want to tell a story about an ex girlfriend who owned her own in home care company making 6 figures a month.  Never having to go into the office, never having to see a patient, never having to do payroll, never write a schedule, never answer a phone, never having to do anything but provide a bank account the state could deposit payments into.   She had the car, the boat, house & freedom to travel across the world every other week when the kids were at their dad’s.  One day she came home in a fitful rage because one of her staff was always late, on her cell phone, too many cigarette breaks yadda yadda yadda.  I asked her how much are you paying her?  I was floored by her response when she told me $9.50/hour.  So while that could be considered a livable wage somewhere I guess and “industry standard pay” for that position I asked her, “How serious would you take a job that pays roughly $1200/month after taxes and seeing your boss drop $20,000 to go on a date with her boyfriend every other week to some far off place?  What can you do $300,000 that you can’t do with $298,000/month????  Give her an incentive to earn an extra $2,000/month and I bet her attitude will dramatically improve, or better yet how much is it worth to you to have all this freedom & money for this employee to go do their job correctly??  What paycheck would you need to feel appreciated for running a 3.6 million dollar a year company for someone??? This employee had been working there for 3 years and supporting and adult life on teenage wages.  How long do you think it would have taken her to save up $20,000?  Think about all the sacrifices she would have had to make over that time period to achieve her saving’s goal.  Not impossible, but the dedication needed for a lifestyle she has no exposure to isn’t the most motivational.  What am I saying & why am I telling you this??   First get some exposure to the lifestyle.  Then go find out if you like long term travel on someone else’s dime!

  COUCH SURFING  

  Seasonal life

    You’ve been scouring the internet for all the information you can find on long term travel to prepare for your big trip but you still feel lost.  STOP!  Stop what you are doing right now, and look at what you have done.  How many excel spreadsheets have you created?  How many sticky notes are hanging up?  How many times have you packed & unpacked your bag? bags? suitcases?  How many times have gone to the embassy website?  How many storage locker places have you called for rates?  How many times have you called the bank to get exchange rates?  How many hostels, hotels or airbnb listings have you called to make reservations??  How many “travel blog” newsletters have you signed up for, and now have an inbox full of spam asking you to buy this or buy that???Stop right now!  Forget everything you know about to travelling because Im sure your getting frustrated.  Ask yourself –” Why are you travelling?”  So stop what you are doing right now go sign up at couchsurfing

Before I answer that let me tell you about a friend who was planning a 10 day trip to Hawaii with her dog.  I was also going to Hawaii around the same time with my little  midget so we decided to meet up at a hostel after arrival.  Now Hawaii has some pretty strict pet regulations you need to follow in order to bring your pet to the islands.  My friend, lets call her Casey, is a researcher at a prestigious law firm in New York so when she emailed her flight details she also emailed me her travel plans which came in the form of 2 word documents, 3 spreadsheets & covered everything from bathroom breaks to cell phone charging times!?!?!?!

            When you first start out you get lost in the details, and excitement of planning turns into trepidation, anticipation turns into anxiety, ambition turns into procrastination & self-discipline turns into floodgates & euphoria turns into loneliness.

[resmarted]

what happens when you run out of the energy required to even make those sounds that come out of your body? i don’t even mean just the violent passion but what the fuck happens when you, teensy tiny mcgee, run out of steam for it all? hi, by the way. i’m trying to decide if i’ve run out of stories. everything i think of just sort of fades out midway and i’m not sure if i’ve lost my spark and just don’t have it in me to plot out our lives the way i once did, or if i’m outgrowing this whole thing altogether. i’m a little confused as to how you can wear socks that aren’t black and brown at the bottom, so i mean i still have important questions, but i feel kind of lackluster in this whole sifl & olly show i’ve been putting on. like i thought of putting us in the 70’s with disco lights and roller-skates and this plotline where me and all my dude friends are confronted by you in your tube socks and adidas shorts trying to join our bowling league and we are all gasp a girl on our team and i’m the one that’s like no guys i think we should give her a chance and how it’s this totally unheard of thing to let a girl play on a guy’s bowling team, and we are only like twelve in this scenario and mostly i wanted to imagine a world of locking braces and riding bikes all day and night because the kids on milk cartons don’t exist yet and people don’t really know anything about trafficking, the cocaine our parents are all on make everything seem totally fine. but i don’t want to tell that story, because where is the substance? it would literally be an entire montage of things about the seventies that are fabricated entirely based off things i’ve seen depicted as that time period in films later, like some sort of really bad dazed and confused ripoff. ok so i thought of a new one today where you’re like this monster brat of a celebrity and i’m your publicist, and we are trying to get you to transition to a more adult image but you keep fucking it up. like for example, i make a call to a paparazzo that you’re dining outside at a nearby la restaurant but the second they find you, you’re splashing water at their lenses and causing this big scene, this big nightmare for me to clean up, one after the other after the other. one day you storm into my office with this insane ensemble that only you would think is incognito, of like pleather thigh high boots and daisy dukes and this long fur coat in the middle of sunny la weather. your face looks like a bug behind these giant designer shades and your hair is in this complicated high space ponytail with a braid wrapped around holding it up and it dangles like a jump rope swinging against the small of your back. before i can even scold you for the latest nonsense you’ve created, you beastly nightmare of a client, you slam your things down and demand very loudly, i won’t do it! and let’s say your name is something really awful like jessephanie and i’m like jessephanie!! all the time, but it always sounds so stupid like i’m calling after a pekingese that just peed on the carpet. you stand your ground though and you’re like, no i’m not going to do it, there’s no way in hell. i sigh like it’s the 80th time we have been over this drama when it’s more like the 800th, and again i try to patiently explain that this, my dear, is how we play the game. you want everyone to know you as little deena from the rugrats or whatever for the rest of your life? you take your sunglasses off and look at me with your firestarter stare, smiling as you speak in an eerily calm manner, i’m not. doing it. why not? because it’s stupid! all these things you make me do are stupid! i reiterate that this is the game and we are playing to win. you yell at me with a high pitched squeak like, you think kissing a guy for a photo is the way to win? oh come on, it’s literally two seconds and it’s for a kiss cam, you won’t even be caught off guard, there’s no surprise element involved. you let out a frustrated huff like, well maybe i want a surprise element! maybe for once that would be nice! maybe i don’t want to kiss an actor at a ballgame for more points in this stupid game! i sit back in my chair the same way i always do when this happens, and throw my hands up in surrender. alright fine, you don’t want to do the kiss we won’t do the kiss. you give a very jessephanie sounding ugggh, pointing out that WE don’t have to do the kiss because it’s all you, you’re the one that i’m making look stupid, how i’m just humiliating you, and now here we go down this road again. this paranoid fit of distrust that stems from being too famous too young and anybody could be a snake. i say no no, really. i’m not in the mood for this. you don’t want to do the kiss, you want to be a martyr about it, fine let’s move on to something else. this is where you get enraged and my employees in the next room can hear you slamming a paperweight across the room, shattering a framed certificate on the wall. that’s like the third time this week, so it’s whatever. you go into a manic rage about how i’m making you out to be this big crazy spoiled brat and that you just want to be a normal person, which is such a lie and we both know this, but i nod and play along and hold you when you have your meltdown in your long dramatic floor length fur. the following week we are flying out to australia for a press tour junket to promote the new movie you’re in and everyone is going to ask about the nude scene. you say you’re not sweating it because they love you in australia and while that may be true, you have to be careful during your major interview on their 60 minutes because the journalism here is different, they will actually challenge you to your face and they don’t just bring guests on to smother them with compliments, it’s not what you’re used to. you flip out over this, of course, and go on and on about how mean people always are to you and that i have no idea what you’re used to. i have a migraine in the middle of my eyeballs so i don’t bother to fight you, rather drown you out quietly for the rest of the ride. in melbourne you get into a fight with a reporter that goes viral overnight and we are swarmed by flashbulbs from every direction after that. jessephanie, no one is going to take you seriously in your career if you keep acting out like a b-r-a-t, spelling it out as though that will soften the blowup reaction you’re bound to have. you scream at me i can spell, you know! and i’m like, i would fucking hope so by now! you slap me in the face, and i look back at you like one more breath and a murder might go down, and i death glare you once more before walking away. before i can walk out you run after me with apology after apology and you are petting my face and there’s something very dorothy and scarecrow about it, and you’re looking at me with your most sincere pleading stare. you say very earnestly, i’m sorry for being such a petty mayonnaise. this makes me laugh out of my body and the tension melts just like that, like it always does. you’re such an obnoxious little twerp, aren’t you? we get back to la where the front page of every rag is a varying photo and headline about you, which you swear isn’t your fault. you give an interview with rolling stone about how hard it is to keep a sense of balance with your hectic schedule, and at one point you mispronounce the word posthumously which haunts you through meme after meme for months. you get caught on audio saying that americans are so gross when drunk at a fast food restaurant, which sends the twitterverse in flames. i resent you for knowing words like twitterverse, because if you would just play the game with me instead of against me i wouldn’t have to wake up to news alerts of trending hashtags and jessephanie is over parties happening around the world. your talent is overshadowed by your antics and you’re just worried about the number of likes on your new instagram pic. get your head in the game, kid. there’s a limit to how many times the public will forgive you, and you’re on your ninth life. you pout at me like meow, and no i’m serious, you can’t just keep doing this same bullshit over and over again and that’s when you make your move, which i am completely against btw. your fingers are grabbing at my collar, this newly pressed designer shirt because a second ago you were just this kid on an after school show and now that you’re the hollywood it girl my dress code has much higher requirements. all the stakes are higher, and it’s making us both lose our minds in different ways. when you try to kiss me i push you off like a terrified parent, trying to explain to you the power dynamic and how this is not on any level okay, not at all, i’m not about to go down this fucking howard k stern anna nicole smith road with you no fucking way, dude. you fire me in an attempt to justify it, but it makes things worse and i walk out, wash my hands clean of you once and for all. do i see you years later when we are both in different places in our lives? should we go back to the seventies and try that one again? do you even miss me at all? alright fine, i kiss you back in this way that feels like revenge or maybe repayment for all the dumb shit you put me through, with hands that grab you around by the backs of your thighs, inhaling you like a beast unleashed. is that too much? i become stricken with guilt and panic and it’s all too much, this torrid affair, this is not what either of us signed up for. we still make out for hours and i’m torn between my dick and my moral compass, while you’re torn from my dick and just kidding, i love you.

[footyplusau]

Happy Hawks boss the Eagles to notch first win of season

HAWTHORN 3.4     9.8     12.9     19.11     (125)  WEST COAST 2.2     5.5       7.8      11.8       (74)   

GOALS – Hawthorn: Gunston 3, Roughead 3, Breust 3, O’Brien 3, Sicily 2, McEvoy, Rioli, Shiels, Puopolo, Burgoyne. West Coast: Darling 4, Hill 2, Shuey 2, Cripps, Kennedy, Redden.   BEST –  Hawthorn: McEvoy, Rioli, T Mitchell, Breust, Smith, O’Brien, Sicily, Hardwick. West Coast: Gaff, Shuey, Darling, Priddis, McGovern, Cripps, Barrass, UMPIRES –  Pannell, Findlay, Foot. CROWD –  28,997 at MCG. 

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Cats slay Saints in final quarter

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Hawthorn grab first win

Hawthorn grab first win

Hawthorn have claimed their first win of the season to move off the bottom of the AFL ladder, beating the West Coast Eagles 19.11.125 to 11.8.74.

Cats slay Saints in final quarter

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Cats slay Saints in final quarter

Cats slay Saints in final quarter

Geelong remain undefeated after claiming a 126-88 win over a spirited St Kilda outfit at Etihad Stadium.

Tuohy tries a different tactic

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Tuohy tries a different tactic

Tuohy tries a different tactic

Zac Tuohy tried something just a bit different as Tim Membreylined up a set shot.

AFL hit with another racist incident

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AFL hit with another racist incident

AFL hit with another racist incident

Footage shows a man launching a vile tirade at Saturday’s Brisbane Lions-Western Bulldogs game.

Heath Shaw’s insensitive sledge

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Heath Shaw’s insensitive sledge

Heath Shaw’s insensitive sledge

Giant Heath Shaw has come under fire and since apologised after calling Swan Tom Papley a ‘f***ing retard’.

Dockers stun Kangaroos at the death

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Dockers stun Kangaroos at the death

Dockers stun Kangaroos at the death

Fremantle have claimed their third consecutive win, defeating North Melbourne 67-62 in Perth in a thriller that went down to the wire.

Outstanding Giants pour more misery on Swans

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Outstanding Giants pour more misery on …

Outstanding Giants pour more misery on Swans

Buddy Franklin’s 800th career goal was little consolation for the Swans as GWS condemned their cross-town rivals to a fifth straight loss.

Hawthorn grab first win

Hawthorn have claimed their first win of the season to move off the bottom of the AFL ladder, beating the West Coast Eagles 19.11.125 to 11.8.74.

Two weeks ago Alastair Clarkson did what others do in moments of quiet desperation. He found comfort in the words of Bruce Springsteen.

“Hard times come and hard times go,” Clarkson said as he quoted the artist uncomfortably known as the Boss to give perspective to the foreign territory his club found itself in.

Of course he also left the lyric hanging a bit. The next line is “So bring on your wrecking ball.” Geelong in the next game dutifully obeyed and delivered a wrecking ball. Hell, who are the Cats to defy Bruce?

And then there was a sticky line in the same song, “I’ve seen champions come and go”, that a week ago ran a little too near the bone after an emotional off-season and poor start to 2017.

But after beating the Eagles on Sunday after back-to-back 86 point drubbings, Clarkson will have had occasion to wonder if hard times had gone, and if champions had come, gone or never left.

Statistically, beating the Eagles on this ground is not a major achievement – the Eagles have won just six of their past 25 games at the ‘G, and haven’t beaten Hawthorn on the ground since 2006 – but it was a win and after consecutive 15-goal losses they would take a win of any nature. That it ended up being a 51-point romp reassuring after the wobbles of weeks past.

Cool hands: Hawthorn’s Shaun Burgoyne gets past Luke Shuey of the Eagles. Photo: Michael Dodge

What was more comforting was Hawthorn looked sharp. Where they had been hesitant they were now crisp and clean. They moved the ball with purpose the very good players that they still have – and whose bona fides as serious talents had been questioned after a terrible month – re-established themselves.

A number of Hawks were back to their best: Luke Breust kicked three goals, Paul Puopolo a goal, eight tackles and a stack of touches, Jack Gunston playing closer to goal broke his goals duck for the year and finished with three, Roughhead booted three – one of them his 500th career goal. Ben McEvoy monstered Nathan Vardy in the ruck in a dominant best on ground effort, Isaac Smith ran the Eagles off their legs and Josh Gibson found space that has evaded him for weeks.

On song: Hawks players belt it out loud and proud after notching their first win of the season. Photo: Michael Dodge

Oh, and Cyril. His numbers were not big – again, but his impact was – again. A nutmeg handball (and then the bewildering lack of a free kick for a high tackle without the ball) was amusingly inventive and nearly worked. He created goals for others through tackles, pressure and touch, without actually earning statistics – among them a goal for Shaun Burgoyne in the last quarter.

“I’ve seen champions come and go”

Sizzling: Cyril Rioli’s influence wasn’t seen in the stats, here tackling West Coast’s Matt Priddis. Photo: Michael Dodge

So Clarkson saw his existing champions, missing for weeks, come back. He also would have been given pause to wonder if he had found new ones. James Sicily was a genuine target as a forward again, Blake Hardwick was a burrowing hard desperate worker and Tim O’Brien – the longest work in progress in the AFL – had his best game yet for the club also booting three.

Ok, they didn’t look like champions but they did look like good AFL players which is something in O’Brien and Sicily’s case that they have not always done. So maybe Clarko can borrow a line from another Springsteen song “You ain’t a beauty but, hey, you’re all right. Oh, and that’s all right with me”.

West Coast came with a plan. It just didn’t work. They couldn’t make it work, Hawthorn wouldn’t let them, their own mental incapacity in dealing with travelling to this place in Jolimont wouldn’t let it work.

The plan was to outrun the slow old, leg-weary, battle-weary Hawks. It was to centre the ball to the corridor at every opportunity and race it to the forward line. Actually that’s not right, it was to race it to Josh Kennedy or to Jack Darling alone in the goal square.

It was a solid plan as far as it went. It worked a few times – Darling kicked three from the goal square and another after an almighty shove in his opponents back – but it was a fraught plan.

The problem was the Eagles couldn’t reliably kick or handball to the player in the middle of the ground. Brett Masten was a regular culprit early in turning the ball over in e chain of play working the ball forward but he was not alone.

They also had players who just had no impact again. Elliot Yeo, Josh Hill, Marc Le Cras, Nathan Vardy were all ineffective.

In contrast Andrew Gaff was excellent and Luke Shuey got better as the game went on. Matt Priddis laid 11 tackles and in the process became the AFL’s highest all time tackler, overtaking Lenny Hayes’ 1496 with his total of 1502.

VOTES B McEvoy (Hawthorn) 8 A Gaff (West Coast) 8 C Rioli (Hawthorn) 8 T Mitchell (Hawthorn) 7 L Breust (Hawthorn) 7

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