#for context i’m nannying for a family with two dogs and two cats

[bitofmaehem]

i think i’m allergic to cats….

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Hello! I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfy but I was wondering if I could get a bit of advice? From your recent posts, you said you left your home from toxicity and just bad things in general.

I’m in a similar situation, but my dad will be taking me away from my mom. And I just know it’ll be a shit show. And I’m absolutely terrified when we tell her and what the backlash will be afterwards towards my brothers and me and dad in general

How did you do it? How did you take the leap? Do you possibly have any advice on how to deal ?

Hello, friend!! ☀️

Thank you so much for reaching out, it means a lot that you value my advice <3

Hmm, okay from what I can tell of your situation, that is indeed a tricky one, but nothing can’t be overcome!

It’s important to remember, though, I was 19 when I left (now 20), so the way I handled things is going to be a lot different than how a minor can handle things (legally at least, feel free to replicate my insane stunts lmao)

Advice below the cut! (family violence trigger warning, I suppose?)

My entire family was and is extremely volatile, and I don’t speak to any of them anymore except for my older brother, but I’ll be cutting him off in 3 weeks too when I move.

Fortunately, my dad and brother were both kicked out of the house years ago due to violence, which left me with my mother, who’s quite insidious herself (just watch any Conjuring movie and that’ll give a good idea of what it was like living in that house lol)

I get the same feeling watching this scene as when I was around her in that house. Granted she didn’t try to change my gender, but the hatred for my father getting taken out on me is pretty accurate lol, paired with the immediate “motherly love” afterwards (she never hit me though, pleased to say — she wasn’t physically violent, just emotionally, financially, mentally and verbally. She did try to run my dad over once though, so, there’s that too)

Yikes…yeahh the same eerie feeling for sure, still makes all my hairs stand upright in memory.

(For further context this clip reminds me of my father and this one of my brother)

In the clip about my father, he definitely reminds me of Frank Gallagher, except he despises my mother instead of revering her. He’s a workaholic instead of a drug addict, too. But the mannerisms are the same. I always handled him in the way Fiona does.

Regarding my brother, I think everything about our family hit him the hardest, despite being the oldest. He developed a very violent streak, and has very poor impulse control. I love him dearly but he’s a snake in the grass, and has thrown me under the bus multiple times to get ahead in life. I mostly just pity him, since I know what our life was like growing up. But still, I can’t defend him forever, especially not at the cost of myself. Literally yesterday I woke up to a text from him asking me to come pick him up because he got arrested for starting a fight at a bar and smashing their windows.

When things started getting pretty bad with my mother earlier this year, I started to realise in my heart that there was no way I could go forth in life with her in it. I focused on the future relationships I would have one day when far away from this town — romantic partner, children, friends etc

I sort of realised one day I’d care about them a lot more than I care about my mother, because those future people would care about me. That in turn got me realising that I do deserve love, despite how my mother made me feel, and that I don’t want her to deprive another second of that in my life.

Something very unique that triggered this too was going to go visit an old family psychic, who’s basically just the Gandalf to my Frodo (ily, Chris <3). He very accurately predicted my birth years ago after my mother was told she was infertile — he got the date, year and time right three years in advance, and even knew ahead of time what my personality would be like, which he was spot-on about.

Well, I went and visited him a few months ago because I was lost with my direction, and he ended up pausing and had a sudden feeling, which led to him telling me that he’d just found out I would be having twin boys one day.

Normally I don’t buy into that stuff, but this Gandalf dude…well I knew he was right.

Knowing I’d have sons of my own one day took me from a scared daughter mindset and into a maternal mother bear in an instant, and I knew I didn’t want any children of mine around my mother or the rest of my family, for their safety alone, which made me realise, “Well, if I wouldn’t allow my own children near them, why do I allow myself?”

I started grey-rocking her in the lead-up to me leaving, which of course frustrated her (she’s a malignant narcissist), but it was a necessary step to start emotionally detaching myself from her.

It all bottled over one night after a pretty distressing argument (I had locked myself in my room to avoid it, but she was still at my door carrying on).

My cat, who’s been my best friend for years, was sitting on the floor next to me, and sort of looked up and I swear he spoke with his eyes, saying, “You know we can’t keep doing this, right? You know this abuse has an expiry date?”

I agreed with my cat and knew right then and there that I’d be leaving that night after my mother fell asleep.

Well, when she was finally done (with threats that there’d be more in stock in the morning, mind you) I went to bed early and set my alarm to 3am (was a little inside joke with myself, since that’s biblically the “witching devil hour”)

I started quietly packing my quilt and cat up (I’d already been secretly packing the boot of my car up with all sentimental and important items weeks in advance, except she caught on and took all my baby albums and more to her boyfriend’s house, so I don’t have any baby photos or information on me when I was a baby anymore, like first words, size and just general things I’d have liked to compare to my own kids one day, rip)

Once that was all in my car, I quietly said goodbye to the old family dog and cat (they weren’t mine to take, not that I could’ve anyways, since it was troubling enough taking Buddy, who’s actually my pet and not the family one). That was pretty heartbreaking, as I knew that’d be the last time I’d see them (I grew up with them and was the only one who took care of them — mother neglects kids and pets alike lmao).

Once that was over, I looked around my house with my hand on the front door and was very melancholy, but knew Buddy was right: it had all reached its expiry date.

I left very quietly and drove to McDonalds for a coffee, as I had a long drive ahead (I had organised to be a nanny in this rich family’s house far away in the city — two hours drive). Luckily they were away on their country farm 4 hours away, so I had time to sneak Buddy in.

The nanny thing recently backfired horribly because they discovered Buddy, which led to more AM escapes with my car, but I’m staying with my older brother and his gf for 3 more weeks only. Something I’ve been working towards for months now is moving to a wilderness island to live in my country’s equivalent of Bag End — a beautiful country cottage, amazing job and fantastic study opportunities.

Best feature yet: it’s 60 hours away from my hometown by car, and then you’d have to take a boat for 10 more hours!! They shall never find me hahaha

One of my friends has also told me recently that my mother has started spreading horrible, defamatory rumours about me around town, but I don’t care anymore because I’m almost out.

So, although I can’t offer any practical advice (idk if you’re a minor or not, but regardless it’s great your dad is helping you!) this is the best advice I can offer:

Find a dream and hold onto it, one that doesn’t involve your immediate family. For me it’s moving to that island and enjoying all the fresh air. It’ll push you forwards and remind you of what you’re fighting for when at your lowest.

Remind yourself there will be other people in your life, whether a spouse, friends, children or even a dog! (I’m getting a golden retriever next year 🐾) And then remember that you deserve all of them and the unconditional love they offer you.

Remember that if you don’t want your mother/family screwing those people over by proxy of her/their relationship to you, then there’s no way in hell you alone should put up with it either, as I guarantee those future people only want good things for you ☀️

There is a good life after abuse, I’ve seen it, and I know you can achieve it, too!

Be prepared for tons of backlash and bullshit — it’s inescapable when dealing with people like this, but I recommend educating yourself on narcissistic parents and tactics to deal with them.

Finding a good therapist who deals in PTSD regarding childhood abuse is important, too. I found an amazing one in the town I’m moving to, who had nearly the same upbringing as me!

So while I’m still struggling with a lot of fear (scared my mother will find where I’m working and living one day) and guilt (I feel horrible about leaving the family dog and cat behind, especially when they need veterinary help, only to then go and get myself another puppy) I understand I’ve done the best I can in a very abnormal situation, and that I can only do better from here.

Also, this song has been a saving grace when going all angsty over wanting to leave your current situation:

It’s from my favourite Broadway Musical, “Newsies”, and lemme tell you — discovering this as a 17-year-old when I was just starting to realise the severity of my situation was pure divinity.

Jeremy Jordan, my beloved Broadway Bard <3

When I finally get my cottage, I’m getting a wooden plaque with the name “Santa Fe” engraved on it, and am hanging it on my front door.

I wish you much luck and love, my little anonymous friend! And please know my inbox is open any time you need anything — vent, advice, a laugh or something else, ANYTHING, it feels good to know my past can maybe help someone else’s present ☀️

Please update me, too! I’m following your story along ardently now! (Also, be sure to take your sentimental items and store them somewhere safe away from your mother — ie baby albums, birth certificates, other paraphernalia/memorabilia etc).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must hit the road. DESTINY AWAITS!

[theliterateape]

The Most Dangerous Breed

By J. L. Thurston

Pit bulls were selectively bred for dogfighting (false). Pit bulls are highly aggressive (false). Pit bulls can’t get along with other animals (false).

Google it if you don’t believe me. Research takes two minutes no matter where you are because we all have smartphones.

There are multiple dogfighting breeds, and, yes, unfortunately pit bulls are in the majority. But bloodletting sports speaks very little about the breed of dog and instead speaks volumes of humanity. Any animal is highly aggressive if mistreated and unsocialized. Any animal will have a hard time getting along with other animals if unsocialized. That is just nature. Even people are this way.

Growing up, I had a keeshond. He wasn’t very big unless you counted the fur. He was a nice dog. A smart, obedient dog. But he was not socialized. He’d attack other dogs. He tried to bite little kids. If he was a pit bull, he’d be hated. But instead, he was a gray fluff-ball with a curly tail, so no one cared.

My pit bull, Watson, will not hurt you. Watson is not aggressive. He’s been socialized since day one. He’s lining up to be a therapy dog. He goes to dog parks, doggy day care, and retail stores. He lives with a cat and a toddler. My pit bull wants your love.

If he jumps on you, it is because he’s desperately trying to get closer to you. If he lunges at you, it is only because he’s so excited to meet you and become your best friend. When he sees you, it is the best thing that has happened to him so far and nothing else in the world exists.

We’re working on the training. He sits, stays, lays down, crawls, shakes, high fives, and begs on command. But he’s six months old. He’s still working on self-control. Please be patient with him.

I’ve had issues. I’ve had a doggy day care refuse him simply because of his breed. His own vet office is ignorant about him, treating him different because of his size. Little do they know his brother goes there, too, but does not receive such cold treatment because he’s small and sort of chubby.

Watson is a muscle-bound fool, but he can’t help that. And he has no idea what he looks like. He’s just a dog.

“One of the tactics included attempts to counterbalance the pit bull's menacing appearance and physical power with overwhelming ‘affectionate’ behavior, such as: ‘My dog might lick you to death.’”

He cannot fathom why people flinch from him. His heart breaks when he’s avoided. He doesn’t understand that his breed is hated, even outlawed in many places. He doesn’t know about pit bulls attacking kids and police officers.

But remember the cop in Idaho who shot a ‘vicious pit bull’ that barked at him inside a parked car? And it turned out that dog was a registered black lab.

Fear is the most dangerous emotion.

Watson is living in a happy home where the cat plays chase with him and the toddler pulls on his ears. He sleeps in a bed with his human mom and dad and, of course, the cat. He is a nanny dog, always helping keep an eye on the kiddo. He lives for his family, but his heart is so big he wants all other living creatures to be his best friends.

So, when he’s muzzled and called ‘aggressive’ at the vet’s office, I just don’t know how to comfort him. I can’t get rid of the confusion in his eyes when parents make their kids leave the park just because he’s sitting with me beneath the tree.

It’s smart to avoid dogs you don’t know, but it amazes me how many people of average intelligence do not understand any dog. I’ve seen people love up on chihuahuas that were actively growling and baring teeth, and I’ve seen people avoid a Dalmatian that was wagging its tail. I’ve had a pit bull owner call my dog a Great Dane. I’ve literally been stopped on the street because a young lady wanted to give me fifteen minutes of training advice. I’ve been scolded for giving my dog treats by complete strangers.

The truth is, a lot of people are uneducated when it comes to dogs, but a lot of people think they’re experts.

The doggy day care we take Watson to is the best. The Barking Lot tells me that he is a great play dog. At first, I thought it was just a nice way of saying he was hyper and they accept that, but it turns out he’s a great dog for helping shy dogs come out of their shell. They love him when he walks in the door. As soon as we step in there’s a collective cheer, “Watson!” Luckily for us, there is a place where he is loved and understood.

I’m glad Watson can’t know why some people hate him. It’s a blessing that all he can feel is love. The stigma, the ignorance, the breed discrimination breaks my heart. It’s racism for dogs. It’s cruel. It’s 2019, people should be better than this.

Sorry, Watson. You’re not a bad dog. People just see all your muscles, your big teeth and your focused eyes. People see your features and think killer. They don’t see you’re straining on the leash for pats. They don’t see your dopey grin. They can’t feel the love in your gaze.

You’re not a bad dog. People are just ignorant and blind. People let the media do their thinking for them. People love to pass judgement without context. People are cowards.

You’re a good dog because you love us all anyway.

[bippityboppitybibuck]

AYY got tagged by @ilikebigassbuttsandicannotlie​ I can’t tell if these are hard hitting or not but they’re all answered honestly!!!

Relationships: Just one, we dated for a year and a half before I broke it off because it wasn’t a healthy relationship by any stretch of the imagination.

Breaks ups: I’m not sure if the ‘technically we didn’t date but I still dumped you’ thing counts but, obviously I broke up with my ex and I dummed my prom date on prom night (but it’s okay he was a year older and had already had the prom experience) aside from that, I’ve ghosted a few people. 

Kids: I do want kids I think, I love kids and ever since I was 12 I’ve been babysitting/nannying for different families and I’m good at it, but kids are exhausting and if I’m having any it won’t be for at least another 6 years or so and they won’t be biological,, adoption only I have negative desire to be pregnant.

Brothers and sisters: 2 brothers, one younger one older, I’m the middle kid!

Pets: 1 cat! I adopted her about two years ago and she’s the devil in disguse but I love her with my whole heart, she likes to play with garbage more than cat toys so I’m saving so much money

Surgeries: I don’t think it counts as a proper surgical procedure but I’ve have my eustachain tubes (the drainage tubes in your ears) replaced twice (they blow up a lil balloon in your ear to open them up again) because I had chronic ear infections from the ages 2-4 (the first replacment I outgrew because I was so young)

Tattoos: Not yet but hopefully someday, I already have several picked out

Countries you've been to: the US (I live in Canada) Dominican Rebublic, England, Belguim, Germany, Italy, and Greece

Been in an airplane: Yes! more than 10 but fewer than 20 times I think

Been in an ambulance: Nope 

Sing karaoke: I’m medically not allowed to get drunk enough to willinging sing karaoke so no not yet (probably not ever)

Ice skating: I used to do it all the time but not anymore, we have a cute outdoor rink in my uni town that I’ve been on a couple times though

Been on a cruise: sadly no (my parents wouldnt’ let us go with them)

Driven a motorcycle: No but I fucking want to

Ridden a horse: nope kinda want to though

Stayed in a hospital: Not since I was born (they didn’t keep my in the hosptial for the ear procedures, once I was done I just went home same with the bronchitis I had as a 6 month old)

Favorite fruit or berry: Em and I agree, strawberries slap harder than anything

Favorite colors: teal/turquoise colours, greys

Last text: “Storm the Law Library, they can’t stop us all, was only a month before the chaotic bus shut down” (I’m tempted to give context but it’s a long story, essentially I’m talking about memes and crazy shit that happened on my uni campus in the 2019/20 school year)(if you want context I’m prepared to share)

Coffee or tea: tea, coffee is a great way to ensure I have a panic attack, tea calms me

Favorite pie: apple crisp/crumble if it counts, strawberry rhubarb if it doesn’t (Em I’m gonna need an explanation on only ever trying three pies)

Favorite pizza: cheese and pineapple (I will not take critisicm)

Cat or dog: bigger cat person than dog person but I love them both

Favorite time of year: Very specific but the three weeks of the school year after syllabus week is over and before midterms start (this goes for both first and second semester)

Met a star: Met a couple of b and c list stars, but I went to school with Shawn Medes!

Flown a helicopter: Like Em I'm assuming this was originally supposed to say "flown IN a helicopter" but to both questions no I have not

Been on tv: Yes! three times, I was on the news as an interview for a story they were running (my childhood friends mom worked for the network and was in charge of finding the subjects of the stories, we did a story on homework, family dinners, and guiding and scouting)

Broken my leg: Never broken a bone yet (Em cracking your head open... is breaking a bone isn’t it?)

Seen a ghost: Can’t say that I have? But I react like Ryan from Buzzfeed Unsolved with the vibes of some places, I do often feel as though I’m being watched though

Been sick in a taxi: Not yet? I’ve been sick of being in a taxi though

Seen someone die: If animals count, two cats, if they don’t no my parents always took us out of the room if somone was about to die.

I’m gonna tag, @redstalkingdeath @dea-stiel @credentiast and anyone who feels like sharing!!

Tagged by @lumiereandcogsworth thank you so much!! I love answering questions

Relationships: one. We were together for like. Eight months total? But we only hung out outside of work twice (scheduling conflicts + covid)

Breaks ups: yeeahh I broke up with him a few weeks ago. Basically he was more into me than I was into him and I also realized I don't want a relationship right now, I thought I did, but you know. Live and learn.

Kids: oof this is a toughie. I can't say for certain whether or not I will have kids in the future right now. I've gone back and forth. In general though, I have a tough time connecting with kids. I just don't know what to talk about lol. Babies and toddlers are a different story though. I guess that's why I prefer animals too, any small mammal without the skill of speech I'm good with apparently lmao

Brothers and sisters: 2 brothers and 1 sister! I'm the youngest

Pets: 2 cats and 2 dogs!!!! They're my entire life (and my entire paycheck 😶 not that they cost a lot but I spend all my spending money on them and not me LOL)

Surgeries: I had a bad eye injury when I was 3 that I have absolutely no memory of, but I guess the removal of a large foreign object would be considered a surgical procedure so, let's say yes

Tattoos: nope! I'm not opposed to getting one eventually, but it would have to be something super meaningful to me

Countries you've been to: I've never left the United States, but I'd like to!

Been in an airplane: too many times to count!

Been in an ambulance: a couple times!

Sing karaoke: NO I do NOT have the confidence for that. Belting it out in the car with my mom is as public as it gets for me

I've

Ice skating: I,,,,, have a bad track record with accidentally cutting myself and I am very much afraid of that with ice skating (I'm also afraid of cutting someone else tbh like if I fell and someone was behind me 👁👁) I LOVE rollerblading though so I'm sure ice skating would be a breeze

Been on a cruise: nope

Driven a motorcycle: no

Ridden a horse: my only experience with horses is being VERY little and meeting one of my honorary grandparent's horses and being scared to tears and feeding one from my hand when I was like 14 which was gross LMAO but I would like to learn to ride one eventually

Stayed in a hospital: since I was a newborn baby? No

Favorite fruit or berry: STRAWBERRIES!! I had some after dinner

Favorite colors: baby blue, teal, mint, and yellow!

Last text: "OH!!!! :')" - to my best friend, in reaction to a video of her dog grooming her cat

Coffee or tea: I don't have a shirt that says "NEED MORE COFFEE" for nothin, babey

Favorite pie: PUMPKIN (I have only tried maybe 3 pies in my life though)

Favorite pizza: bacon

Cat or dog: B O T H!!! They're both so good for different reasons and I adore them

Favorite time of year: FALL!!!! Unfortunately the window four fall weather is VERY small most years here in the Midwest. Last year it snowed 6 inches on Halloween. Also Christmas 🥺🥰

Met a star: I spent the first 7 years of my life in LA and I met some famous skateboarders when I was like 6. I also met Clifford Chapin last year! He was very nice!! I went through a lot to get that autograph. It's a long story, it was a battle.

Flown a helicopter: ??? I'm assuming this was originally supposed to say "flown IN a helicopter"?? But no

Been on tv: nope! But again, I lived in LA and my mom was approached by talent agent's a couple times when she was out with me (I was cute af)

Broken my leg: nope! Never broken a bone. I've broken my head open twice though, and I have a sick eyebrow scar from one because of it

Seen a ghost: no. I have absolutely felt Bad Vibes in two different houses though. One house was just a house we were looking to rent. There was two bedrooms in one house we lived in I didn't feel comfortable being alone in and one was my bedroom at one point. And one of those my mom had a REALLY WEIRD experience in but I won't get into that in this post.

Been sick in a taxi: this is so specific wtf lmao. No

I've never been in a taxi.

Seen someone die: no.

I tag: @aeoliancas @krissychambers @cas-s-sinoatrial-node @flowersforcas @trickstermoose67 @kpopusly and whoever else wants to do this, say I tagged you!!