#for andy <33 made myself real emotional doing this

[glassofpumpkinjuice]

more than an hour

2003 / 2007 / 2009 / 2013 / 2016 / 2018 / 2023

[asbcblog]

TOP SONGS OF 2020 WRITE UP!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6WDeuRMOV8neAhU2zd193d?si=lZ9gDIp0TsCCEOeCS7_QGw

1. I remember everything - John Prine

I was going to write an incredibly earnest and long review of this song that outlined just how much John Prine meant to me. I can’t really do it and I think this song probably says enough alone. With only a few chords he always manages to express all the little things that make love what it is, all different kinds of love. Long lasting, short moments, love with places, sounds, going places and staying home, endless family ties, and the often fragile but in the end tenable love between all human beings in the face of catastrophe. The pandemic stole a lot of things from a lot of people this year, including John Prine, but he will remain one of the greatest songwriters of all time and his songs will live on forever.

2. Dream Palette - Yves Tumor

I can’t drive but let’s pretend I’m driving, I’m in LA and it’s night time or something, my elbow’s out the window, don’t know why I’m wearing sunglasses, this song comes on the radio, I’m the coolest person alive.

3. Boylife in EU- Yung Lean

Not to repeat my review of Garden but when the chorus comes I feel like I’m on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and im screaming but this time its because of a no-deal Brexit.

4. Garden- Joseph Futak

My review was already used as part of Joe’s promo campaign and it said: “feel like im on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and I’m screaming when the drums come in x x”

5. Circle the Drain- Soccer Mommy

I like this song because I too, am often alone in my room, and I have also become obsessed with subtle breakbeats to an extent where people around me have become very bored of the subject.

6. The Brothers William Said- The Innocence Mission

I listened to this song over and over when I was travelling round London in January just after my birthday, it felt like I’d been listening to it for years, like it was in a movie I’d forgotten. It felt at the time like I was saying a lot of goodbyes, recognising that things weren’t really like they used to be.

7. On the Floor- Perfume Genius

Say it with me ladies: I CROSS OUT HIS NAME ON THE PAGE!!!!

8. Shameika- Fiona Apple

She may not believe it but I bet Fiona Apple looked tough with a riding crop.

9. Song for Our Daughter- Laura Marling

Everything about this is fantastic, mellow and bright at the same time. Every part is brought forward individually and no part of this song gets left behind. A stunning vocal from Laura Marling and purposeful lyrics set to a cinematically emotive instrumental. Pure magic as always.

10. Building site outside- Piglet

Not going to lie, I was in a very vulnerable emotional state when I listened to this song for the first time, but I think that makes it no less powerful and just, sad. The lyric ‘she smiled at me so much last time’ is just so simple and devastating that you forget this would’ve been on every indie film soundtrack from 2000-2008 if Piglet was an industry plant.  

11. I wonder- Shamir

One word: EPIC

12. Crimson Tide- Destroyer

Listened to this every time I came on my period this year.

13. In the Dining Room - Joe Pera talks with you

Adam showed me Joe Pera when I really felt incredibly sad at the very beginning of this year. It’s a show that’s made me feel good, no matter the circumstances. This moment in the show made me smile, and I love hearing Gene come in a bit too early.

14. Stupid Love- Lady Gaga

Shakin my little booty in the kitchen to this x

15. Might bang, might not- Little Simz

Livid we didn’t all get to go to End of the Road and see all the hot dad’s loving Little Simz.

16. Fire- Waxahatchee

A truly insane vocal. I listened to this song on my way to work almost every day from September to December and fantasised singing back up at some kind of outdoor gig in the summer and it made everything significantly less bleak.

17. Hannah Sun- Lomelda

This song is too nice and genuine for me to say anything other than, “really lovely song :)”.

18. Scroll of Sorrow- Machine Girl, guayaba

Listened to this a lot this year while sitting on my kitchen floor staring into an empty oven, wondering if I was ever going to go to a party again.

19. Build a nest- Jeff and Ruby Parker

Have put this on in the flat because the guitar solo reminds me of everything my dad listens to at home. A really great piece of music that kicks off a really exciting album.

20. Kiss me thru the phone- That Kid

Ned said yesterday that he thought it was funny how much the original of this song is so foundational to hyper pop and I agree. Also I’ve started saying ‘Bitch’ like That Kid does every time I stub my toe.

21. Cuckoo- Sam Amidon

I am punting down a creek, looking in the branches that hang over the water for the bird that shall lead me to my next clue.

22. Places/ Plans- Skullcrusher

Used this song to comfort myself in moments where I also just don’t understand why I’m not famous.

23. Sweetjoy- Jam City

Finally….. HAIM for dudes.

24. Clean Living- Slow Weather

I saw someone listening to this on the side of my Spotify so I decided to give it a go and it was a fantastic decision. It’s mental that half of this song is an outro.

25. Summer All Over- Blake Mills

Along with the music video visuals and the dampened piano tone, this wins the competition for least summer-y song with the actual word summer in the title.

26. Ready Cheeky Pretty- CHAI

All of my joy this year has been brought to me by CHAI. I have nothing negative to say about CHAI. If you have anything negative to say about CHAI you’re gonna have to go through me.

27. Diaphanous- Land of Talk

This band was recommended to me by a guy I was trying to flirt with at rough trade east but everything closed before I could impress him by saying ‘I think they’re really cool’.

28. Anything - Adrianne Lenker

Anyone who has ever attempted to write a song with me knows how much I simply love rhyming. Seriously though, every thing rhymes, brilliant stuff. (It’s also such a brilliantly full and constant song that still manages to move and remain exciting from start to finish. I imagine this is partially due to Adrianne Lenker’s almost nursery rhyme- esque structure and also due to her beautifully colloquial approach to family dynamics.)

29. Blow- Dj Gigola, Kev Koko

This song makes me wish I was Jason Bourne- just wanna jump really far while something explodes behind me.

30. Money Can’t Buy- Yaeji, Nappy Nina 

‘Well I’ll buy some Yaeji tickets, they’re for NOVEMBER, there’s NO WAY they’re gonna get cancelled’.

31. Only the Truth- Johanna Warren

When I first listened to this song I felt like I was floating in the ocean looking up at the stars as the drums came in on ‘what more can I do’. An incredibly beautiful and careful song.

32. Gasoline- Haim

2020 could probably be summarised with the phrase ‘WHY AM I NO LONGER IN CALIFORNIA? WHY DID I LEAVE CALIFORNIA?’ And this song is the 3 minutes 13 seconds seconds of escapism I needed to not topple into a full spiral.

33. Mapuu - Ic3peak

No one can convince me that Ic3peak are real people. They are a collective made up of child ghosts.

34. Don’t Worry- Bladee

Whenever I have an anxiety attack in the night I wake up and see Bladee’s ghost of the future over my bed, he says ‘Don’t worry’ and mumbles for a bit as I fall back into a peaceful sleep.

35. The biggest tits in history- The magnetic fields

The most relatable magnetic fields song imo.  

36. Sand Castle- nijuu

Yujin is a genius and my answer is yes, I do want to just walk for a while.

37. Curl Up- Darren Hayman

Ned reminded me how much I used to love Darren Hayman, and both of them have been a pretty big part of my year.

38. When Will Death Come- Sarah Mary Chadwick

‘Wow, mental voice’ - Ned, while doing the washing up.

39. Dear Dad - Sylvie Wiley

‘But I didn’t cry, you’d be proud’ Sylvie, I’m weeping forever.

40. 34+35- Ariana Grande

Hehehehehehehehehe

41. Garden Song- Phoebe Bridgers

Phoebe Bridgers is a pretty unparalleled lyricist and this song feels like a disconnected series of thoughts that somehow all make sense together and come to create something that doesn’t build, but all just kind of sits? What I’m trying to say is that I don’t really know what she’s talking about but like, I get it.

42. Ringtone (remix) - 100 gecs, Charli xcx, Kero Kero Bonito, Rico Nasty, 

I love the way it sounds like everyone got just one take and had to improvise all the lyrics but it still bangs.

43. Changer- Andy Shauf

Thank you lord for another album about a smaller than average man overthinking all of his social interactions with lots of lovely clarinet parts.

44. What’s your pleasure - Jessie Ware

My pleasure jessie? Probably just sitting by the fire with a tough crossword and a glass of merlot x

45. Slime- Shygirl

Shygirl’s series of singles this year made me even more livid that I had to take out my eyebrow piercing for my new job this year.

46. Sears Tower- Salem

Perfect halloween release.

47. Title track- happyness

Ned turned to me and said: ‘so is their new thing that they sound like Elliot Smith’ and I said: ‘and that’s a bad thing?’

48. Cross-sound ferry (walk on ticket) - Hamilton Leithauser

Have found unbelievable joy in chopping veg and shouting GREEEEEEEN PORT, NEEEEEEWWWW YOOORK alone in my kitchen.

49. Lowswimmer- Hailaker

I’ve loved hearing Jemima’s voice when I haven’t got to see her much this year. I normally take the piss out of the Hambledon line but I haven’t seen that this year really either. I guess we find sentimentality in strange places.

50. XS - Rina Sawayama

This song made me feel very decadent on those days where I didn’t wash.

51. Emily- Clem Snide

Let’s be more kind and brave in the face of it all.

52. Building a fire- Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy

P.O.V you’re doing bushcraft in the garden with your husband Bonnie Prince Billy and he’s here to protect you.

53. Asexual Wellbeing- Okay Kaya

This song absolutely bangs but I am truly bewildered by the way they singled out the line ‘if they could put a pulse into a spinach leaf, can they turn the two of us into a tree?’ in the production as if that was a true piece of genius. As I say great tune tho.

54. Anthems- Charli xcx

The soundtrack to couch to 5k

55. Never Better- Kitty Fitz

A SE London queen bringing us huge pop tunes in 2020. So so excited to see what 2021 brings us from Kitty, she’s gonna be a real force!

56. Deep in Love- Bonny Light Horsemen

This is such a delightful song which (mainly due to the time I actually got around to listening to the whole record) for me really rang in the spring. A beautifully recorded testament to the feeling of love getting stronger meaning you have a lot more to lose.

57. Malibu- Kim Petras

My song of the summer, made me feel like I was at the beach when really I was in Lewisham.

58. Like I’m Winning it- Girlpool

I’m so delighted that the turn girlpool have made this year is towards dramatic goth music with breakbeats. Their voices both sound amazing and they look simply incredible.

59. Azad- Frazey Ford

I have no idea what she’s saying as always but I love it.

60. Helio- Charlotte Dos Santos

I’m literally so excited for what Charlotte Dos Santos is gonna put out next. The production is fantastic and her aesthetics are flawless.

61. Lost in the Country- Trace Mountains

‘I checked my email twice as I cried’. Safe to say we’ve all been there this year amirite girlies x

62. Unfold You- Rostam

I hated this at first, I thought, what’s this lo-fi beats to study to shit, but it’s now my classic ‘I’m just gonna pop to the shops, anyone want anything? x’ song. Huge.

63. Oh Yeah- A.G cook

One of 2020s realisations is that me and A.G Cook kind of look like we could be cousins.

64. Can’t cool me down- Car Seat Headrest

I would like to personally thank will Toledo for giving me a tune that got me off my ass when I was too warm to do exercise this summer.

65. Take back the radio- Katy J Paerson

In love with Katy J Pearson’s voice and the way this song builds. Just pretty flawless and feel good in my opinion. I think she’s such an exciting new artist who’s gonna be around for a very very long time.

66. Good Woman- The Staves

‘I’m a good woman’… speak for yourselves.

67. A Little Love- Jack Francis

Feel like I’ve been singing this song for about 5 years! It’s amazing and I’m so excited about what Jack’s going to bring out in 2021, he’s a genius and also the nicest man on the planet.

68. Lullaby No.4 - Snailbeach

This song makes me feel like I’m being hypnotised on a haunted carousel in a very relaxing way.

69. Boyfriend in every city- Roma Radz

Sucks that she can’t see any of her boyfriends cos of covid :(

70. Jaja ding dong- Will Ferrell

Get back in there and play Jaja Ding Dong !!!!

71. Highway- Jonatan leandoer96

Man, would be pretty sick to have 20 boys outside the club but alas the clubs are dead and I’ve only regularly texted about 4 people this year.

72. De nadie- Kali Uchis

Felt v sexy listening to this for the first time in a Morley’s in Honor Oak.

73. Weird Fishes- Lianne La Havas

This album was a pretty triumphant return for Lianna La Havas and me teenage self simply couldn’t be happier.

74. Micro Creature- Aya Gloomy

Love that despite everything about this song telling me otherwise, that the artwork for this single looks like Aya Gloomy is just chilling in the fields by my family home in Hampshire.

75. Si Ella Sale- Bad Bunny

Better get on the duolingo now if I’m gonna know what this guy’s saying at Porto next year.

76. Through my sails- Mountain Man

Truly gentle reimagining of an already incredibly beautiful song, mountain man make every word seem new!

77.Christmas Day (get me outta this funk) - Baggio and Blue 5 Years- Bath days

In joint 77th place are two banging Christmas songs that have soundtracked a pretty bleak Christmas period and have made me feel pretty joyous in their ways, despite one literally being called Blue Five Years.

[spacereadinglesbian]

35 reasons why I love you

Summary: TJ hasn’t really seemed like himself for about three days. Cyrus tries everything to wrap his mind around it but he can’t. So he decides to write a list on why he is son important to him. (This is a spin off of 45 reasons by Theo @you-get-to-exhale-now-Cyrus, please check her fic our! )

Word count: 1882

1. You’re kind


The first real interaction we ever had together, you were nothing but kind to me. You took time out of your day to talk to some nerd who was all sweaty on a swing set, for what? For a split second I thought you were there to make fun of me, to laugh at how I look but you surprised me. You sat down and talked to me, and that’s the day I realized you were kind. It’s been over 4 years and you haven’t stop showing me kindness. It’s not even just me you show kindness to now, you’ve expanded and now your kindness radiates off of you like the sun on the lake during summer. You’re the kindest person I know.

2. You ask about my day
No matter how shitty your day is, you make sure that you ask about my day. At first I thought it was a courtesy thing, but you actually listen to my answer. You listen to every word I say, and hang onto them like a needle on a thread.

3. You have a special smile reserved for me
You’re smile is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and if I can make you smile for the rest of your life, I promise I will. 


4. You’re intelligent
God, you’re so intelligent. You can state history facts off the tip of your tongue, and you have a quote from literature for almost any situation. Even in math your excelling, you took the hardship and got help, even when you didn’t want to. You’re doing amazing now Teej, and I couldn’t be more proud.

5. You’re sympathetic 
You care. You care more than any person I’ve met. That day when I came home because my dog died, you were there holding me and reminding me that I was going to be okay. When Andi and Amber had their first fight, you comforted Amber then were at Andi Shack in a matter of 10 minutes. And Buffy. When Buffy has a problem with Marty she doesn’t ask me, she asks you, that’s a huge step, especially for her. And when Jonah has panic attacks, he talks to you. You’re the first person he goes to, he says he does it because you’re the best listener, I agree. 


6. You don’t put hair gel in you hair when it’s just us


7. You’re incredible with kids 
Whenever I go to bring you lunch at work you have at least two children clinging to your leg. They say that Mr.TJ is the best gym instructor they’ve ever had. 


8. You’re strong
When your parents went through that divorce you were the glue that held the family together while you were also falling apart. You kept it together in front of your mom, your little brother, and Amber. You said they needed at least one man that wouldn’t screw them over. You were only 15 at the time but wanted to make sure everyone was taken care of. You’re the strongest person I know.

9. You’re a great story teller
Damn I could listen to your stories all day, every day. The amount of detail you go into when you’re telling story and the little light in your eyes when you realize somebody actually cares about it is breathtaking.

10. You’re warm 
When I’m cuddling with you I don’t even need a blanket. I think you’re so warm because you have such a warm heart, but that's just my personal opinion.


11. You make the best coffee


12. You can ramble about history for hours

13. Glasses 
When you wake up from a nap and have your hair misplaced and your glasses on you look like the softest little teddy bear. 


14. You care about the environment 
Do you remember the day when we had a beach date? We didn’t even end up swimming, we ended up picking up as much trash as we possibly could on the beach. And after that, your smile was radiating so we went to a different beach and picked that one up too. I also gave up beef for you because your love for the environment is so infectious, and you know how much I loved hamburgers.

15. You respect and love your mom 
I’ve never seen someone have so much respect for their mom. I don’t know if its because you’re a respectful person or because of everything your mom has done for you. From being a single mom to accepting you when you came out. All I know is that you look at her like she holds the world, and you’re not wrong because she held you for 9 months and now you’re my world.


16. You text me to make sure I get home safe 
Nobody has ever taken the time to make sure I get home safe every single time I leave them, it just reminds me how lucky I am to have you.

17. You’re an awful person to watch sad movies with. Yeah I said it. You get so emotional while watching sad movies we always end up changing them, but I don’t mind because I hate thinking about sad things when I’m with you. 


18. You collect socks 
Whenever I have a bad day I look at your socks. You always have something cool on them whether it’s dogs, or basketballs, but my personal favorite are the ones with unicorns.


19. You don’t have one plain pair of sheets 
You say that if you fall asleep on plain sheets your brain doesn’t get enough imagination. Now I know why you’re such a creative person


20. Every time we are out we have to get your dog a new toy 
I swear Bonnie has at least 30 toys all from you. “Cy, we have to go get her a toy! We went out without her she’s going to hate us!” Every time I cave. 


21. You like to capture the moment
At first I hated it that you took so many pictures, I always said “let’s live in the moment.” But you always wanted to take at least one picture. Now I’m lucky that you did that, we have a picture from every movie night to every date.


22. You have soft hands 
I always take your hands in mine because they are so soft, I just can’t help it, plus I love playing with your fingers.


23. Your eyes light up when you talk about something you love
I don’t know if you know this, but you get a sparkle in your eye whenever you talk about something you care about. That’s why I watch history documentaries with you and help you pick up beaches. I never want to see your eyes without sparkle.


24. You don’t half ass shit 
No matter how hard something is, you give it your all. You put everything you have into it, I can’t help but admire that part of you. 


25. You’ve worked for everything you have 
You have worked since you were 14 years old, almost nobody does that. You pay for your phone bill, you’re gas, and your car insurance, and you still beg to pay while we’re on dates. 


26. You volunteer at the elementary school
Every Wednesday you read to a second grade class, I don’t know why you do it, you’ve never told me, but I know it holds a special place in your heart. 


27. You’re an incredible brother
You always help Cooper with his homework when you get home from school. You’re always there to talk to him, you even talk to him about girl troubles even though in your words “I have no experience”. And Amber. Oh my god you’re such an incredible brother to Amber. You’re there for her to talk to or yell at, or use as a punching bag when needed. You even letter put makeup on you when she wants to try something new, you’re the only person I know who lets their sister do that.

28. You’re a good cuddler
That’s it, that’s the whole reason. 


29. You put your friends first 
Ever since we adopted you into our friend group you’ve cared about everyone. If they look down you make sure to text them ask them privately, if they are having a hard family time you offer them to stay at your house. You treat everybody like family, it’s one of the many reasons I love you. 


30. You always offer to pay 
Even though I got a job, you still offer to pay, ALWAYS! We have to rock, paper, scissor, it out every time to decide who gets to pay.

31. You’re a great captain
Ever since 8th grade you’ve respected your teammates and you made sure they get the attention they need. You put your practices first, you’re kind to every single person, you even have game nights once a month at your house.

32. You have a good relationship with my family 
My mom literally treats you like her own son, she always asks why you aren’t at the house and when you’re coming over next. My dad asks when your games are and shows up to every one, he always tells me how great you are basketball. He’s thankful that one day he might have a son that loves sports just as much as he does.

33. God, you have really soft lips 


34. You’re sincere 
I feel like I’ve already said this, but I guess I’ll say it again, you love with your whole heart and nothing less. You care about people, you truly care about people TJ and it shows, you’re just an incredible person.


35. You’re the most important thing in my life 
From the day I met you I knew you were special. I knew you held a special place in my heart and I didn’t know why. Then I got to know you, I really got to know you and I started to understand why my heart felt so full while you were around. It’s because of everything that I’ve listed and more. When I’m not with you, you’re all I think about, and when I’m with you I think about the next time I can see you. I think about your voice, and your eyes. I think about how soft your lips feel on mine. I think about when you giggle and try to hide it by covering your mouth with your hand. God Theodore, i just think about you. I think about what I would do without you, and my mind goes blank because I can’t. I can’t see myself without you by my side. You are the most important thing in my life, and I love you more than you can ever imagine. And all I want for you is to be happy.

Love always,

Cyrus

[cantbehandled-ever]

thanks @satans-helper for tagging me in this get to know me tag! i’ve never done one this long, so here’s a bunch of info that no one wanted to know about me lmao

1. What’s your middle name?

- Lynn, which i hateee

2. how old are you?

- 19

3. when is your birthday?

- november 17th

4. what is your zodiac sign?

- scorpio sun, libra rising, pisces moon. i have two fucking water signs which explains why i’m so emotional

5. what’s your favorite shade of green?

- forest/emerald green

6. what’s your lucky number?

- 8

7. do you have any pets?

- yes! i have three dogs and i’d die for them

8. where are you from?

- originally chicago, but now i live in orlando

9. how tall are you?

- 5’9

10. what shoe size are you?

- 10 in women’s, 8.5 in men’s

11. how many pairs of shoes do you own?

- 10

12. what was your last dream about?

- i dreamt that i ran off to live in a cave and raised goldfish as my past time, so i’m really jealous that i didn’t actually do that

13. what talents do you have?

- i can bs my way through stuff, because if i really need to, i can come off as decently eloquent. also i can sing kinda well, nothing amazing

14. are you psychic in any way?

- i’ve had dreams that ended up happening exactly like i dreamed them

15. favorite song?

- i could not tell you, but lately i’ve been listening to Second Hand News by Fleetwood Mac several times a day

16. Favorite movie?

- the sixth sense (i just really like m. night shyamalan movies)

17. who would be our ideal partner?

- someone with a great sense of humor and i’m pretty anxious, so someone who is good at keeping calm

18. do you want children?

- nope lmao, but i do want to be an aunt. i like kids, but like only when i can give them back to their parents when i get tired of them lol

19. do you want a church wedding?

- not really, if i did end up having one, it would be bc the building was beautiful it would have nothing to do with it being a church

20. are you religious?

- no, long and sad history with religion. i do consider myself to be pretty spiritual and learning more about stuff like that is really interesting to me

21. have you ever been to a hospital?

- yep, last year over spring break i had to get my gallbladder removed:)))))))) my surgeon took pics of my gallbladder though and it’s super sick and gross looking so at least i have that

22. have you ever gotten into trouble with the law?

- nope

23. have you ever met any celebrities?

- i met andy mientus, but he’s not like a huge celebrity

24. baths or showers?

- showers, baths are gross

25. what color socks are you wearing?

- white and purple

26. have you ever been famous?

- not really, but when i was in fifth grade i submitted a poem i wrote to a publishing company and they put it into a book, so my elementary school made a big deal out of it, so i was like a local celebrity amongst ten year olds for a week lol

27. would you like to be a big celebrity?

- only if it was for music, because that’s the only way i could see myself being happy with it. however, i’d much rather just have my own niche audience and be super personal with them, but still make enough money that i could afford to have that be my only career

28. what type of music do you like?

- mainly rock and funkier music, but i can pretty much listen to anything

29. have you ever been skinny dipping?

- no, because i hate my body lol

30. how many pillows do you sleep with?

- 4

31. what position do you usually sleep in?

- i’m a stomach sleeper

32. how big is your house?

- i live in a tiny apartment

33. what do you typically have for breakfast?

- usually just coffee, but sometimes i’ll have a breakfast bar

34. have you ever fired a gun?

- yes and i hated it, it’s way too scary to hold something like that

35. have you ever tried archery?

- yeah! we had it as a unit in my middle school gym class and i wasn’t super horrible at it!

36. favorite clean word?

- indubitably

37. favorite swear word?

- it’s more of a statement but i say “fuck off” all the time

38. what’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

- 29 when i was studying for finals last year

39. do you have any scars?

- several

40. have you ever had a secret admirer?

- yeah when i was seven

41. are you a good liar?

- when i need to be

42. are you a good judge of character?

- no i try to let everyone prove themselves, but mainly just makes me feel dumb when they screw me over

43. can you do any other accents other than your own?

- i don’t really have a midwestern accent anymore, but i can do one to make fun of my family members

44. do you have a strong accent?

- no

45. what’s your favorite accents?

- south african

46. what’s your personality type?

- advocate

47. what’s your most expensive piece of clothing?

- my doc martens were like $135 and i treat them like babies

48. can you curl your tongue?

- yep

49. are you an innie or an outie?

- bellybutton??? an innie but that’s super weird

50. left or right handed?

- right handed

51. are you scared of spiders?

- oh absolutely

52. favorite food?

- sushi

53. favorite foreign food?

- sushi or mexican food

54. are you a clean or messy person?

- both, i keep my room super messy, but any area of the apartment that i share with other people i keep spotless

55. most used phrase?

- “oh absolutely”

56. most used word?

- fuck

57. how long does it take you to get ready?

- roughly about an hour and 15 minutes

58. do you have much of an ego?

- depends, but in general i wouldn’t say so

59. do you suck or bite lollipops?

- suck

60. do you talk to yourself?

- who doesn’t?????

61. do you sing to yourself?

- all the time

62. are you good singer?

- i’m fine, nothing impressive

63. biggest fear?

- being kidnapped and also i’m really afraid of strange men, i can’t bring myself to trust both of them

64. are you a gossip?

- to my roommates

65. best dramatic movie you’ve ever seen?

- i really don’t know, i don’t watch a ton of dramas, mainly comedy

66. do you like long or short hair?

- on girls i like both, on guys i prefer long

67. can you name all 50 states in america?

- yeah if you gave me a few minutes

68. favorite school subject?

- biology

69. extrovert or introvert?

- introvert

70. have you ever been scuba diving?

- nope

71. what makes you nervous?

- i have anxiety :)))) so everything

72. are you scared of the dark?

- only if i’m in a strange place

73. do you correct people when they make mistakes?

- depends on my relationship with them

74. are you ticklish?

- holy shit yeah

75. have you ever started a rumor?

- nope

76. have you ever been in a position of authority?

- not one that mattered

77. have you drank underage?

- yes, i literally have more alcohol than food in my fridge rn

78. have you ever done drugs?

- yep, like three days ago

79. who was your first real crush?

- a kid named conner when i was in sixth grade

80. how many piercings do you have?

- four

81. can you roll your r’s?

- nope

82. how fast can you type?

- moderately fast

83. how fast can you run?

- not fast at all

84. what color is your hair?

- auburn

85. what color are your eyes?

- brown

86. what are you allergic to?

- shellfish

87. do you keep a journal?

- nope but i have a finsta which i use for the same reason

88. what do your parents do?

- my mom is a nurse and my dad used to be a firefighter

89. do you like your age?

- i mean i don’t like how close i am to being a real adult, but it’s fine

90. what makes you angry?

- lots of stuff

91. do you like your name?

- nope, i think it’s stupid

92. have you already thought of baby names, and if so, what are they?

- nope, no children thanks

93. do you want a boy or a girl child?

- neither

94. what are your strengths?

- i’m a good problem solver and i have a good work ethic

95.what are your weaknesses?

- i am physically weak and wayyyyy too emotional

96. how did you get your name?

- my mom watched steel magnolias in college and decided she was going to name her first daughter shelby

97. were your ancestors royalty?

- i doubt it, but on the off chance, pls send money i’m broke :))))))

98. do you have any scars?

- yes

99. color of your bedspread?

- white

100. color of your room?

- yellow

im tagging: @blackbluemichael @flowrxchild @rosecolouredash @calumsdemons @ghostofcth @what-now-lucas

[junker-town]

The unexpected emotional ride of watching my brother make the Super Bowl

Geoff Schwartz (left) is getting ready to watch his brother Mitch (right) play in his first Super Bowl | Photo courtesy of Geoff Schwartz

Geoff Schwartz is still the biggest fan of his brother, Mitchell, the right tackle for the Chiefs.

Super Bowl 54 will be upon us soon. The Kansas City Chiefs are making their first appearance in 50 years. They play the San Francisco 49ers, who are looking for their sixth Super Bowl win, tying the Steelers and Patriots for most Lombardi trophies of any franchise.

A top offense with an exceptional QB and an ascending defense for the Chiefs against the elite defense and the methodical offense of the 49ers. It should be special.

And for my family, this game is extra special.

I’m 33 years old. I grew up in a sports household. We watched sports every night — baseball, basketball, and football. I went to every UCLA football game from the time I could walk fast enough to keep up with my dad, until I went to Oregon. As a kid, like most of us growing up with sports in our life, I’d role-play making the game-winning shot in the NBA Finals, the walk-off home run in the World Series, and throwing the winning pass in the Super Bowl.

I imagine I’ve watched near every Super Bowl, whether I remember them or not. My first memory of the game was in 1995, when my childhood favorite 49ers laid the wood to the San Diego Chargers. As a youngster, you’d watch the pageantry surrounding the final game of every NFL season and understand this one is different. But, it’s near impossible to understand the magnitude of the game sitting from your couch.

When I entered the league, I quickly learned what the Super Bowl meant to people around the NFL. Older players and coaches discussed the game in mythical terms. The Super Bowl is more than 60 minutes between two foes — it’s about legacy. It will define you for the rest of your life. The Super Bowl is the reason we all come to work. Yes, we make money, but we also play so we can say we are Super Bowl champions.

And while my dream of playing in a Super Bowl never happened during my eight-year playing career (0-3 in the playoffs), I get to watch my younger brother, Chiefs right tackle Mitchell Schwartz, get his first start in the big game on Sunday. And wow, what a fulfilling experience it’s going to be.

The Chiefs’ Super Bowl run has been a roller coaster of emotions

I’m not an emotional person. I’m never too high or too low. I believe in balance and, with that, you need to control your feelings. Even with my family, I try to remain relaxed, focused, and not deterred by little irritants. Steady. It’s been how I’ve watched my brother play his entire career, starting in college at California, through his time in Cleveland and now finishing up his fourth season in Kansas City.

Unlike my parents, who rightfully get emotional watching their kids play, I’ve always watched Mitch with a calm focus on what he’s doing on each play. I’d know he was prepared, he studied, and was able to execute his assignment. Did he make mistakes? Of course, we all do. But since I played the same position as he does, I know what it feels like making those mistakes.

When Mitch was a youngster in the NFL, I’d watch his game and if I was watching it live, I’d text him notes on certain plays in real time. I knew exactly what plays he’d have questions about. After games, we’d chat about what happened and just debrief. Over time, as Mitch has excelled as a player, we have these conversations less and less, because he didn’t need any of my help.

But as you’d suspect, I am still his biggest fan. I’ve always admired Mitch’s ability to diagnosis what is being presented to him. His recognition of the pass rush he’s about to engage with and his way of countering that. Playing smarter, not harder. That was never my style. I just couldn’t do it. I wanted to maul people and wasn’t able to play as technically sound. It probably shortened my career, but who knows. I don’t have any regrets.

I was pumped when Mitch signed with the Chiefs, considering I loved my single season in Kansas City with Andy Reid. I watched Mitch’s first two seasons end in playoff losses, and I felt sadness because I knew he was disappointed. But I believed those teams could win it all, which took away some of the sting. That changed last season in the Divisional Round.

The Chiefs entered the postseason as the No. 1 seed. I sat down in the kitchen to watch the game. And I got nervous. I had never experienced this feeling before watching my brother play on this level. The Chiefs were supposed to beat the Colts, and I was anxious about it. I’m not sure what came over me, but it was a rough few hours, even with the Chiefs dominating the Colts. When the Chiefs won, I settled down, texted my brother congratulations, and started to plan my travel to Kansas City for the AFC Championship Game.

At that game against the Patriots, I was on edge at first, but being around 70,000 jittery Chiefs fans actually calmed me down. I was able to watch the game without much nerves, even as the Chiefs were trailing early in the game. It was a crushing defeat in overtime and I felt awful for my brother, who was clearly excited about his first championship game. After a few days, I was back home in Charlotte and life continued.

Entering this season, the Chiefs’ only goal was getting to the Super Bowl in Miami. When they struggled midway through the season, I was a calm voice on social media. I made the case that it was early in the season and the Chiefs were beat up. Be patient. Don’t panic. It’s easy for me to make that statement, as I’ve played and understand the flow of a season, and I ended up being right.

Things broke right for the Chiefs. They were matched up with the Texans in the Divisional Round, a game I thought the Chiefs would win easily. The Chiefs got down 24-0 and I wasn’t worried. It was early and they had made their own mistakes. Then Kansas City went on a 51-7 run to win, 51-31. Then it was back to the championship game, this time against the Titans.

I was concerned about the Titans. They were playing well and I didn’t know if anyone was going to stop the freight train. I got myself all worked up heading into the game. I got that nervous feeling again. I was sitting at the kitchen, all alone while my kids napped. The game didn’t start well for the Chiefs. My anxiety picked up as the Titans scored, making it 17-7.

Then, Patrick Mahomes happened.

Suddenly, the Chiefs were headed into halftime up 21-17. I knew it was over then. The second half went the Chiefs’ way, and they eventually got to hoist the Lamar Hunt Trophy in victory, heading to Miami to face the 49ers.

After the game ended, my wife and kids left me alone. They went to start the nighttime routine. I turned off the game, sat quietly in my chair, and started to tear up. I did not plan on crying, but I was so overcome with emotion after being worked up for hours. I skipped dinner (a rarity for me), and just sat there thinking about this moment for Mitch for a few hours.

How special. A Super Bowl. A legacy-defining event. I can’t wait until Sunday.

[metroidspeedrun]

ALL THE UNUSUAL ASKS. (alternatively, every prime number)

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Definitely Spotify2. is your room messy or clean? Atm it is clean but it'll eventually be a huge mess again3. what color are your eyes? Brown, very dark brown4. do you like your name? why? I kind of picked it for myself but sometimes I don't like it. Other times I'd rather not5. what is your relationship status? SINGLE7. describe your personality in 3 words or less Antsy, emotional, empathetic8. what color hair do you have? Dark brown but sometimes in the summer it gets a reddish tint9. what kind of car do you drive? color? I don't drive10. where do you shop? Online on SheIn. Their clothes are always really cheap and comfy11. how would you describe your style? Unpredictable, eclectic maybe12. favorite social media account Tumblr13. what size bed do you have? Queen, but I'm eventually gonna get a daybed to have more space in my room14. any siblings? 10; 6 boys 4 girls15. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? I'm not sure yet, like I really haven't been anywhere16. favorite snapchat filter? My face doesn't register on snapchat17. favorite makeup brand(s) Nyx, hands down18. how many times a week do you shower? Anywhere between 7-1219. favorite tv show? Andi Mack and Gotham20. shoe size? 8.5 US shoe size21. how tall are you? 5'3 22. sandals or sneakers? Sneakers23. do you go to the gym? Nope, but I walk about 6-10 miles a week24. describe your dream date Cheese pizza, action movie, nap, crafts25. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? I don't have any cash on me ever but I have $2.73 in the bank atm26. what color socks are you wearing? Mustard yellow27. how many pillows do you sleep with? 328. do you have a job? what do you do? I do, I'm a nanny 29. how many friends do you have? This is always a hard question bc I never know who to count so I'll j say around 5-1230. whats the worst thing you have ever done? I said a lot of terrible things as a child to other kids out of anger and they weren't even relevant to what they did and they never should have been said.31. whats your favorite candle scent? Coffee32. 3 favorite boy names Micah, Uriah, & Walter33. 3 favorite girl names Imogen, Micah, & Arielle34. favorite actor? Um atm John Boyega bc he was the first name that came to mind35. favorite actress? Definitely Carey Mulligan36. who is your celebrity crush? Also Carey Mulligan37. favorite movie? Hacksaw Ridge 38. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? Not as much as I did when I was younger. Ummmm... Atm I've regained my love for Treasure Island after seeing something about pirates the other day39. money or brains? Like attraction-wise or for myself??? I have to say brains for attraction and money for myself bc I'm really not that smart anyways.40. do you have a nickname? what is it? I have a couple. Bean, Grandma, Chocolate Daddy -I can explain but I can't explain-41. how many times have you been to the hospital? 4 times in my life I think? 3/4 times were about my back and the last time I thought I had tb but I don't so that's good42. top 10 favorite songs Fuck ok um this changes like every 30 minutes but atm and not in this order1) My Flame by Bobby Caldwell 2) Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden3) Bulletproof Heart by MCR4) Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood5) Sleepover by Hayley Kiyoko6) Chunky by Bruno Mars7) Hallelujah by P!ATD8) Lights Out by Angel Olsen9) Carmen by Lana del Rey10) Hit Em Up by Tupac43. do you take any medications daily? I've never taken any sort of medication 44. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) Oily ig idk a lot about skin45. what is your biggest fear? Living my whole life being empty without something that can fill it constantly46. how many kids do you want? Anywhere between 2 & 947. whats your go to hair style? Right now just short with like one or two fake flowers stuck in it48. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) Small, 3 bedroom49. who is your role model? I don't really have one lol50. what was the last compliment you received? "I like your tights"51. what was the last text you sent? "No problem" 52. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? Never believed in Santa53. what is your dream car? Station wagon 54. opinion on smoking? Cigs are disgusting, I stopped smoking weed bc it only made me dissociate more than I should, but I don't mind people smoking around me 55. do you go to college? Yup, but idk if I'm gonna be on academic probation or not p soon fingers crossed that I won't56. what is your dream job? Social work57. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? Rural tbh. It'd give me more space to walk and talk to myself in private58. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? No, bc my hair is weird and only takes certain kinds of conditioner and shampoos59. do you have freckles? I sure do have freckles 60. do you smile for pictures? Only when I'm sad or wearing lipstick61. how many pictures do you have on your phone? Hella like idk how many bc it doesn't say but so many62. have you ever peed in the woods? Never been in the woods63. do you still watch cartoons? Oh hell yeah most definitely64. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? I don't eat meat anymore lol65. Favorite dipping sauce? Salsa or hummus66. what do you wear to bed? Sweatpants and a t-shirt67. have you ever won a spelling bee? 6th place bc 3 teachers mispronounced scrimmage68. what are your hobbies? Cooking, making playlists, making headbands, and walking69. can you draw? I get bursts of talent but most times no, not at all. I'm terrible70. do you play an instrument? I can play 2 songs on a children's xylophone71. what was the last concert you saw? Never been to a concert72. tea or coffee? Tea, coffee is gross73. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Starbucks 74. do you want to get married? Not really no, like don't get me wrong I'm a romantic but I'm not the easiest person to live with75. what is your crush’s first and last initial? M.H.76. are you going to change your last name when you get married? Nah, but I wanna change my last name to my grandma's maiden name.77. what color looks best on you? Yellow78. do you miss anyone right now? Yeah79. do you sleep with your door open or closed? Open80. do you believe in ghosts? Nope81. what is your biggest pet peeve? Not covering your face when you sneeze &/or cough82. last person you called My mom83. favorite ice cream flavor? Strawberry 84. regular oreos or golden oreos? Neither, golden ones are j gross and the regular ones make me tired85. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? Rainbow86. what shirt are you wearing? Purple men's tee from F2187. what is your phone background? Different color roses88. are you outgoing or shy? Shy, painfully shy89. do you like it when people play with your hair? Yes, I like to be touched in general but it depends on how close I am to the person/people90. do you like your neighbors? I don't ever see them 91. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? Neither, I only wash my face like 5-18 times a year92. have you ever been high? Quite a few times93. have you ever been drunk? Twice94. last thing you ate? Half a pizza95. favorite lyrics right now "You wanna be friends forever/ I can think of something better"96. summer or winter? Winter, I am currently dying in this heat in the house97. day or night? Night98. dark, milk, or white chocolate? Dark chocolate99. favorite month? October100. what is your zodiac sign Sun in Leo101. who was the last person you cried in front of? Maddie, but I was really drunk