#for 1k for one year i just need to sell my fucking soul

[rsbry-beret]

what they don’t tell you about scholarship season is how gross it feels to look at personal tragedy and monetize it

[aethon-recs]

Hi! Thank you for all your recs. I have downloaded most of them and read most of them during my 2 weeks family vacation. They were great. I was wondering if you could recommend me any tomarry crack fics that are hilarious.

This was such a fun ask, thank you for sending this in! I had a ton of fun revisiting some old favorites in this ship that made me laugh and cry-laugh and then laugh some more. As I was rereading and sorting through the fics on this list, I noticed a few recurring themes that came up... coffeeshop AUs, social media fics, funeral-themed fics(!???), and a myriad of food-themed fics. 

I really hope you enjoy this selection of hilarious silly clever witty cracky takes on Tomarrymort 🤍

*

Tomarrymort Crack Recs

A Slice of Heaven by jellybeantarot (M, 3k, complete)

Tom is a sex worker under an agency that masks as a pizzeria, Harry orders a large sausage pizza, and yep, that's a dick in a pizza box.

almost got in a knife fight after work (a thread) / things i’ve learned since dating knife boy (a follow-up thread) by chaoscookiescrimes  (T, 2k, complete)

just Harry @'thechosenone' All im saying is a pocketknife is a purchase you’ll almost never regret.

and they were roommates by @purplemineralwater (M, 3k, complete)

Tom and Harry, roommates and stars of Gogglebox, are adored by their fans. Unbeknown to them, the fans of the show want them to be more than friends.

cam and get it by @swoontodeath (E, 3k, WIP)

Harry Potter isn't one for pornography. He's got a perfectly adequate imagination, thank you very much, not to mention a fully functional right hand. One accidental glimpse of Tom Riddle's arse, though, threatens to change everything.

Coffee Moste Evile by @wynnefic (T, 4k, complete)

After graduating Hogwarts, Tom finds work at Borgin & Burke's, where he diligently sells the darkest of arts(-themed coffee and pastries).

Dark Lord Coffee by @being-luminous (T, 4k, complete)

In which Voldemort runs his empire from a coffee shop, and wizards are generally very ridiculous.

Dearly Beloved by @wynnefic (T, 3k, complete)

Worn down after countless demands, Harry breaks and finally goes on a date with the incredibly ostentatious, vain, and self-absorbed Tom Marvolo Riddle the Third. A few days later, he attends Tom's funeral, which goes much better.

Do You Want Fries With That? (part 1) / Tom's Time Has Fry-nally Come (part 2) by jellybeantarot (T, 16k, complete)

Harry really needed some money, Dumbledore needed someone to dress up as Wendy, and Tom was the only one with the desperation to be Ronald McDonald.

found you sleeping in my coffin by @the-wig-is-a-metaphor (M, 6k, complete)

Harry gets turned into a vampire. For better or worse, Tom is there to help.

Full circle by tetsurashian (NR, 67k, WIP)

Harry and Tom’s souls are tied together. Which is why they’re in this endless loop of rebirth. At some point, they stopped caring and just started fucking with people.

Harry James [Redacted] by @duplicitywrites (T, 24k, WIP)

It had been three weeks since Harry had mistakenly landed in the 1970s, given his name to Dumbledore as Harry James, and been re-Sorted as a Slytherin. He's now broken the timeline, busted his parents' first date, and potentially botched his chances of ever being born. And, just maybe, he's also caught the attention of a certain rising Dark Lord.

Harry Potter and the—Well, Anything But This by @cindle-writes (E, 21k, WIP)

It’s 12 years after the war has ended that Death sends Harry back in time to fix the timeline and save his soulmate. Except there's one catch. Harry has to start over again from his first year.

Hiss Hiss by @vdoshu (G, 1k, complete)

Harry goes to buy himself a pet for Christmas. Tom sees this as an opportunity.

Inventing Paradoxes (part 1) / Deconstructing Paradoxes (part 2) by @perhaps-sunlight (G, 75k, complete)

When budding Dark Lord Tom Riddle overhears a prophecy predicting his demise at the hands of Harry Potter, he hatches a devious and brilliant plan: befriend the enemy, master the power-that-he-knows-not, and then eliminate him.

Keeping Your Human-Child Horcrux Happy in Captivity; A Guide to Enrichment (part 1) / The Horcrux Hotline (part 2) by @cannibalinc (M, 9k, complete)

A self-improvement series for Dark Lords with troublesome human-horcruxes. 

Local Preteens Entrap Murderous Wraith (You Won’t Believe What Happens Next) by @being-luminous (T, 22k, complete)

Harry, Ron, and Hermione discover a spell. They decide to perform it, and no one is pleased with the result.

Magically Delicious by @dividawrites, @duplicitywrites (E, 10k, complete)

Draco Malfoy is selling 'Voldemort Bathwater Boxes' at Hogwarts for questionable, unknown reasons. Harry is more curious than he should be, and this has disastrous consequences for everyone... but mostly for Harry.

no amount of therapy can help by @the-wig-is-a-metaphor (G, 2k, WIP)

The entire internet is aware of occultist youtuber Lord Voldemort's infatuation with niche content creator JustHarry. The entire internet is baffled.

no helping hand by TheOnceandFutureQueenofTarts (M, 2k, complete)

Harry just wants to have a wank; Voldemort just wants to make that as difficult and unsatisfying as possible.

Once a Paw a Time by @youlighttheskyfanfiction (T, 3k, complete)

In which Tom is still Tom, and Harry is a black cat intent on making Tom miserable. Or happy. Who knows? Certainly not Harry the cat who is absolutely just a normal cat.

Oversight by @dividawrites (E, 21k, WIP)

Voldemort’s resurrection ritual doesn’t go as smoothly as he’d planned. He requires assistance and there’s only one person he can ask—the boy tied to his father’s gravestone.

Prison Blues by @metalomagnetic (E, 68k, WIP)

Harry and Voldemort find themselves locked up in a mysterious prison.

r/AITA by @seagate-blog (G, 3k, complete)

A budding relationship seen through the eyes of Reddit posts.

Right in Front of My Salad? by IceLynx (T, 2k, complete)

In which Draco Malfoy is dead in the kitchen, Harry is regretting moving in with his boyfriend, and Tom has never been more in love.

Stories Told at Your Funeral by IceLynx (G, 5k, complete)

Tom Riddle fakes his death. To Harry Potter, the man in charge of Tom's funeral, it's all very vexing. Harry might be an undertaker, but this is a very different undertaking.

Terms and Conditions May Apply by @duplicitywrites (T, 17k, WIP)

Lord Voldemort gets one chance at a new life. This new chance comes with a lot of conditions.

The Potter Problem by Icefall (T, 8k, complete)

During his twenty-fourth time loop, Lord Voldemort meets Harry Potter at a Muggle nightclub.

The Way to a Man’s Heart by @mosiva (T, 26k, complete)

Tom has an unknown nemesis. Harry has Tom’s lunch.

The Voice of Victory by @vdoshu (T, 3k, complete)

Lord Voldemort loves a good villain speech. Harry’s just the sort to interrupt him.

Thigh High by @kushimanii (T, 400, complete)

There, covering Harry’s long, smooth legs, were the most horrifying things Tom had ever seen. And Harry was lying in their bed with them. Tom knew what his new Boggart was.

Until Midnight Comes by @dividawrites (E, 26k, complete)

A few years after the war Harry reluctantly attends a party at Malfoy Manor. He drinks a few too many and runs into a handsome man called Tom. What happens after is definitely not a drunken error in judgement—it’s love at first, blurry sight instead.

Welcome to the Cultys by @duplicitywrites (E, 12k, WIP)

Harry had two main regrets in his life: 1. Asking the question “What if I set up a mock awards show to get cult leaders to show up for my thesis study?” 2. Responding with “That is hilarious” when Ron had suggested they call the awards show 'The Cultys'.

Would You Still Love Me? by @chiocchi (M, comic/artwork, WIP)

"Harry, would you still love me if I was a snake?" Harry knows how this question works. No matter how deranged and unreasonable it is, he has to say yes. A notion he may come to regret once Tom's questions start to get darker and oddly specific.

yer a monster fucker, harry by @exarite (M, 3k, complete)

Voldemort suggests they fake a relationship. It's a reasonable suggestion, so of course Harry says yes.

*

[chiriwritesstuff]

Meet Me at the Farmers Market! - 6. All In

A Farmers Market! Joel AU x Confident! Plus Sized! F! Reader

Series Masterlist

Series Summary: What does a Contractor do in his spare time? Sell his wood carvings at the Saturday Farmers Market, of course! A Grumpy x Sunshine Joel Miller series collective of one-shots.

Chapter Rating: T

Word Count: 1K

Warnings: Mentions of a minor character death

Summary: A FaceTime call changes everything. This story takes place one year after the events of pt.1.

A/N: I knew when I first started to write for this series that I was always going to include Ellie, even if this series is based in a universe where the outbreak does not happen. I did fudge the ages a bit in regards to Sarah - she's in grad school in my universe in 2023, and Ellie is roughly about the same age she is in the game/series.

The point is, Ellie was always going to be endgame. This week's offering is a short one, but a small introduction to the inevitability of Ellie. It does touch upon a minor character passing away, so if you are not down with it, please move along.

Also. Sorry for the angst. I have a lot of plans for Christmas this year, so don't worry - It just needed a bit of a setup.

"Hey, Joel, remember when I told you about my best friend, Anna?"

Joel glances up from his book, reading glasses perched on his nose, a curious frown on his face. "Yeah? She's the one with—"

"Cancer," you interject, swiftly wiping your hands on your apron. You wave them in the air awkwardly, shaking your head as you nervously continue prepping dinner. Joel gives you a concerned look, raising an eyebrow as you flit around the kitchen. "Listen—she called me yesterday while I was at the nursery... she doesn't have much time left, and she wanted me to see her before—"

"I get it," Joel murmurs, dog-earing his place in the book and placing it on the coffee table. He walks over to you, enveloping you in an embrace, resting his chin on top of your head. "I'm sorry, baby," he whispers. "I know how much she means to you, it's fucked up."

You close your eyes, nodding silently, the tears you've been holding back begging for release. "Do you think you could come with me? To Washington? I really don't want to do this alone."

"Absolutely, baby. Anything. When do we need to leave?"

"Is tomorrow too soon?"

Joel sighs, the rumble resonating within you. "I'll have to check with Tommy, but I'm sure he'd do anything for you," he shoots you a look you can't quite read. "Come on, let's get packing."

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

The drive to Fred Hutch Cancer Center is quiet, with Joel taking the wheel despite your protests. "No matter where we are, I'll be the one drivin'," he scolds, shooing you as he places luggage into the trunk. Once inside, Joel connects your phone to Carplay, insisting that listening to Fleet Foxes is good for the soul. He sings along to 'Blue Ridge Mountain' and reaches for your hand across the console, his thumb soothing your skin. "Are you nervous, baby?"

"No."

"... do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk to me about that job on Smith Street," you silently plead, desperately wanting to change the topic. 

The plane ride from Austin-Bergstrom to Seatac, despite being only a few hours, was already harrowing enough. Your body refused to calm down, the anxiety about the inevitability of Anna's loss keeping you up for days after that fateful call. This is so incredibly fucked up, you cry to her as you refuse to meet her eyes through FaceTime, the vision of her frail body breaking your heart. You don't deserve this. What about Ellie? How has she been taking this?

Ellie. Your headstrong, brilliant goddaughter, your one true regret after moving to Austin. You left her high and dry, in her words, tears streaming down her face as she FaceTimes you in a rage after finding out you had abandoned your life in Seattle for Austin, Texas. "How could you just up and leave? Don't you care about me? What about Mom? How could you?!" she yells at you through the phone. "You promised her, you know? You promised me, Sunflower."

You shake your head, pulling yourself from the memory, suddenly realizing you haven't been completely forthcoming about all the reasons for this impromptu trip. "Joel, I need to tell you something."

"What is it, baby?"

"Anna has a daughter. She called me because-"

"Sunflower." He pulls over to the side of the interstate suddenly, his entire body turning to face you, a concerned look on his face. "Don't tell me-"

"When the time comes, I have to be there for her. For Ellie. I... I promised," you sadly whisper. "It's Anna's dying wish."

"... but what does that mean for us?" Joel worriedly replies, his face contorting into something resembling pain, sadness, and regret bundled up into one. It's unnerving, seeing him like this. "Are you planning on moving back here?"

"Joel, no. I... I know that I've only moved in a few months ago, and the whole prospect of promising something so monumental with your terminally ill best friend should have been something I was upfront with you about before getting serious with you, but..." You grasp his hands in yours. "Well, that's why I wanted you to come with me. I wanted you to meet her. She's an amazing kid, and I'll vouch for her for life."

"Baby," he stutters, his eyes silently pleading with yours. "I know I promised that I'll do anything for you, but this... this is a hard ask. I'm old, hell, Sarah's already in grad school... how old is she? I don't know if I'm ready to have another kid around-"

"She's fifteen, and I know, Joel. I-" 

"This changes everything, Sunflower. Hell, I didn't want to come off too strong, but..."

"I know, and I'm-"

"I was going to ask you to marry me," he interjects, his bittersweet smile tugging at your heart. "Planned it for this weekend, before... having to come here. You're everything to me, baby. I don't want anyone else... and if that means rolling with whatever life throws our way, then... I'm all in."

"Seriously?"

"Yes," he sighs deeply. "Till death do us part, right?" He gives you a small smile, planting a kiss on your forehead. "Listen, I get that Anna means a lot to you, and promises like that aren't ones we want to break. So, what's important to you is important to me." He takes a deep breath, revving up the ignition as he merges back onto the interstate. "I love you, okay?"

"Okay. I love you too, Joel. A lot. Ask me again, once we figure this out."

"Okay." Joel grins, his eyes locked on the road ahead. "Alright. Tell me about Ellie."

[staceymcgillicuddy]

Sunday Summary

Quieter week, kind of bad mental health-wise, but I always feel like I talk too much about that stuff so... onward!

🚛 to get my soul known again - 0

I think I'm not writing this because I am sad there are only a few chapters left, and I hate writing endings. I need to just buckle down and do it, especially since I want to wrap it before the end of the year.

🏛️ College/Townie - 753

Finished chapter one, and I think I'm going to use it as my Hellcheer Week submission, since between Kinktober, the Halloween roundtable on Discord, and my regular Soul posting schedule, I do not have time to add a brand new fic to my plate.

🔥 two jack trippers and a chrissy - POSTED

I knew this one would be a tough sell, and it was, but thanks to everyone who read it and seemed to enjoy! IDK if I'll write more in this universe or not, but I'm sure the future-caning will go well, even if I never get around to it.

😈 kinktober - 10,458

I've written through day 18. My ideas for days 19-31 are less fleshed out, though, and I should probably take some time to brainstorm exactly what I want to do with some of them. Most are hovering around ~700 words, with a few over 1k, and a few as short as 200-300.

🏖️ crimson & clover pulling overtime - 548

Working on getting Chapter 2 edited, which has meant adding a bit (but also cutting a bit). Hoping to maybe post it this week, since I haven't actually updated it since uh... July? It was supposed to be the summertime fic. Fuck me, right?

Grand Total: 11,759

This is a wild total, considering I feel like I didn't write at all this week. Maybe it's just doing the short prompts that's making me feel that way?

Anyway, hope you're all having a lovely day so far. Thank you for indulging me, those of you who see this every week, and for those of you who've added me to Tumblr Savior... you're not seeing it anyway!

[venfx]

magnus fic roundup

as tma comes to a close, i thought i'd post some of my favorite fics to come out of this fandom. most of these are classics, listed in no particular order.

A Weather In The Flesh by @cuttoothed​ | 3K | S1-S4 | Jon/Martin | Complete

"There is a span of years where Jon doesn’t touch anyone other than the occasional hand shake. It’s not so bad. He’s never been someone who’s needed physical affection."

Jon has never been any good at making people want to stick around.

↳ this is such a well-done exploration of jon’s character and his relationship with touch, and i’ve re-read it at least five times. sweet and sad and phenomenally well-written.

in the chillest land and on the strangest sea by imperfectcircle, singlecrow | 20K | Safehouse, S1-S4 | Jon & Daisy, Jon/Martin | Complete

Jon remembers a statement he read years ago given by a Jesuit priest, who said that the shortest prayer he knew was, just, fuck it, as in fuck it; it's in God's hands. He takes Daisy's hand and trails on after her.

or; hope is a thing with feathers.

↳ hey, you wanna fuckin..... feel things? read this.

The Magnus Institute vs the 21st Century: a series of emails and IMs by shinyopals | 26K | Series | S3 | Pre-Jon/Martin | Complete

The Magnus Institute hires a Data Protection Officer. He sets about diligently booking in meetings, writing policy documents, and training all the staff in the importance of confidentiality. Now if only he could get hold of the Head Archivist, who seems to have vanished again...

(Jon is only trying to save the world, but apparently some people think he should still be doing his day job.)

↳ i’d be surprised to find people who haven’t read this series, but it’s the definition of “the magnus archives is a workplace comedy”. also, alasdair stuart has actually read some clips of this on Twitch, so that’s a fun bonus.

Bell, Book, and Candle by yellow_caballero | 102K | Series | S3 into S4 | Jon/Martin | Complete 

In accordance with the Ride or Die Pact of 2009, Jonathan Sims can call upon Georgie Barker at any time for aid with no strings attached. Despite their rocky history, their childhood friendship, and Jon’s barely recovered alcoholism, this pact is sacred and must be upheld.

Georgie Barker may regret this. She may regret it when she discovers that the world is full of monsters and eldritch gods and dickhead managers. She may regret it when a punk rocker who should be dead collapses on their doorstep, a teenager again who needs their help. She may regret it when her stupid ex-boyfriend starts selling his soul for knowledge and the ability to keep his new family safe.

But she probably won’t. Georgie isn’t scared of anything - not a Clown’s apocalypse, not the apocalypse that Jon is destined to begin, and not Jon’s own loss of humanity.

Maybe she should be.

↳ if you’re looking for an everyone-lives-no-one-dies-happy-ending fic that also happens to be massively chaotic, look no further. 

The Reverb in These Holy Halls by @wolftraps​ | 98K | AU, S1-S4 | Jon/Martin | Complete

Undoing the apocalypse would have been enough for Jon, if all his people survived. Without them, Jon's only recourse is making it so it never happened in the first place. He's going to do better this time.

↳ quintessential time travel AUs. plot-wise, i feel like these can be difficult to write, but op does a fantastic job of tying things together in a way that makes sense. plus, it’s just fun to read.

jon sims v the nhs by @thoughtsbubble​ | 12K | Series | S3 | Complete

Joan Bright has a new patient. He's carrying an old tape recorder and is covered head to toe in scars. Jonathan Sims looks dangerous, but Dr Bright has dealt with all sorts of atypical individuals. She has no reason to be nervous.

Right?

↳ if you’ve ever thought “hey, jon should probably go to therapy”, then 1) you’re absolutely right and 2) this is... probably what would’ve happened. prior knowledge of The Bright Sessions is not required. also, apparently, this fic is written by the showrunner of The Underwood Collection? wild.

Family, Found by Dribbledscribbles | 9K | S4 | Complete

It’s Basira who catches onto it.

The collective shift that seems to come over them when heading in or out of the Institute. Not just the oppressive sensation of being observed, their every move catalogued for the voyeuristic cravings of some unseen Eye(s). That feeling remained with them even when they left the Institute these days, but it was always stronger inside its walls. That wasn’t the change. Nor was it the point.

The point was: making life worse for Jonathan Sims.

↳ i think being part of the avengers fandom circa 2012 has given me permanent found-family-trope brainrot, but you know what. jonathan sims can have a little happiness, as a treat. 

Road to Damascus by @titanfalling​ | 107K | Series | S4 | Jon & Tim | Complete

n. an important moment of insight, typically one that leads to a dramatic transformation of attitude or belief

Or, in which Tim becomes an avatar for the end of all things.

↳ tim dies and then he doesn’t. there is catharsis and world building. just....read it.

Come, Change Your Ring With Me by @backofthebookshelf​ | 29K | S3 | Peter/Jon, Jon/Martin, Peter/Elias | Complete

The Lukases demand the Archivist marry into the family, and the Institute relies on them too much to say no. Peter is smug. Elias is fuming. Martin is suffering. Jon thinks this might be tolerable if only Peter would hurry up and leave him alone already.

OR, the soap opera we call an Archives revolves around Peter Lukas this time.

↳ superb evil-bastards-in-love content, feat. martin pining, tim being obnoxious, and jon being... well, tired, mostly. i will literally never get tired of how op writes peter. 

creatures that i briefly move along by @dotsayers​ | 16K | Series | AU, Post-S4 | background Jon/Martin 

Mr Sims was so weird, was the thing. Miss Grant always said calling people weird was rude, and Anna sort of agreed, but she didn’t know what other word to use to describe Mr Sims.

He’d only been in with the class for a few days, really, and half of that he just sat at the back listening, but that didn’t stop her from making a swift judgement. 5BG had had student teachers before, back when they were 3ST, and they’d been uniformly normal.

Mr Sims was… actually, Anna had a better adjective. He was interesting.

↳ i just.... love teacher!jon fics. this series delivers. 

Once Bitten by @apatheticbutterflies | 1K | S4 | Jon & Daisy | Complete

Jon Sims has always been a jumpy kind of guy. Nervous. Twitchy. Daisy used to think it meant he was guilty. Turns out he was. Just not of what she’d thought.

Daisy learns how to peel an orange.

↳ daisy and jon’s relationship is an example of an instance where i’m happy to say “fuck what you wrote mr. jonny ‘chocolate torte of tragedy’ sims, i want them to be friends”.

pins and needles by mutterandmumble | 13K | S1-S4 | Complete

He’s got a reputation to uphold anyways; an uptight, rigid reputation that dictates the way that he interacts and functions and is such an integral part of him that he can’t let go of it anytime soon. He likes his safety nets. He likes his contingencies. He likes his privacy, and everything around this place right down to the walls seems to have ears, so he’ll stay tight-lipped up to and beyond the threat of death.

He’s good at that.

In which Jon takes up embroidery and bumbles through life the best that he can.

↳ out of all the introspective jon pieces i’ve read (and there are many), this one stands out. maybe it’s the symbolism or the characterisation, or maybe it’s the fact that i have an embroidery kit lurking in the back of my closet along with a hundred other half-pursued hyperfixations. whatever. this is excellent.

sleeping in by @ivelostmyspectacles | 5K | S2 | Jon/Tim | Complete

“Who are you trying to convince?”

Jon gives up, letting his head sag against Tim’s shoulder. “I don’t know.”

aka Elias gets tired of Jon and Tim's bickering, sends them away for a "team-building" weekend trip, and is sure to book them a room with only one bed

↳ this has everything you’d need from a “oh no there’s only one bed” fic. someone please get these men therapy.

if you try, sometimes (you get what you knead) by @ajcrawly​ | 3.5K | S1-S4 | Jon/Martin, Tim/Sasha | Complete

It starts with an abundance of boeuf bourguignon and ends up as a team tradition.

Food and love in uncertain times.

↳ more found family fic, this time with a diverse og!archival staff and food as a metaphor for love. hurt in all the right ways. made me hungry in the process.

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Demon AU Masterlist

Beautiful Nightmare (ao3) - malumsmermaid michael/ashton T, 4k

Summary: Desperate to find the perfect guitarist for his new band, Ashton makes a deal with a crossroads demon. Ten years later his deadline is looming and terrified of what's to come he begins pulling away from his friends and family. Michael comes in one night to reveal a secret he's kept since he joined the band.

black coffee and sulfur (ao3) - allsassnoclass (brightblackholes) calum/ashton T, 9k

Summary: “You’re the demon,” Ashton says, voice steady. “I was right about the crop failures and electrical storms. There is a demon in Springville.”

dancing with the demons (holy spirit, holy spirit) (ao3) - softirwin michael/calum, luke/ashton T, 10k

Summary: “You’re kind of a shitty demon,” he tells Calum, who scowls.

“Fuck you,” he says. “You’re kind of a shitty angel.”

“Oh, dude, I know,” Michael agrees.

Ghosts and Surrounding Suburbs (ao3) - Busybee michael/calum, michael/luke M, 13k

Summary: Calum struggles with living in a haunted house, Ashton doesn't believe him, and Luke's just trying to get laid.

(Or: my friend sent me a silly comic in the gc, and a mere 12 months later, I wrote something equally silly)

i'll misbehave if it turns you on (ao3) - horriblekids michael/calum, niall/ashton N/R, 18k

Summary: In which Calum is less than truthful with his band and may or may not have accidentally summoned a demon while drunk. Who, coincidentally, takes on the form of the person he wants most to sleep with.

remember me for centuries (ao3) - orphan_account luke/ashton N/R, 14k

Summary: Luke knew who Ashton was. He knew of how pivotal Ashton was to the war, knew of the power that thrummed through the boy's veins. (Ashton could crush him with just a thought. Wasn't that scary?) He knew of the family Ashton came from, and knew that that made Ashton completely off limits to everyone, especially Luke.

So why did Luke want him so much?

Seal the Deal (ao3) - L4sht0n luke/ashton N/R, 1k

Summary: Ashton seeks a crossroad demon to sell his soul, only to meet Luke, also known as Lucifer, The Devil

Somebody falls in love (ao3) - Talktrash michael/calum/ashton M, 10k

Summary: Ashton releases Michael and drops his pants without a second thought. “Get your teeth in me, weirdo,” he commands.

Michael drops to his knees obediently and curls his fingers in the waistband of Ashton's pale pink boxers. “Where'd you get these, loser? As your boyfriend, these pink boxers have reached an entirely new level of gay that I don't think I can handle. I'll have to sub in Calum.”

“Shut up,” Ashton smacks the sky blue hair in front of him, hard enough that it turns the same shade of pink as his underwear.

Taming of the Fallen One (ao3) - IfWallsCouldMuke michael/luke, calum/ashton E, 2k

Summary: Luke meets an enticing entity.

The Demon In My Nightmares (ao3) - Shirosaki michael/luke N/R, 15k

Summary: A tear streams down Luke's cheek as he remembers his nightmare. "He's not real." Luke tells himself quietly as he looks down at his bed sheets, shaking. "He's not real, calm down Luke." He hears a dark chuckle from the corner of his room, causing the blonde to freeze. His eyes widen as he hears footsteps coming toward him. "Y-you're not real." Luke says shakily. A low laugh comes in response. The blonde closes his eyes tightly, and then reopening them, waiting for the person in the corner of his room to disappear.

In other words, Luke is having nightmares with a demon named Michael in them.

The Devil That Burns in Me (ao3) - twinkylukey luke/ashton M, 1k

Summary: For eons, angels and demons have walked among us. Luke is a sweet angel who has been in love with a demon for as long as he could remember.

This is the Beat of My Heart (ao3) - bogshops michael/luke M, 22k

Summary: "It was just like any other day; the blond boy had decided to walk home, saying he needed to take a breath, and as he finished walking down the staircase that lead inside the Church, he spotted a different face in the crowd. An odd boy staring deeply at the various faces coming out of the old building.

The boy was pale; he had dark hair and a bottle of beer between his lips. For a split moment Luke got himself lost in the figure across the street, the slim boy looked like he was around his age, with piercing green eyes and the best lips Luke had seen in his entire life."

or the one where Luke is a religious boy, until Michael appears in his life, takes advantage of him and Luke decides to have a little revenge.

Voices (ao3) - Ever21 luke/ashton T, 51k

Summary: My eyes widen. "M'not gay Lucas." I mumble.

"Right. Says the one who was making out with a guy on his bedroom floor." I hear him smirk.

"Screw you." I say and he chuckles.

---------------

Where Ashton tries (but fails mostly) to ignore the voice in his head.

Your Eyes Are Cooler Than My Beating Heart (ao3) - CliffordAffliction michael/luke E, 64k

Summary: Michael is a demon who somehow makes Luke want to die and live all at the same time

[sherrybaby14]

All the Same

This is for the wonderful @lancsnerd​ 1K challenge (Sorry I am so late)!

Pairing:  Geralt x female reader

Warnings:  Domestic Violence, Smut, Angst, Violence, Blood

Words: 6k

Prompt:  “I was your assignment, and then you fell in love with me”. (Changed it a little)

Summary:  The Witcher is coming to your village and you have been tasked with finding out why.

   The drunkard on the piano was playing the same song he did every night and you rolled your eyes as you filled another pitcher of lager.  

   Some nights you wished more than anything you got moved off the graveyard shift, but others you were grateful the drunks would leave soon and your time at work would consist of watching the empty bar.  

   “Best to keep an eye out tonight.”  Your boss leaned against the doorway to the kitchen.  

   “Why’s that?”  You glanced to the dagger kept underneath the bar.  

   “Word is, a Witcher is on the road. Stopping here.”  He flung the rag over his shoulder.

   “Here?”  You about overfilled the pitcher.  “In our tiny village?  Why?”

   “That’s what I want to know.”  He glanced across the barroom, watching the dwindling crowd.  “Find out for me, would ya Love?”

   “Not my job Sir.”  You had never met a Witcher, but your heart raced at the idea.

   “How about now?”  Your boss tossed a bag of coin next to you.  “Still trying to get on your feet aren't ya? I’ll double it if you give me anything worth my while.”

   You did not hesitate as you picked up the bag and shoved it in your pocket.  A pang of guilt hit your heart, you were no spy, but were desperate.  You needed to get back on your feet.  Besides, this was the first bonus your boss had ever offered.

   “Consider me hired.”  You turned to drop off the pitcher, the customer closing out their tab.  

   The piano player abandoned the instrument and you could tell the mood had shifted.

   “Witchers are bad for business.”  Your boss kicked off the door and went to the kitchen.  “I want him gone.”  

   “Monsters are worse.”  Of course the idea of a monster in this town was silly, the only one who lived here was your ex.

~~

   The crowd was gone by one.  It was strange, you were used to forcing people to their rooms around two, this was the earliest you could remember the place being empty.

   You picked up your current book and tried to read, but every thought went to your boss’ warning.  Why would a Witcher come here?  You hadn’t heard a single rumor of anything off.  Maybe he was passing through?  If memory served you right there was a sheep slaughtered a few weeks ago.  People said it was a wolf, but maybe more, would a Witcher come for that though?  

   The door opened and your breath caught in your throat.  There he was, pale skin with pale hair that stood out against the vibrant oranges of the wooden walls dancing with firelight.  

   You shook your head and shut your mouth, trying not to show your awe for the man.  

   The mug you grabbed shook as you turned and poured him some mead.  

   “I heard you were coming.”  You spun back around and set the drink on the counter.  

   “You did?”  He blinked in confusion and glanced around the empty room.

   “Oh, I’m not a psychic or anything.” You gave a nervous laugh.  “My boss, he told me.  He said you were coming here though and I never asked how he knew that part.  It’s been bothering me all night.”  

   The man walked slow, his eyes taking in everything.  You cringed as you grabbed a smaller glass and poured yourself a bit of wine, hoping to drown your embarrassment.  

   “I am sorry.  I should not have been so forward.”  You smiled as you drank it down.  “I should have played it much more smooth.  May I start over?”

   “Please.”  The man grabbed the handle of his sword and you turned around, half expecting a vicious beast behind you. “Now it is my turn to apologize.”

   You looked back to him as he let go of the handle, holding his hands in the air.  

   “I am not used to hospitality.”  He pulled out the chair and had a seat.  “This is most unusual.”  

   “You are most welcome here.”  You poured another shot of wine and took it down.  “So, did my superior mean here as in this bar or here as in the town?  I mean, we are the only bar in the town and it is no secret Witchers like to indulge, but there is a much nicer inn not far from here, but we do have a few rooms if you would like to stay the night?  All are vacant, we are not frequented, occasionally a drunkard needs a spot for a few hours, our rates are reasonable but for you it will be gratis of course and have I mentioned I babble when nervous?”  

   Worst spy ever.  You grabbed the bottle of red and brought it to your lips, this time taking a chug as the Witcher smiled.  

   A warmth spread through you at the sight.  A Witcher smiling.  You never knew such a thing was possible.  

   “I am not sure what your supervisor was aware of, but it’s no secret Witchers indulge?”  He picked up the mug in front of him and looked inside, his eyes wide as if he were studying.  

   “My father, he used to tell tales of fairies and dragons and warlocks and vampires.”  Your eyes flashed as you pictured his face.  “And Witchers too.”  

   “Did he tell you how we strike down the wicked? Or how we are sell swords?”  The Witcher took a drink and then brought the mug away from his face, staring at what you poured him with shock.  

   “He told me how easy it would be to poison your drinks.”  You smiled but the man almost fell out of his chair as you burst out laughing.

   You clapped as he grabbed for his sword handle, hesitating as you grinned at him.  Then he relaxed in his seat as his eyes looked over your face.  

   “I am sure you have far better insight into a Witcher than my father, enlighten my poor soul?”  When you sat down the coin in your pocket jingled, reminding you of your mission for the night.  There was no harm in getting to know the man in the process though.

~~

   “I have not spoken as many words this night as I have all of the past year.”  Geralt’s eyes continued to dance on your face.  

   It would have been easy to shy under his gaze, but as the dawn grew near your mind was being tugged elsewhere.  

   “Does the sun rising bother you?”  His brows furrowed.  

   “Not in the slightest.” In fact, you frowned, wishing you were just waking up instead of readying for bed.  “I would give anything to not sleep in a tiny bed upstairs, not work overnights at a place where the bulk of my wages go to room and board.  I am saving up.  This is temporary.”  

   “Then why do you keep glancing at the door?”  Geralt shifted, you watched his hand shift toward his weapon once again, but this time he did not come close to grabbing it.  

   “Fell in with a bad lad.” You shook your head.  “Controlling type.  He works overnights as well.  Only I am off at eight and he is off at six.  I expect him any second.  He will sit down, beg for me to come home, lament about his problems, like I give a fuck.  It’s been almost a year since we split, or should I say since he split my head open and I had the common sense to leave him.”  

   Tears started to form, but you blinked them away.  

   “Whatever monster you are here to kill.  I hope it is him.”  You smiled at your joke, hoping to break the tension, but Geralt didn’t find any humor in your statement.  

   Now the air grew thick between the two of you, all the good will and fun turned to awkwardness.  

   “What are you here to kill by the way?”  The subject needed to be changed.  “A banshee? A ghoul? A Bailisk?”  

   “Your father taught you well about the supernatural.”  Geralt swirled his drink.  “He must have been well researched.”

   “Right after he died, I wanted him back.  I was broken.  He was all I ever knew.”  This time you let a tear fall.  “I even tried to find a Witcher or a Mage or anything.  But his books, the legends he told me, they all said the same thing.  The dead,  even if they do come back, they can’t understand the living anyway.”

   “Very well researched.” Geralt grunted.  

   The door opened and relief flooded your body as the opening bartender walked in.  

   “Well, my shift is over. Kolly is here.  I am sure she can keep your attention.”  You stood up and wiped your tear.  “Unless you have changed your mind and want a room?”

   Your coworker’s eyes went wide as she looked at the only patron.   You were sure she was as shocked as you were not to walk in on your ex sitting there.  

   “Where do you sleep?”  Geralt rose from his stool.  

   Kolly stopped walking and glared at you. As immoral of a question it was your body heat flared and you clenched your thighs at the thought.  The last you wanted was rumors flying around the town.  

   “I sleep alone.”  You gave Kolly a side glance and she nodded in approval before walking into the kitchen.  “But thank you for the company, though my boss will be disappointed.”  

   “Why is that?”  Geralt narrowed his eyes.

   “Well, you were my assignment.”  It didn’t feel right to lie.  “Find out why you are here, but after our night I believe I am more likely to fall in love with you than deceive you.”

   The same smile you caught earlier washed over his face.  This was the first time since Robert you’d felt any connection with another person.

   “Tell your boss,  I am passing through, there is wraith in Sehalsberg, but given the warm reception I received I will return for the hospitality.”  Geralt’s eyes focused on you again.  

   The way he looked at you fluttered your stomach, how you wished Kolly was not here to judge.  

   “Goodnight then.  I hope you return soon.”  You tried to hide the smile as you turned and walked to the stairs, feeling his eyes on your back as you headed to your small room.  

~~

“That’s it?”  Your boss scoffed.  “Passing through?  And how much free mead did you give the man?”

”I...I was trying to get information.”  You should have known better than to think your boss was going to pay you a dime.

“Well, that will be coming out of your wages.”  He shook his head.  “Plus I heard Mister and the boys did not arrive in the morning, you know how much coin they drop here! Sometimes I swear it's the only reason I keep you on.”

All the frustration you were feeling you bit down.  You needed this job.  So you nodded.

“Kick you out on the street.”  He threw his hands in the air.  “A Witcher, passing through.”

~~

The bar emptied out at the normal time.  You kept the fires going, trying to read your book and hoping Geralt would stop in again, memories of your night before making you smile non stop.  

But as the hours went on your heart broke more and more.  You told yourself it was unreasonable to think he would be back the next night.  Then when the door opened and your ex stepped inside with his group of coworkers your heart shattered.  

His eyes locked with yours and there was a fury as he strolled up to you.  

“What did you say to him?”

You moved back against the bar, but he reached out and grabbed the hair above your ear yanking you forward.

“You know I love you?  Why would you betray me?”  

As you tried to twist away he slammed your head down against the bar.  Monster.  You should have made that clearer to Geralt.  Then maybe he would have saved you.  

~~

   There was no warning from your boss, no rumors.  But you had not forgotten of Geralt. Months had past, but when the doors opened at two in the morning one night and he walked in your heart went a flutter.  

   “Passing through?”  This time the shake was worse.  You had played this conversation out over and over in your head.  “There cannot be a second monster in a nearby town.”

   “I never caught the first.”  Geralt sat down, making no attempts for his sword.  “I thought you might have forgotten me.”

   “A girl never forgets her first Witcher.”  You poured him a jug of mead.  “Now please, tell me where you have been.  What you have seen.”

   “I would rather hear about you.”  He took a drink without looking.  “Tell me, has your monster returned?”  

   Your chest struggled to breath.  Now was your chance to ask what you had been hoping for.

   “Every day since the last you were here.”  This was not how you practiced.  “He was violent once, nobody cared.”  

   Geralt stood and you ran around the bar to him, this stranger from one night.  You broke down against his chest, sobbing.  His arms came around you, his body stiff.  

   “There’s no comfort in you.”  You pushed off of him, glaring up.  

   “What?”  He looked surprised.  

   “I can feel it.”  You put your arms to his chest, palms against his leather top.  “You don’t care either.  I am trapped here.”

   “Untrue.”  Geralt pulled you back, cradled you.  Then you felt it, his stiffness relax, his hands pulling you tighter, rubbing your back.  “I care more than you know.”  

   “I think about you.”  Shame and embarrassment over your confession vanished.  “Just one night talking and I think about you non-stop.  I wonder where you are, how you are feeling, what mundane tasks you must be doing.  Curious why you have cast such a spell on me.”  

   Geralt’s hands found your shoulders and pushed you back.  He gazed at you with the studying look that should have made you melt, but his eyes would not stay still.  

   You tried to focus on what he was looking at when he pulled you closer, upwards and his lips crashed into yours.  Heat seeped into your veins.  A burning as your mouth opened and his tongue drove inside.  

   You drank him down.  Shuddering against his chest as you attempted to keep up.  The warmth turning to a burn as you kissed him back, your brain going dizzy as all the liquid in your body gathered between your legs.  

   Just as you started to give in, the feeling vanished.  Your eyes blinked several times, seeing the warm hues from the room and the greys from him turn into one.   His purple eyes were aflame.   His chest moving faster than your own as he struggled for breath.  

   “What’s wrong?”  Every problem in your orbit had vanished with that kiss.  

   Anger returned your gaze as Geralt let go of you and vanished out of the bar.  You wanted to follow but were too stunned.

   You hunched over and your struggle for air turned into tears.  What were you thinking?  A Witcher would never be your savior.  You were doomed.  

~~

   It was hard to tell the passage of time.  Your savings depleted with every broken glass.   You were beginning to think your boss and your ex were in on this together, keeping you trapped here.  

   Memories of your one night with Geralt kept you going.  But then you remembered the second night, the kiss and look of disgust on his face.  Witchers could not fall in love.  And who fell in love with anyone after one night?  Oh, that’s right.  You did.

   “Best to keep an eye out tonight.”  Your boss leaned against the doorway to the kitchen.  

   “Why’s that?”  You remembered the last time you heard this.

   “Word is, a Witcher is on the road. Stopping here.”  He flung the rag over his shoulder.

   “He won’t stop here.”  You knew the hospitality ran out.

   “Find out why he is here.”  Your boss flung a bag of coin at you.  “More when you get the reason?”  

   It couldn’t have been that long ago that Geralt was here.  You looked up at him with confusion.

   “Witchers are bad for business.”  He kicked off the wall and walked away.  

   Much like the last time you had this conversation, the bar began to empty.  A weird echo ran down your spine, but you brought your fingers to your lips and felt the tingle.  This time a pit formed in your stomach as you never expected to see Geralt again.

~~

   The last patron left and you started to wipe down the counters, thinking of reasons to lock the door.  Sure your boss would find out and then slash your earnings, but that happened anyway.  You had confessed your feelings to a Witcher on the second time you saw him.  Why would he come back anyway?  To torture you?  

   You sighed and went to close up early, not caring if you got fired.  But before you rounded the bar the door opened.  

   Pale hair.  Pale skin.  A different face looked up at you.  Not Geralt.  

   The man drew his sword in one hand and a dagger in the other.  

   “There is no need for those weapons.”  You went back to the bar.  “Can I offer you something to drink?  I promise you have nothing to fear here.  We welcome Witchers.”  

   “You…..what?”  The man looked at you and then stalked into the kitchen.

   “That’s not a public area…” You followed behind him, but he spun and moved into a defensive stance.  “I am sorry.  Please, do what needs to be done.”

   You thought about Geralt’s first night, how he kept going for his sword.  Cautious, hesitant.  This must have been normal.  Inspecting for enemies.  

   Without thinking you poured him and yourself a drink.  Visions of your kiss with the previous Witcher tried to dash in front of your eyes, but you pushed them away.   Should you bring up his name?  Ask where he was?  Where he had been?  What he was thinking about?  Had he mentioned you? Is that why the new one was here?  

   But before your nervousness made you blab he came out of the kitchen.  His eyes and stance toward you as he circled the bar.  

   “I poured you a drink.  Please,  sit and relax.”  You took your own and slammed it back.  

   “How odd.” He looked at your face with the same scrutiny as Geralt, studying and curious, but there was no spark.  It was more like he glared as if you were a dead animal he was attempting to dissect. “Where is your crypt?”

   “Crypt?”  You gave a nervous laugh.  “We are a bar with a few spare rooms upstairs.  No crypt.”

“Take me to your room.”  The man pointed the dagger at you.

You stared at him with your mouth open, unsure what the threat was or his intentions.

“Do you know Geralt?  He is a Witcher who has passed through here.  Are you looking for him?  He has not been here in ages, but he mentioned a monster a few towns over.”  You started to back up against the mugs, but the Witcher spun behind the bar, turning you with his sword and dagger out until you were in the open area.  “This must be a misunderstanding.”  

“These are pure silver.”  His eyes flashed with anger.  “Do not think of trying anything smart.  Now take me to your resting place.”  

“They look lovely, I can tell the fine craftsmanship.”  You tried to hide your nerves, and remembered what a gentleman Geralt was.  “A lady’s bedroom is no place for an uninvited man.”

“NOW!” His voice roared as he lunged forward.  

“ALRIGHT!”  You jumped back.  “Please don’t hurt me and put those things away.”

All the fear you had been bottling since the man walked in came rushing forward.  Your instincts took over and you ran to the front door.  He dropped his sword and reached out, grabbing your shoulder, and spinning you to face him.

“I can touch you.”  His face was featureless as he recoiled his hand with a look of horror.

“Not tonight.”  You slapped him across the face as hard as possible before turning to run again.  

You didn’t make it three steps before he shoved you forward, your knees hit the hardwood with a clunk as your body bounced.  

“STOP!”  You kicked at him as he dropped down on top of you, the weight of him heavy as he flipped you over.  

You struggled while he straddled you pinning you down.   You continued to claw, bite, kick, whatever you could.  The dagger was still in his hand when a slice sounded through the air.  

An inhuman scream left your lips as your arm flooded with white hot pain.  You vision began to blacken as your chest heaved.  It felt as if your arm was starting to rot off from the inside.  You cried and winced, unable to gasp for air.  

The Witcher let go of your hands and you cradled your arm.  Confused as to how this could hurt that badly.  

“I am sending you back to where you belong.”  He lifted the dagger high in the air.  

Your head rolled as if an infection was spreading, your brain and muscles oozing with hurt.  You shut your eyes and opened them again.  The warm orange against the brown wood was gone.  You saw grey and decay.  Spiderwebs and a rundown bar.

“What?”  You pinched your eyes shut, thinking it was a fever dream.  “Have you poisoned me?  What treachery is this?”

The bar you spent each night cleaning was covered in dust and mildew.  There was a broken beam in the ceiling and a hole in the roof.   Your head lulled back at the piano.  

“Someone was playing that all night.”  You didn’t undrestand, the beautiful polished keys were missing, chipped.  Strings were hanging out the top.  “What is happening?”

“You will haunt this place no more you evil beast.”  The Witcher puffed his chest and raised the dagger even higher.  

“NO!”  You braced yourself, shielding your body with your arms.  

“SHES’S NOT EVIL!”  Geralt’s voice filled the room.  

“Geralt….?”  You tried to twist and look at him, but your eyes couldn’t focus.  “What is happening to me?”  

“Have you forgotten your creed?”  The weight on your hips lifted as you rolled on the floor. “She must be destroyed.”  

“Have you forgotten yours?”  The sound of a sword being drawn echoed and you looked up at the moonlight, seeing the rotted bannister to the upstairs.  “We don’t kill innocents.”

“Innocent?”  The other Witcher scoffed.  “She killed Robert Blanton.  The son of the man who hired us!”

“She is stuck in a time loop.  She does not know what she is.”  Geralt’s voice began to fade.  “How is that her fault?”  

“So you want to what?  Save her?”  The stranger laughed.  “You are insane.”  

“I won’t let you kill her.”  Geralt grunted as he stepped over you.

“She is already dead.”  The man let out a roar and you heard the clashes of blades.  

“Dead?” It came out as a whimper and you rolled on to your side.

The sounds of the men fighting faded away as you lifted your hand.  The flesh looked real, the color the same it had always been, but then you caught sight of the wound.  The scratch from the dagger was spreading decay.  You could see your bone as the skin pulled away, as if you were struck with fire that would not burn out.  

“MmMmmpph!”  You looked up and spotted a man on his side, bound and gagged.

There were tears running down his cheeks, he was older, you would guess at least sixties, he was bald with a white beard, nothing but fear in his eyes.  Those eyes.  

“That’s the monster you are after.”  Geralt’s voice came back.  “He did this to her.  He is responsible for Robert Blanton’s death.”  

“Stander?”  It was him, your ex who taunted you every morning, who hurt you physically and mentally, but he was so much older even though you just saw him that day.  

“He is a human being.” The other Witcher laughed.  “We do not kill humans.”

“You are correct.”  The banging of the sword continued until you heard a grunt and a slice followed by a gasp.  “We kill monsters.”  

There was a groan and a thud against the floor.  Everything hurt.  

“Are you alright?”  Geralt came to your side and pulled you close.  “It’s over.  I’m going to take you from here.”  

With a swirl, everything clicked.  Time loop, two Witchers, Robert being dead.  The way your boss was so mechanical, the way every day felt the same.

“I was your assignment.”  You reached up and cupped his face.  “But you fell in love.”  

   Geralt’s eyes flashed in the moonlight.  He opened his mouth to speak, but then shut his lips.  You pinched your eyes shut as your chest started to shake.  

   “No...no...I won’t let you die.”  He set your head on the ground.

   “Fix her.”  Geralt stomped over to Stander and kicked him in the gut.  “Fix her and I will spare your life.”  

   The objection hung on your lips.  You were ready to cross over, but before you could get the word out consciousness left.  If you had to leave, at least it was being loved.

~~

   The bustling of the dinner crowd woke you up.  You had more of a headache tonight than you’d had in months.  Nothing you could do about it now.  You took a drink of water from your bed stand and then readied for work.  

   When you walked out of your room you ignored the crowd and smiled, a vision of Geralt in your head.  Of course it turned into a frown, remembering the kiss.  You were destined to be alone.  

   “Good evening.”  The voice echoed across the crowd as you made your way downstairs.  

   Your heart wanted to leap out of its chest at the familiar voice.  You locked eyes with the Witcher and the headache intensified.  

   The colors and sounds of the bar started to blur.  You shut your lids to take the flashes out and sat on the stairs.  The noises flared and your headache intensified.

   “Hey.”  A warm hand touched your knee.  “It will be alright.”  

   The background noises left and you looked up with a shake to see your Witcher standing in front of you.  

   “What?”  The bar was dilapidated, dust and holes and rotted wood.  

   Memories came crashing back.  The second Witcher, Stander.  

   “What am I?”  It felt like all the air was sucked out of your lungs as you looked to your arm.  There was no scar, but the searing hot pain echoed in your bones.  “Am I dead?”

   “In a sense.”  Geralt’s finger came under your chin.  “Twenty five years ago, you were murdered here.  Your killer could not let you go.  With the help of a Mage he trapped your spirit in this, a fake recreation of your body.

   “He sets you with a time loop, you can break through and when that happens he murders you again and resets.  It makes you see things that aren’t there.  But some memories don’t get erased.”

   “Like you?”  You looked around in the moonlight.  “My boss?”

   “After your murder, he let the business go into shambles.  Everyone in the village knew who the killer was, but nobody would speak up.  It was the perfect spot to reset you. Some of the things he said, knowing they would be erased did not.  That’s how the image of your boss knew I was coming.”  Geralt hid nothing.  “Stander was the only one who set foot in here over the years until…”

   “Until Robert.”  You gasped.  

   Memories that had been lost came forward.  The way he walked in, shocked to see you.  The way he kept coming back, how you looked forward to it.  Then the one kiss and he was gone.

   “I killed him?”  You thought of the heat from your kiss with Geralt.  “I drain the life force with my touch.”

   “Not your touch.”   Geralt ran his fingers over your lips, it sounded like an echo of sorrow spread across the bar.  “The murderer showed me the spell, I brought you back one final time.  Silver will destroy you. Once it spreads to your heart you will be free.”  

   Geralt set a dagger on the step next to you.  You looked at the metal, the thought of crossing over.  

   “So am I gollum?”  You didn’t look away.  “An unnatural recreation, do I even have a soul?”

   “You are a soul.”  Geralt gave a squeeze to your knee.  “But you can cross over now.  Be with your father.”  

   “And what if I am not ready?”  You looked at him.  “Am I trapped here?  Tethered?  It feels like months, but its been years?”  

   “Tethered to this realm yes, but not this place.”  Geralt bit his lip.  “You are free to leave, just did not know you had the option.”

   “The fake time loop.”  You glanced at the door, never thinking of walking through it because every night had felt like an average night at work.  All the years you had wasted.  When you could have walked away.

   A creak in the floor made both of your heads snap.  There was Stander, tied to a chair.

   “I promised I would spare his life in exchange for the spell.”  Geralt stood.  “I am a man of my word.  I thought you might want the final one with him.”  

   The final word.   Dragging your killer, your tormenter to the bowels of hell.  It was tempting.  

   “I need more than a word.”  You stood up from the stairs and took a brief pace.  “I think my former lover needs a kiss goodnight.”

   You ripped off the cloth bound over his mouth and he let out a scream as you pushed your lips to his.   It was slow, not the burning passion you felt with Geralt.  But the heat intensified as your lips pressed to his.  You gripped his cheeks, holding his head in place while you felt his life source draining into you.

   The heat turned into a scorch, but unlike your arm the night before it was pleasant.  You wanted that burn.  He tried to scream, but it was muffled by your lips as his body began to jerk.   You sucked in air and pulled away, taking him with you, your body glowing with warmth as his corpse twisted into the chair.  

   “I promised nothing.”  You wiped your lips as pure energy ran through your veins and you turned to Geralt.  “Tell me, am I a monster now?”  

   “No.”  Geralt walked forward.  

   “And was I a monster for killing Robert?”  You pushed your shoulders back.

   “No.”  Geralt took another step.

   “And if I kill again,  will that make me a monster?”  You swallowed.

   “Not if they deserve it.”  Geralt came closer.

   “And if they do not?”  You reached out and grabbed his hand.  “Will you end me?”  

   He hesitated, his lips trying to think of the words.

   “I do not believe that day will come.”  His hand moved to your waist and he brought you closer.  “I saw you, that first night.  You will never be a monster.”

   “But if it does, do I have your word that you will kill me?”  You tilted your chin and looked him in the eye, watching his iris swirl.  

   “No.”  His lips dropped to your neck as you let out a moan and clawed at his back.  

   He sucked and nipped as he guided you until your back hit the bar.   You dropped your head and kissed his cheek as your fingers found the hem of his shirt.  You untucked the garment from his pants and tugged it upward.  He pulled away and stripped the top off before crashing back against you, guiding your legs to spread.  

   Strong hands gripped your bottom and guided you on to the bar.  You gathered your skirts and spread your legs, baring yourself to him.  

   Both of your fingers went to his trousers and undid the lacing.  His cock sprung free and your chest heaved with excitement.  How long had it been?  Who was your last?  Was there ever a first?  Not with this body.  

   Geralt ran the tip of his cock up your slit, you were soaked and ready for him.  He lined up and you gripped his shoulder.  

   “Ah!”  Your head fell back as he pushed inside of you.  The pain made your thighs shake as your head fell against his shoulder.  “It hurts.  Too much.”  

   He stilled and with gasped breaths looked at you, steadying himself.  You could feel him pulsing inside of you.  

   “This body, whatever it is, it’s new.”  You brought your hand to the back of his neck.  “I want to kiss you.”  

   His fingers traced down your cheek and he bit his lips as he shook his head.  With shut eyes you leaned against him and nodded. Then brought your lips to his collarbone and began to make your mark.  

   Geralt followed your lead, pulling out a bit before diving back in, bracing himself against the bar with one hand, the other digging into your hip.  

   Each stroke replaced the pain with pleasure.  Your winces turned into coos that turned into moans.  

   A rhythm formed as you lifted your hips, welcoming him inside of your.  The movements hit your core and you felt yourself tense.  

   “Too much?”  He kissed your head as his hand ran up the back of you neck.

   “Not enough.”  You started rocking faster.  “Please, go, go.”  

   Your fingers wound in his hair as he honored your request.  The tightness in your chest spread to the apex between your legs and you ground down harder.   Geralt picked up his pace and your vision began to blur.  

   You fisted his hair and yanked as your release came over you, pleasure filling your body, no your soul as the cry left your mouth.  

   He followed you into the oblivion.  Filling you with his seed in the process.  Both of you started to kiss each other’s necks, moving up the cheeks until you were almost at the lips.  

   Foreheads dipped and you pressed them together.  A few times you saw him go to pucker, but pull away.  There would never be a real kiss between you.  

   You stayed like that for a moment.  Both of you gathering your bearings.  When he slipped from you, you almost collapsed, but his hand stayed on your hip.  

   “We need to leave.”  Geralt tucked himself away and picked up his shirt.  “There is a dead Witcher and a dead villager.”  

   “To hunt monsters?”  You stood up from the bar, your legs shaking.  “That is my life now?”

   You looked at the door, ready to venture into the world.

   “Not your life.”  Geralt smiled.  “Never forget,  you’re already dead.”  

   You stared at him before a big grin crossed your face.  

   “And you love me all the same.”  

A/N:  Thank you for reading!! I so appreciate every comment and like!  

[deliriumsetin]

So here’s the thing...

I’m really freaking hard to scare. Unlike my cat that just booked it into another room when our UPS guy dropped a package off at the door. Perfect timing, Percy. Perfect timing...

Anyways! I have NOT had a good scare in probably two decades. No matter what fiction I pick up that promises to chill and thrill me, neither happens.

Now keep this in mind.

As of right now I am launching a business and yes, this will tie into the weird opener. Be patient, please.

I am launching Vox et Liber, a publishing house for ALL kinds of stories and ALL kinds of voices. I started working on this in November 2019, what do you mean that was only 8 months ago?! I originally thought the publishing house up after learning a bunch of facts about the publishing world over the summer.

VeL publishing will be a new kind of publishing and I can say that with 100% confidence because I am building this beast from the ground up, with the help of @hazandlouwho​, my fiance, and a few other amazing people!

Because this business is getting started independently, which means no investors, we are working with a VERY small amount of cash reserved for start up. Initially all works will be published digitally. We do plan on launching a Kickstarter in September/October to get enough funds to keep this going and to do it right which means getting stories published physically and sold to both indie bookstores and Barnes and Noble. Please be on the look out for that.

If any awesome people want to donate to help us not break my own personal bank, which will be easy to do since Covid-19 forced me to quit my job working with the public because I’m high risk and unemployment has kept me in limbo for going on 3 weeks, you can tip us on Ko-Fi by clicking here. ALL donations and funds raised go towards launching VeL and all projects under the VeL umbrella.

Bringing it around to the scares. VeL is launching our first project and we need all you awesome writers’ help. As of today we are opening submissions for our first ever anthology, Graveyard Visits. It’s horror with the theme of marginalized voices written as Own Voice fiction. Meaning stories written by marginalized groups with their marginalized groups as main characters.

Submissions are going to be open from July 1st until August 12th 11:59pm EST. Stories are expected to be between 2.5k-5k words in length. We will be paying $.02 per word as well as giving you a digital copy of the anthology. Submission Guidelines can be found here.

Now the whole me being hard to scare; I want to be scared. Submit your best, your scariest, and most bone-chilling stories.

Also, not so subtly gonna add a nudge to @thebibliosphere​ because I feel like she might have something up her sleeve. If not for this anthology then definitely our erotica one that will be announced later this summer.

We also have a podcast series in the works but I will do another post on that once I or my awesome soon to be brother in law (that’s STILL weird) have a moment to do up some graphics.

Click below for my rant on why traditional publishing right now is a soul sucking leech on EVERYONE.

On average with hardcover books an author is lucky to make $1.50 off each one sold and that’s only AFTER they sell enough to cover their advance. I also found out the average advance is like 3k per book. Some (not including the wicked big names who get a shit ton more) can get as high as 5k but others can get as low as a 1k. An author is lucky to see that twice a year (selling 2 books) because they have to spend time MARKETING book 1 instead of writing book 2. 

Keep in mind fiction hardcovers are generally sold between 19.99 (usually YA) or 29.99 (usually adult). Wicked big difference, huh? I get there’s a lot that goes into making a book, trust me I do but the split between should leave the authors getting around $4 per copy instead of less than $2. That $2.50 is just extra that the publishing house takes because it can.

Then there are the mass paperbacks which an author gets paid 50 damn cents per copy. Yes, those books retail for anywhere between 7.99 and 14.99 per book and sell way faster than hardcovers. Take it from an ex-bookseller.

Most books take on average 500 to 1,000 hours of work put into them before they even get handed off to the publisher for the FIRST time. At minimum that author sees an hourly return wage of $6 which is BELOW the United fucking States shit-tastic minimum peasant wage. We devalue the arts so fucking much- arg! But that can be a separate rant for another day.

Then after doing more research I realized just how off balanced the publishing world STILL is in the year of hell 2020. Don’t believe me click the link. Sarah Park Dahlen did a great article with a great graphic on it. 

As of 2015, yes I’m paraphrasing to continue to rant, children’s books had ALMOST more books about anthropomorphic cars, household items, and animals than there were books about Black kids, Asian Pacific kids, Latinx kids, or Native American/First Nation kids combined. Talking teakettles and their kindred got a whopping 12.5% while if you add up all the groups above you get 14.2%. None on there own beat out the freaking Easter Bunny! Of course books about White kids are the highest at 73.3%. Yes, this was as of 2015 but as an avid reader who reads middle-grade and up books for fun I can tell you nothing much has changed. Books about black kids maybe SLIGHTLY higher since the BLM movement (fuck yes progress!!) but I’d be heartstoppingly shocked if they beat out talking fucking trucks.

And that’s just race. From what I gathered with all the publishing houses less than 100 books with LGBTQIAP+ main characters are published each year. Wtf? And among that as of 2015 55% percent are about cisgendered males and 31% are cisgendered females. (Thank you @malindalo​, you are awesome and I’ve enjoyed meeting you at the Boston Teen Author festival the last few years.) So, just focusing on those 2 first letters, huh? I want to read a story about a kickass transwoman that has to deal with transitioning WHILE demons have torn their way out of hell. That would be badass! Holy shit, someone trans write that!

Same goes for people that live with disabilities whether they are physical or mental, including mental illness and neurodivergents like myself. If you haven’t figured out by this rant just how ADHD I am than you might need an ADHD in your life. My brain works differently and I would have killed growing up to read about characters that have to deal with what I deal with. We have Percy Jackson now and his all ‘verse but it’s not enough and it wasn’t published until I was on my way to college.

All that aside we now have all the bs coming out about what’s been going on in traditional publishing. About all the dickweeds that have been using their power and pull to sexually harass new authors, most often the new authors are young women. I unfollowed people and canceled a pre-order because fuck that shit! Also, I don’t give a fuck how big a name someone is if the hate they spew makes all their trans fans collectively feel like shit for not believing the simple fact that transwomen are women then they deserve to get dropped like the bag of shit they are. TERFs can fuck right off. 

All the publishing bs has made me more determined to get VeL off the ground because no, no, no. We’ll have none of that. All the listed above reasons can go play in traffic. We will be paying our authors better and taking care of them from day 1. We will be making sure our catalog is so damn diverse that you’d have to be looking at the wrong website to not find a story that you can’t see yourself in and lastly, if we hear of any of our authors pulling a Myke Cole or a Sam Sykes than they are dropped. It is in the best interests of our authors futures that they aren’t shitbags. /end rant

If y’all have any questions about anything of this, I think my dms are open or if I’m wrong just tag me. My days lately have been chained to my shit dell computer with one or both cats pinning me to the couch. I finish this up as Percy settles in on my legs. Also, thunderstorm is starting up and both are sleeping through it? If only I could be so lucky when the fiance and I have kids...

[sweet-teeth-mfs]

22 Questions Tag

I was tagged by @xiusmybeautifulnightmare thanks Reena!!! 

Rules: Answer the questions then tag 20 people

1 - Name: Edie* 

2 - Nickname: I’ve never really had one, but you can call me Boss / Oppa / Madam / Miss / Love of my life / that bitch. 

3 - Star Sign: Cancer/Leo (cuspian)

4 - Gender: NB/Genderqueer 😘👋🏻

5 - Sexuality: Bisexual

6 - Favorite colour: Iridescent/the colour of sunshine. 

7 - Time Right Now: 09:50

8 - Average Hours of Sleep: I’m trying to get it to 8, as per doctors instruction. I usually average 6.5-7. 

9 - The last thing I googled: Apps for ADHD

10 - Number of Blankets: Ok so, if I had my way, it would be fitted sheet + flat sheet + thermal thin blanket + duvet. It is however, not my way, so its fitted shit + duvet. I do however compromise and now have a giant body pillow which may or may not have a name. 

11 - Favorite Fictional Character: I mean, I fucking love Brienne of Tarth...I dunno there’s too many!! Beatrix Kiddo, Misato Katsuragi, Motoko Kusanagi...?

12 - What are you wearing right now: Pyjamas and my dressing gown which always makes me feel like some imperial lord of the mansion. 

13 - Favourite Book: The Stand by Stephen King is really up there. 

14 - Favourite Musician: Too many to list, try my music recommendations. 

15 - Dream Job: Running a games studies lab / producing games/films/any kind of creative project / writer / stage designer / general creative 

16 - Number of followers: 1,356. 

17 - When did you create your account: October 25th, 2018. 

18 - What do you post about: SMUT. And how I’m slowly selling my soul piece by piece to a particularly smiley 25 year old man in South Korea named Jung fucking Hoseok. 

19 - What made you get an account: I had an ancient tumblr account but wanted to write Kpop Smut and needed a new account to do so. Bingo bango. I started writing because 1) I couldn’t find smut that fulfilled my needs/wants 2) I figured why the fuck not I could write porn 3) Turns out thats true. 

20 - When did your blog reach its peak: Peak interactivity was around 200-800 followers, it dropped off after 1k. I’d like to think I’m only just getting started as crafts such as writing are only bettered by time and practice. 

21 - Do you get asks on a daily basis: Maybe 2-3 a week?

22 - Why did you choose your url: It’s Yoongi inspired ❤️and was trying to suggest the soft/hard dynamic of smut - sweet/teeth. Unfortunately all derivatives of that phrasing were taken so I had to settle for the ridiculous behemoth of a url I have now. The MFS stands for multi-fandom-smut motherfuckers. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[manjirou-sano]

>> MY FICRECS PAGE | OLIVERELIO FICRECS POST <<

The Scene by QuesNdAys (E | 104k | WIP)

After a bad break up with Nick, Armie found someone who helps discover a new side of himself. ----- Loosely based on the series Queer as Folk US, post season 2.

Darling, So It Goes by adhoori (G | 3k | WIP)

He walks in gingerly, still not sure what this was about. He looks at Armie, puzzled, and Armie just walks up to him and slips an arm around his waist. It takes everything in him not to jump out of his skin, what the fuck was going on?

“Like I was saying, we’re, uh- engaged.”

Timmy’s sure he heard it wrong. “I’m sorry, what?!”

Don’t Pile Up by nellipot (T | 7k)

"Straight guy worries he's being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he's fallen in love with him" was a real reddit article and now it is a real charmie fic

(how many times am I going to be this self indulgent? more on this at 5)

Random luck of the Universe by Thinkingpeaches (M | 35k)

Armie and Timmy have chemistry like no other. Armie comes to live with Timmy for 6 months while he does the play Straight White Men. What happens when Armie tells Timmy the truth about why he's really there. The Media wants to define them but they will be undefinable, they don't want to be in a box you can check off. Elizabeth knew before Armie did. ( I love Elizabeth but sacrifices had to be made. *cry*)

délicieux by lokidreamsinbw (T | 1k)

Timothée works in the bakery shop on Valentine's day. The manager wants him to kiss each person that orders today's special--dolce de leche ice cream sandwich, a small peck on the cheek, thinking it'll get the girls coming to buy sweets excited. It's been a few hours already and so far no one has ordered it. But then, a handsome American arrives and he's in the mood for something sweet.

Speaches by nellipot (M | 11k | WIP)

Armie Hammer is on top of the world. His senior year, he takes a s(peach) class, because he thinks it'll be easy.

save a prayer by MonikaKrasnorada (M | 41k | WIP)

Sometime ago, drawsaurus threw out an amazing fic prompt for a rentboy!Timmy au. With their permission, I’ve taken a stab at it.

sell your soul, not your whole self by overflow (Not Rated | 28k | WIP)

He'd never say this out loud, but he feels like he's dying.

Timothée has to lose twenty-five pounds for Beautiful Boy. This has unforeseen consequences.

lucky by labeledbones (T | 1k)

The fic about Timmy and his lucky purple socks you didn't know you needed until now. 

Pesche e Crema by violentwhistles (M | 3k)

At some point, Armie knows he’s stopped pretending to be in love with Timmy.

Five Times Timmy "Borrowed" Armie's Clothes and The One Time Armie Noticed It by adhoori (T | 7k)

Armie knocked on the door and he opened it, taking the t-shirt from him. He glanced at Armie, who was looking at him slightly wide-eyed, with an intensity that made him want to squirm. If he didn’t know any better, he’d go as far as saying he was checking him out, but he couldn’t possibly be doing that, so he went for the next best explanation.

“What? Do I still have some on me?” he questioned, looking down at himself.

He was puzzled further when Armie looked startled and mumbled a no you got everything before practically hightailing it out of there.

What the fuck?

For the anon who prompted a fluffy Timmy stealing Armie's clothes fic!

Ever Since Texas by maidenofthesea (E | 3k)

I originally planned to write a cute&sweet 500 word ficlet about Timmy and Armie buying and wearing not!matching shirts in Austin. Instead, here's 3,000 words about shirt shopping, Armie's mom, Texas food and car sex. I'm Armie/Timmy shipper trash and I'm ok with it. xx

Ending by maidenofthesea (M | 7k | WIP)

Tim and Armie end their years long relationship. This story works backwards and skips around in time as it progresses, coming full circle at its conclusion. We Begin at the End.

Aperture by ihighlydoubtthat (E | 1k | WIP)

Renowned fashion photographer, Armie Hammer, finds himself unnervingly drawn to a young model he’s asked to shoot.

Flipping Pyrrhus on His Head by Kinematic (E | 1k)

"'You should have won,' Armie said, nuzzling his ear. It’s probably the twentieth time tonight he’s echoed that sentiment, but now, in private, it’s taken on a whole new meaning."

In other words, Armie fingers Timmy in a coat closet at an Oscars after party.

Destiny by anephemeralmind (G | 2k)

When Armie arrives to school on Monday, on time for once, there's a new student standing at the front of the class. And while he can't quite put his finger on why, he's instantly intrigued. Maybe it's because he wears his sunglasses indoors, like he thinks he's literally too cool for school, or maybe it's just the fact that he's one of the most beautiful men Armie has ever seen.

Sweet Things by nellipot (E | 20k | WIP)

Timmy's never said he liked being Armie's baby, but Armie must know, or must know by now.

What Happens in Crema... by blushing_ace (T | 105k | WIP)

What happens in Crema doesn’t stay in Crema. (Dying due to the clicheness of this title) mpreg Timmy and Armie! Read cause I can’t do summaries.

[darkdrabblings]

Masterlist

Okay, so I updated my Masterlist for you lovely people. The newer stories now have the posted dates on them because I’m not about to go back to the beginning and date everything. 

I have it organized by characters with the oldest work at the top. There’s also a section for Ficlets and Headcanons at the bottom when they feature multiple characters.

Please don’t judge me too harshly on my older writing, I’ve come a long way since then. I’ll keep updating this list as I put out more stuff.

Warnings: NSFW. The majority of these are noncon and/or dubcon. They also have a lot of abuse, both verbal and physical.

Enjoy! 

Last Update: 06/06/2018

Dark!Akande Ogundimu/Dark!Doomfist

Thoughts on Doomfist - Drabble.

Exhaustion - Ficlet on Doomfist using the reader as a toy.

Pent Up - Long drabble about a fresh out of prison Akande, fucking reader against the wall. [04.30.18]

Dark!Gabriel Reyes/Dark!Reaper

Captured Reader - Reaper headcanons.

Posesión - Dark!Reyes fic (1.6K). One of my first full-length fics. Not on AO3, requires revisions and cleanup work.

Trying to Dom Gabe - Imagine/Drabble on trying to dominate or tease Gabe.

Sweet Dreams - AO3 -  Sometimes all you need is a little peace and quiet with the one you love. Somnophilia fic.

Oral - Headcanons on Reaper giving/receiving oral.

Different Languages - Kink drabble.

Obsession - Drabble that started off as writing advice and then quickly spiraled out of control after the first two sentences.

A Sheep in Wolf’s Clothing - AO3 -  Omegaverse. You hated being an omega. Luckily the suppressants you smoked kept you at bay, because the sheer thought of being forced to carry some alpha's brood sickened you to your core. At least you thought it did until you met Reaper.

Tamed - AO3 -  Omegaverse. You were an Overwatch medic doing your job when you happened to save the man known as Reaper. So you shouldn't be too surprised when he shows up unexpectedly at your door during the first day of your heat to give you his thanks. 

A Kind Alpha - Headcanons on how Reaper would treat the reader if she ever got pregnant. 

Tamed Headcanons -  Sombra gets ahold of another Omega’s scent and gives it to you. Maybe with this Reaper will be so distracted that he’ll let you go. 

Tamed: Side Story I - AO3 - A side-story about your Alpha leaving you plugged up before going off on a mission.

Differences - A couple of mini-drabbles regarding the differences between Gabriel and Reaper.

A Walk Along the Beach - Ficlet. The nicer Gabriel is out of the bedroom, the worse he’ll treat you when you return to it.

Welcome Home - Drabble. It’s been a long day and all you want to do is shower. Too bad Reaper has other plans in store for you.

His O-Face - Ficlet. There’s nothing sexier than being held down by the Blackwatch Commander as he pumps his seed into you.

Claws - Drabble. Reaper makes you prepare his fingers before he has his way with you.

Big Family - Drabble. Gabe having been raised Catholic and coming from a huge family, and now wanting a huge family himself.

Breeding - A Short drabble on how we all want Reaper to breed us.

Master - Drabble. 

Mistletoe - A small drabble as a thank you to the anon who commissioned a picture for me of Gabe for Christmas. [12.19.17] 

I Want you To Look At Me - Fic (2.6K). Sentence starter request. [01.25.17] 

Dark!Genji Shimada

Kidnapped reader - Pre-Cyborg!Genji Ficlet on how Genji would kidnap his s/o.

Reunion - Fic (1.5K) on Genji’s reactions on finding his s/o who had got away during his youth now that he’s a cyborg. Not on AO3 yet; requires revisions and cleanup work.

Trap - Ficlet based on “Don’t look at me like that. You’re the one who fell for the trap. It’s your own fault.”

Anal - Kink drabble.

Eyes On Me - AO3 -  Genji was hoping for you to have finally learned something from his nightly visits. Seems like he's going to have to step up your training.

Personality - Headcanons.

Jealousy - Headcanons.  Genji flirting with a woman who is way more handsy than the girls he usually picks up are, and instead of the typical pain of betrayal at seeing him enjoying the attention, instead is cold fury.

Dark!Hanzo Shimada

Lifeless - A tragic accident happens when you upset Hanzo for the final time.

Young and Present Hanzo - Headcanons on differences in behaviors between the two.

The Dark!Shimada Family - Part II -  Hanzo/Reader headcanons as sort of the deadly Gomez and Morticia Addams of the Japanese crime syndicates.

Edging - Kink drabble.

In This Life and the Next - Ficlet. Hanzo watches his pregnant S/O commit suicide. Heartbroken, he decides to end his own life, figuring that if he couldn’t have you in this one, he would join you in the next one.  Not on AO3 yet; requires revisions and cleanup work.

A Dragon’s Tears - AO3 - Fic. You had one job to do, and you couldn't even do that right. A story of the trials and tribulations that Hanzo imposes on his favorite pet.

A Nicer Hanzo - Headcanons.

Painful Sex - Headcanons.

Reward -  Picture Drabble. Hanzo loves having his little bride at his mercy, but if you behave, he’ll reward you by giving you control over some of the binding. 

Marked by the Dragon - AO3 -  Hanzo doesn't like it when his favorite pet runs away, especially when it's to some sleazy motel in the middle of nowhere. It's a shame too, just when he was finally getting attached, you had to go and ruin everything.

Pet - Ficlet. You’ve been asking Hanzo for a dog for some time now, and it looks like he’s finally given in.

Pregnant Runaway - Ficlet. Hanzo’s reaction to you running away while carrying his child.

Requirements - Headcanons. 

Kyūketsuki - AO3 -  When Hanzo was cursed to walk the world as a vampire after murdering his brother, he was abandoned by everyone he knew. Finally, after centuries of merely existing you came along with the taste of something he hadn't had in centuries.

Horde - Fic (1K).  You escape after finally giving Hanzo his child, figuring that he would have no use for you now that he finally got what he’d been after. However, you forgot one important thing, dragons are very possessive creatures.  Not on AO3 yet; requires revisions and cleanup work.

An Unexpected Surprise - Ficlet. Sequel to Horde. Even the Dragon of the South Wind has his moments of kindness.

A Dragon’s Tears: Wounded - AO3 - Chapter Two. You can no longer deal with the pain in both of your hearts and decide to try to leave your dragon one final time.

A Dragon’s Tears: Confession - AO3 - Chapter Three. How’s a sadistic dragon supposed to react when you slip up and tell him your true feelings.

Ramsey Bolton Vibes - Headcanons on Hanzo’s treatment of his favorite pet.

To Love A Demon - AO3 - Kinktober. A one-shot spin-off to A Dragon’s Tears.  It had been a year since you ran away from the Shimada clan and were living on your own after selling your soul to a lesser demon to escape Hanzo. It's too bad that you forgot that Hanzo would walk through Hell to get you back.

Female Child - Drabble. What if Hanzo’s firstborn turned out to be a girl.

The Noodle Dragons - Fic (1K). For Hanzo’s dragons, it’s never too early to start the day. A fluff fic based on events before A Dragon’s Tears. 

Fuck You. - Ficlet. Hanzo reminds you who your Master is after a small outburst.

Risk - Fic (1.4K). What would happen if it was medically impossible for you to carry a child to term? Would he risk it anyway or just get rid of you?

Dragon - Drabble. “I want Dragon!Hanzo to keep me prisoner n raw me every night.”

Daughters - Headcanons. How would Hanzo feel about having a daughter instead of a son?

Voicelines - Drabble. You tried to move away from his touch, but with both of your hands tied above your head and the balls of your feet barely touching the floor, it was easier said than done.

Laserpointers & Dragons - Some headcanons about the noodles favorite toy.  [11.13.17]

A Fitting Punishment - Drabble. You got your period, yet again, which means that you have failed to provide him with an heir. [11.13.17]

Groans - Long Drabble. Dragon!Hanzo. Imagine the noises the dragon makes as he breeds you night after night. [11.21.17] 

Please, Kill Me - Drabble. Imagine after he 'punishes' reader she just pleads with the dragons to kill her/find another because she can't deal with Hanzo anymore. [11.27.17] 

Angel - Drabble. Oni!Hanzo reacts to falling in love with an angel reader. [11.27.17] 

Burn - Drabble. “I want mid-life crisis piercing daddy to eat me out until I'm suffering some intense beard burn.” Same tho? [12.22.17] 

Don’t Make A Sound - Ficlet.  “Don’t make a sound. Do you really want them to see you like this?” [01.22.17]

Masterpiece - Fic (1.4K). Hanzo reminiscing on the best of times and worst of times with you while you sleep. [03.09.18]

Okami - AO3 - Fic (1.5K). The wolf hunts for his prey, especially on the night of the full moon. [04.02.18]

Scion - AO3 -  Maybe if you had been like the other women who welcomed him into their bed with open arms then maybe he wouldn’t have had to resort to such means. But now, the soft mat of the tatami on your back was the only small comfort of a meeting gone awry. [04.08.18]

To Love a Demon: Purgatory - AO3 - A place between heaven and hell, that’s exactly where Hanzo wants to keep you. Sequel to To Love a Demon. [05.24.18]

Dark!Jack Morrison/Dark!Soldier 76

It Wasn’t You - First thing I ever posted on this blog!

A Second Chance - AO3 -  He'd been watching you from the shadows for a while now. Protecting and keeping you safe from a distance. Because in you, he saw a second chance to finally recover what he lost in the fall of Overwatch, a sense of home. Tumblr version now updated to match the revised AO3 version.

DubCon - Kink drabble.

Face-Sitting - Kink drabble.

Pussy Worship - Kink drabble.

Biter - Headcanons on Clit "So help me I will rip this goddamn thing off if you don't gimme" biting with our resident daddy.

Pregnancy Fluff -  Dark!Jack finds out that you’re pregnant with his child and he just does a complete 180.

A Special Invitation - AO3 - After receiving an invitation to the prestigious Annual Overwatch Charity Ball, you decide to take Jesse as your date. It’s a good thing the Commander’s there to explain why you got invited in the first place.

Right Here - AO3 - Most people would have been over the moon if the fantastic Strike Commander happened to notice them. Most people didn’t know what the hell they were talking about. [04.17.18]

Dark!Jesse McCree

Lesson - AO3 - You liked the cowboy get up. You really did. If only you hadn’t hit it and quit it.

Young and Blackwatch McCree - Headcanons on our favorite cowboy from back in the day.

Molded - Headcanons on McCree being such a narcist that he tries to mold his desired prey into his own image, physically and mentally. 

Arrogant McCree - Headcanons on how McCree would tackle male vs. female reader. 

Breast and Nipple play - Kink drabble.

Bondage/Cloth Gagging - Kink drabble.

Pussy Worship - Kink drabble.

A Warm Welcome Home - AO3 - He just missed you is all. Some of that good ol’ deepthroating.

Good Luck Charm - Angst Ficlet.  You know how McCree always says that the Route 66 map makes him feel uneasy and how he shouldn’t have come back there? Here’s a small story that explains why.  Not on AO3 yet; requires revisions and cleanup work.

Demon/Werewolf McCree - Long drabble about being dicked down at the same time by both Demon and Werewolf McCree.

Bitch - AO3 -  You're jealous of McCree always getting the great missions. And when he takes another one that belonged to you, you can't help but insult him behind his back. Look's like he's going to have to teach you who's really in charge.

Where’s My Hug At? - Drabble. You just know McCree’s that type of guy.

Troubadour - AO3 - Song-Fic with our favorite cowboy. “...I'll be an old troubadour when I'm gone.” 

Infatuation - Ficlet. McCree loves showing just how much he loves you, he just expects you to say it back.

Mission Failure - AO3 -  Jesse won't let you feel bad for yourself after another failed mission. In fact, he doesn't like the fact that you're ignoring him to throw a pity party for yourself. Lucky for you, the cowboy knows just how to cheer you up.

Voicelines - Drabble. Jesse doesn’t like it when you tease him, looks like he’s going to have to teach you a lesson.

Thicc!McCree - Drabble that started it all.

Thicc!McCree Cuddle - Drabble.

Thicc!McCree rawdoggin - Ficlet on the beefy cowboy having his way with you.

Thicc!McCree and Coke cans - Long Drabble.

Scratches - Drabble about Werewolf!McCree

Oh, That’ll Do Just Fine - Drabble.  McCree mumbling his favorite line in your ear as you scream when he hilts you.

McCree with a smol!reader - Headcanons and a drabble on how Jesse would be with a kind and small s/o.  [11.13.17] 

Pregnant - Headcanons. Have some smut with Werewolf!McCree fucking a reader who’s heavily pregnant with his pups. [12.05.17] 

This Is Where You Belong - Fic (1K). Sentence starter request. [12.23.17] 

Dark!Junkrat

F.R.E.A.K. - Headcanons

Catching His Prey - Headcanons.

Dark!Reinhardt

Forced Marriage - Headcanons for a forced marriage with our favorite German granddaddy. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Domestic - Drabble.

Young!Reinhardt - Fic (1K) on a forced marriage with our blonde crusader [11/09/17]

Poly!Ships 

Poly!Headcanons - Poly!McHanzo/Poly!Reaper76/Poly!Gency - Headcanons on life with our favorite ships.

Permission  - Poly!McHanzo -  Another one my first stories from my main blog.

Recruit - Poly!McGenji - A long drabble when of when Blackwatch’s resident Cowboy and Cyborg first met you.

A New Toy - Poly!ShimadaBros - No Shimadacest here guys. Just a simple ficlet on what would happen if Genji originally has you abducted and Hanzo's dragons sniff you out before he can even get past second base.

Confession Ask - Poly!McGenji -  A drabble on Jesse using your body for his own pleasure and then passing you over to Genji for some sloppy seconds.

Race - Poly!McHanzo - Headcanons and a full-length fic on which of the guys knocks you up first.

Tie - Poly!McHanzo - Fic (2.6K). Congratulations! It looks like the guys succeeded in knocking you up and it sounds like it’s going to be twins.  Not on AO3 yet; requires a lot of revisions and cleanup work.

Bonded - Poly!McRein - Headcanons on being in a forced relationship with two overpowering men.

Divorced Parent’s Treatment - Poly!McHanzo/Poly!Reaper76 - Two fics (Poly!McHanzo = 1.2K) (Poly!Reaper76 = 1K) based on what would happen when you try to play one man against the other.

Rage - Poly!McHanzo - Drabble on Hanzo’s POV during the Divorced Parent’s Treatment.

Drabbles/Ficlets with multiple characters

Stockholm Syndrome - Hanzo, McCree, and Reaper - Three ficlets based on a kidnapped reader who slowly grows to have feelings for our dark boys.

Reader trying to fight - McCree and Reaper -  Ficlets. What if in your struggles you kicked them in the face super hard to get away, fighting for your life, thinking only of how you are about to be murdered?

Trying to get you pregnant vs. Happy accidents - Gabriel, Jack, McCree, Hanzo, Lucio, and Junkrat - Drabbles.

Size Difference Kinks - Doomfist, Jesse, Gabriel, Jack, and Reinhardt Drabbles.

Pain Kink/Pain Tolerance - Jesse, Doomfist, Reaper, Hanzo, and Reinhardt - Drabbles.

Love Me or Hate Me - Hanzo, Gabriel, Jack, Doomfist, Junkrat, Jesse, Genji, and Reinhardt - Drabbles on whether or not the guys care about your true feelings towards them.

Persuasion Techniques - Jesse, Genji, Junkrat, Reinhardt, Hanzo, Akande, Jack, and Gabriel - Drabbles on how you persuade the guys to give you what you want.

Size Kink: Pregnancy Edition - Doomfist, Jesse, Gabriel, Jack, and Reinhardt - The guys love how your belly is much more pronounced on your smaller frame.

First Time Holding Children - McCree, Hanzo, and Gabriel - Three ficlets about the men’s reactions to holding their long-awaited children for the first time.

Praising - Hanzo, Doomfist, Genji, and McCree - Drabbles on who would praise and tell you filthy things as they dominated you.

Clean Up - Reaper and Hanzo - Ficlets on the men not letting you clean yourself up after public sex.

Falling in Love - McCree, Jack, and Hanzo - Headcanons and drabbles about the men falling in love with their toy. [11.13.17]

Break-Ups - McCree, Hanzo, and Reaper - Drabbles on how the Dark! boys would treat a s/o that is openly grieving their previous partner. [11.16.17] 

Jealousy - McCree, Jack, and Hanzo - Headcanons and drabbles about the Dark! boys and their possessive natures. [12.05.17] 

I Love You - McCree and Reaper - a couple of ficlets on the men reactions on you saying you love them in your sleep. [02.27.18]

Headcanons with multiple characters

Gabriel Reyes and Jesse McCree -  HC’s for your fave dark ow characters and crazy kinks.

Gag for disrespect ft. Reaper, Soldier 76, Hanzo, McCree, and Reinhardt

Ass or Tits ft. The Shimada Brothers - HCs on what the Shimada boys would be attracted to.

Forced Anal - McCree, Genji, and Hanzo - Err...I think the title says it all.

Zarya Headcanons - HCs of our favorite Russian.

You will learn to love me - Reinhardt and Pharah - HCs based on a sentence starter.

Who leaves you in a worse shape? - Reinhardt and Doomfist 

Dark Fluff - Jack, Gabriel, and Hanzo - Some of that good stuff with the meaner guys, where they actually take the time to clean you up or are sickly sweet. 

Lactation Kink - McCree and Hanzo 

Talon Pregnancy Facilities - Reaper and Doomfist 

Something to remember you by - Jesse, Hanzo, and Junkrat - Sometimes, the guys like to take things that belong to you to hold them over until they’re back inside you once more.

Vampires - Gabriel, Jack, Doomfist, and Jesse - What if the guys were vampires?

Attention-Seeking Dragons - Hanzo and Genji -  How would Hanzo or Genji even take it if you were more affectionate/actually paid more attention to the dragons than them?

No Sex While Pregnant - Jesse, Hanzo, Jack, and Gabriel -  How the men react if they were told their pregnant captive needed to keep relaxed, so no sex for the safety of the baby.

Panic and Depressive Episodes - Jesse and Hanzo - How the guys comfort you during your darkest times.

Obedience - Genji and Hanzo - How the Shimada brothers reward you when you finally begin to listen to them; sometimes even going above and beyond the call of duty.

Chub/Thick Girls - McCree, Doomfist, and Junkrat - The boys who appreciate a th i c c girl to make their own.

Dark Daddies - Doomfist, Gabriel, Hanzo, McCree - How some of the guys would be like as father’s.

Period - Reaper and McCree - A couple of headcanons on the guys who would be into period sex.

Inside - Hanzo, Jesse, Doomfist, and Jack - Who would stay inside after finishing?

Sons or Daughters - Who would prefer having daughters or sons.

Momentos - Hanzo, McCree, and Reaper -  You know those possessive sociopathic assholes don’t care how ridiculous you look, they want to make sure that everyone knows you belong to them.

Halloween - McCree, Reaper, and Hanzo -  What would these fuckbois dress their toys as and who would go the extra mile to assure that the costumes are humiliating?

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, 3.4.2017

giving due consideration to all the songs which debuted on the billboard chart this week, with a stunning twist ending that will leave you rocked like a hurricane

oops) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars

Did this debut 12.10.2016? Yes. Yes, it did. Am I making an exception because it was released as a single on 30 January? Hellz yeah. I think we always knew cheeseball Bruno Mars circa 2012 was going to resurface at some point, and it is here in full force. "Take a look in that mirror/Tell me who's the fairest/Is it you?/Is it me?/Say it's us/And I'll agree." Absolutely no thank you. But this is cheeseball Bruno Mars in the post-"Uptown Funk" era, so yeah it's corny but it's still such a tasty jam, it's fun and it's upbeat and yeah that line is bad but, honestly, saying that line is cheesy completely discredits the hyper-confident "yeah, I know you love it" way Bruno delivers it. He knows it's corny, but he also knows it's gonna make you smile, and goddamnit, he's right. There's two tracks with Future features this week, and I just listened to Future. Gimme some got damn cheese, y’all. I don’t need more bleakness in my life.

4) "Chained to the Rhythm," by Katy Perry ft./Skip Marley

Like, this. This is pop music right now, so I'll take my cheesy-ass Bruno Mars any fucking day of the week, thank you. You know you're in for a bleak and shitty time when the title of the song evokes imagery of imprisonment and enslavement. This is a song about how we're all idiots for enjoying music with our free time. It feels like going to Thanksgiving and getting cornered by your 13-year-old cousin who just watched a Tim Burton movie for the first time and thus has figured out all of life’s secrets. There's a guest verse about how They awoke lions and are about to face the consequences, which is a bizarre aside in a song about how we're all actually asleep. The song does not build to that verse, and the verse does not build off of the song. All in all, though, it's just another entry in the decade-long list of awful Katy Perry songs. "Ur So Gay" turns 10 in November. In the history books, Barack Obama's entire presidency lives within Katy Perry's career as a pop star. Why’d y’all let this happen? I downloaded my MySpace blogs, I can tell ya, I was against this from the jump. This one’s on y’all. Y'all are silly.

42) "Cold," by Maroon 5 ft./Future

Like all Maroon 5 songs, this is acceptable.

54) "Bom Bidi Bom," by Nick Jonas ft./Nicki Minaj

I'm trying to figure out why this song left me so cold. I don't want to pin it all on Nick Jonas. I think I might be judging it based on its presence on the 50 Shades of Gray soundtrack, but I have heretofore associated the 50 Shades of Gray soundtracks with a certain melodramatic trait, and this association has me feeling like "Bom Bidi Bom" is an attempt at light-hearted fare written by people who have never actually smiled. This should be fun, right? This should be tons of fun! But none of the ingredients are fun. I’m not hear to kinkshame but I wouldn’t call 50 Shades a good time, I don't think Nick Jonas is who I'm gonna seek out when I need to party (why would you call Nick when Joe made "Cake by the Ocean," this might just be one Jonas away from truly burning up), and it sure sounds like Nicki Minaj was happy to take that 50 Shades money and run. I wanted to like it! I was pumped, I thought I was gonna have a better time! This song just bom bidi bummed me out. I am so proud of what I accomplished with this paragraph, y'all ain't even realize, man.

62) "Shining," by DJ Khaled ft./Beyonce & Jay-Z

Get that paper, Bey. Get that paper, Jay. You got twins on the way. They're not gonna be cheap, and hey, I know she's killing that preschool game right now, but I don't think Blue's quite ready to live on her own yet! Hook up with the meme man and get that got damn paper! This is a reminder that, even at the peak of her powers, Beyonce can still make the occasional misstep. None of us are immortal. She will barely feel this, just as you will barely feel whatever failure you're presently going through. Take heart! (And if you've yet to find success, remember: before she was Beyonce, she had to be in an Austin Powers movie. No matter where we are, we'll all be okay.)

71) "Helium," by Sia

I respect it. It's definitely not my jam, but I respect it. I only have so much time for piano 'n strings. It's a type of song that has a high floor but a low ceiling. At some point, you start editing the Grey's Anatomy closing-moments montage this'll play over in your head. This is a Sia song, and I'm just seeing Izzy leaving McSteamy in the rain. But: this is that 50 Shades sound I was talking about! So there’s... that?

77) "Heroe Favorito," by Romeo Santos

Bob! the first three seconds of this song: Oh, yo! This might be a nice '70s soul throwback! I'm down with this! Bob! after the dude started singing: Oh. Oh, okay. So this is what you have decided to sound like. Maybe I'm just not feeling it this week. I really dug the guitar solo! There's a lot of things to like about this song! But you have to listen to this dude to get there. I think it may have just hit me in the wrong week, I'm usually down for falsetto, I should be down for this, but I'm thinking about listening to this again in three weeks to give it a fair shake, and I get the funny feeling he's still gonna have this voice.

84) "Everything 1K," by Kodak Black

So here's the thing: fuck this dude. Innocent until proven guilty and all that, but this dude seems like a real piece of shit. There are rappers who are a) not on trial for rape, and b) actually good at rapping. How about the rest of this week we listen to those guys instead!

85) "Everyday," by Ariana Grande ft./Future

This song wasn't really doing it for me until it got to the "la la la" bit, and that's what did it for me. This song is going to sit in the top 20 for a couple weeks at least and it's solely because I feel that the "la la la"s sound the way love is supposed to feel. Future shouting "everyday" over and over again? Enh. Ari trying to sell a line in which she swears? Enh. Ari singing "la la la?" THIS IS WHY I HAVEN'T STOPPED BELIEVING. (In what?) ANYTHING.

87) "Rolex," by Ayo & Teo

This is a four-minute song about a brand of luxury watches. I am sure this is for someone, and I am so happy that something in this world is for them. Other people are happy as a result of this song existing, and my heart soars like an eagle at the thought.

88) "Cash Me Outside (#CashMeOutside)," by DJ Suede The Remix God

i questioned whether there was anything of value to be gained from listening to this song, but now that i've listened to this song, well, y'know what? there was not

93) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez

"Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?" is a lyric I'd scrawl across a thousand notebooks were I ten years younger. This was a "hot track," I daresay! It's like the response track to "We Are Young" I never knew I needed. This is the most I've ever enjoyed Selena Gomez, and Kygo seems chill! This could've been way more overdone than it was! Time will tell if I'm being overly generous to the song that followed the "Cash Me Outside" remix, but I think this was pretty legit!

94) "Yeah Boy," by Kelsea Ballerini

I'm glad I get the chance to talk about Kelsea Ballerini! Kelsea Ballerini's album, The First Time, is a legitimately Great pop/country album. It's a great piece of bubblegum you can chew on for 40 minutes. Now, you likely listened to this song and noticed the presence of the line "Blue jeans and a ball cap" in the first verse, and I am aware I would excoriate a bro country schmuck for being lazy and cliched with a line like that, but here's the thing about Kelsea Ballerini and her album: it's hella basic. When I extol the virtues of The First Time, I am not singling out its grand artistic vision, because this is, on its face, standard pop/country fare. It feels so good with Kelsea Ballerini, though! There's a reason for that: when you check out the Top 50 Hot Country Songs, eleven of the 50 feature female voices. It is, legitimately, the fact that bro country cliches are being funneled through a female artist that make Kelsea Ballerini feel fresh and fun and exciting, just the simple fact of the female perspective is rare enough in country music that it qualifies as an interesting spin on old tropes. None of this is intended to discredit Kelsea Ballerini, or suggest she’s getting by due to some sort of reverse sexism that has never actually existed outside of anyone’s imagination. She is clearly a great talent -- peep how she’s getting it done on an indie label! (One with noted billionaire Terry Pegula’s backing, but, hey, indie is indie!) And I kind of slagged on the artistic vision, and that was unfair, because without some sort of unique perspective, this song still would’ve fallen flat (see: Cassadee Pope’s “Summer”), and all Kelsea Ballerini has done to date is put out quality songs. She clearly knows what she’s doing. And not for nothing: CHOREOGRAPHY! THERE'S CHOREOGRAPHY IN A COUNTRY MUSIC VIDEO! Kelsea Ballerini is a true American hero, and I'm so stoked she's had a successful couple years.

96) "Hurricane," by Luke Combs

See, this guy seems cool, at least as cool as a dude who prolly voted for Trump can seem. (I'm solely judging his beard. His social media is apolitical as far as I cared to research, and while it's encouraging he doesn't think Julian Edelman is a better receiver than Julio Jones and that he's aware of the fact of CeeLo Green's existence, that trashboy beard is just straight GamerGate. C’mon, guy.) This song is basic. "I was in a bar, you walked in, I took you home." Oh wow such a deep intricate story. I can’t think of a single other song where anyone did anything like a hurricane, you sure rocked that metaphor. But because this dude isn't conventionally attractive, this song automatically becomes more interesting, because it feels like more than “hey we found this hot guy to sing about Chevrolet summer nights,” and that makes one actually want to do basic research and see this song has been out for nearly a year and a half and the dude's just been out there grinding this whole time. It’s weird that he grinded this song, of all things, but it’s clear he worked to get here. He might have even written the entire song on his own! That’s only backhanded if you don’t know Nashville. I’m not that big on this song? But I respect him. I can't say I'm going to seek out his other works, but if I’m out of things to do some Saturday afternoon and am presented with those other works, I might give it a shot. Luke Combs: not the worst! Who'da thunk?

Now that I’ve gone on about country music for 10,000 words, which is what anyone came to hear, The top 20 20) "Beibs in the Trap," by Travis Scott (1.21) 19) "My Old Man," by Zac Brown Band (2.25) 18) "Castle on the Hill," by Ed Sheeran (1.28) 17) "Call Casting," by Migos (2.18) 16) "Running Back," by Wale ft./Lil Wayne (2.11) 15) "I'm Better," by Missy Elliott ft./Lamb (2.18) 14) "Way Down We Go," by Kaleo (1.14) 13) "Everyday," Ariana Grande ft./Future (3.4) 12) "Light," by Big Sean ft./Jeremih (2.25) 11) "Guys My Age," by Hey Violet (2.11) 10) "Good Drank," by 2 Chainz ft./Gucci Mane & Quavo (2.11) 9) "Yeah Boy," Kelsea Ballerini (3.4) 8) "It Ain't Me," Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 7) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 6) "Shape of You," by Ed Sheeran (1.28) 5) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 4) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 3) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) “iSpy” cracked the top 20 this week and that makes me so incredibly hopeful for the future. Also apparently Chainsmokers and Coldplay dropped a collaboration today, so I hope everyone enjoyed Yellin’ at Songs because this is the last installment you can’t make me YOU CAN’T M