#focus rn is writing my tour presentation

[pettyprocrastination]

I'm sorry to the gang but I think initially Aemond is a bad lover.

Like, to actually think about it.

His first ever sexual interaction is with a prostitute twice his age that he was coerced into by his older brother, and it seems like he's never seen that woman again until season one when he returned to the brothel in search of aegon hence her speaking on how much he's grown since she last saw him which he seemed visibly uncomfortable within.

It's likely that his interaction with Sylvie was his first and only sexual interaction.

Which means that when he married you and it comes time to consummate your marriage and try for an heir. The sex is...less than ideal.

It's methodical and routine. Your husband above you rutting into you until he cums and then some because the maestro said his seed must "settle" for a child to take hold.

In his mind, sex is done out of obligation and dedication. It's an expectation for a man of a noble house to sire a son to continue the name. And what does he know of pleasure? The vile whispers his brother croons with no intention other than to see his younger brother uncomfortable? The prostitute he laid with before he was even a man himself? Those situations did nothing but make his skin crawl- it's no wonder that his sex is nothing further than noble obligation to his wife and his lineage.

It's less than an issue in your eyes until a knight tasked with standing guard by your door each night speaks I'll of the prince to his brothers in arms.

It spreads like wildfire before the day is even finished. What was once gentle ribbing between men in arms became vile wishes towards you- the dragon prince's wife. Conversation of how it's "a damn shame to let a pretty little thing like her go to waste" and how if they had their chance they'd show you how a proper man lays with a woman.

And maybe one idiotic son of a lord brought into the kingsguard, egged on by too much wine and the racacous laughter of his brethren jests that perhaps one night he'll slip into your room and show you how a proper man fucks when your husband is a way.

"Let the cyclops ride his dragon if it means the princess will ride mine."

Unfortunate for him that our husband happened to be entering the training yard just in time to hear his promise to his brothers in arms.

Now the thing with Aemond is that he's deeply prideful, but also so, so, so desperate for approval. He's spent his entire life chasing it and getting so little in return. His mother was insistent on what makes a good husband- loyalty, dedication, listening to ones wife unlike the way he watched his father wave away her concerns all throughout his childhood. He was adamant about being the proper husband in every strict tradition and stiff display of affection he offered you-

but nobody helped him with sex. So to learn through the vile words of some idiotic guards that he has left his wife wanting becomes the only thought in his mind and must be rectified.

You've only just begun your day when your husband slips into your room, telling whoever is stationed by your door to leave as he locks it behind him before standing before you, hands twitching and eye looking anywhere in the room but you.

So nervous, like a little boy all over again.

When you ask him gently what's wrong he does not hide it from you.

"I have left you wanting, haven't I?"

You let out an incredulous laugh, so taken aback by the blunt question you don't know what would be an appropriate response.

To say he hasn't would be a lie.

To say he has could harm his ego, further spurring his rage.

Instead, you gently cup his face where a pale hand envelopes your own.

"Most men do not concern themselves with the comfort of their wife."

Your blaise response hurts more than saying yes.

"I am not most men."

Your husband, the crown prince and rider of a generations old war hardened beast, looks at you with eager eyes and tells you- asks you to show him how you wish to be touched.

How to fuck you.

You spend the night In his arms, gentle guiding him on where you wish to be kissed, bitten, and licked. How to hold you, where to touch and how hard. Your husband is a receptive one, content to go for hours upon hours until your legs are trembling and there are tears in your eyes because once he learned the utter euphoria of seeing your sing his name in the breathy moan there was nothing he desired more in this wretched world to hear it again and again and again.

When you do finally rest, bodies slick with sweat and exhaustion creeping through your veins, you find yourself wrapped in his arms and his head tucked into the crook of your shoulder. He says nothing about siring a child, or the maestros advice, but simply kisses the spot just beneath your ear before letting himself slowly drift into a deep sleep, the first moment within your marriage that he is truly relaxed in your presence.

The next morning his family is kind enough to say nothing of the bite marks lining your neck as you eat breakfast, just as they are mindful to not ask of the head that once belonged to a member of the kings guard that now belonged on a spike before the castle walls.

[lwt28brave]

LT2 masterpost

If it was up to me, we would get an autumn or winter EP. Since it’s not up to me at all, here, enjoy this post with everything we know so far of LT2, which is to say, not much at all. Everything here is hypothetical. I’ll be updating every time I see something relevant. A little disclaimer that while this is a masterpost (kinda), it could be read as discourse (duh, it’s also a theory), AND it’s also by me, and you shouldn’t expect me to be serious at this point.

Due to me restraining myself, there’s no reference to any of the times he’s mentioned his guitar skills and him improving but I hope you know I cried every single time.

I’m also linking my old pinned here. It was written before AFHF and around the free merch thing that didn’t lead to much, but I still think I made some good points.

Possible tracks:

Copy of a Copy of a Copy

Change

Faith in the future??

369??

Possible names:

369

Faith in the future

When is the album coming out?

Your guess is as good as mine

Friday 28th of January 2022. Almost two years after Walls. It’s a Friday. It’s a 28th. What else can I say?

Here you can find @want-to-be-loved timelines for every month.

Here you can find @berlinini’s timeline of what Louis has been up to this year (2021).

The rest is under the cut. And here you can find a PDF version where Tumblr can't tell me how many pictures I can add.

2020

He said back on May 2th 2020 he wasn’t writing anything new yet.

(x)(x)(x)

Interestingly enough, he’s said many times after that that the album’s not ready cause he has no new experiences to drawn from. I won’t call him out because he does it himself.

May 4th. He liked a tweet from DMA’s Johnny Took saying they had to go write together again. Louis has been credited as an influence for them and (kind of) participated in their previous record, so I’m assuming he meant for their music and not his, but you never know.

Nothing(literally nothing??? how did we survive) until 11th of July. We all know what happened that day. We all celebrated it. Nonetheless, that’s not what I’m talking about here.

(x) So, by the beginning of July 2020 he was working on concepts and ideas for the new album. That was fifteen months ago. I know perfection takes time but…

Brief summary of important things that happened from then until the next mention of new music:

Louis left Syco!!!! 10 days later he rescheduled the tour for the first time. He followed Matt Vines on Twitter, probably so we could publicly shame him into doing something. Also, the 10thanniversary. He followed more people I wish he hadn’t.

Then more nothing until September. Not even a single tweet. The first merch drop was on the 28th of August but he just RT’ed the tweet. He first mentioned Free my Meal on the 25th of September. Then on October 1st Walls hit #1 on a lot of countries and Louis was incredibly happy and excited about it ^^

And then, that same day, October 1st, 2020, he dropped this bomb:

(x)

He also said it was too soon to be sharing new lyrics with us (x)

And, obviously, this tweet which is actually what made me start this whole post. I would hope you know mate.

(x)

He also told us he was cooking "banger after banger" and that he was incorporating more social themes into his music (x)(x) (I believe any social issue is a political issue but that’s not the point rn).

COPY OF A COPY OF A COPY?!?!

These next paragraphs are brought to you by my mind not remembering things and me not having any links. I’m assuming COACOAC came from those writing sessions that supposedly happened in October. Or in LA but I have no idea if he actually was in LA at any point other than a Daily Mail article putting him there on December which would have been too late, but I do remember that someone said he was in the studio in LA last autumn???? A rumor. Maybe. IDK. Did I mention already all of this is very hypothetical?? Well, this is it. I can’t even remember if this was October or November or what. So, take this with a grain of salt.

I’m also… taking the liberty to assume, if you must, that Copy wasn’t meant to be a Walls reject because it sounds more mature and darker and it has a vastly different tone that Walls songs. I know he’s said that song probably isn’t getting into the album, but I want to have faith (in the future) that I’m getting a studio version. (But also, Louis, if you’re reading this, first of all GET OUT OF MY BLOG second of all, please don’t ever feel pressured again to add a song to the album because we have already heard it before. It’s your art and it should always be under your own terms).

So yeah, I believe that Copy is either one of those four songs (then imagine the other three??!!) or was written around the 1st of October date.

---End of the Intermission---

Then not much important (other than sharing more about Marcus Rashford fight against food poverty and the 2nd merch drop) until he announced the livestream on the 24th of November. (x)

It wasn’t until a few days before the livestream date we even thought again about new music (jk, I know we’re always thinking about new Louis’ music). So, December 9th/10th, 2020. Nine months ago. We got our first taste of new music!

He made sure we knew Copy of a Copy of a Copy isn't a cover! (x) (x)

(x)

Ok, so that’s it for 2020. (I feel like I’m missing something from September 17th because tweet was deleted but maybe he was still talking about cucumbers. We might never know. Unless I understand how Tumblr tags work). Expected, cause Walls was released in 2020. We needed to let it sit for a while.

2021

Another Summary: Louis third tweet of the year was telling the UK government off. So was the fifth. What a good beginning. On the 26th of January, he said he prefers pancakes over waffles. I hope he meant pancakes other than his own. More importantly, he tweeted the infamous “you lot read into things too much”. Don’t get me started, Tomlinson. Don’t. Then the 31st came around and Walls was one. He tweeted this. How wise. And Project Defenceless happened!!

15th of February!! Who cares about Valentine Day when the next day we got this? ♥

(x)

(x)

So…AN EP?? AN EP?? PLEASE RELEASE AN EP.

“I’m sure I will have something out this year but unlikely that will be the album”. Unlikely but not impossible. Also. A single would be good. This is the second time he mentions releasing something in 2021 and he sounds surer about it than the first time around.

He also said that he isn’t sure we will get a studio version of Copy. And that the best bridges from Walls to LT2 are Walls, OTB, KMM and Copy. Can’t wait!

Then we jump to March 6th when he announced he was going to create his own management company. “Sometimes action is needed first to encourage the motivation and belief”. As we can tell he was already manifesting some stuff which will lead us to the numerology stuff/Tesla… kidding. Or not. We might never know.

On the 22nd of March he answered some questions:

He told us music was still his main focus ♥ mwha. (x) I included this tweet to guilt-trip him into giving us music in case he’s reading this even after I told him to leave. ILY.

(x) I’d love to get a visual EP this autumn. Just saying. It sounds like a lovely concept.

(x)

…next (I will get into it, I promise. I’m just mad).

On the 25th he left for Mexico until April 10th. You could assume it was just for the documentary where we got ten seconds of footage or admit the obvious: LT2 its a Mexican baby!!

On the 26th (so, not so far apart from that first 369) we got the first Faith in the Future mention: (x)

Back then we were innocent people who had no idea what was coming upon us. We still have no idea because what the fuck does he mean with these. Please explain. I have one braincell and I don’t use it enough for this. I’m linking some theories.

On the 30th of March he confirmed he was already working on the documentary. So AFHF was already on the works. Will it take this long for us to get the Veeps numbers? We also got this tweet: "Got a decent chorus idea down" (x).

Same person that got the “something out this year” exclusive. If you know something share with the class. Also. Is this Change? I feel like this could be Change but I also assume he wrote Change after hanging out with his friends or being in Doncaster. But who knows.

(x) And the second mention to 369.

(x) 15th of April. The second "Faith in the future".

On the 19th of April he announced that he had something BIG for us later on the year which turned out to be the Away From Home Festival ♥♥ (x) I love him so much.

Then on the 28th he announced the 369 merch drop (which it’s probably the Walls drop? Except that the TOU and KMM ones were “drop 1 and drop 2” and this was drop 369 which, again, makes no sense) but we still don’t know what 369 means.

Into May’ 21 we go.

He rescheduled tour again. And dropped another bomb (x).

He announced he has signed with BMG as an independent artist by RTing this tweet on May 10th. The article also says that he’s already working on writing and recording LT2. The timing… we don’t know. What this deal involves… we don’t know either. Bear with me here because I have a lot to say about this.

I think the deal is only a distribution one, but that BMG are interested in Louis and what he (us) could bring to the table. They were either present at the festival or watching it, but officially they had no involvement at all with it (everything is credited either to Louis own company, 78 Productions, or Charlie Lightening’s company). That’s the case for both giveaways too; the vinyl one and the tickets for the festival.

I think it would be an unbelievably bad move not to test the waters with BMG now or soon-ish. At least a single, to see how it performs. Due to the circumstances, it’s obvious there’re certain limitations on place but I want to see how they push it, whether the radio play exist this time around and if the song is playlisted and promoted and all that… I would also love to know, since it says he signed with BMG UK, but it also states it’s a global deal, how things are going to go on the US and other countries.

Yes, yes. I know those are all questions and no answers. But I know the same as you, sadly. If any of you know more than you’re letting on… again, share with the class.

Where was I? Yes, on the 25th of May Louis had a great day writing (x). Since the first time he had mentioned he was officially writing to this date there’s almost eight months. And I believe he was writing before October’ 20.

He followed Robert Harvey that day and, on the 28th of May (why is it always the 28th???) he was spotted at the studio for the first time.

June was an interesting month for the fandom ♥. Lots of LHL content which I will love and cherish for the rest of times. On June 4th, June 9th, and June 10th he was spotted at the studio, but I believe he was there more days.

(x)

This was posted on June 6th and captioned Studio. Charlie also shared it with “Mega tunes being put down, can’t wait for this @louist91 #louistomlinson #LT2” as the caption. This gives me 2019 (Elton-Joint) vibes. I like it. Feels like we’re getting closer to something.

He added the Milano date on the 9th too which I’m mentioning because I’m going alone. Anyone wanna go with me please? I’m nice and I never eat anything before a concert so you can have my food. On other news. It didn’t come home.

During July he was at the studio at least three days too. Probably more. Feels like more with all the fan pictures we got. Or was that June? Anyway, July 1st and 9th we got some videos from Robert Harvey and wearesuperhi, which is who Louis has been working with the most, that we know of. I don’t know for sure they’re from that day. And on July 5th we got an article and lots of pictures of Louis looking really good outside the studio.

On the 12th of July the first fans started getting the free, 369 bucket hat and print. We still don’t know what the purpose was other than to thanks fans. Maybe that was it. I want answers and I still think it relates to a future project (see theories above), but it could also just be a bridge with the Walls breaking.

He didn’t tweet about anything interesting for a while, mostly because he lost his phone (he either throwed it in the air or smashed it who knows). Then on the 29th of July he announced the festival!

I’m glossing over it because there’s already been a lot of talk about it (rightfully) and while it was a wonderful thing, it doesn’t have much to do with LT2.

Let’s talk Change!

On August 3rd he tweeted this about the setlist.

(x)

And this (x) on the 28th! I can’t stand him.

We didn’t get it, obviously. Because who was going to get that. But we read too much into things. Alright.

On the 16thof August Dave Gibson shared this post tagged #LT2 with the eyes emojis 👀👀👀. I believe this has to do both with Change but also with whatever else came out of that Mexico trip.

(x) Last relevant tweet related to LT2 is this one.

So, on the 30th of August we got Change and we cried, and we know that Change is going in the new album. He said it. With those exact words. He also said he was “getting a feeling for it”. This has to meant he already has a general idea of the vibe of the new album and what’s going in it!!!!!! (Right? RIGHT?).

Anyway, let’s go back a few weeks because some other things happened on August. He was at the studio a few more times. Or it was suggested that he was there. On the 17th and the 18th. (Why was it so time-pressing to be at the studio instead of rehearsing for the festival? There was no studio at all on the documentary. Which makes sense, but again, then why?).

On the day of the festival we got another mention of Faith in The Future that made me feel part of a cult ngl. The words were flashing on the screen for less than a second. Okay.

And then he tweeted those words again after watching the livestream/documentary on the 4th of September (x). This is what makes me suspect it's either the name of the album or of the single.

On the same day, we got some interesting quotes about LT2 on the documentary.

“Soon I’ll have to think about me second album, which in my head I’ll get the tour out of the way and then I’ll address that. So, I hadn’t really given it much thought, to be honest”.

“When every day is the same is hard to feel creative and it’s hard to have any kind of proper inspiration”.

“As season started to come back, I started writing again and it was great and some of these songs turned out alright”.

And I think this is it. I might be overlooking some important details but that’s what we know and what we don’t know.

So. Conclusions. That’s what you missed on Glee. I do believe the album is, if not mostly done, partially there. And yes, this post is pointless and never-ending but it’s all in here if you need to tell Louis “Hey, you said this, mate”.

[elbowgreaserp]

One thing I love about us is our unparalleled lack of self control, well. That and our love for garbage shows, but hey. I love you, and am grossly excited and stoked to see how long these two last, you know, cause reasons. DEREK HALE and SCOTT MCCALL, ACCEPTED!

OOC INFORMATION

NAME, AGE, TIMEZONE: Amparo, 26, PST.

ACTIVITY LEVEL: 6+ what up.

TRIGGER ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: Yeah, man. ITS WHY I’M HERE. (lmfao, Paro ffs, ily.)

ACTIVITY ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: I got u, fam. AND HALLELUH I FIXED MY POSSESSED KEYBOARD (well finally disabled it for good bless)

NOTES: I came here to have a good time and I feel attacked rn.

IC INFORMATION - DEREK HALE

NAME, AGE, SEXUALITY: Derek Hale, 23, bisexual.

FANDOM: Teen Wolf ;/

HOMETOWN: Beacon Hills, CA.

CLUBS, ORGANIZATIONS, OTHER: boxing club, baseball, alpha sigma phi, outdoor club, american society of mechnical engineers, anthropology club, fish camp, arrow in arrow, ping pong club, basketball team, shooting sports club, street society, the climbing team.

CLUBS, ORGANIZATIONS, OTHER CREATION:

alpha sigma phi: Alpha Sigma Phi is social fraternity on campus here to Better the Man, enrich brotherhood, and promote character and leadership through charitable and school events.

outdoor club: The mission of the UCCS Outdoor club will be to engage students in the outdoor industry and activities available in Colorado and beyond. Our vision is to provide students with access and education necessary to engage in the abundance of Outdoor activities that Colorado is known for.

american society of mechanical engineers: The American Society of Mechanical Engineers fosters interest in mechanical engineering through competitions, tours and activities.

anthropology club:  UCCS Anthropology Club is an organization for those who are interested in the study of humankind, past and present. We encourage members and our fellow peers to learn about, be tolerant of, and embrace different cultures, languages, and diversity around them. The goal is for our club to get involved and be active within UCCS, alongside Anthropology professionals and students regionally, as well as the community, learn and develop within the field of Anthropology, and become more well-rounded citizens.

fish camp:  Colorado is known for one of the best fly fishing in the US. Our mission is to educate student of the culture of fly fishing. We would like to share the importance of conservation, and patience through fly fishing. Fly fishing does not only involve fishing. It involves hiking, watching the water, learning about the water system in the area, etc.

arrow-in-arrow:  It is our mission to build a sustainable competitive Archery club program at UCCS to allow the students that practice the sport of Archery to continue their growth and compete at the collegiate level. It is our vision to have a club that has both active student athletes and coaches to guide the athletes in their development. The purpose of this organization is to provide opportunities for campus students and community members to be informed and participate in the sport of archery.

ping pong club:  The purpose of Ping Pong Club is to foster good sportsmanship, interest in and expansion of the sport of table tennis, increase the knowledge and skills of the members, and awareness of the spirit and its benefits to the community. Our vision is to enable players to bring forward their skills in the sport and be able to play against other players with similar skill levels and interest levels. Our goals are to compete regionally with other schools in the area and perhaps go to the state level competitions.

shooting sports club:  To teach and inform students about basic firearm safety and handling, and to teach the fundamentals of scholastic competitive shooting. To dispel common misunderstandings and fear of firearms. To gather like minded shooting enthusiasts and represent UCCS in local and state shooting competitions.

street society:  Street Society is a club for fellow automotive enthusiasts at UCCS, motorcycles included. Our mission is to bring together enthusiasts to have fun and improve the automotive community. Our vision is to have meets with the students at UCCS with a passion for cars and motorcycles. Our goals are to improve the automotive community, create a connection in the school’s automotive community, relieve student stress through their passion for cars, and provide assistance for automotive repairs for anyone who asks.

the climbing team:  We are a group of students (some faculty/employees/friends) of UCCS that love to climb. A large focus of our club is to teach new and semi-experienced climbers how to be safe while climbing.

FIVE POSITIVE TRAITS: selfless, protective, smart, patient, determined.

FIVE NEGATIVE TRAITS: Aggressive, broody, stubborn, cynic, arrogant.

BIGGEST FEARS & PHOBIAS: Losing his younger sister.

SCARIEST EXPERIENCE: Scariest or most heartbreaking ?? But getting pulled out of school to find out most of your family was killed in a freak fire, pretty much tops everything. So does finding out your older sister was murdered. Sorry, Derek.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

DO THEY BELIEVE IN THE GHOSTS/PARANORMAL?: Absolutely not.

ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER WE SHOULD BE AWARE OF?: He’s a postgrad !!

ANY CHANGES TO YOUR CHARACTER THAT SHOULD BE NOTED?: He’s not a werewolf, can u beliebe? Still a sourwolf tho :/

WHY IS YOUR CHARACTER PARTICIPATING IN THE PROJECT?: Scott made him, but also he actually isn’t afraid of manual labor (what? is this a jab at sebastian smythe? derek get dicked) and genuinely likes the outdoors.

IC INFORMATION - SCOTT MCCALL

NAME, AGE, SEXUALITY: Scott McCall, 21, pansexual.

FANDOM: Teen Wolf ;/

HOMETOWN: Beacon Hills, CA.

CLUBS, ORGANIZATIONS, OTHER: super smash bros club, impact, spectrum, active minds, paintball club, mountain lion ultimate frisbee club, acts of kindness, outdoor club, student alliance for gender equality,  el circulo de espanol, film club of uccs, uccs pre-health society, catalysts video game club

CLUBS, ORGANIZATIONS, OTHER CREATION:

el circulo de espanol: “El Círculo de Español” has various linguistic, cultural, and community oriented objectives: A. To advocate the usage of the Spanish language. B. To promote a better understanding of the wealth and diversity of the Hispanic culture. C. To participate in community events and activities which promote the Hispanic culture. D. To foster leadership development through the coordination of the aforementioned educational and awareness projects.

paintball club: Paintball Club is the most adrenaline-pumping, exciting club that UCCS has to offer. In conjunction with SGA, members will be able to play paintball for free, with small exemptions. We will play in many areas across town, and will play any game-types and any major paintball variations.

film club of uccs: The Film Club is sponsored by the Visual and Performing Arts Department (VAPA) as an activity that coincides with the undergraduate Film student’s studies but welcomes participation from all students who are interested in film, from all major degree programs.

uccs pre-health society: The UCCS Pre-Health Society is a collective group of students dedicated to pursuing careers in health care. Students interested in becoming doctors, dentists, veterinarians, pharmacists, physical therapists, physician assistants, etc. can find a wealth of knowledge, as well as community and camaraderie among other students.

mountain lion ultimate frisbee: To build a fun and competitive team comprised of a group of individuals that compete at the highest level achievable through determination, practice, and teamwork.

acts of kindness: Acts of Kindness (AOK) The mission of AOK is to help people throughout our wonderful university and town have a better life through selfless acts of kindness! We want to make a lasting effect on people through kindness and encourage them to do the same.

catalysts video game club:  Mission Statement: To provide a friendly game environment where people can meet, play, socialize, and ultimately have fun. We play a variety of video game genres, ranging from Fighters to RPGs to Co-op Adventures, and are open to much more.

student alliance for gender equality: The goal of the Student Alliance for Gender Equity is to provide a safe place for all UCCS students to talk about gender topics as well as discuss women’s rights and gender equity.

FIVE POSITIVE TRAITS: humble, natural leader, chivalrous, cheerful, agile.

FIVE NEGATIVE TRAITS: gullible, immature, stubborn, emotionally impulsive, worries easily.

BIGGEST FEARS & PHOBIAS: Losing his mom and friends, failure.

SCARIEST EXPERIENCE: Stumbling on a dead body once, never again. (lol sure, k, sorry about your luck scotty, boi)

DO THEY BELIEVE IN THE GHOSTS/PARANORMAL?: They’re open-minded enough to think maybe, but not without some hardcore proof. (famous last words)

ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER WE SHOULD BE AWARE OF?: Has asthma, but it’s improved since he was younger.

ANY CHANGES TO YOUR CHARACTER THAT SHOULD BE NOTED?: MY SON IS HUMAAAAAAAAAAAAAN. So no true alpha and the boy got that asthma, but it’s not going to hinder him too too much. ;/ (lol you’re an optimist, paro)

WHY IS YOUR CHARACTER PARTICIPATING IN THE PROJECT?: He genuinely thinks it’ll be fun! It’ll be tough, but what better way to spend the summer than with his friends and helping build something cool?

WRITING SAMPLE

                      it’s been too long,  too many unanswered calls and texts.  he almost feels bad,  he actually might if he didn’t believe in what he’s doing.  protecting scott.  it’s been his main objective since leaving beacon hills,  that and making sure his sister doesn’t get tangled up in one of monroe’s many webs. but thankfully she’s running with a new pack and isn’t alone.  he’s not too sure about the priest,  but the alpha is willing to do anything to make sure his pack survives. derek lets his hand find scott’s shoulder,  squeezing gently before he lets it fall back to his side.  an unspoken good to see you too.  he casts the alpha a glance at the tone,  it’s probably too dark to see,  but he knows scott will sense it so he doesn’t let it linger.    “  i can leave.  ”    he WON’T.    “  but i thought you could use some help.  ”    

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

they’re sitting in beacon hills’ only diner in what’s come to be their spot. graduation is fast approaching and it’d almost be a relief, but there’s something holding scott back from celebrating. it’s been two days and he still hasn’t opened up the envelope from uc davis. he doesn’t know if he got in or not and part of him wants to keep it that way. he hadn’t even shown anyone yet, but malia had seen it on his bedside table the night before. she hadn’t said a word, understanding that’s what he needed. merely blinked her eyes before moving in close and they slept peacefully together, touching in the most innocent of ways.

now they were at breakfast together. scott dragged her out of bed in the morning, envelope tucked into his back pocket until he dug it up to put on the table after they ordered. he’s staring at it, heart racing and breathing unsteadily. his own fingers tap anxiously on the surface next to it. the alpha doesn’t stop until her touch is on him and he stills instantly. it’s not out of shock though, they’re long past that stage.

he relaxes because of it. the anxiousness is simmering below, but it’s more manageable. it’s gone completely by the time malia takes his hand. then when she squeezes, scott feels at ease in a way that’s become all too familiar when she’s touching him. besides with her, it’s not something he felt in a long while. he doesn’t want to let go, it’s the last thing he wants, but now he knows he’s ready to read his fate.

his free hand moves to wrap over hers and he squeezes back before pulling them both away. a sigh leaves his lips, regret at the loss of touch, but it’s also to steady himself for what’s to come. picking up the envelope is easy, opening it is even easier. scott starts to read, breath caught in his throat until another sigh leaves his lips. then he’s grinning and leaning into malia, turning his head and it’s almost a nuzzle when he moves it against her shoulder.

what it most definitely is, is a thank you and an i did it, i made it.

[ohh-kaye]

2018 Resolutions

FIRSTLY! I WROTE HALF OF THIS AND TUMBLR RELOADED ITSELF AND I LITERALLY JUST LOST EVERYTHING.

OKay let’s hope I remember what I initially wrote.

Let’s see my resolutions from last year, shall we?

1. Master the keyboard (YES/NO)

I have my keyboard next to me because I really want to learn how to play “When” by Dodie and it’s been stocked up for a while now. I’m not exactly a “master” but I have got a hold of the basics this year so I do know some things. I can look at chords online and play the song which is progress. I mean, that’s basically how I learned how to play the uke so I’m doing well... I think.

2. Wear more jewellery (NO)

Failed that completely. It didn’t even try to be honest. I go to uni and hospital and I don’t go out to socialise so I never had the chance to wear them. It was just a hassle to try and match them with I’m wearing and because I wear a lot of long sleeved shirts, they get covered anyway. Plus, I’m at home when I have free time so I just never got around to wearing any of the many necklaces and bracelets I have. Phooey.

3. Read more books (YES)

I’ll just leave that there.

4. Watch my weight (YES)

Okay. It took me forever to figure out how to make a chart since I haven’t done so since high school but here’s the result! I’m actually so proud of myself.

I lost 15 kgs this year. I’m still far my goal weight and I’m borderline healthy-overweight on my BMI but I actually did it and I’m so proud of myself. I look through old photos of myself and at the time I thought “I didn’t look too bad” but now I realise how badly I’ve treated myself and how “in the clouds” I was with my weight. I’m no better mentally because calorie counting is fuelling my undiagnosed OCD and I’m basically restricting but I’m getting smaller and as sick as I realise that is, I am proud of the discipline and progress I’ve made.

5. Go through and use my make-up (YES/NO)

I don’t wear a lot of make-up but I am going through them and I try to make myself look presentable when I leave the house. I have gone through quite a lot but I haven’t used too many so it’s a yes and no.

6. Be fluent in a new language (YES/NO)

I’ve been doing or at least trying to do them everyday (I have missed a couple of days because I forgot or I knew I just had no time. That’s why it’s not a 366 day streak). I honestly thought I would only get to 25% for each but I’ve surpassed that. I can understand a few sentences when I hear them in movies or TV and I can string together a few phrases but I’m not fluent yet. It’s just a shame I won’t be applying my knowledge because I won’t be going on the Austrian Study Tour at my uni but I do plan on going at some point to the place of origin of these amazing languages and hopefully I won’t get lost.

7. Get my L’s (YES)

I’ve been driving to work now and me and my brother have driving lessons so maybe in the next year or 2 years, I ‘ll get my P’s. I’m not rushing with this because I don’t really want to drive, I just need to. So I’m pacing this very slowly. BUT I AM GETTING THERE. I know how to reverse a car and drive in my lane so that’s a good thing.

8. Be less sad/depressed/anxious (NO)

AHAHAHAHA I knew this would be fucking impossible.

I’ve succeeded on a lot of resolutions which judging by the title of that (New Year’s Resolutions that I’ll probably stop doing by February.) I had no belief in myself so this is all very surprising.

Here’s a new list because working towards something is helpful and I might surprise myself again next year.

(This is also very last minute. Writing this has been on my list since the beginning of the month)

1. Actually master the keyboard.

I’ll put this here again because I really want to learn.

2. Reach my goal weight.

I’ll probably end up failing this because my weight loss has plateaued since fucking October?ish but the closer I get to that goal weight, I’ll be okay.

3. Maintain my skin and hair care routine

I have a skin care routine now because I’m an adult. I hate my face and because of this routine, my skin’s been settled. The annoying thing is, since my pimples can’t go to my face, it goes everywhere else. like wtf?

I’ve noticed that my hair’s thinning out and falling even though it’s been weeks since I did anything to it. I think it’s because I’m not eating as much but I put coconut oil on it after I shower. I’ll admit that’s not a hair care routine but it’s a start and maybe I’ll change it up next year because I’m actually worried that my hair is dead.

4. Go to the dentist.

I haven’t seen a dentist in fuckin 4 years and I didn’t use my retainer properly and my teeth are shifting and they’re yellow from all the coffee and I have cavities again because I forget to brush my teeth ahahaha. I have a laundry list of problems I need fixing and I need to get my ass on a dentist’s chair asap. It’s just too expensive.

5. Continue to read more books.

I’ll put this here again because I know next year will be pretty busy so I would still love to achieve my Goodreads challenge. And I have bought a lot of books since last year and I need to read them all.

6. Review for the GAMSAT.

I should start thinking about Medicine to be honest. I don’t want to be 30 before I’m a licensed physician. That’s not the end of the world though but that is my goal.

7. Get 75% on my Duolingo

I’ll add this here too because it is a continuous thing that doesn’t just end after the year is up. I’m not aiming for 100% because the progress gets slower the more words you learn so 75% seems achievable.

8. Go to another country.

Obviously, this isn’t the Austria Study Tour because I won’t be going to that but around the end of the year, my relatives from the US keep asking us to visit when we graduate and I actually want to go (on my own if I can) because I feel some sort of independence when doing big things by myself and I feel like if I do this, then I’ll be a full-fledged adult. This resolution is a long shot but idk maybe it will happen. I’m not getting my hopes up though.

9. Get my grad.

I can’t explain this because it’s related to Nursing. Basically, it’s a job as an RN but they give you the support like you’re a student so you’re not abandoned. This is a good step in the door because you get a job right away instead of waiting until your application is accepted. This is competitive amongst all graduating nursing students so hopefully I get it.

10. Be less of a hoarder.

I’ve started doing this a couple of months ago and it’s something I want to maintain. I’m a certified hoarder and I buy things I already have a lot of or I don’t need. So I’m training myself to look at an object and ask myself “Does this give me joy?”. If not, I can toss it.

11. Eat healthier.

This’ll be hard because I love meat. I honestly want to be a pescatarian though because I don’t want to be vegan but I know that red meat will kill me in the long term. I think mainly this resolution is just to choose better options with food. If it’s a choice between meat or fish or salads then I’ll pick the healthier option. ya dig?

12. Focus on my mental health.

Yet again I set myself an impossible goal. I know I’ll be stressed next year and I’ll have frequent anxiety attacks, mental breakdowns and quarter life crises but if I can’t keep it at a minimum by continuing this blog then I’ll be fine. Choose happiness or whatever that bullshit phrase is.

I THINK THAT’LL BE IT! I can’t think of anymore stuff to actively pursue for next year. They’ll be new things along the way but if I can do as much as I can to better myself then everything will be okay.

I sound so fucking pretentious when I’m being optimistic.

We will all die one day and everything will be for nothing.