#focus my energy elsewhere JHBAH
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i wish talking wasnt the hardest thing in the world
#i just want 2 be silly#i want 2 experience a whimsical fun moment n be in it n not b afraid#maybe i should just accept it n go fully mute#focus my energy elsewhere JHBAH#why does it hav to be so hard 2 get anything out#or even think the times when i can#i sat here probably over 1000 times trying to hard 2 vocalize n NOTHIN#i couldnt get a peep out except for like. 5#and they were all so awful n awkward o(-<#it feels like my lungs r being crushed whenever i try#n that makes me sound even worse i dont even know if any of it was legible#i think this is why my therapist asked if i thought anyone could understand me when i talked#i didnt know then but i probably do now n the answer is no#even when im alone n i try talking out loud it's. so physically difficult#harms me#and then theres the mental boulder i am crushed by whenever i am around anyone#but . all things considered it wasnt the worst#i still had fun n im still so glad 2 hav the moment#but holy fuck man i need 2 get better
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