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obsidiancreates · 1 year ago

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Refined Bloodlust Amongst The Bourgeoisie

"Come with me! All frogs, join me! Come along, are any of you government officials? If you are, raise a hand!"

A bullywug woman sets down her quill and peers out of her window. "Why, Ribbert, it looks as though there's some sort of parade going on outside!"

"Really, Flyletta? Let me see- oh my! And what a strange creature leading the way!"

"And calling out for government officials as well, oh do you think it's finally time for the execution- I-I mean, trial by combat?"

"Surely so! Let us grab our coats and hurry out, with a being like that leading the procession we're sure to have a very exciting combat in store for us!"

"Oooooh, marvelous! I'll grab my finest doily in case we get a seat in the splash zone!"

It's not too long a walk, though Ribbert and Flyletta do hustle along. They're not able to grab splash-zone seats, much to their disappointment, but they get a good enough view with their tiny binoculars on sticks from where they sit.

"Oh, goodness, what is that?" Flyletta croaks out in disgust. "Did they put a few rabbitfolk corpses together and stick them in a referee shirt?"

Ribbert leans forward and narrows his eyes as he peers through the binoculars. "No, no I believe that must be a... a clump of old dead swamp grass that was tossed into the water for a few days. Oh, jebus, it moved!"

"It looks in pain! Do you think it's a cursed creature?"

"Oh, of course it is. But someone's given it enough Witchlight to last us a week."

"Oh. ... Oh, dear, Ribbert, do you see the combatants?! One is on fire! My, Gullup may have the most exciting reign yet!"

"But look at the other. It's just a clown! This will over in moments, do you see the size of that very red man?"

"But won't it be fun to see the clown squished into jelly beneath such a handsome man's boots?"

"Mmm... he is quite handsome. But we won't be able to see the blood on him other than his clothes."

"Oh, you and your bloody men thing. There will be plenty, I'm sure."

"Oh, they're huddling, they're huddling. It's starting soon, Flyletta wave one of the vendors over before it truly begins!"

"FROGGY'S AND TOAD PEOPLE!"

"Oh, swamp gas. We'll grab something during the show I suppose."

"Let's wait until the intermission, Ribbert, you choked last time after laughing at one of the maimings."

"Ah, good point. What would I do without you, my dear?"

"ARE YOU READY TO SEE A BLOOD BATH?"

Ribbert and Flyletta cheer with the rest of the uproarious crowd. "KILL THEM!" Flyletta calls out!

The dapper alligatorfolk nods and raises the shell to his mouth again. "ARE YOU READY TO SEE SOMETHIN' YOU AIN'T NEVER SEEN BEFORE?"

The crowd cheers again, and again Flyette calls out "KILL THEM!"

The alligator announcer nods again, and raises the shell once more. "DO YOU ALL COUNT AS WITNESS? IF SO, CHEER!"

Flyletta and Ribbert think for a moment. They hear another party doing the same, and-

"I think so."

With that one conclusion, the entire crowd erupts!

The announcer seems pleased with this and shouts, "THAT'S LEGALLY BINDING!"

"What a strange way of announcing a combat," Ribbert mutters. "... They must be from Yon."

"Oh, Ribbert, oh no." Flyletta puts her hand to her forehead and leans onto her husband. "Do you think he's asking because these two shall fight in place of Morgo?"

"What?! But that would mean only one combat! I've been awaiting Morgo's bloody execution for ages!"

"Oh, the event is ruined, Ribbert!"

"Don't worry, darling, we'll stick around until the end and protest this to whoever arranged it."

"I think the alligator must have."

"AND BEGIN!"

The whistle blows, and it, theoretically, begins. Ribbert and Flyletta are too far away to hear everything the combatants are saying, so they just watch as the clown holds out a strange gun-like object, but made of a material neither of them have ever seen before.

"Must be from Yon."

"What do you have against Yon, darling?"

"It doesn't even rhyme, that's what."

Just as Ribbert finishes talking, a great beam of multicolored light blasts out from the clown's device! Flyletta's jaw drops as the red man easily dodges out of the way, an incredible smooth rhythm to his movements as he drops his shoulder and ducks to the side! The beam shoots out into the audience to Flyletta and Ribbert's right-

"Hot dogs, getcher hot do-!"

-disintegrating the poor sap they'd failed to purchase food from earlier.

"Oh!" Flyletta almost applauds, but Ribbert stops her.

Below, they can hear some chattering of confusion about names, but Flyletta really couldn't care less, and Ribbert is just busy checking his notebook of contacts to see if the pile of ash that was one a bullywug was anyone important.

They hear the clown cackling down on the field, and see the announcer speak briefly to the referee before tossing the announcing shell to... him? It? Still unclear if it's a real creature or some horrific amalgamation of swamp trash and dark magics and witchlight.

The shell lets out a horrific screeching sound as the referee holds it up to speak! Ribbert claps his hands over Flyletta's ear holes and uses his tongue to wrap around his head and cover his own.

"ERR, Sorry! Ribble got too close to the conch!"

"SHUT UP!" Flyletta screams. "LET THEM FIGHT! SHUT UP!"

"Wait real I ha-"

"SHUT UP!"

"Ribble just has to a-"

"SHUT UP!"

"That's Mundlemud versus Sploop-"

"SHUT UP!"

He finally relinquishes the shell to the alligator, and Ribbert relinquishes Flyletta's head as well as his own as they both breathe a sigh of relief. They watch with satisfaction as the referee seems to be panicking and cowering a bit on the field after that awful interruption of ruckus.

"Getcher vuvuzelas!" another vendor calls out to Ribbert and Flyletta's left.

"Oh not those horn things," Ribbert groans. "Those ruin every eve-"

Another blast of multicolored light shoots out from the field, disintegrating the vendor and his horns.

"Oh! Good show, chap!" Ribbert calls down to the combatants, They clearly don't hear him, but it's alright.

Sploop throws his gun behind him, and as it shatters there are faint little spirits to be seen floating up from it. Flyletta applauds the macabre flavoring to this clown's weapon.

Mundlemud charges at Sploop now, lifting his giant arms and whipping the chains falling from them to restrain Sploop! It works, the clown wailing as he's captured! Mundlemud holds out his fist without even cocking it back, yanking Sploop right into the readied fist! Sploop's face quite literally sinks into the blow, his face contorting around the blow unnaturally, and he crowd roars!

Sploop vomits after, colorful circus peanuts erupting from his mouth as his head spins around like a top. Ribbert cheers loudest of all as Flyletta swoons a bit over Mundlemud's arms.

Another vendor comes down the stairs. "Bud Light, getcher Bud Light here, only sixteen gold pieces!"

"Oh, my." Flyletta frowns at the vendor. "What a rip-off!"

They hear, called out from the field in the rough, rocks-gargling voice of the referee, "That's outrageous!"

"Even that thing down there can see you're charging too much, Slimeithy!" Ribbert calls out.

Sploop vomits his circus peanuts all over Mundlemud, making the much larger and handsomer and all-around better man flinch and shield himself. Once the vomit ends there's a moment of speaking between the contestants, and suddenly Sploop pops into a mass of balloon animal pigs! But the chains are visibly red-hot, and they metl and writhe against the chains before coming back together into an also melting Sploop!

He pulls his tiny hat down over his whole body, and when it pops back up he's no longer melting. Flyletta groans in disappointment. "Oh, just when it finally getting interesting!"

"Pretzels, getcher pretzels, unsalted pretzels with avocado-based mayo! Only twenty-three gold pieces!"

"Oh, now if the clown doesn't kill that man, I will," Ribbert says, scrunching his face in disgust. "Avocado instead of beetle oil as a base? Despicable."

The clown holds his hand up, pulls another gun device from his hip, and fires one blast off before throwing it away as well. The vendor goes up in smoke, and Ribbert laughs. "As you deserved!"

The act seems to spark a small conversation, quickly turned argument, between the combatants. Mundlemud rears back his fist and punches, then spins him out and pulls him back out to punch again, over and over.

"DON'T WORRY BUDDY, I'M GONNA BEAT'CHU RIGHT BACK!" they hear Mundlemud shout.

"Is that some kind of intimidation tactic?" Flyletta wonders, leaning forward a bit. "Perhaps the clown was his friend before becoming a horrible magic clown?"

"That's nonsense, dear, 'buddy' must be an insult where they're from."

"Oh, yes, that makes much more sense, darling."

Suddenly a large barrel sits in the hands of Sploop, dark in color, and he tries to smash it over Mundlemud's head. While he succeeds, the strange small monkey's within rain down without even touching the larger man and instead begin to go after Sploop himself! A few even make their way into the stands, bullywugs screamign and hopping out of the line of fire until-

"Bloody Marys, getcher Bloody Marys here! Bloody marys with one'a those deep-fried cheeseburgers on top because WHY THE FUCK NOT?! Only forty-two gold pi- AHHHH! OH, IT HURTS! OH, I'M SCREAMING AND IT HURTS!"

The monkeys rage and screech as they kill the vendor.

"Clearly, they know how terrible the pricing has gotten as of late," Ribbert says. Flyletta nods approvingly as they watch the vendor be torn and melted.

When they look back, it seems to be the big finish. Mundlemud whips a wave through the chains, launching Sploop high up into the air! The clown laughs, even in the face of this certain doom, as Mundlemud leaps up to the same incredible heights with such air that the bullywugs themselves are awed! Mundlemud wraps his giant arms around Sploop from behind, spinning Sploop so that his head will hit the ground first, Sploop holding up a sign that even from the farthest rows clearly reads "Uh-oh!", it's all over-!

The fall seems to last forever, Mundlemud's form obscuring view of Sploop's, but the CRACK! that resounds through the arena is enough.

The whistle blows, and it's done! Mundlemud stands victorious! Flyletta and Ribbert leap to their feet, giving Mundlemud a standing applause!

"THAT'S IT FOLKS, THE CLOWN'S DEAAAD! AND HE DISINTEGRATED IMMEDIATELY, LEAVING A GOBLIN HE MUST'VE EATEN EARLIER OR SOMETHIN'!"

"I didn't know clowns eat goblins. My, this was educational and entertaining!" Flyletta exclaims, jumping a bit in place as she applauds some more.

"It's over?!"

Flyletta and Ribbert look over. "Oh, another vendor. Let's see if something happens again," Ribbert says excitedly.

"THANKS FOR COMIN'!" the announcer calls out.

The vendor looks down at his wares in a bit of panic. "Aw shit, did anyone want full cooked chicken piccata? On dinner plates?"

"What a foolish venture, those plates aren't even fine china," Flyletta sniffs in disapproval. "Who would pay even a copper?"

The vendor holds up his tray high. "CHICKEN PICCATA, HEY! HOT 'N FRESH CHICKEN PICCATA, WHO WANTS SOME?"

"Shut up, we're listening!" A bullywug in an isle seat shouts. He stands and stabs the vendor right in the back, perfectly severing the spine. Flyletta and Ribbert and many others in the area give the stabber a respectful round of applause for such a fine blow as the vendor goes down with a scream.

"Lemony... capers..."

"Well, time to head home." Flyletta takes Ribbert's hand as he helps her up. "I have to put on a new dress for Electrum Chef!"

#legends of avantris #once upon a witchlight #fanfic #my attempts at fanfic

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