#flipsideofassault

[me-mindfulexistence]

Sexual Harassment....The Flip Side.

A ‘sexual Antagonizer’ or someone who is sexually harassing someone....is a person who is giving unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.

 I guess you could imagine he might be the guy trying to corner you at a party to get close enough to talk directly into you’re ear something meaningless....you can smell the alcohol on his breath and can feel his spit hitting your face....you’re are immediately turned off but you try not to be outright rude.....but he is instantly very ‘hands on’ when he’s pulling you in close b/c he thinks despite not knowing you it’s already ‘ok’ to be ‘touchy feely’ b/c the drinks are flowing and everyone is having a good time. Hey, he might not know you, but you must know the same people at the party or you both wouldn’t be there....right? 

You might imagine he’s the guy who you were set up on a blind date with.....and despite not giving him ‘great vibes’ the whole time....he has taken the liberty after dinner to make the aggressive move in the car afterwards to assume he deserves a goodnight kiss (and maybe more).  Not asking....just doing. After all....he spent all that money and time.

Maybe he’s the guy who is an ex-boyfriend and after you started a new relationship he has decided to ‘just show back up’ at your door when your new guy isn’t around and just try and ‘plant one on you’.....maybe with the hopes of rekindling what ‘should have been’....Not asking....just being in the moment and doing.

It could be the guy at work who hangs around the break room a lot shooting the shit.....and you generally enjoy his company or the back and forth banter you have about trivial topics....but one day he comes up behind you and touches you without warning in a way that isn’t ‘work appropriate’ or solicited b/c you had no idea it was even coming....let alone consensual.

Or it could be the guy who just outright flashes you....yikes!

All scenarios that happen all the time.  

What if you took those same situations and replaced Guy/him/he with Girl/Lady/She?  what if SHE did that? 

Would those same scenario’s be considered ‘inappropriate’, threatening or harassing in nature?  I think the answer is definitely Yes..... BUT.....Would they be considered inappropriate by a majority of men/males receiving the inappropriate action? Would those men/guys in the situations consider themselves sexually assaulted/harassed?  I bring this up b/c there is so much confusion among males as to “WHY”....why so many females are having this issue NOW....today....with sexual ‘assault’.  #metoo They’re questioning everything....how? why? what?  It perplexes them.  

Not all...but many males are just wired differently. For starters when you put a male on the receiving end of the ‘harassment’....many of these situations would be considered a ‘success’.  A favorable thing to occur.  Females flashing....getting a number or someone trying to pick them up at a party or bar (whether they are attractive or not) is flattering, someone showing up making advances or showing attention (as long as it isn’t causing any extra grief in their current situation) is again flattering. In general, unless the male is dealing with someone psychotic, they usually don’t fear for their ‘person’.  They don’t have that natural anxiety that females get when they are approached, touched or spoken to in a way that wasn’t desired.

Which brings me to ‘the flip side’.  A bulk of the news recently has centered around primarily males being accused of sexual harassment and sexual assault. I could name them but the list would go on and on....Here is the thing-  Females do it ALL THE TIME.  I’m sorry girls and ladies if this comes as a shocking surprise....but they do.  NOT every female of course....It’s the ability to use your  sexuality as a power chip. And it doesn’t mean you have sex to get that ‘power’.  It means you have a good understanding of the opposite sex and how your appearance, speech/words, actions directly effect them. It’s something that both sexes do-if that’s part of ‘their game’..... Point being that females with self esteem issues, strong personalities just ‘forcing their will’ on a man, attention seekers, inebriated females with low inhibitions or females who just ‘want to’....will do things that are extremely predatory in nature physically and emotionally.....and it would definitely be actions that would be labeled as sexual assault (if it happened to a female).....so why isn’t this being reported by males?  B/c we circle back to the difference between males and females.  Culturally for one, gender roles and stereotypes have been ingrained from our youth that the males receiving that behavior are ‘charmed’ in a sense if they would have a female ‘throw’ themselves at them or get an impromptu ‘flash’....they portray this behavior in movies and with the taught idealist notion that males being with multiple people pre-monogamous relationship/pre-marriage is just ‘part of growing up’ and boys being boys and men being men.... Males are also more sexual without needing any emotional attachment.  Biggest difference and bottom line is that most males aren’t going to feel ‘fear’ when they’re approached in whatever manner it is....where again, females have a natural tendency to feel her person is threatened when unwanted sexual conversation, gestures or contact is made....and IT DOES NOT MATTER if she was wearing something skimpy.  IT DOES NOT MATTER if she was dancing proactively....That is NOT universal body language inviting inappropriate behavior.  A males PERCEPTION is only that------ HIS REALITY....NOT the actual shared REALITY of the situation....and that my friends is where the trouble lies!  I heard someone say “if a female is wearing a shirt that says “SLUT”...I can safely assume I could approach her and ask for sex. I mean when I see a someone wearing a police uniform I’ll assume they’re a cop...or a mailman uniform- ...it’s safe to assume they’re a mailman...SO?!”.....I was shocked reading it......Really?  That rational sucks.  1- When was the last time you saw someone wearing a shirt that said “Slut” and you just had random sex with a stranger b/c that’s the ‘uniform’ females wear when they want to sleep around?  2-If someone was wearing that (in a 1 in a 1000 chance) I can guarantee you it’s probably an antagonist like me just looking to lure in a jackass tempting me to get on my soapbox. If you want to use that stupid logic.....I’ll say-”Just b/c I see someone who LOOKS like a trash-man or is riding on a ‘trash truck’....I just don’t run up to them and hand them a bag of garbage and say ‘here take this’.....They’ll be like ‘what’? who are you and why are you handing me this garbage? B/c listen.....My trash company comes to me on their scheduled terms.  Not the opposite.  I can’t just pick any damn company and run up to any damn trash person any damn day of the week b/c they look like good trash people....damn it. 

I’m sure there is SOOO much more psychology behind it but it’s fascinating to me that females can’t see both sides of the street right now. It’s VERY wrong that so much bad behavior has been tolerated for so long that it’s only now that females are coming out and feeling empowered....but we need to understand that it goes both ways....and we need to try and ‘get’ where the confusion is coming from in males (or even our more conservative counterparts). ie- I was amused to hear females and their sexuality explained in the context of ‘cows’ this week at a family gathering.  “Gotta sell the whole cow..... b/c we taught them better then to give the milk away for free ya know” ( yeah....life, marriage and sex summed up all in that one sentence the “lords way”). 

This blog doesn’t have any profound answers.  I just found some of thoughts I had surrounding the sexual assault topic to be different than what I’m seeing out there.....and how I think usually isn’t popular....but I’m okay with that.  It’s just interesting how the behavior of the sexes is viewed and thus treated vastly different.  As a side note, I also don’t feel these people being accused should be considered ‘guilty’ until proven so....It’s a shame social media is now the ruler of our world.  Basically public opinion makes a person guilty.....bc even if they’re  proven innocent they’re still persecuted by public outcry.  IDK.  My half a cent of nothing.