#firstyearteacherproblems

[doctorwormandtheelectricmayhem]

Merry Christmas to me, I come home from school for winter break and I got a cold and I think I also have an ear infection. Yesterday was spent on the couch watching #bobsburgers and I thought about reading today but that requires too much brain power to ready for long. But all things considered I still have a roof over my head, supportive friends and family, and a job that is steady and regularly pays me AND I have off for weekends AND holidays. Amazing. So I may feel like poop, but it’s not the end of the world, and there’s still plenty to be thankful for. #firstworldproblems #firstyearteacherproblems #thestruggleisreal #stillthankful https://www.instagram.com/p/Brxhhnul8-gnedXZYycUgNW4ttCQqUiVMbMjTc0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=h9wh97d4j3xu

[tobemissg]

So this is Winter Break...

You know, everyone said, "Your first year, just survive." I know the year is only halfway done, but I really feel like I am more than "surviving". No, not everything has gone perfectly. I have helped some students too much while not helping others enough. I graded some assignments too easily while grading others much too strictly. I got a little too irked some days and got a little too serious with my students.

I know none of these things are necessarily "good" or "bad", but they are the things plaguing my mind as I begin my 2 week sojourn. I keep replaying moments this semester and just keep thinking, "Man! I really wish I had done that differently." I keep comparing myself to my students' (sophomores) freshman year teachers, whom they all love and adore. I think I have built some really strong relationships with my students this year, and there are many things I am proud of. But despite the fact that I feel like I more than "survived," I am hesitant to say that I am "thriving". 

I still feel self-conscious. I still feel like I am only half-a-step ahead of my kids at times.  I still can't believe people trust me to be alone with these kids all day and actually teach them something without corrupting them too much. I am stuck in this struggle between feeling like a professional and hoping nobody figures out that I really am not as good as they think I am.

Well, this turned into a pretty negative post. Sorry for the ramble. I am VERY excited for break as I have a long list of personal "to-dos" and some resolutions (personal and professional) to set and share.

Happy Break, Tumblr! It is well deserved my #education, friends!