#first time writing for bllk

[ceruark]

what the cat dragged in

[yan! michael kaiser x fem! reader, childhood friends au.] synopsis: your grandfather once cautioned you against feeding strays. it’s a lesson you wouldn’t fully learn until many years later. words: 4.6k cw: yandere themes - obsession, possessiveness, implied stalking, slight dubcon (no nsfw). a/n: [head in hands] this was supposed to be a drabble

“You be careful with that, now.”

At the sound of your grandfather’s voice, you glance over your shoulder, fixing your attention on the man standing in the doorway, propped up against his cane. Your knees and face are smeared with mud, as any seven year-old’s would be. 

You turn back around, cooing gently at the scraggly kitten that eats the canned tuna out of the palm of your hand. You lift your free hand to scratch at its head, smiling as it nuzzles into your hand before going back to the food.

“Why?” You ask innocently. “It’s so cute.”

“It’s a stray,” your grandfather says, voice dripping with disgust on the last word. “If you feed it, it’ll keep coming back.”

You frown. Would such a thing be so bad? If the poor little guy was hungry, you would happily indulge it; after all, withholding such a vital thing to its survival would be cruel.

“But it’s hungry,” you whine. The kitten polishes off the rest of the tuna before looking up at you and meowing loudly, bumping its head against your palm. Your heart soars at the endearing action.

“I’m serious,” your grandfather snaps at you in the tone that tells you you’ll be in trouble if you don’t listen. You give the kitten one last pet before reluctantly retracting your hand. You bite down on your warbling lip and blink away tears when it meows at your sudden absence in confusion and protest.

You walk over to your grandfather, and he takes your small wrist into his hand. He takes in your crestfallen expression and sighs, shaking his head.

“It’s for the best,” he says softly. “You don’t want strays getting attached to you.”

You look up at him with big, watery eyes. “Why not?”

“Because no matter how much you feed them, they’ll always be hungry, and then they’ll never leave you alone.”

Despite your grandfather’s warning, you continue to feed the kitten.

You’re careful to do it somewhere he won’t catch you, though. It’s summer, so you’ve been spending a lot of your time in the park that’s only around the block from your house. Turns out the kitten has been spending lots of time sunbathing there, too, so you make sure to start sneaking out some canned tuna with your packed lunch.

You walk past the swingset and toward the large, twisting slide that you’ve gotten used to finding the kitten under this time of day. Your small purple lunch bag bounces against your leg as you skip happily, swinging your arms animatedly. The tune you’re humming gets stuck in your throat and dies as you duck under the play structure and find a small figure already huddled beneath the slide.

A boy in a black hoodie two sizes too big for his frail body sits criss-cross on the floor. Bruised hands gently pet the kitten, which is curled up in his lap and purring softly. He can’t be that much younger than you— probably only by a year— but he seems far smaller than the kids in the grade below you at school, concerningly so.

His head snaps up as your feet come into his line of his vision, wide, impossibly blue eyes locking onto yours. He flinches so hard that the kitten yowls and jumps out of his lap, startled. He curls in on himself defensively and his breathing becomes labored, yet his wide eyes never leave you, tracking your every movement.

You blink in confusion at his reaction. “Um,” you start to say, but you’re cut off by a loud meow cutting through the air.

You turn to the kitten, which has now settled at your side and is pawing at your lunch bag. You giggle— of course, it’s already come to know where its next meal is coming from. You pick up the bag and unzip it, producing the canned tuna from inside it. You grunt as you tug at the tab a few times, but finally it gives way and comes off cleanly. You place it down, and the kitten eagerly prances up to it and starts eating out of it.

After a long moment of watching it eat, your eyes drift back to the boy across from you. His eyes are locked onto the kitten with such focus that it’s concerning.

Then, you realize he’s not looking at the kitten— he’s looking at the tuna sitting on the floor.

You reach back into your bag and take out a sandwich secured tightly in saran wrap. You unwrap it then split it in half, extending your arm out to offer it to the boy.

His eyes dart down to the sandwich and back to you, but he doesn’t make any move to take it.

“Here,” you say, waving your arm up and down in emphasis. “You can have some, if you want. Mom always packs too much for me, so I’m okay sharing with you!”

He glances back down at the sandwich and hesitates for just a moment more before his hand shoots out, snatching it out of your own and quickly bringing it to his mouth. You avert your eyes back to the kitten as he eats it, slowly working through your own half of your lunch.

When you’re done, you peek into the bag to see what else your mom packed for you. There’s a small bag of chips, an orange, and a banana. Maybe it’s a little selfish to keep the chips for yourself, but the boy seems to be just as eager when you set the fruits in front of him, so it’s probably fine.

He finishes eating before you do, and slowly, he inches closer toward you and the cat. He begins petting it again, stealing glances at you when he thinks you’re not looking. 

Finished with your snack, you crumple the bag up and throw it into your lunch bag before zipping it back up. You brush your hand off on your pants, leaving a smatter of chip dust behind that your mom will probably chide you for later. 

You look up at the boy, who is already staring at you. He flushes red and is about to look away when you hold your hand to him and introduce yourself.

You tilt your head toward him with a warm smile. “What’s your name?”

Michael waits for you under the slide the next day, and the next, and the one after that.

Days bleed into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. You become permanent fixtures in each other’s lives. You bring snacks and books, bandages and a gentle touch and an unspoken oath to never ask, never pry. He brings nothing but himself, but for you, that is enough.

Your mother never asks why you pack extra food, or where it’s ending up. She likely just chalks it up to you being a growing girl, and for that, you are grateful.

There are some days, though, where you’re being looked after by your father, who chides you for taking more than you need and makes you put the extras back in the pantry. On those days, you apologize to Michael for the smaller portions you both have, but he simply brushes it off. He says he couldn’t care less if you show up with no food at all, so long as you show up.

At some point, it stops being about the food, you just fail to realize it. Michael never breaks his habit of trailing behind you like your own shadow, and he’s not exactly a sociable person (in fact, his glare alone scares off any other kids your age who try to approach you two), so you figure there’s still something he wants from you. And because of your upbringing, hand-holding and leaning against each other and hugging is something so normal to you that you cannot even begin to suspect that there is something much different he’s actually after.

You’re fourteen and he’s thirteen the first time he kisses you.

It’s a sunny day, but not too hot; there’s a nice breeze in the air that keeps you cool as you sit in the grass, idly popping grapes into your mouth as you watch Michael kick a ball into a wall over and over again, as is customary for you two these days. As always, he eventually wears himself out and finds his way over to you, collapsing beside you and leaning his full body weight against your side as you complain and futilely try to push him off.

“Micha, get off,” you whine, shoving at his shoulder. He doesn’t budge, and instead sighs in irritation and wraps his arms around yours to stop your attempts. “You’re heavy!”

“Your fault for feeding me so much,” he mumbles into your shoulder, prompting you to roll your eyes. “Seems like oversight on your part.”

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t have if I knew you’d grow up to be this annoying.” Your words lack heat, of course— you don’t really mean it, and even if it wasn’t evident by your tone, it’s evident in the way you relax into his embrace. “Seriously, though. You’re all sweaty. It’s gross.”

Michael gives one last aggrieved sigh before releasing you. He reaches for the water bottle set beside you and drinks from it, and you go back to your grapes.

A comfortable silence settles between you two as you observe the other people in the park. It’s summer, so it’s busier than usual, which means Michael will probably leave sooner rather than later.

You turn to look at him, but as always, he’s already looking down at you. 

You tilt your head to the side. “Do you need something?” You ask playfully.

Michael stares at you a moment longer, the wind rustling his hair into his face. Then, he leans down so quickly that you can’t react before he presses his lips to yours.

It’s soft, gentle. It’s barely there, his desire contained by a hesitation you haven’t seen within him in so long. 

When you don’t respond, he pulls back, his face carefully smoothed over into a blank canvas, but you know him better than that. Fear dances in his eyes, fear that he’s overstepped and swung a sledgehammer straight into your friendship.

You blink rapidly, trying to pull yourself together. “Oh,” you say, smartly, and then feel yourself flush red as you fully process what just happened. 

“Sorry,” he mutters under his breath. It sounds wrong coming from him, and you reach out to grab his arm just as he starts to withdraw into himself.

“Hey, look, it’s fine. I just— you just caught me by surprise. That’s all.”

He looks back at you, and you feel your breath catch in your throat. His blue eyes are shining, but there’s something dark in them that you haven’t seen before, something you can’t quite place.

“It’s fine?” He echoes in question.

You feel your face grow hotter.

“Yeah,” you whisper back, “it’s fine.”

When he leans down this time, you respond in kind.

You’re always the one to break off the kisses shared between you two.

At this point, you’re convinced he’s not human, given the way that lack of air never seems to be a problem for him. If anything, he seems more annoyed by the fact that you’ve stopped kissing him than the fact that he’s nearly panting from how long he’s gone without taking a proper breath. 

He’s insatiable, you quickly find out. Shockingly, for a few weeks following your first kiss, he spends more of his time kissing you under the slide than playing football. When you get tired or want to take a break, he just opts to hold you in a tight embrace until you’re ready to kiss again or have to leave. 

Eventually, his initial enthusiasm dies down, but his way of kissing you never changes. Shallow, rapid kisses swapped between inexperienced middle schoolers, but he never lets up, always eager to meet your lips again and take in your breath in place of oxygen.

You never put a name to whatever’s happening between you two. You’re not friends anymore, that much is clear, but you two don’t have the means of going out on dates, either.

Regardless of what you are, he becomes clingier than ever following the shift in your relationship, and a small part of you can’t help but feel like you’re suffocating.

“Micha.”

He looks up from the ball at his feet, skillfully dribbling it despite the fact that his focus is elsewhere. It’s impressive; hopefully, one day, you’ll be able to see him play professionally.

Your heart sinks to your stomach and sits there heavily. Would that be the next time you see him? On some screen, miles away from him, years from this moment in this time?

You’re moving out of Berlin. Your father’s being suddenly transferred to an office in Cologne, and you have just five days to get all your stuff packed up and ready to go for the train ride on Sunday. You have a shitty starter phone— your parents aren’t keen on you having a smartphone, yet— but Micha has nothing. You suppose you could write to him, but that would put him at risk if his father got to the mail before he did.

When he catches the look on your face, he settles the ball at his feet and locks his full attention on you. “What’s wrong?”

You swallow, averting your gaze to the ground. “I’m moving,” you mumble.

A thick silence settles between you two. The soft breeze is sharp in your ears, like deafening static reverberating through your head.

His voice comes out sharp, digging in a way you’ve never heard it before. “What?”

“I’m moving,” you repeat. “I’m leaving. Dad’s job— we’ve got to go to Cologne.”

He doesn’t respond for so long that you finally force yourself to look up at him. His face has gone completely blank, and there’s only something dark in his eyes, something completely unreadable to you.

His voice is tight when he asks, “When are you coming back?”

“I—” You sigh. “I don’t know. I don’t think I am. I think the transfer’s permanent.”

He looks down, seemingly mulling over your words. When he looks up again, his gaze goes is cold, and he hums, straightening out. “No.”

You blink, confused. “No?”

“You’re not leaving.”

You furrow your brows. “What?”

He looks down at you derisively, seemingly irritated that he has to repeat himself. “I said you’re not leaving.”

“I can’t just not leave,” you spit out. He’s starting to be ridiculous, and his condescension has never been something that bodes well with you, having only been on the receiving end of it so few times. “I’m not gonna have any family here.”

He jostles the ball between his feet as if this is another one your shared mundane conversations. “So we’ll just run away together.”

You narrow your eyes at him in disbelief. “Do you even hear yourself right now?”

He slants a side look at you. “Do I look like I’m joking?”

“Oh, sure,” you say, voice getting higher with each word, “just two teenagers running away and figuring out how to make ends meet. Can you please take this seriously?”

His foot comes down on top of the ball, hard. He flicks a finger between you two. “I am the only one taking this seriously.”

“This,” you echo, incredulous. “A stupid relationship.”

He kicks the ball to the side and turns to face you fully, and that’s how you know you fucked up. Each word bites as he asks, “Is that all this is to you?”

“You know I care about you, Micha,” you say carefully, “but asking me to throw away my family to stay with you is insane.”

Something shutters in his expression, but it’s gone before you can even register it. “I knew it,” he spits, “you’ve never cared about me as much as you’ve led me to believe.”

You grit your teeth. “Are you serious?”

He shrugs. “You obviously don’t value me as much as I value you.”

“Oh my god,” you snap, “you are fourteen. Get the fuck over yourself.”

“You think this is meaningless because we’re young?”

“I think,” you hiss, “that we have our whole lives ahead of us. I wouldn’t ask you to stay by my side if you had bigger and better things ahead of you.”

He continues to stare at you in icy silence. You sigh, frustrated.

“If it’s meant to be, it’ll work itself out,” you say.

Michael tilts his head, as if considering this. His eyes wander your face, committing every bit to memory. Then, he walks over to you, seizing your wrist in his hand. You step back, a bit thrown off, but he lightly tugs on your arm, pulling you back toward him. 

“It will work out,” he says, eyes boring into yours. “I’ll make sure of it.”

He leans down and presses a familiar, gentle kiss to your lips.

“Then you won’t have to leave me ever again.”

This time, when you pull away, he lets you go. Seemingly without a care in the world, he turns around and picks up the ball, heading toward the trail that he takes home.

You return to the park the day before you leave, but you don’t see him. You wait for hours, but he never shows.

The unease twisting in your gut doesn’t unravel until the train speeds away from the station, leaving Berlin behind you.

You’re about to turn eighteen when you see him again.

Not in person, but on a screen like you expected. The name Michael Kaiser sits in a scrolling bar across the bottom of the screen which plays footage of him playing on Bastard München’s youth team, his long golden hair flowing behind him beautifully. The news anchor says something about him being one of the most promising players of the new generation— not that that’s something you need to be told.

Your friend says something from across the table, ripping your attention from the screen. You don’t notice how tense you’ve gotten until you relax again.

Despite the lingering feeling of unease his memory leaves you with, you’re still glad he made it, after all.

“Who’s this?”

You’re back home for the holidays during your second year in university. Your studies have taken you back to Berlin, albeit a part you hadn’t grown up near and is still new and fresh to you. “Home” might not be the right word, though— you’re spending Christmas Eve at your grandmother’s house. She’s been hosting your entire family the past couple years since your grandfather’s passing forced her to relocate to a smaller house, an attempt to fill the empty home with warm presences.

Currently, she’s playing with a small, bedraggled dog that has wandered onto her porch. It’s wheezy and staggers when it walks, indicative of its old age.

“Oh, just a sweet little thing,” your grandmother replies as she pets its back. “You know, your grandfather always hated it when I would feed the strays. I did it a lot back at the old house on the other side of town, but there’s not too many animals on this side, so I don’t really do it anymore.”

You consider the dog. Its fur is matted, but nonetheless, its tail wags so hard from your grandmother’s attention that its whole body shakes with it. It sneezes pathetically.

You shove your hands into your coat pockets. “So this is a new one, then?”

“Well, not quite.” Your grandmother chuckles. “I first met this little guy back at the old house. I’ve been feeding him since he was a puppy! Seems he found his way back home on his own.”

“Huh.” Your eyes snap back to her. “I didn’t think they could actually do that.”

She laughs some more. “The most determined and loved ones can.”

You retreat back into the house. Your younger cousins jump on you immediately, demanding you play whatever nonsensical game they’ve thought up this time. You shed your coat, and with it, your lingering distress at your grandmother’s words.

“Oh my god, do you have a secret admirer?”

Your roommate’s voice pulls you out of your shocked state. The dread freezing your veins gradually thaws out, and you kneel down to pick the bouquet of flowers off the floor in front of the entrance to your shared apartment.

Blue forget-me-nots, with some blue roses interspersed throughout.

It’s October now. Just under a year has passed since Christmas, but your grandmother’s words are fresh in your mind, as if you’d heard them just yesterday.

You fumble around with the bouquet, movements becoming more frantic when you can’t find what you’re looking for. “There’s no card attached to this.”

“Well, duh,” your roommate says. “That would defeat the purpose of a secret admirer.”

Except, it’s not a secret who sent you these. You might have been able to brush it off if it was just the forget-me-nots, but the roses speak for themselves.

You flick your wrist out to the side, shoving the bouquet into your roommate’s chest. She grabs onto them, so you let them go in favor of getting the door unlocked.

“Figure out what to do with them,” you say as you enter the apartment.

She trails in after you, hot on your heels in incredulity. “Wait, you’re seriously not going to keep them?”

“You know I’m not interested in a relationship right now,” you say breezily, feigning a calmness that contradicts your racing heart. “It’s a sweet gesture, but I don’t want them.”

“I mean—” Your roommate stammers a bit before her words peter out. She sighs, then starts rummaging in the cabinet beneath the sink. “Alright, whatever you say.”

She ends up arranging them in a nice glass vase you weren’t aware you two even own and sets them in the center of the dining table. They mock you until they wither and die, and you can finally dispose of them.

By the time February rolls around without any further incidents, your guard has lowered significantly, which is, of course, your first mistake.

You’re lounging on the couch in the common space when there’s light knocking at your apartment door. There’s mostly college students renting in this unit, so it’s not uncommon for someone to stop by and invite you to some party or other, and with Valentine’s around the corner, there’s sure to be plenty.

You set your laptop down on the coffee table and get to your feet, sliding your feet into your slippers and crossing the room to get to the apartment entrance. You reach up and begin to undo the locks without checking the peephole, which is your second mistake.

You pull the door open, and immediately, everything freezes in place.

His eyes are as blue as the day you met him, only his gaze is far sharper than they were even on the day you left. 

The television and billboards really don’t do him justice. He’s fully grown into his figure now, the diet and training regimen of a professional athlete filling him out in ways that the portioned-out food fed to him from your hands could not. His hair is choppy, but a face that gorgeous can make anything work. It’s pulled up into a messy bun made to look regal by the glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. The blue rose on his neck is stark against his skin, and you eye the thorny vines that trail down and disappear beneath his shirt.

You meet his eyes again, apprehensive. His face is impassive, but the intensity of his gaze betrays him and keeps you pinned in place.

You clutch the doorknob so tightly your knuckles go white.

“Michael,” you say softly, and he frowns slightly at that. “What are you doing here?”

How did you find me? The unasked question hangs in the air between you two, but neither of you reach for it.

“Who’s Michael?” He asks airily. He steps forward, and hooks a finger under your chin before you get the chance to move away from him. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten your Micha already.”

You swallow thickly. “I haven’t,” you mumble.

He hums. His thumb brushes against your chin lightly as his gaze trails over your body. When it lands on you again, his eyes swallow you whole. “You look good.”

Heat floods your cheeks in spite of the dread settling in your stomach, and you look to the floor again. “Thanks.”

You attempt to step back, but there’s a hand that finds its way to the small of your back before you can. The hand on your chin tilts your head up, up, until you’re forced to look at him again.

“I spent so long waiting for you, liebling,” he says. “Is this how you greet your boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend?” You sputter. “I don’t—”

His thumb presses firmly against your lips, quieting your protests. “Friends don’t make out, do they?” When you don’t respond, he adds, “We never did break up, you know. I’m glad to see you haven’t cheated on me in my absence.”

You finally reach your breaking point, all the agitation and unease within you spilling over. You shove at him as hard as you can, but if he didn’t budge all those years ago, he certainly wasn’t budging now. You shove at him again, this time trying to use the movement to push yourself away rather than push him, but he swiftly grabs hold of both your wrists and tugs you back toward him. Caught off guard, you careen forward and crash into his chest. His arms snake around your waist, an iron cage holding you firmly against him.

“Micha,” you hiss, “let me go.”

“Now, liebe,” he coos, releasing his hold on you just enough for you to shift and properly look up at him. “You know what that will cost you.”

You glare up at him, but to your chagrin, he seems perfectly content to simply hold you and gaze down at you. As seconds bleed into minutes trapped in his hold, you crack under the pressure. 

You tilt your head up fully, and Michael lowers his head just enough to be within your reach. You close the distance between you two, intending for the kiss to be short, shallow, and sweet, just like your first.

You honestly should know better at this point. One of his hands comes up to cradle the back of your head, and he pulls you back in just as you’re about to get away. 

The next kiss is deep, far more passion behind it than anything you two shared before you left. He bites at your bottom lip, and forces his tongue in when you startle. A whimper leaves your throat as he continues to lick into your mouth. You reach up to try to shove at his chest, but he places his other hand over it, rubbing his thumb against your knuckles in a mockery of a soothing gesture.

You gasp out when he finally breaks for air. Your lips sting from the sudden release of pressure, and a thin trail of saliva lines your bottom lip. You stumble back, but firm arms are there to catch you again.

You look up, and his pupil-blown eyes cause that unease to settle over you once more.

Gently, he brings your hand up to his lips and ghosts your knuckles over them.

There’s a glint in his eye as he asks, “Aren’t you going to invite me inside?”

Never satisfied. Insatiable, and now, somehow finding his way back to you.

You should have listened to your grandfather when you had the chance.

[uzurakis]

you've been sitting beside nagi on the couch for what feels like hours, but it might as well be eons in the digital realm. his attention is wholly absorbed by the glow of his smartphone screen, fingers dancing with a practiced rhythm over the touchscreen. you watch him, feeling a twinge of jealousy creeping in.

"hey, seishiro," you say, trying to hide the irritation in your voice.

"hmm?" he responds absentmindedly, eyes still fixed on the screen.

"you've been on that thing for ages. don't you think it's time to give it a rest?" you then suggest, masking your annoyance with a playful tone.

not tearing his gaze away from the game, he replies, “just a sec, almost done with this level.”

you feel a sense of jealousy. why the hell is he so invested in that game when you were right here, craving his attention? with a grin, you leaned over and snatched his phone from his hands.

"hey!" nagi finally protests, reaching out to grab his phone back, but you deftly evade his attempts.

"uh-uh, not so fast," you tease, holding the phone just out of his reach. "i think someone needs a break from their little games."

“what does that have to do with me..” nagi still sitting quietly as you cross your hands.

"listen here, mister," you say, adopting a mock stern tone as you lean back against the couch cushions, a fake serious look on your face while you begin your teasy lecture. "well, i was just thinking that maybe someone should be paying more attention to their girlfriend instead of their high scores."

he hums, reaching out to wrap his arms around you. "you know you're the only score that matters to me, right?"

“pfft,” his corny comment makes you smile, and as he draws you in, you can't help but feel the rush of ease. "nice try, but flattery won't get your phone back that easily."

“huuh? i thought that trick might be easy to get my phone back…” then he’s back whining.

after nagi's attempt at flattery falls flat, he looks at you with a pout, his brows furrowing. "come on, give it back," he says, damn, boy was really upset and desperate.

you hold his phone just out of his reach, enjoying the game of cat and mouse. "not until you promise to spend some quality time with me," you tease, raising an eyebrow challengingly.

nagi lets out an exaggerated sigh, but he doesn’t protest to your tricks. "fine, fine. quality time it is," he concedes, leaning in to steal a quick kiss.

you grin triumphantly, knowing you've won this round. with a playful laugh, you give him a playful tap on the nose. "good choice, baby," you say with a wink, settling back against the couch as nagi wraps an arm around you, finally giving you the attention you've been craving.

“now can i have my phone back…”

n. me when i say i wanted to write a rin drabble but this came up instead. just nagi being nagi i guess. didn’t proofread, m sleepy. bllk requests are open <3 i wanna start writing for my babiess sobsob

@uzurakis

[internetegoist]

Of Shidou Ryusei ; And how his character connects towards sexual trauma

(Content warning: Major mentions of SA/CSA and abuse, minor mentions for NSFW behaviour. Most of them aren't in graphic detail, but please please be wary of it 🙏 There's also spoilers for CSM and A Clockwork Orange)

Shidou's character is one of those that sticks with you throughout the entire series. It feels like we know everything about him, yet there's something so mysterious about his behaviour that makes you wonder, what's with this guy? We know how he acts, his violence and vulgarity injected in his brain and blood, but yet we don't know why he acts the way he is. It is very heavily implied that he went through a sort of restriction, born in a bird cage which he freed himself from through going to Blue Lock, but what is that restriction? What was the bird cage which trapped him? What was it that was holding him back from searching for freedom and exploring the world?

Since then, there's been a large speculation of theories on what his backstory could be. But one of them I want to talk about is about how his backstory is connected to SA, and how he could have experienced it at a young age. At first, I was extremelyyy hesitant to follow it due to how it made me a bit uncomfortable to discuss about, and how I saw a majority of people supporting the theory use it for shock value rather than a chance to devolve into darker topics. Of course, not the case for everyone who supports the theory, just from my own personal experience in the fandom.

But now, I can see the extremely, deeply discomforting vision on how this could be true in a way. From both his favourite manga and movie involving SA as an integral part in the story, to the concerning side of him being slightly revealed in the Egoist Bible. (Eg. crying at the end of the day, when he's feeling nothing or when he's empty, as well as his dislike of gifts)

Due to my heavy interests, I wanted to explore this theory into a more deeper matter. I decided to analyze more of his behaviour, as well as doing some of my own research. I must say, Shidou's behavioral manner can be one that is similar to those of SA survivors, especially male survivors.

Okay okay, enough yapping around. Let me get straight to the point.

Shidou and his instinct's responses

Generally after experiencing sexual abuse, one's entire personality will change. Every behaviour change is different for every sexual abuse survivor. Sometimes they'll isolate themselves more often, sometimes they turn into a much aggressive and violent person. Because the world has failed them, the world is putting them in a place where they are no longer safe and are more vulnerable. Because when your entire sense of self and personal power is taken away by your abuser, you are left with nothing but fear and new survival instincts. Why I bring this up is because Shidou's entire personality is built on instincts. His instant response to even the slightest hint of dislike or threat is to immediately beat them up, no matter who they are. A noteworthy thing to mention is that one of the main responses from males following sexual trauma is anger, because it is more socially acceptable for men to react that way. Attacking someone is the best way of defense, and Shidou follows this way of defense entirely. This also follows up with the stigma with the male ethic of self-reliance, in which help-seeking behaviours can be seen as cowardly or unmasculine.

It's most likely the reason why he also dislikes Kunigami's philosophy of heroes; Considering the fact his entire character is based on wanting to be free from restriction, he must have lived in an environment and/or went through a sort of restriction which influenced his ideals of "I can fend myself, I won't need anyone". The world he has grown up in was nothing but survival against the abuse he went through, so for what purpose should he believe in the principle of a savior, if he himself could have never been saved? It doesn't help either when in real time, there have been many cases where survivors of sexual abuse are either never believed when they speak out about it, or never speak out at all in fear of not being believed.

And besides the fact he uses violence as a defense method, one thing I noticed about Shidou is that during the time he was locked up by Ego for inducing violence onto Rin. We see him, perhaps for the first time, being calm and offering a promise that he'll make sure to stop fighting and hitting others, as long as he is let out of that prison he's trapped in. You see, a common reaction victims will use during the process of the SA is to freeze. To stay silent and still. It's like how animals freeze to avoid fights or further harm to themselves, or play dead in order to prevent getting eaten by predators. Although the outer self may seem to be in a calm state, the inside are on high alert, because they are afraid on what will be their abuser's next moves. The option to fight or run away may seem easy to those who haven't experienced SA, but to the victim it may seem harder than you think. Because freezing is a body's instinct response to abuse, and it'll stay frozen until the abuse is over, it's almost like a human's way of playing dead, so that the assault induced will end sooner. Among the instincts of 'fight, flight, freeze', Shidou seems to use fight the most out of the three. However, when necessary times come necessary measures, Shidou, perhaps for the first time, switches to 'freeze' instead of 'fight'. Not only because he basically, cannot physically fight anyone at that moment, but also because he is afraid. Afraid of being restricted yet again, afraid of not having the chance to live his life, which is to play football. The worst position to be in when you're being hurt or abused is limitation. You can't move, you can't fight, you can't run away from your abuse from happening. Nothing but hope that the abuse happening to you will end soon, that your abuser will stop hurting you. That's exactly what is so terrifying about the freeze responses.

Shidou and his sexual behaviour

If any fan knows anything about Shidou, it's that he's not afraid to speak out what's on his mind, especially lewd and inappropriate words. More or less, this can be connecting to something called hypersexuality. Accordingly, hypersexuality is defined as an intense focus on sexual fantasies, urges and behaviours that can't be controlled. Hypersexuality can not only cause distress, but also problems in school and workplace.

Survivors of sexual abuse cope in one of the two ways: Either by avoiding sexual or intimidate interactions entirely, or seeking said interactions on a large and unhealthy scale. According to this article, a majority of men who suffer from hypersexuality or sex addiction have been either physically or sexually abused in their childhood.

We see Shidou quite literally compare scoring a goal in football, to sexual intercourse. (And also the part where he says he's gonna blow his load, with Sae also dismissing it, but it's just partners supporting each other!)

By now, we know that two things that Shidou is unable to separate from each other is life and football. Both the act of life and the act of playing football is interconnected. Because football is something that allows him to leave a mark, allows him to be known by the world. Because football is a biological phenomenon to him, rather than just a sport.

And yes sure, this is supposed to be a connection to his philosophy of leaving a mark on others, so that you can be remembered. But also remember what he says in his monologue: "Those who create something, those who want to become something, and of course, those who make children." The way humans create life is through intimacy, through intercourse. The two people engaging leave a mark on each other through creating that life, that child.

And while speaking about his monologue of leaving a mark, Shidou also mentions that wounding others are a way of leaving behind a proof of existence. Inducing abuse whether it'd be physical, emotional or sexual, can also be one of the ways to make someone remember you.

The abuser leaves the mark on the victim, the mentioned mark left on them can be seen as PTSD or trauma symptoms.

Abuse is not something you can just simply turn away, forget or overlook. Whether the effects of trauma are short-term or long-term, they are there, they are a proof of existence that it happened. Shidou's inability to separate the physical act of football and the biological act of life's desires, especially sexual desires, can be seen as hypersexuality. Hypersexuality can also be seen as a mark left onto the victim. And it's extremely lengthy to recover and remove those marks left on you.

Of Freedom and Shidou Ryusei

I think Shidou Ryusei and his obsession with freedom is something so interesting about his character, yet so many people tend to ignore it as a significant part of him. Because imagine if one day out of the blue, your entire bodily autonomy gets taken away from you, you're trapped in a cycle of repetitive abuse onto you. When it's finally over and you have control over everything again, the world suddenly feels so utterly different. So what do you do? Of course, cling onto that freedom that is now yours.

Bite any other hand that may seem like it's trying to take it away, because if there is one thing you do not ever want to repeat, it is someone isolating you once more against the world. So hold on tightly to the freedom you now have, and make sure it stays with you for eternity.

All of Shidou's favourite things, his favourite film, manga and song, are also connected to this in a way.

It would take too long for me to get into detail about both Chainsaw Man and A Clockwork Orange, but I want to say that both media and their protagonists have approaches to freedom of life and choice.

In Chainsaw Man, Denji is a child that has been depraved of even the basic of human needs; Just like Shidou, he wants to claim everything in his current life and not return to when he had nothing when he was a child. In A Clockwork Orange, Alexander who in the beginning of the movie has been committing heinous crimes with no one to stop him, is captured and put through inhumane experiments in order to rehabilitate him. His entire freedom is taken away from him and for the next hour, we see him go through immense suffering and torture by those who he had wronged to the point he attempts to commit suicide through jumping off a window. In the end, it doesn't seem like his mindset has changed at all. It makes us question whether or not letting someone be free to do anything they want is the better option even if it hurts others, rather than attempt to isolate them in order to transform them into a better human being.

I would like to talk a little about his favourite artist. For a bit of context, hide is popular for being an icon of rebellion against Japan's conformist society, and one of his songs PINK SPIDER, is listed as Shidou's favourite song according to the official Blue Lock Egoist Bible. I've seen a lot of interpretations of what the song truly means, but the main story is that it's about a spider trapped within and kills anything near it. Because it wishes to free itself away, it steals a butterfly's wings. It attempts to fly, and fails, and tries again. Whether or not the spider did actually succeeded in flying away is unknown to us. But, that's not all!

Around the chapter where Shidou scores a goal, the commenter calls it a 'rocket diving header'. This can lead to one of hide's other songs in the same album as PINK SPIDER, rocket dive; a song with the similar approach of freedom but with different tones. Compared to PINK SPIDER, rocket dive has a more cheerful approach. In the end of the song, the star mentioned in rocket dive successfully flies away and appears as a new shooting star in the sky.

Which brings me to point out something: Shidou Ryusei's birthday is on Tanabata, a type of Japanese celebration called the Star Festival which is celebrated on the seventh day of the seventh month.

His name, Ryusei, is also a homophone for shooting star in Japanese.

Shidou, born as a star on the day where two lover stars meet, yet when he was born, he was not allowed to fly and join the others in the sky.

But he overcame everything, achieved that dream of having the freedom to do whatever he wants. And even though he went through all that pain, all that abuse, and most likely had to learn how to escape by himself through football before Blue Lock, he made it come true, like a spell.

And eventually, he learnt how to fly, and let the world knew who he was.

[onceonafullmoon]

Saris and Suffering

Rin x Fem! Reader

No warnings!! Just fluff and Rin's jealous ass, inspired by me and my friend talking about how we think Rin would absolutely be dying at a desi wedding (we are both desi) lmao

Rin honestly didn’t think you could get any prettier, but when you came back after a few hours, late at night, with dark red patterns of red swirling across your dark skin, he stood corrected. For the first time it was a struggle to listen to you speak when all he wanted to do was trace the patterns on your skin leaving shivers in his reverent worship.

It’s so loud.

That’s the only thing that Rin can really think about right now, but once his other senses catch up to him he feels the exhaustion settle in.

There’s a cacophony of voices, a visual assault of color from the glaring lights reflecting off all the jewelry and colorful clothes, (his own clothes, kurta pajama, they’re scratching against his skin as he stands there) and there’s a distinct smell of curry and spice in the air lingering from the dinner (ridiculously spicy, to his dismay his nose started running after he took more than 3 bites. you didn’t even bat an eye as you cleared your plate.)

All this to say, he’s (begrudgingly) out of his element here. 

But you dragged him along anyway, a smile on your face as you excitedly chatted about your cousin's wedding, describing how much you missed your native cooked food and wearing Saris. He paid attention of course, (he always did, he wasn’t so lukewarm that he’d ignore you despite how much you talked) but he didn’t really consider how much this whole ordeal would take out of him. 

Of course, overstimulation was one thing, he could deal with a few nosy relatives of yours (at least he thinks they’re relatives, he isn’t sure who here you’re related to and who here is a family friend, you address them the same) asking about his job and his income and other annoying things that he couldn’t bother to waste anymore brain cells on, the real issue he was having here had more to do with the person he was dating.

He didn’t think he’d be so affected by it. But seeing you surrounded by your culture is… new. You seem happy in a way he’s never seen you before, not that you're ever a particularly unhappy person, but he can see a difference.

You light up when you eat your gulab jamun and your barfi, your lips wrapping around the sweets before smiling in a way that makes him pause for a moment. You focus so intensely on applying your kohl with a spark in your eyes, carefully drawing out the lines. And you speak your mother tongue so melodically, he finds himself riding the rhythm subconsciously.

And that’s hardly mentioning how you look.

He remembers the way you practically skipped down the stairs a few nights ago, excited for some sort of traditional event. (He remembers you explaining to him distantly. “It’s basically a mehndi party.”) He heard your footsteps, along with the jangling of jewelry, and looked up from his phone where he was mindlessly scrolling only to lose his breath for a moment.

Beauty has never been a concern to Rin. You always looked like you, which is to say, you always looked like the person he wanted to spend his life with. But seeing you then, your kohl lining your eyes and making them more intense, your bottu on your forehead, your hair pinned up in an intricate style, your green sari draped over you leaving a tantalizing sliver of skin exposed, your dangling jhumkas on your ears, glittering bangles on your arms and necklaces dropping over your chest… you looked heaven sent.

He almost didn’t want you to leave him then, filled with an annoyingly common surge of jealousy at the thought of anyone else getting the chance to see you, but he managed to give you a small complement instead, though a muttered “you look nice” could hardly explain the way he felt about seeing you.

Rin honestly didn’t think you could get any prettier, but when you came back after a few hours, late at night, with dark red patterns of red swirling across your dark skin, he stood corrected. For the first time it was a struggle to listen to you speak when all he wanted to do was trace the patterns on your skin leaving shivers in his reverent worship.

It was only the fact that you seemed exhausted that helped him stave off on his thoughts, but the fact that Desi weddings are so long is doing something awful to his self control. It’s like every day is a new form of torture for him, especially the dancing.

Rin wasn’t exactly unknowledgeable about other cultures, he knew that dance and music were big parts of the culture, but seeing you dance with colorful cloth swirling around you, and your anklets giving off a soft chime on every step is another thing. Safe to say the whole Sangeet was a nightmare, and he didn’t even bother to fight the urge of glaring at every person that looked your way. At least, when he wasn’t being dragged by you to the dance floor (it was miserable, the music was so loud he could feel it in his heart, and he felt like an awkward chicken next to your smooth moves, but then you smiled at him and well… he supposed he could survive one dance).

The wedding ceremony wasn’t so bad for Rin at least, all he had to do was sit there and watch the puja taking place, with you occasionally explaining the significance of each step to him while he nodded along. (Occasionally, his thoughts would stray though, because when they dropped the veil separating the bride and the groom he couldn’t help but imagine seeing you on the other side. Rin could feel his face heating up, though he tried his best to move past it.)

It’s the reception now though, and he thinks he can make it through this tiring ordeal with his wits still about him, when you sidle up to him in your pink sari, a smile on your lips.

“Tired?” You ask, looking at him somewhat amusedly.

He just lets out a soft huff in affirmation, tugging at the sleeves of his garment.

“Don’t worry, only a few more hours to go.” You laugh, and he can’t help the eye roll that escapes him at your words.

“That’s hardly any encouragement.” Rin mutters.

“You’re such a baby.” You say, your bangles clattering as you move to cup his cheek. “What are you gonna do if I want a desi wedding?”

He thinks about it for a moment. The uncomfortable clothes, the loud noises and the food that has him tearing up before looking at you, and your lips stained with red curling up beautifully.

“I’ll do it.” Rin responds.

You raise a brow at him letting out a disbelieving huff of laughter as you pull your hand away, and he doesn’t think you’ll really get it. You don’t understand the effect you have on him, the blinding devotion he feels for you, but when you find yourselves at whatever proverbial altar, he’ll make sure you understand, if even only a fraction of it.

[etoiile]

MYSTERY MAN

starring itoshi rin!

synopsis: you decide to go watch rin's football practice for the first time, much to his delight. his teammates struggle to figure out who you are and what you've done to their usually very grumpy rin.

requested by @checkoutmyflow! i hope i did your rq justice ^^

notes: first time completing a request! sorry for the wait >.< ALSO this is gn!reader :)

admittedly, you weren't much of a football fan, even though your boyfriend was a professional college player. you didn't really understand the sport, as you hadn't played it since second grade gym class, but for some reason, you had decided that today, on this sunny tuesday afternoon, you were going to drop by rin's practice alongside a football-for-dummies book to watch and hopefully learn a little about the sport he was so enamored with.

it would appear that they were in the middle of a practice match, as his teammates and him were wearing different colored pennies, and there was someone keeping score on a whiteboard.

you sat down on the bleachers quietly, not wanting to distract anyone from the game. your eyes scanned the field quickly, almost instantly finding rin's unique dark green hair. you tried your best to keep up with what was happening, quickly flipping through your book whenever someone did something cool to try and find it, but it proved to be quite difficult, and you found yourself very confused at the sport's intricacies.

despite your lack of understanding, the one thing you could observe and comprehend was how alive rin looked whilst playing. he was sweating, shit-talking, and scrambling around the field non-stop, clearly very tired, but his eyes had a certain glimmer to them that you didn't get to see often, and he moved around the field with immaculate grace and precision. you watched as he skillfully maneuvered around the field and how he seemed to be able to calculate exactly where his opponent would go. you didn't have to understand the sport to know that this field was a place where itoshi rin shined like no other.

rin took hold of the ball and began dashing across the field with it, his shiny hair blowing behind him. his eyes began darting around the field, his brain taking in and calculating every factor necessary to victory.

his brain certainly didn't expect to see you, his lovely s/o who knows nothing about football, sitting on the bleachers.

your eyes made contact for a brief moment before rin tripped over his own feet and flew forward, making literally everybody on the field stop what they were doing.

a brief moment of silence washed over the field before laughter soon took its place, his teammates jogging over to him asking if he was ok, and what the hell just happened as they howled in mirth.

he grumbled some excuse with red cheeks as he looked away, clearly very mortified. his coach decided to call a break, seeing as everyone had already stopped playing, and he grabbed his water before practically sprinting over to you.

"y/n," he breathed as he came to a stop in front of you, puffing a little from fatigue. "you're here."

you giggled. "hi, rin. i thought i should come watch one of your practices. i want to get to know all the aspects of your life, after all."

he leaned in closer to you to brush his hand against yours as you two chatted a bit. anyone could see the way his eyes softened as you spoke and how his shoulders relaxed at your every move. anyone even being his pretty-damn-stupid team.

in the distance, bachira, isagi, chigiri, nagi, and reo murmured amongst themselves, wondering about who you were - the mystery person mr. im-better-than-you-and-grumpy-all-the-time rin looked so happy to see.

"his sibling, maybe?"

"nah, i'm pretty sure sae is his only sibling."

"oh! what about his parent, then?"

"dude, do you have eyes? way too hot to be a parent."

"his lover, maybe?"

there were a solid 5 seconds of silence before they burst out into laughter once more.

"get out. itoshi rin, an s/o? no way in hell, dude."

"i doubt he could even keep anyone for more than a month. they'd get tired of his attitude real quick and leave just as fast."

"rin-chan probably isn't capable of loving anyone, after all."

despite their adamant denial of your relationship with rin, they could all notice rin's demeanor. he looked happier, more at ease, gentler, kinder, and overall, he looked like a normal person. who were you, and what had you done to their rin?

coach blew his whistle, and they watched as you gestured for him to get back with his team. they then watched with their jaws on the floor as he, itoshi rin, POUTED and SWEETLY PLANTED A KISS on your forehead before jogging off.

they all exchanged looks of pure shock as rin jogged back to them.

they all gave him a shocked look as he raised a brow.

"...what?"

𝐄𝐓𝐎𝐈𝐈𝐋𝐄 ©𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 please do not copy or repost my work on any other site. interactions appreciated! 🤍

[ode2rin]

by design, you became mine

pairing. mikage reo x gn!reader

genre. fluff & highschool or teenage romance !

warnings/content. 3k+ wc | profanity | mentions of food | timeline is set before blue lock ! | reo and reader is in their sophomore year in highschool | reader is a bit mean to reo (not in an extreme way, just in a normal teenager-y way) and reo is a sore loser in love | and this is me trying the grumpy x sunshine (obv reo) trope ! | half-assed proofread btw | some parts might be ooc reo but it's fine hehe

summary: reo asks you to tutor him after failing an exam in which he oddly looks happy about

“the teacher said i need to be tutored,” a voice tinged with amusement reached your ears.

looking up, you saw reo mikage standing right in front of you, his million-dollar smile lighting up his face, as he held out a math test paper marked with a big, bleeding red ‘F.’

and for someone who had just allegedly received the lowest score possible on such an important exam, he was definitely grinning a little too much.

“and why should that concern me?” you shot back, hoping to hide your indifference. 

your annoyance seeped into your words, not meant to sound rude, but you craved some peace during your lunch break. hunger gnawed at your stomach, and this interruption wasn't helping.

he shrugged casually, as if the situation were no big deal. if you had received such a grade, you would not be smiling right now, let alone treat this situation nonchalantly. “well, the teacher did mention i could ask anyone. and since you're undoubtedly one of the smartest in the class, it only makes sense to choose you, right?”

with sarcasm making its way to your tongue and translating to your voice, you retorted, “oh, is that so? do you find me worthy of your esteemed company, young master?”

as the son and sole heir of the mikage corp, reo was trained to be an exceptional conversationalist, and there had been only a few instances when he couldn't form a response right away. this one, however, might be the longest he got a cat to get his tongue. reo feels like he’s having a heartburn from your remark, it’s pathetic.

ever so impatient, you, who only wanted to get back to your lunch, beat him to a reply, saying, “what if i refuse?”

quickly recovering from the unexpected turn of events, reo let out a dramatic gasp, “do you not care about my future? what if i don't graduate on time and can't get a job?”

that must be the most bullshit reason you've ever heard from the heir of a business tycoon. you're pretty sure his future is much clearer than any blue sky. but sure, you can play along.

“fine.”

“really?” 

sensing an out-of-place joy in his tone, you raised a brow. was he that thrilled to be tutored?

“i'm sure. now, can i return to my lunch?”

reo's eyes widened a bit as he realized that he was interrupting your meal. hurriedly, he bid you goodbye with a smile.

even with your sarcastic retorts, he walked away, still smiling. his grin was a telltale sign of how much trouble you had just signed up for. 

stupid reo and his stupid, handsome smile.

smiling to yourself, you couldn't help but wonder how he managed to receive such a mark in the first place. you had known him since freshman year (it’s hard not to know him), and you knew that the mikage heir was a born genius. so, could this be a mishap? probably. oh well, he couldn't be so difficult to teach.

you’re wrong.

reo mikage is the worst fucking student.

not only does he seem uninterested in your explanations, completely disregarding all the equations you painstakingly lay out for him, but he also has the audacity to stare at you the entire time.

with that shit-eating grin that never leaves his face.

sure, he's cute, but right now, he's nothing more than a damn thorn in your side.

“is there something on my face that bothers you this much, or do you simply have the attention span of a goldfish?” you said, frustration evident in your tone.

“you're just a bad teacher, i think,” he quips, smugness dripping from his words.

“and you're the worst student, i'm sure,” you fire back, refusing to let him have the upper hand.

“well, how about you give me an incentive?” reo suddenly exclaims, his excitement evident in his sparkling purple eyes.

“and now you're asking for more as if you're not already taking up too much of my time?” you reply sarcastically, but your words carry no venom.

“come on! if i get a high mark on the next exam, you'll give me your number!” he eagerly proposes, his enthusiasm contagious.

do all rich kids have the tendency to want mundane things? 

“what are you going to do with my number?”

“networking! it's a thing in my world. expanding social circles and all that,” he explains, trying his best to come up with excuses that sound remotely plausible.

reo, well aware of the fact that he can only fabricate bullshit excuses in your presence, hopes he's not being too obvious. unfortunately for him, you see right through it, but it doesn't bother you all that much.

“better show me that A+ then,” you challenge, your expectations clear.

oh, it’s on. he’s going to ace that exam, one way or another. not that it’s actually hard.

mikage: hello y/n! mikage: do you have some notes from the discussion from yesterday? mikage: hello?

so much for networking.

mikage: and they finally read my messages! the crowd cheers!

what led to this moment is, once again, reo mikage standing in front of you, grinning from ear to ear, eagerly holding out an exam paper marked with what seems to be the biggest A+ you've ever seen.

that was three days ago, and sure enough, he got the incentive he asked for. and in those days, you damn sure experienced the ‘networking’ he speaks of with how often he texts you.

you: yeah, let me just take pictures of it to send you. mikage: NO you: ??? are you yelling at me mikage: i mean no, don’t take pictures of it. i’m a visual learner. i have to see your notes in person.

is he fucking serious right now?

you: and what do you suggest we do about that? it’s saturday, we won’t see each other until monday, genius. mikage: how about i’ll come to your house? you: how about you try asking nagi for notes instead?

after sending your last message, you put your phone down despite it continuously buzzing, signaling reo's discontent with your suggestion. you did a commendable job of ignoring him until he grew tired of sending unread messages and decided to call you instead.

“what?” you answered, picking up his persistent call.

“the probability of nagi having notes is lower than the probability of cows flying ten years from now!” he exclaimed, and begrudgingly, you admit he sure does have a point in that.

sighing into the phone, you reply, “you can't come here, it's a bit busy.”

“we'll meet up then! i can pick you up?” reo suggests eagerly. the ‘q’ in reo mikage sure does stand for ‘quitter’. 

“do you text and call everyone in your networking circle this much?” you ask, slightly amused.

“what do you mean? we're friends!” he protests.

“did i miss a few pages, young master, or did you get hit in the head with a soccer ball and become a bit delusional?” you tease, unable to resist.

“how about you stop being mean to me?” you could almost hear the pout and the mock hurt in his voice.

you can't, not when you get cute reactions from him in return.

you can't help but find his cute reactions entertaining, and you smile at the phone, even though he can't see it.

“i'll think about it,” you concede.

“okay, you have enough time to think about it while i'm on my way to you! bye, see you in a bit,” he says cheerfully before hanging up.

looking at the phone, you wonder when exactly you agreed to this.

stupid reo and his stupid persistence.

reo is once again in front of you, a scene that has become quite familiar over the course of your friendship.

however, this time you find yourselves in a cozy cafe near your house instead of on the school premises. he’s sitting in front of you, skimming through your notes, probably visually learning, while you sip on the drink he insisted on ordering for you. you gave in, because reo is not a quitter of any sorts. fighting him on the bill is futile and definitely a waste of effort. 

“i’ll pay you back,” you state firmly.

“i asked you here, so i should pay,” reo insists.

“i’ll feel bad.”

“if that’s the case, i guess you can treat me next time?” he suggests with a playful smile.

“you practically dragged me here, and you're already talking about a ‘next time’? you're not being slick, reo mikage,” you retort, not letting him get away with his charm.

“a man could try…” he whispers, hiding his face behind your notes, although you can see his neck turning red.

shaking your head, you shift your attention to the busy street outside the cafe. however, your ears catch the faint hum of a familiar song coming from reo. you know that song — it has been stuck in your head since a famous girl group released their album.

unable to contain your amusement, you chuckle, causing reo to look at you with curious eyes.

still smiling brightly, you remark, “didn’t know you're a fan too,” and laugh once more.

reo, on the other hand, feels starstruck.

he made you laugh for the first time, and was it the prettiest sound he ever heard? it sure is. it feels as if his heart beats in harmony with the rhythm of your laughter. it takes his breath away and brings him back to the present, all at once. it's intoxicating in the best possible way.

once he gets home, he's going to memorize the discography of this girl group. nothing will stop him. he will hum every single one of their songs in your presence.

reo would do that and even more if it means hearing you laugh again. this shouldn't be the last time he gets to experience it.

you had fun with reo last saturday. 

but right now? you sure don’t.

he’s avoiding you, like a fucking plague. and much to your chagrin, you miss having him around, despite his annoying antics. all with his stupid excuses and stupid grins.

he’s physically avoiding you, but you've noticed him stealing glances at you multiple times during this boring history class, his guilty expression not going unnoticed. it's time to put an end to this charade once and for all.

as soon as the bell rings, you quickly stand up and make your way towards reo before he can leave the classroom. looking around to ensure you're alone, you confront him.

“what’s wrong with you?” you demand.

“what do you mean?” reo feigns innocence.

“you’re avoiding me. you did something, didn’t you? did you spill something on the notes i lent you and you can't bring yourself to tell me?” you accuse, trying to get to the bottom of his strange behavior.

reo wishes it was just that. but it wasn't. it was much worse, to the point that even seishiro nagi called him out on it. and seishiro nagi? a man who couldn't care less about anyone because it's a hassle, calling someone out? you know you messed up if he does.

and reo believes he did.

“you're smiling at your phone too much, ‘s creeping me out,” nagi remarked, looming over reo’s phone.

reo shrugged, trying to hide his excitement. “stop being a hater, nagi.”

curiosity piqued, nagi caught a glimpse of your contact number on the screen. “oh? you finally made a move? about time.”

“i didn’t... they're tutoring me,” reo replied, a hint of sheepishness in his voice.

nagi raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. “huh? for?”

“uh, i failed a math exam.”

“you?” nagi chuckled, finding the situation rather amusing. 

“okay, fine, the test paper wasn't mine or anyone’s.”

“normally, i won't give a damn, but tell me about it,” nagi said, genuinely interested.

it was an understatement to say that nagi was borderline amused after hearing reo's story, so amused that he had to unintentionally slap reo with the truth.

“basically, you tricked them. should’ve just said that.”

it's safe to assume that nagi's words had struck their way into reo's mind all throughout that day until now.

once again, and perhaps for the last time, reo stood in front of you. but this time, there was no smile on his lips nor a glint in his big purple eyes. he took a deep breath, gathering the courage to confess.

“no, i didn't spill anything on your notes. but i did something to you,” reo admitted, his voice trailing off. seeing your raised eyebrow, he continued, “i tricked you.”

“what?”

"i didn't fail any exam. i didn't need tutoring. no teacher told me to approach anyone. the test paper i showed you wasn't mine. i wasted your time, and i..." reo's voice faltered, barely above a whisper, “... tricked you, because i didn't know how to approach you after having liked you since first year.”

reo panned his eyes to the floor, unable to meet your gaze while his heart sank.

he hasn’t even started yet it's done. he should've come clean. he should've just told you he liked you since freshman year. he should've just asked for your number like a proper man. but he was so fucking shy, unbearable to think of being rejected by you. he could only think of coaxing you to talk to him.

and now his own foolishness was paying the price.

it's over. you and him are done for. he's not going to hear your laughter anymore. he won't ever receive a sarcastic retort again. all those moments of bliss, gone —

“i kinda know.”

what?

reo's eyes widened, and he lifted his gaze to meet yours. how?

“did you forget that the teacher congratulated the class for having good results on the exam you showed me? no one got a score below B+, reo. so imagine my surprise when you came, interrupting my lunch, showing me a paper with an f mark claiming you flunked it.”

god damn it, reo mikage.

it's either you're joking or reo just made the most foolish mistake known to mankind. and none of the former is evident in your face. 

he should really pay attention in class, not on your side profile from where he sits across you. 

a grave grave mistake. can the ground swallow him whole? or can someone shoot him —

no, actually, wait a damn minute.

it was as if all the clogs in reo's brain got a huge power-up as he realized something so spectacular.

“then why did you not say anything?”

you... from the start, could've just refused him. if you knew the entire time. so why did you agree to tutor him in the first place? 

perhaps…? no, reo didn't want to get his hopes up.

he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his nervousness evident in his fidgeting. it was as if he had been caught in a whirlwind of emotions, trying to make sense of it all. the weight of anticipation hung in the air as he waited for your response, his heart pounding in his chest.

and then, you smiled.

you and your stupidly bright smile that feels like a ray of light on a freezing cold skin that reo is having right now.

he really did not want to get his hopes up, but how in the hell would he do that when you just smiled at his question?

“what does that smile mean?”

“well, it means that maybe you're not the only scheming lovesick fool here, pretty boy.”

oh.

oh.

you knew it all along that he was scheming his way into your heart.

you knew the entire time.

and you let him.

what the fuck. reo was having a heartburn, literally, figuratively, and madly so. all because of you. 

reo snapped out of his thoughts when you waved a hand in his face, vying for his attention. you spoke, “is this everything you’re guilty about? i thought it was something grave. if you told me you spilled something on my notes, i would have started swinging at you, actually.” your laughter filled the room, lightening the tension.

the second time reo made you laugh was because of a scheme that he expected would end whatever beautiful thing you had between you two. not that he’s complaining.

“so you like me back?” reo finally gathered the courage to ask, his voice tinged with hope.

“if we get some food right now, i might answer that coherently. scheming or not, you really do have the habit of interrupting my lunch,” you playfully replied.

“i’d buy you the whole cafeteria if you answer me right now,” reo declared, a touch of desperation in his voice.

the ‘o’ in reo mikage sure stands for ‘overspending’, you’re convinced.

giving in to his request, you took three steps closer to him, barely a foot distance between you. softly, you declared, “yes, reo mikage, i like you too. but i must say, you, making me starve right now, is reducing your chances of being my actual boyfriend.”

“let’s get you some food.” reo said, holding your hand and leading you out of the room like he was on a mission. amused by his sudden swift pace, you let out a laugh.

and suddenly, all tension left reo’s body. his heart once again beat at a normal rhythm. that’s the third time reo made you laugh. surely, it’s one of many more to come.

a minute after walking side by side, you broke the serene silence surrounding you. “not gonna lie, the networking excuse is kind of funny.”

“but it worked. a win is a win,” reo smugly said, showing you your intertwined hands. “see? a win.”

you shook your head at his remarks. your stupid reo and his stupid scheme.

note. hello lovely ppl ! thanks for keeping up w me this far and for following me! as a thanks, here’s a reo fic since i’m missing him so much and emma has been feeding me ideas abt him <3 this is actually the longest i’ve written (i’m so normal abt reo i swear), hope you like it! (btw it goes without saying that this fic, is in fact, another TS inspired hehe love lots!)

𓆩♡𓆪 for one of the best people i met here, @saetorinrin

[theogonize]

i have this feeling that rin itoshi just likes to fuck out the high of winning. it's the same every time. he scores the winning goal, he's all coy about it, everybody congratulates him. but his eyes are scanning the audience for you. the fangirls are screaming his name but it just sounds better when you do it. it's his post game ritual now. his eyes meet yours and they convey just one message.

"meet me in the locker room. now."

so you obey, because who are you to disobey the wrath that is rin itoshi. and you find yourself at the same place again. below him as he is thrusting himself into you. you can feel the adrenaline in his body. he's in so deep he might as well be pumping it in you. at this point he doesn't care if they see you both together, fucking like rabbits. this is his aftercare. his meditation. when the skin slapping sounds intermixed with your vile moans, his mind is clear. he is at peace.

[toffeeflowerrrssss]

ִ ࣪𖤐 — "Full Circle"

︶ ⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶

╰┈➤ Prologue

— An Itoshi Brothers Reincarnation AU x FEM!Reader — CW!

—Suic1de Warning!

— Summary:

— Masterlist:

· ────── ꒰ঌ·✦·໒꒱ ────── ·

It has been long ever since I've felt the gentle yet cold embrace of the breeze caressing my skin, a bittersweet taste of freedom lingered...

As the fresh air entered my lungs, I let myself relax as I slowly remembered every stupid and impulsive decisions I've made. Such actions have resulted in making a pathetic story that I am ashamed to call my "life".

My life which contrasts so much to Shinoa's ... The name of my favorite game's protagonist.

As ridiculous as it might seem, I am not embarrassed to admit how envious I am of a digital character.

Shinoa De Rosier, the main character was of a noble bloodline. Her family had quite a lot of influence both in the social world and political grounds. In order to maintain their reputation they must act with no flaw.

However, Shinoa was unique. An outgoing personality, wanting to ride horses, hunting, running around even if it means getting filthy? She doesn't mind! Such traits were looked down upon by everyone around her and caused an uproar within their community.

So when the cold-hearted king requested a bride from the Duke of De Rosier, they immediately presented Shinoa thinking the king would dispose of her immediately. Yet by some miracle, he was immediately fond of her. That's where the game began, where Shinoa would gain the favor of everyone in the palace with her unique personality, resulting in her romancing not only her fiancé — but a knight, a servant, a marquess, and her fiancé's younger brother

Such a story would only befit fiction, more specifically a dating simulator.

But in other people's eyes, it is nothing but a childish and worthless game.

But to me...

In a world where reality is nothing but a joke, it was the only thing that brought me comfort and the distraction that I desperately needed.

To live a life where the only hurdle you have in life is to pick your destined one in a line of men who were willing to devote their whole lives to you, how could I not be envious of Shinoa's seemingly picture perfect story?

Now I finished the game, played all the routes it could offer. I felt as if there's nothing left to do.

Slowly, my eyelids lifted. The breath I sucked in earlier was now forming into a sigh.

One last time.

I looked back at my apartment, a sight that is too familiar.

It made me sick.

I tore my gaze away reluctantly, not wanting to linger any longer than I should.

Now gazing at the sight in front,

A beautiful sunset.

For a moment I locked my eyes upon the gorgeous sight before me as the sounds of the city slowly fade

Out of instinct my arms spread wide, letting the cold breeze yet again graze through my skin as my mind went blank.

For the first time, a moment of silence was shared between me and this world

....

....

....

Such silence was interrupted by a thought;

"if I were to live another life, would it be better?"

'Such a stupid thought.' I muttered

But...

If I was blessed by another life I would want one like Shinoa's... maybe better?

I only scoffed at such thoughts, I was ending my life yet I wished for another?

I chuckled slightly

Such a Juxtaposition

....

....

....

One last time I put my gaze on the sunset before me.

The view so beautiful yet it reminds me of something so nauseating,

The scenery when I made the most stupid decision my entire life to which I regret until now.

....

....

....

....

Now i have a choice

A choice where i can end my suffering by running away from my problems

or going back, and staying quiet till i can't anymore

....

....

....

....

'i wanna be selfish this time.'

with one last breath, i placed a foot forward as it hovered above my one way ticket to the freedom I've always yearned for

....

....

....

....

....

....

As i was finally able to escape this hell

my breath hitched

....

....

....

....

....

i was scared

after everything I've been through i was still

scared of what I've awaited to do

huh..

through and through i was still

....

A Coward

....

But with just another step i change it all

....

just

Just one step

....

I tried to move, but i couldnt at all

i was paralyzed on the spot

....

....

....

....

c'mon

C'mon

C'MON

HE'S GONNA BE BACK ANY MINUTE RIGHT NOW

THE ONLY CHANCE I HAVE IS GETTING SHUNNED TO THE SIDE JUST BECAUSE IM STILL THE PERSON I VOWED TO CHANGE?!

PATHETIC

PATHETIC

PATHETIC

PATHETIC

PATHETIC

PATHET-

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

What a way to coincidentally overcome my fear huh?

Slipping as i was lost in thought earlier is what resulted to me falling off the building right now

....

not gonna lie..

thinking of nothing, as my body gets pulled down by gravity is quite peaceful

Its as if im flying, the cold wind enveloped my body was just another reason for this peacefulness...

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

Huh?

Looking around i saw myself in, what looks like a cottage? Aren't i supposed to be in the afterlife by now??

As I had so many questions in my brain, I felt my head sting, making my hand land on my forehead

Uh...

Why is my hand so small?

scratch that, why am I so small???

WHAT'S HAPPENING????

.Prologue end.

Stay tunned for the next part!!

_________________________________________

Heyloo i just came up with an interesting storyline and i wanted to share it with y'all!!!

Special thanks to my dookie bear @kxniiiii

for helping me with the writing and coming up with the AU with me!! (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠✧⁠*⁠。ILY DOOKS ♡ ♡♡ ♡

Part 2 is gonna be out uhhh when me and dooks aint that busy with school 🫶

[iqxatlantic]

bro i come back into my room and j read the bllk update panel wtf is nagi acc gone or 💔💔 i didnt sign up for this after a big fat FAWKING test bro bllk wants me back in the psych ward istg 🕊️

[yuzurins]

# reluctant to love

desc: in which rin writes a long essay proclaiming his long suppressed love for you

warnings: not proofread… lots of rambling, maybe ooc, itoshi brothers are not estranged, minuscule amount of angst but majority is fluff, some curse words here and there, rin is still at blue lock btw!

rbs and interactions are appreciated !!

————————————————————————

‘dear y/n,

i am writing this letter to inform you that i have taken a liking to you for a while now and would like to—‘

————————————————————————

rin grumbles to himself as he scribbles out the complete trash of a confession that he had just wrote.

he doesn’t even know why he decided to take this approach at all. it all started because isagi and bachira told him that, “he was beating around the bush,” and “he’d probably win the world cup before being able to utter a word in front of them.”

so of course, rin said some very harsh words in response, leading to isagi challenging him to confess to you before the next match (that was in 72 hours) with his football career on the line.

which is how he found himself sitting at his desk after practice, spinning his pencil around trying to write a stupid love letter for his best friend.

because in the words of bachira, “everyone loves poetic men!”

despite immediately denying the words of his friends, deep down he knew damn well that they were completely right. if he wasn’t forced to, he would probably quit football before ever speaking about his feelings out loud.

but because the itoshi rin can’t risk his ego and pride, he’s reluctantly willing to write a silly letter.

turns out writing that silly letter was harder than any football game he’s ever played.

————————————————————————

‘dear y/n,

i remember the first time we met.

it was first day of junior high, and you were sitting on a bench in front of the school with red puffy eyes, fiddling with the little kumamon plush on your bag.

i was late to class that morning, and after seeing you i purposely tried to walk faster in order to avoid any human interaction. but you saw me and grabbed onto my blazer, refusing to let go even though i didn’t spare you a glace. you asked for help getting to your classroom, and because i didn’t know what i was getting myself into, i lead you there (like the kind person i am) expecting to never see you again.

but i guess the world had other plans, because it turned out we were in the same class. you stuck to me like a parasite, annoying me every chance you got and never shutting the fuck up. but i enjoyed the company, though younger me would never admit that.

fast forward a few years and nothings changed. or has it? you’re still yapping your mouth off all the time and clinging beside me in every class. except something’s different, and i don’t know what it is. you laze around at my house after begging me for homework help, we occasionally go get food, sometimes fall asleep together and— [this part is illegible because rin drew over it too hard]

i don’t know. i think around this time i started distancing myself from you because i always felt uneasy around you. my heart was always beating rapidly, my stomach felt uneasy, and i just felt anxious. all the time. nii-chan told me it was because of you, so i just stopped talking to you. i’m sorry.

i’m sorry i didn’t tell you i was leaving. that i’d be gone for a while because i got scouted by blue lock. i didn’t mean to because i thought i’d be okay before i left. sorry i’m rambling now. i know i don’t speak a lot in person so i’m writing my thoughts down for you to understand me better.

i was a kid in denial, and sometimes i still am because even now i don’t understand that part of myself. to be honest, i would’ve never confessed these feelings of mine if my friend didn’t push me to. it sounds like a dick move but i swear on my career that everything i’ve written on this stupid paper is genuine and sincere.

and what i am certain of is that i want you to be by my side. i want you to be there cheering for me when i win a game, i want you to be there beside me when i wake up, i want you to spend your afternoons lazing around me, i want you to tell me all about the small unnecessary details of your day,

i just want you

because you make me feel safe

————————————————————————

rin’s biting his lower lip now, feeling super embarrassed about how vulnerable he just let himself be on a piece of paper. he doesn’t read over it at all and shoves it into the envelope immediately. doesn’t even check whether he wrote your address right or not because he’ll chicken out if he looks it over at all.

he’s super anxious about this letter, to the point where he’s fucking up his plays, so imagine his surprise when he sees you sitting on his porch the day he finally gets to go home.

you jump up immediately at the sight of him and run to hug him. rin stiffens at the sudden impact but drops his bags a second later to sink into your embrace.

though as if that wasn’t enough of an answer for him, he’s still uncertain about your feelings. you hear the rapid beating of his heart and look up to give him a lovesick grin.

“i love you too, itoshi rin.”

BONUS: 2YRS LATER.

“i can’t believe you forgot to sign off a letter confessing that you’re head over heels for me.” you giggle as you walk over to your boyfriend, who was staring at his letter that you pinned to your pegboard. “what if i ended up responding to the wrong person?”

rin huffs and turns away, embarrassed that you caught him reading that. “shut up, you have no other friends anyways.”

you smile teasingly at him as you notice his ears turning red. “you never thought about the possibility that someone could’ve liked me during the 10 months you ignored me for?”

he frowns, though you can’t see him, and droops his shoulders down. you know he still feels bad about it, but it’s fun to tease him because in your eyes he looks so adorable, like a big puppy.

and as he still stares at the floor, he turns around and walks over to envelop you in his warmth, resting his head in the crook of your neck.

an endearing smile finds its way on your face as you hug rin back. he’s not a words person; this was his way of expressing his apology.

“it’s okay, you big baby, as long as you’re here with me now.”

[saerins]

𝖇𝖚𝖎𝖑𝖉-𝖆-𝖉𝖆𝖙𝖊: isagi yoichi + @yoichiris <3

+ isagi yoichi x f!reader | wc 1.1k

notes: omg my hand slipped :’) sorry this took a while !! didn’t want to disappoint isagi’s girl <3 hehe hope you like this date + a lil bonus with your man ^_<

isagi’s… stunned, really. he doesn’t actually know what to do.

age seventeen, multiple chances at valentines’, watching most of his friends get gifts or love notes without getting any himself—yet today, 14 february, he sees a little folded-up note on his desk, along with a small heart-shaped box of chocolates.

he’s beginning to think he’s hallucinating. is this for real? part of him thinks it’s a gag.

when he opens the love note, he’s relieved to find out it’s actually addressed to him; i’ll always be cheering you on, isagi-kun :)

what makes him even more relieved is the fact that he realises whose handwriting it is—yours. how can he not, when he’s been admiring you silently from afar, thinking he could never get someone as beautiful, as kind as you are.

does that mean he can ask you out for valentines’? no, the more important question is: how does he ask you out without sounding like a creep for knowing exactly what your handwriting looks like?

shit.

later that day, once classes are over and done with, isagi steels his resolve; he’s seen you getting several confessions yourself, from other guys in your grade, other guys from his own damn soccer team, even. he’s pretty sure he’s the only one you gave anything to, though, so he gets a little bit of a confidence boost from that.

when he finally catches up to you near the bus stop afterwards, he calls out your name, and when you turn around he’s hit with the sudden realisation that god, you’re so pretty he could just melt right here and it’d be worth it.

“yes, isagi-kun?”

through your eyes, he looks kind of a mess, if you’re being honest; his uniform is buttoned wrongly, his hair is sticking out a little at the side, his cheeks are flushed red as though he’s just run a marathon. but he’s still handsome, that determined look in his eyes that he wears during his matches is apparent now, and you wonder what for.

isagi doesn’t know how to do this, he doesn’t know what he should say that would be best, but what he does know is that he wants you. wants to be able to hold you close, to lace his fingers through yours, to be able to dedicate goals to you.

with a shaky voice, he chokes out, “this weekend! y-you wanna go on a date?”

you giggle, and isagi feels even more flustered.

“a date with me,” he clarifies, as though he even needs to. that just makes you giggle more, and isagi already has that sound saved into his brain—it’s his favourite sound now. you’re giving him new favourites just by being alive.

that saturday when he’s actually out with you, he finds himself being even more attracted to you—is that even possible? when you’re telling him about your morning and all he can do is stare at you from across the table, appreciating the slope of your nose, and the way your eyes beam at him, and the curve of your lips. he chastises himself internally for thinking of kissing you already.

you make him feel more selfish; isagi has been fine with watching by the sidelines until now, until he actually gets to know you. he wants to keep your laugh for himself, wants that smile to stay on your face and curse anyone who dares to take it from you. your fingers, he wants to hold them, wants to kiss your palm if you ever place them near his lips.

it’s all he can think about all day—you, what kissing you might feel like, how pretty you are in your casual wear, how he nearly gets a heart attack when you pull him into a photo booth and ask him to take pictures together, sitting as close as you did with him, feeling your bare skin against his; it’s new, it’s electrifying, it scares him (in a fucking good way).

after knowing you, he can’t go back to the way he was. can’t go back to sitting quietly at the side in silent admiration. can’t risk anyone getting to have you, and he wonders if you feel the same about him too.

“thanks for today,” you mutter shyly as he walks you home, your house now just a few feet away.

isagi still hasn’t mustered the courage to hold your hand, but he figures he has time. he doesn’t think this is the last date you’ll have.

“see you on monday, isagi-kun,” you tell him, and he feels like a part of you didn’t want this date to end, but neither did he.

“yoichi,” he corrects you, and you blink at him. “i want you to call me yoichi.”

because he doesn’t want you to call him anything less intimate than that.

you smile and say his name, “yoichi,” and then again he has a new favourite sound—in the way you say his name.

and before this, his favourite sensation was the way the ball leaps off his feet right before he scores a goal—but you’re overwriting everything and now he can’t seem to remember what anything else felt like after he presses his lips on your cheek.

(what he doesn’t know is that it’s the same for you.)

his feelings for you hold the same, even five years into the future and he’s won his first championship game, scoring the winning goal that sealed the deal.

you’re at the bleachers, in the front row, cheering wildly next to your best friend, and isagi spots you without fail. he beams at you from the field, and you know that it’s for you—it’s always for you.

everything isagi is, his goals, his dreams, it’s always shared with you. for someone who didn’t think he’d make a good boyfriend (quoting his own lack of experience), he’s pretty darn perfect.

isagi constantly reminds you that he’s yours and yours alone, no matter how many girls try to shoot their shot. “you’re special to me,” he tells you, cupping your face in his hands, “no one can ever replace you. you’re my girl, okay? my only one.”

he doesn’t want anyone else but you. forever, for life.

“so isagi, what’s it like being the top striker in japan at such a young age?” the reporter asks, and isagi chuckles. now that the game is over, it feels all too surreal.

“fucking awesome, actually,” he answers, earnest.

“what’s next on your list? what’s your next dream, next goal?”

isagi doesn’t hesitate, pointing straight at you with that same determined glint in his eyes you remember from way back then. “i’m gonna marry her.”

[blue-thief]

hiori is us. we are hiori

[hansluvs]

close to you — itoshi s.

i burn for you, and you don't even know my name - in which you make your debut into the ton expecting to find true love, and instead catch the attention of piercing teal eyes belonging to the man you swore to never acquaint yourself with.

wc: 3.1k+ (ongoing)

tags: regency au, itoshi sae x f!reader, strangers to lovers, (eventual) mutual pining, slow burn, sae is a little shit in every universe i will die on this hill

notes: took me a few months to get back to this but here it finally is! very excited for this idea it's been fermenting in my brain for a while

masterlist | next part

Your debut into the ton was certainly an anti-climactic one. Being the youngest of your five sisters, who had all been whisked away and married by the time you were of-age, everyone's attention had already moved on from your family's matches and preyed on the newer debutantes that had come in from further districts.

However, a debut that had certainly shocked the ton was that of the oldest Itoshi brother, who was the son of the King's advisor and had been close friends with the crown prince along with his brother since they were children. The entire society had been waiting for him to pursue a marriage match since his younger brother, Rin, had tied the knot with a very fortunate debutante the previous season.

Itoshi Sae had the reputation of being quite the rake, and was notorious for never taking the same woman to bed twice. He was very easily bored, as he put it, always looking for a new source of entertainment. Which consequently swiped marriage right off the table, as words from the mamas claim he's never so much as considered it.

Yet there he is now, standing beside his mother and younger brother, nursing a glass of lemonade. His teal eyes are carefully flitting around the room, seemingly cold and calculated. You hoped they would not meet yours.

As much as the alluring man across you had piqued your interest, you were determined to achieve your one and only goal for this season: to find a love match, and ultimately decided that Itoshi Sae was certainly not the man for the job.

A gentle hand had rested on your shoulder and you turn around to find Mikage Reo, the only son of the Viscount Mikage, and your dearest friend.

"Nervous?" he asked, a cheeky grin on his charming face usually reserved for poking fun at you.

"Hardly. I find it's quite boring, you promised me more fun than this," huffing out a sigh, you take another sip from your lemonade. 

Reo lets out an amused chuckle, his eyes crinkling at the corners in the way you've always admired. You've harbored an unrequited crush on him for quite some time now, ever since their family had moved in across the street from yours and he had introduced himself with that same toothy grin he now flashed at you.

"It is uncharacteristically dull tonight, I suppose. Would you fancy a dance instead?"

Reo would have been the perfect match for you; attractive, intelligent, humorous, and not to mention from one of the most well-off families in town. You two got along well, and it was no question your shared affection for one another.

"And risk Seishiro shooting another rude remark at me? Thank you, but I'll pass."

If only he had not been in love with your older brother, Seishiro - who had returned his feelings, which you only found out this summer. Reo shoots you a scolding look, as if to warn you about someone overhearing your conversation. It was, after all, inappropriate for two men to be involved romantically within the ton.

Which was why your brother was standing a few feet away from the pair of you, a bored expression on his face as he pretended to listen to whatever Mr. Bachira was talking excitedly to him about.

Reo hurriedly scribbles down his name into your dance card then gently pulls you onto the large ballroom floor. "Don't worry about him, he's not the one making their debut. Besides, someone needs to dance with you in order to gain the attention of other suitors."

As the orchestra plays another lively tune, you scoff at your friend. "I don't need you to attract suitors! I can do that perfectly by myself, thank you very much."

"Really?" Reo smiles, lilac eyes not pointed at you but at somewhere, someone in the crowd instead. "So, do you reckon that Mr. Itoshi Sae would have noticed you had I not intervened?"

"What are you on about?"

As the pair of you turn, you finally see what Reo had meant.

Itoshi Sae, with his piercing teal eyes and indifferent expression, had been watching you move across the dance floor the entire time. Like a hawk.

The two of you meet each other's gaze and a shudder runs through you as Reo twirls you away from him. A sudden, awful feeling sinks into the pit of your stomach, and it seems that you were entirely incorrect.

This season would be far from boring, as you'd come to find out.

[errakiari]

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ • 𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧 𝐋𝐨𝐤𝐢

⁻ᴱʳʳᵃ ⁱˢ ᵐʸ ᵒᶜ

⁻ᵈᵒⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉ ˡⁱᵖˢᵗⁱᶜᵏ ᶜʰᵃˡˡᵉⁿᵍᵉ?

⁻ⁱ ˢʷᵉᵃʳ ⁱ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʰⁱᵐ ˢᵐ

ᯓ★

"Why do you have so many lipsticks?" Loki asks, looking at the lipsticks neatly arranged on Erra's makeup table. "My friends gave them to me. I don’t know why, but they’re still brand new, so…" Erra tries to avoid eye contact with the French prodigy. "So you just accepted them?" "Yeah…" She offers a small, awkward chuckle as she meets his golden honey eyes. "Toi, fille idiote," the French boy says, shaking his head at her.

"Hey! I’m offended."

"…You know French?"

She smirks teasingly. "Some bird taught me."

"Oh." Loki instantly realizes which bird she’s talking about. His eyes soften, and his lips curve into a smile, then a chuckle.

Erra picks the first lipstick she sees. "But anyway… you’ll just stay still," she says, applying the lipstick to her lips. Loki, who is right beside her, looks quite confused and curious until… 'chu~' he snaps back to reality and finds a lipstick mark on his right cheek. His face is burning hot; the color of red is barely visible on his dark skin. He’s flustered, very flustered, but remains silent for a few minutes.

"The shade of this lipstick looks nice, right?" she asks, inspecting the lipstick’s color before turning her head back to the flustered French boy. Erra laughs at his reaction. "It’s just a kiss on the cheek, and there’s more to go," she grins as she glances between him and the untouched lipsticks on the table. "Wait, wait, wait, there’s more?"

The French boy’s face is now covered with lipstick marks of different shades. He feels dizzy and weird, aside from being flustered. Erra giggles at the sight of the poor, flustered boy’s face, the lipstick marks smudged on his lips, which are now mirrored on Erra’s plumped lips. She grins once again. "You like it, don’t you?"

"S'il vous plaît, restez silencieux un instant…" he mumbles, tilting his head down. Erra wraps her arms around the French boy and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Jamais <3"

ᯓ★

Translate :

"Toi, fille idiote" -> "You, silly girl"

"S'il vous plaît, restez silencieux un instant…" -> "Please be quiet for a moment…"

"Jamais" -> "Never"

(Idrk french so if this doesnt give the same meaning, im very VERY TRULY sorry :"D [especially for someone who knows french])

Its my first time writing so ye. +so sorry if this doesnt make sense

I write this for fun alr😭

[neiptune]

Read that you want to experiment with blue lock so I'd like to request sae itoshi for you event, with the prompt "we are alone, just you and me". Thank you so much! 💜

sae itoshi x we are alone, just you and me

It’s not like Sae Itoshi didn’t believe in love. In fact, he was very aware of love as a concept being pretty real, as well as something he never could see himself being interested in. Since a young age, his priorities and plan to become the best striker in the world had left little to no time for whatever didn’t work in favor of achieving his goal.

But then something happened, you happened. Nothing more than a stranger assigned to be his new manager, one he couldn’t get rid of if he tried. Not in Japan, not in Spain, not when he didn’t feel like hearing a single word uttered by another human being, not when he’d refuse to attend photoshoots or give an interview. You’d just always be there, a presence so persistent he’d feel on the edge of insanity at every rude remark and whim you refused to let scratch your armor of tireless professionalism.

And then, one day Sae could tell something was wrong. Your eyes were dull, tone weary, no sight of the smile you’d usually accompany the good morning, Mr. Itoshi that would have him react with a mocking, impatient snort. You still went through his daily schedule, impeccable as always, but something kept nagging at his brain during training, so much that he couldn’t properly focus. Not with the stands so empty, not with the sad inflection of your voice still ringing in his ears. And so, for the first time in his life and not without a grunt, Sae Itoshi left halfway through his training to go looking for you.

You might not be his manager anymore but, sure enough, Sae still can’t go through a single day without you. He doesn’t quite understand how it’s happened, but he now wakes up next to you most mornings. Always the one waking up first, he doesn’t move a muscle and just stays perfectly still, barely able to placate the tingling of fingers always so eager to explore features he already has memorized. The bridge of your nose, the softness of your eyebrows, fluttering lashes and parted lips. He’s usually only able to resist for a few minutes, that’s all you get before he grazes the tip of your nose with his own until you stir awake and he can kiss you once he’s sure you’re conscious enough to feel it. You try to pull back, mumbling a pathetic morning breath against his mouth. He just firmly grabs a hold of both of your cheeks with one hand and pulls you closer.

There’s still plenty Sae doesn’t understand about love but you’re a good teacher and he’s always been a dedicated student. What he’s still having a hard time handling are the moments you become sheepish, hesitant. You’ve had your fair share of hate comments and rude insinuations, you usually handle paparazzi and gossip articles well enough (most of the time he’s the one getting worked up, the man has opened an entire instagram account just to have a place he could share pictures of you to shut ‘em all up) but when it comes to stadiums, teammates, reporters? You just shy away, you pull back. You get scared. And he cannot stand it.

“Relax” Sae mutters.

“I’m totally relaxed” your plastic smile has his eyes rolling by default.

It’s a little ritual he has: before every game he’s always the first player to arrive in the tunnel. He makes sure to hide from cameras and fans, perfectly concealed by the semi-darkness.

Sae wants you there each time you’re at the stadium, not so much for himself but for you. He knows how nervous and overwhelmed you get, he knows the same floodlights that have adrenaline buzzing through his veins can be blinding and he can only guess how deafening all the cheering and applause he lives for can become.

So, before each game, he takes a second to just be there.

“We are alone” one strong arm is suddenly around your waist as he pulls you into him and his lips press to your temple “just you and me”

“We’re definitely not alone” you giggle nervously as you hug him back, secretly savoring the scent of his clean jersey.

“We are. Whose else’s voice can you hear right now?”

“A couple thousand people?”

He huffs, a gentle finger underneath your chin to lift your face enough for his lips to find the shell of your ear.

“Really?” the gruffness punctuating his hushed tone does something funny to your stomach “I’m this close and you’re thinking about a couple thousand people?”

You laugh again, hiding your face into his chest. It’s one of your favorite things, the way his arms close around you in a second. Right at the beginning of your relationship, you remember telling him how touch starved you thought he was. That’s fucking ridiculous, he had grumbled, only to melt under your fingertips, chase your lips and fall asleep with your legs intertwined most nights.

“M’sorry” you whisper and Sae scoffs.

“Don’t apologize”

“But I’m—”

“You’re not”

High maintenance. The nerve you have to even attempt to speak such silly words in front of him, the literal king of troublesome personalities.

You deflate against his chest with a sigh and he hugs you tighter, already glaring at the staff member who’s about to approach you.

“It’s just us. They’re white noise in the background” he has to whisper it because the goddamn asshole is actually coming closer.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Itoshi, it’s time—”

“Five fucking minutes” he snaps, one hand reaching protectively to the nape of your neck. It’s no use, because you pull back and his body is left cold once again.

“I’m leaving in a second” the smile you direct the staff member is genuine, sweet. Sae knows the excited drone of teammates approaching the tunnel is always your cue, so he presses a quick kiss to the corner of your mouth.

“Keep your eyes on me”

[crybaby-bkg]

I promise sometime this week I’m gonna write a nice angsty fic with oliver I PROMISE (possibly huge lie)