#first time i think i should've made a sideblog... well.

[branwinged]

jonelias is incredibly thematically compelling to me because of their character trajectories. like it starts out as twisted nbc hannibal season 1 psychological horror "you wouldn't put a guy in situations" wherein elias runs his lab rat i mean jon through the archivist trauma punch card machine ("wind him up and watch him go") and every day is tortured gothic horror protagonist day for him but he doesn't quite get it yet. and then season 3 happens and jon's a little further in the beholding's grasp and he's experiencing physiological changes which only elias understands and now we're in vampirism metaphor territory, he turned you into a monster but he's the only one who will offer you the absolution you seek! ("elias, am i still human?") murderer mentor maker!!! and you hate him you HATE him but *will graham voice* where else would i go?

and then season 4 happens and audio recording by jonathan sims, the Archivist. point of no return. he's extracting statements. he's feeding. he's unwittingly channelling elias ("you just need... a break.") he's scaring everyone at the institute, but doesn't it feel a tiny bit good after having been powerless and at the mercy of all these other avatars for so long? and even then the only person in the whole world he can turn to for advise is elias because they're alike. they're mirrors. they were similar even before the beholding had its hold on jon, because to be avatars of the eye is to hold a shared, unabating curiosity for knowledge and both of them sought it out to protect themselves from the fears. why else would jon end up at the magnus institute if not for a guest for mr spider.

then there's the panopticon reveal and turns out jon was trapped in a bluebeard narrative all along! but bluebeard's just won. jon took the key and opened the door and found his secret but he's not simply another victim, being bluebeard's final wife means narratively distinguishing yourself from the ones that came before and he does. he's the special one, he's the archive. and jonah/elias says he did everything to free himself from pain and death forever, to free them both from it all forever. and he says "don't worry, jon. you'll get used to it here. in the world that we have made."

and then. power dynamic reversal‼️now season 5 fumbled this badly but listen. the monster you created is coming down to hunt you for sport. the thing you created to escape annihilation is also the very thing that can end you at any given moment. "behold a god more powerful than i who comes to rule over me." and then it's "suffer for me, as i suffered for you." and eventually they play out some equivalent of tackling each other off a cliff hannigram style. or dead ringers 1988. because they're doubles they're mirrors they're shadow selves they're the watcher and the archivist. conjoined. and one cannot exist without the other :)

[scarletwingedking]

An Announcement

Hey. It's been a while. I'll keep this short and sweet, and put extra stuff under the cut. It's something I should've said a while ago.

SCARLETWINGEDKING, as well as all associated sideblogs, are going on an indefinite hiatus.

There's a lot of reasons for this. My interests shifting, other roleplays I'm in becoming active again, but the biggest is probably my mistakes here. I'm not going to get into to detail about that here, but basically, I messed up big time on multiple occasions in this community. And while I want to try and make it up, I have to first forgive myself.

I tend to think back on those mistakes and then dwell on them for far to long, leading to me death-spiraling. I've made some great memories with the people here, but I struggle to let myself enjoy the good times, because of the bad.

Until I feel like I can move past this, I'm hesitant to return here. As such, I am now officially putting Sprocket and my other sideblogs on hiatus, something I should've done months ago.

Blog by blog, here's the projected possibility of me returning to my muses here:

@scarletwingedking, Sprocket the Koraidon Sprocket was my first muse here. He'll probably stay the same if I do come back, but he is so synonymous with me as a mun I worry he won't exactly get back off the ground.

@combattorque, Eri of Team Star Also unsure. If I do return to Eri, there's a high possibility I make her as a new account, but I don't know yet.

@tabletofruin, Wo-Chien Likely will not be returned to anytime soon.

@jamminsalmonjunction, Multimuse, Splatoon Salmonid OCS, and @serpentsofire, Duelmuse, Ibushi and Narwa from Monster Hunter These two blogs are not Pokemon ones, so I might remake these as seperate accounts and return to them sooner than the others.

I'm not leaving Tumblr Roleplay entirely though. I have been active on another blog, and if you're up for crossover threads, or just want to still see my writing, you can find me on @shellofdenial, writing Marie from Persona 4 Golden. I might also make a new account for a Pokemon muse that is different from the ones I already play, in an attempt at a 'new start'.

I don't have much else to say. I just want all of you to keep being awesome, and live your lives to the fullest.

[fwhimmy-week]

i was gonna ask this in messages but tumblr absolutely nuked my sideblogs messaging tab AS i was sending them??? idk ANYWAY

well first of all- how do you get people interested? i was thinking of making an interest check form but have never made one before and was wondering what questions to put on it

oh rip your messaging tab. that sucks.

as for getting people interested: my form of interest check was a poll i did on my main (since i don't mind having people know what events/accounts i run.) it only had four options, all of them pretty general [link here!]

i had two yes's, participant and non-participant, to get an idea of how many people would actually make something, so that's a good thing to put on the form! obviously if the event your running is for a lesser known ship/duo/character, there's gonna be more no's and maybe's then definite yes's, but don't let that discourage you. I even had to tell myself "don't get caught up on the numbers, focus on the fun. focus on if I WANT to do this, not how much attention it will get." before making this event!

Another good question would maybe be the timing of the event? Especially now that we're in the latter months of the year. (Summer break is ending for any American still in school, the holiday season is getting closer, etc etc.) A lot of things are either gonna be giving people more time and other things giving them less time. This was probably a question i should've asked myself, in all honesty. Do try to make it happen at a time that's both good for you AND others. Don't be afraid to delay or push the event back a week, either. Life often gets pretty unpredictable

You could also ask for inputs on theme! Especially if your like me and suck at this stuff. Or you could be like fwhimmyweek #1, and just have daily themes based off the character(s) themselves.

I would also asks what type of art is most likely to be created, assuming you allow multiple types. Bigger events (think treebark week) are more likely to get more varied stuff (writing, stimboards, webweavings, etc) while smaller events like this one may only get art and a few fanfictions here and there

I would also leave an open response question, for any ideas or suggestions people have!

Actually getting people interested is the hard part. All i can say is promote the hell out of it, on here, in any discord server you can, with friends if you can too; but sometimes that only gets you so far. I saw an increase in followers and mentions of this event when it actually got going. (And it was, a little amusing to be honest, seeing mcytblrsource and other accounts in my reblogs post-event.) Sometimes just running it once will be what gets more attention.

(if you don't know what mcytblrsource is: they keep track of fandom events. i'm not sure what tags they check, but it's probably somewhere on their blog. Or they might allow asks. Getting them to see it, sooner or later, and tagging with #mcyt event could also work in your favor)

also! promotional images leading up to it! post your full event pfp and header, if they're both original pieces. my promo posts for the week before the event helped a little, and the header art is like the most popular post on this blog. so they both definitely did something.

that's all i can think of right now, hope it helps!

[sayakxmi]

[Magi reread] Night 12: The Place That Strains Life

First of all, can we take this moment to appreciate how metal this chapter title is?

Every once in a while I am reminded of that special paper where the squad talks abt others, like, who changed who didn't, and also who do you think you should've tried harder to understand, and that Morgiana had Jamil for some fucking reason, like, Ohtaka, chill the fuck down with that forgiveness bullshit. He deserves none of it.

Rude.

This is a very serious & dangerous situation, but it's also funny af. He's just. Flying into the distance. Rip Aladdin.

You want a fucking list?

Lmao.

Royal swordplay stance <3 I love Balbadd Royal Swordplay, ngl. It kinda looks like a dance.

Tell him, boy!

You fucking WISH

Fuck you.

I could say "maybe don't yell what you intend to do", but let's be real, you've got no chance, anyway.

Alibaba's in Spain without "a".

Listen, I love my softest boy, but damn if he isn't cool in moments like that. Wreck his shit, you competent bastard.

Pretty

Completely. Unfazed.

Murder

His shit - wrecked.

Fun fact! You might recal my sideblog (randommagiblog), where I reblog all the fandom stuff, but that's my avatar there. I've considered changing it several times, but I kept forgetting. Oh well, I'll probably stay with this, lmao. But also, damn, Alibaba looking kinda scary here. Not something that happens every day.

Pathetic.

Remember when I've said that in the Dungeon Arc Ohatak had yet to actually figure out what she wants to make? Yeah. You certainly get the impression that og!Alibaba was supposed to be more Cassim-like, like, and actual leader of the gang etc. While I'm curious what would've happened hadn't Ohtaka changed her mind, I'm more than glad at what we've got.

So, I know I complain about the anime a lot, and ya bet I will keep on doing that, BUT I'll give AniMagi the credit where it's due - they handed this reveal far better. Like, by simply omitting it in the first arc, instead waiting for the Balbadd Arc, where it's relevant. They just kept that bit of mystery when it comes to Alibaba's backstory, which made the whole moment when we do find out about his lineage an stuff far cooler. Congrats, AniMagi, you did one good.

But also, back to the "Ohtaka wasn't sure what she'll do later" thing, that kind of explains why Dungeon Arc Alibaba feels somewhat different to the rest-of-the-manga Alibaba. Because he was supposed to be a bit different. A little bit more cunning, a little bit more prideful. But plans changed, and I wouldn't exchange him for anything.

[solsearchingnights]

Oh yeah I'm holding on to that happy ending tag for dear life. I would never have started reading that fic if it wasn't for it, actually. One shots that are like max 15k words that're hurt no comfort and angst? Sure, I can do that. But multichapter stuff that doesn't have a happy ending? Not for me. Also idk if you prefer masculine, feminine, or neutral words so yeah, captain. First I could think of. What, you prefer general? Lieutenant? Colonel? (How the fuck does "colonel" become curnal? Or "lieutenant" become lutenant? Wtf English)

-SleepDeprivedReading

P.S. I would send these off anon but while I do have a tumblr to parallel the ao3 account, it's a sideblog and I wanna keep my main un-linked from it

I made that mistake once and never again, reading a multichapter that was bad ending. I had forgotten by the time I got to the last chapters and I still haven't recovered.

DRA is gonna be an adventure to write because I dont know if it's gonna be happy ending or bittersweet. I can't decide until I lay out the timeline. Though if it's bittersweet I think I'll have to do an epilogue for my own sake.

Gender neutral is ideal, and I don't mind 'dude', 'Mx', 'that one bitch over there', or really anything else. I just stay away from strictly feminine and masculine. If it's used neutrally in most everyday conversation I'm chill with it.

Totally understand anon stuff. I'm keeping my main separate as well. Like I've said before, I never expected anyone to interact here. So now I'm like, fuck I should've started a new account so this could be the main but oh well.

[bumblebeesystem]

(Tone is sharing/happy babbling, nothing bad)

"At first, I thought I was able to control these alternate versions of me"

Same. For years, I thought all of these alternate versions of me were my imagination that I could control. And I kinda hurt some of my fellow system members (we use "system members" instead of "alters" for ourselves) with it. Nothing serious, nothing unfixable. Just some things I apologized for and we talked out and worked through.

(Putting this behind a "keep reading" since it's a bit long. I'm babbling just in case my experiences can help any other systems.)

I'm trying to think of an example, but my memory's not that great... (I always thought I didn't have amnesia, until I started paying attention to the patterns of when my memory was fuzzy and what I couldn't remember while I was feeling like which version of myself.)

I've always shipped in fandoms. And back when I was monogamous, that made some of my partners kinda uncomfortable. It happened to the point where when I'd start a new relationship, I'd force myself to just... stop thinking about my fictional relationships and focus on my "real" one. (I shouldn't have done that. Shipping is fine in monogamy. But, well. It's what I did.)

Little did I know that the fictional person I forced myself to stop thinking about was a fictive system member. I just shoved him out completely one day. Stopped thinking about him, stopped talking to him, stopped interacting with him. Completely threw him away, until the relationship ended... and then he was right there, hurt but ready to come back.

Rinse and repeat over and over. Discard, welcome back, discard, welcome back. Eventually I started to feel guilty, but I kept telling myself "he's not real, he's just an imagining, there's nothing to feel guilty about." In hindsight, the amount of times I had to repeat that to myself to convince myself of it probably should've told me something.

Or another example is like... I don't have only an internal monologue, I have an internal dialogue too. I always told myself that it's fine because I can control the voices I'm talking to. (By "voice" here I don't mean auditory hallucination like hearing it from outside my head. I mean internal dialogue that's only in my mind.) I could make them say something else if I tried hard enough - if I ignored the tense feeling and discomfort that came along with doing so. And if I fought hard enough against the voice to make it do my bidding.

Sometimes, I'd make the voices say or do things they wouldn't do just to prove to myself that they weren't real and that I was in control. Or if I started a new monogamous relationship and felt the need to discard the ships again, I'd force them to say mean things to me so I could have a fight with them and not talk to them again (until the relationship was over).

An important part of everyone in our system finding their individuality and autonomy has been reassuring everyone that I won't do this to them anymore. I often check in with them to make sure I'm not doing it again accidentally without realizing it. "Am I putting words in your mouth? Am I right in thinking you want this? Do you actually like this or am I reading the situation wrong?"

It's been long enough now since I did it that I'm starting to trust our internal communication better. And the way we've worked together as a system to set up all the sideblogs on @bumblebeesystemhub has helped with that. I see a post and just... know, somehow, who wants to reblog it. Who wants to like this thing? Who has an interest in this topic? How strong is their interest? Do they wanna do something with it that we're not currently doing? Sometimes I stop before reblogging and ask "you really do like this, right? I'm not assuming your likes for you or anything, right?" Just to make sure.

Anyway! That got longer than I meant it to. It's just, I read that line and thought YUP, YEAH, ME TOO, BEEN THERE.

"These 'alternate versions of myself' are confusing as they feel like me but with certain traits of mine turned up to the extreme."

ALSO SAME.

We're autistic. Not officially diagnosed because good luck getting that as an afab adult. Difficult to find, expensive to get, etc etc. But self-diagnosis is valid and if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, they can go shove it.

So like, you know how autism is a spectrum? Meaning like, take a color wheel. One person might have red green and blue from the spectrum, while another person might have orange yellow and pink. And even among pink, someone might have pastel while someone else has neon while someone else has dark.

It can be the same way in a system. ALL of us are autistic, but some of us have different colors or different shades of that color. And we can all have different special interests - that feeling of EXTRA LIKING something and being super passionate about it and getting great feelings from it. Again setting up sideblogs for everyone has helped us see that.

Take gardening, for example. Now, we're a big system - polyfragmented, they call it. We have well over 100 system members with subsystems among subsystems, and it's all pretty complicated. Not all systems are gonna be like this. But we are, and we're highly specific.

We have one member for flower gardening, one for tropical plant gardening, one for general green stuff/vegetables/urban homesteading, one for butterfly and moth host plants, and one for fruit trees. When the host plant one is around, we wanna do ALL THE HOST PLANTS and aren't really excited about vegetables. But when the vegetable one is around, we wanna do ALL THE VEGETABLES and completely forget about host plants.

Before we realized this, all we really knew was that our gardening plans were constantly changing. We chalked it up to our adhd. And sure, it's part of that. Because 100+ adhd people all sharing the same headspace can get a LITTLE WILD sometimes. But it's not only that.

If I were to make a venn diagram of all of our gardening members, the middle would be empty. There is noone who has ALL of the gardening knowledge. We always have multiple people co-fronting and co-conscious. But unless all 5 of the gardening members are around at the same time... we won't remember how to do everything, and we won't be enthusiastic enough to do everything.

This happens with crafting, too. One wants to sew, one wants to paint, one wants to do clay...

Or with cooking. One wants to make muffins, one wants to make donuts, one wants to make meat, one wants to be vegetarian...

Or religion. One wants to be atheist, one wants to be agnostic, one wants to be pagan, one wants to be Muslim...

A thing I said to our therapist recently is that I understand more why we always have that "there's never enough hours in the day" feeling. Because most people have 24 hours in a day for ONE person's set of hobbies and interests. We have to divide that 24 hours between EVERYONE'S hobbies and interests. Good luck finding a way to do that.

Okay now this is even longer, I'm gonna stop here. Dunno if that'll help you or anyone else to read or not, but... yeah. Welcome, and you're not alone.

Bad at intros but let me try...

Hey hey! You can call me Crisp and I made this account due to confusion within myself. Normally, I use He/him pronouns but I have alternate versions of myself that use other pronouns, generally neopronouns.

These 'alternate versions of myself' are confusing as they feel like me but with certain traits of mine turned up to the extreme. (Example: If normally, I slightly like plushies, I could have an alternate version of me that LOVES plushies to the point that it is all they care about.)

At first, I thought I was able to control these alternate versions of me but now I am not too sure with it spiraling out of control to the point that I have so many alt gmail accounts and random accounts across the internet. They could be 30+ at this point.

Someone has brought up the possibility of this being plurality which I am hesitant to really agree that it is but I am running out of options so... That's what this account is for. I am hoping to look into the plurality community and see if my experience really is related to this.

So yeah.

Uhhh...

If you have any advice or thoughts about all of this, I would be happy to listen and hear! Thanks!

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

#1 Fan [Part 1/2]

Summary: Spencer knows he’s seen his new neighbor somewhere before.

A/N: This was a blurb request from my sideblog that got completely out of hand so here she is as a full fic! (We’re gonna pretend like I know how OnlyFans works)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Fluff & Smut 

Warnings/Includes: smut, graphic descriptions of sexual acts, masturbation (male & female), voyeurism(?), please let me know if there’s anything I’ve missed!

Word count: 2.9k

Request: “Blurb about basically the same fic as the other one except she just moved in and he recognizes her as the person he subs to on OF. She’s describing her hot neighbor- and yeah” from @thatsonezesty13​

Masterlist

Read Part 2 Here

The first time Spencer sees her in the lobby grabbing her mail he thinks he’s in a dream. Or maybe he’s seeing things. For a second he’s terrified that he’s having a hyper-realistic, yet somehow mundane, wet dream.

He’s been subscribed to her for a while. To be honest once he’d found her account he didn’t have much of a need to subscribe to anyone else. She was almost tailor made for him, it was sort of scary.

So when he saw her that day, and she smiled at him, giving him a small wave as she passed him in the hall, his heart all but stopped.

That night he checked her page. He compared the pictures of the sweet girl in the hall with the ones in front of him. The photos where she was wearing next to nothing, or sometimes nothing at all. The ones where she had her fingers inside of her panties, or her mouth.

He ended up spiraling that evening, partially forgetting why he was even looking in the first place. Until he was watching videos of her, fucking into herself with a toy until she was squirting onto her bedsheets.

The following morning when he woke up he tried to convince himself that it wasn’t her. How could it be? And if it was, would he have to stop looking? Something felt a bit perverted about that.

So he pushed the thoughts from his head. And that lasted all of 10 seconds because there was a knock on his front door. When he opened it up it was her standing there, the girl from the mailboxes, and the girl from the videos. He knew they were one and the same, who was he kidding?

“Hi!��� She sticks out her hand to introduce herself, “I think I saw you the other day, I’ve just moved into the building, Y/N.”

He knows her name already, well he knows her first name, and part of him’s a little surprised it’s not fake.

He takes a moment to consider her hand, he wouldn’t usually shake a strangers hand like this but for some reason he didn’t feel like she was a stranger. The real reason her didn’t want to shake her hand was because of all the things he’d pictured her doing with them. Touching herself, touching him.

But he’s hesitated for too long, so he takes her hand, shaking it gently, “Spencer, Dr. Spencer Reid. Nice to— uh, meet you” he has to force his breaths out or they might not come. Looking at her up close, in person, she was too beautiful. And he already thought that about her pictures.

“Well it’s nice to meet you, I always like to know the folks in my building. And especially you if we’re gonna be neighbors”

“Neighbors?” He tries to stop his eyes from popping out of his head but she doesn’t seem to notice. She just nods happily.

“Yup, I’m right on the other side of that wall” she points to her right and giggles, “knock if you need me” she jokes but Spencer’s breathing stops entirely and he can only nod.

“So um, if you wanted to hang out or anything you know where to find me” she smiles at him and starts to head back to her apartment.

He’s not sure what’s come over him, but it feels like adrenaline is coursing through his entire body as he speaks.

“I’m free right now if you’re not busy?” He asks before she can get too far away but she shakes her head.

“I’ve actually gotta head out for a bit but if you’re free tomorrow do you wanna come over and see my place. I’m sure it’s probably the exact same as yours but—”

“Yes!— I mean, um, yeah, that sounds nice, cool” she laughs at him a little, probably at his eagerness, or maybe at the way he’s blushing, he can feel the heat radiating from his cheeks.

“See you then Spencer, Dr. Spencer Reid” she giggles and he’s smitten already.

— —

He’s pretty much counting down the seconds until the following evening. His mind is completely restless, he’s got no idea what to wear or how to act, or what to say.

She was just so pretty, he could barely have a 2 minute conversation with her in the hallway. How was he supposed to hang out with her for an evening.

She slips a note under his door the following afternoon:

I’m on my way out but I should be back around 8! See you then x

He wishes he didn’t stare at the little ‘x’ on the note for quite so long but he couldn’t help it. Even her handwriting was cute.

He doesn’t want to think about why he knows her already but he can’t help it. He decides that he’s not going to look at her page again, taking a cold shower as part of his preparation for that evening before agonizing over what to wear.

He settles on a purple sweater and he already feels like he’s made the wrong call somehow as he’s knocking on her door at 8pm on the dot.

“Well aren’t you punctual” she smiles at him as she pulls open the door. His stomach drops when he realizes that he recognizes the little dress she���s wearing. He’s seen her take it off before. He tries to steady his breathing but it doesn’t work super well so he just waves hello as she ushers him inside.

“I guess you got my note then” she smiles and he smiles back.

“Yeah, your— um— handwriting is really nice” he wants to slap himself in the face. What kind of complement was that?

“Thank you?” she giggles at him, “no ones ever said that before, you’re a bit of an oddball” she points him to the sofa so he sits.

When she comes to sit next to him she’s holding a bottle of wine and two glasses and he has to stop his eyes from bulging out of his head.

“Would you like a glass?” She asks and he nods his head, it probably wasn’t a great idea, but neither was any of this. She hands him a glass of wine and takes the seat next to him on the couch, turning to face him as she tucks her legs up under herself.

“So Spencer Reid, what kind of doctor are you?” she asks as she takes a sip from her own glass.

“I’m—um— I work at the FBI actually, I— I’m a profiler” he’s already conscious that he doesn’t want to bore her by harping on about work, or by rambling like he does right before people usually roll their eyes. But she doesn’t, she leans in.

“That’s so cool, well it sounds like it is anyway? Does that mean you read people or something?” her eyes look like they're after lighting up and she's smiling at him encouraging.

“Y-Yeah? It’s sort of like reading people I guess. We catch killers by getting inside their heads in a way, trying to figure out why they’re doing what they’re doing, and hopefully what they’re gonna do next so that we can stop it. It’s a little more complicated than that, but that’s the gist” he’s smiling now too, the way she’s looking at him makes him feel like he’s actually doing a sort of good job not embarrassing himself.

“So you said my handwriting was nice” she says, gears clearly turning, “Can you read anything about me from that?” she looks like she's challenging him, if he didn’t know better he might call it flirting.

“Well actually graphology—sorry— handwriting analysis has been deemed a pseudoscience by most, the validity of handwriting as evidence in court has always been dubious and many of the techniques used today are the same as those employed in Renaissance England.” he rambles but she’s still engaged when he stops speaking.

“So you’re smart smart, huh?” she smiles at him, and he nods.

“I don’t believe intelligence can be neatly quantified but I do have an IQ of 187” he feels paradoxically stupid saying that, it feels like bragging or something and he already wants to take it back.

“Wow, a doctor with an IQ of 187” she takes a second to mull it over, “What are you doing hanging out with the likes of me?” she jokes, but his eyebrows knit together, he had no idea what she did, other than that thing he knew she did.

“I wouldn't sell yourself short like that, what do you do?” he asks her, at the very least it’ll stop him from spiraling.

“I work in a vintage bookstore, the one two blocks over?” She motions behind her as she tells him, and he knows it well, in fact he spends so much time there that he’s shocked he’d never seen her before.

“You work there? I’m there all the time, how have I never noticed you before?” she chuckles at him.

“I’ve only just started, I just moved in, remember?” and he wants to slap himself again, something about being around such a pretty face slashed that impressive IQ in half.

They spend another while and the rest of the bottle of wine getting to know each other before Spencer has to call it a night. Part of him wished that she was boring, or rude, or hated him, then maybe he’d be able to quell his infatuation. But this just made it worse, now that he knew her, now that he had spoken to her and she was so sweet, so smart, so funny, and still so damn pretty. He was absolutely fucked.

— —

He swears to himself that the wont look at her page again. Now that he knew her and he liked her more than he even did before, it felt like a real invasion. Part of him still felt bad about it in general, like he should've told her right away, been up front. But the moment for that had already passed so this was his next best plan.

Until he returns home the following Friday. He’s exhausted when he crawls into bed but he’s still somehow restless, the gears still turning in is brain. So he does what he always does when he wants to forget about everything else in the world.

His muscle memory opens it up, and he’s on her page before he even realizes he's done it. And she’s posted a few new videos this week. He wishes he had better willpower, or any willpower at all, but he can’t seem to stop himself from clicking on one.

It begins with her kneeling on her bed, wearing lingerie he’d seen before, it was baby pink and it was one of his favorites. She starts by dipping her fingers into her panties, teasing herself as little moans toppled from her lips. Then she started talking.

“I’m gonna tell you guys about a little dream I had last night, well, I’ve been having it all week really” she continues to tease herself a little, her other hand coming up to grab her breast over her soft pink bra as she speaks. Her voice is smooth and perfect, if he only had the audio he’d still be turned on right now.

“It goes like this. I’m lying in this bed right here, doing something a little like this, when there’s a knock at my front door. When I get up to answer it he’s there, with his shaggy brown hair, and his huge doe eyes, and he’s got these lips that are just so fuckin’ pink. I want them all over me. He comes inside and he grabs me with those huge hands of his and he pulls me right into him before he kisses me.” she moans a little as her fingers brush right up against her clit, but Spencer’s vision has almost gone blurry.

He’s not sure he’s even breathing when she starts talking again. “Then I lead him to my bedroom, and I get him out of those clothes. He dresses like an english teacher and I wish I didn’t find it so fuckin’ hot. Sometimes in the fantasy I take his cock in my mouth, I suck him off until he’s whimpering. Other times I can’t wait, I just need him to fuck me right away.” she takes off her panties then, leaving them to one side, while she grabs a toy from her bedside table.

“I like to fuck myself with this, but all week I’ve just been imagining that it’s him. He’s just so pretty, I know his cock has to be too. I want to know what it feels like when he’s buried inside me, so fuckin’ deep” she continues to fuck herself with the toy, and he’s tuned back in now, he’s achingly hard without even noticing, his hand wrapping around his cock as he pictures the other side of that fantasy.

It doesn’t take long before he's releasing, spilling all over his hand in tandem with the video. She takes a moment to relax, steadying out her breathing before she speaks to the camera again.

“I think I have a crush guys” she gasps out, “I moved, and I think I’ve got a crush on my fuckin’ neighbor already”

Not that he needed any more confirmation, but those words hit him like a fucking train.

It’s already midnight, it’s not so late that he couldn’t go over there, but it sort of is late enough that he shouldn’t. He really can’t bring himself to care though, getting out of bed and cleaning himself up he decides to ride this uncharacteristically confident wave as far as it’ll take him.

He’s knocking on her door before he’s had a chance to second guess himself. When she answers she’s in a little robe, it’s ivory and satin, and he recognizes it too. He doesn’t say anything, neither does she. They just look at each other for a little too long, eyes taking each other in. He wants to lean in and kiss her, just like in her fantasy, but he’s not that guy.

“Hi” he breathes out instead, “I know it’s late, sorry, I shouldn’t be here—but I— I just wanna say” he pauses to take in a labored breath, “I like you a lot and I think you’re really pretty and funny and smart and would you wanna go out sometime? With me? Maybe?” he doesn't realize he’s closed this eyes until he’s got to pry them back open.

“Well that’s not how the fantasy was supposed to go” she giggles, her eyelashes fluttering as she looks up at him and the blush that’s steadily spreading up his face and neck.

“What do you— I don’t— what?” he’s stammering, doing a god awful job of playing dumb.

“In my video, you were just supposed to kiss me. This isn’t as sexy but it is a hell of a lot better”

“I don’t— I’m not—” he can’t get a sentence out, he’s got no idea what’s happening right now.

“It’s alright Dr. 187, I know it’s you” some part of him genuinely wants to throw up. Why did he think that would be an innocuous username. He was the stupidest genius alive.

“I’m sorry, I should've told you. I had no idea how, I just never thought— how could I have known you’d move in next door to me? And that you’d be even prettier in person but you’d be so cool too” he’s got to cut himself off before he really starts apologetically rambling.

“Spencer stop. It’s fine. I make that content for people to enjoy, you’ve got nothing to feel guilty about. I made that video because I wanted you to see it, that was intentional.” she reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder, and it’s more comforting than it has any right to be.

“Was that—your fantasy—the uh the video—were you telling the truth?” he can feel his heart absolutely racing in his chest as he waits for the answer. And she breaks out in a huge smile, nodding up at him.

“Every word.” he doesn’t let himself overthink it this time, he just leans right in, pressing his lips to hers. It’s soft and gentle, a sweet kiss rather than a heated one, it’s not just infatuation, there are feelings behind it now. He can feel her lips smiling against his own and his heart’s fit to burst now.

When they break apart she looks giddy with excitement, her hands come down to the little bow that holds her robe closed, toying with the ends of the tie. “I’m actually about to make a video now if you’d like to see behind the scenes?” she asks and his breath gets stuck in his throat.

“Fuck” he rasps, “You’ve got no idea how much I want to do that” he pauses, scolding himself in his head already, “But I think I wanna take you to dinner first, if you still want that?”

She’s grinning at him again, “I still really want that, tomorrow night?”

“Tomorrow night.”

-- --

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[galactichelium]

A bit of a ramble below the cut 😭 Didn't intend for it to be anywhere near this long, but there's just a Lot of layers to this that I wanted to talk through

I feel really bad irt not often adding IDs to my art because like. I want to, but, ironically, my disabilities (my chronic pain which is especially bad in my hands, and also tbh autism and ADHD doesn't make it easier either, with trying to find the right words to describe things + ADHD brain fog) make it incredibly difficult to add it myself a lot of the time. This is made even worse by the fact that my two options for writing an ID are either right after I've made the drawing to post later (usually night time for me, within an hour or two of me going to bed), or right as I'm posting it. Neither are ideal as well, for the first one, I'd obviously be in more pain after just drawing. And for the second one, because of timezone stuff, I usually aim to post my art around my 8 - 9 am (5 - 6 pm EST). Unfortunately, due to the nature of my chronic pain, with it getting worse with inactivity, this is when my pain would be at its worst. After just sleeping. I take my pain meds in the morning with breakfast also, so they would be at their least effective around this time. I've also changed pain meds so now they're slow release, they don't immediately kick in anymore.

I used to add alt text more often, but it's really hard to get the energy to do it anymore when I know it's not only incredibly difficult to think of the words to do it, but also difficult to do the active process of typing it all up. Not that it wasn't difficult back then, I still struggled with thinking of words, but now there's more things at play. It was easier to get the energy when that was the only problem.

I know this is kind of ironic, as this post already has more words than an ID would. But truth is, I've already had to stop a couple of times to crack my knuckles and stretch my hands. This is still easier than doing an ID, because I don't need to struggle as much with thinking of the right words, but, still does make my hands hurt. Like, honestly, back when I was more frequently doing IDs, the fact that I'd need to do an ID actually stopped me from drawing ideas I had a couple of times, because I knew it would be too difficult to describe. I wish it was easier, I really do.

HOWEVER. I was planning on trying to my art 1 - 2 hours later. Bc while 5 - 6 pm is good with teens in mind, I think there's less of them in the HS fandom now. And now that I'm a little older, I think I'd want my audience to skew a little older anyway. Not that I'd be posting anything that'd be inappropriate on that blog, but more, most of my drawings have queer themes that are confusing on purpose in them, and I don't trust young teens to have the best ideas around it. However having said that I might end up starting a sideblog for more risky art, as nowadays I feel it'd be much easier to express queerness in that way, but that's unrelated lmfao. But yeah. Posting 1 - 2 hours later might make it a bit easier to do IDs also, because both my pain meds and my ADHD meds should've kicked in by then.

Funnily enough, I started writing this post right after taking them (a little under an hour ago now), and I was still struggling with thinking of words and typing those words. But of course it ended up being quite extensive, so clearly those problems have been helped lmfao. But, as expected, I'm now in a bit of pain, so now I'll probably rb like 1 or 2 posts and then just watch YouTube for a bit SDJGKSGD