#first curse AU verse ttba

[dealmxkerofgold]

In the light that streamed through the doorwindow, Belle actually looked like an angel that, for some reason ( perhaps, by mistake? because he sure as hell did not deserve it ), was sent to brighten his lonely existence, and, for a moment, Gold just stared at her — at her beaming smile and her eyes, the loveliest shade of blue he's ever seen, and her cheeks, rosy from excitement ( she must have acquired a new book or had a good chat with Ms Lucas, he noted absent-mindedly, as if the reason for her excitement was so obvious... and to him, it was ) — and the nasty little voice inside his head that guided so many of his actions in the past suggested he forgot about the silly endeavor he'd decided to pursue this morning, grabbed his cane and accompanied the love of his life to diner for lunch.

Gold shut that voice up — perhaps, for the first time in his life, but he was going to do the right thing. He was going to let Belle go. She'd brought so much light and happiness into his life, he owed her that much.

So he limped around the counter to stand directly in front of the librarian, his cane forgotten, took her small hands into his slightly larger ones, took a deep breath and began:

"Belle. I..."

The plan that he formulated in his mind in the quiet of his too large house this very morning was to let her down easy, to start from afar and explain to her his reasoning in great detail.

But now that he was actually going through with it, holding her hands and looking into her deep blue eyes that have always been so understanding and compassionate and even loving when she looked at him, he found he couldn't bear to drag this out longer than was absolutely necessary, so he went on, as quick and calm as he could, even though his voice sounded as if every word hurt him on its way out.

"Sweetheart," and he mentally scolded himself for using this endearment because the word itself and the memories of all the times he called her that made him soften — his voice and his eyes, and a small, sad smile even lifted the very corners of his lips — and now saying what needed to be said, pushing her away hurt even worse, "I am a bitter, violent, ugly man. If you’d known all the horrible things I've done, you wouldn’t give me the time of the day, let alone love me. Which is how I know that what's going on between us is wrong and we need to stop it before everything gets complicated."

Unable to deny himself the pleasure of caressing her soft, delicate skin one last time, he cupped Belle's cheek with one of his hands, stroking his thumb over her cheekbone, looking almost enchanted and certainly on the verge of tears.

"You are a beautiful, kind, intelligent young woman, who's got a bright, happy future ahead of her. You deserve someone much better than me. Someone who would love you and cherish you in the way I will never be capable of. So, I guess, what I'm trying to say is..."

With great reluctance, he moved to pull away, dropping both his hand from her cheek and her hand from his hold, taking a deep, shuddering breath in an attempt to regain his composure even as a single tear made its way down his own cheek:

"Good day, Ms French."

[ OPEN for Belles; set either in the au where Belle wasn't locked up during the first curse or in a human au ]