#fiona fortesque

[jfpisadearqueerdeer]

Edit: In 60 - 61 it should say Charlotte Joanna Walters

[eggoreviews]

Top 10 Lamest Game Protagonists

I’ve already taken a good look at the coolest main characters in games, but now it’s time for the flipside; the most lovably bumbling main characters in game history. Those heroes you can still sympathise with, but it’s difficult to get over just how incurably lame they are. Big note, this isn’t an insult to the characters I list, most of them are perfect little eggs. Hope you agree with these characters I’m about to roast!

Spoilers ahead!

10. Sir Daniel Fortesque (MediEvil series)

To be fair to poor Sir Dan, he spends most of his time trying to make up for how medicore he turned out to be in life. Daniel Fortesque went down in history for leading the charge in the Battle of Gallowmere and felling the evil sorcerer Zarok, when in reality he was hit by the first stray arrow while cowering at the back of the horde. But when Zarok came back and started raising the dead, Sir Dan found himself up and walking also, except now he’s a skeleton and he’s missing an eye and a jaw. He can only talk in muffled noises and has to endure the majority of the characters in the game ripping into him for his prior cowardice. So yeah, unfortunately pretty lame, but his low placement is due to his redemption by the end of his story.

9. Frisk (Undertale)

I know what you might be thinking, ‘But Frisk silent the whole time, it’s all the other monsters that are big ol’ lame eggs’, but no, Frisk is just as much. While they’re silent for most of the game, the very few conversation options you’re given as Frisk tell you just how much of a dork they are as they haplessly befriend everyone they come across in the underground, provided you aren’t doing the genocide route (but why would you?). And while you aren’t given too much detail as to who Frisk is and why they chose to climb Mt. Ebott in the first place, it’s clear from the get go that you aren’t playing the strong, silent protagonist in Undertale. Rather the strong, silent dork type.

8. Pathfinder Ryder (Mass Effect Andromeda)

You may be thinking this is an odd choice, but compared to Commander Shepard from the previous Mass Effect titles, Ryder stands as as a cheesy, bumbling mild idiot of a character. Not to say that he’s particularly badly written, it’s just the fact that he tends to blunder through the majority of his dialogue, and the slightly wonky facial animation present in Andromeda doesn’t help his case too well either. Poor old Ryder, he tried his best, but he just turned out a bit too Flash Gordon.

7. Shulk (Xenoblade Chronicles)

I want to make it clear that I love Shulk with every fiber of my being, and having an over the top JRPG protagonist with a strong English accent was honestly a masterstroke. But who, honestly, can take this man seriously? All you have to do is listen to him scream out the name of the attack he’s performing in unabashed enthusiasm or shouting out random meaningless phrases like ‘I’M REALLY FEELING IT’ to get a good impression of just how much of a total dweeb Shulk really is. But hey, I love him for it, so keep doing you Shulk.

6. Rhys / Fiona (Tales from the Borderlands)

Tying in the sixth spot on my list is the dual vault hunters from Telltale’s spinoff of the Borderlands series. And yeah, they’re both completely lovable losers. On a first glance, it would seem like the hapless, slightly incompetent Rhys is the only lame one, with his terrible flirting and endless supply of awful puns. But no, Fiona is just as lame, it’s just that her lameness is so deeply ingrained in her character she hides it quite well beneath her quips and gunplay. The both of them quibble and argue pretty much constantly throughout the game, but what becomes extremely obvious by the end is that they’re both as bad as each other, and Sasha is the only cool one.

5. Chris (Until Dawn)

The funniest thing about Chris as a whole is how the game tries to establish him as the funny one, but in reality, his jokes are bordering on the terrible and he’s a tiny bit of a laughing stock. To his credit, of the eight teenagers trapped on a snowy mountain being hunted by monsters, Chris is surprisingly one of the most capable survivors, as well as being one of the easiest characters to save. But each time you get round to his parts of the story, you’re reminded of just how noticeably lame he is compared to pretty much everyone else. But you can’t fault him for it, it’s good enough for Ashley! Or, you know, Josh.

4. Pit (Kid Icarus Uprising)

Pit is a big ball of positivity and puts up with quite a lot considering his age and his status as a fledgling angel, but that doesn’t change the facts. Pit is arguably the lamest Nintendo protagonist, even beating out Kirby purely because at least Kirby can wield a cool sword if he succs the right enemy. But Pit is a brash, reckless and tiny angel who can’t fly without Palutena’s help. If there’s ever a Kid Icarus sequel, maybe he’ll finally find his feet and manage to get himself off the ground without his favourite goddess, but until then, he stays pretty firmly on this list. At least until his voice drops.

3. Max Caulfield (Life Is Strange)

I’ll admit right now that the vast majority of photography student Max Caulfield’s lame factor is probably down to the writing. Her careless use of words like ‘bizarro’ and the sentence I never wanted to hear ‘Ready for the mosh pit, shakabrah’ establish fairly quickly that Max is a veritable goldmine of lame. She’s a walking edgy art film stereotype, complete with her ‘quirky’ personality and avant garde interests, topping it all off with a polaroid camera, the edgiest accessory ever conceived. Max has a good heart, using her never properly explained, newfound powers to help people wherever she can, whether that be preventing a suicide or saving the life of her future girlfriend Chloe Price, so Max remains a lovable and brilliant character. But oh boy, is she lame.

2. Sora (Kingdom Hearts)

As the protagonist of a franchise that nobody really knows why it exists, Sora acts as the tenuous bridge between the colourful, family-friendly Disney and the edgy, complicated and wonderful mess that is the Final Fantasy series. But Sora, with his intoxicating positivity, overly-dramatic poses and massive clown shoes, defines lame. God I love him, but there is nothing at all about this character that doesn’t make you sigh a bit inwardly, especially when you consider his constant company of Donald and Goofy. The odd blend of Disney and Final Fantasy in the needlessly epic plot spanning 15 years and many games only serve to accentuate how ridiculous Sora is as a character, so that’s why he’s this high. Plus, he’s far too extra to use a sword, he’s gotta wield a massive key instead. I love this spiky boy.

Before I imprint my face into a desk while talking about my top pick, here’s a few that almost made into the Hall of Lame (haha get it I’m funny):

PaRappa the Rapper (PaRappa the Rapper series)

Kid Dracula (Castlevania series)

Diddy Kong (Donkey Kong series)

Olimar (Pikmin series)

You (Duck Hunt)

1. Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog series)

During his inception in the early 90s, Sonic didn’t start out as incredibly lame as he is these days, but what puts him at the top spot is his steady decline into lame territory, which started right about when they started putting him in 3D. Sonic was designed to appeal to the kids of the 1990s and hasn’t evolved at all since, holding the same overly enthusiastic, outdated persona that people either love or hate, in games of varying quality. Everything from his weird anthropomorphic body, his massive eyes, constant shit-eating grin, his strained voice that sounds a bit like he’s always in pain, it all comes together to make this epitome of lame the character hasn’t been able to escape since Sonic Adventure. And it only looks like it’s set to get worse over the horizon with the announcement of a Sonic movie. Most of my love of Sonic comes out of a place of irony, but it’s love nonetheless. May Sega keep milking him until they run out of totally out of place environments to throw him into.

There’s my list! Just to reiterate, this isn’t a post hating these characters, it’s mostly just pointing out aspects of their personality that for one reason or another, put them on the lame radar. Hope you enjoyed, stay hydrated!

[jfpisadearqueerdeer]

some marauders facts

this post includes facts about james, sirius, remus, peter, lily, dorcas, marlene, alice, frank, emmeline, mary, kingsley, regulus, and my oc, fiona💕 if you only want facts about the first four, don't read because you'll probably comment some shit about only the first four being marauders, and i've heard it all before.

let's just get this out of the way: james, marlene, alice, frank and regulus are bi; sirius is gay and dorcas and emmeline are lesbian; remus is pan; lily is ace, fiona is aro, kingsley is both; peter and mary are straight.

alice, frank, and emmeline are two years older than the core marauders; fiona is one year older; and regulus is one year younger.

james, sirius, remus, peter, lily, dorcas, marlene, frank, and kingsley are all in gryffindor. alice is in hufflepuff. mary and fiona are in ravenclaw. regulus is in slytherin.

none of them have boundaries. cuddles, hugs, cheek kisses, hand holding, arms around waists and shoulders, head pats, sitting together in chairs, feeding each other; none of it is off limits and for the most part, it's all friendly. they'll even sleep in each other's beds (well, actually, kingsley isn't as close to them, and he doesn't like physical contact, so they resoect his wishes)

sirius, lily, dorcas, and frank cannot sing at all, but they will all try; james, mary, fiona,and kingsley can kind of sing, but kingsley refuses to embarass himself; remus, peter, alice, regulus, and marlene can all sing really well.

at least two of them are fighting at any given point, common fighters are: lily and sirius, james and marlene, etc.

james loves cuddling with sirius; james is the only one who can comfort remus after The Incident; james only trusts peter to sneak out with; james discusses comic books with lily; james always wears dorcas's flower crowns; james will tease marlene mercilessly every day that he can; james loves dancing with reggie; james admires kingsley; james always sends treats to fiona if she looks down, most of the time anonymously; james and alice are both chasers and sometimes give each other tips; james had a minor crush on frank, but he didn't realize til years later; james will drop everything to defend mary; james and emmeline both loved transfiguration and talked about it constantly.

sirius likes to kiss james on the cheek; sirius loves when remus wears his clothes (and no clothes, obviously); sirius hates when peter is sad and does a bunch of things to cheer him up almost every time; sirius loves when lily braids his hair; sirius and dorcas have a running bet on who can get closest to the black squid; sirius and marlene have a dance routine that they do, and yes, james recorded it every single time; sirius puts regulus before everybody; sirius thinks kingsley is a bit of a snob, but is overall thankful for him; sirius thinks fiona is the most badass witch he has ever met, even before she stopped being so nice (but don't tell the others); sirius gets his cigarettes from alice; sirius always lets frank win at chess; sirius literally has dropped everything to defend mary; sirius and emmeline exchange ties all the time to confuse people.

remus likes the smell of james' bed; remus gets jealous when people outside the group touch sirius, but controls himself; remus literally cannot study with peter, he's too distracting; however, remus's favorite study partner is lily; remus and dorcas always joke that they will run away together; remus and marlene aren't too good of friends, but she'll force feed him before and moons; remus thinks that reggie is making the wrong decision everytime that he goes home; remus will sot with kingsley if he's having a bad day, because he knows kingsley knows how to keep quiet; remus and fiona had tea together a lot after the war; remus visited alice and frank in the hospital as often as he could after the war; remus will switches clothes with mary if she thinks she's in danger; remus was there when emmeline died.

peter is always telling james that he needs to calm down; peter thinks sirius's pranks are too extreme; peter slips remys chocolate all the time; peter tutors lily in divination; peter is always fixing dorcas's flower crowns when they wilt; peter can read marlene really well; peter never liked regulus for many reasons; peter and kingsley both get up really early; peter likes playing gobstones with fiona, because he'll always win; peter tried to become better friends with alice, but she didn't realize; peter and frank both have anxiety and try to help each other out; peter liked mary best out of all the girls; peter got tutored by emmeline his first year.

lily officially asked james to be her boyfriend,but he was the one who asked her out on a date first; lily and sirius talk about their screwed up relatives sometimes (petunia for her, almost everybody for sirius); lily loves wearing remus's sweaters, but hates that people think they're dating when she does wear them; lily always goes to peter to help out with HER pranks; lily is very protective of reggie, and punched dumbledore when he died (he was a spy for the order in this headcanon); lily thinks marlene overreacts sometimes but loves her alot anyways; lily loves cuddling with dorcas, but marlene doesn't like it as much; lily and kingsley compare notes all the time; lily and fiona exchange corny jokes all the time; lily and alice share pregnancy war stories while pregnant; lily and frank like debating over even the most miniscule shit; lily and mary both loved potions and healing; lily and emmeline bonded over their feminist ideas.

This is only part one, I will update.

[jfpisadearqueerdeer]

marauders era girls

andromeda cassiopeia black - pureblood

narcissa ara black - pureblood

patricia kathleen rakepick - halfblood

pandora evangeline ollivander - pureblood

maisie pipet macmillan - pureblood

bertha bibi jorkins - halfblood

hestia jolie jones - pureblood

emmeline grace vance - halfblood

alice mariam fawley - pureblood

amanda danielle moore - halfblood

fiona josephine fortesque - halfblood

eleanora winslet goldstein - halfblood

marion margaret macdonald - muggleborn

tiana harper quincy - muggleborn

lily ellerly evans - muggleborn

dorcas tabitha meadowes - muggleborn

sophia aleni callas - halfblood

marlene kenzie mckinnon - halfblood

zhao zhi ruo - pureblood

claire elizabeth thompson - muggleborn

emily nicole vane - halfblood

charlotte joanna walters - halfblood

cypress phoneix parkinson - pureblood

[jfpisadearqueerdeer]

Fiona Fortesque never put a label on her sexuality. She thought that her inability to find people sexually attractive was some sort of side effect from the war, and she never really thought much of it.

Kingsley Shacklebolt learned about his sexuality and romanticism from a boy who about 13 years younger than him, a boy named Charlie Weasley. And he was content with never falling in love or having sex. Fighting it would be impractical and wasteful, those were his thoughts on the subject.

LGBT+ Marauders

James Potter was confident about his sexuality. He was never unsure about it. To him, it didn’t matter that he like both boys and girls. It was who he was, and that was all that mattered.

Sirius Black was scared of his sexuality. He didn’t want anybody knowing about it at first. While he was usually one to flaunt everything about himself, when it came to being gay, he liked keeping it private.

Remus Lupin was indifferent about his sexuality. In his mind, he was already different from everybody else, what was one more thing?

Marlene McKinnon was a little uncomfortable with her sexuality. When she first realized she liked girls, she was sure that it was just a phase. But after eight months of being head over heels for Dorcas, she finally accepted it.

Dorcas Meadowes was happy with her sexuality. Guys were gross anyways and Marlene definitely wasn’t. Marlene was beautiful and sarcastic and way better than any guy.

Regulus Black was private about his sexuality. Exactly the opposite of his one love, he wasn’t comfortable with it at all. But when he was around James, all of that went away. Except the privacy part. He still thrived in privacy.

Lily Evans thought she was broken. She never once thought about anybody sexually. But she fell for James, and the first time they had sex (when they were 19), she had gotten pregnant. They didn’t have sex again, but Lily never regretted it, because she loved Harry with everything she had. She never did learn that she wasn’t broken.