#finished 'before midnight' not really it's 12:02 but i was close and that's pretty fucking good for me lol

[kuiinncedes]

doneee

[elfnerdherder]

Ill Intentions: Chapter 1

Summary: AU in which Will Graham is a disenchanted journalist, resigned to his fate of back-page wedding announcements at Tattler News. He has a watch that beeps to tell him when to get water, when to go for a walk, and when to eat, but he hasn't yet found a program to tell him how to feel when the Chesapeake Ripper of all people sends Fanmail.

Dear Will Graham, I adored your analysis of the Minnesota Shrike. How quickly you boxed him into a corner and revealed his hand! Surely the ladies on campus will sleep better knowing to avoid anyone that looks remotely like them with a father in tow. That, or perhaps you’ve inspired them all to dye their hair a poignant shade of blonde until the next killer comes along. I wonder if your clever little mind would be able to catch someone like me, however; would you be interested in playing a game, Mr. Graham? I’ve grown bored as of late, and the city is not much to entertain these days. You can respond in your new column. Congratulations, by the way. -Chesapeake Ripper.

He really shouldn’t be excited that there are lives at stake. In reality, though, Will hasn’t felt much in a long, long time.

You can read Chapter 1 on Ao3 Here

Chapter 1: Writer’s Block

           Will was trying very hard not to slam his head against his desk.

           Deadlines were one thing; he’d struggled meeting deadlines most of his life, from getting to class on time in high school to finishing a paper due promptly at midnight in college –what professor wanted a paper posted by midnight, anyway? What professor decided that at midnight, they’d wake from their recliner in their tenure-paid home and pad over to their HP, gleefully closing the submissions link on the assignment before anyone else could turn it in? Did they grade it immediately after, from 12:01 to 4:00 where they’d finally pass out at their desk, exhausted but proud of their ability to really dig it to the students whose hopes were crushed at exactly 12:02 when they realized with a sinking sensation that they couldn’t turn their paper in?

           He told himself tangents were just another way to get out of the task at hand.

            Deadlines were one thing. He’d gotten better at deadlines in the ‘adult world’, gotten better at a watch that kept him on track and on time with its beeps, dings, and notifications. Most of his life revolved around the smartwatch that even reminded him when it was the last time he’d eaten or stood up from his uneven, wobbly desk. Time was odd for him, but that small, sturdy little electronic had kept him on time for the past four years. More or less.

           No, no, the problem at hand was writer’s block.

           “Dear Bev, I’ve heard a lot about the Minnesota Shrike, and it makes me scared to go to class. He’s targeted universities all over this area, from Maryland, Virginia, New York, Maine; when will the FBI catch him? What kind of person would do that to these girls?”

           He considered the other questions Beverly had chosen to answer, then compared it to this one. ‘Chats with Bev’ was the long-running advice column at Tattler News, a high-ratings paper that –in his opinion –verged dramatically towards gossip-fodder and tabloids at times rather than news. It was a job, though. Four years out of college and at least he could say he had a job.

           This, however; this was not his job.

           “It’s not really right for me to do this,” he called out irritably to Beverly across the room. “I’m not ‘Bev’.”

           “A bet’s a bet, no matter how drunk we were,” Beverly replied cheerfully. She wasn’t the least bit perturbed by his expression, or by the way his fingers tapped angrily against the keys.

           “I have no idea what to say to these people,” he muttered.

           “Hey, you’re getting credit for writing the column this week. That’s a little extra money in your pocket, right?”

           Right. He rubbed his face, leaned back in his chair and lit a cigarette, letting it hang from his lips as he considered the question. It was a little ham-handed sitting below ‘my husband is cheating on me’, but it was a little awkward just above ‘what can I expect when my daughter starts her period?’ It was a serious question, one bred from terror and fear. The Minnesota Shrike had been attacking for months, no word on whether or not he’d be caught anytime soon, what with the way the FBI was trying to keep things under wraps.

           That wasn’t his problem, though. His problem was writer’s block, and trying to make a reply that was engaging, informative, and colorful enough that when it hit the third page of Tattler News, neither he nor Beverly would lose their jobs.

           He sighed, took a drag of the cigarette, then promptly put it out in the ash tray. It was a nasty habit, one he’d been trying to break for years.

           At least he’d had the smoking habit longer than he’d had the writer’s block.

           He pulled up articles, news, and reports on the Minnesota Shrike, staring down at them and tapping his fingers over the words. The reply needed something delicate, something carefully constructed rather than the normal garb that told people to stay safe and remain in groups. He wasn’t targeting just people, he was targeting women. He wasn’t just targeting women, he had a type.

           That type was now currently terrified.

           He poured himself a finger of whiskey, sighed quietly. It was going to be a long night with him and the Minnesota Shrike.

-

            Writing was a comfort when it worked. It was as much a release as it was a barrier, one where Will could spend his days behind the comfort of a computer screen rather than interact with people. He knew how to interact –the application of eye contact was sorely lacking. That made people nervous, as much as being stared at for too long made him nervous. His watch beeped. He needed to drink some water.

           He couldn’t, though, not with his boss staring so acutely across the desk at him.

           “Beverly told me about you chiming in on her column. I approved it, seeing as how it’d already been done,” he said. A cigarette was tucked behind his ear, the remnants of his own bad habit. Will figured that editor’s offices in the newspaper industries were probably the last safe havens of many things, from comma splices to typos to chain smoking. The air was thick with it, and he inhaled deeply and nodded.

           “If it wasn’t right, sir, I understand,” he said, studying the pen holder. Two weeks later and he was going to reap what he’d sowed.

           “Right? You know how popular ‘Chats with Bev’ is? It’s page three for a reason; housewives across this god damn town been sending me questions and e-mails for years, wanting advice from some faceless woman with a penchant for telling it like it is. You know what you did when Beverly let you take a whack at it, eh?” Charlie was one half of the writing spectrum whose prose on paper was enough to make knees weak, but his speech left much to be desired. Will figured he spent so much time making his words pretty on paper that there was none left for real human interaction.

           Will could personally identify with that.

           “Did I ruin ratings?” he asked weakly.

           “Ruin them? Hell, kid, I’ve got triple what I’ve ever gotten! Men, women, teenagers, fuckin sororities sending in group messages. It wasn’t your advice on periods because you’re in way over your head with that, fuck, don’t ever try and give advice on that again.” A warning glance was tossed his way. “These people are asking us about killers, Will. You’re making them all sorts of excited about killers.”

           “What?” Disbelief colored his tone uncomfortable, his cheeks red.

           “I spent a lot of time thinking about this, EllaofGWU. I think it was a sign of my privilege, being a mid-twenties male that I didn’t know that much about the Minnesota Shrike, and for that I’m sorry. There must be a little bit of resentment, I’m sure, walking down campus with brown hair and fair skin, terrified to realize that you are part of a demographic that someone horrendous has targeted.

           “I can’t say when the FBI will catch him, but your other question sat with me for a long time: what kind of person would do that to these girls? There is the hope that they’re alive, but after contemplating that question, alone and ignorant in front of my computer, I think I can safely but regretfully surmise that they’re not. This person, after attempting to get to know such a person through the many lines of type and black #321 ink, is not keeping these girls.

           “He uses them, you see, to feed a need. He is delicate, meticulous, able to completely disappear with them without leaving a single trace. They are a proxy, a stand-in for the one he holds dear, the one he so desperately yearns to consume. He loves them in his own way because he loves her –his golden ticket. What kind of person would do that, you ask me? Someone that hungers. Someone that can’t remove the intrusive thoughts from their head. He is sick, and he very much has a daughter that looks a lot like you.

           “They say don’t talk with strangers, but that’s not the concern, is it? Don’t just avoid men with invasive questions, EllaofGWU. Avoid their daughters that look like you. A girl that looks alone, camping out at campuses to see which one to attend, whose father watches in the background with love and admiration; avoid them. He hunted these women, and if there’s one thing we know about hunters, they tend to enjoy using bait. Whether the bait is aware of this or not, though, we can’t say.”

           Charlie’s eyes pricked pins in his un-ironed button-up after he finished reading Will’s answer aloud. Will shifted, busied himself with filling a plastic cup full of water in the corner. It sat full because Charlie never drank it. The sun from the window made it warm, but he’d deal with it.

           “It took up a lot of space, so we bumped the period question because your answer was about as tactful as a senior tugging at a freshman’s panties,” he rumbled. “But we printed this one.”

           “They liked it?” he asked, glancing up. His teeth worried over the lip of the cup before he took a sip.

           “They fucking loved it! They ate it up, begged for more –some lady just down the road stopped me at Hank’s Hotdogs and started pestering me about wanting you to write about Ted Bundy, and I just fuckin stared at her like she was a shark before I realized they loved you talking about killers, kid. They fuckin loved you talking about the crazies.”

           “Death sells,” Will muttered.

           “Death, sex, intrigue, conspiracies, scandals, and serial killers. Sometimes, serial killers fall into all five before it, and they ate you up. They want you to have your own column, your own space where they can ask you all about these things. I been getting fuckin calls all week, asking if you were gonna collaborate with Bev again.”

           “I cover weddings, mostly,” Will defended. It was a weak defense, one without much passion or care. He hastily took another sip of water.

           “Your wedding covers have been weak lately. Freddie was suggesting tossing you, but this…” Charlie jabbed a finger down on the latest paper, grinning. “This is golden, kid. I feel like this was a bit of a redemption, something to remind me you can actually write some good shit.”

           “Freddie is always suggesting to toss me,” Will grumbled.

           “Well, when you’re front page news material, I’ll give you that same ear, how’s that?”

           “Right.”

           “Until then, I’m getting them to move some of the ads around, bring them down to maybe a 5.5 to make room for your new column. Chats with Bev, meet your male-killing-counterpart, ‘Will Intentions’.”

           “Will Intentions,” Will echoed. The name sounded corny, trivial.

           “A play off of Ill Intentions, you know? Doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter.” Charlie waved a hand dismissively, grabbed the half-finished cigarette behind his ear and lit it. A sign the conversation was over. “I’ve got Cassie on Weddings now; you’re writing my crime-hungry column, got it?”

           “Got it.” A beat. “Thank you, sir.”

           He walked out of the office, found his desk and sat down, stunned. He had his own column. He wasn’t stuck writing cheap wedding announcements anymore.

           His watch beeped; a reminder he needed to finish his water.

           He downed it, crushed the cup and tossed it in the wastebasket beneath the desk that leaned somewhat too far to the left. Idly, he grabbed two books and propped the leg up to straighten it, blinking small spreads of stars out of his eyes at the thought that he, Will-fucking-Graham, had sat in his corner of Tattler News for four years and had finally gotten out of his stupid, sanguine-sweet wedding announcements all because he’d made a bet with Beverly while drunk about who could eat the most boiled eggs in under a minute.

           What in the hell was real life?

           “I heard the news,” Beverly said, standing in front of his desk. He straightened in his chair, adjusted the setting Beverly had no doubt changed when she’d sat down to hunt through his drawers for a highlighter, and smiled a little.

           “Will Intentions?”

           “Not my idea, swear to god,” she snickered. “I think Freddie.”

           “Freddie,” Will groused, shaking his mouse to wake up the computer. “She was trying to get me fired before this.”

           “Your wedding announcements were getting a little lackluster,” Beverly pointed out. She sat on the edge of his desk, hip jutted to keep her balanced. “There are only so many times you can mention baby’s breath.”

           “I never want to hear baby’s breath again,” Will warned her.

           “Are you excited?” she asked.

           “It’s not really setting in yet,” he admitted. He let the words roll around in his head: no more wedding announcements. From now on, Will Intentions.

           Whatever the hell Will Intentions meant.

           “They’re going to bring by the letters, and I’ll forward you the e-mails. Basically, you choose the five best and answer them. Easy, right? I think that’ll help it set in.”

           “Easy,” he echoed with a nod.

           Beverly shifted, and he watched the leg of his desk wobble threateningly. He wondered if he’d get a new desk if the column worked out. He also wondered if he’d tank abysmally, and Freddie Lounds would be able to see him get the can after all.

           His watch beeped to tell him to eat.

           He ate as he went through a stack of letters that would have intimidated a lesser man who’d forgotten his lunch. They were quaint, from compliments of his analysis to questions regarding past killers like Bundy or Dahmer. He wasn’t as interested in those as he was the questions about why the police don’t take missing persons cases as seriously, or what caused a teenager to bring a gun to school. Those were recent. Those were fresh, raw wounds. He set those aside, as well as the compliments –a bit of an ego booster in truth.

           There was one that made him pause, though, something written on plain white paper with what looked like a fountain pen. Will was somewhat of a connoisseur of pens –he liked to think most writers had a special type of pen, something they used for their best work on bus rides and random notepads while walking in the park. He touched the long-dried ink, nodded to himself. A fountain pen, and a nicely edged one at that.

Dear Will Graham,

           I adored your analysis of the Minnesota Shrike. How quickly you boxed him into a corner and revealed his hand! Surely the ladies on campus will sleep better knowing to avoid anyone that looks remotely like them with a father in tow. That, or perhaps you’ve inspired them all to dye their hair a poignant shade of blonde until the next killer comes along.

           I wonder if your clever little mind would be able to catch someone like me, however; would you be interested in playing a game, Mr. Graham? I’ve grown bored as of late, and the city is not much to entertain these days. You can respond in your new column. Congratulations, by the way.

                                                                                               -Chesapeake Ripper.

           He kept that one because he was curious. Pranks were common, especially when killings were mentioned. He’d once done a paper on the amount of time and money wasted on dealing with false calls during murder investigations, psychos claiming credit for what someone else had done. He read over it once, twice; a third time made him set it by the only photo on his desk, a pack of dogs in an open field. He’d gotten his first crazy, and he hadn’t even done the column yet.

-

           He was intercepted as he was leaving work, the sun falling fast behind the skyscrapers and high-rise buildings of DC. The man wasn’t so much tall as he was broad-shouldered and stout; the trench coat and sunglasses get-up was about as obvious as a black eye, but Will wasn’t going to mention it. He looked him up and down, hitched his backpack up higher, and walked around him.

           “Will Graham?” the man asked.

           “Something I can help you with?”

           “In a hurry?”

           “Got a bus to catch,” he replied, still walking. The man kept pace, and Will noted the large black suburban following along.

           “I’m Agent Crawford of the FBI, and I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions.”

           “I’ve got a bus, Agent Crawford,” said Will. He noted the flash of a shiny badge in the corner of his eye, although he didn’t stop. If he missed his bus, it was a five mile hike home and he wasn’t inclined to that sort of exercise if he could help it. He was a writer, not some god damn athlete.

           “We’ll give you a ride,” Crawford assured him.

           “My dad always taught me not to talk to strangers, and if they offered to give me a ride I was supposed to run screaming to the nearest adult.”

           “We caught the Minnesota Shrike, Mr. Graham.”

           That did stop him. Will paused, puzzled, then looked to Crawford. His watch beeped to remind him that he had a bus to catch. He hardly heard the noise.

           “…What?”

           “I read your reply in Tattler News last week, and it intrigued me. Enough that I looked back through a few things on the case I’d been currently investigating, and we found what was necessary to catch the Minnesota Shrike.” Crawford held the badge in hand, prepared to show it to Will again.

           “You caught him?” His throat was dry. His watch didn’t beep to tell him to get water, but he figured he could use a glass of it.

           “We caught him,” Crawford affirmed. “Now, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”

           Will decided that he didn’t mind much at all. His palms were dry, although his heart had begun to jerk about against his ribs rather unsteadily.

           They sat down at a small café crammed into the corner of a building two blocks away, and Will stirred his mocha around idly, watching Crawford’s mouth as Crawford watched him. He had a presence about himself, something brutish and capable. Will wondered what his fingers would write out if he’d had the chance to describe him. Lips that turned down, a tarnished gold wedding band; this was not the sort of man with a happy marriage, as of late. He had his work, though. He had the Minnesota Shrike.

           “It was just a question,” he explained. “Someone asked a question in the advice column, and I looked through some articles and made a guess.”

           “A guess.”

           “Yeah.” A pause as he took a sip of his drink. “I mean, a good guess, right? My major was criminal psychology and forensics. I kind of knew what I was looking for.”

           “But you’re in journalism,” Crawford pointed out.

           “Yeah, well…I didn’t get into the FBI. I’d double majored, and the second was journalism.” Will tried to make his shrug as nonchalant as possible. Strict psychological screening procedures and what-not.

           “You couldn’t fight crime, so you wrote about crime,” Crawford mused. He stirred sugar into his coffee and finally looked away from studying Will so intently. “How’d you guess he was using his daughter as bait?”

           “Was he?”

           A pause, brief enough to tell Will the answer. “…Yes. When we went into the house, he tried to kill her. She was his –how’d you call it?”

           “His golden ticket.”

           “His golden ticket,” Jack repeated.

           “They’re all from universities. He had to be a visitor, someone going to and from without notice, right? The profile said he was middle-aged, so either he’s working with a company that works with all of those universities –possible but not likely –or he’s got something that makes it not weird for him to be there, staring at students. Girls know to be wary of boys, but if he’s got his daughter asking questions or just trying to make friends, why would the victims be worried?” Will took another sip to try and hide how nervous he was, answering these questions. He hadn’t done anything wrong, but he felt mighty guilty, somehow.

           “How’d you know they wouldn’t be alive?”

           “Why keep taking them if he’s still got the stand-in?” Will asked.

           Jack nodded, accepting this. They sipped their coffee in silence, and Will’s watch beeped to tell him he should be home and fixing dinner by now. He downed his drink, stood up. Jack followed suit and offered him a ride in the SUV.

           He left him his card, whatever that meant. Will tucked it in his pocket all the same, waved him off at the entrance to the complex. Call if you need anything, he’d said. Maybe he’d call and ask for one of those fountain pens, the kind the high-ranking got after a particularly bristly promotion. Will scuffed his shoe, snorted. He was a writer, not some weird FBI crime fighter.

           Granted, he’d once wanted to be, when he thought maybe people could overlook his weird idiosyncrasies and inability to hold conversations very well with random strangers. He’d once thought maybe his quirks at seeing far too much about a person would lend a task force some insight they’d missed. If he could see through the eyes of the guy next door that was cheating on his long-term girlfriend, couldn’t he also see through the eyes of a killer terrorizing a city?

           Apparently so, since he’d helped the FBI inadvertently catch a killer.

           Psychological screening procedures and what-not, though. Behind the screen of a laptop was where he best shined now, not running around trying to find serial killers to bring them to justice. Truth be told, it wasn’t just the justice part that was enticing, it was the finding, the knowing. Save people from dying, understand the person behind the bloodied knife. There was something oddly cathartic at the thought that the twisted and sometimes horrendous way he looked at things was actually helpful for once –like a chair of antlers, grotesque but useful.

           That was that, though. No matter how buzzed his veins were at the idea he’d helped, in his own way, catch the Minnesota Shrike, it was time to get back to the real world. The real world had deadlines. His watch beeped again to tell him he should have eaten by now.

           He ate a bowl of oatmeal and considered the letters he’d narrowed it down to. He’d have to look at the killers they referenced, the murders that’d taken place.

           I saw the Minnesota Shrike was caught –amazing. Just amazing. Women are being found in the bay here, and I was wondering what your thoughts were on that? They’re not calling it a serial killer because they’re prostitutes, but get real. Pimps don’t just start killing their prostitutes willy-nilly and so easily found. So many, too. Way too many, don’t you think?

           At the bottom of the stack, he kept his first crazy fanmail, fingers tracing over the signature. He’d heard vague accounts of the Chesapeake Ripper, although after his realization he’d never be an agent he’d tried to put such thoughts out of his head. They only served to tease him with what he’d never have.

           No matter. It was a prank, although a flattering one. It sat at the bottom of the stack to remind him that when given the right opportunity, he actually was a decent writer. Enough to bring a psycho out to play.

-

           The next morning, as he shuffled across creaking wooden floors and made a pot of coffee, he blinked sleep from his eyes and contemplated the beeping on his wrist. Time to get up. Don’t forget coffee. Without coffee, you’re late for work.

           It took him far too long to really open his eyes, and as he spooned cold cereal into his mouth, it took approximately half of the bowl and four minutes on his watch to realize his laptop was propped open on the table. He turned it to shut it, confused since he thought he’d powered it down the night before. A yawn, eyes watering and mouth painfully gaping took him aback, and he covered his mouth with the spoon. It took another minute for him to realize what he was seeing, since the coffee was in his stomach but not quite in his bloodstream.

           There, propped up on the screen of the laptop, was the fanmail from the ‘Chesapeake Ripper’. As if to tease him, to convince him he hadn’t just left there before he’d gone to bed, a golden sticker had been placed at the top of the sheet, as if to beg him, me, me; pick me.

[hell-jordan]

85 q’s game

tagged by @lenomcakes​ 

Rules: Answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

I tag: anyone who wants to do this... legit believe all my mutuals think I deleted or died

the last

01. drink: water

02. phone call: my dad lmao

03. text message: ummm idk I think my friend... I'm bad at responding so it just feels like I haven’t gotten any texts from anyone new

04. song you listened to: under pressure - queen & david bowie

05. time you cried: pfff a couple weeks ago bc my family was throwing major dysfunction my way while I was already in a really bad mental state... werk

06. dated someone twice: I've held out on romantic anything bc my school was full of stuck up twinks and I literally did nothing else in hs but focus on getting into college 

07. kissed someone and regretted it: eh

08. been cheated on: no but i would live to have it happen one time so I can play up the drama of it all

09. lost someone special: eh not really.

10. been depressed: HA!

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: I've never had the nerve to get drunk bc my parents are so strict on that shit and it’s not worth whatever hell they got in store for me

3 favourite colours

12. violet

13. pink

14. blue

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: ummm yeah I have actually! which is nice.

16. fallen out of love: ... don’t you have to like... fall in love.... to do this?

17. laughed until you cried: I've almost suffocated while laughing too hard so close enough

18. found out someone was talking about you: no... but I know there are some ppl who talk shit abt me but I'm a gemini so I can handle it... also I'm quite literally over anything from high school already

19. met someone who changed you: ummm yeah kinda. I've had some amazing teachers and friends... and like they’ve always inspired me to do better or have made me look at what I do in a new light which has actually really helped me get to where I'm at now so... yeah! I'm really grateful for them.

20. found out who your friends are: yeah lmao. but I've known who my real friends are for a good while. I have really good intuition and also I'm a gemini so I can play both sides of the card and find out who the real rats are when I meet them. perks

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: pffffff one as a joke but not for reals which is a nice thought to have

General:

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: too many lmao like almost all... but tbh I hate Facebook I only go on there for college updates

23. do you have any pets: nah

24. do you want to change your name: ummm no not really. I've found a comfortable home switching between being called Andre and Andy so I've just accepted my fate

25. what did you do for your last birthday: oh god I ringed in my adulthood by watching guardians of the galaxy vol 2 and it was actually the worst... I just wanted to see Chris Pratt bc I think he’s hot.... and I think I went to Disneyland for a bit but it was pretty low-key

26. what time did you wake up: 9 am today I had my voice lesson so I was forced

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: oh my god I completed an overdue childhood wish w/ m sister and we finished the original lego Star Wars game to 100% .... which we never did as kids so yeah. then we watched they live

28. name something you can’t wait for: moving to NYC on the 25th! I'm going bi coastal bitches. ALSO LADY GAGA THIS WEDNESDAY 

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: lmao she gives me a house to live in so like an hour ago before she went to bed

31. what are you listening to right now: video killed the radio star... I'm listening to a fucking 80′s spottily mix alksjdf;lj

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: ya.... he fucking sucked too

33. something that is getting on your nerves: ummm the fact that a lot of things are going right in my life but I'm still fucking depressed and feel unfulfilled.. also the 

34. most visited website: twitter... and gmail oddly... because college won’t let me live yet

35. hair color: brown

36. long or short hair: short

37. do you have a crush on someone: yeah my future country boy living in the city who’s gonna be my boyfriend... whenever I find him

38. what do you like about yourself: ummm my height. also my voice bc it makes me feel like I'm talented at something

39. piercings: nah

40. blood type: ehhh idk

41. nickname: andy

42. relationship status: single

43. zodiac: gemini so I'm two faced

44. pronouns: he/him

45. favourite tv show: I really don’t have one... I've been rewatching 30 rock lately though so that’s kept me gagged for a good while

46. tattoos: none rn... but if I got one it would be small and not in a well seen place... idk how musical theatre is abt that stuff so I'll keep it minimal if I ever did

47. right or left handed: right

48. surgery: nope

50. sport: jesus I used to do karate and baseball as a kid but I fucking hated baseball bc the men were all straight and me being a lil gay boy was like eh. ... I dance now tho which is p much the closest thing I have to a sport now and it’s just as exhausting as one so yeah

51. vacation: paris would be great

52. pair of trainers: lmao what

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: I'm not eating bc it’s 2 am and I already ate way too much today 

54. drinking: I always love water. cold water esp... Diet Coke but I'm trying to limit it bc my teeth

55. I’m about to: idk watch a movie. post this... it’s 2 am so not much 

56. waiting for: lady gaga on Wednesday. and college at the end of the month

57. want: money... attention... fame.... idk the usual things an actor wants 

58. get married: yeah. but he needs to be hot and rich.

59. career: well... I'm trying to be an actor... musical theatre actor specifically... and I'm studying that in New York so I'm hoping 4 the best... bc umm I don't want to get me and my parents in debt for nothing.

WHICH IS BETTER:

60. hugs or kisses: hugs... kisses are exhausting

61. lips or eyes: lips... lmao eyes are too intense sometimes

62. shorter or taller: I'm already like 6′1 so taller isn’t the worst but lmao it’s hard to trust ppl taller than you so shorter I guess.... it doesn’t really matter 2 me tbh

63. older or younger: ummm older I guess... I turned 18 like a couple months ago so younger isn’t really like an option... and like tbh I like ppl to be a bit more mature than a fucking high boy

64. nice arms or nice stomach: arms... always... my dream man is Chris Evans and a good part of it is his arms

65. hookup or relationship: relationship... hookups are... not satisfying ever. I just want to feel loved LMAO 

66. troublemaker or hesitant: eh I don’t give a fuck tbh if I ever develop an opinion on this I'll make sure to answer that some other time

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: lfkjassfdkl yeah but as a joke.. and some other times I don’t count lmao

68. drank hard liquor: my friend brought this fucking thermal cup to school and it had some fucking shit in it that I took a sip from but it was 8am  and I was too tired so I never fucking asked what exactly it was??? but the shit burned so maybe???

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: yeah.... broke my glasses too!

70. turned someone down: pffff “does Grindr count”  what kinda tea

71. sex on the first date: ummm I haven’t dated anyone but probably not.

73. had your heart broken: no lmao. have been a lil heart sore abt somethings sometimes... yeah. but you know build a bridge and get over it I guess

74. been arrested: no

75. cried when someone died: umm not really. not too many people I'm close to have died

76. fallen for a friend: ehhh I avoid this. also most of my friends are legit straight girls so I kind of never have to worry about it. 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: no lmao. trust and believe I never give that impression

78. miracles: ya... only bc sometimes the things that happen to me are too good to be anything but pure chance

79. love at first sight: yeah I'd like to think so... Never had it but i think it’s out there somewhere

80. santa claus: lmao yeah sure as long as I keep getting presents from her

81. kiss on the first date: yeah but only if it’s like a special date

82. angels: where r they when I need them!

OTHER:

84. eye colour: brown.... it’s actually a lighter shade  of brown than some of my family

85. favourite movie: kill bill... but I despise Quentin Tarantino’s trash ass so know that!  

[nomenomen]

I enjoy lame things and hurting myself, i lack friends and talk to myself

01: tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?

i started loving her day after day and I couldn’t control it

 I used to find him very good looking, and then I got to know him and found out he’s charming, and smart, and funny, and it was kind of a slippery slope.

02: what on your body is hurting or bothering you? my boobs are terribly sore right now

 My left ass cheek and my shoulders are kinda sore because of some ice-skating falls, but I’m alive.

03: what was your last thought before going to bed last night? “i need to study more tomorrow”

 “I wish I didn’t have to come home and I wish I could have stayed more in bed with you.”

04: what are you listening to? mean by pink

 Death of a bachelor by Panic! At the Disco

 05: what’s something you’re not looking forward to?

my exam in two days

 My exam next month.

 06: where do you think your best friend is right now?

at home, I guess

 Both at home, both in Milan.

 07: have you kissed anybody in the last five days? i haven’t

Yes.

08: sex on the first date? i would if I felt like it

 Probably not.

09: kiss on the first date? why not

 Yes.

10: is there one person you want to be with right now? yes

 Yes.

11: are you seriously happy with where you are in life? not happy, not unhappy

 Yes I am. Terribly out of character statement.

12: is there something you would like to say to someone? there is a billion things

 Nothing I can’t just say.

13: what are three things you did today? i studied, baked cookies and made myself chamomile

 I ate an ice cream, walked in the rain, tried on a leather jacket.

14: would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over? have them over. i love my own bed too damn much

I would like to spend a night at a friend’s house.

15: what is your favourite kind of gum? i prefer candy

 I still prefer candy.

16: are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/girlfriends? yes

 No.

17: what is on your wrists right now? my skin

 The sleeves of my hoodie.

18: ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with? almost every time i liked somebody I thought I didn’t stand a chance

 Not recently.

19: does anyone have strong feelings for you? i don’t know, i hope so

 “yeah, I sure hope it does” vine frame

20: are you slowly drifting away from someone? i wish I weren’t but i am

 Not right now.

21: have you ever wasted your time on someone? i am starting to think so now

Yes absolutely.

22: can you do the alphabet in sign language? i can’t but i want to learn

 I still haven’t learned, but I do know how to sign a couple words now.

23: how have you felt today? terribly tired

 Very bored.

24: you receive £60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?

food, a dress i love

 I don’t know. I want to say books, or a stationery shopping spree. Or maybe pay for a fancy date.

 25: what is wrong with you right now? i wish i could pinpoint just one thing

 I have a headache and I am kind of pissed that my weight and my diet seem to be a matter of public opinion and discussion. Aside from that, I’m good.

26: is there anyone you’re really disappointed in? yes. so, so much

 As of now, no, I’m currently not disappointed in anyone.

27: would you rather have starbucks or jamba juice right now? i don’t know what jamba juice is so i’m gonna go with starbucks edit - i googled jamba juice. i want alllll of that inside of me. hell yes.

 I googled jamba juice again. I want that one.

28: why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore? because we can never go anywhere and we have to accept we can never be more than friends

 Cause she’s a bitch. B I C T H. In that order.

29: how late did you stay up last night and why? i went to sleep around four. sometimes it’s just how it is. it will fix itself

 I went to sleep around one because I spent the evening at my boyfriend’s house and we kept ignoring the time ‘cause none of us wanted to leave.

30: when was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? right now

 I’m talking to him now.

31: what were you doing an hour ago? watching snl sketches because i need some damn fun in my life

 Reading The Great Gatsby.

32: what are you looking forward to in the next month? the end of this horrible summer and the start of a hopefully better autumn

 Finishing my exams and spending all of my free time with my boyfriend.

33: are you wearing jeans right now? i’m not

 No.

34: are you a patient person? it depends on the situation, on the people…

 Depends on what I need to be patient for. Overall, not quite.

35: do you think you can last in a relationship for three months? i can last a whole life

 Yes.

36: favourite colour? green

 Green and blue.

37: did you have a dream last night? if i have, i can’t remember

 I’m sure I did, and I usually remember them but today I don’t.

38: are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants? short shorts

 Sweatpants.

39: if someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be? if i don’t say it it will count as a wish and come true

 My boyfriend.

40: do you love anyone who is not related to you? yes

 Yes.

41: if someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you? absolutely

 Of course. Being honest is always important.

42: do you like meeting new people? sometimes, when i’m in a decent mood

 Not really. I’m very awkward when I first get to know people. But I do like it when I get over that and get new friends.

43: are you afraid of falling in love? i never want to for the rest of my life

 Kind of, sometimes.

44: ever self-harmed or starved yourself? it has happened

 Yes, but not since I last answered this question.

45: has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?

i have pretty boring eyes

 Yes.

 46: have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough? everybody has expectation, and it scares me how much i think about that when i do anything, rather than thinking about myself and what i expect

 Yes. In many occasions. But I know how to work it through.

47: take a selfie right now and show us? forget it 

 I got one this morning, hope it’s ok.

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

I’m in a complicated relationship right now and I don’t know if this is really good for me or it’s just my emotions taking the lead and making me make horrible horrible decisions.

I’m conflicted about having sex.

·         2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

I do. Every morning.

Yes.

·         3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

I’d be worried for their health, but I would just consider it their business after all.

I don’t.

·         4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

I find it easier to stay as far as possible from anyone and tell myself I’m a strong independent woman who don’t need no one.

Absolutely not. It’s definitely something I should work on.

·         5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

Studying like crazy.

Something not PG-13.

·         6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

Probably no one. And that’s probably the reason I’m sad and drunk.

My friends and my boyfriend and it’s my birthday and, honestly, we’re all having a great time.

·         7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

 Unfortunately, I had to experience this first hand. Before I thought it was something I could simply not forgive, but when it actually happened to me, I just took my time and then acted as if it didn’t matter.

 I would leave that person and not look back. Fool me once.

 ·         8: Are you close with your dad?

Very much.

Yes.

·         9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

I wish.

I did.

·         10: What are you listening to?

A playlist called beautiful songs to break your heart and make you feel. I think that says a lot about me.

7 rings by Ariana Grande. Gee thanks, just bought it.

 ·         11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

Water. Water all the way.

Yep, water.

·         12. Do you like hickeys?

I do. I like having them, and I like giving them.

No.

·         13: What time do you go to bed?

When I do, it’s really late. When I don’t, I sleep a couple hours in the afternoon.

Around midnight, a little earlier if I’m tired or I need to wake up early in the morning; a little later if I need to study.

·         14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

I guess.

Not right now in my life.

·         15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

Not really.

Kind of.

·         16: Do you always answer your texts?

Always, as soon as I possibly can.

Yes.

·         17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

Somehow, I do.

No.

·         18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

A couple minutes ago.

I am right now.

·         19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

Yes. 

Yes! Yes. So happy.

·         20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I wish I could erase my memory and start all over again.

I wish I was still in bed with you.

·         21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

I’m alone.

No.

·         22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

I don’t. People can be good or bad and not have to respond for anything for the rest of their lives. It’s just how it is.

I don’t. It’s not gonna stop me from hoping bitches will get fucked though.

·         23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

The last three months have been hell, but I would have to go far back in time to find something I can call happy.

Oh baby, no. I’m very happy right now, thank you very much.

·         24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

There is. But I’m afraid we can never fix things again.

No.

·         25: In the past week, have you cried?

A lot.

No? No!!!

·         26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

I’m wearing a black dress.

I’m wearing a black hoodie.

·         27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

My first name is just fine.

No.

·         28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

I don’t think so.

No.

·         29: Do you have a best friend?

I do.

More than one.

·         30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

It would kill me. But I guess it’s just a matter of time now.

O o f. It would.

·         31: Who was your last call from?

My dad.

I think my mom.

·         32: Are you mad at anyone?

Mostly at myself.

No, I’m good.

·         33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

I did, but it was just a couple months difference.

Same answer as last time.

·         34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

Twenty.

24. We’re so old.

·         35: How many more days until your birthday?

Nineteen, yay!

252, I’m so ready.

·         36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

I’m just hoping for it to be over as soon as possible.

Look, it’s January. I will, maybe, who knows.

·         37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

I do. Very good friends of mine.

Yes.

·         38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

I am always keeping something from someone.

No. Definitely not.

·         39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

Kind of.

No.

·         40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

I regret it very much.

Yes.

·         41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

Not really.

Not that much.

·         42: Are you available?

I never am.

No. Never.

·         43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

One.

Two.

·         44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

I’d get my tongue pierced.

Absolutely a tongue piercing.

·         45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

I have to.

No.

·         46: Do you regret anything?

Committing to a serious relationship with someone who was’t ready. It’s not her fault, but it wasn’t mine either. I guess it was just terrible timing. Or terrible luck.

Yes. I regret my previous relationship because it ended up being shitty for me and I’m incapable of finding the good in the bad.

·         47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

I want to be clean now. I want to forget and forgive. I don’t want this relationship to be everything I constantly think about.

I think I’m in love.

·         48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

I did. Now it doesn’t seem so bad, but back then it hurt like a bitch.

Yes.

·         49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

I have to tell myself it was.

No, it was a pretty great kiss.

·         50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

Because she cannot love me back.

Because I did and I got him.

·         51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

Many times.

No.

·         52: Do you still talk with the person you last kissed?

I do.

Of course.

·         53: What was the last thing you ate?

A kiwi fruit.

Almonds.

·         54: Did you get any compliments today?

I was told I got skinnier.

No.

·         55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

I don’t know when my next vacation will be. Probably years.

No idea.

·         56: Do you own anything from other countries?

Some things here and there.

Yes. Half of my belongings come from Belgium.

·         57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

It’s a fifty-fifty kinda situation.

Still and even number.

·         58: Where have you lived most of your life?

Here in Italy.

Still Italy.

·         59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

I never did, but I wish I could.

I don’t drive.

·         60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

I haven’t.

No, I think it’s kind of late for that experience.

·         61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

It’s not really a thing here.

Nope.

·         62: Who do you text the most?

My sister.

My friend.

·         63: What was the last movie you saw?

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Again.

I did watch something recently but for the love of me I can’t remember what it was. Yes, I got it! I watched the Ore Monogatari live action.

·         64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

I don’t have anyone.

This bomb pussy that’s what.

·         65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2010?

One boyfriend.

Still one boyfriend.

·         66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

She is, by a little more than a month.

No, he’s a little older by a couple months.

·         67: Do you curse around your parents?

I don’t.

No.

·         68: Are you happy with where you live?

Not really.

I’m not.

·         69: Do you collect anything?

I start collections of literally anything.

Yes. Books and other random stuff.

·         70: What’s your favourite colour?

Green.

Green and blue.

·         71: Does the last song you listened to remind you of anyone?

Everything reminds me of just one thing right now.

Yes.

·         72: Has anyone ever cheated on you?

Yes.

Yes.

·         73: What are your plans for tomorrow?

Buying cream, eggs, and chocolate to bake, and then studying.

I need to read and study. Also I want to watch some Steven Universe. And I hope they’ll deliver my new camera so I can try it out, since mine’s broken.

·         74: Do you have siblings over the age of twenty-one?

I have a younger sister that is sixteen.

No, she’s gonna be 20 in a little more than a month.

·         75: Does your last ex have a job?

I don’t think so.

How should I know?

·         76: What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship?

I couldn’t and wouldn’t do anything. I know this moment is just bound to happen sooner or later.

Hope it sucks. Bitch.

·         77: Where is your cellphone?

Next to me, charging.

Charging, four years later.

·         78: What colour is your cellphone?

It’s black.

Gold. But, like, tasteful gold.

·         79: What did you dream of last night?

I can’t remember.

Unfortunately I can’t remember. Which is a shame, cause I have some pretty weird dreams

·         80: Are you atheist?

Mostly.

Yes.

·         81: Will you change your name when you get married?

Not in a thousand years.

No.

·         82: Are you ready for autumn weather?

Fucking bring it on.

I’m ready for summer and dresses and looking bomb.

·         83: Have you had any big storms recently?

I have.

Don’t get me started. December 2018 has been a  r i d e.

·         84: What kind of bottoms are you wearing?

Told you, it’s a dress.

Green sweatpants.