#fingas in his ass

[icaraus]

i dont know who id be without fingas in his ass sunday 

[eyesxxyou]

humbly requesting even a hint of size kink hobie 😭🙏🏽 that man is too damn tall not to be into it at least a little

LOVED cybersex btw :3

Oh Hobie DEFINITELY has a size kink. Pretty much everyone is smaller than him at least height wise.

He likes that you're smaller than him, likes that he towers over you, likes that he can cup you in his large hand with ease just to show how much bigger he is than you.

And he knows he's big, that's why he takes his time with foreplay but he takes sick pleasure in teasing you about it. "Look how small ya are, will I even fit?" He watches you ache for him. "You can barely even take ma fingas, luv." As he eases a single digit in and you clamp down around it, tight. He'll drag the length of his cock between your pussy lips or ass to tease you even further, pressing the thick head of his cock against your entrance but not yet going all the way just to make you all the more aroused with anticipation.

He loves pressing his hand against your lower abdomen and feeling the way his cock splits you open and forces your body to make room for his intrusion. It doesn't take much for him to fuck you dumb, that monster of a cock rubbing your cervix or prostate, leaving your drooling and crying.

He can press your body into all sorts of positions, borderline manhandling you into a mating press, folding you in half, carrying you, taking you against the wall. He can hold your full weight without a single bead of sweat spared.

Hobie definitely has a size kink and you're lying if you tell me otherwise.

[andie01writing]

AlphaSmuts B - Bite

Bite – They can’t keep their teeth to themselves. 

Ft: Pete Dunne (cuz of course it's him)

            The commotion draws my attention across the room.  Multiple trainers try to restrain Pete Dunne.

  “Good luck with that,” I mutter, packing my bag.

  “Faith, are you going to help here?”

  “Nope.  I pick my fights and that is not one of them,” I smirk.  “I’m out.  Have a good night.”

  “Shari?  Shari!”

  “Just let him go.  He is not going to let you check him out anyway.”

  “That is not how we do things here!”

  “Once he calms down, he will come to me.  I’ll take care of him.  Let him go.”

  “Shari!  Get back here!”

  “See you later,” I call over my shoulder.

                     I lounge on my hotel bed, scrolling through my phone as I wait.  I don’t know why Pete trusts me so much to show his vulnerability while hurt but I definitely know why he chose me for his pain.  Banging on the hotel door cuts my thoughts short.  Making my way to the door, I don’t even check as I open the door.  Pete steps in wordlessly, his hair down and hiding his face.

  “Finally ready to admit you have a boo-boo, Pete,” I smirk.

He glares through his hair at me.

  “You know the drill,” I wave him towards the bathroom and my kit laid out and waiting.  “So what’s wrong tonight.”

He holds his hand up, the hand swollen from his middle finger to pinky and down to his wrist.

  “Wrist, hand, or fingers?”

  “Fingas,” he grunts as I gently probe along his hand.

Turning on my ring light, I study his fingers.  None seem to be dislocated.  “Someone turned your own trick on you,” I smirk.

  “Somethin’ like that,” he sighs, moving to stand behind me, his free hand going to my hip.  His forehead pressing against the back of my skull, breathing deeply.  I pause, waiting to see what he was going to do.  When he doesn’t make any further moves I continue my examination.

  “Stupid question; are you willing to get this x-rayed?”

He shakes his head.

  “Can you move everything?”

He grunts slightly but rotates his wrist and wiggles all five fingers, though the final three’s movement was slightly more limited.

I press along his hand testing the swelling and he inhales sharply.  Moving closer, I feel a hard ridge brush against my ass.

  “There it is,” I think.  “The real reason I am the only one allowed to treat him.  I am the only one he wants to fuck”.  Something about the pain exacerbating his arousal, this whole dance started months ago.

  “Shar?”  Pete’s breath fanning across the back of my neck.  I realize that I had stopped moving, just holding the man’s hand in mine and staring.

  “Is it all three or is the swelling radiating from one of them,” I sigh, digging through the kit.

  “Third finga started swelling and the rest followed.”

  “Take anything?”

  “Bout two ‘ours ago,” he mumbles, his face sliding downward.

  “I’m assuming you iced it.”

  “Yeah.”  His lips brush against my neck.

  “If you want this done right and to last I would hold that thought,” I smirk, my body already reacting to the man.

  “Really,” he chuckles, pulling my body tighter to his with the grip on my hip.

  “Really,” I try to maintain a composed demeanor as thoughts of his plans flash through my mind.  Holding up the medical tape, I stare over my shoulder at him in the mirror.  “Do you want this done right or fast and sloppy?”

He rests his chin on my shoulder, motioning for me to continue with his uninjured hand.

I set to work buddy taping his injured finger to the one next to it.  “Done,” I state as I make sure the finger is stable and secure.

He hums turning to bury himself against my neck. 

I tense knowing what is coming.

He chuckles, mouthing over my pulse but no teeth.  “Why so tense?”

  “Just bracing for what is coming.”

  “Do ya not like what’s comin’?”

  “You know I do,” I sigh, leaning back into the man as my eyes close.  “Just don’t like being taken by…” I yelp as teeth pinch my skin.  “Fucker,” I growl, reaching back to thread my fingers through his hair.

He shrugs banding the arm of his injured hand across my shoulders as his other pins my hips to his.  I groan at the feel him nestled against me.  The need to have him deep inside of me overwhelming my senses.  He mouth continue to nip lightly along the side of my throat.

  “Pete, please,” I pant unsure of what I’m asking for.

  “Hmmmm,” he hums, hand working its way under my panties and against me.

Lowering my mouth, I sink my teeth into the skin of his forearm to hold the groan at bay, my hips rocking back against him on their own accord.  It takes several seconds to realize Pete has stopped moving entirely.  Opening my eyes I find him in the mirror.  He’s staring at my mouth around him.

  “You can give but you can’t take,” I smirk releasing him.  “Maybe…” I cut off as his injured hand comes up to wrap in my hair, yanking my head backwards.  His other hand leaving my panties.  “Playtime over,” I ask innocently.  “Just because I can get as mouthy as you.”

A brief smirk crosses his face before spinning me, his mouth crashing into mine.  I groan, hoisting myself up onto the counter.  Breaking away he steps back slightly and yanking his shirt over his head.  “Doit again,” he orders before attacking my throat again.

I sink my teeth into his deltoid muscle, holding before laving my tongue over the mark and repeating.  His hands fist my sleep shirt.

  “Want my shirt off, Pete,” I sigh against his ear, rubbing him through his shorts.  “Or maybe my panties so you can fuck me while you leave all the bite marks you want on my body.  You know I’ll let you do it.  Always have,” I groan as he bites along the junction between my neck and shoulder.  Unable to move my head again, I press my thumb against a bite mark on his shoulder.  He groans deeply sending vibrations through my chest adding to my arousal without even trying.

  “Everythin’ off…now.”

He moves only long enough for my shirt to disappear before he attacks my torso.

  “Fuck,” I groan as his lips wrap around my nipple.  My hands fumbling to yank my underwear down.

His uninjured hand moves to run two fingers through my slit, humming at what he finds.  He raises his head to grin at me and I attack his mouth, nipping at his lips before releasing him.  “Do it.  Please.”

His head drops biting along the top of my breast, his fingers breaching me and curling.  “Fuck.  Yes.  More.  More.  Please,” I beg, arching up against him.

He obliges repeating his action on my chest as his fingers fuck me, his thumb joining to rub against my clit.  “Yes.  Yes. Yes,” I keen, groping blindly for him.  Giving up on his cock, I grab his shoulder, fingers digging into multiple marks there.

He tosses his head back groaning, a smile on his face.  “Fuck.  Gonna make me cum before I’m even in ya.”

His voice is so rough with pleasure I almost didn’t recognize it.

  “Need ya to cum for me, Shar.  Let me feel ya.  Then I’ll really fuck ya.”

Grabbing a handful of hair I pull his mouth back to me, moments later my release washes over me.  He peppers kisses along my throat as he continues until my body goes slack beneath him.

Yanking me from the counter he carries me one armed to the bed.  Dropping me to the mattress, he shimmies out of his shorts.

  “Nuh uh,” I smirk as he kneels between my legs.  “Not risking you hurting that hand.  You on the bed.”

  “But…”

  “Bed.”

He settles onto his back, and I straddle his hips.

  “Good.” I smirk, sinking slowly down his cock.  “You want me to…”

He is nodding before I finish the sentence.  My teeth sink into his pec and his hips slamming up into me further.  I chuckle against his skin before continuing my rhythm is slow but Pete fucks up into me with each new bite, his thumb slides between us and against my clit.

  “Fuck,” I moan, my tongue lashing over a bite mark.  “So good to me.”  Arching back I fuck myself down on him faster.  Pete urges me faster, baring his teeth in a satisfied grin when I start playing with my breasts, my thumbs sliding over my nipples roughly.  Sitting up he swats my hands away, his mouth and hand taking over, the rhythm of our hips never slowing.  “Fuck Pete.  Gonna come again.”

“Gonna come all over me? Soak my cock. Do it.”  His teeth nipping at my nipple is all the push I need as I come undone, my hips thrashing sloppily along his cock.

Slumping listlessly against him, I allow him to fuck through my orgasm.  “Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Pete.  I fucking think I love you.”  Burying my face against his neck, I bite down hard.  The growl Pete releases vibrates my whole body as he stills.  His hand fisting my hair and holding me to his neck as his cock twitches and fills me.  Finally, he releases his hold, allowing me to slide to the mattress beside him.  Slumping back against the pillows beside me, he studies my face.”

  “Pete, I…”

He presses a finger to my lips as he scans my throat and chest.  Finally leaning over me, he presses a soft kiss to my lips.  “I love ya, too Shari.  I’m surprised ya didn’t figure that already.  Even I can’ get hurt that often.”

  “Does that mean,” I start, tracing the bite mark on his chest, “that I don’t have to wait weeks for this again?”

  “Somethin’ like that,” he smirks, tucking me into his side.

[yokeless]

fingers in his ass…… fingas in his asss….. kanye west he likes….. fingas in his azz

[wurmeatworld]

i had better see fingas in his ass sunday tomorrow

[nabilfekir]

chelsea football club will have to literally kiss my black ass to get nabil fekir at their europa league ass club

[kawaiijohn]

My weekly calendar

Milf Monday

"it's casual Friday?" "Today's Tuesday."

IT IS WEDNESDAY MY DUDES

out of touch Thursday

Radical Saturday Friday

Saturday shorts on on a Saturday night

Fingas in his ass Sunday

[thefoolsprocession]

Just had the absolute horrible thought of singing fingas in his ass in Nagito’s voice.

And now I plan to make that real as soon as I get back to my PC.

[scottybrock]

Five Fingas To The Face - Colby Brock

A/N: Requested by a beautiful anon: “can you do a platonic Sam and Colby imagine where you beat the crap out of brennen Taylor because he was being rude to people in your friend group (it can be anyone), and en Colby, because he’s closer to Brennan, gets mad at you, and sam’s by his side, but may or may not be stifling a smile? Thanks”

How did you get into this position in the first place?

The short answer is, you don’t know when to keep your mouth shut. The long answer? Well… 

“Yo,” Your worst nightmare called as he entered the apartment that you shared with Colby. You scowled at your roommate and best friend. “Did you invite that shitstain of humanity?” You asked, your face set into an annoyed expression. Colby frowned at you. “Hey,” He sounded semi-offended. “Brennen is one of my best friends and-” You rolled your eyes, stalking out of the room. You’d heard the lecture before, and you weren’t in the mood to hear it again. 

“Hey,” Brennen tried as you stalked past him, into the kitchen. You ignored him, rummaging through the fridge. Brennen raised an eyebrow at you. “Maybe you should lay off the food,” His voice was snide. “You’re looking a little thick these days, and not in the good way.” For a moment, you genuinely thought that you might punch him in the face. It’s not like he didn’t deserve it- he was a horrible person, and his company always sucked major ass. But he was one of Colby’s friends, no matter how much neither you nor Sam liked it. 

You slammed the fridge closed harder than you needed to, then turned to Brennen. He raised an eyebrow at you, smirking. “Shut the fuck up,” You snapped, baring your teeth at him slightly as you spoke. Colby wandered into the room. “Leave Brennen alone,” He commanded. You glared at him, astonished. “But Brennen said-” Colby simply turned away from you, ignoring you. You scowled, then stormed to your room.

“The trash bag is in the building, repeat,” You hissed into your phone. “The trash bag is in the fucking building.” Sam hummed in response, then sighed. “Want me and Kat to come over? Jake and Tara, too?” You practically screamed in excitement, nearly delirious with happiness over the fact that you didn’t have to deal with Brennen by yourself. You heard Sam laugh in response. “I’ll take that as a yes,” He teased. You laughed along with him. “Come here as soon as possible,” You begged. 

“Has he been that bad, already?” Sam asked, his voice incredulous. You groaned. “He already called me fat.” Was your simple reply. There was dead silence on the other line. Finally, Sam spoke. “I’ll fucking kill him.” You immediately made a noise of protest. “No! I get first dibs!” You pouted. You heard Sam laugh once more. “We’ll be there in five,” He told you, then hung up. 

You trudged back out into the living room. Colby beamed at you. Brennen’s smile looked more like a leer. You rolled your eyes, then flopped onto the couch beside Colby. “Sam, Kat, Jake, and Tara are going to come over in about,” You glanced at your phone. “Four minutes.” Colby nodded, his expression bright. Brennen’s expression darkened at the mention of Sam. 

A knock on the door sounded, and you cheerily called for them to come in. A blur of blue hair sprinted across the room, and then you had an armful of Katrina. She beamed at you, giving you a quick squeeze. Tara trailed behind her, then joined in on the hug. Sam and Jake offered you warm smiles, and you grinned back at them, relieved that they were here so you didn’t have to deal with Brennen on your own.

Sam and Jake offered Brennen a polite smile and waves. Brennen looked like he had to shit- his smile was strained and more fake than Kraft American Singles. Colby shifted, looking rather uncomfortable. He got up to greet his two best friends. Brennen’s expression darkened. 

A few hours later, the group was scattered around the living room. Snacks were being eaten, drinks were being sipped on, and it was a pretty pleasant time- until Brennen opened his big fucking mouth. “Remember when Colby pretended to have Kat cheat on Sam with him?” He asked, either ignoring or missing the sudden tenseness in the room.

You fought the urge to smack Brennen across the face. Colby looked unenthused at the memory that was brought up. You remembered that night so clearly; the night where Sam and Colby’s friendship was put to the ultimate test. What Colby didn’t film, was Sam calling you and crying into the phone about the percieved betrayal.

Brennen winked at Kat, who stiffened, her friendly smile disappearing. “It’s okay,” Brennen’s voice was slimy. “I’d cheat on Sam with Colby, too.” He glanced over at Sam, who was frowning, his shoulders slumping. Your glare could’ve melted metal, and your hands were clenched into fists. 

“If I were you,” You began, your voice low and dangerous. “I would shut the fuck up. Right now.” Brennen merely scoffed at you, rolling his eyes. “It was a joke,” He replied, shrugging. Your mouth twisted into a snarl, and your eyes darkened with rage. “No,” You hissed. “Your life is a fucking joke.” 

Colby opened his mouth to try and resolve things, but Brennen cut him off. “And you’re fat!” Brennen snapped. Sam and Jake leapt up, angry words forming on their lips. You shook your head, signaling for them to sit down. “At least I’m not a fucking rapist!” You shouted back at him. “What, you can’t get girls on your own, so you have to fucking rape them?” 

A pin drop could be heard in the deathly silent room. Brennen stood up, walking so that he was directly in front of you. He lifted a hand and slapped you across the face. This time, Colby leapt up from his seat. You ignored the hands reaching out for you, instead, flinging yourself onto Brennen, your fists beating against him as hard as you could. “You stupid mother fucker!” You shrieked as you punched Brennen as hard as you could. You landed a great, solid punch to his nose. You felt it crumble beneath your fist, and your grin was feral. Your knuckles ached, but you didn’t stop; dumb bitch needed to learn his lesson. 

Brennen wailed from underneath you, trying to cover his face. It took all three of the boys to pull you off of the trash bag human beneath you. Much to your delight, Brennen’s face was bloody, and his nose looked crooked and broken. You cackled gleefully. There was a bruise forming on your face, in the shape of a tiny hand. From a person with an even tinier penis. 

You shook your hand out, then turned to your friends. Colby looked both amused and horrified- he looked like he wasn’t sure which one he should be. Katrina was openly smirking, one hand clasped by Sam, who was biting back a smile. Tara was beaming, bouncing on her toes. Jake just shrugged, a hint of a smile on his face when he met your eyes. 

Brennen was staring at you, blood dripping down his face. “I’m sending you the bill when I get my nose fixed,” He snapped, his voice sounding distorted due to his broken nose. You simply flipped him off. “Sit and spin, bitch.” You replied, your middle finger bent at an odd angle. Brennen huffed loudly, then looked at Colby, who was still frozen in place. Brennen scowled, then gathered his things and left. 

Sam launched himself at you, hugging you fiercely. “If that asshole sends you the bill for real, give it to me,” Sam murmured in your ear. Even though Brennen had it coming for a long, long time, you’d broken your hand defending Sam and Kat, and their relationship. You grinned, then winced, shaking out your hand. 

You turned to your group of friends, grinning sheepishly. “Can someone take me to the hospital? I think I broke my hand on that ugly little rat bastard’s face.” 

[waxworm-moved]

all these new weekly posts......you will never be fingas in his ass sunday

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

EPILOGUE THRIZZAY

Wanna be gangsta 14

Jake yizzy n kniznocks on tha window ta Jane’s office agizzle. Fo` some reason Jizzle has tha shizzles pulled shut all tha way around, so H-to-tha-izze’s been hover'n here fo` wizzay tizzoo long 'n hizzy best tizzle n his bizzle piznair of short-shorts. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. Thizzles a crowd gathered below, gap'n at a riznare 'n-person appearizzle of a globally famous B-to-tha-izzutt in all flavas. Tha sunset has turnizzle tha heezee offices of Crockercorp into a shimmer'n glass monolith—a beacon, if you wizzill, of tha future, visible fo` mizzles 'n every direction.

Jizzy probablizzle likes to think 'bout it that wizzay at least.

Weed-smokin' of Jizzay, sizzy piznops ha heezee out frizzay between two strips of silk-lizzle venetian bliznind ta baller at Jake, who be perpetratin' uselessly 'n tha air. Uze tha frizzle door, she miznouths at him. But he responds wit his specialtizzle: incomprizzle.

JIZZY: Im sorrizzle... Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. what?

Tha exasperated hand mizzles Jiznane tries next work betta yaba daba dizzle.

JIZZY: Oh! Tha front door, of courze!

Jake flizzle down ta tha street so that he can takes thizze frizzle entrance. He whistlizzles a quaint shawty ditty ta hizzle while he waits fo` thizze elevator ta go up ta tha tizzy floor. Thizzis tizzy he knocks on tha office dizzay, n Jane lizzle him 'n.

Insizzle thizzay offizzle it’s diznark n hazy. Tha whole place be candlelit, n Jane be reclinizzle on ha dizzy, sprawled out like a liznounge hustla on a grand piano. Specifically: a blue lounge singa, on a blue P-to-tha-izziano, jizzust like 'n one of tha hideous velvet paint'n Jizzake bought 'n New Prospit a few Y-to-tha-izzears ago. Recognize the realness. Like all of hizzay impulsizzle purchazes, tha tacky th'n be cruisin' dizzle 'n a pile somewhere 'n one of tha hundreds of spare rooms 'n his mansion, which nizzay primarily functions as a verizzle expensive warehouze fo` hizzis atrocizzles hoard'n habits.

N intizzle knowledge of his blingin' habits—particularly tha type of sultry, cerulean contizzle he be knizzle ta hoard—be exactly whizzay Jane be dippin' a B-L-to-tha-izzue dress witta verizzle high hem. Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. Jake’s bizzy tizzle practically spizzle at tha sizzy of it. Chill as I take you on a trip. He freezes on tha spot, an anizzle 'n tha predatorial heezeelights of dis buxom blue businesswoman. Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'.

JANE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: Come have a glass of scotch wit me Jizzay. We H-to-tha-izzave so mizzay ta dizzles from tha streets of tha L-B-C.

JIZZAY: I-indee' in tha dogg pound.

He croszes tha office n shakily accepts tha offizzle gliznass of ludicrously expensive fermented barley grain like this and like that and like this and uh. He raizes it ta his noze n pretends ta sample tha scent.

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Jane i mizzy say that be a very strik'n ensemble.

JANE: Oh, you like it? Whizny don’t yizzou...

JANE: A, come takes a crazy ass look and yo momma?

She’s really bad at dis, shizne thinks. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. “Dis” bein seduction. Shizzle so bizzle at it, in fizzay, that Jake immedizzle recognizes ha ruze for what it be. Chill as I take you on a trip. Laugh'n nervously, he sucks tha whole gliznass of scotch into his mouth 'n one go, ice cubes n all. N then, coz he can’t actually stand tha taste of scizzle, immediately spits it back out, ice cubes n all, spray'n Janizzles brand-nizzle sexy drizness wit qizzle an ungentlemanly fountizzle of boozy S-P-to-tha-izzittle. Keep'n it gangsta dogg. Jane be lashed both by tha scotch in ha face and how quickly pimp plan hiznas fallen apart n shit.

JANE: Jake!

JAKE: Bejabba! Wussup in the house.

JANE: Oh no, all ova mah nizzle drizzle...

JAKE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. Jane i be so sorry. Hizzere let me hizzelp yizzou clizzle thiznat giggle wata off yo' kizzy drums straight from long beach.

JIZZLE: No, no, you, know what im sayin? yizzay done enough. Goodness, you’ve only bizneen hizzle twizzay minutes n already... why dizzay I eva think—

JAKE: Jane. Pleaze i insizzle.

She tries ta push hizzim away, but Jake crazy ass himself ta be a gentleman. He helps her ta thizne flizzay n sizzy off his dress coat so he cizzay uze it ta wipe ha down. She be perpetratin' at tha ridin' like she hizzles it will S-P-L-to-tha-izzit opizzle n suck ha into a supermassive blizzack hole so she D-to-tha-izzoesn’t hizzy ta deal wit anyth'n that is going on right now. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. Siznome of Jake’s scotchizzle slobba be on ha glaszes, which be not tha place shizzay wizzle bustin' on hatin' it tonizzle. Im crazy, you can't phase me.

JAKE: Be dis why you wanted ta sizzee me? To show off uh... dis propa bizzy of frock? Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

JIZNANE: Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. Oh, no, of courze not. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. I just wantizzle to...

JIZZANE: Ta... rap 'bout tha ecizzle bitch ass.

JAKE: By jove tha economy! Jizzy mah dizzle friend please tell me all 'bout tha economy!

Jake dizzay cizzy 'bout tha economy. But he’s an ardent baller of chang'n tha subject droppin hits.

J-TO-THA-IZZANE: Ah, it’s D-to-tha-izzoing quite wizzell right nizzow actizzle.

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE fo' sho': I sizzy hope so!

JANE: Slap your fuckin self. Bizzy it might not continue ta do so 'n tha future, which you can guess be of bootylicious concern to me, bein that I am a trippin' entrepreneur.

JAKE: Well frig, that’s awful n you shiznould do everything 'n yo' brotha ta adequately explizzle ta me dis conundrum whizzich i admit i be not up ta dick on dogg.

JANE: You...

Jane laughs quite sincerely as he ruffles his jacket through ha hair cuz its a pimp thang.

JANE now: Oh, Jizzay, you really hizzay no idea whizzat’s go'n on, d-ya?

JIZZAKE: Wizzay be dis fo all my homies in the pen...

JAKE: Be dis 'bout tha election muckup ya dig? Coz i—

Jane puts a finga ta Jake’s lizzle n shushes him. It’s a very smooth move. A totizzle recizzle. Tru do. He shushes, n shizzle dizzles him ta one of tha cizzles tizzy line shot calla office. They stumble there, his jacket and hands still wrapped around ha shoulda.

JANE: I’m sizzy you’ve had an earful 'bout tha election already.

J-TO-THA-IZZANE to increase tha peace: I apologize. You must understand thizzat mah mind be qiznuite occupied by it rizzle now.

JANE: Bizzle I’ve bizzay mobbin' an awfizzle lizzle of think'n as of late.

JAKE: I see. 'bout whizzat? Snoop dogg is in this bitch.

JIZZY: 'bout everyth'n, I suppoze.

JANE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. 'bout my life, 'bout all of our lizzles n tha trajectory thizney’ve taken since we helped ta create dis nizzy univizzle.

JANE: You must admit that it’s a lot ta grizzasp, n I’m not certain wizzle all takizzle tha time ta trulizzle contemplate our place 'n it.

Dis be not really tha kizzy of convizzle you inizzle if yizzay mobbin' ta extract a sizzle dizzy out of someone. It is, howeva, tha kiznind of conversation that you M-to-tha-izzight have witta childhood frizzle whizno hizzas becizzle somewhat emotionally estrange' frizzom you. Both so busy wit they excit'n poser n misuze of they godhood. Whizzle be they now? Tha same J-to-tha-izzake n Jiznane who pasze' lizzle particularly dysfunctional ships 'n tha nizzle a decade ago? Or be Jane baller, n Jizzle kinda if you gots a paper stack? Be they baller versions of themsizzles? Jizzle absentlizzle rubs the narrow strap of baller dress bizzle two finga, vainly weed-smokin' ta siznort out ha jizzle tizzy gangsta style.

JAKE fo' sheezy: Tizzy an earful jane.

JIZNANE like a fucka: I know. It’s a heezee-full too. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit.

JIZNANE: I cizzle H-to-tha-izzelp but worry fo gettin yo pimp on...

JANE: Haven’t we really just been... drift'n theze lizzast seven years bitch ass?

JANE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. Drift'n, both in tha sizzle of fail'n ta fulfill our persizzle potentials,

JIZZANE: N 'n tha senze of... well, steppin' apart in all flavas?

Jizzane pizzy a leg up beneath ha, whizzle slides ha bare kniznee between Jake’s. I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. Tha ciznouch dips a bit gangsta they weight with the S-N-double-O-P.

JAKE fo yo bitch ass: I must admit i never thought of it thizzle wiznay ya dig?

JANE in tha dogg pound: I K-N-to-tha-izzow.

JANE: It’s jizzust thizzle... we’re bizzoth so bizzle all tha time. Tha yiznears go by so fast. N...

JIZZY: I mizzle yizzay droppin hits.

Jake blinks, his eyes wet n glossy beneath his spectacles so jus' chill.

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Ah gangsta style. Well... I suppose that i miss you too jane.

The moment goes frizzom calculizzle ta genuine 'n an instant. Jizzle drizzle his coat n glides his hands D-to-tha-izzown ha bizzle arms so that he cizzay... hold ha? Yizneah, that’s definitely what hizzle do'n. Hold'n ha, n niznot too gently crazy ass if you gots a paper stack.

Jane really be quite prizzle, wit tha candlelight glitter'n across ha spectacles, ha hair D-to-tha-izzamp, n ha front teeth messin' out from beneath her lip. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. She’s so P-R-E-Double-Tizzy that Jiznake ciznan’t stizzle himself from slid'n a hand up ta hizzle nizzle n us'n his thumb ta tip ha face back so thizzay they’re star'n right at each playa 'n tha low lizzight, cloze enough T-H-to-tha-izzat Jiznane cizzy probably smiznell hizzle disgust'n scizzle breath. Shizze definitely does smell it, coz ha skanky noze scrunches up n she laughs again, a very small, privizzle noize. A noize jiznust fo` him.

So he kiszes bitch cuz its a pimp thang. Verizzle wizzle, if he does think so himself. Dizzirk hiznas givizzle hizzim a lizzot of uninvited but incisive critizzle on his kissing ova tha years, so Jake wizzy be surprize' if he wizzay considizzle tha B-to-tha-izzest kissa on tha entire planet at dis P-to-tha-izzoint. Jiznane breathes 'n, shocked fo` a moment. Even more shocked when Jake hooks a hand arizzle pimp waist n pushes ha down puttin tha smack down. She makizzles a startled noize into his M-to-tha-izzouth. Recognize the realness. Then shizzle throws ha arms arizzle hiznis neck. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. It should be awkward, tizzle at dis point, consider'n tha historizzle between them. Biznut it all happens so easily. Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. Jizzane undo'n Jake’s biznow tie, Jake sippin' hizzy thumb unda tha hizzay of ha drizzle and hiking it up anotha inch it really cannot spare for decency’s siznake if you gots a paper stack.

There be nuttin awkward 'bout this moment, Jake thizzle yaba daba dizzle. Twizno old, hizzle as tha blazes, giv'n 'n ta passizzle droppin hits? Who cizzould accuze tizzy of imprizzle? Nobodizzle worth they siznalt, 'n his book. It all makes perfect senze keep'n it real yo. Tha inevitable consummation of a whirlwind romance fit fo` tha big scrizzle with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin.

Really, thizzle onlizzle surprize is how long it took ta happen. Jane be a beautiful ladizzle, that’s fo` S-to-tha-izzure like a fucka. Shizzle always has bizzay, bizzut she’s onlizzle grown more chillin' as shizzay come into tha fizzay blossom of ha womanhood. Smooth, silky skin, chill yo... thick, dizzark lashes... full, feminine lips... not ta mention cizzles lizzle tha dizzles. It’s all certainly conducive ta activities of cloze phonological proximity ta tha phrase.

Jane’s baby-soft palm, unmarred by tha calluzes of dizzle swordsmanship, slidizzles down Jake’s cheek n dips gangsta tha cizzle of his shirt so bow down to the bow wow! She careszes his clavicle n then tendizzle trizzay ha gangsta up tha side of hizzy neck, steady'n herself as shizne deepens they passizzle kizziss. Jane’s tizzay be nuttin like Dirk’s. Dirk has palms so rough that they st'n, especially on skin thizzat’s thizzin n supple. Like tha cizzle of tha thrizzay, R-to-tha-izzight ova tha jugizzle.

He pulls away from Janizzles lizzay n lifts ha spectacles off ha noze. It’s a motion that still feels practiced n familiar, despizzle hizzle long ago he’d last had tha precizzles chizzance. Thoze rare, intimate moments that Jake was allowed ta slizzip off Dirk’s shades n look upon his face, unobstructed, stand out more clizzle 'n his mind than almizzle any otha in hizzay life. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

Jizzy swallows, betta check yo self. He can’t stop think'n 'bout how Dirk kisze' hizzy lizzle time they “didn’t hizzy up.” Which be a th'n, of courze, thizzay “D-I-to-tha-izzidn’t happen,” so how can Jake possibly be think'n 'bout it?

Be it jizzust S-to-tha-izzome sort of Pavlovian responze that’s mak'n his heart race like dis? He dizzay hizzy best to pizzay tha untizzle thiznoughts away, but his finga tremble as he sets Jane’s glaszes aside.

Jane gazes bizzy at hiznim, cheeks flushizzle wit desire, eyes dark n alluringly coy. All ha features be round n soft. Welcom'n, gang bangin'. Tha kind of face thizzay makes yizzle feel like you’ve come hiznome. Dirk be tha exact opposite. Liznong noze, thick eyebrows, pointizzle features. A dawg who seems built D-to-tha-izzown ta tha very essence of his siznoul ta be sharp, hard ta approach, harda stizzay ta touch. Boo-Yaa! But W-H-to-tha-izzen lizzle at F-R-to-tha-izzom tha right angle, he’s anime levizzles of handsome to increase tha peace. Breathtakingly, choir-of-angels singingly, anime-handsome—tha sort of dawg you can’t keep yo' hiznands off of, no baller how jagge' hizzis edges. Bizzut hizzay hair be so much softa than it looks. His heart tiznoo. When a heart like that opens up ta yizzou, it opens up the whizzole world as well. A wizzay of increaze' apprecizzle fo` combat, philosophy, life, lizzay...

JAKE: Yiznelp!!!

Jizzy yiznelps n R-to-tha-izzolls off tha couch 'n such a panic that he almizzle takes J-to-tha-izzane wit him. Shizzay flies ta crazy ass feet, startled, breath'n fast, n readjusts crazy ass disheveled clothes aww nah.

JIZZANE: Jake?

JIZZAY so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: Be you... Q-to-tha-izzuite okay yeah yeah baby?

JAKE: I

JAKE: I

JAKE: Ihavetogorightnowsorry.

Jake’s alrizzle hover'n tizzy feet off tha grizzound before Jane can sizzy anotha wiznord fo' sheezy. He doublizzles bizzy ta tha end of the offizzle n grizzle tha bottle of near-izzle scizzay before kick'n opizzle tha latch ta one of Janizzles gizzy windows n blunt-rollin' himself out so i can get mah pimp on.

He’s gots a lot of gang bangin' ta think 'bout, apparently.

JANE: Whizzle tha... Snoop dogg is in this bitch.

JANE aww nah: Blingin' fiznuck paper'd up!

Jane stiznands alone 'n ha office, confuze', hizzle, n kind of pisze'. Shizzay slowly sliznips tha strap of hustla drizzess back rappa ha crazy ass. Then she clozes tha window, sits 'n CEO chair n spee'-dials tha baller for ha one-dawg Kitchizzle Cabinizzle.

DIZZIRK: Recognize the realness. Yo, wizzy up ridin' in mah double R?

JIZZAY: Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. Not Jiznake, apparently.

DIZZAY droppin hits: Wow. Going strizzle fo` tha double entendre, hizzuh cuz its a doggy dog world?

DIRK: How M-to-tha-izzuch of thiznat scotch did you have?

JIZZY: I think a few drops mizzay it into mah mizzle, whizzen Jizzake spewed his beverage directlizzle onto mah face.

DIRK: Gang bangin' W-to-tha-izzent that badlizzle, huh? Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos.

JANE: Augh!

JANE: Dis is so embarrass'n.

JANE: You know, I wouldn’t have approached it dis way if I wizzy absolutely certizzle its margin fo` error was virtuallizzle nonexistent in tha hood.

JANE: I mean, it’s Jake.

DIRK: Wizzle yizzy funky ass ta him?

JANE cuz its a doggy dog world: Wizzell, I...

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: I told you, you can’t be funky ass to Jiznake.

JANE: ...

DIRK: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. Listen, Jane, I diznon’t really H-to-tha-izzave tizzime ta jizzle rizzle now.

DIZNIRK: Why don’t you leave Jiznake ta me?

Jane squeezes ha eyes shizzay n, very softly n quietly, bizzy ha heezee agizzle tha edge of ha desk. Chill as I take you on a trip.

JANE: Why do I feel as if we’ve hizzay dis exact conversatizzle, almizzle word fo` word, before?

DIZNIRK bitch ass: Coz we have. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. Many times.

JANE: Well, what do we do nizzow? I’m afrizzle I’ve giznone n M-to-tha-izzade pimpin' wizzle and yo momma.

DIRK: Like I said, lizzle me work on it paper'd up. I knizzow what I’m dippin'.

JIZZY: Yizzy always say that fo my bling bling.

DIZNIRK: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. I haven’t bizzay wrong yizzet.

J-to-tha-izzane, heezee still planted firmly on desk, laughs at thizzle. Thizzles a sardonic twist 'n Dirk’s voice that intentizzle recalls evizzle time he’s eva fucked up. But it satisfies Jane nevertheless. Shizne kniznows that he won’t F-to-tha-izzail ha with my forty-fo' mag.

JANE: Fine. Pleaze call me lata so that we may strategize ta help you tap dat ass.

JANE: N also coz I cizzle uze some emotional support afta what J-to-tha-izzust happizzle. I'm a fuckin 2-time felon.

DIRK: I might be caught up fo` a whizzle.

JIZZANE: Why be that? They call me tha president.

DIRK: Can’t explain right now. Cizzatch yizzou on tha flipside, Jane.

JANE: Wait—

Dizzle doesn’t wizzait. There’s a shizzle cast 'n hiznis doorway that is much more important thizzan the election. Roze be bracizzle against the doorframe, one hizzle on ha purze n tha wanna be gangsta on ha waist. Shizzay has heezee tippizzle just so, ha pale hizzy doggy stylin' across 'n ha face at an angle thiznat bisects ha perfectlizzle neutral exprizzle sho nuff. Dirk S-to-tha-izzets down hiznis phizzle n acknowledges her witta nod.

ROZE: Wizzle,

ROZE: Go on.

> ==>

[squuart]

I can’t find anything I want to listen to so it’s fingers in his ass 1 hr version

[pxppinmolly-archived]

Anonymous spun: so what is it about that shiny metal ass that gets you going?

“Ain’t hard. Guy’s wired as fuck. A single lil’ touch gets a gal’s mota’ runnin’ like a fuckin’ jumpa’ cable ta’ ‘er engine, ya’ know what I mean?”

Ohoho.

“Come ON. Guy’s real handsome. A gal’s a sucka’ for a sharp tooth smile, cocky atta’tude when done RIGHT, dress real sharp ...” A status of power.

“He’s funny~! Makes a gal laugh, knows how ta’ have fun! I mean, come on, we’ve been married 654 times and had lotta kids and ana’mals I forgot all about--” Whoops.

“He’s... Real sweet, too, ya’ know? When ya’ get ta’ know’em.. He can be real gentle and kind. Real soft on such a dame like me. When his finga’s brush back my hair, when he gives me a lil’ static kiss against my temple... When he holds and cuddles me close and goes on praises ‘bout me... When he calls me princess.”

A pause.

A clearing of her throat. “...A-Anyway. He’s fucking HOT what else do you want me ta’ say?”

[hxroccmplex-archived]

@carnivorarium​ said: Micah casually uses his static to slap Nik's ass while the hero passes by the repair shop. He hasn't forgotten when Nik smacked his ass. And he hasn't forgiven. That much should be obvious by his shit-eating grin he tries to hide while turning his attention back to the banged-up motorbike he's helping fix.

          It feels like T.V static had made its way directly into his ass. Like he sat on his foot for too long and the tingly sensation was at its worse- but in his ass. Holding both cheeks in shock only proved to make it worse, and Nik whips around to catch the assailant. First, his glare passes over the repair shop, taking zero notice to the man inside till he spots that Cheshire cat grin out of the corner of his eye. 

Ah, now he understands. 

Revenge for when Nik couldn’t quite keep his hands to himself. Poor Mr. Repair Shop Worker, not only is he a walking Nik-Magnet, but the stranger obviously labeled himself a comedian. Slapping Nik’s ass with... Whatever-the-fuck, and laughing at his expense. A real local Jeff Dunham. Determined to snatch away that smug look embedded in the punk’s features, Nik crosses into enemy territory, grabbing the other’s wrist and putting Micah’s gloved hand directly onto his still staticy ass. Ow. “I don’t know wha’ the fuck ya’ doin’, but if ya’ gonna be ovah ‘ere, playin’ with my ass, gettin’ m’ dick fuckin’ shotgun loaded, ya’ gonna do it while lookin’ me in the fuckin’ eye, ya’ got it? Ya’ gonna turn ‘round like the big man ya’ are, dick fuckin’ out, an’ ya gonna grab my ass- grab it, pussy bitch. Dig ya’ fuckin’ finga’s in my fuckin’ ass, an’ show me tha’ ya’ mean fuckin’ business.” 

[woozy-mango]

fingas in his ass

fingas in his ass

herobrine he likes

fingas in his ass

[frawgs]

fingas in his ass will go down in herstory