#finding a lot about when the newer lines were released but i want to know when the ORIGINAL hit the shelves

[mortimer]

Hey why can no one tell me when Juicy DRop Pops were released

[xiaojunsdiary]

fraud

yoon jeonghan x male! ftm! reader

prompt: you’re the newer member added onto seventeen around aju nice era and you have a secret that you’ve done a pretty good job hiding until someone finds out

warnings: minor transphobic comments ONLY because jeonghan doesn’t get that you’re trans right away but he’s really sorry about it, jeonghan is NOT transphobic!!! angst, body dysmorphia, body image, insecurity, me projecting, i accidentally switch between 2nd and 3rd POV, slight suggestive at the end

word count: 896

mn had already felt like an outcast when he had joined seventeen. he wasn’t completely fluent in korean, could barley hold a conversation but that could be delt with. what really made him feel like an outcast was the lack of a certain body part.

the members didn’t know this. no one really did except your parents, the company, and best friend back home. and you planned to keep it that way. the company required you to get top surgery before you could join in seventeen. you didn’t mind, in fact you were thrilled. they paid for it as well as your testosterone.

but that didn’t stop the thoughts that filled your head all the time. from being around so many beautiful attractive men made you feel so insecure.

especially jeonghan, who while carried feminine qualities, still looked masculine. like a man should.

the members never treated you differently, they didn’t even tease you about your smaller frame. they didn’t have any reason to. especially woozi.

but the thoughts never stopped flowing through your head.

“why can’t i gain muscles as easily as them? why can’t i have a naturally masculine physic.

why couldn’t i have been born male?”

it hurt. a lot. knowing that even when the bottom surgery could’ve been provided, you still could never be fully satisfied. you had to wait a little while before you could get it done. and while you longed for a penis, the thought of truly changing your identity scared you.

while removing your breasts was scary, you were 100% sure about it. but your vagina…you weren’t. and that had caused a second wave of thoughts to go through your head as you turned the shower handle off, cutting off the endless stream of hot moisture.

as you got out of the shower, you tried not to think about the internal battle your mind had just went through and grabbed a towel to wipe off any access water.

while you were drying off your back facing the door, your worst nightmare happened:

the door began to open.

how could you not remember to lock the door?? the one rule you had bestowed upon yourself and you manage to break it. your eyes shown true panic as jeonghan opened the door.

“hey, mn, do you want-“ his words were cut off as he stared at you. he didn’t immediately look away as normal men wouldn’t,

“we’re all guys, why does it matter?”

they would normally say only you weren’t. or you didn’t feel like it.

“j-jeonghan!! can’t you ever knock??” you exclaimed wrapping the towel around your lower area quickly, a blush appearing across your cheeks.

“you’re a…woman?” he asked. he cocked his head to the sign as he examined your face for a reaction. your eyes glossed over after his accusation.

“no! i’m not! i’m a guy, j-just like you!” you pitifully stuttered.

“yes, you are. you have a vagina”, he continued, not understanding the power that sentence had on you.

“but i a-am”, you cried, a stray tear cascading down your right cheek.

“then how do you explain-“, he says while walking towards you, closing the door. he cuts himself off mid sentence as his eyes fall to your chest. a very faint line of a scar, underneath where your absent breasts once were. his eyes widen a little at his sudden realization.

“ohhh, you’re…” he trails off as he looks into your face for conformation. you nod your head weakly as the tears you were holding it release themselves.

“you c-can’t tell anyone, hannie, please” you begged, “please don’t out me. i love seventeen. i don’t wanna get kicked o-out.” your sobs getting mildly louder as your begging continued, the sound breaking his heart, as well as your own in a way. your knees gave out as you collapsed to the ground covering your chest.

“i won’t, i promise,” he said as he kneeled down with you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder, squeezing you tighter.

he removed it only to bow all the way down to the ground.

“i’m so sorry, mn. i didn’t mean to misgender you. i’m so, so sorry. please, forgive me. i’m really sorry. i’ll do whatever you need for me to make you feel more comfortable” he said while continuing to face the ground.

you quickly pulled him back up off the ground with a fierce blush on your face.

“th-there’s no need for all that, hannie. your apology was enough.” you state fixing his long hair.

he stared at you closely, really looked at you. he put his hand on your thigh that was midly exposed, the other hand on you right arm.

“are you okay? like do you feel okay now?” he asked, softly rubbing your thigh in a comforting manner.

you nodded.

“are you sure?” he pried.

you let out a small laugh at his urgencry.

“i am as of right now, hannie. thank you” you gave him a bright smile with a small bit of pink dusting your cheeks.

“you’re welcome,” he said, analyzing your face with a matching smile. his hands found their way onto your waist with a gentle grip. you could feel your face heating up.

“can i show you how much i adore you and your body?” he said, rubbing your sides softly.

you looked away, shy, and nodded your head.

“okay”

****************************************************

if i do a part 2, it’ll be smut. y’all want that??

started: 09-24-23

finished: 09-24-23

[darkbluekies]

I do collect Barbies! This genuinely isn’t me trying to brag or sound arrogant, but all of my 59 Barbies I currently have are collector/special/limited edition. I like them not because of their status, but because their clothing/quality was so well done. They’re from the late 90s to 2000s.

I’m not gonna list them all of course, but I think you’ll like these as a lot listed are historical/time period inspired outfits. Let me know though if you have different/more style preferences and I’ll try to find some to share with you again.

Barbie Cafe Society

Barbie Faberge Porcelain (3 in series)

Barbie Great Fashions of the 20th Century (7 in series)

Barbie Hollywood Movie Star (6 in series)

Barbie Mrs. P.F.E. Albee: Avon (2 in series)

Barbie Royal Jewels (4 in series)

Barbie Victorian Tea Porcelain (2 in series)

Barbie Victorian with Cedric Bear

Barbie Wedgwood (2 in series)

The website I used when collecting is https://barbieguide.sosugary.com/index.php

It’s a great catalog of Barbie releases. You’ll find a lot more historical inspired dolls on there, and Barbie makes excellent porcelain dolls too that I think you’ll like.

And tips if you’re interested in fashion doll collecting…

Don’t buy newer collector/special/limited edition dolls from Mattel. They’re worse quality for outrageously more money. Trust me on this. (A lot of my collector Barbies I was able to get for $30-$40 USD new in box, compared to the $100+ USD price tag Mattel charges now for collector dolls).

Mattel has been declining in quality ever since 2016 (probably earlier) and is still going lower present day. So if you’re interested in good quality play-line or collector dolls, try to get pre 2016.

Mattel dolls most of the time have polypropylene hair, which is considered the worst hair quality fiber as it literally disintegrates over a few years and isn’t easily brushsble/stylable.

Mattel also gives most of their dolls cheap paper-like printed clothing or molded on clothes.

If you want quality, buy MGA. They have nylon hair (easily brushsble, stylable, and won’t disintegrate). Much higher quality clothes/fabrics with intricate details and complex designs.

Mattel=Quantity

MGA=Quality

Thank you for your time!

That's cool to hear :))) it's nice to find someone that shares the interest of dolls, even if it's a different kind! Although I learned a lot, thank you♡ I'll check out the older styled ones!!

I'm not very interested in fashion dolls (apart from those from the 1800s) so unfortunately I'm sticking to my child looking dolls, which is why I kind of like the American girl dolls that are supposed to look like 1900s/1800s

I'm going to take this opportunity to brag about my girls as if they were my children. Here are my some of my older dolls<3

Just like you say about Barbies, these dolls also have limited editions (such as the discontinued one with a very, very uncanny voice box from the 1880s) unfortunately, I don't have any of them. BUT, I do have two from the most famous doll makers, Kestner and Armand Marseille<3 Always have to look for the markings that tell exactly which model they are

And I have one special girl who I call Darling who has human hair!!

And I just have to squeeze this in, when I was in Belfast I got to see a doll I have been such a big fan of for so many years. It's a doll that was floating around in the wreckage and actually seeing her up close in real life made me tear up in pure happiness. She was absolutely stunning, and I think she might (just might) be a similar model to my doll with the red boots, but i could get a good luck of her neck to see the "tag". Here she is!!

I just had to, dolls are one of my biggest interest and i have to take every chance i get♡

[dynared]

Lost in the New York Comic Con hustle and bustle including the first trailer for the Scott Pilgrim anime, Good Burger II: Do you want Good Fries with that? (Not the title but I am curious) and an Ultraman Blazar stage show that actually was filled to capacity, there was a little panel for something called the Nacelleverse, a ground up project from the Nacelle company with the goal of bringing numerous disparate franchises together.

And the panel really should have been recorded, because it was a very interesting TED Talk about how a company makes a franchise and how creatives build a shared universe from the ground up.

Seems easy enough, right? Well, the first thing they need to do is get some licenses people care about, or barring that, licenses that are available. And they got…well they got licenses.

There are a lot of moving parts in creating a universe. Finding partners in weird places, like how the Biker Mice from Mars reboot is actually a co-production with Ryan Reynolds of all people, building mythology where there was none and adapting it where there is one, and then finding a buyer for your show. For instance, while Roboforce had no real mythology and the writers built a story from the ground up (a very meta tale about a line of robots that were supposed to be the next big thing, only to be confined to menial work when a newer, superior line of robots completely upstaged their debut, which is essentially what happened to the 80s toy line when it was released opposite the Transformers). Biker Mice, meanwhile, was popular enough that people know what they were about, so in that case it’s more about bringing in the hot dog and (root) beer loving rodents and their story into the shared universe. Same with the Cowboys of Moo Mesa, a real thing that existed and even had an arcade game from Konami of all people (the game was a blatant but surprisingly playable Sunset Riders clone). Then there’s stuff like the Great Garloo, a Creature from the Black Lagoon looking guy with no story to speak of, being given the personality of a wisecracking comedian that happens to resemble the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

The panel was 10/10, would recommend to anyone the least bit interested in understanding how a franchise works. But I don’t know if that means the Nacelleverse will be the big franchise that they want it to be.

Unfortunately, while shorts and ads are online, along with the website, I don’t have the one thing that ties this whole thing together. The opening for Roboforce from Cartoon Conrad. As per their discussion, they specifically went with Conrad to make a loud, Western style opening with an opening theme song that bludgeons you over the head with the blunt end of the show’s premise.

Knowing the way these things go, by the time Biker Mice comes out and is ready to air, Hasbro will have an Energon Universe cartoon animated by Studio Trigger.

[imfagentsworld]

You must be strong 'cause the show must go on - To my favourite Mission Impossible series

Just got back from watching Dead Reckoning Part One for the third time. It's like I've been to ilsa's scribbled funeral all over again. I had promised I would watch all the different formats when MI7 is released. Now I just can't stand it anymore. I've tried my best. It is just too much of a mess.

I remember having a great time at the theaters when "Rogue Nation" and "Fallout" came out, watching one five times and the other seven times. Loved it every time and never got bored. At the time, I thought, this is my favorite movie series. Life had something to look forward to and get excited about, and I could endure any pain to live, just to see it return to the big screen again and again.

In 2019 Tom announced on Twitter that McQ would go on to direct MI7 & 8, and I remember everyone being happy that knowing it would be in good hands. That news was like insurance for the series. Yes, "No one knows Mission Impossible better than McQ", "Rogue Nation and Fallout proved how wise it was to choose him", "Tom + McQ, sure to make another hit! " Words like these filled the social networks and we all thought we would continue to witness more miracles. It was a promising time.

And then the pandemic began. The world was plunged into isolation, stagnation and chaos. Every country and everyone went through a difficult time. In the second half of 2020, all the movie crews postponed or shut down, only MI7 continued to film under Tom's leadership and persistence. Every day I posted on-set photos and news, and continued to follow the filming of the movie. They were the only light in those dark days. Tom and the entire cast and crew exemplified the spirit of Mission Impossible in action, wrote an odyssey in the modern world. They are my heroes.

The release date of the movie was postponed several times because of the pandemic. In the years when tens of millions of people have lost their lives to covid, that postponement is worrying. "Will I live to see the day MI7 hits theaters?" "What? It's postponed again? Are we going to dodge death for another year?" Mission Impossible had meant so much more than a movie to me. It became my motivation to live.

We all go through times of despair, especially when you in front line and face people's deaths head on every day. Stress, anxiety, depression, and a growing epidemic with no end in sight, make you want to end all this suffering once and for all. Whenever that happens, I think to myself, hang in there a little longer, at least until MI7 is released, don't give up. By that faith, I survived. So I'm grateful to them. They unintentionally saved a lot of lives, another heroic feat for sure.

With the filming of the Venice scenes underway (there were lots of fans and locals milling around every day while the crew filming in Rome and Venice), rumors that Ilsa would die gradually spread, yes, back in 2020, if any newer fans didn't know. At the time we didn't think there was anything to worry about, it wasn't even real. How could McQ do such a thing, he loves the character so much. And in 2023, here we are, LOL.

Anyone who has seen the movie knows that there are clues that hint at the possibility that Ilsa is not dead. With Ilsa's smirk, the look that Alanna gives Ethan, Luther's words, and even Gabriel's pained expression when he stabbed Ilsa, you can find a lot of proof. It's not that I can't accept a storyline where Ilsa dies, even if she dies for real, as long as her death is worth it and not so scribbled and out of character. This should not be at the level of the MI series, nor McQ. That's what really frustrates and pisses off MI fans and audiences.

There is no doubt that the epidemic has seriously affected the filming and production of the movie, resulting in higher costs and less coherence. But still, A director/writer is responsible for it. I'm reminded of Tina Fey joked about her second time hosting the Golden Globes, "Because it's Hollywood, if something kinda works, they'll keep doing it until everybody hates it." Each installment of the MI series had a different director, which is a great tradition. When it comes to McQ it's an exception. Maybe they should have changed director after Fallout's success. Or maybe don't force in a character like Grace and have everyone set her off, make room for her, crown her, and ultimately cause the movie to go off a cliff like a runaway train.

I will always love Mission Impossible, no matter what. It's part of my life. I will always go to the theater to support it and promote it. But the facts are out there, it wasn't good enough, it didn't live up to the expectations of the fans, and people are allowed to point out the reasons why it messed up so that the next one can be bettered. To all the MI fans and audiences who have been hurt by Dead Reckoning Part One, I want to say: You must be strong 'cause the show must go on, this is not the end.

The actors' union strike has left a lot of uncertainty about the MI8 filming. But isn't that what Mission Impossible is all about? We improvise and overcome one difficulty after another, to ultimately complete the mission. Out of thousands of variables, the outcome will be different because of even one small change. What would it do if there were an Entity? Maybe it would say, give me a Grace and I can rule the world. Hahaha, sorry for the last Dead Reckoning joke (or maybe not).

I also believe in a parallel universe where Ethan and Ilsa live a happy and peaceful life. Please have faith in our secret agent couple and have faith in your life. "Nothing above love, in the end we have each other."

[dzpenumbra]

3/1/23

Well shit, I guess it's March, huh.

I, yet again, did not get a good night's sleep. I might as well get this out. I wrote a comment on a post on an artist's group on Reddit. They were in a similar position to me. All-in on art, 7+ years no other work history, battling with mental health. They were saying they were worried they would have to get other work, another job.

I wrote a whole thing, several paragraphs, you know how I am. I just.. wrote from a place of being able to deeply relate. And a bit bitterness because this isn't really a thing with a lot of careers. For some reason, art, which used to be one of the most revered and sacred professions since before we even invented spoken language... is viewed as a child's hobby now, in many circles. As in, it's not viewed as a legitimate, sustainable career. And modern western society is most definitely not built to sustain fine art as a career. No-sir-ee. Modern western society is built to turn fine artists into contractual laborers, who supervisors and tacticians can use for profit. Like pieces on a factory line. Like Assemblers in Factorio.

It's a really fucked up thing in the end, because they're so short-sighted that they genuinely can't see why their corner-cutting and exploitative practices don't work the way they want them to. They want to emulate art. They want to create the illusion of art. Of passion. Of vision. Picture acid-washed jeans. That. But with passion, with inspiration, with vision, with a personal message. But, as with most of western society, they are always looking forward. They try to emulate the end result. They try to emulate the product.

It's a very industrial concept, like China reverse engineering iPhones to make clones. It works in that industry. And you see it in gaming a lot, when a big soulless company buys out a small indie passion project, then they release a cheap straw-filled scarecrow wearing that indie game's skin. They try to emulate what a good game looks like, what it feels like, what it sounds like. But it's just an imitation.

I found that in watching a lot of streams of newer games. If you see a chat saying "oh wow, that's just like BioShock" or "oh wow, that's just like Minecraft" or "oh wow, that's just like Call of Duty". Then you know that game is not really standing on it's own two feet. And they can get by, and make a good product... but you will rarely find art this way. Those games, art games, legendary games... some may start as "wow, this is just like ____" but they quickly break free and have their own unique, memorable experience.

Fine art is the purest form of this "lightning in a bottle" I know. And it's different for everyone. My form is trying to capture my inspiration, my passion, things that are incredibly meaningful to me, in whatever medium feels right, even if I don't know how to work in that medium. The picture in my profile here, or whatever, idk what it's called. The Barred Owl. I have a few incredibly vivid memories of that bird. One, I was going up the mountain with my friend to find a bar we were told about that had pool tables. There was nothing to do at night in our town, so we were searching for the holy grail, essentially. It really felt like a quest, you know? And we end up on this dirt road in the middle of nowhere at like 10PM and neither of us know where we are, and this is before GPS and all that, of course. And we're driving along and up ahead we see... these fucking figures in the middle of the road. I'm serious, this was like... horror movie shit. Like I thought they were kids wearing the same hoodies with the hood up at first, it was really weird and surreal. Like a fairy tale or something. And there were like... 5 of them? As we got closer they seemed like they were around like 1.5-2 feet tall, and we started to suss out that they were Barred owls. Just standing in the middle of the fucking road, with us coasting towards them with the headlights on and the windows open. They were just... dead silent. And as we crawled towards them, they inched to the side and let us pass, but like stared directly at us as we passed, heads on a swivel. And I was really sketched out having the windows open, I was convinced they were going to like attack me or something, they were like... a foot away from me. It was really scary. Then right as we passed by, they scattered and they started flying tree-to-tree behind us, following us. Some overtaking us and perching in trees ahead, the rest following behind, swooping from tree to tree. It was nuts. We never found the place either, never even figured out if we were on the right road.

The other owl story was from my post-breakup days, the summer after, when I revisited my hippie self - who is firmly hybridized in my personality now, thank god. I kept getting the image of owls come to me in dreams, and I tried to do some kind of spirit guide meditation thing, like a summoning ritual or some shit (as though I've ever really needed that, good lord, they seek me out constantly) and I kept getting images of Barred Owls popping into my head. Just the head, for a long time. It's a very distinct face. And that summer, I had a family of Barred Owls hunt in my neighborhood at night. Maybe they'd always been there? Maybe I was just starting to go outside more, and finally heard them. But I lived right next to a pond and I would hear them calling to each other and coordinating. And I could hear them relocate from the north eastern corner across the pond... to the south eastern corner... then through the woods on the southern side, then looping around to where I lived on the western side. And they'd sometimes do a really slow loop, like over the course of hours, and sometimes they would just stay on the eastern side and then head out or go quiet. So, I started working on my owl call. Someone taught me how to do an owl call with my hands when I was really young, I've always remembered how to do it, I'm just very rusty. And I started to get it back really well that summer. And one night, I decided to call them. Just to see what happened. The cool part is, the leader (or whatever, I don't really know how their psychology works) had a distinctly different call. It's hard to articulate how, but when I heard it I knew it was them. And that one responded to me. And I went back and forth with them for a few calls. And then they went silent. They were across the pond (like a soccer pitch sized pond, not huge), on the eastern side, directly across. And after about 5 minutes of silence, I called again, and I got an immediate response from the leader... from due south. They had relocated. Then I heard a call to my north, a bit closer. That... was a very unique feeling. Then I called back, and the leader was a bit closer, and one or two other calls from varying locations. They had split up, and were coordinating locations. They were... surrounding me... I should mention at this point, I had no porch lights and a pretty poorly lit home. It was super dark at night. Like... super dark. Like walk out to the edge of the fenced-in yard and you can't see your hand in front of your face on a new moon. There was definitely moonlight that night though, I remember distinctly summoning my courage and walking out to the fence (about 30 feet from my porch, as though the roofed porch was "safer" or something...) and being able to see a tree about 10 feet away from me. So... decent visibility. And I called again, but got no response. And then one last time, and I got a response from the leader... I still don't know if they were in the tree 10 feet in front of me or the tree behind it, but they were fucking loud. Like, they were right there. Like... it made me freeze up a bit. But I got really excited at the same time. But like... it was one of those feelings, like... this animal and it's entire family can see me clear as day. And I can't see or hear a single one of them. And they're predators. So there's something very instinctual about that, it's a very unique feeling. But the coolest part about that scenario, I had summoned them, and they willfully sought me out. But having them that close? It freaked me out a little too much, and I headed back in.

So... my point with these stories? That's what Barred Owl means to me. And so much more. It's not just something cool to draw (I mean it's that too...), it's a deeply personal part of my life. And the act of drawing that piece? I streamed it. I streamed the entire process, start to finish, it took like... 40 hours total. And I met some cool people while I was doing that, and we talked about a lot of important life stuff. Point being, that piece wasn't something commissioned off some random dude on Fiverr. That piece wasn't focus grouped in a graphic design or illustration firm, then tasked to the most capable illustrator, then sent to print, mass produced and available on-demand as a postcard or a t-shirt. It's something special. Made by me, with my memories in it, with my emotions in it, with my skin oil in the paper. It's an artifact of a memory, or a concept. Or both.

So... when someone says... go get a job working for someone else, in a related field? It's like... they come from another world. It's like they don't even understand what this life or profession is. It's like they interchange "logo designer" or "basket weaver" or "candle maker" or "landscape painter" and they throw them all in the same pile and label it "not-normal jobs". Or "not real jobs". Or "hobbies". Usually "hobbies". It upsets me so deeply. Not just because I have devoted so much of my life to this, but because... I love these things so much. This way of living so much. This way of looking at the world. It's my everyday experience. I see art everywhere. I see art in the architecture of my building. I see wooden beams from different eras, some machined, some seemingly hand-hewed, at least in parts. I see brickwork that is quite old. And I envision the people constructing this building back... probably 100 years ago? Maybe even earlier. Let me google real quick. Yeah, it was originally constructed in 1880. 143 years. 143 years ago, some dudes were mixing mortar and placing bricks to make a gigantic mill. There are relics of different time periods, different constructions; all telling a story, like a fantasy movie scene that plays out in my head. And I see stuff like that everywhere. And it fascinates me, and I want to share it with people. Because it makes life so much more deep, and rich, and romantic, and fascinating. Art and writing allow me to do that. For anyone who chooses to participate. Unfortunately, not many have been interested.

So yeah... all this... because some dude sent me a reply to my comment at like 3AM saying that the OP should get a "normal job". And I was fucking livid all day. I was surprised I feel asleep. And I woke up angry. And I carried that anger all day long, until like 5 or 6 PM, when I finally talked to my mom and was able to get those thoughts out.

An interesting thing happened when I was talking to her about art. I was telling her this, the stuff about how... like... I'm basically looking for private collectors. For these relics, essentially. These artifacts. I don't know what else to call what I make. I say art and people just roll their eyes. But they really are so much more than the end product, they are the product of intellectual exploration, of memory, of my personality. They are concept pieces, most of them. My necklace that I'm wearing now is a concept piece. It's a bloodstone centerpiece, which was a stone I was given at a very difficult time in my life, and I lost it. And it always upset me very deeply that I had lost it, and I always pledged to get a new one. Now it's the heart of my necklace, and sits right above my heart. The wooden beads are stained with my tattoo ink that I have injected permanently into my own skin. The large beads are Tiger's Eyes, which were my favorite stone as a child. And the filler beads are Black Obsidian which is cool, but also a pretty important mineral in the advancement of humankind. Maybe that's a reach, it doesn't have a ton of personal sentimental value, it was a later addition. I got it because it called to me. Because my eyes kept being drawn to it, and it fits perfectly in the necklace thematically. It's more than just... something thrown together because it looks pretty - which is respectable in its own right. Every single direction in it was picked deliberately. The rhythm and pattern of the beads. The number of square knots used for spacing. The transition into braiding at the end, to emulate my symbolic braided mohawk that I used to have, as a reminder of where I came from. Every step of it is intentional.

I was telling my mom about the stones I've been sanding and faceting, that she sent me from her driveway. Sounds silly when I say it that way, wait til you see what they look like now. They are absolutely gorgeous. And I'm like 80% sure some of them have tiny veins of silver in them. And I asked her... if I approached a gallery and I just told them "here, here are some stones that my mom was drawn to, that she sent me from her driveway, which I sanded by hand into these shapes that somewhat mimic their original organic forms, but take on their own unique geometry, which I sanded while I was caring for and then eventually grieving my beloved cat." I asked her... "do you think they would put this in a gallery if I told them that." And she took a minute... then she started telling me about a woman she knows who does a lot of stuff that I would be interested in - candlemaking, beekeeping, making soaps and stuff, you know... someone who would make my life fucking awesome if I were dating them. But she's married so, whatever. XD And she's a vet, a traditional and alternative vet. So she does all kinds of stuff, and... she said this woman might be interested in these pieces.

So... she asked me, "how are you going to package it? Or present it?" And I went... "I'm probably going to go up to her with the stones in my cupped hands and say 'you want them?'" And my brain started getting fuzzy and quiet. Like static or white noise or something. Meaning like... thoughts just started not being there, going blank, like I was getting really tired or something. And I told her, "I could like... put them in a box, or a bag or something, maybe she could put them in a fountain and the light could play off them or something? Whatever, once they're out of my hands it's up to them." And then from there on out, my brain was just... struggling to keep up. Very blank and slow and having difficulty focusing. And I really brought attention to this very transparently, saying "this is my problem". I have trouble even envisioning the scenario. I don't believe in my ability to make a successful sale. I don't like it. I don't like the process at all, and I don't believe I'm skilled in it, and I don't want to be. I would be more than glad to tell the insanely personal story behind them, and burst into tears in front of them, but figuring out money? Making a sale? I naturally reel. I naturally pull back and freeze up. And I literally froze up, which is what my mom helped me learn. My mind froze, I was having trouble thinking, I couldn't envision the scenario or any options of what to do, the whole white noise thing. My brain would just go blank of thoughts.

So... I'm gathering... this is not just... something I don't like or don't want to do... it's something that's actually triggering a panic response and sending me into "fight, flight, freeze, fawn" mode, and this is my "freeze". Earth element out of alignment? Meh, I don't know enough about that kinda stuff to even speculate, I understand the language of psychology much better. I just have more experience in that tongue. So... that's a bit of a problem... if you want to ever have a career doing anything ever... and you freeze up any time the topic of asking for money comes up. As an artist, this makes you a golden fucking target for scammers, especially if what you produce is valuable. But more than that, I just... never get a chance to even get started. Because I don't care if I sell my shit or not, in fact, in some ways... it even benefits me to not sell my shit. And I really just want my art to go to a good home, where someone really appreciates it and lets it run free in the yard and feeds it food scraps under the table when no one's looking. And I wish life could be that simple. That I make really cool shit for people who really want it, whatever they want, whenever, we'll work together and make it work. And I'll cook for them and entertain them, and tell stories and teach them what I've learned in my travels. In exchange, I don't have to worry about housing or food. That's all I really want. But I'm afraid I'm... about 4000 years too late for a life like that. Apparently that life is not available to me, and I need to get a "normal job" to make "money" to pay for things to stay "alive" so I don't "die on the street" and then maybe in my free time I can dick around with paints or whatever lame shit I do that no one actually cares about. Yay.

But yeah, identifying how bad that anxiety/panic mechanism is getting, and how... I had a complete blind spot for it. Like... I was insanely disoriented and had no idea why my brain was just going blank. Luckily, perspective from my mom helped me connect the dots. No wonder I've been so adamant to get help around that, I had no idea it was so bad, because I wasn't like... physically feeling the fear. Fight is a very unique feeling. Like boiling water or something, like pressure building. Flight is very... sharp. Tightness, tension, gripping. Fawn is weird, it's like a hollowness and then like... a release... when it's genuine. When it's a fake fawn, like... going along with what a scary person is doing... it can be more like flight but... I don't know, like... cold and spooky. I'm pretty well acquainted with fawn, unfortunately. But freeze... at least this one... This one barely even registered to me as a panic response. It was just like... emptiness. Stillness. Blank. So, like... I didn't even associate it as a feeling, an emotion, let alone Fear.

Fear is so weird, it takes so many wildly different forms of experience, yet it's all the same emotion. So odd.

So yeah, we wrapped up, got the electric skateboard ordered, hopefully it'll be shipping before too long. It seems like it's a final plan. I'm gonna be doing the skateboard and car share thing, that plan. Hopefully it goes well, if not, we'll just reconvene and talk options again. I'm cool with it.

Okay, I wanna get to this because it's getting really late, I had no idea I had so much to say tonight. I went skating tonight. I was debating between streaming or playing a new game, and I said fuck it and went skating instead. I'm really glad I did. As always!

I spent most of my time at the handicapped access sidewalk that has that plateau section that ramps down, so it basically makes a little natural kicker. I landed some pretty good ollies and a shuvit, and really went after 3 shuv for a long time. I got really close a few times but I never stuck it. Though I'm pretty sure I have landed it at that spot before. I packed in a flatground section and just practiced kickflips for a good half hour. It was exhausting. It's weird, but I think flatground is actually more tiring than skating a gentle hill and then climbing back up. It's hard to really tell which is worse, but I feel like flatground might be. Because you just... don't carry speed... so you end up having to run and push more. Just a theory. I landed one kickflip, out of probably... I don't know, if I was to hazard a guess, probably 30 attempts? Not a great ratio. But I was really focusing on something specific today. I watched this video from a pro skater on common mistakes skating, and noticed something that I do a lot snowskating that I don't do as much skateboarding (though I still do it, just not as much). Leaning my torso forward rather than squatting on anything that isn't a straight ollie. Even ollies I get that sometimes, especially when landing a drop. But I noticed it a ton on backside 180s and heelflips. Correcting this by keeping my weight above my board, keeping my hips and shoulders lined up more (thank you, yoga!) made me much more consistent in proper 3-shuv landings, I was just... having trouble focusing on catching the board. The path turned to solid ice really quick, so when I popped... it felt like trying to jump forwards while wearing skate shoes (flat bottomed, little grip) on an ice rink. Your balance just immediately goes fucky. So regaining balance, staying above the board and looking at the board for catch and foot placement was just... too much for me all at once while mid-air. The "look at the board" part was usually too late, because all these moving parts still haven't been committed to muscle memory yet. The foot position, riding and correcting balance, steer correction, the pop and flick, those are all committed pretty well to muscle memory, I don't have to think too much. I just go 3-shuv and my feet go to the right place. But weight placement, posture and looking at the board aren't intuitive yet.

The "squat, don't bend" method definitely made kickflips much more consistent, and they actually popped higher too, which was an unexpected bonus. But sticking them moving on very uneven terrain... it was a battle. But I landed one. And it was much higher than my other kickflips. It wasn't clean, but it was enough to call a land.

I started to head back... then I eyed the 6-set at the bottom of the hill. Yep. I was tempted. It's weird, it's diagonally angled, so... it's a little weird to hit it? It feels much bigger than it really is. I decided to set the goal of bombdropping it. And I refused to leave until I landed it. And I tried and tried and tried. Over a dozen times, easily. I ate shit on that over and over. I just couldn't get my balance right. Too far back, too far back, too far back, too far toe edge, too far forward. At one point, I spooked a young woman and her dog who were out walking, it was like... 11PM. I think I scared her a bit? I don't know. I tried to be friendly, but she just... seemed to want to keep walking. I get it, it's late at night, your dog's barking at me, I'm some dude with a weird board thing alone in a park wearing all black. Probably not the place she felt the most safe in the world. I tried to be really friendly, told her I used to have a german shepherd and it was cool, I wasn't upset by it or anything. Then wished her a good night. Then it was like... probably another 6 or 7 more tries. And I was so fucking close, I just kept sliding out. And I was just about to give up and getting so tired. And I just went, "I'm fucking landing it this time. And I'm just riding away." And I tried to envision it, like... envision what it feels like, what it looks like. Really get that in my head. Then just clear my head and immediately go. And I came really close but I didn't land it. So I bolted back up and just said. "Nope, this time. This is it. Just do it." And I ran, and jumped, and put the board under my feet, and... rode away. And I did it. And I scared the shit out of some dude across the street who was walking and didn't see me because of the sound of the board smacking the packed snow. And I was beaming.

It wasn't an ollie, but it was the biggest stairset I've ever done. And the only one bigger in the park is the 7-set above the flatground section. Talk about progression. I don't know if I'm brave enough to try to ollie that 6-set this winter. Ollieing is so different from bombdropping. I'll leave the option open... but... it spooks me.

But I'll tell ya, that first bombdrop on the stairset? That took a bit of pumping myself up to do it. I was tempted to just jump first, no board under me, but... I was actually worried that might do more damage than good. I feel like landing flat-footed with nothing to move your momentum... all the impact just goes to your static feet, right in the ankles. And I don't really know how to like... tuck and roll out of that to distribute momentum, especially with a phone in my pocket. I do know how to tuck and roll and slide out of landing on my board to distribute momentum, pretty well too. So I actually opted to just skip the test jump and go right to the first bombdrop. And that was... a literal leap of faith. It took a big "fuck it" to get me to override my survival instincts there. I often feel like a baby because there are kids half my age that jump down stairsets twice that big, and they don't even have snow to break their fall. But for me, it's spooky. For me, these sets are the biggest thing I've done. So... I'm gonna let myself have that fear. Because the fear = the challenge. And overcoming the challenge, conquering the fear = the reward. Otherwise, I'm kinda cheating myself out of progression just because others have progressed further in their own journeys... That's kinda silly.

I ended skating on that note, it was a great feeling. I am so glad I stuck it out and pushed the last few attempts. It was worth it!

[kalid-raven]

The Shapes First Impressions (MichaelMyersxOC) (Crossover)

(Feeling ill, so indulging into some Michael thoughts to make me feel better :) The first part of their visit can be read her by the amazing @rottent33th​ --->   https://www.tumblr.com/rottent33th/700589231983198208/new-face-in-town?source=share ))

It was their first day in Ambrose.

Michael got along surprisingly well with Vincent, and Alia had little doubt much of it was thanks to the artist's genuine efforts. Michael could be... Resistant, to change or new experiences, but she was grateful to see how hard he was trying. The usual frown had deepened, but not from anger. It was concentration, frustration, and feeling curious, either all at once or at different moments.

Alia stepped outside with him to see how he was doing, and she could quickly read that he was feeling a bit overwhelmed. She hadn't done so much socializing in ages, and Michael? The last time there was the chaos of a full house, it was his own and not in a good way, or at the Sanitarium. She pulled him into a hug, one he readily accepted and returned. The quiet of outside, the lack of people once he had been reminded the wax figures were just that; lifeless, it allowed him to relax and recollect himself.

Damn Vincent was good at making those things.

Michael was such a solitary person by nature, but he couldn't say he wasn't intrigued and curious about these people who seemed more in line with himself and his actions. And their significant others? Alia melded in perfectly with them, her often reserved and mature manner gave way to an extent to something more carefree. He knew he wasn't normal by a long shot, and it was strange to interact with others who somewhat shared that. Vincent especially, who even wore a mask, though it was fashioned in the face of Bo. His face too, though? Alia said they were twins.

Michael was still baffled that Alia connected to someone to the point of them admitting the darkness that their men lived in. He had been angry at first when he found out she told their secret, only to find out Ellie had admitted it first, and they had been close since before he found his way back into her life over the last year. In comparison to the others, Michael and Alias relationship  and reconnection was notably newer than others, and there were many things they were still working out and learning about each other. Couple milestones they still hadn't reached.

Why couldn't everything be simpler? Easier? slower to change and more at his pace? But even Michael knew that was unrealistic to expect. This trip, and his begrudging acceptance of it, was proof of that. Lifting his head from her hair, he looked through the window inside, his expression a perfect poker face as he studied the people within. Vincent was acceptable and had good taste in music, Bo made him suspicious with his slick behavior(He'd be keeping him from getting too close to Alia), and Lester confused him with his odd mannerisms and strangely cheerful personality. But he would still go back inside, for the sake of Alia. He didn't want to admit that he had his own curiosities in them, like that hand-thing Vincent did. Sign language? He heard about it, never saw it in practice. Talking with your hands... It was interesting. Useful.

"You feeling better, love?" Alia asked, craning her neck to be able to look up at the figurative giant. Michael returned his eyes to her and nodded. "Good. I know it's a lot... Thank you for going so far out of your way. It means the world to me." She said in earnest, standing on her tip toes to kiss him, and Michael bent down to meet her lips with his own. After a long moment, they parted and she smiled at him. "You ready to go back in, or do you need time alone?"

He thought for a moment, before shaking his head and briefly holding up one finger.

"Alright, come in whenever you're ready, food is in the works and I know how hungry you always are." She chuckled, rubbing his back before releasing him. "I'm going back inside, let me know if you need me, Michael. You know I'll be at your side in a heartbeat." He gave a nod, watching her go and only looking away when the door closed. Taking a seat on the steps much as he often did as a boy, he propped his elbow on his knee and rested his rough chin in his palm. Blue eyes drifted absently as he fell into his own thoughts, still feeling barren without his mask, but also feeling that putting it on right now wasn't quite right.

Maybe he was trying harder than even he realized to make this work.

(Shame he wasn’t going to be half as “excited” when he would find out later there were even  more people coming...)

[13uswntimagines]

Things *Good* Alphas Do (Alpha!Becky x Alpha!Alyssa x Omega!Reader)

Request: Alpha Alyssa and Alpha Becky/ Omega reader where she’s newer to the team and really shy, especially around alphas and Becky and Alyssa come up with elaborate plans to spend time with her (with the teams help) and omega reader slowly falls for them especially when they protect her from a push alpha when they’re out somewhere?

Alyssa watched you from across the bar. Tracking every movement you made as you ordered your drink next to Mal. The other omega was leaning heavily on you, and she made a mental note to give Rose a heads up. 

The team paid little attention to her protective stare, more than used to her and Becky’s possessive (but carefully restrained) behavior around you. They understood the delicateness of your situation. 

You weren’t just shy, that much had been overwhelmingly obvious since you had joined the team about six months ago. When you first arrived, you were skidding beyond belief, flinching every time an alpha so much as looked in your direction. Even around the two women who were destined to be your mates. 

It was a slow process but the omega’s on the team had eventually gained your trust, and in turn began their plan to get you to accept your alphas. 

*****

Attempt 1 - one month in

Christen was the first person you trusted. Her quiet, calm nature resonated with you and you found that her alpha, Tobin’s, chill vibes didn’t set off warning bells in your brain. 

You loved hanging out with her (the team joked that you followed her around like a puppy for those first weeks), and morning Yoga together had quickly become an integral part of your routine. You didn’t like it when people messed with your routines. 

“I didn’t know you two did yoga,” You mumbled, raising your eyebrows at the two alphas shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. 

“We wanted to try something new if that’s ok with you?” Becky asked hesitantly, reaching out to carefully run a hand down your arm. 

“We thought it would be a good way to enjoy the view,” Alyssa shrugged, the only indication she was nervous of your answer was her worrying her lip between her teeth. 

You glanced worriedly at Christen. You had come to look forward to yoga. It helped you to relax and center yourself before having to deal with the craziness of the team. 

She nodded encouragingly at you, a small smile playing on her lips as she released a bit of her soothing scent (your alphas did too, but at a much lower rate- afraid that overwhelming you with pheromones wouldn’t work well in their favor). 

“I’m sure they’ll be fine, our routine isn’t too complicated,” 

“And they’re going to be over here by me,” Tobin added, gesturing towards two yoga mats a little ways away from the ones you and Christen were going to use. 

You were pretty ok around Becky and Alyssa (your inner omega definitely recognized them as her mates), but no one wanted to push you too fast too soon. You eyed the spot Tobin had pointed to and your alphas respectively. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust them, it was just that the previous alphas in your life hadn’t made you feel confident that they would treat you as an equal. That they wouldn’t push you to accept them before you were ready too. 

“We respect your boundaries y/n,” Becky said softly, her finger still rubbing your arm, her soothing scent getting just a little bit stronger. The lines for what you and your inner omega were comfortable with were set, and neither alpha was going to overstep it. 

“We just wanna be close to you,” Alyssa added, equally as soft. 

You paused, looking for any hint of dishonesty (unaware of the apprehensiveness leaking through your fledgling bond to your alphas). 

You nodded when you didn’t find any. “You can do yoga with us,” you smirked, feeding off of the excitement they were sending your bond“if you can keep up that is,”

Tobin cackled at your sudden surge of confidence and the wide eyes of your mates. They hadn’t gotten the chance to see your sassy side yet, and she knew that they were going to have their hands full. 

“Let’s get started then,” Christen laughed. This was going to be a fun morning. (And if Tobin got to watch your alphas fall all over themselves to get you to feel comfortable around them, then this was going to be a fun courtship to watch). 

*****

Attempt 2- 3 months in

“I wasn’t built for this,” Alyssa huffed as her head popped back above the water, whipping the hair from her face and clinging onto her surfboard for dear life. 

“And you think I was?” Becky grumbled, paddling over to her alpha mate, while still trying to keep an eye on their omega who was heading out past the breakers with Kelley in hopes of catching another massive wave. 

You had taken a long time to warm up to the feisty omega (you were still incredibly hesitant around her rambunctious blond alpha). They were happy that the omega’s on the team were starting to really crack your shell. It helped that most of them were into the same crazy activities you were. 

The team was trying to take advantage of your love of surfing as a way to help your alphas bond with you, but it wasn’t exactly going to plan. No one had accounted for the fact that neither of your alphas was particularly good on a surfboard, or in the water for that matter. So they had spent the majority of the day watching as you, Kelley, Tobin, and Alex had basically swum circles around them. 

“Looks like you two got yourselves a daredevil for a mate,” Emily snorted, coming up beside them. Her watchful eye never left where her mate was moving next to you. 

The two of you had a knack for finding trouble, but she hoped that didn’t extend to the waves. 

“I don’t know how you all do this,” Alyssa huffed, finally pulling herself up on her board. 

Emily shrugged with a giggle. It was hilarious the lengths your alphas went to spend time with you. “Lots of practice my friend. At least you have more patience than the rest of us,” 

Becky and Alyssa shared a look as you paddled after a giant wave. It seemed that you were definitely going to give them a run for their money. When you were more comfortable and you had finally accepted them as your mates, they were going to have to set some boundaries for sure. 

“I didn’t know she had it in her,” Ashlyn cackled, joining the group watching the two omega’s shred that monster wave. 

Your alphas jaws dropped in awe, excitement and pride surged both ways through your (slightly stronger) fledgling bond. 

“We might wanna duck dive,” Emily mumbled just before she disappeared into the water. 

“What?” Becky asked, glancing at Ashlyn who also dove under. She turned back towards Alyssa, her eyes widening when she saw the giant wave coming right for them. 

Alyssa’s gaze followed hers, 

“fuck” she hissed, just as the force of the wave took them, tossing them around like socks in a washing machine. Their boards flew out from under them in the watery barrage but surprisingly didn’t become untethered from their ankles. 

Both alphas made it back to the surface with minimal sputtering, dragging themselves the rest of the way inland. They were very much done for the day, but it appeared you weren’t. 

Your head popped up above the water with a huge grin on your face. Kelley’s wasn’t too far behind you. The two of you shared several words before hopping on your boards and heading back out through the surf to do it all again. 

The alphas shook their heads. 

“We need to convince her that cuddles and movies are just as good,” Becky grumbled, and Alyssa nodded in return. The yoga was hard, but at least it hadn’t almost killed them. Hopefully, whatever plan the team came up with next didn’t involve more extreme sports. 

*****

Attempt 3- 6 months in 

You stood there with your arms crossed, glaring daggers at the two alphas in front of you. You were sure they could feel the frustrated pheromones rolling off you, and your agitation leaking through your evergrowing bond. 

You were fairly comfortable with the women who you knew were your mates, but you weren’t quite ready to take the leap and admit your feelings. You also weren’t really fond of this little surprise they had sprung on you for your team-bonding night seating arrangements. 

Every seat in the hotel room was taken except for the one in between your mates on one of the queen size beds. 

“Are we going to pretend that you two didn’t plan this?” You growled at the alphas, who were shrinking back into the bed. 

“We didn’t!” They exclaimed, Becky, holding her hands up in surrender while Alyssa seemed to tuck into herself (which was completely hilarious because of how big she was). They both released a little bit of their scents (along with several members of the team), hoping to appease your very unamused inner omega. 

“Well, it’s one hell of a coinkydink that the only open seat is between you,” You huffed, not buying the innocent act they were playing up. 

Your alphas sent a pleading look towards the ringleader of this particular attempt, “They had nothing to do with this short stack. It was all Sammy’s idea,” Kelley shrugged. 

“Hey!” Sam exclaimed at the same time Mal giggled out a “Right under the bus,” 

You glared at the omega’s who had become your friends over the past several camps. “You all need to stop meddling,” 

Kelley rolled her eyes. You were utterly adorable when you were trying to be grumpy (Kelley was sure your alphas would agree- if the looks they were giving you were anything to go by). “Yeah, yeah. Just sit down already,” she said, kicking your butt from her place cuddling into Emily on the other bed. 

You tipped forward, landing in Becky’s lap with a huff. She steadied your shoulders as you scrambled from her lap (ignoring the way your inner omega preened at the attention). 

“You alright darling?” Alyssa asked, watching carefully as you wiggled in between them into a more comfortable position. 

“Mm fine,” You mumbled, sighing when you finally found a comfortable position (completely ignoring the fact that it had you pressing into Alyssa’s taller frame). She smiled indulgently at you, slowly working her arm behind both you and Becky to make herself a more comfortable pillow for you. 

Becky’s hand came up to rub soothing circles on your arm, working her way very slowly up your shoulder and towards your neck. You hummed lightly, sinking further into Alyssa. 

You couldn’t help how relaxed you were around the women. How absolutely safe you felt. Your eyes slowly dropped shut. You guessed the warmth of your mates (the soothing pheromones they were releasing) was causing your exhaustion to finally catch up with you. But you still didn’t want to fall asleep. It would make you a perfect target for a joke from the other youngins. 

“Just relax, we’ll take care of you,” Alyssa whispered into your hair, placing a very sweet kiss on your temple. 

“Promise?” You asked, quaking an eyebrow. They had gained your trust over the last six months, but you still needed to make sure before you let go completely. 

“Always,” Becky nodded. You hummed in agreement, finally giving in to the pull of sleep, confident that your alphas would ward off any unwanted pranks. 

*****

You were having the best time ever. You were never really a fan of bars or dancing, but here with the rest of your team, you were having a blast. 

Mal leaned heavily into your side “How do you do it?” She asked, her words still clear despite how many margaritas she’d had. 

“Do what?” Your eyebrows furrowing. You had no idea where this conversation was going, but if the shift in pheromones was anything, it wasn’t going to be a place you wanted to actually talk about. 

“Resist the urge to mate for so long,” Mal snorted, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

You felt heat flood your cheeks, traveling all the way up to your neck towards your ears. You didn’t have a lot of good experiences with alphas, and in the beginning, the quiet stillness of your mates had unnerved you. You wondered when they would drop the calm and patient act and try to take what they believed was theirs. 

Over time, you learned that they never would. They would never cross a boundary you weren’t comfortable conceding. You learned how to trust them, how to finally let yourself begin to lean into the feelings your inner omega so strongly believed in. You were getting closer and closer to finally being ready for them, it had just taken you longer than most (something your alphas assured you they were fine with). 

“I-... I don’t,” You stuttered, but it seemed like Mal didn’t even realize your internal spiraling. 

“I was barely able to hold out for a week with Rosie. We met and it was like bang- insta-heat,” she rambled on leaning in very close to your ear, her head lolling to the side on your shoulder. “they love you, you love them, so what’s the holdup?” 

You sighed. You did love them, and your inner omega yearned to finally take them as your mates, but it was just so overwhelming. You didn’t want your relationship to be dictated by instincts, but you wouldn’t deny that you were slowly falling for the women who had worked their way into your heart. 

“I’m trying to get-...” You started, only to get interrupted by a new presence right over your shoulder. 

“Hey ladies, what are two little omegas doing here by their little lonesome,” He said, flashing you what you assumed was his most charming smile as he pumped out his cloying scent. 

Your nose wrinkled involuntarily- his calling pheromones were absolutely disgusting to the earthy sweetness your mates sometimes used to help you calm yourself down. 

“We’re not alone. Thanks,” You mumbled, pulling Mal tighter to you. She may act like your protector for the most part, but that didn’t mean that you wouldn’t step up.

The alpha chuckled, stepping closer to you and placing an unwanted hand on your arm. “Oh contrare. You can’t fool me with that omega on omega shit,”

More of his disgusting scent pressed over you, calling for your submission. You steeled yourself, fighting against the urge. You had raced worse on the soccer pitch from opponents far more dominant than this duchbag. He didn’t deserve the honor of your submission. 

“Don’t touch me,” You growled, staring him defiantly in the eyes and shrugging his grip off your arm. 

His lips twitched as though he was amused by your defiance. “Come on baby, quit playing so hard to get,” he said, his hand returning just a little bit higher on your arm. You winced at the tight hold, opening your mouth to respond, only to be cut off from a low and dangerous growl from behind the man. “I believe she said to let go,” Alyssa said.

“Now!” Becky added, and it felt like something in your chest loosened. Their pheromones drowned out his scent, wrapping around you like the world’s softest blanket. Like everything would be alright now that they were here. 

The alpha smirked and shot a low growl back at the two enraged alphas. “Whoa, calm down. She’s just playing a little hard to get. Now get lost, I was here first,” 

Becky stepped forward, gripping the alpha’s forearm so tightly you were sure his bones were straining under the stress. “You will take your hand off our mate before we remove it for you,” She rumbled, the sound resonating in her chest, as Alyssa stepped in between you and the alpha, acting as a shield. 

“Fuck you guys,” The alpha hissed, finally letting go of you and storming off to go harass some other omega’s. 

That when you noticed everything was shaking, or maybe it was you that was shaking? At some point during the exchange, Rose had come to retrieve Mal, dragging her away from the cloud of angry and dominant pheromones. 

Alyssa turned and pulled you inter her arms, and you buried your face in her chest. Becky hugged you from behind, encapsulating you in their warmth and protection. 

“You alright, babydoll?” Becky asked as Alyssa started to purr to soothe you. 

“Hmm, just hold me,” You hummed, your omega finally calming down. The arms of your alphas tightened around you. You were safe with them, and they would always be there for you. You knew that. 

“Always darling,”

[skypied]

2, 3, 10, 11, 17, 25!

readmoreing 'cause I'm never brief!

2. Did you reread anything? What?

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy and Red White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston! The first for writing inspiration (and yo more fully appreciate the story), the second for fun.

3. What were your top five books of the year?

(in no particular order) One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong, Lighthousekeeping by Jeanette Winterson... I don't think I can pick between To Paradise VS The People in the Trees by Hanya Yanagihara. And Tingenes tilstand by Sandra Lillebø, to get one Norwegian book in. (Man, I wish it'd be translated into English, that one HIT so DAMN hard and inspired me a lot. The upside to it not being translated is how much I've yoinked from it in my own writing :P)

10. What was your favorite new release of the year?

Young Mungo by Douglas Stewart! I just picked up Nona the Ninth from the library, though, which miiiiight claim the spot.

11. What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?

Man, I almost only read books that've been out for a good while, I don't think I'll be able to pick :p that's how it goes when 98% of my reads are library lends!

17. Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

Mmm... I read a lot of authors I know I enjoy this year, so there weren't that many surprises. Maybe The House by the Cerulean Sea! That was cute. And Exciting Times by Naoise Dolan, which on the whole I was kind of meh about, but it had a lot of funny and insightful lines.

25. What reading goals do you have for next year?

Hmm, I think I'm gonna continue my project of reding the bibliography of authors I enjoy. I've worked my way through Hanya Yanagihara, Douglas Stuart and Casey McQuiston this year. I'm in the progress of going through Alice Oseman and Ocean Vuong, T.J. Klune and depending on how my current read goes (Babel) I might do R.F. Kuang.

I also wanna reread Jonas Gardell's Don't Ever Wipe Tears Without Gloves trilogy - which also unfortunately isn't translated into English, but I think the TV show adaption is possible to find with English subs (I haven't finished the show, but the first ep was good, and based on the books, I have to recommend it, I think). The memory of reading that inspired an on-ice long fic I always wanted to write, I'm hoping rereading it will bring me inspiration.

This year I've been trying to read newer books than usual, and doing more "only for fun" reads, (more fantasy, sci-fi and YA) which I think I'll continue. There are a lot of authors I read more for writing style than fun, and while I also enjoy that, having some fun-reads is also nice.

[laineystein]

40 little things I love about Israel (AKA the Israel the media won’t show you):

1. Beach libraries! Bus stop libraries! Colorful, well stocked, pop up libraries everywhere!

2. In Israel, the swings at a playground are spaced in a circle (instead of a line) so children can look at one another. It encourages interaction and community - very Jewish!

3. There were mice/bird issues in Israeli neighborhoods so the government released cats to combat the issue. When they realized it had gotten out of hand, vets started spay/neutering and vaccinating all of the stray cats so they’re all well taken care of.

4. There are flowers everywhere!

5. Beautiful graffiti! A lot of it uses the natural texture/shapes of structures to make art. So colorful!

6. A lot of neighborhood streets are themed. There’s a neighborhood in Ashdod that is named after strong Israeli women - my favorite!

7. The respect for the military. We give to those currently serving, we have holidays for those who have fallen in service, and our rehabilitation centers for those injured in service are top notch.

8. There is art - sculptures, mosaics, paintings - everywhere! We even turn useful things (benches, trash cans) into art. Or exercise equipment…like outside…at the beach. All art.

9. Makhtesh! (Mountains that were washed over with water causing them to collapse into themselves, causing massive crater-like valleys)

10. Trees! Someone is born? Plant a tree. Someone passes? Plant a tree. Just want to plant a tree? Plant a tree.

11. Promenades! Also referred to as “teyelet” in Hebrew. Pedestrians, bikes, flowers, cafes. Not sure where to go? Find the promenade and start walking. You’ll figure it out.

12. Jews are from all over the world - and they bring their food with them to Israel. Moroccan? Italian? Yemeni? Russian? Syrian? Slavic? Polish? German? French? Brazilian? Spanish? We have it ALL.

13. Similarly - Kosher? Pareve? Vegetarian? Vegan? Gluten-free? Israel’s restaurants typically have options for each and/or are very amenable to making changes when they can.

14. Super diverse geography! Mountains? Deserts? Beaches? Forests? Cold weather? Warm weather? YUP.

15. Public transportation is very efficient. You really don’t need a car. It’s also extremely affordable so there’s really no reason *not* to use it.

16. This one will blow your mind: religious tolerance! Does Israel have a lot of Jews? Sure! It also has Muslims, Christians, Atheists, etc. Israel prides itself on being very knowledgeable/aware/respectful of different religions and beliefs and caters toward each in the government, education, military, etc.

17. Museums! So. Many. Museums. Indoor, outdoor, UNDERWATER. All the museums!

18. Free in vitro-fertilization programs! (Healthcare in general is amazing)

19. There will be rosemary and sage that just grow wildly near the road? And you can pick it and cook with it? And we do? Often.

20. Such varied communities of Orthodox Jews. Hasidic Jews are such a small subset in the Orthodox community. They all have different traditions and appearances. It’s really wonderful.

21. Simchat Torah is a party in the streets. Honestly, all Jewish holidays just hit differently in Israel.

22. Salads. Colorful salads! Savory salads! Sweet salads! For those of you who are weary of Salad culture, Israel will change your mind. We eat salads at nearly every meal.

23. We have the best coffee. That’s it. We just do. (Our coffee and cafes are so good that Starbucks doesn’t survive in Israel. Who needs it?)

24. Lemonana. Or lemonade with mint. Just trust me.

25. The Dead Sea. Come see it/experience it before global warming makes it disappear!

26. Prisoners can vote in elections! We even have polling places in prisons to facilitate this. We actually put polling places in many places to ENCOURAGE voting by all Israelis.

27. The siren on Yom HaShoah. How the entire country of Israel comes to a stop no matter what they’re doing.

28. The views. There’s always a mountain you can stand on to see the ocean, the skyline, the desert.

29. There’s always new and old parts to cities and they somehow blend together really well. Israel is full of so much history and the Israeli people continue to build on that without disrespecting the past.

30. Sheirut Leumi AKA an alternative to compulsory military service that allows young Israelis to serve Israel in different ways ie. working at Independence Hall, explaining Israel’s history to tour groups, and any other visitors.

31. So many options to volunteer! Food pantries, hospitals, nursing homes - giving back to the community is a key tenet in Judaism and is common in Israel. (Our bus stops have monetary donation boxes!!)

32. The shuk aka the massive open-air market in Jerusalem. Google it. It’s magical. (There are a lot of shuks throughout Israel but the most well known and largest is in Jerusalem.)

33. Banks are like works of art? They’re architecturally stunning? It’s like being transported back in time. Even newer banks are built in older styles.

34. So many parks and botanical gardens. And they’re all FREE!!!

35. Halva. I could eat pounds of it.

36. The sunsets. Nothing compares.

37. Universities are fun to visit? All are welcome. They often have tours open to the public and they’re designed with that in mind.

38. Our money has braille on it! And we have a theatre that is dedicated entirely to the deaf and blind communities. How cool is that?

39. Light shows. We like to light up buildings and we hold events showcasing lit fountains and other light adorned structures. I don’t know but it’s a big thing.

40. Kosher everything! Kosher glue on stamps! Kosher food fed to animals at the zoo! Kosher McDonalds!

[little-smartass]

THE VAMPIRE LESTAT COVER ALBUM - the legendary Vampire Lestat is back and bigger and badder than ever, this time bringing a whole album of song covers ranging from classic bangers to newer fresh takes on chart hits! get your copy now, complete with a transcript of the artist's commentary on each song!

(songs I think Lestat would cover and release as an album in an attempt to re-kickstart his career and/or make some sort of dramatic statement to Louis. tracklist and "artist commentary" under the cut)

Survival - Muse

“And I’ll reveal my strength, to the whole human race, yes I am prepared, to stay alive, and I won’t forgive, and vengeance is mine, and I won’t give in, because I choose to thrive! Yeah I’m gonna win!”

Oh, I wish this song had been around back on that opening night at the Cow Palace - how apt that would have been! What a fucking anthem! They would have been rioting all night. I mean, they already were, but, like, because of the music. Not because vampires were being immolated in the middle of the crowd. Different kind of riot.

The Bitch Is Back - Elton John

“I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch, oh the bitch is back, stone cold sober as a matter of fact, I can bitch, I can bitch, ‘cause I’m better than you, it’s the way that I move, the things that I do!”

One day I want to have this play as I walk into Night Island. I’ll time it perfectly so that I throw off my coat - my denim jacket, or- oh, no, a fur! Maximum drama! - just as the chorus starts. Armand will know that I’m coming of course, but I think that’ll just make it even better. And I have good memories to this song... [muffled question] Sorry, gentlemen don’t kiss and tell, bébé. [laughter]

Everybody Loves Me - OneRepublic

"Oh my, feels just like I don’t try, look so good I might die, all I know is everybody loves me, head down, swaying to my own sound, flashes in my face now, all I know is everybody loves me”

Look, do I even need to explain this one? Didn’t think so.

Bad Reputation - Joan Jett

"I don't give a damn ‘bout my reputation, I've never been afraid of any deviation, and I don't really care if you think I'm strange, I ain't gonna change - and I'm never gonna care bout my bad reputation"

This one's fairly self-explanatory again. It could have been my personal anthem when I was mortal quite honestly. And it's an awful lot of fun to jump about and headbang to, don't you think? That's a new thing I've found out about, headbanging. People have been hopping about to music looking like fools for centuries but now there's a name for it. Fantastic.

bad guy - Billie Eilish

"I’m that bad type, make your mama sad time, make your girlfriend mad type, might seduce your dad time… I’m the bad guy. Duh.”

Creepy? Check. Sexy? Check. Tongue-in-cheek? Check check. This song was great and a lot of fun to cover.

Lover to Lover - Florence + the Machine

“I believe there’s no salvation for me now, no space among the clouds, and I feel I’m heading down, but that’s alright, that’s alright, that’s alright”

I don’t know, this one just felt very relevant. Also the piano was great to do. You might have noticed that I’ve picked a lot of songs with piano, and that’s because I bullied the studio into getting me a goooooorgeous grand piano for the recording space and I wanted to use it as much as possible!

Feeling Good - Muse

“Stars when you shine, you know how I feel, scent of the pine, you know how I feel, oh freedom is mine, and I know how I feel”

I just really like this song - I’ve done a cover of an excellent cover! Can- can you put emojis in this? Do people still use emojis? Well imagine I’ve put the shrug one. Wait, isn’t there- Daniel, Daniel, come here, isn’t there a shrug emoji made up of keyboard- [muffled words] yes! The shrug one! Yes, put that in the transcription. [ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ] I just like this song.

The Man - The Killers

“I got gas in the tank, I got money in the bank, I got news for you baby, you're looking at the man, I got skin in the game, I got a household name, I got news for you baby, you're looking at the man”

I feel like this one speaks for itself too. Can you put that shrug emoji thing in here again? [ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ] Yes!

J'ai Pas Envie - MIKA

J'ai pas envie, de faire comme si, comme les maris, qui disent oui, j'ai pas envie, j'ai pas envie, j'ai pas envie d'te faire plaisir, j'ai pas envie, j'ai pas envie, si tu m'aimes viens me le dire"

Look, I'm not going to translate the whole song for you, because it has all this clever wordplay you just totally lose in english… but the gist of it is that these two lovers are… at odds a lot. It's… it's maybe a little spiteful [laughter] but in a fun way! It's a fun song! Louis won't even be mad about it, it's MIKA.

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

"When I'm not with you, think of you always (I miss those long hot summer nights), when I'm not with you, think of me always, always"

[Long pause] God, I miss Freddie.

Let 'Em Talk - Kesha

Ah, full disclosure - I put this song in purely because of the expression Louis made when I played it in the car and it got to the line “can suck my dick” and she did that popping noise… it was incredible, and I just knew I had to cover it so I could see his expression when I said that. I can’t wait to play it to him. [laughter]

So What - P!nk

"So so what, I'm still a rockstar, I got my rock moves, and I don't need you, and guess what? I'm having more fun, and now that we're done, I'm gonna show you tonight, I'm alright, I'm just fine, (and you're a tool, so)"

I'm actually a big fan of nineties and noughties female stars - all that grrrrrrrl power, it's great fun, you know? I'd say this one is fairly self-explanatory, because I am still a rockstar! This is my new album! Fuck you EMP and your sniffy little article calling me "washed up"!

Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons

"But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear?"

This one could be self-deprecating, but it's also very vindictively angry at the same time, and that's a combination I definitely get. Like, oh, it's my fault, isn't it? It's my fucking fault again, what a surprise. Perhaps "learn from your mother or you'll spend your days biting your own neck" is a little on the nose… [muffled words] you've read my books, right? [muffled words] Good, good.

Missy - The Airbourne Toxic Event

"But I swear there's still some good in me, I think if you'd stuck around you'd see, all the botched attempts at integrity I once had"

Oh, I was feeling philosophical when I picked this one. No, philosophical isn't the right word… melancholy? Do people still use that word? "I swear I swear I swear I'll never get sad" is both furiously defiant and yet so self-defeatingly ironic. [Exasperated noise] Enough of that. Next!

Please Don't Leave Me - P!nk

"I don't know if I can yell any louder, how many times have I kicked you out of here, or said something insulting? I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of nearly anything, when my heart is broken… (please, please don't leave me)"

Oh, we’re… we’re getting to this section now. [clearing throat] Well, I have to make up for that sucking dick line, don’t I? Get a bit vulnerable. Oh God, why did I decide to do this bit? [muffled words] [bad chicago accent] But why buy the cow? Because you love him, you really do. [sigh, laughter]

Next To Me - Imagine Dragons

"Oh, I always let you down, shattered on the ground, still I find you there, next to me, and oh, the stupid things I do, I'm far from good it's true, still I find you, next to me"

Why did I- I don’t remember putting so many of these ones in.

Run To You - Pentatonix

"I've been settling scores, I've been fighting so long, but I've lost your war, and our kingdom is gone... how shall I win back your heart which was mine? I have broken bones and tattered clothes, I've run out of time"

[Sigh] [clears throat] Yeah. I think we can move onto the next one.

Love of My Life - Queen

“Love of my life, don't leave me, you've stolen my love, you now desert me, love of my life, can't you see? Bring it back, bring it back, don't take it away from me, because you don't know, what it means to me”

I play this one sometimes on my baby grand when we've had a fight, and it's impossible for him to stay angry. He's a sucker for this sort of… formality in romance. God, I wish I'd realised that earlier. If I'd written him a letter in fancy copperplate script with scented paper and enclosed rose petals politely requesting him to bend me over his desk back in the day, it might not have taken two centuries of mutual blue balls for us to figure our shit out. Ah well, live and learn… as it were. [muffled words] Look, I did a whole bunch of vulnerable songs! Now I get to make sex jokes! [laughter] oh fuck off.

[otterbagel]

The Reunion (Part 1) Simon x Reader

Reader makes a rash decision, one that has long lasting consequences.

(Notes: There are two parts to this! Next part should be out next week. I'll probably start spacing out my posts after this so I don't get burnt out like last time. Also, didn't get to edit this one as much as I should've; the whole thing ended up pretty long and would take a long time everytime I tried to edit it. Can't believe it took me this long to finish one about Simon!!!)

"Hey, this is quite the unusual find, you gotta admit."

   Your eyebrow raised without hesitation, your eyes looking down to check your shoes. "Not really," you remarked softly, eyes going back up to meet the object of the discussion: a PL600 android.

   The salesman, who had uncomfortably started hounding you for the sale after you had curiously drifted towards the humanoid, was gesturing towards it flippantly with a toothy grin. "At this price?! Tell me, no, tell me where you found one this cheap— in this good a condition?"

   Your mouth automatically frowned. The arms were covered by a dark undershirt that made most of the skin unseeable— any damage not on the face and hands wouldn't be factored into the buying purchase. You had a feeling this clothing choice was intentional.

   "Just three hundred bucks!" The seller's round face turned into your line of sight. You quickly looked away out of discomfort.

   Your eyes landed onto the android's clear blue ones. You hadn't looked very closely at any androids before, despite walking amongst them nearly every day. Did they all look this lifelike? 

   Maybe you were looking way too into it. 

   You swallowed, aggressively fumbling for your wallet with a grunt of annoyance. "Okay, fine. Three hundred."

   With a pleased noise, the seller took off with your card, waving it in the air between two of his fingers. 

   You crossed your arms beside the android, who didn't seem to take any notice of what had just transpired. 

…

   Reality had begun to hit you like a truck on the way home.

   By the time you opened the door to your tiny house, you realized just how big of a rash decision you had just made.

   The android stood behind you quietly and without complaint as you released the door handle, letting the door softly bang against the wall. You stared dumbly into your own house, coat hanging limply from one of your dangling arms as you searched your brain for a solution. 

   You frowned, shaking your head rapidly. "I have no room for this."

   "Excuse me—"

   You jumped at the android's sudden intrusion into your own self reprimand, a small noise of fright escaping you before you could even begin to think of holding it back.

   "—would you like me to get started?"

   "Uh, yeah yeah yeah, uh… do whatever you want," you waved it off awkwardly, holding a hand to your chest as you attempted to catch your breath. You hurried inside, embarrassed of the whole situation. 

   You sat down on the couch as the android closed the door and walked past you and into the kitchen.

   Without turning it on, you stared at the TV as your fingertips rubbed against your face in nervousness.

   That had been such an impulse buy. You couldn't believe you had done that.

   The faucet turned on for a moment. You think you had put a cup in there, but there wasn't much else to clean.

   It seemed to be working properly. The guy who sold it was certainly odd and abrasive, but all in all it was a pretty good deal. Usually they were more than twice as much; newer models so expensive that the thought of you owning one was impossible. Even if it had some cosmetic damages, that was a small issue compared to its functionality.

   Trying to ignore the strange new entity in the house, you flipped on the TV. It was the news.

   There was some story about a recent fire that had decimated a small apartment building on the outskirts of Detroit. The police said it likely had something to do with Red Ice, although most evidence would probably be destroyed.

   The android had finished whatever it was doing in the kitchen and had quietly begun watching the TV from the archway. 

   You looked at it as it parted its lips in preparation to speak. "Are you a fan of the news?"

   "Sort of," you chuckled, looking back to the screen. "I work at a newstation— not this one, but I like checking it out from time to time."

   The android nodded, continuing to watch the screen as it held its hands politely behind its back.

   You looked it over, getting that feeling of nervousness again. "W-what's your name?" You blurted out quietly and without any grace.

   It blinked at you, the LED spinning blue for a second. "My previous owners named me Simon. Would you like to change my name?"

   You shook your head to yourself. "Do you like your name?"

   It squinted at you in confusion before returning to its natural, composed look. "It's good," it responded.

   Although you tried to maintain a jovial body language, you weren't doing a good job. "Great! Si… Simon is a great name," you chirped out awkwardly.

   "Thank you," Simon replied, giving a small head bow.

   You turned your head away from it as you felt your face grow warm with embarrassment. 

   What on Earth was happening to you?

   

…

   You had been having a strange dream about work when you heard someone calling your name.

   "...huh…?" you called out groggily.

   Your name again. "...I think you're going to be late for work at this rate…"

   Your eyes fluttered open. Simon was fiddling with his hands as he held them in front of his chest, eyes moving between you and the clock beside the bed.

   It said 8:32.

   The comforter was flung nearly off the bed as you jumped up in a panic. "Oh geez, yeah I'm gonna be late…" Random clothes filled your arms that you grabbed from your drawers as you prepared to go to work. "Thanks for waking me."

   Simon quietly made his way over to you as you tried finding a pair of socks. "I didn't hear you walking around this morning," he said with a chuckle. "And where you stayed up later than usual last night… I figured…"

   A laugh escaped you as you headed off towards the bathroom to get ready.

   He had been living here… maybe three months? It had seemed like a much longer time than that. In that amount of time, things had definitely changed between you two.

   Despite it being his intended purpose, it felt strange to have someone doing all your housework for you. It became an odd ritual pretty quickly: once you got home, you would work on chores together. Not that there were many— that was one of the perks of having a small house— but it just made you feel better about the whole thing.

   The whole process was a bit cathartic for you; away from the hustle and bustle of the busy, stressful life at the newstation and into a warm, domestic one.

   You hurried to the front door to slip on your shoes, Simon leaving his spot on the couch to see you off. 

   "I think I'll make it on time," you joked as you looked up at him. "Thanks again."

   "No problem…" he responded quietly, struggling to retain eye contact with you.

   As you rose to your feet, he gave you a brief hug. Your face immediately began to burn bright red.

   "Have… have a good day at work…" he stuttered out before walking in quick strides to the kitchen.

   You were still frozen in place by the time he exited your vision. "Y-you too…" you blurted out before fumbling out the door, realizing your linguistic blunder before you had even closed the door.

   As you headed down the street, you let your hands touch your heated face. 

…

   You had nearly run home out of excitement.

   It had been such a small thing, but the prospects of your future career had your mind going nuts.

   After fumbling to get the key in the door and tossing it open, you slung your coat off your arms in a fluid motion. "Simon! Simon! You won't believe it!"

   He was sitting on the couch— like he usually had been over the past year— engaged in some overly dramatic show you weren't particularly fond of. His eyes were wide at your sudden entrance. "Yes?"

   You let the door make its way closed before you kicked it shut behind you, holding your arms out. "They said they liked my article!"

   Simon stared for a moment before his LED flashed in excitement. "THE article?" He sat up on the edge of his seat, smiling at you as he was filled with a wave of positive energy.

   "Yeah!" You nodded. "Not to get you too excited, but they're showing it to some of the higher ups, but it looks like I might get my own schedule slot soon!"

   "Oh wow!" He exclaimed, rising to his feet and taking you into his arms to lift you up for a split second. "I knew it would happen! I'm so proud!"

   You erupted into a fit of giggles as he held you, almost enjoying his praise as much as your own success. "Thanks Simon, I couldn't have done it without you."

   He released you, letting his hands rest against your sides. "That's not true," he responded quietly, his face red as he looked to the side.

   With a warm smile, you nodded to him. "Yes," you drawed out for effect. "You even came up with the idea. And, not to mention, the moral support."

   He stepped back a little, crossing his arms as he attempted to hide his expression of happiness. "You're too kind."

   The TV played in the silence, Simon fiddling with the edge of one of his sleeves as he pulled it down.

   Your mind raced as you looked at his hand, debating on bringing it up right now when the mood was so light.

   "They mentioned… uh... increasing my pay," you began, watching his expression for any hint of distress. "I thought that maybe… we could finally… you know… get that fixed…"

   His hands trailed along his sleeve as he nodded to himself, seemingly lost in thought. "Yeah," he responded. "That would be nice… but it would be so expensive… are you sure?"

   It had taken a few weeks to first see it, and even longer for you to see the full extent of the damage, but your initial thoughts had been correct. The long sleeves had been put on him for a reason, and it had seemed as though it had gradually become a personal choice as well.

   His forearms and biceps had a lot of physical damage, certainly from his previous owners. 

   Luckily, it had been almost purely cosmetic. Aside from a few light dents and scratches to his actual body, it was just a matter of getting the covering fixed. As of now, the white sheen of his android body was always visible underneath his sleeves.

   You wrung your hands together out of nervousness. "I just know how you said that you wanted it fixed," you took in a sharp inhale. "It won't be a problem to actually do, I've already been saving for a while…"

   He smiled, rushing in to hug you again. You, a bit caught off guard this time, was frozen in place.

   "I'd like to put the past behind me," he said as you finally came to and hugged him back, albeit still in a bit of a shock. "I think this is the first step."

   As you embraced, you couldn't help but feel a pang of excitement and anxiety.

[silverrstarrr]

Normal girl (2)

Note: i just edit this chapter a bit and added more dialog. Someone messaged me and helped me out with a few things, thank you!

Chapter 2:

Walking side by side down the stairs, you took a sip of your coffee and place your herd of keys the side of your book bag. yume was scrolling through her phone on tik tok, drinking from her coconut Carmel ice coffee. You didn't understand why she was drinking ice coffee in mid February, it was cold. It was surprising their wasn't any snow.

Grinning like an idiot, she shaked your shoulder, positioning her phone in front of you–you both watched the tik tok. You didn't laugh at first only smiling, yume kept gesturing you to keep watching, waiting for the punchline. Finally it came up and you both started laughing, you slowly shaked your head placing your hand over your mouth.

"NOOO, nooo. That was so wrong, yall are going to hellll" you whined out.

Yume wiped the tears from her face and continued down the last step. She opened up the door and slid out, you trialing behind her. You both proceeded to walk down the street, where all the park cars were out.

"We riding in rich today girlie, jump in," she lifted up her arm that held her drink, her other reached into her purse and grabbed her car keys.

"I thought we were gonna walk there? It's only 10 minutes." You headed towards her car as she unlocked it and sat in the driver's seat. She had a 2018 dark Grey Nissan altima. You remember her having this ever since junior year, you recalled her talking about getting a newer model since this one was old. Like girl what? Old your ass, if the car still functioning there ain't no problem. White people shit, man.

"Well, it's the first day of sweet college life," she dragged out the last few words, adding a sarcastic tone. Yume tossed her bag in the backseat through the open space from the front, She dropped her drink in the little cup holder as well. Catching up with her, you open the backseat's door and chucked your bag in there–immediately closing it after. You pull the passengers door open and sat down, closing it behind you. Yume did the same–letting out a large sigh as she used her long sleeve to rub her legs, which were freezing.

"Bruh, you were just cold. Shouldn't have wore that skirt knowing it was this cold. Your mother would be disappointed," you moved your head side ways, pretending to be disappointed. You dropped your dunkin' drink in the other cup holder next to hers.

"Y/n, shut upp." Rolling her eyes jokingly, She grabbed the buckled next to her seat and puts it on. You placed your seat belt on too. Automatically, her phone connected to the car, you check over at the screen in the middle. It had the time, the degrees outside and all that other fancy things.

"Wanna play something?" she inserted the keys into the ignition and started the car.

"Yeah, I'll type it in,"

You grabbed her phone, showing the screen to her to unlock it, automatically recognizing her face– the lock screen slid up, revealing all her apps. You went to spotify and played "C U Girl" by Steve lacy.

"OKAAYYY, MS. INDIE TIK TOKER." Yume said nodding her, jamming to song. It was only going to be a 5 minute drive, or 7 if you guys couldn't find parking. She swerved to the left, leaving her parking space and pulling off. You whipped out your phone and paused your music, rapidly switching to snapchat–you heard yume's loud singing.

"I WANNA SEE YOU GUURRLL, I WANNA PLEASE YOU GIRL....GO AHEAD AND BE YOUR GIRL," This girl was jamming her out heart out, steve lacy was her favorite along with Brent faiyaz and many others.

In response, you started cackling as you hit the record button—swiftly turning over it to the driver. Her black ponytail moving as she sang and motioning her head in all different directions. Eyeing towards your direction she sees the phone and leans towards the camera flashing a smile, moving her head side to side—still singing through the lyrics. Yume returned back to the road as she lightly taps the steering, avoiding the horn of course.

Once the quick little vid was done, you added a caption,

"I swear if we crash😭😭💕"

Your thumb jolted between posting it on your private or public. You decided to post on the public story because why not? The song was over pretty quickly as the next one played.

"Who knew white people had rhythm?!" It was obviously sarcasm. You knew she was half Asian but it was fun always calling out her white side.

"Naaahh, white people don't have any rhythm. What you saw there was my miki matsubara pop out". She eases down her breaks– the traffic light turns red. Miki Matsubara? Oh yeah, it's that woman who sung "stay with me". It was a good song, you were obsessed with the chorus mostly. 

You giggled a bit at her remark, you checked your socials once again.

"If this light doesn-" Yume sentence was cut off by the light turning green. She pressed her foot on the gas and carried on with attending class.

                                  ~~~

Pulling up to the parking lot, yume leaned towards her wheel, searching for a place to park. She slowly went down each isle searching for a vacant lot she could snag. You had your drink in between your lips, you took the last sip and shook the plastic cup trying to get a little more. All you heard was ice rattling against one another, dropping the cup back in the holder. You peer out the window looking at the campus, there were a ton of kids, like a lot. Anxiety began spiking up through your veins, this really is the college life, huh? Maria University. It was a school for literally anything, it was one of the biggest universities in the country as well being highly diverse. Yume would be allll the way on the other side of campus while you're slightly in the middle.

"Uggghhh! I regret not leaving earlier, I don't see any open slots." She whined. This was her 2nd time driving around the parking lot looking for a space.

"I said we should walk but nahhh, you wanted to be lazy and take the car." You rolled your eyes as yume, exaggerating, throwing your hands in the air. But you weren't going to be late on the first day. As the generous queen you are, you aided your roomie with looking a space to park. After analyzing for a few moments, you spotted a space and immediately tapped at the window, pointing towards it. Yume car swerved to the left, sliding right into the parking. Taking her keys out the hole, she grabbed her drink and headed out.

"No leaving trash in my car, miss L/n!"

You grabbed your plastic cup and opened the passenger door.

"Yes ma'am," you opened the backseat and grabbed the two bags and closed the door. Beep yume locked her car. She was sipping her coffee but gave a bitter expression when her sweet drink was watered down because of the ice. You looked at your phone, checking the time:

                             8:38 am

                 Monday, February 18th

                                                               38m ago

Kittykiller27, prettygirlnene liked your photo

                                                               45m ago

[Andyhas]: CRONA BECK started following you and 48 others.

Your phone was blowing up from insta notifications. It was time for class and you weren't sure how long it'll even take you to find your classroom. Slinging the bag over your shoulder, you handed yume her own, which she grabbed. You both were speed walking, despite her coffee being ruined she still continued to drink it. It was for the caffeine you guessed. Reaching the sidewalks, it was time to part ways. Yume turned her face towards yours pouting.

"We're leaving each other nooww," she stuck out her bottom lip staring at you. You grabbed her arm, pulling her closer to you. Her arms slithered around your waist, resting her chin on your shoulder–giving you a warm hug. You returned the hug by grunting and holding her tightly.

She started giggling and patted your back a few times, you released your grip and she started to jog in the other direction while looking back, waving at you. You waved back hollering a "BYEEEE!" A trash can was next to you so you dumped your empty dunkin' there.

It was now time for your own adventure, to find this damn classroom. You click the play button on your phone's lock screen, "baby powder by Jenevieve began playing. (Play the song whores👩🏾‍💻)

Walking downwards to the left side of campus, you searched for a pair of doors to go inside of. At this moment, you regretted not going to orientation. That day you were busy setting up your website for your makeup line. You haven't released any products yet, but you had plentiful of ideas and themes you wanted to do. Since it was black history month, maybe you'll drop something as simple as a face cream to help clear and brighten up the skin. But you discarded that thought because you weren't anywhere near ready to start your own small business. Plus, you had bigger things to worry about.

Standing in front of double doors, you grab the handles and pulled it back, you stepped inside while students behind you did the same. You came in slowly, admiring the interior. It was hella spacy with paintings and photos hanging along the walls. Students were roaming the hallways going back and forth from classrooms. Most of the students seemed to be in some sort of costume, or they were dressed fairly well like they were models. You didn't know the directions to your designated class, so you took up the courage to ask someone. You turned to search for someone who didn't seem busy, since most people were rushing to class. Finally you laid eyes on q girl leaning against the wall, typing on her phone. She had long pink acrylic nails, her blonde hair tied into a low ponytail, which complimented her pale skin tone. She had a gold nose piercing on the right nostril.

She seemed nice enough, so you decided to approach her.

"Um excuse me, do you know where Mr. Fargo's class is at?"

The blonde girl averted her eyes from her phone, now focusing on you.

"I'm not really sure—um, I believe it's down that way." She pointed to the right of her.

"Mr. Fargo, he's teaches cosmetic right?"

"Yeah," you replied

"Then I think it should be down there." She scrunched her face in a confusing manner, meaning not to take her word for granted. But you couldn't care less, it was worth a try.

"Ight, thank you." You bid her goodbye. Oop. You accidentally switched your lingo. You were used to speaking in AAVE but you knew how to change your tone and wordplay around others who weren't African American. The girl didn't seen to notice so you just continued down the hall.

"Down... here right..? Yeah this is the way," you murmured to yourself while you strut down the hall. Then turned left as the lady told you. You were now at a hall with multiple doors. Out of all them, you forget the most important, class started in five minutes. You looked to the left as your braids swayed with your movement, then searched to the right. You walked down the hallway, stopping at the fifth door on the left. You were hesitant with grabbing the door, you didn't want to make a fool of yourself walking into the wrong room as all eyes are on you. You pulled out your phone and texted yume.

(I did a different message format just in the previous was confusing)

                 colonizer but times 2🧑🏻‍🦲

       

                        I'm so lost, this is embarrassing.

Lost? What happened

                        

                               Idk where my class is

                             & its starting in a few

You don't know where?? Bruh

Ask someone, im sure they'll help you

                              I did...but she didn't tell me

                                    which class it was😭 all.

she said was "down the hall"

BYEE LMAOO

Uhh

Just open the door you think it is😋       

                      UH- HUH🧏🏾‍♀️ YOU SETTING ME

                               UP FOR FAILURE.

     

       Imagine going into the wrong class and

                 all you see are eyes 👁👁

Girl, half of the people won't even see you again on campus👩🏻‍🏫

If you don't recognize the teacher, try to ask a student close to the door for direction

         Okay, im blaming you if I make a fool.    

                           outta myself 😟

                        Read at 8:43 am

(Play quicksand by SZA rq 👩🏾‍💻)

You decided to take your roomie's advice and pick a class, which you already did.

You dropped your phone back into your jacket pocket and swung open the door–you were prepared for the stares. The classroom was vacant, not even a teacher in sight. Just a bunch of stools and white pull down screens. You saw a few cameras standing in front of these screens. "Was this the photography class or sum?" You mumbled to yourself.

And well, eyes were on you but it wasn't a herd as you expected, just one. Sitting on one of the stools in front of the door, was pale skin boy with long brown hair. It rested at his shoulders, some of it covering his face even. He seemed around 6ft, or 6 ft 2? You couldn't really tell since he was sitting.

He had on some black jeans with a black long sleeve sweatshirt as well with a beige greenish short sleeve unbutton shirt rested on top of it– a long golden key necklace dangled from his chest. His hands were sitting between his lap, you noticed sliver rings on them.(his outfit for people who need help visualizing) The teal eyed boy was also rocking black & white air Jordan 1 retro, literally the same as you.

You screamed internally at how fine this man looked and he had shoe gang? Uggghh. Class been started and you were going to be late on your first because this OBVIOUSLY wasn't your class. You decided to break the awkward silence and speak,

"Hey, um, is this Mr. Fargos class?" You stepped more into the classroom for the brunette male to hear you.

"Wrong one, babe. His class is in a totally different building." A different building?! You wanted to die right there and then, especially after hearing him laugh after his statement. Not just the wrong class but the wrong building? Bye–you're so stupid. His eyes scanned your body, his eyes lingered a bit longer at your shoes–it seems he noticed. A smirk appeared on his lips after finishing his quick outfit interrogation–wait, did he just call you-? I-, yes he did. You tried your best to hide your smile and not react.

"O-ooo, I got it. Thanks" Eren released a small chuckled seeing your reaction, he could tell you were caught up with the little pet name.

"I'll walk you over there." He got off his stool and walked towards your direction.

"I-, nah it's good, I got it." You said in defense not wanting to bother him. He didn't respond and just passed by you, exiting the classroom. He held onto the door, looking at you.

"You coming or no?" He was so nonchalant with it everything. You smiled a bit and walked out the class alongside with him. He released his grip once you were out and started trialing behind you.

You paused for a moment because you didn't know where you were going. You turned back to look at him, he caught on and let out an "ah". He quickly got in front of you as you proceeded behind him.

"So," he said.

"What?" You replied. Why did he start a sentence and not finish it? Was he expecting you to start the conversation, weirdo. You just wanted to get to class l.

"Oo, sassy are we?" He raised a brow.

"What—? boy, say what you wanna say."

Once again, he let out a chuckle, flashing you a small. God, was his laugh attractive.

"You're into makeup and stuff?" He questioned.

"Yeah, I'm into 'makeup and stuff' " You said the last few words in the mocking tone, referring to what he called cosmology.

"That's good, at least I'll be seeing you often."

"Often? Oh, are you in that major also?" You said.

"No...Do you really not know anything?" He made you feel dumb by his response. How were you suppose to know what he meant? You clicked your teeth and started walking ahead. You pushed back the door that lead to another hallway and walked towards the end to push the second door that lead to another building.

The brunette boy watched as you left him behind in the dirt, waiting for the moment you'll turn the wrong corner—so he could tease you about it then correct you.

It wasn't too long till you reached your destination, you both stopped in front of the class's door.

"Well, see you. I hope you don't make snarky remarks to every girl you meet."

"Nah, only you princess." He had a smirk on his face, ooo! You wanted to wipe it off.

You glanced at him and his eyes were already on you, you broke eye contact and reached for the handle.

"Wait–" you whipped your heard back.

"Yeah?"

He cleared his throat

"Name's Eren," you let out a small giggle, did he really just stop you to say his name? Puhleasee. Hearing your laugh, his face brightened up and kept his eyes on you.

"Okay, Eren~. Thank you for walking me, I gotten get to class now."

You opened the door and stepped inside. Eren didn't even get a chance to ask your name. Luckily for him, your major mingled a lot with his own, he could only hope to see you again around campus.

‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿

Authors note: UGHHH, I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT FOR THIS just to pass out a few hours before school started. 🥲 I wasn't even paying attention in English and math class, but hope yall enjoyed <3.

Pt 3

[sweet-shut-eye]

Your escaped! au hand it over, you chad

Ansjajsjaj ok-

So after some blood alchemy shenanigans involving Talbot and the Observer, the survivors mainly coordinate a take down of the entity and manage to mess it up so bad that they all get shot back out to their respective dimensions in a time period that none of them have touched yet cuz the universe is prevented a paradox for itself, and that year is roughly some time in the 2020s.

Everyone winds up where they were taken by the entity and a lot of the survivors’ goal is to find each other, and make sure the killers that might have also been released, as the entity, have been dealt with.

This ends up forming a lot of different groups of people based on geological location, so after a while of being escaped the survivor groups that form are something like: Kate, Meg, Jane (and eventually David); Feng Min, Ace, Quentin and Laurie; Zarina, Tapp, Nea; Yui, Adam… and I’m forgetting some stuff probably-

A lot of DLC people presumably went back to their dimensions which are different than the original character survivors and a FEW dlc characters. (That’s potentially temporary but I can’t figure out a big fix for a lot of it, maybe I’ll tweak it but I never got around to incorporating Ash, Nancy/Steve, Cheryl and so on…)

So these groups go searching for the other survivors, trying to establish a connection to them and also just get over everything- all while being distantly (or not so distantly) pursued by certain killers who DID also escape.

The killers have come back in a slightly weakened version of who and what they were before they were taken. That’s my justification for Kazan still being a full spiritual kinda being and Rin being a living person: her powers were given to her, Kazan MIGHT have been an oni for a while before being taken.

But the entity is still alive too in a way, enough that it’s been severely weakened when so many ties to it were cut off and killers and survivors alike dropped out of its control. As it exists, it is like a whisper of a being that can only reach out to people through pleas and promises. How the killers chose to respond to its begging is very important.

Some killers escaped the worst hell imaginable and as glad to be rid of it. The Hag, Nurse, Wraith, Spirit, Pig- all examples of those who intentionally shut it down when it tried to reach out, and severed those ties. They also lose their powers, and only every accidentally tap into them again when reliving painful memories or emotions that lead them to subconsciously letting the entity get more of a grip on them.

Though other killers loved the entity’s realm. Clown and Deathslinger as examples, I wrote them all to be the types who are tempted to accept the entity back into their life’s and take the power that comes with it, prisoners of it or not.

Then there’s complicated cases. Freddy leaves the realm significantly weaker than he used to be but those powers slowly recover, and he would never let the entity take him again because he just wasn’t free enough, but he’s still out for power and murder. The Doctor is the trickiest case, he who very cautiously takes what powers he can get from the entity while skirting the line between accepting it in and shunning it, all while using the power he had (a muffled form of it at least) to get ahead and get whatever societal or governmental power you can get as a dead man.

So some killers are out to kill specific obsessions of theirs still, some are just kinda killing people wherever, and some are absolutely not doing that.

Amanda Young becomes a part of the New York group that is Nea, Tapp and Zarina- but unwillingly. They want to use her intuitive connection to the entity that all the killers had and still have to find the others that are actual threats. She wants no part in it but they have leverage on her.

Kate, Meg, Jane and David’s group runs into the clown at some point while they still don’t know about the killers being around.

Feng Min, Laurie and Quentin (and Ace is there) have the highest number of killers directly on their tails. And the biggest personal final showdowns to arrive at.

Yui and Adam help Rin to stand up to Kazan and eventually defeat him and manage to completely sever her ties to the entity.

And there’s also a group up North. Jake and Dwight adventure together alone for a while before rejoining with Jeff, Claudette and some members of the Legion.

And on top of that, a lot of the newer DLCs are things I havnt thought on at all! As well as some of those licensed DLCs that I’m either not very familiar with or have just been stumped by. I’m happy to take input though? If anybody read this in full then you’ve already earned my everlasting respect. o7

That’s it for now, there are details I didn’t cover and stuff about powers and relationships but- THATS IT FOR NOW.

[beautifuldarkwolf]

The Clockwork Girl

Original Story

Word Count: 1 650

Summary: A old man tells the story about a machine who was more than just gears and wires.

Warning: Abandonment

________________________________________________________________

Ah, hello! You must be new here, would you like me to tell you a story?

Usually another young man comes to visit me, but it seems like he did not come in today. He usually sits right where you are and listen to my stories. Do you mind taking his spot for tonight?

I promise it wont take long, my stories are always quick.

You will? That’s great!

Have you ever heard of the Clockwork Girl? No? Well, it is quite an interesting story, I’m sure you will love it.

***

This is set in the steampunk era, or so you kids call it. There was an inventor how had come up with a magnificent creation, a beautiful machine of gears and steam. It moved just like you and I, so smoothly that it could almost be human if it wasn’t a being of metal. The machine could do anything you wanted, it would clean, it could protect, and it could dance as graceful as an elite ballerina. The inventor had called it the Clockwork Girl, having made it in the image of his daughter. Something that was meant to help her and keep her safe while he was away, it was the perfect helper. That’s why it was shocking when the inventors daughter had rejected the machines help.

You see, she had lost her legs in an accident not many months before the creation of the machine. She was never to walk again. The poor girl had wished to be a dancer like her mother, having trained her whole life for it to be ruined in mere seconds by a hit and run. Clockwork Girl was meant to make her happy, keep her company as she went about her day. The best playmate you could ever wish for. But the girl hated the Clockwork machine, always finding new ways to ruin for fathers creation. She hated the sight of a mindless machine being able to move and dance while she was forced to watch from the side lines. It was a constant reminder of the pain she had gone through, of the dream she had lost.

After the many attempts to keep the Clockwork Girl running the Inventor decided it was no loner worth the trouble, his daughter would only continue to destroy the machine. It was his masterpiece, but the sight of his daughter breaking down at the sight of it was unbearable for him. So, instead of fixing it he decided to place it in the old shed filled with failed inventions. Locking it away to rust in the darkness of his failures.

What the Inventor didn’t notice was the pleas from the silent machine as he left her there. Years had passed, dust collected and red rust settled into the gears. The Clockwork Girl watched each day come and pass with the small sliver of light the came through the creak in the old wooden door. She waited for her inventor to return for her, her silent cries for help going unheard for decades.

***

I know you have questions but they will be answered in the story! You must be patient.

Okay, okay. I will make sure to hurry it up than.

Hahaha, impatient youth.

***

The Clockwork had lost all hope of her inventor coming back, thinking she would be left there until her metal became one with the dust. She had stopped keeping track with the days, the creak in the door long since covered. But it seemed as she lost hope her inventor returned, noises came from beyond the door as her eyes moved to look towards it. The eyes being the only thing left of her that seemed to still move without fail. Soon the door was torn open, blinding sunlight pouring into the room, before her a shadow of a human leaning against the door frame for support. A small gasp could be heard from the human as they struggled to move forward, falling to their hands and knees to crawl across the dirt covered floor. An image of a woman reflected off the Machines eyes, “You’re still here.” She breathed, stopping before the Clockwork Girl and letting her fingers run across the degrading metal. Both sets of eyes scanned the one before them, the woman looking though the damage while the machine tried to figure out who this woman could possibly be. “I’m so sorry for abandoning you, you were only ever doing you job.” The woman whispered, the sound of gears turning and steam releasing echoing through the shed as she struggled to push herself off the ground. It wasn’t her inventor who came to her rescue, but someone she least expected.

“Wait here. I promise I’ll be right back.” The Clockwork Girl was told as the woman moved out of the shed with some struggle. It wasn’t too long after when she returned, a young boy at her side who helped collect the pieces of the machine and placed the gently in a wheelbarrow.

They wheeled her into the workshop. The same one she had been created in, but this time it was much different than her last visit. Everything seemed newer, more technically advanced than the old steam powered shop she remembered. Different machines laid around, whirling and repeating the same motions as the woman and boy lifted her pieces onto the table.

“Mamma! Her eyes are moving!” The boy gasped and moved back from the table. The news caused the woman to smile and rush to the head of the Clockwork Girl, taking out an old rag to clean the eyes of the machine.

“She is grandpas creation, everything he made always seemed to come to life.” She spoke sweetly, her eyes glowing with admiration as she watched the girl scan her and their surroundings. “You recognize this room, don’t you?” she questioned though she knew she could not answer. “I’m going to fix you up. Even better than before.” The woman placed a kiss on the metal cheek of the Clockwork Girl, “Then you can dance for me like you did all those years ago.”

***

The end!

What? You don’t like how I left it off?

Well, I didn’t want to keep you so late.

Haha, fine. I’ll tell you the real end.

***

The woman got to work fixing the Clockwork Girl, following the directions and notes her father left her after his passing. She worked day and night to make everything perfect, only throwing in a few of her own techniques when she knew they would work. After her accident she had become selfish, finding everything unfair and against her. She grew up without hope of achieving her dreams. It wasn’t until the day her father brought her to his shop, having her sit and watches as he captured life in his machines. She learned to accept everything, that even without her legs she could still do something she loved. Sure, dancing had been her dream but inventing was her passion. Taking after her father had showered her a new life. One that would allow her to build herself new legs and learn to walk. It wasn’t until after his passing did she remember the Clockwork Girl. Digging through piles of notes until she found what she was looking for. Found the Clockwork Girl.

“You were a lot more work than I anticipated.” The woman chuckled  as she wiped her face, spreading even more oil across her face. She looked down at her fathers master piece, though what he made was barely there she could never take credit for his creation. “Now, just to connect everything.” She watched the Clockwork Girls eyes follow her, waiting to finally move again. The woman moved around the table, carefully connecting each limb before moving to the head. Her hands shook from anticipation as she slid the head into place, locking it in place.

The machines in the Clockwork Girl immediately begun to turn and whirl, electricity sparking where the points and limbs met. With a sudden surge of energy the machine sat up, turning her attention to the smiling inventor next to her. “I can’t believe it actually worked… I cant believe I actually got you to work.” She whispered as the machine moved to slip off the table, metal scraping against metal. The ability to move once again was a shock to the Clockwork Girl. She wiggled her fingers and toes, moving her arms up and down while squatting with her new legs. “Would you dance for me again?” The words of the Inventor caught her attention, causing her to turn towards the woman her destruction but also her salvation.

With a small bow and the turn of the key in her chest the Clockwork Girl began to dance. A sweet melody playing as she spun and danced around the workshop. The woman watched in awe as the machine moved gracefully around her, the song bringing back memories of her and her father dancing together. Tears began to slip down her cheeks but she let them, refusing to wipe them as she relived the memories she allowed her anger to push away.

As the Clockwork Girl came to a stop she stood in front of the woman, looking up at her. She slowly reached up, going on her tiptoes to wipe the tears from the Inventors cheek. There were many things she wished to say, ‘thank you’ being on the top of that list. But she was unable to speak. Instead she continued to play the only melody she knew, taking hold of the woman’s hands and gently pulling her into a dance. The Clockwork Girl supported the woman as they both danced around the workshop, the woman’s feet on hers, “Thank you.” The Inventor cried as they dance, something she never thought she would do again.

***

The End

[starf]

StarF’s Top Ten Albums of 2020

Another year, another list. Let’s not even bother with the preamble this time around, you get what it is.

10. I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - RAZZMATAZZ

Let me tell you right now, I struggled with this tenth spot. There were about four albums that were pretty much tied once I narrowed it down this far because it was a jam-packed year. Ultimately though I had to give it to iDKHOW for their smooth brand of piano rock-pop. This is their debut album and it brought the heat. While it didn't dazzle me immediately, with every subsequent listen I feel a little more of that promised razzmatazz from the title. I also absolutely love the ballad "Nobody Likes The Opening Band," which will certainly be a fun song to hear them perform some day whether they're the opener or not.

9. The Front Bottoms - In Sickness & In Flames

The last offering from The Front Bottoms, Going Gray, left me feeling a little lukewarm. In Sickness & In Flames, however, is a much stronger return to form for the band in my opinion. Some people say all of The Front Bottoms' albums sound the same, and maybe that's a little bit true. But maybe 2020 is the year that we needed to hear some new Front Bottoms material. It was a strange time for all of us, and in these times this kind of album just hits different. From the optimistic opening of "everyone blooms" to the infectious singalong moments of "Fairbanks, Alaska," this album is a good time all around.

8. The Used - Heartwork

Did you know The Used is still around? Not only still around, but apaprently they never went away! When I saw that they had released a new album early in the year I assumed it was a comeback, but I was wrong! For me there was a 12 year gap since I had personally listened to a new Used album, and this one blew me away in a big way. They're still going big, going hard, and rocking their signature sound - but updated for the modern age. This is a band that has managed to hold on to their roots while successfully adapting and progressing into the future.

7. Oliver Tree - Ugly Is Beautiful

Where do you even start with an artist like Oliver Tree? An absolute master of internet marketing, the release of this album was a tortured and dragged out experience, like a person chasing a 20 dollar bill on a string and having it constantly pulled away over and over again. By the time it came out it was a little disheartening that an entire half of the album had already been released via single, but overall it is undeniably a powerhouse of a pop album and a strong showing from Oliver Tree. A strange character, but an impossibly catchy album with earworm after earworm.

6. The World/Inferno Friendship Society - All Borders Are Porous To Cats

I pretty much always enjoy any offering from this band, but to varying degrees. Their last few albums have certainly been good to my ears, but for whatever reason just didn't resonate enough with me to earn a spot in my top ten. This album is clearly different though, and keeps me enthralled the entire way. With their unique brand of punk-jazz-cabaret, All Borders Are Porous To Cats tells the story of one Mr. Cat In The Hat, and it's a wild ride that you're going to want to hear.

5. Run The Jewels - RTJ4

One of the most biting and necessary releases of the year, RTJ4 dropped right when we needed to hear it most, and for free no less. It's my personal opinion that Run The Jewels continue to get better with every release they put out, and their fourth showing is easily my favorite so far. El-P and Killer Mike come through with some of their sharpest bars and heaviest beats yet. It's just a shame that for how much history repeats we as society still haven't learned some of the lessons that an album like this continues to attempt to teach us.

4. Aesop Rock - Spirit World Field Guide

Spirit World Field Guide is not a typical Aesop Rock album, but then again what is? Back in 2016 I fell in love with the album The Impossible Kid, an accessible (by Aes standards) album that hooked me in immediately. Spirit World is a different beast that took me off guard the first time I heard it, and left me a little bit lost - but that almost seems to be the intent. An absolute monster of an album coming in at 21 tracks and over an hour, this thing wasn't necessarily meant to be ingested all at once, or even in the order presented. The more I revisit it the more I put the pieces together and enjoy it more and more.

3. Poppy - I Disagree

Let's take a journey all the way back to January before the world entirely fell apart. I discovered Poppy for the first time through this album and was quickly intrigued. Going back through her older music, and then her YouTube, and slowly unraveling the mystery that is Poppy was perhaps some of the most fun I've had experiencing an artist's work in years - all topped off with seeing her perform live that month, the last large live music show I've been to. I Disagree is an eclectic blend of pop, metal, and strange curiosity. It starts off right away with the oddball banger Concrete and promises to weed out those who aren't prepared to take the mental trip through this album right away. It's not for everyone, but it's definitely for me.

2. Jeff Rosenstock - N O  D R E A M

Well here we are! The number one spot! You guessed it, it's Jeff Rose- what? This isn't number one? Well that can't be right, hold on. Nope, I guess that's correct. The new Jeff Rosenstock album, N O  D R E A M comes in at number two this year, a fact that will probably shock and confuse anyone who knows me. This is the proof that Jeff doesn't automatically get my number one spot if he releases an album, but with all of that out of the way, let's talk about the album.

In a Post-Post- world we see Jeff returning to a more traditional take on putting together an album, rather than simply rushing through it to get the feelings out of his head (both perfectly valid approaches). N O  D R E A M continues to explore themes of being lost and confused in such a soul-crushing and increasingly overwhelming world - all while attempting to find the silver linings and be optimistic about where we're headed. Whether it's the world at large or a personal journey, this album is an anthem to a year that saw most people holding their head in their hands and saying "please, just, let's all get through this, okay?"

1. Will Wood - The Normal Album

Wow. Just wow. Okay, where to begin? I was listening to a random Spotify radio when it started playing a song by Will Wood & The Tapeworms called "Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!" Intrigued by the style of the song, as well as the title, I clicked through and listened to their most recent album which was 2016's "Self-Ish." I thought it was really good! I enjoyed it a lot and continued to listen to it for about a week. At that point when I started digging further into the band I learned that there was actually an even newer album entitled The Normal Album, categorized on Spotify under just Will Wood, which is why I hadn't previously found it.

I enjoyed Self-Ish, but hearing The Normal Album took it to an entirely new album and blew me away in a way that I haven't experienced in years. This wasn't just a great album, this was one of those musical discoveries where you think "oh wow, this is something I can't live without going forward." Will Wood is exactly what I needed in the back half of 2020 to keep my sanity, and even now I still listen to this album usually at least once a day. It's perfectly crafted in every sense of the world. Not a single second is wasted or out of place. The technical skill is in full display without muddling the pure enjoyment of the melodies or taking away from the overall vibe of the songs. The writing is some of the sharpest and dense I've ever seen, without being undecipherable or inaccessible. This is an album that truly does it all.

The feeling I have when I listen to this album and attempt to get people to listen to it is identical to how I felt about Jeff Rosenstock in the late 2000's, back before he had sort of blown up. Will Wood certainly has a following, but his music is definitely niche at the moment and somewhat obscure. Much in the same way that eventually people listened to me about Jeff, I hope they will find out about Will. Everyone should hear this album. It's breath-takingly perfect.