#final straw a bit in the growing frustration ive Been having

[himbopunk]

i guess i could try using my ko-fi shop again but tbats entirely dependant on traffic i can drive to it and my audience & reach is so thin it feels like

[skybristle]

thats kind of the heart of my issue- i really don't know what to do with her!!!! ast drives me fucking crazy!!!! /lh

i supppose the foundational thing with it is that its ancients were fevorishly devoted to the void sea itself. which is decently typical, but theres a lot of nuance there, such as them writing off void fluid itself and being forced to take pilgrimages to the actual sea. its like... some people consider void fluid the sacred/holy part, while they placed more importance in the sea itself and what might lurk in it.

so when they're all gone and starlight is left to her own devices, a generally very quiet and lonely person, she's always had this sort of expecation to ascend herself at some point. but she's impatient and undaring, and isnt' exactly eager to wait for the void sea to eat up to her.

so ast gets interested in the growing network of taboo breaking, personal ascension, etc, even before sliver of straw's passing. aurora slips her some broadcast keys not thinking all that much about it, they're kinda friends, and then part ways again.

it's just kinda doing its own thing for a while but then meets/gets an sos from whispers [her closest neighbor and someone incredibly desperate for aid or an escape from their intense structural resistrictions and the fact that their void fluid pumps have bugged the fuck out and they're really Going Through it and experiencing tons of weird shit and everything]. and so she's like okay ... cool..... but mostly self interested and a bit fascinated by their own experiences with the void and like. you know where is the line. how much of 'you' has to make it to the void sea to escape? how much could be gained by shedding the body? etc etc. basically an off string philosphy but moreso with the purpose of using it to get to the void sea, and then what. buttt ast isn't eager to find out astself, and while sort of preying on whispers who is very vulnerable ast speaks to maw due to maw's bioengineering prowess and ability to actually like... make the brewing plan reality.

maw's motivations are less complicated. she just loves taking advantage of and hurting people and feeling above others, but sure she'll play this game with starlight- especially for the catharsis of not only what they plan on doing to whispers but also how desperate and pliable starlight itself is.

whispers gets their puppet ripped out of their can, dragged to starlight's to be poked at with the expectation they're going to go to the void sea and that's what they actually wanted this whole time, whispers is starting to finally form their own thoughts and desires for themself and is freaking out- when mercy [bioengineered by chimes with help from ochre, as he gets increasingly frustrated with sparks running off to go attack ash rather than handle the crisis at hand] slips into starlights can and helps them escape. rather than go back or even accept chimes' help as outlined in the pearl mercy carries whispers goes "well fuck all of you" and crosses the mountains out of bh territory, knowing that its not that long until their puppet gives out and they 'die'

[all of the above is complicated by the nuance of iterator puppets vs structures vs etc but im not getting into it]

as for the groups response im not really... sure??? thats the thing ive been stuck the most on.

to break it down individually, ash probably doesn't really care but might have some personal guilt floating around about whispers. sparks probably needs to have some sense knocked into her in general before she flips around to giving a fuck. chimes is deeply disturbed and upset but hes forgiving to a fault, and ochre mostly follows his lead [and is too sick from the overgrowth to really intervene if she wanted to]. aurora is where i place the most interest- generally, hes sorta getting kicked in the teeth with the consequences of his actions and is actually taking personal accountability for leading starlight down this rabbit hole in the first place. shes the first eprson to want to pick starlight apart, but mainly just wants to fix things. maw i struggle a lot with because she's attached to starlight as a follower- but i do think starlight has to break that somehow, be it by herself or by force. sparks plans a lot of things against maw and is clearly turning her wrath against ash to the next target and i think that freaks maw out a lot, maybe enough to ditch starlight and give starlight [with some help] enough room to realize how exploited she was?? ast kind of needs to crash and burn into 'oh god i was so focused on trying to die i've forsaken everyone living'.

i do plan on redeeming it, in some sense of the word, its just hard to decide exactly how. a lottt of people in bh need redeeming or checking or support, and i think it all probably intersects a lot. [ie: aurora's trying to atone and seek fufillment Through aiding others, and chimes is probably doing something similar for sparks... but it all overlaps]

this got... Really long and took ages to write. Oops. this isn't a perfect answer but like i said shes kinda my problem child as a writer so a lot of it gets fuzzy.

re: my last post

i guess thats the thing about having an oc story you've been developing publically for a year- and still don't have completely figured out. you say a lot of shit that you don't consider true anymoe, and i can be kinda allergic to talking about these fuckers in public a lot of the time. its def on me but thats just kinda how these things go.

i need someone to Make me think about how this story progresses but instead i sit here and think about like. ancient ocs mostly.... rip LOL

i appreciate any interest and questions though!! im bored as fuuuckkk tonight and unable to seriously sit down an lock in on either hw or drawing so im open to questions,,,, turning these guys over in my brain

[verpaso]

I feel like Ive heard details but not the full plot so couldyou give like an overview of the anomalies story

YAY MAX wow ok this is kind of a lot. And not everything is figured out yet. But I can do that. Follow up questions are welcome cuz I know it's a LOT.

It's split into four different parts, with three different character groups that come together in the fourth part.

The Door: Chris Reid, single father to Lauren, works in a lab that studies anomalous objects that don't obey the laws of physics or..... just science in general idk. His specialty is a door that opens to a different place each time in another dimension; the door to everything and nothing. In an attempt to make the door stable, allowing for better research conditions, he makes it implode and sends himself and his partners into the alternate dimension. They're stuck for 8 years until Chris is somehow able to open a door back to their world. Chris has to reunite with his daughter, who is now 15. They struggle to reconnect and they have conversations about their time apart and about how they're feeling. Despite their desire to go back to how they left off, things are different; Chris now IS the door to that other dimension. He freaks and tries to send Lauren away as he panics and goes to the lab to see if he can rid himself of this ability. He can't. Lauren runs from her aunt, calls a scientist friend of her dad's, and they go and find him. They all go home with the bittersweet knowledge that nothing will be the same, but also with a closer bond and a better understanding of each other.

Forget Me Not: [1yr after Chris' disappearance] Eric Villarreal has been an asset to an agency since he was coerced into a contract at 13 due to his unique ability to make people forget he ever existed. He has been struggling with the morality of his power and his allegiance to the agency (which contains and studies anomalous areas, objects, and people) and to the manipulative head agent of the branch (needs a name). He finally chooses to abandon his home when he runs into a scientist named Soleil, who voices her own concerns about the agency, her own "faulty memory," her inability to quit due to contract issues, and a rumor that the head agent has found and contained a young child. Eric, fuming at the thought, leaves to make a plan. But not before he lets Soleil remember him in an attempt to make up for the gaps in memory he's caused her before. He pokes through some files, finds that the rumor is true: Micah, age 6(?), ability to grow plants with his mind. It's the final straw, and he escapes with the child and with the unexpected help of Soleil, who begs him to let her tag along. They escape and go to a small cabin Eric used to live alone in.

Agents suddenly have a huge gap in their memory, and the head agent is scrambling to find an answer when he comes across Operation Forget Me Not, an experimental last resort in the case of Eric fleeing. It reexplains everything, and the head agent is determined to do the procedure and get his memory back. Meanwhile, in hiding, Soleil and Eric struggle to communicate and form a plan; Eric refuses to open up, and yet has an unspoken connection with Micah that Soleil doesn't. Soleil tries to be cheery and boost morale but her frustrations and fears grow. One day, when Eric is gone, she notices a note in her bag. Eric has been writing out a letter about his past, where he accidentally made his whole family forget him, ran away, and ended up at the agency. He says sorry, and asks for help with a plan he's started to make. After she finishes reading, there is a knock on the door.

Eric returns to her and Micah in custody of the agency, with the head agent there, looking a bit sickly. He remembers Eric. Eric is frozen in fear, prepared to surrender in order to keep his new family alive, but (somehow?) Soleil is able to get the upper hand on her captor, Micah focuses his power to help, and Eric snaps back into action. A stalemate is reached, and the head agent, afraid of death and afraid of losing control and getting two anomalies killed, agrees to a deal. The groups are to leave each other alone. The new family of three escapes to Soleil's house, a new understanding is met between Eric and Soleil, and talk of the future begins.

Blueprints: [1yr after Chris' return] Newly engaged young couple Noah and Samantha are both interested in all things supernatural, but until recently, Noah had left out a certain strange experience he'd had when he was a child. It comes back to him in his dreams: he's ten, messing around in some tunnels with his friends, when he takes a sharp turn and his friends are suddenly gone. He's lost in an impossibly endless system of tunnels for hours, until finally an exit reveals itself. When Noah finally recounts this experience to Sam, she's incredibly curious, and Noah realizes he is too. After browsing a few unreliable forums, they venture back to those tunnels... and experience the same thing Noah did when he was young. Only this time... he knows how to get out. He made a map that only seems to make sense to him. Tasting the thrill, the couple goes to several more locations, and Noah makes more and more of his "blueprints" with an understanding of the winding and impossible areas that only he has. As long as Sam holds his hand, they're both safe to navigate these anomalies. Sam is beginning to feel useless on their adventures because of this, but she doesn't want to interrupt Noah's excitement.

They naively post their experiences online, as well as the blueprints. People are noticing. The couple investigates a library rumored to have more floors than it should. Figures watch and follow from afar. Sam is feeling nervous, but Noah presses on. They get deep into the anomaly, losing count of how many stairs they've climbed and how many aisles they've passed. Noah worries about this, and lets go of Sam's hand to get his sketchbook and start making the map while in the anomaly. Sam is quiet, and lets him focus. At some point Noah turns around, and she's gone. Noah freaks the fuck out, and in his panic, loses his sketchbook and any semblance of where he is.

This is where it becomes a bit unclear for me, but Noah runs into Eric, who has been following their posts out of concern. Eric informs Noah curtly that an agency is after them, and tells him to focus. Meanwhile, Sam faces agents, but finds herself able to turn a corner and be far, far from them. She senses where she is, and she can move where she wants, able to find impossible shortcuts. She can navigate just fine; the two have similar anomalous abilities. The couple senses each other, and they reunite quickly. Noah apologizes for getting too caught up in mapmaking to think of her, and she forgives him. Eric tells them to stop doing this. Obviously they won't.

Part 4: I don't know much about this one I just know that: Sam and Noah continue to investigate their own powers and Eric, eventually probably nearly getting caught by the agency again. Eric struggles with Micah growing up and wanting to have a more normal life while also wanting to accept his ability and use it. The head agent is taking increasing action on trying to reign in anomalous people, and tries to take Chris after investigating his bizarre lab results. Eric decides it's time to try to take him and that place down. All the characters get together and do so. Somehow. While also further developing as people. You get the gist. I need to work on it. PHEW

[brooksmeatswift]

Alas, I have been away longer than intended and a lot has happened since then. I aim to come back and blog every week, I am setting it as my goal! A late 2020 goal to add to the lost, but I’m striving to be the greatest version of myself, for you guys and gals… aren’t you lucky.

Health and ME

As usual, this blog is aimed at my daughter and my health – in that, it lead to to me becoming the stay at home papa; so I will start in health city.

It’s been a strange one, I am probably in the best shape and fittest I have ever been (more on that later) but the rascal that is M.E. Still rears it’s ugly head in the sense that it seriously weakens my immune system. Not long after my last blog post, I suffered my sixth bout of shingles… I know? And it was timed perfectly for Christmas, so it wasn’t quite the Christmas we had planned.

I bounced back pretty quickly having said that, and I think it’s due to the change in my nutrition and adding a superfood shake to my daily routine. I really was back within a fortnight rather than a month or longer.

Sadly, I have just come out of my seventh bout of shingles… I KNOW!! Which has kind have been the last straw. Because of it happening so close together, three times within a 12 month period, I am now on daily tablets. We’re hoping this will prevent another onset. Again, I was up and about with a fortnight and back to my usual routine, but still, it’s such a frustrating thing to have to worry about viruses all the time.

Rory

Well, Rory is Rory. She just keeps on growing. She turns four this month and cannot believe it’s come to the point that we are getting ready to send her to school. Of course, the usual September start may be in question as we are in quite uncertain times. We are thankful to say she is healthy and has also been accepted into our first choice of school. It seems so strange as you’re used to seeing parents getting excited about this. Although we are very chuffed, it’s just a bit of a strange time to be over the moon about something like this – especially as we are not sure when her first day really will be.

It’s also lead to us having a lot more family time and doing things at home. Not too dissimilar to life before really, but with the full household at home, all the time. It has triggered a few strops, from her and I but on the whole it has been truly wonderful seeing the beautiful soul she is turning into.

I just feel a little sad that she won’t get chance to go back to nursery and see her friends again and have that excitement of them preparing for the jump to go to school. There is sanctuary in the fact she is only three (for three more weeks) so she won’t remember too much of this. We just have to roll with it and make sure we support her transition as best as we can.

Mama

Some of you avid readers, if you are still here, and been awaiting a post – six months since my last; will remember that I wrote a touching article on our miscarriage Ups and Downs II. I found it hard to write a lot last year as we had that, plus more shingles and an ME relapse, it felt like there wasn’t much to be positive about except Aurora. Well, Lindsay is currently four and a bit weeks away from having our second child. Baby Gaspard (bump needs a name) is due on June 2nd so we are on tender hooks awaiting this. Again, with so much uncertainty and our birthing plan going right out of the window, it has the makings of an interesting story if not the way we want to tell it.

We will though, be coming into summer with a baby in our arms. So the bigger picture is, no, we won’t have our home birth, it will be on the labour ward. But, after the awfulness of last year, we will have that bundle of joy we have been craving.

On the whole, mama is doing great, tired, but great. She is just worried all the time. Obviously about our current bundle of joy, Rory; the baby to be and me – with my poor immune system, the hospital birth could be a bit dicey for me. She has her final midwife appointment next week, so we are hoping to learn more then. We’re gonna have a baby though… so exciting!

One Last Thing…

My last blog touched on the subject that I had just become an online fitness and wellbeing coach with our team chooseFITLIFE. Well it’s started relatively well. I’ve not only gone from 14+stone to 11stone 8lbs (the lightest I’ve been since ME was diagnosed in 2006). I am also helping others get results and become the fittest they have been too. Not just in body, but in mind.

I have always believed I would either one day work with children or work to help people love themselves more. Since being ill, I have definitely become not just more sympathetic but empathetic to people’s general struggles. And doing this, really makes me proud when I see the effort my challengers put in and how much joy they get out of seeing their efforts rewarded.

I love being part of this positive phenomenon, especially right at this moment. The wider team have been incredible and so supportive to me and Lindsay who has now joined forces with myself and we’re creating our own empire MacBrooks Health and Wellbeing. We have a real community, hit a virtual gym every morning and get to workout together. Gin nights on Zoom. We have made this social distancing, a lot less isolating that’s for sure.

Also, I have some exciting news in regards to this venture, so keep your eyes fixed for next weeks blurb where I shall enlighten you somewhat.

Until then, be safe, stay home (except for your exercise or essentials) and save lives!

If you have any stories you wish to share on how you have been coping with lockdown, feel free to drop them in the comments. Missed you guys…

Papa and Rory xxx

A Brief Update About Everything IV Alas, I have been away longer than intended and a lot has happened since then. I aim to come back and blog every week, I am setting it as my goal!