#final show i'm seeing this week its devestating

[myopic-creation]

Looking forward to the Phantom of the Opera thoughts! :D

PROMISE I DIDN'T FORGET ANON 🙏

[pacifymebby]

So yeah back again! (Age gap crush anon) and all my hope is crushed! He said he still doesn’t want to pursue a relationship. This just doesn’t make any sense to me at all??? My indecisiveness cannot be the only reason there has to be something else there just has to be. I sent him two pretty scathing messages about how he must think fairly little of me to think I’m so incapable of growth. I’m so empty inside bestie and I just want to bus down to the bar we met at and drink myself into oblivion and hope he shows up and feels like shit about himself because he did this to me but I can’t because I might be pregnant and even if I’m probably not I still don’t want to risk it.

Idk what he’s gonna say to these messages (he’s already seen them) but I basically said that my indecisiveness is not a good enough reason to drop me out of nowhere. And I insinuated that he must have some shitty views on relationships. I’m starting to wonder why his last girlfriend and him broke up? I mean it’s none of my business and they were together for a good while so it’s not like he pulled this shit on her but now I’m starting to wonder whether it was his fucking fault.

I don’t know what to do. I feel so pathetic because I still want him back. Like so bad I would do anything to have him back. I want to beg him to take me back and give me one more chance. Why wouldn’t he hear me out? I’m willing to change! This isn’t fair! I literally thought before I met him that I was gonna die alone and a virgin that had never been kissed and then I met him and I was like wow ok so there’s one person in the world who could love me. I thought how did I get this lucky and why are things finally going right in my life. Hahaha fuckin jokes on me I guess! Please don’t tell me there’s other fish in the see because I don’t want other fish I want him I’ve been pining after him since I was 17 (again pathetic I know) (but also not in a creepy way just in an occasional after thought). I just want to go back to that first night and start over and do everything over again and not be such a fucking idiot like I always am.

Kay bestie, I'm this is gonna sound harsh but not harsh on u if u get what I mean.

You might think you don't want other fish but guess what, you do because this fish is a cowardly little soft boi who really doesn't deserve u at this point.

Best thing you can do here is drop him completely because he's being a wee bit of a cunt to you and you don't deserve to have people that make you feel like this in your life. You've said ur scathing bit, just leave him, and if he replies to u just leave him twice as hard.

You're right about it not being a good enough excuse its not, this is a guy who sounds to me like he's not being entirely truthful or, is being entirely truthful and actually has 0 depth at all? Like, Idk man you need someone who is kinda like a tree, that's kinda sturdy and reliable and like gentle and nurturing. This boys a twig that's been stuck in the ground verticle by a two year old pretending it's a tree.

You may have been pining for him since you were 17 but you've had him and he's proven totally unworth your time and like, I KNOW this is the hardest shit in the world to deal with especially for the first time. Like, the hardest.

I went through this when I was 20, the most devestating thing in the world realising that a boy who had been like a nurturing protector figure in my life was an adulterous wee cunt that like, shattered my heart. I spent a week in bed sobbing, made myself physically ill to the point of fever (lol) over him and like, if you gotta take time to grieve what could have been and everything you thought he was then do it, but absolutely do it and then come back from it and know that you will find someone who deserves you that's going to love you wayyyy harder and better and fuller.

They are out there and when you find them they are gonna be so happy and grateful they found you and the relief will be so sweet and lovely and you will feel at home and it'll be cool af honestly.

I promise you, as someone who had their heart ripped out, you just gotta get angry and bitter and cry your heart n lungs out and then try and pick yourself up and just live a life that puts his whole life to shame.

He says you're indecisive? Well if you're gonna be indecisive about one thing in your whole life be decisive about this: you deserve better than him and he isn't worth the ground to piss on.

Love you lots angel, come rant to me whenever or cry in my inbox or anything ❤️❤️❤️