#film school analysis coming in hot

[jmflowers]

Would you want to do a recap of Stefania's amazing episode? I'd love to hear your perspective from a technical standpoint!

We’re doing it my sweet, enabling anon! Apologies for how long it has taken for me to truly organize myself and my thoughts with this.

There's gonna be two versions of this, because my jot noted, unhinged version is much more on brand for tumblr fandom space. But I only really realized that after writing out 3500 words of thoughtful film-school style analysis.

Below the cut, please find that version. And I'll post the fangirl edition that breaks down my thoughts scene-by-scene later.

The goal of Station 19’s 7x04 ‘Trouble Man’ was, put simply, to just fucking break everyone. Each one of the characters on screen needed to, or at least appear to, reach rock bottom by the time the credits rolled. Which is, honestly, why I love that they chose Stefania Spampinato as the director for this one. If you’ve seen any of Stefania’s directing work (you can view Zita Sempri here), you know that her strength (and interest) lies in emotional storytelling. I think, because Peter Paige and Stefania have clearly had a mentorship/friendship relationship, that he recognized this episode would be the type of story she would and could excel with.

(This differs greatly from what they chose for Danielle Savre last season, whom we know describes herself as organized and a Type A sort of person. They played to her strengths, as well, and gave her a challenge with an episode that would require a lot of technical organization and strong leadership for such a large on-location scene with so much additional equipment.)

As fans, we all lucked out with Stefania’s episode because it didn’t harbour the additional technical challenges that Danielle’s did and so the showrunners didn’t decide to lighten Stefania’s load by writing her out of most of the episode. (I’d wager, too, that all of her scenes being strictly with Danielle and their rapport with each other also supported that case.) I’m honestly so proud and happy for her (and Danielle) that she was able to have the best of both and experience the feeling of directing herself on screen, alongside an acting partner that she trusts and has worked with for so long.

So, the story is set up as a version of the 7-Point Plot structure (or maybe a Save the Cat, if you’re fancy) and we begin with Andy at what we will later discover is her rock bottom moment. Because we already know the formula of first images in the show is a lot of quick cuts, Stefania made a really excellent choice here in how she shot this specific moment to keep on brand. What she could’ve done is a bunch of different angles of Andy and hoped that when they got to the editing room, there was enough there to avoid the dreaded jumpcut – or enough to lean into a purposeful jumpcut.

[A jumpcut is when a final edit showcases two shots back-to-back that are not precisely the same but are similar enough to cause a jarring effect for viewers. For example, a shot of a person’s face head-on, followed immediately by another shot of that person’s face at the same level with both of their eyes still visible. To make that not jarring, you would want the next shot to be from a lot lower or higher, or directly from the side or behind. Jumpcuts can be used effectively to show the passage of time, for example, such as in Vic’s hospital room scenes or in the bunk room after Andy’s assault, but they need to be proven purposeful by happening at least three times or more in a row.]

Instead, this moment was shot several times with a dolly around Andy. As the momentum of the start of the episode builds, so does the speed with which the shots cut between each other. This was such a cool, smart way to create tension right off the bat and I think it worked really effectively as a hook for the episode.

Truthfully, I think this choice was the biggest faux pas of the episode. Hear me out; this doesn’t match the Station 19 font. It doesn’t lend to the theme that’s already been set on the show regarding text on screen. There are no other episodes in this season (thus far) that have text on screen as part of the storytelling… it was just all off for me.

In my ideal world, this would’ve been exactly the same text style as the show’s logo (perhaps even underlined in the red) and they would’ve pulled something a la Alias, where the scene appears through the text. (Or just stuck it over a shot without the black, like they did with the rest of the time updates???)

This will just forever feel like it was tossed in during editing as a placeholder and then accidentally left there. Maybe they didn’t have enough money for someone to come in and do text editing? I don’t know. I need to stop thinking about it eventually or I’ll drive myself crazy.

But moving on! There were a lot of fascinating and technically challenging moments right from the beginning of this episode. I love that Stefania chose to visibly have the trucks returning to the barn (something she spoke about here) because it isn’t something we’ve really seen before, as it would be challenging to shoot. I’d love to know how they balanced how much ND filter would be needed to block out the light coming in through those open doors without losing visibility on the trucks and the characters. This would’ve been a full team effort to set up this sequence, especially considering it’s (nearly) a oner from this moment until 30 seconds later, when Vic tells Theo she doesn’t care that he kissed Kate. (There is a tiny cut while Beckett is walking across with his axe that they hid really well in their editing, but is still technically a jumpcut.)

[A oner or one-shot is a term to describe a scene filmed in a single shot. They are very, very difficult and time-consuming to do as everything must be synchronized and rehearsed and one little mistake can send you all the way back to the very beginning of the scene. The first one I ever remember seeing was Miley Cyrus’ music video for Start All Over in 2007. Director Mike Flanagan has killed it with two incredible/epically long ones in The Haunting of Hill House episode 6 and Midnight Mass episode 2. There’s also a great one in season 19, episode 12 of Grey’s Anatomy, which was directed by Kevin McKidd, and which Stefania herself was in. If you wanna know more about oners, hit me up as I have a plethora of links and behind-the-scenes information regarding how they’re done because I think they are sooooooo cool.]

I just gotta say, I laughed out loud at this moment. Solid editing aligned the whip of Travis’ head with the end of the backing music that was hilarious and so on brand for the show. Something like that wouldn’t have been planned on set, most likely, and would’ve occurred instead in the editing suite. But I so dig that the choice was made because it’s perfect. Kudos to Stefania if she had any involvement with it other than saying ‘keep it’. (I’m presuming the editor, Eli Nilsen, is who I have to thank for it.)

Also, the movement of this scene was gold, which is entirely up to Stefania’s direction. I loved the switch of Travis from the chair to the couch beside Vic. There was so much great coverage, the pans from outside the room were beautiful; all-in-all I thought it was a really excellently executed scene, from a purely technical standpoint.

In Stefania’s directing interview with Shondaland, she spoke about starting with more wide shots at the beginning of this episode and gradually getting closer and closer. Which I love, of course, as an artistic choice. What I found most consistently, however, was a subversion of the TV formula of establishing shot to character shot.

To break that down, most shows setup new scenes with a wide, establishing shot of the new location (think Friends, where you see the outside of their apartment building before any scene with the characters in their apartments – this is very sitcom) before going to the characters.

A lot of the scenes in this episode, though, start with a closeup of the characters before moving to a wider shot of where they are. The scene with Maya and the drill, for instance: we start on that drill and the window frame before we pull back to see its her, that she’s in the nursery, that there are boxes stacked up, that Carina is trying to change Liam’s diaper, etc, etc. I think that choice lends a lot to the emotionality of the episode and is really intelligent editing, but also really intelligent coverage of each section of the story on set.

Specifically, my notes said: “It keeps you pulled into where the character is at mentally, emotionally, versus where they are physically.”

As we move into Maya and Carina’s house, I have so much to say about colour. This shot is a great spot to dive into all the tiny little details. I will say, I don’t know if Stefania would’ve had as much say regarding colour and set design or dressing on a singular episode as she would if she were directing a film. But! Whoever made choices for this was so, so on.

Just… look at this for a moment. Carina goes with this house. Everything in this shot blends cohesively. The yellow of the counter and backsplash is balanced with the yellow clothes in the basket atop the dryer. The blue of Carina’s jeans pulls the blue stripe from the dish towels hanging on the stove. The pink of her shirt goes with her shoes and the pink flowers on the wallpaper around the window. Everything belongs here. Even the stripes of Carina’s shirt are reminiscent of the Carina we first met in Grey’s Anatomy six years ago.

For me, this lends so much to the dynamic occurring between Maya and Carina in all these scenes. While Carina fits visually, Maya still appears just slightly off – the red of her sweater doesn’t quite match anything, her jeans are darker. As she talks in the kitchen with Carina, she’s cast more into shadow than Carina is.

My inner film theory geek was rejoicing at all of these choices, simply because they’re a prime example of the importance of all departments involved in film and television production. Big ups and shoutouts to the production designer (Sandy Getzler) and art department on this episode (Carissa E. Mitchell, Jorge Rodriguez, Alisha Rothman, and Kennedy Taylor) and the costume department (Meesh Daranyi, Veronica Teong, and Cleo Trifonidis).

There’s a lot of really, really strong framing choices in this episode. I could (and might) rant for a bit about all that. But this scene struck me, both from a writing standpoint and the execution.

Choosing to do this call with voiceovers not only saves so much money and time, it also builds a ton on the emotionality of this moment for all of these characters. I love that Stefania brought in a bit of that constant moving energy we know and recognize from Grey’s Anatomy here, too.

I screenshot this specific frame because we have this moment where we see so much of what we know of Chief Ross – her power, her importance, how put-together she is. And then the shot pans up to her face, as we’re listening to these awful things happening on the other end of the radio and it’s her breaking point. This scene is her rock bottom – her inciting incident where she has to, ultimately, decide to act or react. I’m hopeful, as a viewer, that this is telling of her story for the rest of the season being a battle with the mayor for funding.

Anyways, I love Stefania for this framing. I love the panning. I love the movement. I love the cuts and all the angles. I love that she chose the lenses she did, cause girl clearly loves a short depth of field. Just, she knows what she’s doing and I am here for it.

Let it be said that the pan shot of Andy and Beckett in the front seat of the truck, which is the start of this scene, is probably my favourite shot of the episode. It made my breath catch the first time I saw it. Toss in the exquisite, gut-wrenching coverage of the bloody boot print and the pan over Herrera written on Andy’s turnouts and it’s all chef’s kiss. Directing Queen Stefania is coming for the jugulars with the emotionality of the episode by this point.

Especially considering, this boot print is not important to the story at all – this is entirely stylistic. There is one shot, however, where she covered the Jaws of Life being placed in the truck after a call and that was very important to the story.

I wrote a lot about this shot, so I’m going to talk about it, too. I think it was a cool choice to start this scene with a head-on closeup of Theo. From a technical standpoint, a shot like this is challenging to do because you want to see more of the bathroom behind him, to help establish the location, but the lens needed to make that possible distorts faces a bit when it’s too close.

As a viewer, I found that here and when you notice it, it’s a little off-putting. Especially considering everything else in the show is shot true to reality. (One other great example of a time when shot angle/framing/lens didn’t align correctly for my eyes is in season 3, when Maya and Carina are on vacation together and they kiss before going to the pool.)

I will say, the unnervingness of this distort might have been intentional. Throwing viewers off-kilter is a great way to build emotionality and unease. It just sticks out here, because it doesn’t really occur anywhere else. (She used the same framing later in the episode for Vic, too. I think it was less unsettling there because Vic was moving, whereas Theo was just looking at himself.)

Gold star at the end of this scene for the continuity department – a department of one, Sharon Cingle on script supervision – for making sure the shower curtain was left open that little crack to make the closeup pan of Ben make sense. How many times can I say I loved a shot?

My first note for this scene says: “Can’t say Stefania doesn’t love an ECU and a rack focus… beautiful establishing for this scene from the hands to Beckett’s feet.”

[A rack focus is when the focus of a shot visibly shifts from one point in the frame to another, typically from closer to further away or vice versa. It is more obvious when done with a short depth-of-field, which means a smaller amount of space that is in focus at a time – such as in the shot above.]

This episode was a lot of fun for me because it felt like Stefania was playing with parts of the set we haven’t scene before. The communal bunk room, for starters. A different angle of the station, where you could see the balconies outside and houses behind the building. And this moment – with the sink and the back of the barn. I can’t even imagine how tricky it must’ve been to maneuver and set up shots in such a tight space.

But she did it, of course. We’ve got this gloriously tight angle of Beckett’s face, where we could watch the tears roll down his cheek. And that pinprick of light is visible in his pupil, which you want present when lighting human faces for on screen.

And I mean, the levels here are so interesting. There’s rule of thirds happening in these shots. There’s balance of characters in the framing. Most importantly, there’s something unspoken happening with the swap of power. This is Beckett’s breaking point in the episode – he’s literally sitting at rock bottom, the lowest he can get in the station. With Sullivan, who was once his lesser, above and looking down to him. That’s powerful body language – you’ll find a lot of people feel a need to stand when they’re asserting their authority in a situation, trying to gain the higher ground. (It’s almost like this thing burned into our DNA from years of building castles on hills and shit.)

But this is a turning point in the episode for Sullivan, too. He once tried to help Beckett and was refuted and now he’s being faced with a choice to either extend the offer again or turn away from the problem. I like that his decision is echoed in helping Beckett up off the floor. Kudos to Stefania for staging it this way.

Now’s probably a great time to dive into Stefania’s framing choices, cause she did some crazy beautiful stuff. My notes say: “Queen of the two-shot!” here. It’s fascinating to me how she used reflections in this episode – the first couple times we see Andy get out of the engine, we see a flash of her face in the side mirrors before we actually see her face-on. She also played with the mirror in the bathroom with Vic and Kate’s confrontation.

[A two-shot is when two characters are visible in the same frame.]

But, at least for me, the two shots and reflections work because she consistently picked lenses with a shorter depth of field. The rack focuses between characters make these shots so much more visually interesting. There were so many of them that I nabbed in my screenshotting that spoke to me or got me excited or were examples of a really good eye.

Exhibit a, b, c:

And while we’re talking about two- (and three-) shots, let’s discuss foreground. Because I was so struck by a few shots, specifically because of the choices of things Stefania kept in the shot in front of the characters.

From screenshots already above: the wall outside the kitchen in Maya and Carina’s house and the engine with Beckett’s feet behind it. Please see exhibit a, b, c, d for more that struck me:

I don’t know how to explain this really technically, my dudes, but it’s so visually pleasing. It’s so interesting. It kept my eyes so invested in what was going on. I love when directors give us a chance to really explore the set design and feel really immersed in the location with characters. There were so many times this episode where Stefania chose a framing through a window – from inside Maya and Carina’s house while they were outside, through the blinds into the gym and Andy’s office and the conference room, into the engine and the ladder truck through the windshield. I can’t sing enough praises about that.

Let’s wrap this up with Andy. There are two scenes in this episode where she’s having important, serious conversations with men that she holds authority over. And Jaina is short, especially when next to Boris and Carlos. A different director might have chosen to frame these scenes in a way that made Andy appear smaller than these men – but not Stefania.

There’s a really conscious effort here to keep Andy’s authority visually present – the shots pull in closer on her and the guys’ heads are cut off. She doesn’t look shadowed by them and their height because of this framing. It makes it very, very clear that this is her story and she is the most important character in the room.

And honestly, I think that’s a great example of this show – and Stefania’s direction – not being a male gaze interpretation. There is no passivity to the way she has shot the women in this episode. They are not presented as weak or small or not in control, even when the emotionality of a scene is overwhelming. Andy, Ross, Vic… they are very human in this episode, even when they’re crying. For me, that’s what makes the entirety of the work here so strong.

I am endlessly proud of her and this episode. One of the best of the show for me.

You go, Stefania Spampinato.

[applestorms]

for the character ask game: I'll throw Light at you :D I figure he might be an interesting one for the "first impression" vs "what do you think of him now" comparison

oh lord. that might be kinda difficult actually asldfkjsdklfj i started reading DN sooooo long ago... BUT i will do my best!! (ask game)

first impression: i genuinely don't remember all that well. to be entirely honest, i don't know if i even thought about him all that much at first-- if i'm not Fixated on a story for some reason (like Serious fixations that i blog about a lot on here, or even just paying extra close attention like for an assignment or something since i watch a lotta movies for film classes) i tend to not do a whole lot of analysis for my first go at a story =3=" like i'm almost Always shocked by plot twists cause i won't even bothering stopping to think "oh shit, what's gonna happen next," i'll just be too Invested in the Moment to think ahead. (guess i kinda do that in actual irl social situations too... all my thinking comes afterwards LMFAO i'm very no thoughts head empty all Survival Instinct when i'm talking to people. whoops.) the fact that i started reading the manga way back in my freshman year of high school (Quite a few years ago now) also doesn't help. lmfao. and also the fact that i stopped reading midway through like, vol. 9/10... ;w;

if i had to guess though, i think my (somewhat fandom-osmosis influenced) view of him was that he was kind of an uptight dumbass with highly questionable morals. scrolling all the way back through the death note tag on my archive kinda points at this, like my mild amusement at these three posts speaks to that kind of surface level view of him. i certainly didn't have a lot of nuance or original hot takes involved in how i thought of him-- not until this post fucking exploded my mind a couple months ago and dragged me into the Trenches for good. idk though, i think a lot of my currents views on him were still present, just kind of dormant or not yet evolved...

impression now: my beautiful evil wife. next question

favorite moment: ehehe i've said this before, but his death!! in the manga specifically, but i enjoy any solid light death in any adaptation (the stairs in the anime & requiem in the musical, in particular). i think i've read the last few chapters of DN the most overall, from his speech until those 2 black pages... this panel is forever burned into my mind as one of if not The best page in the entirety of DN to me.

perhaps i'm just biased since i re-read the entirety of DN a second time just to remember the context so i'd be prepared getting into the ending, but that final volume of the series (eh final two volumes? i have the black edition, vol.6) will forever hit the hardest to me. light's Terror upon realizing he's going to die is just so absolutely deliciously horrible, it makes me sick to my fucking stomach in my favorite way. it's such a cathartic comeuppance, a vicious humbling that no other adaptation has really managed to get at in the same way for me. luv watching u die bbygrl <33

idea for a story: cries forever. uhm... lawlight but it's this tweet...?

unpopular opinion: this is also kinda hard to answer cause i feel like most of my Hot DN Takes are just. ways of adding additional nuance to common fandom takes? e.g. i don't think light is all that overtly bigoted, or at least not in a way that He himself is aware of. like, i've definitely made a joke about light being a republican before, but realistically i think light's politics are just about whatever he thinks will make the most people like him-- he just skews more conservative a lot of times cause he's in a very privileged, pro-cop household and social environment.

i guess my hot take might be related to that, actually-- i've talked in-depth about my thoughts on light's intelligence before so i won't get into That again, but as a kind of sidenote to those points, i don't think light is very emotionally aware when it comes to reading himself. part of this might just be a side effect of the KIRA stuff, the Cycles he traps himself in to avoid having to think about all the ways he Might Actually be a Bad Person, but part of it might just be his immaturity or (male) socialization as well?

i actually find this kind of relatable about him, sometimes-- like in the second half of the series, he often responds to Panic with an anger response, which he usually takes out on either misa, ryuk, or the JTF (usually matsuda, since that's the most Acceptable target to get annoyed at for dumbassery). light Feels everything very strongly, often in contrast to L who very rarely gets attached to things (except for the rare cases where he gets Super attached) but he doesn't really have a good outlet for dealing with those feelings so he just represses everything instead. you can see this w/ his depression in the second half of the series too-- Work & L & KIRA, balancing all those titles and responsibilities is what matters, so he autopilots through it all in a desperate bid to escape facing the fact that his soul has been withering for the last half a decade since L's death.

it's hard to be a person when you're trying to meet Everybody's expectations, i guess, and KIRA does nothing but provide light with even more expectations to live up to if he wants the validation that will definitely totally absolutely make him happy and his life perfect and amazing and meaningful.

favorite relationship: i mean, ship-wise it's obviously lawlight, though i have grown somewhat of a soft spot for matsulight after writing them recently. for character dynamics just in general though-- i really really really like how good yagamane are at casually torturing each other just by Existing, one day i'd like to write a fic about those two set at some point during the time skip. i also love any moonriver interactions, ofc, those are some of the funniest in the series just for how fucking dramatic light is, especially in comparison to the Dead Inside-ness of near. the ways that light idolizes his dad is also very interesting to me, and i'd like to look into that more.

as for more underrated dynamics... i think i'd like to look into some mello/light stuff a little more sometime :3c ehehe

favorite headcanon: HM. hard to pick a favorite. uhh as more of a minor one, i really like that idea that light counts to 40 to calm himself down. actually, speaking of-- in terms of Mental Illness headcanons that i don't see super often, i really like giving light anxiety. for no particular reason. <- (projecting) askfjsdjk ok but like in terms of general/social anxiety specifically, not just OCD (though i'm fond of that one too). this is mostly because i think light's anger problems are just a product of his underlying anxiety mis-management, though again i may just be projecting SO. probably about time to end this post huh. askldjfksldjfkd

thanks for the ask =3=

[trungles]

Regarding your winter romcoms: just wanted to say you have truly IMPECCABLE taste in films (which is to say that we have the *same* movie taste), and it makes me love you/your art all the more. Any other suggestions? Ultimte favorite films? Do share!

HELLO, it has been a hot dang minute since I did one of these, and I'm pretty sure this question was dropped into my inbox closer to Christmas of 2022. So. Thank you very much for your kind words, anonymous, and apologies for the very long delay!

This is a fun question, though, so I really wanted to answer it eventually. Forgive the typos, grab your popcorn and your Red Vines (the best licorice-ish candy, I WILL FIGHT YOU no I won't but I love them), and let's go through my favorite comfort-watch movies. They're mostly rom-coms and coming-of-age movies for teens.

As a general caveat, I am not a big movie person at all. I know basically nothing about film. You will find no sensitive critique or analysis here. My favorite movies are all VIBES. I'm also not a big horror/thriller/bloody violence sort of person, so I don't watch many of those, which is weird because a goodly number of my dearest friends are horror film buffs. Also, I have made it a habit, in my adulthood, to go watch movies that I wasn't allowed to watch or didn't have access to as a kid. I'm a first-and-a-half generation immigrant to the United States, so my way of getting comfortable with American culture was to sort of approximate its vibes by absorbing its popular culture almost anthropologically? So in this post I'll maybe go over why I like it, and I might mention some of the things that have not aged super well because, as I'm sure you know, every single thing ever made cannot help being a product of the time it was made. I believe in being able to watch these things critically, enjoying them as they are, understanding that everybody's mileage may vary, and that not everything I like will be for everyone. I'm mostly including this bit because it's internet and people don't always know how to simply disengage with things they don't like.

In my Winter Movie post, I recommended The Holiday, When Harry Met Sally, Single All the Way, Moonstruck, and While You Were Sleeping, so I won't go over those again. Let's kick this off with something to help manage everybody's expectations.

The McG-directed Charlie's Angels movies, 2000 and 2003. Both of them.

I actually saw the second one first. It was one of the first PG-13 movies I ever saw in theatres, and it sort of just imprinted in my psyche, I think? They're just fun. They're real fuckin' fun. Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, and Drew Barrymore have great onscreen chemistry, and the cheesy wire-fu sequences are so ham-fisted that they delight me. These movies know exactly what they are, and they're very up-front about being Movies, particularly the second one where every scene seems to have an Old Hollywood pastiche. The first one has a bit of very odd brownface moments that I did not love upon rewatch.

Singin' in the Rain, 1952

I saw this movie for the first time when I was in middle school, and I was absolutely obsessed. It was the very first time I realized that the movies had its own histories, and that there was a transition of culture when there was a change in technology. Also, I just loved watching Gene Kelly dance, for gay reasons. Plus, Rita Moreno is in it for a split second, and she's divine.

Clueless, 1995

This movie rules, I don't know what else to say. It's a fantastic Austen adaptation, and while I was too young to catch this in the 90s, it felt great catching up with this one as an adult. I think it also helped me contextualize what other kids were into in the 90s, so I retroactively feel less isolated from my peers. It's a weird sort of magic. It's also strange to me, in hindsight, that in 1995 there was an enormous hit teen movie where there is a gay character who is treated incredibly lovingly for the time? Like, no gay trauma, no homophobic bullying, no nothing. He's just there, and he gets folded into the rest of the story and remains important to the main character's life? I'd have loved that as a kid.

Shanghai Noon, 2000

The year 2000 was an incredible time for goofy action comedies, and this one was formative for me. It's extremely silly and embarrassing to admit, but this movie was the first time I learned about how Chinese railroad workers built the transcontinental railroads in the later 1800s. I first saw it as a rental from the local video store, and my parents let me watch it because my dad liked Jackie Chan movies. It's... very 2000 in its treatment of racial politics, but you could reasonably argue that not too much has changed since.

The Princess Bride, 1987

I don't need to explain this to anyone.

Four Weddings and a Funeral, 1994

God, you can see the accent on Hugh Grant's mouth. I don't know why I love this movie as much as I do. I came to it a bit later in my teen years, and I'd watch it again every few years. It's grown on me more and more as the years go on. It's the only British-American ensemble production that I really latched onto, and it's in no small part because the supporting cast is so much fun to watch.

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, 1953

This is one of my favorite movies of all time. I watch it probably three or four times a year. Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell star as two showgirls who embark on a cruise to France to work around the machinations of an old millionaire who refuses to let his son marry Monroe's character. It's got that iconic Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend number, and it has one of the best third-act thesis statement speeches I've ever heard in any era. It's a great old musical.

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, 2008

This is a gem that I missed back in 2008 because I was graduating high school at the time and had other things going on (being queer at a Catholic high school in the 2000s sucked ass, btw, let this ol' geezer tell ya). Frances McDormand plays a conservative governess who can't hold down a job because she, being a preacher's daughter, is a morally upright Amelia Bedelia. Out of desperation, she scams her way into becoming the social secretary for a bubbly young actress played by Amy Adams, and they spend a wild and heartwarming day together where Frances McDormand's character navigates wartime, friendship, and romance. This is also the movie that made me develop an embarrassing crush on Lee Pace (not because Lee Pace is embarrassing, I just hate having crushes on famous actors because I know, at the end of the day, that they're just weird theatre kids who have money now). It's based on a novel written in 1938, and it's aged surprisingly well.

Sailor Moon SuperS, 1995

I borrowed the VHS for this movie from the library as often as I could in the second or third grade. It was the one movie I had memorized in my brain to the extent that I could just recite the dub to myself whenever I wanted. Plus, Chibi Moon was my favorite (do not @ me, I will fight you).

Waiting to Exhale, 1995

I don't know how I caught this one as a kid or which channel aired it, but Waiting to Exhale–starring Whitney Houston, Angela Bassett, Loretta Devine, and Lela Rochon–was something I saw pieces of when I was way too young to understand any of it, and it was a joy to revisit it as an adult. I've since seen it a few times. This endlessly gif'd scene pictured above is every bit as cathartic as it looks, and the soundtrack is incredible.

The Mummy, 1999

Yeah yeah, this is an incredibly unsurprising and safe pick, but the movie is so much damn fun, and Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz have the most belligerently bisexual energy ever shared between a heterosexual pairing. I don't know how else to explain it.

Sister Act 2, 1993

I saw this one on TV a lot, and I watched it from top to bottom every single time. I don't think I've ever actually seen the first one.

Adventures in Babysitting, 1987

I found this movie incredibly delightful, and I'm pretty sure I watched it in adulthood because I was looking for this movie I'd only seen in bits and pieces on TV as a kid or something. It stars Elizabeth Shue and a very young Anthony Rapp. Plot-wise, it's very much like Lord of the Rings if Gandalf were a plucky teen girl and the hobbits were a bunch of literal children. I'm not kidding. It's also an 80s movie about a bunch of white suburbanites who have adventures in Chicago, so there are a couple cringey moments, but by the standards of its time, nothing wildly egregious. Bonus points for a surprise appearance by strapping young Vincent D'Onofrio.

Pretty in Pink, 1986, and Some Kind of Wonderful, 1987, double-feature.

I put these two together because they're the same movie, but gender-swapped. They're both written by John Hughes and directed by Howard Deutch, so they have the same very ineffectual Reagan-era flattening of class consciousness. They're about a poor girl/boy protagonist who falls in love with a rich boy/girl. The protagonist develops a richer relationship with their beleaguered father character and develop a better understanding of themselves, kind of. John Hughes teen comedy-dramas are significant, I think, because they're some of the first blockbuster teen movies that took teens and their feelings seriously, wrote from their perspectives, and courted teens as an audience (for all kinds of historical and economic reasons between the 70s and the 80s, I'm sure, but I'm no expert). They're also more watchable than some of the other John Hughes teen movies; Sixteen Candles is basically unwatchable to me.

Porco Rosso, 1992

I told myself I could only pick one Ghibli movie for this list, and this is it. Porco Rosso might be my favorite Ghibli movie, which might seem like an odd choice for me. Like a lot of millennials who were teens when Spirited Away came out, I got really into the Ghibli catalogue in the late 2000s but had seen some Ghibli movies much earlier in my life. My first was technically Grave of the Fireflies. I was eight, and came away with the notion that if I left my little brother alone, who was five at the time, the adults around us would just let him die, so I had to watch him as carefully as I could. I became an incredibly anxious and overbearing older brother very early. Next, I'd see the Buena Vista release of Kiki's Delivery service, so I have a soft spot for all the Sydney Forest pop songs they inserted in the 90s dub of that movie. By the time I watched Porco Rosso, I'd seen most of the rest of the Ghibli catalogue, but it really stood out to me. Most of Miyazaki's protagonists are girls, but this one is a kids' feature about a middle-aged man with a pig's head. In hindsight, I think I loved it because it is one of those rare children's narratives that conflates femininity with practicality and masculinity with frivolous ostentatiousness. It's worth a watch!

Say Anything... , 1989

This is one of those teen movies where they take small, mundane problems and make them enormous, which I sort of love as a storytelling tool. John Cusack plays Lloyd, a high school underachiever who falls in love with the valedictorian, and you watch him experience true internal motivation for the first time in his young life. It's very cute! I think the thing this sort of teen movie gets really right about being a teenager is you don't really have a sense of scale for your problems at that age because all your problems are just problems you're encountering for largely the first time. Ione Skye's valedictorian character experiences a pretty devastating family issue with her father, but it's flattened into the same strata as her anxiety about flying, her first breakup, and her feelings of isolation and remove from her peers. Plus Lili Taylor is in this as Lloyd's best friend character, and she's great, just like in the next movie on this list...

Mystic Pizza, 1988

I couldn't decide which gif I wanted to use for this movie, so I just picked two. It's another slice-of-life teen comedy-drama, and it's real cozy. The performances from all the young actors are fantastic. Lili Taylor, Annabeth Gish, and Julia Roberts are great in this, plus you get to see strapping young Vincent D'Onofrio again, which is a treat. He gets to do a lot more in this one. At this point it's worth noting that 80s teen movies are obsessed with romances among young people across different social strata, and true to the Reagan era, the movies like to impress upon its audiences that hating rich people is the same as hating poor people (cue heavy eyeroll). This honestly explains a lot of things to me about today's political discourses, I think.

To All the Boys I've Loved Before, 2018

I enjoyed this Netflix movie so much that I watched it 16 or 17 times in the month after its release. It's fine, I'm fine. I don't know exactly what it was. I love rom coms. I've seen a ton of high school romance movies, and this one hit me really hard for some reason.

And that's everything I could come up with off the very top of my head. I think I hit something like 20 movies up there? Whew! That's my evening, but it was the only thing I could focus on for more than an hour at a time today.

[lgbt-cishet-movie-tournament]

lol the main lead actors for each movie are father and son irl. well you know the drill

The loser is either too queer to be a cishet movie or too cishet to be queer…

How is it cishet media?

LB: evil gay vampires getting in the way of a cishet lovestory

The Exorcist: A movie (sort-of) beloved by the Catholic Church that promotes traditional family values. Has a lot of homophobic language, and it was released around Christmas. Only one gay character and they only tell you through a flamboyant gesture. Screen writer and book author was homophobic enough to make petitions to “un-catholic” the catholic school featured in this film (they were reaching out to gay students and having pride so he wrote an angry letter to the bishop) and it shows. The Vatican once invited the director to come over specifically because of the exorcist :(((

How is it lgbt?

LB: those vampires were gay and trans why else did they wear leather when it was so hot out. they got a single ear piercing which was the way back then to signal other gay people you were gay (they did it on the other ear not the gay ear but I know what was happening)

Exorcist: Regan is sooo off-putting and a bad daughter. This is just what being queer and having several diseases is like minus the exorcism. Her voice gets deep while she acts rebellious and her mom rejects her. Damien Karras (the younger priest) also reads as so repressedly gay and in the closet in the original book, but the movie squeezes in a bit of that with a scene where Fr. Dyer lays Karras to bed, and they hold hands until Karras eventually recoils with so much pathetic pain. I KNOW what you are. (https://afieldinengland.tumblr.com/post/657429236105248768/they-were-in-love-here) Karras and Dyer are even closer in the book, and Dyer is his stereotypically effeminate “ride or die” gay best friend. He told him to leave the priesthood with him since the gays are doing it, meanwhile all the other local priests were panicking about gay priests. The movie is extremely quotable too and I find that camp. Also found “Mother what’s wrong with me?” and “That thing upstairs is not my daughter” to be sooo personal. I know it’s homophobic but it helped me come out more somehow because I don’t want to DIE like that. Saw some fun Regan MacNeil dragqueens, trans posts and non-binary comics (with regan and karras) awhile ago as well. In the 90s, a reviewer said that the movie was actually a priest’s homoerotic wet dream (and that’s why they wanted to kill pazuzu the “female element”) and it so threw off the director to the point that his biography, an analytical book on the exorcist by kermode, AND some articles will bring it up as a bizarre theory or serious analysis. Well I say the reviewer had a point, but with the wrong priest. Dyer is the only confirmed gay character who gets censored a lot, but I know what those two had. Big closeted catholic energy. That’s why Regan was so homophobic. She read Karras’ mind.

[yesterdanereviews]

The World's End (2013)

Film review #565

Director: Edgar Wright

SYNOPSIS: Gary King is haunted by a twenty year old memory of failing to complete the Golden Mile with his friends: twelve pubs, twelve pints that stretch across his hometown of Newton Haven. He decides to reunite the five friends and convinces them to travel back to their hometown to complete the task they began twenty years ago. However, as they undertake their legendary pub crawl, they begin to notice that there is something strangely different about their home town...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: The World's End is a 2013 filmed directed by Edgar Wright, and the third film directed by him and starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, with Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fizz being the previous two. in the opening, we see Gary King, a good-for-nothing tearaway, who decides to conclude some unfinished business from twenty years prior: a legendary pub crawl across his home town, with twelve pints across twelve pubs, concluding at the World's End pub. Gary convinces his four friends, who now all have grown up with families and careers (apart from Gary, who is basically the same as he was in high school), and they return to their home town to try and finally complete their unfinished business. however, they find their home town has changed a little...in more ways than one, as they eventually discover that the town's population has been taken over by robot clones by an alien intelligence who wishes to "improve" humanity's behaviour to prepare it for acceptance in the wider galactic community. The film handles the split between the more down-to-earth premise of the beginning of the film, and the sudden turn to sci-fi strongly and smartly. But this shouldn't be much of a surprise, given that Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz also did the same thing with similar success. The World's End feels like a continuation of what those film's achieved in terms of storytelling and humour, delivering fast-paced dialogue, fight scenes and banter from it's likable leads. poking fun at the trope of alien possession such as Invasion of the Body Snatchers, it provides a good setting for the characters to approach it in the guise of a pub crawl.

Simon Pegg plays the lead character of Gary King, an immature, good-for-nothing tearaway who hasn't changed since his schooldays, and who presents us with a character we're not sure whether to like or dislike: he exists as both someone who is problematic and an embodiment of some of the worst qualities of humanity, but also a reminder of who we once were as teenagers that quietly gets lost as the "real world" dawns upon us, highlighted by Gary's four friends all having careers and/or families. They all provide a counterpoint to Gary's antics, but Gary never feels outnumbered, as he's always such a huge presence and takes control of conversations to turn them into high energy performances. Ultimately, Gary's character arc doesn't really get resolved in any final way, but that's kind of the point: that people like him don't fit into the grand plan, and that's okay. The ending of the film isn't able to match the rest of it, with the dialogue between Gary and the alien entity not having the same energy and witty wordplay as the rest, and the epilogue being the onset of the apocalypse may not be to everyone's taste, but does little to sour the movie as a whole.

The film often feels like a refinement of the practices undertaken in Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, with Pegg and Frost doing their own stunts, high-octane action sequences, and quick, snappy wordplay which never misses a beat. The weak spots in the film are it falling short of following through on it's theme of maturity, growth etc. in the end, and while it's obviously going to be compared to the two aforementioned films, The World's End doesn't have those memorable moments that will distinguish itself and make you think of it on it's own merit. The film definitely has plenty of polish and refinement, and the comedy, acting and general sense of fun are all top notch though, and make the film worth a watch regardless of any negatives that don't sour the whole experience.

[cksmart-world]

RT BOMB

The Completely Unnecessary News Analysis

By Christopher Smart

July 25, 2023

HUNTER BIDEN'S 'JOHNSON' AND THE REAL SCANDAL

There was a surprise witness at the recent House Oversight Committee hearing on an alleged tax fraud coverup — Hunter Biden's schwanzstucker. Nude photos of the president's son are key pieces of evidence entered by Georgia stateswoman Majorie Taylor Green. They show a naked Hunter Biden making porn videos with sex workers, Green alleges. “This is actually the evidence that I believe the American people deserve to see.” No Wilson, you just can't unsee that. Hunter should be tarred and feathered and his father impeached and exiled. It goes back to 2020 when Rudy Giuliani was sniffing out Hunter's business dealings with a Ukrainian energy company as the 2020 election loomed. That led then-President Trump to tell Volodymyr Zelensky to investigate Joe Biden and Hunter or he might withhold $400 million in military aid that was already allocated. Trump was impeached by House Democrats for abuse of power and obstruction of Congress. He was acquitted by Senate Republicans. No wonder House Republicans are so pissed off. The Bidens are so shameless while Trump is getting blamed for silly stuff like insurrection, stealing classified documents, election interference and fraudulent hush money payments to his very own porn star. It's just so unfair.

IS KEN REALLY BARBIE'S GBF?

Hold on to your Barbie. Ken is not her boyfriend. He’s Barbie’s GBF — gay best friend. No Wilson, we are not making this up. That's the word from Barry Levitt writing in The Daily Beast. And he's not the first to say it. When Mattel rolled out Ken in 1961 he was portrayed as Barbie's boyfriend. “Get both Barbie and Ken and see where the romance will lead!” a TV commercial promised. The couple later starred in the 2010 animated film “Toy Story 3,” where they appear as a young couple. Sure, they're good friends, Levitt says, “But through it all, there’s not a hint of sexual chemistry.” When Ken gets his big chance at the DreamHouse he takes Barbie into his closet. (No pun intended.) But instead of going for it, Ken puts on a fashion show for Barbie. OMG! “In Barbie, Ken has found someone who really understands him,” Levitt explains. In 1993 Mattel introduced Magic Earring Ken wearing a lavender mesh shirt, a matching purple leather vest and a necklace with an “O” ring reflecting his sexual preference. Mattel inadvertently made him the essence of '90s queer fashion. Oops! Gay commentator Dan Savage gave him a nice coming out, much to Mattel's chagrin and Earring Ken became a gay icon. Sales were brisk but not just to the parents of little girls. He's was sooo hot.

SLAVERY WAS COOL, PRIMED BLACKS FOR THE GOOD LIFE

Florida is way ahead of the rest of Red States when it comes to rolling back the clock to the good ol' days. Gov. Ron DeSantis and the Florida Board of Education set new standards for African American history that tells the real story of how slavery gave Black people the opportunity to develop skills they could later use when share cropping and running from the Ku Klux Klan. The new K-12 standards put to rest myths by liberal educators that slavery didn't have an upside. What about all that singing? Liberal teachers have been indoctrinating young people into thinking America isn't really great. But now high school students will be taught the truth, like the deadly white mob attack against Black residents of Ocoee, Florida, in 1920, where 35 or more Black people were killed was really violence against African Americans by African Americans. Let freedom ring. DeSantis has been working diligently to create an educational system that protects white students from feeling guilty for bad stuff that might not have happened. Last year he signed the “Stope WOKE Act” to restrict teaching of liberal hogwash. Today many Blacks get big money for things they're forebears learned on the plantations, like smithing horseshoes, digging ditches and picking cotton. Is this a great country or what.

Post script — That's gunna do it for another historic week here at Smart Bomb where we keep track of Mormon history so you don't have to. A new book by Eileen Hallet Stone looks at the history of prostitution in the Territory of Deseret and the early years in the State of Utah. But oddly it was not celebrated in this year's Day's of '47 Parade — there was no “Prostitution Float,” Wilson, and we're not sure why. Salt Lake City, Ogden and Park City have rich histories of bordellos. Regent Street, downtown in the capital city, was a hotbed of such commerce. And a special train ran from downtown Saturday afternoon to the bottom of Heber Avenue in Park City, the mining town's red-light district. It would return to Salt Lake City in time for Sunday services. Men will be men. Speaking of harlots, Barbie is driving the right bonkers. Conservative commentator Ben Shapiro posted a video of himself burning Barbie dolls and then launching into a 43-minute tirade against the “Barbie” movie, saying it is the most woke thing he's ever seen. Texas Sen. Ted Cruz said the movie features Chinese propaganda. And talk radio host Charlie Kirk said the film is “trans propaganda,” and “the most disgusting thing he's ever seen.” Those are the GOP's new ideas on how to tackle the important issues of our time.

Well Wilson, “Barbie” has set the country on its ear with way too much psycho and psychoanalysis. But we know you and the guys in the band won't overthink it. Barbie is a doll for little girls to fantasize about their futures whether they be housewives or astronauts. So let's just skip all the Freudian drama and go back to having fun. Hit it, Wilson:

Well, she got her daddy's car And she cruised through the hamburger stand, now Seems she forgot all about the library Like she told her old man, now And with the radio blasting Goes cruising just as fast as she can now And she'll have fun, fun, fun till her daddy takes the T-bird away Well, the girls can't stand her 'Cause she walks, looks and drives like an ace, now She makes the Indy 500 look like a Roman chariot race, now You look like an ace now, you look like an ace A lot of guys try to catch her But she leads them on a wild goose chase, now And she'll have fun, fun, fun till her daddy takes the T-bird away Fun, fun, fun, 'till her daddy takes the T-bird away Well, you knew all along That your dad was getting wise to you, now And since he took your set of keys You've been thinking that your fun is all through, now But you can come along with me 'Cause we've got a lot of things to do, now And we'll have fun, fun, fun now that daddy took the T-bird away And we'll have fun, fun, fun now that daddy took the T-bird away Wooo-ooo-Aaaah!

(Fun, Fun, Fun — The Beach Boys)

[ackerfics]

hi, rory! <3 what majors would the sc veterans take if they were in the modern world?

hi, anon !! thank you so much for this ask, this is heaven in disguise from all my schoolwork. tbh, the whole time i was working for a lab report, my mind will go back to this ask bc i wanted to have the association as accurate as possible hhhajshw

i asked one of my friends for help and thank God for them bc my single brain cell really said 'it's time for you to rest' after staring at one backlog. without further ado, here are the veterans' majors if they're studying in university:

first off, hange zoe, because if you ask me this question in real life, they would be the only one i can answer. every damn time i would think of them in a college setting, being a biology major is really hange's forte. at this point, this is what everyone would associate them with.

hange is all about experimenting and doing brilliant breakthroughs in any field of science but knowing that they have this unparalleled fascination with the unusual and unexpected life-forms (ahem titans ahem), the biology lab would be the surest place where you could find hange. i feel like biology is too broad so i will add that microbiology or bacteriology are just some of the specializations they will be taking in their time in college.

imagine, being lab partners with hange and immediately knowing that you will have one of the highest grades in the class because they're that well-versed in a specific lab report. and if you're partners with them for the rest of the academic year, you might as well have a shot at an immaculate grade. i'm not saying that you should depend on them too much though hHHHH, hange is still a member of the majority of the student body who relies heavily on caffeine to keep them invigorated. who isn't at this point?

so far, some of the biology majors that i encountered (well, more like chatted behind a screen — online classes suck), they have this energy that could drain my social battery too quickly and hange fits that description. (note that this doesn't apply to any college bc i observed this in mine soooo 🤭) they're the type to always go on a tangent on a certain science article or coerce you into joining this org thing. i can imagine levi just looking at hange like they're the one sucking his brain cells out whenever they speak about a documentary in bbc they watched the night before.

and if you're stuck on anything biology-related, hange will be the best person to ask help from. they're the first ray of sunlight you get while waking up. they're that approachable.

okay, so erwin smith.

don't come at me but he just radiates this ceo vibes and with that, one of his probably majors is business administration. i know this is so stereotypical of me but let's face it, erwin is a smooth talker through and through and if he doesn't take up marketing, business is one way to spend his college years. knowing his personality in attack on titan of establishing deals easily with a determined resolve, he fits the broadest description of being a business administration major. (again, don't come at me because my consultant for this statement is google and nobody comes after google sometimes hhhhh)

just for the benefit of myself, i will add what google says about this major, "[they] learn the mechanics of business through classes in fundamentals, such as finance, accounting and marketing ... students find ways to solve problems using data and they develop communication and managerial skills." and i thank you.

he's also probably the most well-spoken and most professional when conversing with others among his friends (and i'm not saying this to drag the other characters but this is what i pick up on) and that is exactly the qualities his major specializes. it is expected for them to strike deals and be a people person and who better character for the job than our very own erwin smith 🤩

now i mentioned 'one of the probable majors' and yes, aside from business administration, philosophy just exudes erwin smith. ngl, when i imagined erwin in a college setting, this major will always come first. his mind is just so sexy to me??? and i hope you guys think the same, too, because i don't want to be the only one who thinks that 👀 kidding aside, erwin is one of the smartest people in attack on titan and every time he speaks in one episode, my brain will instantly go mush, and that's what i feel when i hear philosophy majors talk.

philosophy majors (according to any other youtuber who does lookbooks for various majors hhhhhh) challenge what is unanswerable and analyze questions with no right answer. i feel like erwin, like hange, will talk all night to explain a theory. just imagine a date with him and you just listen to him rant about a topic that they should be making a report on. just listen to this man, okay?? it's adorable when he lets his guard down to include you in his little bubble of philosophies. he would also mention random things that he learned in classes, sometimes finding joy in knowing the philosophies of other people, or even deciphering levi's dream of an apocalyptic world. (it pisses levi off but he just leave him be.)

if you want a man who can do both of these majors, erwin smith is the answer 😉

sigh, mike zacharias.

this man holds so many talents and will forever amaze me.

i assume all of us here watched the movie perfume. and no, i'm not saying that mike is going to be a murderer but just like the main character of that film, making perfumes will be his forte with that sense of smell of his. and here, i conclude that mike will definitely take up chemical engineering.

he gives me the vibes that if it covers the one thing he does best, he will love his major. (mr. zacharias, can you please spare me that quality because i really need that now 😩) being in the labs while experimenting mundane things that can be found in the environment to create different scents is also a likely situation you can find him in, again, very much like hange. he's the type of student who really puts so much effort in staying afloat the honors list, even to the point of topping midterms in his major, for the sake of his dream. there will never be a moment where you will catch him complain about his major and professors.

he's that type of friend in college who agrees to any rant you say but in reality, he's got his life easy 😭

i headcanon mike owning a perfume shop after college just like how levi always dreamed of having a tea shop.

okay, imagine this little scenario if you're dating mike where he creates this unique perfumes as random gifts for you. they're not the typical perfumes that can seep through the room and can make you gag for no reason, they're subtle scents that will stay for the duration of the day. because again, he's got a sensitive nose, so making perfumes according to what his sense of smell dictates will always result in a revolutionary experiment. if you're randomly blurting out that you want a fusion of flowers and fruits as your perfume, say no more, he's your man.

now, the veteran who i find the hardest to associate a major with — levi ackerman.

after much deliberation and a break from plant physiology, i see him taking up law or criminology.

(i asked some of this from my mom because she attended law school :>>>)

levi is so organized and detailed in the things that he do and he fits in either of these majors since they require tedious memorizations and analysis of laws and crime scenes while being assertive enough to defend someone. he's the typical person who blurts out the true situation of a crime scene when watching film adaptations. yeah, he's that person, the one who sucks the enthusiasm out of you while watching a movie because he just had to correct some of the scenes. nevertheless, he means well though, he just wanted you to understand the reality unlike how films portray gruesome murders. movie nights always end up with levi ranting about half-assed mystery clichés.

levi's binder of readings are always too bright for everyone's good. his notes are full of highlighters and scribbles that it can blind someone. for one, he's always up all night studying his readings and cases for a practice court so by choosing neon highlighters, it's a way for him to wake up. there isn't one book in his possession that he doesn't highlight like it's a fricking coloring book. hange once jokingly said that his binder now acts like his bible and for once, he agrees because he was never seen without one. hange had a field day since levi never agrees with them.

when doing practice courts though, his go-to resting bitch face always come in handy when carrying out his role as one of the lawyers. he's just so sexy with his hands in the pockets of his slacks as he tries to justify his supposed client. the way he questions the accused definitely isn't hot because he's like one of the panelists in your thesis defense, the one who just comes up with questions that have you melting on the spot. he's dangerous i tell you. it also doesn't help if you accidentally hurt one of his friends or just landed randomly in his blacklist for being annoying as hell. relax though, he doesn't mean harm other than the fact that he's ready to throw some hands from all the pent-up rage he gathered in his body.

of course, i couldn't forget how he dresses up like a typical dark academia fanatic so look out for eye-candy.

if you want someone who can recite articles from the constitution, this man is perfect for you 😌

i had so much fun doing this !! again, i'm not generalizing every major i've talked about in these little headcanons, this is all for fun and based on the people i encountered in college. if you want more of this, don't hesitate to ask !! 😚

[messers-moony]

Comics 2 | A.G

Paring: Aidan Gallagher X Fem!Reader

Summary: Aidan meets an unusually pretty girl at a library while trying to find a textbook for school

Warnings: Cursing

Years later, Aidan and Y/n were now twenty-five. All these years and Aidan hadn’t seen her since he gifted her the comic book when they were just twenty. All these years later and he still loved her.

He left a bookmark in there on purpose, one with his number, but yet, she never called. It made his mind wander. Why wasn’t she calling? Maybe she wasn’t fond of calling, but even then, she never texted either.

A certain feeling of defeat lingered in his heart. Maybe she didn’t like him like that. Her words were stuck in his mind; they lagged in his head like a broken record every time he was to fall asleep.

“ Y/n L/n. Remember it. “

Why was he to remember it? She was a comic book artist, for Christ's sake, not an upcoming actress. As far as he knew, there would never be a significance to her name. A new Netflix show was in the making, another one based on comic books.

Of course, Aidan got the call. The call was a producer begging him to audition for the leading role. He would be perfect for this role, swore the producer. Aidan was hesitant but did it anyway.

Aidan wasn’t the only one in the audition room, of course, but he was only here because of the pleading the producer did. He auditioned, and that was that. Within a week's notice, they would notify him.

On his way home, he stopped by a library, the very same library he met the girl at. Sighing, he walked to the comic book section and picked up the series of comics. There were five in the series, and he bought all of them.

He walked home with a backpack filled with his belongings and now new comic books. Walking into his apartment, he unzipped his bag and took out the first comic. The male ignored who wrote and illustrated it. It didn’t really matter. Did it?

The brunette read through the first comic and was hooked almost immediately. He read through them relatively quickly, and when he finished, he was agitated. The books were completed on a cliffhanger, only leading him to assume there had to be a sixth book soon.

Three days went by, and Aidan couldn’t help but reread the comic books for a more thorough analysis. The more he read, the more he saw how similar he and the main character was.

Everything down to the hair, the dimples, the smile, and the eyes were the exact same. The mannerisms being almost identical scared him. But he realized why the producer begged him for this role. He wasn’t exaggerating when he said Aidan was the perfect candidate for it.

He finished the series a second time and stared at the cover. That’s when he realized it and then began to scold himself for how dense he could possibly be.

“ Written and Illustrated by Y/n L/n “

We’re the words written across the top of the book. That’s why the main character was so similar to him, because the girl who wrote it knew who he was. She was observant, hella observant.

Within a week's notice, as promised, Aidan got a call saying he got the role and they would fly him to New York to begin filming. He’d be leaving in a month, probably the least amount of notice he’s been given before filming a show.

Nonetheless, the month went by faster than you could blink, and he was on a plane to New York. The set was much bigger than he imagined and made his way to the producers.

“ Aidan, you came! How wonderful! “ The producer from the phone exclaimed happily, “ My names Alex. I’m so ecstatic you came. “

Alex put his hand out to shake, which Aidan accepted politely, “ I assume you’ve read the comics by now? “ A familiar voice queried.

“ I have, actually. “ Aidan replied, turning around to be met with the dyed-haired female, “ I told you, remembering my name would come in handy. “ Y/n winked.

Aidan snickered, “ Why make your main character almost exactly like me? “ Aidan questioned, fully serious, “ Because Gallagher, you’re intriguing. You also seem to attract the best audience. Not to mention you always put on a show. “ Y/n said with prominent confidence.

The way his last name rolled off her tongue almost made him faint. He adored her and wanted her to be his. Now that she was here, he’d do anything in his power to make her his.

“ So you’re using me to make your show popular? “ The male joked, “ No, don’t take it the wrong way. I used you because you’re hardworking, and you put everything into your role. You, my love, are perfect for this role. “ Y/n responded, and Aidan’s cheeks flushed at the pet name.

“ Now, I must be going. However, I will see you on set tomorrow, I presume? “ She questioned with a soft smile, “ Yeah. Definitely. “ Aidan breathed as she left.

A hand was laid upon his shoulder, “ You are completely head over heels for her, huh? “ A male voice spoke in his ear, making him jump, “ Jesus Christ Robert, where did you come from? Why are you here? “ Aidan heaved as his hand was on his heart.

“ I’ve actually earned myself a role as well as Elliot Page. I’ve never seen you so entranced. “ Robert commented, “ She's been stuck in my head for years. “ Aidan murmured.

Robert had a face of curiosity, “ We met like five years ago at a library, and I talked to her for only two hours, but by then, she had me completely wrapped around her finger. “ Aidan explained, and Robert raised an eyebrow, “ She moved the next week, and I hadn’t seen her since. “

“ Well. Better make your move soon. I’ve seen guys eyeing her up all day. “ Robert replied as he walked off.

Months later, Y/n was right. Aidan was absolutely perfect for the role without even trying. Granted, the character was practically him, but he excelled in making the role his own.

Y/n and Aidan had gotten quite close throughout those months. They seemed pretty fond of each other. She was confident, intelligent, and caring. He was thoughtful, kind, and sweet. The pair made a loving match.

However, the girl's heart was guarded, she had been let down so many times, and she didn’t want to ruin the friendship she had acquired with the famous male. Aidan, in his free time, had been working on an EP. The title and main song on it was held close to his heart.

After a couple of dates and a lot of convincing, she gave in. Aidan Gallagher had now achieved the girl of his dreams, Y/n L/n. She was everything he wanted and so much more. He was captivated by her and made sure he showed the world.

Every chance he got, he posted her everywhere. His fans absolutely adored her, possibly even more than he did. Saturday lives his fans spent begging to see the admirable female when she wasn’t present. It honestly made Aidan quite jealous.

Regardless it made Aidan’s heart feel unbelievably full that both he and his fans loved her as much as he desired. Mornings were spent holding each other with subtle morning kisses. Nights were spent eating take-out and playing the original Mario kart after many arguments that it was better than the newer versions.

Filming was almost complete, and Aidan’s stay in New York was coming to a very prominent close. A day neither lover was looking forward to. His home was in Los Angeles, and hers was in New York. There was no changing that.

“ Do you really have to go? “ Questioned the teary-eyed female, “ Unfortunately. “ Aidan sighed.

They both stood in JFK Airport as close as they could before having to depart. Aidan’s hands held her tear-stained cheeks, and she moved stray strands of hair from his forehead.

“ I promise, I will come back for you. “ Aidan pledged to, and she sniffled, nodding, “ I’ll move in with you if you want. “

Y/n looked up slightly guilty, “ I don’t want to be the reason you leave your hometown. You grew up there. Your entire family is there. I would feel awful taking you away from them. “ She admitted, “ I would be living here willingly. Plus, there’s more opportunities acting-wise here, believe it or not. Hollywood isn’t all it’s made out to be. The United Nations is also home to New York. It’d be closer to everything. “ Aidan explained.

“ If- If that’s what you want, then I wouldn’t hesitate. “ Y/n smiled softly.

Aidan pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, “ Then this isn’t really goodbye, is it? “ Aidan’s whisper left a hot breath lingering on her lips, “ No, it isn’t. “ Y/n replied.

“ Stop your crying then. I hate seeing you cry. I will come back. “ He muttered softly, wiping her tears and kissing her forehead, “ I love you. “

“ I love you too. Be safe, please. Text me when you get on and when you land, okay? “ She requested, “ Always. “ Aidan simpered.

Gently he let her go and walked away with a tiny wave. Now there were only two things left to do. Pack up all of his stuff and play one last show in Los Angeles before leaving his home.

The male pack quickly when he arrived home, way too excited to live with his new partner. His show was scheduled for that night. Tonight he’d be playing his brand new song, the main song on his latest EP, the one he held close to his heart.

Nerves ran through his body like no tomorrow as he stepped up on stage. Screams were heard throughout the entire venue, making him smile brightly.

“ Hello everyone. “ Aidan greeted, getting screams in response, “ As you all may know, I will not be living in LA for much longer. New York seems more like home now than it’s ever seemed, so after this show, I’ll be getting on a plane to my new home. “

“ While I’ll play your favorite’s such as songs like Blue Neon and Fourth of July, there’s a new song at the end I’d love for your feedback on. I hold this song very close to my heart, and I hope you all will as well. So let’s get this started. “ Aidan informed with a gleeful smile present on his lips.

Aidan began strumming the guitar and singing the all too familiar lyrics. Applause was given in between each song, only encouraging his love for music as he continued to sing— his fans sung along with him giving Aidan a sense of love and commitment.

Finally, the last song was due to play, “ I call this last one, Comics. “

[clarawatson]

It Only Takes A Taste (3)

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x [Fem]!Reader (GN pronouns, fem coded stuff, but I’m not sure where this is going as a larger work so we’ll say Fem!reader to be safe) Summary: Jack comes for dinner, I guess. W/C: 2345 Warnings: none yet! A/N: this one got a little long, oopsies. AO3 Where am I in this series? 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 |

The bed had been so warm and comfortable you hadn't wanted to get out, but the thought of seeing Aaron again made your heart grow three sizes. You'd been texting back and forth for the last couple of days, just small awkward stuff. He likes to text emojis. He's precious. Of course he's precious. 

He comes in as you're serving your first customer of the night—a sobbing thirty-year-old man who can't even order his pie without spluttering in tears. Is it favouritism to get excited by Aaron turning up? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes. 

"Hello," you smile. There's a hundred things you could have called him, but he's too cute and your brain doesn't want to work. 

"Hi," he grins back. "Can I have a coffee, please. Here."

"Yes you can." Aaron splits his bill between the counter and the tip jar. "How was your day,  Aaron?" 

"Boring paperwork. Couldn't concentrate."

Concern furrows your eyebrow. "Is something wrong?"

"Huh? No! I kept thinking about seeing you." There's that sunshine smile again. You might even match it yourself. He points to the cake that's still in the display tin. He's in earlier in the night than usual, so there's a lot more range to choose from. "Is that carrot cake?" 

"Sure is. Do you want some?" 

"Please." 

You serve him a slice and let the coffee machine splutter and fight with you. He stabs his cake with his fork and looks like he has an out of body experience the moment the cream cheese icing hits his tongue. That's a face you want to see again under different circumstances.

"Joe?"

"Me! And Joe's recipe. I sort of mixed it together and prayed."

"Then mark me a religious man." Aaron smiles. You can't held but smile back at him.

"It's a bit early for you to be in," you say. It's not an issue, just means you got the earlier shift. Finishing at 1am instead of 7am. Plus, Aaron looks nice in the daytime. Very nice. The afternoon light suits him.

"Didn't have a case," he shrugs. 

You've googled him since getting his business card. “Supervisory Agent Aaron Hotchner, Section Chief of the BAU”. The fuck did that even mean? BAU was the Behavioural Analysis Unit, which was still mainly a mystery, but you think it’s maybe just an over-glorified way of saying ‘they look inside people’s heads and hope for the best’. He’s got a handful of news reports that you’ve practically memorised. 

Okay, that’s a little obsessive. Don’t admit that to him. 

He wasn’t the ‘untouched by darkness’ that you’d thought of him before, his work face held all the darkness his smile did not. You hoped you never had to see the serious man who stood before the cameras. 

“How’s Rita?” Aaron asks. He’s cut the top off his carrot cake, saving it for later. He looks at it longingly every now and then, then he scoops just a little bit of the cream cheese and lets it rest on his tongue.

“She’s good. Restless. She’s happy for the due date to arrive.” She’d also asked you to be the baby’s godparent. Rather forcefully, actually, it had felt a bit strange. That was the only reason you hadn’t jumped at the opportunity. You’d do anything for Rita, but saying yes in that instant would had felt strange. Almost… wrong, maybe.

Aaron knows you’re thinking about it. He puts his fork down and shifts in his chair, waiting for you to continue. He doesn’t fill the silence between the two of you. You think about telling him, but then Lola’s bustling through the door and grabbing her apron.

“Hot stuff, when can I go for a smoke break?” is the first thing Lola says to you. She pulls chewing gum out of her mouth (yes, pulls. She sticks her fingers in her mouth and pulls it out as far as it will go without snapping) and Aaron moves his cake around his plate a bit. Does he not like it? Don’t be silly, he asked for it. Requested it. Whatever. You put his three cookies into a plastic bag and slide it across the counter to him.

“Lola you only just came in.”

“But I want to know,” she whines like she’s a teenager with an after school job, not a thirty-five-year-old woman who works at the diner full time. “Hey, Rita’s been acting weird, right? Is that a pregnancy thing, or?” Lola rubbed her nose on the back of her wrist and sniffs. An action you’re all too familiar with by now, and of course she was doing illegal substances in the bathroom before she started her shift when there’s a legitimate federal agent in the diner.

 “Oh,” Lola says as she looks at Aaron. She looks at you, raises her eyebrows, and nods like she’s impressed. “I take back telling Rita she was a liar." Even without knowing the context of Rita and Lola's conversation, you know Rita had told Lola how pretty/handsome/gorgeous Aaron is. "I’m going to go clean some tables.”

She grabs the cleaning supplies and heads out into the dining area. The door swings open, banging against one of the booths, and you’re immensely glad Lola doesn’t scream 'watch it’ at them. A curly haired blonde woman (gorgeous, mind you) touches Aaron’s shoulder and he sits up straight, smiling, and your heart plummets a little bit. Just the tiniest amount. 

“Jack insisted we switch over here before I go to parent/teacher interviews.” As if on queue, a well mannered, sandy-haired boy sits next to Aaron and grins too much like Aaron. Aaron’s son. You can put two and two together. Profiler or not.

“How was school?” Aaron asks. Jack shrugs.

“It was school.” He learnt that from his dad, there’s no question. 

“Well, in that case. Jack, this is my friend Y/n. Y/n, this is Jack.” Jack extends a hand to shake in greeting and looks really shy about it. You shake it quickly so he doesn’t feel like a kid who’s been roped into doing adult things. There’s a pile of colouring-in pages Joe’s printed off at the local library beneath a cup of crayons that Jack’s eyeing off. 

You grab a sheet and a crayon, raising an eyebrow in invitation as you turn around to Jack. 

“Yes please,” he says, grin growing across his face. “Thank-you.”

“You’re welcome. Wonderful manners.” Jack grins even bigger and you think he, too, might combust just like his dad. Stardust! That’s the movie you were thinking of. When Yvaine sees Tristan she shines, literally, the star inside of her just can’t be contained. That’s Aaron and Jack, and the way they look when they smile. 

Aaron’s sister-in-law looks at you with a cocked head, like a curious cat. Like she’s waiting to pounce. But… curiously pounce. Like she's sussing you out. She extends a hand in greeting.

“Jess. Aaron’s talked about you.”

There’s no response but to look sheepish. This seems to greatly please Jess, who smiles softly and rubs the back of Aaron’s head affectionately. They have a long history together, it’s too familial to be just a relationship born through marriage. 

“I’ll see you later then, Rockstar,” Jess says.

“Bye,” Aaron and Jack say together. Aaron rests his cheek on his hand, watching you as Lola hands you three orders she’s taken while you’ve been talking to Aaron. Jack leans over and whispers to Aaron about his homework (it’s a whisper that belongs on a stage) as you wrestle with the coffee machine. 

It’s been grinding it’s way down to not working for a while now. Ever since you met Aaron, actually. Joe’s said he’s going to fix it, or get a new one, but everyone’s in a state of non-commital until Rita has her baby.You’ve got no idea why, it’s just the way things are. Good luck, maybe? Or luck in general? 

Somehow you get Aaron talking about Shakespeare. It might have been Jack’s doing, to be completely honest, but one moment you’re trying to make the froth… well, froth… and the next you're listening to Aaron talk animatedly about Othello. Jack's young enough to not think his Dad's passion is embarrassing. 

"Have you watched Othello?" Jack asks, a question that Aaron's neglected to ask you. "I'm not old enough to yet." 

"I haven't seen that one yet, but I've seen Much Ado About Nothing."

"Is that the one with the olive gardens?" Jack asks. Aaron frowns, eyes searching for the answer in that big beautiful minds tonight.

"Yes," he says finally. "That was the one with the olive trees."

Jack giggles. "There was kissing in that movie." 

"Lots of it," Aaron agrees. You're not sure you're talking about the same film, but it's cute to see the two of them interact. 

"With the guy who plays Lockhart in the second Harry Potter movie?" You ask. Jack laughs just like his father. It's all light and mirth. He nods in confirmation. 

"His name is Kenneth," Jack says like he's familiar with him. When Aaron smiles, you know Jack's his whole world.

It’s not long before Aaron realised he’d brought Jack in without asking if he wanted anything. The afternoon rush had died down, leaving you in the space between out-of-work and dinner. You make the most chocolate-y hot chocolate you can for Jack when Aaron says he can have one. Well, Jack says the best bit is the froth, so it’s more child-size-hot-chocolate-in-an-adult-mug-full-of-froth. Jack loves it. He slurps at the chocolate, which leaves a giant frothy mustache over his top lip that won’t go away no matter how much he licks at it.

When he’s done you let him come around to the kitchen to wash his face, because no amount of wet napkins is going to fix that mess. Jack can’t reach the sink, so you fashion a step out of old milk and bread crates. Joe gives him cake batter to taste before realising that he actually has no idea who Jack is. Aaron watches from the kitchen door with a smile on his face. You don’t catch it until Jack jumps off the crates and takes your hand, leading you back out. Aaron’s fingers brush your hand as you pass him. Electricity sparks between the two of you that's completely unavoidable. The two of you recoil involuntarily.

Aaron gives you a small smile of apology. You give exactly the same one back. Lola legitimately gasps like she too felt the electricity between the two of you. Surely that was just something that happened in movies? Or in books? That’s not a real thing, right? But Aaron brushes past you again, as if he’s making sure as well, and it’s there again. Only it’s like your whole arm becomes pins and needles, not just a quick lightning spark.

If it’s like that every time you’re with him, your not sure you could even go beyond lusting after him and giving him coffee and meals every now and then. Aaron drops his gaze, then follows Jack to the front of the counter. 

They stay for dinner (because Jack insists, he wants the nachos) but the rush comes early and there’s really not much time to talk to them, so you almost miss them leaving. Almost. You’re serving the angry couple at table three (are they angry at you, or each other? Who knows, you don’t, but they’re taking it out on you) when Jack taps your hip. 

He’s very patient as you finish the order (somehow you figure out what they want between the curse words) and bend down to him. He hands you a folded piece of paper.

“This is for you,” he says. “I did it.” You’re about to unfold it, but he insists that it belongs in your apron pocket until you can look at it with no rush. That’s a kid who knows what it’s like to have a very busy parent. So you tuck it away safely and mess with his hair, which makes him grin from ear to ear.

“See you later!” Jack yells as he runs to Aaron, who’s waving goodbye with a doggy bag full of Jack’s unfinished dinner.and his keys between his fingers. 

“I’ll see you later,” he mouths as the noise in the diner starts to rise. Without thinking you blow him a kiss, which he catches effortlessly and kisses the fist closed around it before slipping out. 

When you get to the kitchen Lola’s already in the midst of teasing you. 

“You like him,” she says with all the confidence in the world. There’s not point denying her, so you just nod. It’s met by a chorus of ‘ooo’s which, to be honest, you really didn’t need. It made the diner feel far too small.

When everything dies down you remember the paper Jack had given you. You wipe the milk and spaghetti sauce off the counter, then make sure it’s dry, and unfold Jack’s page. It’s the generic colouring page Joe’s printed out, but Jack’s tried to make the generic waitress look like you. Well, you if you had purple hair and green skin. It’s a start, you guess, there’s an apology from Aaron on the back. Makes it worth it.

You move a couple of postcards on the corkboard aside and put Jack’s picture there instead. Joe pretends not to notice, but when Lola goes out the back with one of her customers, Joe comes round the front and presses a finger to the page.

“Good kid,” Joe says. He nods a couple of times then turns to you. “You know he and his dad come as a package, right? You fuck up one, you fuck up both.” Joe’s first wife had three kids that weren’t biologically his. He’s still mad at himself for not taking the kids seriously and only turning up for their mom.

“I know,” you say. 

Joe strokes your cheek as he passes and kisses your forehead. It’s all the praise you need. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

taglist (if you want to get added, just inbox me, and if I’ve missed you I am so sorry): @willowrose99 @genevievedarcygranger @maryosprinkle @kleff03 @yoshigguk @samanthareid06 @typical-leo @leilanixx

[gillianthecat]

The Devil Judge: Episode 4

I just finished The Devil Judge and something about this show compelled me to take copious notes - it had emotional intensity and layers of mystery. These are long and rambling, so they're likely not of interest to anyone else, but since I spent all that time writing it I decided, why not post it. Perhaps someone will find it interesting.

Below are my moment-to-moment reactions, predictions and analysis as I watched episode 4.

eps 1&2  ep3  ep4  ep5  ep6  ep7  ep8  ep9 ep10  ep11  ep12  ep13  ep14  ep15  ep16

This contains SPOILERS up through ep. 5

This is cleaned up only slightly. I followed the spelling given in the Viki subtitles. I mostly don't explain what I'm reacting to, so this will probably only make sense if you've seen the episode recently. Occasionally I give timestamps. I took these notes while re-watching the beginning after writing this post and this. I had watched up through episode 5, so some notes reference things that happen later.  

"You investigated a promising politician 19 years ago for accepting bribes. You knew that this politician did not accept money."  ...declared guilty, ended up committing suicide, "leaving behind a so who was a middle school student" (5:00)

Oh. Is this connected to Mysterious Assistant? He's crying and says thank you.  So who is he? If true, why does Y do all this to avenge this guy's father? 

(17:00)  giving him the watch. "because from this moment on, you need to live in the same time as me."  !!!

"Do I have to dress you?" "I can dress myself"  !!!

Probably worth looking at the lyrics of this song, seems to be their theme. (The English one, mentions drought)

Ooh erotic tension. 

The reveal shot! (17:53). So filmed like a romance here. 

Possessive of G in his clothes! Jealous of E pulling him away! 

The small satisfied smile (19:50). And it looks to me more like fondness than satisfaction at a plot coming together. And I believe the actor is good enough to make that distinction clear. 

Identical outfits except black coat/white coat! 

G is such an ingenue in this whole gala scene.  Y's proprietary smile! Dragging by the wrist! 

At the dinner party- all our main players except Minister Cha, prez's wife. 2 other women- the businessmen's wives? One empty seat and yet Y and G are next to each other at the end of the table.  

Devilish dinner party. Devilish laughter. Feels like a scene from The Great Gatsby. 

Ooh. The chairman's hand is on the waitress's ass.  The shot makes it hard to tell. 

Interesting that the case JSA chose was a sexual assault one. I presume she was the one who made that case happen. 

What JSA tells G about Y: minute 36. 

(37:50) the car ride home. Y's fingers on the window, very sultry. Grabbing the wheel: pay attention to me!!

Yeah, despite the topic, Y's tone reads to me like genuine flirtation, not like an attempt to corrupt. There's a slight unguardedness to him. I think despite himself. He just wants G's attention on him always. 

(1:00:35). Conversation in the study after the flogging. 

Yeah here y is not flirting and you can see the change in his demeanor. His guard is up. 

What here is calculated? His anger feels vulnerable, but only after G asks if he killed Isaac. After Y throws G to the floor his rant seems more calculated. 

(1:02:30) church fire flashback. 

Present: chairman Seo, Prez Heo and wife, minister Cha and husband, both businessmen and their wives. Not JSA. 

Not the point, but Ji Sung looks hot in every outfit. 

The fire flashback choreography felt odd, I don't know if that's because the flashback was false or not. Why did it take Y so long to notice the fire behind him? But the pauses are probably just for dramatic effect. 

Oh, Isaac does lose his glasses in the fire. 

Not sure how Y and E survived, or at minimum got severely burned. Is it because the flashback is a lie or is it a storytelling convenience? 

Is the cross on his back from the wood that fell on him here?

Cha Gyeong Hui is the only person we see directly harming his family, (stepping over Elijah). I guess prez pushes him aside as he tries to go in to save his family. . And no one helps. 

(1:15:30) "Indeed, people like these sort of stories."

But his expression before, even with his back turned to G. That looked like real anguish. Is his statement a defense mechanism? Trying to gather himself back to his cold avenger persona after being so vulnerable with G? Or was he lying? 

The song that immediately starts! "I don't know what my expression is. In my memory of the past. Even though I tried to recall it, I can't remember it at all. I can't breathe."

eps 1&2  ep3  ep4  ep5  ep6  ep7  ep8  ep9 ep10  ep11  ep12  ep13  ep14  ep15  ep16

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Nine

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: reading canon eris discourse literally makes me dizzy but in this fic he's pretty chill

***

“Any plans for Thanksgiving?” Emerie asks as they stroll between the shelves of the library.

Nesta runs her finger down the spine of a textbook on corporate law. “Not really,” she murmurs distantly.

She’s been doing her best not to think of the upcoming holidays, in fact. Cassian is going to Velaris for Thanksgiving, and of course Feyre invited Nesta as well, but…

She’s always ignored her sister’s holiday invites, but this year is different. Cassian, a recent constant in her life, will be gone, enjoying himself for the first time in months without her presence. And Nesta will be at the cabin alone, because of course she can’t celebrate Thanksgiving with Feyre’s found family. Being friends with Cassian hasn’t changed that.

“Well,” Emerie is saying, “a bunch of us can’t go home for the holidays for one reason or another, so we’re hosting a small Friendsgiving at my apartment. You’re invited.”

Nesta glances at her, surprised. “Who’s going to be there?”

“The same guys from drinks night: Eris, Justinian, Isaac. Maybe a plus one or two if we’re lucky.” She elbows Nesta. “Maybe a girl for me to take home.”

“I thought the party was at your home already?”

“You know what I mean. Anyway, are you coming?”

Nesta purses her lips. “But you said it was a Friendsgiving. Those guys aren’t my friends.”

Emerie looks at her like she's insane. “Uh, why not?”

“Because,” Nesta states, “we’ve only had one real interaction all semester.”

Emerie scoffs. “You talk to them all the time in class, Nesta.”

“Yes. Out of necessity.”

Emerie raises a high brow. “That’s how you view spending time with us? A ‘necessity’?”

She’s upset, and Nesta doesn’t know what she said wrong. “That’s not what I meant,” she tries to say.

“Then what did you mean?”

“I just…” Nesta shrugs. “I thought it took more to make friends than a single night out.” Those are the rules, right?

Emerie narrows her dark eyes at her. “I’m sorry we’re not up to standard, then. But for your information, those guys liked you. I’m sure they considered you a friend.” She turns to leave, but Nesta is so stunned she can’t even try to stop her. The click of Emerie’s heels resonate long after she’s gone.

“Hey,” Cassian comes up to her later that day. “About Thanksgiving—”

Nesta drops her dinner plate onto the island with a clatter. “What is it with everybody and Thanksgiving?” Her voice is unnecessarily loud.

Cassian blinks. “Well, it’s only a few days away—”

“I know,” she says. “I’m fine staying home alone. We never celebrated Thanksgiving growing up, you know? It’s really not a big deal.”

“Will you let me finish, Nesta?”

Nesta presses her lips together.

Cassian takes a breath. “I think you should— I would really love it if you came to Velaris with me this weekend.”

There’s a silence as he waits for her to answer.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she says after a moment.

Before he can press the subject, she blurts, “I already have plans.”

“You do?” Nesta can’t tell if he sounds disappointed or surprised.

She straightens her back, lying through her teeth, “Yes. Some friends from school are getting together for a Friendsgiving, and I’m going.” She almost bites her tongue on the word friends. She doesn’t even know what that means anymore.

“That’s amazing,” Cassian says, though he still looks a little taken aback. “I’m glad.” He looks down at the marble counter then, trying to smile. “Sucks for me, though.”

Nesta huffs a laugh. “Please, like you won’t be having fun with your friends whether I’m there or not.”

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, but why go for half the fun when I could go for double?”

“That’s not how math works,” she snipes.

Cassian grabs a fork so he can sit down across from Nesta. “Don’t you ever bring up correct math in this house again.” He points his silverware at her threateningly.

From there, they can devolve into their usual dinner habit of bantering that leads to more serious conversation. Cassian has recently been on a French movie binge, Nesta learns, and even though she despises the French, she listens closely to his analysis of each film and offers her own thoughts back. She even promises to rewatch one or two of his favorites at a later time. The giddiness he gives in return makes her almost wish she had accepted his invitation earlier, if only so she could keep making him happy.

God. What is he doing to her?

Later that night, Nesta pulls out her phone and opens up her messages with Emerie. She doesn’t want to have rejected Cassian just to end up staying home alone all weekend. She types out five different messages and erases them before settling on an apathetic, Is the invite for Thursday still on?

Emerie takes her time to reply, likely to punish Nesta. After some minutes, she finally texts, Yes.

It’s all she can expect from Emerie, and it’s all she needs to see.

Nesta: I’ll be there.

***

“Cassian!” Feyre swings open the door with an overjoyed smile, ready to greet him.

He laughs and steps in for a hug, going so far as to lift her feet off the floor. Because damn him, even with his conflicted feelings towards Feyre lately, he’s missed her. He’s missed all of his friends, even though he’s found something precious while he was away from them.

He’s ushered into the penthouse, which Feyre and Rhys insist on calling an “apartment”, as if that softens the blow of their extravagant wealth. Cassian and everybody else goes along with it, however, because the rich have committed worse crimes. At least that’s what Nesta says.

“Rhys is out getting last minute beer from the gas station,” Feyre says as she takes his overnight bag. “And you’re the first to arrive, which means I have you all to myself.” She whirls on him with a predatory gleam in her eye. “Tell me everything about the last two months with you and Nesta, ASAP.”

Cassian’s heart starts racing at the unexpected interrogation, but he laughs it off and shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re just roommates.”

“Well, I know that.” Feyre rolls her eyes. “But what is it like? How is it going? Is she okay? Are you okay?”

Before he can answer a single question, Feyre goes on. “I haven’t heard from either of you in eons, it feels like. Is Nesta still picky about her foods touching? Does she get upset when you play music too loud? Does she—”

“Jesus, Feyre,” Cassian interrupts loudly. “Not everything in my life is about your sister. Give it a rest.” He takes his duffel bag back from her.

“I’m just curious!” she says indignantly, but Cassian is already heading up the winding stairs to his guest room, going as fast as he can without outright running.

“I need to get washed up!” he announces before Feyre can make him stop and come back for more questioning.

In the safety of his bedroom, he releases a breath.

If Cassian thought keeping Nesta’s health issues from Feyre was difficult, he couldn’t have predicted how painful it would be to hide his feelings for Nesta. Still, he doesn’t dare expose what he can’t yet define, especially not to his nosy-ass friends. Some things just aren’t matters for gossip.

***

Nesta hesitantly enters Emerie’s small studio apartment to a party in full swing; “full swing” being Justinian and Isaac playing video games on the couch while Emerie is in the kitchen area attempting to make drinks. Nesta stops near the kitchenette and crosses her arms, surveying the scene. “Something about this doesn’t look right,” she says aloud. Emerie doing the hard work while the men play? Antithetical to her very nature.

“I know,” is all Emerie says without looking up from whatever hellish concoction she’s whipping up. “But I’m the host, so this is my role.”

“Hey, Nesta,” the guys speak up together, not taking their eyes off the TV. Isaac is the first to break his concentration from the game, glancing at Nesta and doing a double take. “Woah, you look good today.” Is he blushing?

Emerie finally looks up at that, eyeing Nesta’s modest black dress. “A little funeral-chic, but still hot as ever, babe.” Right after, she makes a face at the term babe. “Nope, I tried it and I hate it.”

Nesta hates it just as much, but goes over to help Emerie with what she now realizes are oddly colored Jello shots. She picks up a little plastic cup with dark jelly in it and wiggles it around. “What color is this supposed to be?”

“Brown.” Emerie blows a piece of escaped hair out of her face. “They were supposed to be Thanksgiving themed.”

Nesta surveys the shots arranged in various fall colors. Definitely an interesting choice for a twenty-four year old law student, but what did Nesta know about parties?

“Where’s Eris?” she asks casually as she helps arrange more cups. Her argument with Emerie is far from forgotten, but the two women are too alike for their own good. They’ll ignore the lingering tension until it dissipates, and that will be the end of that.

Before Emerie can answer Nesta’s question, a loud bang comes from the entryway as the already open door hits the wall. Eris Vanserra sweeps inside in his designer coat and sophisticated boots, followed by a new, striking face. “It’s fucking freezing,” he announces, just as the new guy quietly shuts the door behind them.

“You’re late,” Emerie says in her usual flat tone.

“I had to pick up my twerp brother.” Eris tilts his head toward the redhead behind him.

“I didn’t ask to come,” the new guy, Eris’s brother, chimes in.

Nesta is perked up now, angling to get a better look at him. Same hair color, same eyes, different skin tone from Eris. He looks like the relaxed, unpretentious version of his brother. Someone pauses the video game.

“I’m Lucien,” he awkwardly raises a hand.

Justinian looks at everybody else. “I’m confused— does this mean we can finally replace Eris’s punk ass?”

The thought of an unexpected guest first makes Nesta clench up, especially when she’s seated right next to the damn guy at the dining table. New people means everything about the regular social routine will be changed up, and she isn’t at all prepared for it.

It takes maybe fifteen minutes for her to realize that Lucien is nothing to worry about— much quicker than she’s ever warmed up to a stranger before.

He has the affected quiet confidence of someone who would rather be anywhere else but here. No one knows that mask better than Nesta.

Against all odds, she’s the first to initiate a conversation.

“Why are you here?” she says bluntly.

No hello, no how are you. Fuck, this is why she doesn’t talk to people.

Lucien looks surprised at the sudden acknowledgment, but answers, “My plans got cancelled at the last minute.” His mouth tightens as he looks toward his brother. “So Eris dragged me here instead.”

“You don’t like your brother?”

Lucien narrows his eyes at her, defensive. “Is this an interrogation or something?”

Embarrassment heats Nesta’s face, but she hides it under her usual cold stare. “Never mind.”

She turns back to her food, refocusing on an anecdote Isaac is giving about a girl he met the other week. A moment later, Lucien says lowly, “I can’t stand my brother.”

She laughs a little too loudly at that, and everyone looks at her.

Isaac grins. “See, Nesta thinks it’s a funny story.”

Nesta frowns. “No, I don’t. You told it last week and no one laughed.”

His face falls. Eris laughs out loud at him, and Emerie tosses wadded up napkins at both men. “You’re both deeply uninteresting. Let’s talk about me.”

She launches into a heated discussion about how she plans to defeat “that bitch Brian” for the internship at Velaris’s biggest law firm next summer, with Eris interjecting that she wouldn’t survive a day in the big city. Nesta turns back to Lucien. “I understand how you feel.”

“You hate Eris too?”

“No, but I have sisters.” Eris is nice, if a pretentious asshole at times, but she empathizes with Lucien either way.

He raises a brow. “And you’re here for Thanksgiving instead of with them?”

For the first time all night, Nesta remembers that Cassian is having fun in a spacious penthouse with Feyre and Elain and the others, likely eating much nicer food than store-bought turkey and Jello shots, and she almost deflates. Almost. Because as much as she enjoys this— spending time with people that belong to her, not Feyre or anybody else— there’s a hollow space in the room that Cassian usually fills. She doesn’t know how she can miss someone and be this thoroughly content at the same time, but she tries not to ponder on her feelings.

She shrugs at Lucien’s question. “We’re all here instead of with our families.”

What would have been a thirty-minute meal on Nesta’s own stretches into a long night of full bellies and fuller conversation. Justinian demands a toast in honor of Friendsgiving, and Emerie tells him not to pull that cringy shit, but everyone ends up raising their small Jello shots to clink against each other.

Thanksgiving might be Nesta’s favorite holiday.

***

Cassian doesn’t know what this feeling is: the itching, nervy sense of impatience that plagues him the longer dinner drags on. All he knows is that tonight Mor’s laughter is just a little too loud, and Amren’s quips are just a little too sharp, and Rhys’s stories aren’t very interesting for once.

Nothing about his friends have changed, but somehow, Cassian feels different. Empty. He can’t stop thinking about what Nesta is doing right now.

He checks his phone under the table for the sixth time in three minutes, for what, he doesn’t know. Maybe she’s in trouble and needs his help. Maybe she’s having a bad night and wants to talk to him. Maybe she’s just bored and thinking about him.

None of this is true, evidently, because his phone remains dead silent.

“Cassian.” It’s Elain’s gentle voice that draws him out of his head. “What’s it like having a roommate for once? I know you and Nesta love being alone.”

He nearly jumps out of his skin. “Alone? No we don’t. Why would we love being alone together?”

Elain looks at him like he’s grown a new head. “I didn’t mean alone together. It’s just that you’ve always spent your time boarded up in that mountain cabin on your own, and before Nesta moved in, she wouldn’t leave her apartment even to see me.”

“I never thought of it that way,” Feyre butts in. She whirls to Cassian with her hands under her chin. “All this time I was wondering what you and Nesta living together would be like, and I didn’t even consider you guys avoiding each other.”

Cassian scoffs a laugh but doesn’t know how to respond. He just wants Feyre and Elain to stop poking at this raw, fresh thing in his life before his nerves get worse, so he turns to Amren and brings up the thing he knows will shut everyone down: work. “How much longer is Rhys gonna have you playing double agent at Adriatic?” She’s been acting as brand ambassador to the West Coast-based conglomerate for the past five months, playing nice while gathering information on Night Court Inc.’s biggest competitor.

Groans resound around the table, but Amren’s eyes brighten frightfully. “If he keeps me there any longer, I might end up staying for good.”

Rhysand smiles thinly. “Amren has a crush on their new CFO. If she keeps going on about Varian’s pretty face I might pull her out of Adriatic by the end of the year.”

Just as Cassian is about to convince himself to care, his phone vibrates in his hand. Everything tunes out as he sees Nesta’s name on the screen, attached to a new text. He clicks into it.

A picture of Nesta and her friends around a dinner table pops up, smiling and laughing. His heart catches in his throat at the image.

“What did we say about phones during dinner, Cassian?” Rhysand interrupts just then.

Cassian stands up quickly, stammering, “Uh, I just need to answer this call— it’s important.” Azriel is staring up at him like he’s lost his mind, but Cassian doesn’t notice or care as he rushes out of the room with his phone in a death grip, overcome.

Alone in a hallway bathroom, he lets himself look at the picture again, hungrily absorbing every detail he couldn’t catch the first time around: her face is flushed and her hair is down, wilder than usual. Her smile is so rarely genuine that it kills him a little just to see it; he doesn’t know whether to be relieved or pained that she’s having such a good time, that she isn’t missing him like he’s missing her. A sharp-faced girl that Cassian assumes is Emerie is holding the camera, likely having stolen Nesta’s phone to demand a picture, and the two women are surrounded by guys he doesn’t recognize. Except—

The face beside Nesta’s catches Cassian’s attention, and he clicks to zoom in. “Is that Lucien Vanserra?” he mutters.

Elain’s ex gets to hang out with Nesta while he doesn’t? This is fucked.

He doesn’t have a reason for his actions as he shoves his phone into his pocket and exits the bathroom. He just knows he needs to get out of here, away from this place that’s so far from Nesta’s heart.

His keys and coat hang near the front door, and he can hear Feyre’s voice from the dining room. “Cassian? Where are you—”

The door slams behind him before she can finish.

***

Being the only one who refused to get drunk off Jello shots, Eris offers to drive Nesta home for the night.

While Lucien is passed out in the backseat without a care in the world, Nesta is so awake she can feel her nerves buzzing. She knows as soon as she leaves this car, the bittersweet loneliness that comes after a party will set in, but for now…

What a night. She sighs and lets her head fall back against the seat, a small smile gracing her lips.

“Damn,” Eris lets out a low whistle as he pulls up to the mountain cabin. “This is your place?”

She lifts her head, realizing she’s home. “Ah. It’s only a temporary living situation,” she explains. “It’s my— friend’s place.”

“Friend or sugar daddy?” Eris smirks.

Nesta scowls, grabbing her stuff and pushing open the door to leave. It’s not Eris’s fault she’s unable to take a joke about Cassian, but that doesn’t change the sensitivity of the topic.

“Hey, wait—” he calls after her.

She pauses to look back at him. He hesitates, then says, “Good night.”

“Take care of your brother,” she directs. Stepping out of his fancy car, she shuts the door and raises a hand in goodbye, watching him pull away from the cabin.

Alone in the driveway, Nesta stands under the moonlight for a long moment, letting the chill seep into her bones. She’s dawdling.

She pauses again at the front door, her hand on the doorknob. The dreaded loneliness is already coming over her, crawling over her skin and making a home in the cage of her ribs.

A whole weekend without Cassian.

Maybe she should have asked Emerie if she could stay over for the night, but a part of her knows it would have been futile. Emerie can’t replace Cassian’s constant presence, no matter how much Nesta likes her.

It’s only three days. She steels herself and unlocks the door, prepared to be greeted by darkness and hollow silence.

The first thing she notices when she steps inside is the sound of crackling, followed by a warm glow from the living area. The lights are all off, but the fireplace is ablaze.

Nesta’s brows furrow, confused, but then she sees on the couch— “Cassian?”

***

a/n: i know justinian and isaac are names for side characters that sjm has used before but in this case they're completely different ocs.

taglist: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @sensitiveillyrian @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja

[zotlel]

The Exhibition (M)

pairing: jaebeom x you (ft. jinyoung)

genre: photographer!au, smut, romance, one-shot

synopsis: You are starved for inspiration as a photography student. When visiting the anonymous photographer “Defsoul’s” exhibit you meet a like-minded boy who gives you that spark. Only you didn’t expect the night to pan out exactly as it did.

word count: 7.8k

The wide city sidewalk was packed full of people anxious to get home and start their weekends. Their hurried steps accompanied by the warm street lights were quite a sight, you thought. With a quick flash of your camera, you are able to capture the scene as is, but you were already running late. You weave in and out through the bodies because unlike them you were not going home.

This was the third year of your photography program at the city’s most prestigious university. Despite how much you loved photography, you had been stuck in a creative rut recently that you just couldn’t seem to break free from. Therefore it had become a tradition of yours starting this new school year to attend some sort of photography exhibition on Friday nights. The size of the city that you were currently studying in allowed this to be a possibility due to the ever-growing art community it had.

Your steps continue at a quick pace, but you couldn’t help your eye from wandering at the scenes around you. So hungry for any sort of inspiration, from the streets dampened with a former rainstorm to the businessman making quick work to undo his burgundy tie that had been constricting his neck. Anything. You wished for just anything to strike you with a spark.

You had finally reached your destination where the new exhibition was being held. Alone. That was the title of the photographer’s first show. The photographer in question? Unknown. The photographer was going under the alias as “Defsoul.” It was quite a trendy thing these days to have no idea whose art you were looking at. You really could not wrap your head around as to why you would not want to put your name amongst the work you are proud of. Which was also a perfect example of why you probably struggled so much creatively.

The space the photographer chose had a rather grunge vibe, photographs were arranged on the tattered brick walls and all throughout the room. The air was thick around you as soft R&B beats flowed throughout the space. Stepping into the studio, you notice that you are one of the first patrons to arrive at the exhibition. While most guests came in pairs or groups you stood small in the expansive space in solitary, you preferred it that way. Small gatherings of people were scattered throughout the different rooms, all ranging from different ages, sexes, and ethnicities. You silently complemented the ambiguous photography for having the ability to reach so many demographics. The more you walked about the studio space, the more you understood everyone’s attraction to the enthralling photos.

Each photo was supposed to emit a different sentiment, or so that is what you have learned from your classes. The photos themselves vary from different subjects, older couples holding each other close, some were expansive European landscapes, and then also the occasional stray cat stretching in the afternoon sun. You tried your hardest to interpret the photos in your own words, trying to find the connection. Alone. That was the exhibition name. So why didn’t you feel that when walking amongst the various scenes?

To you, the different film that was taken emulated a mass collection of photos taken from someone’s personal collection. There was a sense of solace in each photo that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. It felt as if you were with the photographer in every photo, imagining the way they shot each scene. You had been walking around rather aimlessly through the gallery until you stopped upon one image in particular. 

The photograph was no more expressive than any other photo in the gallery, but you couldn’t help stopping and staring. The scene was the back of a man, his hair slightly long and disheveled, he looks out into an extensive lake surrounded by forestry, the light of a late midday sun which illuminated the photograph.  You cannot help your logical analysis of the image, and you find no flaws. The common idea surrounding photography is that it is a completely creative and artistic practice, while this isn’t false, it just so happened to also require certain formulas as well. It requires an eye for direction, proportions, and balance. This photo that fascinated you in the gallery had all of those elements.

The sound from the other patrons fades around you as you become enraptured in the photograph. It was only the scent of pure pine and spice that had you reeling back to the current moment. To the right side of you, a man stood, he wasn’t looking at you but instead he was, just as you were, staring into the alluring photo. You studied the man, he seemed to be around your age, taller than you, with dark hair that matched his sultry eyes. You admired the man’s bone structure, tall nose and cheekbones, he really was quite attractive. 

The way your gaze lingered on his face must have given him a sense of being watched. Because before you could hide your stare the handsome man was shifting his face towards you, looking straight into your eyes, a devilish smirk dances on his features. Heat rises to the apples of your cheeks as you turn to look at the picture again, pretending like you weren’t just caught checking him out.

“What do you think?”

You turn to face him, “Excuse me?”

“About the photo,” he smiles back at you. You cough slightly trying to hide your embarrassment. 

“Oh, um-” you start carefully, “it is actually my favorite one in this exhibit I think.” 

His face softens at your answer as he nods, looking back to the photo before he begins to speak again, “What’s so great about it?” 

You look at the photo one more time, really analyzing it.

“I’m not sure exactly,” you say honestly. “It was the only photo that really caught my eye. Don’t get me wrong I thought all these photos were great, but this one helped me visualize what the photographer must have been witness to through his photos.”

He looks back at you with a surprised expression. 

“That’s a really interesting take on the photo, I thought you just thought the man in it was attractive.”

You laugh slightly, “You can’t see much of looks from a person’s back.”

This has the man doubling over in laughter, much to your surprise. You look around the room to see if any of the other patrons are staring at the man, you couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed at the attention. Then you looked back at the man and his blinding smile and you cannot help but return the same emotion. And for the first time, in a long time, you began to feel captivated with this man.

His laughter seizes yet his smile remains as he turns his body to face you, “I am Jaebeom by the way.” 

He says while extending his hand out to you. You are now able to see his entire face as you grip his hand in a greeting. To your surprise, he had a silver nose ring on his right side, along with multiple piercings all up and down his ears. It was your first time feeling such an attraction to a man’s jewelry. You blink rapidly realizing you had just been grasping his hand in silence for some time, but he didn’t seem to mind. You tell him your name before dropping your connected hands, he repeats it softly as if he was saying it for only him to hear.

“Did you come by yourself tonight?” He asks.

“Is that some form of a pick-up line?” You reply back snarkily which has the man chuckling at your playful banter.

“It’s only a pickup line if it works,” he states causing your head to nod in agreement.

“Well then yes, I am alone if you must know.”

“Fascinating. I would have definitely assumed you to just be here on a date, not actually here for the art,” he says.

You scoff, “How pretentious of you to assume such a thing,” you say. 

“I’m a photography student if you couldn’t guess, so I am most definitely here for the art.”

“I meant no offense,” he holds his ringer clad hands up in a form of surrender. “It was just a simple observation due to the other people here tonight.”

He wasn’t wrong about that, you thought. The gallery was littered with different couples strolling throughout the space. Love could easily be seen in the air the minute you walked in. Not that you minded, of course. If you had allowed yourself to date you would also think to come to an art gallery like this, spending time with someone you were attracted to amongst gorgeous imagery, it was quite romantic. 

“This does seem to be a hot-spot for couples tonight,” you note back to him.

“So, what would you say if I asked you to come out for a drink with me tonight instead of staying here?” He asks you.

“What, are the lovebirds kind of cramping your style?” You laugh back at his sudden suggestion.

He laughs at this before continuing, “Not necessarily. I’m just interested in you, I thought maybe a good way of getting to know more about the beautiful girl from the gallery would be over a couple of drinks.”

You smile shyly looking away from him, “I don’t know, I was kind of curious to see if this secret photographer would show themselves by the end of the night.”

“Trust me, he’s not one for introductions.”

He? You thought to yourself, how could Jaebeom know the gender of the photographer? Perhaps he had been coming to Defsoul’s exhibitions enough to have eventually met the elusive photographer. 

Perhaps you should take Jaebeom up on his offer. Hell, you couldn’t even remember the last time you had been out for a drink. Especially with a man as good-looking as Jaebeom. Maybe you could finally allow yourself to let loose, just this once.

“Well, in that case, you lead the way,” he smiles at your response. Jaebeom raises his hand inviting you to take hold. You do so while smiling, excited for what the night shall bring.

Jaebeom grips your hand tightly as you two make your way throughout the lamp-lit city streets. Your heart is beating wildly every time he would look back to check if you were still there, grinning when he is met with your presence. The two of you walk hand-in-hand as he tells you he is taking you to one of his favorite lounges in the city, you can’t help your excitement.

You two finally arrive at the bar, the exterior of the building is ornate in nature with vintage signage and lights decorating the brick walls. Jaebeom drops his grasp on your hand to open the large wooden door allowing you to step inside first, what a gentleman you thought. Inside the lounge the cigar smoke twisted in an elegant way, forming curls in the dim light. The room was illuminated solely by the age-speckled bar lights. Jaebeom finds an empty booth towards the back for you two to sit. A smartly dressed waiter comes around to grab drink orders and skirts away hurriedly after. You sit back a bit in your seat trying to calm your nerves by looking around the room. 

You wouldn’t exactly describe yourself as an introverted person, but this definitely was a new experience for you. Coming out with a man you barely knew, to a part of town you were unfamiliar with, just for drinks. It was all so different for you, but there was something about Jaebeom that made you feel a certain sense of security. It was usually pretty easy for you to tell when a guy was a complete sleaze-bag and Jaebeom definitely did not give off that impression. Still, you couldn’t help but feel slightly shy to be with such a handsome man.

“I’m so curious to hear what you are thinking,” Jaebeom speaks up from the other end of the table. 

You turn to look at him and notice his chin perched on his hand as he stares dreamily at you with his deep-set eyes. You go red as you realize he must have been studying you this entire time.

“I was just thinking about how all of this is a very new experience for me,” you respond back.

“What exactly?”

“Just this,” you emphasize your words by swinging your finger in the space between the two of you. 

“I’ve never said yes to drinks with a man I had met less than an hour before.”

“You don’t say,” he chuckles. “I would imagine a girl as beautiful as you would have plenty of suitors waiting to take you out for a simple cocktail.”

You laugh at this. It’s not that men have not tried taking you out in the past, they most certainly did. You were just in a place with your life that didn’t allow you the capacity for any man. It wasn’t as bad as it sounded, really. You knew that at this point in your life the things that were the most important to you were school and finding your place in the competitive field of photography. No man could ever distract you from this dream of yours.

“Even so,” you begin. “I don’t really have the time for any sort of man in my life right now.”

“So then why did you agree to come out with me?” Jaebeom asks you.

That was a good question, why did you say yes? Despite the fact that Jaebeom had been one of the most attractive men to ever approach you, you wondered what it was about him that pulled your attention so strongly.

“I’m not sure why exactly it’s kind of hard to explain,” you say. “I just feel comfortable in your presence.”

This was something new to hear for Jaebeom. Mysterious, chic, sexy. These were all things Jaebeom was used to hearing from women, but “comfortable” was new. Little did you know, you were also a new experience entirely for him. The other women Jaebeom had encountered in his life felt like nothing more than a shallow quest for lust or domination with him. But you, he wanted to know so much more about the girl sitting across from him. Your dreams, inhibitions, fears. He could listen to you ramble on all night.

“I feel the same way,” he replies back coolly, to which you beam back a tender smile.

The rest of the night with Jaebeom is filled with giddy conversation between the two of you, both anxious to learn more about the other. You share with him things that some of your closest friends did not even know about you, but that was the power he held. He somehow was able to fluster you like a shy schoolgirl and yet hold your hand so sincerely that it felt as if you had known him for years. Drinks and conversation flowed throughout the few hours you spent with him at the lounge, effectively easing all your anxiety.

Once the two of you got onto the topic of photography there was no stopping the excitement. You could see in his eyes he loved it just as much as you, but ultimately he feared he was not good enough to be professional. You related closely to this worry, also sharing the hardships you faced with the creative aspect of it all. The way Jaebeom was able to relate so deeply to you on this issue made him all the more attractive to you, but that could also be the drinks talking.

“Of course you also make music,” you laugh at the man across from you at his recent confession.

“What is that supposed to mean?” He gawks back at you.

“Nothing offensive really,” you begin. 

“It just fits your whole image you know. The gorgeous man I met at the exhibit is also incredibly deep and creative,” you joke with him.

He smiles and nods his head understanding that to most people he appears that way. Not that he minded, of course, he just wished sometimes he wasn’t so easy to read. 

“Gorgeous, huh?”

He completely ignores your other statements to instead put you on the spot, but to his surprise, you don’t seem the least bit bashful. Instead, you take a long sip from your drink before setting it down with a soft thud. Looking him in the eye as if to say, “Did I stutter?” Jaebeom smirks and breaks his eye contact, absentmindedly twirling the small cocktail straw in his almost empty glass. 

“I want to hear your music,” you say breaking him from his trance. 

He looks up to see you leaning in on the table excitedly, a small flame of mischief burning behind your eyes. 

He leans in towards you, “Really?” 

You nod.

“Well then, let’s get out of here.”

You knew just as well as anyone what it meant to go back to his place and listen to his music, but that was exactly what you wanted. Jaebeom hails over the waiter closing up your tab before you both exit the bar to the crisp Autumn night air. As if on cue, a taxi pulls in front of where the two of you stood, allowing a handsome young couple to exit its backseat. Jaebeom takes the opportunity, seizing the door open for you to step into the now emptied seats of the taxi. He joins in after you quickly telling the older man who was driving the taxi his address.

The ride began innocently enough. Silent, as you two sat next to one another, too nervous to make eye contact. Because you knew as soon as you looked, things would take a drastic turn, but you were always too curious for your own good. You turn your head slightly to catch Jaebeom looking at you, not in your eyes, but everywhere else. From the way that your legs were crossed to your innocently folded hands in your lap, the curves of your body, the long expanse of your neck, until finally, into your lust-filled eyes. That was all it took.

Jaebeom was the first to snap, instantly latching his hand onto the back of your neck in order to bring your lips onto his. You more than happily obliged bringing your own hands to rest on his taut shoulders, molding your lips unto his. The connection was everything you imagined. Hot, rushed, and oh so gratifying. You could taste the deep bitters of his drink as his tongue danced across your lip, your own tongue eager to meet his. He groaned into your mouth once he felt the connection which in turn had you draping a leg across his lap attempting for your bodies to be closer. You felt somewhat sorry for the cab driver, but you mostly didn’t care.

Jaebeom grips your leg that is draped over him feeling the soft flesh beneath your tight jeans. God, he only imagined what you looked like completely exposed to him. The thought had to wait as the two of you could feel the car come to an abrupt stop, followed by an awkward cough from the front seat. You both break free and stare into each other’s dark gazes, unable to shake the overwhelming amount of lust. It took a second clearing of the cab driver’s throat to snap the trance and leave his car. Jaebeom handed the man the cab fare, being sure to tip him generously, before exiting the car and extending a hand out to you. You take it graciously after saying a quick “thank you” to the driver. 

Once outside the cab, the pace of the evening leveled out. Jaebeom, now calm and collected, takes your hand in his, smiling at you briefly before guiding you to a rather expensive-looking building. It was late at night when you two arrived, yet upon entering the bright lobby you notice a rather well-dressed attendant sitting modestly behind a large desk. She looks up from her desk to see who had entered. Upon gazing at Jaebeom she stands and bows her head silently in a form of saying “Welcome.” Jaebeom smiles politely at her while still having you in tow towards the titanium elevator doors. They open upon his touch of the button allowing you both to step inside.

The feeling of being next to Jaebeom in the elevator versus the taxi was entirely different. While the backseat of the taxi was filled with nothing but lust for one another, the elevator was quiet. Utter silence from you both as you anxiously spare looks to one another. Whenever one of you caught the other’s eye it would be hard to hide your bashful smiles. Your stomach was doing flips in expectancy of what was to come. The doors part, you had arrived. 

Jaebeom enters his apartment with relative ease, despite his nerves making it difficult to punch in his door code. Once the two of you were inside is when he finally began to speak, “Can I offer you anything to drink? Wine? Water?”

“Wine sounds lovely, thank you,” you respond back. 

He smiles, “Wine it is. Please make yourself at home while I go get us some glasses.”

Then he is off, leaving you to wander about his apartment curiously. It was relatively a clean place, or rather there just wasn’t much furniture in general. Simplistic and chic. You couldn’t think of a more fitting apartment for Jaebeom. You walk about the space coming unto what seemed to be a living room with a single black leather loveseat and a computer desk against the opposite wall. You make your way over to the couch sitting down gently. 

Not long after, Jaebeom appears from the doorway holding two glasses of a deep red wine. He chuckles nervously extending one glass to you. Jesus, he was so endearing. You take the glass with a small smile and thank him, bringing the bitter liquid to your lips. 

“Did you still want me to play you some of my work?” Jaebeom asks nervously, still standing above you. 

You had almost completely forgotten that was the whole reason you wanted to come. You were too enraptured by the beautiful man’s aura. 

“Yes please, play me something,” you say excitedly. 

He takes a sip of his wine and smiles before turning his back and walking towards the computer. He types away for about a minute before a soft melody can be heard throughout the room. You look to see speakers installed all around your head creating a hypnotic atmosphere. You close your eyes and sway, finding yourself getting lost in the beats and pretty vocals of his song. It isn’t until you feel a dip in the seat next to you that you open your eyes to see the expectant face of Jaebeom at your side.

“You really made this?”

“Yeah, that’s my voice if you can’t tell,” he replies nervously bringing a hand to rub at the back of his neck.

“I don’t know as much about music as I do photography, but this is really good,” you say to him which has him chuckling and shaking his head. “No, really I mean it.”

He looks up at you to see that you were in fact being genuine. He felt more proud then than at any other moment he could remember. Jaebeom sets his wine glass down on the coffee table next to yours before turning his full attention towards you, tucking a soft hair behind one of your ears. 

“You’re really something, did you know that?” He asks you, with a voice just barely above a whisper.

Your heart pounded loudly in your chest at the sudden close proximity, but God did you love this man’s presence. You leaned slightly into his hand that was still hovering near the side of your face, allowing him to cup your cheek affectionately. 

“That’s funny,” you say. “I was thinking the same thing about you.”

He’s smiling at you now, staring deeply into your shining eyes. The self-control he had completely left him at that point. He leans into you slowly, allowing you time to register what was about to happen. You close the gap, kissing him softly. He sighs into the kiss, languidly moving his lips against yours while at the same time grabbing your hips to move your body closer. You reciprocate and bring it a step further, throwing one leg over his lap to straddle his thighs, never once breaking apart your lips.

He takes a shaky breath the minute your body softly grinds onto his. God, he was intoxicating. You were so eager to elicit more responses from him, to watch him come undone, so you snake your hands into his long hair, earning an appreciative moan. You can’t help but whine at the sound, wanting nothing more than to feel his body pressed against yours. 

Jaebeom seems to know your thoughts exactly because in one moment he is sweeping you up off of the couch, legs still fastened tightly around him, making his way towards what you can only assume to be his bedroom. He would stop occasionally to press you against a nearby wall, breaking from your lips he would decorate your neck in soft kisses. The scent of his musky cologne exhilarating your thoughts. Finally, he reaches his bedroom, dropping you down to your feet softly with a thud. 

“I want you,” he breaths out onto your abused lips.

“Then you can have me,” you whisper. “All of me.”

He groans at your response as it seems they were the exact words he wished to hear. Swiftly Jaebeom grabs at your top peeling it off over your head leaving you clad in a simple black bra. If you had known you would be seen naked tonight you would have opted for something a little sexier, but Jaebeom doesn’t seem to mind. Instead, his head instantly drops to your cleavage, pushing your breasts eagerly up into his face as he begins to kiss and suck at your skin surely leaving marks for you to remember him by. You breathe out at the sensual feeling, greedy to feel his skin against your own.

You reach below him to tug at his black t-shirt hinting at how much you wanted it off of his body. He understands, breaking away from your chest to pull his shirt over his head. His chest is broad and milky, illuminated from the streetlights outside his bedroom window. You can’t help yourself, bringing a hand to rest against the middle of his chest. You felt him, all of him. The warmth, the sweat, the anticipation, all of it rested just below your fingertips. Slowly you drag your hand lower, noting the shiver that ran through Jaebeom’s body at your soft caresses. You reach his belt, playing with it you look up at him through your lashes, batting them innocently.

“Fuck-” he says. “If you keep looking at me that way, I don’t think I can control myself.”

“Perfect,” you say, pulling him closer by his belt loop. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

You have no idea where this sense of confidence has come from. Normally during sex, you tend not to be much of a talker, letting the man do as he pleases. Tonight felt different from all those nights before. Jaebeom made you a different person, someone who felt bold enough to take control. You liked this person he created, and he seemed to be just as pleased.

He smirks at you, enjoying your teasing nature, he pulls you flush against his skin. He holds your eye contact for a moment before firmly turning your body so that your back meets his chest. You gasp as you feel him move your hair to the side, decorating lustful kisses along your shoulder and neck. His hands find purchase on your hips, greedily massaging them while also forcing your ass to grind onto his already stiff cock straining against his jeans. You moan at the feeling, taking pride in the effect you had on him.

“Do you like that, baby?” He asks you. “The feeling of my hard cock against you?”

The man could talk dirty, you thought, could he be any more attractive?

You don’t reply with words. Instead, you grind your backside harder against him, causing a hiss to fall from his lips. You lull your head back dreamily, getting lost in the feeling of your bodies moving together, both of you ravenous for any sort of friction. While his hands stayed firmly on your hips you took this opportunity to grab at one of his hands, bringing it upward to your chest, encouraging Jaebeom to massage your breasts. He happily obliges, feeling up your warm body with his rough hands, your scent invigorating his mind.

“I want you to strip for me, then go lay on the bed,” Jaebeom softly commands in your ear, effectively snapping you out of your daze.

There was something about his assertive tone that sent heat straight to your core, you were so eager to feel him there. He takes a step away from your body allowing you space to remove your clothes, and you do so. You look over your shoulder at him to see his bottom lip caught between his teeth, anticipating your show. You reach down for the button of your jeans undoing it in a slow and sultry way until you are able to strip the fabric down your legs. 

Jaebeom intently watches your scantily clad figure which in turn gave you the confidence to continue. You put on a bit of a show with your movements, matching your swaying hips to his music that could still be heard inside the bedroom. Once you step your feet out of your jeans you turn your body so it is facing his. There is still a bit of space between your bodies, but the tension is extreme. You reach behind your back to unclasp your bra, taking one strap between your fingers as you allow the bra to drop. 

Upon seeing your bare chest a fire ignites behind Jaebeom’s eyes. You smirk, with still swaying hips, you hook two fingers into your panties. Turning once more to give him a view of your backside, you dance your way out of the soft material, letting it gather around your feet. Finally, now completely bare, you make your way to his large king bed adorned with fresh white sheets. Crawling on all fours up the bed, making sure to arch your back for the best view, you flip your body onto the bed awaiting his arrival.

Jaebeom drinks this all in. The music, fragrances, lights, visuals, and the ambiance of seeing your bare body lay upon his white sheets, decorated purely by the moonlight. Without waiting for a second longer he rids himself of the last of his clothing, pushing his jeans and boxers down with haste. He walks to the foot of the bed, softly caressing your calves as he climbs up the expanse of your body. Your eyes meet his hazily, running your gentle hands along his forearms until his forehead is resting softly against yours.

“Can I taste you?”

Your mind is in a haze at his request, but who were you to say no?

Your head nods at his request and he smiles. Kissing your lips passionately before dragging them lower and lower down your body. Occasionally Jaebeom would nip and suck on parts of your skin, causing your body to tremor. Until finally you began to feel his heated breaths over your core. You gripped the sheets expectantly, unconsciously tensing your body in anticipation. He gives each of your thighs one last kiss before licking a strong tongue through your core.

You moan instantly, surprised by how sensitive you were from just one touch. Jaebeom doesn’t stop, he grabs hold of your thighs effectively throwing them over his broad shoulders. At first, his licks are long and languid, causing your hips to fall in motion with his tongue. Once he begins to feel your thighs tense at the sensations he picks up his pace, switching from licking up your core to occasionally wrapping his lips around your clit. 

You feel electric waves throughout your body at his movements. At one particular suck, you moan out into the night, threading a hand through Jaebeom’s hair, which in turn has him groaning into you. He too was lost in the pleasure he was giving you. From your scent to your heavenly moans he couldn’t stop himself from grinding down against his mattress eager for some relief on his achingly hard cock.

“Jaebeom please, I need to feel you inside of me, please,” you manage to moan out wanting nothing more than for your bodies to become one.

Although Jaebeom wanted so badly to see your body come undone from his tongue alone, he too was starting to get impatient. One last suck to your clit before he is climbing back up your body, greedily you reach for him and connect your lips. He moans at your soft sucks against his tongue, desperate for you to taste your own arousal. 

Shockingly, you are able to flip your bodies over allowing you to climb on top of Jaebeom’s beautiful body. You break away from the kiss to sit up and see him. There he was in all his glory. The stoic man from the gallery naked and heaving beneath you, so eager to be inside of you. You smile sweetly at him and he groans, taking his painfully hard cock into your hand you stroke him tenderly, to which he throws his head back in excitement. Without waiting a second longer you align him with your dripping core, slowing sinking him deep inside of you.

You release an intense sigh that you didn’t know you were holding. Jaebeom moans at the warm feeling of your pussy wrapped tightly around him, he then looks to see where your bodies meet. As if on cue you begin to sway your hips back in forth, still in rhythm with the music coming from the living room. The pace is slow and sensual, just as you like. 

Jaebeom felt as if he could feel every little movement. From the way your beautiful hips swayed to your hands pressed firmly on his chest, he savored every second. His hands come to rest against your hips once again, encouraging your movements. Moans spill from your mouth as you get lost in the feeling of him buried so deep inside of you.

“Oh god,” you cry out.

Jaebeom is blissed out in the feeling, allowing you full control; he loses himself in the moment, suddenly becoming acutely aware of the song. You too let your body take over and allow your mind to float above the two of you making love. You can hear the melody too.

난 네게 눈이 멀었고

(I became blinded by you)

넌 내게 눈이 멀었겄지

(You probably became blinded by me)

우리 서로만을 보았고

(We only saw each other)

이 세상에 둘만 있었겠지

(We probably were the only ones in the world)

Jaebeom begins to lose his patience as he can feel his end nearing. You yelp with surprise as his strong arms wrap against your frame, flipping you onto your back. You squeeze around him from his dominant change in nature, he groans at the feeling.

“I want to feel you come all around me, baby,” he tells you. 

You nod back ready for him to ravish your body. He hooks one of your legs over his shoulder giving him the best angle for you both. The pace from before is completely different. While you took your time with Jaebeom while you rode him, when he was on top he fucked you, hard.

Sheathing himself back inside of you so hard and fast you both scream out in pleasure. He wastes no time fucking you raw, trying to chase the high you both so desperately longed for. His movements are fast yet calculated, effectively hitting your sweet spot every time he entered you. You were desperate to hold on to reality gripping the sheets above your head as you moaned loudly. Jaebeom saw this action and instead moved your hands to his hair.

“I want you to show me how good I’m making you feel,” he says to you in his gruff voice.

You understand his wish, grabbing his hair just as tightly as he fucked you, earning an appreciative groan from him spurring on his movements further. 

You felt your end coming. It was like a small fire that suddenly began to blister in the pit of your stomach. Your chest heaved for air as you gripped his hair even tighter, warning him. He understood.

“Come on, baby, I need to feel you come, please,” his words did just the trick.

The fire turned into an explosion as the white-hot orgasm swept through your body. You trembled in his hold as he thoroughly fucked you through your high. Once you came down you noticed his brows furrowed and his movements began to waver. You released his hair to hold him close to your body, encouraging him to let go.

He eventually reaches his own high as he drops his head to your shoulder, you hold him close as he moans out deliciously into your ear. His movements stutter as he tiredly milks his orgasm to completion. He slumps his body against yours, slick with sweat the two of you stay connected for some time attempting to calm your breaths. 

Tiredly you stroke your hand softly up and down his back lullingly. You begin to feel the effect of all the alcohol in your system as you fought to keep your eyes open. Too at peace with where you were, you allowed yourself to become a victim of slumber while caressing Jaebeom’s naked frame. 

When morning broke, you expected to be woken by the bright sunshine pouring into his room. Instead, the thing that woke you from your slumber was the distinct click of what you only know to be the sound of a film camera. Still naked in his sheets you turn your body over to see an equally naked Jaebeom perched at the foot of the bed with a small camera plastered to his face. The morning sun decorated his frame in the most beautiful way, you couldn’t help but smile at the sight.

He lowers the camera slowly from his face, gauging your reaction, “Sorry I just thought you looked so perfect lying there. Does it bother you?”

You shake your head no. He smiles and climbs up his bed to be with you again in the early morning light. He lays at your side and you turn your full body to him, he tucks a stray hair behind your ear. You both stay there for what felt like an eternity. Mindlessly you both would let your fingers dance along the other’s naked form, basking in the soft flesh below. The silence was infectious, filling your soul with content. You never wanted this feeling to end.

──

“Can I just say what an honor it is to be accompanying you on this gorgeous Friday night,” Jinyoung smiles at you. “The forsaken Friday nights that you would normally spend in solitude, per your own request, but I am the first one to break that tradition. Really it is a privilege.”

You laugh at Jinyoung’s over-the-top monologue. Jinyoung wasn’t wrong, he was the first person you had ever asked to accompany you on this Friday night. Your friends all knew the deal, Friday nights were for your alone time, for your creativity to rekindle. 

“You are just too handsome to say no to,” you reply back sweetly, reaching up to Jinyoung planting a swift kiss on his cheek. His eyes crinkle in the most adorable fashion. 

As much as you had grown and changed in the past couple of months, Jinyoung was always a constant in your life. Before you used to be so caught up in your art and finding inspiration that you never gave the cute boy from your English class the time of day. Often times Jinyoung would ask you out for the occasional coffee or study date to which you would always find an excuse not to go. It surprised you that even after all his failed attempts he even still wanted to take you out, so ultimately you agreed. You could say that perhaps you had a change of heart. Something eventually opened your eyes to his affection for you.

After walking some time the two of you finally make it to the exhibit. The words “Awake.” displayed in white neon outside the entrance. Looking to Jinyoung and smiling you both make your way through the large entryway. Subtly you feel him slide his fingers through your own, and your body heats at the affection. 

It had been quite some time since Defsoul had held any sort of photography exhibition. In fact, the last one being just over six months ago. Although the photographer was still active through social media you were surprised as to why it had taken them so long to put on another show. You remembered just how much you fell in love with their work last time that you were eager to see what else they had in store.

As the two of you walk hand-in-hand throughout the gallery you instantly notice the ambiance of this show to be vastly different from the one you had attended months before. The air was lighter, the photographs themselves felt brighter than before, and even the conversations between the patrons were airier. Jinyoung would occasionally point to certain photos attempting his best at discussing the art of photography in order to impress you. You would smile at his attempts, bringing his body closer to yours the more you strolled throughout the space.

Your mind couldn’t help but wander to the night you shared with Jaebeom just months before where you met him at one of these exhibits. It had been so long since you had even thought of him or his name that you had almost forgotten. Though the feelings you felt never disappeared. 

You catch yourself smiling at the memory before looking up at one of the larger displays in the studio. You stopped dead in your tracks upon looking, your breath caught in your throat as you just stared. It was you, not your face, your naked backside peeking perfectly out of his crisp white sheets, the morning sun playing through your soft hair beautifully. There you were on full display for the whole world to see. 

The world around you faded as you sat and stared, Jinyoung taking notice finally to what you had been looking at, “That is gorgeous, I think this might be my favorite one so far.”

You can’t hear him as your mind was reeling a mile a minute. It was then in that moment you came to realize everything. His sheets, his bed, his room, his photograph. This was his show, Jaebeom was Defsoul. How could you have not seen it before?

You looked about the room frantically, fear striking you as you noticed the other patron’s eyes glued to the huge mural of you, Jinyoung too being entranced with the photo. Anxiety bubbled over into your stomach. That was until you saw it, the title: Muse.

You didn’t know why exactly upon reading the simple word that tears began to pool in your eyes. Again you looked around the room. You needed to see him, to confirm your thoughts. You needed to know who Jaebeom really was. Then suddenly there he stood, perfect as ever.

Jaebeom stood meters away from you and Jinyoung, the bodies of the other patrons crossed your paths as the two of you just stared at each other. He looked just as stunning as that night, that one fateful night. His gaze is soft on yours as if to ask if you were okay. You cannot answer him, still in too much shock. 

Until Jaebeom looks to Jinyoung, your connected hands, and then finally you, he smiles warmly. Little did you know that this is exactly what Jaebeom wanted to see for you. Your happiness above all else. To others, what the two of you shared could easily be written off as just some other one night stand, but he knew it was so much more. He cared for you in ways he never thought he would be able to feel for another person. And so he was happy, if he couldn’t be the one holding your hand in this gallery, he was glad you had someone to take his place. You deserved as much.

A tear finally escapes your eye as you continue to gaze at Jaebeom’s sincere expression, laughing slightly you brush the tear away. You felt no anger, no embarrassment. Because what Jaebeom said was right, for that night you spent together, he too was your own muse. The spark you needed at that moment. You needed him then just as much as he did. 

Without leaving his eyes, you bow your head slightly, doing something you realized you never did that night. You thanked him. He raised a wine glass in recognition. Then he was gone, swallowed into the sea of people who would never know his true identity. 

“I didn’t know photography moved you that much,” Jinyoung says to you while wiping your tears away, a look of concern etched into his features.

You laugh, dropping your head bashfully before raising your eyes again to look at Jinyoung. You were so content with the way you began to live your life since meeting Jaebeom. For so long you had deprived yourself of the one thing that should have mattered the most, your happiness.

It was fate for you and Jaebeom to meet each other that night, but you knew it was only meant for that one night. Jaebeom was the trigger for you to stop living inside the constrictive box you created for yourself. You felt inspiration more than ever through your art, which in turn greatly improved your abilities. You also finally allowed yourself love, and to share that love with someone who genuinely wanted you. 

Now with Jinyoung, you had never felt more at peace in not only yourself but your life. Rising to his height you capture Jinyoung’s lips with yours. He smiles against you and reciprocates your affection. This is who you were meant to be with tonight, and for every night thereafter.

[mercurybounds]

SCANNING…IDENTIFICATION COMPLETE.

                      ENTER JOSEPHINE ‘JETT’ GRAYSON-WEST, CLONE OF RICHARD GRAYSON AND WALLY WEST.

                    CODENAME: MERCURY  

                    A 25 FOURTH YEAR ENROLLED IN THE SUPERHUMAN TRACK. INTEL SHOWS THEY ARE EXCITABLE, BUT CAN ALSO BE DEFENSIVE. 

                    ABILITIES INCLUDE SPEED FORCE CONDUIT, MARTIAL ART EXPERT. FACIAL RECOGNITION MISTAKES THEM FOR SAOIRSE RONAN.

DEMOGRAPHICS

NAME: josephine ‘jett’ grayson-west

GENDER: non-binary

PRONOUNS: they/them, she/her, it/its

SPEICES: clone; jett was cloned by cadmus part of a similar program that terry mcginnis came from. however these was an issue and they did not come out as a desired.  

COURSE: superhuman

YEAR: fourth

BIRTHDAY: true date unknown, they picked out july 12th

AGE: twenty five

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: pansexual

MORAL ALIGNMENT: neutral good

HERO/VILLAIN PROFILE

POWER/TALENT: from wally: speed force conduit ( superhuman speed, superhuman reflexes, superhuman stamina, superhuman agility, superhuman strength, accelerated healing, aerokinesis) from dick: acrobatics, martial arts expert, peak human condition, eidetic memory, tactical analysis

POWER/TALENT DESCRIPTION:  speed force conduit: jett has a connection to the speed force and can use it only to a certain extent. they do not have the full extent of the speed force like wally does, for example they do not have enhanced senses, electrokinesis or speed force negation. other powers and talents were programmed into them: seemingly born the perfect copy of some of dick grayson’s fighting abilities it can be hard for jett to often get them down like she tries to, with the knowledge of how to use them without speed it can be a big challenge to incorporate them in with their speed

WEAKNESSES: vulnerability to extreme temperatures: anything that includes extreme temperatures of hot or cold can affect his durability and/or nullify their speed force abilities. vulnerability to emp: if trapped in containment cell that involves an electromagnetic pulse, they will be unable to vibrate out to escape.

HERO/VILLAIN NAME: mercury

COSTUME DESCRIPTION: jett’s suit is nearly identical to wally west’s red suit. expect that the suit is all black and does not have the fins on the side of their head. a bright blue lightening bolt sits on her chest, with a blue glow to honor dick grayson. the ‘cowl’ part of their suit does not have eyeholes but in fact keep their eyes covered and integrate tech to analyze and inform them of the situation around them. similar to kate kane’s batwoman suit, jett’s ginger hair falls over the top of the cowl.

WEAPONS: jett does not carry weapons

GADGETS/TECH: the eyes of their suit are whited out so the tech in her cowl/domino mask can help guide them with information and updates it has various other capabilities such as being able to track the gps coordinates of a cellphone, thermal vision, detect radio waves, and is capable of giving detailed analysis of scenes and fights

SCHOOL SCHEDULE

LIST A TOTAL OF 4-6 CLASSES YOUR MUSE IS TAKING THIS SEMESTER AS WELL AS ANY EXTRACURRICULARS OR CLUBS THEY ARE A PART OF.

MONDAY: SOCIAL, PSYCHOANALYTIC, & HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY, POWER CONTROL: TEAM FIELD SIMULATION TRAINING 

TUESDAY: ACROBATICS II, SUPERHERO ETHICS

WEDNESDAY: SOCIAL, PSYCHOANALYTIC, & HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY, POWER CONTROL: TEAM FIELD SIMULATION TRAINING, 

THURSDAY:  ACROBATICS II, SUPERHERO ETHICS

FRIDAY: HISTORY: SINCE THE COLLISION  

CLUBS: PEER SPONSOR GROUP, FILM CLUB

[kaniaaa]

H-hey. It’s extremely sudden, but... I’m so sorry @mysterygreentea, it is only now, literally 5 years later, after lazily doing some ego-searching to kill boredom, as if I didn’t need to sleep, that I found out back in 2017 I was tagged in this 11 questions post... I never intended to ignore it; I never got the notification of me being tagged at all. And since I found the perfect weapon to deal with boredom, even 5 years later, I decided to answer it. No, seriously, sorry! And thank you for tagging me back then!

So, these were the questions!

1. What do you consider your best quality?

I don’t like assuming things, so I’m quite the “forgiving reader” type of person, and I try my best not to assume the worst in people (unless something is REALLY fishy) and go around spitting baseless accusations. On the flip side, it also means I am TERRIBLE at having first impressions. In person, they never go beyond “she’s a woman... I guess” and it only gets worse on the internet hahaha

2. Favorite drink?

Tea!! Any kind really, but white tea is best! Not only hot tea, but iced tea as well.

3. Favorite holiday?

It used to be Christmas because it was a moment for my family to be together, but now that it’s rarer, I don’t know... Typical middle/high-school student mentality I still hold onto even though I’m a college student, but let’s say summer holidays haha

4. What inspires you the most?

Fiction I consume en masse I guess haha Books, (JPN) pop culture, (J-)music etc. And artbooks too! I love artbooks.

5. Do you like to write? If so, what do you like to write about, or what would you write about?

Ugh. I’d like writing if I didn’t suck this much at it haha I love analysis so I like to write “essays” and reviews on things I read/watched/played.

6. If you were stuck on a desert island, what or who would you want with you?

I’d say my cat, but at the same time I want her to be somewhere safe haha Y’know what, my siblings have to come, I’m not going down alone hahaha

7. Favorite childhood TV show, if any?

French cartoon Les Zinzins de l’espace, or by the same studio Oggy et les cafards. Loved Cardcaptor Sakura and Sailor Moon as a child, before knowing what “anime” even was.

8. Current favorite song?

THIS ONE IS SO HARD gosh DANG; eeerrr... Current, right? If it were in 2017 as intended, I’d say MARETU’s White Happy and Wowaka’s Unknown Mother Goose. Right now in February 2022, I can’t help but loop Kenshi Yonezu’s Shinigami, Seekun’s Hate Man, Amazarashi’s Kyoukaisen and Kairiki Bear’s Rirarura Dreaming. I can’t choose just one lol

9. If you could have one wish come true right now, what would it be?

To see my cat hahaha I miss her so much!! When did my ambitions get so low...? hahaha

10. What is something silly you’re scared of?

In my sweet early 20s, I sometimes dream of losing my teeth...

11. Movie you watch when you need cheering up?

From Up on Poppy Hill! I love this film so much, not too sure why! Mizunuma my lord and saviour haha

Not coming with questions nor tagging anyone though.

[m0e-ru]

eight months in somebody actually asked me abt visualive instead of me immediately annoying ppl about it without former notice. I might actually write properly for once 😳😳😳

OK OK!!!!! In this essay I will.... I will.... Visualive Adachi.... Visu/BURSTS INTO TEARS/

OKAY OKAY for real I just care Visualive so much (as someone who can’t fully understand Japanese AHAHA)

First I’ll add some foundation about what Visualive really is, then I talk abt Adachi in the latter parts of it because this is technically the first time I’m properly talking about this hehe 🐿

T....table of contents???

Visualive

Visualive the Evolution

Masami Itou

Visualive Adachi

Visualive the Evolution Adachi

Terms and Legend

VL - Visualive

VLE - Visualive the Evolution

stage - shortened for “stageplay”

面白い - omoshiroi (it’s just that specific)

Yuuya - VL Hero name

Hayato - VLE Hero name

Baba - Hero

Masami - Adachi

Taniguchi - Dojima

Saotome - Daisuke

Mamiya - Izanami

I add honorifics but sometimes I forget the hyphen intentionally or unintentionally I’m sorry if it makes it hard to read lol

all links have automatic timestamps for easy viewing. i mean. i hope the timestamps work

VISUALIVE “Persona 4.” A stage adaptation of SMT: Persona 4 by Atlus. It adapts the first part of the story, from the hero’s arrival to after recovering Mitsuo Kubo from the TV world. It also ends on a cliff hanger, showing a teaser of Shadow Naoto being projected on the screen.

It takes up a speedy recapitulation of the hero’s spring life, before slowing down and showing in depth his school life in summer. A day before Morooka-sensei’s death, there is a little skit with Kou, Daisuke and Adachi. The hero walks into the conversation before the two other boys leaving, and Morooka-sensei walking in on the student and detective. The next day follow’s the teacher’s death and the Investigation Team (IT) begin investigating their new lead.

From the words “visual” and “alive,” the niche of this stage was meant to be the fusion of live acting and visual digital projections. All seen from the stageplay with the colorful cast of actors and CG animations being projected on the screen. This offers an opportunity for characters to summon their personas, perform cool visual effects, change the backdrop, or even confront their own Shadows.

Performed in Sunshine Theater from the 15th to the 20th of March 2012. The screenplay was written and directed by Shintaro Asanuma from the theatrical group “bpm.” The video production produced by Shutaro Oku, a film director and visual planner. He later takes over as director for VISUALIVE THE EVOLUTION, the sequel stage. The stage music was produced by Shunsuke Wada, with a special show exclusive vocal track sung by Shihoko Hirata.

On this note, I haven’t seen any sort of original soundtrack released for any of the stages and I’m SO SAD. The last song in Mitsuo’s boss fight was such a BANGER and literally EVERYTHING ELSE Marvelous, Wadasan please take my MONEY

Regarding the cast, there were some special accommodations for Teddie, Rise, and Nanako, all of which did not have live actors at the time. During the casting, actors for the three characters could not be found or simply left the directors unsatisfied they couldn’t cast anybody. An exception for Rise, who was able to have a live actor in the sequel stage. It has been stated that there weren’t any “pretty boy” actors that fit the “Teddie Criteria.” While there weren’t any child actors that were believed to portray Nanako well.

Teddie was only ever seen in his bear costume while Rise was busy talking through a call, all voiced by their video game cast. Nanako has never appeared on stage, only being scarcely mentioned in the script. Again, this is different in the sequel stage where her role was extremely important and was shown as a screen projection.

VISUALIVE “Persona 4” THE EVOLUTION. A sequel stage. Beginning abruptly in the middle of Shadow Naoto’s boss fight, the story continues from there until the “true end” of the game’s original story. *Certain characters are introduced while others have been reintroduced. And on a personal note, when it’s all comedic in the beginning, it’s all for what’s coming right after.

I don’t know if I’m salty or just find it really funny AHAHA I might go talk abt it some other day with more context ehehe

Performed in The Galaxy Theater from the 3rd to the 9th of October 2012, only a few months after the PSVITA Persona 4 Golden release, which is July 2012. The screenplay was now written by Jun Kumagi while directed by Shutaro Oku. And music production finally taken over by Shoji Meguro himself.

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HAHAHA this is starting to look like a wiki page. moving on. I might start rambling rn

(warning LONG !!!! aaa,,)

My thoughts on the stage adaptations. For the first Visualive (VL) I believe it’s pretty close to canon! I enjoy the characterization and how much love and care was present when handling the entire production.

Actors were busy playing the game itself, wherein a PS2 was present in the practice room. Along with magazines and game guides explaining the game’s story and the characters itself. Actors performing together and even improv acting together to get a grasp of their characters. All of them knowing well of Persona 4 as a well loved game, delicately handling their characters and hopefully performing them right while making the audience happy.

The staff taking care of each other while the director and video producer, Asanuma-san and Oku-san, working together well to make their vision into a reality.

The same thing happened with VL the Evolution (VLE) and literally every other good stage. Except... I feel the script kinda got out of hand with too much liberty where it feels a bit more disconnected from canon. But! It makes up for it in its content, whether comedic or (INCREDIBLY) dramatic! It’s great as its own story at that point. So in this case, I like to take the first VL and get to connect it canon, while I don’t know what the hell happened in VLE to the point I’ll just enjoy it as its own content.

These opinions deserve its own essay, post whatever bc I have SO much to say abt this. ANYWAY. VL ADACHI

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Tohru Adachi is portrayed by Masami Itou (伊藤マサミ), a screenplay writer, director and an stage actor himself. He does have a single character voice role along with a fellow troupe member in the same franchise, but mostly works as the former three. He is part of Asanuma-san’s entertainment group “bpm.” On a similar note, Masashi Taniguchi, Dojima’s actor, was also part of their group from 2011 to 2016, which may explain their good synergy as the boss and the bumbling fool dynamic. I mean, somebody’s gotta get hit in the head every few skits.

With Masami-san being an important part of the cast, he doesn’t appear as often as Taniguchi-san in backstage content like the VL bonus disk or the official blog. Mentioned in his own personal blog, he had been busy with his roles as assistant director (I am assuming also for VL).

Also fun to note, because his role is mainly comic relief, he has been using his liberty to change up the material almost everyday making each performance exciting. This also leaves some other actors jealous of his freedom in his role, such as Saotome-san, Daisuke’s actor.

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VL Adachi really has a... how do I say this? an adorable speech pattern (THE SAME SPEECH PATTERN THAT DROVE ME MAD TRYING TO DECIPHER I THOUGHT YOU WERE A CITY BOY OSSU OSSU MY ASS /shakes you violently/). Overall, he really fits the loose lipped bumbling fool, and his accent really makes him seem more casual and invested. What I’m saying is... VL Adachi either actually has genuine empathy or he actually has more energy to fake it (compared to some other edgelord. i mean you saw my p4ga analysis. I’m sick of him lol ahaha).

One of my favorite ways to explain this (OTHER THAN CHAIR CAR ADVENTURE MY BELOVED WE’LL GET TO THAT LATER) is the rice field scene with him and Dojima. It’s overanalyzation time 🎉

(43:04)

While investigating, Adachi whines about being tired while Dojima smacks him in the head. In this case, it’s established that Adachi doesn’t want to be there, yes? It’s the country, it’s hot and it smells like green.

"Ah... Dojima-san..! Why don't we take a break? (...) There really is nothing out here... Is the criminal still even here at all? (...) I wonder if I've passed being a rookie yet. Haha, but this city doesn't even have convenient transportation. I can't go to leisure lands (recreation, amusement parks, arcades, ect.) and head home at all."

Adachi then tries to tell Dojima a story. “when I got to this city after being newly assigned, I met an interesting guy (...) Yeah, I remember that the cherry blossoms haven't bloomed yet. So, I was driving my car and got near the station and--” Dojima gets a phone call.

Adachi politely puts his hands down waiting for his boss to finish so he can finish the story. Again and again, Adachi attempts to talk to Dojima about a story he’s so persistent trying to tell someone about. It was so 面白い that he would find someone to talk to about it. Even being polite and patient enough to wait for a chance to speak. He even gets fed up with it and blows up in front of his boss, clearly irritated he’s not given a chance to talk.

Sure, it could be Adachi feeling fed up like a normal person where someone agreed he to listen to him, before being constantly ignored. Or Adachi trying to be a more annoying whiny brat, depending on where you look at it.

If the story wasn’t too “interesting” to Adachi, he would’ve just brushed it off and stopped talking to Dojima entirely, or start up new small talk, or even complain some more. But no, he had a story he wanted to voice out so bad that he got irritated that the one person in the vicinity couldn’t listen to him.

Only after Dojima told him to continue their investigation elsewhere did Adachi finally stop and focus on something else. Maybe that story was for another day, or maybe it was never meant to be told.

What if it was just original (game) Adachi? He’d find a way to squirrel out of the investigation as usual, or push Dojima to “investigate” elsewhere. “Hey boss, don’t you think it’s hot? Why don’t we go elsewhere? We’ve seen this place too many times to count and I doubt anything new’ll turn up. How about we take a break at Junes, y’know? Where it’s cool? C’mon boss,” something like that.

og Adachi is just really annoying and silly to me. Some grown man thinking he can freeload because he never gets anything out of putting in more energy and effort? I don’t care how tall he is, I will smack him in the head.

Yeah VL Adachi whines, too, but at least it doesn’t look like he’s going to escape and waste his time somewhere else. He just sucks it up stops trying to leave the situation.

Or maybe I’m getting this all wrong and VL is exactly the same and my rage just gets dampened because of Masamisan’s execution of character hmm...

SO. What was his story about anyway? The one he really wanted to share to Dojima?

I mean... it’s obvious enough

First day in town? Spring? Actually mentioned driving a car when literally out of every single persona 4 media at the time was there not a SINGLE mention of Adachi having a car OTHER THAN the same stageplay it’s being mentioned in?

A story, from somewhere around uhh four? five months ago? was something that he remembered so dearly and was willing to share despite it obviously embarrassing him even if he puts the blame on a certain somebody in the same story?

Or maybe it’s because he really had nothing to talk about ever since he realized all his stories from the city weren’t actually that funny or interesting in the first place.

BUT then that would mean out of all the things he could talk about—more whining, complaining, complimenting, small talk—he insisted about talking about this story in particular.

Okay, look. I’m just. Just. As someone who talks too much, of course I have things I actually want people to hear out of all the bullshit that comes out of my mouth. And if the thing I actually want people to listen to doesn’t even get heard, I’d go mad.

Sure, Adachi’d be fine when his complaints or intentionally unfunny jokes get brushed off. But a story of a guy that he thought was so funny, interesting, 面白い gets ignored, he really blew up, even just for a split second, maybe.

And ALL the things that happened in that story—on his first day in Inaba! His car got dented, he had to deal with a weirdo dumbass employee that knew zero personal space, yelled in his ear, who didn’t know how to do their job, got his station reputation messed up on the first day, got his ass grabbed, got (unintentionally?) mocked for his lame stories, and got his car dented for the SECOND time. Probably MORE

And he STILL wanted to talk about it /punches through concrete wall/

yes I’m overthinking about this of course i am

This little tidbit of VL Adachi kinda makes me go insane sometimes—his entire characterization in VL in particular. It was really refreshing to see and how they included both of his characters in it, his facade and how irritated he is of a lot of things underneath. And how flexible his character is immediately working with other characters when there’s sudden improv to balance the situation. Like him and Dojima, Morooka, the attendant, or even Yuuya (hero) himself.

I’ll take Taniguchi-san’s messing around in the VL bonus backstage disc in place of Masami-san being so busy he couldn’t appear in it as often as other characters.

For stagetime that lasted for fifteen minutes or less, my appreciation for VL Adachi, even if he was just comic relief, really rocketed. I say VL, bc Adachi the edgelord he’s supposed to be in literally every other media is something I analyze separately.

I haven’t even gotten to VLE oh my GODDDDD

Like I said, I don’t really regard VLE close to canon but as something to be appreciated for what it is by itself. But the way Adachi was characterized there, in or out of character, still struck me.

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Yes, there was his strange fan-agreed-canon which is,,, now canon obsession with cabbages (not that that’s a bad thing lmao). There was also him being a lot more jumpy and intimate in a clowny way, patting people on the shoulder or even downright hugging them just to mess around. Even FORGETTING who the same goddam loser who grabbed his ass almost a year ago is. But like, can’t blame him they literally changed their actor (and screenplay writer) AHAHAHA

ha... no more comedy, only dorky sword fights now

(speaking of sword fights I think it’s a fun thought how Mamiya-san [Izanami, also one of the youngest in the cast] admitted it was his first time doing sword fight choreography and even thanked Masami-san and other staff members for guiding him)

One thing unintentionally in character was Adachi accidentally nabbing the sushi overdosed in wasabi. Masami-san didn’t actually account for a joke sushi and didn’t immediately eat it—until Taniguchi-san (who also made Dojima go off his shits compared to VL) jokingly yelled at him and even riled up the audience for him to eat it. He even went off stage to get water just for him to eat the goddam sushi.

And Masami-san did! (kinda choked, but he’s fine).

Continuing from the same scene, while being overly giddy about sushi dinner (and I mean overly--he was singing about it while hopping to the Dojima residence), he tried to remind the two, Dojima and Hayato (hero), that Nanako was sleeping. Probably where she was sick if the scene was translated from the game.

(30:07)

And... the dramatic parts of VLE

Adachi was the one who reported to the IT that Dojima was chasing Namatame in the rain. While Naoto was discussing Namatame’s journal entries, Adachi, as giddy as he is, took it from Naoto’s hands and reveled in the discovery of evidence so childishly(?). He even ran to Dojima when he began regaining consciousness and immediately called the nurses to help him wheel Dojima to the ER.

Then, The Hospital Scene™️, right after Nanako flatlines.

(1:02:02)

Adachi, who recently walked into the scene, immediately worries about Dojima and IT who were ALL crying. He looks down, devastated—before yelling how Dojima’s heading to Namatame’s room.

He yells in terror and the same grief at his injured boss, all while running past and even jumping over children, who fell to the ground sobbing, to get to him. He continues yelling in a pained fashion while immediately reprimanding Dojima to stop. He gets carried by the collar before being tossed to the ground at Hayato’s feet, all while being pat by the same boy.

Dojima makes his speech about how unfair it is for the ‘killer’ to be alive when his daughter isn’t. When he finally falls to his knees, Adachi rises from the ground, humbly saying he’ll do his best to take care of Dojima (or something like that I’m in tears I literally can’t do VLE’s hospital scene i h8 this). He finally starts crying along with everyone else, being pushed away again but still tries again, trying to usher his boss away from the door.

With the help of the guard in front of the door, they all disappear off stage

please... I know this scene doesn’t need that much translation because of how important this scene is in the entire story. and I know my narratives aren’t enough so just,,,, just watch it please it’s so much more than this. everyone’s acting was just spectacular

(1:08:47)

So, after the IT (YOSUKE. JUST YOSUKE. good job Mae-chan) stop themselves from k wording Namatame, it was ADACHI who reported Nanako’s miracle recovery. He ran to the same corridor where they all cried in, even panting and falling to the ground in relief trying to report the good news. Then he pats Hayato on the shoulder and says he’s going to Dojima.

With this... /slaps roof of half of VLE/ ALL of this....adachi.... adachisan.... he Cares™️..... holy shit.....

now. comparing to the game. do you even remember what og Adachi did? did he.. even do anything?????

(56:39)

NO!!! he just stood there!!!! being a bumbling fool but.... inappropriately!!! man. he didn’t act concerned enough.

adachi: /walks into a bunch of kids crying outside a hospital room/ “lmao why tf are y’all crying? did uhhh what’s her face uhhh nanako. did she d word or something? rip, I guess lol” LIKE????? CAN YOU IMPLY FASTER

and then he’s like “wgat hmm Where’s Dojima-san Heading Because That’s Not The Way To His Room 🤔” and only when he’s asked he actually mentions he’s heading to Namatame’s room and still needs to get choked by a first year for the room number like..... zero consideration

and his boss??? where his daughter he loves so much just??? di*s???? and he’s so devastated he’s doing what he can that very moment while he’s so numbed of thinking of the consequences???? And adachi goes “uhh boss that’s illegal” LIKE. BITCH. /punches through a concrete wall but harder/

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And??? His confrontation scene??? Like, I know they mashed it up w his tv confession scene to save stagetime for other scenes BUT IT WAS SO MMBMBMBMMGN /gestures in a good way/

(1:15:56)

UM?? guy behind everything??? in a vulnerable area where he could easily get physically assaulted bc hes not in the tv world w his persona?? Trash talks women like he absolute misogynist he is??? getting yelled at by a bunch of kids and YELLING BACK IN THE SAME AGITATED MANNER even TAUNTING THEM then and there to GET HIS ASS?????

og Adachi was such a pussy he got caught and just scurried off into the TV world where he ended up having powers like...ok....scared of getting beat down by a bunch of highschoolers unless you have powers...ok....

he only taunted them to get him when he was in the tv world too.....he rlly couldn’t say shit in the real world huh... lol

(yeah yeah this shows how VLE Adachi knew abt his TV world powers which would make you think if he ever went into the tv world and came back out alive. Or he’s really just a badass who doesnt give a shit abt anyone’s opinions and CAN beat anyone’s ass. i have a separate thing abt this but bc i like to laught at vle rather than overthink its own lore i might. not. idk lol)

and ??? VLE Adachi can??? He can swordfight??? he doesn’t even NEED a gun—he even reflects bullets w his blade (but apparently he can still get slapped by a flying fan more often than any other attack). His fight choreo was just...so poggers. He’s like short villains done good—like??? he’s short compared to everyone else!!! but he makes up for it for stuffing all the energy inside him while is bursts out making him him the over energetic gremlin he is!!! go VL adachi!!!!

(am I low key making fun of Madono-san in the TUUSH stageplay I’ve seen four minutes of? maybe)

OK!!! Yes I was gushing abt Masami-san again back to Adachi.

It’s portrayed that while not being afraid to admit his crimes, he also goes out of his way to be a bastard and have the gall to get a bunch of kids to fight him, one on eight. He can use a katana, probably a narrative dark reflection of the hero, Hayato which I thought was nice—and he can fight!!! It also shows his persona, yes, but...it doesn’t make it clear if he’s overwhelmed by his Shadow like in the game, where his eyes were yellow and he was emitting a dark aura.

But it gets interesting how he sees he’s getting overwhelmed and starting to lose his edge towards a bunch of kids. He falls to the ground even banging the floor like a whiny brat while literally the IT tries to tell him to turn himself in. Again, like a brat he tells everyone to shut up—before getting incapacitated. While some of the IT rejoice, he bolts up unaccepting of his defeat—before getting hit in the stomach.

(1:23:54)

And his words from when he drops his katana, “Why..?” He grabs the foldable chair against his stomach, and with a remorseful look in his eyes, he says “I’m sorry..!”

THEN HE BACKFLIPS—then Hayato slashes him.

In a tone of disbelief, he goes “no way...” and collapses to the ground, being possessed by Ame-no-Sagiri.

Blah blah blah then Teddie rockets himself into the eyeball spy cam and then they both explode aaaaa

Teddie survives but I really don’t know where Adachi went. Not even a mention by Dojima if he turned himself in or was ever found—or I need to review VLE for the 48274827482nd time hehe

WHOO then the whole cast appears for the dance number at the end of show YAHOO

[jcisthebestfightme]

BJYX Song #15: Summer’s Wind

BJYX Song List

Disclaimer: This is all a dream. Actually though, I’ve procrastinated this song so much that it started haunting me in my dream as an overdue assignment for school so I definitely need to write this to get it out of my system.

The song I wanted to write about today is “Summer’s Wind (夏天的风)” by Landy Wen in 2004. This song’s melody was written by Jay Chou, one of dd’s favorite artist. This song wasn’t super famous back then but now is often seen in tiktok in China because of covers. I’m not sure if it was as widely popular when gg quoted in 2018. Gg knows a lot of songs and often dig up sorta obscured (at least not super popular) songs that he likes. 

An extensive backstory about gg’s post on this song and his trip in Japan can be found in this amazing post written by @twolonesomestars. The most important kadian about this post is that it was the 521th Weibo post and 18th Weibo video (he had to delete some stuff to get here.) Also, something that wasn’t mentioned was that his post kadian at the time “12:43″ and 2:43 in the song corresponds to the line “I look at your cool smile, yet there are times when it’s shy.” I think this line perfectly describes dd and also gg has said that his first impression of dd is shy, instead of the cold aloof description other people usually give him. This kadian further strengthens that this song is about dd. We have also seen gg kadian the time of his post to the lyrics of songs before, as seen in “Nan Hai” and a song from the album “Kepler” (not that song though). 

I’m going to channel in gg’s circumstance after filming TU and Japan trip for this analysis.

七月的風懶懶的 (July’s wind is lazy)

連雲都變熱熱的 (Even the wind became hot)

不久後天悶悶的 (Soon, the weather is getting stuffy)

一陣雲後雨下過 (Rain came after a cloud went by)

Right off the bat, as with the title, there are a lot of motifs we’ve already seen before like “wind”, “cloud”, and the over theme of “summer.” To me, “wind” is something this is transient and can symbolize feelings that can come and go. This is probably something gg was struggling with, whether his feelings for dd or dd’s feelings for him is transient like “July’s wind”. The first stance also described the discomfort of summer’s heat, which we know they complained about when filming CQL. Metaphorically though, I think the heat and “stuffiness” represents stuffed-up emotions, and the “rain” that came washes away those feeling and brought some clarity, which may be what gg came to realized post-Japan.

氣溫 爬升到無法再忍受 (Temperature, has climbed to a point of unbearable)

索性閉上了雙眼 (I just closed my eyes)

讓想象任意改變 (Let imagination morph and change freely)

I think the “temperature” and “heat” described can be about the electrifying connection and feelings between two people. It’s almost like the sexual tension has climbed to a point of unbearable limit for them, but they don’t know what to do with it. With reality that is hitting them after filming, they can only imagine all the different scenarios and happy ending they can have. 

場景 兩個人一起散著步 (The scene is two people walking together)

我的臉也輕輕貼著你胸口 (My face softly rest against your chest)

聽到心跳 (I hear your heartbeat)

在乎我 和天氣一樣溫度 ([You] care about me, just like the weather’s temperature)

Doesn’t this entire part just sounds like a very vivid picture of the entire filming of TU, especially since the first line even said a “scene”? Two people walking together, one in white, one in black. While filming, gg often have to rest into dd’s arms. It’s all very pure and romantic. No wonder this song can remind gg of the summer in 2018.

夏天的風 我永遠記得 (Summer’s wind, I will always remember)

I think summer’s wind is something carries feelings for gg. He said he will always remember that summer and those feelings. After filming wrapped, I think he wasn’t sure how long this wind will carry. There was too much uncertainty at that moment. In the end of 2019, we know he sang a song about summer’s wind lasting throughout the year into other season so we received the answer that this wind, and thus love, will persist. But in end of summer in 2019, this certainty was not there. All gg can be sure of is that he will always remember that summer, those wind, those mountain, because it’s very precious to him. 

清清楚楚的說你愛我 (Clearly say you love me)

I can see dd being very honest about his feelings that summer. Dd is not the type to hide what he feels and he probably expressed to gg clearly how he felt. But I think gg needed some time to think so he went to Japan, also to shed the character of WWX and his love for LWJ. But I think this line is gg acknowledging that he knows of dd’s feelings and how candid, sincere, and unambiguous dd’s feelings are. It also juxtaposed gg’s possibly jumbled feelings. I don’t think it’s that gg love dd less or that he’s uncertain of his feelings. I personally think he was certain of his feelings on 6/22/18 when he posted “If I were a song”. But I think he has a lot of different emotions that is coming to him all at once and he need some time to sort them out one by one. I can relate to having overwhelming emotions and also thoughts due to too many concerns and I think gg is also the type to get in that state.

我看見你酷酷的笑容 (I saw your cool smile)

也有靦腆的時候 (There are also times when it’s shy)

This is the line that I think gg kadian to describe dd. “Cool smile” is a very good description of dd, and probably the way most people who don’t know him well will say that is their first impression of him. Dd seems aloof and is overall a cool guy but unapproachable. But gg was the only that said that dd was “shy” to him on first impression. He saw through dd right away, that dd is hiding behind a shell of ice because he’s scared. Dd is a very sensitive person and he’s afraid that others won’t like him or how others see him so he protect himself by acting cold. But like this line and also gg’d interview that he has said before, once dd opens up, he’s very warm and adorable, and that dd likes to laugh a lot. It’s such a precious relationship to have someone that truly understands you and see the best of you. 

夏天的風 正暖暖吹過 (Summer’s wind, is currently warmly blowing)

穿過頭髮 穿過耳朵 (Going through hair, going through ears)

The “summer’s wind”, which are the emotions from the summer is currently passing through the entirety of the body, so it’s enveloping all parts of gg and dd. “Hair” and “ears” also also parts of the body that ggdd like to touch each other often when filming, as we seen from the bts clips. If I remember correctly, gg’s ears are very sensitive and doesn’t really like other people touching them (I remember a clip of his X-Nine’s member either touching or blowing into his ears and he flinched away.) But we can see dd touching gg’s ears in the TU bts. This means that gg lets dd have these intimate touches, just like these summer’s wind.

你和我的夏天 (Yours and my summer)

風輕輕說著 (The wind is softly saying)

This line is probably the most straightforward part of the song. The “summer” that just ended in gg’s post in 2018, belongs to 2 people. This the message of “summer’s wind”. The wind is saying that this summer is love between 2 people, and these 2 people can only be ggdd. 

溫柔懶懶的海風 (Gentle and lazy ocean’s wind)

吹到高高的山峰 (Blow up high to the mountain’s peak)

溫的風 山的鋒 (The warmth of the wind, the peak of the mountain)

吹成了山風 (Has became mountain’s wind)

This part to me is signifying change in feelings. The “gentle” and “lazy” warm ocean’s wind is like the ambiguous, fun, but uncertain relationship they had in the summer. They’re in a warm and safe place for these feelings to be able to developed, since they were  pretty sheltered when filming. But once filming has ended, this warm “ocean’s wind” has converted into “mountain’s wind.” Mountain’s wind to me is much colder and harsher, and signifies the harshness of reality and the difficulties they will need to face going back to the real world. But it can also be that this warm, soft wind has now strengthened, that it can become sharper, and able to face the harsh climates of the mountains. 

為什麼你不在 (Why are you not here?)

問山風你會回來 (Asking the mountain’s wind if you will come back)

Gg went to Japan with his friends (I think friends from college. He did not go with wzc btw, I just found this out like 2 weeks ago lol.) But dd was not there. And I think part of gg’s reluctancy at this moment is that he wasn’t sure if dd will always be as certain of his love as they did that summer. I don’t think it has anything to do with dd’s age, character, or anything he said. Honestly for anyone that has ever been in love, especially when the relationship just started, there will be some insecurity and you worry if the other person will love you forever or if they will change their minds and abandon you. I think this is a feeling that we can all relate to. So right now, gg may feel like it’s just him and “mountain’s wind”, which is the converted version of his love form the summer, and he’s unsure if dd will come back for him but it seems to me like gg is waiting on the mountains if dd every come, just like how WWX waited at the end of TU on the mountain for LWJ to come get him.

Overall, I think this song “Summer’s Wind” represent an end of gg’s ambiguous feelings of flirtation in the summer of 2018 while filming TU. In this post, he said “Summer’s wind has ended.” But I don’t think this necessary means his feelings for dd has ended (Spoiler alert, it didn’t.) It’s just that that stage of their relationship has come to a close and they need to find a way to open up a new chapter of their life together.