#fighting in the trenches of my notes app figuring out how to write all this down

[ottisbuns]

Figuring out who is in what department is not enough I need to establish what order they joined in, what departments they have been in historically, who the other members of those departments were at the time and what their roles were in those departments.

[pledis-17-trash]

Unexpected [ Part 5 (final) ] || Mingyu

✦genre: angst ✦blurb: mingyu finds out you used to be engaged to someone else a while ago. [ requested ] ✦word count: 2059 ✦author’s note: i’ll be writing two specials to this, one that talks about how eunbi and y/n’s conversation went, and the other that outlines what happened when mingyu was drunk, so don’t feel too “?!?!” : )

[ part 1 ] [ part 2 ] [ part 3 ] [ part 4 ] [ part 5 (final) ]

Mingyu expelled a breath of air. It had been a week since the incident had occurred, and he still hadn’t gained the courage to take a step into the apartment he shared with you. Instead, he had decided to crash at Wonwoo’s place for the time being, afraid of meeting you face-to-face and telling you what he had done to you. Being the childish man he could be, he thought that if he hadn’t seen you yet, he wouldn’t have to tell you until he did see you, right? And if he continued to avoid your presence, then....

Of course, when he admitted this, he got a long, nagging lecture from his older friend about how he was being irresponsible and if he had done something wrong (since Mingyu was too ashamed to tell Wonwoo what had happened, and also because he wasn’t one hundred percent himself what had taken place that night), he should just man up and face the consequences. Assuming that he was simply upset about the blow-up, Wonwoo had assured him that both of you bore some fault and it wasn’t solely his fault. Though he was trying to help him feel better, it had only made him feel worse.

Then Wonwoo kicked him out of the house in order to force Mingyu to offer some sort of reconciliation with you.

“He didn’t have to be so harsh,” Mingyu muttered angrily as he wandered the streets, letting his feet lead him to wherever. He continued to grumble about his poor situation and people around him shot him confused looks, but he brushed them off. Soon, he arrived at a small cafe that he went to often, though it was with you, and slipped inside as he usually did. He waved a greeting to the owner, who asked, “Where’s your pretty girlfriend?” He gave the owner a weak smile, not wanting to be rude since it was a sensitive topic, but they had done nothing wrong after all. “She’s… busy today,” he explained, then sat down in his regular spot beside the window, where he could look at the people walking around. It was interesting to guess what kind of lives they led.

After he ordered a drink, he took his phone out of his pocket and began to scroll through his photo album unconsciously. A smile made its way onto his face when he saw the dozens of selfies that you had forced him to retake over and over again. You had insisted you looked horrifying in the pictures despite his protests, and demanded that he become a better photographer, then had outright given up. He hadn’t realized how many photos he had actually taken, too concentrated on the moment. He supposed he had always been that type of person who only noticed the present.

Are you really going to throw your entire relationship away? Wonwoo’s earlier statement echoed in Mingyu’s mind, and he couldn’t shake his uneasiness off. He had let his anger get to the best of him and was in this mess now - but in his defense, it was your fault as well for never telling him about Chen or whatever your fiance’s name was. Just the thought of another person-your ex-fiance, even worse- holding you the way Mingyu had once done made his fists ball into anger. But the longer he sat in the cafe, the hollower his chest felt and his eyes that once always reflected you grew distant until he realized they were filled with tears.

He swallowed the lump in his throat that had formed since the fight that day and to stop it from growing, Mingyu studied the customers walking in and out of the cafe. They came in and while some stayed for longer and some shorter, it was inevitable that in the end, they’d leave. Was that how relationships were too? Was it time for you to leave Mingyu’s life? His hands trembled at the thought of you just walking right out of his life, and without thinking, he switched to the text app and created a new message. He could think of so many things he wanted to tell you right now. I miss you. I want to see you. How have you been doing? Have you been a mess just like me these past days? When you told me ‘I love you’, did you mean it? Instead, Mingyu typed three simple words, his mouth dry. Can we meet?

//

You smoothed your shirt down, hands slightly shaking, anxious as to what would be waiting for you inside the cafe. When you had first received Mingyu’s text message, you had been tempted to refuse. You didn’t want to see Mingyu, didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes and hear the words come out of his mouth, the words that made your heartbeat race even when you thought about it, the words, “Let’s break up.” The more you thought about it, the more antsy you got, and the more you thought that it would be better not to see him. You turned and took a step away, then shook your head. No, no, that’s immature Y/N, face your fear! You encouraged yourself, and started towards the front entrance again.

At the very last second, you froze due to fear. You slapped your cheeks lightly, trying to bring your hand up to pull open the door, but couldn’t. You were about to bolt from where you were standing, but someone exited the cafe before you could. They opened the door and nodded politely to you, gesturing for you to enter. Well. It would be rude to run away now, wouldn’t it? You managed a small smile through the butterflies in your stomach and slowly stepped in.

Even in the midst of the sea of the people that were standing, you were able to find Mingyu in the crowd immediately. It had always been a knack of yours since you were introduced to him, but it also helped that he was so tall. You spotted him before he spotted you, so you took the opportunity to check on how he was doing through how he looked.

His tousled head was pointed down and his eyes were focused on the phone screen in front of him. Even from this distance, you were able to see the heavy bags under his eyes and guilt flooded you. He must have not gotten much sleep, you knew well that he could never under stress - and you were the cause of stress this time around. He had casual clothing on that looked like it hadn’t been changed in a while. Your mouth began to form into a grimace, but you stopped yourself just in time, reminding yourself that you probably looked just like him if not more a mess.

You weren’t sure if Mingyu noticed you and was only pretending to continuously look at his device, but the people around you were beginning to grow aggravated and were shoving past you, so you supposed that you should get out of the way. Plus, someone had pushed you in his direction - you swore that the back of the person’s head looked like Seungkwan and that the person who scolded him afterwards sounded like Seungcheol, but it was probably an illusion - and it seemed as though everything in the universe was telling you to talk to him.

You caught yourself on the edge of the table that he was sitting at and gave him a sheepish smile when he glanced up, alarmed. “Hi,” you squeaked out, and proceeded to apologize halfheartedly. “Sorry,” you took a seat opposite of him, and your eyes darted around, too scared to meet his gaze. “Listen, I-”

“You don’t-” he started at the same time, your voices clashing together.

“You go first-” “You can go first-” The two of you continued to jumble words, while a voice yelled out, “Oh for goodness’ sake!” Both of you turned towards the source of the noise, who was dressed in a long trench coat, head covered in a hat and eyes covered with dark sunglasses. The person’s figure suspiciously looked like Seungkwan, but there were a few people with him, tugging the person away before either of you could say a word to them.

“Okay…” Mingyu turned back and took a deep breath. “I need to tell you something,” he blurted out, his hands covering his face. “It’s about Eunbi, and I-”

“Oh, I already know,” you interrupted him, and he paled at your words. “You do?”

“Yeah, she called me yesterday looking for you because you wouldn’t answer your own phone so I went over and settled the mess you caused,” you scoffed playfully, “but I don’t really blame you for anything because you’re an idiot,” you continued, “but you’re my idiot.” you added, your tone weak. “You know I never wanted to hurt you,” you spoke up quickly, not wanting to lose the nerve. “I didn’t mean to hide anything from you, I just-” you choked up, tears already filling your eyes. “The topic never came up, I guess.”

“I overreacted too,” Mingyu said softly. “I just… I can’t stand the idea of anyone coming to take you away from me,” he muttered, clenching his fists to keep his own tears from pouring out. The last thing he needed was to break down in front of you again and not solve anything. “I love you so much, and I planned that night out for ages. It was the finishing blow when not only it was ruined, but ruined by your ex-fiance.” His head hung low, his voice growing even quieter. “I know this last week has been hell for me, and maybe you too, but I think… I think the pain would be worse if we were to break up. I don’t know if you want to solve everything with me or if you’re even willing, but-” This time he was the one be overcome with emotion, and he stopped. He didn’t continue, but you knew what he was saying, because that was exactly how you felt.

I don’t want to lose you. The words were unsaid by the two of you, but they were hanging in the air above you. You both knew that the past couldn’t be changed- you couldn’t just brush off the problem that had been present even before you two began dating. You had never really gotten over Chanyeol, just pushed him out of your heart as you made room for Mingyu. But now, even though you were over your ex-fiance, you knew Mingyu and you couldn’t simply forget. You two couldn’t just drop everything, forget and forgive, because at the end of the day, the problem would still remain unsolved. You squeezed the hem of your shirt, unsure of what to say, unsure of what you wanted Mingyu to say. If you two got back together, would you be able to continue and make progress in your relationship? You had reached a barrier in your relationship, but would it be worth it to continue? Did you want it to be worth it?

“Do you… Do you want to try again with me?” Mingyu forced the words out of his mouth, bringing his eye level up to yours. There was a hopeful light in them, and he sucked in a breath, not wanting to pressure you into making any decision that you weren’t committed to. The last few days had been terrible for him, and to be quite honest, he really wasn’t sure what would be worse - losing you or staying together. But hell, he loved you too much to simply let go, and that was why… he was willing to try again, especially if it was for you. He could simply wish that you felt the same.

You bit your lip. You could tell that the information the two of you gained these few days - both separately and together - had helped you to grow as people. It had taught you a thing or two about relationships and how they worked. You finally looked back into that pair of brown eyes that you adored; they were staring at you intently waiting for you to say something - anything. You opened your mouth, a shaky smile lacing your features while you uttered one word: “Okay.”

Admin Emi