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pedrospatch · 2 years ago

Text

perfect to me

Post Outbreak! Joel Miller x Female Reader

series masterlist

summary: Joel wants you, but the way your pregnancy changed your body has you feeling insecure.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. BOSTON QZ ERA. (TW) reader is insecure of her post pregnancy body. comfort.

word count: 1.4k

June 2021

You’d been standing at the kitchen counter, making yourself a cup of morning coffee when you suddenly felt Joel’s arms snake around you from behind, his chest pressing into your back. You smiled to yourself as he rested his chin on the top of your head for a moment before he tilted his face downwards, burying his nose into your recently washed hair. He inhaled deeply, relishing in the clean scent of the soap you had gotten your hands on earlier that week. Things between the two of you weren’t one hundred percent back to normal after everything that had happened in the past year and a half, but they were certainly a hell of a lot better.

Even through dealing with the struggles of living your lives without your daughter, Gracie, yours and Joel’s relationship was slowly but surely on the mend. Sure, you had your days and so did he, but it was only natural as you both adjusted to the reality of Gracie belonging to Bill and Frank—she was their daughter now, not yours, and not Joel’s.

Or at least, that’s what you tried getting through your mind. It proved to be extremely difficult and it was a work in progress, but both you and Joel knew it was going to take a lot more time before the two of you reached acceptance. Oftentimes, you’d feared you never would, but there wasn’t much of a choice.

Eventually, you would have to come to terms with the fact that you would never hear Gracie call you her mommy, or call Joel her daddy.

“Mornin’,” Joel murmured, moving away from your hair and nuzzling his face into the space between your neck and your shoulder. “You smell real nice.”

“Good morning,” You greeted him back. You leaned into him and dropped your head back onto his shoulder. “That would be because I woke up early and washed my hair.” You felt him give you a gentle, warm squeeze and smiled again. “Do you want a cup of coffee?”

“That a real question that just came out of your mouth?” Joel chuckled and released you from his arms.

You turned around, carefully handing him the mug that you’d made for yourself.

He gave you an appreciative nod and accepted it. “Thanks, darlin’.”

As you turned back towards the counter and started making another coffee for yourself, you told him, “Frank radioed in earlier this morning while you were still sleeping. He said he wants to have a nice dinner next week to celebrate Gracie’s first birthday. He wants all of us to be there that day, including Tess.”

Joel leaned against the counter beside you. “S’really been a whole year already,” he mused out loud. “Fuckin’ insane how time flies, ain’t it?”

“I know.” You picked up the mug of coffee you’d just finished making and took a careful sip. “I’ll have to tell Tess, make sure she doesn’t plan on going on a run that day so she can come along with us.” You suddenly frowned, realizing that you hadn’t seen Tess in a couple of days. “Speaking of, she still hasn’t come back from her last run, has she?”

“Nope. Think she said she’d be gone for about three or four days.” Joel suddenly set his coffee down on the counter and he reached up, brushing a lock of hair behind your shoulder. “Looks like we’ve got the apartment all to ourselves for at least another day.”

Before you could say anything, Joel took your cup out of your hands and set it down beside his. He grabbed you by your hips and turned you, pinning you between himself and the counter. He reached up and cradled the side of your face in the palm of his hand, his thumb brushing across your bottom lip for just a moment before he brought his mouth down to meet yours in the most fervent, mind melting kiss.

You whimpered almost helplessly into his embrace—you couldn’t remember the last time he’d kissed you like this.

Joel tore his lips away from yours, leaving you just about breathless. He moved them down to the delicate flesh of your neck, lightly nipping at it as he let his hands begin to wander. They fell to the hem of your shirt and slowly made their way up and under the material, his rough and calloused fingers meeting your bare skin.

Gasping, you placed your hands on his chest and pushed him back.

“What?” Joel’s eyes widened with concern. “Baby, what is it?”

“Joel, I—” You stopped, a sudden heat flooding your face.

It had been a long, long time since you’d been intimate with Joel—he hadn’t touched you throughout your pregnancy, and sex hadn’t exactly been on either of your minds after you’d given birth. Of course you missed it, you missed his hands and lips all over you, the feeling of him being inside of you. In recent weeks, you’d begun aching and craving for that physical connection again, but you hadn’t dared to make a move. Now that he was the one initiating, you realized how fucking scared you were to be close to him again in that way.

Your body had changed so much during and after the pregnancy. Curves that you’d never known before had taken their permanent place around your midsection, your waist and your hips—you’d also been left with quite a few stretch marks, particularly around your breasts and stomach.

Joel frowned, taking another step back. “If you don’t want to, I get it.”

“No, of course it’s not that I don’t want to,” You said quickly. As he looked at you expectantly and waited for an explanation, you let out a small sigh. “I do want to, Joel. It’s just that, everything is so different now that I’ve had a baby.” You gestured towards your own body with your hand. “I look really different.”

Joel couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“Oh I’m sorry, I must have missed the joke,” You glared at him.

“M’sorry darlin’, I don’t mean to laugh it’s just that, I don’t see what you’re worryin’ about.”

And that was the fucking truth.

Joel didn’t understand what the issue was.

You looked just as beautiful to him as you always had, changes and all.

The strain of dealing with the pregnancy had been difficult and it had caused a lot of tension, friction, between the both of you, so for the duration of it, he had decided it would be for best to keep his distance—and his hands to himself. But at the end of the day, Joel was still a fucking man with eyes.

Even though he had stayed away from you for nearly nine months, more often than he liked to admit, he would find himself aching, throbbing for you; wishing he could fucking have you. Your body had certainly changed, but in the most deliciously stunning way. Now, a year later, he still yearned for you the same way. Only, just like when you’d been pregnant, he’d kept his hands to himself as you dealt with the aftermath of having given up yours and his daughter.

“I look really different,” You repeated sadly, averting your gaze away from his and fixing it on the floor. “That’s what I’m worried about.”

Joel stepped closer towards you, his worn out, brown leather boots coming into your view.

“My body isn’t the same, Joel,” You murmured, wringing your hands together anxiously.

“Baby.” He slipped his index finger underneath your chin and lifted your face, forcing your eyes to meet his. “Look at me when I tell you this, alright? You’re perfect to me. Absolutely fuckin’ perfect.”

“But I’m not—”

Joel silenced you by capturing your mouth with his in another kiss.

After a minute, he pulled back slightly, his lips ghosting over yours as he gingerly held your face between his hands.

“You’re perfect to me,” he repeated himself, firmly. “Understand?”

Your hands reached up and wrapped around his wrists. You anxiously chewed on your bottom lip before finally admitting, “It’s not just about how I look, Joel.”

His eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

You blushed. “I pushed a fucking baby out of me. What if it’s different? What if it doesn’t feel the same?”

“You’re fuckin’ ridiculous,” Joel murmured, letting out a chuckle of disbelief. “Y’know that?”

He didn’t even give you a chance to respond as he reached around you and hoisted you up into his arms, prompting you to wrap your legs around his waist.

“Joel,” You squeaked out his name in surprise.

“C’mon. Let me spend the rest of today showin’ you just how fuckin’ perfect I think you are,” Joel whispered huskily as he carried you off towards the bedroom.

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