#fic: the world's smallest book club

[nanuk-dain]

Heya my lovelies, I'm just popping in to let you know that I'm still mostly alive (hey, I slept more than 3 hours last night! XD). Work's killing me with crazy hours and no weekends (or any free day) in over a month. Yep, gotta do at least 10 hours tomorrow... 😔

But there's a silver lining on the horizon: 11 days to go until my final deadline - and then I'll have a month off. I intend to spoil you with new Unit chapters and more Book Club chapters, and then there are those other GK fics I've started ages ago that I can feel calling me (like that Q-Tip/Christeson one) and that I'm fighting to ignore right now...

Until I get to that damn deadline I'll have to disappear again, though. Don't forget me? 🥺

[dragonnan]

Friday Fic Recs

The Sandman - Dreamling

The Undone and the Divine E by @dancinbutterfly

Warnings: Consensual Violence, Burning, Stabbing, Skin picking, Drowning, The Corinthian is His Own Warning, Cannibalism, Horror, Suicidal ideation, Mutilation, romanticization of violence, Dissociation, BDSM elements

For 24 hours, John Dee influences the entire world with the Dreamstone to make what he thinks is a more honest world.

At the New Inn, Hob finds himself uniquely positioned to save his fellow patrons from the dangers they now pose to themselves and each other.

Why not? After all, what's the worst that could happen?

And how can he do anything else?

Read Me Your Longing M by @linzod

The Stranger hesitates, and does something Hob would not have believed possible. He stammers. “I- I do not remember. I came to and was being pursued.”

Hob notices the older man approaching, but is shocked as his voice rings out, addressing them both, “My dear boy, I am so glad we have found you.” He observes the situation warily; the only reaction from his friend is subtle, the smallest recoil.

“Who exactly are you?” Hob asks the man.

“Why, I’m Paul McGuire, and I can’t thank you enough,” the man looks at Hob’s ID badge, “Dr. Gadling, for finding my nephew.”

Hob’s eyes narrow, as he flatly asks, “Your nephew?”

***

Hob’s life is forever changed when his Stranger literally stumbles back into his life, amnestic and hunted, and he must use the skills gathered over an immortal life to evade their pursuers. They soon realize that bits of memory are coming back to Hob’s Stranger, through the power of literature. They are slower, however, to recognize that the most important story to explore may be their own.

A love letter to books, libraries, and the stories that make us, and allow us to change for the better.

Part of the Centennial Husbands Big Bang! Work Complete, Includes Art!

to keep our metaphysics warm by ineverfeltyoung G

“Where on Earth did you learn to make pizza?” Death asks around a mouthful. Hob hasn’t even finished serving himself yet and she’s already dug in. Dream is certain that etiquette would denote this rude behavior, but Hob doesn’t seem to mind, only giving her a disbelieving look.

“I’m immortal,” he says blandly. “Italy. Where else?”

Death comes to dinner. Dream does the dishes. Hob cries a little bit.

Series: Part 2 of the abstract entities dinner club

Cottagecore series by @the-apocrypha

Warnings: vary by story

The love story of a fae prince and a hedgewitch in the middle ages. <3

The Measure Of A Soul E by @vlakas-ex-machina @blueberrymffn

When Hob Gadling made a drunken deal with a mysterious man in a pub, he didn’t expect anything to come of it. Waking up the following morning with a golden mark on his wrist was a shock, though less than finding out that he couldn’t die. Who had he made a deal with, and what did he want? His Stranger was far from forthcoming, so he’d have to figure it out himself. That his mark was not just a passkey to an underworld of supernatural beings but the sign that he wasn’t meant to spend eternity alone was enough to send him down paths he never knew existed and ask more questions than were answered. Who, or more importantly what was his Stranger, and did the mysterious man know who Hob was destined for?

(An AU where only immortals have soulmarks that mark their species/type as well as their partner, and Hob has something no one has seen before)

who wants to live forever? M by ranchdiip

“An Endless?” Hob asks, softly, because it feels like a question that needs to be soft.

“That’s what we are,” Death responds, trying again for a small smile. “Me and D—”

“Don’t,” Hob interrupts, far stronger than he meant to, and Death looks surprised for as long as it takes him to get out, “Don’t, please. I-I want to hear it from him.”

Sympathy colors Death’s gaze even as Hob feels his face burn. Six hundred years, Hob thinks—he’ll be damned if he finds out his Stranger’s name from anyone but the odd man himself.

—

It's 1989 and Hob Gadling thinks he's been stood up. Death herself is kind enough to inform him otherwise—and, well, now Hob's got to bloody do something about it, doesn't he?

it doesn't matter which you heard (the holy or the broken hallelujah) T by @meadowziplines for Thranduilland

Warnings: Kidnapping, Torture, occultism, Blood and Violence, Blood and Injury, Whump, Broken Bones, dislocations, magical torture, Physical Torture, Delirium, Confusion, Memory Issues, Identity Issues

Roderick Burgess kidnaps Hob Gadling on June 7, 1989, intending to break both him and Dream. Instead, Dream being rather aggressively tortured triggers the knowledge of Hob's identity as Hope of the Endless, wrapped away in a mental box as they had been.

[happynachohologram]

*cracks knuckles* Let's go!

What fandoms do you write in?

As yet all of my published fics are Good Omens, but I'm also currently working on something for The House in the Cerulean Sea.

How many words have you published in 2024?

10,173, including poetry and parts of collabs, which is more than I was expecting!

What is your greatest achievement this year?

Honestly, just finding the nerve to write something and let other people read it.

What are your top three fics you've written this year?

Darling, I Wouldn't Sell The World (The Way That Things Are Turning) - My baby, the first thing I wrote.

Rating: E

Wordcount: 3,815

In their retirement, Aziraphale and Crowley have plenty of time for enjoying the indulgent things in life. Tooth-rottingly fluffy South Downs smut, with gorgeous art from @rainyr

The Best Part - The one that snuck up on me and demanded to be written immediately.

Rating: E

Wordcount: 1,702

A throwaway comment from Aziraphale sets Crowley wondering about the best parts of retirement. Fluffy vignettes with a little spice and the smallest sprinkle of angst. To date, my favourite work.

In which we give thanks for bastard angels and their silver tongues. - A silly drabble, which doesn't really count but I was inordinately pleased with this tiny piece of filth.

Rating: E

Wordcount: 100

Crowley should really have learned when to keep his mouth shut by now.

What was your biggest pit of despair moment?

Probably editing Darling, I Wouldn't Sell The World. My brain checked out the minute I'd finished the draft, and making myself re-engage after beta was such a slog. However, it ended up so much better, so it was all worth it in the end!

What have you learned?

That sitting down and expecting a fully formed fic to just drop out of my brain and onto the screen is sadly not remotely realistic. But also that that is ok, and most other people don't have that magic ability either.

What fic did you want to do, but never made it off the ground?

I vaguely planned and started writing a tropey human au with Aziraphale and Crowley as office best mates. There was going to be a whole forest of pining. Aziraphale was dating awful Gabriel. Crowley was going to end up agreeing to go for a weekend away at a cottage with Aziraphale because awful Gabriel dumped him right before they were supposed to be going for this romantic break and he was too late to cancel it.

I'd like to pick it up again at some point.

Did you beta any fics? Any you want to shout out?

I did!

The Ecstasy of Eden by @cheeseplants

Rating: E

Wordcount: 28,303

Through the ages! Sex pollen! Pining while fucking! Angst with a steel chair out of nowhere! I love this fic, and I had a lot of fun shouting with and at Cheese throughout.

Ultra Rosa by @ukcalico

Rating: E

Wordcount: 20,226

The first fic I ever betaed and it was An Experience! We're in Rome, and Crowley enlists some assistance from his past self to help Aziraphale let go.

And All The Bitterness Of Loving by @thenerdalert

Rating: E

Wordcount: 141,315

Part of an ongoing series, Leo is writing an epic human au with secret marriage, political intrigue, gangs, and feelings galore!

What three fics have you read this year that you love?

Similarly Occupied by @zin-lynn-c

Rating: E

Wordcount: 8,888

Sorry Zin, one day I'll stop bothering you about this fic. But not today.

Crowley wakes from his nineteenth-century nap to find Aziraphale in a less-than-discreet Gentleman's Club - it's exquisite, bittersweet pining while fucking and I adore it.

Social organization and adaptability in Xenoerpeton anthropoides: transference of social bonding habits and mate selection by @liquidlyrium

Rating: E

Wordcount: 106,757

Can't miss an opportunity to push the tancheen agenda! Scientist Aziraphale trips, falls, and finds himself getting much more closely acquainted with the subject of his research than he ever expected.

Talk of the Neighbourhood by Sodium_Azide

Rating: E

Wordcount: 3,378

Book Omens, with the loveliest, most accurate characterisation. Crowley overhears some interesting gossip about his and Aziraphale's relationship, and deals with it in a Totally Chill Manner. Luckily Aziraphale knows just what he needs.

What ideas are percolating for next year?

I'm hoping I can actually finish any of the increasing stack of wips...anything else is a bonus!

Who do you want to thank?

Time to be embarrassingly soppy in public...

@cheeseplants thank you for gently encouraging me (dragging me kicking and screaming) through writing my first fic, and then continuing to put up with a frankly insane amount of complaining for the last *checks notes* seven ish months. Thank you for making me cry (and also laugh) a lot, for always finding the best art, and for giving me a whole new fandom of brainrot!

@ukcalico you continue to attempt to discorporate me with smut, but still I persist. Thank you for being so convincing in telling me I should just try writing something that I did in fact go and write the bones of a story hungover on a train the following day. I look forward to the next time I can find an excuse to come and drink cocktails in a cute (and hopefully not too hot) bar, and try to discuss smut in public without using any incriminating words.

@goodomensafterdark as a whole, thank you for being the weirdest, safest, most supportive corner of the internet. A thousand kudos to everyone ❤️

Ok I'm done (thank the lord, I hear people cry)! Anyone else who fancies a go, have at it!

2024 fic roundup

Can I just create an ask game? I wanted to create a snapshot for 2024 for me, and would love to hear from others, so I’m going to interview myself like a loon.

Please join in if you want 🙂 I know we’re in Dec, so feel free to answer at the end of the month if you wish!

What fandoms do you write in?

Good Omens! Aziraphale/Crowley!

And I wrote one for the tiny fandom of The House in the Cerulean Sea. Linus/Arthur 4ever.

How many words have you published in 2024?

This is a tricky one. My official total is 270,737 words but three of those were collabs. So if I count the fics that only I wrote it’s 117,911. Which is still a bit mind-blowing to me, as I only started doing this Nov 2023.

What is your greatest achievement this year?

It has to probably be my first ever longfic over 50k. I set myself a goal to write something long and follow the beats of a classic romcom. And I did it! It was really me muddling through it trying to work out what the Hell I was doing. But it exists and some people even said they liked it, so I count that as a win. 

It’s called The Apple Doesn't Fall Far and it’s about Crowley inheriting a cottage from his aunt and butting heads with Aziraphale the councillor who is in charge of knocking it down. And spoiler alert? They fall in love

What are your top three fics you’ve written this year?

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far - as above! 

Rating: E 

Wordcount: 

It’s sugary sweet with enough light angst to create some nice drama. But it’s mainly cosy, low stakes, comfortable, contemporary British romance vibes. 

The Ecstasy of Eden

Rating: E

5 times they used sex pollen, and the one time they didn't Through the Ages fic. Written for the High Sex Pollen Event. It is a fun romp through the ages with some surprising angst chapters that I absolutely love. They are silly piney fools. ALSO I got art made for it!

If we were

Rating: E

In 1941 Aziraphale and Crowley imagine their life as humans.

This fic fell out of me almost fully formed. I was half asleep and began daydreaming fic (as you do) and by the time I got to my laptop, my fingers wrote it in basically a couple of hours. It is everything I love. Bittersweet, yearning, them being completely in love but unable to do anything about it, slow dancing, almost kisses and some spice!

What was your biggest pit of despair moment?

The Ecstacy of Eden was a slog at times. I had written chap one and three, but it took so long for me to get chap two into shape. I couldn’t work out what the Hell I was doing. Got beta feedback where they could tell I was clearly feeling really stuck after I wrote it because it was all a bit lacklustre. 

Almost totally gave up. I had a few: I’m never writing again, what’s the point? moments.

Somehow I pushed through and made it work. 

In a lot of ways, that was probably the moment I saw my writing improve the most. BUT IT WAS A HORRIBLE SLOG. Ugh. I wanted to say this because I know we all have them and it’s good to talk about it!

What have you learned?

Honestly, how to use commas better! I can already tell my grammar has improved a lot from when I first started. I don’t rely on epithets as much. I know what semi-colons are for (thanks @fishey-me!)

I am getting better at letting fics breathe. I feel like my background in marketing and comms makes me want to write very precisely and I am slowly learning to cast that off and take time setting scenes. I also found a few tools to help me outline better. 

Romancing the Beat by Gwen Hayes

Take Off Your Pants!: Outline Your Books for Faster, Better Writing by Libbie Hawker

They’ve been invaluable in teaching me what the Hell I’m doing. My main takeaways - work out your character's flaws and work out the theme of the story. 

I also learned what sex pollen is and then wrote a 30k fic about it.

What fic did you want to do but never made it off the ground?

Ugh, I have one in my drive called Crowley and Aziraphale go on holiday. I imagined it as a canon-compliant fic post S2 where they go on a sort of make-or-break holiday. I just liked the idea of Crowley being all grouchy in the sun and Aziraphale awkwardly trying to flirt over Sangria. ALSO only one bed! But it sort of sits in my drafts and I’ve not done much with it. 

Did you beta any fics? Any favs you want to shout out?

YES. Many fics!

But I think I’ll have to give my biggest shout-out to @kneelbeforeyourdogbabylon for Sins of Knowledge! I’ve help beta more than 100k of that (wow) and it’s a wild ride. Go check it out. 

What three fics have you read this year that you love?

Listen I have tons and tons I’d love to recommend, but I am going to whittle it down!

First up it has to be @happynachohologram who surprised me on my birthday with not only their first ever fic, but basically one of the best South Downs retirement fics ever. I still think about it. It’s under 2k and it’s absolutely beautiful. 

The Best Part by @happynachohologram

Rating: E

Wordcount: 1,702

A throwaway comment from Aziraphale sets Crowley wondering about the best parts of retirement.

-

UGH, next up @gaiaseyes451 This fic changed me. I don’t know if I’ve ever been more hooked while being emotionally devastated as this fic. Mind the tags but it’s wonderful.

A Little Life by @gaiaseyes451

Rating: E

Wordcount: 71,624

When Professor of Botany Anthony Crowley met bookshop owner Ezra Fell one November afternoon both knew their lives had irrevocably changed. From that moment forward, Anthony and Ezra’s existence was intertwined. Their story was written in the moments and memories they created as they moved through life’s chapters of coming together, building a family and facing the challenges of being human. This is a story of unconditional love and the joy and humour, obstacles and grief that inevitably come with choosing the same person, day after day, over and over and over again.

-

Gorgeous pine-scented Crowley and one of the best premises I’ve read in a while. I know most people must have read this but if you haven’t you’re in for such a treat!

Stuck on Me by @zin-lynn-c

Rating: E

Wordcount: 56,538

After a drunken handfasting ceremony goes awry, Crowley and Aziraphale find themselves magically bound to be touching at all times. In order to set the situation to rights, they must embark on a multi-day journey to seek help from the last true witch in England.

What ideas are percolating for next year?

I think my next longfic is probably going to be a road trip with college-aged Az and Crowley. The characters keep yelling at me in my head, so I think they want to be written. So far Crowley is an activist punk who needs a lift back to London after graduation and Aziraphale is a posh boy who represents everything Crowley stands against.

Animosity to lovers my beloved!

It’s probably set in the 90s so no one has a mobile phone and Crowley can be obnoxious with a box of cassettes playing Az a bunch of bebop he pretends to hate. I have a scene of Crowley taking Aziraphale to his first gay bar in my head that I can’t get rid of, so I probably need to write it. 

Who do you want to thank?

OMG all of @goodomensafterdark for giving us a platform and being a lovely bunch of pocket pals! I want to give A BIG shoutout to @happynachohologram for letting me yell all my insecurities at you and for always screeching when I send them pictures of Crowley and Aziraphale holding hands in the South Downs. 

And to @kneelbeforeyourdogbabylon for agreeing to beta my 50k longfic! Pretty sure it would never have been published if it wasn’t for you two. 

And @doonarose for organising the madness of the original CYOA!

Anyone in my tags feel free to join in. I'll tag a few more below. Tag, answer any Qs that suit and play along!

@adverbian @isiaiowin @onedappercat @angie-words @brenna

[aberfaeth]

Writer asks! 4, 6, 17 🧡💛🧡💛

SORRY I WAS LITERALLY HALF FINISHED WITH THIS WHEN I FORGOT ABOUT IT ANYWAYS HI HELLO

4. Do you prefer writing multi-chapter or oneshot fanfictions?

oh oneshots 1000%. well i mean like. i Enjoy multichaps conceptually but i have literally never finished one. sesdinikhil love languages doesnt count bc sav @grasslandgirl and i wrote that all in one sitting and then divided it into chapters later kdfgkgdfgk but yeah like i have so many ideas for longer wips i just have never gotten into a space where i could write them

6. Have you written any fanfictions featuring OCs? If so, elaborate!

SO FUNNY QUESTION bc again sav and i are like >20k deep in a fic thats essentially. What If Jamie Tartt Had A Younger Half Sister. That Could Fix Him Probably. also word on the wind (wizard101 fic. Deep Sigh) probably counts as an oc bc even though mae is like. The Protag The Young Wizard The Spellbinder Etc her name and personality and arc are inventions of my brain

17. Are there any writers and/or stories that you consider an influence?

Oh Boy Are There.

PUBLISHED WORK: the long way to a small angry planet by becky chambers is a masterclass of worldbuilding and i want everyone on earth to read it. similarly i think dimension 20's the unsleeping city is the best urban fantasy world ever created and i think about it every time i write urban fantasy! alberto rios is my favorite poet and inspires me Daily like the smallest muscle in the human body is such a wonderful book specifically some extensions on the sovereignty of science which makes me cry so much god i wish i had his skill with language. and the adventure zone remains my favorite story of all time! douglas adams, terry pratchett, honorary rick riordan mention for making me want to write in the first place.

FICS: in terms of like general lifetime inspiration god i would give my kidney to write like these people: tell me about the big bang by nina varela, domesticverse by @gyzym which is utterly lifechanging and permanently affected how i think about love and romance, patron saint of lost causes by @themetaphorgirl because the way it weaves together so many complex beautiful stories is beyond inspiring, if you could let me inside your heart by @featherquillpen because it remains the most compelling group character study ive ever read in my whole life, i hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain by @precalamity bc if i ever write a reclist without this shoot me im a pod person.

and a separate section for stranger things writers bc thats where im at rn: all of the people who influence how i write character dynamics and arc: lesbianrobin (@lesbianrobin), birthdaycandles (@steveharrington), oaseas (metaldead on twitter), thegoodthebadandthenerdy (@cauldronoflove), sickoflosiingsoulmates (@strangetorpedos)

also everyone in the hanover high AV club. Everyone. i mentioned girl help! by @jlinns in a previous ask but seriously everything these guys have ever written i am taking and putting in my shirt pocket for later: phonecallfromgod (@phonecallfromgod), formosus_iniquis (@formosusiniquis), jj thegoodthebadandthenerdy again, mikeshanlon (@akenoz), unbelieve (@fearlessjournalism) if i have forgotten anyone im so sorry i love you all so much

and of course sav grasslandgirl (@grasslandgirl) who inspires & influences me literally every single day! would not write Anything without her <333

[blissfulparker]

Sugar and Spice Pt.1→Dad!Mob!Tom

Parings: single!dad!tom x baker!reader

Warnings: none yet! Mafia!Au so future mention of guns, death, drinking, sex, smoking

Summary: Tom is one of the youngest Mobsters known to London, youngest and most successful he seems perfect to people, feared by people. But his deepest secret is that he’s been raising a son all by himself. No one to be with since the birth of his son until he walks into the small bakery last minute for his sons birthday and meets you.

A/n; so obviously this is more of a part one to a series(I know I always start series and then get really distracted with life) but I wanted a fresh idea and a fresh fic to start off the new year. I love mob!tom and I love dad!tom and I was hoping I could mix the two💗💗(also I have no idea how to do read more on mobile I’m so sorry😭)

Secrets. Everyone had secrets. Tom Holland, one of London’s richest, youngest, most successful mobsters, Had a son.

He had a beautiful boy named Riley, he raised him with only the help of his best friend and brothers. He was the smartest little boy he knew, charming and innocent. A little boy who didn’t know any of the dangers of the world just yet.

That was his secret. At age 20 he was rushed into life with the beautiful boy and one of the most stressful and dangerous jobs to manage. He did everything he could for the boy, it was always his boy before his work. Stressful days where he could put a bullet into anyone who walked in on him turned better when his son came home from school with stories.

It had been six years since his little secret was born and it was his best and hardest secret to keep.

And now he had forgotten his sons birthday cake. He was turning six years old today and Tom promised the best Spider-Man cake with iron man, hulk, all of the avengers in the flavor chocolate. Now he had to find a baker that could do all of that in the time span of six hours.

After endless calls, endless hunting, he found a small bakery in the smallest corner of London that was willing to make his son's wild fantasy come true on his special day.

Suit and all, rushed from work, Tom had walked into the small bakery. Ready to pick up the birthday cake and make his sons birthday the best one.

He was greeted with the smell of sugary frosting and warm baked goods. A career so diffrent from his as he was a man with blood on his hands and the people working here were the ones with the flour.

“Can I help you?” Your voice is soft and takes him by surprise. Not the voice of the older women he spoke with on the phone.

You’re covered in flour, chocolate frosting wiped on your apron and you rinse your hands in the sink. But you have a soft face, one that calms him just by looking at. As if you never saw a day of anger, of pain, of anything. You were simply a poem he wanted to read.

It takes him a minute to come back. He hadn’t gotten with anyone seriously since the birth of his son. Overwhelmed with his work and his son, he also had feared the idea of no women being good enough for his son.

Although his son longed for a mother, he could tell. He could tell the stories at bedtime weren’t as good as if it were a mother’s, every Mother’s Day was missed and he knows deep down that every nightmare would be better if he was cuddled up in a mother’s arms. Tom could give him everything except a mother.

“I’m here to pick up a cake.” He clears his throat. You notice the watch, the expensive suit and his scent, a deep wood, an expensive scent. He had money yet of all the bakeries he chose it was the nearly dying one. “It’s Uh, it’s my sons birthday and I’m here to pick up the cake. My name is Tom. I spoke on the phone earlier...with someone…” he stuttered nervously as if you might not have it ready. Laughing softly you find his order on the computer. Even your laugh was angelic.

“Sophie? The older women?” You ask and he nods.

“Yes, yes!” He didn’t know why he was nervous, awkward even. He shoved his hands in his pocket to keep calm.

“Avengers cake…” you look up at the man and he has a red tint to his cheek.

“My son, he’s turning six.” He didn’t spark you to have a dad look, you had seen fathers come in and out of this bakery. Most of the men in their 40s and stressed over possibly a my little pony cake or cookies for a last minute club meeting to make their kid smile. Most fathers had the same look though, tired and worn out in possibly old sneakers and a wrinkled shirt. This man had a different look.

“Ahh,” you search for a ring but don’t see one. A single, young dad who looks to have everything together. A book. He looked like a character from a book. “I’ll be right back with that.” You smiled before turning to the back. Leaving the man alone, in the lobby of the bakery.

“Quite the last minute cake.” You came out with the large cake done beautifully. Done with red and blue frosting and on top was all the small figurines that you had to search for. But nonetheless, it was gorgeous.

“Your wife must be lucky to have a man willing to run out and surprise their kid so last minute.” You sparked the conversation in hopes that you would see if the man is single or not.

“Oh, no, just myself.” He pulls out his card ready to swipe and you press down on your lips. Maybe he didn’t want a girlfriend, he was young but he looked to have his hands full with a six year old and a clearly good job.

“Well, then he’s lucky to have such a great father.” You tell. He tries to hide his red tinted cheeks again but you notice.

“Your boyfriend must be lucky to have someone who must always smell like cakes.” He flirted back.

For the first time in years, Tom had flirted back with a girl without the intentions of sex. He flirted back without needing a drink in his hands and to be at a bar. He flirted back not hiding that he had a son at home that could potentially turn away a girl looking for fun.He flirted back as just himself. And so far you had seemed to like that.

“No boy.” You laugh softly.

Your eyes flicker and stare into his. They are light brown, light brown laced with a sort of mystery. A light brown laced with charm, lust and a secret.

“Well then,” was all he could think of. His game was off, he’s realized that. The dangerous mobster got nervous around you.

“Well then.” You repeated.

It’s a mistake. He will be making a mistake if he falls for you. The mistake of ruining your life as he doesn’t know how far he could go protecting the ones he loves. Riley’s life was in danger every day and he hated that, he hated the women he once loved for leaving him all alone but was also given the best gift of a son.

Although the nappies and endless nights of screaming were hard, he would do anything to protect his son. And if he were to find the future mother of his son, he would do anything to protect her but her life would be just as risk as his.

Maybe it would be you making the mistake. He would be selfish to go after you.

“I hope your Riley has a happy birthday.” You say and he’s taken aback. He doesn’t know how you know it until he looks down and written in black frosting in cursive is ‘Happy birthday Riley’.

“Well, with the best decorated cake i think I have ever seen in my life, I’m sure he will not forget this birthday. I might not either.” He smiles at you one last time and you look down trying to hide the burning smile that wanted to spread across your face.

Once he leaves the building you turn and rub your hands over your face, finally letting yourself grow a smile that has been hiding the entire time.

For the first time in awhile, a man has made you smile.

-

“Happy birthday to you.”

Smoke from the candles filled the room. Six years, Tom had offically spent six years of his life raising his son. Being a single father as well as the youngest Mobster, Tom had his struggles.

“A girl at the bakery?” Harrison, Toms best friend, smirked as the two of them washed up dishes while the kids played in the backyard after eating their cake.

“It’s nothing Haz. I’m busy, remember?” He scrubbed too hard at the plate as he placed in into the dishwasher.

For a man who had maids most days, he wanted it to just be family and friends in the house on his sons birthday.

“Yeah. But Riley isn’t.” He commented looking over to the boy who laughed with his friends from school he had invited to celebrate the special day.

With a silent sigh and a stubborn mindset, Harrison was right. Tom was busy but Riley was a child who needed a mother.

“See? I’m right. Once again. Why don’t you go back and get your number so you can get your dick-“ his best friend started but Tom didn’t want to hear the rest of it. Rolling his eyes and turning off the water, he walks over the ruined cake and places it on the counter.

No words leave Toms mouth and Harrison lets out a sigh. Coming over to his best friend, his best friend who seemed to have the world on his shoulders only at the age of 25.

“Tom, this isn’t just about Riley. This is about you as well. This is about you finding someone and finally having some peace because your life right now is simply just working and at the end of the day being a father. Sooner or later, Riley will realize his dad is always locked up in his office and maybe a women can change some things.” Harrison placed his hand on his shoulder before walking off.

“Daddy!” He hears the excitement of his sons voice come into the room.

“Hey Bubs!” He lifts up the boy. He plants a kiss on his cheek and he holds his new Spider-Man toy in hand.

“Can Jasper sleep over? He says he has a Spider-Man too and that we can play together. Can he please?” He pleads. For Riley, Harrison’s words echo in his head about the women.

Tom sighs, if he had a mother who wasn’t apart of a mafia like him. He would simply not have to deny his boy sleepovers and simple things.

“Sure.” He sighs thinking of how he will have to move his 8am meeting to the afternoon.

His best friend was right. He needed someone and maybe that someone would be you. Maybe he should for once take the leap and go for you.

Please leave feedback it helps me out and let’s me know if you want another part!

Permanent Taglist: @hoodiesparker @dahliaspidey @parkersvibes @itssss-a-bean @ppkrtingle @myfinalwords @bocauhl @tinyplanet-explorers @sincerlyfan @softbaby-tom @awesomeblackcottontail @rosebeegraham @stormyholland @unicorn-princess-1999 @spideyyypeter @marshyrebelcloud @oh-epiphany @yeahimcrying @highlydisfunctional1 @disgustangg @pterstingle @quacksonhq @starlightparker @reblogsfics @tomsrebeleyebrow @dreamyyholland d @imaginashawnns @alilpunkrock k @peterspideysenses @lovely-valllll l @lowkey-holland d @hannaholland1811 @kthemarsian @maryjane23 @jillianaholland @dummbiesshort @paracutepants @heartofholland @quacksonhehe @tomhollandssecurityguard @th0ttie4tommy @ladykxxx08 @bellelittleoff @peterspideysstuff

[mercurial-madhouse]

hi! I see on your Tumblr you mentioned that you have a couple fics in the outline stage... I'm currently writing for the soulmatesabroad fest, but I never made an outline, I just started writing. I almost never make outlines for anything I do bc they feel too organized for my brain and it stresses me out. is that bad? Will that make it more likely to be too DISorganized for other people?? I have ~2k rn and it hasn't been an issue yet, but will it become one later? tysm! I LOVE your writing 😊😍

Beautiful Anony, congrats on writing for the fest! How exciting! (And thanks for the compliment!)

Please never think that the way you write is bad. There are books and blogs galore in the author world discussing writing method and I believe neither is inherently better than another. Here are some thoughts that’ll hopefully help!

>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<

TO PLOT OR TO PANTS, THAT IS THE QUESTION.

(Great industry terms, right?)

On one end, pure plotting is outlining every single detail, breaking down not just the plot but each scene and then each moment within the scene, every character arc and how the theme will play out in each moment, how long the fic will be to ensure you hit certain points at certain word counts, etc etc. and then writing only once you’ve got everything lined up.

A pure panster, which is where I believe you feel most comfortable, just goes for it! Put that pen on paper or clickety-clack that keyboard and start writing! See where it goes!

Both have pros and cons, but here’s the big secret:

The best method is the one that works for you and gets you writing. 

Here’s the second big secret:

Every writer is almost always a blend of both.

And that mix is a super special concoction that changes with each author and can change with each fic. I’ve never met a writer that flies by the seat of their pants who didn’t start with an idea and therefore have some sense of where the fic was going or what it would be about. That’s a certain level of plotting.

On the flip side, even the most meticulous plotter still pantses when they write. Characters run away from us or the outline has to be reworked, for example. Perhaps you may know what type of scene you want in a certain spot, but have no idea what exactly is going to happen so you just go for it. There’s your pantsing!

>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<

WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL BRAND OF PLOTTING/PANTSING MAGIC?

Next secret: There’s no right answer, you’ll have to figure it out!

One of the craziest and most mythical experiences in the writing journey is discovering what method (or bits of a method) work(s) best for you depending on what you’re writing.

Here are some of examples from my own body of fanfic works:

My first fic is 186k and I mostly pants’ed it. I started with a single idea: “What would happen if character A got stuck in character B’s head so no one could shut character A up?” Where does it start? A night clubbing! And then I just wrote.

I intended for it to be a crack!fic. It turned into a monster of a wild angst fest with insane levels of snark. The beauty of pantsing.

My most recent fic is 162k and I spent a lot of time plotting it. Why? The fic is very complex, written in two points of view with five important character arcs on top of a very intricate plot with many twists and reveals. With so many moving parts, I needed to have a clear idea of where the pieces fall and wanted to ensure I had a balance when it came to which POV we read.

Occasionally this method put me in analysis paralysis. I was so aware of the rest of the fic that it felt overwhelming at times. And in places where I didn’t have a scene plotted out, suddenly pantsing it felt terrifying. But it also kept me on track. The beauty of plotting.

The fics I currently have in the works are a mix of plotting and pantsing as well. One is a time traveler AU, so I leaned into plotting because of it’s moving parts and the cyclical nature of the plot itself. Meanwhile one I’m posting today started as a drabble where I just wrote.

>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<

CHANGE IT UP AS YOU GO ALONG.

If a method is stopping you from writing, toss it. Try something else. The most important thing is that whatever you’re doing helps you get those beautiful words on paper.

Writers are alchemists. We weave gold from words. Think of it like casting a spell. You have the words (pantsing) and the wand movement (plotting). They’re two separate pieces, but you need both to create the magic. Depending on how you tweak the movement or the words, you may burn your eyebrows off or get a paper butterfly’s wings a’fluttering. Find the pieces that work best for you for the particular spell-fic you’re creating.

Maybe you need the smallest of outlines before you write, a ‘here’s where they start and here’s where I want them to end up’. Maybe you want to completely explore a theme, a feeling, a relationship, so you start with a simple question and see what happens. Maybe you’re stuck so you decide to really plot out one specific scene. Maybe the outline you wrote feels too limiting all of a sudden. Chuck it out!

Pick and choose, love! If it works for you and leaves you with a finished fic you’re proud of, then it’s a success!

>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<

TO BE A PLOTTING-PANTSER OR A PANTSING-PLOTTER? THE ANSWER IS YES.

My current goal is to polish my skill in writing shorter stories. I’m leaning into an outline for my upcoming fic because I want it to stay short, but my personal outline for this one isn’t as rigid or comprehensive as you may think. I’m experimenting to see if it’ll help me hone in on what details can be removed without detracting from the story. I’m still on the journey too. It’s all an experiment and that’s the beauty of it!

As for your final concern about what readers may think: fear not! I gave us a peek inside my writing process for a few of my fics because I guarantee most readers won’t be able to tell whether you plotted or pantsed. (My beta definitely can, but she also knows my writing style inside and out). Were you able to tell reading my fics whether I plotted or pantsed?

If you’re writing, then whatever you’re doing is working.

So keep putting those words out there, love. You got this! Not having an outline may never become an issue. But if it does, make one! Use the tool that helps when you need it. And feel free to reach out to me any time! My ask and DMs are always open. Writing is as solitary or as social as we want it to be.

[professortennant]

Hello! If you like either of these from the kissing prompts post, I’m partial to #8 (shoulder kiss) because Hannah’s got amazing arms and shoulders and #13 (goodbye kiss) because I’m a sucker for a little angst

this was gonna be a 5 times fic and i was gonna get both of these in here but then i finished 3 and like......couldn’t bring myself to write the angsty goodbye part so INSTEAD have like 2500 words of fluff and light angst

i.

The first time she takes him to the airport, his first season as AFC Richmond’s head coach is over and she has granted him a blissful two months of reprieve from paperwork and contract negotiations. 

(“Are you sure?” he’d asked, looking at her—really looking at her—to make sure she wasn’t putting on a front for him. “Because I can help. I mean, I’m not so hot with laptop thing or the math thing, but I’m pretty good with the people thing.”

“I know,” she’d said, patting his arm gently. “But I can handle it. Go be with your boy.”

He’d let out a little yip, pressed a kiss to her cheek and practically leapt and run out of her office, calling out over his shoulder, “You’re the best boss!”)

It’s a thirty minute drive from her home to his and another hour to Heathrow and Ted spends every last one of those minutes bouncing his leg and checking and re-checking his phone, pulling up the electronic boarding pass as if making sure today was the right day and time and—

“Ted, the plane isn’t going anywhere without you on it.”

“Right, right.” He slipped his phone back into his pocket, twisting in the passenger seat beside her. It felt too impersonal to send her drive to pick him up or to allow him to hire his own driver, not after the hell she’d put him through this season. It was the smallest of steps in her journey to earn back his trust (no matter how many times he’d told her she already had it). 

“Can I tell you something?”

“I sense you will no matter what I say.”

He’d just grinned at that, hands wringing nervously in his lap. “What if too much has changed? What if I get there and Henry and Michelle have formed their own little club that I’m just not part of anymore?”

“Oh, Ted,” she’d sighed, taking her eyes off the road for just a moment to look over at him in sympathy. “That’s—that’s just not going to happen.” 

“But what if I get there and I don’t fit?”

“Ted, I don’t think there’s anywhere on this planet that you don’t fit.” He’d blushed a little at that in an aw shucks way that she found entirely too endearing. She tried to remember her promise to herself: to be more open, to be more available. Right. She adjusted her hands on the steering wheel and flicked her gaze over to him once more, just to make sure he was still listening. “My father was a very successful businessman. He traveled all over the world and was always away from home. I missed him terribly, even if I knew he wasn’t leaving because he wanted to.”

“Not really helping, boss.”

“But,” she continued, glaring at him. “Whenever he came home, it was the best day of the year. He used to gather me up into his arms and swing me around in our front garden and tell me all the stories of the places he’d been to and it wiped away every moment of missing him once he was back. I never felt like he didn’t belong back home. Not once.”

The feeling of Ted’s hand settling atop of hers on the gear shift startled her and she looked down, took in the sight of his tan, calloused hand covering hers. She made the tight turn into the drop-off lane in the Heathrow Departures section of the car park. 

“Thanks, Rebecca. Really. I mean it.”

“Yes, well, family is hard.” And this was the part that would cost her, would hurt like hell. She threw on her hazards and put the car into park. “Ted, while you’re home, I-I want you to think about your position here at Richmond.”

He frowned at her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I pulled you away from your family to bring you here and I know things have changed for you, but if you need to leave, if you want to check if Wichita State will take you back while you’re home, I would understand.”

“Rebecca,” Ted said, a small smile on his face. He gripped her hand in his, tugged it into his lap and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles in a soothing manner. “I told you already: You and me have got unfinished business here.”

“But, your fam—”

“I’m coming back.”

When he said it like that, firm and sure and like a promise, she couldn’t help but believe him, the reassurance settling something anxious in her chest, a fear that she didn’t know she was harboring.

He leaned across the console and for the second time in two weeks, pressed a soft, barely-there kiss to the curve of her cheek, his mustache tickling her, before disappearing just as quickly, sliding out the car and ducking back in for a moment to tell her goodbye. “Thanks again for the ride.” He winked at her and then, “See you in two months.”

(About ten hours later, in the middle of the night, she received a text message from Ted: a picture of Ted and Henry in the front yard, Ted’s arms wrapped tightly around the little boy, their heads thrown back and laughing. The picture was blurred enough for her to tell that they were in motion. Ted’s accompanying message read: Thanks for the advice, boss.

She pressed the little heart reaction on each of the messages, just as Sam had shown her last week .)

ii.

 Between the start of the Championship League and Christmas, things had changed around the AFC Richmond clubhouse. Roy now wore a coach’s jacket and lanyard, scowling his way up and down the football pitch. Keeley sported a shiny ring on her left hand and a new title as Richmond’s Media and PR Director. Beard and Nate spent every waking moment attending matches across the country, absorbing the strengths and weaknesses of their opponents and working on ways to incorporate new strategies into their own game.

And over weekends spent exploring the winding cobblestone paths of London’s markets, ducking into older-than-Shakespeare bookshops together and weekends spent cooking barbecue and walking through parks, Ted and Rebecca had found somewhere along the way that they meant more to each other than just boss and gaffer, than just friends.

(He’d always assumed when it happened—if it happened—it would be in a rush of emotion after a big game or in quiet, shared comfort after a loss. But it had nothing to do with AFC Richmond, they came together on their own over a shared love of yellowed paperbacks and the bit of latte foam in his mustache and her gentle, exasperation with him, thumb swiping over his top lip and—and then her mouth on his, his hands on her hip and cradling her face, a murmured, “Finally,” against her lips.)

But tonight is Ted’s last night in London for a week, closing the gap between Boxing Day and the first week of the near year in Kansas City with Henry. They’d fallen into a devastatingly easy intimacy, one she knew she would never recover from. His flat was all but vacant now, most of his clothes and books mixed up with hers—his stack of adventure books and motivational, leadership workbooks on his side of the bed and her stack of mystery novels and Sudoku puzzles on hers, his open jar of peanut butter on her kitchen counter and her sheets smelling of his body wash.

Tonight, they sit up in bed, the soft, yellow light of their bedside lamps allowing them both to read in bed together, glasses perched on the ends of their noses. Beneath the bedsheets, Ted’s toes wiggle excitedly. 

“I don’t know how I’m gonna sleep,” he tells her, dogearing his page and putting the book away, rolling onto his side to face Rebecca. “Feels like Christmas all over again. Two Christmases, Rebecca.” 

She looks at him over the rim of her glasses, smiling ruefully at him. “You better sleep tonight or the jet lag will kill you.”

“So wise,” he teases, leaning over to press a soft kiss to her exposed shoulders. She sighed, and kissed the top of his head before returning back to her book. But Ted didn’t roll back to his side of the bed, instead tracing his fingertips along the hem of her pajama top, lips pressing once more to her shoulders, open-mouthed and enticing.

“Ted,” she warns, voice low and breathy. “What do you think you’re doing?”

His hand slides against her belly, creeping up to cup her breasts and thumb at her nipple while his mouth works over the curve of her shoulder and to her neck, nuzzling against her and encouraging her to tilt her head back to allow him better access. 

“I just thought of a very, very good way to tire myself out and get a good night’s sleep.”

“Oh did you?” She scratched her nails down his back and into his hair, holding his mouth to the place on her neck that made her legs feel like jelly.

He hummed against her skin, reaching blindly for her book to toss it off the bed and settle atop her, mouth working on the underside of her jaw and then to her mouth, kissing her hungrily.

“A week apart, Rebecca,” he gasps against her mouth, pressing his hips against hers and grinding down. “That seems an awful long time.”

She loops her arms around his neck and one leg hitches around his hips, bringing their bodies closer. “A week and then you’re coming back, right?”

She hates that she still has to ask, hates that she needs the reassurance, hates that she is terrified he will leave her behind irreparably broken.

His face softens and he traces a fingertip over her brow and nose and kisses her softly. “Coupon for life, remember, young lady? I ain’t goin’ anywhere without you.”

She presses her forehead to his and breathes him in, tightens her hold on him for a moment and memorizes the feel of him against her. And then he moves against her and it’s a rush of frenzied touches, gasps and moans, slick skin and hurried, whispered assurances. 

When she drops him off at the airport, this time with a soft kiss, and watches him disappear into the sliding double doors of Heathrow, she remembers his words: I’m coming back.

iii.

Their first fight involves raised voices and snappy words and a level of miscommunication that would make Keeley feel ashamed. It starts with a bad day for both of them—frustrating lawyers dragging their feet on salary re-negotiations and a string of vapid, mind numbing conference calls for Rebecca and a team of unmotivated, surly footballers for Ted, in-fighting and dirty scrimmage play making his blood boil. It ends with Rebecca snapping at Ted for not loading the dishwasher properly and Ted accusing her of micromanaging.

“You know what,” he growls, barely keeping a lid on his temper, can feel himself spiraling out of control. “You once told me to leave before I say something I regret and I think I better just do that.”

“Good! Go!”

She watches with a heaving chest and pounding heart as he collects his AFC Richmond puffer jacket, steps into one of his many pairs of Nikes, and storms out the front door into the evening and away from her. 

The moment his form disappears from view, her face crumples and she collapses into the kitchen chair, face buried in her shaking hands. As far as fights went, it certainly wasn’t the worst she’d ever had, her mind helpfully supplying her with flashes of the knockout-dragout fights she and Rupert had frequently engaged in, the cruelty and worst of each of them always sneaking out. 

But cruelty wasn’t in Ted’s bones and it wasn’t in hers either. She didn’t want to fight and she didn’t want to go to bed alone and angry, not after nearly a year of sleeping next to Ted every night.

She sent him a quick text: I’m sorry. Bad day at the office and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Come back home and we can talk about this.

But no response comes and all she can do is wait, pacing the front hallway, cleaning and cleaning and cleaning the kitchen. She sticks her finger into his peanut butter jar and hopes the sticky substance will help hold her heart together until he comes home. 

Maybe she’d always expected it would come to this—her ruining them, driving him away, just as Rupert had said she’d done to him. 

Not enough, Rebecca. You’re just…not enough for me.

But, she reminds herself, Ted is not Rupert. She and Ted are not she and Rupert. He’ll come back, they’ll fix this, it’ll be fine. Her head repeats it over and over again like a mantra, but her heart is stubborn and frozen in paralyzing fear.

Twenty minutes go by.

Thirty.

Forty. 

An hour later, she picks up her phone, checks it again but there are no messages from him, no indication that he’s coming back. A small, desperate sob slips out from the back of her throat and she presses the heels of her hands into her eyes, willing the sting of tears away.

The sound of the front door opening startles her and before she can rush into the hallway to see if it’s him, Ted stands in the sitting room before her, brambles in his hair. 

“I, uh, got a little lost walking around, got stuck in my head. And, you know, the streets look a lot different at night, so—”

But she doesn’t care if he wandered into a bush or hitchhiked home with an aardvark or whatever ridiculous adventure he’s been on in the last hour, he’s home.

She stands, throws her arms around his neck and shoulders, presses herself against him and buries her face in his neck. “I’m sorry,” she gasps into his skin. “I’m sorry.”

He shushes and soothes her, rubs his palm over her back and up over her head, slipping his fingers into her hair and stroking over and over again. “Hey, hey, none of this, okay? I’m sorry, alright? But we got through our first big fight, right? We’re okay, we’re okay.”

She holds him tighter, turns her head to kiss his neck and cheek and jaw and lips. “I was so worried you weren’t going to—” But she can’t even finish the worry, ashamed she even doubted him, some fears too deeply ingrained. 

Ted cradles her face, rubs his thumb over the curve of her cheek. “I told you, sweetheart, you got me for life. You got your listening ears on?” He reaches up to tug gently on her ears, making her smile. “Okay good, listen up: I will always come back. For as long as you want me, you got me.”

“Okay,” she sighs, turns her head into his palm and kisses the center of his hand. “Okay.”

[killerqueenlux]

Thanks to my dear @nico-cab for tagging me 🤍🤍 sorry it took me ages to do

MUSIC

fav genre? I couldn't choose just one, I listen a lot pop-rock, pop-punk, rock and folk-rock

fav artist? Well favorite bands are The Killers, 1D, The Lumineers and Mumford & Sons. Solo artists, I obviously love Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles and Regina Spektor

fav song? Hear me out hahha I have a fav song of all times (Carry on my wayward son by Kansas), fav song of the moment (Hey Angel by 1D) and fav song in spanish ( Contigo by Joaquín Sabina)

most listened song recently? according to Spotify, Little black dress by 1D

song currently stuck in your head? AHHAHAHAHHAHAHA Lovebug by Jonas brothers

5 fav lyrics? uuufff this will be a bit long

"The good old days, the honest man, the restless heart, the Promised Land, a subtle kiss that no one sees. A broken wrist and a big trapeze. Oh well, I don't mind if you don't mind 'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine. Before you go... Can you read my mind?" — Read my mind by The killers

"For evey question "why" you were my "because " — Walls by LT

"We don't know where we're going but we know where we belong" — Sweet Creature by HS

"Hold on to me as we go, as we roll down this unfamiliar road, and although this wave is stringing us along, just know you're not alone... 'Cause I'm going to make this place your home" — Home by Phillip Phillips

"You're my Waterloo, I'll be your Stanley Park, well I'm so glad we know just what to do, and one's left, stumbling around, fumbling around in the dark" — You're my waterloo by the libertines

Radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

BOOKS

fav book genre? magical realism, fantasy and maybe poetry, does fanfiction count?? Hahaha and obviously I prefer queer literature

fav writer? Gabriel García Márquez, Juan José Arreola and Gabriela Mistral the three of them are Latin American writers, in English I love E.E Cummings, Neil Gaiman and my king Tolkien

fav book series? Lord of the Rings and Percy Jackson 🤍🤍🤍🤍

comfort book? The Hobbit (and my comfort fic is unbelievers haha I think I read it more often than the Hobbit)

perfect book to read on a rainy day? any Larry fics or The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, quite entertaining for an afternoon

fav characters? ANNABETH CHASE AND LUKE CASTELLAN from Percy Jackson and the olympians (obviously i love percy but they are my babies) I'm also going to add Harry from Unbelievers because I had never identified as much with someone as I do with him

5 quotes from your fav books that you know by heart?

This one is in Spanish so I'll do my best to translate. "El hecho de que alguien no te ame como tú quieras, no significa que no te ame con todo su ser"/ The fact that someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you with all their heart" —El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Gabriel García Márquez

"Evean the smallest person can change the course of the future" — The lord of the rings, J.R.R Tolkien

"There are no safe paths in this part of the world. Remember you are over the Edge of the Wild now, and all sorts of fun wherever you go" — The Hobbit, J.R.R Tolkien

"I am here because when all else fails, when all the other mighty gods have gone off to war, I am all that's left. Home. Heart. I am the Last Olympian" — Percy Jackson and the Last Olympian, Rick Riordan

"Time is fluid here, said the Demon" —Fragile things, Neil Gaiman

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary | rereading or reading just once

TV AND MOVIES

fav tv/movie genre? Fiction, fantasy romance and true crime

fav movie? HAHAHAHAHHA just loveeeee Titanic so much, Fight Club, Inglourious Basterds, Across the Universe, Stardust and The imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

comfort movie? Spiderman into the spider verse, Love Actually and any of the lord of the rings or harry potter movies

movie you watch every year? I always watch Lord of the Rings: The return of the King on Christmas and Titanic on New Years and of course V for Vendetta on November 5

fav tv show? Doctor Who, Sense 8, Pushing Daisies, Supernatural and bbc Merlín

comfort tv show? The Good Place and Teen Wolf

most rewatched tv show? Oh boy, my guilty pleasure is Grey's Anatomy I have rewatched all the seasons thousands of times

ultimate otp? Merlin/Arthur and Aragorn/Legolas

5 fav characters? Rose Tyler (Doctor Who), Jack Dawson (Titanic) and Samwise Gamgee (Lord of the rings)

tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

i'd like to tag @chispitalovesruby @moonelust @touchoflouis @holyshit @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk @celestial0ne @booksmusicandsodapancakes

[make-it-mavis]

Starlight

WiR fic (ROADBLASTERS NEVER HAPPENED AU) 14,452 words Characters: Make-it Mavis, Turbo, Dr. Mario Minor/Mentioned Characters: Calhoun, Hero’s Duty soldiers, Fix-it Felix, Surge Protector, Zangief Content Warnings: In-depth themes of addiction/drugs, descriptions of wounds, one needle, the word "sex" is used once (you never know)

Premise: The Roadblasters incident may have never happened, and Mavis and Turbo may have grown into well-adjusted, happy, productive members of society, but it was never Roadblasters alone that threatened their lives. It's early 2013, and Mavis has come home from a party that went horribly awry, in horrible pain, and horribly afraid... feeling dangerously young.

________________________________

It took Mavis the entire walk home to realize that there was no time in recent memory that she had been in so much pain. 

The emotional and physical exhaustion were bad enough on their own, and she could feel her heavy bones and grinding joints crying out for a chance to sit as she reached the crimson door to her house. But as tired as she might have been, she knew that the deep, pulsing pain in the left side of her face was bound to keep her awake all night. 

At least she was home. The day was over and done, and she could be with her fiancé. She had been picturing him the whole way home, longing for the relief of cozying up to his warm, sleeping body under the blankets.

When she opened the unlocked door and stepped in, however, she saw light glowing from the kitchen, and heard the TV going in the living room. He was up, and he must have been waiting for her. Her heart sank, both from the regret of robbing him of sleep and from the certainty that he was going to want an explanation. Mavis was not sure she would be up to talking about it just yet, not even with him.

Still, she slipped out of her shoes and crossed over into the kitchen, accepting the inevitable. Much to her relief, she did not see him at first, only a loaf of bread that he forgot to put away and a butterknife still smeared with a bit of mayonnaise. But after setting her bags down on the kitchen island, she wandered over to the shadowy living room and peered over the back of the couch. Sure enough, he was there, but he was lightly sleeping, laid across the cushions with his head resting on a pillow in the corner. Mavis' shoulders relaxed. At least he had ended up dozing off after all. It was a welcome sight to see him so peaceful, too, after her rough evening. Watching as the cool light of the TV danced over his face, she remarked to herself not for the first time how no one would ever believe he could look so soft.

Resisting the urge to touch him, she walked back to the kitchen with the intent to feed and refresh herself. She barely even had the energy to make a sandwich, but since the bread was already out, she threw something together with scavenged scraps from the fridge, and grabbed a well-deserved bottle of root beer. Still craving her fiancé's company, she returned to the couch to sit past his feet, and tried to take a load off. Upon taking a bite of her sandwich and receiving a sharp jolt of pain that forked out from her teeth into her cheek and eye, she decided food could wait. Setting her barely bitten sandwich on the coffee table, she stuck to her root beer, which was, thankfully, relatively painless. She hoped the TV would prove distracting. It was Zangief's book show, however, so it was a toss-up.

The hulking street fighter sat in view, indecently clothed as ever, wearing comically small glasses as he read aloud from a book and a fireplace crackled behind him.

In that thick accent of his, he read, “All these enclosures are bounded by the river on one side and by a house on the other. The man in the waistcoat and wooden shoes of whom we have just spoken lived, about the year 1817, in the smallest of these enclosures and the humblest of these houses. He lived there solitary and alone, in silence and in poverty, with a woman who was neither young nor old, neither beautiful nor ugly, neither peasant nor bourgeois, who waited upon him. The square of earth which he called his garden was celebrated in the town for the beauty of the flowers which he cultivated in it. Flowers were his occupation.”

She could see why Turbo fell asleep.

It did not take Mavis very long to grow lonely and restless. She looked over at the snoozing Turbo and debated with herself. Even if there was a risk of him asking too many questions, she just wanted to talk to him at all. And she wanted him to join her upstairs, when the time came.

So she reached over and poked his butt. He stirred, and she did it again. "Hello," she sang quietly. "You alive?"

Turbo grunted, and his head lifted a bit so that he could peer over at her through harshly squinting yellow eyes. He smiled with a bit of a puff and twisted around in an attempt to stretch his shoulders. Voice straining, he rasped, “Hiya dollface.”

“Hiya Bright Eyes,” she smiled, and barely stifled a wince from the pain in her cheek. Thankfully, Turbo did not notice.

He did sit up, however, to check the wall clock in the dining area that read six-fifteen.

“Woah,” he combed a hand over his mess of hair, still blinking out the sleep. “Did ya just get home?”

“Mmm, like half an hour ago,” she told him. “You weren’t waitin’ up for me, were ya?”

Turbo sniffed. “Nah, nah. I just got real sucked into a project, n’ after I finished, I came out for a bite, n’ then… I guess I figured I’d snooze ‘til y’got back. Had no idea you’d be out so late.”

“Neither did I,” Mavis cocked her head a bit and took a swig of root beer. “Party ran real late. Everyone n’ their grandma wanted to make some kinda speech or get me to play a song for so-n’-so.”

“Well, they must’a been a real chatty bunch,” Turbo said in disbelief. “I hope y’got paid extra.”

“I’ll bug ‘em about it later,” she waved him off. “I’m wiped. I just wanna be done for the night.”

“Yeah, no kiddin’. Y’wanna go to bed, then?”

She did, she really did. But her face hurt so damn much, and she hated imagining a pillow pushed against it. Managing a smirk into her right cheek, she held up her root beer and wobbled it. “Not done my reward yet.”

Turbo snickered. “Ah, o’course.”

Mavis took another swallow, and then the two looked at each other for a little while, Turbo propping his elbow over the back of the couch, his hand clearly the only thing keeping his head up. Mavis had a simple solution, and that was to take a pillow from her side of the couch, place it in her lap, and pat it expectantly. He made a tired, but pleased noise in agreement, and obliged by turning around and laying his head in her lap. The weight on her legs was soothing and grounding, just as she expected it to be.

She looked over his body as she rubbed his chest. He was in the usual House-Turbo garb of a sleeveless shirt and sweatpants, a look she found so strangely endearing. But still, she pulled the old patchy blanket from the back of the couch and covered him up, cute outfit or no. He quivered a bit and squirmed into an even more comfortable position.

A contented little moan escaped him. “Hell yeah,” he purred dreamily.

“Hell yeah,” she agreed with a careful chuckle, stroking his bangs back over his head. He looked at her then, and she recognized the cozy, inviting look in his eyes immediately. He wanted to kiss her. Any other time, that would have been swell. But a sort of panic jittered in the back of her head, saying that the kiss would hurt in some unexpected way, and she would flinch, and he would notice, and her cover would be blown, and then they would have to talk about it. That would be not-so-swell.

So, when he sat up a bit, expecting her to close the gap between their faces, she opted to grab his nose and wiggle it. There was a small honk of surprise as he pulled her hand away. 

“Excuse me,” he grinned in a slightly confused way, “that does not belong to you.”

“Not yet,” she shrugged, trying very hard to keep her smile small. “Once we’re married I’ll own your entire body.”

He smirked and squinted at her sidelong. “Is that how it works?”

“Well, it better be, or I’ll have said yes for nothin’,” she shrugged in feigned indifference.

Turbo scoffed and took up her hand again. “Whatever. Take it,” he kissed her hand and brought it with him as he laid his head back down onto her lap. He squeezed her fingers as he held them to his chest. “You’ll put it to good use, no doubt.”

“Always do,” she agreed, relieved to see her nose-grabbing impulse worked.

Turbo fell peacefully silent after that, and she contentedly twirled her fingers through his wild black hair. She had to reach over him to the coffee table whenever she wanted a sip of root beer, but he had no complaints there, which was unsurprising. Everything started to flow into low key contentment, finally. She was home, she was with Turbo, and she was having a root beer, like any night should have gone. Listening to Zangief continue to read the ancient tome of a book, she started to have hopes that she could fall asleep sitting up and not have to go to bed at all.

Zangief read, “Twice a year, on the first of January and on St. George’s Day, Marius wrote filial letters to his father, which his aunt dictated, and which, one would have said, were copied from some Complete Letter Writer; this was all that M. Gillenormand allowed; and the father answered with very tender letters, which the grandfather thrust into his pocket without reading.”

Then he closed the book with a clap that startled both Mavis and Turbo a bit, and they mutually chuckled over it, and Zangief gave his closing remarks and goodnights as Mavis rubbed Turbo’s soft belly beneath the blanket. Zangief reminded the world about his book club meetings, bid them happy reading, and was gone. The same old round of PSAs began in his show's absence, and sounded like nothing more than some muffled blend of Surge and Sonic’s voices to Mavis. Her eyes had left the screen entirely, content to get caught up in the sight of her fiancé relaxing in her lap, so warm, so happy, so… safe. Exactly where she meant to keep him.

Some horrible, haunting ghost of long-buried burdens had the nerve to make her question whether she could.

Almost on cue, another PSA started, and the music alone made her gut wrench. In a few seconds, she would hear her own voice detailing the dangers of buff use, what to do in the case of an overdose, where to turn for help and advice… as if she was some benevolent model for addicts to aspire to, as if she had it all under control…

No. Not now.

Quick as a snake, her hand snatched up the remote and turned off the TV. The living room fell into shadow, illuminated only by the kitchen a little ways behind them. Turbo’s glowing eyes opened in surprise at her sharp movement, and it occurred to her then that she may not have pulled the smartest move. But she had barely even thought before acting. It was like a knee-jerk reaction, one that she had never had about her own PSA before that night. It was really beginning to sink in, what bad shape she was in.

At first, Turbo just smirked at her, perplexed. “Gee, babe, your acting ain’t that bad…”

Roll with it, she thought. Give some snappy response and play it off. Go to bed. Don’t let it show.

But she recognized that shame, the sort that would force her to hide her pain, sometimes literally. That shame had caused enough suffering in her life before, and she could not welcome it back in. She closed her eyes and took a deep, steadying breath.

Turbo’s head lifted a bit. “...You okay?”

She let the words fall out, “Someone used buffs at my party.”

“...What? Who?” he asked, seeds of concern in his voice.

“A Hero’s Duty soldier,” she said lowly. “Tonight was that morale-boosting party Calhoun requested.”

“That was tonight?” Turbo sat up, and Mavis opened her eyes. “I didn’t know.”

Mavis huffed a bit through her nose, managing a tiny rueful, unhappy smile. “You should be glad you weren’t there. Trust me.”

Turbo frowned. “No, I kinda wish I had been,” he said quietly. “What happened?”

She found it a bit difficult to look at him as she spoke. “Well… the party was goin’ pretty great -- it was in the courtyard back in Fix-it Felix Jr., so the venue was cozy, and the music was good, and the drinks were good. Everyone was havin’ fun, from what I could tell. But I noticed that one guy was missing. I-- I didn’t really think much about it, but I have seen him overdoin’ it at Tapper’s before, so… I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t passed out in the river, or somethin’.”

“And which soldier was this?”

Mavis grimaced a bit, remembering her etiquette surrounding addicts. “It’s… not really my place to say.”

Turbo paused, but knowing the work she did, he seemed to understand. He nodded a bit. “Okay. So you went lookin’ for him?”

“Yeah, and I-- I tracked him… into the woods, a little bit.”

“Were you alone?”

“...Yeah. I didn’t expect to find…”

A glance at Turbo found him frowning, not in an accusatory way, but in a way that showed clear dislike for what he was hearing. Mavis’ weary heart begged her to drop the subject, but she ignored it and carried on. This did not have to be difficult. He did not need the whole truth.

“I found him totally out of his head. He must’ve been havin’ a real bad trip. I dunno what he was on, but he was on a lot of it. His eyes were practically blinding by that point… but no one noticed because he had been wearing shades, like a few of the other soldiers. He didn’t even bring in a question-mark block. There was some compartment in his armor that he hid the buff in -- at least, that was Calhoun’s guess, when she found out.”

“Really. How’d she take it?”

“Well, she…” she paused. “She didn’t really trust that I knew what I was doin’. I sent Felix to go fetch Surge, and that might’ve been a mistake. Maybe he could’ve vouched for me. She wanted to get in and deal with the situation herself, and I just had to try to keep her and the soldiers back. Really had to break out the hardass voice.”

“Devs help them,” Turbo said with a half-smile as he turned sideways to face her, once again resting his head in his hand over the back of the couch. “Did they run cryin’ back to their game?”

Mavis chuffed. “Nah… that team’s pretty tight-knit, apparently. They refused to leave, even though the party was definitely over. Surge showed up, and we managed to get some blankets on the guy, and then we had to search every other guest for buffs, check all their eyes, the works…” she just grew more and more tired as her story went on, “then we took him to Dr. Mario, and then I had to give an impromptu seminar to Calhoun and the soldiers on how to handle addiction in friends, what sort of accommodations or-- or time off he might need, and how he’d have to come to B.A. and all that. Even still after that, I had to give a report to Surge, and after that, I had to go help clean up after the party, and deal with Felix fussin’ over me, and…”

With a heavy sigh, she leaned forward over her knees, propped up on her elbows. She closed her eyes and rubbed the side of her face that was not in agony. “I’m just so glad to be home,” she muttered weakly.

The cushions shifted as Turbo scooted closer, and she felt his hand on her back. He stroked slowly and deeply, a sensation she found so comforting.

“I’m glad too,” he said gently, but sadly. “You shouldn’t’ve had to deal with all that.”

She exhaled through her nose. “It’s what I do.”

“And y’do it like a champ,” he agreed. “Surge should count himself lucky he’s got your help. Some nights just hit harder than others, I guess.”

Mavis slowly crossed her arms and squeezed her elbows, feeling low and weirdly sick. “I’m just glad it’s over.”

In her peripheral vision, she saw Turbo lean forward to see her face. Tentatively, she looked at him, and her heart ached at his smile, the way it did whenever she was keeping something from him. Always, she wanted him in the loop. But whatever reaction he would have to the whole truth, she did not have the emotional energy for. So, at the very least, she returned a soft, restrained smile.

“Then let’s go to bed,” he suggested. “Then it’s over for real. Yeah?”

Mavis’ heart fizzled. It really was time to face the pillows. She nodded slightly and breathed, “Yeah.”

They both stood, and Turbo took her hand to lead her out of the living room. Her normally springy feet dragged along the floor, profound exhaustion weighing her down like lead in her veins. The pain in her cheek had become so excruciating that it had infected her head, leaving her temples throbbing. And the guilt of hiding it all from Turbo sprinkled hot embers in her belly. It was not something that she should have been hiding from anyone, much less the man she was set to marry. But that was what buffs did to her, even second hand. They made her hide, and they made her lie.

Unconsciously, Mavis had brought her free hand to Turbo's forearm as they slowly walked together, rubbing as she kept herself close to him. This prompted Turbo to stop before they had even passed the bathroom, and turn to give her a reassuring smile.

"Hey," he whispered, curling his arms around her waist and gently pulling her in, "you get your ass in here."

Cautious, but in dire need of a hug, Mavis complied. She draped her arms over his shoulders as if they were dancing, and carefully leaned her right cheek against him. Her anxiety did not melt, but parts began to run a bit. She wished terribly that she could give him a crushing hug with reckless abandon. 

"Yeah… there's my girl. There's my tiger," he sighed lovingly, rubbing her back and swaying a bit by nature. "You had a real crappy night, but you kicked its ass. You're a freakin' superstar, y'know?"

Guilt tainted every response that came into her head, so she just scoffed in feigned bashfulness. 

"It's true. I'd know, being the OG superstar," he insisted, which did make her chuckle a bit. He then said quietly and sincerely, "Y'make me real proud, doin' stuff like that."

Her heart shied away from the praise, but she did give him a firm squeeze. "Thanks, sugar," she muttered drearily.

At that, Turbo pulled back until he was holding onto her elbows and looking her right in the seemingly perfect face. He gave her a sleepy smirk, and he said, "Thank you for gettin' home in one piece, eventually."

The irony of that comment froze Mavis' heart for just a moment, but that was enough time for disaster to strike. She was too distracted to register the sight of his face drawing close, of it setting course for her left cheek, and those glowing eyes going dark as they closed. She only realized that he had kissed her cheek when she felt it burst into searing pain.

Her sharp, sudden yelp startled the absolute bits out of Turbo, who instantly jumped back from her.

"WOAH--!! What ha-- What happened?!" he stammered quickly, moving to steady her as she shrunk towards the wall.

The throbbing pain was lasting far too long. Mavis clenched her eyes shut, biting down dangerously hard on her lip. Gently, her shoulder met the wall, and she leaned her weight against it. Turbo was right on her, holding onto her free shoulder and cupping her right cheek with his other hand, trying to direct her face.

"Mav--" he breathed, "What did I-- Are you okay?"

"M'fine," she rasped unconvincingly. It was then, however, that she looked at Turbo, and saw a harrowing sight. His lips, parted with confusion, were smeared with a touch of blood. Unwittingly, she stared at it, eyes wide.

Turbo squinted at her. "What are you looking at? Wha--" he skirted his tongue over his upper lip, and paused. Registering the taste, he wiped the back of his hand over his lips, and found it stained red. For a moment, he just stared at it. But his eyes turned to Mavis again, wide with alarm under his furrowing brow.

"This isn't my blood, is it," he told more than asked.

Mavis stared at him severely, frozen like a deer in headlights. His eyes certainly were like headlights, shedding harsh light over her shame, and her stupid attempt to hide. She ran through her head just what she could possibly say to him.

"Mavis," Turbo urged impatiently, "what is going on?"

Swallowing, she figured all she could do was give it to him straight.

"He hit me," she said lowly.

Turbo froze. "What?"

"I took his glasses off to see his eyes," she explained slowly, "...and he punched me."

For a moment, there was silence, and nothing but a tense stare. But Turbo spoke up quietly, a calm veil over the fury she could practically smell on him.

"Mav. Ditch the paint job."

She took a deep breath. Bracing herself for what was about to come, she concentrated painfully hard until a flash of blue binary glitched over her face and down her neck, washing away the disguise edits on her pixels and revealing the damage done.

Mavis had not actually gotten a chance to look at her face at all since it happened, but from the look on Turbo's face, she could tell it was not pretty. For a second, shock drowned everything else out. His jaw fell slack and he leaned in close to study the injury, clearly taking a great effort not to touch it. Mavis just avoided his gaze, awful feelings brewing in her belly as she was scrutinized.

"Oh--" Turbo breathed, "oh my Devs, this is-- Mav, why would you--..."

Then his shock cut out, and a grin angrier than she had ever seen on him spread across his face. 

And just like that, he turned around and strode towards the front door.

Mavis was just confused for a moment, but her pounding heart suddenly hit harder. "Wait," she called, "where are you goin’?"

"To the hospital," he called back in a casual tone but dangerous volume. "So I can delete that son of a glitch out of existence."

Perfect. Brilliant. Splendid. Just what she needed to deal with after all she had been through that night. She trotted after him and sighed, “Turbo, you know that’s not gonna help.”

“Helps me plenty,” he dismissed her quickly.

She hopped right into his path. “He’ll still be in quarantine. You won’t even be able to get to him.”

“I’ll find a way,” he tried to push past her, but she braced both hands against his chest.

“Turbo,” she said sharply, “I just want tonight to be over. Let it be over. It’s done.”

“I know you do,” he said without looking at her, “that’s why I’m gonna go end it.”

“No, you’re not,” she growled with strain as he pushed against her. “You’re gonna go make everything worse. Just-- Just don’t!”

Turbo stopped pushing for a moment, standing firm and looking at her pointedly. “I have to, okay?!” he said harshly, his patience clearly wearing thin.

“You can’t protect me! It already happened!”

“I know it did!”

“I don’t need to be protected!”

“I know you don’t!” he raked his fingers through his hair with a loud, growling sigh. “But I just have to, okay, I need this!”

“Why?!” she demanded, throwing her hands up. “‘Cause you’re the man?!”

Turbo sucked in a breath, his whole body quaking for a second, before words burst from his mouth. “Because I love you, okay?!”

There was a moment’s silence as they stared at each other. Mavis could feel herself twisting up inside as she looked at his desperate, terribly distressed face. Before long, he held onto her shoulders and hunched down the short distance it took to be eye-level with her.

“I love you,” he said quietly with a squeeze on her arms, “and I protect the things I love. So, please, get outta the way.”

He tried to move past her again, but she caught him by the elbows and kept him in place. She stared into his eyes with a look that she only hoped he would understand.

“If you really love me,” she told him earnestly, “then you’ll know this wasn’t his fault.”

Turbo grumbled, “Well, it sure wasn’t yours, either.”

“He wasn’t in his right mind, Turbo. He didn’t know what was happening. He didn’t know who I was. He didn’t mean it,” she explained insistently. “You know that. I know you know that, ‘cause he’s no different than I was!”

Turbo gave a low scoff. “You two ain’t even in the same galaxy.”

Mavis could tell Turbo was in his own sort of altered state, just blinded by rage. Normally, he would have at least tried to listen to her, but it was like his ears were walled off. But it was hurting Mavis in ways he should have understood, hearing him talk like that. She was quickly becoming desperate, her need to defend both an innocent addict and herself boiling over. She just had to snap him out of it, or the fight would get a whole hell of a lot worse.

After receiving Mavis' silent, pained glare long enough, Turbo shook his head and went straight for the doorknob. "You don't need to understand," he grumbled.

Before his hand could make contact, Mavis darted and clamped her fingers around the knob, forcing a sharp warning into her stare. Turbo was a bit thrown off at that, and stepped back a bit when he saw her draw her brush. No fear entered his eyes, but he was alert, wise enough to give her space. The buildup of nasty emotions she had been carrying all night seemed to toil furiously over itself, and the friction's heat burst out of her paintbrush, the dollop of paint suddenly alight with bright, angry, popping sparks that cast flickering light over the room as if she were holding a lit firecracker.

"Turbo, if you so much as turn this doorknob, I swear to the Devs," she snarled viciously, "I will hogtie you on the spot and throw you in the hall closet 'til the arcade opens, you hear me?!"

It was an empty threat, and she was pretty sure Turbo knew it (at least, she hoped he did). All the same, his gaze was fixed on her, the sparks from her brush reflecting in his eyes like burning stars. But his furrowed brow loosened. His rigid posture slowly went slack as he backed off from her. And those stars in his eyes somehow seemed to burn a bit cooler. Mavis had managed to snap him out of it, a fact that relieved her so greatly that the sparks leaping from her paint fizzled out. Still, she refused to move until she was certain.

Turbo blinked slowly, taking a long breath through his nose. The corner of his mouth twitched with the idea of a smile. “Hardass voice,” he murmured.

Heaving a sigh, Mavis sheathed her brush and took the threat out of her stance. She softly held Turbo’s gaze, exhaustion leaving her cold and vulnerable. In a beaten-down voice, she quietly told him, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of that.”

“Part of you probably did,” Turbo replied with the ghost of a laugh, but fell into a sadder note. “But I’m sorry, too. I’ll stay here.”

Another sigh blowing past her lips, Mavis leaned back against the door and rubbed her right cheek. “Okay,” she nodded. 

An extended hand came into her vision, and she looked to find Turbo inviting her out of her miserable bubble without intruding into it, a definitive sign that he had come to his senses. She took his hand, of course, craving close comfort more than anything else in the world. He gave a tug and let her lead herself into a carefully constructed hug, one that would spare her broken face. Closing her eyes, she rested herself against him and tried to let the familiar warm feeling of his code soothe everything. It did help, somewhat.

Turbo held her gently but firmly, sighing his own deep, restless sighs. "I know it wasn't actually his fault," he told her softly. "I just hate that I wasn't even there… I was safe at home and… and I'm just-- I mean, I know you don't need protecting. I know that. But a stranger still attacked my fiancée tonight, and I-- I can't just deal with that. I can't just not want to fight back when someone hurts you. Buffs or not."

Listening carefully, she nodded. "I know… That's fair."

He slowly squeezed her tighter. "I just… I need to do something. What can I do now?"

A small smile carefully crept onto Mavis' face. She adored him so much, even after all that. Her demon with a heart of hot, rumbling gold. Resisting the urge to bury her face under his neck with great difficulty, Mavis settled for slowly rubbing his back to show her love.

"I don't need you to fight my battles for me," she muttered sincerely, "I need you to hold me up after the fact. Just… stay with me. Please, T."

Turbo's chest swelled with a long sigh through his nose, and Mavis felt his hand rise up to pet her hair comfortingly. "Always," he whispered. “Always, I’m here.”

"I love you so much," she told him softly, finding that her own words picked at a raw anxiety deep in her gut. Her words were true, but for the first time in a lifetime, they felt… mournful. Almost frightening.

Not picking up on her unease at all, Turbo simply replied, "I love you, too. Maybe too much for my own health." Then he pulled back from her, his hands sliding to her biceps as he looked over her bloodied face again. It clearly pained him just to look. Once again fighting to keep his hand away, he whispered unsteadily, "You poor cuss. You didn't deserve this. I bet it hurts like a son of a glitch."

Mavis could not lie about it. "It really does. It hurts to even move my face," she muttered. "It really looks that bad, huh?"

Turbo tilted his head and his lip curled in disbelief. "You haven't seen it?"

"I… haven't had that much time to check," she half-lied.

"Okay…" Turbo said, letting her go. "Mav, do me a favor and go look in the mirror."

She blinked at him before her gaze drifted towards the bathroom. Mavis was not afraid to see a little carnage, but now that it had come down to it, she wondered if she had hidden her wounds for her own sake, as well. Most of her wanted to pretend the night’s violence had not happened at all. She did not want to see the truth of what happened and make it all the more real. But she could not continue hiding it from herself while subjecting Turbo to it. That just seemed unfair, almost cruel. 

So, wordlessly, she complied and strode stiffly to the bathroom. She stepped into the dark and looked only at her black silhouette for a moment, steeling herself for what she might see filling that shape. Swallowing, she flipped the switch, winced at the harsh change of light, and felt her heart leap into her throat the moment her eyes adjusted.

It was a brutal sight. It looked every bit as painful as it was. 

Almost the entirety of the left side of her face had been transformed into some morbid sort of painting. Under her inflamed skin, there were spills of sick yellows, sprays of vicious reds, and smears of noxious violet. Blood had been weeping from two deep tears in her cheek, presumably from the soldier’s heavily armored knuckles. Dried blood trailed all the way down her neck, and the wounds themselves were still wet, having stained Turbo’s lips minutes before. Even most of the white in her darkly-ringed eye had been stained an opaque red from burst blood vessels.

She leaned over the sink, exhaling coldly. “...Holy crit.”

Turbo appeared in the doorway behind her, folding his arms. “Yeah,” he sighed. “So, you can see why I wanna kick someone’s ass right now.”

Very carefully, she lifted a hand and tested the swelling. At even a slight brush, throbbing pain pulsed deep into the contours of her face. Even grimacing against the pain made it worse. The damage was proving to be quite severe, a fact that made her stomach quiver. “I… think my cheekbone might be broken,” she thought out loud.

A deep, disapproving groan emanated from Turbo. “Probably. Those guys’ fists are easily the size of your head,” he grumbled, and then quirked his head and squinted at a peculiar thought. “Wait, Felix would’ve been there, right? Why didn’t he heal you?”

Mavis straightened up and braced the heels of her palms against the counter, unable to look away from her own brutalized face. “He… didn’t know,” she sighed, a thick cloud of shame swirling in her head. “I covered up the wound pretty much the second I got it.”

“...Why?”

She shrugged. “It was just… It was already gonna be such a situation, and violence would’ve made a whole thing of it, and…” she sighed. “I needed to focus on handlin' everything, and its hard to do that with everyone fussin’ over ya.”

“Right,” he said slowly, “but you didn’t even go to him after?”

“Didn’t have the emotional energy,” she muttered.

“Yeah, okay,” he nodded begrudgingly. “What about Dr. Mario? You were at the hospital, weren’t you? Why not tell him?”

“All the soldiers were there, too, including Calhoun,” she said. “I didn’t want them to know he hurt me.”

“Mm,” Turbo grunted. “That’s kind of important, though, ain’t it?”

Mavis’ gaze fell a bit. “Doesn’t have to be,” she lied.

“But if he knows he hurt an innocent sprite, that could be a major wake-up call for him, right? Ain’t that the point when a lot of addicts realize they got a problem?”

Turbo was absolutely right, and she knew this very well. Too well, even. But the topic was more tender than it had been in years, and she could not find any response that she could bear to say. The conversation was steering itself towards a corner that Mavis knew she was bound to get stuck in, but the closer it got, the more she could feel her hackles raising in a growing, defensive panic. She hated when she would get this way, but felt utterly weak against it that night. Silently, she hung her head.

Hearing no response, Turbo carried on. “Nevermind,” he mumbled, before moving on to his next harrowing question. “Why didn’t you just go to the hospital after all was said and done? Didn’t Calhoun and her crew go home?”

“Yeah,” she breathed. “But I just wanted to go home, too.”

Turbo exhaled sharply, not in anger, but definitely exasperation. She heard him step forward, and felt his hand gently rub the curve of her back. “I don’t blame ya, baby. Really. It’s been a hell of a night,” he said tiredly. “But you gotta get healed up. Let’s go to the hospital, yeah?”

Tensing up, Mavis shook her heavy head. “N-no…”

“It’s okay,” he assured her, wrapping an arm over her shoulders. “I’ll be right there with ya. Y'can just sleep all this off.”

Almost unconsciously, she slowly leaned away from him. “No. I’m not goin',” she said coldly.

“Wh--” Turbo half-chuckled incredulously, “what? Why?”

Her knuckles turned white. “I-- I don’t want to.”

“Well, that’s…” he straightened up, “that’s too bad, but ya have to.”

“Says who?”

“Says me,” he said, clearly getting frustrated.

Mavis’ nose crinkled a bit, and she shook his arm off of her shoulders. “You ain’t the boss of me,” she growled.

“I know. ‘Cept for when you’re flat-out refusin’ to take care of yourself, then, yeah, I get to boss you around a bit,” he told her firmly. “I’m not gonna let you wallow in pain for no Dev-damned reason.”

Finally, Mavis straightened up and backed away from him, her face aching deeply with the warning glare she was pointing at her partner. It felt terrible, and she wanted to stop, but it was out of her control. “You don’t get to ‘let’ me do anything,” she hissed, "and I have a very good reason!"

"Okay then," Turbo threw his hands up, "what is it?!"

"I-- I--" she stammered, so much conflict in her brain that she felt she could have started glitching, "I can't."

"What, you can't go or you can't tell me?" he asked impatiently.

Her stomach burned. Her muscles tingled. A jolt of adrenaline whipped up her spine. This was it. This was the corner.

And this was her fear.

"I-- I just CAN'T!" she shouted, squeezing her eyes shut and quite nearly ripping her hair out. "Can you not hear me?! I can't go and I won't go, so just GET OUT!"

Mavis refused to look Turbo in the eye for fear of what effect his expression might have on her heart, but she saw him already shifting tentatively towards the door. He tried to say something, but she cut him off immediately. 

"I said GET OUT!" she did not lay a hand on him, but effectively chased him out of that bathroom. He lingered outside, and Mavis grabbed the doorknob, still keeping her eyes low. "And go clean the motor oil from your ears while you're at it!"

Then, with the sharp slam of a door, she isolated herself. This was something she always told the sprites at Buff Anon not to do, but her deep distress had completely taken the wheel. Seeking all the hiding she could get like a wounded animal, she climbed into the bathtub, yanked the curtains closed with a metallic clang, and sat down. Knees to her chest, she curled her fingers into claws against her skull and fought to keep from crying. Deep inside her code, dried-up patches of self-loathing began to run, muddying the waters of her brain. Somehow, her fear of hurting those she loved always seemed to self-fulfill. No matter what, her ugliest colors would bleed out eventually.

She should have been better. Turbo deserved better. Her heart ached horribly for what she had done. For what she doubted her own strength to not do.

Resting her chin on her hugged knees, she listened for anything in the hallway. There was no yelling, no speaking, no words at all. For a while, all she heard was his feet pacing back and forth outside the door. No doubt an effort to calm down and sort out his thoughts. But after stewing in guilt for what felt like forever, she jumped at a gentle knock on the door.

"Hey doll," Turbo called softly and carefully. "Can I come in, now?"

Mavis took a deep breath. It was time to start acting her age, or at least try to. "Yeah," she called back drearily.

The door opened, and then it closed. Hearing nothing from Turbo for a moment, she said, "I'm over here."

Mavis expected him to pull the curtain back, but she only heard him sit down on the other side of it, next to her. Carefully, she glanced over. The curtain was about as closed as it could go, but it could not tightly hug the wall. From where she sat at the back of the tub, there was a tall, thin gap in her mildewy barrier, and through it, she could see Turbo's back against the wall, and one yellow eye peeking through at her tiredly. He must have seen only her gruesome red eye, a fact that prompted her to look away.

She sighed roughly. "I'm so sorry, baby," she muttered.

"I know you are," he said calmly and reassuringly. "It's okay. That was nothing."

Mavis shook her head. "I just… ain't myself tonight."

"This whole thing really did a number on you, huh?"

Mavis was too busy formulating a plan on what and how she could tell him to answer, so he continued. "Y'know, I really wanna help you, Mav. But I can't if you don't talk to me."

Head swimming with heavy thoughts, Mavis stared at the tub's drain and pictured it sucking up all the messy words that were about to spill from her mouth. It was just comforting enough to finally get her going.

After a long, pregnant pause, she began wearily, "It's just… it was just so personal, T. It was in my game. At my party. In my forest, where I used to live. Buffs haven't been that closely involved in my personal life in… a really long time. I mean, Buff Anon is one thing, but that's more like work. And no one is actually high there. It… it completely blindsided me."

Turbo just listened politely.

"And… and I think the worst of it was," she continued, feeling sick, "being so close to… buff violence again. I hear about it in B.A., I've witnessed it, and I've even intervened, but I've… I've never been on the receiving end. So I know what that feels like now. And that… made me realize… just how it must have felt when I…"

She hugged her knees tighter. "...When I did that to sprites. How confused and scared they must've been. And I did that to strangers… and to sprites I really care about."

After a pause, Turbo piped up gently. "You know it wasn't your fault. It wasn't you."

A silence fell over them, one that lasted just long enough to be uncomfortable. Mavis was preparing to spill the hard truth of why she was so acutely shaken, and found that, like most things, the best thing to do would be to give it to him straight. As hard as it may have been. 

Licking her dry lips, she asked slowly and shakily, "Y'wanna know why I don't wanna go see Dr. Mario?"

"Why?"

"Because… he'd-- he'd put me on healing buffs, and I--" she hit a snag in her sentence and hung her head, struggling against the quiver in her lip. The end of her sentence came fast and forcefully.

"And I'm scared that I'll relapse again!"

Mavis braced, but Turbo was quiet for a moment. She could tell that he was a little stunned, but he soon broke out of it with a small sigh. "Mav, baby," he said gently but insistently, "you're not gonna relapse."

"How do you know that?" she asked miserably, muffled against her knee.

"Well, for one thing, you've been clean for, what, ten years?"

"Thirteen and five months," she corrected him. "It took me ten to relapse the first time. It doesn't go away. It just goes to sleep. I'm so scared of it waking up."

"It won't."

"Why?"

"Because--" he tripped over his words a bit and sighed. "Because things are different now. Especially for you. You moved outta that game makin' you miserable. You live in a real house now, with me, your best-friend-slash-incredibly-sexy-fiancé--"

Mavis gave one chuckle.

"--you've got a huge circle of friends who all care about you, you have several jobs that you're amazing at, and hell, you run Buff Anon. So many sprites have gotten clean 'cause of you. Honey, you've got it made now."

"I know," she said, her voice breaking, "that's why I'm so afraid. I don't wanna let everyone down. I don't wanna lose everything. I don't... I don’t wanna lose you."

"Mavis," he said, pain in his voice, "I ain't goin' nowhere. I got the utmost faith in ya. I've seen you beat buffs a million times. Remember helpin' me get clean? You did that."

"I also remember getting you into buffs," she mumbled.

Turbo groaned almost imperceptibly. "Well," he said quietly, "that was a really long time ago. You can't blame yourself for that forever."

Mavis turned words over in her head for a minute, an awful numbness enveloping her. Slowly, carefully, she explained, "I… feel like my mind is back there… back in ‘a really long time ago’. I'm thinkin' about things I thought I moved past. And I'm reacting just how I used to. I'm bein' nasty. I'm hiding things. I'm hidin' myself. And I… I'm craving buffs to make it all go away. I feel like that guy punched me back in time."

Turbo considered that. "...What sorts of things are you thinkin' about? Is it… is it old Easter Egg stuff?"

Mavis squirmed, pointing her face away from him. "...Sorta," she said anxiously. "It's mostly just… me stuff. Like… thinkin' I'm not cut out for nice things, or-- or-- ...relationships. That I'm bound to screw things up eventually, no matter what. That everything… goes away."

"You know all that's not true."

"Not right now, I don't."

Turbo took a long pause to think, and Mavis was almost afraid of what those gears in his head would produce. "I don't believe you," he said plainly. "You still know everything you need to know. You can still follow your own advice. You're more qualified to help yourself than anybody, even me."

Stubbornly, drearily, Mavis shook her head. "No. I can help others just fine. Helping myself is a different story."

"Okay, well, in that case…" he offered slowly, "help me."

"...What?"

"What advice would you give me if I were in your shoes?"

Mavis half-scoffed uncomfortably, shaking her head. "I-- I dunno if I can…"

She heard his shoulders rub the wall as he shrugged. "Sure you can," he said coolly. "What would you say if, right now, I told you, 'Mav, I've got a problem. I'm havin' a real hard time and I'm missing buffs pretty bad. I miss the way it felt. I know they almost ruined my life, but I miss the good times. I miss takin' Heals with you, the way it'd feel when you touched me, and, ugh, the sex…"

As Mavis listened, she became more and more concerned. He was getting awfully specific, almost like it was not theoretical.

He continued, "...and how unstoppable I felt on Supers… but I'm worried that if I relapse, everyone will leave me. What do I do?'"

After a pause, Mavis asked tentatively, "Is any of that true?"

Turbo grunted. "Not all of it. I'm not actually tempted, but, y'know… I miss it sometimes. Just the feeling. Not enough to act on it, but still."

Mavis swallowed, her gaze low. "Yeah… me too," she muttered. "Usually, it's not a problem. It helps me relate to addicts who are struggling. But… tonight, it's just scary. It's too real."

"Well… call me an addict in crisis," he said, "and help me."

She wavered.

He prodded gently, "What if I believed all that awful stuff about myself…? What would you say?"

Mavis took a deep, steadying breath, squeezing her pant leg. The whole idea felt awkward and trivial, but she had to try, at least to let Turbo help her. She knew he needed to feel useful, so the least she could do was give him a chance. 

"Well…" she began tentatively, "first things first, I'd say… that you reachin' out for help was the first step in the right direction, so… you've already got one leg up on this."

Turbo merely listened, trusting her to guide herself through it.

"And… and I'd say that…" she swallowed, "that you're not bad or weak for missing the good times. Anyone would miss somethin' that made them feel good. But buffs… are like a false friend. They'll seem fun, and they'll promise to be there for you. But then they'll tear you down until you don't love yourself enough to leave. And when you do, they'll show up at your door years later promisin' that things would be different the second time around. But they're lyin'. Never listen to them."

Mavis found herself beginning to quake, so she took a deep, quivering breath to try to maintain her composure. It was then that the shower curtain crinkled and a grey hand extended in, looking for anything to hold. He found her knee, and, shaking, she took his hand in both of hers and worried her thumbs against it. Holding him for support, she unsteadily continued.

"And…  all the sprites who love you are the ones you should be reachin' for. Because they'll tell you the truth… That you deserve all the love in the world… the same as anybody else. You're not broken or unlovable or worthless. And if you can't take my word for it… then come to Buff Anon with me. We'll convince you."

She hit another snag, a much sharper one this time. Her face grew hotter than it already was, and a hefty lump formed in her throat. Awful pain shot through her left eye as the tears escaped, and she crushed her eyes shut against the sting. Turbo's fingers tightened around hers, and she squeezed back as she continued in a broken, teary voice.

"And I'd-- If it were you, I'd say--" she sniffed, "that even if you did end up relapsing… you'd be okay. The arcade is way better equipped to help you now. You wouldn't lose your game, or your jobs, or your friends, because… everyone knows you. They'd know when you're not yourself. And they wouldn't give up on you so easily."

Carefully, she kissed his hand. "And I'd tell you… that I'd carry you through this on my back if you asked me. Because I-- I love you more than anything. No amount of buffs could change that."

Turbo scrubbed his thumb against her hand, waiting for her to continue, but her words were running dry. Judging by how open the floodgates in her eyes were, the exercise had already hit its mark in ways she was not prepared for. She was emotionally raw, but she was done.

"And--" she muttered, sniffing, recalling Buff Anon's motto that stemmed from her own in-game catchphrase, "together, we can make it."

It took only a moment for Turbo to breathe, "Wow. I was just gonna say literally all of that."

A wet laugh broke from behind her teeth, and she carefully wiped away what wetness she could on her sleeve. "Not bad, T, not bad," she sighed, face aching with a smile. "You should lead a B.A. meeting sometime."

"Nah," he said, taking one of her hands and pulling it out of the tub. Warm lips pressed against her knuckle. "Everyone would be too captivated with me, and nothing would get done."

Mavis laughed quietly, and they both fell silent for a moment. Teardrops were still darkening the fabric on her knees, but the way Turbo's strong hands gently massaged her own was almost meditative. She tried to isolate the feeling, to focus on it and calm down.

Eventually, Turbo asked softly, "How ya feelin'?"

She drew a breath through her nose and sighed. "Better," she told him lowly. "I'm… still worried. But I'm not scared."

"I'd call that an improvement," he said, and she could hear the smile in his voice. "See? Didn't I tell ya you'd give the best advice?"

"You did," she smiled. "Which was good advice, too."

"I know," he said casually. "I'm basically a genius."

Mavis chuckled in her throat, and then, ever so slowly, she dared to lean her head back and peer out of her hiding spot. The gap had gotten even bigger with her arm passing through it, so she could see Turbo's entire face. He was looking her way, too, with a look of careful optimism. For a moment, they just looked at each other, and Mavis suddenly felt humbled with guilt over everything she had done since she got home. She knew very well that they had both done worse in the past, but in the present, she was supposed to know better. But she had been frightened and horribly triggered. She could only blame herself so much, and she tried very hard to remind herself of that. It was the same as what she would tell anyone.

Turbo spoke first, when it came to it.

"Hey," he breathed sweetly.

"Hey," Mavis echoed, her voice rough as she still softly cried.

He asked, "Ready to come out yet, tiger?"

She took a deep breath and decided that she was done with the night's bad experience haunting her actions. Talking it out had cleared her head, and it was time to start thinking straight again.

"Yeah," she nodded.

Turbo smiled, and promptly rose to his feet, guiding her upwards as well as he squeezed her hand. She pushed the shower curtain out of the way and stepped out of her hiding place, once again standing face to face with her best friend. Seeing the sincere look he gave her, she became so overwhelmed with love that it hurt, deep in her chest. Like a magnet, she stuck right to his body, hugging desperately tight. He returned the gesture, of course, and she found herself overflowing with tears again.

"I knew very well what I was gettin' into with you," he told her lovingly. "If the idea of you relapsing freaked me out enough to be a dealbreaker, I wouldn't be marryin' you, would I?"

Mavis merely sobbed almost silently, just strongly enough to make her body jump a bit in his arms. No matter how long it took him to get there, he always seemed to find just the right thing to say. It reminded her of the lessons she had learned over the course of her life, about her own worth and what she deserved. Once upon a time, she believed that she was not meant to have anything good. But even after thirty years, she still had him. And he was so good.

Steadily, her mind once again left the past behind her where it belonged. Her life was good. Her life was wonderful. And she deserved it.

For a time, they simply remained there in the bathroom, holding each other tightly and letting the emotional strain of the evening unwind and relax in the warmth they created. Turbo’s shoulder was wet with tears where Mavis had been resting her good cheek, but eventually, her tears ran dry, leaving only fine salty streaks down her skin. Her trembling body had found its stillness again.

Turbo rubbed her back deeply enough for her to feel the aches in her muscles crying to be kneaded out. He turned his head against hers the slightest bit, and whispered, “How we doin’?”

She waited, but nodded once. “Exhausted,” she sighed, “but I’ll be okay.”

“‘Course you will,” he patted her back a couple times, and then pulled back enough to look at her half-maimed face. He thought for a second, and then a lighthearted smile appeared. “Hey. I know somethin’ that might cheer you up.”

“What’s that?”

“Y’wanna see the commission I finished today?”

She perked up a bit, always interested in his machines and inventions. “Yeah, o'course!”

Finally, they both left the bathroom, and Turbo instructed her to go wait in the kitchen. She obeyed while he ducked into the garage for just a minute before coming back into view with a strange object in his hand. He crossed immediately to place it on the dinner table, and she wandered over to inspect it.

Mavis quirked a brow as she looked over the item. It was nothing that he had made before, to her recollection. It looked almost similar to a crystal ball on a base, only the ball was made of some kind of thin metal, maybe tin, with hundreds of chaotic punctures of varying size over its surface. It looked almost like it had been delicately shot with a tiny shotgun dozens of times. It did look well-made, but…

“What is it?” she asked curiously.

Turbo leaned his hand against the table casually. “Just a nightlight.”

Mavis blinked and gave him a bit of a look. Chuckling faintly, she confirmed, “A… nightlight.”

“Yeah,” he scratched under his chin. “Previously homeless sprite just moved into a dark game, but they’d only lived in a bright game before. I wouldn’t have accepted a commission for any ol’ lightbulb, but they told me to get fresh with it. Thought it’d be fun to just mess around.”

“Huh. Well, okay, then,” she reached for the switch on the base. “Let’s see it.”

Immediately, Turbo directed her hand away. “Ah, ah,” he held up a finger, “you go turn off the kitchen light, and I’ll turn it on.”

She scoffed. “Alright, your majesty,” she said with a smile before doing as instructed. She crossed to the wall by the fridge and flipped the switches down, plunging the entire floor in darkness that was disturbed only by thin slices of Turbo Time sunshine that made it around the blackout curtains. Turbo clicked his tongue once in that typical smug way to call her back over, and she returned to where those glowing eyes stood. To her confusion, though, he shook his head. 

“Move back a little bit,” he told her casually.

“What? Is it gonna blow up, or something?” she asked, almost hopefully.

“Nope, just…” he abandoned his sentence in favor of holding her shoulders and relocating her himself. She made only vague sounds of protest at first, but actually felt a twinge of irritation as he was intentionally indecisive over what specific inch she should have stood on.

“Okay, T,” she scolded him slightly, “cut it out and show me the damn thing, will ya?”

He pretended to inspect her position for one more second, before calling it perfect and leaving her to stand in the open space of floor that was not quite the kitchen or living room or dining room. Turbo returned to the table and, in the darkness, she could see him place his finger over the switch, but not press it. He sure was making a big deal out of a nightlight.

“Ready?” he asked playfully.

“Yes, T, I’m ready,” she rolled her eyes a bit. “I was ready when you brought it out, ya weirdo.”

He hummed, and then sang quietly, “Okay!”

The switched clicked, the device lit up, and she gasped.

Stars.

There were stars everywhere. They speckled the walls, the ceiling, the furniture, and her body with soft sprays of golden light. The darkness was not chased away, but it was filled with a safe, inviting warmth that felt like walking on the edge of sleep. Slowly, her eyes roamed along the map of spilled light across the ceiling, her jaw a little slack with awe. It was such a simple thing, but it was so much more beautiful than she had expected.

“Oh… my Devs,” she finally managed to say, laughing incredulously. She looked over at Turbo, who had not moved at all, but was watching her with a grin as smug as ever. “T! What the hell -- this is awesome!”

He gave a hearty chuckle. “Oh, you like that?” he reached for the base again. “Well, check this out.”

Another switch clicked, and just like that, the sea of stars began to slowly swim around the room. It was as simple as the metal ball rotating, but what it did to the light was almost dizzyingly beautiful. The golden, glowing stars drifted at a leisurely, loving pace, finding something wonderful to say about everything they touched. They danced over the trophies lined on the wall, stretching and crowding over the sloping surfaces. Passing over the glass on the cabinets, they refracted into shimmering clusters like tiny fireworks. Mavis turned herself along with them, her hands twitching up towards her mouth. 

Eventually, in her turning, her eyes fell on Turbo again. He was still leaning against the table, his arms folded as he watched her. The smugness in his smile had softened into quiet admiration.

"So, star expert," he said, "what's the verdict?"

"Hah," she breathed, glancing around again. "It's… it's beautiful. Honestly, this might be my favorite thing you've made."

He whistled. "That's some mighty praise for a nightlight."

Mavis smiled and crossed over to the table again. She watched the globe of the wonderful invention turn lazily, blinking when the beams met her eyes. She held out her hand to see its oversized silhouette against the wall, and noticed the way the stars streaked along the band of her engagement ring like tiny shooting stars. When she turned her hand over, the ring's rainbow of gems all came to life as the light danced gleefully through the sparkling facets. 

"Damn," she whispered in awe.

Next to her, Turbo exhaled a single chuckle through his nose.

Mavis looked up at the tightest circle of stars that peppered the ceiling so finely, suddenly finding herself so wistful. For all her life, she had loved stars. She had written at least a dozen songs about them. But her relationship with them was… complicated. Not always happy. It was often that well of conflicting feelings that had made the stars so captivating, so addictive in a softly masochistic way, like how one may have habitually picked their skin or pulled out their hair. 

On a good day, stars filled her mind with inspiration, with beautiful dreams of what life could bring. On a bad day, they were only a reminder of how trapped she was. How trapped everyone was.

But that night, in her home, there was no bad side. There was only beauty.

"I love stars," she sighed quietly.

"I know you do," Turbo muttered.

"They're the one thing that I miss about living in my game. Lying in my den and looking up at the stars."

"Not many stars in sunny Turbo Time," Turbo added. "Y'know, except for me."

Mavis scoffed.

"And you, I guess."

She looked at him, instantly filled with warmth from the way he looked back at her so peacefully, so contentedly. A sassy Turbo was a happy Turbo, and she was relieved to hear him cracking jokes again. The stars ran over the contours of his face, painting his grey skin into a hazy night sky, and waking the deep garnet tones of his well-hidden pupils. Many would not have called him beautiful, but Mavis did. Not just in his looks, either, but from the harmony he brought into her life. Looking at him then, everything seemed right. She was right where she was meant to be.

Suddenly, an epiphany washed over her, and all the worries of that night were swept away. But for the time being, she would keep it to herself, just to let it sink in and enjoy the moment for what it was.

So she merely smiled at him, and once again winced at the pain in her cheek. "You're hilarious, you know that?"

"I do," he shrugged.

Mavis turned around and leaned against the table next to him, which prompted him to wrap an arm around her. Glancing over at him, she added softly, "And you make some pretty amazing things."

He smiled and chuckled with a hint of smugness. "What can I say? I'm the best in the biz. Gotta keep the customers happy."

"Well," she laughed quietly, "no complaints from me, either."

Mavis looked back out across the room to peacefully watch the sea of stars swirl around the room. There was another dark silhouette cut into the drifting light, that of herself and her partner side by side, as they ought to have been. Then the shadows joined into one as she laid her head against his shoulder. Tingles swelled in her chest, and she sighed them out happily.

"So," she said calmly, "how much for you to make me one of these?"

Turbo scoffed. "How much? You wanna pay me?"

"Yeah, I mean, it's your work. It's your time. Don't go givin' me special treatment."

He shook her playfully a bit. "Mav, we're gettin' married next month. You're gettin' some special treatment."

"Oh, pfft," she blew, "matrimony. It's only a ceremony binding our lives together in the eyes of the Devs and the entire arcade forever. Big deal."

Turbo laughed. "You're just dreadin' it, aren't ya?"

Mavis shrugged. "Honestly, I might not even show up."

Chuckling through his teeth, he squeezed her shoulders and kissed her head. "Yeah, I'm excited, too," he nearly whispered.

Sighing dreamily, she snaked an arm behind him and held his soft waist. "Can't wait."

Another happy silence fell between them, broken only by the low, muffled hum of the machine running behind them. But before too long, Turbo drew in a sharp breath.

"Y'know what you could do to pay me back?" he sort of sighed.

"Hm?"

He stepped away from her side to instead stand in front of her. He held both of her hands and looked at her with a face full of sincerity. "Let me take you to Dr. Mario," he insisted gently, "before the arcade opens."

Mavis had hoped it would have been some owed salacious act, but was not surprised at all. However, when she came to consider it, she found that the fear had abated. Plus, she was very ready to not be in pain. She blinked at him and smiled tiredly.

"Okay," she nodded.

A bit of light came into his exhausted face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Yes," he sighed. "Finally."

With a tug on her hands, he pulled her into a hug that spun slowly, like a formless dance. She squeezed back, happy to see him so relieved. The poor man deserved a break from all the drama she had brought home with her.

A few moments passed, and Turbo pulled back far enough to see her face. He smiled at her so fondly, and she could not help but return the gesture. But he hesitated, his gaze repeatedly falling to her lips.

"So," he whispered almost sheepishly, "if I kiss you now, is it just gonna hurt again?"

"Ah," she fluttered her lashes and huffed, "yeah, it probably will."

Turbo smiled faintly, and let his eyes follow the lights along the walls. "Yeah," he sighed dramatically, "I figured."

But looking at him standing there, dappled in the light, she could hardly resist anymore. "But…" she breathed, lifting a hand to his cheek and directing his gaze back to her, "...do it anyway."

There was a glimmer of adoration in his eyes as he breathed a short, sighing laugh. "Alright then, tiger."

He had started to lean in, but he stopped when Mavis cleared her throat. Skirting her thumb over his cheek, she whispered a reminder. "Gently."

"Hah," he laughed silently. "I'll try."

Mavis then felt a strong, rough hand snake around behind her neck and cradle the back of her head, and found her heart thumping a bit harder than it normally would. Slowly, carefully, he drew in close, checking her reactions. Then he lingered in range of her breath, apparently making the most of taking his time. Mavis' face was growing hot, which only made her cheek throb harder, but she did not care. There was something about the careful anticipation that sent her heart reeling. It threw her right back to their early days, when they were only just learning how to kiss at all. How new and exciting it had all been.

Most of the vivid memories of the past had departed for the night, but those ones were welcome to stay.

Finally, she closed her eyes, and upon feeling the slightest brush against her lips, she pushed back gingerly. The kiss was barely there, hard enough only to maintain contact, but it squeezed a slow sigh out of her and sent her head swimming. Every moment or so, they would break apart, but softly join again to keep the moment alive, kissing peacefully in the light of the stars he made.

Immediately after their little romantic break, Mavis and Turbo set out for Dr. Mario’s hospital. For the walk there, Mavis reapplied her painted disguise so as to not draw attention, but of course glitched out of it once face-to-face with the mustachioed doctor. When he asked them what happened, Mavis sorrowfully told him the truth, knowing it was the best thing to do for all parties. Hopefully, it would be the push that kickstarted the soldier’s recovery. Dr. Mario offered to tell Calhoun and the crew about it, but she intended to tell them herself. She could not be afraid of any facets of her self-assigned job, or she would not be completely prepared to help those in need of it. 

They were brought immediately into a slightly lower-lit hall with beds and monitors in curtained-off sections. Once assigned to a bed, Mavis sat on it and allowed the doctor to examine her. Judging by her swelling and extreme tenderness, he felt confident to say that there was, indeed, a crack in her cheekbone, but it would not take long to mend. He cleaned off all the dried blood as gently as he could, poured what felt like liquid fire on the wound, and began stitching up the deep gouges in her cheek to make sure they closed properly during the buff treatment. It stung badly enough to bring tears to her eyes, but the needle was so fine and he worked so deftly, it was not the worst to sit through. Devs knew that she had been through worse.

“Thank you for’a keeping still,” Dr. Mario muttered as he held her face steady anyways, “that’s’a more than I can expect from’a most’a my patients.”

“Yea--”

“Don’t’a talk, please.”

Mavis rolled her eyes a bit. He always did this.

“Mavis, I can see when you’a roll your eyes at’a me,” he said flatly as he worked.

“Don’t worry, Mav,” Turbo said from his seat behind the doctor, “he can’t watch us both at once.” He then gave a very exaggerated roll of the eyes. Mavis quivered with the effort to not grin.

“You’re a’funny guy, Turbo,” he said even flatter.

With that, he finished off the stitches, and started preparing the IV drip full of diluted healing buffs. A slight jolt of adrenaline zapped Mavis' heart. What she had been fearing all night was about to begin. Even though she had come to her senses, having buffs in her system always made her at least a little nervous… the events of the night just seemed to irritate that.

But as he went through the preparations, Dr. Mario hummed in thought.

"What's up, Doc?" Mavis asked tentatively.

"Oh, I was just a'thinking that it was'a funny thing to a'compare then and'a now," he explained calmly and nostalgically without looking away from his work. "I used to'a treat you for overdose a'more than any other a'patient. Yet, today you are a'here because you tried to a'save someone else a'from overdose."

Mavis blinked. She had not actually thought of it that way. Back in her worst, most buff-fueled days, she never would have believed that she could have made it so far. But something in his wording pulled her out of her thought bubble.

"'Tried?'" she asked anxiously. "What's that mean? Is he alright?"

"Ah, now, now, now," he took her right hand and began wiping the back of it with a wet, sharp-smelling swab. "He's a'fine. He's a'my responsibility now. Relax -- you should'a be proud."

Mavis' eyes immediately drifted to Turbo, who was crossing his arms and smiling warmly. With a slow blink, he nodded in agreement.

Heat danced around inside her chest. Mostly, she had been doing her job, only doing what she knew would keep everyone safe. But when she thought of it like Dr. Mario said… she really was proud.

"Well," she smiled, "proud to make things better than they were for me."

"So should'a we all," the doctor said, positioning the grotesquely long needle over the back of her hand. She looked to Turbo again hoping for one last vote of support, and she received it in the form of an encouraging eyebrow raise and a thumbs up.

Breathing deeply, she reminded herself why she had nothing to fear.

Then the needle broke her skin, and she winced as it delved deep down the back of her hand. After making sure he had hit the proper vein, Dr. Mario taped down what still stuck out and gathered his things.

"Now, ah, you should a'have four hours or so until you are a'fully healed," he said, checking his charts and jotting something down. He pulled aside a curtain and said over his shoulder, "I'll check in now and a'then. Ring the buzzer if a'you need a'something."

"Alright," she nodded. "Thanks, Doc."

With that, the doctor went about his business elsewhere. Mavis laid herself down on her side carefully, practically hearing her weary body creak and relishing that sweet relief of finally being horizontal. Nestling her good cheek into the cool, hospital-blue pillow, she peered at Turbo. He was watching her tiredly with a faint smile, abnormally silent.

“Hey, you,” she prodded.

“Heya, tiger,” he sighed.

“You’ve been awful quiet.”

“Hah, well. Don’t get too used to it,” he shrugged, his gaze idly wandering.

She paused. Then she said slowly and sincerely, “I know this ain’t your favorite place in the world. I really appreciate you bein' here.”

Turbo shrugged with a fleeting, distant smile. “Nah, s’nothin’. I ain’t scared of a crummy hospital,” he stretched in his chair, and fell slack with a sigh. “It’s just, ah… this was always the toughest part of it, for me. Sittin’ around in here n’ just waitin’ to hear if you’d live through the night. Wonderin’ how many more chances you’d get, always thinkin’ y’were on your last… Y’know. The works.”

“I know,” Mavis agreed gently. The memory was a haunting one, but thankfully, it still felt pretty far away. The guilt of ever putting him through that had been tough to cut down to size, but she had seen very well just what addiction did to sprites’ minds. He suffered because she suffered. She muttered, “I remember how upset you’d get.”

“Yeah, well. Little boys get angry when they feel things they don’t want to feel.”

“Not so different from little girls,” she half-smiled.

Turbo looked at her with a clear honesty that seemed almost humble for him. “The Doc’s right, though,” he told her. “I never thought buffs would land you in the hospital like this. You survived all that, and you’ve come so damn far. You’d better be proud a’ that, ‘cause Devs know I am.”

Tingling warmth fizzled in Mavis’ chest at his words, and she nuzzled her slightly heated cheek deeper into the pillow. Casting a sweet smile with her eyes, she said, “Thanks, Sugar. And trust me, I am.”

“Damn right,” he nodded.

They watched each other for just a minute, but it did not take Mavis long to decide that she would not be robbed of all time allotted to lie with him that night. Even if it was technically morning by then, with the arcade’s opening fast approaching.

“Y’know,” she said coyly, “there’s no rule about touchin' me this time around… and this bed’s pretty damn cold.”

Turbo scoffed, but a real grin appeared on his face. “Well, it sucks to be you, then.”

“It really does.”

He feigned a dramatic sigh as he stood and trudged around to the bedside behind her. Mavis heard a click and a creak as he lowered the guard rail, and felt the skinny bed rattle as he climbed aboard and situated himself. With hardly any other space to go, he squeezed his warm body right up against the back of hers, melting into her shape. A deep breath blew down the back of her neck, and she knew he must have been glad to lie down, too.

“Happy now?” he mock-grumbled.

“Hmm,” she hummed happily. “It’ll do.”

“The things I do for love,” he sighed, squeezing her back against him and planting a kiss on her shoulder. He patted around for a hand, but found her right first, which was occupied by a needle and tube. He grunted a bit as if he had just remembered something. “How's the IV?”

Mavis was just beginning to feel the effects of the healing buffs. The pain in her face was slowly starting to drain out. A sort of fuzziness enveloped her body and her mind, and left her lazily floating ever deeper into a state of bliss. It was the gentlest, most helpful effects of Heals, isolated from the code-scrambling excess.

"It's good," she purred. "Real good."

"Not too good, I take it?" he asked optimistically.

"Nah," she said, "I forgot how easy this stuff is. Besides, I know for sure that I ain't gonna relapse, now."

She felt Turbo perk up a bit. "Do ya, now? What changed your mind?"

Smiling to herself, she found his hand and held it to your chest. She pondered calmly just how to word her reason. But the answer to the question was easy enough.

"The nightlight."

Turbo paused. "Really? How's that?"

Playing with his fingers, she explained steadily, "Well, it's pretty simple. I used to look up at the stars and wish more than anything that I could fly past them and be free of this place. But that was impossible, so… buffs were my escape. Deep down, that was always why I used them. But now, I can look at my life and say…"

She squeezed his hand. "I don't want to escape this anymore. I'm happy right where I am. So why would I ever turn to buffs again?"

"...Huh…" he thoughtfully kissed the back of her neck. "And you got all that outta my swirly lights."

"That's right."

She felt him nod slowly. "I knew it'd work," he said quietly but triumphantly. "Just as I planned."

Looking back over her shoulder, she asked disbelievingly, "Did you really?"

"No," he smiled brightly, a slight chuckle in his voice. "I just knew it'd cheer you up."

She smirked. "Aw."

"Still," he squeezed her, "that's all great news, baby. I'm glad to hear it, for real. But if you'll permit me one question…"

"Shoot."

He squinted at her with a suspicious smile. "Do you mean to say that Make-it Mavis of a Million Dreams, if given the opportunity to see the world outside the arcade, would pass it up?"

"Oh, no, pfft," she answered immediately. "Pfft. As if. You know I'd clear outta here faster than Sonic with a flame on his ass."

Turbo sighed in exaggerated relief. "Phew. I'd have been worried if you said literally anything else."

She hissed a chuckle through her teeth, and began to strain her neck, so she laid her cheek back down on her pillow. "I'd come back, though," she told him softly. "This is where I belong."

No reply came from Turbo at first. He merely waited, and then slowly and tenderly nuzzled his nose through her hair and against her neck. Stroking his thumb against the ring on her finger, he whispered, "Damn right."

She smiled and sighed deeply. The love in her heart was nearly too much to handle. But then another thought occurred to her. A lovely idea.

"Y'know," she said thoughtfully, "when you make my lil' nightlight thing, I think I'll bring it to Buff Anon. I bet it'd get some good discussion going. And I'm sure everyone could use a little starlight."

Turbo took a moment to consider that, and then shifted to lean his body away from hers. "Mav," he said, a warning in his voice, "I'm gonna say somethin' gross."

"Oh, no," she gasped in dread.

"I'm gonna do it."

"Please don't."

"Here it comes."

"Devs, help me."

He scooched in snugly against her again and whispered in her ear, "Don't they get enough starlight with you around?"

A tickling shudder ran up her spine, and she instantly clutched her chest as if she had been stabbed. "No! Oh, yich! Blech!" she spat.

Turbo joined in her protests, dramatically throwing himself around and moaning in disgust. "Augh, nooo! Oh Devs, nasty! Uuugh, what have I done?!"

Mavis bent her knees up and hugged her stomach as Turbo draped his groaning self over her. "Oh, I'm gonna be sick!" she wailed. "He's killed me! Ohh, he's killed me!"

They were both cut short by the sharp clink of curtains being pushed open, and the slight of Dr. Mario's confused and alarmed face. Once he understood the scene, however, his expression fell flat and unimpressed.

"Turbo," he boredly scolded, "please a'don't torment a'my patients. There will be a'plenty of a'time for that after you are a'married. Hoo-hoo." He chuckled at his own joke, looking down at his clipboard.

"Joke's on you, Doc," Turbo countered, "I've been tormentin' her for thirty years!"

"Oh! Speakin' of which," Mavis piped in, "you're comin' to the weddin', right?"

Dr. Mario laughed dryly. "Cute of a'you to assume I ever a'get a night off."

"But it's not at night, not the ceremony, at least," Turbo insisted. "It's on a holiday -- the arcade will be closed."

"Surge let us have all of Game Central for it," Mavis added proudly. "It's gonna be a historic event, Doc, you can't miss it."

He did not look up from his charts. "Oh, I'm a'sure I'll hear all about it from whatever a'victims of a' wedding mishaps end up in a'here."

"I have no idea what you mean," Mavis said, choosing to deny any presence of fireworks.

"Come on, Doc, after all we been through, you don't wanna come watch us get hitched?" Turbo whined.

Mavis joined in, shooting him her best puppy eyes. "Pleeaase, Doc?"

Dr. Mario lifted a finger to silence them, looking at them from under his raised, thick brows. "I will a'try," he allowed, stepping back to pull the curtain shut. "But no a'promises."

Once his footsteps faded down the hall, Mavis looked at Turbo. "He ain't comin', is he?"

"S'pose we just wait n' see," Turbo shrugged. He looked her over, and said, "He's right, though. I oughtta stop buggin' you n' let you get some sleep."

Her eyelids were admittedly getting heavy, thanks in part to the shaded lighting and relaxing buffs. Sleeping off her whole experience sounded all too inviting. Still, she looked at him hopefully.

"Will you stay with me?" she asked. "I know you don't have much time now, but maybe you could take a power nap before you gotta go. Y'look exhausted, babe."

He snickered tiredly. "Nah. I ain't gettin any shut-eye here. 'Sides, I'm runnin' on more sleep than you."

That much was true.

"But I'll stay," he added softly, getting comfortable behind her again. "I won't be here when you wake up, but, y'know… I'll be here when you fall asleep."

She smiled. “I can live with that,” she muttered. “Let’s just take the night off after today, though. Get takeout, eat ice cream, watch TV…”

He yawned wide, baring those sharp golden teeth like a big cat. “Sounds killer. How’s about we do most of that in bed, yeah?”

Twisting her arm around to where he had propped himself up, she cupped his cheek and guided his head down to kiss just beside his mouth. “You got a deal,” she whispered dreamily. She released him and turned away once more, preparing to surrender happily to sleep and bring about a new day. “Love you, T.”

“You ain’t bad, either,” he muttered, and in his unwitting sleepiness, he kissed her healing cheek. Once he realized, she felt him startle a bit. “Oh-- damn it, that was the wrong cheek, wasn’t it?”

“Hm? Oh, no, it’s ‘kay, sugar…” It was, in fact, the wrong cheek, but Mavis only noticed that it should have hurt once he pointed it out. The Heals were doing their job quite splendidly. The pain in her battered cheek had drained away completely, along with all the aches in her joints and muscles she barely knew she had been carrying, and the anxious sickness in her belly that had plagued her all evening. With the bad diminished, the good shone through. Being snugly tucked beneath his arm, her whole body tingling gently from his heat on her back that rivaled a cozy fireplace, feeling his slow breathing, and even the rumbling beat of his heart… It all wrapped around her body and sank her slowly down, gently immersing her in sleep. Before she lost consciousness, she managed to finish reassuring Turbo in a voice hazy with sleep.

“...It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

She let go, and felt a final forceful pull that brought her down over her head. The world disappeared, replaced only with warm, calm waters that let her float just beneath the gently rippling surface. In the deeper waters beneath her, she could hear dreams echoing and calling for her to join them. But there were other noises, muffled and distant, keeping her afloat.

There was beeping, like little chirping bugs. Soft clinking and rattling, low bubbling notes that may have been voices once upon a time. A bigger, itchy voice that sounded like shifting sand saying something like, “Attention… open in one hour… would all visitors please…”

Then her hand was wrapped in warmth, and she heard whispers from a voice that she knew even in sleep. “I’ll see ya later,” echoed over the feeling of a kiss pressed to her temple.

“Starlight.”

[let-it-raines]

Indirect Deposit (1/3)

Summary: It’s the oldest story in the world, isn’t it? Falling in love with your neighbor. Killian’s sure that he’s seen hundreds of books and television shows starting off that way, and he’s always thought them all to be entirely unrealistic. That is until he started getting to know Emma Swan, who just so happens to live across the hall from him, and he has absolutely fallen for her in a way that he hasn’t fallen for anyone in a long time. 

It’s the oldest story in the world...until it isn’t. Because it’s not just Emma he’s fallen in love with. It’s her unborn child too, and while everyone he knows thinks he’s crazy for falling in love with a pregnant woman, he knows that he’s not. Some things in life are worth taking the risk. 

Some people are worth loving. And some things about life may surprise you.

A/N: This fic wouldn’t happen without @csmarchmadness and @wellhellotragic. When you guys get to the end of the chapter, some things may seem familiar, and that’s because this was her fic idea that she has graciously passed onto me to write. She’s very kindly given me lots of ideas that have been incorporated. I know I don’t have her magic touch, but I hope I do it justice! Seriously, thank you for letting me write this even when it made me want to pull my hair out! All of the credit goes to you, lovely!

Found on AO3: | Here |

Tag list: Let me know if you’d like to be tagged for the next few parts!

@nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @wellhellotragic​ @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @branlovesouat @dreadpirateemma @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @superchocovian

The door shakes behind him as he enters his apartment, the pounding sound it makes when it locks into its frame reverberating in his ears while he throws his backpack down on the floor, not caring for its contents or the fact that it’s not his usual spot to keep his things. On any other day, he’d carefully take off his shoes, straightening them next to the door, and purposefully unstrap his bag from his back and place it on the bench seat that he keeps in the entryway of his apartment.

But today is not any other day.

It started as any other day, his alarm going off at six, early enough for him to go for his run and get back home in order to take a shower and get ready for work, arriving on campus a little after eight for his office hours. Very rarely does a student ever come talk to him during Monday morning office hours, which is partially the reason he timed them that way. It gives him time to grade exams, not being a fan of scantrons and their automatic grading when he’s an English professor who gives exams that mostly deal with essays, without distractions as well as helping to fulfill the Boston university-required demands of him having ten hours spent in his office per week.

As luck would have it, though, he had five students waiting for him the moment he walked up to his door, each and every one of them nearly jumping from their seats on the floor and thrusting their newly graded essays in his face claiming how unfair his grading was. But it’s not. He knows that it’s not. If anything, he’s overly kind with his assignments. He’s thirty-three, not that far removed from university himself, and he remembers how much he despised professors who failed students simply because they could. So, usually, he’d take a look at these papers and consider their protests, normally deciding to help the kids, but he knew for a fact that these five never showed up to class, never came to any of his extra lectures, so he said no, not today.

They were not pleased with him, but he didn’t care. He’s lenient, but you have to show up to class or prove that you can do the work on your own if you decide not to come.

That only soured his mood a bit, something he figured he’d forget about, but then his classes were all difficult that day, no one paying attention to a single word he said, no one engaging in discussions, and all of the passion he usually held for teaching seemed to fade away. But it was just a bad day, nothing that a glass of rum at home wouldn’t fix, and then his ex showed up outside of his classroom.

What. The. Hell.

He and Milah broke up seven months ago after he walked in on her, in their apartment, sleeping with another man. That’s a sight he’s never quite forgotten, as much as he’s tried, but it often plays in the back of his mind when he’s up late at night and can’t sleep. He told her to get out then, and that’s the same thing he told her earlier today when she decided to beg for his forgiveness, to ask to come back talking about how much she still loved him. How fucking dare she try to come back, to even think that he’d want to be with someone who broke his heart and betrayed his trust in such a way that he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to recover from it all. He had loved her, still loves her really, and he’s never quite understood where he went wrong, where they went wrong. They had a good, solid relationship…and it simply disappeared because of something Milah called one stupid mistake. Maybe he should have listened to her, maybe he should have thought about trying again, maybe it really was simply one moment of weakness, but he doesn’t think he’s ready to try to build up that trust again. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

So her face and the memories of her cheating on him replayed on his entire drive home, the only reprieve (or not) being flashes of memories of all of the good times too, and as he walked into his apartment, the place he has completely redone to his own tastes since they broke up, all he can do is see her face and the laughter lines he used to love so much. So no part of him cares if he keeps the place as neat as usual. No one is here but him anyways.

He doesn’t want anyone here but himself.

Huffing, he walks into his kitchen, bypassing the pitcher of water in his fridge and grabbing a bottle of beer. He feels like downing an entire bottle of rum, and not the cheap stuff, but he’s not twenty-one anymore. Hangovers are a bitch, and he’s still got to edit his lectures for the rest of the week, not content with the premade ones his mentor sent him when he took over British Literature at the beginning of the fall semester last month.

He’d really like that rum.

The liquid is refreshing as he tilts the bottle to his lips, letting the alcohol run down his throat, doing little more than giving him the smallest sense of control. But after he downs the one bottle, he tosses it into the bin and pours himself the glass of water he’d just turned his nose up on, grabbing an apple and making his way to his living room, promptly settling himself down onto his couch and turning on his TV, not caring what’s on as long as there’s some kind of noise besides his breathing and the cars driving by outside.

“God,” he groans, running his hand through his hair and squeezing his eyes closed in an attempt to shut everything out. “What the hell kind of day is this?”

Almost as if the world is out to get him, he hears a knock on his door. The absolute last thing he wants to be doing is talk to someone else, but then they knock again and he stands from the couch, adjusting his pants and shirt before making his way to the door, looking through the peephole and seeing his neighbor from across the hall standing outside of his door with her teeth tugging on her bottom lip and her hands behind her back.

Undoing the locks, he swings open the door, catching it to make sure it doesn’t slam into the wall, not wanting the knob to make a dent.

“Hello, Swan,” he greets, forcing a smile onto his face. He may be right pissed at life today, his mind running the paces of the entire spectrum of emotion, but she doesn’t deserve any of his ire.

They don’t talk often, nothing more than hellos and the occasional friendly small talk. He knows that she’s a lawyer, that her father was a police captain who was murdered in the line of duty on a case that he wasn’t even supposed to be out in the field for. He only knows that because it was all over the news, every local channel covering the story for weeks on end, Emma’s sullen face in the background of every shot. She was always alone, no one standing by her, and in her he always saw himself when he was twelve, standing alone at his mother’s funeral while Liam gave the eulogy. The dead parents club is a club you don’t want to be in, and every time he meets a new member, he wishes that he hadn’t.

But that was five years ago, and he didn’t know her then. He doesn’t truly know her too much now. She just moved into his building a little over a year ago. He figured someone with her kind of money could live in a nicer apartment, not that their places aren’t nice, but they’re not exactly peak Boston real estate. He can only really still afford the place on his own because of the money his mum had put away for him and the extra jobs he picks up.

“Can I use your bathroom?”

That takes him aback, the way she blurted the words out not at all what he was expecting, but before he even gets the chance to answer, she’s pushing past him, running down the hallway and swinging open his bedroom door and disappearing from sight.

This day could not possibly get any weirder.

Sighing, he closes his front door and quickly makes his way back toward his bedroom, not knowing what to expect. She’s nowhere to be seen until he hears the sound of dry heaving from the bathroom.

So this day could get weirder.

He should honestly write a book of his own documenting all of the unbelievable things that happen in his life. Forget writing about academia when he has a best seller about his ex-girlfriend showing up back in his life and making him want to vomit only to have his neighbor actually vomit in his bathroom.

Top of the best seller list. No doubt.

It might need a bit of padding, some more plot, maybe something more unexpected happening, but it’s got potential.

“Love.” He knocks on the door, not really sure why he’s asking for permission to enter a room in his own home, but nothing quite makes sense today. “Swan, are you okay?”

She doesn’t respond, and he can still hear the noise emanating from the other side of the door. Not really sure what to do, he turns the knob, pulling the door open to find Emma collapsed on the floor, her arms resting on the lid of the toilet. For some reason his first thought is that he’s relieved that he cleaned the bathroom Saturday morning.

“Shit, Swan,” he groans, walking toward her and squatting down next to her, tucking her hair behind her ears so that it doesn’t fall into her face or the vomit that he’s attempting not to smell. “Are you okay?”

“Obviously not,” she snarks, her voice shaky and not at all as solid as it usually is, at least from his limited experience of talking to her about sales at the grocery store down the street. “I need – ” she dry heaves into the toilet again, the sound causing his stomach to roll, but he tries to calm himself down by focusing on Emma, holding her hair back and rubbing his hand in soothing circles up and down her back. It’s been awhile since he’s had to soothe someone through something like this, and usually it’s a buddy who’s had too much to drink, but the mechanisms are always the same.

When she’s finished, she leans back against his bathtub, her face covered in a sheen of sweat and all of her color has been completely drained from skin. She looks miserable, and he has no idea what’s going on. So he flushes the toilet and washes his hands, scrubbing up and down his forearms until he feels clean enough. He’s not sure if he’ll ever feel clean enough, so he can’t imagine how Emma must feel. He grabs a washcloth and wets it with cold water, squeezing it out before squatting down in front of Emma and handing it to her.

“Thank you,” she sighs, taking the cloth and dabbing at her face, letting the cloth fall to the floor before she takes her hair, the strands seemingly never-ending, and pulls it up into a sloppy bun, brushing all of the loose strands back and off of her forehead. “I feel like I owe you a million explanations and apologies before I, you know, disappear out of mortification.”

“What? What about this situation could possibly be mortifying?”

She huffs, the smallest of smiles tugging at one side of her lips before she wipes her face down again. He smiles a bit at his own humor. He’d normally find that pathetic, but he thinks he can get a free pass today. “Every bit of it.” “Eh, I’ve seen worse. My ex-girlfriend showed up to my office today, and several of my students witnessed us getting into an argument. Talk about professional.”

He doesn’t know what convinced him to share that, why he thought that would be in any way equivalent to what’s currently happening right now, and the way Emma’s looking at him makes him realize that she thinks the same. There’s not exactly a guideline for how to handle this situation.

Maybe that will be what his book is about: How To Handle When Your Neighbor Vomits In Your Bathroom For Dummies.

“Okay, so bad example,” he sighs, reaching up and scratching behind his ear while his mind runs all over the place on what to say, what to do. “I’ll come up with something better if you tell me why you needed to come into my apartment to vomit.”

Emma scrunches up her face, all of her features distorting, and for a moment all he can think about is how adorable that motion is, how he’d kind of like for her to do it again.

“Well, I lost my key for one. And I’m also having just horrible morning sickness, which is a major lie considering it’s six o’clock in the evening. This sure as hell isn’t morning.”

Morning sickness.

Morning sickness…she’s pregnant. He didn’t even know she was seeing anyone, not that it’s any of his business. She’s his neighbor. That’s all. Sure, he’s always thought she was beautiful, her flowing blonde hair and green eyes calling to him as much as her smile or the way her ass looks in a skirt when he sees her on her way to work. So he has no reason for the way his stomach twists, the way he feels suddenly nauseous as well, the way it has nothing to do with the smell of vomit. He barely knows her.

“Congratulations,” he grits out, wishing he’d been able to express more genuine joy. It’s just a shock is all. And it’s not like there’s really another way to express joy over someone else having a child. He’s not about to tell her congratulations on having sex.

But it is a weird day, so he wouldn’t put himself past it.

“Thanks. I, um, I’m sorry for all of this. I just need to call the building manager and have him unlock my door, so as soon as my legs stop shaking, I’m going to go do that.” “You can stay here as long as you need. I really don’t mind.”

“Look, you’re being nice, which I really appreciate. I was about to vomit all over the carpet outside before I dared come knock on your door. And as great as this little chat has been, I really don’t want to impose on you anymore.” “Swan, I get that, but it could take awhile for Scarlet to get here. He works another job down at O’Leary’s during the evenings.”

“Of course he does.” “So call him, and we’ll hope that he’s not working tonight, but if he is, you can stay here. You can stay in my guest room if you want. It’s got its own bathroom.”

She looks like she could vomit again before her shoulders relax and she reaches up to push her hair back again, catching all of the loose strands and slicking them down. “Thanks.” Emma calls Scarlet, who turns out not to be working, so within an hour, he’s unlocking Emma’s door, griping and moaning about how she should give a friend her spare key instead of keeping it inside her apartment. He only knows this because Will basically screams when he speaks, his voice reaching all the way into Killian’s apartment. He can’t hear Emma’s response, though, but he imagines she pretty much tells Will to fuck off.

What a day.

-/-

“Mate, I’m not bloody doing it.” “It’s been months,” Robin says, taking a sip of his water before twisting on his barstool while Roland continues to color in his book, his curly hair flopping over his eyes. “You need to get back out there.”

“No offense, but you’re likely the last person to give me relationship advice.”

“Yeah, Papa.”

Killian chuckles, reaching out his hand to give Roland a high five, the kid smacking his hand as hard as he can. That’s his best bud, always backing him up even to his dad. “See, even your son knows.”

“That’s because my son is a nosy seven-year-old who agrees with everything his uncle says but not everything his own father says.”

Roland shrugs. “I like Uncle Killian.”

“What? And you don’t like me?”

“You make me eat green beans. Killian gave me a cookie last week.”

Robin sighs, shaking his head back and forth while he smiles. “If you ever have kids, I absolutely cannot wait to load them up with sugar and leave you to deal with the consequences.”

“Considering I don’t plan on dating for a very long time, I imagine that we won’t have this problem.”

“So you really won’t go out with Rebecca?”

He shakes his head before running his hand through his hair, wishing that the thought of dating didn’t make his stomach twist. “I just can’t, mate. I’m still…I can’t. And, honestly, I’m fine with how things are. I don’t need to be with someone.”

“If you say so. But Roland is going to get older, and suddenly single Uncle Killian isn’t going to seem quite as cool.” “Please,” he huffs, rolling his eyes, “I’m always going to be cool.”

He leaves Robin’s house a little after seven, letting him put Roland to bed in peace. Most of his Saturdays are spent at their house after they go to Roland’s football games, even if he cringes a bit at all of the kids calling it soccer. He might have been in America for over a decade, but there are some things he still hasn’t switched over in his vocabulary. Others slip off of his tongue like he’s been speaking that way for his entire life, but the football and soccer distinction is something that’ll likely always stay.

He’s tempted to pull over into several bars on his way home, knowing that he’s not got anything else to do tomorrow since he finished most of his work for the next week Friday afternoon (maybe he really does need a bit more of a social life), but he’d honestly rather go home and change into his joggers and catch up on some television. To some it might make him boring, but he likes doing things that make him happy.

After he parks in the garage a block over from his building, he makes his short walk home, ignoring all of the people passing by who are going out to dinner or going out with friends. He’s spent all day with his best mate and his son, and honestly, that’s how he likes things. He likes being comfortable.

If he had the money, he’d buy a boat and spend his days out on the water reading, letting the waves move below him while he gets lost in the words that others have written.

That would be the perfect Saturday.

When he enters his building, he makes a stop by the mailboxes, figuring he should go ahead and check while he’s down here, but then he sees long blonde hair and the red jacket that she’s always wearing. It’s only been a week since he last saw Emma, since she came into his apartment, and he’s almost sure that she’s been going out of her way to avoid him. He understands. It’s not exactly a situation that you want to have to talk about all of the time. If he were Emma, he’d probably want to just forget about it.

Though it’s not something one easily forgets.

He’s just about to turn around and walk away from the boxes, respecting her space, when she turns, several envelopes in her hand that she’s shuffling. He thinks that he has time to move out of the way, to stay unseen, but then she’s looking up and looking directly at him, her eyes going wide like she’s been shocked.

So, yeah, she was definitely avoiding him.

“Hello, love,” he waves, giving her a kind smile while he makes an attempt not to cringe. “How are you today?”

Her eyes slant, almost like she’s studying him, but then they widen again to reveal the green. “Are you asking because you care or are you asking because you’re scared I’m about to vomit all over your shoes?”

He chuckles under his breath, reaching up to scratch behind his ear while he clicks his tongue, not really sure what to say. He does rather like these shoes. “Can I say both?”

“You can, but I’m not sure that I’ll believe you.”

“Fair,” he sighs, sticking his hands in his pockets so that he can stop his fingers from fidgeting. “You get anything interesting?”

Bloody hell. Why is he even bothering to speak? Everything that comes out of his mouth seems like something a teenager who’s never spoken to a woman would say. Or worse, he sounds a bit like someone who’s just never spoken at all. And the way Emma’s eyebrows raise doesn’t exactly help him feel any less awkward than he does right now.

He’s asking her if she got anything in the mail for fuck’s sake.

“I don’t think you could handle all of the interesting things I get in the mail.”

“I can handle more than you think, darling,” he promises, tilting his head so that he can look Emma directly in the eye while he runs his tongue across his bottom lip.

There he goes. That’s more like him. “Right,” she says incredulously, looking up at him before back down at her mail. “So I’m just going to go. Have a good night.”

She begins to walk away, and he’s not sure what comes over him next. But, honestly, once the words start, he can’t make them stop. “What are you doing tonight?”

Emma stops in her tracks, her sneakers actually squeaking against the tile as she turns around. “I’m just going to watch some TV, catch up on some shows. Why?”

“Would you like to come over for a drink?”

She smiles at him then, something soft and subtle, but it’s a smile. “Pregnant, remember?”

Well fuck. How did he forget that? She’s pregnant. Of course he knew that. Of course he knew that she’s pregnant. And she has a boyfriend, so she probably has no interest in hanging out with someone she barely knows, not that her having a boyfriend means she can’t have other friends. That would be ridiculous. It’s just…he guesses Robin’s words about not being alone and watching all of those people go out with their friends outside, they must have impacted him in some way. He likes being alone, prefers it sometimes, but he wouldn’t absolutely hate to have someone watch TV with him.

Probably just not Emma Swan.

“Sorry, love,” he apologizes, having to work to keep his hands in his pockets so he doesn’t scratch his ear again. “I didn’t mean to impose. I’m not sure why I asked.”

He thinks she’s just going to walk away again, but she doesn’t. “Well, there are other drinks besides alcohol, you know? I happen to be a big fan of hot chocolate.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she nods, taking a step closer to him and uncrossing her arms from her chest. “And I was thinking about watching Big Little Lies. So if you have hot chocolate and like Reese Witherspoon, I feel like I might agree to having a drink with you.” “Aye, I have hot chocolate, and how can one not love Reese Witherspoon? She’s America’s sweetheart.”

“Aren’t you British?”

He winks. “That’s beside the point.”

-/-

Emma knocks on his door a little after eight, and he lets her inside. The similar layouts of their apartments must make her feel at home as she simply walks into his living room and sits down, spreading out the blanket she brought with her over her legs. He’s never known someone to bring their own blanket with them, but it’s actually a good idea. Oftentimes he goes over to someone’s house and is either freezing or is stuck using a blanket with uncomfortable material.

When the hell did he become such an old man?

He joins her with the hot chocolate he was making before she came. He only had the instant packets, not the ingredients to make the good stuff, but he’s never had the need to use anything but the instant anyways. Honestly, he usually adds rum or whiskey to it, but he didn’t tonight. Solidarity and all.

Besides, he’s genuinely confused as to what the hell is happening, so being sober is probably a bright idea. Emma’s been in his apartment twice. Once to throw up, another to spend a Saturday night watching television. He feels like there should be some kind of in between or, really, a better beginning. But it is what it is, so he’s simply going to go with it.

Whatever it is, he doesn’t know.

“Thank you,” she says, smiling up at him before placing her mug on his side table and leaning forward so that she yanks his coffee table closer to her, propping her feet up on the wood. “I promise I’ll move it back before I leave. I just have to have something to prop my feet up on.”

“I’m the same way.”

“Yeah? It seemed a little far away for you to be able to do that.”

He waggles his eyebrows, leaning a bit closer to her. “I’m a tad bit taller than you, Swan, so my legs are longer. It’s part of my devilishly handsome appeal.”

“Well, you have to have something to support that large ego of yours.” “Touché. So tell me about this show we’re watching.”

“Wait,” she begins, taking a sip out of her mug, “you haven’t even heard of it?”

“Well, I have, but all I know is that it’s about a bunch of rich women and there’s something about Audrey Hepburn.”

“And murder.” “Spoilers, Swan,” he teases, feeling lighter than he has in awhile. It’s nice to have a friend (maybe) who doesn’t expect anything from him but to watch TV. There’s no prodding into his life, no encouraging him to go on dates. It’s all purely conversation for the sake of lounging around the apartment and watching television. “Alright then, let’s watch this show where Reese Witherspoon is a murderer. I simply don’t believe that to be true after all that time she spent becoming a lawyer.”

“I applaud your pop culture references, Jones. That’s a good quality in a man.”

“Well, you could also technically be legally blonde, so it works.” Emma groans, throwing her head back against the couch before twisting her neck to look at him with a soft smile. “That is so not the first time I’ve heard that joke. You’ve got to be more original if you’re going to make a joke about my job and my hair color.” He raises a brow, the corners of his lips ticking up until he feels as if his entire face is smiling. “Sorry, sorry. It’s just that you’re pretty much the definition of blonde ambition.” “Play the damn show, Killian.”

He’s surprisingly intrigued by the show, but mostly he’s surprised how open Emma is as she talks while they’re watching each episode. He doesn’t think she realizes all of the little things she’s revealing with her statements and with the moments that she laughs at, but he wouldn’t either. Hell, he’s probably doing the same thing. Mostly, though, as the hours pass and the episodes continue, he’s as wrapped up in the show as he is with Emma. It’s an entirely inappropriate feeling, this liking her, and he’s got to stuff it down. He will not be someone who cheats, he will not be someone who has feelings for someone who is in a relationship, but he will be friends with someone…just friends. That’s what’s appropriate, and that’s what he’ll do.

Besides, this is one night. It doesn’t mean anything. She’s likely just bored and saw an opportunity not to spend her night alone, which is funny to him because she’s always struck him as someone who likes to be alone. Then again, how much can he really know about someone from only short, superficial interactions?

Not much, but maybe Emma Swan isn’t as stand offish as he once believed.

Maybe Reese Witherspoon really does bring people together.

When it’s two in the morning, Emma lets out a big yawn, covering her mouth to hide it, and when she’s in the middle of saying something, another yawn catches her. She’s exhausted. Has he kept her up all this time? Don’t pregnant women need more sleep than normal people? They do. He’s almost entirely sure that they do.

“We can stop watching, love. You look like you need to go to bed.”

“No, no,” she protests, another yawn passing through her lips, “we have to keep going. We’re almost finished. I want to know what happens.”

“Swan, you’re practically falling asleep sitting up.”

“Jones, suck it up. We’re finishing the show tonight. It’s what Elle Woods would do.”

So he sucks it up and powers on, finishing watching the show and wondering about how the hell they could end it like that. It’s not a cliffhanger, but he needs more. As the credits roll, though, he doesn’t get up to turn the television off and go to bed. No, he stays exactly where he is because Emma Swan, his elusive neighbor, is fast asleep with her head on his lap, her blanket pulled up over her shoulders while she lets out small puffs of air onto his knee.

He can’t wake her. He just can’t, not when she obviously needed the sleep, so even though he’s deeply uncomfortable, he stays how he is and lets her sleep.

Eventually, he falls asleep too.

And when he wakes up, while he’s not surprised that she’s not longer there, he is disappointed.

-/-

After he woke up alone, he tried not to dwell on it too much, tried not to dwell on the fact that he felt like he’d had a really good first date only to have his date not having enjoyed herself. He knows how to woo and charm a woman, but he’s not for everyone. If he was, well, then he’d be crazy. Or he’d just go on the Bachelor. The men on that show seem to attract several women all at once.

Not that he’d do that or even want that. For all of his bravado and flirting, for all of the times that he’s come home with a woman without knowing more than her name, and sometimes not even that, he actually prefers relationships. He prefers the steadiness of them, the friendship, the way that he gets to truly know the likes and dislikes of his partner. So the Bachelor probably isn’t for him, but if he’s desperately bored enough, he might watch it.

Maybe it’ll make his pop culture knowledge soar. Emma seemed to like whenever he referenced anything, always giggling a bit before telling him something just as clever. No, she was normally more clever. And he really liked the way that she’d look like she was so proud of herself after every joke that she told. That was so endearing.

“Fuck,” he curses under his breath, resisting the urge to kick his foot against his bedframe from where he’s been folding his laundry. He is in deep after one night to an unavailable woman, and no part of that is okay with him.

Wasn’t he just convincing himself that they were friends? Or really good acquaintances? It was one night.

There’s a knock at his front door, more of a pounding really, and his heartrate increases while his cheeks flush. The only person to knock on his door in the past week has been Emma, and he’s irrationally getting his hopes up that it’s going to be her again. He shouldn’t even want to see her, not after she left this morning, not after he knows that he has feelings for her when she’s with someone else.

It’s a crush. It’s like when he was younger. It’s simply a crush, and it’ll go away.

After he finishes folding the t-shirt and places it in its correct pile, he walks out of his room and down the hall to his front door, unlocking the latches and swinging it open to reveal Emma standing there still in her clothes from yesterday holding two grocery bags. What in the world is she doing here?

“So, I woke up this morning and was thinking.”

“Please enlighten me as to what the brilliant Emma Swan was thinking.”

She rolls her eyes but steps inside his apartment, pushing through him and the way he had his arm propped up against the door until she’s completely inside and standing by the kitchen counters.

“Just let yourself in, Swan.”

“I just did,” she laughs, unpacking her bags while he closes his door and moves to stand opposite of her. “So anyways, I was thinking that we definitely need to finish the show.” He opens his mouth to say that he finished it, and she holds her finger in the air and places it on his lips. “Don’t say that you finished it without me. And I thought if we’re going to do that, I absolutely have to get you the good kind of hot chocolate. And snacks. We need snacks, so I woke up, went home and brushed my teeth and stuff, and then ran to the store.”

She’s been unpacking her bags, chocolate, whipped cream, milk, cinnamon, popcorn, and pop tarts all coming out, and for a moment he’s not sure if he’s speaking with a grown woman or with a child.

“Love, what the hell is all this stuff?”

“It’s the provisions, Jones. I’m going to make the hot chocolate the way my dad taught me to make it, which is pretty much the only way to make it, and then we’re going to stuff ourselves with my favorite food.”

“Pop Tarts?”

“Well, no. I like grilled cheese and onion rings, but the grease isn’t sitting well with me right now. And I know I’m supposed to eat healthy and all that, and I do, but I really want the damn Pop Tarts.”

He picks up the box, inspecting it while Emma goes through his cabinets. They look disgusting, but if it’s what she wants, he guesses that’s what they’ll have. “Then Pop Tarts you shall have, milady.”

“I know. I bought the things. Where do you keep your pans?”

-/-

September fades away into October in the blink of an eye, the leaves morphing into warm oranges and reds all the while the air in Boston dips and chill winds begin to blow through. It’s his favorite time of the year without question, though he does enjoy summer months and any opportunity he gets to go out and spend time by the harbor, possibly even on a boat, and even though he’s spent more hours locked away in his office grading midterms than he’d like, he’s happier than he has been in a long time.

Much happier than some of his students are going to be when they get back from fall break.

He tries to attribute it to the fact that he’s moving on from all of his heartbreak in the past, that he’s not waking up in the middle of the night and seeing flashes of Milah and the life they used to share, and he’s finding a new rhythm that he likes. That he loves really.

In the mornings, he wakes and goes for runs down by the river. Some days he listens to music, other days he lets his thoughts keep him company. Afterward, depending on when his lectures are, he either runs errands or heads to work, both of which give him the same amount of joy. Usually he’s much more fond of his students, but this semester he only truly likes the English comp class that he took up teaching for extra pay.

And he despises teaching English Composition.

But his class is full of bright-eyed freshman who for some reason actually show up to class and ask questions, a lot of them begging to write about something more interesting than your run of the mill essay topics when all he’s trying to teach them is proper grammar and punctuation.

As someone who doesn’t always use proper grammar and punctuation, it’s a bit of a difficult task.

After his lectures he usually goes to his office, talking to some of his coworkers and preparing lectures and grading assignments. It’s his normal day, really, but there’s a pep in his step that he hasn’t felt in a long time. And it definitely comes from the fact that every day a little after seven, he eats dinner with Emma.

Yeah, so that’s a new part of his routine. It used to be that he’d eat alone, going over to Rob’s once or twice a week to join them, but ever since he and Emma started their binge watching sessions and he saw how dreadfully she ate at home, they’ve been eating dinner together.

He’d gotten a little carried away from himself and googled examples of diets for pregnant women, knowing that it was none of his business and that Emma was perfectly capable of taking care of herself and her baby, but he also knew from their time together that she didn’t cook. At all. And she said the things she did occasionally cook were making her feel sick. So one night while making some stir fry for himself, he realized how easy it would be to add a little extra food and have enough for two people.

And maybe after the first few times he offered Emma food, claiming he had extra, he made a little more so she’d have leftovers to take to work for lunch.

So, yeah, he’s got a little pep in his step every day. 

He’s making salmon for them tonight, and he needs to get home and get it prepared. He also needs to get some coffee before he gets home. Emma’s trying not to drink any caffeine, claiming she used to drink too much of it to begin with, so he’s been staying away from it when she’s around. He can’t stay away from it completely, so he definitely just drinks it and chucks all of the evidence before she can see it…or smell it. She usually smells it on his breath.

They’ve formed a strange friendship over the past six weeks.

And he knows that it’s a friendship, he does, even if he has feelings that are far from appropriate for her. For awhile, he felt infinitely guilty, like he was doing something wrong, but he and Emma aren’t dating. He’s not doing anything wrong. There’s no cheating involved, and he would never make a move on a woman who’s in a relationship.

It’s just not good form. Not for him. He’s sure there can sometimes be extenuating circumstances that can make it be reasonable, but he just…he can’t. Not after the way his heart was ripped out by having his relationship broken apart.

But from what he’s figured out, Emma’s not seeing anyone. If she is, she’d have to only see him during the day since she seems to spend every night with him, and that would be one of the strangest relationships he’s ever seen. He’s decided, though, that Emma must have been dating someone and when she told him she was pregnant, he bolted. The bloody asshole. He’s not even sure who the wanker is or what exactly happened, but when he thinks about it too much, all he wants to do is tear the man apart. She doesn’t talk about it, though, doesn’t allude to having gone through a breakup, and if she doesn’t want to talk about it, he won’t ask.

They work how they are, and he doesn’t plan on changing anything.

He hears the knob on his door jingle, the lock twisting, from his spot in the kitchen pouring the sauce over the salmon. He’d given Emma a key last week, and just two days ago, she’d come to his door with a reluctantly happy look on her face while she held up a key.

“I need you to keep my spare key for me.”

“What?”

“I need someone to keep my spare key for me, and I don’t have anyone who lives near here who can do it.”

“So you want me to do it?”

“Are you going to steal any of my stuff?”

“No, but I don’t think anyone would answer yes to that question.”

“This is a good point. So no stealing, but I wouldn’t hate it if you left me food.”

“I believe leaving things in someone’s apartment is the opposite of stealing.”

“Shut up, Jones.”

Emma comes into view a moment later, the door opening and quickly closing. She’s already changed out of her work attire and into the sweatpants and sweater she’s been fond of lately, but she hasn’t removed her makeup or pulled up her hair so it’s like she’s a mixture of professional and casual.

He’s rather fond of when she wears her hair down. It’s long and flowing, always a slight wave to it, and it’s soft to the touch. Plus, it smells bloody amazing. He doesn’t know what kind of shampoo she uses, but he hopes that she uses it for a long time to come.

(He may have to vacuum his apartment and shake out all of his throw pillows from all of the blonde hair everywhere.)

“Hey,” she greets, a timid smile on her face. She’s holding a brown paper bag, and he’s really not sure what’s in there, especially since she’s holding it rather closely and stays on the other side of his island with it.

He continues to pour the sauce over the salmon before turning around and sliding it into the oven. When he turns around, it’s to Emma still standing there with her bottom lip tugging between her teeth. “What’s up, love? Why do you look nervous?”

“I’m not nervous.”

“Your nerves are practically radiating over your entire body.” He takes a step closer to her, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms over his chest. “What’s wrong, Swan?”

“Nothing.”

“Swan.”

“Okay, okay,” she concedes, raising her hands in the air, “so I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but some of my coworkers brought me a cake today.” “Why is that a big deal? It seems sweet.”

“Because today is my thirtieth birthday.”

“Happy – ”

“No, no, no. Okay, so I haven’t really celebrated my birthday in a long time, and I don’t usually like it. But I figured we could eat this after dinner. It’s, like, a birthday cheesecake or something. And before you say anything, yes, I checked to make sure I could eat it. There’s no funky cheeses in or anything. I just thought it’d be nice.”

He smiles to himself, shaking his head a little bit before stepping toward her and brushing a brief kiss against her cheek, feeling the softness of her skin underneath his lips. “Happy birthday, darling. I’d love to eat your cheesecake.” “How did you manage to make that sound dirty?”

He pulls back and winks before moving his brows across his forehead in the way that he knows makes her laugh. Sure enough, she giggles, shaking her head back and forth as she takes the cheesecake and moves it into his fridge.

“So what are we eating?” “Salmon and a salad.”

“Really?” “Yep, gotta cancel out all of the cheesecake we’re obviously going to be eating over the next few days. It’s good, though, love. I promise. My brother makes it all the time when I visit him.”

“So you’re telling me that you fly to London just for your brother to make you salmon you can make yourself?”

“I mean, I do enjoy seeing my brother too.”

“That seems like it’s not reasonable at all. You guys should be eating, like, tea and crumpets or something.” He raises a brow. “Darling, is your entire knowledge of London based on television shows set centuries ago?”

“Maybe,” she begins, scrunching up her face in the way that he’s really come to like, that he’s always liked. “I’ve literally only ever lived in Boston. I grew up here, went to college here, work here. The furthest I’ve been away from here is Seattle, and I only went for a two-day work conference. I was in conference rooms the entire time.”

“We’ll just have to remedy that someday. I can suggest a lot of places if you and your little one ever want to holiday somewhere.” “Oh,” she gasps, her entire face lighting up. Ever since her morning sickness has waned, he swears that she’s been glowing in all of the stereotypical ways that sometimes pregnant women glow. It could just be her makeup, but he thinks she glows a bit. Maybe it’s just him. Maybe he’s simply become delusional. Her breasts are rounding out, though. He has noticed that no matter how much he tries to keep his eyes trained on hers. “I have a bump finally. Like, one that other people besides me and my jeans notice.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, hold on.” She gets up from her stool and comes to stand in front of him, pressing her sweater against her stomach to reveal the smallest of round curves. He knows that she’s pregnant, has known for awhile, and even with all of the other signs and symptoms, it’s lovely to get to see this. It’s even lovelier that she feels comfortable sharing it with him. “See? I have a bump. I never thought I’d be one of those women who gets excited about stuff like this, but I’m excited, you know?”

“Not from experience, but yeah, I know.”

“Hush,” she laughs, letting her sweater go loose. “Maybe if you were less healthy and sat on your ass all of the time, you could have a little bump too.” “I’ll keep that in mind.”

The salmon is fantastic if he does say so himself, and even though he knew that he would enjoy it, he’s glad that Emma does, especially since it’s apparently her birthday. He’s never been one to celebrate much, but he at least celebrates a little. She seemed mostly averse to the idea, but he’s hoping that she’s having a good night.

He really does.

She deserves to have good days.

God, he’s a goner. It’s ridiculous.

They spend the evening eating and continuing to work their way through the American version of The Office. He’d never seen it, so Emma insisted. Like, really insisted. She’s seen it before, but she sits there and laughs the entire time like it’s the first time she’s watching it. It took some adjusting to get used to Michael, but now that he has, he really enjoys the show.

And the cheesecake is damn good.

“I mean, obviously Jim isn’t going to stay with Karen,” he tells Emma when they’re each two pieces of cheesecake in and it’s one in the morning.

“You don’t know that.” “It’s a TV show, and he’s been in love with Pam for years. They’re going to give them the happy ending. What’s the point of television if not to give people something to root for? To give them a happy ending because life doesn’t always work that way?”

Emma sighs next to him before she scoots closer to him, their thighs touching, and rests her head on his shoulder. He feels the shiver the runs down his spine, the gooseflesh that’s rising on his skin under his shirt, and it’s the most pleasant feeling he’s had in a long time.

“I like happy endings. I used to…my life has been hard,” she admits quietly, the words almost lost in the material of his shirt, “and I thought maybe that I could never have anything happy, never have anything good in my life without having it taken away from me, but then I got pregnant, you know. And while I don’t believe anyone should have a child in some desperate attempt to be happy, I know that this kid makes me happy. It’s something that’s mine, and even though it’s hard, I love having a family again. I love getting to love someone else again.”

He doesn’t know what to say to that, how to respond to her quiet admission of all of the heartbreak she’s been through, so he wraps his arm around her shoulder and tugs her closer, pressing a quick kiss against her temple. “You’ll get your happy ending, Swan.”

-/-

Emma: I can’t make dinner tonight.

Killian: Why not?

Emma: I have a doctor’s appointment in an hour, and since it’s making me miss work, I have to stay late.

Killian: Are you okay?

Emma: It’s just my 16-week check up. Nothing to concern yourself with.

Emma: Don’t eat anything good without me.

Killian: I won’t.

“Killian?”

“Yeah?”

“Why’d you just go all starry-eyed and then look disappointed?”

“I did not,” he scoffs, stuffing his phone in his desk drawer and looking back to his computer where Liam’s got a smug look on his face. Haughty. He looks haughty. “I was just replying to some texts.”

“With your girlfriend?”

“Bloody hell. You know I don’t have a girlfriend, you wanker.”

“What about that woman who you spend your nights with? She seems like a girlfriend.”

“So how’s work?” he asks, rolling his eyes and changing the subject. “You get to captain any new ships lately?” “You know as well as I do that I sit in an office all day filling out paperwork and when they’re feeling the need to put on a show, I have to get all dressed up and wander out to inspect the ships.” He watches Liam slide on his glasses before licking his thumb to turn the page of whatever it is he’s reading. When did his brother become such a middle-aged man? Even more so than Killian and his blanket preferences. “I also know that you’re changing the subject.”

“How’s Loren?”

“Bloody brilliant as always. She’s at her mum’s tonight, but I’m sure she sends her love. So you seriously don’t want to talk about this woman? Emma, right? I think you let it slip once that that’s her name.”

He sighs, running his hand through his hair before tapping his finger against the stubble on his chin. “Aye, Emma. Her name is Emma.”

“And you say you’re not dating?”

“Correct.” “And yet you’ve had dinner with her every night for what? Two months now? Loren and I are married, and we don’t even eat dinner together that often.”

“We like to eat,” Killian laughs, reclining himself in his office chair since he knows that there’s no getting out of this one. “And it’s nice to have company that’s not Robin or Roland, as great as they are.”

“So what’s the problem then? You obviously like her, and don’t protest. Your cheeks are blushing, and every time you talk about her you scratch behind that damned ear. I’m assuming she likes you or else she wouldn’t spend all of this time together. Are you really just so stubborn so that you won’t date again?”

“I’m sorry I had my bloody heart ripped out of my chest, Li. That’s not something I can just get over like it didn’t happen. I was convinced I’d found the woman who I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and she didn’t feel the same way. I still don’t understand it. It hurt, it still hurts, and if I have scars from that, I can’t even begin to imagine the scars Emma must have from her boyfriend leaving her after she told him she was pregnant.”

He knows he’s messed up, that he’s shared too much, the moment the words leave his lips. He doesn’t even know if it’s true, doesn’t want to invade on the parts of Emma’s life that she doesn’t want to share, and he sure as hell shouldn’t have shared her private life with his brother.

“The woman you like is pregnant?”

“Yep,” he answers nonchalantly, looking away from the screen so that he doesn’t have to see the way Liam’s looking at him with slanted eyes and parted lips. “She’s sixteen weeks pregnant, and I think she’s going to find out if she’s having a girl or boy today, if my googling is any indication.”

“Killian,” Liam sighs, the disappointment in his voice obvious, “I love you and support you, but this isn’t one of your best decisions. Her life is obviously complicated, and you need something simple. Because I know you. You’ll fall hard and fast and get attached to both her and the baby only for the father to come back into the picture and you to get left in the dust.”

Liam’s words ring true, but he’s not about to let his brother terrify him away from one of the best friends he’s had in years. And he’s not about to leave Emma to be alone, pregnancy or no pregnancy. They are friends, and him wanting them to be more than that won’t change anything. If he has to, he’ll stay her friend and nothing more for the rest of his life. He simply likes to spend time with her and for her to be happy.

He likes when she’s happy.

She makes him happy.

“I appreciate your concern, but you don’t need to be. We’re simply friends, and her being pregnant doesn’t change who she is as a person.”

“Just think about what I’ve said.”

“I will.”

He won’t.

When he gets home several hours later, he takes the opportunity of having the night to himself to clean his apartment. He doesn’t need to deep clean it, but he definitely needs to straighten up and dust off the bookshelves. He probably needs to wash the sheets in the guest room too. It’s been awhile since they were touched, and everything in that room is beginning to feel a bit stale. But he really won’t go down to the basement to do laundry until Thursday when he’s also got some clothes he needs to wash.

So he focuses on the living room, taking all of the books off the bookshelf and dusting underneath them all the while candles burn to make everything smell less sterile. Or like lemons. Sterile and lemons. It’s like a hospital in here.

He’s sitting on the ground in his living room organizing some of his old binders from when he was getting his doctorate that he saves for God knows what reason when his front door swings open and Emma comes into view, her favorite oversized plaid blanket wrapped around her shoulders and dragging along the ground. He doesn’t look up, just sees her mismatched socks, and continues to restack the shelves.

“Killian?”

The sound of her voice, the way that it’s strained and watery, gets his attention, and he’s immediately up off the floor, not caring how much it hurts his knees after being on the ground for so long. He’s by her in an instant, and even though she’s looking at the ground, he can see the tear tracks on her cheeks and the way her eyes are read and puffy, all of her makeup removed. And he doubts she removed it with the wipes she uses.

“Emma?” he questions, placing his thumb on her chin and guiding her gaze up to his. “Love, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”

She nods her head up and down before leaning forward and wrapping her arms around his middle. He can feel her bump in between them, and he wraps his arms around her shoulders and pulls her even closer, letting her bury her head in his shirt as he rubs his hand up and down her back. He’s got no clue what’s happening, not a one, and the only thing that comforts him is knowing that the baby is okay. He just hopes Emma is okay too.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” she sniffles, the words murmured into his t-shirt. “I didn’t…I didn’t mean to c-cry, but I…I had a bad day.”

“Do you want to talk about it? Or do you want to ignore it?” “Talk about it, but I want ice cream first.” “I don’t have any ice cream.” “Yes, you do. I put it in your freezer last week.”

He chuckles into her hair before pulling back, swiping his thumbs underneath her eyes to wipe away her tears. They’re still watery and puffy, but he hopes that changes soon. He also cannot believe she snuck ice cream in here.

“Go get your secret ice cream, love, and I will put my listening ears on.”

“You’re such a dork.”

He settles down on his couch while Emma gets her ice cream, coming back with the small container and handing him a spoon. It’s banana split flavored, and while he doesn’t love that, if Emma wants him to eat some ice cream right now, he’ll eat some ice cream. Mostly though he just wants her to know everything is okay.

After she’s eaten half the carton, she finally puts the spoon down and the ice cream on the table. It’s going to melt, but he really shouldn’t be worrying about that right now.

“I’m having a girl,” she finally says, the corners of her lips ticking up into a small smile. “I saw her on the monitor today, and God, Killian, it was like…it was like magic.” “Yeah?” he asks, and he can feel the own smile on his face. That little girl is going to be so loved.

“Yeah.” She pulls her knees up to her stomach and wraps her blanket around her knees again. “I’m really excited, which I’m sure doesn’t make sense with the breakdown I just had.”

“It makes perfect sense, Swan.”

She rolls her eyes, wiping at her eyes again. “Okay, okay, so I’m going to tell you some stuff, and I really hope you’re not going to judge me for it.” “Never.” “That’s what you say now.”

“I promise I won’t judge, love. This, like whatever that blasted gym is called down the street, is a judgment free zone.”

She laughs a little bit, and he already feels a bit better that she feels better. He’s still absolutely terrified of what she has to say.

“My parents are dead,” she blurts out, bringing her bottom lip between her teeth, the surefire sign that she’s nervous. “My mom, I didn’t…I never even knew her. There are pictures I have, pictures from when I’m a few months old, and that’s really all I have. I actually, she didn’t die, not that I know. She left me and dad, and since I don’t like to think about that, I like to think that she’s just…dead.”

“I do the same thing with my dad,” he admits, and Emma’s head shoots up so fast that she must get whiplash. He’s guessing she wasn’t expecting that. “It hurts so much to feel unwanted that you rationalize and try to convince yourself that something else happened.”

“I’m sorry, Killian.”

“I’m sorry for you too. Bet you didn’t expect our parental history to be so similar.” “Not at all. I just…is your mom dead too? Because I’m sure you saw the news of when my dad was killed, and I – I’d hate for you to have been through what I went through.” “Cancer,” he shrugs, pushing down all of his emotions. He’s come to peace with his parents’ deaths...or abandonment, really. They still sting on occasion, but he’s come to peace with them. “She died of cancer. I think we make quite the pair, Swan. So is that why you’re upset? Your parents?”

“In a way,” she admits, curling into an even smaller ball, “but not really. I mean, I miss my dad every day, but that’s not why I told you not to make fun of me. I told you not to make fun of me because well, I…I got pregnant through a sperm donor.”

Well, there goes every single theory he’s had. Like, every single one. He was not expecting that at all, not in the slightest, and he’s not sure what to say. He’s not even sure if he’s supposed to say anything. It’s really not a big deal, but she obviously feels like it is. She wouldn’t be announcing it in this way if she didn’t think so.

“I just…I have been alone for a lot of my life when I really just wanted a family, but I seem to have crappy luck in that department. And the same with guys. God, one day I’ll have to tell you about all of my shitty boyfriends. But I don’t know, I didn’t want to have to wait for a guy to have my own family. I wanted to take it into my own hands, so I did.” “That’s brave of you, love.” “Then why does it make me feel weak? What am I doing to this little girl? She’s not going to have a dad, grandparents. She’s just going to have me, which is what I wanted, but what if she resents me for that one day? What if I screw her up because she doesn’t have anyone but me because I’m alone? That’s why I’m freaking out. I’m freaking out that I’ve been selfish and have already messed my daughter up.”

“You’re not going to, not beyond what’s normal. You’re already a great mum. I promise. And you’re not alone.” “But I am.”

“I know this might be forward, Emma, but I will always, always be by your side if you let me. You don’t have to be alone.” “You say that now, but what happens when I have the baby, when I’m tired and cranky and have this loud little girl that’s going to take up all of my time. You’re young, you’re kind, and I really don’t understand why you spend so much time with a sad pregnant lady.”

He shrugs. “I like you. I like being around you. And if you let me, I’ll like being around your little girl even when you’re both having meltdowns. You mean a lot to me, love. These past few months just cooking with you and getting to know you and arguing over the merits of British television versus American television – ”

“American is better.” “So you say. But these weeks have been incredible, and I really do consider you one of my closest friends.”

Emma opens her mouth to say something, but then her lips close and she’s leaning forward and wrapping her arms around his middle while she settles herself on his lap. “Thank you.”

He doesn’t respond, just kisses the crown of her head and holds onto her in the way she’s holding onto him.

-/-

Months begin to pass at a quicker rate than they have for his entire life. He’s not entirely convinced that hasn’t entered some kind of time warp because before he knows it, he’s finished with his semester at school and on Christmas break for two weeks. He spends his time between preparing for next semester, hanging out with Robin and Roland as they take Roland around to city to look at decorations, and working in Emma’s spare bedroom to set up the nursery for her daughter. It doesn’t take him long to finish painting and building the crib, but considering that’s all Emma’s bought besides a few outfits, there’s really nothing else to do.

Naturally this means that he drags her out shopping, finding every Christmas sale that he can as he goes down the list of things every newborn needs. He’s put far more research into this than he should have, and as prepared as Emma is with her job, she’s not so much that way in other parts of her life. She kind of just figures that things will work out, that she’ll make them work out, and with what he’s learned about her, she’s not wrong. It doesn’t make him feel better about everything, though, so he helps her go shopping and after weeks of prodding, he convinces her to allow her coworkers to throw her a shower.

It was like pulling teeth, but even Emma will open up to accepting free stuff.

She has off Christmas Eve, and while she apparently had a few offers from some of her friends from work, she’s spending it with him, going to Robin’s house so they can have dinner with he and Roland. It’s not the most festive of celebrations, but for people who don’t have a large friend group or family, having a seven-year-old running around on a sugar high talking about how Santa coming is about as good as you can get for Christmas Eve.

He’s watching Emma talk to Roland about the latest episode of Paw Patrol, showing as much enthusiasm as she does when they’re in a fierce debate over their own shows, and he can feel his smile stretching across his entire face.

“You’ve got it bad, mate.”

“Yeah,” he sighs, not even bothering to look at Robin while Emma quickly glances at him with a soft smile on her face and an elf headband perched on her hair, “I do.”

She falls asleep at his apartment that night, snuggling into his bed underneath all of his covers, and while he’s sure that Emma wouldn’t mind, would probably insist that it’s fine for him to stay in his own bed, he turns on his fan and kisses her forehead, whispering Happy Christmas before he settles down into his guest room, making sure to text Liam before he falls asleep.

January passes in a literal flurry of snow, the new semester starting with everyone having to brush their coats and hats off when they step inside. It’s beautiful yet annoying, and he won’t mind when it finally starts to get a bit warmer.

He decides that he loves Emma like the pathetic fool that he is one night when she comes knocking at his door around two in the morning and asks if he’ll go to the store and buy her bride’s cake ice cream. It’s not at the first store or any of the damn stores he goes to that night, and as frustrated as he is coming home with banana split ice cream since he knows that’s her favorite, he realizes that there’s not a single other person in the world who he’d spend over an hour in the middle of the night looking for ice cream for.

She really likes ice cream.

When he gets back to his apartment, she’s asleep on the couch with the comforter from his bedroom wrapped around her, and he doesn’t even care.

He doesn’t. He just wants her to be happy. They’ll eat the ice cream tomorrow.

“Killian,” she gasps one day when they’re sitting in her living room, the both of them on their laptops doing work.

“Yeah, love? You okay?”

“I’m fine,” she promises, looking over at him with her entire face aglow. “You’ve got to feel what she’s doing in here though.” She moves her laptop and grabs his hand, placing it over her stomach where he can feel a definite pressure from where her baby must be doing high kicks. “Do you feel that?”

“How could I not?” he whispers, his voice leaving him with the disbelief that he can feel Emma’s daughter moving inside of her. Emma’s been feeling her for months, but he never has. “That’s incredible, darling.” “It’s insane. It’s like she’s practicing karate or something in there.”

“Exactly my thoughts,” he laughs, moving his hand around her stomach and feeling the movements follow. “Hello, little love. Are you practicing inside mummy? I’m sure that can’t be too comfortable for her, yeah?” He looks up at Emma with a smile that immediately fades when he sees the water that’s forming around her irises. “Swan, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she insists, even as she wipes her tears off of her cheeks. “Nothing is wrong. Hormones, you know?”

He doesn’t believe her, but he lets it slide, knowing not to push her right now. “Yeah, little love, I think you really are driving your mum crazy.”

At the end of February she gives him the invitation to her baby shower at work, insisting that he doesn’t have to come, especially since they’re giving it in the middle of the day. But he’s the one who insisted that she accept their invitation to host one, and he wants to always be there for her. So he cancels his classes for the day, citing a family emergency, and heads to her law office with a bag full of small things that no one bought off of the registry but that he knows that she needs.

Seriously, he knows far too much about pregnancy and the first year of a baby’s life.

“How can I help you, hon?” a receptionist named Anna asks him when he walks in.

“I’m just dropping by for Emma’s baby shower.”

Anna’s face lights up, and she immediately gets out of her chair. And comes to stand next to him. “Oh, you must be the daddy. It’s so nice to meet you. We love our Emma, but she is so reserved sometimes. I’m surprised she’s even letting us do this.” “Ah, yeah,” he awkwardly mumbles, reaching up to scratch behind his ear while he’s led to the breakroom. “I’m not – ”

“Killian?” Emma questions, interrupting him from correcting Anna. “What are you doing here?” “You didn’t think I was going to miss this, did you?” He nods to Anna before walking over to Emma and pressing a kiss against her cheek while her perfume invades his senses. She looks absolutely beautiful today, glowing in all of the clichéd ways. “I cancelled my classes for the day. Figured I’d mooch off some of the cake and help you take your gifts home.”

He sees the blush rise on her cheeks, and she just shakes her head back and forth, looking down at her shoes…which are slippers. She must have not bothered changing back into her heels. He doesn’t blame her. Not that he has worn heels. He just can’t see how they could possibly be comfortable.

“You’re ridiculous, but thank you. Ruby’s grandmother made the cake, so you’re in for a treat.”

Emma’s definitely the quietest of all of the people in the breakroom, but it’s nice to see her laughing and spending time with other people besides him and his friends. She may claim to not be the most social of people, but he can tell how comfortable she is laughing and joking around with her coworkers, opening up all kinds of outfits that make jokes about Emma being a lawyer as well as several things that he knows he’ll be unpacking in the nursery.

Emma wasn’t joking when she said he was in for a treat because as Emma wraps her arm around his waist while he carries her last round of presents, he realizes that this has been a surprisingly fun day.

Well, surprising isn’t the right word. He loves any time they get together.

As spring begins, all of the snow fading away and green grass and bright flowers blooming again, he thinks that time really is zooming forward at an alarming rate. At least for him. For Emma, she’s miserable in her last month of pregnancy. He can tell from the look on her face every day when she gets home from work and the way she doesn’t want to do anything, usually snapping at him when he suggests something. He’s completely and totally aware of how odd their friendship is, how he’s basically in a committed relationship without being in a relationship at all, and he really doesn’t care.

Liam thinks he’s crazy, Robin might too, and while he might be, again, he absolutely doesn’t care.

Two weeks before her due date he starts sleeping at Emma’s apartment. She can only get comfortable when he’s wrapping his body around hers, supporting her stomach with his arms while she tucks her freezing feet in between his calves. He’s not even really sure how they figured this out. Like most things with his relationship with Emma, it all just happened naturally.

Emma losing her key and having to vomit in his bathroom may very well be the best thing that ever happened to him.

At three in the morning on April sixth, Emma wakes him up and, through the grit of her teeth, tells him to grab the damn hospital bag because she’s having the baby. He’s never been more terrified of anything than he is hearing those words, and he’s not even the one giving birth. There’s more screaming, crying, cursing, and crushed hands than he expected, but fifteen hours after checking into the hospital, Emma has the tiniest, most precious baby girl in her arms.

Sawyer Reese Swan.

“Hi, my name is Sawyer, and my mummy is a lawyer.” “I am going to hurt Killian,” Emma whispers to Sawyer, running her finger over her face like she’s been doing for the past two hours. “He’s making fun of the name of my sweet baby, and if I wasn’t extremely hormonal and hurting like hell, he would get a nice slap across his face. Yeah, he would, baby.”

He leans down and presses his lips to the crown of Emma’s head, wiping her hair back. “You’re teaching your daughter to be violent from the very beginning.” “Yes, yes I am.” Her eyes move away from Sawyer to look up at him, the green bright even though they’re still red rimmed. “Thank you for being here today, and all of the time. You don’t…you don’t have to be here at all. You don’t have to be so good to me, to us, and I don’t know how I’m ever going to repay you.” “Hey,” he soothes, settling down onto her mattress and placing his hand over her forearm while the other tugs at Sawyer’s hat, “there is never any need to repay me. Since the day you knocked on my door and threw up in my toilet, I have been absolutely thrilled to be your friend and to be by your side. I wouldn’t change any of this.” “Yeah?” “Absolutely.” He wants to tell her he loves her, but he can’t. Not like this. He’s wanted to for months. He is absolutely in love with her, but now is not the time. He’s not sure there will ever be the time, but now is definitely not it. But he’s absolutely besotted with she and Sawyer. “You are my absolute best friend. I would say that you’re my favorite person, but that’s this little girl.” He looks down at Sawyer’s small face, the way her lips twitch, before looking up at Emma, who has a tear falling from her eye that he has to wipe away. “You’re my best friend too. And she is pretty great, isn’t she?” “She’s perfect.”

-/-

“Wow, your daughter looks just like her daddy,” the nurse tells Emma when she’s coming in to check how Emma’s healing, and the more he looks at Sawyer, the more he agrees, which is impossible. He’s very much in love with Emma and would love to be a father figure for Sawyer if that’s what Emma allows him to be, but it’s physically impossible for him to be Sawyer’s dad. Emma went to a sperm bank, was artificially inseminated, and besides that, they’ve never even slept together. There’s no physical way for him to be her dad. Emma probably just has a type, dark hair and blue eyes, and that’s all.

But it nags at him for the next few hours as Emma sleeps and he cuddles with Sawyer, walking her back and forth in the room, admiring the petite features and relaxed face that she’s miraculously keeping, the crying at a minimum so far except when she struggled latching the first few times. It couldn’t…there’s no way. He’d donated sperm a few years ago, just the one time, and it had been a desperate attempt to pay for his rent when he was in between jobs right after getting his Masters. It’s not something he was proud of, not wanting to have a child out in the world he didn’t know about, not wanting to be like his father in any way, but Sawyer…she looks like him. He can see a bit of Emma, but he mostly sees himself.

Which is all crazy. Newborns all look the same.

Is he crazy? Is this just some kind of desperate attempt to be the father of his best friend’s baby? Because that sounds like something a lunatic would do.

He is not a lunatic.

Maybe he is a lunatic.

“Hey, little love,” he coos when Sawyer stirs in his arms, her small blue eyes opening up to him, “are you sleeping well? Like mummy? Yeah? You’re already doing so well. An overachiever, I tell you.” Her small arms reach up to him as much as she can, which isn’t saying much, and he gives her his finger, letting her tiny fingers grasp around his larger one.

“I want a picture of you two.”

Emma’s voice shocks him, making him turn to look at her in the bed. She looks exhausted, beautiful but exhausted. She did a lot today…or yesterday. It’s probably five the next morning now, but he’s honestly not sure. He hasn’t checked his phone or watch in awhile.

“Why, love?”

“Because moments like this need to be documented. Come here.”

He steps closer to her, sitting down on the side of her bed while she gets her phone of off the side table and begins taking pictures, just a few before she asks for him to hand Sawyer back to her.

“Emma, love,” he begins, reaching up and scratching behind his ear, “can I ask you something?”

“As long as I don’t have to get up out of this bed, you can ask me anything you want.”

“Where did you go…to have her?”

“Huh?” “What sperm bank did you go to?”

“Weird question but okay,” she hums, looking down at her daughter while she talks. “Um, I went to the New England Center.”

Is this…there’s no way. He’s crazy. He has to be crazy. Babies all look the same. How could anyone even tell who Sawyer looks like? He’s just tired and overwhelmed. That’s all. There’s no way that she would have chosen him. There was an entire book full of donors when he was there.

“Do you remember anything about your donor?”

“Yeah,” she cautiously sighs, eyeing him while helping Sawyer latch on to her breast, this time going easier than the first few times, “of course I do. I spent forever picking one out.”

“Describe him to me.”

“Killian, what’s this about?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course.” “Then tell me.”

“Um, okay,” she sighs, running her finger over Sawyer’s dark shock of hair peeking out beneath her hat, “he had black hair, blue eyes, and I think he was 6’1. I’m not sure though. The details are a little fuzzy right now. He went to college at Oxford, which I thought was super cool. He never had braces, his family didn’t have any hereditary diseases. His mom did have cancer, but it was because she was a smoker, not something he could have passed down. It didn’t say where he grew up or anything, but I figured that didn’t matter. I’m sure there was other stuff, but I felt like those were the highlights. Good genes, smart, healthy.”

His heart is practically beating out of his chest, threatening to break the skin, and he has to take several deep, calming breaths in an attempt to get himself back to normal. He’s not sure he’s ever going to feel normal ever again, especially as his stomach continues to drop only to rise again.

“Did you know his age?”

“I think he was twenty-five-ish when he donated.”

Holy shit.

He thinks that he’s Sawyer’s father.

[nanuk-dain]

I'm back among the living!!!! I handed in my last project and now I have a month of free time to do as I please *jumps around ecstatically* I worked 360 hours in the past five weeks, so I figure I deserve some downtime - and I intend to put it to good use. We'll see what I can do about updating Unit and the Book Club, and maybe finish that Q-Tip/Christeson fic that's already at 2.6k... Ohhhh, so many things I want to do! 😁

[ryan-masamune-of-oshu]

Fic Inspiration Roulette

It’s a collection of posts I’ve seen that inspired some of my fics. They’re not all written like prompts but you get the idea. It’s a mix of fluff and smut. Anyways I decided to post it for my own reference but also so people could use it as a meme if they want to.

Send a ship name and I’ll randomly generate a number 1-40 for a “fic prompt”

1. “Characters trapped somewhere to hide from a storm” trope, more like: “HOW MANY ORGASMS CAN THESE CHARACTERS HAVE IN 48 HOURS WHILE WAITING OUT A BLIZZARD? THE ANSWER MAY SHOCK YOU!”

2.  BOSS: Know why I called you in here? ME: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic BOSS: [stops pouring 2 glasses of wine] Accidentally?

3. “I am not sorry for who I had to become in order to survive.”

4. PERSON A: “Babe you wear a lot of black. Don’t you ever want some bright colors?” PERSON B: [smirks] “Nah you already brighten my day.” PERSON A: “I fucking love you.”

5. PERSON D: “I spy with my little eye, something beginning with ‘S’” PERSON C: “Is it [PERSON A and B’s] Sexual tension? PERSON A and B: “What?”

6. I stand in truth of who I am and what I feel. I’m liberated by authenticity. I stand exposed, my armor shed with arms outstretched in vulnerability. I am yours to wound, abandon, or embrace. I stand steady in patience as you search for your own truth. But know this: I will not wait forever.

7. I want sheet grabbing, back arching, heavy breathing, leg shaking sex. I want the slow kissing, hand roaming, and neck kissing. I want my lip bit and my back pinned against the wall. Pin me the fuck down. Get on top of me, rip my clothes off. Fuck...

8. If they stand behind you, give them protection. If they stand beside you, give them respect. If they stand in front of you, watch their back. And if they stand against you, show them no mercy.

9. No offense, but the soft uncertain kiss followed by a pause where the people look each other in the eyes and then fucking pull each other back into a more passionate kiss, will always be the most soul destroying trope. Catch me lying on the fucking ground sobbing and rewatching The Scene TM

10. I don’t want high school student aus. I want high school teachers aus. Please give me awkward teachers in love with each other and their students who work so, so hard to shove them together, please!

11. They told you it would feel good, but you couldn’t have imagined it would be this good. You hold their head down as you cum in their mouth. Don’t worry, let it wash over you. It’s what you both want. They’re happy to be on their needs, swallowing every last drop, unlike your partner.

12. Imagine your OTP having lazy Saturday morning sex. Eyes half open, early-morning sun washing across the bed. Sheets tangled around their legs. It’s nothing too intense. It’s warmth and messy tenderness, faces buried into each other’s necks and pleasure shivering down their spines.

13. If you run your fingers through my hair and pull a little while we’re kissing, I’m all yours.

14. Concept: We are laying in a hammock together, the summer breeze gently rocks us. My head is on your chest and I can hear your heartbeat and your breathing. The birds sing above and the sunlight warms us. I am in love with you.

15. You say you hate me, but I can see the love in your eyes. The way you say my name doesn’t match the vile words that follow. If I disgust you, then why do you pull me closer? If you say it hurts, then why beg to be touched. You confuse me darling, but let’s make one thing clear-you are mine, not his. So stop lying and show me how you really feel.

16. Neck kiss is honestly the hottest, most seductive thing anybody could ever do to me. If you kiss my neck, if you playfully bite my neck, if your tongue touches my neck, I will melt in your fingertips.

17. Plot: You’re an intelligent, pretty young thing who’s more familiar with books and philosophical concept. I’m that rough trade guy who you invite over to fix your sink and install a couple electrical things, but really you wanted to see me shirtless and of course, I end up fucking your brains out in the kitchen and then the bathroom and finally in the courtyard because that was the plan all along. Let’s be real.

18. When lazy kissing gets intense with that deep breath and hip pull.

19. When I have you, I’m gonna brand you with my lips and all of the world will know that you’re MINE now.

20. I say it’s time to bring back overtly sexual masquerade parties.

21. Someday, someone is going to look at you with a look in their eyes you’ve never seen. They’ll look at you like you’re everything...wait for it.

22. I’m sorry but if I’m sucking a dick and it hasn’t cum in like 10 minutes or less, it’s not my problem anymore and you can figure it out.

23. You call yourself ugly but you’ve only seen yourself when you look at the mirror, a thread. You don’t see yourself when your face lights up at the sight of a baby, ice cream, or your favorite restaurant. You don’t see yourself when you’re so focused on the things you love doing. You tell yourself you’re ugly but you’ve never seen yourself talk about the things you love. The stars, sky, the constellations, and the universe. You don’t see yourself when you smile at me for finally understanding what you’re trying to say. I guess that’s why it’s so easy for people to say they’re ugly because they’ve never seen themselves in the smallest moments, in the ordinary and still be beautiful. You never saw yourself tear up for laughing so hard or turn red after I told you something cheesy.

24. I want to lick your pulse and make you wonder if I’ll bite.

25. We’re on a date in a club and my friend is really high and confessing their love for me in front of you. So you take me to the back and fuck me to remind me who I belong to AU

26. Suggestion: Whisper praise in my ear when you’re fucking me from behind.

27. I’m sure you wouldn't mind them joining in, would you? You’re so needy. Sometimes you just need the extra attention. Don’t you? Need another set of hands on you, or more skin to get your hands on?

28. A shy sub riding your thigh, and hiding their face in your shoulder, mewling quietly as you guide their hips and make them move faster.

29. You’re OTP having sex. Person A has a habit of burying their face in something when they hit their climax, whether it be a pillow of Person B. This time Person B makes absolutely sure that Person A is looking at them when they orgasm (even if it means holding their face still). Bonus if Person B is so turned on by it they instantly cum.

30. From the bottom of my heart, please know that I’d appreciate being slammed against a wall with your hands down my pants and your breath against my neck saying that I am yours and only yours. 

31. If a monster or demon isn’t rawing you behind a haunted house or inside the woods, are you even doing Halloween right?

32. So there I was, a woodsman in flannel, eating out a beautiful man in a red cloak after saving him from a dangerous wolf. 

33. I don’t need prayers to worship you; just my head between your legs and your hands tugging at my hair.

34. I wanna hide my face in someone’s neck and sleep

35. Having sex with someone actually is a big deal and involves a ton of vulnerability and I think it’s extremely troubling and gross and unhealthy and actually exceptionally dangerous that we pretend otherwise and encourage people to “be mature” by compartmentalizing/completely eliminating their deeper human emotions from their sexuality and that any other view is dismissed as prudish and invalid and unenlightened and childish and restrictive. I can’t think about this too much because it makes me rage but I hate how much porn and capitalism have destroyed how we understand and experience sexuality and intimate connections with one another so much. 

36. I want to sleep with you. I don’t mean have sex. I mean sleep, together, under my blankets, and in my bed. With my hand on your chest and your arm around me. With the window cracked so it’s chilly and we have to cuddle closer. No talking, just sleepy blissfully happy, silence. 

37. Making out is one of the most underrated things in the world of sex. Like, one of the best feelings on Earth is tongue on tongue, biting each other’s lips and pressing your bodies together and grinding your hips into each other while your breathing mixes and making out is just so ugh God...

38. Imagine someone buying you lingerie just so they could see you in it.

39. “We’ve been fucking no strings attached but I just saw you go upstairs with another guy and I’m drunk and following you both upstairs to punch the shit out of him.

40.  My muse us clearly having a very vivid dream. Their body is reacting to it in a very sexual manner, panting and writhing in reaction as they sleep. It seems that whatever or whoever they are dreaming of is doing a good job of turning them on. Send me your muse’s response to walking in and finding them like that. 

[film-in-my-soul]

Short Stuff - Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier

Pairing: Eddie/Richie (Kinda…)

Word Count: 1503

Warnings: None

Request: @phannite: heyo! i was wondering if you could write a reddie fic where eddie is insecure about something? i would love to see what you invision with that! i absolutely adore your blog and thank you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not gonna lie, I was gonna go to bed (because I work at 4:30am and it’s almost 9:30pm) but then I got this request (my first on this blog) and I just had to do it. Honestly, I had a bit of trouble trying to figure out what he might be insecure about because I didn’t wanna do anything super obvious but I wanted to something that seemed in character.

I also decided to go with a more subtle Reddie with this one cause I thought it fit more with the store. Hope that was alright.

Hope you enjoy!

Requests OPEN

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes Eddie really hates being himself. More specifically he hates the fact that while all of his friends are in the middle of growth spurts he’s still stuck firmly in between five foot two and five foot three, the small lifts in the uncomfortable, stiff shoes his mother makes him wear pushing him up only a few scant inches.

It's not nearly enough to make him happy because even Bev is taller than he is and she’s well, a girl, and by definition, at least the definition of most of the seventh grade, girls are meant to be shorter than boys.

It’s not even that Eddie is mad about it. He’s not mad about the way that he sometimes has to use the stepping stool in his kitchen so he can wash dishes more easily. Nor that he has to raise his hand extra high in class, almost to the point where it’d be easier simply to stand. And it’s not even the way that the bullies seem to have the strange ability to pick him out of any crowd because he simply is the smallest potential victim. It’s not really any of those things. Those are all things he can’t control completely.

What Eddie hates, what he’s mad about most, what makes his fists clench, cheeks pinken, and shoulders shake with rage boiling steadily beneath his skin, is that his friends don’t even realize they treat him differently because of it.

Eddie doesn’t even remember when it really started but after he’d noticed he couldn’t stop noticing and that made him all the madder because they didn’t.

Bev doesn’t do much, so Eddie gets mad at her the least, but still, sometimes when they’re walking Eddie falls a bit behind. Ben and Richie will be caught in some kind of debate, Bill, Stan, and Mike will take turns pointing things out to one another and Bev usually takes up the rear with Eddie. The thing is, what makes him irrationally mad, is that when he starts lagging behind because his legs just happen to be shorter than all of theirs, Bev will intentionally slow down, sometimes even full out stop so that Eddie can catch up with at least one of the people in their group.

Really, Eddie knows that it shouldn’t bother him, she’s just trying to be nice after all, anyone could see that, but it doesn’t matter. It upsets him regardless. He usually just walks faster out of spite, straining to stay close to the middle of the group just so he doesn’t start to fall behind again.

Bev, being Bev, will always roll her eyes at Eddie’s near petulance and march in step with the others.

Ben and Bill do the same thing and it drives Eddie practically up the wall. Whenever Eddie can’t reach something, a book in the library, a snack on one of the taller shelves, or a pillow from the hall closet when the Losers Club is having its weekly movie night, either Ben or Bill is there, crowding up behind Eddie to reach just over his head to grab what he’s trying to for him.

Not only does Eddie not like the pressuring closeness of someone almost draping themselves across his back he doesn’t like the fact that they just do it. They don’t ask if he needs help, or if they can get him something to stand on, they just do it.

Stan sometimes uses his shoulder as a book rest when they’re outside so he can use a free hand to take notes.

Mike bends down when they talk, not very noticeable but enough that Eddie knows he’s doing it.

It all makes him so angry. Flushed with embarrassment and coiling fury because they all just assume that he needs help. They never ask if he does, oh no, because of course, he must, he just so small, it’s inconceivable that he’d be able to do it on his own.

He loathes the fact that even if they don't know they're doing it, they are treating him like he's delicate, a damsel in distress because of his bodies own vertical challenge.

But of course, he can’t just blow up at them. He knows that they’re just trying to be friends, trying to be nice and considerate of him.

It doesn’t change the fact that he hates it.

And then there’s Richie.

Richie is a whole other kind of monster to deal with when it comes to his height.

He makes jokes. He constantly uses Eddie as an armrest. Always calls him cute and pinches his cheeks like he’s still a child. He’s bombarded by his friend's comments and nicknames.

“Hey, short stuff.”

“How’s the world looking from down there Eddie Spaghetti?”

“Sorry Eds, can’t hear you from down there.”

Sometimes he’ll even go so far as to snatch something from him and hold it above his head until Eddie resorts to hitting him in the stomach to make him give it back. Which really only causes Richie to laugh even more.

The thing with Richie though is that surprisingly what he does doesn’t make Eddie as hot-blooded when compared to everyone else.

Yeah, it still pisses him off, makes him scowl and color high in his cheeks and behind his ears but the little spikes of resentment he feels don't last as long.

It’s because Richie doesn’t do anything. Sure, he jokes and makes little comments but Richie does that about everything and everyone so it doesn’t feel like he’s treating Eddie all that different. He doesn’t put his hand on his back to help him up into the taller chairs at the dinner they all hang out at, he doesn’t reach over Eddie’s head to grab something for him and he’s never once offered to give Eddie a boost to reach the pull-up bar in gym.

Still, Eddie hates being short. He does and his friends always do something that draws attention to that fact. Then Eddie’s left to be upset. It’s not like he can do much to actually change that fact and the boy hates things he doesn’t have any control over.

Then, one night when Richie’s over and they’re just hanging out, listening to the small radio he has propped up on his dresser, pretending to do homework, Richie says something that makes Eddie’s mind go horribly blank.

“You know Eds, it’s kinda cool that you’re shorter than the rest of us.” It’s so completely out of the blue that Eddie doesn’t even register what the glasses-clad boy’s said. It’s enough of a pause for Richie to assume that he can keep going.

“I mean, no one else can get behind Bill’s TV set to fix the wires, and you can always pick up the dodge balls in gym quicker than we can,  getting into Ben’s mom car is nightmare but you haven’t hit your head once when we all manage to do it constantly, and I mean Mike-”

Eddie has to swallow back some of the emotion that's clogged up his throat to speak.

“Beep beep Richie.” His voice still cracks a bit when he says it.

He’s not upset though. That’s not why he’s getting stupidly choked up over his best friend saying things that in the end really don’t matter. It’s because Eddie knows why Richie is saying what he is.

Richie must have seen how upset Eddie always was. Like early in the day when Bill had grabbed him a glass from the kitchen that was stubbornly on a top shelf. Eddie had almost barked at his caring friend that he could have gotten it himself just fine, but he’d held it back.

Richie must have seen. He must have seen all of it. All the times that Eddie had ever gotten embarrassed and tight-faced over the fact that he is so tiny compared to everyone around him all the time.

The fact that he noticed and noticed enough to try and make him feel better about it was what was making Eddie's chest tighten and his stomach do stupid little jumping jacks.

Richie might have been worried that he’d just further upset his friend if he hadn’t seen the little smile ticking up at the corner of Eddie’s mouth reluctantly.

“Whatever short stuff,” he scoffed, feigning overdramatic offense as he knocked his shoulder against the other boy's, turning back to his notebook.

Eddie bumped him back, smile still firmly tugging his mouth up, as a silent ‘thank you.’

[oneshot-twoshot-redshot-blueshot]

A New Kind Of Attack

From this request: Sam x reader angst&fluff fic, where y/n has powers like Dr Strange (like she uses her own soul energy to cast spells etc) and she uses them to confront Lucifer, but the fight leaves her so exhausted and she barely made it out alive.

______________________________________________________________

There were only three syllables that struck fear to the very core of your being. And the fear wasn’t so much about you… but about Sam.

Lucifer.

With his return, the Winchesters were on high-alert. They were tracking his every move, discussing and re-discussing every plan that Lucifer could have come up with. They joined forces with Crowley and Cas and Rowena, reaching into every nook and cranny they could think of. They were implementing every weapon in their arsenal.

Except one.

While they’d known you for a while (almost seven years, to be exact), they didn’t know every secret you held.

You weren’t sure how it happened. You weren’t sure why you were the only one you knew of. You weren’t sure the exact reaches of your powers.

All you knew was that you had them.

You were a designated freak, a comic-book-hero living in the real world.

The first time you’d done it, it’d terrified you. You’d thought it was a dream, but there was evidence that you’d actually astral projected. Of course, you didn’t know the name for it at the time. But once it happened again and again and again, you started to do some research. You typed in your ‘symptoms’ and found a basic diagnosis.

Of course, that diagnosis was only pertinent to fictional people. But you did find some links that led to other ‘abilities’ held by these characters.

Feeling like a right git, you attempted some of them. Most of them didn’t work, but for some reason, telekinesis did. The book flew across the room; it startled you so much that you ducked, letting the book crash into the wall.

The next time you astral projected (with a little help from the internet, you learned to somewhat control it), you attempted your telekinesis.

It worked.

Little by little, you found yourself opening up a whole new world for yourself. As proud as you were of your new found talents and the accomplishments you made with them, you kept them to yourself.

But you couldn’t do that any longer.

You’d heard the stories and witnessed the tail-end of the terror Lucifer had inflicted upon Sam. Sam was strong, but you weren’t sure he could go another round with the archangel.

Upon finding that Lucifer’s new vessel was a Vince Vincente, the boys set up a plan to try and take him down at his next stop. Everyone was on board with this idea.

Except you.

______________________________________________________________

“Are you going to be all right here?” Sam asked.

You shook your head slightly, snapping out of your daze. That damn jacket-and-white-t-shirt combination was making it very hard for you to concentrate (even with such impending doom at the boys going to meet Lucifer). “What?”

Sam’s brow creased slightly. “You’re not getting sick, are you? You’ve been spacey all day.”

“No, no, I’m fine. I just…”

‘Have been planning how to attack Lucifer to save you?’

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go against him.”

“We have to.”

“Then let me go with you. I can help.”

“You know I can’t do that, Y/N. It’s too dangerous.” Sam stepped toward you, gently laying a hand on your stomach. “Too dangerous for both of you,” he whispered.

You closed your eyes and leaned your forehead against his chest, knowing he was right. Finding out you were pregnant had been a pleasant turn of events for both of you, but it had put a crimp in hunting. “Promise me you’ll be safe?”

“Of course,” Sam said, pressing his lips to the crown of your head. “I’ve got Dean and Cas and Crowley on my side. And rumor has it that this vessel is already losing power.”

You nodded, feeling a little better.

“I’ll call you as soon as we’re done,” Sam promised.

Dean stepped into the room at that moment, dressed in his own rock star getup. “You ready, Sam?”

Sam nodded, pressing his fingers a little harder into your stomach before stepping away. The two of you hadn’t told Dean yet, having been a little busy with the archangel’s return. “Let’s go.”

“You sure you don’t want to come, Y/N?” Dean asked. He’d noticed that you’d taken a step back but he didn’t seem to have put two and two together yet.

You shook your head. “I’m feeling a little too crampy to be of much use.” The irony in your excuse was not missed by you or Sam.

Dean grimaced slightly. “Who knows, maybe you could just… bleed on him, make him give up.”

Sam smacked Dean on the shoulder. “We’ll be back later, Y/N.”

“Go get him. Make him pay.”

______________________________________________________________

You sat on the bed, cross-legged, eyes closed. You slowed your breathing, picturing the fight that was going to take place.

The smallest fear began to form in the back of your mind. Your hand drifted down to your stomach. None of the research said anything about trying astral projection while pregnant. But you knew you had to try.

‘If I feel anything out of the ordinary, I’ll stop,’ you told yourself.

You calmed yourself, counting your breathing. You felt your heart rate slow. You pictured the club where the performance was about to take place.

‘The performance of a lifetime,’ you thought, steeling yourself for the fight of your life.

______________________________________________________________

Sam tried to hold the doors, the rush of people running under his arms. The doors slammed shut, leaving him and Dean in the locked room with Lucifer.

Sam turned back to the stage, the rock star he used to love standing before him, his eyes though lined with thick black eyeliner still conveying that there was something (someone) else inside of that body.

Cas tried to get a leg up, but Lucifer struck him down. And then, from the other side of the stage, a speaker flew through the air and smashed into Lucifer.

All eyes were on the shimmering figure standing stage left.

“Y/N?” Sam said, staring at the figure he recognized but was having a hard time believing.

Lucifer flicked his wrist, trying to knock you down just like he did with Cas, but your figure remained strong. With a wave of your hand, another speaker flew through the air. Lucifer’s own strength sent it back to you, passing through your chest.

“Y/N!”

Your figure flickered, static-y like a poor television reception. You staggered back, taking a moment to regain composure.

“What the hell?” Dean asked his brother. “How… how is she doing that?”

Sam shook his head. “I don’t know. But we have to help her.”

Before the Winchesters could get to you, Lucifer squeezed his hand into a fist. Your figure flickered a few more times before disappearing completely.

Sam rushed the stage, wanting nothing more than to pummel Lucifer into the ground. But Dean grabbed his brother’s arm, holding him back.

“Look,” he said with a nod toward Lucifer.

The vessel was decaying, practically melting before their eyes. Vince opened his mouth and a bright light shot out, the corpse collapsing to the ground.

______________________________________________________________

Sam ran into the motel room, the door bashing into the wall. He crossed over to the bed where you were stretched out, eyes closed. “Y/N?!”

You slowly opened your eyes. “Sam?”

“Y/N, are you okay? What happened?”

“I’m fine, Sam. I just… I’m tired.” You struggled to push yourself up, wincing. Pulling the neck of your shirt down, you saw a large bruise forming on your chest. Strange—you’d never received an injury from any of your astral projections before.

‘I’ve also never gone up against Lucifer before,’ you thought to yourself.

“Y/N,” Sam whispered, trailing his eyes and fingers across the bruise.

“I’m fine, Sam.”

“You’re sure?”

You nodded.

“And…?”

You gave Sam a smile. While it was still too early to feel the baby, you’d read so much about mother’s intuition and you knew that if something had gone wrong, you would have felt it. But your heart still fluttered upon thinking about the little creature inside of you. Deep down, you knew it was still alive and well. “We’re fine.”

Sam’s hand dropped to your stomach again, his fingers curling, protecting what he couldn’t yet feel.

“What the hell?” Dean asked, stepping into the room. “Is that, like… some weird menstrual power you get or something?”

You laughed slightly. “No, Dean.”

“Then what?”

You shrugged. “I’ve been able to do it all my life, basically. It just sort of… happens. But I’ve been working on refining it.”

“You shouldn’t have done it,” Sam said, his concern now turning into parental disapproval.

“I don’t know,” Dean said. “I thought it was kind of cool.”

You smiled as you suppressed a yawn. Your fingers traced lightly over the deepening bruise on your chest.

“You get some sleep,” Sam said, leaning down and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “We’ll talk about this in the morning.”

[weekendwritingmarathon]

This weekly roundup includes fics written (at least in part) during the 1k1h sprints and/or the Weekend Writing Marathon events.

Fics are ordered first by fandom, then by word count from smallest to largest.

***

Mostly Magic by @alxdiamond​

Merlin || Merlin/Arthur || Explicit || Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con || 7,769 words

Summary: Whatever you were searching for when you came across this book, you’re probably not going to find it here. Someone thinks it’ll be historically significant for me to record my side of things. This is a story about lies and secrets, magic and murder, vengeance and betrayal. Prepare to learn more about Camelot and its King than you ever wanted to know. There’s really no coming back from this.

Other Tags: Attempted non-con and magic-related dubious consent, minor character deaths including children, Canon Era, Enchanted Merlin, Angst with a Happy Ending, Rimming, Top Arthur/Bottom Merlin

***

Don’t Let Me Go... by @pherryt​

Supernatural || pre-Dean/Cas || Gen Rating || No Major Warnings Apply || 2,420 words

Summary: Castiel, Angel of the Lord, was always aware of Dean Winchester on some level. No matter where he was in the world, or even in Heaven, Dean was a constant presence in the back of his mind. It was always there. Until the day it wasn’t.

Other Tags: 12.11 CODA, memory loss, Castiel, Dean Winchester, profound bond, Angst, but with a happy ending

***

Fuck the Breakfast Club by @alxdiamond​

Supernatural || Claire & Emma, Background Dean/Cas  || Teen & up || No Major Warnings Apply || 5,019 words

Summary: A juvenile delinquent and a daddy’s girl are confined to the principal’s office after a fight, waiting for their fathers to pick them up. It would be tense even if their dads weren’t dating; but as things stand, they’re going to have a very long day.

Other Tags: High School AU, Enemies to Friends

***

In the Doghouse by @thayerkerbasy​

Supernatural || None || Gen rating || No Major Warnings Apply || 6,301 words

Summary: Abbadon was dead and life in Hell was good for Juliet. Of course, nobody in Hell is ever truly happy for very long.  Part 4 in the A Man and His Dog series.

Other Tags: Spn 9.23, Spn 10.01, Spn 10.03, Demon!Dean, Angst and Feels, Pining, Hellhounds, Canon Compliant, Juliet POV

***

The Renegade Job by @treefrogie84​

Supernatural/Leverage || Dean Winchester/ Castiel, Parker/Eliot Spencer/Alec Hardison || Teen & up || No Major Warnings Apply || 15,638 words

Summary: It's bound to be an awkward meeting, but the only person Cas trusts to locate Dean and Sam is Eliot Spencer. Retrieval is, after all, what Eliot does. If Cas would rather avoid another trip down memory lane with another of Dean's exes, he shouldn't have lost track of him in the aftermath of re-caging Lucifer. So here Cas is, rushing down the highway, hoping he can catch Eliot before he and his team leave Houston, hoping he can convince them to help. Because Dean and Sam have been locked up for four weeks already, and Cas has no more idea where they are now than he did when they first disappeared. Leverage, Inc, might be bad guys, but they're the only good guys Cas has.

Other Tags: past dean winchester/ eliot spencer, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Post-Episode: s12e08 LOTUS, Canon-Typical Violence

***

not flying solo by @froggydarren​

Teen Wolf || pre-Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski || Gen Rating || No Major Warnings Apply || 967 words

Summary: When Stiles asks, it’s not really a question. He only throws the idea out, and immediately dismisses it as something crazy, something he isn’t considering.

Other Tags: Alternate Universe, Werewolves exist

***

Have you posted a fic written at least partially during a WWM event? Submit your fic here by midnight EST Monday and it will be included on next Wednesday’s WWM Fic Roundup post.

[carpethefanfics]

Horcrux: The Beginning.

“I'm wondering if you would consider a Tom Riddle fic? Not a ship one- but his time at Hogwarts and throughout the creation of each Horcrux. Seeing the changes.”

To the lovely anon who requested the above, I liked your idea very much and as you might be able to tell by my other pieces getting into a character’s head is my fav. SO please stayed tuned as this is only a teaser for the things that will come.

[I took the speaking points from this scene in the movie btw.]

Enjoy.

He’s standing before Professor Slughorn

His suit is neatly pressed and his hair is combed back

Not a single strand out of place

Or button left dull

His appearance has been determined down to the finest of details

He had to ensure all went perfectly tonight

Because it’s the end of another year

And the end of another one of their evenings together

And he refuses to wait much longer

The whole Club had gathered around to hear the old man gloat about this student and that one

The ones that brought him immense pride

The ones that earned their places on his mantle

The ones that earned their places in history

And the other students listen with wide eyes and gaping mouths

Asking him countless questions about famed witches and wizards that he has taught

Their faces are derisive

Contemptuous even

Hoping to be one of his trophies like the puppets they are

Wishing to be another figure in the innumerable series of photographs and ticket stubs and newspaper clippings the man has on display 

Praying to be the one he will add to his collection

It is an endless talking point for Slughorn 

He will brag and boast and coerce for hours 

Especially tonight with the most talented of his current students gathered 

Assembled to ensure they knew exactly who to send their praises to when they find their success

When they make their fortunes 

When they have ensured their name will be stamped into history 

But Tom can see right through it all

The man has always been nothing but a collector

Not exceptionally talented in any particular way himself

But an excellent manipulator

He could at least respect that

Slughorn’s uncanny ability to trick children into idolizing him so they could make it on his cheap cabinet

Their wide twinkling eyes not even second guessing the sly way the words rolled off his tongue

Things like ‘exceptionally talented’

And ‘You remind of me of ...’

To build them up

To knock them back down

To make them think they needed his approval

But Tom knows

He can see past the façade

And he knows that what better way to get what he needs than to flip his game on his head

Make Slughorn chase him instead

Make him realize he will one day be seen as the invaluable asset he is

Someone who wizards and witches to come will know for generations

Will come to fear

Who will be written about for the rest of time

A necessity on his wall of photographs 

And the unbelievable feeling of power that courses through Tom, the strength the thought alone gives him is enough to keep the words that drawl from his mouth soft

They seem so nonchalant as they slip from his tongue

He’s sure that the charming venom will wrap itself tightly around Slughorn in no time

Even though he seems apprehensive at first

‘I’m not sure what you’re reading Tom but this is very dark stuff, very dark indeed’

Doing this is like breathing 

‘Which is … why I came to you.’

And it’s like he’s run his fingers over the exact right spot to make Slughorn unravel

Tom has always known how to talk to people

How to read the smallest flick of their gaze and twitch of their fingers

His professors call it charm

His friends flock to him as he speaks

A commanding presence that he is much too aware of 

But his ability to hit the sweet spots they need to hear to make them do as he wishes is positively irrefutable 

And just as he anticipates, Slughorn concedes 

His beady little eyes watching Tom as he glides towards him

His presence obviously putting Slughorn on edge

Because he’s flexing his hand around his glass and bulging his eyes and there’s the slightest tick in his left knee

A nervousness there

Masked by his need to please the young man delving into his mind

And he doesn’t even know thats why

‘A Horcrux is an object in which a person has concealed part of their soul’

Tom feigns his purpose of course

His voice sounding so child-like

Just simple curiosity

‘But I don’t understand how that works sir’

It’s another step in his plans

Men like Horace need to feel superior, more intelligent, more capable

Even though Tom knows they’re so incredibly weak

So incredibly defenseless to men like him who define themselves by their ability to wield power

Not by their cultivation of those who already have it

Slughorn is nothing more to him than a cog in his infinitely more complex machine

A cog who couldn’t possibly comprehend what he has planned for himself

What he has planned for the world

‘One splits oneself and hides part of it in an object. By doing so you are protected should you be attacked and your body destroyed’

Tom maintains his steady gaze

A doe eyed look on his face

His mouth straight

But the word that comes out is a little harsher than anticipated

A little more excited

And he knows Slughorn won’t notice

But he realizes the idea of wielding this power is overwhelming him

He rolls his head to the side to release the tension from his neck

His body does not want to wait

But his mind, oh his mind

It has calculated the oncoming events with great precision and he must remain in control

Especially now

‘Protected’?

Slughorn seems to choke on his drink at Tom’s question

A confusion for why Tom is pressing the matter

But he appeases him anyway

‘The part of your soul that is hidden lives on. In other words, you cannot die’

You cannot die

You cannot die

Tom is staring into the fireplace when the words fall from Slughorn’s lips

He feels like he’s absorbing them through his skin

He can feel the supremacy already

See what he will do in the flames licking the bricks

See what he could show those who dare question him

See what he will accomplish with his reign

But he needs more first he realizes

He’s so lost in his thought that the silence from Slughorn is deafening

‘And how does one split his soul sir?’

The question comes out gently

Much more gently than the last

His tongue is purposefully languid in his mouth

He needs to know

Needs it to be affirmed

His mind is telling him to remain collected

But his blood is pumping so loudly in his ears

This is the key

‘Think you already know the answer to that Tom’

The word leaves his lips so fast he’s sure that Slughorn has noticed by now

The man may be daft but he’s still quite qualified

Still intelligent enough

Just not enough to realize the full extent of his actions tonight

‘Murder’

It sounds so satisfying to say aloud

A word that has been stuck in his head for months finally confirmed 

Its so simplistic

All he has to do is rid the world, rid his world, of lives it will not need anyway

He can think of several just off the top of his head who don’t deserve a place in his empire

Who will serve no purpose

Who will only rebel against the inevitable

‘Yes, killing rips the soul apart, it is a violation against nature’

A violation against nature

Tom can feel the laughter in the pit of his stomach trying to force its way out

He remains calm, remains collected

We owe nature nothing he thinks

In the world he has envisioned he is nature

And the only violation is those who trust in love

Who allow themselves to be ruined by love

It is a wretched weakness

It brings the most powerful to their knees

He has seen it time and time again spreading like the disease it is

Crippling ones willpower 

Refuting ones self interest

Love never gave great witches and wizards what they sought

Only held them back from their true potential

‘Can you only split the soul once, for instance seven?’

The question has come and gone before Tom realizes he has gone too far

Allowed himself to lose too much control

‘Seven? Merlin’s beard Tom isn’t it bad enough to consider killing one person? To rip the soul into seven pieces. This is all hypothetical isn’t it Tom, all academic.’

Horace sounds completely horrified by his question

It’s almost like he’s been stunned as he sputters the words out

And that’s really all the affirmation Tom needs

He can accomplish his goal

A goal no other wizard has dared to even think about

But Tom, Tom isn't like other men and he knows this 

He has always known that his differences made him greater

This knowledge will allow him to become who he was always meant to be

He no longer needs the mind of Horace Slughorn

No longer needs the ancient, dusty books of wizards before him who only dreamt of such magical feats

‘Of course sir. It can be our little secret’

And it will be

Because by the time Tom has succeeded in this magic Horace will have forgotten this conversation

Or will be too ashamed of himself to delve into his memories to remember the information he gave the soon to be most powerful man the wizarding world has ever seen

And by then it won’t matter

Because tactless men like Horace Slughorn

Whose blood may be pure but whose souls are weighted down by love

Who will always succumb to their weaknesses

Have no place in a wizarding world ruled by Tom Marvolo Riddle

Ruled by a dark lord

The dark lord

Voldemort