#fic: Wifies's Bakery for Wayward Players

[saiintvalentiine]

Summary: Wifies runs a small bakery that has some. . . interesting clientele. A snapshot of a typical day at Wifies's bakery and café.

Notes: written quickly in the span of like 5 hours while at work and mostly unedited, here is some fluff as an apology for all the psychological damage I did the other night :') please forgive any SPAG errors, I'll give it a good clean and cross post to AO3 some other time. With cameos from Ken, Parrot, Egg and Wemmbu, and Wato ! divider

Word count: 1,445

The bell over the bakery door jingles merrily, and Wifies steps out of the kitchen with a generic greeting on his tongue before he realizes it's Ken. It's been a while since he’d seen Ken. Today, Ken has a long skirt on, so Wifies can't see if the ankle monitor is still on. He has those, sometimes. Wifies usually finds out because he launches directly into complaining about it.

“Wifies!”

“Hi Ken. Why are you here at 5:30 am?”

Wifies woke up at 3 am. Bakeries are early work after all, but Ken’s schedule is a mystery to him.

“I just got out of work actually!”

Ken leans up against the big display next to the counter, dual colored eyes darting around rapidly across all the cookies and cakes. Wifies can already tell what he's going to get, so he grabs a box and starts puzzling it together.

“Ohhh, I want one of those.”

Ken taps the glass over a tray of meat pastelitos. Made of thin, crunchy layers of pastry and stuffed with minced meat, it's exactly the kind of thing Ken would enjoy. They're only sweet enough to make the savory stand out.

“Of course. How many?”

Ken taps his claws on the glass a few times and says, “Three.”

Wifies snorts and grabs a piece of parchment paper. They're easier to handle with his hands and not tongs. He piles three into the box and shuts it, returning to the counter where Ken is already dropping off some diamonds.

“Just the one,” Wifies says, handing Ken the box.

“Shut up,” Ken says, dropping the rest of the diamonds into the tip jar.

He opens the box and pulls a pastelito out. Wifies's bakery is small, shoved into a corner of the block, so there isn't really anywhere to sit. Ken has never really cared about that kind of thing though. He takes a bite out of the pastry— really he chomps through half of it— and crumbs go flying everywhere. He groans.

“So good,” Ken mutters around his mouthful.

“You're dirtying my counter,” Wifies pulls the towel he keeps in his pocket out and wipes the mess away

“No tables!”

“Shut up.”

Ken finishes his pastry and grabs a wad of napkins out of the dispenser at the far end of the counter, cleaning his face and fingers off.

“Wifies, if you leave this town, I'm killing myself,” Ken says serenely, closing the box back up. “Have a good day.”

“You too, Ken.”

Ken leaves with a skip in his step and a pleased curl to his tail. Today's forecast was rain all day, so Wifies isn't expecting much traffic; it was a pleasant surprise to see Ken at all. He has dough that needs proofing, cupcakes to ice, and bread to bake though, so he returns to the kitchen with low expectations. When the bell rings only 30 minutes later, though, he's surprised again.

“Welcome,” Wifies calls out, wiping his hands on his apron. “How can I help you?”

“Hey.”

Parrot shakes his wings out and waves at Wifies. He's got a nasty cut on his jaw and a bruise over his eyebrow.

“Oh, Parrot,” Wifies sighs, opening the gate to get around the counter and get right into Parrot's space.

“It's not that bad!”

Wifies makes sure his hands are dry before turning Parrot's face to one side and looking at the cut. It's clean, which is a good thing, but it's raw and red still.

“It's not that bad,” Parrot repeats, letting Wifies inspect him regardless. “I won!”

“At least you won,” Wifies sighs again and lets go of Parrot, returning to his spot behind the counter. “Winners still don't get discounts.”

Parrot laughs and checks out the display. He crouches and his profile twists up— he must be hurt under his clothes. Wifies isn't sure why Parrot is always getting into scraps, but he wishes that he'd be less injury prone. Parrot taps on the glass.

“A lemon bar, and a sugar cookie too.”

Wifies packs those up for him.

“Have you gotten your coffee machine fixed yet?” Parrot asks, handing over some diamonds.

“Not yet, sorry.”

“Then what kind of tea should I have with the lemon bar?”

Wifies perks up. Parrot never orders tea.

“Earl grey.”

“Then I’ll take some.”

Wifies can’t help how obvious his pleasure is. He loves tea, but it’s not a popular drink since most people just want coffee. He makes himself a cup of earl grey too, in his own mug instead of a takeout cup.

“Do you want honey?”

“Make it however you like it most.”

Wifies adds honey and a bit of cream, stirring it all up and capping it. He hands Parrot his take out cup and sips at his mug with a pleased sigh. Parrot tries his own.

“That’s really good.”

Wifies grins and says, “I know!”

Parrot leaves with a wave, and Wifies hangs out at the counter for a few minutes with his tea. The sky cracks open with rain as he finishes the last dregs in his mug, and with it comes the tumbling bodies of Egg and Wemmbu.

“Hi there you two,” Wifies says, popping into the kitchen to drop his mug off at the sink before coming back out. “Caught by the rain?”

“It’s awful out there!” Egg complains.

Wemmbu silently wrings his hair out over the welcome mat.

“Do you have any quiches?” Egg asks, bouncing on his heels.

“No more quiches!” Wemmbu complains, but Wifies ignores him as he usually does.

Egg is the one who pays, and Egg is the one who’s nice to him, so Egg gets to have as many quiches as he wants.

“I do. I have spinach cheddar, tomato basil, and artichoke parmesan.”

“Ohhhhh, Wifies, two of each please.”

“Coming right up.”

Wemmbu complains loudly as Wifies packs each quiche pair into their own little boxes. Egg doesn’t give Wemmbu the time of day when it comes to what he orders here; it’s obvious Wemmbu makes enough demands that Egg is over him. Sometimes Wifies wonders what the appeal of sticking around Wemmbu is for someone as pleasant as Egg, but he also knows that the purple jacket Egg is wearing is Wemmbu’s, so maybe he does understand.

“Thank you Wifies,” Egg says, big blue eye somehow conveying joy even in its singularity. “See you!”

“Stay safe out there.”

Wemmbu groans and they dash out into the rain. After them, the day remains misty and quiet. A few more people come in and out, but Wifies spends most of his time in the kitchen, working on some custom orders. Usually, bakeries like his close pretty early— most of his profit is made in the morning, and after 3 pm, foot traffic dies quickly. But he’s waiting for his clockwork patron to arrive before closing for the day. At 5 pm, his door bell jingles, and when he reaches the counter, Wato is already looking through the display with a critical eye.

“Hi Wato,” Wifies opens the gate and goes to the door to flip the sign from open to closed.

“Hey Wifies,” Wato’s green tail sways behind them like a metronome. “Anything new today?”

“I do!”

Wato perks up, a puff of bedrock dust floating up from their clothes at the sudden movement. Bedrock has a strange, distinct smell, in that it clears other smells out in its wake. It smells like fog, or void, or absence. Wifies shivers at the way that not-smell fills the air so familiarly, wipes away the sweetness of sugar and warmth of bread that he’s been basking in all day.

Wato sneezes.

“Bless you.”

“Thanks. What did you make?”

“Please hold.”

He’s been storing it in wait for Wato. Once it’s warmed through, he brings it to the counter, held out like a cake.

“A breakfast pot pie. It’s made with sausage, cheese, bacon, potatoes, cream, and a poached egg baked into the top of the pie crust.”

Wato’s tail starts wagging like crazy. It kicks up more bedrock dust, but nothing can take away how proud Wifies is right now. He grabs a plastic fork and hands it off to Wato. Wato wordlessly digs in. Wifies doesn’t usually like staring people down when they eat, finds it weird and invasive, but Wato wears their joy on their face, and right now they look absolutely delighted.

“Wifies, marry me,” Wato says, turning their big green eyes onto Wifies. Wifies laughs loudly. “Stop laughing, marry me now, I can’t love another day without this.”

“You won’t have to,” Wifies assures. “I’m gonna be here for a long, long time.”

[saiintvalentiine]

Wifies's Bakery for Wayward Players

The wintertime makes Wifies strangely nostalgic. Parrot gives him a gift.

i wasnt supposed to write or post this. but i also didnt wanna hold it hostage. guh. enjoy!

[saiintvalentiine]

Wifies's Bakery for Wayward Players

Wifies runs a small bakery that has some. . . interesting clientele. A snapshot of a typical day at Wifies's bakery and café.

bakery au is now on ao3 for your reading pleasure :) featuring Ken, Parrot, Egg and Wemmbu, and Wato, enjoy a little slice of this silly au !!!

[saiintvalentiine]

saiint — she/they — 24

im saiint and this is my MCYT account :) i write fics sometimes.

all my writing can be found in the saiintly apocrypha tag. long form fics are on AO3. (mostly) tumblr exclusive completed oneshots can be found in the saiintly hymn tag !

do not repost my fics

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Tags:

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Fic Tags:

Standalones: blood in the water - AO3 || tag to the us of tomorrow - AO3 || tag how to featherfall (on going) - AO3 || tag requiescat - AO3 || tag three-fourths time - AO3 || tag Wifies's Bakery for Wayward Players - AO3 || tag three dog night - AO3 || tag the tip of my tongue is sweet (whenever i say your name) - AO3 || tag

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sleepless in ___ (series) in bloom - AO3 || tag blue heart - AO3 || tag

[saiintvalentiine]

i looooove being a bad influence i think it's funny giggle

also, do you think wifies would hate stargazy pie? idk if you've seen one yourself but it's quite scary imo

newspaper bonks for Kade who is behaving so poorly 🗞️🗞️🗞️

that shit is terrifying and he would hate it 100% but also I fully believe he'd give one to Ken just to see what they do. Ken, of course, yells at him.

[saiintvalentiine]

what do you think wifies would bake for special occasions like halloween, christmas, and valentines?

also, do you think other people would give wifies treats too as a surprise gift?

Halloween gets all kinds of cookies with royal/flood icing designs, dark choco brownies with bat sprinkles, and spooky ghost cupcakes. Christmas is full of peppermint barks, sugar cookies, and fruit cakes that don't break your teeth in half, and lots of spiced drinks— apple cider, brown sugar lattes, cinnamon teas, that kind of thing. Valentine's is a little easier and trickier, bc it's easy to make everything into hearts and flowers and pink and red, but he has to consider how to make things into nice but easy to deliver gifts. this is probably the season of heart shaped mini cakes with custom icing writing on top, and lots of brightly colored berry teas. red velvet cookies and chocolate stuffed croissants are also high up there.

i think people would try and make him treats and he would be so thankful even if they sucked! but I think once someone gets to know him, they realize oh man. this guy hates cooking.

He cooks ofc bc he needs to eat, but when you spend all day in a kitchen, I think you begin to not really look forward to making your own food. He poached food from his own bakery ofc, but when someone wants to gift him something, they start to default to yummy food. Anything that's delicious that he doesn't have to make and isn't full of sugar makes him extremely happy

Ken and Wato bribe Wifies into coming over to their house for the very first time by promising him a really delicious meal. It's super effective. Ken and Wato occasionally drop off containers of food to Wifies at the bakery as gifts or bc they're worried abt him........ I like to imagine Parrot's no good at cooking tho LOL

[saiintvalentiine]

*gasp*

i just thought of something

do you think wifies would make animal sugar cookies based on his friends?

like, a green and yellow cat cookie for ken, a green wolf with a flower on it's ear for wato, and a colorful parrot holding a spyglass for parrot?

oh my god he absolutely does......... on their birthday week he makes them a ton and gifts them but also sometimes he'll make a batch and sell it at the bakery and they always get SOOOO embarrassed........ he makes egg little eyeball cake pops tho bc making them into eyes gives him practice for halloween LOL

[saiintvalentiine]

saiiiiint what's baker wifies favorite thing to bake?

you are a BAD INFLUENCE but i LOVE YOU so I will ANSWER

i think his favorite thing to bake for the bakery would be yin yang themed cookies. they're cute, they're easy to make, and they're incredibly on brand. but for his own personal eating, if he's baking himself something, it's probably some kind of braided stuffed bread filled with veggies and cheese. and if it's got to be sweet I fully believe he would love a good tiramisu and it's variations. when your job is baking, you start to appreciate things that don't need to be baked