#fester about to play matchmaker cause he wants his human to be happy

[jeschalynn]

what fester saw (part 1)

aka "Fester is confused by awkward human courtship rituals."

part 2 /// part 3

Warnings: swearing, brief threats of violence, mentions of self-harm/self-mutilation but nothing explicit, more swearing. Reader/MC mentioned is gender-neutral. POV is a tarantula btw. Word count: 970ish

Original source content is NSFW/18+/MINORS DNI.

Author’s note: Fester, Ketamine, and Casanova belong to @cannibalsweetheart.

Fester poked his head out of his burrow when he heard a door slam closed nearby. He perked up at the sound of his human’s voice. His human was upset about something. Fester could hear anger thrumming with every word, and the words humans used for cursing others were trickling freely like drops of acid rain.

Fester skittered excitedly within his enclosure while he waited for his human to come see him. It didn’t take long.

“I already fucking told you, Valentine,” his human spat as he barged into the room, “I didn’t fucking see it. Leave me the fuck alone before I come back there and end you.” His human tossed the talking device onto his bed and muttered in that other language he used only in his darker moods. He shuffled in and out of the room a few times as he completed some of his coming-home rituals. After a few minutes, he walked over to Fester’s enclosure and reached a hand inside. Fester nearly pounced onto the offered palm. 

His human laid down on his bed and set Fester on his chest. This was a reward for their special friendship. His human would breathe quietly or vent to Fester about something that annoyed him at the place he works while he pet Fester soothingly. He spoke of many humans in vague detail, but Valentine was a regular mention on days when his mood seemed especially sour. Fester scampered around on his human’s chest for a few moments before settling into the comfortable slope near his ribs.

The quiet calm of the room was broken by the talking device buzzing nearby. His human sighed and flicked his fingers against the screen, not bothering to take his eyes off the ceiling he had been glaring at. “You must have a fucking death wish if you’re bothering me about this shit again.”

There was a moment of silence. A cough came through the speaker. “Um, I’m sorry. Ket?”

Fester didn’t recognize this voice, but his human did. He shot up into a sitting position and Fester would’ve gone tumbling into the bed covers if there wasn’t a warm hand holding him in place. His human was so thoughtful.

“What d’you fucking want?” his human snarled. 

“Uhh, I wanted to apologize. I didn’t think Cas would bother you like that. I know you had a long day.” The other human’s voice had a slight tremor and sounded uneasy. Fester knew his human caused this reaction in others. He could be very intimidating.

“Whatever,” his human said. “Lose my fucking number. Keep a better eye on your shit.”

“I know, I know. I got it from Cas, I think he was trying to help but you know how he gets. I promise it's not a big deal. Anyway, sorry again and good-“

His human tapped the screen and the unfamiliar voice cut off. Fester felt calloused fingertips brush against him carefully and he wiggled a bit in contentment.

“Let’s go for a walk, buddy.”

Fester often accompanied his human while he completed chores around their domicile. He had a preferred shelf in the main living area that gave him the best view of the kitchen and the balcony outside. He sat there now as his human rooted through cupboards in the kitchen and started fixing a drink. He had taken off his shirt earlier and Fester watched scars flex across his skin as he moved.

His human contained the wild power of a storm that kept most humans from wanting to get too close. Fester learned quickly that humans liked to engage in physical courtship but none lasted longer than that. He knew they didn’t like the storm inside his human, the one that caused his anger to flare and the silence around him to crackle. His human’s trust was buried deep. Fester wondered if his human was lonely because it had been so long since a potential mate had visited. If being without a mate bothered him, he didn’t show it. He was good at hiding his weaknesses.

In the past, Fester had watched his human carve at his own skin that healed into a labyrinth of raised scars and strange markings. Undeserving mates called his body ugly. Fester knew humans could be weak, but his human was resilient. He was a fighter, a hunter, and a capable provider. Those would-be mates of his past were unworthy. A true mate for his human would recognize his strength for what it was.

Fester noticed his human had finished his drink and tidying up, and he paused in the middle of the living area. The room was spotless now except for his work bag that had been dropped beside the couch. His human approached the bag with a hesitant step. Fester looked on in concern. The expression on his human’s face was indescribable - there was a glint in his eye he’d never seen before. He was very rarely fearful, so what could it be?

His human fiddled with some clasps on the bag before pulling out a long piece of fabric. It looked well-worn but clean, like so many of his human’s favourite coverings. Fester didn’t recognize it. His human gathered it in his hands and slowly wrapped it loosely around his neck. Fester heard his human take long sniffs like he was scenting something unfamiliar but delicious. Something like prey.

“Fucking MC,” his human muttered quietly. Fester didn’t recognize that name.

After a moment he tore the cloth off him like it had grown fangs and bitten him. He let it drop at his feet and he kicked it away with a huff. He stomped over to where Fester had been watching this unusual display and picked him up.

“Time for bed, buddy.”

Fester settled into his human’s hold, sneaking one last glance at the curious item piled on the floor before being carried out of the room.

[mydreamosphere]

Annabelle me Herman kicked me to the curb he was Batman I was John Doe

Jeremy a rich ghost boy tried to take over my life, but we bonded in the end

Andi Mack was pregnant with Jonah’s child but they weren’t dating and Cyrus was jealous and tried to run away but andi told him it’s okay and to finally confess to Jonah/ Stewie was dating Brian and Brian was a bum ass nigga and an apocalypse happened and Brian proposed to stewie and became a better man, well dog, dog man? Man dog ?/ I was Geralt of rivia and went to a store with vesmer, and we laughed a lot, then I turned into a woman and my husband and his alternate universe selves fought and died and I became an alcoholic and ended up with another alternate in the end/ I was a power ranger, red one, trained a new ranger, all rangers came together after years and the we sang.

A vampire werewolf hybrid boy( he was born a vamp but made into a werewolf) was my friend but my bully and crush and turned me into a werewolf too and we had to do battle at the end and I’m sad cause he had to die but I loved him but I only just realized 😪

Magic world And human one, kinda hidden but not really. / Had massive amount of drugs, was in a true blood esque enviroment.

Club, took mad pills, nick was there, caught up and went on a date. We weren’t compatible, but we Rekindled friendship, I still loved him.

Extremely vivid dreams, lucid ones, feel so real, almost can’t tell I’m dreaming. Had powers and twin, dating same boy, interrogated ninjA turtles human versions, so hot. Fought giant troll beast creatures, killed one but he was cute.

Was in love with king of Spain even tho he’s married, I was his mistress and Assassin, we we’re sharing a cigarette and flirting, then he needed help with his sons’, Avalon, murder. Alex Lilly was there for some reason, all my old friends were Assassins with me actually. We last left off going through old castle ruins, but a spider got in the way, which the king found amusing XP

We were on water and ships and this guy didn’t want this little boy to be gay, so RuPaul raised him but he has to go away, and he cane back to visit with his boyfriend and it was so emotional and happy, then he went back to land and opened a matchmaker cafe and he had powers of love.

A movie about the apocalypse, people were turning into demons and the only way to avoid them was to remain absolutely still, I mean like the slightest movement and you were dead, it was one of the scariest dreams I’ve had. I turned into one and so did my friends, but we could retain our humanity, and we fought and found a way to the heavens and started to live in peace but god was trying to kill us all./ I found a man who could fly, and he lent me the power to do it, but I ended up being a natural with it and didn’t need his power, so he tried to get rid of me but I busted out of there and flew away.

An apocalypse and we had different groups trying to all meet up. I had oral sex with Mikey. Thanos came down and was looking for gamora, we got the help of the astrals from ffxv, but it didn’t work, and then went to destroy half the world. I killed a werewolf, but he had a boyfriend, they were werewolf priests ? It was weird, but I felt terrible and buried him. Then I was a surviver mountain-y guy with a pet bear, zombies were coming so I tried to find a place inside. I was gohan and was trying to steal moonshine from the Archean from ffxv with my friends that had a crush on me ?

My mom was giant, and kissed Eb. Eb cheated on Marcus. I was a white gay married to a bisexual gay that cheated with his old ex gf, we had kids, 4, and I loved them all. I went to a party and made friends except one of them thought I liked him cause I kept accidentally falling into.

Apocalypse I was Bayek of Siwa and then he died and then I was his eagle and it was sad and sweet. Years after apocalypse things are returning to normal in a pair of twins and they’re in love and yeah it was odd and animals evolved and adapted and were dangerous.

We were doing a play in front of the classical and in the basement was a monster witch, she tried to kill us all, even children, we ended up in a castle and the royals had powers too, come to find out she stole her powers from the old king and his magician, and they were the only ones able to get rid of her. I hitch hiked after leaving my brother, fought a bear, then I was at witch school and helping the head master defeat the evil assistant. I gave him head too.

This bitch was fucking with my friends so I destroyed her shit dumb Bitch, and we had a party to go to and she had no clothes

Freaky nightmare ghost

Murders and gore, a haunted house and a rabid buster.

Monsters and werewolves. Rival and me were wolves. In the end I rewrote history to fall in love with him.

Time hopped again, everyone was happy and alive. The best time so far, everyone was alive and I was in love with Anthony(tony).

Saw amazing band, on the ceiling, climbed and crawled around the ceiling and it was amazing. Jen turned a men tried to kill me and the bad mates got really violent, I turned out to be an old girlfriend turned into a man.

Kinda of a vuugle set up but at a restaurant setting but also a daycare. I was magic and he was a vamp and he confessed his love for me.

De-mitri was mad at me, and was my pimp, I lost my virginity. Madelane moved into my house, and Jonah from Andi Mack did too, was in love with Jonah. Stole my dad medicine.

Got shoot at, turned evil and ate my mother, wasn’t my fault, ghost friend made me evil but I got fixed. Joined a team, demitri was there, and healed people of nature, mall setting, couldn’t walk again. Turned out to be a past life. Witches tried to stop me from healing. Had sex with an evil henchmen and I was the top.

Dyed hair but eyebrows got dyed too, Luis cane down and I cleaned myself out for him, gross btw, and then turned into another cute boy who lied to me. So I stole his drugs and money with my mom.

Herman and me, sleep over. Love and stuff and sadness.

Was dating Sharon but he looked like fleury, he died, so I went to a witch, so remade him from clay and his hair took a year of baking and constant streams of my love and own power.

Sea monster, demonic, kidnapped women, criminal minds girls. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Reunion, fleury and me flirted and yeah.

An old entity split into 6 people, and they kept meeting throughout history. They didn’t remember past lives, only one did at a time, and the one who did remember got taken over. Found out that it’s bad side also broke away and was trying to take over the 6 one by one. The only way to stop it was to dispel the negativity they felt.

Boyfriend was demon, loved him. Marcus had a son.

Mona demon, fought him, tried to win.

Boyfriend and Melissa, had sex with him, was too tight for penetration so I fingered him, I had to be the top. I miss him.

Friends stay at cabin, werewolf bites girl. Head werewolf was hot

Witch and powers, haunted house. Huey Dewey and Louie, I was Donald but we were all human ?

Madelane and me were friends again ?

I was getting bullied by a boy from Michigan, but then I fell for him, Jackson, then had to leave, I texted but he didn’t respond, I felt terrible but something happened to his family and he had written me letters, come to find out he was the reason I survived a tragic fall, ended up costing him his football career. We reunited in the end. Also ran into Raymond outside of ronzios. Worked at rack room, but spent a lot of time in game stop which was also a psychiatric place ? And I made friends there, karina especially, but went by rina, and was looking for Skyrim switch but bought Pokémon emerald cards instead.

Was going to classical even tho I graduated and bunked and mr bar found me and I told him off. Then I got an uber in this cool as trolley thing and fell in love with the rider alexgoober?, something Dutch like, and we did it and then he broke up with me but we were looking for each other again.

I was a drug dealer trying to avoid getting arrested. I was looking for Reid, and we found him.

Girl fights off monster bird, after trying to set it free, and then demons. Loses memory, and her amphos weapon. but is saved by mysterious power, fast forward to now she’s living with a new family in the city. Demons exist and the only thing that hurts them is amphos, a plant that contains light. There’s a church that exists dedicated to amphos, a d fighting the demons. There are hunters who have weapons that can’t meld with the amphos, and they’re are nuns that use them too and speak a language to fight the demons off. You can speak the language and you have a necklace that wards off the demons.

Buff boyfriend had sex and I love him. Ticks, cause of rain, one crawled into my thumb.

Demons and It, uncle fester but didn’t want to be called that. I was two brothers and they had a falling out after receiving superpowers cause one received better powers, and it went to his head, and the other felt left out and unimportant and unloved by his brother, and went to demon world and got back together.

I was me, and I was babysitting ravens baby, and Melissa was Chelsea, and Corey was there and victor, but Corey still looked the same, raven had a Disney thing to go to, and when she left an apocalypse type thing happened, sully was there too. I traveled to Spain I guess and was trying to learn more Spanish.

Girl, powers from a alien ai robot, meets other like her, gives some to her best friend.

Boyfriend, first date, cooked for me, lived in veazie, had a cat, six sinks, need him back.

Cameron Boyce moist, went back in time and changed things for the better. Jenny and me. Me and a girl and this gon like boy, loved each other, he could control weather, he got hurt when we were kids, and it was our fault and it changed him and he became possessive as obsessive. We had to kill him but we loved him.

Serial killer brothers, believed they were predators and everyone else was prey. Until they met me, another predator. I got to know and connect with one of the brothers and I knew if things had been different we would’ve been something. We convinced them to have a shoot out, and I won, I shoot him in the throat, but I felt bad, and he seemed so heart broken that I killed him. I held him while he bleed to death in my arms.

Madelane back in life a bit, dating a boy, in love, was Luis at first then it wasn’t m then dating luis gets involved and boy stays instead of leaving for school.

Older robin, killed people, protected best friend Isabel, killed her abusive bf. Then younger robin, flashback to how he became robin and met Isabel at smart school and wanted to date a cute nerd boy.

Are you afraid of the dark/goosebumps. Kids set of nuclear bomb, had powers, before that, main girl (wind/air powers), was dating boy (flame powers), but he was angry, third girl was younger (powers of light and flight). Horror characters like Chucky/slappy tried to kill original victims, plus the new kids. They defeated them and helped past victims. I ended up dating angry boy instead.

Melissa and me in Japan kids, someone has to stay behind in the past She does, her ring breaks like it did before and she finally realizes why, this time our friend stays behind with the ring

Toys could come alive, and wanted freedom to be, but mainly they just wanted to be with loving kids. We fought, and I killed a few. After understanding them, and realizing they just wanted to be loved, I befriended them, and reunited with mine. After everything was said and done, my old friend turned bully, who was trying to help the toys in their rebellion rekindled with me, for some reason he ended up being homeless and moved in with me and family, we fought once more and kissed and lived in love with my toys and each other. My toys lived in the basement floorboards, like the borrowers, and every night and morning I’d knock on them to let them know I still loved them.